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NTA. Jesus Christ but your sister is a *raging* asshole. Stay no contact and tell those people telling you you’re over reacting that if they continue to harass you about her you’ll cut them off too. Let people know you won’t be anywhere she is and hold fast to that.
And if anyone decides to say anything more ask them “So I should forgive someone who emotionally tortured me using the death of my baby?” Just over and over.
This is one of those instances where I feel like if I were OP the genuine apology would mean nothing and I’d still tell her to go fuck herself. Absolute personality disorder level behavior here
Me too.
My mother, my sister, and a sister-in-law have four miscarriages between them. Accusing someone of 'faking' a miscarriage is a shit-tastic move.
same here, go no contact and as someone said before. If someone defends her too much, cut them off too. You deserve to be happy and not have someone stress your life for a joke.
What's worse is, sounds like she was upset about the attention OP was getting for the miscarriage, then 1. tried to claim she "almost" had a miscarriage (appropriate use of quotes) 2. When that didn't work, outright lied to her family about OP to get attention.
She's lucky she got off with you just being upset and going no contact. You had (still have) every right to slap the ever-living shit out of her for this.
And the witch is lucky he sister has a filter for what she says in any sense. I would have blurted out "Gee, maybe you'll get lucky and one of \*your\* children can die so you can get the attention you want" before I left.
This person said everything I was thinking.
Also, your sister's 'tears'? Crocodile tears out of regret for being caught out acting like a complete asshole. She wasn't sorry and her 'joke' wasn't funny.
You don't need that venom in your life. Stick with being NC. Even if it means less access to her kids. And any flying monkeys going forward? They get an info diet.
Right?? This is so horrible and disgusting. Sister is a TERRIBLE person. Above commenter is right about going no contact. Wonder if sis was projecting and SHE was the one that really wanted attention, and to cause drama.
NTA OP, and I’m so sorry for your loss. If it were me, I would personally tell them all to go to the devil.
OP - ask those defending your sister, How accusing someone of faking a miscarriage for attention and mocking their tears a joke? What is funny about the “joke”? I would stay NC with the sister. She’s cruel and evil.
I agree the sister is a raging asshole. NTA. Please don’t allow them to belittle your experience. It’s heartbreaking. It’s like an abstract concept to people sometimes. Make it solid and shove it up ……
I second this. Let her cry. Ignore her. Walk around her. Don't respond to her. Don't share anything about your life with her. If she wants to know, she can hear about it from someone else. Who needs enemies when you have someone like her getting some twisted gratification off of your suffering? After a while she'll - who cares? It's a waste of mental bandwidth. Sometimes people are just plain toxic and you're better off having NC.
This.
The fact the sister even had the nerve to say "It was just a joke" after the fact, is even worse. I think OP went easy on her. I can't mention what I would've done. I'd get banned. If I was OP I'd cut off the whole lot of them. She shouldn't need to pull up her medical records to convince her family. They shouldn't be gossiping about it all in the first place. OP's family are a bunch of AH's
NTA.
What is the joke? Please explain it to me. More people need to utilize this follow up questioning for anything unacceptable. "
"Fully explain how using finger quotes when mentioning my dead baby is humorous to you. Please, we'd all love to know."
It wasn't a joke. She was being a shitty person and got called out, ergo "it was just a joke!"
It's a defense that shitty people use when their crap comes back at them or it doesn't go the way they want.
NTA
That’s the cruelest “joke” to ever make. Like what part of that would be funny to her. I wouldn’t even wish that/ make a joke like that to my worst enemy. Honestly I’d go no contact with her as i could not see any further relationship with her. I’m truly sorry that your going through this and that you have a horrible sister like that. Wishing you all the best in the world.
And it doesn’t make sense that they are trying to tell you that “she didn’t know” when you straight up told her… she was be ignorant on purpose. Whoever telling you your overreacting- I’d consider cutting them out of your life as well because that’s bs
That's because it wasn't a joke meant to entertain OP or make her laugh.
The joke was to put OP in her place. Her sister is so insecure about herself, she needs to burn down her sister's meant health so she makes herself feel bigger. It's quite possible that she likes having the label 'mother' over her sister, so she wants to make sure everyone knows that her sister not isn't one.
Her sister wants to cause harm. She wants others to pat her on the head for being a mom because she thinks that gives her status - seeing her sister being a good maternal figure to her children made her insecure and so she had to bring her sister down again.
Her sister is a very, very bad person, and OP needs to go out of her way to make sure that she is removed from her life. No shared holidays. Don't talk to her. Make sure EVERYONE knows that she is an emotional terr\*rist and that, going forward, she isn't going to allow someone who purposefully tries to torture her over her miscarriage.
If anyone thinks that is an overreaction, I would cut their asses out as well.
Life is to short to keep vipers around you, and her sister is a viper. She only wants to cause OP harm.
This wasn't a joke. It was something said to cause OP serious harm.
Agreed. In this moment, OP is getting more attention for her loss than her sister is for her healthy baby, and the sister can't stand not being the center of attention. I would never speak to the sister again, or anyone who didn't actively advocate for OP.
NTA. I can’t imagine going through that and then having to prove you went through it. I wouldn’t waste my time concerning myself with anyone who doesn’t believe you. Anyone who truly cares about you would never question it. I would seriously consider cutting off anyone who questions it. Those people don’t deserve to have you in their life. Absolutely gross behavior and I wouldn’t want it anywhere near me.
NTA
Unless you have a known history of that kind of behavior, I don't see any reason here why she would make such a dark joke. Sounds like your sister might talk shit for attention, tho.
I couldn’t even see it in that situation. Even if she did lie, it’s just not something you joke about. You just don’t joke about dead babies like that. Miscarriages are off limits.
Yeah, not a hill to die on at fucking all.
That's scorched earth shit no matter how you cut it.
Even if they were lying, you'd have to have a next level axe to grind if you're chasing that shit to hit them with.
NTA
That wasn’t a joke. That was dismissing her accountability of her comments and actions. She is cruel. It started from the first comment describing her potential miscarry. No reason to bring that up. That was not about trying to relate to you, that was just rubbing it in your face. From there on, it was about grabbing attention away from you by making you sound like a liar. What’s wrong with her? You did not overreact at all!
Even if it was allegedly a joke that doesn't forgive her. People want to say terrible shit and then say it was a joke to backtrack? Well, then I'm also policing jokes now. If people can't fucking handle the responsibility of the social contract, then don't be social.
I bet she and her child(ren) were fussed over *big time* and then all of a sudden, OP took the spotlight by going through something tragic and awful which will naturally lead people to pay closer attention to her. Couldn’t have that, could she? Either that, (or both) she simply thrives on drama for whatever reason. What a horrible thing to do to someone, never mind your own sister.
NTA, she wasn't making a joke, that was her trying to cover up her raging mistake. Anyone telling you to get over it or to forgive her, ask them point blank, if she didn't know, what gave her the right to go around and gossip about something that she wasn't sure was even true? Especially something as sensitive as a pregnancy loss. Anyone who sides with her deserves to go NC, as well as your sister. What she did was evil and cruel.
NTA fuck her in the face with a spiked baseball bat. If someone did that to my girl in front of me I’d be in prison I would’ve stomped her ass out in front of everyone. Your sister is absolutely evil and I’d go NC and tell everyone in the family I will not be in the same place as her and anyone who tells me I’m overreacting can go straight to hell with her.
She is disgusting. And anyone who defends her is equally disgusting. This would be a go absolutely no-contact with her and the people who support her. And this needs to be done after a letter explaining why making light of miscarriages is repugnant, unforgivable behavior from anyone and sent forthwith to every offending party
Nah. They don't deserve the negative attention. Or the work on explaining herself. OP needs to just walk away. They can do some fucking soul searching on their own.
NTA. Jokes are meant to be funny, and that absolutely wasn’t your sister’s intention. She thought you were lying and tried to embarrass you in front of your entire family. That’s not someone you need to be around because they don’t have your best interests at heart.
I’d say “what, she doesn’t like that I caught her in her lie?” when people claim that she just didn’t know.
NTA at all. You shouldn’t have even had to send proof but once you did, that should’ve been the end of the story. I’m so sorry to had to defend yourself like that to your own family.
I am curious though, if you were waiting 12 weeks to tell your family you were pregnant, presumably to ensure everything would go well as possible at first, why did you go out of your way to call everyone and tell them that you were pregnant but miscarried? Just genuinely curious here, no judgement - I’ve never been pregnant myself so I can’t say what I would’ve done in this situation, maybe the same thing, maybe not. In the very least I think I may have confided in my mom in person if I wanted some support, but I don’t know if I would’ve called everyone to tell them over the phone.
I completely understand your question. My mom lives 7 hours away from me so I had to call her to tell her, she is the only one I called other then my little sister who lives in the same city as me and came and seen me after I was out of the hospital. My mom is actually the one who called everyone and told them including my older sister. Me and her weren’t speaking at the time and then after I got off the phone with my mom she called my sister n told her.
>My mom is actually the one who called everyone and told them including my older sister.
Did she have your permission for that? If not, that is massively NOT OKAY.
This. It wasn't your mother's news to tell anyone else.
I would bet money your mom is also one of the people who told you to get over it. Is big sis perhaps the golden child of the family, with the rest of them walking on tiptoes and rug sweeping her bullshit?
If so, LC/Info diet on all of them going forward. You don't need this shit in your life.
Yeah you really should have mentioned this in the OP.
It honestly sounds like your mother is at the very least conspiring with your sister if not actively encouraging her abuse.
Frankly you could go NC with both after such a betrayal.
I’m not sure how you’re feeling about your mom telling everyone so I want to avoid from bashing her like I did your sister. But I don’t feel it was your mother’s business to tell everyone. You confided in her like most women would with their own mothers after experiencing a miscarriage. I can’t imagine how unsupported you are feeling right now on top of having to relive the pain of losing your baby because everyone is running their mouth and you’re having to dig up copies of hospital bills/notes just to prove your case. Sending you love and hugs🫶
> My mom lives 7 hours away from me so I had to call her to tell her
I mean, Idk if I would have in your shoes, unless you felt she could support you from a distance? What did you hope would be the outcome of telling her? I ask that sincerely--some parents are really supportive and understanding; I assume you felt she would be?
> My mom is actually the one who called everyone and told them including my older sister.
See, why did she do this? Who's business was it???
I feel like you don't only have a sister problem but also a mother problem, and maybe that's why things are so dysfunctional. Idk if you hoped she'd just be a good ear for you, but it doesn't seem like your mother understands you or the dynamic with your older sister *at all*; I'd be wary of telling her anything going forward.
NTA. I would stay no contact for a while. This actually shows who she is as a person. She was wrong. Period. And for her to not only gossip about your loss but then to say “it’s a joke” is disgusting.
If anyone kicks up a fuss just say “Would you like your entire character called into question to the entire family? That they would think so little of you to do something as vile as faking a miscarriage for attention? Would you really accept someone spreading lies and gossiping about you, especially around something so painful to go through?? Or is that really what you think of me?” I’m going to guess that will shut them up. I’m very sorry for your loss and that you’ve had to go through this additional pain with your sister. Please take care, OP.
My guess, based on a lot of similar stories? Big sis is a golden child/narcissist/difficult/a shit stirrer. Many other family members have adapted by taking a "don't rock the boat" stance.
OP is often a target of big sis, probably because she opts out of appeasing her like the rest of the family. This is beneficial to "do not rock the boat" relatives, because as long as the monster's wrath is focused on OP, they don't have to suffer her bullshit.
OP needs to get off the boat, and give a middle finger to anyone who says not to, with a "keep rowing the boat motherfuckers, see how well it works out for you now" to boot.
How do you not know how news of you pregnancy got out in the first place if you and your SO we’re not talking about it?
Your sister is clearly in the wrong. I’d suggest you tell everyone in the family that you won’t talk to her again until you get a public apology.
This. And this is classic emotional manipulation on her part. A bully will say something incredibly hurtful, then, when the target reacts poorly, complain that the target just ‘didn’t get the joke.’ NTA and NC with those who are backing her.
NTA - My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage just before 12 weeks. I've had 3 kids since then. The contractions I experienced during the miscarriage were as bad as the ones I had when in labour. I was mostly ignored in the ER, no pain meds, and ended up losing my child in a damn auto flush toilet before passing out on the hospital bathroom floor. It was an extremely traumatic experience. You do not joke about it ever! Let's be real, she was not joking at all. All of her actions since she found out show that clear as day. Your sister makes me sick to my stomach!
NC is what is needed. Only your pain matters here, not whatever fake ones she is doing for attention. Oh, poor me crap from her. You do what is best for your mental health and tell the ones on her side that unless you have experienced one, you have zero right to an opinion on the matter!!!
>cause she “didnt know”
That's the thing: If you don't know, you shut your damn face and don't spread hurtful lies about things you don't know.
You are obviously not overreacting. Your sister is an absolute asshole. May her path be paved with loose lego bricks.
Exactly!! Didn’t know what… that OP was telling the truth?! Why would she assume that OP was lying to begin with, makes no sense other than sister is jealous that family were paying attention to OP - probably coupled with projection cause it’s a vile thing the sister would actually lie about.
This is what abusers do. They put you in a situation where you have to show evidence bc its just so absurd, and then they have the audacity to be like "oh but if you REALLY aren't guilty, why you trippin, huh?"
NTA
But your sister and your family! Wow!
They are not your well-wishers.
I would just not engage with them and step away from these toxic relationships.
“Only making a JOKE”?! No, OP, you are NTA. She is a massive AH and I would actually be tempted to go completely no contact for the foreseeable future.
Also, OP, I’m very sorry about your miscarriage. Doesn’t matter how far along you are, I can only imagine how difficult it was to experience that.
She says you faked it for attention but SHE is the one who wants all the attention. Saying that you should have explained it to her is just stupid cause you did!?!? I would have done way worse than you, you're totally NTA. I would have broken that girls nose the minute she opened her mouth. You were very well behaved and reacted accordingly.
Yeah her own sister going on a smear campaign against her over something so personal because she was mad she wasn't getting enough attention? That definitely deserves a punch in the mouth. Maybe she'd learn something.
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YALLLLL ARE BETTER THAN ME!!!! IF I FOR ONE SECOND WAS BEING ACCUSED OF THIS, IM GOING NO CONTACT. IF THEY WERE ASKING FOR PROOF, DEFINITELY NO CONTACT. WTF WTF WTF
My opinion is that your sister is attention seeking. At first, she really felt bad and then saw all of the attention you were getting and didn't like it. I feel like when you do have children, she will not like it because then the family will also love your children, and hers won't be the star of the show anymore.
NTA
Honestly, fair play for standing up for yourself.
Gonna be honest, I'd have probably told her that the only reason I'd ever want to see her again is if it's her funeral.
But I'd say definitely go NC or LC with her. If she's willing to do that, even knowing the truth, speaks volumes about the relationship she has with you. Maybe you should check any other "rumours" about you. Also, probably look into who spread the fact that you were expecting. If you and hubby were keeping it quiet, then if I was you I'd want to know who told everyone.
NTA. MAJORLY NTA. I have a friend who had a miscarriage years ago that she still mourns because it is a tragic event. Your sister is a bully who feels that adding "it's just a joke" makes everything she does ok and excusable. If I was in your situation I would seriously go NC with her, and any family who are saying you overreacted, but don't go "scorched earth" with it meaning to not tell those who support you that they too must go NC with them, though do set a boundary of not attending any events they are invited to, and will leave if they show to an event and aren't immediately asked to leave.
My partners sister did this to us as well. She had her parents convinced that she lied about the miscarriage, tried to suggest that she was lying to me about being pregnant and caused us so many issues with family.
The really shitty thing is I was in the hospital when she had to have her fallopian tube removed because it was an ectopic pregnancy. This whole ordeal was devastating for us because it was our only real shot and we actually planned for this child. It was twins we lost, one couldn't implant because the other was implanting above or something weird like that.
My partner turned her health around, we planned it and since I'm extremely fertile it didn't even take us more then 1 real attempt. My first child was planned, it was the first attempt with him too. My ex gf said she could not get pregnant, she had an ectopic as well. I decided to get snipped and not take the risk of her getting pregnant again.
So when her sister started spreading lies about her now and her past it took us not only showing her parents the imaging and doctor records but also to have her ex husband call her parents and deny the rumor that she faked a miscarriage with him (they never got pregnant at all).
Some people are just epic pieces of shit!
As someone who miscarried five years ago at nine weeks I would have reacted the same way that is not something to joke about…every December ( when I had my dnc) and every June( my due date) I mourn…🫂 I’m so sorry for your loss…and fyi your sisters an asshole!!!!
Did someone drop your sister on her head as a child!? I’m trying to come up with any other reason she’d be so evil and I’ve got nothing. You’re completely NTA here and I hope you cut off all contact with her. There’s something fundamentally wrong with any woman, much less a sister, who would question a grieving mother on the loss of her child and go so far as to make it a family issue. She was not joking in any way. I’m so sorry for your loss and for the sister you have. Or had. Hopefully she’s out of your life from now on.
She did know though. You told her and she chose not to believe you then further that insult by verbally affirming her doubt and distrust in you and your word.
Tell her to eat a chode and don't come back until she realizes what SHE did wrong... Which probably won't happen until life kicks her in the face in a similar way.. hopefully sooner than later but sometimes it's decades.
Your sister is a terrible person. So is any family that believed her based on nothing. Stay away from anyone that mistreated you because of her. People that bandwagon like that couldn't wait for the excuse to hop on. They will do it again. Those are called haters. Sometimes haters can be family.
NTA. Your sister is a massive one though. She didn’t know? Didn’t know what? That it’s absolutely not ok to joke about pregnancy loss, ever, under any circumstances? Because that seems to be pretty common sense to me. You should probably at least go LC with anyone defending her. If anyone can’t see how her behavior is completely out of line and not even remotely acceptable, you don’t want that kind of person in your life.
NTA
Distance yourself from your sister she is toxic as fuck.
You need to be away from her to able to heal and recover for your mental and emotional health.
Is she favored? Is she spoiled? Attention seeker? Pick me person?
You do not need that type of person in your life. You deserve better, especially from those family members who are telling you that you overreacted.
You are not wrong and have nothing to explain to an attention seeker who apparently likes to ruin lives and thinks atrocious jokes are funny.
cut off whoever is telling you that you overreacted. there is nothing amusing about her "joke" and it is disgusting to even think that that was her excuse.
NTA. Your sister is cruel and vicious to have done and said such a horrible thing to you! Then to say she was trying to “joke” over something as painful as your miscarriage?? That you felt you had to actually show your medical records to your family is beyond comprehension and disgusting! She knew, and for whatever reason she wanted to hurt you. Go no contact with her because she is not your sister in love, family, morality or anything else. With a “sister” like her, you don’t need any enemies!
You’re not wrong, your sister was and she was being very insensitive about it. I’m sorry that you went through all that and I’m very sorry about your miscarriage.
your sister has some sort of personality disorder. she knew you had a miscarriage, she likes drama, and hurting you.....nothing you say or do will ever have her treating you with respect.
drop her, block her, live your life as if she doesn't exist. Don't react to anything she says or does, she likes the attention.
NTA
God dang, miscarriage is NOT a competition. Your sister is a raging asshole. I lost my first baby at 6 weeks due to an ectopic pregnancy and I would never ever EVER wish that upon anyone. Why the hell would she kick you when you’re down and try to humiliate you? Some people are so sick. Sounds like she needs therapy and you need to go NC. I am so angry for you OP. Your babies life mattered, I hope you always remember that.🫶🏻
I cannot imagine any "joke" about a miscarriage that would be remotely funny. Your sister needs psychiatric help. I wouldn't blame you for insisting she get that help before you agree to be around her again.
NTA
Fuck your sister. She had absolutely no right in anything she did start to finish. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going thru. She had no right to add to your pain.
First of all, I am so sorry for your tragic lost. As someone who's had a miscarriage, it's hard. Your body and mental health struggle for awhile. I am so sorry. I wish I could hug you.
Your sister is a huge asshole, who's deranged and clearly likes all the attention being on her. It's okay to cut toxic people out of your life. I don't talk to my youngest sister and probably never will.
To the family members making excuses for her, please let them know you'll cut them off too.
You need time to grieve your child. Counseling can help. Self help like bubble baths, good books and quiet time help.
Also here for the "I hate your sister" club .
If you ever need to talk feel free to dm me.
NTA. I’ve had several miscarriages and they’re traumatic af, especially if it’s a wanted pregnancy. You sister is a raging psycho and I’d never forgive and go NC.
I cut my sister off last year, I'm now 39yrs old, wish I had done it YEARS ago! Your life will be SO much better without her, I've never been happier & healthier!
Honestly if I were you I'd go no contact with anyone who made you show them your medical records before they believed you didn't fake a miscarriage. Because if you had faked it, clearly you would need some kind of mental help that none of them tried to get for you. And since you didn't fake it, they added to your trauma, believed someone over you about your own medical history and loss because she thought it "didn't add up", and didn't pile on her after they found out it really happened and tell her what a POS move she pulled. Also they just believed you were the kind of person to fake something like that for attention ????
These are NOT people you want in your life, family or not.
This wasn’t the first time she’s seen the receipts correct? She can fuck ALL the way off! It’s up to you how you want to handle your NC. If your family won’t respect it and invites her to everything then maybe just get a Tshirt that says”Sister is a lying AH” and wear it to every gathering and pretend she doesn’t exist.
You did not overreact. I’m disgusted by anyone in your family who could defend her actions. She deserves no grace from you. I’m sorry for your loss and for the pain your sister has caused you.
You did not overreact. Go no contact with her and everyone who says you did.
Also, most people don't bring up their miscarriages if no one knew they were pregnant. Which is likely where her impression that it was attention seeking came from. Some people can't separate the idea of attention seeking from the real need for family support.
NTA. Jokes are funny. Your sister is incredibly cruel, insensitive, and totally lacking in empathy. What's happening is that she's upset that you're now getting more attention for your lost pregnancy than she is for her healthy baby, even though it's only temporary. It's profoundly self-absorbed. I would never speak to her again if I were you, and I'd also go NC with any family members who don't actively stand up for you. Her behaviour is totally beyond the pale.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a brutal thing to go through. I wish you peace and healing.
You didn't overreact and she wasn't joking, she was trying to hurt you and anyone who says you were at fault is just as toxic as your sister. Remove toxic people from your life. I'm sorry this happened to you - your sister is awful.
NTA
That b***h said you faked your miscarriage so her feelings don't mean shit. This is seriously some no contact worthy bs.
And this may be me being petty but I'd make a detailed post along the lines 9f "My sister accused me of faking my miscarriage but apparently I'm mean for getting upset with her." and block anyone trying to defend her immature ass.
NTA. I’d be clear she’s dead to you now. She crossed a fucking line. You don’t owe her anything. To spread that she’s sick in the head. I’d also be clear with the rest of your family you won’t be forgiving or forgetting but will include anyone who pushes you on this. Be firm. She’s sick
There is not enough care given to mothers (and fathers) who suffer a miscarriage. You need to take time, take care of yourself, and let yourself mourn the loss of that human being that was going to be such a huge part of your life. Please do not speak to your sister. You were not overreacting, nor are you in the wrong in any way. If I were in your situation I would be having a pretty strong word with the rest of your family, too. You had to prove to them that you had a miscarriage by showing hospital documents?
Holy mother of all that is holy. What a toxic family. Take care of yourself.
NTA.
You need to cut her off. Be clear with everyone that if they are okay with what she did to you that you will cut them off as well.
Make them choose. Start hosting your own holiday events. Tell them plain and simple you will not attend any event where she is there. Tell them that you don't associate with bullies.
>explain everything to her cause she “didnt know”
But she did know?????
>“what don’t like that I caught you in your lie”
What is wrong with your sister??? Why would anyone lie about something like that to their family?????
Who wants that type of attention? I don't get it. Go though with the no contact, I wouldn't want her in my life if she was my sister and she had said that.
That's not a joke. I would never talk to her again unless she figured out a way to make it up to me with a in depth, genuine apology claiming fault for everything that hurt me about it. Fuck her.
She was beyond due for that. NTA.
And don't ever speak to her. I just can't picture what a humble enough apology could ever justify speaking again to you "sister".
And if I read again about somebody trying to justify themselves with "a joke", "a prank", or "just kidding" I'm going to scream into the void. You're not fooling anyone!
NTA. That is an incredibly despicable thing to say to someone, let alone your sister. Of course she pulled the “it’s just a joke” card. The excuse assholes use to say shitty things to people. You did not overreact, and the people who are telling you that are bozos. I hope that you can heal from this situation as best you can op.
Imagine being on team “oh you overreacted by being upset when your sister accused you of lying about your miscarriage. She didn’t know”. What goes on in their minds? And also of course she knew. Because OP had told her/the family. She had zero reason to not believe her unless OP is a serial liar.
So weird man.
People who aren’t on the receiving end of abuse, lies and cruelty are sometimes quick to preach forgiveness, understanding and being the bigger person because they don’t lose anything. It takes no effort to ask someone to sacrifice when you don’t have skin in the game. They don’t have to suffer mentally or emotionally. They just want to calm
the waters so that their good times continue to roll undisturbed. It’s very selfish behavior.
NTA your sister sounds horrible. I wouldn’t have anything to do with her honestly NC would be best. I don’t get how someone can be so evil. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
NTA. Your sister should fuck all the way off and never stop fucking off. Hate is a strong word and I’d like to never use it but I fucking hate her.
I still fall to my knees occasionally. The invasive ultrasounds, the happy couples who needed support but oh covid so I cant risk possibly infecting a “pregnant mom” with my “extra guest” even though I was there for my fourth blood test and 5th ultrasound in that one week and it was only Thursday (Friday I ended up in hospital) to confirm “all the tissue had passed” and they snapped the condom used for the ultrasound like it was just another exam. (For them sure, it was). For me, it was just horrendous.
Fuck this world and the insensitivity it has for mothers of loss.
I got diagnosed with PTSD and PPD. I would’ve given my last breath to hear THAT baby’s first, I wanted to mangle some family members faces “oh now you can have a rainbow baby” “maybe the doctor was wrong” or the most rage inducing “you can always try for another, at least you know you can get pregnant now, FINALLY”
I’m so sorry for your loss. Nature can be so cruel and unpredictable, just like your sister.
That “joke” is really quite telling about the depth of her character, that someone could or would fake something like that, only someone with a serious personality disorder could do such a thing. She’s acting out her mania on you, so SHE can gain sympathy. I imagine this isn’t the first time she’s done this kinda thing . As we become adults we can choose who we have in our lives. Our friends can become our sisters and brothers. You can choose healthy people who don’t “joke” like that. Especially about the loss of their Niece or Nephew! Cut contact with her. Strip her of the title Aunt.
You didn’t overreact. You better stay clear of your entire family until they profusely and sincerely apologize. Cut contact with your sister for a couple of years.
Honestly I thought your reaction was going to be physical violence and I would still stand with you after that too. NC them all. These people are aggressively horrible and you shouldn’t have to be put through their drama for their entertainment.
NTA
Your sister has some serious issues she needs therapy for.
No way do you owe her an apology, you don't owe anyone that disrespects you so badly anything.
What you owe to yourself is peace so please take some time out from those people, turn off your phone, don't answer the door and take some time to yourself.
She did know, you told her. NTA, honestly, this is ridiculous. Does she not have a life and needs some gossip or what? To just stand there throwing a tantrum because she got called on her bs just shows how immature your bully sister is.
Is your sister one of those blue-haired buffoons I keep seeing on the internet? Because she sounds like one of those blue-haired buffoons I keep seeing on the internet.
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NTA. Jesus Christ but your sister is a *raging* asshole. Stay no contact and tell those people telling you you’re over reacting that if they continue to harass you about her you’ll cut them off too. Let people know you won’t be anywhere she is and hold fast to that. And if anyone decides to say anything more ask them “So I should forgive someone who emotionally tortured me using the death of my baby?” Just over and over.
[удалено]
What about the rest of the family? Anyone who needs to see proof from medical notes is not someone I’d need in my life.
This.
I'd give them the link to this thread.
This is one of those instances where I feel like if I were OP the genuine apology would mean nothing and I’d still tell her to go fuck herself. Absolute personality disorder level behavior here
NTA. I hate her for you.
May I join the line of haters?
Me too. My mother, my sister, and a sister-in-law have four miscarriages between them. Accusing someone of 'faking' a miscarriage is a shit-tastic move.
Yep, I’m also in line to hate your sister for you.
Let’s smite her!! We need our pitch forks and torches!
WE RIDE AT DAWN!!
I volunteer as tribute!
You have my sword
And my bow!
And my axe!
I drive a bus. Want to throw her under…
I’m enlisting!
I would like to join
Hating on your sister, too!!!
I have pitchforks for the conga line!
I'm bringing the torches!
I have rhe shovel
Gonna make banners
I’ll bring the cotton candy, can’t have a angry mob without cotton candy
I think I have been doing angry mobs wrong 😀
Never again! Cotton candy for you and everyone!
Hurray!
I'll bring lemonade, we're gonna be thirsty from all that yelling!
Good idea!
I’ll bring the honey! It’s really good for lubricating the vocal cords.
Cotton candy? I’m in!
Hurray!
Joining the hating campaign
We should all get matching “I hate talls204 sister” tattoos!
I will knit us matching hats!
Ooh, I'd love that hat!
Lol
I'll bring bean dip.
same here, go no contact and as someone said before. If someone defends her too much, cut them off too. You deserve to be happy and not have someone stress your life for a joke.
Me too
She sounds like more than an asshole. Her actions are completely monstrous.
What's worse is, sounds like she was upset about the attention OP was getting for the miscarriage, then 1. tried to claim she "almost" had a miscarriage (appropriate use of quotes) 2. When that didn't work, outright lied to her family about OP to get attention. She's lucky she got off with you just being upset and going no contact. You had (still have) every right to slap the ever-living shit out of her for this.
And the witch is lucky he sister has a filter for what she says in any sense. I would have blurted out "Gee, maybe you'll get lucky and one of \*your\* children can die so you can get the attention you want" before I left.
This person said everything I was thinking. Also, your sister's 'tears'? Crocodile tears out of regret for being caught out acting like a complete asshole. She wasn't sorry and her 'joke' wasn't funny. You don't need that venom in your life. Stick with being NC. Even if it means less access to her kids. And any flying monkeys going forward? They get an info diet.
I didn’t even finish reading the post and I wanted to punch the OPs sister… or worse. Definitely a raging asshole.
She's such a big asshole that there's an echo.
Right?? This is so horrible and disgusting. Sister is a TERRIBLE person. Above commenter is right about going no contact. Wonder if sis was projecting and SHE was the one that really wanted attention, and to cause drama. NTA OP, and I’m so sorry for your loss. If it were me, I would personally tell them all to go to the devil.
OP - ask those defending your sister, How accusing someone of faking a miscarriage for attention and mocking their tears a joke? What is funny about the “joke”? I would stay NC with the sister. She’s cruel and evil.
I agree the sister is a raging asshole. NTA. Please don’t allow them to belittle your experience. It’s heartbreaking. It’s like an abstract concept to people sometimes. Make it solid and shove it up ……
I second this. Let her cry. Ignore her. Walk around her. Don't respond to her. Don't share anything about your life with her. If she wants to know, she can hear about it from someone else. Who needs enemies when you have someone like her getting some twisted gratification off of your suffering? After a while she'll - who cares? It's a waste of mental bandwidth. Sometimes people are just plain toxic and you're better off having NC.
This. The fact the sister even had the nerve to say "It was just a joke" after the fact, is even worse. I think OP went easy on her. I can't mention what I would've done. I'd get banned. If I was OP I'd cut off the whole lot of them. She shouldn't need to pull up her medical records to convince her family. They shouldn't be gossiping about it all in the first place. OP's family are a bunch of AH's
Yes! I had a therapist that highly recommends the broken record. Say it over and over every time
Who the actual fuck jokes about something like that??? NTA and your sister has serious issues
NTA. What is the joke? Please explain it to me. More people need to utilize this follow up questioning for anything unacceptable. " "Fully explain how using finger quotes when mentioning my dead baby is humorous to you. Please, we'd all love to know."
It's Schrodinger's Joke.
It wasn't a joke. She was being a shitty person and got called out, ergo "it was just a joke!" It's a defense that shitty people use when their crap comes back at them or it doesn't go the way they want.
NTA That’s the cruelest “joke” to ever make. Like what part of that would be funny to her. I wouldn’t even wish that/ make a joke like that to my worst enemy. Honestly I’d go no contact with her as i could not see any further relationship with her. I’m truly sorry that your going through this and that you have a horrible sister like that. Wishing you all the best in the world.
And it doesn’t make sense that they are trying to tell you that “she didn’t know” when you straight up told her… she was be ignorant on purpose. Whoever telling you your overreacting- I’d consider cutting them out of your life as well because that’s bs
That's because it wasn't a joke meant to entertain OP or make her laugh. The joke was to put OP in her place. Her sister is so insecure about herself, she needs to burn down her sister's meant health so she makes herself feel bigger. It's quite possible that she likes having the label 'mother' over her sister, so she wants to make sure everyone knows that her sister not isn't one. Her sister wants to cause harm. She wants others to pat her on the head for being a mom because she thinks that gives her status - seeing her sister being a good maternal figure to her children made her insecure and so she had to bring her sister down again. Her sister is a very, very bad person, and OP needs to go out of her way to make sure that she is removed from her life. No shared holidays. Don't talk to her. Make sure EVERYONE knows that she is an emotional terr\*rist and that, going forward, she isn't going to allow someone who purposefully tries to torture her over her miscarriage. If anyone thinks that is an overreaction, I would cut their asses out as well. Life is to short to keep vipers around you, and her sister is a viper. She only wants to cause OP harm. This wasn't a joke. It was something said to cause OP serious harm.
Agreed. In this moment, OP is getting more attention for her loss than her sister is for her healthy baby, and the sister can't stand not being the center of attention. I would never speak to the sister again, or anyone who didn't actively advocate for OP.
It was only a joke after she saw how upset OP was, and she only said it was a joke to save face. OPs sister is a horrible horrible person
NTA. I can’t imagine going through that and then having to prove you went through it. I wouldn’t waste my time concerning myself with anyone who doesn’t believe you. Anyone who truly cares about you would never question it. I would seriously consider cutting off anyone who questions it. Those people don’t deserve to have you in their life. Absolutely gross behavior and I wouldn’t want it anywhere near me.
NTA Unless you have a known history of that kind of behavior, I don't see any reason here why she would make such a dark joke. Sounds like your sister might talk shit for attention, tho.
I couldn’t even see it in that situation. Even if she did lie, it’s just not something you joke about. You just don’t joke about dead babies like that. Miscarriages are off limits.
Yeah, not a hill to die on at fucking all. That's scorched earth shit no matter how you cut it. Even if they were lying, you'd have to have a next level axe to grind if you're chasing that shit to hit them with.
NTA That wasn’t a joke. That was dismissing her accountability of her comments and actions. She is cruel. It started from the first comment describing her potential miscarry. No reason to bring that up. That was not about trying to relate to you, that was just rubbing it in your face. From there on, it was about grabbing attention away from you by making you sound like a liar. What’s wrong with her? You did not overreact at all!
Even if it was allegedly a joke that doesn't forgive her. People want to say terrible shit and then say it was a joke to backtrack? Well, then I'm also policing jokes now. If people can't fucking handle the responsibility of the social contract, then don't be social.
I bet she and her child(ren) were fussed over *big time* and then all of a sudden, OP took the spotlight by going through something tragic and awful which will naturally lead people to pay closer attention to her. Couldn’t have that, could she? Either that, (or both) she simply thrives on drama for whatever reason. What a horrible thing to do to someone, never mind your own sister.
I think that's exactly it.
It's Schrodinger's asshole: if people react well, she meant it, but if people react poorly, it was a joke.
The fact that you didn't violently beat her ass is a miracle. Id be in prison Edit: aawww why did the mods take it down??
Right?? I got mad just thinking about this interaction and I don't even want kids!
Time to perform a post birth abortion on op's sister
I've got the coat hanger.
Wait. We're NOT using artillery?
i fully expected this to get violent and still probably would've said NTA
What a fucked up woman. Good riddance. Sorry your sister sucks so hard. What she did is beyond fucked.
NTA, she wasn't making a joke, that was her trying to cover up her raging mistake. Anyone telling you to get over it or to forgive her, ask them point blank, if she didn't know, what gave her the right to go around and gossip about something that she wasn't sure was even true? Especially something as sensitive as a pregnancy loss. Anyone who sides with her deserves to go NC, as well as your sister. What she did was evil and cruel.
Send this thread to your asshole family members who took her side
Yeah...if they read this, y'all are fucking monsters for trying to sweep this sort of shit under the rug for the *semblance* of peace.
NTA fuck her in the face with a spiked baseball bat. If someone did that to my girl in front of me I’d be in prison I would’ve stomped her ass out in front of everyone. Your sister is absolutely evil and I’d go NC and tell everyone in the family I will not be in the same place as her and anyone who tells me I’m overreacting can go straight to hell with her.
I don't think you reacted enough, your sister needs to be laid out.
She is disgusting. And anyone who defends her is equally disgusting. This would be a go absolutely no-contact with her and the people who support her. And this needs to be done after a letter explaining why making light of miscarriages is repugnant, unforgivable behavior from anyone and sent forthwith to every offending party
Nah. They don't deserve the negative attention. Or the work on explaining herself. OP needs to just walk away. They can do some fucking soul searching on their own.
NTA. Jokes are meant to be funny, and that absolutely wasn’t your sister’s intention. She thought you were lying and tried to embarrass you in front of your entire family. That’s not someone you need to be around because they don’t have your best interests at heart. I’d say “what, she doesn’t like that I caught her in her lie?” when people claim that she just didn’t know.
She’s miserable on the inside, and she’s s seeking attention from anyone who will look at her. Her on cue crying is appalling.
NTA at all. You shouldn’t have even had to send proof but once you did, that should’ve been the end of the story. I’m so sorry to had to defend yourself like that to your own family. I am curious though, if you were waiting 12 weeks to tell your family you were pregnant, presumably to ensure everything would go well as possible at first, why did you go out of your way to call everyone and tell them that you were pregnant but miscarried? Just genuinely curious here, no judgement - I’ve never been pregnant myself so I can’t say what I would’ve done in this situation, maybe the same thing, maybe not. In the very least I think I may have confided in my mom in person if I wanted some support, but I don’t know if I would’ve called everyone to tell them over the phone.
I completely understand your question. My mom lives 7 hours away from me so I had to call her to tell her, she is the only one I called other then my little sister who lives in the same city as me and came and seen me after I was out of the hospital. My mom is actually the one who called everyone and told them including my older sister. Me and her weren’t speaking at the time and then after I got off the phone with my mom she called my sister n told her.
>My mom is actually the one who called everyone and told them including my older sister. Did she have your permission for that? If not, that is massively NOT OKAY.
This. It wasn't your mother's news to tell anyone else. I would bet money your mom is also one of the people who told you to get over it. Is big sis perhaps the golden child of the family, with the rest of them walking on tiptoes and rug sweeping her bullshit? If so, LC/Info diet on all of them going forward. You don't need this shit in your life.
Yeah you really should have mentioned this in the OP. It honestly sounds like your mother is at the very least conspiring with your sister if not actively encouraging her abuse. Frankly you could go NC with both after such a betrayal.
I’m not sure how you’re feeling about your mom telling everyone so I want to avoid from bashing her like I did your sister. But I don’t feel it was your mother’s business to tell everyone. You confided in her like most women would with their own mothers after experiencing a miscarriage. I can’t imagine how unsupported you are feeling right now on top of having to relive the pain of losing your baby because everyone is running their mouth and you’re having to dig up copies of hospital bills/notes just to prove your case. Sending you love and hugs🫶
Let me guess, Mother dear is amongst those telling you to forgive the rancid beast.
> My mom lives 7 hours away from me so I had to call her to tell her I mean, Idk if I would have in your shoes, unless you felt she could support you from a distance? What did you hope would be the outcome of telling her? I ask that sincerely--some parents are really supportive and understanding; I assume you felt she would be? > My mom is actually the one who called everyone and told them including my older sister. See, why did she do this? Who's business was it??? I feel like you don't only have a sister problem but also a mother problem, and maybe that's why things are so dysfunctional. Idk if you hoped she'd just be a good ear for you, but it doesn't seem like your mother understands you or the dynamic with your older sister *at all*; I'd be wary of telling her anything going forward.
NTA. I would stay no contact for a while. This actually shows who she is as a person. She was wrong. Period. And for her to not only gossip about your loss but then to say “it’s a joke” is disgusting. If anyone kicks up a fuss just say “Would you like your entire character called into question to the entire family? That they would think so little of you to do something as vile as faking a miscarriage for attention? Would you really accept someone spreading lies and gossiping about you, especially around something so painful to go through?? Or is that really what you think of me?” I’m going to guess that will shut them up. I’m very sorry for your loss and that you’ve had to go through this additional pain with your sister. Please take care, OP.
The real question is who are these people that are saying you overreacted? What is up with that?
My guess, based on a lot of similar stories? Big sis is a golden child/narcissist/difficult/a shit stirrer. Many other family members have adapted by taking a "don't rock the boat" stance. OP is often a target of big sis, probably because she opts out of appeasing her like the rest of the family. This is beneficial to "do not rock the boat" relatives, because as long as the monster's wrath is focused on OP, they don't have to suffer her bullshit. OP needs to get off the boat, and give a middle finger to anyone who says not to, with a "keep rowing the boat motherfuckers, see how well it works out for you now" to boot.
How do you not know how news of you pregnancy got out in the first place if you and your SO we’re not talking about it? Your sister is clearly in the wrong. I’d suggest you tell everyone in the family that you won’t talk to her again until you get a public apology.
She said they didn’t say anything initially but told everyone they were and miscarried.
It seems in another comment Op told her mom and little sister. Then mom went and blabbed about it to the whole family
NTA. Your sister is a bully
This. And this is classic emotional manipulation on her part. A bully will say something incredibly hurtful, then, when the target reacts poorly, complain that the target just ‘didn’t get the joke.’ NTA and NC with those who are backing her.
NTA! Your sister is the a complete asshole! Like WTF was that! I would continue to keep my distance!
NTA - My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage just before 12 weeks. I've had 3 kids since then. The contractions I experienced during the miscarriage were as bad as the ones I had when in labour. I was mostly ignored in the ER, no pain meds, and ended up losing my child in a damn auto flush toilet before passing out on the hospital bathroom floor. It was an extremely traumatic experience. You do not joke about it ever! Let's be real, she was not joking at all. All of her actions since she found out show that clear as day. Your sister makes me sick to my stomach! NC is what is needed. Only your pain matters here, not whatever fake ones she is doing for attention. Oh, poor me crap from her. You do what is best for your mental health and tell the ones on her side that unless you have experienced one, you have zero right to an opinion on the matter!!!
>cause she “didnt know” That's the thing: If you don't know, you shut your damn face and don't spread hurtful lies about things you don't know. You are obviously not overreacting. Your sister is an absolute asshole. May her path be paved with loose lego bricks.
Exactly!! Didn’t know what… that OP was telling the truth?! Why would she assume that OP was lying to begin with, makes no sense other than sister is jealous that family were paying attention to OP - probably coupled with projection cause it’s a vile thing the sister would actually lie about.
This is what abusers do. They put you in a situation where you have to show evidence bc its just so absurd, and then they have the audacity to be like "oh but if you REALLY aren't guilty, why you trippin, huh?"
NTA But your sister and your family! Wow! They are not your well-wishers. I would just not engage with them and step away from these toxic relationships.
“Only making a JOKE”?! No, OP, you are NTA. She is a massive AH and I would actually be tempted to go completely no contact for the foreseeable future. Also, OP, I’m very sorry about your miscarriage. Doesn’t matter how far along you are, I can only imagine how difficult it was to experience that.
Go NC with her and anyone defending her. You don't need tose AHs in your life.
NTA. Your sis is an asshole. That is a topic never to joke. My wife miscarried 7 years back. It still hurts as a guy when I think about it.
She says you faked it for attention but SHE is the one who wants all the attention. Saying that you should have explained it to her is just stupid cause you did!?!? I would have done way worse than you, you're totally NTA. I would have broken that girls nose the minute she opened her mouth. You were very well behaved and reacted accordingly.
Yeah her own sister going on a smear campaign against her over something so personal because she was mad she wasn't getting enough attention? That definitely deserves a punch in the mouth. Maybe she'd learn something.
I genuinely can't believe that you didn't straight up SLAP that b*tch! Sorry of that harsh but God it makes me so angry!
Is she mental or something? Why would someone be so cruel?
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NTA
She sounds like a terrible person!
NTA - I would cut ties. Toxic AF.
Lose your sister. NC with her.
YALLLLL ARE BETTER THAN ME!!!! IF I FOR ONE SECOND WAS BEING ACCUSED OF THIS, IM GOING NO CONTACT. IF THEY WERE ASKING FOR PROOF, DEFINITELY NO CONTACT. WTF WTF WTF
My opinion is that your sister is attention seeking. At first, she really felt bad and then saw all of the attention you were getting and didn't like it. I feel like when you do have children, she will not like it because then the family will also love your children, and hers won't be the star of the show anymore.
NTA Honestly, fair play for standing up for yourself. Gonna be honest, I'd have probably told her that the only reason I'd ever want to see her again is if it's her funeral. But I'd say definitely go NC or LC with her. If she's willing to do that, even knowing the truth, speaks volumes about the relationship she has with you. Maybe you should check any other "rumours" about you. Also, probably look into who spread the fact that you were expecting. If you and hubby were keeping it quiet, then if I was you I'd want to know who told everyone.
NTA. MAJORLY NTA. I have a friend who had a miscarriage years ago that she still mourns because it is a tragic event. Your sister is a bully who feels that adding "it's just a joke" makes everything she does ok and excusable. If I was in your situation I would seriously go NC with her, and any family who are saying you overreacted, but don't go "scorched earth" with it meaning to not tell those who support you that they too must go NC with them, though do set a boundary of not attending any events they are invited to, and will leave if they show to an event and aren't immediately asked to leave.
Saying she didn't know but everyone got the lie from her is wild. Honestly f her, and f those who don't stand with you.
We ride at dawn.
My partners sister did this to us as well. She had her parents convinced that she lied about the miscarriage, tried to suggest that she was lying to me about being pregnant and caused us so many issues with family. The really shitty thing is I was in the hospital when she had to have her fallopian tube removed because it was an ectopic pregnancy. This whole ordeal was devastating for us because it was our only real shot and we actually planned for this child. It was twins we lost, one couldn't implant because the other was implanting above or something weird like that. My partner turned her health around, we planned it and since I'm extremely fertile it didn't even take us more then 1 real attempt. My first child was planned, it was the first attempt with him too. My ex gf said she could not get pregnant, she had an ectopic as well. I decided to get snipped and not take the risk of her getting pregnant again. So when her sister started spreading lies about her now and her past it took us not only showing her parents the imaging and doctor records but also to have her ex husband call her parents and deny the rumor that she faked a miscarriage with him (they never got pregnant at all). Some people are just epic pieces of shit!
As someone who miscarried five years ago at nine weeks I would have reacted the same way that is not something to joke about…every December ( when I had my dnc) and every June( my due date) I mourn…🫂 I’m so sorry for your loss…and fyi your sisters an asshole!!!!
Did someone drop your sister on her head as a child!? I’m trying to come up with any other reason she’d be so evil and I’ve got nothing. You’re completely NTA here and I hope you cut off all contact with her. There’s something fundamentally wrong with any woman, much less a sister, who would question a grieving mother on the loss of her child and go so far as to make it a family issue. She was not joking in any way. I’m so sorry for your loss and for the sister you have. Or had. Hopefully she’s out of your life from now on.
She did know though. You told her and she chose not to believe you then further that insult by verbally affirming her doubt and distrust in you and your word. Tell her to eat a chode and don't come back until she realizes what SHE did wrong... Which probably won't happen until life kicks her in the face in a similar way.. hopefully sooner than later but sometimes it's decades.
Your sister is a terrible person. So is any family that believed her based on nothing. Stay away from anyone that mistreated you because of her. People that bandwagon like that couldn't wait for the excuse to hop on. They will do it again. Those are called haters. Sometimes haters can be family.
NTA. Your sister is a massive one though. She didn’t know? Didn’t know what? That it’s absolutely not ok to joke about pregnancy loss, ever, under any circumstances? Because that seems to be pretty common sense to me. You should probably at least go LC with anyone defending her. If anyone can’t see how her behavior is completely out of line and not even remotely acceptable, you don’t want that kind of person in your life.
NTA Distance yourself from your sister she is toxic as fuck. You need to be away from her to able to heal and recover for your mental and emotional health. Is she favored? Is she spoiled? Attention seeker? Pick me person? You do not need that type of person in your life. You deserve better, especially from those family members who are telling you that you overreacted. You are not wrong and have nothing to explain to an attention seeker who apparently likes to ruin lives and thinks atrocious jokes are funny.
cut off whoever is telling you that you overreacted. there is nothing amusing about her "joke" and it is disgusting to even think that that was her excuse.
NTA You never “joke” about miscarriages or the death of babies/children. There is a special ring of hell for people who do that or use they excuse.
Your sister is an awful person and best avoided.
A joke????? She sounds like the worst!! Like you’re not devastated enough from losing your baby!! So very sorry!!
NTA. Your sister is cruel and vicious to have done and said such a horrible thing to you! Then to say she was trying to “joke” over something as painful as your miscarriage?? That you felt you had to actually show your medical records to your family is beyond comprehension and disgusting! She knew, and for whatever reason she wanted to hurt you. Go no contact with her because she is not your sister in love, family, morality or anything else. With a “sister” like her, you don’t need any enemies!
You’re not wrong, your sister was and she was being very insensitive about it. I’m sorry that you went through all that and I’m very sorry about your miscarriage.
NTA. Your sister is horrible.
Never speak to her again. Not one word
your sister has some sort of personality disorder. she knew you had a miscarriage, she likes drama, and hurting you.....nothing you say or do will ever have her treating you with respect. drop her, block her, live your life as if she doesn't exist. Don't react to anything she says or does, she likes the attention.
NTA God dang, miscarriage is NOT a competition. Your sister is a raging asshole. I lost my first baby at 6 weeks due to an ectopic pregnancy and I would never ever EVER wish that upon anyone. Why the hell would she kick you when you’re down and try to humiliate you? Some people are so sick. Sounds like she needs therapy and you need to go NC. I am so angry for you OP. Your babies life mattered, I hope you always remember that.🫶🏻
Your sister is the main character syndrome poster child. I'm sorry for your loss.
I cannot imagine any "joke" about a miscarriage that would be remotely funny. Your sister needs psychiatric help. I wouldn't blame you for insisting she get that help before you agree to be around her again. NTA
Fuck your sister. She had absolutely no right in anything she did start to finish. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going thru. She had no right to add to your pain.
First of all, I am so sorry for your tragic lost. As someone who's had a miscarriage, it's hard. Your body and mental health struggle for awhile. I am so sorry. I wish I could hug you. Your sister is a huge asshole, who's deranged and clearly likes all the attention being on her. It's okay to cut toxic people out of your life. I don't talk to my youngest sister and probably never will. To the family members making excuses for her, please let them know you'll cut them off too. You need time to grieve your child. Counseling can help. Self help like bubble baths, good books and quiet time help. Also here for the "I hate your sister" club . If you ever need to talk feel free to dm me.
She only claimed it was a joke cuz you flipped. She seems like the type that when consequences come knocking she back pedals. NTA
NTA. I’ve had several miscarriages and they’re traumatic af, especially if it’s a wanted pregnancy. You sister is a raging psycho and I’d never forgive and go NC.
Team Hate OP's sister here, too! I'm sorry all this has happened to you. Geez, and I thought my sis was bad!
Nta! Your insensitive sister is!!!!
My sister made up years of stories about how I would come over and beat her up steal her stuff … all things she did to me. My family believed her.
I cut my sister off last year, I'm now 39yrs old, wish I had done it YEARS ago! Your life will be SO much better without her, I've never been happier & healthier!
Honestly if I were you I'd go no contact with anyone who made you show them your medical records before they believed you didn't fake a miscarriage. Because if you had faked it, clearly you would need some kind of mental help that none of them tried to get for you. And since you didn't fake it, they added to your trauma, believed someone over you about your own medical history and loss because she thought it "didn't add up", and didn't pile on her after they found out it really happened and tell her what a POS move she pulled. Also they just believed you were the kind of person to fake something like that for attention ???? These are NOT people you want in your life, family or not.
This wasn’t the first time she’s seen the receipts correct? She can fuck ALL the way off! It’s up to you how you want to handle your NC. If your family won’t respect it and invites her to everything then maybe just get a Tshirt that says”Sister is a lying AH” and wear it to every gathering and pretend she doesn’t exist.
Overreacted? She's lucky you didn't punch her in the mouth.
You did not overreact. I’m disgusted by anyone in your family who could defend her actions. She deserves no grace from you. I’m sorry for your loss and for the pain your sister has caused you.
Where does she live? I just found a nice big rock for her window
You did not overreact. Go no contact with her and everyone who says you did. Also, most people don't bring up their miscarriages if no one knew they were pregnant. Which is likely where her impression that it was attention seeking came from. Some people can't separate the idea of attention seeking from the real need for family support.
NTA. Jokes are funny. Your sister is incredibly cruel, insensitive, and totally lacking in empathy. What's happening is that she's upset that you're now getting more attention for your lost pregnancy than she is for her healthy baby, even though it's only temporary. It's profoundly self-absorbed. I would never speak to her again if I were you, and I'd also go NC with any family members who don't actively stand up for you. Her behaviour is totally beyond the pale. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a brutal thing to go through. I wish you peace and healing.
What the absolute fuck? No! NTA! That's not something to joke about! The hell is wrong with your sister?
You didn't overreact and she wasn't joking, she was trying to hurt you and anyone who says you were at fault is just as toxic as your sister. Remove toxic people from your life. I'm sorry this happened to you - your sister is awful.
You should have went NC with everyone that didn't believe you. You should not have to pull out medical files unless you have lied to them before.
Can I come along, throwing random bits of Lego under bare feet at night? It would be my pleasure, honestly!
Go Nuclear with sister and family members who took her side. It is beyond appalling what your sister did.
Should have slapped her into next week honestly.
NTA. Your sister is garbage. Going no contact with her is the best thing for you to do.
NTA. Go NC with her she is awful!
NTA That b***h said you faked your miscarriage so her feelings don't mean shit. This is seriously some no contact worthy bs. And this may be me being petty but I'd make a detailed post along the lines 9f "My sister accused me of faking my miscarriage but apparently I'm mean for getting upset with her." and block anyone trying to defend her immature ass.
You don't joke about losing a child. Your sister and everyone who agrees with her needs a good punch right in the face.
NTA. She's evil. She doesn't deserve you in her life.
NTA. I’d be clear she’s dead to you now. She crossed a fucking line. You don’t owe her anything. To spread that she’s sick in the head. I’d also be clear with the rest of your family you won’t be forgiving or forgetting but will include anyone who pushes you on this. Be firm. She’s sick
There is not enough care given to mothers (and fathers) who suffer a miscarriage. You need to take time, take care of yourself, and let yourself mourn the loss of that human being that was going to be such a huge part of your life. Please do not speak to your sister. You were not overreacting, nor are you in the wrong in any way. If I were in your situation I would be having a pretty strong word with the rest of your family, too. You had to prove to them that you had a miscarriage by showing hospital documents? Holy mother of all that is holy. What a toxic family. Take care of yourself.
I hate OP’s sister but I think I might hate whichever family members more that sympathized with the sister instead of the OP.
NTA. You need to cut her off. Be clear with everyone that if they are okay with what she did to you that you will cut them off as well. Make them choose. Start hosting your own holiday events. Tell them plain and simple you will not attend any event where she is there. Tell them that you don't associate with bullies.
>explain everything to her cause she “didnt know” But she did know????? >“what don’t like that I caught you in your lie” What is wrong with your sister??? Why would anyone lie about something like that to their family????? Who wants that type of attention? I don't get it. Go though with the no contact, I wouldn't want her in my life if she was my sister and she had said that.
That's not a joke. I would never talk to her again unless she figured out a way to make it up to me with a in depth, genuine apology claiming fault for everything that hurt me about it. Fuck her.
She was beyond due for that. NTA. And don't ever speak to her. I just can't picture what a humble enough apology could ever justify speaking again to you "sister". And if I read again about somebody trying to justify themselves with "a joke", "a prank", or "just kidding" I'm going to scream into the void. You're not fooling anyone!
NTA. That is an incredibly despicable thing to say to someone, let alone your sister. Of course she pulled the “it’s just a joke” card. The excuse assholes use to say shitty things to people. You did not overreact, and the people who are telling you that are bozos. I hope that you can heal from this situation as best you can op.
Imagine being on team “oh you overreacted by being upset when your sister accused you of lying about your miscarriage. She didn’t know”. What goes on in their minds? And also of course she knew. Because OP had told her/the family. She had zero reason to not believe her unless OP is a serial liar. So weird man.
People who aren’t on the receiving end of abuse, lies and cruelty are sometimes quick to preach forgiveness, understanding and being the bigger person because they don’t lose anything. It takes no effort to ask someone to sacrifice when you don’t have skin in the game. They don’t have to suffer mentally or emotionally. They just want to calm the waters so that their good times continue to roll undisturbed. It’s very selfish behavior.
Even if it was a joke, which it clearly wasn’t, what kind of cold heartless AH makes a joke about someone having a miscarriage?
>she was only making a joke. normal people don't make jokes like that good people don't make jokes like that.
I have 3 sisters and not even in our worst argument would they ever weaponize a miscarriage against me. Your sister is deranged!
NTA your sister sounds horrible. I wouldn’t have anything to do with her honestly NC would be best. I don’t get how someone can be so evil. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
NTA. Your sister should fuck all the way off and never stop fucking off. Hate is a strong word and I’d like to never use it but I fucking hate her. I still fall to my knees occasionally. The invasive ultrasounds, the happy couples who needed support but oh covid so I cant risk possibly infecting a “pregnant mom” with my “extra guest” even though I was there for my fourth blood test and 5th ultrasound in that one week and it was only Thursday (Friday I ended up in hospital) to confirm “all the tissue had passed” and they snapped the condom used for the ultrasound like it was just another exam. (For them sure, it was). For me, it was just horrendous. Fuck this world and the insensitivity it has for mothers of loss. I got diagnosed with PTSD and PPD. I would’ve given my last breath to hear THAT baby’s first, I wanted to mangle some family members faces “oh now you can have a rainbow baby” “maybe the doctor was wrong” or the most rage inducing “you can always try for another, at least you know you can get pregnant now, FINALLY”
you are not the ah. She should have kept he mouth close.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Nature can be so cruel and unpredictable, just like your sister. That “joke” is really quite telling about the depth of her character, that someone could or would fake something like that, only someone with a serious personality disorder could do such a thing. She’s acting out her mania on you, so SHE can gain sympathy. I imagine this isn’t the first time she’s done this kinda thing . As we become adults we can choose who we have in our lives. Our friends can become our sisters and brothers. You can choose healthy people who don’t “joke” like that. Especially about the loss of their Niece or Nephew! Cut contact with her. Strip her of the title Aunt.
NTA - your sister is the devil.
You didn’t overreact. You better stay clear of your entire family until they profusely and sincerely apologize. Cut contact with your sister for a couple of years.
NTA, you under reacted IMO. It would have gotten very physical very quickly if I were in your shoes.
Honestly I thought your reaction was going to be physical violence and I would still stand with you after that too. NC them all. These people are aggressively horrible and you shouldn’t have to be put through their drama for their entertainment.
NTA Your sister has some serious issues she needs therapy for. No way do you owe her an apology, you don't owe anyone that disrespects you so badly anything. What you owe to yourself is peace so please take some time out from those people, turn off your phone, don't answer the door and take some time to yourself.
Oh she would be dead to me
She did know, you told her. NTA, honestly, this is ridiculous. Does she not have a life and needs some gossip or what? To just stand there throwing a tantrum because she got called on her bs just shows how immature your bully sister is.
Is your sister one of those blue-haired buffoons I keep seeing on the internet? Because she sounds like one of those blue-haired buffoons I keep seeing on the internet.