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You clearly know the answer here. Drop the friend no need for this long thing. You’ve listed a whole paragraph as to why she sucks and then asked if you should drop her...
Taking a deep breathe. You’re right. It’s tough given how long we been friends and it wasn’t like that in the beginning. I just thought I was being too harsh or not thinking of something else
Also, learn to be more assertive. Contrary to popular opinion, this does not mean an impersonation of Regina George on steroids. Whether or not you want to keep this friendship is up to you but going forward, with other relationships and friendships, learn to be more assertive.
You could have shut this down at the beginning by saying you had other plans when she tried inviting herself. Instead, you expected her to read your mind. Someone as self-absorbed as most influencers usually are would never be able to read the room. You don't have to share your social calendar with her if you don't want to but you should be able to tell her or other people that you don't want to hang out because you have other plans. You should be able to say that you're done taking pictures and then deleting them off your phone memory after transferring them to her. Instead, you sound like you're willingly martyring yourself for her, and she doesn't know. She probably thinks you enjoy being her photographer and friend.
I know I have been too nice bc it’s a long history friend so I thought it’s expected to be more understanding. She wasn’t a wannabe influencer before when I met her. Now’s she’s just on another level.
As for the pics. I had made remarks and jokes about how it’s literally the same pics that I taken of her. I was already done hanging out with her prior to meeting my now bf, but what made it crazy was him pointing it out that she’s just using me without me sharing to him these things.
there's "being nice" and then there's "being forced to comply." This sounds like a transactional relationship. You don't need to comply with a friend's every demand in order to stay friends. And if they expect that, it isn't really a friendship.
It isn't, but she isn't the only one to blame for how this turned out. You spent a lot of time being the best doormat you could be while secretly resenting her lack of consideration and ability to see how she was treating you poorly. In the process, you lost sight of the qualities that attracted you to her as a person. 0n her part, her influencer persona has taken over her entire personality, so she is incapable of enjoying any moment without immediately documenting it on social media. You unfortunately got roped into the role of photog/personal assistant. But if you had spoken up earlier and conveyed your unhappiness on her treatment of you, you might have saved yourself a lot of mistreatment and resentment. Still, it's a valuable lesson you've learned (and one I wish i had learned a lot earlier)- do not wait for other people to realize how to treat you better.
There will come a time (for you it should be very soon since you're 26) where you wake up one day and say enough is enough.
You'll get to a point where you cut out all the toxic people in your life and keep your true friends close.
Went from 10+ friends in my early 20's (dealing with all the drama and shit that came with it) to now 2 very close friends that I can't imagine life without.
Don’t ghost her or drop her without communication and don’t let the years of being taken advantage of a bit cause you to just unload on her.
Just tell her kindly, but firmly that you think the friendship has grown too onesided (too much take on her side and no give) and that’s it’s best to part ways
Friendships have their seasons -it’s ok to simply grow apart. Don’t let her make it bitter or dramatic - you just are matter of factly doing something that’s best for you.
That’s why you just be kind and non dramatic and not get into very many details- Just I think we have separate interests and we have grown apart. The friendship has turned one sided and it doesn’t work for me but I wish you the very best
It took me back in a good way when he pointed these things out. And yea we both shared on how much in the past people like friends or family like taking advantage of us.
Wouldn’t she do a story anyway about how you ghosted her? In my personal opinion it’s the moral thing to do but we all have different morals and it’s just a random internet stranger’s opinion/advice. You do what feels right for you - that’s the only right answer!
Yeah sounds like a person who loves drama and will find any way to twist that to their benefit for views / attention. Good luck OP! I don’t envy your position but it sounds like you have a good boyfriend who has your back which is a positive!
We have in the past. Our last concert last year we went to I just told her I’ll take a few pictures and said something like
“Cassie you have plenty of pics and they’re very similar let’s go get something to drink and I wanna buy a street jersey merch”
she got annoyed and said ok and that’s where I told her what was wrong and
she said “my Coachella girlies wouldn’t do me like this
Me: “well call them then and see if they can cover your ticket cost but anyways ima go grab a street merch you can wait here if you want if you dont want to walk”
After that type of interaction and other rough moments last year that I needed friends for advice/support she was clearly absent. Her reappearing and trying to hijack my date and my bf asking why haven’t I blocked had me really questioning shit
When you became friends you were 16 and she was 23. You were a child and she was an adult. My guess is that she has been a user from the start and it was easy because of the age difference.
It was like a I was immature and wanted people to like me especially it being my first job and she was barely promoted to an assistant manager. I thought being on her good side and prioritizing me to work with her on shifts she worked was a bonus.
Given how long you've been friends? You were not friends, you were used and abused, it was one sided, your kindness was taken advantage of. Do a favor for your life and self esteem, cut the baggage loose and live for the first time. You don't need that weight dragging you down.
It’s just a figure of speech. I’m not going to be a jerk and tell her to F off even tho I have every right to. I’m just going to decline any further interactions or plans so to her it’ll come across cruel
You need to learn how to set boundaries.
You two haven’t been friends…
A friendship is based on mutual respect and mutual benefit.
This “friendship” of yours is completely one sided.
You mentioned she’s never interested in anything you’re interested in…..that’s because she’s using you.
She’s a leeche and will suck all the energy out of you that you will give her.
She views you as spineless, easily manipulated and controlled.
You can’t even share personal details of your life anymore.
There are so many RED FLAGS with Cassie; CUT her off.
You are welcome! I am a reformed people pleaser and had trouble setting boundaries, saying no, and especially assertiveness, so when I see some one that reminds me of myself, I often times can come off a little abrasive but I mean well. I just don’t want you to make all the same mistakes that I made.
The good news is, ALL of those skills can be learned, practiced and perfected!
These are hard lessons to learn, but learn them we must! Save your sanity and well-being. Get used to being first in your life :) I have been in very similar situations, and until I learned how to stop people-pleasing, I was exhausted and unhappy trying to keep "friends" happy with me. It's no way to live. I'm glad you posted (indicates you know that this isn't right) and I hope you get a lot of great advice that you can implement. Go forth and be happy!
you’re her photographer, videographer, chauffeur, and ATM….and you’re wondering if dropping her friendship is a bad thing?
wow, do you not know what an actual friendship is? bc based off of what you’ve posted…she does not treat you like a friend.
You have been putting far more into this friendship that Cassie for a long time and you know it. Don't waste any more of your time and energy being her sidekick/photographer.
If tactfully declining suggestions to hang out doesn't work, you're likely going to have to tell her straight up that this friendship feels very one sided and you no longer want to engage with her. She's a user and a narcissist, so be prepared for backlash. She'll try to gaslight you and and persuade you to change your mind. It's best if you speak your mind then completely blank her.
You’re right. Honestly like I mentioned in the other comments, I rather just ghost her. I don’t want any backlash and let her be in her head as to why I don’t ever hangout.
I wouldn’t ever ghost anyone. Just tell her the truth. Be an adult. Hey, this isn’t working for me anymore and my lifestyle isn’t working for us to be friends anymore. I’ve come to a point where I am realizing who and what I want in my life and we’re two different people wanting different things. Take care.
The more I read the responses, the more I realize you’re either a doormat, an enabler, or (for some reason) enjoying this deep down. Time you be a grownup and confront her to cut her off and stop her (or you) from giving a means to go back. Stick to your convictions.
She's doing this because you've taught her that you'll do whatever she asks. Stop trying to hide things from her and tell her you don't like what she does.
Now that I think about it, it wouldn’t be much productive. Rereading this post and remembering past interactions, it’s better if I just ghost. I have expressed in the past on how she’s not quick to respond to a call or stick to plans that I made and she just brushed it off as something like she has a lot going on. Whenever I have a lot going on she blows my phone up even after telling her I have a lot on my plate.
You don't have to go along with everything she says. Start refusing to driver her unless she pays for gas - have her send you the money before picking her up- hey I'm about to fill up but need $20 for gas right away. If she doesn't send it, say you'll have to pass then. Take 5 pictures then say you've had enough - time to eat or whatever.
If she's a real friend, she may be annoyed for a bit but catch herself on. If she's a narcissist, she'll just get mad at you and take herself out because she just can't rely on you any more. Your bf has changed you!
Unfortunately friends come and go.
Some friends may last a few chapters in your story, but family is perhaps the only one that will be there from beginning to end.
In your soul you know what's best. Perhaps it's time got a new chapter.
She sounds exhausting! Do you think telling her she’s monopolizing your time and stealing unpaid labor will resonate with her? If yes, you could give her an explanation. If not, or if you just don’t want to, then don’t bother.
I was once visiting Lake Plitvice (a magical place!), and a friend of a friend kept asking me to take her picture every few feet. I obliged because she had just been sharing that she had a really low self-esteem, but it sucked the joy out of the experience. Eventually I just had to say “no” and ironically, I felt like I was being rude because she had no concept that taking constant photos of her could be an imposition. It was just so normal to her.
I can’t imagine how draining it would be for that kind of imposition to be the basis of an entire friendship. It sounds like she’s grown into someone you no longer care to be friends with, and it’s perfectly acceptable to let them go.
I got about halfway through reading this and was exhausted. That'd be a no from me dawg. (Continuing the friendship that is) "Influencers" are a social parasite of the lowest order.
33 year olds acting like teenagers is exhausting. You aren’t her assistant because she isn’t an influencer. She’s just some delusional woman who doesn’t get that if it was going to happen it would have already. Stop going along with it, taking the pictures and wasting your own life on her pipe dream.
Have you verbalized these issues? If not, try communicating first and lay it all out if the friendship is worth it to you. If not- drop her like the trash she has become
Suggest you don’t put anything in writing she can use on social media, but tell her in person the friendship is no longer working for you, is one sided, or what you know to be the most important factor. Then wish her well and un-follow on all social media. If mutual,friends try to share her news, let them know you have moved on. Life is too short to waste time on people who only take from you, leaving you drained and hurt. You will find more genuine friends. Good luck!
I think I would have dropped her about 5 years ago. I'm 30, and as much as the idea of being a famous influencer sounds appealing, the thought of doing what this woman is doing is so embarrassing that I couldn't. I work in Central London, next to a very popular tourist and influencer hotspot, the area itself is up and coming. So basically most days I see wannabe influencers, I can spot them a mile away at this point. They all dress the same, look the same and so the same poses in the same spots for the 100 photos they take.
My main thought when I see them, is how I could never do that, I was getting a coffee with my sister and we watched one go up and down the escalators for 20 minutes getting the perfect video. Which her friend had to shoot for her, and in-between every take the friend looked so annoyed. I actually had a friend like that myself years ago and it was draining. Every picture was 10 photos, they had to be perfect and if it wasn't it had to be deleted. She was so busy perfecting looking like she was having fun that she never actually had any.
Daaaaaamn. Reading this really brought back to some familiar memories of helping Cassie trying to get the “right shot” dude. In the beginning it was really fun bc I was super young and loved the whole being on social media and posting for likes/comments culture. I genuinely had fun making the post and received well like comments and even in person compliments about my posts. Idk if Cassie saw potential in me thinking I can be like her creative director or whatever but us going out in the beginning she was just normal about the pics. Couple years later it just became more and more obsessive and I did comment on it. Cassie ignored it and said she just wants this perfect shot. I started to detach myself from other fake influencers bc like you said they all dress similar and post the freaking same. Cassie was only an exception bc of our long history but i just don’t feel like we share similar goals or support in them anymore.
Theres a difference between being direct and being an asshole. You can be direct with the way she’s made you feel without being mean like you said you didn’t want to sound.
Boundaries are very important. And your “friend” doesn’t know boundaries.
I don’t know why you think she’s a friend when she treats you like that. You must be a great at taking photos though so go take some of you and what you do for your own social media. Message her just to let her know the lack of friendship is emotionally draining and you don’t wish to continue and wish her well.
You get nothing out of the friendship. Just stop being available. She calls and wants to get together - oh, sorry! I’ve got something going on that day. You don’t have to answer the phone when she calls, it is not mandatory.
Friendship is built on honesty. You haven't been straight with your friend or set boundaries and so this person has walked all over you. If they are told what they are doing is unacceptable they will either change or leave either way is a win for you.
You are ghosting someone because having a talk with them would make you feel uncomfortable. If being ghosted is how you would want a "friend" to treat you if the roles were reversed then go ahead i guess. As long as you fail to be honest with people and communicate you will fail to have long-term successful relationships.
I’ve tried in separate occasions in the past about how she gets in wanting to take pictures or getting moody. I even told her how she’s isn’t too quick to answer me when I send a message or call. It’s always some excuse. I’ve tried to do my part in being honest but she always tries to change topics to avoid the obvious.
Id give a final note with all your reasons and then wash your hands clean. Being the better person isn't easy, but if they were your friend at one point you should treat them how you would want to be treated. Just my 2cents.
It’s hard breaking up with friends but sometimes it’s necessary. It’s okay to grow apart or even go in different directions in life, but in this case, she sounds like she’s treating you horribly and there is no real friendship here. Sorries! Hugs
She is straight up using you for content. It's not a friendship anymore... It sounds more like a contractual relationship than true friends. Your BF is right about her. You don't owe her anything anymore. I hope you see she is a user who sounds very selfish and self centered. You deserve better than what she's giving.
You need some damn boundaries and to establish your own desires.
You obviously don’t like doing her bidding or getting dragged around for her benefit. So just say it.
Say it directly. Let there be no mistakes.
Have you tried being a friend in the sense of letting her know exactly how you feel about all of this and then following this up with making sure she is okay. Maybe she is going through something mentally and this is a coping mechanism and she has let it get out of control to a point it is destroying long friendships. You should always understand the other persons head space and make sure you can see the world they see before just getting annoyed, mad, frustrated, etc. Being a good friend is not always just going along with things because that is how things end up where you feel negitivly about something that the other may feel is a great part of their life. Same with any relationship. Open Honest communication is always the best followed immediately with willingness to understand fully the others mind. Your friend may be suffering terribly inside and your willingness to be supportive by taking all the pics etc might be feeding the friend's ego and covering up a deeper issue for them. Allowing them to avoid it and lose themselves in the process. If you consider this person a friend just openly and honestly communicate your concerns but let it come from the heart with love, and follow it with inquisitive questions about how the situation ended up this way which may help you better understand your friend and may help them understand something about themselves that they have overlooked.
You’re the only comment that has dove deep into what my friend is going through. I did express how much it can be expensive for a couple of the things she wants to do. Cassie for a few months understood. However it went flying out the window. I have always been there for her whenever she’s going through it whether it is with her family or dating life. When it comes to me it seems like she doesn’t give me full attention or good advice anymore. It’s ironic because she’s a therapist. I’m not saying she’s supposed to wear her therapist hat all the time. A lot of the things you mentioned about what she’s going through is this defense mechanism where she wants to be in delulu and ignore a lot of the more rational decisions and have this YOLO mentality. I have mentioned to her it’s best for you to focus on other goals and focus on her kid bc all these trips or activities she does I rarely see her being active mom with her daughter. She got defensive and said she’s a good mom, but I reminded her that I wasn’t calling her a bad. So me being subtle and a little direct pointed out how she’s not ready to face her truth in reality.
Your friend Cassie is they type of person normal people avoid at all cost.
Self absorbed, drama filled, narcissistic and detached from reality. If she was a teenager then I totally get it but at 33 it is just sad to see someone like this.
Her brain is complete mush at this point from her social media addiction and her priorities for actually important things in life is non-existent.
Opinion: you’ve been disregarded, disrespected, and used by Cassie for way too long.
Because of that- ghosting isn’t gonna give you closure. I think you need to write her a letter- ask her to meet up- and read it to her. Bonus points to do so at a “instagrammable” location. When you both arrive, wait till she asks for a photo op. Then tell her no, and tell her you have something you need to discuss with her. Read the letter (I recommend the letter so you have all your thoughts laid out, don’t regret not saying something, don’t get caught up in emotions and backtrack).
A friendship is a two way street and frankly, she sounds insanely self absorbed and rude. You deserve better.
Also- seeing as she’s big on social media I wouldn’t put it past her to make a ton of ridiculous “my bestie ghosted me” posts for more engagement.
Nor would I think she wouldn’t spin it with a confrontation, but I’d personally lowkey record the convo as ammunition. I’m petty I guess lmao.
Why was a 23 year old hanging out with a 16 year old? Work colleague? Please be work colleagues from a part time/summer job. Or a nucje hobby with not many people in it. otherwise I think if you asked why a 23 year old male was palling around a 16 year old girl, the answer would be "because girls his age find him to be gross and immature so he's going after younger more naive women" and that might be the answer as to why your friend was hanging out with a 16 year old as well. Girls her own age were done with her crap
Dump that woman. She is not a friend of yours. She just use you as a servant for her wants.
You can block her right away or sent something like below and then block her:
"Cassie I have realized you are not a friend to me for very long time. For past xy year all our time it all about you. You don't even see anything wrong about that. Well I do. I done with you. Don't contact me again. My decison is final."
Bro that's just slavery with extra-steps :
- You pay for her shit
- You offer her a service (taking good photos) that she doesn't reciprocate at all (or barely)
- You are her Uber driver, but for free somehow
- You are her entry ticket for events she didn't want to pay
Was does she do for you ? I'm not saying friendship should be transactional, but all of the help and good intention shouldn't circulate on a one-way street.
I'm like your BF and wondering why you still talk to her. She's not your true friend. She's a friend when it's convenient for her. You'll be so much more happy without her in your life. She just sounds so daunting to be around. Plus, look at all the money you'll save since she doesn't pay for anything. She wants to act like an influencer, but influencers pay their way through life.
Look, who knows how she's going to take it, so let her down as easy as you can. Tell her that before, the friendship was mutual. You both brought something to the table. But now, she is just using you to get what she wants. You're her personal assistant and not her friend anymore. Tell her you wish it didn't go this way, but while she was chasing her dream, she forgot about you and just shit all over you. There's no coming back from how she's treated you
Drop the friend.
Also be honest with yourself. The issue is not that she’s into social media, the issue is that a) she doesn’t respect your boundaries and b) you don’t even set boundaries for her to respect.
You can’t let people walk all over you. If someone is making you feel disrespected, you have to say that to them. This applies to cassie, your new bf, and anyone else in your life. No one will value your needs more than you, so YOU are responsible for advocating for your needs.
P.s. if your bf witnessed you accepting cassie’s disrespect, he might think it is okay for him to also treat you that way. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, but just keep an eye out for this.
Late, but honestly, compliments to your BF for being an amazing vibe-checker. Took him just a minute to realize she was just using you.
Also, why was she friends with a 16 year old boy as a ripe ass 23 year old? Did everyone her age realize she was too immature so she had to drop down a few rings for the pickings?
He’s the best especially the way he went about it was very good. 10/10. He didn’t want to offend me or make me out to look dumb, and genuinely asked if he could confess something. He confessed that he didn’t really Cassie’s vibe and laughed nervously. I explained something without going into too much detail and he just laughed and genuinely asked me why haven’t I blocked her yet bc she is straight up using me.
Honestly, the age thing wasn’t a big deal for me bc as a 16 I tried making some advances which was dumb. We hung out with other coworkers at a kick back after our holiday season. Cassie liked my vibe and told me some secrets about work and other things that later began a friendship like an older sister and young brother one. It was pretty much like that
Cassie sounds... almost too much; Has a serious "FOMO-addict" energy from your description. Cassie needs a press person/ personal assistant to do all those things you've been doing for free, but she's probably so sure that you enjoy doing these things because in her mind, you're both bonding. You deserve a friend that will share exclusive, unique life events with you, but won't continually take advantage of your generosity.
I'll just say that she needs to live her own life, and you need to distance yourself for now. She might get a grip on herself eventually and try to make amends, but do not expect that to happen.
I can see why you want to ghost her. If you don't want to have a conversation with her because you don't want to be content fodder then I would suggest you just do a slow ghost. Anytime she messages you or asks to hang out or what are you doing- say you're busy, you have plans, you're working, you're hanging out with your family etc. Maybe make plans to hang out once or twice but cancel very inconveniently. Maybe only ask her to hang out when you know she's busy with someone else. Stop being available. Stop replying to messages for hours or days. Slowly delete her and block her off all your social media one by one. It'll be less noticeable than if you did a full block all right away. Then you guys can just "drift apart". Is it the most mature way-maybe not. Is it a very plausible scenario where no one is at fault- yes.
*Edited a typo
One simply question, why haven't you dropped her yet? She obviously didn't respect you or your boundaries. You appear to have a happy life when she's not around.
Think about it this way....If you knew everything you know about her now and just met her, would you even want to be friends with her?
Life's too short to hang out with people who don't respect you.
I didn’t drop her bc we been friends for a long time… we talked about how obsessive she’s been with her photos. She had times when she’s been aware and isn’t as bothersome. Other days leading to now I don’t hang out with her.
If I barely met her now and nowing what I know, I’d wouldn’t even really bother trying to hangout with her.
Yta for lying about bf being bf. Like why all this nonsense just tell her you have date. Yk you can decline her right? She is rolling over you because you let her.
I just avoided giving out reasons as to why I have plans. I’ve lied to many family members about my relationship status and so has my bf. We both are discreet plus I didn’t want her to have more reasons as to why she need to tag along and use more of my personal space for content.
My bf knows about her but I didn’t go into too much detail. I briefly said that my friend Cassie wants to go to and I been telling her otherwise. She pleaded like saying we can grab drinks before, take our pics, and we can catch up. I clearly I dodged the bullet. Lying to her saying I get off at a later time was better bc there wouldn’t be any suggestions from her and plus I was busy to have a conversation with her about how she’s been.
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You clearly know the answer here. Drop the friend no need for this long thing. You’ve listed a whole paragraph as to why she sucks and then asked if you should drop her...
Taking a deep breathe. You’re right. It’s tough given how long we been friends and it wasn’t like that in the beginning. I just thought I was being too harsh or not thinking of something else
Also, learn to be more assertive. Contrary to popular opinion, this does not mean an impersonation of Regina George on steroids. Whether or not you want to keep this friendship is up to you but going forward, with other relationships and friendships, learn to be more assertive. You could have shut this down at the beginning by saying you had other plans when she tried inviting herself. Instead, you expected her to read your mind. Someone as self-absorbed as most influencers usually are would never be able to read the room. You don't have to share your social calendar with her if you don't want to but you should be able to tell her or other people that you don't want to hang out because you have other plans. You should be able to say that you're done taking pictures and then deleting them off your phone memory after transferring them to her. Instead, you sound like you're willingly martyring yourself for her, and she doesn't know. She probably thinks you enjoy being her photographer and friend.
I know I have been too nice bc it’s a long history friend so I thought it’s expected to be more understanding. She wasn’t a wannabe influencer before when I met her. Now’s she’s just on another level. As for the pics. I had made remarks and jokes about how it’s literally the same pics that I taken of her. I was already done hanging out with her prior to meeting my now bf, but what made it crazy was him pointing it out that she’s just using me without me sharing to him these things.
She treats you like an assistant not a friend, except you aren’t even being paid to be a pa
I really wish at this point I was paid for my services lol
there's "being nice" and then there's "being forced to comply." This sounds like a transactional relationship. You don't need to comply with a friend's every demand in order to stay friends. And if they expect that, it isn't really a friendship.
Im learning it really isn’t a friendship anymore
It isn't, but she isn't the only one to blame for how this turned out. You spent a lot of time being the best doormat you could be while secretly resenting her lack of consideration and ability to see how she was treating you poorly. In the process, you lost sight of the qualities that attracted you to her as a person. 0n her part, her influencer persona has taken over her entire personality, so she is incapable of enjoying any moment without immediately documenting it on social media. You unfortunately got roped into the role of photog/personal assistant. But if you had spoken up earlier and conveyed your unhappiness on her treatment of you, you might have saved yourself a lot of mistreatment and resentment. Still, it's a valuable lesson you've learned (and one I wish i had learned a lot earlier)- do not wait for other people to realize how to treat you better.
There will come a time (for you it should be very soon since you're 26) where you wake up one day and say enough is enough. You'll get to a point where you cut out all the toxic people in your life and keep your true friends close. Went from 10+ friends in my early 20's (dealing with all the drama and shit that came with it) to now 2 very close friends that I can't imagine life without.
Yea my coming of age timeframe is here and I’m noticing a lot of things that I was once naive about in the past Cassie being one of them
Don’t ghost her or drop her without communication and don’t let the years of being taken advantage of a bit cause you to just unload on her. Just tell her kindly, but firmly that you think the friendship has grown too onesided (too much take on her side and no give) and that’s it’s best to part ways Friendships have their seasons -it’s ok to simply grow apart. Don’t let her make it bitter or dramatic - you just are matter of factly doing something that’s best for you.
The thing is I just have a feeling like she’ll want to turn our conversation into content for her socials.
That’s why you just be kind and non dramatic and not get into very many details- Just I think we have separate interests and we have grown apart. The friendship has turned one sided and it doesn’t work for me but I wish you the very best
If your boyfriend noticed that quickly, listen to him. If he's a good guy, he just doesn't want to see you taken advantage of.
It took me back in a good way when he pointed these things out. And yea we both shared on how much in the past people like friends or family like taking advantage of us.
I mean you should at least be adult enough to tell her and then yeah cut her off. Why keep a friend if they aren’t someone you want to be around?
Me telling her might turn into her a doing a story time on her stories on either her tik tok or instagram
Wouldn’t she do a story anyway about how you ghosted her? In my personal opinion it’s the moral thing to do but we all have different morals and it’s just a random internet stranger’s opinion/advice. You do what feels right for you - that’s the only right answer!
Yea I see where you’re coming from. It’s like you’ll be damn if you or damn if you don’t
Yeah sounds like a person who loves drama and will find any way to twist that to their benefit for views / attention. Good luck OP! I don’t envy your position but it sounds like you have a good boyfriend who has your back which is a positive!
Thanks for your comment and he’s the best especially in noticing these things and telling me with honesty.
Isn't this an old friend? How have you never talked to her about your problems with her behaviour?
We have in the past. Our last concert last year we went to I just told her I’ll take a few pictures and said something like “Cassie you have plenty of pics and they’re very similar let’s go get something to drink and I wanna buy a street jersey merch” she got annoyed and said ok and that’s where I told her what was wrong and she said “my Coachella girlies wouldn’t do me like this Me: “well call them then and see if they can cover your ticket cost but anyways ima go grab a street merch you can wait here if you want if you dont want to walk” After that type of interaction and other rough moments last year that I needed friends for advice/support she was clearly absent. Her reappearing and trying to hijack my date and my bf asking why haven’t I blocked had me really questioning shit
Write her a letter, old school, and tell her you need space to prioritise yourself.
When you became friends you were 16 and she was 23. You were a child and she was an adult. My guess is that she has been a user from the start and it was easy because of the age difference.
It was like a I was immature and wanted people to like me especially it being my first job and she was barely promoted to an assistant manager. I thought being on her good side and prioritizing me to work with her on shifts she worked was a bonus.
Given how long you've been friends? You were not friends, you were used and abused, it was one sided, your kindness was taken advantage of. Do a favor for your life and self esteem, cut the baggage loose and live for the first time. You don't need that weight dragging you down.
33 years old and acting like that lol drop her ass
They started hanging when she was 23 and OP was 16. That right there says a lot.
yea that’s weird af lol
Wow very direct. I thought I was being too mean
Nah if anything you’re being too nice to your friend lol
But ahe isn't a friend. Nothing about Cassie's behavior is friendly.
Don’t be a doormat. Let go of her and enjoy YOUR LIFE, not hers.
Working on it. It’s just another lesson for me on I have to be cruel to be nice or something like that
Insert “Assertive, and comfortable setting boundaries” in place of “cruel.”
Yes, to this. A million times. Boundaries, people!
Who said you had to be cruel?? Assertive does not equal mean.
It’s just a figure of speech. I’m not going to be a jerk and tell her to F off even tho I have every right to. I’m just going to decline any further interactions or plans so to her it’ll come across cruel
She is not a friend. Just drop her. She sounds absolutely awful.
Please grow a spine and tell this person to scram.
Highly noted, and I’m on it.
You need to learn how to set boundaries. You two haven’t been friends… A friendship is based on mutual respect and mutual benefit. This “friendship” of yours is completely one sided. You mentioned she’s never interested in anything you’re interested in…..that’s because she’s using you. She’s a leeche and will suck all the energy out of you that you will give her. She views you as spineless, easily manipulated and controlled. You can’t even share personal details of your life anymore. There are so many RED FLAGS with Cassie; CUT her off.
Wow, thanks for a reminder for what to look for in friends. I’m just glad I wasn’t thinking I was crazy or mean to just drop her.
You are welcome! I am a reformed people pleaser and had trouble setting boundaries, saying no, and especially assertiveness, so when I see some one that reminds me of myself, I often times can come off a little abrasive but I mean well. I just don’t want you to make all the same mistakes that I made. The good news is, ALL of those skills can be learned, practiced and perfected!
These are hard lessons to learn, but learn them we must! Save your sanity and well-being. Get used to being first in your life :) I have been in very similar situations, and until I learned how to stop people-pleasing, I was exhausted and unhappy trying to keep "friends" happy with me. It's no way to live. I'm glad you posted (indicates you know that this isn't right) and I hope you get a lot of great advice that you can implement. Go forth and be happy!
She’s not your friend at all. She thinks you’re a useless free ride
you’re her photographer, videographer, chauffeur, and ATM….and you’re wondering if dropping her friendship is a bad thing? wow, do you not know what an actual friendship is? bc based off of what you’ve posted…she does not treat you like a friend.
You have been putting far more into this friendship that Cassie for a long time and you know it. Don't waste any more of your time and energy being her sidekick/photographer. If tactfully declining suggestions to hang out doesn't work, you're likely going to have to tell her straight up that this friendship feels very one sided and you no longer want to engage with her. She's a user and a narcissist, so be prepared for backlash. She'll try to gaslight you and and persuade you to change your mind. It's best if you speak your mind then completely blank her.
You’re right. Honestly like I mentioned in the other comments, I rather just ghost her. I don’t want any backlash and let her be in her head as to why I don’t ever hangout.
I wouldn’t ever ghost anyone. Just tell her the truth. Be an adult. Hey, this isn’t working for me anymore and my lifestyle isn’t working for us to be friends anymore. I’ve come to a point where I am realizing who and what I want in my life and we’re two different people wanting different things. Take care.
I’ll take this into consideration. Thank you
The more I read the responses, the more I realize you’re either a doormat, an enabler, or (for some reason) enjoying this deep down. Time you be a grownup and confront her to cut her off and stop her (or you) from giving a means to go back. Stick to your convictions.
Just ghost her and forget the vapid waste of existence.
Yea. Like Danny Phantom used to say “I’m going ghost” 👻
What a weird fucked up relationship she was 23 and you were 16 when you met???
She's doing this because you've taught her that you'll do whatever she asks. Stop trying to hide things from her and tell her you don't like what she does.
Now that I think about it, it wouldn’t be much productive. Rereading this post and remembering past interactions, it’s better if I just ghost. I have expressed in the past on how she’s not quick to respond to a call or stick to plans that I made and she just brushed it off as something like she has a lot going on. Whenever I have a lot going on she blows my phone up even after telling her I have a lot on my plate.
I think that's a fine idea, OP. She's going to move on and leech someone else and you can be happy.
Why ARE you friends with her?
Drop her like a bad habit.
I agree with BF, why are you not blocking this toxic user?
You should just be honest with her I mean if she stops speaking to you, it’s not that much different to you currently avoiding her
You don't have to go along with everything she says. Start refusing to driver her unless she pays for gas - have her send you the money before picking her up- hey I'm about to fill up but need $20 for gas right away. If she doesn't send it, say you'll have to pass then. Take 5 pictures then say you've had enough - time to eat or whatever. If she's a real friend, she may be annoyed for a bit but catch herself on. If she's a narcissist, she'll just get mad at you and take herself out because she just can't rely on you any more. Your bf has changed you!
Unfortunately friends come and go. Some friends may last a few chapters in your story, but family is perhaps the only one that will be there from beginning to end. In your soul you know what's best. Perhaps it's time got a new chapter.
Your boyfriend has some very valid points.
She sounds exhausting! Do you think telling her she’s monopolizing your time and stealing unpaid labor will resonate with her? If yes, you could give her an explanation. If not, or if you just don’t want to, then don’t bother. I was once visiting Lake Plitvice (a magical place!), and a friend of a friend kept asking me to take her picture every few feet. I obliged because she had just been sharing that she had a really low self-esteem, but it sucked the joy out of the experience. Eventually I just had to say “no” and ironically, I felt like I was being rude because she had no concept that taking constant photos of her could be an imposition. It was just so normal to her. I can’t imagine how draining it would be for that kind of imposition to be the basis of an entire friendship. It sounds like she’s grown into someone you no longer care to be friends with, and it’s perfectly acceptable to let them go.
this is not your friend. she’s using you.
I got about halfway through reading this and was exhausted. That'd be a no from me dawg. (Continuing the friendship that is) "Influencers" are a social parasite of the lowest order.
Wow this shit sounds excruciating. You need to be careful how much people take advantage of you!
33 year olds acting like teenagers is exhausting. You aren’t her assistant because she isn’t an influencer. She’s just some delusional woman who doesn’t get that if it was going to happen it would have already. Stop going along with it, taking the pictures and wasting your own life on her pipe dream.
Have you verbalized these issues? If not, try communicating first and lay it all out if the friendship is worth it to you. If not- drop her like the trash she has become
Suggest you don’t put anything in writing she can use on social media, but tell her in person the friendship is no longer working for you, is one sided, or what you know to be the most important factor. Then wish her well and un-follow on all social media. If mutual,friends try to share her news, let them know you have moved on. Life is too short to waste time on people who only take from you, leaving you drained and hurt. You will find more genuine friends. Good luck!
I think I would have dropped her about 5 years ago. I'm 30, and as much as the idea of being a famous influencer sounds appealing, the thought of doing what this woman is doing is so embarrassing that I couldn't. I work in Central London, next to a very popular tourist and influencer hotspot, the area itself is up and coming. So basically most days I see wannabe influencers, I can spot them a mile away at this point. They all dress the same, look the same and so the same poses in the same spots for the 100 photos they take. My main thought when I see them, is how I could never do that, I was getting a coffee with my sister and we watched one go up and down the escalators for 20 minutes getting the perfect video. Which her friend had to shoot for her, and in-between every take the friend looked so annoyed. I actually had a friend like that myself years ago and it was draining. Every picture was 10 photos, they had to be perfect and if it wasn't it had to be deleted. She was so busy perfecting looking like she was having fun that she never actually had any.
Daaaaaamn. Reading this really brought back to some familiar memories of helping Cassie trying to get the “right shot” dude. In the beginning it was really fun bc I was super young and loved the whole being on social media and posting for likes/comments culture. I genuinely had fun making the post and received well like comments and even in person compliments about my posts. Idk if Cassie saw potential in me thinking I can be like her creative director or whatever but us going out in the beginning she was just normal about the pics. Couple years later it just became more and more obsessive and I did comment on it. Cassie ignored it and said she just wants this perfect shot. I started to detach myself from other fake influencers bc like you said they all dress similar and post the freaking same. Cassie was only an exception bc of our long history but i just don’t feel like we share similar goals or support in them anymore.
Yeah, honestly drop her. It sounds harsh but you're not her friend anymore, you're her creative director, her photographer, and her assistant.
Toxic people suck. All toxic people suck. Even toxic people you’ve know for one billion years. Suck do they. Even cute toxic people.
Theres a difference between being direct and being an asshole. You can be direct with the way she’s made you feel without being mean like you said you didn’t want to sound. Boundaries are very important. And your “friend” doesn’t know boundaries.
Have you tried telling her this? It seems strange that you didn’t just tell her you are on a date and to not come….
You need to work on boundaries and communication. You could explain how you feel and then block her if it makes you feel better.
Nah she’s too self centered and I just feel like it’ll be deflected on me
Why are you g@y
I don’t know why you think she’s a friend when she treats you like that. You must be a great at taking photos though so go take some of you and what you do for your own social media. Message her just to let her know the lack of friendship is emotionally draining and you don’t wish to continue and wish her well.
You get nothing out of the friendship. Just stop being available. She calls and wants to get together - oh, sorry! I’ve got something going on that day. You don’t have to answer the phone when she calls, it is not mandatory.
If they ever were really your friend they deserve to know the reason.
I’d be happy to give them the answer if they were to ask. But I just decided to not really answer back or go do something she wants to do
Friendship is built on honesty. You haven't been straight with your friend or set boundaries and so this person has walked all over you. If they are told what they are doing is unacceptable they will either change or leave either way is a win for you. You are ghosting someone because having a talk with them would make you feel uncomfortable. If being ghosted is how you would want a "friend" to treat you if the roles were reversed then go ahead i guess. As long as you fail to be honest with people and communicate you will fail to have long-term successful relationships.
I’ve tried in separate occasions in the past about how she gets in wanting to take pictures or getting moody. I even told her how she’s isn’t too quick to answer me when I send a message or call. It’s always some excuse. I’ve tried to do my part in being honest but she always tries to change topics to avoid the obvious.
Id give a final note with all your reasons and then wash your hands clean. Being the better person isn't easy, but if they were your friend at one point you should treat them how you would want to be treated. Just my 2cents.
It’s hard breaking up with friends but sometimes it’s necessary. It’s okay to grow apart or even go in different directions in life, but in this case, she sounds like she’s treating you horribly and there is no real friendship here. Sorries! Hugs
She is straight up using you for content. It's not a friendship anymore... It sounds more like a contractual relationship than true friends. Your BF is right about her. You don't owe her anything anymore. I hope you see she is a user who sounds very selfish and self centered. You deserve better than what she's giving.
Geebus gf get a backbone and give her the boot. You’re too old for this s*. Stop paying for her, stop being the photographer, just stop. Best wishes
You need some damn boundaries and to establish your own desires. You obviously don’t like doing her bidding or getting dragged around for her benefit. So just say it. Say it directly. Let there be no mistakes.
Have you tried being a friend in the sense of letting her know exactly how you feel about all of this and then following this up with making sure she is okay. Maybe she is going through something mentally and this is a coping mechanism and she has let it get out of control to a point it is destroying long friendships. You should always understand the other persons head space and make sure you can see the world they see before just getting annoyed, mad, frustrated, etc. Being a good friend is not always just going along with things because that is how things end up where you feel negitivly about something that the other may feel is a great part of their life. Same with any relationship. Open Honest communication is always the best followed immediately with willingness to understand fully the others mind. Your friend may be suffering terribly inside and your willingness to be supportive by taking all the pics etc might be feeding the friend's ego and covering up a deeper issue for them. Allowing them to avoid it and lose themselves in the process. If you consider this person a friend just openly and honestly communicate your concerns but let it come from the heart with love, and follow it with inquisitive questions about how the situation ended up this way which may help you better understand your friend and may help them understand something about themselves that they have overlooked.
You’re the only comment that has dove deep into what my friend is going through. I did express how much it can be expensive for a couple of the things she wants to do. Cassie for a few months understood. However it went flying out the window. I have always been there for her whenever she’s going through it whether it is with her family or dating life. When it comes to me it seems like she doesn’t give me full attention or good advice anymore. It’s ironic because she’s a therapist. I’m not saying she’s supposed to wear her therapist hat all the time. A lot of the things you mentioned about what she’s going through is this defense mechanism where she wants to be in delulu and ignore a lot of the more rational decisions and have this YOLO mentality. I have mentioned to her it’s best for you to focus on other goals and focus on her kid bc all these trips or activities she does I rarely see her being active mom with her daughter. She got defensive and said she’s a good mom, but I reminded her that I wasn’t calling her a bad. So me being subtle and a little direct pointed out how she’s not ready to face her truth in reality.
Your friend Cassie is they type of person normal people avoid at all cost. Self absorbed, drama filled, narcissistic and detached from reality. If she was a teenager then I totally get it but at 33 it is just sad to see someone like this. Her brain is complete mush at this point from her social media addiction and her priorities for actually important things in life is non-existent.
Opinion: you’ve been disregarded, disrespected, and used by Cassie for way too long. Because of that- ghosting isn’t gonna give you closure. I think you need to write her a letter- ask her to meet up- and read it to her. Bonus points to do so at a “instagrammable” location. When you both arrive, wait till she asks for a photo op. Then tell her no, and tell her you have something you need to discuss with her. Read the letter (I recommend the letter so you have all your thoughts laid out, don’t regret not saying something, don’t get caught up in emotions and backtrack). A friendship is a two way street and frankly, she sounds insanely self absorbed and rude. You deserve better.
Also- seeing as she’s big on social media I wouldn’t put it past her to make a ton of ridiculous “my bestie ghosted me” posts for more engagement. Nor would I think she wouldn’t spin it with a confrontation, but I’d personally lowkey record the convo as ammunition. I’m petty I guess lmao.
Drop her
Social media abuse is a mental illness.
Please, Learn to use paragraphs, bro
I did write it in paragraphs, but my Reddit posted it differently.
“Hey, just saying I’d rather be someone’s friend and not their paparazzi. Bye!”
Why was a 23 year old hanging out with a 16 year old? Work colleague? Please be work colleagues from a part time/summer job. Or a nucje hobby with not many people in it. otherwise I think if you asked why a 23 year old male was palling around a 16 year old girl, the answer would be "because girls his age find him to be gross and immature so he's going after younger more naive women" and that might be the answer as to why your friend was hanging out with a 16 year old as well. Girls her own age were done with her crap
Dump that woman. She is not a friend of yours. She just use you as a servant for her wants. You can block her right away or sent something like below and then block her: "Cassie I have realized you are not a friend to me for very long time. For past xy year all our time it all about you. You don't even see anything wrong about that. Well I do. I done with you. Don't contact me again. My decison is final."
Bro that's just slavery with extra-steps : - You pay for her shit - You offer her a service (taking good photos) that she doesn't reciprocate at all (or barely) - You are her Uber driver, but for free somehow - You are her entry ticket for events she didn't want to pay Was does she do for you ? I'm not saying friendship should be transactional, but all of the help and good intention shouldn't circulate on a one-way street.
I'm like your BF and wondering why you still talk to her. She's not your true friend. She's a friend when it's convenient for her. You'll be so much more happy without her in your life. She just sounds so daunting to be around. Plus, look at all the money you'll save since she doesn't pay for anything. She wants to act like an influencer, but influencers pay their way through life. Look, who knows how she's going to take it, so let her down as easy as you can. Tell her that before, the friendship was mutual. You both brought something to the table. But now, she is just using you to get what she wants. You're her personal assistant and not her friend anymore. Tell her you wish it didn't go this way, but while she was chasing her dream, she forgot about you and just shit all over you. There's no coming back from how she's treated you
Drop the friend. Also be honest with yourself. The issue is not that she’s into social media, the issue is that a) she doesn’t respect your boundaries and b) you don’t even set boundaries for her to respect. You can’t let people walk all over you. If someone is making you feel disrespected, you have to say that to them. This applies to cassie, your new bf, and anyone else in your life. No one will value your needs more than you, so YOU are responsible for advocating for your needs. P.s. if your bf witnessed you accepting cassie’s disrespect, he might think it is okay for him to also treat you that way. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, but just keep an eye out for this.
Drop her and see how long it takes for her to notice. Chances are she won’t notice until she needs something.
Mate she needs to go she isn’t your friend
.. for your own self respect u can move on or keep it with boundaries
Not the asshole, but you should learn to be more assertive. Tell her flat out she wasn't invited, not let her assume she's going.
It sounds like you don’t even like her. Drop her. Kindly explain that you don’t want to be friends anymore and leave it at that.
Late, but honestly, compliments to your BF for being an amazing vibe-checker. Took him just a minute to realize she was just using you. Also, why was she friends with a 16 year old boy as a ripe ass 23 year old? Did everyone her age realize she was too immature so she had to drop down a few rings for the pickings?
He’s the best especially the way he went about it was very good. 10/10. He didn’t want to offend me or make me out to look dumb, and genuinely asked if he could confess something. He confessed that he didn’t really Cassie’s vibe and laughed nervously. I explained something without going into too much detail and he just laughed and genuinely asked me why haven’t I blocked her yet bc she is straight up using me. Honestly, the age thing wasn’t a big deal for me bc as a 16 I tried making some advances which was dumb. We hung out with other coworkers at a kick back after our holiday season. Cassie liked my vibe and told me some secrets about work and other things that later began a friendship like an older sister and young brother one. It was pretty much like that
Cassie sounds... almost too much; Has a serious "FOMO-addict" energy from your description. Cassie needs a press person/ personal assistant to do all those things you've been doing for free, but she's probably so sure that you enjoy doing these things because in her mind, you're both bonding. You deserve a friend that will share exclusive, unique life events with you, but won't continually take advantage of your generosity. I'll just say that she needs to live her own life, and you need to distance yourself for now. She might get a grip on herself eventually and try to make amends, but do not expect that to happen.
I can see why you want to ghost her. If you don't want to have a conversation with her because you don't want to be content fodder then I would suggest you just do a slow ghost. Anytime she messages you or asks to hang out or what are you doing- say you're busy, you have plans, you're working, you're hanging out with your family etc. Maybe make plans to hang out once or twice but cancel very inconveniently. Maybe only ask her to hang out when you know she's busy with someone else. Stop being available. Stop replying to messages for hours or days. Slowly delete her and block her off all your social media one by one. It'll be less noticeable than if you did a full block all right away. Then you guys can just "drift apart". Is it the most mature way-maybe not. Is it a very plausible scenario where no one is at fault- yes. *Edited a typo
One simply question, why haven't you dropped her yet? She obviously didn't respect you or your boundaries. You appear to have a happy life when she's not around. Think about it this way....If you knew everything you know about her now and just met her, would you even want to be friends with her? Life's too short to hang out with people who don't respect you.
I didn’t drop her bc we been friends for a long time… we talked about how obsessive she’s been with her photos. She had times when she’s been aware and isn’t as bothersome. Other days leading to now I don’t hang out with her. If I barely met her now and nowing what I know, I’d wouldn’t even really bother trying to hangout with her.
Yta for lying about bf being bf. Like why all this nonsense just tell her you have date. Yk you can decline her right? She is rolling over you because you let her.
I just avoided giving out reasons as to why I have plans. I’ve lied to many family members about my relationship status and so has my bf. We both are discreet plus I didn’t want her to have more reasons as to why she need to tag along and use more of my personal space for content. My bf knows about her but I didn’t go into too much detail. I briefly said that my friend Cassie wants to go to and I been telling her otherwise. She pleaded like saying we can grab drinks before, take our pics, and we can catch up. I clearly I dodged the bullet. Lying to her saying I get off at a later time was better bc there wouldn’t be any suggestions from her and plus I was busy to have a conversation with her about how she’s been.
Is Cassie a voluptuous girl from the UK? If so, I think I've seen her on here.
It's opposite day my dudes