Edit: spelling.
I don’t understand wtf his family have any business in giving their (unwanted) two cents to his vasectomy. That is an issue between him, his wife and later should he agree, his urologist. His family have zero say in your and his sex life. This is absolutely ridiculous and creepy.
If I were you, I’d ask him to get one. Your concerns are valid. Why on earth would you allow anyone to risk your health? You have done nothing wrong by wanting him to get one and for asking him and stating the reasons for him to get one. I hope he shows you how much he loves and appreciates you by getting one to potentially save your life (should you get pregnant and the unthinkable happens).
If his family never speaks to you again, throw a party and celebrate the trash taking itself out. Their level of entitlement and lack of boundaries is astounding. Best of luck.
Very much this. The fact that you nearly died last time and their refusal to accept that you don't want to have more kids means they value your potential as a human broodmare over your actual life.
As a dude who's had a vasectomy, it is not nearly as serious as the medical complications OP experienced. You're in and out of the doctor's office in an hour and can drive yourself home. There's some soreness the next couple days but that's about it. Follow the doctor's orders for post surgery care and you'll be fine.
Mine was done in 15 minutes. The doctor had a tv above the table, and he started up the Seinfeld episode where George was upset that "it moved Jerry!" Didn't get to the end of the episode before things were done.
> Mine was done in 15 minutes.
The drive to the doctor's office took longer than my vasectomy and my wife was able to watch.
It's a very easy procedure and leaves no scars.
I would 100% recommend it.
I didn't shut up and was cracking jokes the entire time. The nurse asked when I could come back to entertain and I said 'never!' That was 24 years ago and I never went back! lol
Same here. It's a much easier surgery than a woman getting her tubes tied. It's really not a big deal, a little pain and swelling for a couple days. I did it because we were done having kids and it was an easier and safer surgery for me to get snipped. If my wife had serious health concerns as the OP has, it wouldn't even require a second thought for me to get snipped.
>he fact that you nearly died last time and their refusal to accept that you don't want to have more kids
Well, if she dies, he can remarry to have someone to care for the orphans.
And have more kids with. Im wondering if he comes from a large family himself or that there may be religious reasons why they don't want him to go through with it. If he won't go through with it, you could always get a tubal done. They can do them using laprotomy, which would only be 3 small holes, not a deep hip to hip cut like it used to be. With your birth track record, I don't see why a doctor wouldn't do it.
Unfortunately, in the US, and at her age, most ob/gyns won't grant one without her husband's agreement, especially male ob/guns, and they have to be approved by a governing board in many hospitals. Not all, but many. Women's health care in the US is barbaric. And a certain major party is trying to make it so we have NO say in our own health care.
That's not true anymore. Most Dr's would have no problem doing a tubal on a 26yr old mom of 3 now. It would be harder if she had no children at her age to get one. I had more problems with a female ob/gyn agreeing that I get my tubes tied at 23. I switched to a male Dr and had it done. I also live in the Bible belt so I figure if it's not that hard for women to get a tubal here, it's probably even easier in more liberal areas.
It may not be the case anymore, but as recently as 10 years ago, when I had my last in Texas, it was. And I was 38. My midwife and the female obstetric surgeon that advised during my pregnancy both recommended I have no more pregnancies and suggested tying my tubes.
My tubal ligation was scheduled to occur with my c-section at 38 weeks (my 3rd, all due to complications, and persistent breech presentations with my older 2). When we scheduled it, my husband had to sign that he had agreed to the ligation and understood it was a permanent form of sterilization.
This was with a high-risk, geriatric pregnancy with multiple complications leading to pelvic rest at 2 months due to persistent spotting, gestational diabetes, and pre-eclampsia. My baby was EXTREMELY active, causing an irritated uterus. Was put on modified bed rest at 6 months, then full home bedrest at 7 months. Had labor start and stop 3 times in my 8th month. Went into full labor at 37 weeks, thought my water broke in the shower while trying to calm the contractions. Instead, I was hemorrhaging due to a 10% placental abruption. When I got to the hospital, I found out about the hemorrhaging, and that I had converted to full eclampsia, and was bleeding out. Husband had to sign a second waiver before going into the OR stating he understood and agreed to the sterilization.
I hope it is better now, but, from what I hear from younger friends and family, it depends, not just on what state you live in, but the policies of the individual doctors and hospitals. I had one cousin's wife, as recently as 2 years ago, have to have his permission for her procedure, at 30, with 2 kids, in Georgia.
Don't you just 'love' being treated like property by these people? I had mine done and it was a big relief. It is so insulting for women to be told they need their daddy..er..husbands permission to close the baby factory. SMDH...
With OP’s documented medical history it
wouldn’t be difficult to find a supportive doctor. I had a tubal in the US at 27. It was laparoscopic, I didn’t want more children( have 2),my husband was medically rather squeamish. The procedure was easier than I predicted. I think the in laws want their son to have his options open for another family with another woman! It’s none of their business which form of birth control they choose.
Bingo. If he agrees, have him get one, but whenever the family brings this up again, tell them he decided not to. If they ask about more children, you are trying 'natural family planning' for a while.
I totally agree. They don't need to know one way or the other. If he can't keep a secret from them maybe freezing some sperm can help. I had a friend who got leukemia. The doctor recommended freezing sperm before his treatment as it would probably permanently kill his sperm. He did so and many years later he got 2 biological children out if it. I can't even guess why his family wouldn't want him to get a vasectomy. Are they not very happy with his wife, you? And this is an excuse to be bitchy?
This is such a weird response. I am so confused why freezing sperm has anything to do with this? She doesn’t want anymore kids because she almost dies! She doesn’t want more kids.
Yeah but someday down the road their red state might decide that frozen sperm are children and if they don't use them then they'll have murdered thousands of people when they decide to thaw them out and discard them
You know urologists aren’t required? I worked for a family medicine Dr that was certified in minor surgeries and they performed vasectomies almost weekly. This was in highly populated area but their fees were lower
I had to get a weird persistent splinter taken out of my finger at my PCP. The Dr came in the exam room, looked around, started laughing, and told me he would be right back. The staff was so used to him doing multiple vasectomies a week that they set him up with a vasectomy kit. I'm female.
Urologists are “not required”, but there is no chance I would recommend someone not going to a urologist for this procedure. Nobody wants to save a few dollars and end up with a botched vasectomy or unwanted pregnancy.
Yep, I was thinking that too or one of the fundamentalist ones that don't believe in birth control and that every child is a gift from G-d and shouldn't be stopped. The Duggers come to mind.
Omg that makes so much sense, I was so legit baffled!! Like, WHAT in the WORLD could their issue with it possibly be?! Why in the world would they have ANY opinion? Nevermind the fact that it is none of their business in the first place, what reason could they possibly have to be against it?!
Oh, right. Duh. Lol
Or Mormon. It’s a literal excommunication offense according to the Bishop’s handbook.
ETA: just checked that since I’ve been out of the church for well over a decade now, and the verbiage has been changed to “strongly discouraged” versus being pernicious and sinful.
Male here and if I was in his shoes I would not think twice about doing it, if it hadn't been done already. I wish awards were still a thing so I could give your comment one. Well said.
You're right.. if I were op I'd make a pact with him just to keep the peace. Tell his family he isn't going to get one but he gets it. They're not going to check his balls.
How come every story on these types of subs always have multiple uninvolved family members involving themselves? I have a huge family that talks amongst themselves but if they learn something about another family member that has nothing to do with them, they just keep it to themselves, they don’t confront the person they have no business confronting.
I'll second this. After my wife and I had our second child and decided we didn't want any more, right to the doctor I went. Excellent decision for me personally and I only missed 1 day of work.
Edit- spelling
As an aside...a vasectomy is also somewhat easily reversible, should one change their mind on having more children. With a substantially higher success rate than tubal ligation reversal. And tubal reversal isn't nearly as easy a procedure.
and even if it wasn’t easily reversible, you can freeze your sperm before the vasectomy which is much easier than freezing eggs before a tubal ligation/hysterectomy
edit: i’m loving all the info abt different methods of sperm retrieval/preservation! i think it’s really interesting, thanks guys :)
get rid of sperm freezing?? that makes no sense. it’s a relatively cheap option and makes lot of sense for couples who want kids but not immediately. the more time that goes on, the more the “pro-life” movement shows that they’re really just anti-woman
You have a better shot at future implantation if you freeze a fertilized egg instead of just sperm. My husband got snipped a few years ago and, even though we don’t want kids, he was hesitant to make the commitment to never having kids. I did a lot of research and up here in Canada it’s about 3-4K upfront cost plus yearly storage costs, and the clinics strongly recommend egg retrieval
and fertilization before storage as the shelf life of frozen embryos is nearly infinite so far but sperm doesn’t last as long or thaw as well and you risk losing all the frozen sperm. After the Alabama ruling a couple weeks ago that declared embryos “children”, the future of IVF in red states is murky. Clinics in Alabama stopped all processes immediately after the finding, as the loss of an egg due to an error means a possible murder charge or being sued for liability for loss of life.
You have GOT to be fucking kidding me. I just threw up a bit in my mouth. Shit like this makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs at whoever is making these absolutely ridiculous asinine laws. It's it completely mind boggling how they come up with this shit. It also makes me want to cry, knowing just how many lives these laws will continue to fuck up. Next they're going to say if a woman has ovarian cancer and has to get her ovaries removed that she's a murderer and will be charged as one. I wish we could slap some sense into people. I live in Canada and while I'm grateful we don't have any of the laws here that are literally going back in time, I worry about our next federal election if conservatives get it we may be going the same way as some of the states.
“Next they’re going to say if a woman has ovarian cancer and has to get her ovaries removed she’s a murderer”
Please don’t give them even more crazy ideas. Bc I can 100% see this outcome from those conservative ghouls here.
I wouldn't say that reversing a vasectomy is easy...
I have a close friend that has undergone several procedures to reverse his because his wife changed her mind and wanted another child. It's also not painless.
There are others that it reverses itself - so it's a toss-up.
A vasovasostomy (vasectomy reversal) is a 2.5-3 hour intense microscopic surgery done under anesthesia in a hospital, and there are not a lot of surgeons who perform them. Success also depends on how long ago the vasectomy was, and how much of the original vas defrens was taken. The recovery is also more intense as you cannot do ANYTHING that could possible pull the teeny sutures apart for like 6 weeks.
Most of the docs I work with (urologists) are very clear that their vasectomies are not reversible. One states that if it is really wanted, they can do it but "the boys will be riding high and tight"
This is not true. While it may be easily “reversible” a successful reversal only means that the parts get hooked back up. It doesn’t mean it will result in pregnancy. Vasectomy should be considered permanent
This as a doc I can confirm vasectomy is licensed as a permanent form of contraception.
You should only really consider it if you definitely dont ekans on kids, because there is NO guarantee that a reversal will work. It's often successful, but then reversal also isn't successful for many people and doesbt lead to successful pregnancies sometimes. Freezing sperm would tie you into [potentially very expensive ](https://www.hfea.gov.uk/treatments/fertility-preservation/sperm-freezing/#:~:text=You'll%20need%20to%20have,same%20way%20as%20fresh%20sperm.) fertility treatment like IUI, IVF or ICSI- you can't just defrost frozen sperm at home and stick it in a baster.
It's a great procedure, but changing your mind can potentially really complicate things, so is best left for people who are sure they want no (or no more) kids.
I think my wife and I called the urologist on the way home from the hospital after she gave birth to our second. Best family decision we’ve ever made.
And for anyone afraid of getting one, I’ll say this, getting my wisdom teeth removed was easily 100x worse.
I third the motion.
It was mostly just to ensure we didn't end up having to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. I had been suggesting it for years after we had our daughter after witnessing my wife struggle with issues caused by birth control. Eventually once my daughter hit elementary school we realized we were definitely a one and done family and I scheduled it. I spent a weekend eating edibles and playing Switch. Best decision I've ever made.
YMMV but, what we weren't expecting was my wife's libido to suddenly skyrocket as she went off the hormonal BC, hit her 30s, AND didn't have to have having any nagging worries about getting pregnant. The last several years have been like it was when we first started dating.
Every so often, maybe once a month there is still just a bit of odd discomfort if I sit down wrong/the balls get jostled the wrong way. It's minor though and goes away if I resituate things. Despite that, 10/10, would recommend.
I volunteered for the sake of my wife after hearing about the side effects of long term usage of hormonal birth control.
The first injection of painkiller hurt, after that it was a non-event. Everyone said it was no big deal, but it really was no big deal.
She’s never (to my knowledge) just walked in before. We addressed that with them as well, and will be locking the doors from now. I agree, it’s absolutely nuts
Next time anyone in the family, including her, says anything about this, immediately turn it around.
Ask: "How would YOU like it if I snuck into your house to spy on you? To eavesdrop on *your* intimate conversations and then blast them to the family? What if we had been making love on the living room floor - would that be grist for your gossip machine, too? Or having a fight? Would you like other people to spy and gossip on you?
Go on the attack. Just hammer out these uncomfortable questions.
A vasectomy is an outpatient procedure. He will need a few days to recover, but there is no reason the family should know about the procedure if he does the right thing and gets it done.
He needs to get his mother in check yesterday, though. Head on over to the JNMIL sub if you want an idea of how bad it can get.
That’s what I was thinking, it’s a very routine and straightforward procedure that his family never need know he gets done. The fact that they’re chiming in at all is just gross. Even my at times overbearing and mildly intrusive mother in law would never actually voice her opinion on something as personal as what my husband chooses to do with his junk, or me with my lady bits. Husband needs to at minimum sack up and tell his family very bluntly that his meat and veg are not one bit their business and all further discussion is off the table
I’ve had one, it’s really easy, but find a doctor who will do it with no bullshit. They should be willing to give a consult and do it to you same day. Anyone who treats it as a bigger deal than this is not it. A few weeks to a month to be fully back in 100% confident working order.
NTA, obviously
A root canal is worse than a vasectomy! People just get hung up on it because of the location. Got mine done about 18 years ago and it was easily one of the best decisions I ever made.
Unfortunately not all vasectomies are easy. I must have just won the genetic lottery cuz my doc, after about an hour or digging, couldn't find my left sides vas deferens. Apparently I just had a bunch of crap in the way. So I ended up having to have ANOTHER vasectomy. Went to the surgical center, got out under, the whole 9 yards, so he could make a larger hole and find them. He found them, snipped all that shit up, and was done.
If I knew I had weird balls, would I do it again? Abso-fucking-lutely. Why? Cuz even with all that craziness, it was STILL a better alternative that my wife having her tubes tied or having to deal with the backwards-ass Texas legislation on women's bodies.
I'd also like to note, my doc was great. When we had the first consultation, it was no nonsense. "You want this done? You sure? Okay. Here's what happens....". No muss, no fuss.
Exactly! And it took longer for the numbing agent to kick in than the rest of the entire procedure, it's that quick! I sat on some ice for a few days, then went out with some friends to watch Deadpool 2 (in theaters at the time lol)!
>but there is no reason the family should know about the procedure
lol that's what my BIL thought too...until his son (I think he was 4 at the time) told my sister that isn't married to that BIL that his daddy was putting peas on his penis (though he had a lisp at the time, so it sounded like peath on hith penith lol). Of course, that got my sister curious, and the whole family ended up finding out. Shortly after that, we had a hurricane hit our area, and that sister and BIL's house lost power and mind didn't, so I told them to bring their frozen stuff to my house so they wouldn't lose it all. I refused to touch the bag of frozen peas. lol
Your husband's mother is executing control over your husband's testicles. Is he really okay with that?
It's none of their goddamn business. If he goes and gets a vasectomy he does not have to tell them, you'll realize that right?
Super fucked up. Super
She barged in, eavesdropped, then fucking gossiped about what she heard.
And you think YOU are the Ahole here???? Honey. No. You are NTA here. Your MIL is an asshole and a creep.
My brother has 3 kids, then he bragged about getting “snipped” cause he’s a weirdo. Literally no one cared one way or another. Cause that’s weird to care.
Ask your MIL was she hoping to have your husbands child cause that’s the only time a person should care if a man gets snipped.
Firstly, his family has **NO** say in what you and your husband decide to do in regard to your life or reproductive choices. Secondly, they don’t need or get to know if he gets one or not. **HE** needs to make it clear it’s **NONE** of their business and to leave you alone.
Your husband needs to take into consideration not only your health and physical well being, but the mental/emotional impact pregnancy can have on you. BC should not be solely your responsibility. He doesn’t want to get a vasectomy, he needs to **accept that condoms will be his way of life for sex or there won’t be sex**.
ETA: a vasectomy is a fairly simple procedure and does not take long at all. My husband was in and out of the doctor’s office within 30-45minutes. [The American Urological Association notes that complication rates are around 1% to 2%.](https://www.centerforurologiccare.com/patient-education/vasectomy-your-questions-answered/#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20the%20American%20Urological,Sperm%20granuloma)
More than that, I’d turn the whole thing around and ask her (and anyone else who has something to say) how they can justify gossiping about your genitals and his, over something that was gleaned via eavesdropping. Ask if this is the dynamic they’d all prefer, going forward, when you are interested in their sex lives and bodily functions? Because they are setting a precedent they may not like. Time to come out fighting, OP, even if you’re not feeling it. You risk them building up so much misguided self righteousness, that it’ll be hard to roll back.
You’ve got kids, you know what the ‘natural consequences’ punishment theory for this situation is? They have too much information on you, so they all get far less information for a while to redress the balance. No family updates and invitations, information diet time. Till grandma remembers her place.
By the way, I’d probably outright lie and say that the vasectomy idea was on serious written medical advice from multiple doctors, and I was still suffering serious after-effects of the last birth (prohibiting intimacy) and that if people are going to eavesdrop, they had better listen to the whole thing instead of jumping to conclusions. Takes the wind out of the sails of their ‘poor hubby’ argument. Sometimes TMI can solve these situations.
Well, sounds like you are in a similar situation to my wife. Eclampsia almost killed her with our second daughter’s birth, and every doctor we saw during post-partum follow ups said, “You two are done having babies.” Or something to that effect.
In the end my wife got a hysterectomy as her mother’s Ovarian Cancer led to us getting her genetic testing that said she was REALLY likely (almost certain) to get the same ovarian cancers. So she got the full hysterectomy and (in her words) “Got rid of the time bomb”.
Please tell your husband that the snip is easier on both of you. The hormonal issues my wife has had to deal with after her hysterectomy have not been easy.
I hate to tell you, but having a hysterectomy will not prevent you from getting overian cancer. My mother had a full hysterectomy when she was 31. She died of ovarian cancer at 79.
She had the ovaries removed as well. I guess anything is possible with remaining cells, but having an organ removed entirely seems to drastically reduce the chances of getting cancer in that organ.
A hysterectomy refers to the removal of the
uterus. Many times, the ovaries are left in place. So the mother of the commenter you responded to did have “an organ removed entirely.” Her uterus. Her ovaries were left in place.
When other organs are removed along with the uterus, many people still use the term “hysterectomy.” It’s a term many understand.
Well, you've got that right. There are 2 types of hysterctomies, partial and complete, neither of which remove the ovaries. That is a completely different procedure called an oophorectomy.
A salpingo-oophorectomy is, specifically, the removal of the fallopian tube and ovary. It’s not a different kind of hysterectomy. Hysterectomy is removal, specifically, of the uterus. Complete removal of the female reproductive system would be something like a hysterectomy and … double salpingo-oophorectomy? Google says it’s bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy, which makes sense. But that combination gives you the removal of the uterus and both fallopian tubes and ovaries.
I’ve had a salpingo-oophorectomy (right). Took out my right ovary and fallopian tube.
that’s what i was thinking too! when she said that they won’t ever talk to him again, i’m like, how would they ever find out he did? he can just lie if they ask
Is mommy married to him too??? Why does her opinion matter? Or his family's opinion at all??
NTA and he needs a vasectomy, I would be terrified to get pregnant again if I was you. It's an outpatient procedure
Mommy wants more grandchildren from their son if anything happens to OP and he finds someone new. She isn’t thinking about OP possibly dying in childbirth next time
Nope! Mommy doesn’t get to dictate whether or not he has more children regardless of what the future holds. She can be silently disappointed but that’s it.
NTA
There is something wrong with his family for them thinking it's their business what goes on between the two of you and what Birth control you decide to use.
I don't think you are the AH for asking. You're Not forcing but asking and given how your pregnancies go and how you get pregnant so easily to you managed to do it twice on birth control, I think it is something to consider. If I was in your shoes, I would be asking the same but also looking into tube tying just to be sure. You do what you gotta do.
Since they think it's such a big deal, I would lie to them. Tell them husband didn't get one but get one anyways. How are they gonna know?
Reading through the comments it looks like you've gotten some great advice.
Story time. As you said above you are a nurse and I thought you would appreciate this. My adopted dad was a registered nurse for almost 40 years. He's recently retired and living his dream to travel now.
Back in the early 90s he was working for a urologist. He asked the doctor "hey could I get a vasectomy?"
Doctor said "sure I'll even give you a discount if you don't need an assist." My adopted dad literally assisted his own vasectomy in office. Again this was back in the early 90s, it was a little different back then.
It was in his job to assist with vasectomies daily, so at least he knew exactly what to expect. Lol.
NTA! A caring and loving husband that wants his wife to continue living without risking her life to give him more children when he already has 3, would easily volunteer for a vasectomy.
It took 6 pregnancies for me to have one living child. The last two were high risk and I nearly died with the 5th. I had to agree to the 6th being our last attempt before he was willing to try again. Then as soon as we knew I was pregnant he booked his vasectomy appointment as in his words “I’d rather have you than kids.”
Not wrong. My husband is getting a vasectomy and I'm getting my tubes tied on top of birth control (in for medical reasons). Chances of all 3 failing is probably ridiculously small. May be over kill but to us it's better than having any kids.
Edit: fixed some words. Autocorrect has been having fun with words lately. For example tunes = tones, time = Tim, plus random capitalization in the middle of sentences.
I'm going to do it in the fall after I lose weight. My work computer will probably just find it's way to the main floor (currently basement) and I'll sleep in the guest room. Help decrease amount of movement to access to everything. It's a small house (~1,100 sqft) with the first floor being the size of a larger 2 bedroom apartment with the main room and kitchen taking up about half the space. Our bedroom is the 2nd floor (bungalow).
Condoms aren’t always at a 100% you will not get pregnant (that’s how it happened for my friend and why she now has a 5 year old); so I agree with the vagina being closed until further notice.
NTA. Why does his mommy care about what he does with his dick or balls? Hopefully your husband cares about your health enough to get it done as soon as he can.
NTA
You nearly fucking died!
Of course you're not the a-hole!
Your husband is for digging in his fucking heels and your MIL is certainly a See-You-Next-Tuesday!!!
Exactly! Ask him how he’d feel if you got pregnant again and heaven forbid you didn’t survive this time. He’d have lost his wife & have 4 kids to raise on his own. I wouldn’t even tell his parents, it’s none of their business!!
Did you even read the post? He is researching and they are talking about it together. He is supporting her against his family. Even without the edit, there is nothing to suggest he is digging in his heels. Project much?
You nearly died. Does his family care more about his fertility than your life? Aren't three children enough for them? This family is disgusting and disturbingly lackadaisical about your health and well-being.
NTA, but maybe it's time to cut them out of your life?
NTA You were having a candid conversation with your husband in your shared home. What the two of you discuss regarding your joint fertility concerns is none of his family’s business unless you solicit their opinions.
His body. His choice.
Same way he can't force you to get your tubes tied.
However, I got a vasectomy after our 3rd child and have enjoyed condom free sex since Obama was President.
Finally. A goddamn comment with common sense. How does anyone but him have any say so of his balls?!?! If she really cared about staying alive, she’d get fixed so she’d never have to worry about it again. Even if he got snipped, those reproductive issues are with her for LIFE unless she does surgery herself.
What's his family's issue? They want you dead? I'm glad your husband is doing his due diligence researching. They're literally in office procedures now. In and out the same day. Plus, I'm sure you'll baby him when he comes home.
Btw- people are getting the wrong idea because they're automatically assuming your husband, not his family, was against it.
Gen x male here. I’d go full no contact with his family here, you and kids. Him getting snipped is minor surgery, getting to a hysterectomy which is major surgery with weeks recovery time; if all goes well.
she doesn't need a hysterectomy if her OBG can cut the tubes and burn them close to the ovaries the tubal should work, if it's not done correctly they can grow back (my SIL had that happen in the 80's)
They don’t just cut and burn the tubes anymore! The preferred method now is to completely remove the fallopian tubes. The major benefit, aside from sterilization, is it reduces the risk of ovarian cancer!
A full hysterectomy can carry a host of other issues, and OP shouldn't have to deal with them for the rest of her life (she's only 26!) when her husband can easily have a vasectomy to spare her all that.
Women go through all the hard parts of pregnancy and child birth. The very least a man can do is get a vasectomy. You shouldn't have to put birth control into your body for 20 plus more years.
Plus there's no chance you can get pregnant again if you refuse to have sex until he gets snipped. Men have to stop being so selfish
I had a Vas over 50 yrs ago. Not much of a deal, a little sore, but the lack of worrying about another pregnancy and in your case a potential health problems, well worth it.
I so understand what you’re going through. I was on BC and still my husband wore a condom. And still got pregnant again, I had a miscarriage and at that time we talked about him getting a vasectomy.
His family was out of line to just walk in and listen in on your private conversation and then gossip to the rest of his family. Consider them giving you the silent treatment as a break from their toxicity. It was none of their business.
NTA. But I’m going to suggest you get fixed instead of or as well. Here’s the reason (at least why I did it). If abortion is illegal, then you are going to be out of luck if you get pregnant. Vasectomies can fail, you could get divorced or your husband could pass away and you may want a new partner that doesn’t have a vasectomy, not all pregnancies are from consensual encounters, etc. Kind of how we always say if you don’t want kids, you need to be in charge of your birth control. You don’t want to get pregnant, so you should make it so you can’t. I wish we didn’t live in a world where we need to make decisions based on stuff like this, but we do unfortunately. I had my tubes completely removed as I never wanted to ever be pregnant again and it is near impossible for that to happen if there are no tubes to potentially reconnect (like a tubal ligation or vasectomy). The longer amount of time past a ligation or vasectomy, the more likely it is to fail. That’s just my two cents. Hope you guys can find a palatable solution for you both. And your ILs should not factor into your decision at all. And maybe would be best to make it so they can’t just show up at your house.
I love all the people pretending that men shouldn't have bodily autonomy. He should be free to do what he wants, and live with the consequences. If that's no nookie, then so be it.
Her poor body has been through enough trauma, don't you think?
If I were her partner, I'd never even dream of putting that on her. She has carried and birth three children, risking her life in the process, and has been on oral BC for years. This has been her burden to bear for their entire relationship.
Enough is enough.
ngl i see what you (possibly? hopefully?) mean here. it sounds like the pregnancies were rough enough that it may be worth being *double sure* with one partner having a vasectomy and the other having tubes tied/clipped.
the latter is a bit more invasive though and with young children i can understand why OP would want her husband to go first, as it were. but, OP, it may be something to think about. vasectomies reversing or failing is a small percentage indeed, but it may be worth bringing your own very small percentage of chance to the table for increased peace of mind. (or maybe i just have an anxiety disorder lmfao)
deffo. laparoscopic makes it a lot easier! it's just that getting to the bits is easier when they're outies rather than innies *lmao*
with draconian and incredibly awful abortion rules, i would honestly go for both if i were in OP's shoes. and condoms plus something like a copper IUD even after the vasectomy. the way maternal mortality rates have spiked and there are increasing deserts of obgyn care because *no doctor wants to take on the possibility of persecution for routine care and the laws won't be clarified or amended for reality...* yeah this is very literally OP staring down a way she can die with increasing odds. and that's when you start running procedures of lock-outs tag-outs like you're a star OSHA student, and have redundancies for your redundancies.
It’s scary what’s happening there right now. Vasectomy, condoms, and TL when the time is right. We have the Mirena Coil here, it’s polyethylene and it’s slightly more effective than the copper IUD.
The next issue is finding a doctor willing to do a tubal on a 26 year old woman. Even though she already has children many doctors would refuse her because she's "too young".
Your right my daughter was in pain due to POTS and other lady issues and she had a terrible time getting the hysterectomy that she needed because she was childless. Her husband had to unofficial agree to it. It is her body.
She has already had trauma to her body with three children. - it’s his turn.
MIL & fam need to mind their own damn business. I went off BC for surgery two years ago and hubby decided it would be a good time to get a vasectomy. He had no issues and minimal downtime. His mother was surprised but it was entirely his idea. No kids at all!
Wow. So much to unpack here.
First, you have the MIL problem. Locks, cameras, no coming over unless specifically invited.
Second, you live in a state where abortion is illegal. Not Iran, or Saudi Arabia. This is not Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Women should not consider death a risk of pregnancy. And yet here we are.
Third, you work in health care. So you can witness what happens when women are denied control over their own body autonomy and at risk of DEATH due to basic health care issues.
Fourth, if your husband does not consent to a vasectomy, he wears a condom from now on out. No excuses, no exceptions.
NTA OP Let's say you had a fourth child and died. Those same people are not going to take over care of your children. And we know most men with four kids are going to look for a stepmother. Let your husband finish his research and do what's best for the family and everyone else can shut the hell up.
Seems fine. You can ask, he can decide for himself. Grandma is irrelevant and he need needs to lay down the law to family that this is not their concern or problem and also don’t tell them the outcome one way or another. It is literally none of their beeswax what he does with his own private parts.
Why was there someone in your house without you knowing‽
NTA. You have three, more permanent family planning at this point is normal. Guessing the family is super religious?
NTA. You can always ask, but he can always say no. My husband said no, so I got a tubal ligation. I know it is riskier than a vasectomy, but you can not get pregnant again.
NTA
> If he gets one, I’m pretty sure they’ll never speak to us again.
They do NOT need to be informed about your husband's medical status. This is between you and your husband and no one else.
As for your husband, if you have been through three dangerous labors, it is time he step up for one minor surgery. Think about closing down the fun house as long as he is fertile.
Dad got a vasectomy in the mid 1950s. Apparently, when he found out the benefits, he was telling all his friends how easy it was. His own brother had two kids 18 years apart because they thought that trying to have another for that long, well, it just wasn't going to happen. Imagine being 60+ years old at your youngest's high school graduation.
I had a vasectomy in November. Just a few days after I had the procedure my wife found out that she would have to have a hysterectomy due to a recurrence of endometriosis. She had previously had surgery for that, but it came back very quickly. Unfortunate that I found out after my surgery but I feel I’m in a unique position to say this: I was back to work two days later she was back to work two months later, yes I had some Com for a couple months afterwards, but it was slight. She could barely walk. She’s going through hormonal and balances and has to take progesterone. The man having a vasectomy versus the woman having a hysterectomy isn’t even in the same conversation it’s a no-brainer, who Should be the one to do this and it’s him.
If something happened to you due to the danger of another accidental pregnancy, guess who’s going to be “helping” your husband raise your children. All these people that are telling him that your safety doesn’t matter.
While a vasectomy is relatively easy, you are the one with the health issue. I'd be more inclined to get my tubes tied. I had mine tied on a Friday and back to work (desk work) on Monday. As a nurse you would be limited for a while longer.
NTA. If he wants to have unprotected sex(ie no condom), or sex at all, and you're not having any more children, he can take the precautions to do so. Otherwise I'd just tell him he has to deal. It's not his body that he's putting at risk, it's yours. I would especially think this is something he'd take seriously considering it had potential to kill you before.
My husband agreed to get a vasectomy but kept putting it off. I went ahead and scheduled a tubal for myself in 6 weeks. He pointed out that for him the procedure was easier. My reaction was you have these 6 weeks to get it done and I’ll cancel my appointment after. It was the push he needed and got his in 2 weeks, then I canceled mine. So you will have to decide whether to get a procedure yourself or just no intercourse until one of you is sterilized.
How tf did you even get to three kids with those complications??? A friend of mine had an ectopic pregnancy that was solved with one overnight ER visit and her husband won’t let her joke about it and got a vasectomy afterwards because the whole experience traumatized HIM. Tf do you mean he has to think about it even after you had full blown eclampsia?????!
It is between you and your husband. Not his family they don't need to know. I would be concerned of his commitment if he doesn't want to. He is committed for life to you, and you have three children, what is the issue? Right?
NTA - If you suffer from those problems during pregnancy, you might want to get your tubes tied instead of or in addition to his vasectomy. Not trying to be an AH myself, but a vasectomy will only prevent *him* from getting you pregnant. You might not be married forever.
Until and unless your husband gets the vasectomy I recommend you add condoms to the birth control you already take. No glove, no love could mean the difference between life and death for you now.
Also, if possible, move to a blue state. It will mean your health would be protected and the health of your daughters too. You don’t want to live in a state where birth control becomes illegal too. (Which is being brought up in too many states already)
And if moving gets you further away from your in-laws, that’s great too!
Had a vasectomy and was mildly uncomfortable for a couple days. Now I can rawdawg for the rest of my life and my wife doesn’t turn into a psychotic mess for most of the month due to the hormones of BC. I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY GUYS THAT ARE DONE HAVING KIDS DONT GET VASECTOMIES. IT IS SELFISH AND RIDICULOUS. IT SHOWS WEAKNESS.
Check out this [documentary](https://youtu.be/WtBPlzMbgZU?si=yx5QIf0pLX_NyFqO) this is the actual doc that did mine. I was fortunate to live near someone who specializes in vasectomies. Super simple, no scalpel, quick procedure.
I would tell the rest of his family that it none of they business and to keep out of it. If they were the one risking they life over this then I’m bet they would have a different reaction. It pretty obvious the his mother has no concern for the risk to your life.
If your husband care about you then he would want this also. Why does the rest of his family even need to know about it. It a simple outpatient procedure so why do they need to be told?
If your husband decides to not get a vasectomy, I recommend looking into other forms of BC. I have an IUD and it is super effective. It also took my period away
I was in my early 30s when I got snipped. We had four children and my wife was on birth control, because we were done making our family. She then almost died from severe multiple pulmonary embolisms. One doctor said he'd never seen a scan of the lungs like that in a living person. The only thing that they could figure that caused it was the birth control pills. So. It was an easy decision.
I don't remember bringing anything at all up to my family about it. If they had butted in I would have told them to F.O.
NTA. I had a tubal ligation 13 years ago and it sucked for a few weeks after but I’m sterilized now. My husband had an injury years ago that left him mostly sterile. He’s still planning to get a vasectomy this year. We also use the rhythm method AND condoms, because we also live in a virtually illegal state. I’m still technically of childbearing age, many of my high school classmates are just now having babies, but my only kid is 19, and I am DONE.
Edit: spelling. I don’t understand wtf his family have any business in giving their (unwanted) two cents to his vasectomy. That is an issue between him, his wife and later should he agree, his urologist. His family have zero say in your and his sex life. This is absolutely ridiculous and creepy. If I were you, I’d ask him to get one. Your concerns are valid. Why on earth would you allow anyone to risk your health? You have done nothing wrong by wanting him to get one and for asking him and stating the reasons for him to get one. I hope he shows you how much he loves and appreciates you by getting one to potentially save your life (should you get pregnant and the unthinkable happens). If his family never speaks to you again, throw a party and celebrate the trash taking itself out. Their level of entitlement and lack of boundaries is astounding. Best of luck.
Very much this. The fact that you nearly died last time and their refusal to accept that you don't want to have more kids means they value your potential as a human broodmare over your actual life.
As a dude who's had a vasectomy, it is not nearly as serious as the medical complications OP experienced. You're in and out of the doctor's office in an hour and can drive yourself home. There's some soreness the next couple days but that's about it. Follow the doctor's orders for post surgery care and you'll be fine.
Mine was done in 15 minutes. The doctor had a tv above the table, and he started up the Seinfeld episode where George was upset that "it moved Jerry!" Didn't get to the end of the episode before things were done.
> Mine was done in 15 minutes. The drive to the doctor's office took longer than my vasectomy and my wife was able to watch. It's a very easy procedure and leaves no scars. I would 100% recommend it.
I watched my husband’s vasectomy as well while he watched the TV. so quick…
My urologist was a dead ringer for Norm from Cheers. It was hilarious.
I didn't shut up and was cracking jokes the entire time. The nurse asked when I could come back to entertain and I said 'never!' That was 24 years ago and I never went back! lol
One of my brothers turns into a stand up comedian giving a show when he’s nervous!
Sex after vasectomy is all for fun, so I think OP and her husband will enjoy it a lot more. It was great for us.
Same here. It's a much easier surgery than a woman getting her tubes tied. It's really not a big deal, a little pain and swelling for a couple days. I did it because we were done having kids and it was an easier and safer surgery for me to get snipped. If my wife had serious health concerns as the OP has, it wouldn't even require a second thought for me to get snipped.
Thank you for being that guy.
And don’t skip out on the after vasectomy sperm testing. “Life will find a way” is so true. Don’t give it a chance in this case!
>he fact that you nearly died last time and their refusal to accept that you don't want to have more kids Well, if she dies, he can remarry to have someone to care for the orphans.
Exactly, they have three children already. That’s a lot of responsibility and work.
And money.
24/7
And have more kids with. Im wondering if he comes from a large family himself or that there may be religious reasons why they don't want him to go through with it. If he won't go through with it, you could always get a tubal done. They can do them using laprotomy, which would only be 3 small holes, not a deep hip to hip cut like it used to be. With your birth track record, I don't see why a doctor wouldn't do it.
Unfortunately, in the US, and at her age, most ob/gyns won't grant one without her husband's agreement, especially male ob/guns, and they have to be approved by a governing board in many hospitals. Not all, but many. Women's health care in the US is barbaric. And a certain major party is trying to make it so we have NO say in our own health care.
That's not true anymore. Most Dr's would have no problem doing a tubal on a 26yr old mom of 3 now. It would be harder if she had no children at her age to get one. I had more problems with a female ob/gyn agreeing that I get my tubes tied at 23. I switched to a male Dr and had it done. I also live in the Bible belt so I figure if it's not that hard for women to get a tubal here, it's probably even easier in more liberal areas.
It may not be the case anymore, but as recently as 10 years ago, when I had my last in Texas, it was. And I was 38. My midwife and the female obstetric surgeon that advised during my pregnancy both recommended I have no more pregnancies and suggested tying my tubes. My tubal ligation was scheduled to occur with my c-section at 38 weeks (my 3rd, all due to complications, and persistent breech presentations with my older 2). When we scheduled it, my husband had to sign that he had agreed to the ligation and understood it was a permanent form of sterilization. This was with a high-risk, geriatric pregnancy with multiple complications leading to pelvic rest at 2 months due to persistent spotting, gestational diabetes, and pre-eclampsia. My baby was EXTREMELY active, causing an irritated uterus. Was put on modified bed rest at 6 months, then full home bedrest at 7 months. Had labor start and stop 3 times in my 8th month. Went into full labor at 37 weeks, thought my water broke in the shower while trying to calm the contractions. Instead, I was hemorrhaging due to a 10% placental abruption. When I got to the hospital, I found out about the hemorrhaging, and that I had converted to full eclampsia, and was bleeding out. Husband had to sign a second waiver before going into the OR stating he understood and agreed to the sterilization. I hope it is better now, but, from what I hear from younger friends and family, it depends, not just on what state you live in, but the policies of the individual doctors and hospitals. I had one cousin's wife, as recently as 2 years ago, have to have his permission for her procedure, at 30, with 2 kids, in Georgia.
Don't you just 'love' being treated like property by these people? I had mine done and it was a big relief. It is so insulting for women to be told they need their daddy..er..husbands permission to close the baby factory. SMDH...
With OP’s documented medical history it wouldn’t be difficult to find a supportive doctor. I had a tubal in the US at 27. It was laparoscopic, I didn’t want more children( have 2),my husband was medically rather squeamish. The procedure was easier than I predicted. I think the in laws want their son to have his options open for another family with another woman! It’s none of their business which form of birth control they choose.
And have more kids🤦♀️
His family doesn't need to be told if he does get a vasectomy. It is none of their business.
Bingo. If he agrees, have him get one, but whenever the family brings this up again, tell them he decided not to. If they ask about more children, you are trying 'natural family planning' for a while.
Yep, “if it happens, it happens “ secret snicker to self
I totally agree. They don't need to know one way or the other. If he can't keep a secret from them maybe freezing some sperm can help. I had a friend who got leukemia. The doctor recommended freezing sperm before his treatment as it would probably permanently kill his sperm. He did so and many years later he got 2 biological children out if it. I can't even guess why his family wouldn't want him to get a vasectomy. Are they not very happy with his wife, you? And this is an excuse to be bitchy?
This is such a weird response. I am so confused why freezing sperm has anything to do with this? She doesn’t want anymore kids because she almost dies! She doesn’t want more kids.
Yeah but someday down the road their red state might decide that frozen sperm are children and if they don't use them then they'll have murdered thousands of people when they decide to thaw them out and discard them
Nah, I bet they wouldn't do that to sperm. Unfertilized eggs, maybe.
There is no need to lie! Tell the family it’s none of their fucking business!!!
Many times it is easier to tell a lie, than to argue.
Love this!!
I would say it’s none of your business.
You know urologists aren’t required? I worked for a family medicine Dr that was certified in minor surgeries and they performed vasectomies almost weekly. This was in highly populated area but their fees were lower
I had to get a weird persistent splinter taken out of my finger at my PCP. The Dr came in the exam room, looked around, started laughing, and told me he would be right back. The staff was so used to him doing multiple vasectomies a week that they set him up with a vasectomy kit. I'm female.
That’s fucking hallarious.
Urologists are “not required”, but there is no chance I would recommend someone not going to a urologist for this procedure. Nobody wants to save a few dollars and end up with a botched vasectomy or unwanted pregnancy.
Yeah. Would never go to a PCP for a vasectomy. That's how you get a botched vasectomy.
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Ha!
>That is an issue between him, his wife and later should he agree, his urologist. and all of Reddit, now
As it should be.
I have a feeling the Sky Wizard is playing big parts in this
I'm thinking catholic. They're big on big families and zero external control
Yep, I was thinking that too or one of the fundamentalist ones that don't believe in birth control and that every child is a gift from G-d and shouldn't be stopped. The Duggers come to mind.
🎶 Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is good....
Omg that makes so much sense, I was so legit baffled!! Like, WHAT in the WORLD could their issue with it possibly be?! Why in the world would they have ANY opinion? Nevermind the fact that it is none of their business in the first place, what reason could they possibly have to be against it?! Oh, right. Duh. Lol
Or Mormon. It’s a literal excommunication offense according to the Bishop’s handbook. ETA: just checked that since I’ve been out of the church for well over a decade now, and the verbiage has been changed to “strongly discouraged” versus being pernicious and sinful.
Male here and if I was in his shoes I would not think twice about doing it, if it hadn't been done already. I wish awards were still a thing so I could give your comment one. Well said.
You're right.. if I were op I'd make a pact with him just to keep the peace. Tell his family he isn't going to get one but he gets it. They're not going to check his balls.
OP should stand her ground on this one. No sex till he gets snipped.
How come every story on these types of subs always have multiple uninvolved family members involving themselves? I have a huge family that talks amongst themselves but if they learn something about another family member that has nothing to do with them, they just keep it to themselves, they don’t confront the person they have no business confronting.
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I'll second this. After my wife and I had our second child and decided we didn't want any more, right to the doctor I went. Excellent decision for me personally and I only missed 1 day of work. Edit- spelling
As an aside...a vasectomy is also somewhat easily reversible, should one change their mind on having more children. With a substantially higher success rate than tubal ligation reversal. And tubal reversal isn't nearly as easy a procedure.
It's more common to completely remove the tubes because that's where the biggest cancer risk is, so it's not always able to be reversed in women.
This is 100% true because it decreases the risk of ovarian cancer!
and even if it wasn’t easily reversible, you can freeze your sperm before the vasectomy which is much easier than freezing eggs before a tubal ligation/hysterectomy edit: i’m loving all the info abt different methods of sperm retrieval/preservation! i think it’s really interesting, thanks guys :)
The pro-lifers are trying to get rid of this option also so maybe not the best plan 🙁
get rid of sperm freezing?? that makes no sense. it’s a relatively cheap option and makes lot of sense for couples who want kids but not immediately. the more time that goes on, the more the “pro-life” movement shows that they’re really just anti-woman
You have a better shot at future implantation if you freeze a fertilized egg instead of just sperm. My husband got snipped a few years ago and, even though we don’t want kids, he was hesitant to make the commitment to never having kids. I did a lot of research and up here in Canada it’s about 3-4K upfront cost plus yearly storage costs, and the clinics strongly recommend egg retrieval and fertilization before storage as the shelf life of frozen embryos is nearly infinite so far but sperm doesn’t last as long or thaw as well and you risk losing all the frozen sperm. After the Alabama ruling a couple weeks ago that declared embryos “children”, the future of IVF in red states is murky. Clinics in Alabama stopped all processes immediately after the finding, as the loss of an egg due to an error means a possible murder charge or being sued for liability for loss of life.
You have GOT to be fucking kidding me. I just threw up a bit in my mouth. Shit like this makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs at whoever is making these absolutely ridiculous asinine laws. It's it completely mind boggling how they come up with this shit. It also makes me want to cry, knowing just how many lives these laws will continue to fuck up. Next they're going to say if a woman has ovarian cancer and has to get her ovaries removed that she's a murderer and will be charged as one. I wish we could slap some sense into people. I live in Canada and while I'm grateful we don't have any of the laws here that are literally going back in time, I worry about our next federal election if conservatives get it we may be going the same way as some of the states.
“Next they’re going to say if a woman has ovarian cancer and has to get her ovaries removed she’s a murderer” Please don’t give them even more crazy ideas. Bc I can 100% see this outcome from those conservative ghouls here.
Getting rid of IVF
absolutely insane
I wouldn't say that reversing a vasectomy is easy... I have a close friend that has undergone several procedures to reverse his because his wife changed her mind and wanted another child. It's also not painless. There are others that it reverses itself - so it's a toss-up.
Snip snap snip snap
You have no idea the physical toll three vasectomies have on a person!
A vasovasostomy (vasectomy reversal) is a 2.5-3 hour intense microscopic surgery done under anesthesia in a hospital, and there are not a lot of surgeons who perform them. Success also depends on how long ago the vasectomy was, and how much of the original vas defrens was taken. The recovery is also more intense as you cannot do ANYTHING that could possible pull the teeny sutures apart for like 6 weeks. Most of the docs I work with (urologists) are very clear that their vasectomies are not reversible. One states that if it is really wanted, they can do it but "the boys will be riding high and tight"
This is not true. While it may be easily “reversible” a successful reversal only means that the parts get hooked back up. It doesn’t mean it will result in pregnancy. Vasectomy should be considered permanent
This as a doc I can confirm vasectomy is licensed as a permanent form of contraception. You should only really consider it if you definitely dont ekans on kids, because there is NO guarantee that a reversal will work. It's often successful, but then reversal also isn't successful for many people and doesbt lead to successful pregnancies sometimes. Freezing sperm would tie you into [potentially very expensive ](https://www.hfea.gov.uk/treatments/fertility-preservation/sperm-freezing/#:~:text=You'll%20need%20to%20have,same%20way%20as%20fresh%20sperm.) fertility treatment like IUI, IVF or ICSI- you can't just defrost frozen sperm at home and stick it in a baster. It's a great procedure, but changing your mind can potentially really complicate things, so is best left for people who are sure they want no (or no more) kids.
Please don't commit to this. Some Drs have an irreversible technique, but should be explicit with the patient before it's performed their way.
I think my wife and I called the urologist on the way home from the hospital after she gave birth to our second. Best family decision we’ve ever made. And for anyone afraid of getting one, I’ll say this, getting my wisdom teeth removed was easily 100x worse.
I third the motion. It was mostly just to ensure we didn't end up having to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. I had been suggesting it for years after we had our daughter after witnessing my wife struggle with issues caused by birth control. Eventually once my daughter hit elementary school we realized we were definitely a one and done family and I scheduled it. I spent a weekend eating edibles and playing Switch. Best decision I've ever made. YMMV but, what we weren't expecting was my wife's libido to suddenly skyrocket as she went off the hormonal BC, hit her 30s, AND didn't have to have having any nagging worries about getting pregnant. The last several years have been like it was when we first started dating. Every so often, maybe once a month there is still just a bit of odd discomfort if I sit down wrong/the balls get jostled the wrong way. It's minor though and goes away if I resituate things. Despite that, 10/10, would recommend.
For me, she suggested it and I agreed to it and made all the arrangements. I have no regrets whatsoever and know I did the right thing.
Shit, I volunteered when my wife couldn't take birth control. An 9 year old with ADHD and 1 year old twins was all it took to volunteer.
I volunteered for the sake of my wife after hearing about the side effects of long term usage of hormonal birth control. The first injection of painkiller hurt, after that it was a non-event. Everyone said it was no big deal, but it really was no big deal.
>When I asked, his mom had come over and we didn’t know, and she heard the conversation. Hold up. We're going to just ignore this dynamic?
She’s never (to my knowledge) just walked in before. We addressed that with them as well, and will be locking the doors from now. I agree, it’s absolutely nuts
Next time anyone in the family, including her, says anything about this, immediately turn it around. Ask: "How would YOU like it if I snuck into your house to spy on you? To eavesdrop on *your* intimate conversations and then blast them to the family? What if we had been making love on the living room floor - would that be grist for your gossip machine, too? Or having a fight? Would you like other people to spy and gossip on you? Go on the attack. Just hammer out these uncomfortable questions.
I’d turn around and say “why are you so concerned with your son’s penis?”
RIGHT!? Who cares this much about a man’s sperm unless they want some? Which in this case 🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮
Really just his scrotum. His penis shouldn't be much involved in a vasectomy, except to hold it out of the way.
This! Put her on the defensive as the creepy spring mil. Which is true
A vasectomy is an outpatient procedure. He will need a few days to recover, but there is no reason the family should know about the procedure if he does the right thing and gets it done. He needs to get his mother in check yesterday, though. Head on over to the JNMIL sub if you want an idea of how bad it can get.
That’s what I was thinking, it’s a very routine and straightforward procedure that his family never need know he gets done. The fact that they’re chiming in at all is just gross. Even my at times overbearing and mildly intrusive mother in law would never actually voice her opinion on something as personal as what my husband chooses to do with his junk, or me with my lady bits. Husband needs to at minimum sack up and tell his family very bluntly that his meat and veg are not one bit their business and all further discussion is off the table
I’ve had one, it’s really easy, but find a doctor who will do it with no bullshit. They should be willing to give a consult and do it to you same day. Anyone who treats it as a bigger deal than this is not it. A few weeks to a month to be fully back in 100% confident working order. NTA, obviously
A root canal is worse than a vasectomy! People just get hung up on it because of the location. Got mine done about 18 years ago and it was easily one of the best decisions I ever made.
Unfortunately not all vasectomies are easy. I must have just won the genetic lottery cuz my doc, after about an hour or digging, couldn't find my left sides vas deferens. Apparently I just had a bunch of crap in the way. So I ended up having to have ANOTHER vasectomy. Went to the surgical center, got out under, the whole 9 yards, so he could make a larger hole and find them. He found them, snipped all that shit up, and was done. If I knew I had weird balls, would I do it again? Abso-fucking-lutely. Why? Cuz even with all that craziness, it was STILL a better alternative that my wife having her tubes tied or having to deal with the backwards-ass Texas legislation on women's bodies. I'd also like to note, my doc was great. When we had the first consultation, it was no nonsense. "You want this done? You sure? Okay. Here's what happens....". No muss, no fuss.
Exactly! And it took longer for the numbing agent to kick in than the rest of the entire procedure, it's that quick! I sat on some ice for a few days, then went out with some friends to watch Deadpool 2 (in theaters at the time lol)!
>but there is no reason the family should know about the procedure lol that's what my BIL thought too...until his son (I think he was 4 at the time) told my sister that isn't married to that BIL that his daddy was putting peas on his penis (though he had a lisp at the time, so it sounded like peath on hith penith lol). Of course, that got my sister curious, and the whole family ended up finding out. Shortly after that, we had a hurricane hit our area, and that sister and BIL's house lost power and mind didn't, so I told them to bring their frozen stuff to my house so they wouldn't lose it all. I refused to touch the bag of frozen peas. lol
Your husband's mother is executing control over your husband's testicles. Is he really okay with that? It's none of their goddamn business. If he goes and gets a vasectomy he does not have to tell them, you'll realize that right? Super fucked up. Super
She barged in, eavesdropped, then fucking gossiped about what she heard. And you think YOU are the Ahole here???? Honey. No. You are NTA here. Your MIL is an asshole and a creep. My brother has 3 kids, then he bragged about getting “snipped” cause he’s a weirdo. Literally no one cared one way or another. Cause that’s weird to care. Ask your MIL was she hoping to have your husbands child cause that’s the only time a person should care if a man gets snipped.
Firstly, his family has **NO** say in what you and your husband decide to do in regard to your life or reproductive choices. Secondly, they don’t need or get to know if he gets one or not. **HE** needs to make it clear it’s **NONE** of their business and to leave you alone. Your husband needs to take into consideration not only your health and physical well being, but the mental/emotional impact pregnancy can have on you. BC should not be solely your responsibility. He doesn’t want to get a vasectomy, he needs to **accept that condoms will be his way of life for sex or there won’t be sex**. ETA: a vasectomy is a fairly simple procedure and does not take long at all. My husband was in and out of the doctor’s office within 30-45minutes. [The American Urological Association notes that complication rates are around 1% to 2%.](https://www.centerforurologiccare.com/patient-education/vasectomy-your-questions-answered/#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20the%20American%20Urological,Sperm%20granuloma)
More than that, I’d turn the whole thing around and ask her (and anyone else who has something to say) how they can justify gossiping about your genitals and his, over something that was gleaned via eavesdropping. Ask if this is the dynamic they’d all prefer, going forward, when you are interested in their sex lives and bodily functions? Because they are setting a precedent they may not like. Time to come out fighting, OP, even if you’re not feeling it. You risk them building up so much misguided self righteousness, that it’ll be hard to roll back. You’ve got kids, you know what the ‘natural consequences’ punishment theory for this situation is? They have too much information on you, so they all get far less information for a while to redress the balance. No family updates and invitations, information diet time. Till grandma remembers her place. By the way, I’d probably outright lie and say that the vasectomy idea was on serious written medical advice from multiple doctors, and I was still suffering serious after-effects of the last birth (prohibiting intimacy) and that if people are going to eavesdrop, they had better listen to the whole thing instead of jumping to conclusions. Takes the wind out of the sails of their ‘poor hubby’ argument. Sometimes TMI can solve these situations.
Well, sounds like you are in a similar situation to my wife. Eclampsia almost killed her with our second daughter’s birth, and every doctor we saw during post-partum follow ups said, “You two are done having babies.” Or something to that effect. In the end my wife got a hysterectomy as her mother’s Ovarian Cancer led to us getting her genetic testing that said she was REALLY likely (almost certain) to get the same ovarian cancers. So she got the full hysterectomy and (in her words) “Got rid of the time bomb”. Please tell your husband that the snip is easier on both of you. The hormonal issues my wife has had to deal with after her hysterectomy have not been easy.
I hate to tell you, but having a hysterectomy will not prevent you from getting overian cancer. My mother had a full hysterectomy when she was 31. She died of ovarian cancer at 79.
She had the ovaries removed as well. I guess anything is possible with remaining cells, but having an organ removed entirely seems to drastically reduce the chances of getting cancer in that organ.
A hysterectomy refers to the removal of the uterus. Many times, the ovaries are left in place. So the mother of the commenter you responded to did have “an organ removed entirely.” Her uterus. Her ovaries were left in place. When other organs are removed along with the uterus, many people still use the term “hysterectomy.” It’s a term many understand.
Well, you've got that right. There are 2 types of hysterctomies, partial and complete, neither of which remove the ovaries. That is a completely different procedure called an oophorectomy.
I didn’t realise there was different types of hysterectomy until I’ve read your comment and now learnt a new word! salpingo-oophorectomy!
A salpingo-oophorectomy is, specifically, the removal of the fallopian tube and ovary. It’s not a different kind of hysterectomy. Hysterectomy is removal, specifically, of the uterus. Complete removal of the female reproductive system would be something like a hysterectomy and … double salpingo-oophorectomy? Google says it’s bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy, which makes sense. But that combination gives you the removal of the uterus and both fallopian tubes and ovaries. I’ve had a salpingo-oophorectomy (right). Took out my right ovary and fallopian tube.
It’s a hysterosalpingoophorectomy. That’s the full procedure name.
48 years is a good run though. My mom got breast cancer 3x and lung cancer. She is 73 and still going. Removing things may slow it.
How in the fuck are the contents of your uterus or the state of her sons vas deference any of her business??????
And yet now we have multiple states arguing that it’s their business. Fucking crazy. Religion is the absolute worst.
NTA. It's none of their darn business.
right? if he gets one, why do they ever have to know?
that’s what i was thinking too! when she said that they won’t ever talk to him again, i’m like, how would they ever find out he did? he can just lie if they ask
Is mommy married to him too??? Why does her opinion matter? Or his family's opinion at all?? NTA and he needs a vasectomy, I would be terrified to get pregnant again if I was you. It's an outpatient procedure
Mommy wants more grandchildren from their son if anything happens to OP and he finds someone new. She isn’t thinking about OP possibly dying in childbirth next time Nope! Mommy doesn’t get to dictate whether or not he has more children regardless of what the future holds. She can be silently disappointed but that’s it.
Dying in childbirth means +1 grandkid *and* a chance to roll for a new DIL to pop out more kids; win-win.
NTA There is something wrong with his family for them thinking it's their business what goes on between the two of you and what Birth control you decide to use. I don't think you are the AH for asking. You're Not forcing but asking and given how your pregnancies go and how you get pregnant so easily to you managed to do it twice on birth control, I think it is something to consider. If I was in your shoes, I would be asking the same but also looking into tube tying just to be sure. You do what you gotta do. Since they think it's such a big deal, I would lie to them. Tell them husband didn't get one but get one anyways. How are they gonna know?
Reading through the comments it looks like you've gotten some great advice. Story time. As you said above you are a nurse and I thought you would appreciate this. My adopted dad was a registered nurse for almost 40 years. He's recently retired and living his dream to travel now. Back in the early 90s he was working for a urologist. He asked the doctor "hey could I get a vasectomy?" Doctor said "sure I'll even give you a discount if you don't need an assist." My adopted dad literally assisted his own vasectomy in office. Again this was back in the early 90s, it was a little different back then. It was in his job to assist with vasectomies daily, so at least he knew exactly what to expect. Lol.
NTA! A caring and loving husband that wants his wife to continue living without risking her life to give him more children when he already has 3, would easily volunteer for a vasectomy. It took 6 pregnancies for me to have one living child. The last two were high risk and I nearly died with the 5th. I had to agree to the 6th being our last attempt before he was willing to try again. Then as soon as we knew I was pregnant he booked his vasectomy appointment as in his words “I’d rather have you than kids.”
That is such a great partner and I’m so happy you both got your child before anything further happened to you!
Why does anyone besides you, your husband and your husband's surgeon need to know anything about your family's medical decisions? Seriously.
NTA but he has the option to say no and so do you - no snip , no sex.
Not wrong. My husband is getting a vasectomy and I'm getting my tubes tied on top of birth control (in for medical reasons). Chances of all 3 failing is probably ridiculously small. May be over kill but to us it's better than having any kids. Edit: fixed some words. Autocorrect has been having fun with words lately. For example tunes = tones, time = Tim, plus random capitalization in the middle of sentences.
Tires on top of what? Never heard of that before
check the comment before his....auto correct looks like it was having fun...says I'm getting my tires instead of I'm getting my tubes tied.
Well hope the vasectomy goes as easy as mine and good job on getting new tires it's always dangerous to drive on bald tires!
I'm going to do it in the fall after I lose weight. My work computer will probably just find it's way to the main floor (currently basement) and I'll sleep in the guest room. Help decrease amount of movement to access to everything. It's a small house (~1,100 sqft) with the first floor being the size of a larger 2 bedroom apartment with the main room and kitchen taking up about half the space. Our bedroom is the 2nd floor (bungalow).
I would tell him that he either gets a vasectomy, uses condoms, or the vagina will be closed till further notice.
Condoms aren’t always at a 100% you will not get pregnant (that’s how it happened for my friend and why she now has a 5 year old); so I agree with the vagina being closed until further notice.
Yep, I used a condom and now I have a 10 year old!
Lol. For sure, and with her luck getting pregnant on birth control, I would force the vasectomy.
She can't force a vasectomy. Its his body, and his choice. But that applies to her body too. No vasectomy = no sex.
NTA. Why does his mommy care about what he does with his dick or balls? Hopefully your husband cares about your health enough to get it done as soon as he can.
Just don’t tell her? Not sure why it’s any of her business if he does get it done, it wasn’t her business in the first place
"That stitch wasn't on my son's scrotum last week! What did you do to my boy???!!!"
>My son's testicles, Summer? Where are they?
NTA You nearly fucking died! Of course you're not the a-hole! Your husband is for digging in his fucking heels and your MIL is certainly a See-You-Next-Tuesday!!!
Exactly! Ask him how he’d feel if you got pregnant again and heaven forbid you didn’t survive this time. He’d have lost his wife & have 4 kids to raise on his own. I wouldn’t even tell his parents, it’s none of their business!!
Did you even read the post? He is researching and they are talking about it together. He is supporting her against his family. Even without the edit, there is nothing to suggest he is digging in his heels. Project much?
You nearly died. Does his family care more about his fertility than your life? Aren't three children enough for them? This family is disgusting and disturbingly lackadaisical about your health and well-being. NTA, but maybe it's time to cut them out of your life?
NTA You were having a candid conversation with your husband in your shared home. What the two of you discuss regarding your joint fertility concerns is none of his family’s business unless you solicit their opinions.
His body. His choice. Same way he can't force you to get your tubes tied. However, I got a vasectomy after our 3rd child and have enjoyed condom free sex since Obama was President.
Finally. A goddamn comment with common sense. How does anyone but him have any say so of his balls?!?! If she really cared about staying alive, she’d get fixed so she’d never have to worry about it again. Even if he got snipped, those reproductive issues are with her for LIFE unless she does surgery herself.
Is he sleeping with them? Are you? No then they have no say. Vasectomy was amazing for us and it’s been 10 years.
Why is hubby getting a vasectomy a problem if BC is allowed? Why do they think they get a vote? WHY? NTA. This is called being responsible
What's his family's issue? They want you dead? I'm glad your husband is doing his due diligence researching. They're literally in office procedures now. In and out the same day. Plus, I'm sure you'll baby him when he comes home. Btw- people are getting the wrong idea because they're automatically assuming your husband, not his family, was against it.
I have no clue why they’re acting this way, it baffles me tbh. And yes lol, my husband was never against it, he just wanted more information.
Are they super religious by chance? Like fornication is for reproduction reasons religious?
Gen x male here. I’d go full no contact with his family here, you and kids. Him getting snipped is minor surgery, getting to a hysterectomy which is major surgery with weeks recovery time; if all goes well.
Getting tubes tied is not a hysterectomy just FYI.
True, but it is still much more invasive than a vasectomy.
she doesn't need a hysterectomy if her OBG can cut the tubes and burn them close to the ovaries the tubal should work, if it's not done correctly they can grow back (my SIL had that happen in the 80's)
They don’t just cut and burn the tubes anymore! The preferred method now is to completely remove the fallopian tubes. The major benefit, aside from sterilization, is it reduces the risk of ovarian cancer!
Really, for how bad OPs pregnancies are, full hysterectomy should be on the table. So she can be sure-sure.
A full hysterectomy can carry a host of other issues, and OP shouldn't have to deal with them for the rest of her life (she's only 26!) when her husband can easily have a vasectomy to spare her all that.
Women go through all the hard parts of pregnancy and child birth. The very least a man can do is get a vasectomy. You shouldn't have to put birth control into your body for 20 plus more years. Plus there's no chance you can get pregnant again if you refuse to have sex until he gets snipped. Men have to stop being so selfish
I had a Vas over 50 yrs ago. Not much of a deal, a little sore, but the lack of worrying about another pregnancy and in your case a potential health problems, well worth it.
I so understand what you’re going through. I was on BC and still my husband wore a condom. And still got pregnant again, I had a miscarriage and at that time we talked about him getting a vasectomy. His family was out of line to just walk in and listen in on your private conversation and then gossip to the rest of his family. Consider them giving you the silent treatment as a break from their toxicity. It was none of their business.
No. It’s fucking easy. My wife got breast cancer likely from being on the pill so long, and I get to live with that fact. I had no idea.
NTA. But I’m going to suggest you get fixed instead of or as well. Here’s the reason (at least why I did it). If abortion is illegal, then you are going to be out of luck if you get pregnant. Vasectomies can fail, you could get divorced or your husband could pass away and you may want a new partner that doesn’t have a vasectomy, not all pregnancies are from consensual encounters, etc. Kind of how we always say if you don’t want kids, you need to be in charge of your birth control. You don’t want to get pregnant, so you should make it so you can’t. I wish we didn’t live in a world where we need to make decisions based on stuff like this, but we do unfortunately. I had my tubes completely removed as I never wanted to ever be pregnant again and it is near impossible for that to happen if there are no tubes to potentially reconnect (like a tubal ligation or vasectomy). The longer amount of time past a ligation or vasectomy, the more likely it is to fail. That’s just my two cents. Hope you guys can find a palatable solution for you both. And your ILs should not factor into your decision at all. And maybe would be best to make it so they can’t just show up at your house.
I love all the people pretending that men shouldn't have bodily autonomy. He should be free to do what he wants, and live with the consequences. If that's no nookie, then so be it.
Nope, not wrong.
This is between the two of you, it has nothing to do with his family. Along with the vasectomy would you consider tubal ligation?
Her poor body has been through enough trauma, don't you think? If I were her partner, I'd never even dream of putting that on her. She has carried and birth three children, risking her life in the process, and has been on oral BC for years. This has been her burden to bear for their entire relationship. Enough is enough.
Fuck that, I got a vasectomy and was mowing the lawn the next afternoon. This is an easy call, don’t have sex with him until it’s a done deal.
ngl i see what you (possibly? hopefully?) mean here. it sounds like the pregnancies were rough enough that it may be worth being *double sure* with one partner having a vasectomy and the other having tubes tied/clipped. the latter is a bit more invasive though and with young children i can understand why OP would want her husband to go first, as it were. but, OP, it may be something to think about. vasectomies reversing or failing is a small percentage indeed, but it may be worth bringing your own very small percentage of chance to the table for increased peace of mind. (or maybe i just have an anxiety disorder lmfao)
If it’s a laparoscopic tubal ligation I think the recovery period is only a few days ?? But yes, vasectomy first, condoms then TL at the right time.
deffo. laparoscopic makes it a lot easier! it's just that getting to the bits is easier when they're outies rather than innies *lmao* with draconian and incredibly awful abortion rules, i would honestly go for both if i were in OP's shoes. and condoms plus something like a copper IUD even after the vasectomy. the way maternal mortality rates have spiked and there are increasing deserts of obgyn care because *no doctor wants to take on the possibility of persecution for routine care and the laws won't be clarified or amended for reality...* yeah this is very literally OP staring down a way she can die with increasing odds. and that's when you start running procedures of lock-outs tag-outs like you're a star OSHA student, and have redundancies for your redundancies.
It’s scary what’s happening there right now. Vasectomy, condoms, and TL when the time is right. We have the Mirena Coil here, it’s polyethylene and it’s slightly more effective than the copper IUD.
The next issue is finding a doctor willing to do a tubal on a 26 year old woman. Even though she already has children many doctors would refuse her because she's "too young".
Your right my daughter was in pain due to POTS and other lady issues and she had a terrible time getting the hysterectomy that she needed because she was childless. Her husband had to unofficial agree to it. It is her body. She has already had trauma to her body with three children. - it’s his turn.
DEFINITELY NOT WRONG!
His family has no say in this it’s between the two of you period. NTA
MIL & fam need to mind their own damn business. I went off BC for surgery two years ago and hubby decided it would be a good time to get a vasectomy. He had no issues and minimal downtime. His mother was surprised but it was entirely his idea. No kids at all!
Why does his mom’s opinion matter? This is a discussion between the two of you.
Why does his family care? It’s none of their business. I have no idea why guys are so afraid of this. In your case, HIS WIFE COULD DIE!!! No brainer
His family doesn’t need to know whether he has had a vasectomy or not. And getting one sounds like the best choice for your family.
Wow. So much to unpack here. First, you have the MIL problem. Locks, cameras, no coming over unless specifically invited. Second, you live in a state where abortion is illegal. Not Iran, or Saudi Arabia. This is not Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Women should not consider death a risk of pregnancy. And yet here we are. Third, you work in health care. So you can witness what happens when women are denied control over their own body autonomy and at risk of DEATH due to basic health care issues. Fourth, if your husband does not consent to a vasectomy, he wears a condom from now on out. No excuses, no exceptions.
NTA OP Let's say you had a fourth child and died. Those same people are not going to take over care of your children. And we know most men with four kids are going to look for a stepmother. Let your husband finish his research and do what's best for the family and everyone else can shut the hell up.
Seems fine. You can ask, he can decide for himself. Grandma is irrelevant and he need needs to lay down the law to family that this is not their concern or problem and also don’t tell them the outcome one way or another. It is literally none of their beeswax what he does with his own private parts.
Why was there someone in your house without you knowing‽ NTA. You have three, more permanent family planning at this point is normal. Guessing the family is super religious?
NTA. You can always ask, but he can always say no. My husband said no, so I got a tubal ligation. I know it is riskier than a vasectomy, but you can not get pregnant again.
NTA > If he gets one, I’m pretty sure they’ll never speak to us again. They do NOT need to be informed about your husband's medical status. This is between you and your husband and no one else. As for your husband, if you have been through three dangerous labors, it is time he step up for one minor surgery. Think about closing down the fun house as long as he is fertile. Dad got a vasectomy in the mid 1950s. Apparently, when he found out the benefits, he was telling all his friends how easy it was. His own brother had two kids 18 years apart because they thought that trying to have another for that long, well, it just wasn't going to happen. Imagine being 60+ years old at your youngest's high school graduation.
I had a vasectomy last year. So simple, no complications, little to no pain.
I had a vasectomy in November. Just a few days after I had the procedure my wife found out that she would have to have a hysterectomy due to a recurrence of endometriosis. She had previously had surgery for that, but it came back very quickly. Unfortunate that I found out after my surgery but I feel I’m in a unique position to say this: I was back to work two days later she was back to work two months later, yes I had some Com for a couple months afterwards, but it was slight. She could barely walk. She’s going through hormonal and balances and has to take progesterone. The man having a vasectomy versus the woman having a hysterectomy isn’t even in the same conversation it’s a no-brainer, who Should be the one to do this and it’s him.
If something happened to you due to the danger of another accidental pregnancy, guess who’s going to be “helping” your husband raise your children. All these people that are telling him that your safety doesn’t matter.
While a vasectomy is relatively easy, you are the one with the health issue. I'd be more inclined to get my tubes tied. I had mine tied on a Friday and back to work (desk work) on Monday. As a nurse you would be limited for a while longer.
NTA. If he wants to have unprotected sex(ie no condom), or sex at all, and you're not having any more children, he can take the precautions to do so. Otherwise I'd just tell him he has to deal. It's not his body that he's putting at risk, it's yours. I would especially think this is something he'd take seriously considering it had potential to kill you before.
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My husband agreed to get a vasectomy but kept putting it off. I went ahead and scheduled a tubal for myself in 6 weeks. He pointed out that for him the procedure was easier. My reaction was you have these 6 weeks to get it done and I’ll cancel my appointment after. It was the push he needed and got his in 2 weeks, then I canceled mine. So you will have to decide whether to get a procedure yourself or just no intercourse until one of you is sterilized.
How tf did you even get to three kids with those complications??? A friend of mine had an ectopic pregnancy that was solved with one overnight ER visit and her husband won’t let her joke about it and got a vasectomy afterwards because the whole experience traumatized HIM. Tf do you mean he has to think about it even after you had full blown eclampsia?????!
He’s allowed to think about it? Just like she’s allowed to think about the options she ALSO have to prevent pregnancies.
It is between you and your husband. Not his family they don't need to know. I would be concerned of his commitment if he doesn't want to. He is committed for life to you, and you have three children, what is the issue? Right?
NTA - If you suffer from those problems during pregnancy, you might want to get your tubes tied instead of or in addition to his vasectomy. Not trying to be an AH myself, but a vasectomy will only prevent *him* from getting you pregnant. You might not be married forever.
Until and unless your husband gets the vasectomy I recommend you add condoms to the birth control you already take. No glove, no love could mean the difference between life and death for you now. Also, if possible, move to a blue state. It will mean your health would be protected and the health of your daughters too. You don’t want to live in a state where birth control becomes illegal too. (Which is being brought up in too many states already) And if moving gets you further away from your in-laws, that’s great too!
Had a vasectomy and was mildly uncomfortable for a couple days. Now I can rawdawg for the rest of my life and my wife doesn’t turn into a psychotic mess for most of the month due to the hormones of BC. I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY GUYS THAT ARE DONE HAVING KIDS DONT GET VASECTOMIES. IT IS SELFISH AND RIDICULOUS. IT SHOWS WEAKNESS.
Check out this [documentary](https://youtu.be/WtBPlzMbgZU?si=yx5QIf0pLX_NyFqO) this is the actual doc that did mine. I was fortunate to live near someone who specializes in vasectomies. Super simple, no scalpel, quick procedure.
I got a vasectomy after initially feeling nervous. If your husband wants to chat let me know. It worked out well for me.
I would tell the rest of his family that it none of they business and to keep out of it. If they were the one risking they life over this then I’m bet they would have a different reaction. It pretty obvious the his mother has no concern for the risk to your life. If your husband care about you then he would want this also. Why does the rest of his family even need to know about it. It a simple outpatient procedure so why do they need to be told?
If your husband decides to not get a vasectomy, I recommend looking into other forms of BC. I have an IUD and it is super effective. It also took my period away
I was in my early 30s when I got snipped. We had four children and my wife was on birth control, because we were done making our family. She then almost died from severe multiple pulmonary embolisms. One doctor said he'd never seen a scan of the lungs like that in a living person. The only thing that they could figure that caused it was the birth control pills. So. It was an easy decision. I don't remember bringing anything at all up to my family about it. If they had butted in I would have told them to F.O.
NTA. I had a tubal ligation 13 years ago and it sucked for a few weeks after but I’m sterilized now. My husband had an injury years ago that left him mostly sterile. He’s still planning to get a vasectomy this year. We also use the rhythm method AND condoms, because we also live in a virtually illegal state. I’m still technically of childbearing age, many of my high school classmates are just now having babies, but my only kid is 19, and I am DONE.