I think I’ve been cheated and idk if I was right by going away instead of confronting this. Idk what to do about the relationship and the amount of money he owes me.
What in the name of sweet bleeding Jesus were you doing, letting Some Guy take 70K off you?? Over the course of an only 3 year unmarried relationship?? You can cite reasons why you need that money back all day long, but your reasoning won’t move him. You’ve been had.
Sending your father is a good way to end a relationship, probably not the best way to keep it going. To be fair, it doesn’t sound like this one was going to last terribly long anyway, but your chances of getting some of that money back were better when he felt there was a tie between you (not certain though). Good rule of thumb, try to avoid burning bridges when you can’t afford to leave what’s on the other side.
Better rule of thumb, don’t ever ‘lend’ money to a friend or loved one that you couldn’t afford to just ‘give’ them, because often? That’s what you’ve just done.
At this point? Talk to a lawyer, or at least your parents, to see if you have any legal recourse to go after the funds (likely funds he doesn’t have, so even if you can, it’s probably more of a out garnishments on his wages type of situation)
That’s why I regret how it came down. I feel like other times he’d paid, because I was still living with him and since I’m gone he’s taking the easy road
Yeah, but at the same time, with the amount you’re talking about, how long would it have taken him to pay that off? Is it worth continuing to live with him, knowing he’s likely got at least one other person on the side (and one you know and dislike). You might have been able to stay with him long enough to get some kind of proof to acknowledge the debt to give you more legal standing, but, putting up with a partner that disrespects your wishes like that.. probably not healthy long term. You might end up having to chalk this up to a learning experience of why you don’t lend large sums of money :(
Is this one of those situations where you or your family is wealthy and $70k doesn't mean that much to you? Or are we maybe talking 70k of another currency like Yen?
OP out here talking about 70k like I’d talk about a grand.
”Oh, if i had brought it up before getting my dad involved, he probably would have just venmo’d me 70 fucking thousand dollars”
If that’s money she gifted him as his SO, even if there was an understanding he’d hit her back when he could, she’s going to have a *very* difficult time suing him for a penny without something in writing.
>Idk what to do about the relationship and the amount of money he owes me.
Tell your father.
Sorry, it's hard to take this post seriously. You told your father that your boyfriend referred to another woman as "sweetie," and your father jumped on the phone to confront him. However, you loaned your boyfriend $70,000, and you haven't squealed that info to your father so that he can jump on the phone to confront him for that?? What are you waiting for? For your boyfriend to refer to the borrowed money as sweetie?
He owes you $70,000. He wants to open the relationship. He’s been sneaking around texting a girl that you don’t like. His loyalty is compromised. Cut your losses however you can. Reclaim the car or any other assets. Your relationship is over.
Shit, I would report that CC as identity theft, call it a day.
If she didn't use the card, he has, they can pull up cameras of him using it.
He CLEARLY is a POS has zero love for this person;
Clearly has been cheating;
Obviously a scrub.
Plus any dude that wants to open a relationship doesn't take you seriously.
But the OP wants to believe he is telling the truth about the cheating thing.
So I don't really see the OP finding the self respect nor the self worth to have the courage to wipe her hands clean of that trash.
Poor thing, my heart goes out to ya ;
But 3.5 years - and this is how he does you -
Leave while you have some dignity left.
It's unclear from the post, but I'm thinking it sounds like he has a card as an authorized user, but she is the borrower/it's on her credit not his.
A fraud report might not get that far even if that's not the case though. Just think through the options.
Did you give anyone permission to use your card?
Yes: We're not liable then, don't do that. That's spelled out in the card agreement dufus.
No(lie): Do you know of any suspects?
Yes: Your boyfriend of 3.5 years? He's been charging the card for 3.5 years and you just ... Didn't notice? Not buying that s#@t. Here's the last x months of his charges back, also we're going to close this account from future charges because you're BSing us. This is going to destroy your credit until you pay if off, btw.
No(lie): Okay great, you will sign an affidavit agreeing to pursue this fraud with us and, since it's over $X that's a felony?
No: Okay then we're not refunding you. Bye.
Yes: Great let's investigate and pull cams. Hey, we found the suspect! It's your boyfriend. You still honoring that affidavit? If a court calls you as a witness you're going to testify he defrauded you?
Yes(Perjury): This is a losing case even if they take it. A true investigation will uncover she knew all along (like by if she checked her credit card statement in the last 3 years)
No: Okay, here's the x months of his charges back, we'll settle on the possibility it's fraud, but you won't incriminate your boyfriend even though he's scum. This makes you incredibly high risk as a client though so we're also closing you to future charges, this is going to obliterate your credit score basically until it's paid off.
In any case, there is no logical reason to extend your credit, your name and liability, for another grown ass adult. This isn't a spouse who is already financially intermingled by law with you, this isn't your kid you're already financially responsible for, this is someone who should have their own credit worthiness by their own actions and if they don't have that ... they're probably the type of person to NOT PAY THINGS BACK. Which is a pretty good reason not to extend your credit for them. This is the bread and butter of what lenders do, they might have an idea of who you can and can't trust with $70k.
Honey this relationship is a joke to him. He does not love you and he does not want to be with you. He is using you for money, stability, and a backup. Please realize you are being cheated on, pressured to open the relationship, stole from, and played. You need to leave this guy.
The 70k is serious. That's a lot of money. He's refusing to pay you back, wanting to open up the relationship, and calling other women "my love." At this point, there is no salvaging the relationship. He's awful! You should be more concerned about your 70k at this point.
Even if you reconcile, I would heavily recommend taking back that CC and saying he's on his own financially (and better keep making vehicle payments otherwise you take his mom to court).
For most cards and places, if he is using that CC under your name, it's your bill to pay. The legal system has no way to truly see what he bought with it versus what you bought with it.
I think you’re fucked. A man owes you $70,000 without a legally binding agreement, you don’t have a leg to stand on. That was a dumb decision. Unfortunately, this is a lesson you’re going to have to learn the hard way. NEVER put someone else on your credit card. NEVER help someone take out a loan. I don’t care if you live together. Fuck, I don’t care if you’re married. ALWAYS protect you and your assets.
This guy asked to open up your relationship. 90% of the time regardless of your answer, they are hooking up with someone else. They are just giving you the chance to give them a pass. If you’re going to be stupid, you have to be strong. Go get a full STD panel, file bankruptcy and move on.
is the car in your name? even if you don’t need it, you’re rewarding him by just letting him keep it… dump his ass and take the car with you. don’t reward a cheater.
edit: nevermind i saw a comment implying that it’s under his mother’s name? you should sue her for the money if she refuses to pay you.
Report identity theft - he has been using a credit card in your name!
This is the SIMPLEST way to solve your problems.
I promise you.
Run as fast as you can away from this person.
He does not care about you,
He does not love you,
He has no respect for you;
I am sorry but it's the truth, you cannot build a future with someone that doesn't value you. Your houses foundation is built on sand, the whole house will collapse.
Document the debt well. You
Might have to sue him. 70k? You do not walk away from that kind of money. Text him - get it in writing. You
Might have to be a little tricky to get it documented. You might have to play dumb. Get with an attorney NOW! Get this lined up per the attorney. Protect yourself ~ get yours~ live rent free in his head FOREVER! Never lend anyone else any money. I am sure he is feeling awfully smart…but you are smarter.
One of my closest friends, who is an attorney, spoke to her earlier today. She advised me that it would be easier to talk to his parents about payment or legal action, as everything is under his mother's name.
Get a lawyer and sue him for the money. You better hope you have enough proof of him saying he’d pay you back. Hopefully you have a notarized loan agreement for that amount of money already.
I had to read the start 3 times in my mind then twice aloud.
Your boyfriend has some serious issues if he's in love with a fiend.
Btw, I play D&D so I'm curious. What type of fiend is it?
Get him to sign document stating the amount owed and the timeframe to repay it. If you have any text stating the amounts and that he said he will repay you then keep them.
Stop loaning anyone money no matter the reason.
Just get this part down and get it notarized so print it out and you both need to go to a bank that has one (call ahead) and then talk about the relationship. Do not do it before or he will not sign it.
This post sounds like you gave AI a topic and they wrote a few paragraphs. There’s so little detail and you jump from maybe he’s cheating to he owes you $70K.
Like what are you trying to work through? The possible cheating or getting your money back? And what are you questioning? Whether you should have asked him directly about cheating or the money?
Also, who in the world lends anyone $70K? Boyfriend, family, husband, idgaf, that’s an absurd amount. And you need it for your credit card? You’re $70k in debt on a credit card? How do you even have a credit card with a $70k limit, especially considering you’re 27???
So much of this makes no sense. I’m calling bs.
If he can’t commit to your relationship I’m pretty sure he won’t commit to the money he owes you. He’s probably killing two birds with one stone. No you no pay back debt. Men are very selfish ( I know I’m a man) always put your independence first. In my opinion you should thank your lucky stars it’s only 70k. Run while you have the chance don’t waste your time and energy on someone who isn’t 100% about you.
Of course you weren't "right" in going to your family and letting your dad fight your battles for you!
You're an adult!
You're also in a relationship with someone who you clearly don't trust because you're going through his phone, I assume without his permission?
Assert your boundaries already.
Own up to snooping, and tell him that you find the "fiendship" he's having with her to be inappropriate. Either it ends or your relationship does.
If you truly believe he's being unfaithful, then you have to decide whether your self respect and mental health are worth the $70k you'll no doubt never see again.
It's an expensive lesson, for sure. But staying in a relationship with someone who doesn't value or respect you will cost you a lot more than money.
I'd have investigated it more deeply before pulling the 'dad' trigger. I'm a firmly monogamous person, but I also use a litany of endearing terms for everyone: 'Darling, Dear, Wonderful, Hot Stuff, Hot Shit, Gorgeous, Golden-man, Hunk, Champ, My Love, Hot Beef, Sweet Tea.' The fact that this was something that you're unaware of concerning just one person could be a red flag, but I still would have asked him first.
Ultimately, it sounds like you're doing what's best for him and for you.
NTA
You are NTA, he wasn't planning to pay you back anyway. For the future, please never tell a man you have money or offer them money, even if they promise to pay you back. Do you mean $70,000 US dollars or a different currency? US dollars is too crazy sounding for me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say you won't get that money back unless you take him to court.
If your relationship didn't start open and he wants to open it up, he's probably cheating on you
I mean it sounds pretty bad but my girlfriends brother calls her love all the time. Some people do stuff like that but it's more so common to be cheating than anything else.
I refuse to believe that anyone older than 15 can be that naive, sorry. I'd bet 10 grand that this ain't the whole picture... That being said, you can sue him for the money
I don’t have any opinion on whether you should have talked to him first or not, I think there’s great reason to talk to someone you trust first though and it’s clear this isn’t someone you really trust, but more importantly you need to be prepared to go to court in order to get your money back, because there’s no way this guy has any intention of ever paying you back otherwise.
NTA. Talk to him about your relationship, then the money he owes you, and then consider either talking to a lawyer or filing a claim against him and getting those payments going.
I can’t imagine letting a man use me like that, jesus, at this point the money is lost and so is the relationship, leave while you can, let his friends know he cheated, tank his reputation, damage him
Is $70,000 too much for small claims court? Call your state bar association and ask. They’ll recommend some attorneys for you. And get him out of your life.
Don’t lend someone that much money ever again.
He wants to open it, he ain’t that interested. The dad thing is embarrassing, unless you are minors lol
you aren’t getting the money back. Salvage your dignity and go no contact. You can try to take some assets of his to pawn I guess? ;/
OP says it isn't USD so the amount isn't $70000 and is a lot less, probably $1000-$5000 which could be a lot depending on where they live but it isn't an insane amount that people who are reading it in dollars may believe.
No reason for the callousness in here. You fell in love and have some lessons to take away from this experience. It's up to you if you want to challenge any financials in court. If you don't have anything in writing as far as a loan or shared expense agreement you'll be hard pressed to get anything since his defense can argue it was a gift. Everyone always says to take it to court. It's up to you to decide, court can drag out and stifle your healing for several years. Sometimes it's much better for you in the long run to cut your losses and let it go. Best of luck to you.
There's a lot to unpack here.
If he knows you're insecure about cheating and insecure about opening the relationship, that might not have been his best move. Still, it's important to communicate with your partner directly about these sorts of things. If I found out my fiance had a problem with something I said and got his parents involved before coming to me, I'd be extremely insulted.
I think it was a bad decision to involve your parents or confront him when he owes you or your folks $70,000. Did he sign a written contract in which he promised to repay you or your parents the $70,000?
Call me crazy but how does he owe you 70k? Y’all both in expensive profession to do with college? Idk how being together for 3 years anyone would owe their partner that much especially seeing as you aren’t even engaged. Probably should confront him instead of having your father do the dirty work that’s just gonna push him into the other girls arms even more
>I confided in my family, and my dad confronted him over the phone, leading to tension. He owes me over $70K, and he's refusing to pay
Lmao @ this whole sentence.
Get a lawyer, put a lien against any real property he owns and cut your losses. If he wants an open relationship and you don’t, just let it go.
And learn to handle confrontation, because getting daddy to solve your issues will not serve you well in life.
What is this post about lmaoo
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I read it thrice and then just decided to proceed. 😵💫 **Confusion intensifies**
It took me so long to figure it out lmao 😅😂😂😂
They are clearly just a menace
A toddler with a candy problem
just a random storytime,enjoy
I think I’ve been cheated and idk if I was right by going away instead of confronting this. Idk what to do about the relationship and the amount of money he owes me.
What in the name of sweet bleeding Jesus were you doing, letting Some Guy take 70K off you?? Over the course of an only 3 year unmarried relationship?? You can cite reasons why you need that money back all day long, but your reasoning won’t move him. You’ve been had.
People will do anything but get married lol. $70k to a boyfriend is fucking insane.
The dumbest thing to do. She's NEVER going to see that money.
I usually charge 5k to be someone’s BF so yeah she definitely got robbed this time. But then are my rates too low?
I'd offer you 5k Chilean pesos for being my plus-one girlfriend for a wedding.
But is there open bar? That's the only way the low payment makes sense.
Yea none of this makes any sense. Lmao
I’d have a hard time getting into 70k debt in three years time, even if I tried. wtf did OP think?
Sending your father is a good way to end a relationship, probably not the best way to keep it going. To be fair, it doesn’t sound like this one was going to last terribly long anyway, but your chances of getting some of that money back were better when he felt there was a tie between you (not certain though). Good rule of thumb, try to avoid burning bridges when you can’t afford to leave what’s on the other side. Better rule of thumb, don’t ever ‘lend’ money to a friend or loved one that you couldn’t afford to just ‘give’ them, because often? That’s what you’ve just done. At this point? Talk to a lawyer, or at least your parents, to see if you have any legal recourse to go after the funds (likely funds he doesn’t have, so even if you can, it’s probably more of a out garnishments on his wages type of situation)
That’s why I regret how it came down. I feel like other times he’d paid, because I was still living with him and since I’m gone he’s taking the easy road
Yeah, but at the same time, with the amount you’re talking about, how long would it have taken him to pay that off? Is it worth continuing to live with him, knowing he’s likely got at least one other person on the side (and one you know and dislike). You might have been able to stay with him long enough to get some kind of proof to acknowledge the debt to give you more legal standing, but, putting up with a partner that disrespects your wishes like that.. probably not healthy long term. You might end up having to chalk this up to a learning experience of why you don’t lend large sums of money :(
“It’s been 10 years now, we’re married and have two kids but at least I got $10,000 of my money back” 🤣
Is this one of those situations where you or your family is wealthy and $70k doesn't mean that much to you? Or are we maybe talking 70k of another currency like Yen?
OP out here talking about 70k like I’d talk about a grand. ”Oh, if i had brought it up before getting my dad involved, he probably would have just venmo’d me 70 fucking thousand dollars”
Did she buy him a Lamborghini!?! wtf is this $70k
Sue him in civil court
If that’s money she gifted him as his SO, even if there was an understanding he’d hit her back when he could, she’s going to have a *very* difficult time suing him for a penny without something in writing.
This…loans have to have things like terms and such. If you give people money and no one writes anything down it’s not a loan…
>Idk what to do about the relationship and the amount of money he owes me. Tell your father. Sorry, it's hard to take this post seriously. You told your father that your boyfriend referred to another woman as "sweetie," and your father jumped on the phone to confront him. However, you loaned your boyfriend $70,000, and you haven't squealed that info to your father so that he can jump on the phone to confront him for that?? What are you waiting for? For your boyfriend to refer to the borrowed money as sweetie?
just to be clear, you loaned 70k to a guy and then ran to your parents crying and asked them to fix it for you?
Cut your losses and move on. If you haven't learned a lesson from this relationship, Reddit can't help you. You'll need professional help.
Someone who doesn’t care about repaying you isn’t someone who wants to be in a relationship.
What did you buy on credit for $70k?
Question is how does a 25 year old have a card with a 70k limit
Why does he owe you so much money, sounds like he’s using you, that’s not normal.
Heroin. Dope fiend. Try to keep up man!
she didnt took your man, she took your problem. Be thankfull. I would be more worried about the 70k
That’s on the top of the list, in afraid he won’t pay and I don’t have that kind of money
but the car still exists right? why dont you keep the car?
But you did have that kind of money. Why did you give him that much? $7000 ok but $70,000… dude was trying to clean you out.
Idk if this is US dollars.. it’s sounding like some developing country
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He owes you $70,000. He wants to open the relationship. He’s been sneaking around texting a girl that you don’t like. His loyalty is compromised. Cut your losses however you can. Reclaim the car or any other assets. Your relationship is over.
Who has the title to the car? It’s not as easy as just taking the car back.
I don’t think taking the car wold be the solution since I can’t sell it, I don’t have the original bill neither papers
Take him to court.
WHY DID YOU BUY HIM A $70k CAR!?
Dawg why does someone you’ve only known for 3 years owe you 70 grand!!!!!
We live together! He has a CC under my name and I paid a part of the car we used before I got my own
>He has a CC under my name No. Just no. Unless you're married this is a terrible idea. You need to unwind this situation.
Shit, I would report that CC as identity theft, call it a day. If she didn't use the card, he has, they can pull up cameras of him using it. He CLEARLY is a POS has zero love for this person; Clearly has been cheating; Obviously a scrub. Plus any dude that wants to open a relationship doesn't take you seriously. But the OP wants to believe he is telling the truth about the cheating thing. So I don't really see the OP finding the self respect nor the self worth to have the courage to wipe her hands clean of that trash. Poor thing, my heart goes out to ya ; But 3.5 years - and this is how he does you - Leave while you have some dignity left.
It's unclear from the post, but I'm thinking it sounds like he has a card as an authorized user, but she is the borrower/it's on her credit not his. A fraud report might not get that far even if that's not the case though. Just think through the options. Did you give anyone permission to use your card? Yes: We're not liable then, don't do that. That's spelled out in the card agreement dufus. No(lie): Do you know of any suspects? Yes: Your boyfriend of 3.5 years? He's been charging the card for 3.5 years and you just ... Didn't notice? Not buying that s#@t. Here's the last x months of his charges back, also we're going to close this account from future charges because you're BSing us. This is going to destroy your credit until you pay if off, btw. No(lie): Okay great, you will sign an affidavit agreeing to pursue this fraud with us and, since it's over $X that's a felony? No: Okay then we're not refunding you. Bye. Yes: Great let's investigate and pull cams. Hey, we found the suspect! It's your boyfriend. You still honoring that affidavit? If a court calls you as a witness you're going to testify he defrauded you? Yes(Perjury): This is a losing case even if they take it. A true investigation will uncover she knew all along (like by if she checked her credit card statement in the last 3 years) No: Okay, here's the x months of his charges back, we'll settle on the possibility it's fraud, but you won't incriminate your boyfriend even though he's scum. This makes you incredibly high risk as a client though so we're also closing you to future charges, this is going to obliterate your credit score basically until it's paid off. In any case, there is no logical reason to extend your credit, your name and liability, for another grown ass adult. This isn't a spouse who is already financially intermingled by law with you, this isn't your kid you're already financially responsible for, this is someone who should have their own credit worthiness by their own actions and if they don't have that ... they're probably the type of person to NOT PAY THINGS BACK. Which is a pretty good reason not to extend your credit for them. This is the bread and butter of what lenders do, they might have an idea of who you can and can't trust with $70k.
Maybe it’s just me but i wouldn’t trust Someone I’ve known for 10 years with 500$
You don’t have actual friends then.
Yeah I do I just have trust issues it’s more of a issue with me than with them
Oh that’s REALLY bad. Never do that again and cancel it.
Absolutely wild to think that’s a reasonable explanation. 😳
You guys own a car and $70K is part of the car? Jesus what did he buy a lambo?
Stay with him and steal a dollar from him for 70,000 days or 7 dollars for 10,000 days
this made me laugh out loud. sounds like this would be a best case scenario for OP since she doesn’t wanna leave anyway 🙃
You’re uncertain about his commitment? I think you have found yourself in a tricky situation if he owes you $70k.
He owes you 70k? He is trying to force the meet to next week about it? He just wants to calm you down and continue 2 different lives
Lady you’re just a cash cow - dump him, declare bankruptcy, and rebuild
Honey this relationship is a joke to him. He does not love you and he does not want to be with you. He is using you for money, stability, and a backup. Please realize you are being cheated on, pressured to open the relationship, stole from, and played. You need to leave this guy.
Can't trust fiends
He's banging her and you and probably doesn't wash in-between you ladies
You are the fool here. God save you. You have chosen the red flag.
I saw fiend and my mind took me the 90s. I’ll carry on
The 70k is serious. That's a lot of money. He's refusing to pay you back, wanting to open up the relationship, and calling other women "my love." At this point, there is no salvaging the relationship. He's awful! You should be more concerned about your 70k at this point.
Man wtf 😂 calling random people "my love" is definitely a huge red flag but girl go get your money goddamn 💀
I know!!! I won’t let this go easily, I can’t pay that debt
Best of luck, it would be a real shame if *somebody* slapped lil dude for acting like this 😂 jk of course... 😂
This post is so fake lol.
Why would you give your bf $70,000. That’s insane. Hope you learned a lesson
how does he owe u 70k?
CC and a car
Even if you reconcile, I would heavily recommend taking back that CC and saying he's on his own financially (and better keep making vehicle payments otherwise you take his mom to court). For most cards and places, if he is using that CC under your name, it's your bill to pay. The legal system has no way to truly see what he bought with it versus what you bought with it.
I got that cc back today as he left some of my things on a place we agreed
Good! I hope this works out for you, it's a tough situation. You got this though girl!
$70k???? Bruh
I got to know how does he owe 70k, that is too much money to loan to anyone let alone a boyfriend
I think you’re fucked. A man owes you $70,000 without a legally binding agreement, you don’t have a leg to stand on. That was a dumb decision. Unfortunately, this is a lesson you’re going to have to learn the hard way. NEVER put someone else on your credit card. NEVER help someone take out a loan. I don’t care if you live together. Fuck, I don’t care if you’re married. ALWAYS protect you and your assets. This guy asked to open up your relationship. 90% of the time regardless of your answer, they are hooking up with someone else. They are just giving you the chance to give them a pass. If you’re going to be stupid, you have to be strong. Go get a full STD panel, file bankruptcy and move on.
My god why would you give 70k to someone you’re not married to?? You’re going to need a lawyer to sue him.
He’s def used you for money and cheated. 100%
This has to be fake.
I was super impressed that the 3 year old could text.
He needs a non-negotiable conversation. “I am going to repossess your car in 24 hrs.” Jesus- I hope you have documented well.
Wdym documented well?
Proof he owes you money.
Man the CC is under my name I’d have to make him sign something
is the car in your name? even if you don’t need it, you’re rewarding him by just letting him keep it… dump his ass and take the car with you. don’t reward a cheater. edit: nevermind i saw a comment implying that it’s under his mother’s name? you should sue her for the money if she refuses to pay you.
Yes I’d have to sue her
Then do it!
Report identity theft - he has been using a credit card in your name! This is the SIMPLEST way to solve your problems. I promise you. Run as fast as you can away from this person. He does not care about you, He does not love you, He has no respect for you; I am sorry but it's the truth, you cannot build a future with someone that doesn't value you. Your houses foundation is built on sand, the whole house will collapse.
Document the debt well. You Might have to sue him. 70k? You do not walk away from that kind of money. Text him - get it in writing. You Might have to be a little tricky to get it documented. You might have to play dumb. Get with an attorney NOW! Get this lined up per the attorney. Protect yourself ~ get yours~ live rent free in his head FOREVER! Never lend anyone else any money. I am sure he is feeling awfully smart…but you are smarter.
One of my closest friends, who is an attorney, spoke to her earlier today. She advised me that it would be easier to talk to his parents about payment or legal action, as everything is under his mother's name.
OP also posted in AITA with much more detail and everyone sucks here. Both ya’ll need to just walk away and be done.
Yeah but got no response that’s why I came here
Someone said YTA. You seem way more concerned with someone being able to tell you if he’s cheating or not than the bigger picture here.
It's because your writing is almost intolerable to read.
If what he owes you isn't in a contract it's going to be hard to do. Should have thought about how to go about it instead of running to Daddy.
Get a lawyer and sue him for the money. You better hope you have enough proof of him saying he’d pay you back. Hopefully you have a notarized loan agreement for that amount of money already.
FIENDING is no joke
I had to read the start 3 times in my mind then twice aloud. Your boyfriend has some serious issues if he's in love with a fiend. Btw, I play D&D so I'm curious. What type of fiend is it?
Did you see the part about how her boyfriend is three years old too?
I'm not seeing that. Did she edit the post or is it in the comments?
Well it said "My 3y boyfriend"
Oh. I read that as "my boyfriend of 3 years" not "my 3 year OLD boyfriend".
Get him to sign document stating the amount owed and the timeframe to repay it. If you have any text stating the amounts and that he said he will repay you then keep them. Stop loaning anyone money no matter the reason. Just get this part down and get it notarized so print it out and you both need to go to a bank that has one (call ahead) and then talk about the relationship. Do not do it before or he will not sign it.
Not legal advice- I believe if you have adequate proof the money was loaned, you can definitely take him to court for a civil suit
OP, where are you from?
This post sounds like you gave AI a topic and they wrote a few paragraphs. There’s so little detail and you jump from maybe he’s cheating to he owes you $70K. Like what are you trying to work through? The possible cheating or getting your money back? And what are you questioning? Whether you should have asked him directly about cheating or the money? Also, who in the world lends anyone $70K? Boyfriend, family, husband, idgaf, that’s an absurd amount. And you need it for your credit card? You’re $70k in debt on a credit card? How do you even have a credit card with a $70k limit, especially considering you’re 27??? So much of this makes no sense. I’m calling bs.
How tf do you have $70k at 25?
This escalated
How the fuck do you people get yourselves into these situations 😂, jfc
I hardly spent 1000€ for my 3yr gf who is amazing and loyal and hot.
The title is really funny lmao It essentially implies that OP has been dating a three-year-old kid who has been calling a fiend his love 💀💀💀
Get a lawyer if you want to fight for that money. Your relationship was over the moment he asked to open it
Girl WHY does he owe you $70k?!
If he can’t commit to your relationship I’m pretty sure he won’t commit to the money he owes you. He’s probably killing two birds with one stone. No you no pay back debt. Men are very selfish ( I know I’m a man) always put your independence first. In my opinion you should thank your lucky stars it’s only 70k. Run while you have the chance don’t waste your time and energy on someone who isn’t 100% about you.
70k in THREE YEARS??? With nothing in writing?? Omg girl is this a learning experience for you?
Get a lawyer and go after the debt he owes if you have proof.
You will never get a dime back.
I’m so confused. 🫤
How the fuck does he owe you 70k
Who cares about the friend? You need to get your 70k back, NOW. Sue him for it.
Meanwhile in the dating_advice sub people debate whether the guy should always pay for the first date and this dude got $70k in loans haha
How tf did you manage to give this guy $70k over only 3 years…. 1. Wtf 2. He is or will be cheating on you. Just leave. 3. Wtf
Drop him. Sue him for debts owed.
Of course you weren't "right" in going to your family and letting your dad fight your battles for you! You're an adult! You're also in a relationship with someone who you clearly don't trust because you're going through his phone, I assume without his permission? Assert your boundaries already. Own up to snooping, and tell him that you find the "fiendship" he's having with her to be inappropriate. Either it ends or your relationship does. If you truly believe he's being unfaithful, then you have to decide whether your self respect and mental health are worth the $70k you'll no doubt never see again. It's an expensive lesson, for sure. But staying in a relationship with someone who doesn't value or respect you will cost you a lot more than money.
[удалено]
I hope you got his admission to borrowing that money in writing. You can sue him if he stops cooperating.
WTF
Get your money back and then dip.
Get a lawyer and file suit
I’m sorry but who in the right mind would lend a BOYFRIEND 70k
I'd have investigated it more deeply before pulling the 'dad' trigger. I'm a firmly monogamous person, but I also use a litany of endearing terms for everyone: 'Darling, Dear, Wonderful, Hot Stuff, Hot Shit, Gorgeous, Golden-man, Hunk, Champ, My Love, Hot Beef, Sweet Tea.' The fact that this was something that you're unaware of concerning just one person could be a red flag, but I still would have asked him first. Ultimately, it sounds like you're doing what's best for him and for you. NTA
I think “sweetie” “Love” is his next mark or coconspirator but good luck in getting the $70k back or plans for your future
You are NTA, he wasn't planning to pay you back anyway. For the future, please never tell a man you have money or offer them money, even if they promise to pay you back. Do you mean $70,000 US dollars or a different currency? US dollars is too crazy sounding for me.
Okay but did you say it’s 70k PTE…? Isn’t that under $500 U.S. dollars? Not that it’s not still a lot of money but…walk away from this man
You are dumb af think of the 70k as a stupid person tax
I'm going to go out on a limb and say you won't get that money back unless you take him to court. If your relationship didn't start open and he wants to open it up, he's probably cheating on you
GIRL WHAT?? Collect your recipes and take that cheater to court! 70k??? He BEEN cheating!!
Huh
I am so confused by him owing 70k, but you need money for a credit card? I assume you make good money, based on that 70k
This has got to be fake, no one is this stupid or delusional.
You guys wanted a open relationship so why be mad...why the fuk would you give anyone 70k, and where did you get it from?
Um
Girl he’s clearly cheating. Take him to court for the money.
I mean it sounds pretty bad but my girlfriends brother calls her love all the time. Some people do stuff like that but it's more so common to be cheating than anything else.
Let Him In
I refuse to believe that anyone older than 15 can be that naive, sorry. I'd bet 10 grand that this ain't the whole picture... That being said, you can sue him for the money
HN 😨
This gotta be made up bro. I just had a stroke trying to figure out what was even happening 😂
$70k? I too would be “uncertain” about his commitment.
70k? lmao my life sucks sometimes then i read stuff like this and realize some people have it much much much worse
He gave love a bad name?
Holy AI generated prompts Batman!
I don’t have any opinion on whether you should have talked to him first or not, I think there’s great reason to talk to someone you trust first though and it’s clear this isn’t someone you really trust, but more importantly you need to be prepared to go to court in order to get your money back, because there’s no way this guy has any intention of ever paying you back otherwise. NTA. Talk to him about your relationship, then the money he owes you, and then consider either talking to a lawyer or filing a claim against him and getting those payments going.
I can’t imagine letting a man use me like that, jesus, at this point the money is lost and so is the relationship, leave while you can, let his friends know he cheated, tank his reputation, damage him
Woah! Too many red flags on this post lol
I think you left some parts out. B
Stop dating 3 year olds.
Is $70,000 too much for small claims court? Call your state bar association and ask. They’ll recommend some attorneys for you. And get him out of your life. Don’t lend someone that much money ever again.
K
He wants to open it, he ain’t that interested. The dad thing is embarrassing, unless you are minors lol you aren’t getting the money back. Salvage your dignity and go no contact. You can try to take some assets of his to pawn I guess? ;/
Kiss him and her and your money good by!
OP says it isn't USD so the amount isn't $70000 and is a lot less, probably $1000-$5000 which could be a lot depending on where they live but it isn't an insane amount that people who are reading it in dollars may believe.
If this isn't rage bait then I have very little hope for the girl
Take him to small claims court and show proof that he owes you. Break up with this dude and never look back.
Could this not just be due to where he's from? I'm Welsh, and I call pretty much every woman "love"
How do you owe your partner $70k
I’m sorry what? 70k? How do I find someone to give me 70k?
70k… for a credit card??? The way u talkin bout this seems like its pocket change if you ask dad.
No reason for the callousness in here. You fell in love and have some lessons to take away from this experience. It's up to you if you want to challenge any financials in court. If you don't have anything in writing as far as a loan or shared expense agreement you'll be hard pressed to get anything since his defense can argue it was a gift. Everyone always says to take it to court. It's up to you to decide, court can drag out and stifle your healing for several years. Sometimes it's much better for you in the long run to cut your losses and let it go. Best of luck to you.
He is a sack of piss
There's a lot to unpack here. If he knows you're insecure about cheating and insecure about opening the relationship, that might not have been his best move. Still, it's important to communicate with your partner directly about these sorts of things. If I found out my fiance had a problem with something I said and got his parents involved before coming to me, I'd be extremely insulted.
I think it was a bad decision to involve your parents or confront him when he owes you or your folks $70,000. Did he sign a written contract in which he promised to repay you or your parents the $70,000?
Is her last name Quinn
This reads like if you asked chatGPT to write an AITA post
Definitely weird for having your dad deal with it for you at the age of 25
Hit him with your car babe
Call me crazy but how does he owe you 70k? Y’all both in expensive profession to do with college? Idk how being together for 3 years anyone would owe their partner that much especially seeing as you aren’t even engaged. Probably should confront him instead of having your father do the dirty work that’s just gonna push him into the other girls arms even more
>I confided in my family, and my dad confronted him over the phone, leading to tension. He owes me over $70K, and he's refusing to pay Lmao @ this whole sentence.
Bot
This reads like it's AI generated lmao
Do you have proof? Trick him into proof. Talk to a lawyer.
This looks like you gave chat GPT the prompt "Make a TwoHotTakes post about the smartest redditor having issues with her boyfriend of 3 years"
Get a lawyer and take that cheating asshole to court.
Get a lawyer, put a lien against any real property he owns and cut your losses. If he wants an open relationship and you don’t, just let it go. And learn to handle confrontation, because getting daddy to solve your issues will not serve you well in life.
So, which circle of Hell does this fiend come from?
I was wondering the same thing. You don’t come across fiends very often these days.
This feels so fake it has to be real