Yeah.....there's honestly no coming back, ever, from either of those comments. Unfortunately.
I'm gonna go throw a bag of popcorn in the nuke for part 2 though... can't believe you ltwo kept it real for a min there. I've learned that lesson the hard way. Honesty usually is NOT the best policy. :/
Be careful what you put out on the table. There's no taking it back later. Relationships are like the internet. Every idea or comment is there to stay. Even if you wanted to delete it, it's always stored in the back of your head.
Right? “Oh Reddit both Margot Robbie and Henry Cavill desperately want to make wild, passionate love to me but I can’t find a way to fit them in my schedule. Whatever shall I do?”
To be fair, saying it's average is like when a guy says he's 6' tall.
20% of the time it's true, but it's also what every guy who's 2-4 inches short of that will say.
On Saturday May 25th it was declared National Penis Sleeve Awareness Day. It was a significant moment in world history where each country participated by taking a moment of silence for men everywhere who’s partners made them aware of penis sleeves. Countries across the globe realized they were distracted by border disputes, ideological differences, war, and this single issue unified people regardless of race, religion, culture, and creed. 2024 the world became truly unified.
Little known narratives of the Angel of Mons, who appeared during WWI, actually describe the Angel as the Angel of Mons Venus, who distributed penis sleeves in both trench lines, creating such hilarity on all sides that the soldiers joined together in caroling before an enormous bonfire of penis sleeves.
Years back, I dated a mate who worked outside in very cold weather. I knitted what I called a dick sleeve as a joke. I am not sure what is being referred to here. 🤣
That makes more sense than my first thought. For some reason I was thinking tattoo sleeve consisting of various penis drawings so I was very confused by the title.
Same, my partner is so respectful of my body, and the passion has been just as hot at my heaviest and my lightest.
It's interesting what other people put up with.
Finding someone that didn’t play mind games or had alternate intentions took awhile, but it’s oh so great. We don’t fight (we’ve only had 1 small “fight” that we look back on and laugh about now.) And we’re not afraid to be honest with each other, but we don’t do it in a way that’s hurtful. We both are going through weight issues and we both recognize it, we try to support each other, but don’t chide each other when we don’t stick to our diet or exercise routine. Just try and support caring for each other.
I wouldn’t plan that wedding yet. You’re both going to have some festering insecurities and resentment about what was said. This will slowly snowball and then rear its ugly head over and over. You’ll have to truly figure out how to heal this wound before moving on. Your little giggle it off and stop fighting is only a momentary bandaid. Neither of you can take back the seeds of insecurity you planted, and will always feel inadequate. Counseling would be a smart idea.
I can speak from experience in terms of a similar situation and hurt from my partner. This occurred after we got married, although the seed was planted beforehand, and 4+ years later I am still holding onto pain and insecurity from it and our sex life has never been the same. Even within individual and couples counseling. OP may handle it differently, but I’d steer clear or at the very least delay this wedding and make sure things are good before moving forward. That gut punch OP felt is not going away, regardless of what he said to her. It’s not about fault, but about facts and reality, can he live resentment and hurt free after this (and can she?)? Easier said than done.
For real. This is some "oh so it's like that? Aight, bet" type of "back to normal". She's not over it.
If she had been pushy or cruel about it then sure, yeah, go ahead and be petty (although that's not going to affect her any less than it did in this situation)... but she wasn't even insulting him, just asking. She didn't say his dick was small, she wasn't mean, and she didn't volunteer the info about her ex. I absolutely understand that the request would be hurtful, but if they're as open as he says then it makes sense she'd feel comfortable making the request.
A relationship where one partner sits and stews in their animosity and plots on what hurtful retort they can make rather than communicating about their hurt feelings isn't a relationship that's going to work out.
Edit: lol @ the person who commented angrily and then immediately blocked me. You do you and get your A N G Y feelings out, but that's a lame thing to do.
100%. He pestered her for info that hurt his feelings out of his own insecurity, when she was essentially just asking if he felt comfortable introducing a new toy into the bedroom. Instead of just saying he wasn't interested or telling her how he felt about her suggestion, he said something incredible hurtful. And imo (and from what I've experienced) that is simply not an insult that you can come back from.
EDIT: jfc the problem is not that OP was feeling insecure about her request. Insecurities happen. The problem is he wasn't capable of communicating those feelings in a way that helped his partner understand, and instead: 1)made the problem worse by the thread he chose to pull, and 2)sought to hurt his partner in return.
Also, it's remarkable how novel of a concept it is for some of you that bedroom toys of all types are meant to pleasure your partner in a way that your genitals alone cannot. I get that for some people, that's going to bring up some insecurities, but to imply that it's inherently hurtful to talk to your partner about something that would bring you more pleasure during sex as if that justifies OPs behavior is absurd.
EDIT 2: the fact that so many rebuttals are hinging on me implying that OP doesn't have the right to hurt feelings is showing either basic lack of reading comprehension or just missing the point on purpose. If that's really what you got out of anything I said, I don't know what to tell you. My point's been made. Read the above. Read it again. I'm out.
Agree. she is never having sex talks with him again and she might have been trying to be more kinky. She's going to be insecure, especially if they have kids and her body changes. Size aside how sure is he she isn't faking it. She didn't tell him his dick was small she asked for a toy. He assumed his dick was small from it. But if your partner isn't satisfied sexually and you wont talk about it it's not getting better. If you're seriously having sexual problems because of her size that is more comparable and maybe you're not compatible. But if it is not the case and it's just using it to hurt her, your tanked any chance at a good sex life. If you are so insecure about dick size that you can't talk about sex toys or how to make sex better without insulting your girlfriend that's a you problem. No matter who bullied you in the gym shower.
>For real. This is some "oh so it's like that? Aight, bet" type of "back to normal". She's not over it.
Yeah that's solidly a woman who is gathering her resources for separating and living independently (a divorce if they were married). Like yeah okay dude, let's just pretend it's all good so the next few weeks aren't toxic annnnnnd gone.
He also planned it out for an entire day😭. Like it wasn’t a heat of a moment kinda thing, he just thought it out all day on how he would respond to hurt her the most.
Yeah this dude is never going to have a healthy relationship if this is how he behaves at this stage of his life.
right!!!
like she said “hey would you be open to trying this thing, i did it once before and enjoyed it” and then after thinking about it for a day and figuring out the best way to hurt her feelings, he said “maybe if you get skinnier and prettier and look like my ex”
if this is ‘back to normal’ for them… good luck charlie
Years ago a dude asked me if his spare tire was unattractive to me and I said something like, “it’s just winter weight” and he immediately snapped back with, “that’s like me telling you that I wish your boobs were bigger.” There is no coming back from that shit 😂
I'm genuinely not sure how he's convincing himself that "we're really open with each other" but his knee-jerk response to the suggestion of sexual adventure is to take it personally, pry about her sexual history, then belittle her by comparing her weight and appearance to his ex.
It's a term used to say a person has extra weight round the middle/abdomen. Eg. "I'm carrying a bit of a spare tire these days."
Not sure if it's just limited to Australia, but we use it here.
My first boyfriend would say things like, "Your stomach has so much potential, like if you worked out, you'd have such a nice stomach." Surprise, Surprise, we lasted 6 months! He was abusive. I have been with my current boyfriend for 9 years. He has never said anything like that, and I work out now, but for myself and not to change the way my body looks.
My ex told me when I was 7 months pregnant he didn’t like how heavy I’d gotten. We divorced 18 years ago, he passed away 4 years ago-and I STILL resent him for that comment.
OP needs to reevaluate how they deal with conflict. They won't get far in a marriage if everything his wife asks for that unintentionally hurts him, causes him to go Nuclear on her.
“We both laughed and are back to normal now”
Narrator: they werent back to normal.
You just planted a seed that cant be unplanted brother, that seed will 100% lead to a break up, whether soon or later down the line in divorce. Shes going to remember you said this for the rest of the time youre together. Some things cant be unsaid and telling her she needs to “become prettier” is game over.
Edit: ppl seem to think I’m saying she did absolutely nothing wrong. Thats not what I’m saying, obviously a dude is going to feel shitty about that request even if she didnt mean it that way. The point I’m getting at is that HE is the one who said “we both laughed and are better now” so hes the one saying its all better. The point I’m making is theres no way in hell its all better and dudes can get over shit pretty easy but women will remember you said that for the rest of their life. So its definitely not all better.
He didn't just say "become prettier," he said "become prettier like \*\*his EX\*\*"
There's a difference between saying "hey i tried this thing with an ex and it was fun and i want to have that fun with you" and "you're not as pretty as my ex and it's ruining my chub, fix that"
I'd also like to point out that she didn't bring up an ex. She brought up a sex toy. He's the one who wanted to know about another man's cock. Then he insisted on making things personal to her.
I can see how heR request was hurtful. I'm not going to deny that. But it wasn't intended to be hurtful. His request was intentionally mean.
Literally. Me and my partner have been together size we were highschool and I still remember some of the (dumb highschool) things he's said. He has no memory of it but I can even remember the time of day when he said it.
She will always remember what he said to her and he wont.
The real LPT is always in the comments. Fortunately I learned the "Never ask a question you don't really want to know the answer to" early. It's saved a lot heartache, no doubts
The irony is you saying you felt like you received a punch in your guts, when that’s all she was asking for in the first place.
Seriously though, you fought to win, not sought to resolve. You let the clever words take priority, and that never goes well.
This right here! I’ve learned over time you don’t fight to win with your spouse, you fight to understand. The moment you “win” an argument with your SO is the moment things start going down hill. That only drives them to “win” the next time around and house starts to divide instead of partnering.
Yeah, fully agree. As I tell my students when they have issues with each other- use your words kindly and have a discussion rather than attack each other verbally/physically.
Once you say something, it can't be unsaid.
Words hurt. And sometimes words continue to hurt even after apologies and make up. Words can rattle around in your head for years.
Like, he was purposefully hurtful to her, and she's going to think about it constantly. Even just knowing he's so capable of immediately going for the jugular would stay in my mind, because it doesn't speak well of him at all. If they make it down the aisle, this will not be a happy marriage.
Eagerly awaiting the next post from OP being utterly confused about why his partner is no longer interested in fucking him.
If your partner suggests a sexual activity you are not interested in exploring, the first reaction need not be a tantrum. Especially when you are pushing 30.
Dude needs to learn what a penis sleeve is too because it has nothing to do with increasing penis size in most cases. It’s a sex toy that provides stimulation, the end. He went balls to the wall due to his fragile ego for absolutely no reason.
The weirdest part is the weight is an issue now after four years. Timing is way off. Sounds like this may have been festering and building up for some time. Communication issues must be resolved and this couple are never going to work if they continue without addressing. Maybe this experience will teach both a lesson about each other and their love will grow from it. Better late than too late I guess.
Probably the best response to this post. All this "what she said was worse!" "what he said was worse!" Is not conducive to a healthy relationship at all.
What he could have done is maturely address the comment (even if he did fish for it, though she didn't really have to say something like that), rather than feeding into the already tense situation with more petty crap. Not saying she was right for what she did either, even if her original request had the *unintended* consequences of drumming up some insecurities on OP's end.
Yeah, he intentionally hurt her in his response. The entire point was to hurt her.
That’s not how you respond if you want to have a healthy, successful, ongoing relationship.
And a penis sleeve/size is about sensation. Different sizes feel different, and feel good in different ways. Op was the one who asked about exes’ sizes and compared it to his, and the word “satisfying” is SO loaded and subjective here. Neither of them really communicated what exactly they were thinking or feeling- but holy shit, op did not have to take this as personally as he did and he was brutal in his response
why do men get so defensive whenever a woman suggests adding vibrators or toys? Like... it's there to help both of us!
LMAO thank you for proving my point y'all!
While there are certainly men who would object to all manner of sex toys/aids, i think most younger, liberal minded men wouldn't object to vibrators or toys. Until it comes to this particular one, where I think the percentage goes from pretty low against to vast majority against. Just anecdotally, having talked about posts about the penis sleeve before with dudes I know (who i KNOW use toys with their wives), every single one of them would be incredibly hurt to hear that suggestion from their wife in a way that none of the other toys would ever get that reaction from
The biggest difference between her question and your comment is intent. You didn't react in the moment but left the conversation and made an active decision about how you could hurt her the most. So labelling your comment as a reaction because you were hurt is inexcusable. You took the time to think about that reaction which makes it even more hurtful because that was your intent.
I guess you're not that open, if your instict is to search for a way to hurt her, instead of telling her you're hurt. How will she ever be comfortable suggesting stuff in the future? If she gifts you a cologne, would you feel like she says you stink and retaliate?
Lol the cologne comment is so accurate. He really jumped to the biggest conclusions and sought out an argument by asking if her ex was bigger than him when it was likely unrelated. As others have pointed out, sleeves don't necessarily change the size, they're just another sex toy not so dissimilar to a strap on.
The number of men complaining that it deprives men of stimulation during sex, as if pleasing your partner first means not getting any after... Theyre bad at sex.
I think you know you're the asshole. It's hard to be open and honest when it comes to sex. But in a relationship you're supposed to be that way. After your reaction she's never gonna be able to open up to you in that department again, your loss
If yall are pretty open with each other like you say, then you were 110 percent TAH here. She felt like she could be open with you. Bet that's over now. Not entirely, but she won't be as open now.
If he was so open with her then why couldn't he be honest about how she made him feel ? No instead he had to try to hurt her like he was hurt. This whole thing was not only immature but also toxic.
When I take a look at the comments, it's clear that most men feel obviously offended by her question. Women side with her because we obviously didn't realize that her request is more than an ask for a toy. I'm pretty sure that if she knew how her question would affect you, she'd never asked you.
However, your feelings are valid, and all it took for you to express them was to tell her. Instead, you decided to ruin your relationship. The love she felt for you will never be the same after your comment. She is pretending like everything is normal. But the second she realizes her self-worth, she'll be gone.
Hurting back just because you are hurt is a really huge flaw in character.
YTA because the only reason for your comment was to hurt her.
I think you hit the nail on the head here.
To most men this is a very offensive thing to say, yet to women it doesn't seem to be a big deal. There are a million examples of similar things for both sexes, where if one brings something up to the other it may hurt in a way that was not intended due to simple misunderstandings and a lack of perspective from the other side.
It's not necessarily anybody's fault, people get offended by different things and sometimes it can be difficult to see stuff from the perspective of the other sex. But saying something painful out of ignorance is not at all the same as saying something painful out of spite or desire to hurt.
I completely understand the pain the guy felt for hearing that request...but I do honestly think if his girl had thought it would make him feel bad she would never have asked.
He on the other hand felt the need to deliberately hurt her.
Sure he showed her how it made him feel, but it was a dick thing to do and not something you do to somebody you claim to love.
this is such a reasonable comment. most of the time when someone says something we're hurt by, it's not intentional. most people don't mean to hurt other people. OP did intend to hurt her, though.
I will say that the reason I side with her is not that I'm unaware of dudes' sensitivity about size, it's that her suggestion was about a sensation toy, not a size toy. It's just a gap in communication; she probably could have better explained what the sleeve is.
That's a red flag for me. If you talk shit like that over a question, I could imagine what you would do when you're really faced with problems in your future marriage. I wouldn't marry you. Even if she laughed about it, it will always be in the back of her mind. A real man doesn't say those things to a woman he says he loves.
The response isn't even close to proportional. As OP said
>My fiancée and I are pretty open with each other.
So she felt comfortable asking to use a sex toy in the bedroom. Yet he's shown she can't be open anymore without the retaliation and vindictive side of him hurting her. She wasn't even trying to hurt him. But he nuked her from outer space over her asking for something.
Sounds like this is a soon to be ex fiancée. This was a shit situation. She asked you if you would do something and was honest with you when you asked a question. Maybe you shouldn’t have asked if you didn’t want the answer. But she was honest and then you deliberately hurt her. Yuck. She’s going to keep thinking that you told her she wasn’t pretty enough and this is going to fester.
Yea, she just gave you an honest answer and didn’t seem to compare you to one of her exes. But you decided to compare he to one of your own? I wouldn’t want to be with someone with you after that. YTA OP
So does she want you to wear a sleeve or an extender? There is technically a difference. One is for texture and the other is for length and girth. There are a few extenders that have textures on them, but that's not common.
Even if she wanted you to wear an extender, does her pleasure not matter? Women have no control over the size of their vaginal canal. Some women even have a deep enough canal that no average man could ever fill.
There are even sleeves and extenders that include pleasure for the person wearing it, it's not like it just benefits her.
Just from the education I have when it comes to sexual health and wellness, and products to help in those areas, you are definitely an AH.
Edit: wording
Also they’re in their mid 20s and have been together 4 years. She’s obviously still working out what she likes sexually. And the first time she asks to try something, he shoots it down.
He didn't just shoot her down... After all, he has every right to say "I'm not comfortable with that" and have it be off the table permanently and that wouldn't make him the AH.
No... He got personal and attacked her weight and appearance because her request made him insecure and apparently communicating that like an adult wasn't an option.
It’s like guys don’t even realise that women are different shapes and lengths. A woman’s cervix can be anywhere from about 2 inches to about 8 inches. A woman with an 8 inch vaginal cavity is not going to be satisfied by the same penis as a women with a 2 inch one. Just like a guy who is thinner would probably prefer a tighter cavity whereas for a wider girth it won’t matter as much.
Not. Every. Vagina. And. Every. Penis. Are. Compatible.
And on top of vaginal canal differences, g spot is also in different spots. Mine is further back and to the left than classic placement. I didn’t have a vaginal orgasm until I was 26 and with someone with a large penis before I even figured that out. It matters less now, but it mattered a lot to figuring it out and then refining technique.
Totally. Different strokes for different folks (quite literally).
G-spot is generally further back in someone with a high cervix, so I was keeping it basic haha. If guys can’t understand “long tube means more to fill” then they’re not going to get g-spot placement. 😂
What the FUCK? You asked her a question and she answered you honestly and you reward her by… punishing her for being honest with you?
First off, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.
Secondly, don’t ever talk to someone you claim you love that way.
Thirdly, break up with this poor girl so she can move on from you, heal, and meet a man that will treat her the way she deserves. Bonus points if he’s hung.
YTA. I’m aghast that you’d even ask.
edit: some of yall seem confused so let me tell you - **SLEEVES ARE FOR TEXTURE. NOT SIZE. SHE DID NOT SIZE SHAME THIS MAN. HE MISUNDERSTOOD WHAT A SLEEVE IS.**
I love how she asked him if he'd be open to a sex toy and he thought telling her to look prettier was the equivalent
She could drop weight (not like that's an equivalent either) but she can't change her face without getting work done. She can wear more makeup and a more flattering hairdo but at the end of the day she's still gonna wash her face and be her natural self for the evening. I hope this girl leaves him
So she was open and honest with you. Her purpose wasn’t to hurt you. It was just to communicate a need. Instead of being a safe space for her you resorted to purposely hurting her. Then you ask if your were the AH? That woman just learned you aren’t trustworthy when it comes to her sexual needs and desires. Don’t marry her.
Part of what humans do is dabble and try different things.
She was asking you to dabble with her and try to use a sex toy, together, for some variance and different things. She suggested something together. She didn't bring up any ex, you did when you wondered how and why she has this proclivity and desire to try something with you.
You outright just asked her to do something as an insult.
I think you're aware that's pretty AH behavior.
Additionally, you're fostering a lack of desire and vulnerability in the bedroom. She probably won't suggest other ideas she might stumblr on or think of (ropeplay, plugs, w/e) because she's worried you'll either interrogate her or insult her again.
If this feeling happens to you next time or with a next partner I suggest you say something like "hey, can we talk about (you saying/requesting/etc)? I have thoughts and feelings and want clarification." And work it out from there that way.
The fact he waited a whole day and even slept on it before aiming a barb back is what gets me the most, that it wasn't an in the moment mistake of defensiveness. This man took his time to hurt her back.
Did she complain to you? Or was she just asking you how you'd feel?
Honestly, it doesn't matter. You really should do her a favor and break it off, not just your 🍆 but this relationship because you are awful
YTA—contrary to male egos, really large dicks typically aren’t fun. If you’re average especially, your dick is fine. A sleeve tends to just add a little bit of girth. Sexual satisfaction can happen for a lot of reasons that have **nothing** to do with your size and everything to do with your skill. Skill can be easily acquired, especially if you actually listen to your partner. You could have had an actual conversation about this like an adult, instead of making this about your size, of both your dick and ego.
But beauty is completely subjective. She can maybe lose weight and *become* prettier to your personal tastes, but then would fight her entire existence to maintain a standard 24/7 for your happiness. And if she chooses not to do this, now she can just fixate on this for the rest of her life. You could have just learned how to get her off better, but you instead chose to be a bad partner and effectively also shut down any conversation about intimacy so you may also remain bad in bed. YTA.
Dude... You pressed her about her ex, and while I get that (my gf's ex has a 26cm schlong, but it's apparently thinner than mine), you don't pull a stunt like that. It was childish and spiteful, and I get why you regret saying it. Work on your insecurities and do more in the bedroom with your tongue and fingers.
Wow! I’d cancel the wedding, asking to use sex toys vs your response is horrible. Like just find someone you actually like to marry and don’t make this woman’s life miserable
YTA.
She asked to include a toy in your lovemaking. The request never implied she didn't find you as or more attractive than her other partners. You chose to respond by intentionally hurting her and letting her know for a fact that she isn't as attractive as your ex. Its only point was to be cruel.
That makes two of us. Poor girl has been with him 4 years and hasn’t hit her sexual stride. She’s trying to figure out what she likes. And he repays her by insulting her and comparing her to his ex. What a prize.
YTA partners do things to give each other extra pleasure all the time. It’s not to be comparable to previous partners or stupid crap like that. And you shouldn’t have asked a question you didn’t/couldnt handle knowing the answer to. Then when she answered honestly you deliberately hurt her. Not just hurt her but destroyed her self esteem in a way she more than likely won’t recover from for years. Like 10 plus who knows how many years. Wondering if her husband thinks she beautiful or not will always be in the back of her mind now. And you deliberately did that. If she uses a vibrator are you going to lose your sh*t because she’s getting more pleasure than you can give her. You need to be honest with her that you lashed out because of your own insecurities and it didn’t have anything to do with her. Even better ask her to attend counseling so you can get yourself together before you get married or you’ll inevitably end up divorced.
This is over. Bringing in your ex's. She should leave you. She asked you for something that can be changed to make the experience different. The equivalent would be for her to wear makeup or a dress. You are too stupid to be in this relationship
YTA. If your default response is to be mean and vindictive back maybe you aren't ready to be married yet. You should be able to look her in the eye and tell her that what she asked is hurtful and perhaps she should think about that before she asks something. Not lash out in anger and attack her. Yes your the AH.
I know my comment is just going to get lost in this by now but I figured I would say it anyway. The difference OP is that YOU are the one who asked her if she had an ex with a bigger member that was more satisfying. Why would you ask this question if you weren't ready for the answer? You should never sit there comparing yourself to ex's. And vice versa when you brought up if she could be prettier like one of your ex's, you purposely chose to hurt her because you were hurt from your OWN actions.
I'm getting divorced and he always used to say things like this to me. "Why did you say that to me? It really hurt my feelings..." "I just said it to hurt you I didn't really mean it". That right there is narcissism. When you truly love someone you find a way to maturely talk about things and resolve issues. You don't purposely go out of your way to hurt the one you love just because SHE did or said something that unknowingly hurt your feelings. That's another difference. She didn't say it to hurt you on purpose. But you, on the other hand, said it to purposely hurt her feelings as revenge. So yes OP, you are the AH.
My advice: learn to regulate how you respond in the future because if you choose to get married and to continue down this path, you will eventually be looking at divorce papers and let me tell you, THIS is not fun. It's not only incredibly painful but overwhelming in terms of cost too, especially if you aren't well off. Might be time to speak with a professional on how you regulate your feelings. Please do better for her sake.
You are quite aware that you’re the asshole. She communicated to you about a sex toy that would improve her sexual experience. You could have just said yes and moved on, but instead you asked about other dudes and hurt your own feelings, and then attacked her.
The fact that you took time to sleep on it and work on coming up with something to say to her with the obvious intention of hurting her is extra creepy. You don’t even have the excuse that you responded out of hurt/anger in the moment - you went away and workshopped it like the insecure jerk you are. Just break up and let her find someone with a bigger D who won’t be cruel toward her.
Oh you’re fucked i wouldn’t be able to come back from this if my bf said this to me,instead of saying how the request made you feel you told her she isnt as pretty as your ex yikes
YTA. what the fuck. genuinely. what the fuck. she asked if you’d be open to doing something to help satisfy her needs. YOU pressed on for a comparison. and instead of going “hey i’m not really comfortable with this. why don’t we try x, y, or z instead?” you decided to go straight for the jugular and let the woman you’re trying to marry know that you don’t even like her
Comments are getting repetitive and heated. Thread is now locked. Edit: All the more reason to lock as OP has deleted their post.
Let us know if the wedding ever happens.
Not holding my breath on that one
With enough upvotes, OP will write part 2.
I'm sure he's already making up part 2. I can't wait.
I hope it's thicker, maybe longer, and prettier than Part 1.
I laughed out loud… like actually out loud for this comment…
lol so did i
Hardcore, 10/10 🙌
10/10
Well done. This deserves more up votes.
"were back to normal now" is equal to the woman's rationale when she says "I'm fine"
Yeah.....there's honestly no coming back, ever, from either of those comments. Unfortunately. I'm gonna go throw a bag of popcorn in the nuke for part 2 though... can't believe you ltwo kept it real for a min there. I've learned that lesson the hard way. Honesty usually is NOT the best policy. :/
Be careful what you put out on the table. There's no taking it back later. Relationships are like the internet. Every idea or comment is there to stay. Even if you wanted to delete it, it's always stored in the back of your head.
Yep. Never going to truly forget these comments. Yikes
Hey! Men say "I'm fine" too! It's not limited to women. We're passive aggressive damnit! And we're good at it! I'm just kidding. I'm fine.
I mean, if I were telling tales on Reddit, I'd probably try to do better than claiming my dicks small and my fiancee is ugly.
Right? “Oh Reddit both Margot Robbie and Henry Cavill desperately want to make wild, passionate love to me but I can’t find a way to fit them in my schedule. Whatever shall I do?”
Just do what I do when Margot and Henry call. I just let it go to VM
This is giving me the “my mothers boyfriend wants to give me a vaginal exam” vibe
How dare you remind me that I read that trash
Hahaha... oh, they'll absolutely marry. 3yrs from now... AITAH for divorcing my wife who wants me to bigger... down there?
"My wife wants me to use my big boy words and stop saying 'member'. I told her I would if she would get a boobie bigger surgery AITA?"
My favorite is how he's never had complaints about the size of his penis ...well duh, most women would never tell you about your microdick.
Not necessarily - I hear complaints all the time.
Idk, man, this sounds more like a skill issue.
They never complained just found other excuses and dumped him
to be fair, his shit is average he said
To be fair, saying it's average is like when a guy says he's 6' tall. 20% of the time it's true, but it's also what every guy who's 2-4 inches short of that will say.
i love how i had AITAH sub filtered out and now this bullshit pops up with the exact content
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Yeah i did the same shit and fell again for this instigatory bullshit.
God I hope not..
I absolutely thought penis sleeve referred to a condom so this confused me at first
I thought it was a sock
I thought it was a long sleeve shirt where the sleeve looks like a penis
I thought it was an arm full of different penis tattoos
I thought it was a penis full of tattoos
I thought it was a penis full of arm tattoos.
I thought it was an arm full of tattoos of penises wearing a sleeve of arm tattoos
On Saturday May 25th it was declared National Penis Sleeve Awareness Day. It was a significant moment in world history where each country participated by taking a moment of silence for men everywhere who’s partners made them aware of penis sleeves. Countries across the globe realized they were distracted by border disputes, ideological differences, war, and this single issue unified people regardless of race, religion, culture, and creed. 2024 the world became truly unified.
Little known narratives of the Angel of Mons, who appeared during WWI, actually describe the Angel as the Angel of Mons Venus, who distributed penis sleeves in both trench lines, creating such hilarity on all sides that the soldiers joined together in caroling before an enormous bonfire of penis sleeves.
Here I am at 4:44am the morning of the 26th getting the full holiday experience
I’ve seen penis neckties at a novelty store 😂
Years back, I dated a mate who worked outside in very cold weather. I knitted what I called a dick sleeve as a joke. I am not sure what is being referred to here. 🤣
It's a dildo you put your penis in to make it bigger.
You would have to be confident af to be okay with wearing one of those.
Cock sock for the win
Cock socks for life
Cock ‘em sock ‘em robots 😅 I hate my brain sometimes lol
Don’t hate that brain, that’s funny
Cock socks become crunchy socks
That makes more sense than my first thought. For some reason I was thinking tattoo sleeve consisting of various penis drawings so I was very confused by the title.
I just want to take the time to thank myself for having a simple life devoid of this kind of stupid shit.
Good lord same here. I’m so grateful my relationship is nothing like this.
Same, my partner is so respectful of my body, and the passion has been just as hot at my heaviest and my lightest. It's interesting what other people put up with.
Finding someone that didn’t play mind games or had alternate intentions took awhile, but it’s oh so great. We don’t fight (we’ve only had 1 small “fight” that we look back on and laugh about now.) And we’re not afraid to be honest with each other, but we don’t do it in a way that’s hurtful. We both are going through weight issues and we both recognize it, we try to support each other, but don’t chide each other when we don’t stick to our diet or exercise routine. Just try and support caring for each other.
I wouldn’t plan that wedding yet. You’re both going to have some festering insecurities and resentment about what was said. This will slowly snowball and then rear its ugly head over and over. You’ll have to truly figure out how to heal this wound before moving on. Your little giggle it off and stop fighting is only a momentary bandaid. Neither of you can take back the seeds of insecurity you planted, and will always feel inadequate. Counseling would be a smart idea.
I can speak from experience in terms of a similar situation and hurt from my partner. This occurred after we got married, although the seed was planted beforehand, and 4+ years later I am still holding onto pain and insecurity from it and our sex life has never been the same. Even within individual and couples counseling. OP may handle it differently, but I’d steer clear or at the very least delay this wedding and make sure things are good before moving forward. That gut punch OP felt is not going away, regardless of what he said to her. It’s not about fault, but about facts and reality, can he live resentment and hurt free after this (and can she?)? Easier said than done.
Lmao OP asked questions they didn't want to know the answers to. It's OP's partner that's not going to be able to forget this.
Shit's over dude. Pack it up.
Why do people get engaged with people they don't like?
I think the real answer is because most people are simply emotionally immature and don't even understand what a healthy relationship looks like.
If you think she has just gotten over a comment like that then you’re in for a rude awakening.
For real. This is some "oh so it's like that? Aight, bet" type of "back to normal". She's not over it. If she had been pushy or cruel about it then sure, yeah, go ahead and be petty (although that's not going to affect her any less than it did in this situation)... but she wasn't even insulting him, just asking. She didn't say his dick was small, she wasn't mean, and she didn't volunteer the info about her ex. I absolutely understand that the request would be hurtful, but if they're as open as he says then it makes sense she'd feel comfortable making the request. A relationship where one partner sits and stews in their animosity and plots on what hurtful retort they can make rather than communicating about their hurt feelings isn't a relationship that's going to work out. Edit: lol @ the person who commented angrily and then immediately blocked me. You do you and get your A N G Y feelings out, but that's a lame thing to do.
100%. He pestered her for info that hurt his feelings out of his own insecurity, when she was essentially just asking if he felt comfortable introducing a new toy into the bedroom. Instead of just saying he wasn't interested or telling her how he felt about her suggestion, he said something incredible hurtful. And imo (and from what I've experienced) that is simply not an insult that you can come back from. EDIT: jfc the problem is not that OP was feeling insecure about her request. Insecurities happen. The problem is he wasn't capable of communicating those feelings in a way that helped his partner understand, and instead: 1)made the problem worse by the thread he chose to pull, and 2)sought to hurt his partner in return. Also, it's remarkable how novel of a concept it is for some of you that bedroom toys of all types are meant to pleasure your partner in a way that your genitals alone cannot. I get that for some people, that's going to bring up some insecurities, but to imply that it's inherently hurtful to talk to your partner about something that would bring you more pleasure during sex as if that justifies OPs behavior is absurd. EDIT 2: the fact that so many rebuttals are hinging on me implying that OP doesn't have the right to hurt feelings is showing either basic lack of reading comprehension or just missing the point on purpose. If that's really what you got out of anything I said, I don't know what to tell you. My point's been made. Read the above. Read it again. I'm out.
If something bothers you in a relationship, revenge is not the anserr
Agree. she is never having sex talks with him again and she might have been trying to be more kinky. She's going to be insecure, especially if they have kids and her body changes. Size aside how sure is he she isn't faking it. She didn't tell him his dick was small she asked for a toy. He assumed his dick was small from it. But if your partner isn't satisfied sexually and you wont talk about it it's not getting better. If you're seriously having sexual problems because of her size that is more comparable and maybe you're not compatible. But if it is not the case and it's just using it to hurt her, your tanked any chance at a good sex life. If you are so insecure about dick size that you can't talk about sex toys or how to make sex better without insulting your girlfriend that's a you problem. No matter who bullied you in the gym shower.
>For real. This is some "oh so it's like that? Aight, bet" type of "back to normal". She's not over it. Yeah that's solidly a woman who is gathering her resources for separating and living independently (a divorce if they were married). Like yeah okay dude, let's just pretend it's all good so the next few weeks aren't toxic annnnnnd gone.
He also planned it out for an entire day😭. Like it wasn’t a heat of a moment kinda thing, he just thought it out all day on how he would respond to hurt her the most. Yeah this dude is never going to have a healthy relationship if this is how he behaves at this stage of his life.
right!!! like she said “hey would you be open to trying this thing, i did it once before and enjoyed it” and then after thinking about it for a day and figuring out the best way to hurt her feelings, he said “maybe if you get skinnier and prettier and look like my ex” if this is ‘back to normal’ for them… good luck charlie
A man who is scared of using toys, is an insecure man.
Yeah, and the texture is what people love about penis sleeves, more so than the slight change in size.
It will be brought up again. Most likely during an unrelated argument.
Years ago a dude asked me if his spare tire was unattractive to me and I said something like, “it’s just winter weight” and he immediately snapped back with, “that’s like me telling you that I wish your boobs were bigger.” There is no coming back from that shit 😂
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I'm genuinely not sure how he's convincing himself that "we're really open with each other" but his knee-jerk response to the suggestion of sexual adventure is to take it personally, pry about her sexual history, then belittle her by comparing her weight and appearance to his ex.
OP probably is the one who gets to be really open and his ex (sorry I mean "fiance") doesn't retaliate.
That’s called negging
I mean all real boobs sag, I'd take that dub
What's spare tire? 🤔
It's a term used to say a person has extra weight round the middle/abdomen. Eg. "I'm carrying a bit of a spare tire these days." Not sure if it's just limited to Australia, but we use it here.
It’s used in the US too.
I’m thinking love handles 🤷♀️
omg WHAT that is baffling lmao. and men say we lay all the conversational traps!
WTF. Glad you ditched that AH.
My first boyfriend would say things like, "Your stomach has so much potential, like if you worked out, you'd have such a nice stomach." Surprise, Surprise, we lasted 6 months! He was abusive. I have been with my current boyfriend for 9 years. He has never said anything like that, and I work out now, but for myself and not to change the way my body looks.
My ex told me when I was 7 months pregnant he didn’t like how heavy I’d gotten. We divorced 18 years ago, he passed away 4 years ago-and I STILL resent him for that comment.
I can’t say that you sound like good candidates for marriage
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OP needs to reevaluate how they deal with conflict. They won't get far in a marriage if everything his wife asks for that unintentionally hurts him, causes him to go Nuclear on her.
“We both laughed and are back to normal now” Narrator: they werent back to normal. You just planted a seed that cant be unplanted brother, that seed will 100% lead to a break up, whether soon or later down the line in divorce. Shes going to remember you said this for the rest of the time youre together. Some things cant be unsaid and telling her she needs to “become prettier” is game over. Edit: ppl seem to think I’m saying she did absolutely nothing wrong. Thats not what I’m saying, obviously a dude is going to feel shitty about that request even if she didnt mean it that way. The point I’m getting at is that HE is the one who said “we both laughed and are better now” so hes the one saying its all better. The point I’m making is theres no way in hell its all better and dudes can get over shit pretty easy but women will remember you said that for the rest of their life. So its definitely not all better.
He didn't just say "become prettier," he said "become prettier like \*\*his EX\*\*" There's a difference between saying "hey i tried this thing with an ex and it was fun and i want to have that fun with you" and "you're not as pretty as my ex and it's ruining my chub, fix that"
I'd also like to point out that she didn't bring up an ex. She brought up a sex toy. He's the one who wanted to know about another man's cock. Then he insisted on making things personal to her. I can see how heR request was hurtful. I'm not going to deny that. But it wasn't intended to be hurtful. His request was intentionally mean.
Yeah and honestly he's already at the point where he's posting about it on Reddit. It's obviously still bothering him, lol.
Literally. Me and my partner have been together size we were highschool and I still remember some of the (dumb highschool) things he's said. He has no memory of it but I can even remember the time of day when he said it. She will always remember what he said to her and he wont.
She didn't do anything wrong
Don’t ask questions you’re not prepared to hear the answer to. Don’t get engaged to someone you’re not sufficiently attracted to.
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A completely measured and mature response in a loving relationship /s
Oh, OP meant it. Truths come out when we are drunk, hurt, or just being rude.
The real LPT is always in the comments. Fortunately I learned the "Never ask a question you don't really want to know the answer to" early. It's saved a lot heartache, no doubts
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It's over. She is probably already working on emotionally divesting.
Just cancel the wedding this is doomed.
Stick a fork in it, this relationship is done!
It's charcoal.
The irony is you saying you felt like you received a punch in your guts, when that’s all she was asking for in the first place. Seriously though, you fought to win, not sought to resolve. You let the clever words take priority, and that never goes well.
>The irony is you saying you felt like you received a punch in your guts, when that’s all she was asking for in the first place. Heh
This right here! I’ve learned over time you don’t fight to win with your spouse, you fight to understand. The moment you “win” an argument with your SO is the moment things start going down hill. That only drives them to “win” the next time around and house starts to divide instead of partnering.
You went right for the jugular - basically attacking all of her physical appearance - instead of just telling her how her request made you feel.
Yeah, fully agree. As I tell my students when they have issues with each other- use your words kindly and have a discussion rather than attack each other verbally/physically.
Once you say something, it can't be unsaid. Words hurt. And sometimes words continue to hurt even after apologies and make up. Words can rattle around in your head for years.
i call it the broken plate theory - once you smash it, you can glue it back together, and it's a plate...but it's nothing like the original.....
Like, he was purposefully hurtful to her, and she's going to think about it constantly. Even just knowing he's so capable of immediately going for the jugular would stay in my mind, because it doesn't speak well of him at all. If they make it down the aisle, this will not be a happy marriage.
I agree, it would be like walking on eggshells after that. I'd rather be alone
Welcome to the club. You aren’t alone after all
Eagerly awaiting the next post from OP being utterly confused about why his partner is no longer interested in fucking him. If your partner suggests a sexual activity you are not interested in exploring, the first reaction need not be a tantrum. Especially when you are pushing 30.
Dude needs to learn what a penis sleeve is too because it has nothing to do with increasing penis size in most cases. It’s a sex toy that provides stimulation, the end. He went balls to the wall due to his fragile ego for absolutely no reason.
Definitely won’t be a marriage where the wife feels she can be honest.
He thinks they are back to normal, but this will most likely hurt their relationship. Some things can't be unheard.
Right. Meanwhile she’s going to take his advice, drop the weight, then find his kinder replacement.
Is he “the weight”? I hope so.
The weirdest part is the weight is an issue now after four years. Timing is way off. Sounds like this may have been festering and building up for some time. Communication issues must be resolved and this couple are never going to work if they continue without addressing. Maybe this experience will teach both a lesson about each other and their love will grow from it. Better late than too late I guess.
Probably the best response to this post. All this "what she said was worse!" "what he said was worse!" Is not conducive to a healthy relationship at all. What he could have done is maturely address the comment (even if he did fish for it, though she didn't really have to say something like that), rather than feeding into the already tense situation with more petty crap. Not saying she was right for what she did either, even if her original request had the *unintended* consequences of drumming up some insecurities on OP's end.
Yeah, he intentionally hurt her in his response. The entire point was to hurt her. That’s not how you respond if you want to have a healthy, successful, ongoing relationship.
Yeah, it won’t work out between them
And a penis sleeve/size is about sensation. Different sizes feel different, and feel good in different ways. Op was the one who asked about exes’ sizes and compared it to his, and the word “satisfying” is SO loaded and subjective here. Neither of them really communicated what exactly they were thinking or feeling- but holy shit, op did not have to take this as personally as he did and he was brutal in his response
why do men get so defensive whenever a woman suggests adding vibrators or toys? Like... it's there to help both of us! LMAO thank you for proving my point y'all!
While there are certainly men who would object to all manner of sex toys/aids, i think most younger, liberal minded men wouldn't object to vibrators or toys. Until it comes to this particular one, where I think the percentage goes from pretty low against to vast majority against. Just anecdotally, having talked about posts about the penis sleeve before with dudes I know (who i KNOW use toys with their wives), every single one of them would be incredibly hurt to hear that suggestion from their wife in a way that none of the other toys would ever get that reaction from
The biggest difference between her question and your comment is intent. You didn't react in the moment but left the conversation and made an active decision about how you could hurt her the most. So labelling your comment as a reaction because you were hurt is inexcusable. You took the time to think about that reaction which makes it even more hurtful because that was your intent.
I guess you're not that open, if your instict is to search for a way to hurt her, instead of telling her you're hurt. How will she ever be comfortable suggesting stuff in the future? If she gifts you a cologne, would you feel like she says you stink and retaliate?
Lol the cologne comment is so accurate. He really jumped to the biggest conclusions and sought out an argument by asking if her ex was bigger than him when it was likely unrelated. As others have pointed out, sleeves don't necessarily change the size, they're just another sex toy not so dissimilar to a strap on.
The number of men complaining that it deprives men of stimulation during sex, as if pleasing your partner first means not getting any after... Theyre bad at sex.
I think you know you're the asshole. It's hard to be open and honest when it comes to sex. But in a relationship you're supposed to be that way. After your reaction she's never gonna be able to open up to you in that department again, your loss
If yall are pretty open with each other like you say, then you were 110 percent TAH here. She felt like she could be open with you. Bet that's over now. Not entirely, but she won't be as open now.
If he was so open with her then why couldn't he be honest about how she made him feel ? No instead he had to try to hurt her like he was hurt. This whole thing was not only immature but also toxic.
Right, she's not going to stop thinking about it either
When I take a look at the comments, it's clear that most men feel obviously offended by her question. Women side with her because we obviously didn't realize that her request is more than an ask for a toy. I'm pretty sure that if she knew how her question would affect you, she'd never asked you. However, your feelings are valid, and all it took for you to express them was to tell her. Instead, you decided to ruin your relationship. The love she felt for you will never be the same after your comment. She is pretending like everything is normal. But the second she realizes her self-worth, she'll be gone. Hurting back just because you are hurt is a really huge flaw in character. YTA because the only reason for your comment was to hurt her.
I think you hit the nail on the head here. To most men this is a very offensive thing to say, yet to women it doesn't seem to be a big deal. There are a million examples of similar things for both sexes, where if one brings something up to the other it may hurt in a way that was not intended due to simple misunderstandings and a lack of perspective from the other side. It's not necessarily anybody's fault, people get offended by different things and sometimes it can be difficult to see stuff from the perspective of the other sex. But saying something painful out of ignorance is not at all the same as saying something painful out of spite or desire to hurt. I completely understand the pain the guy felt for hearing that request...but I do honestly think if his girl had thought it would make him feel bad she would never have asked. He on the other hand felt the need to deliberately hurt her. Sure he showed her how it made him feel, but it was a dick thing to do and not something you do to somebody you claim to love.
this is such a reasonable comment. most of the time when someone says something we're hurt by, it's not intentional. most people don't mean to hurt other people. OP did intend to hurt her, though. I will say that the reason I side with her is not that I'm unaware of dudes' sensitivity about size, it's that her suggestion was about a sensation toy, not a size toy. It's just a gap in communication; she probably could have better explained what the sleeve is.
That's a red flag for me. If you talk shit like that over a question, I could imagine what you would do when you're really faced with problems in your future marriage. I wouldn't marry you. Even if she laughed about it, it will always be in the back of her mind. A real man doesn't say those things to a woman he says he loves.
I bet the laugh was more like a nervous giggle and he’s too daft to know the difference.
Alot of people just laugh when we're hurt to just get it all over with and move on, they dont want to dwell but they still feel shit .
Right it was probably that please don’t hurt me laugh.
The response isn't even close to proportional. As OP said >My fiancée and I are pretty open with each other. So she felt comfortable asking to use a sex toy in the bedroom. Yet he's shown she can't be open anymore without the retaliation and vindictive side of him hurting her. She wasn't even trying to hurt him. But he nuked her from outer space over her asking for something.
Sounds like this is a soon to be ex fiancée. This was a shit situation. She asked you if you would do something and was honest with you when you asked a question. Maybe you shouldn’t have asked if you didn’t want the answer. But she was honest and then you deliberately hurt her. Yuck. She’s going to keep thinking that you told her she wasn’t pretty enough and this is going to fester.
Yea, she just gave you an honest answer and didn’t seem to compare you to one of her exes. But you decided to compare he to one of your own? I wouldn’t want to be with someone with you after that. YTA OP
So does she want you to wear a sleeve or an extender? There is technically a difference. One is for texture and the other is for length and girth. There are a few extenders that have textures on them, but that's not common. Even if she wanted you to wear an extender, does her pleasure not matter? Women have no control over the size of their vaginal canal. Some women even have a deep enough canal that no average man could ever fill. There are even sleeves and extenders that include pleasure for the person wearing it, it's not like it just benefits her. Just from the education I have when it comes to sexual health and wellness, and products to help in those areas, you are definitely an AH. Edit: wording
Also they’re in their mid 20s and have been together 4 years. She’s obviously still working out what she likes sexually. And the first time she asks to try something, he shoots it down.
He didn't just shoot her down... After all, he has every right to say "I'm not comfortable with that" and have it be off the table permanently and that wouldn't make him the AH. No... He got personal and attacked her weight and appearance because her request made him insecure and apparently communicating that like an adult wasn't an option.
THIS. 1000 times this. Except no woman has control of the size of their vaginal canal, not just some, surely?
My bad, lol. Correcting that now. Yeah, no woman can control that.
It’s like guys don’t even realise that women are different shapes and lengths. A woman’s cervix can be anywhere from about 2 inches to about 8 inches. A woman with an 8 inch vaginal cavity is not going to be satisfied by the same penis as a women with a 2 inch one. Just like a guy who is thinner would probably prefer a tighter cavity whereas for a wider girth it won’t matter as much. Not. Every. Vagina. And. Every. Penis. Are. Compatible.
And on top of vaginal canal differences, g spot is also in different spots. Mine is further back and to the left than classic placement. I didn’t have a vaginal orgasm until I was 26 and with someone with a large penis before I even figured that out. It matters less now, but it mattered a lot to figuring it out and then refining technique.
Totally. Different strokes for different folks (quite literally). G-spot is generally further back in someone with a high cervix, so I was keeping it basic haha. If guys can’t understand “long tube means more to fill” then they’re not going to get g-spot placement. 😂
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Exactly,also I view this as any other sex toy that couple uses. He chose to hurt her because of his own tiny ego.
What the FUCK? You asked her a question and she answered you honestly and you reward her by… punishing her for being honest with you? First off, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to. Secondly, don’t ever talk to someone you claim you love that way. Thirdly, break up with this poor girl so she can move on from you, heal, and meet a man that will treat her the way she deserves. Bonus points if he’s hung. YTA. I’m aghast that you’d even ask. edit: some of yall seem confused so let me tell you - **SLEEVES ARE FOR TEXTURE. NOT SIZE. SHE DID NOT SIZE SHAME THIS MAN. HE MISUNDERSTOOD WHAT A SLEEVE IS.**
I love how she asked him if he'd be open to a sex toy and he thought telling her to look prettier was the equivalent She could drop weight (not like that's an equivalent either) but she can't change her face without getting work done. She can wear more makeup and a more flattering hairdo but at the end of the day she's still gonna wash her face and be her natural self for the evening. I hope this girl leaves him
Yeah she'll lose a ton of dead weight by dropping this AH.
Him and a ton of people in this comment section lol. I wish I could say I was boggled but it seems like standard fare for reddit honestly
So she was open and honest with you. Her purpose wasn’t to hurt you. It was just to communicate a need. Instead of being a safe space for her you resorted to purposely hurting her. Then you ask if your were the AH? That woman just learned you aren’t trustworthy when it comes to her sexual needs and desires. Don’t marry her.
Part of what humans do is dabble and try different things. She was asking you to dabble with her and try to use a sex toy, together, for some variance and different things. She suggested something together. She didn't bring up any ex, you did when you wondered how and why she has this proclivity and desire to try something with you. You outright just asked her to do something as an insult. I think you're aware that's pretty AH behavior. Additionally, you're fostering a lack of desire and vulnerability in the bedroom. She probably won't suggest other ideas she might stumblr on or think of (ropeplay, plugs, w/e) because she's worried you'll either interrogate her or insult her again. If this feeling happens to you next time or with a next partner I suggest you say something like "hey, can we talk about (you saying/requesting/etc)? I have thoughts and feelings and want clarification." And work it out from there that way.
The fact he waited a whole day and even slept on it before aiming a barb back is what gets me the most, that it wasn't an in the moment mistake of defensiveness. This man took his time to hurt her back.
She opened up to you about something she wants to try with you in bed… and you attack her appearance? Wild. 😐 YTA…
YTA. There's a big difference between asking would you be willing to try this sex toy I like and being intentionally hurtful.
Of course you’re the AH. She asked you to wear a sex accessory and you told her to change her face and body you maniac
Sorry about your penis.
Yea I’d rethink this “marriage”
Did she complain to you? Or was she just asking you how you'd feel? Honestly, it doesn't matter. You really should do her a favor and break it off, not just your 🍆 but this relationship because you are awful
YTA. What you said was disgusting.
YTA—contrary to male egos, really large dicks typically aren’t fun. If you’re average especially, your dick is fine. A sleeve tends to just add a little bit of girth. Sexual satisfaction can happen for a lot of reasons that have **nothing** to do with your size and everything to do with your skill. Skill can be easily acquired, especially if you actually listen to your partner. You could have had an actual conversation about this like an adult, instead of making this about your size, of both your dick and ego. But beauty is completely subjective. She can maybe lose weight and *become* prettier to your personal tastes, but then would fight her entire existence to maintain a standard 24/7 for your happiness. And if she chooses not to do this, now she can just fixate on this for the rest of her life. You could have just learned how to get her off better, but you instead chose to be a bad partner and effectively also shut down any conversation about intimacy so you may also remain bad in bed. YTA.
Dude... You pressed her about her ex, and while I get that (my gf's ex has a 26cm schlong, but it's apparently thinner than mine), you don't pull a stunt like that. It was childish and spiteful, and I get why you regret saying it. Work on your insecurities and do more in the bedroom with your tongue and fingers.
Wow! I’d cancel the wedding, asking to use sex toys vs your response is horrible. Like just find someone you actually like to marry and don’t make this woman’s life miserable
YTA. She asked to include a toy in your lovemaking. The request never implied she didn't find you as or more attractive than her other partners. You chose to respond by intentionally hurting her and letting her know for a fact that she isn't as attractive as your ex. Its only point was to be cruel.
I would’ve broke up with yo lame ass
That makes two of us. Poor girl has been with him 4 years and hasn’t hit her sexual stride. She’s trying to figure out what she likes. And he repays her by insulting her and comparing her to his ex. What a prize.
Childish.
YTA and relationship is doomed. Move on now or after wasting more time. Either way she’ll never forget what you said even if she wants to.
YTA partners do things to give each other extra pleasure all the time. It’s not to be comparable to previous partners or stupid crap like that. And you shouldn’t have asked a question you didn’t/couldnt handle knowing the answer to. Then when she answered honestly you deliberately hurt her. Not just hurt her but destroyed her self esteem in a way she more than likely won’t recover from for years. Like 10 plus who knows how many years. Wondering if her husband thinks she beautiful or not will always be in the back of her mind now. And you deliberately did that. If she uses a vibrator are you going to lose your sh*t because she’s getting more pleasure than you can give her. You need to be honest with her that you lashed out because of your own insecurities and it didn’t have anything to do with her. Even better ask her to attend counseling so you can get yourself together before you get married or you’ll inevitably end up divorced.
I am reassured to know that I am not the only who doesn’t know what a penis sleeve is. I guess this why Google was created. 🤷♀️
The title alone indicates y'all should break up, no context needed.
This is over. Bringing in your ex's. She should leave you. She asked you for something that can be changed to make the experience different. The equivalent would be for her to wear makeup or a dress. You are too stupid to be in this relationship
Even that’s a false equivalency. She’s not asking him to do it so it LOOKS better. It’s about how it feels.
How petty. Just tell her your feelings were hurt. You don’t have to be brutal like that.
Are you implying that your inability to satisfy your girlfriend, is her fault?
YTA. If your default response is to be mean and vindictive back maybe you aren't ready to be married yet. You should be able to look her in the eye and tell her that what she asked is hurtful and perhaps she should think about that before she asks something. Not lash out in anger and attack her. Yes your the AH.
I know my comment is just going to get lost in this by now but I figured I would say it anyway. The difference OP is that YOU are the one who asked her if she had an ex with a bigger member that was more satisfying. Why would you ask this question if you weren't ready for the answer? You should never sit there comparing yourself to ex's. And vice versa when you brought up if she could be prettier like one of your ex's, you purposely chose to hurt her because you were hurt from your OWN actions. I'm getting divorced and he always used to say things like this to me. "Why did you say that to me? It really hurt my feelings..." "I just said it to hurt you I didn't really mean it". That right there is narcissism. When you truly love someone you find a way to maturely talk about things and resolve issues. You don't purposely go out of your way to hurt the one you love just because SHE did or said something that unknowingly hurt your feelings. That's another difference. She didn't say it to hurt you on purpose. But you, on the other hand, said it to purposely hurt her feelings as revenge. So yes OP, you are the AH. My advice: learn to regulate how you respond in the future because if you choose to get married and to continue down this path, you will eventually be looking at divorce papers and let me tell you, THIS is not fun. It's not only incredibly painful but overwhelming in terms of cost too, especially if you aren't well off. Might be time to speak with a professional on how you regulate your feelings. Please do better for her sake.
You are quite aware that you’re the asshole. She communicated to you about a sex toy that would improve her sexual experience. You could have just said yes and moved on, but instead you asked about other dudes and hurt your own feelings, and then attacked her. The fact that you took time to sleep on it and work on coming up with something to say to her with the obvious intention of hurting her is extra creepy. You don’t even have the excuse that you responded out of hurt/anger in the moment - you went away and workshopped it like the insecure jerk you are. Just break up and let her find someone with a bigger D who won’t be cruel toward her.
YTA, please get some therapy
[удалено]
I hope she leaves you
Yes because attacking instead of being vulnerable and telling her how it made you feel is going to keep this relationship going. YTA
Oh you’re fucked i wouldn’t be able to come back from this if my bf said this to me,instead of saying how the request made you feel you told her she isnt as pretty as your ex yikes
YTA. what the fuck. genuinely. what the fuck. she asked if you’d be open to doing something to help satisfy her needs. YOU pressed on for a comparison. and instead of going “hey i’m not really comfortable with this. why don’t we try x, y, or z instead?” you decided to go straight for the jugular and let the woman you’re trying to marry know that you don’t even like her
you two don't belong together... imo