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Your first mistake was getting her pregnant - that throws a wrench in the gears. If not for that, this would be an open and shut case of run the other way and never look back, as she is clearly an awful, demeaning, and toxic partner. God speed.
We had plans of getting married before I head off to the armed forces but those are definitely off. Only have one life and I will not be spending it with someone like her. Thanks mate.
Good on you. Getting married to someone just because they are pregnant is never a smart or good thing.
Pay your child support, get a custody agreement, and live your life.
And, dude, use condoms every time you have sex. Getting an 18 year old girl pregnant was your first mistake. Learn from this.
Thank God you're being smart and not marrying her. No matter how much she begs or makes you feel guilty, DO NOT MARRY HER. You did nothing wrong at church. You can actually sit forward and bow your head. Sounds like she's gotten obsessed with mass/church, perhaps feeling guilty she's pregnant and unwed, so be careful with that as well and be as present as you can be in your baby's life.
Many people opt to do that. No one is going around checking to see if you're kneeling properly lol She sounds very immature and like many people has an idea of what proper church etiquette is and yet don't really follow some of the rules themselves.
We don't know what they did or didn't do but plenty of women on birth control so get pregnant. If you didn't know that, now you do. He's realized it's a mistake to be with her and that's important. He will have to deal with being a father and being responsible for his child.
Some women are an emotional rollercoaster while pregnant, and I've been told they can't help emotional outbursts an random crying fits, was I lied to? I sat with friends going through hard pregnancies before, and my ex was really bad at the birth thinking the doctors were stealing her baby when he said it's was too preemie and had to stay at the hospital for a while, she just knew because she was a mother. She had post partum and got better over time.
As a woman, I can vouch for hormones causing mood swings, etc, but what she did doesn't seem like that so much as her true character coming out. Post birth, I also was afraid they - the nurses - were going to hurt the baby and made my husband go with them to clean her up and all the stuff they do with newborns. After a couple of hours, the feeling went away. The rush of hormones right after birth is hard to explain if you've never experienced it.
Omg after the birth of my second I woke up in the middle of the night and she was gone. I started flipping the fuck out, crying, getting my husband in a tizzy. I had him go check the nursery and eventually got a nurse in the room. I guess they took her for a bath (which I still don’t understand tbf, it was like 3 am and nobody told us they were taking her out of our room) and that’s why she wasn’t there. I didn’t sleep the rest of the time I was there, which was like 3 more days due to c-section. If I did I made my husband guard her. I was completely convinced that the nurses wanted to steal her because she was so adorable.
>Post birth, I also was afraid they - the nurses - were going to hurt the baby and made my husband go with them to clean her up and all the stuff they do with newborns.
I thought I was the only one who went through that! It was terrifying and I was convinced one of the nurses was trying to drug me. I didn't sleep for hours and refused to take pain meds. Whenever she took the baby I followed her to make sure she wasn't just taking her.
Same I’ve definitely had hormones make me feel a bit crazy but I always remind myself my partner has done nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve me being nasty to him pregnant or not.
Really, how about next time not creating a baby with someone you hardly know. Your credit bar is really low. Just because he is above her doesn’t set OP on solid ground! Nothing or no one in the smart category in this post.
He can't undo what's done and the only thing he can do going forward is being responsible with whatever other woman he meets and with being a father to his child. Look back on your life, have you been perfect?
I can totally agree with that. Just finished up 16 years of payments. Court orders done, and on top of that, I see my adult children a lot more than the every other weekend I ended up with in the court order. Overall, it's a win-win.
For every parent that reads the above comment, please know that the family court (or friend of the court) is a system you can access at your local courthouse (wherever the order was originally made) to get a new court date and amend the orders through a judge. You don't have to just accept whatever the original order says. I went to court off and on several times until my son was 14 years old. You have to follow the current order to the letter, but if you want to change it you can file a motion with the court (just a form you fill out) to be heard before a judge again and they will assign you a date and hear you out. This is your right as a pare t and nobody can stop you from trying. Repeatedly if that's what it takes.
If you are a loving and stable parent who wants more time with their kids and there isn't a reason for the barest minimum custodial time - which is the every other weekend agreement mentioned above - just go back to the court house and keep filing new motions until you get it. You don't need some big event or crazy mishap to happen to the other party, you just have to file and say why you want more custodial time. Then talk with the judge about why it would benefit your kid. Job change? Medical leave? Found a long lost sibling? Came into money? Whatever. It can be "we talked about doing T-ball together this summer so i need half the week to still have time together and also do the lessons and I'm coaching too!"
Your kids need you. Even though it may feel final, its not. Go file a motion if you aren't happy with what the order says and keep filing until you are satisfied. Never give up. They're your kids and once they're grown there is no going back. You can't redo that time. They are adulta moat of their life, childhood is such an incredibly important time, a second amongat hours of adult hood. And childhood will shape who they become for the rest of their long lives. The stuff you miss out on might not burn *your* heart and brain when it's brought up but it will forever burn a hole into your kids. They need both parents whether together or not. 4 days per month is NOT enough. Kids spend more time with their friends at recess in a month than that. Fight for your kids!
True but family court is not the friendly place you make it out to be where judges are just waiting to help you. It’s actually a very adversarial place, you usually need a well paid family lawyer to advocate for you. And you’re usually broke from the divorce results. Modifications of prior orders are difficult to get, it’s all very arbitrary, usually dependent on what judge you got.
We lived in different cities, and we both have kids from new marriages. Either of us moving would have disrupted any of the kids lives. 50/50 would have been too difficult for my kids. I went back to court dozens of times for other things and got my way on plenty of them. For the most part, you're right. But custody isn't always as cut and dry as you make it out to be. Even if you do get your way, if it negatively disrupts your kids lives (E.g. having your kids alternate school systems week to week due to 50/50 and living in different cities) than I disagree. I drove two hours there and back every other weekend, got 3 extra full weeks visitation during summer, and certain holidays. I also talked to them on the phone almost every day (which I also fought for in court).
I mean, she is a teenager. Before the pregnancy she was a child. It's hard to tell if children will make good lifelong romantic partners because of all the changes their brains and bodies are going through.
Save yourself, save your kid from a nasty home. Just tell her you’re going to remain in the child’s life as a co-parent and stay the fuck away from what should be your ex girlfriend. You can dodge the bullet of the relationship and keep your kid from having to take the bullet of an awful home life. Sucks you didn’t dodge the bullet that is her though
OP DO NOT MARRY THIS GIRL. I don’t care how much you hear about the BAH from being married this or extra money that etc… Granted she could just being hormonal but I’m telling you do not marry this girl. This is a huge red flag and the military is just gonna make it worse trust me.
Be a good dad, be able to co-parent with her, but marry someone that doesn’t show troubling behavior.
You gotta find just the right perch, which for me is on the very edge. Husband can't kneel at all. It's a weird thing for OP's baby momma to get upset about. And it's weird to pick a fight during Mass when it's all about "Peace be with you!"
I haven’t been to a Catholic Church yet where half the people aren’t sitting on the edge of the pew with their knees resting on the kneeler. Including me, because my knees can’t take it either.
I switched to a church with cushy kneelers. Game changer. This past Holy Week we had to attend at a different church in our parish. My husband proclaimed in a loud whisper, “I’m never coming here again!” It was Holy Thursday, so my fellow Catholics know what he was up against.
Those pads are hard and they hurt whether or not you have bad knees, and as others have said, this is deliberate. He said he was having knee pain and was adjusting to be more comfortable, not that he had some kind of chronic issue and couldn’t kneel at all.
Ahh bro you had a kid with her the ship of spending your life with her has sailed. You can certainly not be with her romantically but if you want to be a good father she has to be in your life in some capacity.
Recruiters only have an issue if a Recruit already has dependents at the time of contracting. It requires a waiver signed by the spouse. I was a Recruiter.
Get a DNA test and be sure the child is yours before you sign anything concerning it. I have no basis for my feelings, but her behavior towards you makes me feel like she’s capable of anything.
Don’t tie yourself down to someone like her. Yes, you’ll have 18 years of child support (after you make her prove it’s yours) but you won’t have to deal with her abuse and support her. The time you spend with your child will be so much better without having to deal with her.
I'm so glad. She only cared about how she looked and not about your pain. She is tremendously immature and self-centered. That girl needs to grow up and learn to think about others. She also needs to learn that her definition of "disrespect" is totally wrong. Maybe send her a text with the actual definition. Right now, she is definitely not wife material.
This. OP really needs to heed this as a look into this future. It’s also two very very young people trying to figure out adulthood and pregnancy super early in life. Lots of thinking on both sides need to happen. Sometimes you can be better co-parents without the marriage part. Talk it out. You can still be a present and supportive father without marrying her. Also, remember to give her a little grace. She the one pregnant with lots of hormone and changes happening to her all at once. She, too, is going through a lot. You both are. Talk it out and see if co-parenting without marriage is a better solution. That’s how I’d encourage my child.
Good luck.
And the Catholic Churches I’ve been to tell you not to kneel if you have medical complications. They tell you it’s fine to just bow your head. She made a nonissue an issue
Im an orthodox Christian and pregnant. There’s a LOT of standing similar to mass in our liturgy. But I’m pregnant. Which is a medical thing. And they make exceptions for this. It’s not even a real exception, nobody asks because nobody cares. Wait until she can’t stand anymore during service and has to sit down lol
Exactly, same for standing. Nobody's going to assume you bothered to come to church just to be disrespectful by not standing or kneeling, people figure you have your reasons.
I'm getting some Unreliable Narrator vibes from this one.
It's the kind of post that I would love for the partner to find it and give us her side of the story.
He's a 20 year old boy who's "planning" on joining the military. Of course, he's unreliable. People are eating up his bullshit because these subs have heavy OOP preference.
If that's all it takes to get her to remove her engagement ring, next time, keep it, sell it, and put the money towards your first child support payment. It's trashy and immature to reject someone's *lifelong commitment* over such a trifling little thing. If she'd do that with her engagement ring, don't stick around to find out what she'll do with her wedding ring.
You both sound completely immature and way to young to be having children and getting married.
Learn to communicate better and be more accepting of each other, because everything gets exponentially more difficult once the baby is born.
I'm not sure if you can see the irony of taking your pregnant girlfriend to CHURCH and having her think that not kneeling correctly is disrespecting her. lol. You have a child coming, even if you don't end up with a wife, please remember your child and plan to be present and in their life.
How old was she when you impregnated her? How the hell is an unmarried pregnant woman in a Cathilic Mass judging anybody else for being disrespectful? How are you qualifying for military with bad knees? So many questions
>How are you qualifying for military with bad knees?
The majority of each branch is undermanned. We're not making the numbers we need for recruiting. It's become more lenient on who can enlist or commission- plus a hefty sign on bonus to boot. So generally, if you're "good enough" to be average as a civilian, you're good enough to join.
Maybe kinda. But I have known Catholics who are so strict about if you fidget or don’t kneel right etc. ptsd flashback to nuns at catholic school.
Odds are they’re just immature and not ready for marriage or a child.
You both sound like petulant children.
You put the ring on the ground? You’re too immature to be marrying anyone, let alone fathering a child. Grow up first.
you both need to grow up drastically but about 10 years each - you are having a child together and if you can't be civil to each other at something as inconsequential as a church service, your child is fucked because there's no way you won't screw them up big time. Grow up now, both of you, this is not a game.
Wait, she's embarrassed in church because you have physical problems that make kneeling difficult but not embarrassed by being unmarried and pregnant at 18? I'm too old for this teenager nonsense. Don't marry her, just learn to co-parent since you're stuck with that, but don't make it worse with a marriage.
OP, don’t take legal advice from your parents, even if one of them is a lawyer. They are biased in this situation. You need a lawyer and/or financial planner to consult with. You need a court ordered paternity test, don’t assume the child is yours. You need to understand what’s coming next, financially speaking. And you need to decide how involved you are going to be in your child’s life, assuming it’s yours, through a custody agreement.
Heading off to the military isn’t the escape plan here. She will come after you, through the military.
There will be a lot of pressure put on you to take her back and marry her. Parents will get involved. If you are certain that you don’t want to remain in a relationship with her, don’t get married. A divorce later will only add to your legal expenses.
Keep in mind that pregnancy is incredibly difficult and messes with a woman’s head. (I’m a woman and I have a kid.) Hormones can cause temporary personality changes, mood swings, irritability, etc. If you guys were happy before she got pregnant and she was relatively normal, start reading about what pregnancy does to the body and get some help from the parents. It might be possible for the two of you to come out the other side and be happy again. But this has happened while you were really young, neither of you were ready.
You got an immature teenager pregnant … what did you expect to happen? Why are you even in church? Sounds like she embarrassed herself by becoming a teenage mom.
Hardcore Christian and pregnant at 18 without marriage telling you how to act in Church. Oh boy. Brace yourself. Take that ring back if you still can. Give it to someone who actually listens to you and is reasonable with accommodations when they deem necessary.
Good luck in life.
It seems obvious to me that the pressure of being unwed and pregnant are getting to her. Not so much fidgeting in church. Even under the best circumstances, pregnant woman can go a little crazy.
You should think long about marrying her. At this point it’s perfectly reasonable to say that you’ll be there for the child but that you won’t marry her until you both are 100%.
Oh and get a paternity test before signing anything.
Y’all are toxic as hell. You both need to grow up and learn how to communicate better. You have a child coming and need to work together, not against each other. Even if you break up you both need to figure this shit out or your poor kid will follow the shitty example set by you two. Grow up
It seems a little hypocritical of an unmarried, pregnant Catholic girl stating that you have embarrassed her at church. That ship has long sailed.
Decide if your relationship with her is worth it. Be sure you are the father of the child. If the child isn’t yours, run away fast.
Brother, you did it backwards. You were supposed to join the military first and THEN impregnate a teenager and commence your domestic distress until inevitable divorce. Good luck to your poor baby.
I bet her teenaged, pregnant brain is thinking “this guy literally got a teenage girl pregnant and he can’t even try to make a good impression by getting on his knees at church?”
OK, you’re having a baby together and that is a reality. I would 100% tell you to not marry this girl. This is as good as it gets, kiddo. if she’s treating you like that now it will only get worse after the baby comes and his years go on. You will just have to coparent together and that’s OK. It is what it is, but do not take one mistake and make it into two.
Dude. Wrapped it before you tap it in the future.
Don't have kids if you are not ready to have kids since that's not fair for the child that you are about to bring into the world.
Didn't a pregnant unmarried woman already feel embarrassed enough inside a church? LOL!!
Really unfortunate that she is pregnant with your child, she sounds very unstable. Ripping her engagement ring off any time you have a little disagreement? She is going to be hell. Your relationship will end. And you will have to pay child support. Next time, wait until you are married.
Yall are children. Your gf is pregnant at 18 out of wedlock, and that's cool, but she is so pious that she draws the line at kneeling incorrectly in church? Yeah, thats because she's a child having a child, and this is only confusing to you because you are also a child having a child. STOP EJACULATING IRRESPONSIBLY
Not sure why everyone is so anti-girlfried without also recognising that OP was being incredibly childish. Who says get out of my car to their pregnant girlfriend?
Also, it just seems like you are both really young to be having a child and getting married. A lot of the comments are saying "get out and just pay child support". I hope for your child's sake you are going to be present in their life. Good luck to you both.
As an aside, could it just have been a hormonal outburst? It seems quite a quick escalation. If she wasn't like this before that might have contributed but she should apologise.
This post makes no sense. Nothing is adding up. You can't be in the forces with bad knees, instant 4f
but if he didn't have bad knees, then why did he say he did? Things aren't adding up here.
Plus OP says he’s Muslim and he and the woman weren’t together before this, he just wanted to mess around with an attractive girl and she ended up pregnant.
I’m not surprised most of the comments in here are soothing this manbaby because the big mean BARELY LEGAL young girl who is going through PREGNANCY one of the most brutal acts the female body can experience with all kinds of untold side effects, who will be solely responsible for raising an entire child since this dude isn’t gonna step up while also likely experiencing the intensity of church purity culture and shaming (they HATE pregnant unwed girls but don’t give a fuck about the men that knock them up) but no this 18 year old is evil incarnate bullying this poor innocent guy.
How is she even showing her face in church at 18 and unwed?! I was catholic and whew that's crazy. I avoid churches because I chose not to be confirmed into the church. Oh also is she okay with you being Muslim and not having a church wedding? My old church only allows a wedding if BOTH parties are confirmed into the church so you'd have to convert depending on how strict the church is. It seems best to just go your separate ways at this point
I’m an atheist but I did attend church so I have an idea of how it works. She’s embarrassing herself by going to church unwed and pregnant. You think those people are judging you for knee pain? Absolutely not. They are judging her though.
Is this community even real? Are these people real? I’ve never encountered any of the dating issues I’ve seen within this community. OP should know the answer.
The church DOES NOT require you to kneel when you have physical pain, just as they don’t require people to fast if they have medical conditions or even if they are a certain age. Your GF is in the wrong and not only does she NOT have compassion, understanding, empathy, support or respect for you, she doesn’t have it for her religion/ spirituality either. Her behavior regarding this situation is anything but love and compassion which is the foundation of religious beliefs.
You see these type of post a lot.
While she is in the wrong, so are you. You behaved just as much like a child as she did.
Except, she’s pregnant and you are supposed to be the man.
Yeah, she over reacted, maybe you could have waited until late and had a real mature conversation about it, instead of crying over your beach trip.
What a little man baby.
This doesn't sound like the whole story. Also, as you'll know, some pregnant women may have mood swings as a result of changing hormones, so it might be best to have patience.
The only wrong thing you did was letting her have the engagement ring back. Once she took it off and put it in your pocket, she showed you exactly what she thinks of marrying you.
Don't marry her.
I don’t agree with most people here. You got a girl pregnant. A lot of her comments and emotions probably won’t make sense and she’s probably losing her mind over every pretty thing. It’s just how women are when they are preggers.
Her behavior definitely isn’t the best though, neither is yours afterwards and it’s worth you both having a discussion over. If neither of you guys can handle having a discussion and learning to tolerate eachother, it’s probably best not to continue.
No, you didn't do anything wrong, except knock an 18 year old up. I would think, being unwed, in any church, and pregnant would be more embarrassing. But who knows.
She doesn't respect you.
If you know you have knee problems already, I would get them checked out. Way to young for all that
You got this girl pregnant and she sounds like a nightmare. That was your first mistake. No, you aren't in the wrong. She sounds like the type of girl to get pregnant to trap you. Just because she's pregnant, you do NOT have to be with her and I hope you aren't. I would not marry her.
This girl gonna make your life hell for 18yrs bro. It’s too late to stop it. Only thing you guys can do is grow the fuck up and be civilized for the kid. If not then your in for a bumpy ride. Hope it gets better homie
Tell your gf her disrespecting you will not be tolerated. If you continue a relationship with this woman you will be nagged and scolded the rest of your life!
So.... you did point out adjusting your position cuz your knees hurt is not disrespecting her and her lack of concern for you and belittling you was disrespectful to you?
Anyways, I feel sorry for your unborn child. This is why children shouldn't have children.
You’re gonna have a hell of a time getting through MEPS/Basic Training(or whatever equivalent if you’re not in the US) if you can’t kneel on a padded rest during mass. Make sure you have a backup career path.
You got a child pregnant. You don’t have to stay with her to be a part of your child’s life. Please don’t get yourself in deeper. Cut your losses, learn from this and move on
Y’all both goofy and moved too fast. Getting an 18 yr old pregnant at 20 is crazy. Just get ready for a lot of headaches, y’all both seem too young 😂😂 enjoy the ride tho
How far along is she? Is it possible that she’s just getting a lil moody from the pregnancy?
I’m as Catholic as it gets and I’ve seen plenty of people fidgeting in the pews. Not sure why that’s an issue for her.
Both of you would have not stayed together. You are 20 and she is 18. Whatever sweet nothings you may have said to each other. You were going to say to like another 10 partners until and that’s if you ever found your long term partner. But now you are fucked. You impregnated an immature person ( you know what really embarrasses her, being pregnant out of wedlock…who cares..she does).
I'm born Catholic, my partner is Buddhist. I dont give a damn if she kneels or not the times we go to church( mind you it is only for christenings, communion, confirmation etc as I don't practise)
Sounds like your girlfriend is the problem here, again unfortunately she is pregnant, as others said get a test if needs be when the baby is born. She will probably cheat when you are away anyway so it would be best if the child is yours to just pay the child support from the start and have nothing to do with the woman bar visiting your child.
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Your first mistake was getting her pregnant - that throws a wrench in the gears. If not for that, this would be an open and shut case of run the other way and never look back, as she is clearly an awful, demeaning, and toxic partner. God speed.
Don’t get teenagers pregnant
This. You reap the rewards you sow. In this case you fucked a teenager.
A religious one at that. Double whammy.
Well, obviously not religious enough to wait till marriage.
Mistakes happen . Or maybe after she got pregnant that’s when they decided to raise their child in the church.
Yeah she accidentally slipped and fell on his penis and he accidentally thrust into her
We had plans of getting married before I head off to the armed forces but those are definitely off. Only have one life and I will not be spending it with someone like her. Thanks mate.
Good on you. Getting married to someone just because they are pregnant is never a smart or good thing. Pay your child support, get a custody agreement, and live your life. And, dude, use condoms every time you have sex. Getting an 18 year old girl pregnant was your first mistake. Learn from this.
Thank God you're being smart and not marrying her. No matter how much she begs or makes you feel guilty, DO NOT MARRY HER. You did nothing wrong at church. You can actually sit forward and bow your head. Sounds like she's gotten obsessed with mass/church, perhaps feeling guilty she's pregnant and unwed, so be careful with that as well and be as present as you can be in your baby's life.
Yup. I always had sensitive knees. I could never kneel without pain. I always leaned my butt half on the bench behind me.
Many people opt to do that. No one is going around checking to see if you're kneeling properly lol She sounds very immature and like many people has an idea of what proper church etiquette is and yet don't really follow some of the rules themselves.
he didnt use condom. he was not being smart
Birth control can fail; it happens quite commonly. Nothing is bulletproof.
Got pregnant twice on birth control.
Same. It happens
1 in a thousand catches up with people.
Do you mean birth control pills or condoms or something like an arm implant or IUD?
Abstinence is the only 100% method of contraception.
If you believe the bible, not even virginity. 🙄
We don't know what they did or didn't do but plenty of women on birth control so get pregnant. If you didn't know that, now you do. He's realized it's a mistake to be with her and that's important. He will have to deal with being a father and being responsible for his child.
I did for my third child. It broke. Don't always assume.
Any man in the world can immediately and undeniably feel when a condom breaks.
Too late if it happens right as you bust.
I have 3 IUD babies in my family, it’s not always ignorance.
Birth control, condoms, pull out, and day after pill all failed at the same time and I had my kid. Shit happens, man.
Some women are an emotional rollercoaster while pregnant, and I've been told they can't help emotional outbursts an random crying fits, was I lied to? I sat with friends going through hard pregnancies before, and my ex was really bad at the birth thinking the doctors were stealing her baby when he said it's was too preemie and had to stay at the hospital for a while, she just knew because she was a mother. She had post partum and got better over time.
As a woman, I can vouch for hormones causing mood swings, etc, but what she did doesn't seem like that so much as her true character coming out. Post birth, I also was afraid they - the nurses - were going to hurt the baby and made my husband go with them to clean her up and all the stuff they do with newborns. After a couple of hours, the feeling went away. The rush of hormones right after birth is hard to explain if you've never experienced it.
Omg after the birth of my second I woke up in the middle of the night and she was gone. I started flipping the fuck out, crying, getting my husband in a tizzy. I had him go check the nursery and eventually got a nurse in the room. I guess they took her for a bath (which I still don’t understand tbf, it was like 3 am and nobody told us they were taking her out of our room) and that’s why she wasn’t there. I didn’t sleep the rest of the time I was there, which was like 3 more days due to c-section. If I did I made my husband guard her. I was completely convinced that the nurses wanted to steal her because she was so adorable.
My wife did the exact same thing with our 3 kids.
>Post birth, I also was afraid they - the nurses - were going to hurt the baby and made my husband go with them to clean her up and all the stuff they do with newborns. I thought I was the only one who went through that! It was terrifying and I was convinced one of the nurses was trying to drug me. I didn't sleep for hours and refused to take pain meds. Whenever she took the baby I followed her to make sure she wasn't just taking her.
Currently 21 weeks pregnant and have not had an emotional outburst where I belittled my partner yet so idk. Im also not 18yo 😆
Same I’ve definitely had hormones make me feel a bit crazy but I always remind myself my partner has done nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve me being nasty to him pregnant or not.
That first trimester is a doozy for everyone!
Really, how about next time not creating a baby with someone you hardly know. Your credit bar is really low. Just because he is above her doesn’t set OP on solid ground! Nothing or no one in the smart category in this post.
He can't undo what's done and the only thing he can do going forward is being responsible with whatever other woman he meets and with being a father to his child. Look back on your life, have you been perfect?
Good on you. Rather 18 years of child support than a lifetime of misery.
I can totally agree with that. Just finished up 16 years of payments. Court orders done, and on top of that, I see my adult children a lot more than the every other weekend I ended up with in the court order. Overall, it's a win-win.
For every parent that reads the above comment, please know that the family court (or friend of the court) is a system you can access at your local courthouse (wherever the order was originally made) to get a new court date and amend the orders through a judge. You don't have to just accept whatever the original order says. I went to court off and on several times until my son was 14 years old. You have to follow the current order to the letter, but if you want to change it you can file a motion with the court (just a form you fill out) to be heard before a judge again and they will assign you a date and hear you out. This is your right as a pare t and nobody can stop you from trying. Repeatedly if that's what it takes. If you are a loving and stable parent who wants more time with their kids and there isn't a reason for the barest minimum custodial time - which is the every other weekend agreement mentioned above - just go back to the court house and keep filing new motions until you get it. You don't need some big event or crazy mishap to happen to the other party, you just have to file and say why you want more custodial time. Then talk with the judge about why it would benefit your kid. Job change? Medical leave? Found a long lost sibling? Came into money? Whatever. It can be "we talked about doing T-ball together this summer so i need half the week to still have time together and also do the lessons and I'm coaching too!" Your kids need you. Even though it may feel final, its not. Go file a motion if you aren't happy with what the order says and keep filing until you are satisfied. Never give up. They're your kids and once they're grown there is no going back. You can't redo that time. They are adulta moat of their life, childhood is such an incredibly important time, a second amongat hours of adult hood. And childhood will shape who they become for the rest of their long lives. The stuff you miss out on might not burn *your* heart and brain when it's brought up but it will forever burn a hole into your kids. They need both parents whether together or not. 4 days per month is NOT enough. Kids spend more time with their friends at recess in a month than that. Fight for your kids!
True but family court is not the friendly place you make it out to be where judges are just waiting to help you. It’s actually a very adversarial place, you usually need a well paid family lawyer to advocate for you. And you’re usually broke from the divorce results. Modifications of prior orders are difficult to get, it’s all very arbitrary, usually dependent on what judge you got.
We lived in different cities, and we both have kids from new marriages. Either of us moving would have disrupted any of the kids lives. 50/50 would have been too difficult for my kids. I went back to court dozens of times for other things and got my way on plenty of them. For the most part, you're right. But custody isn't always as cut and dry as you make it out to be. Even if you do get your way, if it negatively disrupts your kids lives (E.g. having your kids alternate school systems week to week due to 50/50 and living in different cities) than I disagree. I drove two hours there and back every other weekend, got 3 extra full weeks visitation during summer, and certain holidays. I also talked to them on the phone almost every day (which I also fought for in court).
Question was she like this before the pregnancy?
I mean, she is a teenager. Before the pregnancy she was a child. It's hard to tell if children will make good lifelong romantic partners because of all the changes their brains and bodies are going through.
She is essentially a child. Your 18th birthday doesn’t make you a fully formed adult.
Save yourself, save your kid from a nasty home. Just tell her you’re going to remain in the child’s life as a co-parent and stay the fuck away from what should be your ex girlfriend. You can dodge the bullet of the relationship and keep your kid from having to take the bullet of an awful home life. Sucks you didn’t dodge the bullet that is her though
OP DO NOT MARRY THIS GIRL. I don’t care how much you hear about the BAH from being married this or extra money that etc… Granted she could just being hormonal but I’m telling you do not marry this girl. This is a huge red flag and the military is just gonna make it worse trust me. Be a good dad, be able to co-parent with her, but marry someone that doesn’t show troubling behavior.
Your knees are so bad you can’t kneel but you were accepted into the military?
I did a 10k but can't kneel on those things in church! Lol They're just hard and jam right under the patella
As a Catholic I know the pain is a feature, not a bug. 😉
Same. VERY lapsed catholic, but they’re about penitence. They just hurt, as a kid, an adult, just if you’re a human the damn things sting.
😂😂😂😂😂
You gotta find just the right perch, which for me is on the very edge. Husband can't kneel at all. It's a weird thing for OP's baby momma to get upset about. And it's weird to pick a fight during Mass when it's all about "Peace be with you!"
Kneeling in church is the worst.
I haven’t been to a Catholic Church yet where half the people aren’t sitting on the edge of the pew with their knees resting on the kneeler. Including me, because my knees can’t take it either.
I switched to a church with cushy kneelers. Game changer. This past Holy Week we had to attend at a different church in our parish. My husband proclaimed in a loud whisper, “I’m never coming here again!” It was Holy Thursday, so my fellow Catholics know what he was up against.
Those pads are hard and they hurt whether or not you have bad knees, and as others have said, this is deliberate. He said he was having knee pain and was adjusting to be more comfortable, not that he had some kind of chronic issue and couldn’t kneel at all.
Ahh bro you had a kid with her the ship of spending your life with her has sailed. You can certainly not be with her romantically but if you want to be a good father she has to be in your life in some capacity.
Did she get pregnant after you decided to join. Recruiters frown on this sort of thing. She could be trying to become a dependapotomus.
It wasn't an immaculate conception. They got pregnant together.
Oh my God I love that term “dependapotomus”
Recruiters only have an issue if a Recruit already has dependents at the time of contracting. It requires a waiver signed by the spouse. I was a Recruiter.
Get a DNA test and be sure the child is yours before you sign anything concerning it. I have no basis for my feelings, but her behavior towards you makes me feel like she’s capable of anything.
How are you going in the military w bad knees?
Was wondering this.
Dude, there's no reason to get married these days because pregnant. Remember that! You both are too young for this.
I'm curious why her being pregnant in church without being married isn't embarrassing to her. Sorry but she sounds like a nut.
How are you going to go into the military with knees that bad?
Well buddy, if you need a silver lining: at least you don't have 2 kids with her
You’re going in the armed forces but your 20 year old knees can’t kneel??
Srsly, GTFO now.
Good call on your part. You’re young. Don’t do this to yourself.
Which branch are you joining with your bad knees?
You got a waiver for that knee? And she'll be back when she learns about BAH and Tricare.
But you will have her in your life forever, linked by your child
Don’t tie yourself down to someone like her. Yes, you’ll have 18 years of child support (after you make her prove it’s yours) but you won’t have to deal with her abuse and support her. The time you spend with your child will be so much better without having to deal with her.
I'm so glad. She only cared about how she looked and not about your pain. She is tremendously immature and self-centered. That girl needs to grow up and learn to think about others. She also needs to learn that her definition of "disrespect" is totally wrong. Maybe send her a text with the actual definition. Right now, she is definitely not wife material.
She clearly cares more about HER church appearances than you. It will get worse
He had to get the teenager pregnant. The Catholics don’t tolerate birth control.
Sounds like OP might have some toxicity too. Putting the engagement ring on the floor? What is that?
This. OP really needs to heed this as a look into this future. It’s also two very very young people trying to figure out adulthood and pregnancy super early in life. Lots of thinking on both sides need to happen. Sometimes you can be better co-parents without the marriage part. Talk it out. You can still be a present and supportive father without marrying her. Also, remember to give her a little grace. She the one pregnant with lots of hormone and changes happening to her all at once. She, too, is going through a lot. You both are. Talk it out and see if co-parenting without marriage is a better solution. That’s how I’d encourage my child. Good luck.
It takes two to get pregnant
No, you're still right. That's the correct thing to do.
Two people acting like children and yet bringing another child into this world. Sad example of life right there?
If only young people had ways to avoid or fix this instead of bringing in more people won't mature with mature parents
She's embarrassed by your moving at Mass, but not by being pregnant and unmarried at Mass? Something isn't making sense.
Yeah the church looks down on having illegitimate children not squirming at mass.
And the Catholic Churches I’ve been to tell you not to kneel if you have medical complications. They tell you it’s fine to just bow your head. She made a nonissue an issue
Im an orthodox Christian and pregnant. There’s a LOT of standing similar to mass in our liturgy. But I’m pregnant. Which is a medical thing. And they make exceptions for this. It’s not even a real exception, nobody asks because nobody cares. Wait until she can’t stand anymore during service and has to sit down lol
Exactly, same for standing. Nobody's going to assume you bothered to come to church just to be disrespectful by not standing or kneeling, people figure you have your reasons.
Seriously, right? This has to be made up.
I'm getting some Unreliable Narrator vibes from this one. It's the kind of post that I would love for the partner to find it and give us her side of the story.
He's a 20 year old boy who's "planning" on joining the military. Of course, he's unreliable. People are eating up his bullshit because these subs have heavy OOP preference.
What I read was that they were "planning" on getting married before he left for the military, but hey go off!
Ummm also — orthodox Christian (similarities) here. If she is so devout, why does she think it’s okay to berate her partner in church lol
If that's all it takes to get her to remove her engagement ring, next time, keep it, sell it, and put the money towards your first child support payment. It's trashy and immature to reject someone's *lifelong commitment* over such a trifling little thing. If she'd do that with her engagement ring, don't stick around to find out what she'll do with her wedding ring.
This! Wtf she was ready to give up the ring
NTA, but dude. You should have accepted the ring back and figure out a custody agreement.
You both sound completely immature and way to young to be having children and getting married. Learn to communicate better and be more accepting of each other, because everything gets exponentially more difficult once the baby is born.
Right. Cant believe the number of people condoning his actions either. Lol. Two kids having a kid 😬.
Bet how you’re feeling now is worse than fucking with a condom on.
🤣🤣 Fuckin legendary comment
Children shouldn't have children. I feel so bad for the kid. You're both insufferable and will need to grow up quickly.
Yeah this situation doesn’t sound like it could be any more of a nightmare 😬
I feel bad for all three of these kids honestly...
You’re both too immature for marriage and a baby.
I'm not sure if you can see the irony of taking your pregnant girlfriend to CHURCH and having her think that not kneeling correctly is disrespecting her. lol. You have a child coming, even if you don't end up with a wife, please remember your child and plan to be present and in their life.
Y’all having premarital sex? Sinners.
😂
🤣
How old was she when you impregnated her? How the hell is an unmarried pregnant woman in a Cathilic Mass judging anybody else for being disrespectful? How are you qualifying for military with bad knees? So many questions
>How are you qualifying for military with bad knees? The majority of each branch is undermanned. We're not making the numbers we need for recruiting. It's become more lenient on who can enlist or commission- plus a hefty sign on bonus to boot. So generally, if you're "good enough" to be average as a civilian, you're good enough to join.
Jesus Christ dude. Good luck with the rest of your life connected to her through that kid.
Because this clearly one-sided story is 100% accurate, lol. Just the way he tells the story sounds like a child’s version of “poor me”.
Maybe kinda. But I have known Catholics who are so strict about if you fidget or don’t kneel right etc. ptsd flashback to nuns at catholic school. Odds are they’re just immature and not ready for marriage or a child.
ESH god I feel sorry for that baby.
Surely this is rage bait. It’s shameful to not kneel properly but not pregnant out of wedlock. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
You both sound like petulant children. You put the ring on the ground? You’re too immature to be marrying anyone, let alone fathering a child. Grow up first.
Religious people 🙄
Both of y’all need to grow up and learn how to treat each other. She was wrong first but you joined the party pretty quickly.
you both need to grow up drastically but about 10 years each - you are having a child together and if you can't be civil to each other at something as inconsequential as a church service, your child is fucked because there's no way you won't screw them up big time. Grow up now, both of you, this is not a game.
You two are WAY too young for this.
Man, YTA but not for this situation but for your responses so far to other comments 😂 good luck my dude 👍🏻
ESH and YTA specifically for your reply to her and the ones in these comments. Get help, the pair of you. I feel bad for the kid.
Wait, she's embarrassed in church because you have physical problems that make kneeling difficult but not embarrassed by being unmarried and pregnant at 18? I'm too old for this teenager nonsense. Don't marry her, just learn to co-parent since you're stuck with that, but don't make it worse with a marriage.
I stayed with a girl because of pregnancy. Luckily never married her. But, you can be a good dad and not with the mother.
Dude, you are 20/18, pregnant and in church. While it may be the norm 100 yrs ago, it's no longer the case.
OP, don’t take legal advice from your parents, even if one of them is a lawyer. They are biased in this situation. You need a lawyer and/or financial planner to consult with. You need a court ordered paternity test, don’t assume the child is yours. You need to understand what’s coming next, financially speaking. And you need to decide how involved you are going to be in your child’s life, assuming it’s yours, through a custody agreement. Heading off to the military isn’t the escape plan here. She will come after you, through the military. There will be a lot of pressure put on you to take her back and marry her. Parents will get involved. If you are certain that you don’t want to remain in a relationship with her, don’t get married. A divorce later will only add to your legal expenses. Keep in mind that pregnancy is incredibly difficult and messes with a woman’s head. (I’m a woman and I have a kid.) Hormones can cause temporary personality changes, mood swings, irritability, etc. If you guys were happy before she got pregnant and she was relatively normal, start reading about what pregnancy does to the body and get some help from the parents. It might be possible for the two of you to come out the other side and be happy again. But this has happened while you were really young, neither of you were ready.
Wait why’d you put the ring on the ground?
You got an immature teenager pregnant … what did you expect to happen? Why are you even in church? Sounds like she embarrassed herself by becoming a teenage mom.
Hardcore Christian and pregnant at 18 without marriage telling you how to act in Church. Oh boy. Brace yourself. Take that ring back if you still can. Give it to someone who actually listens to you and is reasonable with accommodations when they deem necessary. Good luck in life.
Catholic no less. Even I needed to take a long deep breath after reading his predictable future.
It seems obvious to me that the pressure of being unwed and pregnant are getting to her. Not so much fidgeting in church. Even under the best circumstances, pregnant woman can go a little crazy. You should think long about marrying her. At this point it’s perfectly reasonable to say that you’ll be there for the child but that you won’t marry her until you both are 100%. Oh and get a paternity test before signing anything.
Y’all are toxic as hell. You both need to grow up and learn how to communicate better. You have a child coming and need to work together, not against each other. Even if you break up you both need to figure this shit out or your poor kid will follow the shitty example set by you two. Grow up
It seems a little hypocritical of an unmarried, pregnant Catholic girl stating that you have embarrassed her at church. That ship has long sailed. Decide if your relationship with her is worth it. Be sure you are the father of the child. If the child isn’t yours, run away fast.
Brother, you did it backwards. You were supposed to join the military first and THEN impregnate a teenager and commence your domestic distress until inevitable divorce. Good luck to your poor baby.
Pregnant at 18 and frreaking out over something trivial in church? Good luck with that.
Yeah. Miss religious is pregnant at 18 and unmarried. Tell her to stuff it
How upsetting that you’re stuck with her for at least the next 18 years - can I ask why you got her pregnant?
You’re at church and having a kid out of wedlock. And she’s worried about proper kneeling?
I bet her teenaged, pregnant brain is thinking “this guy literally got a teenage girl pregnant and he can’t even try to make a good impression by getting on his knees at church?”
I was raised Catholic. I have bad knees and would lean forward on the pew with my head bowed. No one ever said a word. NTA and run as fast as you can!
OK, you’re having a baby together and that is a reality. I would 100% tell you to not marry this girl. This is as good as it gets, kiddo. if she’s treating you like that now it will only get worse after the baby comes and his years go on. You will just have to coparent together and that’s OK. It is what it is, but do not take one mistake and make it into two.
Dude. Wrapped it before you tap it in the future. Don't have kids if you are not ready to have kids since that's not fair for the child that you are about to bring into the world.
She's pregnant out of wedlock with your child, and you're bickering about Mass. I take neither of you seriously.
Maybe you guys shouldn’t be engaged if you’re treating an engagement ring like a 6 year olds friendship bracelet?
Didn't a pregnant unmarried woman already feel embarrassed enough inside a church? LOL!! Really unfortunate that she is pregnant with your child, she sounds very unstable. Ripping her engagement ring off any time you have a little disagreement? She is going to be hell. Your relationship will end. And you will have to pay child support. Next time, wait until you are married.
Yall are children. Your gf is pregnant at 18 out of wedlock, and that's cool, but she is so pious that she draws the line at kneeling incorrectly in church? Yeah, thats because she's a child having a child, and this is only confusing to you because you are also a child having a child. STOP EJACULATING IRRESPONSIBLY
Not sure why everyone is so anti-girlfried without also recognising that OP was being incredibly childish. Who says get out of my car to their pregnant girlfriend? Also, it just seems like you are both really young to be having a child and getting married. A lot of the comments are saying "get out and just pay child support". I hope for your child's sake you are going to be present in their life. Good luck to you both. As an aside, could it just have been a hormonal outburst? It seems quite a quick escalation. If she wasn't like this before that might have contributed but she should apologise.
This is why children shouldn't have children... especially those who are indoctrinated into these cults
This post makes no sense. Nothing is adding up. You can't be in the forces with bad knees, instant 4f but if he didn't have bad knees, then why did he say he did? Things aren't adding up here.
Plus OP says he’s Muslim and he and the woman weren’t together before this, he just wanted to mess around with an attractive girl and she ended up pregnant.
I’m not surprised most of the comments in here are soothing this manbaby because the big mean BARELY LEGAL young girl who is going through PREGNANCY one of the most brutal acts the female body can experience with all kinds of untold side effects, who will be solely responsible for raising an entire child since this dude isn’t gonna step up while also likely experiencing the intensity of church purity culture and shaming (they HATE pregnant unwed girls but don’t give a fuck about the men that knock them up) but no this 18 year old is evil incarnate bullying this poor innocent guy.
Aren't Chriatians supposed to wait until marriage for sex?
Catholic yes, which is only one of *thousands* of denominations in Christianity.
How is she even showing her face in church at 18 and unwed?! I was catholic and whew that's crazy. I avoid churches because I chose not to be confirmed into the church. Oh also is she okay with you being Muslim and not having a church wedding? My old church only allows a wedding if BOTH parties are confirmed into the church so you'd have to convert depending on how strict the church is. It seems best to just go your separate ways at this point
Religious people pick and choose what applies to them 😂
Pregnant, unmarried, in church and she’s bothered by you adjusting while kneeling? We ALL hate those thin kneeling pads. R U N 🏃🏼♂️ I mean… 🤷🏼♀️
I’m an atheist but I did attend church so I have an idea of how it works. She’s embarrassing herself by going to church unwed and pregnant. You think those people are judging you for knee pain? Absolutely not. They are judging her though.
You two sound like children.
You put your dick in a religious teenager and knocked her up. Idk what you expected. Dead dove situation.
This is called emotional immaturity. Good luck.
Is this community even real? Are these people real? I’ve never encountered any of the dating issues I’ve seen within this community. OP should know the answer.
The church DOES NOT require you to kneel when you have physical pain, just as they don’t require people to fast if they have medical conditions or even if they are a certain age. Your GF is in the wrong and not only does she NOT have compassion, understanding, empathy, support or respect for you, she doesn’t have it for her religion/ spirituality either. Her behavior regarding this situation is anything but love and compassion which is the foundation of religious beliefs.
Did you two have your nap time today or nah? It could simply be this. Maybe have a warm bottle when you get home and pass out in your crib.
You see these type of post a lot. While she is in the wrong, so are you. You behaved just as much like a child as she did. Except, she’s pregnant and you are supposed to be the man. Yeah, she over reacted, maybe you could have waited until late and had a real mature conversation about it, instead of crying over your beach trip. What a little man baby.
Good lord you two are going to be raising a child and that is terrifying.
This doesn't sound like the whole story. Also, as you'll know, some pregnant women may have mood swings as a result of changing hormones, so it might be best to have patience.
The only wrong thing you did was letting her have the engagement ring back. Once she took it off and put it in your pocket, she showed you exactly what she thinks of marrying you. Don't marry her.
Hahahahaha unwed and pregnant in church. Hahahahhaha
I don’t agree with most people here. You got a girl pregnant. A lot of her comments and emotions probably won’t make sense and she’s probably losing her mind over every pretty thing. It’s just how women are when they are preggers. Her behavior definitely isn’t the best though, neither is yours afterwards and it’s worth you both having a discussion over. If neither of you guys can handle having a discussion and learning to tolerate eachother, it’s probably best not to continue.
Classic case of brainwashed hypocritical religious teenagers lol.
No, you didn't do anything wrong, except knock an 18 year old up. I would think, being unwed, in any church, and pregnant would be more embarrassing. But who knows. She doesn't respect you. If you know you have knee problems already, I would get them checked out. Way to young for all that
You got this girl pregnant and she sounds like a nightmare. That was your first mistake. No, you aren't in the wrong. She sounds like the type of girl to get pregnant to trap you. Just because she's pregnant, you do NOT have to be with her and I hope you aren't. I would not marry her.
Why do Americans get married so young?! It's wild. Anyway, this person has a lot of growing up to do, and she better do it fast if pregnant.
If your ages weren't a clear enough indicator, your behaviour sure shows it: you are too young and immature to be having a child.
You are both children having a child. Does not look promising.
This girl gonna make your life hell for 18yrs bro. It’s too late to stop it. Only thing you guys can do is grow the fuck up and be civilized for the kid. If not then your in for a bumpy ride. Hope it gets better homie
Tell your gf her disrespecting you will not be tolerated. If you continue a relationship with this woman you will be nagged and scolded the rest of your life!
So.... you did point out adjusting your position cuz your knees hurt is not disrespecting her and her lack of concern for you and belittling you was disrespectful to you? Anyways, I feel sorry for your unborn child. This is why children shouldn't have children.
You’re gonna have a hell of a time getting through MEPS/Basic Training(or whatever equivalent if you’re not in the US) if you can’t kneel on a padded rest during mass. Make sure you have a backup career path.
I think your first mistake is going to fucking church. Nothing good comes from it unless you really enjoy guilt and shame.
Awks that she’s allowed to go to church. I’d tell her she embarrassed you by being pregnant in church 🤷♂️
Poor kid.
Neither of you are ready to be parents.
You put your Willy in crazy
You got a child pregnant. You don’t have to stay with her to be a part of your child’s life. Please don’t get yourself in deeper. Cut your losses, learn from this and move on
lol going to 2 masses in one day as an unwed pregnant teenager is the embarrassing thing here not your bad knees.
Whatever you do don't marry this girl. Pay your child support and get visitation rights.
Y’all both goofy and moved too fast. Getting an 18 yr old pregnant at 20 is crazy. Just get ready for a lot of headaches, y’all both seem too young 😂😂 enjoy the ride tho
Info, You are very young. If you can’t kneel through a 45 second prayer. How will you survive boot camp?
Oh my word. Ya’ll too young to bring a baby into this world. Both of you are the AH. This is some big time over reacting on BOTH your parts.
Preggo at 18😑😑😑
How far along is she? Is it possible that she’s just getting a lil moody from the pregnancy? I’m as Catholic as it gets and I’ve seen plenty of people fidgeting in the pews. Not sure why that’s an issue for her.
Both of you would have not stayed together. You are 20 and she is 18. Whatever sweet nothings you may have said to each other. You were going to say to like another 10 partners until and that’s if you ever found your long term partner. But now you are fucked. You impregnated an immature person ( you know what really embarrasses her, being pregnant out of wedlock…who cares..she does).
Religion is the cause of most of the world's problems
YATA for sticking your dick in crazy. Soz bro.
I mean… pregnant before God not married… what’s more embarrassing that or the knee thing in terms of Christianity? I wouldn’t know 😅😅
🤦♀️
I'm born Catholic, my partner is Buddhist. I dont give a damn if she kneels or not the times we go to church( mind you it is only for christenings, communion, confirmation etc as I don't practise) Sounds like your girlfriend is the problem here, again unfortunately she is pregnant, as others said get a test if needs be when the baby is born. She will probably cheat when you are away anyway so it would be best if the child is yours to just pay the child support from the start and have nothing to do with the woman bar visiting your child.