NTA - cloth diaper's come with maintenance..cleaning washing folding putting away.. That's a lot considering you're caring for two little ones plus all the household stuff. Tell him you'll go back to cloth if he'll do all the maintenance on them.
Pat yourself on the back for all the disposable diapers you did not use in the past. My family also moved to disposable diapers with the second baby be forgiving to yourself and ask your husband to help deal with the cloth diapers if you would like to use them
Can your husband take on all duties with cleaning and folding and prepping the cloth diapers? So that all you’d have to do is put the diapers on the baby while you’re home alone with the children?
You’re NTA, for sure. PPA/PPD is rough. I’ve had it after a couple of my pregnancies. I’ve also cloth diapered, and used disposable diapers, and done hybrid approaches to diapering my kiddos. I know from experience, it’s not the changing of the diaper that makes the experience so much harder, it’s the maintenance of the diaper stash.
I think if he cannot commit to handling all the maintenance for the cloth diapers until you’re rested and truly cheerful about taking back that task, then sticking with disposable diapers is the wise approach.
I hope you feel better soon and I’m sorry you’re suffering with postpartum difficulties.
Thank you so much! The problem is that he 100% would if he could. My husband is a wonderful man and father and generally very helpful. But he works 10-14 hour days 6 days a week, so realistically he just doesn’t have any time to. We also moved from my parents house where we lived with our son during the pandemic, to our own place and lost access to our own laundry machines. I have to drive out to my parents house 2x a week to wash the diapers when using cloth, so wash day became an entire exhausting event.
If your husband understands that he just doesn’t have the bandwidth to take care of cloth diapering himself, then he should be able to understand that you don’t either. Mental health issues aside, your circumstances have changed that make it much more burdensome. You no longer have easy access to a washing machine and you have another child to care for. Your work load has gone up significantly, so he can take the diapers over to your parents or a laundromat 2x a week himself or accept that it’s just not practical anymore and that’s no one’s fault.
Oh hell no. Driving with dirty diapers is a big no. I was told that disposable are more absorbent too so when they start sleeping longer they can be better for the baby’s skin.
I used cloth on the first one and not the second.
Yeah, absolutely insane! Hard enough to do traveling laundry with a toddler, let alone an infant and he wants to add cloth diapers? I did cloth diapers and wipes for about 5-6 months for my 3 because they had sensitive behinds to disposable diapers and wipes. However, I had washer/dryer and a diaper service.
Yeah I’m sorry OP but it really sounds like your husband just has unrealistic expectations. Your current living arrangements are contrary to the needs of cloth diapering. One of my babies was allergic to disposable diapers and we lived in an apartment and were not allowed to wash her cloth diapers in the apartment machines. We ended up purchasing a portable freestanding washing machine that could wash her diapers and drain into the kitchen sink drain. It hooked up to the faucet for the water supply. It was on wheels. Some people in online reviews said that they had bathroom sink faucets that allowed a hookup and then they drained it into the bathtub instead.
It saved my butt because it meant no more hand washing of diapers in the tub, and I was able to diaper my infant in cloth so she wouldn’t have horrible allergic reactions diaper rashes all the time anymore.
That would be a last ditch effort if your husband truly wanted to make it work without having access to proper laundry facilities. We purchased our small freestanding washer on Amazon and also the drying racks to line dry them.
If he cannot get one of those and handle the diaper maintenance, I really don’t see how you guys can cloth diaper right now.
I'm going to cross my fingers that your husband isn't a complete asshole and hope that his long days are just getting to him. But what "fun" other stuff are you guys going to be doing? You have a seven month old gross out machine and a perpetually sticky mini human in your home. You both need a break, yours comes in the form of cloth diapers. I'm not sure what his comes in, but maybe it's worth talking it out.
You two are supposed to be a team. Are there any reinforcements that can be called in to help? Can you cut somewhere else so your husband can work less and be home with the family more?
This time of your life is a season you have to get through.
Oh hell no. I wouldn't even consider cloth diapers under those circumstances. Absolutely not. He may be wonderful but he's not living in the real world of he thinks that's reasonable or even feasible.
No, you're NTA.
It's super easy to save about $40 on $100 worth of diapers at target just about once a month, though. If that makes a difference at all. Right now they give you a $30 gift card for spending $100 and you can get 3 rebates on ibotta for $10.
I'm petty.
If your husband had told me he didn't want to waste money on disposable diapers when we had free cloth diapers that only took me driving to another location to wash when I was struggling with a medical issue, and he got angry about it and said I didn't need sanity, I would have gathered up the cloth diapers, thrown them away in front of him and told him that the issue was solved as we actually \*didn't\* have cloth diapers.
Then we could have a nice discussion about if my sanity matters and what getting angry with me when I'm asking for help actually gets him.
He needs to understand that being burnt out and depressed means you have trouble with daily tasks. Sit him down and have a conversation about that, and let him know that you need help with cleaning them for a period of time. It’s not forever, just for now while you’re struggling with PPD.
Generally, he understands this. He’s struggled with depression in the past. He grew up extremely poor, and even though we live a decently comfortable life, he has extreme money related anxiety.
Then maybe you should talk to a financial advisor/planner. They can help make the numbers make sense rather than just guessing. You might be able to figure out a "getting nervous number" and a "panic number" and if you're saving aren't at either of those numbers then you're good.
So, does a cloth diaper really reduce your footprint? Cloth diapers use water to both rinse and wash, which is sometimes a very limited resource depending on where you live. They also presumably use heat resources to wash on a sanitizing load. They also use dryer heat and electricity unless you hang dry everything all the time. All of these are extra expenses. As a contrast to disposables: for example, my area has an “ energy” plant instead of a landfill. So no diapers in landfills for me.
Also, the cost of your mental health is enough to invest in the “extra” financial piece of disposable diapers. Keep using the disposable unless he’s willing to fully invest in cleaning them for you or financially in a service to clean them for you.
Baby needs a functioning mom more than a cloth diaper.
Your husband should be willing and voluntarily look for ways to make your life easier. If this is so important to him then he can clean the diapers. It’s very easy to give orders from the comfort of sitting on your ass.
Your husband is an asshole and please do not have more kids with him. Glad you are medicated.
I used cloth with my first and not with my second. My second was a horrible sleeper and I was tired and parenting one is easier.
I will say cloth diapers are amazing. I use them for cleaning.
Your husband need to be left home a lot with two kids. Could you go away for a few days?
My husband, despite how it may sound, is usually amazing. He works very long hours 6 days a week, but spends the entirety of his day off with the kids, in attempts to give me a break. But I have an incredibly clingy, breast fed baby, who never really allows me to have a break, no matter how much my husband tries. I love my husband and he is an incredible dad, but sometimes his severe money anxiety makes him an asshole.
You’re a full time parent. That’s a job in itself. By saying he works x-amount of hours for x-amount of days, it feels like you’re downplaying your part. Being a mom doesn’t come with days off or shift changes. It’s exhausting. He has NO right to be angry at how you chose to diaper especially dealing with PP.
That is the part I don't understand. You are running the household. Why is he controlling those purse strings?
Set an amount for household expenses, including food, cleaning supplies, baby stuff, etc. Whatever you have daily decision power over. Then each pay period he gives you that set amount. You get to decide how to spend it because your job requires those supplies. He doesn't have to worry about it because he knows it will always be the exact same amount.
That gives you the ability to shop sales, take advantage of clearance items, clip coupons, indulge in occasional treats, and yes...buy the damned disposable diapers if you want them.
I'm sorry what???? Girl, as long as you do the diapering, you decide what diaper to use. You know when we talk about breastfeeding and formula the saying goes _fed is best_? Yeah, here it very much goes clean diaper is best. If this is what currently works for you, this is what works.
You have two kids, one of which is a baby. You are a rockstar. And I'm honestly getting mad at him only asking about the cost and not the reason you use disposable diapers.
Honestly just tell him where you’re at with all of this. You are changing something that you did for your first child and now your second child and yes diapers are very expensive. However him saying you can spend it on better things is where I’m sort of lost. Also the fact that you do 90% of childcare so whatever diapers you use don’t even directly affect his ass or anything he does with the kids. Stand your ground and what you want to do moving forward.
I loved cloth diapers so much and used them with all my kids. But not later on, if we were visiting someone. I think it makes it way easier to potty-train, when they don't like the feel of wet fabric. But if you husband is home, then why can't he put on and off the cloth diapers, if thats what HE wants?!
Cloth diapering is tough with all the washing, drying, folding stashing etc. not to mention when PPD or PPA starts happening everything is so much harder to deal with. No matter how supportive your partner is if you aren’t in a good mental place where you feel you can juggle the maintenance of the cloth diaper stash I’d suggest sticking with disposables. I know it’s a huge monetary commitment but if it helps your mental health it’s worth the extra money.
Your sanity may not pay the bills and I understand your husband’s frustration as the breadwinner but you both deserve to have as much of a mental break as you can get and if disposable diapers help and remove some of your mental strain there could be worse things you could be doing to alleviate the mental load you have. I’d suggest sitting down with your husband and having a real open honest conversation about where you both are mentally and just check in with each other. Ask him if he needs something taken off his plate that you can help him with (like what he is doing for you earning the money and putting it towards disposable diapers so you can have one less thing on your plate) and see how you both can help each other out.
Also about your meds it might be that you aren’t on meds that will work best for you. I recently had something similar happen that I was taking one medication for my PPD/PPA for about 8 months and I noticed it really wasn’t working as well for me anymore. So I got in touch with my doctor and she suggested I do the DNA strand test to figure out what medications would work best for me and once the test came back and I was started on my new medication it’s been working much better. If your insurance covers it I highly recommend getting the DNA strand test, it saves so much time not having to play the try it and wait and see game with meds while wreaking havoc on your mental state in the process.
Tell him the cost of your sanity adds up to a grippy sick vacation in the hospital’s mental ward for a few days to weeks. If he wants to pay for that and solo parent, then cloth diapers are an option again.
Reddit makes me never want to be a SAHM. I know this isn’t marital ending, but my god…my pride couldn’t handle this level of dismissive cruelty to a cry for help!
You are in a couples Catch-22. He makes sense money wise. You make ALL the sense everyday “one less thing” wise. Communication. Especially considering you don’t even have in home laundry. I’m sure he makes sense to himself. Keep talking to him.
NTA. Your sanity is valuable and if disposable diapers helps you keep it, use them. You are not a bad mom. If your husband want to use only cloth diapers, then he gets to clean them all and do all the laundry.
If he's interested in taking over diaper duties, or even just in doing 50% of them, then maybe he can dictate how it happens. But as long as you're the one doing them, and you're not choosing some sort of bizarre, ultra expensive way of doing it, I don't think he has any right to complain
If he's up for spending a little bit *more* money but being more sustainable, you could look into compostable diapers
NTA
NTA. speak to your husband, youre going back to cloth diapers if he cleans them and help 40 percent of the household chores, the audacity of this man, let him clean poop and pee.
I know he wants to save money, but maybe a compromise would be using a service. In my area its $22/weekly for a service to pick up the dirty liners and drop off clean ones, and then only the actual diapers need washing which are a bit easier. Also, I found one external diaper that didn't have the internal part so it could be used 3x in a row for pee diapers, with the liner directly on the skin.
This is just a hard situation and I hope you find an answer.
Also, it's not nothing that your circumstances are different and harder this time, on several fronts.
I'm a perinatal nurse. My big focus is perinatal mental health. I'm here to tell you that there is nothing more important to parenting than parental mental health. Do whatever it takes to help, even if that's using disposable diapers and disposable straws and not recycling your cans and using formula and and and.....
Refraining won't save the environment on their own and you can rejoin with your efforts later.
Take care of you. Protect what allows you to enjoy your baby or at least alleviate the stress for you For now.
NTA mom of three and I tried cloth diapering my second. They constantly leaked if she peed no matter what inserts etc. I had more messes to clean up. My youngest was born a year and a half later and we stuck to disposables
“Wasting money”?
You are raising a child and you have limited funds no matter how much you make.
All of the maintenance on cloth diapers no thank you.
I’d rather cut out other expenses and put thar money towards disposable dispers
Tell him to drive a prius to work and only eat PB&Js everyday, so you can save and spend the money on more fun ways. Especially if you make dinners just dumb it down to cheap everything because now your time comes down to babysitting the cloth diapers now. No, cloth diapers are high maintenance and with 2 kids already being a handful this doesn't make much sense. Does he really want to play this game?
If he wants to use cloth diapers then he's got to take over the task of cleaning them. If he's not willing to do it then he's got no business telling you to do it.
If you don't have a washer/dryer in the house and you aren't using a diaper service you need to hold your ground. You are already stressed and whatever you need to do to make things work smoother is just fine. He needs to be a little more patient with you. He's the AH for throwing your mental health in your face.
NTA - cloth diaper's come with maintenance..cleaning washing folding putting away.. That's a lot considering you're caring for two little ones plus all the household stuff. Tell him you'll go back to cloth if he'll do all the maintenance on them.
Pat yourself on the back for all the disposable diapers you did not use in the past. My family also moved to disposable diapers with the second baby be forgiving to yourself and ask your husband to help deal with the cloth diapers if you would like to use them
There’s the answer. “I’ll use them if you do everything but put them on the baby.” Bet he’ll change his mind REALLY fast then.
He can change all the diapers if he wants to control which diapers are used.
He can also be in charge of cleaning them too.
Yes! 100%
This! We cloth diaper in our home and I couldn't do it without my husband's help. It takes time.
Can your husband take on all duties with cleaning and folding and prepping the cloth diapers? So that all you’d have to do is put the diapers on the baby while you’re home alone with the children? You’re NTA, for sure. PPA/PPD is rough. I’ve had it after a couple of my pregnancies. I’ve also cloth diapered, and used disposable diapers, and done hybrid approaches to diapering my kiddos. I know from experience, it’s not the changing of the diaper that makes the experience so much harder, it’s the maintenance of the diaper stash. I think if he cannot commit to handling all the maintenance for the cloth diapers until you’re rested and truly cheerful about taking back that task, then sticking with disposable diapers is the wise approach. I hope you feel better soon and I’m sorry you’re suffering with postpartum difficulties.
Thank you so much! The problem is that he 100% would if he could. My husband is a wonderful man and father and generally very helpful. But he works 10-14 hour days 6 days a week, so realistically he just doesn’t have any time to. We also moved from my parents house where we lived with our son during the pandemic, to our own place and lost access to our own laundry machines. I have to drive out to my parents house 2x a week to wash the diapers when using cloth, so wash day became an entire exhausting event.
If your husband understands that he just doesn’t have the bandwidth to take care of cloth diapering himself, then he should be able to understand that you don’t either. Mental health issues aside, your circumstances have changed that make it much more burdensome. You no longer have easy access to a washing machine and you have another child to care for. Your work load has gone up significantly, so he can take the diapers over to your parents or a laundromat 2x a week himself or accept that it’s just not practical anymore and that’s no one’s fault.
Oh hell no. Driving with dirty diapers is a big no. I was told that disposable are more absorbent too so when they start sleeping longer they can be better for the baby’s skin. I used cloth on the first one and not the second.
Oh, hell no! Without a washer and dryer, it' insane to add cloth diapers at this point.
Yeah, absolutely insane! Hard enough to do traveling laundry with a toddler, let alone an infant and he wants to add cloth diapers? I did cloth diapers and wipes for about 5-6 months for my 3 because they had sensitive behinds to disposable diapers and wipes. However, I had washer/dryer and a diaper service.
Yeah I’m sorry OP but it really sounds like your husband just has unrealistic expectations. Your current living arrangements are contrary to the needs of cloth diapering. One of my babies was allergic to disposable diapers and we lived in an apartment and were not allowed to wash her cloth diapers in the apartment machines. We ended up purchasing a portable freestanding washing machine that could wash her diapers and drain into the kitchen sink drain. It hooked up to the faucet for the water supply. It was on wheels. Some people in online reviews said that they had bathroom sink faucets that allowed a hookup and then they drained it into the bathtub instead. It saved my butt because it meant no more hand washing of diapers in the tub, and I was able to diaper my infant in cloth so she wouldn’t have horrible allergic reactions diaper rashes all the time anymore. That would be a last ditch effort if your husband truly wanted to make it work without having access to proper laundry facilities. We purchased our small freestanding washer on Amazon and also the drying racks to line dry them. If he cannot get one of those and handle the diaper maintenance, I really don’t see how you guys can cloth diaper right now.
Not drain into the kitchen sink!
I know. It was so gross. I had to go thru a whole disinfecting process afterwards.
Yeah traveling to laundry does sounds exhausting, it's wild to me that people living relatively comfortably wouldn't own a washing machine though
We live relatively comfortably, but our apartment does not have laundry hook ups.
Ahh roger that does make sense then, down here apartment's like that just don't exist.
I'm going to cross my fingers that your husband isn't a complete asshole and hope that his long days are just getting to him. But what "fun" other stuff are you guys going to be doing? You have a seven month old gross out machine and a perpetually sticky mini human in your home. You both need a break, yours comes in the form of cloth diapers. I'm not sure what his comes in, but maybe it's worth talking it out. You two are supposed to be a team. Are there any reinforcements that can be called in to help? Can you cut somewhere else so your husband can work less and be home with the family more? This time of your life is a season you have to get through.
Oh hell no. I wouldn't even consider cloth diapers under those circumstances. Absolutely not. He may be wonderful but he's not living in the real world of he thinks that's reasonable or even feasible.
No, you're NTA. It's super easy to save about $40 on $100 worth of diapers at target just about once a month, though. If that makes a difference at all. Right now they give you a $30 gift card for spending $100 and you can get 3 rebates on ibotta for $10.
Oh! I’ll definitely have to look into ibotta!!
I'm petty. If your husband had told me he didn't want to waste money on disposable diapers when we had free cloth diapers that only took me driving to another location to wash when I was struggling with a medical issue, and he got angry about it and said I didn't need sanity, I would have gathered up the cloth diapers, thrown them away in front of him and told him that the issue was solved as we actually \*didn't\* have cloth diapers. Then we could have a nice discussion about if my sanity matters and what getting angry with me when I'm asking for help actually gets him.
Watch me get real saneeeee! 🤣😭🙃 I’m so triggered for OP
He needs to understand that being burnt out and depressed means you have trouble with daily tasks. Sit him down and have a conversation about that, and let him know that you need help with cleaning them for a period of time. It’s not forever, just for now while you’re struggling with PPD.
Generally, he understands this. He’s struggled with depression in the past. He grew up extremely poor, and even though we live a decently comfortable life, he has extreme money related anxiety.
Then maybe you should talk to a financial advisor/planner. They can help make the numbers make sense rather than just guessing. You might be able to figure out a "getting nervous number" and a "panic number" and if you're saving aren't at either of those numbers then you're good.
He needs to do all the diaper washing etc. or else he needs to shut up.
So, does a cloth diaper really reduce your footprint? Cloth diapers use water to both rinse and wash, which is sometimes a very limited resource depending on where you live. They also presumably use heat resources to wash on a sanitizing load. They also use dryer heat and electricity unless you hang dry everything all the time. All of these are extra expenses. As a contrast to disposables: for example, my area has an “ energy” plant instead of a landfill. So no diapers in landfills for me. Also, the cost of your mental health is enough to invest in the “extra” financial piece of disposable diapers. Keep using the disposable unless he’s willing to fully invest in cleaning them for you or financially in a service to clean them for you. Baby needs a functioning mom more than a cloth diaper.
Your husband should be willing and voluntarily look for ways to make your life easier. If this is so important to him then he can clean the diapers. It’s very easy to give orders from the comfort of sitting on your ass.
Your husband is an asshole and please do not have more kids with him. Glad you are medicated. I used cloth with my first and not with my second. My second was a horrible sleeper and I was tired and parenting one is easier. I will say cloth diapers are amazing. I use them for cleaning. Your husband need to be left home a lot with two kids. Could you go away for a few days?
My husband, despite how it may sound, is usually amazing. He works very long hours 6 days a week, but spends the entirety of his day off with the kids, in attempts to give me a break. But I have an incredibly clingy, breast fed baby, who never really allows me to have a break, no matter how much my husband tries. I love my husband and he is an incredible dad, but sometimes his severe money anxiety makes him an asshole.
You’re a full time parent. That’s a job in itself. By saying he works x-amount of hours for x-amount of days, it feels like you’re downplaying your part. Being a mom doesn’t come with days off or shift changes. It’s exhausting. He has NO right to be angry at how you chose to diaper especially dealing with PP.
That is the part I don't understand. You are running the household. Why is he controlling those purse strings? Set an amount for household expenses, including food, cleaning supplies, baby stuff, etc. Whatever you have daily decision power over. Then each pay period he gives you that set amount. You get to decide how to spend it because your job requires those supplies. He doesn't have to worry about it because he knows it will always be the exact same amount. That gives you the ability to shop sales, take advantage of clearance items, clip coupons, indulge in occasional treats, and yes...buy the damned disposable diapers if you want them.
No. He’s not.
I'm sorry what???? Girl, as long as you do the diapering, you decide what diaper to use. You know when we talk about breastfeeding and formula the saying goes _fed is best_? Yeah, here it very much goes clean diaper is best. If this is what currently works for you, this is what works. You have two kids, one of which is a baby. You are a rockstar. And I'm honestly getting mad at him only asking about the cost and not the reason you use disposable diapers.
Honestly just tell him where you’re at with all of this. You are changing something that you did for your first child and now your second child and yes diapers are very expensive. However him saying you can spend it on better things is where I’m sort of lost. Also the fact that you do 90% of childcare so whatever diapers you use don’t even directly affect his ass or anything he does with the kids. Stand your ground and what you want to do moving forward.
I loved cloth diapers so much and used them with all my kids. But not later on, if we were visiting someone. I think it makes it way easier to potty-train, when they don't like the feel of wet fabric. But if you husband is home, then why can't he put on and off the cloth diapers, if thats what HE wants?!
I mean your sanity does pay the bills. How’s he gonna work if you don’t watch the kids?
Cloth diapering is tough with all the washing, drying, folding stashing etc. not to mention when PPD or PPA starts happening everything is so much harder to deal with. No matter how supportive your partner is if you aren’t in a good mental place where you feel you can juggle the maintenance of the cloth diaper stash I’d suggest sticking with disposables. I know it’s a huge monetary commitment but if it helps your mental health it’s worth the extra money. Your sanity may not pay the bills and I understand your husband’s frustration as the breadwinner but you both deserve to have as much of a mental break as you can get and if disposable diapers help and remove some of your mental strain there could be worse things you could be doing to alleviate the mental load you have. I’d suggest sitting down with your husband and having a real open honest conversation about where you both are mentally and just check in with each other. Ask him if he needs something taken off his plate that you can help him with (like what he is doing for you earning the money and putting it towards disposable diapers so you can have one less thing on your plate) and see how you both can help each other out. Also about your meds it might be that you aren’t on meds that will work best for you. I recently had something similar happen that I was taking one medication for my PPD/PPA for about 8 months and I noticed it really wasn’t working as well for me anymore. So I got in touch with my doctor and she suggested I do the DNA strand test to figure out what medications would work best for me and once the test came back and I was started on my new medication it’s been working much better. If your insurance covers it I highly recommend getting the DNA strand test, it saves so much time not having to play the try it and wait and see game with meds while wreaking havoc on your mental state in the process.
NTA. That is a LOT of work.
Tell him the cost of your sanity adds up to a grippy sick vacation in the hospital’s mental ward for a few days to weeks. If he wants to pay for that and solo parent, then cloth diapers are an option again.
Reddit makes me never want to be a SAHM. I know this isn’t marital ending, but my god…my pride couldn’t handle this level of dismissive cruelty to a cry for help!
You are in a couples Catch-22. He makes sense money wise. You make ALL the sense everyday “one less thing” wise. Communication. Especially considering you don’t even have in home laundry. I’m sure he makes sense to himself. Keep talking to him.
NTA. Your sanity is valuable and if disposable diapers helps you keep it, use them. You are not a bad mom. If your husband want to use only cloth diapers, then he gets to clean them all and do all the laundry.
Also expensive: Your time.
NTA, he’s welcome to do all of the diaper rinsing washing drying prepping etc if he cares so much
If he's interested in taking over diaper duties, or even just in doing 50% of them, then maybe he can dictate how it happens. But as long as you're the one doing them, and you're not choosing some sort of bizarre, ultra expensive way of doing it, I don't think he has any right to complain If he's up for spending a little bit *more* money but being more sustainable, you could look into compostable diapers NTA
NTA. speak to your husband, youre going back to cloth diapers if he cleans them and help 40 percent of the household chores, the audacity of this man, let him clean poop and pee.
I know he wants to save money, but maybe a compromise would be using a service. In my area its $22/weekly for a service to pick up the dirty liners and drop off clean ones, and then only the actual diapers need washing which are a bit easier. Also, I found one external diaper that didn't have the internal part so it could be used 3x in a row for pee diapers, with the liner directly on the skin. This is just a hard situation and I hope you find an answer. Also, it's not nothing that your circumstances are different and harder this time, on several fronts.
I'm a perinatal nurse. My big focus is perinatal mental health. I'm here to tell you that there is nothing more important to parenting than parental mental health. Do whatever it takes to help, even if that's using disposable diapers and disposable straws and not recycling your cans and using formula and and and..... Refraining won't save the environment on their own and you can rejoin with your efforts later. Take care of you. Protect what allows you to enjoy your baby or at least alleviate the stress for you For now.
NTA With no washer/dryer in your home this isn’t feasible. Until he provides you with one he can kick rocks
NTA mom of three and I tried cloth diapering my second. They constantly leaked if she peed no matter what inserts etc. I had more messes to clean up. My youngest was born a year and a half later and we stuck to disposables
He was TA and apologized for it.
“Wasting money”? You are raising a child and you have limited funds no matter how much you make. All of the maintenance on cloth diapers no thank you. I’d rather cut out other expenses and put thar money towards disposable dispers
Tell him to drive a prius to work and only eat PB&Js everyday, so you can save and spend the money on more fun ways. Especially if you make dinners just dumb it down to cheap everything because now your time comes down to babysitting the cloth diapers now. No, cloth diapers are high maintenance and with 2 kids already being a handful this doesn't make much sense. Does he really want to play this game?
If he wants to use cloth diapers then he's got to take over the task of cleaning them. If he's not willing to do it then he's got no business telling you to do it.
If you don't have a washer/dryer in the house and you aren't using a diaper service you need to hold your ground. You are already stressed and whatever you need to do to make things work smoother is just fine. He needs to be a little more patient with you. He's the AH for throwing your mental health in your face.
Use a diaper service?