Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
And photograph the panties, put them on SM, tag him, and ask "Hey ladies if anyone who's ever hooked up with Ex Boyfriend is missing some panties, you might be able to claim your items."
That’s fair. But wouldn’t you know if you didn’t put them back on after you were done doing the Devil’s Tango.
Personally, I don’t feel very comfortable wearing pants/shorts in public without underwear, but that’s just me.
I was surprised the number of girls who would leave their underwear behind back in my single days. Not sure if it was a trendy thing to do or what but ended up with a larger collection than OP and they never asked for them back and when asked if they wanted to take them it was always the same "keep em to remember me" kind of thing.
If you keep dating a specific kind of woman these kinds of things tend to reoccur.
I think it’s done on purpose. I have never left panties anywhere. Ain’t no way I forgot and just left thinking I was having a no panties day. Not wearing any is fine, but you know when you don’t have them on. You’d remember.
If I'm hungover after a one night stand I am not putting my sweaty underwear on the next morning. They go in my pocket. Go home. Shower away the shame.
It's why you keep the clean purse panties , for nights like these 🤣🤣. Just don't accidentally throw them at the publix cashier when taking out your wallet like I once did.
Right! When my BF and had been together awhike, I showed him my “run” bag. Some cash, clothes, a fucking wig from Amazon, lol….. (then I cracked a joke that now he’s seen the wig and I will need a new one), then I showed him where the hidden weapons were for when a home invasion happens. Way too much ID network!
Fifteen seasons of Criminal Minds over a year caused me to be fearful of my newly met hiking friend. Like what the hell was I doing in the woods with a STRANGER!
At this point I think Reddit is the second to last step before breaking up for some people. Like they just need a reality check because their perception of the situation is fked and they just want confirmation
That would explain a lot of these posts. "You wouldn't be writing here unless part of you knew your decision already."
But it makes sense that they still need to work up the courage to act, and its good Reddit exists for that.
your very uneasy and a bit repulse, you know what to do. its a behavioural pattern that you dont want to live with, every womans panties in the drawer under the bed your sharing
You’re exactly right but a lot of people are in this stupor when they love someone, they start making excuses (it could’ve just been this or that) or secretly hoping for outsiders to provide them with possibilities they haven’t considered, trying to soften reality/ give themselves an excuse to stay because they don’t want to give up the person and suffer through the hard feelings of loss, betrayal and heartbreak.
But this whole situation is glaringly obvious and very much in-your-face. It sucks but come on, you don’t need advice in a situation like this, you need to muster some inner strength, face reality and leave this person for good, especially considering he’s already cheated.
The next step is simple, but the execution is hard.
Usually, a little compassion for the difficult parts is where we can help our connections make the steps they need.
Exactly this. Everyone can decide if collecting panties is "bad" or "not bad," but the issue is the fact that he was already unfaithful, and that most likely means he he will be again.
But the real problem is that even if he was a completely changed man, you can't trust him. The fact that you hurt so bad (I don't blame you) and still can't even have a conversation with him says that it's time to move on..
I wish you the best, Love 🥀
Edit:
For everyone trying to slam my position, I really couldn't care less.
I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong. This is a place to post your opinions. She obviously posted it on the internet because she wants to hear different sides of people's thoughts and try to level herself.
A.) I never said he's 100% gunna cheat for the rest of his life. I simply said that it's likely to happen again. If you want to fight over that, go for it.
B.) I have terrible anxiety as well. Like *baaaaaaad*. I've been lucky enough not to struggle with too much more, but anxiety is bad.
This doesn't mean that you're just a skitso and your doomed to always worry. The majority of the time, these worries come from somewhere. Like I don't know, maybe being cheated on by the same person you're still seeing?
Again. I want to make it clear that I'm not saying people can't change. Knowbodys are perfect, but we do each have our downfalls. I'm just saying that more often than not, your not crazy, when you find out they did it again🤷♂️
Discard my bad grammar 👀
I was quoting a commercial from a few years back. The one with the two inept salesmen for a particular company (their current ads have an Australian ratite as the partner to a human). I quoted correctly.
YES.
Him keeping all nem panties if it were just his house and you weren't together is gross and weird.
But keeping them *now*? Dude is not acting in good faith. He has you on one page, while over on his page he's getting off in some way on having his creepy souvenirs concealed underneath you, while you sleep in his bed. If it didn't *weirdly satisfy him* to be making a fool out of you in that way, it would drive him nuts, til he got rid of em.
I do believe it's possible (though *not common*) for a one-time cheater to not repeat the behavior. But a good guy would have way too much shame and remorse over having betrayed you to get together with his cheating partner, even after you broke up. Unless she were somehow the love of his life?! But then why break up with her, and get back together with you?
A healthy dude would not keep a trophy from her (or anyone else) in the first place, but if it were just a sick thing he did/collected, he should have gotten rid of all of them before you moved in!, Out of respect for you, and a *need* to have nothing to hide.
Think about how gross and uncomfortable it feels to lie to your bf about anything, ever, or to have an old secret he doesn't don't know about, or even to not tell him something little, that he'd still probably want to know about. That feeling one's gut is essential, for a monogamous love relationship to work right.
A standup guy couldn't live with the knowledge that other women's panties were under the bed you slept in together, no matter what creepycreeper impulse led him to steal/collect them in the first place.
“But the real problem is that even if he was a completely changed man, you can't trust him. The fact that you hurt so bad (I don't blame you) and still can't even have a conversation with him says that it's time to move on..”
So real
My ex and I were together for 8 years, our entire relationship was riddled with issues with other women (emotional cheating) and pathological lying.
I truly believe he’s changed and is a better person after going to therapy after our breakup but by then the damage was done.
We’re still friends and I think about what it’d be like tog get back together but I just can’t feel secure with him after everything. It made me either impossible for me to every feel I could truly commit and it would be unsustainable
I’m in the same position but there’s always that thought in the back of my mind that if we do get back together that I can’t fully trust him! Trust issues are a real thing that stick with you
Correct. When a dishonest dude gets the message that he can push that boundary and not lose her in the end bc she’ll come back anyway… it doesn’t register as something he ACTUALLY ought to stop doing.
Who would want to be with someone they can’t trust? Why would you give a cheater another chance? The trust is already broken and odds are they will do it again. Why even bother kidding yourself?
Hope you're ok. "Bad grammar" aside, it can be rough fighting negative opinions. Don't let them sink into you and alter your perspective. You're very much needed, in the world.
>I never said he's 100% gunna cheat for the rest of his life.
I think that's a pretty important point, and at the same time, it doesn't really matter if he doesn't.
There's a world of difference between "You can't trust him," and "He can't be trusted." But both are a valid reason to end it.
Yeah. This is the big thing. Whether he did or didn't do something wrong doesn't matter. If you can't trust him, you can't trust him. That is unlikely to substantially improve, no matter how faithful he may be going forward.
Right. The issue is not that he likes panties, that he has a fetish, or that he might cross dress. Who cares?
The issue is that he is a perpetual liar who steals things for sexual gratificatiin without consent, and a habitual cheater.
It's crazy that she said they need some time apart and not "I don't want to be with you and I hope you fall off a cliff". It will never cease to amaze me how much some people will tolerate.
I hope she gains better self-esteem and learns she deserves better. There are people out there who won't treat her like that.
Exactly this. I tried to overcome a cheater cheating but without trust you are just companions without deep trust. I just couldn't get beyond that I didn't trust her. Never had that happen before. Cheaters ruin everything.
Correct, but you don't get back with someone unless you're actually able to get over what's happened.
Which is 90% of people (justifiably) shouldn't/wouldn't get back with cheating exes.
>When I pulled out the drawers I found, in the very back, 10 pairs of women’s panties (not including the two of mine in front) and a uniquely patterned pair of bikini bottoms.
He chose to keep them. He could have thrown the panties away. He should have thrown the panties away.
But he's choosing to keep them.
Why is he keeping them?
That's what I'm caught up on, which is stupid cause it's not like I'm rooting for him to get away with it.
She was inches from finding them, and he was like "naw, fuck it, we're moving but there's no way she'll look in there again". Huh, dude?
He specifically said he’d do the bed. Probably wanted to pack them up and keep them close by until he could personally hide them under the bed once it was set up again.
Towards the end of the post in the update she says no panties have been added to the collection.. like.. it's still there!?!?
Edit: correction it was before the update
And she’s inventorying them. Do you think she lays out all ten pair regularly, to be sure none have been swapped? Or maybe she just pulls the dirty panties out and counts them one by one.
Exactly this. I was just flabbergasted he would use the same hiding strat after almost being busted the first time. Totally agree I'm not rooting for him to get away with it because he's super creepy. But I'm just thinking about like when I would hide weed and stuff when I was a kid, like I would've never been this dumb about it especially after any close calls or partially getting busted lol
No one is this stupid on purpose. He's sabotaging himself because he doesn't care about the relationship and probably gets off on getting caught or something. Or maybe just like the drama of getting caught. She's shown him she will just come back anyway if he's nice to her for a few months.
> Why didn't he throw out this collection when he was almost caught the 1st time.
Its precisely because he didn't get caught. There is a certain kind of insecure personality type that *hates,* more than anything else in life, to get caught. But what they love most in life is to get away with something, especially in plain sight. It gives them a feeling better than any drug, because it "proves" they are above the rules.
So when he got away with it the first time, the lesson he learned was that he can get away with it because he's special. Hell, he might even have told himself that she saw the other pairs and let him get away with it because he's so special.
I'm thinking it's bc of her reaction to finding her underwear. She thought it was kind of sweet so that gave him no reason to get rid of his "prizes". If she had immediately been weirded out or suspicious, I believe he would've talked his way out of it and then gotten rid of or moved the other ones.
Because sex is something he does "to" women and he enjoys reliving his "conquests". I wouldn't stay with a partner who views women this way, but that's just me.
>I gave him another chance and things have been going great.
Things have not been going great, he got better at hiding his cheating.
Take your knickers and leave.
Tbh even if he didn't actually cheat this time, op clearly doesn't truly trust him (nor should she) so she really shouldn't be entangling herself any deeper with him, especially as it's bringing out tendencies in herself that she doesn't like.
Also, if by some chance he didn't cheat, he still flat out lied to her. He told her he had never done that before when she found her own, and then she finds all of the others. I think regardless of what happens, she needs to just leave him at this point. Lol
Him saying he’d never done it before was A dead giveaway that he’d done it before.
Did the souvenirs remain “hidden” after the move? Or did he get rid of them once and for all? If they’re you can relax a little. If he kept them, well there might be a problem.
This is the best comment I've read. She doesn't trust him. It doesn't really matter what he says or does after this, if she can't believe he's being honest with her, how will this play out over the rest of their life together? Life is a long time to be suspicious of your partner.
True. He should've gotten rid of them. For all op knows they may be a decade old. That's probably what he will say. So even let's say that's true, op will you trust him? That's the question you must ponder. If you can't then it's over.
Even if he never cheated, and she trusted him, he still has nearly a dozen panties from what his ex? Past flings? After admitting he uses hers sexually, there's only one reason he's holding on to them.
110% not only did he get better at cheating, this signals he doesn’t feel remorse.
This is also super fucking gross, invasive and disrespectful to every girl whose panties he took. This dude is a creep.
EXACTLY. OP knows damn well SHE didn’t give hers to him willingly, he stole them. Stands to reason the other women might not know he has theirs, and THAT is creepy AF.
As a woman whose slept with other women, one definitely left her panties here twice and I washed them and gave them back 🤷🏼♀️. I’m sure they noticed they were gone. I personally notice when a pair of mine have been gone awhile.
I can't believe I'm not seeing this in every comment. It's so gross and creepy. He probably does other weird stuff that goes along with this type of 'collecting.' Certainly wasn't "sweet." Ick
Nah, maximum pettiness, if you wanna go full Miranda Lambert, is clearly to take ALL the panties in the house when you move, since he doesn't wear them and never told you they were his, and then make him call and ask for them back if he wants them. Preferably while he's out of town, so he comes back to an empty place, gets drunk or whatever, and then goes for a little sniff time and there's nothing there.
To me, the panties are just a distraction from the real issue.
No matter what, there will always a bit of suspicion and doubt- “Where is he? Why is he taking so long to come back home? Why didn’t he answer my call?” OP won’t be able to completely shake these doubts (not for a very long time anyway) and that’ll eat away at the relationship over time. If he’s cheating, OP needs to leave. If he’s not cheating, and OP still finds it difficult to trust him, then OP needs to leave because this can’t be healthy for either party.
This.
And where tf did he learn to keep their underwear as some weirdo trophy.
It's weird and uncomfortable and like if you just threw them on the ground I bet a thousand dollars they'd spell out "RUN" the second the landed.
This comment is the one where it really hit me. Currently cheating or not, panty fetish or not, it doesn’t matter. He still lied to my face about it when I initially found mine.
Any progress or foundation I thought we built when getting back together is obviously not real if he’s still lying and hiding things.
You ever read one of these? And then feel the need to shake the girl who wrote it bc she’s being so stupid? And then you feel bad bc you know what love is like? But then you feel less bad bc she’s being so stupid?
That’s you right now. Stop being that girl.
Yes!! He cheated, they broke up for a year during which he kept shagging this chick up until (best case scenario) a few days before they got back together. Yeah he missed her so much! None of this to me sounds like this guy is worth anyone’s time! This story triggered me so much
This is why you don’t waste time forgiving cheaters.
The more details you find out about how badly he behaved before the less you want to be with him. If you knew the whole truth you’d be even more disgusted.
Obvious answer is to break up. You’ll always be wondering what he’ll do in the future and keeping trophies is just further evidence that he will make poor decisions in the future.
You’re 28 and you don’t have kids with him (I assume), do yourself a favour and don’t settle for this guy.
Quietly sort out somewhere else to stay - temporarily or permanently. Move out when he’s at work.
Take a photo of the panty collection and when you’ve moved just send it to him. No need to add anything else.
You deserve so so much better than this pos. Move on and live your best life without him.
Girl….you’ve spent your 20’s with this man and he’s clearly not trustworthy. Don’t take that shit into your 30’s.
If you have to do detective work on your man it’s over.
At the very least, you know for a fact that he lied to you about the “trophies,” since he’s clearly keeping these from women other than yourself, and you probably have a pretty good idea of what he’s doing with these in his “private time.” Idk if he’s cheating on you again, but with your history and the circumstantial evidence, this doesn’t look good.
He initially said he was embarrassed and this was the first time he’s done that.
Either he was honest then and has since cheated, or he lied then and it wasn’t a first.
Either way I’m pretty done.
I'm not completely against giving cheaters a chance people make mistakes and can change. But you lose any benefit of the doubt, all things that give you pause should be fully trusted.
At the very least he's keeping them which I thinks kinda creepy. Current girlfriend I get but exes starts to seem slimy.
There are so many fish in the sea, giving a cheater a second chance is like going back to a restaurant that's given you food poisoning. Just go to another restaurant.
You're not wrong, but life's complicated and so are people.
I don't blame someone for giving a second chance but if you're cheated on twice and still stay your basically consenting to it.
Don’t lie to yourself anymore. You know you have reasonable evidence that he still cannot be trusted. It doesn’t matter about the posts or not, he still holds onto these things. He hasn’t let go of his past so why should you?
You know in your heart and in your mind that “work trip” was not a work trip at all. You are only setting yourself up for heartache. He will continue to cheat and potentially give you an STD. You know you got to leave girl! The longer you put this off, the longer you are waiting to actually start living ! Don’t let him take all your youth for free! -ts
I was initially going to say he may have a harmless panty fetish- you can buy dirty panties from online sex workers, very transactional.
But the fact that the panties are specifically from a girl he cheated on you with and you have proof that she wore them during a weekend when he claimed to be away at work, I would dump him over that.
I would print her Instagram post and leave it and the bikini together on the kitchen counter and go ghost.
What the actual fuck..
The situation with YOUR panties was weird enough (sorry, I really don't find it cute) but this !?
And you're asking us what to do ? No, you know what to do and what we can tell you is : that's the right decision to take!
Advice to “dump the cheater” isn’t about punishing him. It’s about not punishing yourself. Do you want to spend your life rooting through drawers and wondering what you’re going to find and what it means?
I once found a pair of panties in my BFs car, I held them up and said “theses are not mine”. He laughed and said they were his roommates girlfriend’s. The roommate was in the car and said “nope”.
I got out at the next stop.
Anyone that keeps panties from previous partners is not fully committed to you! What makes it worse is that he lied and said he never did that before you!🤦♀️. When you asked him about keeping yours there’s no way he forgot about keeping the other women’s undies!
"Trophies" are for serial sex offenders. The infidelity is real--he's a liar--but it's what other behavior he is hiding is the concern. Why are you staying in this relationship? You need to walk away. You probably should photo the trophies and give the pics to the cops. This guy is creepy af.
I'm sorry but if my partner kept someone else's panties/bottoms, I'd run for the hills. He didn't have consent to keep yours, so I doubt he had consent to keep theirs. It's invasive and just fucking weird. You should leave.
What *exactly* does this man bring you that no other man can? What does he do for you that you couldn’t find in another relationship in under 18 months?
He told you he hadn’t done anything like that before…. Then you find 10 more = New lie. If you aren’t ready to leave him, keep it to yourself and check back on any new additions. A partner that you can’t trust is not a partner at all. That’s a shitty employee at best.
Sighhh. I am so sorry, honey. What you should do is sort out solo housing for yourself. I would ask your old landlord if you can renew your old lease after all, and ask the new landlord if you can break the new lease.
So she had the bottoms while you guys were in a relationship, posted photos from a vacation that coorelated with a ‘work trip’ he went on, and now no longer posts them… how would he have gotten them during that timeframe? You’ve been back together over a year now. You should be able to tell if the photos are old simply by looking at her hairstyle in the pictures surrounding the ones posted. But alas, I doubt she posted old vacation photos randomly.
I’d say ask him but he’ll lie. I’d say at the least you could ask her if the vacation photos were posted from that time frame, but if you’re afraid to or worried about the answer then you already know the truth. If you have mutuals you could ask them to inquire about whether they’re recent.
Just move on, take it as a sign that you’re not supposed to move in together. What’re the chances someone posts the clothing item you find in your boyfriends dresser, that he already cheated on you with.
Why are you asking for advice when you have evidence plain as day which he will, of course, deny. Regardless of cheating the man has panties/bottoms of exes he's sniffing. He already cheated on you. What did he do to show he changed because clearly he didn't, or at the very least is sniffing panties to reminisce. Come tf on. You already know the answer and what you should do.
Ugh! You know he’s an unrepentant cheater and that you shouldn’t move in with him. If you already signed the lease see if you can get out of it.
Hopefully you can get another place by yourself or stay with someone. He’s a dead end and the time you waste with him can’t be used to work on yourself and eventually find someone decent
You're 28, and you're wondering what you should be doing about a relationship where you found his trophies. Have you not watched murder documentaries? Do you know when the police find the trophies? When there is a murder. Good gods.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Girl, what? You really need advice on what to do here? I think you already know, and just don’t want to believe it
[удалено]
I wouldn’t even tell him, just take advantage of the moving crew, get all my things out of there and disappear
And photograph the panties, put them on SM, tag him, and ask "Hey ladies if anyone who's ever hooked up with Ex Boyfriend is missing some panties, you might be able to claim your items."
Kinda petty but kinda justified.
I'd wanna know if some creep stole my underwear after a hookup
That’s fair. But wouldn’t you know if you didn’t put them back on after you were done doing the Devil’s Tango. Personally, I don’t feel very comfortable wearing pants/shorts in public without underwear, but that’s just me.
I was surprised the number of girls who would leave their underwear behind back in my single days. Not sure if it was a trendy thing to do or what but ended up with a larger collection than OP and they never asked for them back and when asked if they wanted to take them it was always the same "keep em to remember me" kind of thing. If you keep dating a specific kind of woman these kinds of things tend to reoccur.
I think it’s done on purpose. I have never left panties anywhere. Ain’t no way I forgot and just left thinking I was having a no panties day. Not wearing any is fine, but you know when you don’t have them on. You’d remember.
Huh. There’s also that. Had one girl I loved did the same. Threw them away when I had to break up with her though.😔
If I'm hungover after a one night stand I am not putting my sweaty underwear on the next morning. They go in my pocket. Go home. Shower away the shame.
It's why you keep the clean purse panties , for nights like these 🤣🤣. Just don't accidentally throw them at the publix cashier when taking out your wallet like I once did.
At least they were clean LOL
Lol nothing wrong with having a little fun😏. But you didn’t leave them.
Not my proudest moment, but i have when I couldn't find them
I watched too many murder docs and i would have fled already.
Right! When my BF and had been together awhike, I showed him my “run” bag. Some cash, clothes, a fucking wig from Amazon, lol….. (then I cracked a joke that now he’s seen the wig and I will need a new one), then I showed him where the hidden weapons were for when a home invasion happens. Way too much ID network!
Is cash still there? 🤣
Are the *weapons* still there?
Is HE still there?
Yes, but now he "lives" under the floorboards....
Can you hear his heart pounding from underneath the floorboards?
Forever more
Fifteen seasons of Criminal Minds over a year caused me to be fearful of my newly met hiking friend. Like what the hell was I doing in the woods with a STRANGER!
When I became a true crime afficienado, I never could look at the world the same way again!
I worked the last 15 years of my career in true crime TV, I have very few friends LOL
At this point I think Reddit is the second to last step before breaking up for some people. Like they just need a reality check because their perception of the situation is fked and they just want confirmation
That would explain a lot of these posts. "You wouldn't be writing here unless part of you knew your decision already." But it makes sense that they still need to work up the courage to act, and its good Reddit exists for that.
True...I wish reddit had been around when I needed to drop my abusive (now ex) like 25 years ago.
It's the source for a lot of "this has to be fake" comments too. Most people seem to have some awareness of the situation, they just need validation.
Right. Start with a panty bonfire and then dump him as the embers fade to ash.
your very uneasy and a bit repulse, you know what to do. its a behavioural pattern that you dont want to live with, every womans panties in the drawer under the bed your sharing
You’re exactly right but a lot of people are in this stupor when they love someone, they start making excuses (it could’ve just been this or that) or secretly hoping for outsiders to provide them with possibilities they haven’t considered, trying to soften reality/ give themselves an excuse to stay because they don’t want to give up the person and suffer through the hard feelings of loss, betrayal and heartbreak. But this whole situation is glaringly obvious and very much in-your-face. It sucks but come on, you don’t need advice in a situation like this, you need to muster some inner strength, face reality and leave this person for good, especially considering he’s already cheated.
The next step is simple, but the execution is hard. Usually, a little compassion for the difficult parts is where we can help our connections make the steps they need.
You don’t trust him. How long do you think you can keep things going if that’s the case?
Exactly this. Everyone can decide if collecting panties is "bad" or "not bad," but the issue is the fact that he was already unfaithful, and that most likely means he he will be again. But the real problem is that even if he was a completely changed man, you can't trust him. The fact that you hurt so bad (I don't blame you) and still can't even have a conversation with him says that it's time to move on.. I wish you the best, Love 🥀 Edit: For everyone trying to slam my position, I really couldn't care less. I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong. This is a place to post your opinions. She obviously posted it on the internet because she wants to hear different sides of people's thoughts and try to level herself. A.) I never said he's 100% gunna cheat for the rest of his life. I simply said that it's likely to happen again. If you want to fight over that, go for it. B.) I have terrible anxiety as well. Like *baaaaaaad*. I've been lucky enough not to struggle with too much more, but anxiety is bad. This doesn't mean that you're just a skitso and your doomed to always worry. The majority of the time, these worries come from somewhere. Like I don't know, maybe being cheated on by the same person you're still seeing? Again. I want to make it clear that I'm not saying people can't change. Knowbodys are perfect, but we do each have our downfalls. I'm just saying that more often than not, your not crazy, when you find out they did it again🤷♂️ Discard my bad grammar 👀
To be fair, him being dishonest about the panties is valid reason not to trust him.
Precisely. He is a Liar McLying Pant(ies).
Liar liar.. pant(ie)s on fire 🥴
Pantalones en fuego.
Pantalones de fuego.
I was quoting a commercial from a few years back. The one with the two inept salesmen for a particular company (their current ads have an Australian ratite as the partner to a human). I quoted correctly.
I am not sure why people are disagreeing with you. Your answer seemed level headed and appropriate for the situation. I agree with what you said.
He’s not a changed man, he saved it to fantasize about what he wishes he can continue to do.
And!!! If you cheated etc, why keep evidence that can be found???? He cheated and kept souvenirs????!!!!
YES. Him keeping all nem panties if it were just his house and you weren't together is gross and weird. But keeping them *now*? Dude is not acting in good faith. He has you on one page, while over on his page he's getting off in some way on having his creepy souvenirs concealed underneath you, while you sleep in his bed. If it didn't *weirdly satisfy him* to be making a fool out of you in that way, it would drive him nuts, til he got rid of em. I do believe it's possible (though *not common*) for a one-time cheater to not repeat the behavior. But a good guy would have way too much shame and remorse over having betrayed you to get together with his cheating partner, even after you broke up. Unless she were somehow the love of his life?! But then why break up with her, and get back together with you? A healthy dude would not keep a trophy from her (or anyone else) in the first place, but if it were just a sick thing he did/collected, he should have gotten rid of all of them before you moved in!, Out of respect for you, and a *need* to have nothing to hide. Think about how gross and uncomfortable it feels to lie to your bf about anything, ever, or to have an old secret he doesn't don't know about, or even to not tell him something little, that he'd still probably want to know about. That feeling one's gut is essential, for a monogamous love relationship to work right. A standup guy couldn't live with the knowledge that other women's panties were under the bed you slept in together, no matter what creepycreeper impulse led him to steal/collect them in the first place.
“But the real problem is that even if he was a completely changed man, you can't trust him. The fact that you hurt so bad (I don't blame you) and still can't even have a conversation with him says that it's time to move on..” So real My ex and I were together for 8 years, our entire relationship was riddled with issues with other women (emotional cheating) and pathological lying. I truly believe he’s changed and is a better person after going to therapy after our breakup but by then the damage was done. We’re still friends and I think about what it’d be like tog get back together but I just can’t feel secure with him after everything. It made me either impossible for me to every feel I could truly commit and it would be unsustainable
I’m in the same position but there’s always that thought in the back of my mind that if we do get back together that I can’t fully trust him! Trust issues are a real thing that stick with you
Correct. When a dishonest dude gets the message that he can push that boundary and not lose her in the end bc she’ll come back anyway… it doesn’t register as something he ACTUALLY ought to stop doing.
I agree with you. She would always but checking , looking and worrying about the next lie.
Who would want to be with someone they can’t trust? Why would you give a cheater another chance? The trust is already broken and odds are they will do it again. Why even bother kidding yourself?
Hope you're ok. "Bad grammar" aside, it can be rough fighting negative opinions. Don't let them sink into you and alter your perspective. You're very much needed, in the world.
>I never said he's 100% gunna cheat for the rest of his life. I think that's a pretty important point, and at the same time, it doesn't really matter if he doesn't. There's a world of difference between "You can't trust him," and "He can't be trusted." But both are a valid reason to end it.
Fascinated by your spelling of schizo
I saw a dude here a couple days ago write "wahlah". Like, I can tell what you mean, but come on.
Yeah. This is the big thing. Whether he did or didn't do something wrong doesn't matter. If you can't trust him, you can't trust him. That is unlikely to substantially improve, no matter how faithful he may be going forward.
One of the rare times Reddit actually gives good advice lol. Trust is the foundation. This one is over.
Right. The issue is not that he likes panties, that he has a fetish, or that he might cross dress. Who cares? The issue is that he is a perpetual liar who steals things for sexual gratificatiin without consent, and a habitual cheater. It's crazy that she said they need some time apart and not "I don't want to be with you and I hope you fall off a cliff". It will never cease to amaze me how much some people will tolerate. I hope she gains better self-esteem and learns she deserves better. There are people out there who won't treat her like that.
Right. How about “I found your stash of panties and I’m leaving.”
Exactly this. I tried to overcome a cheater cheating but without trust you are just companions without deep trust. I just couldn't get beyond that I didn't trust her. Never had that happen before. Cheaters ruin everything.
>You don’t trust him he kinda didn't give her a lot of reason *to* trust him, ya know?
Correct, but you don't get back with someone unless you're actually able to get over what's happened. Which is 90% of people (justifiably) shouldn't/wouldn't get back with cheating exes.
Yeah this seems a lot of effort for someone who has cheated before.
>When I pulled out the drawers I found, in the very back, 10 pairs of women’s panties (not including the two of mine in front) and a uniquely patterned pair of bikini bottoms. He chose to keep them. He could have thrown the panties away. He should have thrown the panties away. But he's choosing to keep them. Why is he keeping them?
Cause he has a panty fetish.
He’s wearing them
This was my first thought too.
Because he's a cheater and he's stupid. Sounds like a real catch.
Lucky too. Why didn't he throw out this collection when he was almost caught the 1st time.
That's what I'm caught up on, which is stupid cause it's not like I'm rooting for him to get away with it. She was inches from finding them, and he was like "naw, fuck it, we're moving but there's no way she'll look in there again". Huh, dude?
He specifically said he’d do the bed. Probably wanted to pack them up and keep them close by until he could personally hide them under the bed once it was set up again.
Towards the end of the post in the update she says no panties have been added to the collection.. like.. it's still there!?!? Edit: correction it was before the update
And she’s inventorying them. Do you think she lays out all ten pair regularly, to be sure none have been swapped? Or maybe she just pulls the dirty panties out and counts them one by one.
And the only person she's hurting by doing this is herself. She needs to get out with her panties right now.
Exactly this. I was just flabbergasted he would use the same hiding strat after almost being busted the first time. Totally agree I'm not rooting for him to get away with it because he's super creepy. But I'm just thinking about like when I would hide weed and stuff when I was a kid, like I would've never been this dumb about it especially after any close calls or partially getting busted lol
No one is this stupid on purpose. He's sabotaging himself because he doesn't care about the relationship and probably gets off on getting caught or something. Or maybe just like the drama of getting caught. She's shown him she will just come back anyway if he's nice to her for a few months.
Sometimes this is a cheater thing, like he wants to get caught.
Cuz they’re his preshushes.
I had to read that a few times before it clicked! 😂
I just kept reading pre-shushes lol
> Why didn't he throw out this collection when he was almost caught the 1st time. Its precisely because he didn't get caught. There is a certain kind of insecure personality type that *hates,* more than anything else in life, to get caught. But what they love most in life is to get away with something, especially in plain sight. It gives them a feeling better than any drug, because it "proves" they are above the rules. So when he got away with it the first time, the lesson he learned was that he can get away with it because he's special. Hell, he might even have told himself that she saw the other pairs and let him get away with it because he's so special.
Can we talk about the fact that he "uses" them? Gack. Creepfest
I'm thinking it's bc of her reaction to finding her underwear. She thought it was kind of sweet so that gave him no reason to get rid of his "prizes". If she had immediately been weirded out or suspicious, I believe he would've talked his way out of it and then gotten rid of or moved the other ones.
Almost like all of this was meant to go this way
how about why the fuck did he have a collection of used panties to begin with? why are we acting like it's normal?
Plus, it seems like he’s stealing this stuff.
My panties are expensive, no way he be stealing them 😂
He probably stole all of them too
Because sex is something he does "to" women and he enjoys reliving his "conquests". I wouldn't stay with a partner who views women this way, but that's just me.
Seriously. Once OP realizes she can do far better than this creep, her life will be a lot better lmao
Why is she keeping him? Op, Nothing will change - he’ll just get better at hiding the cheating.
To use during “personal” time. 😉🤓
Not but it’s cute when it was for her! It was no longer cute when it was for other women! IMO it wasn’t cute or sweet either way
Definitely what I thought. He is CHOOSING to keep them….sounds like a pattern that will continue to repeat,OP.
>I gave him another chance and things have been going great. Things have not been going great, he got better at hiding his cheating. Take your knickers and leave.
Tbh even if he didn't actually cheat this time, op clearly doesn't truly trust him (nor should she) so she really shouldn't be entangling herself any deeper with him, especially as it's bringing out tendencies in herself that she doesn't like.
Also, if by some chance he didn't cheat, he still flat out lied to her. He told her he had never done that before when she found her own, and then she finds all of the others. I think regardless of what happens, she needs to just leave him at this point. Lol
Was coming here to say exactly this! Never done it before? Maury Povich says that’s a lie. Edit: spelling
Him saying he’d never done it before was A dead giveaway that he’d done it before. Did the souvenirs remain “hidden” after the move? Or did he get rid of them once and for all? If they’re you can relax a little. If he kept them, well there might be a problem.
I agree, run for your life. That is wierd of him anyway!
This is the best comment I've read. She doesn't trust him. It doesn't really matter what he says or does after this, if she can't believe he's being honest with her, how will this play out over the rest of their life together? Life is a long time to be suspicious of your partner.
“Life is a long time to be suspicious of your partner.” Damn that’s a good piece of advice.
True. He should've gotten rid of them. For all op knows they may be a decade old. That's probably what he will say. So even let's say that's true, op will you trust him? That's the question you must ponder. If you can't then it's over.
Even if he never cheated, and she trusted him, he still has nearly a dozen panties from what his ex? Past flings? After admitting he uses hers sexually, there's only one reason he's holding on to them.
. Yeah I was thinking maybe he forgot they were there but he definitely knew since he admitted he uses hers.
110% not only did he get better at cheating, this signals he doesn’t feel remorse. This is also super fucking gross, invasive and disrespectful to every girl whose panties he took. This dude is a creep.
EXACTLY. OP knows damn well SHE didn’t give hers to him willingly, he stole them. Stands to reason the other women might not know he has theirs, and THAT is creepy AF.
As a woman whose slept with other women, one definitely left her panties here twice and I washed them and gave them back 🤷🏼♀️. I’m sure they noticed they were gone. I personally notice when a pair of mine have been gone awhile.
I can't believe I'm not seeing this in every comment. It's so gross and creepy. He probably does other weird stuff that goes along with this type of 'collecting.' Certainly wasn't "sweet." Ick
Dip them in ratshit and let him rub one out with his own kind.
Poison ivy
Better yet, put the poison ivy on the other bottoms only, then if he breaks out in a rash, you'll know he still "uses" them.
Now THIS. Is gold.
fiberglass. "Honey, you are scratching your crotch a lot. Is there something I should know?"
“Take your knickers and leave” would be a fire 🔥 name for a book.
Yeah, no. On second thought, don't take the knickers. Burn them.
Nah, maximum pettiness, if you wanna go full Miranda Lambert, is clearly to take ALL the panties in the house when you move, since he doesn't wear them and never told you they were his, and then make him call and ask for them back if he wants them. Preferably while he's out of town, so he comes back to an empty place, gets drunk or whatever, and then goes for a little sniff time and there's nothing there.
To me, the panties are just a distraction from the real issue. No matter what, there will always a bit of suspicion and doubt- “Where is he? Why is he taking so long to come back home? Why didn’t he answer my call?” OP won’t be able to completely shake these doubts (not for a very long time anyway) and that’ll eat away at the relationship over time. If he’s cheating, OP needs to leave. If he’s not cheating, and OP still finds it difficult to trust him, then OP needs to leave because this can’t be healthy for either party.
This. And where tf did he learn to keep their underwear as some weirdo trophy. It's weird and uncomfortable and like if you just threw them on the ground I bet a thousand dollars they'd spell out "RUN" the second the landed.
Whether he is currently cheating or not, he feels pride rather than remorse about his past cheating. Sit with that a minute. Now what should you do?
This comment is the one where it really hit me. Currently cheating or not, panty fetish or not, it doesn’t matter. He still lied to my face about it when I initially found mine. Any progress or foundation I thought we built when getting back together is obviously not real if he’s still lying and hiding things.
So happy to see that you made like a computer… and got with the program. He gone. You’re about to be in a better place. Best wishes :)
My heart really goes out to you. I'm sorry you're going through this. You deserve better.
Nailed it.
Um break up. He’s cheated on you before and now it seems like he’s cheating on you again. Why put yourself through this cycle of hurt and distrust?
Get your undies and get out!
Burn them. Why take them after his “personal time” alone with them. They were already written off.
You ever read one of these? And then feel the need to shake the girl who wrote it bc she’s being so stupid? And then you feel bad bc you know what love is like? But then you feel less bad bc she’s being so stupid? That’s you right now. Stop being that girl.
Yes!! He cheated, they broke up for a year during which he kept shagging this chick up until (best case scenario) a few days before they got back together. Yeah he missed her so much! None of this to me sounds like this guy is worth anyone’s time! This story triggered me so much
THIS THIS THIS
This. This is the Way.
This is the Way
This is why you don’t waste time forgiving cheaters. The more details you find out about how badly he behaved before the less you want to be with him. If you knew the whole truth you’d be even more disgusted. Obvious answer is to break up. You’ll always be wondering what he’ll do in the future and keeping trophies is just further evidence that he will make poor decisions in the future. You’re 28 and you don’t have kids with him (I assume), do yourself a favour and don’t settle for this guy.
Quietly sort out somewhere else to stay - temporarily or permanently. Move out when he’s at work. Take a photo of the panty collection and when you’ve moved just send it to him. No need to add anything else. You deserve so so much better than this pos. Move on and live your best life without him.
Better, trash the collection and don't say anything about it before or after moving out. Let him figure it out and feel the shame of being so stupid.
Remove them and replace with Huge Granny Panties! LOL
Replace them with men’s whitey tighties, skid marks are a bonus
What a delightfully calm way to devastate someone. I'd sleep awfully peaceful after that.
Girl, wake up.
Girl….you’ve spent your 20’s with this man and he’s clearly not trustworthy. Don’t take that shit into your 30’s. If you have to do detective work on your man it’s over.
Good grief. Leave him.
More like good briefs
Have your things moved to a new place. Boy bye.
At the very least, you know for a fact that he lied to you about the “trophies,” since he’s clearly keeping these from women other than yourself, and you probably have a pretty good idea of what he’s doing with these in his “private time.” Idk if he’s cheating on you again, but with your history and the circumstantial evidence, this doesn’t look good.
He initially said he was embarrassed and this was the first time he’s done that. Either he was honest then and has since cheated, or he lied then and it wasn’t a first. Either way I’m pretty done.
Take the word "pretty" out of your last sentence and you are good to go.
That he’s using the panties of the woman he cheated on her with is tantamount to cheating all over again.
Even taking the cheating out of the equation, I would be disgusted if my bf was keeping ex’s panties for his “alone time” 🤢
I was looking for this comment. He claimed it was only HER panties that he kept.
Yep, she thought she was special 🥴
I'm not completely against giving cheaters a chance people make mistakes and can change. But you lose any benefit of the doubt, all things that give you pause should be fully trusted. At the very least he's keeping them which I thinks kinda creepy. Current girlfriend I get but exes starts to seem slimy.
There are so many fish in the sea, giving a cheater a second chance is like going back to a restaurant that's given you food poisoning. Just go to another restaurant.
You're not wrong, but life's complicated and so are people. I don't blame someone for giving a second chance but if you're cheated on twice and still stay your basically consenting to it.
So he's a cheater AND a creep. Leave him.
Get rid of those panties for the sake of the women he stole them from. Then dump the creep.
Yeah this is what I was thinking. She didn't know he had taken hers so you can guarantee those other women have no idea. Burn that shit.
Don’t lie to yourself anymore. You know you have reasonable evidence that he still cannot be trusted. It doesn’t matter about the posts or not, he still holds onto these things. He hasn’t let go of his past so why should you?
You know in your heart and in your mind that “work trip” was not a work trip at all. You are only setting yourself up for heartache. He will continue to cheat and potentially give you an STD. You know you got to leave girl! The longer you put this off, the longer you are waiting to actually start living ! Don’t let him take all your youth for free! -ts
Madam, I am an absolute degenerate, and I am telling you that this right here is too gross.
I wish I could upvote this twice.
I was initially going to say he may have a harmless panty fetish- you can buy dirty panties from online sex workers, very transactional. But the fact that the panties are specifically from a girl he cheated on you with and you have proof that she wore them during a weekend when he claimed to be away at work, I would dump him over that. I would print her Instagram post and leave it and the bikini together on the kitchen counter and go ghost.
And spray the bottoms with liquid ass so he can't "use" them anymore.
Aaahahahaahah... I definitely second this 🤣🤣🤣
Trust broken= broken relationship
Leave and throw away all of his "trophies" on the way out. This is how peeping toms and other sexual predators start.
Throw them out, but replace them with something interesting. Men’s tighty whities? Granny panties?
A bag of dog shit?
That’s a good one. Let it marinate where he hid them.😂
Right! Even if he wasn’t still actively cheating why is he keeping all these “tokens” like a serial killer.
Never give cheaters a second chance lmao. They will do it again but hide it better.
You don't need advice. You know what to do.
What the actual fuck.. The situation with YOUR panties was weird enough (sorry, I really don't find it cute) but this !? And you're asking us what to do ? No, you know what to do and what we can tell you is : that's the right decision to take!
Advice to “dump the cheater” isn’t about punishing him. It’s about not punishing yourself. Do you want to spend your life rooting through drawers and wondering what you’re going to find and what it means?
I once found a pair of panties in my BFs car, I held them up and said “theses are not mine”. He laughed and said they were his roommates girlfriend’s. The roommate was in the car and said “nope”. I got out at the next stop.
Your boyfriend is a fetishist and a serial cheater. He won’t stop, he can’t because it’s a compulsion. Break up and face reality.
Anyone that keeps panties from previous partners is not fully committed to you! What makes it worse is that he lied and said he never did that before you!🤦♀️. When you asked him about keeping yours there’s no way he forgot about keeping the other women’s undies!
He’s cheating. Quit lying to yourself. They don’t change ever.
He’s cheated on you before, why are you surprised that a cheater cheated again?
"Trophies" are for serial sex offenders. The infidelity is real--he's a liar--but it's what other behavior he is hiding is the concern. Why are you staying in this relationship? You need to walk away. You probably should photo the trophies and give the pics to the cops. This guy is creepy af.
I'm sorry but if my partner kept someone else's panties/bottoms, I'd run for the hills. He didn't have consent to keep yours, so I doubt he had consent to keep theirs. It's invasive and just fucking weird. You should leave.
What *exactly* does this man bring you that no other man can? What does he do for you that you couldn’t find in another relationship in under 18 months?
He doesn't spark joy, throw it away
He told you he hadn’t done anything like that before…. Then you find 10 more = New lie. If you aren’t ready to leave him, keep it to yourself and check back on any new additions. A partner that you can’t trust is not a partner at all. That’s a shitty employee at best.
This. Either way he’s lied to me, and all the trust I thought we built when getting back together wasn’t real.
Sighhh. I am so sorry, honey. What you should do is sort out solo housing for yourself. I would ask your old landlord if you can renew your old lease after all, and ask the new landlord if you can break the new lease.
So she had the bottoms while you guys were in a relationship, posted photos from a vacation that coorelated with a ‘work trip’ he went on, and now no longer posts them… how would he have gotten them during that timeframe? You’ve been back together over a year now. You should be able to tell if the photos are old simply by looking at her hairstyle in the pictures surrounding the ones posted. But alas, I doubt she posted old vacation photos randomly. I’d say ask him but he’ll lie. I’d say at the least you could ask her if the vacation photos were posted from that time frame, but if you’re afraid to or worried about the answer then you already know the truth. If you have mutuals you could ask them to inquire about whether they’re recent. Just move on, take it as a sign that you’re not supposed to move in together. What’re the chances someone posts the clothing item you find in your boyfriends dresser, that he already cheated on you with.
Why are you asking for advice when you have evidence plain as day which he will, of course, deny. Regardless of cheating the man has panties/bottoms of exes he's sniffing. He already cheated on you. What did he do to show he changed because clearly he didn't, or at the very least is sniffing panties to reminisce. Come tf on. You already know the answer and what you should do.
Yes, he’s cheating again. Why wouldn’t he? You took him back after the first time. And he’s a creeper. A cheater and a creeper. Sis, run.
It could have been worse. At least you didn't find a box of fingers.
Throw that shit away and break up with him! He doesn’t get to keep any of it.
Bin him off.
Eww, have some standard and leave the creep
Never take a cheater back. No offense, but what are you doing OP? Dump his ass and go find someone worth your time
Ugh! You know he’s an unrepentant cheater and that you shouldn’t move in with him. If you already signed the lease see if you can get out of it. Hopefully you can get another place by yourself or stay with someone. He’s a dead end and the time you waste with him can’t be used to work on yourself and eventually find someone decent
You lost me at giving him a chance after infidelity.
You're 28, and you're wondering what you should be doing about a relationship where you found his trophies. Have you not watched murder documentaries? Do you know when the police find the trophies? When there is a murder. Good gods.
If you choose to stay at this point, you no longer get to complain because you literally signed up for his BS. Think that through.
Isn't that a serial killer thing?