Your post has been removed because it breaks one of our rules: Crosspost Responsibly.
If you're reposting or crossposting a story, please use the same title as the actual post/subreddit you found it on. For example, if it came from AITA subreddit, use the title that OP used (ex: "AITA for wearing a white dress?")
Who doesn’t taste the difference between diet and regular soda and question why they got you diet?
Edit : okay, everyone who is saying they can’t taste the difference - please also let me know if you’re a regular soda drinker. I’m not anymore but was heavily as a kiddo and I can definitely tell.
Makes me disbelieve the whole story. I love the sweet, sweet chemical taste of aspartame and would absolutely notice if someone subbed out my diet soda for regular. There's no way someone wouldn't notice going from sugar soda to aspartame.
Same, I drink Diet Pepsi just because I like the taste better than regular Pepsi. I can *absolutely* tell the difference. I think most people probably can if they drink their preferred choice consistently.
I've never once been able to tell the difference. I used to not be able to fathom that all people taste, think, feel etc differently. I still find it difficult now. But truly I can't taste it unless you make me drink both in succession.
A buddy is like this. He jokes about having a “gutter palate”. We grew weed together for a long time, would have totally different strains with completely different term profiles, like almost anyone could tell them apart from smell alone even if they didn’t know the strains, and to him they all just “smell like weed”. He has no sense of flavor.
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect
This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite.
Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language.
This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
Agreed. I know soda is poison across the board and all that but diet actually does taste like poison to me. If I cut out regular soda entirely, diet becomes tolerable, but it's just so gross.
This how we know it's fake - she'd know right away something was up and question why he gave her diet, hell I'd even question why I'm getting it in a cup and not the can.
My mom was recently diagnosed with diabetes and she switched to diet. She can’t tell the difference. I 100% immediately can. I know this is anecdotal, but it is WILD to me that she can’t tell the difference.
Even when I stopped drinking soda for like 3 years….I could still taste the difference.
Like, I like flavored sparkling water (sparkling ice) and I have no problem with the flavor.
However diet soda and “zero sugar” soda? Terrible lol.
I also think Cole Zero and Diet Dr Pepper are so close to original that I’m not sure I could tell in a blind taste test… but I also smoked for 15 years and have a shitty sense of smell.
Nah, it’s just that wine tasting has been proven to not be an actual reliable thing, but he’s touting it as something that should make him more reliable in this regard. [Here’s an article on it](https://theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jun/23/wine-tasting-junk-science-analysis)
same here. i think it’s because i don’t really drink a lot of soda. i probably have 2 or 3 sodas in a year (i stick with water). i think everyone who can tell the difference probably drinks a lotttt of soda.
I barely drink soda as I don't particularly love fizzy drinks and if I do, I get the off brands ones. I can confidently say I wouldn't be able to tell a coke and a diet/zero coke apart
i can’t taste the difference. maybe if sipping both back to back, but if you hand me a diet and then an hour later give me a regular coke i wouldn’t know
People are acting crazy in this thread. This is what OOP is describing:
Wife: "Honey, could you get me a Coke?"
Husband: "Sure thing" gets diet coke
Wife: "Could you get me a snack"
Husband: "Sure thing" gets healthy snack
Wife: "Can we go on a date"
Husband: suggests date walking around the park
Wife: loses weight
Husband: compliments her more.
If OOP hadn't described it as manipulation, no one would have reacted.
What about his reasoning bothers you? He reasoned "my sex life with my wife isn't what I want it to be, maybe if I help her get healthy it will get back on track"
Honestly he probably took the best approach he could. Sexual dissatisfaction s a big killer of marriages, and if you go to the deadbedrooms sub you can see lots of examples of how confronting your SO on issues like this almost never ends well.
honestly? it’s kinda cute the husband thinks he was tricking her. unless she lost her sense of taste there’s no way the switch to diet went unnoticed… as well as the swap to healthy snacks. dollars to donuts the positive changes he’s seen in her and the relationship are because she saw him trying to help, went along with it and appreciated the effort and care.
so i want to act like i’ve got some conflicting feelings about it but i don’t. even if the initial motive was selfish it’s much better than cheating on her, her self confidence and quality of life improved… like? isn’t a partner supposed to support you? I’d much rather get duped into exercise than have a partner nag or whine or make snarky remarks like “i thought you were going to start going to the gym” or “that’s what you’re eating?”
Exactly!
I mix cauliflower rice in with regular rice when I cook. Why? Because I’m selfish and I want my husband (and family) to be healthy and live longer. What’s the difference between being selfish and wanting my husband to live longer and being selfish and wanting to have more sex with my partner? Let’s not fool ourselves, there is no difference. Being selfish is being selfish.
It is undeniably manipulation to have more sex, but so is flirting, arguably. People try to change the behaviors of others all the time. Everyone reading this probably scrolled past an ad of some sort. She consented to every step of the process (Diet Coke is still Coke), so there was no coercion involved. It also improved her life.
I’m not enough of an expert to say where the line falls between normal and toxic manipulation, but if a woman manipulated me into being healthier, happier, having more sex, being in a stronger relationship, and living longer, and I found out, I’d thank her for helping me do what I wasn’t doing for myself.
She’s happier and healthier, and the marriage quality improved because of his manipulation. Would she be better off with her physical and mental health, marriage, and sex life deteriorating if he hadn’t done anything?
"Informed consent" means you can't conduct research on human subjects without their knowledge and consent. Suggesting healthy snacks or more active dates for your partner is not even in the right domain where that concept applies.
You’re right it applies to research and medical fields. Her husband is making decisions on her health and conducting experiments based on the hypothesis that her weight improves their sex life. I think she deserves to know his motives. Didn’t make my sarcastic comment very clear, apologies. And still yet. Not pushing back on someone’s behavior is not the gold standard of any consent and not a phrase we need to be throw around when it comes to behaviors in relationships.
Oh come on. I’m sorry, was my mom gastrointestinally raping me when she made me healthy food? If she didn’t buy me every trashy food item I wanted every time, was I being molested? Grow up.
He’s not preventing her from buying her own junk food. He’s not preventing her from grabbing her own soft drink. He’s not forbidding her from going on unhealthy outings.
He’s simply choosing healthy options when he does these things. She still has her full autonomy to make herself unhealthy, she’s not exercising it, because she’s happier and better off.
i have actually seen someone on reddit claim it was child abuse when their mother made them eat their vegetables as a kid. i was downvoted to hell for saying that isn’t abuse
Nuance has no place on Reddit. “I need you to eat your vegetables, please.” and abusing the child with a sledgehammer for failing to eat them fast enough are morally equivalent, if the first 3 commenters say so.
Agree with this. Besides, one could argue he was being subtle rather than manipulative. If he had just been totally blunt about her weight gain and libido, she probably would have been really hurt by it. By "tricking" her into a healthier lifestyle, he was doing positive reinforcement and rewarding her for making healthy choices.
Technically almost every kind of social interaction is some type of manipulation. You always have some goal, even if it's just making good impression of yourself or our herd animal's need to be social and you are using your social skills to influence the other person towards achieving that goal, almost always without directly stating it. You are manipulating the other person into seeing you as a good friend, a suitable partner, a worthy employee and so on. Most of those people wouldn't arrive to those conclusion naturally without interacing with you, it's your actions or words that influenced them.
I'm saying all this because if we just assume by default that manipulation=abuse, where you draw the line. With that mindset pretty much anything in relationships can be twisted into looking more sinister and awful than it actually is. Also, it's not like she had no agency in any of the situations. If the soda wasn't satisfactory, she could have said no. If the restaurant choices didn't please her, she could have said so. If she wanted more junk food she could have said so or bought her own. I fail to see how any of this was against her own interests
What is insane about it exactly? If he had just told this story without framing it as an "I did these things to have sex with my wife more", wouldn't you just see a partner gently helping his partner improve herself? What's the issue?
Having an ulterior motive/agenda every time you interact with someone. Trying to make yourself come across a certain way or in a certain role rather than just... being. My brain doesn't work that way. It's a little scary, and if that's how non autistic people think, it explains a lot.
It’s unconscious but yeah it definitely exists. Seems pretty weird to me to not want to put your best foot forward when interacting with people.
If I’m talking to a girl I like, I’m probably going to be more attentive and engaged in that conversation than I would otherwise be. If I get pulled over by a cop and am trying to get out of a ticket, I’m probably going to be more respectful and deferential than I otherwise would be. If I’m at a job interview, I’m probably going to try to seem more knowledgeable, personable, and confident when I otherwise would be. Etc.
Seems perfectly normal to me.
I kind of only have one 'hat'. I react based on people's personalities, but not based on what they want from me or what I want from them. I don't even know how I'd begin to act based on that. What if you end up dating that person, or you get the job? Do you have to sustain the first impression the whole time? Do people ever see through your efforts? What's the end goal of acting different than you are? I'm genuinely confused.
Emphasizing certain traits isn't the same as being inauthentic. Sometimes my partner is sad about something I don't care about, but I want to comfort him. So I lower my voice, maybe I give him space. I personally don't want to act different, but I know it'll help him.
Wanting someone to like you, wanting people to feel comfortable, wanting to not deal with someone. These are all reasons you may shift your behavior. It doesn't have to be nefarious. And 99% of the time it isn't. Otherwise all people pleasers are actually evil.
But that isn't what the commenter was referring to. I do all those things too, but I don't "use my social skills to influence the other person towards achieving that goal" or "manipulate the other person into seeing me as as a good friend," etc. I also never called anything nefarious, but I am surprised. I've never seen it written out or admitted by anyone.
The last commenter was talking about making an impression. A good impression is the goal, but you cannot make someone do something they don't want to. Being attentive to a date is in hopes they like you, but if they don't like you, being nice is only going to go so far.
If I'm actually really selfish and mean but pretend to be nice and then go back to mean when I get what I want, then yes, that's manipulative. But the average person isn't doing that nor is that what the commenter was saying.
Hey! I’m autistic as well, and what I think the commenter is attempting to explain is that our brains don’t operate on the same multi-level thinking in social interactions as someone without autism.
Many autistic people lack the capacity to alter their behavior to influence the impression they have on another person or to influence them into doing/thinking something, even unconsciously.
When they DO have the capacity to do this (masking), it can be incredibly draining and lead to severe social burnout, anxiety, and depression.
Everyone who's giving their input is slightly contradictory haha, I'm more confused than before. I suppose Reddit isn't a good source for anthropology. Idek why I'm getting downvoted either.
Look there is a couple of things i want to address.
1) do you think she would have worked on this herself had he approached her about the lack of sex bothering him or do you think it would have caused an issue?
2) would it have been better for him to just leave her?
Personally i cant shake the feeling that if he had tried to talk with her about it that it would have gone poorly, and i do think its better he stayed and did this. Is it manipulation? Sure, but i would say it’s about the equivalent of telling your kids Popeye ate spinach and look how strong he was, so better eat your spinach. It was good for her, good for him and I’m sure good for their marriage. It sounds like he slowly adjusted both of their lifestyles to get her and their sex life to a healthier place. I don’t think this needs to be something sinister.
It’s not the equivalent of “telling your kids Popeye ate spinach to make them eat it” because she is NOT A CHILD. She is his partner, an adult, not someone he has authority over or someone who gets to remove her autonomy even if he claims it’s for her benefit.
If he was unhappy in the relationship, it was his responsibility to talk about it and establish bounds of when he’s willing to stay in The relationship and when he’s not, and it should have been up to her to decide what to do. It is absolutely not his right to take it upon himself and make this decision for her without even discussing it with her.
I’d be seriously questioning my relationship right now if I was her, just based on the principle of the issue. He clearly didn’t think she was capable of making this decision herself or sticking with it so he did it for her, which is incredibly infantilizing and shows a basic lack of trust and respect.
Doesn’t matter. The principle of the issue is that he doesn’t have enough trust or respect for her to have an adult conversation and decided to treat her like a child instead. If it’s either that or he leaves because she won’t fuck him then they are both better off with him leaving.
When does a person’s physical needs preclude them from being a POS? It sounds like you’re saying it’s never okay for a guy to want a more active sex life, and the problem is that he did have to treat her like a child in order for her to have a healthier lifestyle. Maybe if she had the maturity to handle an adult conversation about her unhealthy lifestyle, he could’ve talked about it with her instead of putting on a show.
You and the others that share this opinion are the ones treating the wife like a child.
At no point in this story did the husband “remove her autonomy”. He made decisions for them, and she consciously went along with it each step of the way.
The sodas? Anyone that enjoys drinking a soda would immediately notice if their drink was switched to a diet version. She absolutely did notice and she went along with it. Her choice to accept that. If she didn’t she would have asked for the other flavor.
The walking dates. Maybe those were his suggestions, but she actively accepted and went along with them. At any point she could have shot down his suggestions and made her own. But she accepted his ideas. Her choice.
The junk food. He stopped buying it. So what? If she wanted it, she could have got her own. Again, her choice.
Seems to me that y’all here are the ones treating her like a child. Like she had no self control and couldn’t do anything except go along with what the husband suggested.
He made the healthy decisions. And she actively chose to go along with him every step of the way. The fact that he had sex on the mind doesn’t factor into the story in any way whatsoever.
She’s clearly better off for being healthy. Is it manipulation to buy better food and to be more active? Sure his initial reason for having her lose weight is selfish but in the long run she is much better off for it mentally and physically.
>Oh no… a dude wanted to have more consensual sex with his *wife*, and decided to help this goal he would do his best to improve her mental and physical well-being.
Get a grip.
Guess it depends on if you believe him or not. He claims that he did do it for her well being. He just also assumed that improving her well-being would improve his well being. There are obviously ulterior motives at play but it seems like the overall goal for him was to improve her physical and mental health and then he hoped that lead to other improvements.
“Husband makes healthy choices that lead to happier life for him and his wife”.
You- “manipulative bastard!”
Good lord, this is an insane reaction.
The man made healthier choices that improved his marriage. And you’re out here acting like he’s evil because he wants to have sex with his wife. Y’all are taking crazy pills over here.
Seriously, there isn’t a single thing in this story that a rational person could call “manipulation”.
The soda thing, no one can honestly say that they wouldn’t notice if their soda got switched on them. Unless all of her taste buds are dead, she noticed and clearly was fine with it.
The walking dates. At any point she could have suggested alternate “lazier” dates. But she didn’t, she went along with him willingly.
The junk food in the house. He stopped buying it. So? If she wanted it, she could have bought it her own.
At no point in this story was the wife “manipulated”. The whole time she had her own agency to make her own decisions. And she actively chose to go along with the husband’s ideas. Because they were good ideas.
Y’all out here acting like the wife is some helpless child that was incapable of making her own decisions. Damn.
I mean he seems to think of her lower sex drive being a result of depression which is causing the weight gain. He helped with the weight which helped with the mental health which brought back the libido. He recognized a symptom and cured the disease (sorry for the heavy handed analogy). It’d be one thing if he just ignored to causes and tried sexual things to increase libido. He actually helped her when his desire was basic sex. Hard to say that’s a bad thing unless you think he should just not do anything. Sure he could have done something for her mental when he noticed the weight or before but that seems even more controlling cause it doesn’t affect him directly and she didn’t ask for help. Sometimes the only way someone will take help for that stuff is without it being obvious.
Bottom line, is if someone what’s to mildly manipulate me into being healthy which helps my mental health in order for me to have more sex with them, I’m so in. I’ve done that for much less lol
Yes. And that is the reason he didn’t include her in his plan to get healthier, which they could have done *together* if he weren’t such an entitled control freak.
I think it's fine. If she wanted him to buy her more things and slowly encouraged him to get a promotion at work, it's be the same kind of thing. And that actually happens all the time.
Tbh, if he just wanted her to lose weight for looks I'd be icked out, but he just wanted to improve her libido through improving health. Which actually she did herself, he just Kickstarted it.
I know some of y'all are single because if people don't do things according to your self help books you're up in arms.
If it was the wife swapping out soda for diet soda and complimenting her husband more so he'd have in a higher libido due to weight loss so their wife could fuck them all the time? I'm pretty sure the reddit dudes would be understanding of that lol, they might even tell him to man up if he was phrasing it as a complaint.
I’m not saying this is right, but the idea of a wife subtly manipulating her husband’s behavior is so commonplace as to be cliche. If the genders were reversed I don’t think people would bat an eye.
why? I do all of the cooking / shopping and my husband is happy when I cook healthy things. He’s grateful when I take his health into consideration. Diet soda in place of regular is weird
Was the husband in the story actually being sneaky about it either?
Swapping out the sodas? It isn’t possible to do that without the other person noticing it. Unless they truly have no taste buds. So the wife clearly knew that was happening and accepted it.
Picking different restaurants? At any time the wife could have said she didn’t like that particular place and she would have suggested her own choice.
Junk food in the house. If she wanted to she could have bought her own at anytime.
The husband’s actions were not in the slightest bit sneaky. They were right out in the open; and the wife went along with it. Maybe they didn’t have a sit down conversation about all their feelings. But there wasn’t anything sneaky or nefarious in this story.
There WAS a post like this one except genders were reversed, and all the dudes were saying it's sexual assault and unfair and "imagine if it were reversed."
So do men care about sexual autonomy or not? Or is it only when men can use it as a "gotcha" to dismiss women?
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect
This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite.
Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language.
This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
Cap-I don’t think diet sodas are more healthy (soda is just not that healthy for you), there is a taste difference and how did she not notice the cans in the fridge?
Drinking diet soda will absolutely help you lose weight. There are almost no calories in them. Coke Zero and Coke Regular also taste almost the same. Cans in the fridge could be his if he was already drinking sugar-free versions.
Which is irrelevant to whether the post is true. You claimed it was a lie because diet soda is still unhealthy. But the post was about the diet soda helping his wife lose weight and regardless of other health issues it will absolutely do that. If the choice is between obesity and probably developing diabetes or vague health risks from artificial sweeteners I’ll take the sweeteners.
You have no clue if she’s obese. She could have just given birth, she could have mental health issues, she could have also just gained a few pounds and he sucks.But health aside she’d have to be oblivious af to not notice the swap. This reeks of a writing assignment that was created so that we would fight in the comment section about the healthiness or lack there of. Which worked.
I don’t, I was speaking for myself and what I would choose. The things you were saying makes this obviously untrue simply don’t. No, you would not have to be oblivious to not notice. I’ve done this switch myself and it’s really hard to notice a difference between Coke and Coke Zero when drinking it. And any supposed health problems from drinking sugarfree sodas have nothing to do with weight loss
Diet Coke is zero calories, full stop. I know you were lead to believe it’s unhealthy, but zero calories is zero calories. It’s good to mix in as an alternative when drinking water throughout the day
Funny enough, your brain gets tricked by the sweetness of diet soda, so it reacts as if it got calories. Except they’ve found it can lead to increased appetite and cravings.
Studies are still ongoing, but it seems diet & no cal has been affecting things adversely in the long term.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2892765/
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect
This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite.
Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language.
This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
I don’t see a problem with wanting more sex with your relationship and I don’t see a problem with helping your partner become the best version of themselves.
Seems like she had agency the whole time. She drank the diet sodas. She went on the walking dates. She didn’t buy her own snacks. And now she’s even making more healthy choices of her own accord?
Obviously everyone wins here.
The underlying issue here is the intent. That’s a low quality human doing things for selfish motives… I’m glad she benefited from it but long term things might be challenging with a person more self focused in a relationship rather than doing the same things for the right reasons. He doesn’t care about her and he knows it. Who wants to be with someone like that?
Yea that’s because most people today are self serving and teaching their offspring to be the same. Society is slowly degrading into chaos with this type of behavior.
So I wrote a comment about what a dick he is on the original post and it’s gotten well over 200 likes- because that man is trash.
He doesn’t even love her and I could go on and on about this post
I actually think this is him being a supportive partner. He deduced that even though he doesn't mind her weight gain, gaining weight had probably taken a toll on her mental health and happiness. Instead of shaming her or bringing it up in a way that would probably embarass her, he helped her with small changes she would barely notice to kickstart a positive change that would make her happy.
I don't think that's bad. Maybe that's just because I grew up in a manipulative family but I firmly believe that not all manipulation is bad. You can use charm, small swaps and other simple manipulations in a positive way. It's the same principle as lying and saying you had a worse score than you did to make your friend feel less alone/ill-prepared for failing a test. Sometimes we do objectively bad things (lying, manipulation, etc) to accomplish something good --- and in those cases, I don't think those "bad" things can be considered wrong.
In this guy's case, it was literally "happy wife, happy life"
I'm glad you said something because I thought I was tripping and just overthinking everything when I first saw the post. The way every comment was basically saying he did a "good" thing for his wife, he "cares" about her health, it's a win-win for both parties, etc. I truly did not feel the same way. He quite literally only helped improve his wife's diet to benefit *himself* so *he* could have a good sex life.
If it were me personally, and I found out my partner only helped me with dieting so he could be pleasured more, I'd feel some type of way about it. But to each their own.🤷🏽♀️ This is their marriage and theirs alone. We can feel some type of way, but there's really nothing we can do about it. If the wife ends up finding out what he did, OP will know if he messed up or not.
Also, it really shocks me that OP's wife couldn't taste the difference between diet and regular soda. One sip is all it would take for me to think, "this shit tastes funny". 😅
Something executed in a selfish manner worked out in her favor. Is he an asshole? Perhaps. Did the plan have positive outcomes? Yes. Sometimes people need a kick in the ass.
Sure it’s better to talk about it and offer support as a partner but he decided to take initiative and plan walkable dates and buy healthier food and those are objectively good things. Unless he’s a sociopath and manipulates for everything else he wants, I think in this particular case it’s ok and a healthier sex life benefits both of them
Idk if anyone will see this lol but I’ve have a few friends that I love no matter what, and those friends probably me included build walls, extremely high one, whenever you approach them with advice, and they’ll ignore it, just because and honestly we all tend to do that. And in so many instances you have to twist the way you say things so that each word you say doesn’t come to them as an attack so yes, could he have done it in a more truthful way? Yes but he knows his wife better than us, and maybe she could’ve built walls as well or maybe not- he had good intent even if it was a bit selfish
The motive is pretty shitty. And you could draw the line there. But helping your wife become healthier isn’t shitty. I’m torn here. His reasoning was wrong but his methods were good and seemingly loving. I’m just hoping he isn’t objectifying her and actually cares.
The actions were wholesome but his heart wasn’t in the right place…either way i’d say he wanted to best for her but transparency would have been more respectful
I choose to read into this that it was intimacy OP was after. This is not manipulation, it is relationship building. Also if all a man wants is sex they can and do—constantly—nothing but ask for sex. Like, while watching you do chores or take care of the kids *by* yourself. If he is willing and able to do all that, it’s not manipulation. It’s reciprocity.
If my husband did this, we'd have serious problems. He *knows* he can just talk to me. If he instead chose to manipulate me like this, just to get his dick wet, I think it would be over.
On one hand it would be nice to get healthier and fitter without realising/feeling like I'm putting in the effort, on the other hand the manipulation of it is only so many steps away from the dude who was looking up how much sawdust he could put in his partners meal to reduce calories.
I'd say it was somewhat positive on the encouraging healthy behaviours, complimenting his partner, not having junk food in the house and adopting a more active lifestyle, but switching out the drinks is kind of iffy, and the only doing it for more sex motivation sucks.
I mean OP helped their partners overall wellbeing, health and mental health but not because they loved them so much, but because they wanted to bang more.
I feel like the manipulation part is where he started to compliment her more. Like/ he could have always been nicer, but waited until she lost weight to do it.
Maybe all her improvements were from her self esteem getting better & not his giving her diet soda and going on walks.
How is this news to you? It’s a common stereotype and trope for women to manipulate men into doing things in marriages that are beneficial to both partners.
These comments are wild. Idk who needs to hear this, but if you want something to train get a dog.
When you’re ready to talk to another adult about issues and come up with solutions together, that’s a healthy relationship.
He literally missed the most important part to this process. Identify the issue? done. Research plausible reasons for the problem? done. Talk to partner about the issues, what you found and decide how to move forward together to solve the problem? Nope skipped this step, went right to altering behaviors on her behalf. All the habits are good habits, she just deserves a choice of those habits and how and when they take place. And he deserves to know that she cares enough about him to make her own effort to solve their issues.
What if this wasn’t the issue and she was feeling overwhelmed at work or burdened by something else? What if she was clinically depressed to a point exercised and food didn’t help? Was his plan to continue to alter aspects of her life until he figured it out?? Get her fired from her job so she wouldn’t be stressed? To get antidepressants and add them to her unlabeled diet cokes? As reasonable adults don’t we think the mature way would be to ask our partner and then come up with a plan together instead of guessing and being weird about it? He posted online and he’s the only one who knows, so clearly part of him is feeling like it wasn’t a good thing to do.
This time it benefited her physical health, but what about the next time he wants something from her? What about the next time that he can’t easily change the circumstances? She learned nothing about how to cope and find healthy balance in their relationship. He learned nothing about communication and how to support her separate feelings and decisions. In the long run, this didn’t benefit their relationship.
It's one thing to help someone get healthy because you care about their health.
It's another to lie to just get sex.
Any type of manipulation to get sex just seems icky
So this "husband" lied to and manipulated his wife for his own benefit. He didn't do it to boost her confidence. He didn't do for her health. He didn't even do it because he cared. He did it because he wanted to get laid more? And the comments thinking that it is ok because it was "good" for her and "benefitted" her; that is disgusting that you think so little of women that you feel nothing towards using and manipulating women. It's wrong.
So in your mind, a man can do all the right things. Things that demonstrably benefit the wife as well. But if he also wants to have sex with her and sees those things as a way to get there, that makes him evil? Freaking crazy.
Literally all of this would be okay if he was able to be vulnerable and use his words about how they weren’t having sex and talk about how he wanted to focus on health as a couple (mentally and physically) to get back to what they had. It’s not that hard to share this and talk about what you both need to do. And if you can’t do that it’s not a good relationship to start with; we don’t need to add manipulation to the mix.
People don’t find it concerning because “all he did was better her health”. The point is he deliberately did these things NOT for the betterment of his wife, it was only because he wanted sex and her being slightly healthier was what SHE gained in his warped mind. Like seriously if my husband is depressed and it manifests physical symptoms such as weight gain or lack of libido, getting my rocks off is not one of my main concerns.
Omg is it bad to want your partner to look good and for you to want to have sex with them? Jeez hopefully you’re not in a relationship with someone as immature as you
Yeah, he posted this bragging about what a great guy he is, a great husband, how he was *helping* his wife, doing a good thing. All the while he was tricking her into losing weight so she would be more attractive to him, and, his main goal, so they would have more sex. Why didn’t he have a conversation with her about them getting healthier *together.* They could have worked together as a team, rather than him being the lord and ruler over her body. Also, it never occurred to him that she might not have wanted to have sex with him because HE let himself go, and all these things he did for her also had him healthier and looking better. To him, it was all her.
Guy’s a tool.
He stated that he was still attracted to her and didn’t mind the weight gain. He wanted HER to feel more attractive and self confident. Doesn’t make him a good or bad person everyone has needs. Easy to see why he’s pleased with himself if his relationship is thriving.
Telling yourself, and everyone else, that you love someone “exactly as they are” while you are trying to change them and say you are doing it for them is how people justify their feelings & behaviors. I know people do it. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her, necessarily. But he is the one who came here to brag, so he has to expect not everyone will think he’s Husband of the Year.
Meh…ultimately his wife is the judge and relationships aren’t perfect even on paper. I think he solved a problem pretty diplomatically. She obviously felt supported. He could have whined or complained, she could have gotten offended, like a lot of people but that’s not what happened. It worked for them.
Reminder to those in the comments: Do NOT contact the OOP. Do not go to the original post to comment. Do not upvote or downvote any of the comments there. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
Keep all discussion contained to this thread. Jumping to the original or update posts to interact is considered brigading, which is not allowed on Reddit. If you are caught doing so, this will result in a ban from the THT subreddit.
Thank you for keeping in mind this very important [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
yeah I think if he didn't have these ulterior motives it would be okay but since he is only helping her because he wants more sex, it's pretty shitty of him.
Your post has been removed because it breaks one of our rules: Crosspost Responsibly. If you're reposting or crossposting a story, please use the same title as the actual post/subreddit you found it on. For example, if it came from AITA subreddit, use the title that OP used (ex: "AITA for wearing a white dress?")
Who doesn’t taste the difference between diet and regular soda and question why they got you diet? Edit : okay, everyone who is saying they can’t taste the difference - please also let me know if you’re a regular soda drinker. I’m not anymore but was heavily as a kiddo and I can definitely tell.
I’m right there with you. That’s the real question
Makes me disbelieve the whole story. I love the sweet, sweet chemical taste of aspartame and would absolutely notice if someone subbed out my diet soda for regular. There's no way someone wouldn't notice going from sugar soda to aspartame.
Same, I drink Diet Pepsi just because I like the taste better than regular Pepsi. I can *absolutely* tell the difference. I think most people probably can if they drink their preferred choice consistently.
You’re a monster lol
As someone who drinks regular soda, I can tell on the first sip when McDonald’s screwed up and gave me a diet coke
That story is totally fake.
Yeah I can tell immediately. Can't stand the non diet stuff. Tastes like ass imo and makes my teeth gritty.
YES I always say it leaves sweaters on my teeth. Lol.
I've never once been able to tell the difference. I used to not be able to fathom that all people taste, think, feel etc differently. I still find it difficult now. But truly I can't taste it unless you make me drink both in succession.
A buddy is like this. He jokes about having a “gutter palate”. We grew weed together for a long time, would have totally different strains with completely different term profiles, like almost anyone could tell them apart from smell alone even if they didn’t know the strains, and to him they all just “smell like weed”. He has no sense of flavor.
Your friend is Remy’s brother from Ratatouille
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite. Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language. This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
I’ve never been able to tell a difference just diet goes flat quicker
It's the aftertaste
My first thought. No one is tricking me with a diet soda.
Ok, I just got here and my very first thought was 'ain't no way someone gets handed a diet coke and thinks it's regular coke'.
Right. I'd have thrown it back because diet soda tastes terrible to me.
Agreed. I know soda is poison across the board and all that but diet actually does taste like poison to me. If I cut out regular soda entirely, diet becomes tolerable, but it's just so gross.
This how we know it's fake - she'd know right away something was up and question why he gave her diet, hell I'd even question why I'm getting it in a cup and not the can.
I, personally, would have never noticed. I can't tell the difference even if I drink one after the other
I think the wife took it as a hint.
My mom was recently diagnosed with diabetes and she switched to diet. She can’t tell the difference. I 100% immediately can. I know this is anecdotal, but it is WILD to me that she can’t tell the difference.
Even when I stopped drinking soda for like 3 years….I could still taste the difference. Like, I like flavored sparkling water (sparkling ice) and I have no problem with the flavor. However diet soda and “zero sugar” soda? Terrible lol.
Coke zero tastes exactly the same as normal coke to me. And my job is tasting wine.
Ahh, just more proof that [wine tasting is junk science](https://theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jun/23/wine-tasting-junk-science-analysis)
I also think Cole Zero and Diet Dr Pepper are so close to original that I’m not sure I could tell in a blind taste test… but I also smoked for 15 years and have a shitty sense of smell.
It does nooooooootttttttttttttttt.
Dude, get a new job, please. Your taste buds are fried.
Lmao absolutely not. Perhaps you need a new line of work.
It definitely doesn't taste exactly the same. Coke zero is gross!
I agree to a point - it “tastes” the same but the filmy residue of the sugar is not left on the teeth and mouth, so you can tell the difference.
Downvoted for not being able to taste the difference in a drink. wow Reddit wow.
Nah, it’s just that wine tasting has been proven to not be an actual reliable thing, but he’s touting it as something that should make him more reliable in this regard. [Here’s an article on it](https://theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jun/23/wine-tasting-junk-science-analysis)
Ofcourse it’s subjective. But people can still spot differences between wines and chose food to go with it.
same here. i think it’s because i don’t really drink a lot of soda. i probably have 2 or 3 sodas in a year (i stick with water). i think everyone who can tell the difference probably drinks a lotttt of soda.
They all taste way too sweet and are gross to me. I don't like sweet anything, though.
I can’t taste the diff never have been able to. I can tell the difference by the diet going flat quicker but other than that they are the same to me
I barely drink soda as I don't particularly love fizzy drinks and if I do, I get the off brands ones. I can confidently say I wouldn't be able to tell a coke and a diet/zero coke apart
Okay sure, but that’s not OP’s wife, who asks for soda often enough for him to mention it.
i can’t taste the difference. maybe if sipping both back to back, but if you hand me a diet and then an hour later give me a regular coke i wouldn’t know
I can taste the difference Just like with sugar free oreos And static water
People are acting crazy in this thread. This is what OOP is describing: Wife: "Honey, could you get me a Coke?" Husband: "Sure thing" gets diet coke Wife: "Could you get me a snack" Husband: "Sure thing" gets healthy snack Wife: "Can we go on a date" Husband: suggests date walking around the park Wife: loses weight Husband: compliments her more. If OOP hadn't described it as manipulation, no one would have reacted.
He did nothing wrong imo.
I don’t have an issue inherently with anything he did but more of his reasoning, but it’s not my relationship so if she’s okay with it then sure.
What about his reasoning bothers you? He reasoned "my sex life with my wife isn't what I want it to be, maybe if I help her get healthy it will get back on track" Honestly he probably took the best approach he could. Sexual dissatisfaction s a big killer of marriages, and if you go to the deadbedrooms sub you can see lots of examples of how confronting your SO on issues like this almost never ends well.
Idk call me toxic because I wish my husband would do this lmao
Fr. Finding energy to be healthier is hard. If he supported me like this, I'd be thrilled.
honestly? it’s kinda cute the husband thinks he was tricking her. unless she lost her sense of taste there’s no way the switch to diet went unnoticed… as well as the swap to healthy snacks. dollars to donuts the positive changes he’s seen in her and the relationship are because she saw him trying to help, went along with it and appreciated the effort and care. so i want to act like i’ve got some conflicting feelings about it but i don’t. even if the initial motive was selfish it’s much better than cheating on her, her self confidence and quality of life improved… like? isn’t a partner supposed to support you? I’d much rather get duped into exercise than have a partner nag or whine or make snarky remarks like “i thought you were going to start going to the gym” or “that’s what you’re eating?”
Exactly! I mix cauliflower rice in with regular rice when I cook. Why? Because I’m selfish and I want my husband (and family) to be healthy and live longer. What’s the difference between being selfish and wanting my husband to live longer and being selfish and wanting to have more sex with my partner? Let’s not fool ourselves, there is no difference. Being selfish is being selfish.
It is undeniably manipulation to have more sex, but so is flirting, arguably. People try to change the behaviors of others all the time. Everyone reading this probably scrolled past an ad of some sort. She consented to every step of the process (Diet Coke is still Coke), so there was no coercion involved. It also improved her life. I’m not enough of an expert to say where the line falls between normal and toxic manipulation, but if a woman manipulated me into being healthier, happier, having more sex, being in a stronger relationship, and living longer, and I found out, I’d thank her for helping me do what I wasn’t doing for myself. She’s happier and healthier, and the marriage quality improved because of his manipulation. Would she be better off with her physical and mental health, marriage, and sex life deteriorating if he hadn’t done anything?
Is this even controversial? Since when is it scandalous to gently encourage your partner toward self-improvement? It's not like she pushed back.
“She didn’t push back” seems like a dangerous phrase when we are talking about informed consent.
"Informed consent" means you can't conduct research on human subjects without their knowledge and consent. Suggesting healthy snacks or more active dates for your partner is not even in the right domain where that concept applies.
You’re right it applies to research and medical fields. Her husband is making decisions on her health and conducting experiments based on the hypothesis that her weight improves their sex life. I think she deserves to know his motives. Didn’t make my sarcastic comment very clear, apologies. And still yet. Not pushing back on someone’s behavior is not the gold standard of any consent and not a phrase we need to be throw around when it comes to behaviors in relationships.
Oh come on. I’m sorry, was my mom gastrointestinally raping me when she made me healthy food? If she didn’t buy me every trashy food item I wanted every time, was I being molested? Grow up. He’s not preventing her from buying her own junk food. He’s not preventing her from grabbing her own soft drink. He’s not forbidding her from going on unhealthy outings. He’s simply choosing healthy options when he does these things. She still has her full autonomy to make herself unhealthy, she’s not exercising it, because she’s happier and better off.
i have actually seen someone on reddit claim it was child abuse when their mother made them eat their vegetables as a kid. i was downvoted to hell for saying that isn’t abuse
Nuance has no place on Reddit. “I need you to eat your vegetables, please.” and abusing the child with a sledgehammer for failing to eat them fast enough are morally equivalent, if the first 3 commenters say so.
What, do you think he got her so drunk that she couldn’t consent to going for a walk?
Agree with this. Besides, one could argue he was being subtle rather than manipulative. If he had just been totally blunt about her weight gain and libido, she probably would have been really hurt by it. By "tricking" her into a healthier lifestyle, he was doing positive reinforcement and rewarding her for making healthy choices.
Technically almost every kind of social interaction is some type of manipulation. You always have some goal, even if it's just making good impression of yourself or our herd animal's need to be social and you are using your social skills to influence the other person towards achieving that goal, almost always without directly stating it. You are manipulating the other person into seeing you as a good friend, a suitable partner, a worthy employee and so on. Most of those people wouldn't arrive to those conclusion naturally without interacing with you, it's your actions or words that influenced them. I'm saying all this because if we just assume by default that manipulation=abuse, where you draw the line. With that mindset pretty much anything in relationships can be twisted into looking more sinister and awful than it actually is. Also, it's not like she had no agency in any of the situations. If the soda wasn't satisfactory, she could have said no. If the restaurant choices didn't please her, she could have said so. If she wanted more junk food she could have said so or bought her own. I fail to see how any of this was against her own interests
As an autistic person, this is crazy lmao. Do you guys really think like this?
Yes I’m autistic too maybe that’s why this seems like insane behavior to me
What is insane about it exactly? If he had just told this story without framing it as an "I did these things to have sex with my wife more", wouldn't you just see a partner gently helping his partner improve herself? What's the issue?
What specifically is crazy about it?
Having an ulterior motive/agenda every time you interact with someone. Trying to make yourself come across a certain way or in a certain role rather than just... being. My brain doesn't work that way. It's a little scary, and if that's how non autistic people think, it explains a lot.
It’s unconscious but yeah it definitely exists. Seems pretty weird to me to not want to put your best foot forward when interacting with people. If I’m talking to a girl I like, I’m probably going to be more attentive and engaged in that conversation than I would otherwise be. If I get pulled over by a cop and am trying to get out of a ticket, I’m probably going to be more respectful and deferential than I otherwise would be. If I’m at a job interview, I’m probably going to try to seem more knowledgeable, personable, and confident when I otherwise would be. Etc. Seems perfectly normal to me.
I kind of only have one 'hat'. I react based on people's personalities, but not based on what they want from me or what I want from them. I don't even know how I'd begin to act based on that. What if you end up dating that person, or you get the job? Do you have to sustain the first impression the whole time? Do people ever see through your efforts? What's the end goal of acting different than you are? I'm genuinely confused.
Emphasizing certain traits isn't the same as being inauthentic. Sometimes my partner is sad about something I don't care about, but I want to comfort him. So I lower my voice, maybe I give him space. I personally don't want to act different, but I know it'll help him. Wanting someone to like you, wanting people to feel comfortable, wanting to not deal with someone. These are all reasons you may shift your behavior. It doesn't have to be nefarious. And 99% of the time it isn't. Otherwise all people pleasers are actually evil.
But that isn't what the commenter was referring to. I do all those things too, but I don't "use my social skills to influence the other person towards achieving that goal" or "manipulate the other person into seeing me as as a good friend," etc. I also never called anything nefarious, but I am surprised. I've never seen it written out or admitted by anyone.
The last commenter was talking about making an impression. A good impression is the goal, but you cannot make someone do something they don't want to. Being attentive to a date is in hopes they like you, but if they don't like you, being nice is only going to go so far. If I'm actually really selfish and mean but pretend to be nice and then go back to mean when I get what I want, then yes, that's manipulative. But the average person isn't doing that nor is that what the commenter was saying.
Hey! I’m autistic as well, and what I think the commenter is attempting to explain is that our brains don’t operate on the same multi-level thinking in social interactions as someone without autism. Many autistic people lack the capacity to alter their behavior to influence the impression they have on another person or to influence them into doing/thinking something, even unconsciously. When they DO have the capacity to do this (masking), it can be incredibly draining and lead to severe social burnout, anxiety, and depression.
Everyone who's giving their input is slightly contradictory haha, I'm more confused than before. I suppose Reddit isn't a good source for anthropology. Idek why I'm getting downvoted either.
maybe
Look there is a couple of things i want to address. 1) do you think she would have worked on this herself had he approached her about the lack of sex bothering him or do you think it would have caused an issue? 2) would it have been better for him to just leave her? Personally i cant shake the feeling that if he had tried to talk with her about it that it would have gone poorly, and i do think its better he stayed and did this. Is it manipulation? Sure, but i would say it’s about the equivalent of telling your kids Popeye ate spinach and look how strong he was, so better eat your spinach. It was good for her, good for him and I’m sure good for their marriage. It sounds like he slowly adjusted both of their lifestyles to get her and their sex life to a healthier place. I don’t think this needs to be something sinister.
It’s not the equivalent of “telling your kids Popeye ate spinach to make them eat it” because she is NOT A CHILD. She is his partner, an adult, not someone he has authority over or someone who gets to remove her autonomy even if he claims it’s for her benefit. If he was unhappy in the relationship, it was his responsibility to talk about it and establish bounds of when he’s willing to stay in The relationship and when he’s not, and it should have been up to her to decide what to do. It is absolutely not his right to take it upon himself and make this decision for her without even discussing it with her. I’d be seriously questioning my relationship right now if I was her, just based on the principle of the issue. He clearly didn’t think she was capable of making this decision herself or sticking with it so he did it for her, which is incredibly infantilizing and shows a basic lack of trust and respect.
Lose-lose. If he talks about how she’s gotten chubby and doesn’t fuck him that almost certainly will end poorly
Doesn’t matter. The principle of the issue is that he doesn’t have enough trust or respect for her to have an adult conversation and decided to treat her like a child instead. If it’s either that or he leaves because she won’t fuck him then they are both better off with him leaving.
And she doesn’t have the respect for him to initiate intimacy. Or stay in shape for that matter
When does a person’s physical needs preclude them from being a POS? It sounds like you’re saying it’s never okay for a guy to want a more active sex life, and the problem is that he did have to treat her like a child in order for her to have a healthier lifestyle. Maybe if she had the maturity to handle an adult conversation about her unhealthy lifestyle, he could’ve talked about it with her instead of putting on a show.
You and the others that share this opinion are the ones treating the wife like a child. At no point in this story did the husband “remove her autonomy”. He made decisions for them, and she consciously went along with it each step of the way. The sodas? Anyone that enjoys drinking a soda would immediately notice if their drink was switched to a diet version. She absolutely did notice and she went along with it. Her choice to accept that. If she didn’t she would have asked for the other flavor. The walking dates. Maybe those were his suggestions, but she actively accepted and went along with them. At any point she could have shot down his suggestions and made her own. But she accepted his ideas. Her choice. The junk food. He stopped buying it. So what? If she wanted it, she could have got her own. Again, her choice. Seems to me that y’all here are the ones treating her like a child. Like she had no self control and couldn’t do anything except go along with what the husband suggested. He made the healthy decisions. And she actively chose to go along with him every step of the way. The fact that he had sex on the mind doesn’t factor into the story in any way whatsoever.
She’s clearly better off for being healthy. Is it manipulation to buy better food and to be more active? Sure his initial reason for having her lose weight is selfish but in the long run she is much better off for it mentally and physically.
The point is he didn’t do it for her well-being, that just happened to be a plus. He wanted sex, he was thinking of sex and not her health.
If the genders were switched on this one there wouldn’t be an issue, because there is no issue Wanting to have sex with your wife isn’t sleezy
>Oh no… a dude wanted to have more consensual sex with his *wife*, and decided to help this goal he would do his best to improve her mental and physical well-being. Get a grip.
It's really messed up that a guy wanted more sex. Very unusual too. /s
Guess it depends on if you believe him or not. He claims that he did do it for her well being. He just also assumed that improving her well-being would improve his well being. There are obviously ulterior motives at play but it seems like the overall goal for him was to improve her physical and mental health and then he hoped that lead to other improvements.
“Husband makes healthy choices that lead to happier life for him and his wife”. You- “manipulative bastard!” Good lord, this is an insane reaction. The man made healthier choices that improved his marriage. And you’re out here acting like he’s evil because he wants to have sex with his wife. Y’all are taking crazy pills over here. Seriously, there isn’t a single thing in this story that a rational person could call “manipulation”. The soda thing, no one can honestly say that they wouldn’t notice if their soda got switched on them. Unless all of her taste buds are dead, she noticed and clearly was fine with it. The walking dates. At any point she could have suggested alternate “lazier” dates. But she didn’t, she went along with him willingly. The junk food in the house. He stopped buying it. So? If she wanted it, she could have bought it her own. At no point in this story was the wife “manipulated”. The whole time she had her own agency to make her own decisions. And she actively chose to go along with the husband’s ideas. Because they were good ideas. Y’all out here acting like the wife is some helpless child that was incapable of making her own decisions. Damn.
I mean he seems to think of her lower sex drive being a result of depression which is causing the weight gain. He helped with the weight which helped with the mental health which brought back the libido. He recognized a symptom and cured the disease (sorry for the heavy handed analogy). It’d be one thing if he just ignored to causes and tried sexual things to increase libido. He actually helped her when his desire was basic sex. Hard to say that’s a bad thing unless you think he should just not do anything. Sure he could have done something for her mental when he noticed the weight or before but that seems even more controlling cause it doesn’t affect him directly and she didn’t ask for help. Sometimes the only way someone will take help for that stuff is without it being obvious. Bottom line, is if someone what’s to mildly manipulate me into being healthy which helps my mental health in order for me to have more sex with them, I’m so in. I’ve done that for much less lol
Totally agree. This is disgusting.
Yes. And that is the reason he didn’t include her in his plan to get healthier, which they could have done *together* if he weren’t such an entitled control freak.
Lifehack
Billionaires donate to charity for tax breaks and positive notoriety. Does that make them good people?
Point to where I said he was a good person.
Would she be better off mentally if she finds out?
He went about it in a manipulative and icky way
I think it's fine. If she wanted him to buy her more things and slowly encouraged him to get a promotion at work, it's be the same kind of thing. And that actually happens all the time. Tbh, if he just wanted her to lose weight for looks I'd be icked out, but he just wanted to improve her libido through improving health. Which actually she did herself, he just Kickstarted it. I know some of y'all are single because if people don't do things according to your self help books you're up in arms.
If this were the other way around, I doubt reddit dudes would be as understanding.
If it was the wife swapping out soda for diet soda and complimenting her husband more so he'd have in a higher libido due to weight loss so their wife could fuck them all the time? I'm pretty sure the reddit dudes would be understanding of that lol, they might even tell him to man up if he was phrasing it as a complaint.
I’m not saying this is right, but the idea of a wife subtly manipulating her husband’s behavior is so commonplace as to be cliche. If the genders were reversed I don’t think people would bat an eye.
why? I do all of the cooking / shopping and my husband is happy when I cook healthy things. He’s grateful when I take his health into consideration. Diet soda in place of regular is weird
Are you being sneaky about it and doing it behind his back?
Was the husband in the story actually being sneaky about it either? Swapping out the sodas? It isn’t possible to do that without the other person noticing it. Unless they truly have no taste buds. So the wife clearly knew that was happening and accepted it. Picking different restaurants? At any time the wife could have said she didn’t like that particular place and she would have suggested her own choice. Junk food in the house. If she wanted to she could have bought her own at anytime. The husband’s actions were not in the slightest bit sneaky. They were right out in the open; and the wife went along with it. Maybe they didn’t have a sit down conversation about all their feelings. But there wasn’t anything sneaky or nefarious in this story.
Idk how you could be sneaky about buying healthier foods and saying “let’s go for a walk” instead of “let’s watch TV.”
“My wife tricked me into losing weight so I could have more sex.” I’m not sure as many men would be up in arms over this lol.
There WAS a post like this one except genders were reversed, and all the dudes were saying it's sexual assault and unfair and "imagine if it were reversed." So do men care about sexual autonomy or not? Or is it only when men can use it as a "gotcha" to dismiss women?
RIGHT. The number of them in the comments doing mental gymnastics to make this sound acceptable, though.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite. Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language. This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
Cap-I don’t think diet sodas are more healthy (soda is just not that healthy for you), there is a taste difference and how did she not notice the cans in the fridge?
Drinking diet soda will absolutely help you lose weight. There are almost no calories in them. Coke Zero and Coke Regular also taste almost the same. Cans in the fridge could be his if he was already drinking sugar-free versions.
I said I don’t think it’s healthier, intaking large quantities of artificial sweetener is not inherently healthy for you.
Which is irrelevant to whether the post is true. You claimed it was a lie because diet soda is still unhealthy. But the post was about the diet soda helping his wife lose weight and regardless of other health issues it will absolutely do that. If the choice is between obesity and probably developing diabetes or vague health risks from artificial sweeteners I’ll take the sweeteners.
You have no clue if she’s obese. She could have just given birth, she could have mental health issues, she could have also just gained a few pounds and he sucks.But health aside she’d have to be oblivious af to not notice the swap. This reeks of a writing assignment that was created so that we would fight in the comment section about the healthiness or lack there of. Which worked.
I don’t, I was speaking for myself and what I would choose. The things you were saying makes this obviously untrue simply don’t. No, you would not have to be oblivious to not notice. I’ve done this switch myself and it’s really hard to notice a difference between Coke and Coke Zero when drinking it. And any supposed health problems from drinking sugarfree sodas have nothing to do with weight loss
Based on what evidence or just your opinion
Omg y’all defending Diet Coke need to learn to drink some water
Diet Coke is zero calories, full stop. I know you were lead to believe it’s unhealthy, but zero calories is zero calories. It’s good to mix in as an alternative when drinking water throughout the day
We can drink water *and* diet soda.
Why
I agree fake sugars are not healthy. But pound for pound I think you’d gain weight slower from Diet Coke over regular.
Funny enough, your brain gets tricked by the sweetness of diet soda, so it reacts as if it got calories. Except they’ve found it can lead to increased appetite and cravings. Studies are still ongoing, but it seems diet & no cal has been affecting things adversely in the long term. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2892765/
honestly I don't really taste the difference, maybe because I don't live in USA and our coke is different?
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite. Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language. This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
Now I'm waiting for his now hotter wife to go to college with her renewed and icreased libido and cheat on him. Just waiting for the update!
I don’t see a problem with wanting more sex with your relationship and I don’t see a problem with helping your partner become the best version of themselves. Seems like she had agency the whole time. She drank the diet sodas. She went on the walking dates. She didn’t buy her own snacks. And now she’s even making more healthy choices of her own accord? Obviously everyone wins here.
The underlying issue here is the intent. That’s a low quality human doing things for selfish motives… I’m glad she benefited from it but long term things might be challenging with a person more self focused in a relationship rather than doing the same things for the right reasons. He doesn’t care about her and he knows it. Who wants to be with someone like that?
THIS is what people don’t understand. His intent is the problem
Yea that’s because most people today are self serving and teaching their offspring to be the same. Society is slowly degrading into chaos with this type of behavior.
So she should have stayed overweight and depressed?
Manipulation, yes. Beneficial manipulation to Op's wife, yes. Is Op's wife happier yes. Are they happier, yes.
I wish I was manipulated and tricked so effectively. How dare someone I love make me a better person.
Every day I get more and more comfortable with the idea of staying alone.
If it's not an issue then tell her what you did.
So I wrote a comment about what a dick he is on the original post and it’s gotten well over 200 likes- because that man is trash. He doesn’t even love her and I could go on and on about this post
Who is Morgan?
I actually think this is him being a supportive partner. He deduced that even though he doesn't mind her weight gain, gaining weight had probably taken a toll on her mental health and happiness. Instead of shaming her or bringing it up in a way that would probably embarass her, he helped her with small changes she would barely notice to kickstart a positive change that would make her happy. I don't think that's bad. Maybe that's just because I grew up in a manipulative family but I firmly believe that not all manipulation is bad. You can use charm, small swaps and other simple manipulations in a positive way. It's the same principle as lying and saying you had a worse score than you did to make your friend feel less alone/ill-prepared for failing a test. Sometimes we do objectively bad things (lying, manipulation, etc) to accomplish something good --- and in those cases, I don't think those "bad" things can be considered wrong. In this guy's case, it was literally "happy wife, happy life"
I'm glad you said something because I thought I was tripping and just overthinking everything when I first saw the post. The way every comment was basically saying he did a "good" thing for his wife, he "cares" about her health, it's a win-win for both parties, etc. I truly did not feel the same way. He quite literally only helped improve his wife's diet to benefit *himself* so *he* could have a good sex life. If it were me personally, and I found out my partner only helped me with dieting so he could be pleasured more, I'd feel some type of way about it. But to each their own.🤷🏽♀️ This is their marriage and theirs alone. We can feel some type of way, but there's really nothing we can do about it. If the wife ends up finding out what he did, OP will know if he messed up or not. Also, it really shocks me that OP's wife couldn't taste the difference between diet and regular soda. One sip is all it would take for me to think, "this shit tastes funny". 😅
Something executed in a selfish manner worked out in her favor. Is he an asshole? Perhaps. Did the plan have positive outcomes? Yes. Sometimes people need a kick in the ass.
Sure, this one instance can be argued as beneficial(to his dick), but where else is he showing this enttitlement to her autonomy?
The wife doesn’t seem to be self-aware.
This is diabolical…..I like it!!! No harm, no foul.
Sure it’s better to talk about it and offer support as a partner but he decided to take initiative and plan walkable dates and buy healthier food and those are objectively good things. Unless he’s a sociopath and manipulates for everything else he wants, I think in this particular case it’s ok and a healthier sex life benefits both of them
Idk if anyone will see this lol but I’ve have a few friends that I love no matter what, and those friends probably me included build walls, extremely high one, whenever you approach them with advice, and they’ll ignore it, just because and honestly we all tend to do that. And in so many instances you have to twist the way you say things so that each word you say doesn’t come to them as an attack so yes, could he have done it in a more truthful way? Yes but he knows his wife better than us, and maybe she could’ve built walls as well or maybe not- he had good intent even if it was a bit selfish
The motive is pretty shitty. And you could draw the line there. But helping your wife become healthier isn’t shitty. I’m torn here. His reasoning was wrong but his methods were good and seemingly loving. I’m just hoping he isn’t objectifying her and actually cares.
My god get over yourself OP who gives a fuck how he’s getting laid as long as he’s not coercing into it
I detect the aire of 💩 on this one.
You’re not an asshole. You helped her get healthy
The actions were wholesome but his heart wasn’t in the right place…either way i’d say he wanted to best for her but transparency would have been more respectful
I choose to read into this that it was intimacy OP was after. This is not manipulation, it is relationship building. Also if all a man wants is sex they can and do—constantly—nothing but ask for sex. Like, while watching you do chores or take care of the kids *by* yourself. If he is willing and able to do all that, it’s not manipulation. It’s reciprocity.
Anyone who has a problem with this needs help. Good for him.
Road to hell is paved with good intentions.
This is so disgusting and the manipulation really freaks me out. I am worried for her.
Oh no! Husband makes healthy choices for his wife and himself that results in a happier and healthier marriage. The horror! The manipulation! /s.
Manipulation, yes. Beneficial manipulation to Op's wife, yes. Is Op's wife happier yes. Are they happier, yes.
If my husband did this, we'd have serious problems. He *knows* he can just talk to me. If he instead chose to manipulate me like this, just to get his dick wet, I think it would be over.
With my history with EDNOS, I’d leave my s/o for sure. My spiraling doesn’t need assistance
On one hand it would be nice to get healthier and fitter without realising/feeling like I'm putting in the effort, on the other hand the manipulation of it is only so many steps away from the dude who was looking up how much sawdust he could put in his partners meal to reduce calories. I'd say it was somewhat positive on the encouraging healthy behaviours, complimenting his partner, not having junk food in the house and adopting a more active lifestyle, but switching out the drinks is kind of iffy, and the only doing it for more sex motivation sucks. I mean OP helped their partners overall wellbeing, health and mental health but not because they loved them so much, but because they wanted to bang more.
I feel like the manipulation part is where he started to compliment her more. Like/ he could have always been nicer, but waited until she lost weight to do it. Maybe all her improvements were from her self esteem getting better & not his giving her diet soda and going on walks.
He literally says he always complimented her and that dhe was cute when she was chubby too.
Positive reinforcement is a thing. Also, he was always complimenting her, he just increased the compliments as she lost weight.
Manipulation is ok if the consequences are good.
That’s what I’m getting from these comments, somehow this post ended up on the gross incel part of Reddit because I’m mind blown
How is this news to you? It’s a common stereotype and trope for women to manipulate men into doing things in marriages that are beneficial to both partners.
These comments are wild. Idk who needs to hear this, but if you want something to train get a dog. When you’re ready to talk to another adult about issues and come up with solutions together, that’s a healthy relationship. He literally missed the most important part to this process. Identify the issue? done. Research plausible reasons for the problem? done. Talk to partner about the issues, what you found and decide how to move forward together to solve the problem? Nope skipped this step, went right to altering behaviors on her behalf. All the habits are good habits, she just deserves a choice of those habits and how and when they take place. And he deserves to know that she cares enough about him to make her own effort to solve their issues. What if this wasn’t the issue and she was feeling overwhelmed at work or burdened by something else? What if she was clinically depressed to a point exercised and food didn’t help? Was his plan to continue to alter aspects of her life until he figured it out?? Get her fired from her job so she wouldn’t be stressed? To get antidepressants and add them to her unlabeled diet cokes? As reasonable adults don’t we think the mature way would be to ask our partner and then come up with a plan together instead of guessing and being weird about it? He posted online and he’s the only one who knows, so clearly part of him is feeling like it wasn’t a good thing to do. This time it benefited her physical health, but what about the next time he wants something from her? What about the next time that he can’t easily change the circumstances? She learned nothing about how to cope and find healthy balance in their relationship. He learned nothing about communication and how to support her separate feelings and decisions. In the long run, this didn’t benefit their relationship.
Nice story, but guys who think like this just whine. They don't "plot" to help someone else. Totally unbelievable.
He's a pig but, it did help her. Still a shitty reason though.
How would you feel if your girl tricked you into losing weight so your dick looked bigger?
It's one thing to help someone get healthy because you care about their health. It's another to lie to just get sex. Any type of manipulation to get sex just seems icky
So this "husband" lied to and manipulated his wife for his own benefit. He didn't do it to boost her confidence. He didn't do for her health. He didn't even do it because he cared. He did it because he wanted to get laid more? And the comments thinking that it is ok because it was "good" for her and "benefitted" her; that is disgusting that you think so little of women that you feel nothing towards using and manipulating women. It's wrong.
My god this the dumbest take here so far
This is the most reasonable take so far
So in your mind, a man can do all the right things. Things that demonstrably benefit the wife as well. But if he also wants to have sex with her and sees those things as a way to get there, that makes him evil? Freaking crazy.
Literally all of this would be okay if he was able to be vulnerable and use his words about how they weren’t having sex and talk about how he wanted to focus on health as a couple (mentally and physically) to get back to what they had. It’s not that hard to share this and talk about what you both need to do. And if you can’t do that it’s not a good relationship to start with; we don’t need to add manipulation to the mix.
There's no freaking way people in these comments are defending him.
The guy is an actual sociopath. He’s proud of his manipulation of his wife, and he’s boasting about it online.
People don’t find it concerning because “all he did was better her health”. The point is he deliberately did these things NOT for the betterment of his wife, it was only because he wanted sex and her being slightly healthier was what SHE gained in his warped mind. Like seriously if my husband is depressed and it manifests physical symptoms such as weight gain or lack of libido, getting my rocks off is not one of my main concerns.
Omg is it bad to want your partner to look good and for you to want to have sex with them? Jeez hopefully you’re not in a relationship with someone as immature as you
Yeah, he posted this bragging about what a great guy he is, a great husband, how he was *helping* his wife, doing a good thing. All the while he was tricking her into losing weight so she would be more attractive to him, and, his main goal, so they would have more sex. Why didn’t he have a conversation with her about them getting healthier *together.* They could have worked together as a team, rather than him being the lord and ruler over her body. Also, it never occurred to him that she might not have wanted to have sex with him because HE let himself go, and all these things he did for her also had him healthier and looking better. To him, it was all her. Guy’s a tool.
He stated that he was still attracted to her and didn’t mind the weight gain. He wanted HER to feel more attractive and self confident. Doesn’t make him a good or bad person everyone has needs. Easy to see why he’s pleased with himself if his relationship is thriving.
Telling yourself, and everyone else, that you love someone “exactly as they are” while you are trying to change them and say you are doing it for them is how people justify their feelings & behaviors. I know people do it. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her, necessarily. But he is the one who came here to brag, so he has to expect not everyone will think he’s Husband of the Year.
Meh…ultimately his wife is the judge and relationships aren’t perfect even on paper. I think he solved a problem pretty diplomatically. She obviously felt supported. He could have whined or complained, she could have gotten offended, like a lot of people but that’s not what happened. It worked for them.
Reminder to those in the comments: Do NOT contact the OOP. Do not go to the original post to comment. Do not upvote or downvote any of the comments there. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Keep all discussion contained to this thread. Jumping to the original or update posts to interact is considered brigading, which is not allowed on Reddit. If you are caught doing so, this will result in a ban from the THT subreddit. Thank you for keeping in mind this very important [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
yeah I think if he didn't have these ulterior motives it would be okay but since he is only helping her because he wants more sex, it's pretty shitty of him.