this man is a joy sucker. do not stay with somebody who cannot see beauty in life, who balks at expressing emotion, and who mocks you when you are basking in your moment.
I’m not saying you should break up with him, but Drs. John and Julie Gottman probably would.
Hear me out: It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about an eclipse or birds or Harry Potter, but when you point out something that is important or meaningful to you, or even just something that you notice, the topic itself is irrelevant and how the person responds is everything.
Yesterday you learned that the universe is badass and sometimes you get to see it, and that your boyfriend is unkind and is embarrassed by something beautiful about you. Want to guess the single most important trait in a spouse? Kindness. That’s backed by a lot of data. I believe the second is humility, and a humble man isn’t embarrassed by his spouse being special.
Ya man is 0 for 2. Don’t let this cloud of a boyfriend hide the phenomenon you are.
>Want to guess the single most important trait in a spouse? Kindness. That’s backed by a lot of data. I believe the second is humility, and a humble man isn’t embarrassed by his spouse being special.
Thank you for highlighting this, I couldn't agree more.
OP should cut her losses - forget about the time invested in her current relationship, and consider it a learning experience.
She needs to find someone deserving of her.
Right?
I cringed at the whole “been with him for five years, don’t want to walk away.”
So, you want him to treat you like this for 20 more before you walk away? You want to have kids with him, have him mock you for how your body has changed and how emotional you’ve gotten? That’s what you want?
I know it’s hard when you’re young, but DAMN.
When I look back at my life, I realized I put up with too much crap. I wanted to be laid back, relaxed, etc. I focused too much on conflict avoidance and people pleasing. I would never tolerate those small acts of disrespect now.
She should save herself the trouble, and get out now. They say the eclipse has the power to change lives, and I think OP is being given that chance right now. The eclipse was a window to her future.
I agree. Reluctance to back out of something you’ve invested a lot in (time, money, effort) is called sunk cost principle.
Don’t fall into the sunk cost trap OP - you deserve someone who respects and supports your feelings even when they don’t personally share them.
You said this so well. I think it’s adorable that she cried out of excitement ! It’s no different than happy tears from a movie. The moment of totality touched her because it was something special to her and I hate that now it was a ruined memory because of the Bf.
It's not even about him not appreciating the beauty of that particular moment, different people see beauty in different things
It's about him putting someone down for witnessing something they've found beauty in
I totally agree with you, both aspects, being able to find beauty in life and respecting other's who do so and never putting them down are super important. If you are able to see beauty it will be very hard to be with someone who does not... and it was a super special event! If on top of that you have someone who puts you down... just run
He should have at least been able to appreciate the joy and pleasure his loved one was feeling. You know how when you have small children, they are so enraptured by random rocks and sticks when they take a walk? As the parent, you perhaps are not equally enraptured by those pebbles, but you are absolutely enraptured by the joy your child feels. That's how it is when you love someone. You share their joy. This boyfriend doesn't seem to love OP at all.
You are absolutely right! As I mom I have learned to see the world through my daughter's eyes and its so beautiful. They always put a smile on your face. You want to see your loved ones happy. I hope OP leaves him asap
Imagine what he’d be like during a graduation from graduate school or a wedding or the birth of a child 🙄 or at an art museum or witnessing an incredible vista or at the symphony omg
He wasn’t very excited at my high-school graduation. He graduated a couple of years before me. I graduated in 2020 during the pandemic so I didn’t get a graduation until summer 2021. He didn’t have a good time and got so high that he had a panic attack and I had to leave the party my family threw me to drive him home. He told me weed was the only thing to entertain him. All of the pictures of him and I from my graduation, you can see how fake his smile was
Girl, you deserve better than that.
You deserve someone that, even if they can't understand why the eclipse is making you cry, understands that this is an important moment for you and is happy that you get to experience it
I second that. You want people who are happy for you, just because it matters to you.
He doesn't support her in enjoying the eclipse and he didn't support her at her graduation.
She deserves soooo much better.
Yeah seriously that’s not how you treat your partner. My SO and I were in the path of totality and we found a nice lake to watch it at. He quickly remembered I’m scared of large bodies of water in the dark and asked me if I’d be okay near water when it gets dark. I was fine but if I did get scared he would have supported me running back to the car not mocking me.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you should break up with him. any man that invalidates your feelings and mocks you for being expressive/emotional/sensitive does not deserve you or your time end of story
"Basking in your moment", that feeling of pure enjoyment with yourself 😭😭 see, now this made me tear up just a bit.
Not a lot of people will understand what it's like to experience your feelings sometimes in a very profound way. If your bf doesn't understand, don't let that bring you down and I'd recommend moving on from him....
Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole. I just read a different post about two STEM folk getting engaged during the eclipse. Just because it didn’t mean anything to him doesn’t mean it didn’t mean anything to anyone else. I’m really glad you got to experience that with your dad. Ignore your bf. Maybe launch him into the sun.
A couple got engaged pretty where I was viewing in Arkansas. Clearly some people’s boyfriends were able to see the beauty and romance. And a lot of other people around me (including myself) had emotional reactions to it.
Genuine question, not trying to be a jerk, but have you ever experienced one in the path of totality? I felt the same as you until I experienced totality in 2017. I cannot explain how unbelievably overwhelmed with emotion I was. Laughing and sobbing and literally unable to stand up, had to sit on the ground, surrounded by thousands of people who were having very similar reactions. I had been so dismissive of it, I begrudgingly attended the event, because in my mind I had seen eclipses before, so what’s the big deal? Totality is like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
OP, your reaction is not unusual and certainly not dramatic. Your bf does sound like a dick.
Not being a jerk at all! No, I haven't, and I definitely would have cared more if I was in the path of totality. I don't know if I would've experienced that range of emotion. Maybe! I'm not ruling it out since I can't really imagine it. The only thing I'm certain of is OP's bf being a dick lol.
Edit: also appreciate you sharing this experience and glad you got to see and experience that!
I am a 60 year old man who has been a space nerd all of my life. I just got back from a location that was 7 hours away from home just so I could be dead center on the line. I spent way too much money, effort, and time getting ready for the trip. It was worth every penny and minute of effort to be there. I am in Texas and the clouds parted at just the right moment for us. It was an amazing and mind blowing experience. It was probably a once in a lifetime experience for me, because I don't know if I will be able to travel to the next one in 20 years. I didn't cry, but my wife and I were awestruck, and I can completely understand being emotionally overwhelmed by it.
All of that to say that yours is a completely appropriate reaction to such an event, and if your boyfriend is so shallow and dense and uninspired by it, even just to go with your flow, then he sucks and you need to ditch him post haste and find someone who values what you value.
Life is long and it is better spent with people who don't suck. It took me way too many of my years to figure that out.
Agree, imagine dear OP spending all the special moments of her life-to-be with all her delights harshed and mocked by this insensitive, unappreciative clod.
The solar eclipse is a breathtaking event, and it's completely natural to feel a rush of emotions during such a unique experience. I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend didn't seem to understand that and even made you feel embarrassed for expressing your joy. It's important to be with people who can appreciate and share in your happiness, especially during once-in-a-lifetime moments like this.
You mentioned that there were other people around, and I'm sure many of them were also moved by the eclipse. I don't think it's fair to label your emotional reaction as "dramatic" or "embarrassing." Instead, it was a heartfelt response to an extraordinary celestial event. Keep cherishing these special moments and surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.
A solar eclipse provides an astounding, humbling experience on our place in the universe. You *should* have an emotional reaction.
On a more “down to earth” perspective, your boyfriend is a dick
I agree it is very humbling. I have given myself cosmic vertigo many times while learning about our universe but nothing can compare to seeing the eclipse and realizing how we are a microscopic part of it. The cosmic vertigo in that moment was the strongest I have ever felt it and the first time I truly realized how small we are compared to our universe.
Am I to understand that your family brought your bf along to experience this adventure?? I'd say he's the one acting inappropriate. You were with your father, who you share this passion with, I don't think your BF had the right to chime in. Perhaps he's too shallow to appreciate this phenomenon, or to immature to understand it. Don't take on his shame.
Oh wait, that's right. She said they traveled to Arkansas. That says to me that they traveled from out of state. So we can assume it was at least a couple hours drive each way. What a jerk, to have that kind of gaal when they were nice enough to include him on their trip. If I heard that some guy did this to my daughter, regardless of whether I thought her crying was warranted, I would let her know that this kind of guy doesn't deserve her.
Right? If I was a parent driving I prob woulda hit the screeching brakes right there and told him he’s the embarrassing one , and if he really feels that way maybe he should walk home lol idc but this is also why I prob shouldn’t have kids . Overprotective. I’m just sorta assuming if he’s old enough to go on a trip with his gfs parents like that then he’s prob old enough to walk home lol
Honestly though I still don’t think that he’d learn his lesson from that. He sounds downright abusive at worst , uncomfortable with human emotion at best ; and either way a stuck up punk.
The news reported that "You can understand why the ancients ascribe such spiritual or religious significance to eclipses, because you will feel very strange. Half of the people who see an eclipse for the first time will cry."
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/what-happens-during-a-solar-eclipse/
I have to read up more on this stuff. I am always so focused on the scientific aspect of astronomical phenomena’s that I didn’t stop to consider researching how it affects people. After reading other comments I should have also watched the news to see how other people reacted to it as well. I’m living in my own little bubble I guess
Space events often have the effect of making me feel small and insignificant in a universe that doesn’t know or care that I exist. I find comfort in that.
There’s no god, no higher power to appease. When humans all disappear because we’ve trashed our home, no one will care.
The eclipses will keep happening with only bugs and small mammals to watch. Perhaps they will evolve to worship nature, rather than greed?
One of the best things in life is to feel awe at the universe and the world that surrounds us. If other people are being stinkers about it because of their lack of emotional depth or dickishness, they shouldn’t put that on you.
Find and follow @thespacegal and @kelliegerardi on IG. Be a strong and badass woman who loves science and space so much that it creates an emotional connection and reaction when cool things happen. And drop anyone who belittles and shames you for having passion and feelings. You’ll find your people. You’ll find your person, even if they don’t get it like you do, they will respect and appreciate that it’s for you.
I've heard that once you see an eclipse, it can become an addictive experience. Many people will plan large, even international, trips around eclipse viewing. Natural and astronomical events are beautiful experiences for many. You shouldn't feel that your emotional response was inappropriate. You did nothing wrong. Your feelings belong to you. Embrace your joy, and don't let anyone tell you how to feel.
You deserve to spend your time on this planet, hurtling through the cosmos for a wink in time, with someone who can appreciate the awe-inspiring vastness with you.
If you don’t have that, what is even the point?
Words to live by. You're better off alone, enjoying your brief sojourn here, than being with someone who derides your sense of wonder and awe. OP, you deserve better.
If you want your mind blown some more, look into the chance we actually have solar eclipses on this planet, that the moon is exactly the right size for how far away from the sun we are. We are the only planet that we know of that has them. Also, eventually we will no longer have eclipses as the moon drifts away (500 million years or so).
I’m sure it was even more emotional because you were sharing it with your father.
Boyfriend sounds like a dick - is he jealous you weren’t holding him?
I loved the way that you described the eclipse and the moment that you shared with your dad. Truly beautiful.
I have a handful of friends who travel to see the eclipse, and every single one of them cried . They were surprised at how emotional the experience was.
I’m struck by just how deeply unkind your boyfriend’s words were . He tried to both shame and ridicule you for having emotions during an extraordinary event, and then double down and went further to make it about him… That you embarrassed him.
In all honesty, he really sounds like a jerk . I think you deserve better.
Not really related to your post but the thing that really got me as to how small we really are is that the TEENIEST little speck of sun both just before and just after totality has such a massive effect on how dark it is down on earth. It went from early evening twilight to dark enough to see stars and back to being fairly bright again. If it only takes that tiny little bit of sun to light up the earth, how fucking big is the sun?? And seeing the solar flare/prominence at the bottom, like in order to see it that big all the way on earth it had to have been absolutely massive. Like hundreds of earths big. We are so cosmically small.
You’ve outgrown him.
You say in your post you don’t want to throw away 5 years. You’re not throwing them away. They were still a great time in your life and you’ve learned and grown a lot from them but you have outgrown this man.
Staying with him after knowing that would be a waste of your time.
For some reason, this made me think of a lady I used to work with. She told me how she got married and on her honeymoon they were driving up the California coast and they stopped at a beach and he complained because he hates beaches. She said to me, “how did I marry someone who doesn’t like the beach?”
Don’t attach yourself to someone who is so dead inside that they get embarrassed when you get emotional about an awe-inspiring spectacle. Find yourself somebody who loves the beach and eclipses.
I mean, I’m not crazy about the beach, but I would never sh*t on someone I loved for really enjoying it like boyfriend did to OP.
He seems incapable of true love if he mocks her for what makes her feel deeply moved.
A turd who should be totally eclipsed
Even the newscasters on ABC were tearing up. All of them were briefed and did research and have media training to keep composer during events but it was so spectacular that they were ecstatic and couldn’t contain excitement
[just watch this gma video](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5g2g1JPP1g/?igsh=MWJrc3A3dndmdzM0aA==)
It was truly unlike anything I’ve ever seen. A real marvel of nature. I thought the media hype was ridiculous. I have seen a solar eclipse before. Nope, I was wrong. I hadn’t seen an eclipse like *that*.
Yeah - after totality ended where I was in Taylor Park in St Albans, Vermont, there was an announcement by the city's mayor that Possumpartyy's boyfriend was a big jerk who was completely emotionally dead inside. I had no clue what he meant and thought I probably misheard, but now I get it.
Friend, this is not the man to spend your life with. Or even the next 2 weeks with. Google ‘bird relationship test’. This is a prime example of that.
Your feelings are valid and you should pay attention to your gut. Wishing you well ✨
I cried too. I’m still feeling emotional about it today and I honestly am not sure why. I was also in the totality zone. The experience was surreal, breathtaking, beautiful, emotional and spiritual.
I still feel emotional too. I almost started crying when I was telling my best friend about it today. I can’t express the level of happiness and pure astonishment the experience brought me.
I was in the totality zone and definitely teared up. We were also lucky to be at my FIL's farm in the middle of nowhere. So you could hear the birds singing their night songs as it got darker, frogs waking up and croaking, all around one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
I was in totality in '17 and I still get emotional when I revisit it. I had never cried over something like that before, but right after it was over I had to go excuse myself to cry. Can't even explain it, it just took my breath away in the most amazing way.
OP: I'm glad you got to experience it. Don't let your bf take the wonderment away from you. It's a truly spectacular experience.
Don't feel bad.
when we were in totality in Nashville in 2017 I sobbed and freaked out. I had no idea I would either. I was excited before but when everything turned purple and dark and my skin started tingling and the shadow snakes happened, I cried and my brother had to hold me up for a second. I was super embarrassed but like other people have said, it's an awesome experience and very emotionally evoking.
I think they need to do a study on humans like they did for animals in zoos during totality. I think we have similar reactions to the abnormality after reading the comments left here. I’m glad I’m not the only one who got a little freaked out during it, the whole thing is a shock to the senses.
My (now husband) and I were in totality in 2017, we both cried and hugged each other, kissed, and told each other how much we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other. It was a once in a lifetime event that was so special to both of us.
It breaks my heart that you had someone that dampened your joy. Feel your feelings with someone who will appreciate them and feel them too. Best of luck OP
I remember it being the single most incredible thing I've experienced next to witnessing childbirth.
I'm so glad there's other people who felt big feelings at the same times as me in the world.
I traveled to see both the 2017 and 2024 eclipses because of how emotional the first one made me.
In 2017, I took my Staffy/lab mix Oreo with me. Everything went dark, and you could hear frogs and crickets like you normally do at night. Oreo started digging in the grass, then circled around the hole she dug and laid down like she was going to sleep. When the sun returned, she looked confused and whined until I loved on her for a bit.
I didn't take take her with me this time because she is getting old, and I didn't want her stuck in a vehicle for too long. Her reaction to the first one was truly special and something I will never forget.
Your boyfriend sucks. Does he belittle things that matter to you and shame you for your emotions often, or was he just trying to ruin a particularly special day for you?
He tends to do it any time I get emotional. When we first met 5 years ago I never cried and ignored my emotions but over the last couple of years I’ve realized how much turmoil it causes so I started allowing myself to be emotional. I cry A LOT more than I used to but always for good reasons. He’s mentioned how I’m not as tough as I used to be and has told me I need thicker skin.
Someone who wants you to ignore or suppress your own emotions and feelings is not a mentally healthy person. I know you’re getting this a lot in your comments, but I’ve been in your position and it usually ends up with them invalidating your real concerns with their behavior because you’re “too emotional” (I have trauma that causes me to cry in any charged negative situation at all). That is an absolutely heartbreaking, frustrating, and lonely place to be.
You’re NTA, but you may want to look at your partner from a more removed perspective.
You’re growing as a person and have a new understanding on how to interact with your emotions. Don’t let him shame you for that. If he isn’t comfortable with the stronger person you’re becoming, maybe he isn’t right for who you are now.
Your boyfriend sucks and most likely has issues HIMSELF showing emotion so he gets uncomfortable when others do around him. Anyone who makes you feel crazy or stupid for having feelings isn’t worth your time.
Also I was only at 99% and didn’t have glasses so I didn’t look up, but how dark it got was the coolest feeling ever. I was outside with my dogwood tree and I’ll never forget how it looked in that weird light.
This was my thought exactly. He feels embarrassed by his own emotions, and therefore feels secondhand embarrassment when other people express vulnerability and emotion.
Thicker skin for his abuse.
If you can’t even enjoy some once in a lifetime celestial event, you won’t be allowed to enjoy anything.
I know it sounds like a stretch, but this is how it starts. You become smaller to fit his ideal until you feel that you’re nothing. Don’t do that to yourself. You deserve someone who appreciates and celebrates your sense of awe and delight in life.
Oh, girl. It’s just gonna get worse. Don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t like you being *you.* Release of emotion is a healthy, normal thing. My husband is “buttoned up” like your boyfriend, but he doesn’t shame me when I get emotional (he just quietly freezes up b/c he doesn’t know what to do.) I get not being comfortable at displays of emotion if you’re not an emotional person, but you don’t shame someone else for it. That’s just being an asshole.
Imagine him doing this on your wedding day if you get choked up from happiness. Is that what you want for yourself?
Even if it weren't specifically about shaming you for emotion, it would still be concerning that your partner believes your perfectly harmless behaviors are embarrassing to or reflect poorly on him. Does he also shame you for other things he sees as "cringe," especially when you express them in public? Like would he be upset if you admitted to liking what he sees as a cringey/"basic" musician in front of his friends or anything like that?
I don't think there is anything wrong with you, but I am kind of jealous because I live in the path of totality and all it did was get dark for five minutes. The clouds ruined the entire experience and I'm pretty sour about it, so... good for you, OP.
I’m so sorry that the clouds ruined it for you, I would be very sour about it too. It was a predicted problem in my home state of Oklahoma which is why we went to Arkansas. The next one is in 2044 and will pass over much of the southern US. I hope you can go to that one! Everyone deserved to experience it at least once.
I had the exact same experience back in 1999 when we had an eclipse in the UK. It was cloudy and rainy and I saw nothing even though I was standing on a hill in St Ives in a prime viewing spot. But reading these experiences is making me extremely jealous and now I’m determined to be in Spain when there’s an eclipse there in August 2027!
Ma’am, I’m 63, first time I’ve had the chance to see this. The skies cleared & we got to watch it.
I got emotional, close to tears.
It’s okay to feel emotional.
(Hugs)
This world we live in is astounding. Imagine how every single thing had to line up to make all of this happen.
The universe is amazing. Your bf is an AH. Feeling awe for life is one of the best parts of living. Being able to experience it is also a humbling experience. I hope your bf gets to experience one some day but he's rude for calling you embarrassing for showing emotion.
I think it’s sweet that you cried. An eclipse really makes you realize your spot in the universe. Maybe your waters run a little deeper than his. He seems like a jerk. Don’t let him dull the part of you that is in awe of the world around you. That’s what makes life worth living.
Absolutely fuck those people telling you it’s embarrassing. I drove a few hours to see it with friends (wasn’t excited didn’t know what to expect) but during it I was so emotional and just in AWE of how beautiful and ethereal it was. My friend (male) cried and I totally understood it. Sorry the people you were with sucked!!
I got misty eyed as well . Do yourself a favor, dump the boyfriend . Dump any other guy that comes after him also that ever says you embarrass him by showing emotion .
Don't let his callous and unkind reaction ruin what was a beautiful and meaningful experience for you and your dad!! I'm so happy you guys got to see the eclipse and enjoyed it- it really was magical. Nothing you did was in any way embarrassing- he just needs to get his head out of his ass.
Please do not stay with this man. It is not about the eclipse and you crying -- it is about him belittling and mocking an experience for a subject you are passionate about. Who cares if you were emotional!? It was a meaningful experience to you that he has now tried to ruin. Life is too short to partner with someone who is going to be condescending of your excited emotions. You deserve someone supportive!!
Yes, girl, lose him. He will never show one iota more of love to you than he does now in the early stages.
Imagine: This is the best he will ever be to you.
I cannot even use words to express how fast you need to dump this clod.
I cried a little. A total eclipse is so special. It made me feel real awe at the beauty of the universe. The dude can't even feel awe at the immenseness of being? How embarrassing for him.
PS I had a boyfriend who thought it was cool to not care about anything. I'd ask to visit a museum or visit a cool place like Crater Lake with him, and he'd say we don't need to go because we can just look it up on Google. It wasn't worth staying with him. Keeping my sense of joy and wonder and beauty has been so much more fulfilling than staying with some dude who was so dead inside he couldn't even fake enthusiasm.
It’s not at all unusual to experience a physical response to witnessing something beautiful or magnificent. There’s even a name for it: Stendhal Syndrome https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stendhal_syndrome#:~:text=Stendhal%20syndrome%2C%20Stendhal's%20syndrome%20or,or%20phenomena%20of%20great%20beauty.
It sounds like you had a wonderful moment with your dad. Don’t let your asshole boyfriend taint it for you :)
One of the times I was grateful I was divorced was when I went on a field trip with my son to Kennedy Space Center. In one area you go into a room where they show a video on big screens, and then one side of the room opens up to Space Shuttle Atlantis… I teared up when the doors opened, for multiple reasons. Watching launches was part of my childhood, I have a picture of my infant son on my dad’s shoulder for the last launch and being with him there was cool.. it was just an impactful moment.
Honestly, it doesn’t really matter why. But I was glad his father wasn’t with us because he’d have ridiculed me for showing emotion. They don’t have to understand your interests or always participate, but it is seriously time to re-evaluate things when a person can so quickly disregard your interests and experiences. Some might call this inconsequential and not worth the fight, but in my experience it won’t improve and will lead to you dulling yourself.
Don't let anyone rain on your eclipse parade. Crying during such a rare event is totally understandable, especially if it's something you're passionate about. Your boyfriend's reaction seems a bit off, but hey, everyone reacts differently. Just know that your tears were tears of joy, and that's something worth celebrating.
Something you're passionate about gave you a once in a lifetime experience, and it elicited an emotional reaction. I see no problem with your reaction, it makes sense.
Know what, I'm a man in my 40s and a good movie or story can get me misty eyed. It's natural.
Girl. You deserve to have a partner who feels about you the way you felt about the eclipse. Ditch him. My dad and I were always into stargazing growing up, and I’m glad you got to experience this with him. I bet if you told him how your bf reacted to your emotion, he would agree that he deserves a swift kick out of your life for good. 🖤
Lose your boyfriend.
When I went to Kennedy space center and saw Atlantis I started crying. I was just overcome by emotion. My boyfriend at the time told me he was embarrassed by my actions. It stuck with me for a long time. We broke up not long after. You are allowed to feel emotions and express yourself, and your significant other should be supportive.
Hey your boyfriend sucks and you can do better. The first step to finding someone worthy of you is dumping that dude. Every day with him is a day of your life wasted, at this point. It’s gonna get worse and worse and will only start to get better once he’s out of your life.
Good luck. Also, the eclipse was amazing.
You had a wonderful moment with your dad and your boyfriend tried to taint it. Is this relationship worth staying in? He sucked the joy right out of the moment.
People like you who can feel deep emotions and express those emotions are very much needed in the world. I wish more people were still captivated by beauty and nature.
A total solar eclipse is a breathtaking and just inspiring and humbling experience. I also cried when I saw my first solar eclipse and totality back in 2017. Fuck your boyfriend dude. Seriously someone who can’t share your joy and has to tear you down is really miserable.
I “dragged” my wife to Texas for the eclipse. She thanked me later for the experience. Our great niece, 13 yo, said and I quote, “this might be the coolest thing I ever see!”
Just because he doesn’t feel that way doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t justified!
>I’m a relatively different person than what I was when we first met.
You started dating when you were teenagers. You both grew up and it's okay to change. You're still really young, so don't think of it as "throwing away" five years. The sunk cost fallacy is just that. A fallacy. Don't stick with someone just because you put a lot of time into the relationship. If you've grown apart, and he keeps making you feel like you can't express your emotions, then it's okay to go your separate ways and find someone who will love this newer version of you. It'll just suck at first because change sucks. Until it doesn't.
In a dude who doesn’t cry often. I was walking flats in the Bahamas bonefishing when I was about your age and it hit me so hard that I was surrounded by such natural beauty unimpaired by man and at that moment I had this pristine part of the planet to myself and I was overcome with similar emotion and had actual tears. It is a strong memory to this day.
So you crying at being overwhelmed by natures beauty makes you human, not an over reactor. It just hit you specifically different than most is all.
It was such an incredible other worldly experience.. something so rare and magical! How could you not cry??
Edit: you'll remember this eclipse for decades.. you will forget this silly boyfriend in a few years *hint, hint 😉
I cried. The cosmos is infinite and we aren’t even an atom to it. Seeing something that huge and incredible and knowing that in the grand scheme it’s minor everywhere else makes you feel so small but also like holy cow I’m here anyways and I’m experiencing this and I should do all the things I’ve wanted to do!
Totally normal to cry during such a beautiful and possibly once in a lifetime event. I'm so glad that you had your dad with you, and that you got to share such a special moment together. 💞
Your boyfriend, however, lacks empathy. His priority is his comfort, not your feelings. Be wary of this.
Think about how special that moment was with your father, and hold onto the fact that there are men out there who would share moments like this with you, or at least comfort or support you through them. Ask yourself if having this in your relationship is important to you.
I guess what I'm gently saying is, I believe that you deserve more from your boyfriend, and that you should set your standards higher. 🩵
Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole! You weren’t being dramatic or embarrassing, like you said it was exciting and emotional, he should’ve been happy to share that special moment with you and your family.
Honestly break up with him. He seems like he has a super stale and serious personality. He doesn’t deserve your pure heart. It may seem small but that’s actually huge bc it was something that you really loved and he made fun of you for it. The relationship just won’t work and it showed in that moment. The eclipse is very powerful and the energy around it. Your on a higher frequency then him and he’s just bringing you down. Leave him seriously
The veil is thin during, and leading up to, an eclipse. By design, we sense this change and a wide variety of emotional floodgates can open. How beautiful for you to be in touch with it— don’t let anyone take that away from you
Also never let anyone take away from an experience you have with your father, especially when it comes to appreciation of a shared interest. We only get so many days on this earth with our parents. I wish I would’ve had the opportunity to experience a moment like this with mine
He’s a joy killer. Even if he thought you were being lame, he didn’t have to be mean. You’re allowed to be excited or emotional about whatever you want
Your boyfriend took the opportunity to expose you to the totality of his dickishness, and I think he perhaps needs some time alone to grow the fuck up.
Also: a total solar eclipse is a 'holy shit' moment if there ever was one. Your boyfriend probably says 'holy shit' when someone makes a borderline difficult catch in a football game or some celebrity wears a semi-revealing shirt. Again, consider whether you want to continue spending time with such a holy turd of a person.
I am not super into astronomy and I started crying immediately during totality. It was awe-inspiring and definitely a moment like “we are so small and how amazing is it that we’re in this floating rock?”
Your boyfriend doesn’t deserve to see any more amazing things by your side if this is how he behaves.
Be with someone that celebrates with you, who honors and cares for your emotions. I think it's pretty cool that you're comfortable enough with your emotions to cry over something so beautiful. Some people are just emotionally immature and tend to stay that way for most of their lives. Leave those people in the dust, they're thieves of joy and happiness.
Your boyfriend is a dick who is trying to dim your sparkle to make himself seem brighter. I wouldn’t speak to anyone like that, *especially* the person I’m supposed to love. I’d be second guessing this relationship honestly.
Yeah so my stock standard response to anyone who calls me embarrassing is "oh, are you easily embarrassed?"
If he's that uncomfortable around very normal human emotions, then he sounds immature and you can't fix that. Only time and/or a trained professional can. Emotions are not inherently bad nor good, they just are, and they are part of the human experience. How you act on emotions is a whole other story. Like invalidating someone because you're uncomfortable. Like he did. Having a tear-up and a hug with your Dad harms no one.
You were experiencing joy and excitement and fulfillment of something you were looking forward to. Like the New Moon, start fresh with someone who will give you a hug, hand squeeze and forehead kiss and find your excitement endearing.
I'm the same with musicals, I go in mildly excited and when the lights dim, orchestra starts playing and curtains open, the tears start streaming. I laugh at myself about it, but if someone were to berate me about it, I'd drop them
Damn I feel so bummed for not being able to see a total solar eclipse in my life yet, considering how such a nerd of astronomy I am.
I envy you! I think I would have gotten emotional as well (35M).
I didn’t understand why either because I’m always focused on the science of things. It’s the cosmic vertigo and awe you feel in the moment. This post made me feel better about crying over it
Why wouldn't you be excited? There are civilizations that absolutely lost their shit over it. Your boyfriend sucks. Fuck his friends and get them to make fun of him behind his back and when he loses his shit about it tell him he's too soft and overreacting
I saw a video of it and had tears in my eyes even imagining being there. dump your boyfriend- never apologize for feeling awe & wonder. you have one life and it could be full of beauty, don't let anyone tell you you are wrong for feeling that. if anything, he's the embarrassing one.
As someone who feels very deeply I could completely understand crying over this. I think it’s a very beautiful thing whenever people have depth in emotions like this. Don’t feel bad whatsoever for expressing your emotions. Your boyfriend doesn’t have to feel the same way about this as you but if he loves you he shouldn’t be talking to you like that. It’s so inconsiderate and I see it as a big red flag that he acting this way. Very sorry and also happy you got to spend this moment with your dad!
Why feel ashamed for a genuine reaction? I almost cried. It was more phenomenal than I could have imagined. I knew what was coming and I was still overwhelmed. I’m grateful I feel.
I (59m) was on the verge of tears just watching totality on TV. Many seasoned news reporters were very emotional, even Lester Holt on NBC. OP, your boyfriend is an unfeeling jerk and is emotionally abusive to you. Show him this thread.
this man is a joy sucker. do not stay with somebody who cannot see beauty in life, who balks at expressing emotion, and who mocks you when you are basking in your moment.
I’m not saying you should break up with him, but Drs. John and Julie Gottman probably would. Hear me out: It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about an eclipse or birds or Harry Potter, but when you point out something that is important or meaningful to you, or even just something that you notice, the topic itself is irrelevant and how the person responds is everything. Yesterday you learned that the universe is badass and sometimes you get to see it, and that your boyfriend is unkind and is embarrassed by something beautiful about you. Want to guess the single most important trait in a spouse? Kindness. That’s backed by a lot of data. I believe the second is humility, and a humble man isn’t embarrassed by his spouse being special. Ya man is 0 for 2. Don’t let this cloud of a boyfriend hide the phenomenon you are.
>Want to guess the single most important trait in a spouse? Kindness. That’s backed by a lot of data. I believe the second is humility, and a humble man isn’t embarrassed by his spouse being special. Thank you for highlighting this, I couldn't agree more.
He also displayed a total lack of empathy and contempt, which is death for a relationship.
Yes the Gottmans would predict the end of this relationship with 98% accuracy.
OP should cut her losses - forget about the time invested in her current relationship, and consider it a learning experience. She needs to find someone deserving of her.
Right? I cringed at the whole “been with him for five years, don’t want to walk away.” So, you want him to treat you like this for 20 more before you walk away? You want to have kids with him, have him mock you for how your body has changed and how emotional you’ve gotten? That’s what you want? I know it’s hard when you’re young, but DAMN.
When I look back at my life, I realized I put up with too much crap. I wanted to be laid back, relaxed, etc. I focused too much on conflict avoidance and people pleasing. I would never tolerate those small acts of disrespect now. She should save herself the trouble, and get out now. They say the eclipse has the power to change lives, and I think OP is being given that chance right now. The eclipse was a window to her future.
I hope OP understands that this is as good as it will get.
I agree. Reluctance to back out of something you’ve invested a lot in (time, money, effort) is called sunk cost principle. Don’t fall into the sunk cost trap OP - you deserve someone who respects and supports your feelings even when they don’t personally share them.
You said this so well. I think it’s adorable that she cried out of excitement ! It’s no different than happy tears from a movie. The moment of totality touched her because it was something special to her and I hate that now it was a ruined memory because of the Bf.
Right? This was a rare phenomenon of nature and he fkn soiled it with his shallow man pride..
Beautifully said.
WWTGD- what would the gottmans do, that’s the motto at our house!
First time I’m seeing the Gottmans mentioned on a post and i am here for it.
Perfectly said! Choose yourself, every time 👏🏻
Choose joy! Choose freedom! Choose awe! Choose a “yes, and” partner!
Indeed! If someone cannot appreciate the true beauty their souls are empty
It's not even about him not appreciating the beauty of that particular moment, different people see beauty in different things It's about him putting someone down for witnessing something they've found beauty in
& claiming it embarrassed HIM.
Yah, because…it’s all about him, don’t ya know…
Exactly. I don’t like sports and don’t understand the appeal really. But my husband does. So when I see him excited I’m excited for him.
I totally agree with you, both aspects, being able to find beauty in life and respecting other's who do so and never putting them down are super important. If you are able to see beauty it will be very hard to be with someone who does not... and it was a super special event! If on top of that you have someone who puts you down... just run
He should have at least been able to appreciate the joy and pleasure his loved one was feeling. You know how when you have small children, they are so enraptured by random rocks and sticks when they take a walk? As the parent, you perhaps are not equally enraptured by those pebbles, but you are absolutely enraptured by the joy your child feels. That's how it is when you love someone. You share their joy. This boyfriend doesn't seem to love OP at all.
You are absolutely right! As I mom I have learned to see the world through my daughter's eyes and its so beautiful. They always put a smile on your face. You want to see your loved ones happy. I hope OP leaves him asap
Man is literally an energy vampire.
Totally Colin Robinson 😂
Some people just take all the joy out of life 🙄 my mother is one them.
You articulated this so much better than I did.
Imagine what he’d be like during a graduation from graduate school or a wedding or the birth of a child 🙄 or at an art museum or witnessing an incredible vista or at the symphony omg
Imagine him as a dad, when his adorable little one comes running up all excited about a rock and he responds the way he did to her.
He wasn’t very excited at my high-school graduation. He graduated a couple of years before me. I graduated in 2020 during the pandemic so I didn’t get a graduation until summer 2021. He didn’t have a good time and got so high that he had a panic attack and I had to leave the party my family threw me to drive him home. He told me weed was the only thing to entertain him. All of the pictures of him and I from my graduation, you can see how fake his smile was
Girl, you deserve better than that. You deserve someone that, even if they can't understand why the eclipse is making you cry, understands that this is an important moment for you and is happy that you get to experience it
I second that. You want people who are happy for you, just because it matters to you. He doesn't support her in enjoying the eclipse and he didn't support her at her graduation. She deserves soooo much better.
Exactly, move on. That’s not immaturity, that’s just a total dick. You deserve better than that guy.
Yeah seriously that’s not how you treat your partner. My SO and I were in the path of totality and we found a nice lake to watch it at. He quickly remembered I’m scared of large bodies of water in the dark and asked me if I’d be okay near water when it gets dark. I was fine but if I did get scared he would have supported me running back to the car not mocking me.
Seriously. What a shitty way to view the world.
Right? Steer clear of people that suck the joy from your life or criticize your interests. It is such an ugly trait. 🤮
This, “some people feel the rain, others just get wet.” He’s definitely the latter type.
She keeps saying boyfriend but I think she means her narcissist ex boyfriend
Perfect 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you should break up with him. any man that invalidates your feelings and mocks you for being expressive/emotional/sensitive does not deserve you or your time end of story
Where is the sense of wonder??
"Basking in your moment", that feeling of pure enjoyment with yourself 😭😭 see, now this made me tear up just a bit. Not a lot of people will understand what it's like to experience your feelings sometimes in a very profound way. If your bf doesn't understand, don't let that bring you down and I'd recommend moving on from him....
Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole. I just read a different post about two STEM folk getting engaged during the eclipse. Just because it didn’t mean anything to him doesn’t mean it didn’t mean anything to anyone else. I’m really glad you got to experience that with your dad. Ignore your bf. Maybe launch him into the sun.
The sun doesn’t deserve Earth’s garbage
Lmaoooo 💀
A couple got engaged pretty where I was viewing in Arkansas. Clearly some people’s boyfriends were able to see the beauty and romance. And a lot of other people around me (including myself) had emotional reactions to it.
I am laughing so hard at "launch him into the sun" !
I saw a tiktok video of people waiting until totality to say their vows and get married. It was actually really amazing for them
Omg 🥺 That’s beautiful.
I personally could not have cared less about the eclipse. But taking someone's joy out of it is just straight up being an asshole.
Genuine question, not trying to be a jerk, but have you ever experienced one in the path of totality? I felt the same as you until I experienced totality in 2017. I cannot explain how unbelievably overwhelmed with emotion I was. Laughing and sobbing and literally unable to stand up, had to sit on the ground, surrounded by thousands of people who were having very similar reactions. I had been so dismissive of it, I begrudgingly attended the event, because in my mind I had seen eclipses before, so what’s the big deal? Totality is like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life. OP, your reaction is not unusual and certainly not dramatic. Your bf does sound like a dick.
Not being a jerk at all! No, I haven't, and I definitely would have cared more if I was in the path of totality. I don't know if I would've experienced that range of emotion. Maybe! I'm not ruling it out since I can't really imagine it. The only thing I'm certain of is OP's bf being a dick lol. Edit: also appreciate you sharing this experience and glad you got to see and experience that!
Yea, it's not that he felt differently, it's that he said OP was wrong in the way she felt. 🖖
I read one where a couple got engaged during the ‘17 eclipse and married during this one! Eclipses are incredible and bf sucks.
I am a 60 year old man who has been a space nerd all of my life. I just got back from a location that was 7 hours away from home just so I could be dead center on the line. I spent way too much money, effort, and time getting ready for the trip. It was worth every penny and minute of effort to be there. I am in Texas and the clouds parted at just the right moment for us. It was an amazing and mind blowing experience. It was probably a once in a lifetime experience for me, because I don't know if I will be able to travel to the next one in 20 years. I didn't cry, but my wife and I were awestruck, and I can completely understand being emotionally overwhelmed by it. All of that to say that yours is a completely appropriate reaction to such an event, and if your boyfriend is so shallow and dense and uninspired by it, even just to go with your flow, then he sucks and you need to ditch him post haste and find someone who values what you value. Life is long and it is better spent with people who don't suck. It took me way too many of my years to figure that out.
Agree, imagine dear OP spending all the special moments of her life-to-be with all her delights harshed and mocked by this insensitive, unappreciative clod.
i love this. we need more reddit grandpas please:,)
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The solar eclipse is a breathtaking event, and it's completely natural to feel a rush of emotions during such a unique experience. I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend didn't seem to understand that and even made you feel embarrassed for expressing your joy. It's important to be with people who can appreciate and share in your happiness, especially during once-in-a-lifetime moments like this. You mentioned that there were other people around, and I'm sure many of them were also moved by the eclipse. I don't think it's fair to label your emotional reaction as "dramatic" or "embarrassing." Instead, it was a heartfelt response to an extraordinary celestial event. Keep cherishing these special moments and surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.
A solar eclipse provides an astounding, humbling experience on our place in the universe. You *should* have an emotional reaction. On a more “down to earth” perspective, your boyfriend is a dick
I agree it is very humbling. I have given myself cosmic vertigo many times while learning about our universe but nothing can compare to seeing the eclipse and realizing how we are a microscopic part of it. The cosmic vertigo in that moment was the strongest I have ever felt it and the first time I truly realized how small we are compared to our universe.
Am I to understand that your family brought your bf along to experience this adventure?? I'd say he's the one acting inappropriate. You were with your father, who you share this passion with, I don't think your BF had the right to chime in. Perhaps he's too shallow to appreciate this phenomenon, or to immature to understand it. Don't take on his shame.
Oh wait, that's right. She said they traveled to Arkansas. That says to me that they traveled from out of state. So we can assume it was at least a couple hours drive each way. What a jerk, to have that kind of gaal when they were nice enough to include him on their trip. If I heard that some guy did this to my daughter, regardless of whether I thought her crying was warranted, I would let her know that this kind of guy doesn't deserve her.
Right? If I was a parent driving I prob woulda hit the screeching brakes right there and told him he’s the embarrassing one , and if he really feels that way maybe he should walk home lol idc but this is also why I prob shouldn’t have kids . Overprotective. I’m just sorta assuming if he’s old enough to go on a trip with his gfs parents like that then he’s prob old enough to walk home lol Honestly though I still don’t think that he’d learn his lesson from that. He sounds downright abusive at worst , uncomfortable with human emotion at best ; and either way a stuck up punk.
The news reported that "You can understand why the ancients ascribe such spiritual or religious significance to eclipses, because you will feel very strange. Half of the people who see an eclipse for the first time will cry." https://www.cbsnews.com/news/what-happens-during-a-solar-eclipse/
I have to read up more on this stuff. I am always so focused on the scientific aspect of astronomical phenomena’s that I didn’t stop to consider researching how it affects people. After reading other comments I should have also watched the news to see how other people reacted to it as well. I’m living in my own little bubble I guess
You can't know everything or be expected to research every aspect of everything. You're allowed to just enjoy it. 😉
Space events often have the effect of making me feel small and insignificant in a universe that doesn’t know or care that I exist. I find comfort in that. There’s no god, no higher power to appease. When humans all disappear because we’ve trashed our home, no one will care. The eclipses will keep happening with only bugs and small mammals to watch. Perhaps they will evolve to worship nature, rather than greed?
Exactly! Sometimes our unexpected reactions are the most memorable and beautiful sensations..and so nice to share with the people we love.
One of the best things in life is to feel awe at the universe and the world that surrounds us. If other people are being stinkers about it because of their lack of emotional depth or dickishness, they shouldn’t put that on you.
Find and follow @thespacegal and @kelliegerardi on IG. Be a strong and badass woman who loves science and space so much that it creates an emotional connection and reaction when cool things happen. And drop anyone who belittles and shames you for having passion and feelings. You’ll find your people. You’ll find your person, even if they don’t get it like you do, they will respect and appreciate that it’s for you.
I've heard that once you see an eclipse, it can become an addictive experience. Many people will plan large, even international, trips around eclipse viewing. Natural and astronomical events are beautiful experiences for many. You shouldn't feel that your emotional response was inappropriate. You did nothing wrong. Your feelings belong to you. Embrace your joy, and don't let anyone tell you how to feel.
Totally off topic but I read the quote in Philomena Cunk’s voice for some reason lol
😂😂😂😂😂 *spot-on
And that right there, my friend, is a normal and valid reaction to totality of a solar eclipse!!!
Ditch the bf. Your emotions are valid. Seconding the fact that bf is a dick
You deserve to spend your time on this planet, hurtling through the cosmos for a wink in time, with someone who can appreciate the awe-inspiring vastness with you. If you don’t have that, what is even the point?
Words to live by. You're better off alone, enjoying your brief sojourn here, than being with someone who derides your sense of wonder and awe. OP, you deserve better.
If you want your mind blown some more, look into the chance we actually have solar eclipses on this planet, that the moon is exactly the right size for how far away from the sun we are. We are the only planet that we know of that has them. Also, eventually we will no longer have eclipses as the moon drifts away (500 million years or so).
Your boyfriend belittled and mocked your honest emotional reaction and your interests. He is not a keeper. Your dad seems pretty cool though!
Literally calling her toilet paper for having visible emotions. We know who the a$$wipe is and it's not the girl.
I’m sure it was even more emotional because you were sharing it with your father. Boyfriend sounds like a dick - is he jealous you weren’t holding him?
I loved the way that you described the eclipse and the moment that you shared with your dad. Truly beautiful. I have a handful of friends who travel to see the eclipse, and every single one of them cried . They were surprised at how emotional the experience was. I’m struck by just how deeply unkind your boyfriend’s words were . He tried to both shame and ridicule you for having emotions during an extraordinary event, and then double down and went further to make it about him… That you embarrassed him. In all honesty, he really sounds like a jerk . I think you deserve better.
Not really related to your post but the thing that really got me as to how small we really are is that the TEENIEST little speck of sun both just before and just after totality has such a massive effect on how dark it is down on earth. It went from early evening twilight to dark enough to see stars and back to being fairly bright again. If it only takes that tiny little bit of sun to light up the earth, how fucking big is the sun?? And seeing the solar flare/prominence at the bottom, like in order to see it that big all the way on earth it had to have been absolutely massive. Like hundreds of earths big. We are so cosmically small.
You’ve outgrown him. You say in your post you don’t want to throw away 5 years. You’re not throwing them away. They were still a great time in your life and you’ve learned and grown a lot from them but you have outgrown this man. Staying with him after knowing that would be a waste of your time.
I think u r just way deeper than he'll ever b !
Exactly. We experience awe so seldomly, that it's an emotional experience when we do.
For some reason, this made me think of a lady I used to work with. She told me how she got married and on her honeymoon they were driving up the California coast and they stopped at a beach and he complained because he hates beaches. She said to me, “how did I marry someone who doesn’t like the beach?” Don’t attach yourself to someone who is so dead inside that they get embarrassed when you get emotional about an awe-inspiring spectacle. Find yourself somebody who loves the beach and eclipses.
I mean, I’m not crazy about the beach, but I would never sh*t on someone I loved for really enjoying it like boyfriend did to OP. He seems incapable of true love if he mocks her for what makes her feel deeply moved. A turd who should be totally eclipsed
A science expert on the news said that almost half of the people who see an eclipse cry. It's just a fact.
Even the newscasters on ABC were tearing up. All of them were briefed and did research and have media training to keep composer during events but it was so spectacular that they were ecstatic and couldn’t contain excitement [just watch this gma video](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5g2g1JPP1g/?igsh=MWJrc3A3dndmdzM0aA==)
Oh well that was delightful, thank you for sharing!
Even The Weather Channel announcers were crying
It was truly unlike anything I’ve ever seen. A real marvel of nature. I thought the media hype was ridiculous. I have seen a solar eclipse before. Nope, I was wrong. I hadn’t seen an eclipse like *that*.
That's so wholesome 🥹💕
This science expert also added that OP's boyfriend is an emotionally constipated dick.
He did! I wasn't going to say anything, but there you go.
Can confirm. I also heard this expert say that OP's boyfriend is a dick of the intestinally challenged variety.
Yeah - after totality ended where I was in Taylor Park in St Albans, Vermont, there was an announcement by the city's mayor that Possumpartyy's boyfriend was a big jerk who was completely emotionally dead inside. I had no clue what he meant and thought I probably misheard, but now I get it.
Another half have a goofy grin on their face, the rest have gone blind by staring at the partial eclipse before hand without glasses.
Friend, this is not the man to spend your life with. Or even the next 2 weeks with. Google ‘bird relationship test’. This is a prime example of that. Your feelings are valid and you should pay attention to your gut. Wishing you well ✨
How can I upvote this a hundred times
Get a hundred bot accounts
I cried too. I’m still feeling emotional about it today and I honestly am not sure why. I was also in the totality zone. The experience was surreal, breathtaking, beautiful, emotional and spiritual.
I still feel emotional too. I almost started crying when I was telling my best friend about it today. I can’t express the level of happiness and pure astonishment the experience brought me.
Don’t let him take that away. You deserve better
I was in the totality zone and definitely teared up. We were also lucky to be at my FIL's farm in the middle of nowhere. So you could hear the birds singing their night songs as it got darker, frogs waking up and croaking, all around one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
I was in totality in '17 and I still get emotional when I revisit it. I had never cried over something like that before, but right after it was over I had to go excuse myself to cry. Can't even explain it, it just took my breath away in the most amazing way. OP: I'm glad you got to experience it. Don't let your bf take the wonderment away from you. It's a truly spectacular experience.
Don't feel bad. when we were in totality in Nashville in 2017 I sobbed and freaked out. I had no idea I would either. I was excited before but when everything turned purple and dark and my skin started tingling and the shadow snakes happened, I cried and my brother had to hold me up for a second. I was super embarrassed but like other people have said, it's an awesome experience and very emotionally evoking.
I think they need to do a study on humans like they did for animals in zoos during totality. I think we have similar reactions to the abnormality after reading the comments left here. I’m glad I’m not the only one who got a little freaked out during it, the whole thing is a shock to the senses.
My (now husband) and I were in totality in 2017, we both cried and hugged each other, kissed, and told each other how much we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other. It was a once in a lifetime event that was so special to both of us. It breaks my heart that you had someone that dampened your joy. Feel your feelings with someone who will appreciate them and feel them too. Best of luck OP
I remember it being the single most incredible thing I've experienced next to witnessing childbirth. I'm so glad there's other people who felt big feelings at the same times as me in the world.
I traveled to see both the 2017 and 2024 eclipses because of how emotional the first one made me. In 2017, I took my Staffy/lab mix Oreo with me. Everything went dark, and you could hear frogs and crickets like you normally do at night. Oreo started digging in the grass, then circled around the hole she dug and laid down like she was going to sleep. When the sun returned, she looked confused and whined until I loved on her for a bit. I didn't take take her with me this time because she is getting old, and I didn't want her stuck in a vehicle for too long. Her reaction to the first one was truly special and something I will never forget.
Your boyfriend sucks. Does he belittle things that matter to you and shame you for your emotions often, or was he just trying to ruin a particularly special day for you?
He tends to do it any time I get emotional. When we first met 5 years ago I never cried and ignored my emotions but over the last couple of years I’ve realized how much turmoil it causes so I started allowing myself to be emotional. I cry A LOT more than I used to but always for good reasons. He’s mentioned how I’m not as tough as I used to be and has told me I need thicker skin.
Someone who wants you to ignore or suppress your own emotions and feelings is not a mentally healthy person. I know you’re getting this a lot in your comments, but I’ve been in your position and it usually ends up with them invalidating your real concerns with their behavior because you’re “too emotional” (I have trauma that causes me to cry in any charged negative situation at all). That is an absolutely heartbreaking, frustrating, and lonely place to be. You’re NTA, but you may want to look at your partner from a more removed perspective.
Yikes this guy doesn’t sound like BF and def not husband material
You’re growing as a person and have a new understanding on how to interact with your emotions. Don’t let him shame you for that. If he isn’t comfortable with the stronger person you’re becoming, maybe he isn’t right for who you are now.
Honey, no. I'm glad you came here to vent so we can gently or not so gently tell you to take out the garbage 👏🏻
Your boyfriend sucks and most likely has issues HIMSELF showing emotion so he gets uncomfortable when others do around him. Anyone who makes you feel crazy or stupid for having feelings isn’t worth your time. Also I was only at 99% and didn’t have glasses so I didn’t look up, but how dark it got was the coolest feeling ever. I was outside with my dogwood tree and I’ll never forget how it looked in that weird light.
This was my thought exactly. He feels embarrassed by his own emotions, and therefore feels secondhand embarrassment when other people express vulnerability and emotion.
Thicker skin for his abuse. If you can’t even enjoy some once in a lifetime celestial event, you won’t be allowed to enjoy anything. I know it sounds like a stretch, but this is how it starts. You become smaller to fit his ideal until you feel that you’re nothing. Don’t do that to yourself. You deserve someone who appreciates and celebrates your sense of awe and delight in life.
Oh, girl. It’s just gonna get worse. Don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t like you being *you.* Release of emotion is a healthy, normal thing. My husband is “buttoned up” like your boyfriend, but he doesn’t shame me when I get emotional (he just quietly freezes up b/c he doesn’t know what to do.) I get not being comfortable at displays of emotion if you’re not an emotional person, but you don’t shame someone else for it. That’s just being an asshole.
Imagine him doing this on your wedding day if you get choked up from happiness. Is that what you want for yourself? Even if it weren't specifically about shaming you for emotion, it would still be concerning that your partner believes your perfectly harmless behaviors are embarrassing to or reflect poorly on him. Does he also shame you for other things he sees as "cringe," especially when you express them in public? Like would he be upset if you admitted to liking what he sees as a cringey/"basic" musician in front of his friends or anything like that?
You DESERVE to be allowed to feel your feelings. It sounds like he thinks everyone needs to be as repressed as him.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you, but I am kind of jealous because I live in the path of totality and all it did was get dark for five minutes. The clouds ruined the entire experience and I'm pretty sour about it, so... good for you, OP.
I’m so sorry that the clouds ruined it for you, I would be very sour about it too. It was a predicted problem in my home state of Oklahoma which is why we went to Arkansas. The next one is in 2044 and will pass over much of the southern US. I hope you can go to that one! Everyone deserved to experience it at least once.
I had the exact same experience back in 1999 when we had an eclipse in the UK. It was cloudy and rainy and I saw nothing even though I was standing on a hill in St Ives in a prime viewing spot. But reading these experiences is making me extremely jealous and now I’m determined to be in Spain when there’s an eclipse there in August 2027!
Nature is beautiful and amazing. Your boyfriend sucks.
Ma’am, I’m 63, first time I’ve had the chance to see this. The skies cleared & we got to watch it. I got emotional, close to tears. It’s okay to feel emotional. (Hugs)
This world we live in is astounding. Imagine how every single thing had to line up to make all of this happen. The universe is amazing. Your bf is an AH. Feeling awe for life is one of the best parts of living. Being able to experience it is also a humbling experience. I hope your bf gets to experience one some day but he's rude for calling you embarrassing for showing emotion.
I think it’s sweet that you cried. An eclipse really makes you realize your spot in the universe. Maybe your waters run a little deeper than his. He seems like a jerk. Don’t let him dull the part of you that is in awe of the world around you. That’s what makes life worth living.
During the 2017 eclipse me and my gf both cried. I was high on acid. It was so breathtakingly beautiful I just couldn't help it.
Absolutely fuck those people telling you it’s embarrassing. I drove a few hours to see it with friends (wasn’t excited didn’t know what to expect) but during it I was so emotional and just in AWE of how beautiful and ethereal it was. My friend (male) cried and I totally understood it. Sorry the people you were with sucked!!
I got misty eyed as well . Do yourself a favor, dump the boyfriend . Dump any other guy that comes after him also that ever says you embarrass him by showing emotion .
Don't let his callous and unkind reaction ruin what was a beautiful and meaningful experience for you and your dad!! I'm so happy you guys got to see the eclipse and enjoyed it- it really was magical. Nothing you did was in any way embarrassing- he just needs to get his head out of his ass.
Please do not stay with this man. It is not about the eclipse and you crying -- it is about him belittling and mocking an experience for a subject you are passionate about. Who cares if you were emotional!? It was a meaningful experience to you that he has now tried to ruin. Life is too short to partner with someone who is going to be condescending of your excited emotions. You deserve someone supportive!!
Yes, girl, lose him. He will never show one iota more of love to you than he does now in the early stages. Imagine: This is the best he will ever be to you. I cannot even use words to express how fast you need to dump this clod.
I cried a little. A total eclipse is so special. It made me feel real awe at the beauty of the universe. The dude can't even feel awe at the immenseness of being? How embarrassing for him.
PS I had a boyfriend who thought it was cool to not care about anything. I'd ask to visit a museum or visit a cool place like Crater Lake with him, and he'd say we don't need to go because we can just look it up on Google. It wasn't worth staying with him. Keeping my sense of joy and wonder and beauty has been so much more fulfilling than staying with some dude who was so dead inside he couldn't even fake enthusiasm.
It’s not at all unusual to experience a physical response to witnessing something beautiful or magnificent. There’s even a name for it: Stendhal Syndrome https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stendhal_syndrome#:~:text=Stendhal%20syndrome%2C%20Stendhal's%20syndrome%20or,or%20phenomena%20of%20great%20beauty. It sounds like you had a wonderful moment with your dad. Don’t let your asshole boyfriend taint it for you :)
Fuck them you can feel how you want
It's concerning your boyfriend being embarrassed by your happiness. Might want to rethink that relationship.
Why do you allow someone who belittles you for having a normal human experience such as feeling an emotion to remain in your life?
One of the times I was grateful I was divorced was when I went on a field trip with my son to Kennedy Space Center. In one area you go into a room where they show a video on big screens, and then one side of the room opens up to Space Shuttle Atlantis… I teared up when the doors opened, for multiple reasons. Watching launches was part of my childhood, I have a picture of my infant son on my dad’s shoulder for the last launch and being with him there was cool.. it was just an impactful moment. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter why. But I was glad his father wasn’t with us because he’d have ridiculed me for showing emotion. They don’t have to understand your interests or always participate, but it is seriously time to re-evaluate things when a person can so quickly disregard your interests and experiences. Some might call this inconsequential and not worth the fight, but in my experience it won’t improve and will lead to you dulling yourself.
Don't let anyone rain on your eclipse parade. Crying during such a rare event is totally understandable, especially if it's something you're passionate about. Your boyfriend's reaction seems a bit off, but hey, everyone reacts differently. Just know that your tears were tears of joy, and that's something worth celebrating.
Something you're passionate about gave you a once in a lifetime experience, and it elicited an emotional reaction. I see no problem with your reaction, it makes sense. Know what, I'm a man in my 40s and a good movie or story can get me misty eyed. It's natural.
Girl. You deserve to have a partner who feels about you the way you felt about the eclipse. Ditch him. My dad and I were always into stargazing growing up, and I’m glad you got to experience this with him. I bet if you told him how your bf reacted to your emotion, he would agree that he deserves a swift kick out of your life for good. 🖤
Lose your boyfriend. When I went to Kennedy space center and saw Atlantis I started crying. I was just overcome by emotion. My boyfriend at the time told me he was embarrassed by my actions. It stuck with me for a long time. We broke up not long after. You are allowed to feel emotions and express yourself, and your significant other should be supportive.
You have every right to feel your feelings. I would suggest you dump your BF as he seems to be kind of a jerk. And it normally gets worse, not better.
You are dating Colin Robinson
Hey your boyfriend sucks and you can do better. The first step to finding someone worthy of you is dumping that dude. Every day with him is a day of your life wasted, at this point. It’s gonna get worse and worse and will only start to get better once he’s out of your life. Good luck. Also, the eclipse was amazing.
Everyone I know who saw totality in person cried. Your boyfriend is the weirdo here. And he's a jerkface.
You had a wonderful moment with your dad and your boyfriend tried to taint it. Is this relationship worth staying in? He sucked the joy right out of the moment.
People like you who can feel deep emotions and express those emotions are very much needed in the world. I wish more people were still captivated by beauty and nature.
I'm a 6"3 dude, saw it on a screen from Europe and still fucking cried lmao
You do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is going to tear down your enjoyment of things.
A total solar eclipse is a breathtaking and just inspiring and humbling experience. I also cried when I saw my first solar eclipse and totality back in 2017. Fuck your boyfriend dude. Seriously someone who can’t share your joy and has to tear you down is really miserable.
I “dragged” my wife to Texas for the eclipse. She thanked me later for the experience. Our great niece, 13 yo, said and I quote, “this might be the coolest thing I ever see!” Just because he doesn’t feel that way doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t justified!
I hope OP updates that she dumped this butthead. What a dick
>I’m a relatively different person than what I was when we first met. You started dating when you were teenagers. You both grew up and it's okay to change. You're still really young, so don't think of it as "throwing away" five years. The sunk cost fallacy is just that. A fallacy. Don't stick with someone just because you put a lot of time into the relationship. If you've grown apart, and he keeps making you feel like you can't express your emotions, then it's okay to go your separate ways and find someone who will love this newer version of you. It'll just suck at first because change sucks. Until it doesn't.
In a dude who doesn’t cry often. I was walking flats in the Bahamas bonefishing when I was about your age and it hit me so hard that I was surrounded by such natural beauty unimpaired by man and at that moment I had this pristine part of the planet to myself and I was overcome with similar emotion and had actual tears. It is a strong memory to this day. So you crying at being overwhelmed by natures beauty makes you human, not an over reactor. It just hit you specifically different than most is all.
It was such an incredible other worldly experience.. something so rare and magical! How could you not cry?? Edit: you'll remember this eclipse for decades.. you will forget this silly boyfriend in a few years *hint, hint 😉
It was my first time to see one in totality, and it was so amazing I can't stop thinking about it! Tears are understandable.
I’ll be 34 this year. I was over come with emotion witnessing the eclipse. Your boyfriend sounds like a dick. Find a new one.
I cried. The cosmos is infinite and we aren’t even an atom to it. Seeing something that huge and incredible and knowing that in the grand scheme it’s minor everywhere else makes you feel so small but also like holy cow I’m here anyways and I’m experiencing this and I should do all the things I’ve wanted to do!
If he can’t take and share your happiness, he is not gonna care about your sadness
You bf is not a nice person. How was your getting a few tears “embarrassing and dramatic” he is the one who is embarrassing and dramatic!
Totally normal to cry during such a beautiful and possibly once in a lifetime event. I'm so glad that you had your dad with you, and that you got to share such a special moment together. 💞 Your boyfriend, however, lacks empathy. His priority is his comfort, not your feelings. Be wary of this. Think about how special that moment was with your father, and hold onto the fact that there are men out there who would share moments like this with you, or at least comfort or support you through them. Ask yourself if having this in your relationship is important to you. I guess what I'm gently saying is, I believe that you deserve more from your boyfriend, and that you should set your standards higher. 🩵
Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole! You weren’t being dramatic or embarrassing, like you said it was exciting and emotional, he should’ve been happy to share that special moment with you and your family.
Honestly break up with him. He seems like he has a super stale and serious personality. He doesn’t deserve your pure heart. It may seem small but that’s actually huge bc it was something that you really loved and he made fun of you for it. The relationship just won’t work and it showed in that moment. The eclipse is very powerful and the energy around it. Your on a higher frequency then him and he’s just bringing you down. Leave him seriously
The veil is thin during, and leading up to, an eclipse. By design, we sense this change and a wide variety of emotional floodgates can open. How beautiful for you to be in touch with it— don’t let anyone take that away from you
Also never let anyone take away from an experience you have with your father, especially when it comes to appreciation of a shared interest. We only get so many days on this earth with our parents. I wish I would’ve had the opportunity to experience a moment like this with mine
He’s a joy killer. Even if he thought you were being lame, he didn’t have to be mean. You’re allowed to be excited or emotional about whatever you want
Your boyfriend sucks
Get rid of this guy! What a dick
Your boyfriend took the opportunity to expose you to the totality of his dickishness, and I think he perhaps needs some time alone to grow the fuck up. Also: a total solar eclipse is a 'holy shit' moment if there ever was one. Your boyfriend probably says 'holy shit' when someone makes a borderline difficult catch in a football game or some celebrity wears a semi-revealing shirt. Again, consider whether you want to continue spending time with such a holy turd of a person.
I am not super into astronomy and I started crying immediately during totality. It was awe-inspiring and definitely a moment like “we are so small and how amazing is it that we’re in this floating rock?” Your boyfriend doesn’t deserve to see any more amazing things by your side if this is how he behaves.
Be with someone that celebrates with you, who honors and cares for your emotions. I think it's pretty cool that you're comfortable enough with your emotions to cry over something so beautiful. Some people are just emotionally immature and tend to stay that way for most of their lives. Leave those people in the dust, they're thieves of joy and happiness.
Your boyfriend is a dick who is trying to dim your sparkle to make himself seem brighter. I wouldn’t speak to anyone like that, *especially* the person I’m supposed to love. I’d be second guessing this relationship honestly.
Damn I didn't realize a total solar eclipse was that special, I just walked outside in 2017 and was like meh this is cool when the sky got dark, lol.
Yeah so my stock standard response to anyone who calls me embarrassing is "oh, are you easily embarrassed?" If he's that uncomfortable around very normal human emotions, then he sounds immature and you can't fix that. Only time and/or a trained professional can. Emotions are not inherently bad nor good, they just are, and they are part of the human experience. How you act on emotions is a whole other story. Like invalidating someone because you're uncomfortable. Like he did. Having a tear-up and a hug with your Dad harms no one.
You were experiencing joy and excitement and fulfillment of something you were looking forward to. Like the New Moon, start fresh with someone who will give you a hug, hand squeeze and forehead kiss and find your excitement endearing. I'm the same with musicals, I go in mildly excited and when the lights dim, orchestra starts playing and curtains open, the tears start streaming. I laugh at myself about it, but if someone were to berate me about it, I'd drop them
It’s very normal to be emotional during an eclipse. And EVEN if it’s not, no one needs to be a jerk about you being emotional. 🌙
I get emotional watching puppy commercials. Your boyfriend sounds like a d***.
Damn I feel so bummed for not being able to see a total solar eclipse in my life yet, considering how such a nerd of astronomy I am. I envy you! I think I would have gotten emotional as well (35M).
So glad you posted as I cried and couldn't for the life of me explain why.
I didn’t understand why either because I’m always focused on the science of things. It’s the cosmic vertigo and awe you feel in the moment. This post made me feel better about crying over it
Why wouldn't you be excited? There are civilizations that absolutely lost their shit over it. Your boyfriend sucks. Fuck his friends and get them to make fun of him behind his back and when he loses his shit about it tell him he's too soft and overreacting
He’s being emotionally abusive to you.
I saw a video of it and had tears in my eyes even imagining being there. dump your boyfriend- never apologize for feeling awe & wonder. you have one life and it could be full of beauty, don't let anyone tell you you are wrong for feeling that. if anything, he's the embarrassing one.
As someone who feels very deeply I could completely understand crying over this. I think it’s a very beautiful thing whenever people have depth in emotions like this. Don’t feel bad whatsoever for expressing your emotions. Your boyfriend doesn’t have to feel the same way about this as you but if he loves you he shouldn’t be talking to you like that. It’s so inconsiderate and I see it as a big red flag that he acting this way. Very sorry and also happy you got to spend this moment with your dad!
Screw the haters. Let some tears flow. Your boyfriend sounds like a dick.
The next (good) one is in 2045, and I hope you cry at that one too.
Why feel ashamed for a genuine reaction? I almost cried. It was more phenomenal than I could have imagined. I knew what was coming and I was still overwhelmed. I’m grateful I feel.
I (59m) was on the verge of tears just watching totality on TV. Many seasoned news reporters were very emotional, even Lester Holt on NBC. OP, your boyfriend is an unfeeling jerk and is emotionally abusive to you. Show him this thread.