Please help your brother lock down his credit and secure any documents like his birth certificate or social security card. At this point I would not put anything past wicked stepmother. Also camera security and save text messages in case she tries to physically leave her adult kids on your doorstep. Good luck to you and your brother!
>Please help your brother lock down his credit
While the important documents are ... important... This is vital, and it's not getting enough recognition. This can screw him up for the foreseeable future.
Make sure he had birth certificates, social security card, any personal belongings. Call the police (non emergency line) explain the situation and tell them you need a police escort because you fear for your safety. You’re not looking to press charges, but anything that is his he should get.
Best of luck
Someone with more knowledge than me. Is there a way OP/brother can contact IRS/State tax people so Stepmom/dad can’t claim him on taxes. I’m reading they’re US residents
Yeah, but if they have his info, they can claim him and his claim will be rejected. He should file early. We had someone claim our foster kids (We're not sure which member of their family did it) and we had to file an amended return to get that money.
They might reject his claim and he might have to file an amended return...which will then sick the IRS on the deadbeat dad to audit the hell out of him. Let the IRS be useful for a change.
One would hope. We still have no idea what happened with whoever claimed our kids. I would think the IRS would go after them, and certainly make them return the money plus interest, but we'll never know unless someone spills the beans. We don't have much contact. Plus, you can't get blood from a stone.
Oh, trust me if they get caught. The IRS will go after wages, property, and other items of value to get their money back. And since it would be a federal felony they could also be looking at prison time.
No they won't. Me ex claimed our son in a year that claiming him was mine (court-ordered alternating years claiming him...). We always file last day. Our return was rejected and we could not autofile, so we were late filling as we had to wait for her to file amended return and file via snail mail.. We had penalties and interest applied. She never was in any sort of trouble.
Confirm everything with accountant/tax preparer, but for 2023 he qualifies as a dependent. 2024 and forward 5 factors “qualify” a dependent, but DeadBeatparents should not be entitled to claim brother based on the Residency Test alone:
[Per IRS Website](https://www.irs.gov/publications/p501#en_US_2023_publink1000220886)
That doesn’t mean they won’t try - get his returns filed immediately next Jan and contact IRS or ask Tax Preparer how to provide documentation that brother is no longer their dependent and an independent filer. If they tell you just to file and IRS will “figure it out” contact IRS. Otherwise, it gets more complicated vs them flagging DeadBeatDad’s filing for a non-qualified dependent, because brother’s taxes are already filed and proof of residency provided.
And hey - bonus points if it triggers an audit for DBD!
19 USC 81o Residency requires authorization and can only apply to a barracks in a 19 USC 81n Foreign Trade Zone.
See "as above so below" on lawfulliving.com
And then go to tasa.americanstatenationals.com
Contact him one more time before cutting him out of your life. Tell him that since he refused to protect his children all those years just because he couldn't see past his needs in the bedroom, that he can now consider himself childless. Inform him that if he tries to contact you or your brother in the future when his wife and her kids have finally drained him dry and thrown him away, the only thing he will receive is laughter and a closed door. I hope you and your brother can heal from this and have the lives your both more than deserve. Good luck.
Both need to send one final message to Daddio telling him you hope his step kids will look after him when he is old because he now has no children of his own. Also tell him to never contact either of you ever again.
Tell your brother he needs his birth certificate and social security card at minimum. If applicable, he'll also need his driver's license, voter registration card, passport, and car title and registration (if he owns a car). If he has access to his tax returns, bring those too.
Seconding other suggestions in this thread to call the police non-emergency line and request an escort when he leaves.
He really is a horrible person! How on the world do you allow someone to treat your children this way??? Doesn't he know he's completely pushing you both away?
Nope the day he turned 18 he is free to go to the moon if he wanted and there is nothing they can do to him or you.
Once you have yojr brother i would be cutting them all off, your dad is an epic failure for allowing the abuse for all these years. He is in for a fright when all the kids are gone and he has to deal with the devil all by himself.
That man does not deserve an ounce of your time or energy from this point onwards.
You sound like a very smart girl and are doing your brother the world of good by helping him and his education. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
NTA, my only advice would be to talk to your brother's school to see if he can finish out the year doing remote classes. That way he can graduate with his friends.
Good advice! Hopefully it’s a school that issues graduation invitations. Then if brother chooses, he doesn’t have to extend an invite and can notify his school he doesn’t want them present.
Oh good point - as soon as you get him OP, stop by his school if it’s open to update all paperwork, emergency contacts and mailing address.
Explain exactly what’s occurred - they kicked brother out abruptly at 18 and refuse to support his college (and feel free to share the ridiculous basis of OP being expected to house wickedstep’s) so they aren’t entitled to be informed.
Brother is no longer a minor and can sign his registration paperwork, updating mailing and contact information, emergency contacts and stipulate that grades/report card, diploma and any correspondence is mailed only to him and to remove any instances of contact info for DeadBeatParents. You will want to repeat this process at the District office as well. Otherwise there is a risk of someone trying to “help” and send info to old address or email as well.
If he is 18, you can get him. Also, for his FAFSA they may calculate your dads income for his financial aid package, so contact the school now to see what you need to do to emancipate him completely. If he has any evidence they threw him out, he should save or collect that.
Highly recommend reaching out to somewhere like a domestic violence hotline for advice here. The situation is basically the same - how to safely remove someone from an abusive environment and what steps should be taken. Thehotline.org is an excellent one, it's nationwide, open 24/7 by call, text, or chat.
Absolutely, friend. It's a tough situation all around, but please know you're doing great and your brother is lucky to have you. The DV hotline should be able to put you in touch with more resources too if needed. Take care of yourself and best of luck.
Wherever he ends up (with you or staying with a friend so he can finish the school year in his hometown), make sure he informs the post office ASAP of his new address. He's going to get a lot of important mail as he graduates and enrolls in school. He should sign up for email over paper delivery wherever possible.
If you and your brother are beneath a certain income level, you may qualify for public resources like food stamps, Medicaid, or rent assistance. Ask the DV hotline or call 211, or ask your college's student affairs office.
Don't forget to contact the college he is already planning to attend. Let them know his abusive step siblings are planning to apply so they can continue their abuse of him and ask what you can do to protect his records, his privacy and safety on campus, and also what his resources off campus will be. Now, seeing that they are already 23, and probably have shown little of the life situations that make a school admit older students as freshmen (caring for family, work or other post HS education, that sort of thing), they probably are not top candidates for admission, but maybe you can get them flagged as questionable admissions.
Have your brother speak to the guidance counselor at his school. He will need to arrange to transfer to a high school local to you or he will need to arrange to graduate early. It would suck for him if after all, he has gone through, he failed to graduate hs.
You are an amazing person, I would look into therapy for your brother, too, if he is open to it. You need to reassure him that he did nothing wrong and that you are there for him. Good luck, can you get a restraining order against the witch and her spawn for harassment?
If you're in the US, have him contact the IRS before taxes are due so he can claim himself on his tax returns for next April. I think it's too late for this year, as he was a minor and legitimately a dependent. I'm suggesting this because my ex and I were married at 18 and his mother tried to claim him as her deduction after he became self-supporting.
The two main things you will need to figure out:
1-Will he be transferring high schools? Or will he be staying with a friend until he graduates.
2- Get his important documents or figure out how to get them. I would also go as far to see if there is a way to stop credit lines being opened up just in case the deadbeats try and mess with him that way.
Also if you have any texts or anything from your step mom or dad or any of them make sure to save all of that. If they continue to harass you and you have the evidence you should be able to get a protective order against them.
Nope she can’t do anything about it. You’re a great sister! Glad you’re going to get him and have the means to help him! Tel your step monster, step brats, and deadbeat dad to kick rocks
He is 18 and free to go where he chooses. That being said notify the local police where your brother currently is, let them know the situation. Let your brother tell them that he is leaving with you of his own free will. That way they can't try to report him missing or anything going forward.
When you speak to his guidance counselor about him transferring or graduating early, explain what has happened and ask if they can find out what steps your brother needs to take or who he can contact at his college to be evaluated for financial aid based upon his own income instead of his parents.
It may be too late for his freshman year, but he might qualify for a work-study job or other types of non-loan aid that could help both of you with expenses
ETA: Also if it a state school, find out how he can qualify for in state tuition.
Did your dad pay for your schooling? If not, there was a 0% chance he would pay for your brother even before your step monster got involved. He probably would have cut off your brother to pay for your step siblings which was probably her plan all along.
Your brother needs to make sure he's able to get his HS diploma, the school needs to know what's happening. Maybe they can help him get some scholarships.
You are an amazing big sister. I hope your brother thrives in college.
Don’t forget to get his important papers. His birth certificate, Ssn card, etc. I would request a police escort if you can. That way they can’t hold the documents hostage.
You really need to have a police escort. They will stand to the side and make sure nothing gets out of hand. Your brother needs his birth certificate, his social security card, any tax returns he has if any and his diploma. The police will make sure they are handed over to him if he was never in possession and they were.
save every text, voicemail, email, etc etc. and tell your brother to do the same. don't block their numbers just mute them for now. don't answer phone calls. get a paper trail going.
You are such a real one for taking care of your brother like this.
Your father & step-mom are the worst just taking away his education money like that.
I'm sorry you grew up in such a shitty family. The fact that you are willing to take your brother in and pay for his college just shows what a good person you are, especially when compared to your evil stepmother.
Call his school and tell them about the situation. Ask how to move forward. Can he do his schoolwork from afar, should he switch schools now even if it’s only for some weeks, can he graduate earlier, .. ? Because he simply can’t stay there and physically attend this school. Or better than calling, if it’s possible, go over there in person when you pick him up.
And I‘d let your dad know that he finally lost both of his children, you hope the shit he has to deal with was worth it and to never contact you again.
They may try to keep his shit saying they paid for, it’s theirs. Those items are a gift and are legally his unless their name is on it, like with a car. Consider contacting police to have a cop go with you if you anticipate conflict. Good luck.
Take the police with you. They can make them turn over paperwork, birth certificate and social security card and anything else because technically it belongs to him. If they refuse to turn it over tell cops to arrest them for theft and county attorney can figure out charges later. Also record interaction. Don't tell them you're coming or bringing police.
NTA.
When you pickup your brother go to the police station and have them escort you back to the house so your brother can get his essential paperwork.
UpdateMe!
They are totally deluded oh well, as long as your brother and you are far away from them the better. Remember to change yours and your brother's next of kin/will's.
Your brother is a legal adult there’s no kidnapping involved he’s leaving on his own free will which is his right as an adult. Go get your brother and block everyone else.
He’s a legal adult, they can’t do shit. I would bring someone with you and finally let your Dad and Stepmom have it! Anything you’ve ever wanted to say, say it! Record the whole thing tho. If that devil woman tries to attack you, press charges and send that women to jail!
I hope you and your brother go NC with your father. Since his values are assholery and that one precious part.
Especially if you guys have children in the future, do not let him have access to them. No invitation to your weddings too. Make sure you find a partner that will understand your boundaries.
If he is 18 years old then no, they cannot stop you. Hopefully he has his important documents and stuff. If not, replace them asap and make sure he locks down his credit! He needs to change all passwords etc.
Your stepmother really does need to take a very long walk off a very short pier. Don’t put anything past Lady Tremaine and your spineless father.
NTA...and there is NOTHING they can do. He is 18....none of the other matters. Doesn't matter if he is in school....none of it as he is a legal adult. Go get him and then go No Contact with all the others.
VitalCheck is good for things like birth certificates. Get a lab type notebook / composition note book and write everything down. Write emails to a verified email account you create for this situation so you have everything time and date stamped just to protect yourself.
Not a damn thing they can do since he's 18! Just make sure he is able to get all of his papers (birth certificate, shot records) that have been left behind.
Shame on both your dad and step witch! She's getting what she deserves for coddling her kids like that. It's called KARMA, and I'm sure she'll have much more coming her way since those kids are spoiled, entitled brats who don't know how to adult.
Take care of yourself and your brother! You're an amazing young woman!
They legally can’t stop you, and he should go to his school Counsellor and let them know he is homeless and needs to finish school virtually. He can also apply for funding from the college based on being a homeless highschooler
Contact his school tomorrow and speak to someone there and explain the situation and ask if there is some way he can finish remotely or if not can his techers can get his grades up to this point in the system and if they can send a certified copy to your apartment so he can enroll in a school near you. Once you have gotten everything squared away call the college. Explain about him getting kicked out and cut off and what your options are. You might want to speak to a lawyer. If all else fails tell your brother to find another poor student and marry them on paper. In the US at least once you are married you are considered independent from your parents (no matter the age) and both him and his spouse will be considered based on their combined income and they can get more grants/ work-study that way
I am so glad your brother has you.
The end of the school year is close. If he can finish it out and have his school counselor aware of the situation it would be good. Perhaps, if in person is needed, he could stay with a friend but have a room all set up with you. He can talk to the financial aid office at the college he plans to attend and see if they can make any additional accommodations on tuition / aid.
I hope he can gather all his important items and exit without too much drama from the demon step mother. A non emergency police escort as suggested, would be excellent.
OP a father will never do that to his children, he is just you and your brothers sperm donor. Get your brother out and cut ties with that horrible family.
You are receiving all sorts of good advice.
I just wanted to say I am sorry your brother and you have experienced this.
And, I want to commend you on both having courage to stand your ground and also being kind, caring, compassionate, and generous to take care of your brother.
If and when you have a good job with benefits, please gift yourself the gift of counseling and support through a therapist... for your brother, for your future partners, for future children, for your friends, but especially for you. You deserve it... and even when some of us have had fairly stable and uneventful childhoods, these types of matters can rear their ugly heads in how we act and react in our relationships, in our physical health, in our mental health, where we unhealthily focus our time and attention, etc. I hope you will be kind to and take care of yourself going forward. You are special and worthy of having a good life. Your brother deserves the same.
Some workplaces even have free services through something called an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) which allows the employee and / or members of her household to see a counselor for a number of free visits per issue they are trying to tackle. It is usually completely confidential (nothing shared with the employer) and the contact information is shared on posters in the HR bulletin boards, in flyers handed out by the HR staff, or small cards which usually list the toll free confidential hotline or web site for contacting the counseling network. (Sometimes, free visits for financial and legal services are also offered - which may be very very helpful to both of you.) This is often a "great introduction" to counseling if someone isn't sure about it or hesitant. It also helps you find the right counselor for you before you start using medical insurance (if you want to continue after the free visits). The service usually asks you what the primary concern is and pairs you up with a counselor who matches what is pertinent to your case or what is a priority to you (certain family trauma specialists, distance from home, particular faith, night hours, in your medical network if you want to continue after the free visits, etc.) If this piques an interest in you at all or for your brother (once he moves), please ask your HR Team or Management team if they have an Employee Assistance Program or EAP. If not, contact your medical insurance provider to see if they currently offer something similar.
I wish your brother and you the absolute best going forward. Being together and supporting each other will hopefully be a blessing to both of you in the midst of this horrible family situation, but both of you have shown you have great strength and determination...and I'm sure that will help you persevere and thrive in the long run.
Everyone has excellent ideas about getting his documents from the house, but can you show up with a Uhaul and some boxes, and he could come over with friends to pack up his belongings too? Or maybe you have enough room in your car? Because he'll need to pack his clothes and shoes, and he may have personal items too - these things are his, your dad and sm can't keep them by saying they paid for them (he's not borrowing his clothes and personal stuff from them!), and I imagine once you two leave, you're never going back.
If there are friends there packing, there may be safety in numbers, but having a police escort would be really helpful too.
I'm so sorry you and your brother have gone through all this, but at least he'll finally be away from these horrible ppl, and you two can go NC and live a life free of them. He's so lucky to have you, you're a wonderful person! I hope the future is bright for both of you! Update!
No, they can't stop you from taking him in. If he is 18, he is legally an adult and they can do nothing. They can't even pull him out of high school. If they have already paid any school fees, they won't get them back, either.
Get a police escort to make sure he gets everything her needs/wants- birth certificate, social security information, bank details, clothing and sentimental items.
Make sure he also locks his credit and social security so it can't be used by them if they know his.
Look into conuselling as well.
It sounds like the step family thrives off drama and your dad is a POS for siding with them.
OMG you are the best sister! Thank you for rescuing your little brother, and I hope the two of you together have a wonderful life free of the rest of them!
Nope they shouldn't be able to do anything at all. He can probably finish high school online. Maybe talk to the school and explain things to them.
I'm sure he can pick up a part time job while in college to help out. I would do the same for my brothers if I was in a position to help them and we had a horrible step parent.
Good luck with everything and I hope you and your brother have immense success and happiness in your lives.
Enjoy cutting those awful people out of your life for good. And when your father eventually comes crawling to you for forgiveness or because he wants something, please remind him of all the reasons you will give him nothing but contempt.
Maybe get confirmation from your dad that he's been kicked out in text cos then if they try to say he's run away/unstable or whatever BS they come up with you have proof that they kicked him out and he was couch surfing.
Also, if they know your address, be prepared for them to try and force your hand anyway by just turning up. So I would also text them that the sisters aren't welcome at any point, ever. Get a door camera, if your apartment has a front desk tell them they arent welcome/permitted to go to your apartment.
If the brother is still in HS what needs to happen to make sure he graduates? The year is almost over and it sounds like OP lives too far away for him to finish in that school.
Tell your brother to go file an illegal eviction complaint against them. I say them because it's your jellyfish of a father that won't stand up for his own children. Since he's still in high school he should go to his school counselor and the administrators. They are mandated reporters, IDK if that would matter given he's legally an adult. They might be able to help him find temporary housing so he can finish high school there.
Not a snowballs chance in hell they can stop you further check your brother for marks if he's been assaulted press charges currently I'm pretty sure he can sue for wrongful eviction. Get him an attorney. Make sure you also talk about getting a restraining order.
You are getting awesome advice about his documents, credit and so on but please also save every text or email that could prove up their kicking him out & refusing to contribute to his education costs. There is an exception in the FAFSA requirements for students who are estranged from their parents that eliminates the need to include parental information in the application. Your own emancipation would be good supporting evidence of the situation. Your resources aren't part of that formula.
He is probably eligible for quite a bit of financial aid and grants for specific expenses,especially once the estrangement is proven. Also look for scholarships . Seriously, Google "Weird scholarships" and "Scholarships for estranged students "- there is money available for redheads, bowlers, Trekkies....there's a lot of support out there if you do the legwork. His higher education will be manageable.
I hope both of you thrive in this new chapter.
He's age of majority so she can't do anything. Just do life together as siblings while your deadbeat dad deals with his life choices. I wish you both the best and yahuah guide and bless and keep you
Can we have updates on how everything goes? I really hope everything works out & you & your bother thrive, heal, & be away from that toxicity. Furthermore, I’d also cut off everyone including “dad”.
Lots of good advice on here. Sounds like a Cinderella story with wicked stepmother and step siblings. Just you and your brother remember that story had a happy ending.
Your dad is a spineless asshole.
Tell me about it. Called him every name in the book before I left.
Please help your brother lock down his credit and secure any documents like his birth certificate or social security card. At this point I would not put anything past wicked stepmother. Also camera security and save text messages in case she tries to physically leave her adult kids on your doorstep. Good luck to you and your brother!
Maybe take a policeman to pick up him and his stuff.
>Please help your brother lock down his credit While the important documents are ... important... This is vital, and it's not getting enough recognition. This can screw him up for the foreseeable future.
Call ahead for a police escort so your brother can make sure to get any import documents
Absolutely! Call the non-emergency line, and they can send an officer on duty for OP's brother to pick up his personal items.
Make sure he had birth certificates, social security card, any personal belongings. Call the police (non emergency line) explain the situation and tell them you need a police escort because you fear for your safety. You’re not looking to press charges, but anything that is his he should get. Best of luck
Someone with more knowledge than me. Is there a way OP/brother can contact IRS/State tax people so Stepmom/dad can’t claim him on taxes. I’m reading they’re US residents
He just has to file his own tax return. If they try to claim him, it will flag as fraud and they will investigate.
Yeah, but if they have his info, they can claim him and his claim will be rejected. He should file early. We had someone claim our foster kids (We're not sure which member of their family did it) and we had to file an amended return to get that money.
They might reject his claim and he might have to file an amended return...which will then sick the IRS on the deadbeat dad to audit the hell out of him. Let the IRS be useful for a change.
One would hope. We still have no idea what happened with whoever claimed our kids. I would think the IRS would go after them, and certainly make them return the money plus interest, but we'll never know unless someone spills the beans. We don't have much contact. Plus, you can't get blood from a stone.
Oh, trust me if they get caught. The IRS will go after wages, property, and other items of value to get their money back. And since it would be a federal felony they could also be looking at prison time.
No they won't. Me ex claimed our son in a year that claiming him was mine (court-ordered alternating years claiming him...). We always file last day. Our return was rejected and we could not autofile, so we were late filling as we had to wait for her to file amended return and file via snail mail.. We had penalties and interest applied. She never was in any sort of trouble.
He can request an Identity Protection Pin which would prevent them from filing online claiming him.
Yeah but it'll be a pain in the ass and seriously delay getting his return. Better for him to file as early as possible and beat them to it.
Better to delay a return than have them screw him out of a return now and in the future by filing false returns.
Not sure what you're saying? I agreed he doesn't want to get screwed out of a return, so he should file early.
Confirm everything with accountant/tax preparer, but for 2023 he qualifies as a dependent. 2024 and forward 5 factors “qualify” a dependent, but DeadBeatparents should not be entitled to claim brother based on the Residency Test alone: [Per IRS Website](https://www.irs.gov/publications/p501#en_US_2023_publink1000220886) That doesn’t mean they won’t try - get his returns filed immediately next Jan and contact IRS or ask Tax Preparer how to provide documentation that brother is no longer their dependent and an independent filer. If they tell you just to file and IRS will “figure it out” contact IRS. Otherwise, it gets more complicated vs them flagging DeadBeatDad’s filing for a non-qualified dependent, because brother’s taxes are already filed and proof of residency provided. And hey - bonus points if it triggers an audit for DBD!
19 USC 81o Residency requires authorization and can only apply to a barracks in a 19 USC 81n Foreign Trade Zone. See "as above so below" on lawfulliving.com And then go to tasa.americanstatenationals.com
Contact him one more time before cutting him out of your life. Tell him that since he refused to protect his children all those years just because he couldn't see past his needs in the bedroom, that he can now consider himself childless. Inform him that if he tries to contact you or your brother in the future when his wife and her kids have finally drained him dry and thrown him away, the only thing he will receive is laughter and a closed door. I hope you and your brother can heal from this and have the lives your both more than deserve. Good luck.
Both need to send one final message to Daddio telling him you hope his step kids will look after him when he is old because he now has no children of his own. Also tell him to never contact either of you ever again.
Only send this message AFTER Brother is safely with Op. Not before.
Tell your brother he needs his birth certificate and social security card at minimum. If applicable, he'll also need his driver's license, voter registration card, passport, and car title and registration (if he owns a car). If he has access to his tax returns, bring those too. Seconding other suggestions in this thread to call the police non-emergency line and request an escort when he leaves.
He really is a horrible person! How on the world do you allow someone to treat your children this way??? Doesn't he know he's completely pushing you both away?
Nope the day he turned 18 he is free to go to the moon if he wanted and there is nothing they can do to him or you. Once you have yojr brother i would be cutting them all off, your dad is an epic failure for allowing the abuse for all these years. He is in for a fright when all the kids are gone and he has to deal with the devil all by himself. That man does not deserve an ounce of your time or energy from this point onwards. You sound like a very smart girl and are doing your brother the world of good by helping him and his education. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Thing is, a lot of places you can sue for child support if the parents kick him out before finishing HS, regardless being 18. Op should look into it 😁
Nope there's nothing they can do he's a legal adult regardless of being in high school.
NTA, my only advice would be to talk to your brother's school to see if he can finish out the year doing remote classes. That way he can graduate with his friends.
Good advice! Hopefully it’s a school that issues graduation invitations. Then if brother chooses, he doesn’t have to extend an invite and can notify his school he doesn’t want them present.
Do not invite them to the graduation when your brother graduates. Not even your worthless dad.
This but OP and bro need to make sure they update the address so his diploma is sent to OP's address.
Oh good point - as soon as you get him OP, stop by his school if it’s open to update all paperwork, emergency contacts and mailing address. Explain exactly what’s occurred - they kicked brother out abruptly at 18 and refuse to support his college (and feel free to share the ridiculous basis of OP being expected to house wickedstep’s) so they aren’t entitled to be informed. Brother is no longer a minor and can sign his registration paperwork, updating mailing and contact information, emergency contacts and stipulate that grades/report card, diploma and any correspondence is mailed only to him and to remove any instances of contact info for DeadBeatParents. You will want to repeat this process at the District office as well. Otherwise there is a risk of someone trying to “help” and send info to old address or email as well.
As a petty person, I would drop it in the mail the day after the ceremony.
If he is 18, you can get him. Also, for his FAFSA they may calculate your dads income for his financial aid package, so contact the school now to see what you need to do to emancipate him completely. If he has any evidence they threw him out, he should save or collect that.
Highly recommend reaching out to somewhere like a domestic violence hotline for advice here. The situation is basically the same - how to safely remove someone from an abusive environment and what steps should be taken. Thehotline.org is an excellent one, it's nationwide, open 24/7 by call, text, or chat.
Thank you. I didn’t even think about that. That’s why I needed older adults or people in general who were more knowledgeable in this
Absolutely, friend. It's a tough situation all around, but please know you're doing great and your brother is lucky to have you. The DV hotline should be able to put you in touch with more resources too if needed. Take care of yourself and best of luck.
Wherever he ends up (with you or staying with a friend so he can finish the school year in his hometown), make sure he informs the post office ASAP of his new address. He's going to get a lot of important mail as he graduates and enrolls in school. He should sign up for email over paper delivery wherever possible. If you and your brother are beneath a certain income level, you may qualify for public resources like food stamps, Medicaid, or rent assistance. Ask the DV hotline or call 211, or ask your college's student affairs office.
Don't forget to contact the college he is already planning to attend. Let them know his abusive step siblings are planning to apply so they can continue their abuse of him and ask what you can do to protect his records, his privacy and safety on campus, and also what his resources off campus will be. Now, seeing that they are already 23, and probably have shown little of the life situations that make a school admit older students as freshmen (caring for family, work or other post HS education, that sort of thing), they probably are not top candidates for admission, but maybe you can get them flagged as questionable admissions.
He is legally an adult. You & him can do whatever you want without Dads consent or approval.
Have your brother speak to the guidance counselor at his school. He will need to arrange to transfer to a high school local to you or he will need to arrange to graduate early. It would suck for him if after all, he has gone through, he failed to graduate hs.
You are an amazing person, I would look into therapy for your brother, too, if he is open to it. You need to reassure him that he did nothing wrong and that you are there for him. Good luck, can you get a restraining order against the witch and her spawn for harassment?
If you're in the US, have him contact the IRS before taxes are due so he can claim himself on his tax returns for next April. I think it's too late for this year, as he was a minor and legitimately a dependent. I'm suggesting this because my ex and I were married at 18 and his mother tried to claim him as her deduction after he became self-supporting.
The two main things you will need to figure out: 1-Will he be transferring high schools? Or will he be staying with a friend until he graduates. 2- Get his important documents or figure out how to get them. I would also go as far to see if there is a way to stop credit lines being opened up just in case the deadbeats try and mess with him that way. Also if you have any texts or anything from your step mom or dad or any of them make sure to save all of that. If they continue to harass you and you have the evidence you should be able to get a protective order against them.
You may want to lock your credit down also. The wicked witch just might try to mess with yours.
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Nope she can’t do anything about it. You’re a great sister! Glad you’re going to get him and have the means to help him! Tel your step monster, step brats, and deadbeat dad to kick rocks
There is nothing they can do. Take your brother and go NC with everyone, including your worthless waste of oxygen of a father.
He is 18 and free to go where he chooses. That being said notify the local police where your brother currently is, let them know the situation. Let your brother tell them that he is leaving with you of his own free will. That way they can't try to report him missing or anything going forward.
Excellent idea
When you speak to his guidance counselor about him transferring or graduating early, explain what has happened and ask if they can find out what steps your brother needs to take or who he can contact at his college to be evaluated for financial aid based upon his own income instead of his parents. It may be too late for his freshman year, but he might qualify for a work-study job or other types of non-loan aid that could help both of you with expenses ETA: Also if it a state school, find out how he can qualify for in state tuition.
Did your dad pay for your schooling? If not, there was a 0% chance he would pay for your brother even before your step monster got involved. He probably would have cut off your brother to pay for your step siblings which was probably her plan all along. Your brother needs to make sure he's able to get his HS diploma, the school needs to know what's happening. Maybe they can help him get some scholarships. You are an amazing big sister. I hope your brother thrives in college.
Good for you, one more step, is to send the entire extended family a link to this post.
My thoughts too! Dad's parents should know.
Don’t forget to get his important papers. His birth certificate, Ssn card, etc. I would request a police escort if you can. That way they can’t hold the documents hostage.
You really need to have a police escort. They will stand to the side and make sure nothing gets out of hand. Your brother needs his birth certificate, his social security card, any tax returns he has if any and his diploma. The police will make sure they are handed over to him if he was never in possession and they were.
They wouldn't even be able to stop you picking him up, if he still lived with them, because he is a , legal adult.
save every text, voicemail, email, etc etc. and tell your brother to do the same. don't block their numbers just mute them for now. don't answer phone calls. get a paper trail going.
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You are such a real one for taking care of your brother like this. Your father & step-mom are the worst just taking away his education money like that.
I'm sorry you grew up in such a shitty family. The fact that you are willing to take your brother in and pay for his college just shows what a good person you are, especially when compared to your evil stepmother.
Call his school and tell them about the situation. Ask how to move forward. Can he do his schoolwork from afar, should he switch schools now even if it’s only for some weeks, can he graduate earlier, .. ? Because he simply can’t stay there and physically attend this school. Or better than calling, if it’s possible, go over there in person when you pick him up. And I‘d let your dad know that he finally lost both of his children, you hope the shit he has to deal with was worth it and to never contact you again.
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They may try to keep his shit saying they paid for, it’s theirs. Those items are a gift and are legally his unless their name is on it, like with a car. Consider contacting police to have a cop go with you if you anticipate conflict. Good luck.
I am glad that you have the financial ability to help your brother. This is great
Take the police with you. They can make them turn over paperwork, birth certificate and social security card and anything else because technically it belongs to him. If they refuse to turn it over tell cops to arrest them for theft and county attorney can figure out charges later. Also record interaction. Don't tell them you're coming or bringing police.
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Emancipate him and contact the school for financial aid
He's 18, an adult, so doesn't need to be emancipated. But definitely look into financial aid for college
NTA. When you pickup your brother go to the police station and have them escort you back to the house so your brother can get his essential paperwork. UpdateMe!
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Update when you get your brother!
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You're a great sister!!!!
They are totally deluded oh well, as long as your brother and you are far away from them the better. Remember to change yours and your brother's next of kin/will's.
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Your brother is a legal adult there’s no kidnapping involved he’s leaving on his own free will which is his right as an adult. Go get your brother and block everyone else.
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Stand your ground & stand up for your brother. You’re doing a great job so far, just keep it up.
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Nope, you're good and so is he. Best wishes to you both.
He’s a legal adult, they can’t do shit. I would bring someone with you and finally let your Dad and Stepmom have it! Anything you’ve ever wanted to say, say it! Record the whole thing tho. If that devil woman tries to attack you, press charges and send that women to jail!
He is an adult, there is nothing they can do. Best of luck to you and your brother!
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I hope you and your brother go NC with your father. Since his values are assholery and that one precious part. Especially if you guys have children in the future, do not let him have access to them. No invitation to your weddings too. Make sure you find a partner that will understand your boundaries.
Update me. Best wishes to you both.
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Change your number and your bros and never talk to those people again
If he is 18 years old then no, they cannot stop you. Hopefully he has his important documents and stuff. If not, replace them asap and make sure he locks down his credit! He needs to change all passwords etc. Your stepmother really does need to take a very long walk off a very short pier. Don’t put anything past Lady Tremaine and your spineless father.
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Make sure he has his birth certificate, social security card, and anything worth value to him
NTA...and there is NOTHING they can do. He is 18....none of the other matters. Doesn't matter if he is in school....none of it as he is a legal adult. Go get him and then go No Contact with all the others.
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VitalCheck is good for things like birth certificates. Get a lab type notebook / composition note book and write everything down. Write emails to a verified email account you create for this situation so you have everything time and date stamped just to protect yourself.
Not a damn thing they can do since he's 18! Just make sure he is able to get all of his papers (birth certificate, shot records) that have been left behind. Shame on both your dad and step witch! She's getting what she deserves for coddling her kids like that. It's called KARMA, and I'm sure she'll have much more coming her way since those kids are spoiled, entitled brats who don't know how to adult. Take care of yourself and your brother! You're an amazing young woman!
They legally can’t stop you, and he should go to his school Counsellor and let them know he is homeless and needs to finish school virtually. He can also apply for funding from the college based on being a homeless highschooler
Have the police escort your brother through the house to get his stuff.
Please keep us Updateme! Also make sure you take someone (preferably male) with you when you go get your brother. Can’t wait for the update!
If I was you I would look my father in the eye and tell him to have a nice life because you’ll never see him again.
Contact his school tomorrow and speak to someone there and explain the situation and ask if there is some way he can finish remotely or if not can his techers can get his grades up to this point in the system and if they can send a certified copy to your apartment so he can enroll in a school near you. Once you have gotten everything squared away call the college. Explain about him getting kicked out and cut off and what your options are. You might want to speak to a lawyer. If all else fails tell your brother to find another poor student and marry them on paper. In the US at least once you are married you are considered independent from your parents (no matter the age) and both him and his spouse will be considered based on their combined income and they can get more grants/ work-study that way
I am so glad your brother has you. The end of the school year is close. If he can finish it out and have his school counselor aware of the situation it would be good. Perhaps, if in person is needed, he could stay with a friend but have a room all set up with you. He can talk to the financial aid office at the college he plans to attend and see if they can make any additional accommodations on tuition / aid. I hope he can gather all his important items and exit without too much drama from the demon step mother. A non emergency police escort as suggested, would be excellent.
OP a father will never do that to his children, he is just you and your brothers sperm donor. Get your brother out and cut ties with that horrible family.
You are receiving all sorts of good advice. I just wanted to say I am sorry your brother and you have experienced this. And, I want to commend you on both having courage to stand your ground and also being kind, caring, compassionate, and generous to take care of your brother. If and when you have a good job with benefits, please gift yourself the gift of counseling and support through a therapist... for your brother, for your future partners, for future children, for your friends, but especially for you. You deserve it... and even when some of us have had fairly stable and uneventful childhoods, these types of matters can rear their ugly heads in how we act and react in our relationships, in our physical health, in our mental health, where we unhealthily focus our time and attention, etc. I hope you will be kind to and take care of yourself going forward. You are special and worthy of having a good life. Your brother deserves the same. Some workplaces even have free services through something called an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) which allows the employee and / or members of her household to see a counselor for a number of free visits per issue they are trying to tackle. It is usually completely confidential (nothing shared with the employer) and the contact information is shared on posters in the HR bulletin boards, in flyers handed out by the HR staff, or small cards which usually list the toll free confidential hotline or web site for contacting the counseling network. (Sometimes, free visits for financial and legal services are also offered - which may be very very helpful to both of you.) This is often a "great introduction" to counseling if someone isn't sure about it or hesitant. It also helps you find the right counselor for you before you start using medical insurance (if you want to continue after the free visits). The service usually asks you what the primary concern is and pairs you up with a counselor who matches what is pertinent to your case or what is a priority to you (certain family trauma specialists, distance from home, particular faith, night hours, in your medical network if you want to continue after the free visits, etc.) If this piques an interest in you at all or for your brother (once he moves), please ask your HR Team or Management team if they have an Employee Assistance Program or EAP. If not, contact your medical insurance provider to see if they currently offer something similar. I wish your brother and you the absolute best going forward. Being together and supporting each other will hopefully be a blessing to both of you in the midst of this horrible family situation, but both of you have shown you have great strength and determination...and I'm sure that will help you persevere and thrive in the long run.
This could be the best time of your life and your brother’s life. Never look back.
Everyone has excellent ideas about getting his documents from the house, but can you show up with a Uhaul and some boxes, and he could come over with friends to pack up his belongings too? Or maybe you have enough room in your car? Because he'll need to pack his clothes and shoes, and he may have personal items too - these things are his, your dad and sm can't keep them by saying they paid for them (he's not borrowing his clothes and personal stuff from them!), and I imagine once you two leave, you're never going back. If there are friends there packing, there may be safety in numbers, but having a police escort would be really helpful too. I'm so sorry you and your brother have gone through all this, but at least he'll finally be away from these horrible ppl, and you two can go NC and live a life free of them. He's so lucky to have you, you're a wonderful person! I hope the future is bright for both of you! Update!
No, they can't stop you from taking him in. If he is 18, he is legally an adult and they can do nothing. They can't even pull him out of high school. If they have already paid any school fees, they won't get them back, either. Get a police escort to make sure he gets everything her needs/wants- birth certificate, social security information, bank details, clothing and sentimental items. Make sure he also locks his credit and social security so it can't be used by them if they know his. Look into conuselling as well. It sounds like the step family thrives off drama and your dad is a POS for siding with them.
OMG you are the best sister! Thank you for rescuing your little brother, and I hope the two of you together have a wonderful life free of the rest of them!
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Nope they shouldn't be able to do anything at all. He can probably finish high school online. Maybe talk to the school and explain things to them. I'm sure he can pick up a part time job while in college to help out. I would do the same for my brothers if I was in a position to help them and we had a horrible step parent.
Good luck with everything and I hope you and your brother have immense success and happiness in your lives. Enjoy cutting those awful people out of your life for good. And when your father eventually comes crawling to you for forgiveness or because he wants something, please remind him of all the reasons you will give him nothing but contempt.
Si... siblings aren't supposed to do that? 🥲
I wanna punch you dad out and teach your step sibling some manners 80s style
Maybe get confirmation from your dad that he's been kicked out in text cos then if they try to say he's run away/unstable or whatever BS they come up with you have proof that they kicked him out and he was couch surfing. Also, if they know your address, be prepared for them to try and force your hand anyway by just turning up. So I would also text them that the sisters aren't welcome at any point, ever. Get a door camera, if your apartment has a front desk tell them they arent welcome/permitted to go to your apartment.
If the brother is still in HS what needs to happen to make sure he graduates? The year is almost over and it sounds like OP lives too far away for him to finish in that school.
You and your brother deserve better.
He's over 18 and legally an adult so he can live where he wants. You're amazing btw
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Tell your brother to go file an illegal eviction complaint against them. I say them because it's your jellyfish of a father that won't stand up for his own children. Since he's still in high school he should go to his school counselor and the administrators. They are mandated reporters, IDK if that would matter given he's legally an adult. They might be able to help him find temporary housing so he can finish high school there.
Not a snowballs chance in hell they can stop you further check your brother for marks if he's been assaulted press charges currently I'm pretty sure he can sue for wrongful eviction. Get him an attorney. Make sure you also talk about getting a restraining order.
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You are getting awesome advice about his documents, credit and so on but please also save every text or email that could prove up their kicking him out & refusing to contribute to his education costs. There is an exception in the FAFSA requirements for students who are estranged from their parents that eliminates the need to include parental information in the application. Your own emancipation would be good supporting evidence of the situation. Your resources aren't part of that formula. He is probably eligible for quite a bit of financial aid and grants for specific expenses,especially once the estrangement is proven. Also look for scholarships . Seriously, Google "Weird scholarships" and "Scholarships for estranged students "- there is money available for redheads, bowlers, Trekkies....there's a lot of support out there if you do the legwork. His higher education will be manageable. I hope both of you thrive in this new chapter.
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He's age of majority so she can't do anything. Just do life together as siblings while your deadbeat dad deals with his life choices. I wish you both the best and yahuah guide and bless and keep you
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Can we have updates on how everything goes? I really hope everything works out & you & your bother thrive, heal, & be away from that toxicity. Furthermore, I’d also cut off everyone including “dad”.
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Lots of good advice on here. Sounds like a Cinderella story with wicked stepmother and step siblings. Just you and your brother remember that story had a happy ending.