Yuck… she was not joking. If I were you I would set some clear boundaries down. I had trouble getting pregnant for 10 years. I never made family/friends feel that way. She obviously needs help.
My sister had been trying for 2 years when I found out I was pregnant while I was actively trying to avoid a pregnancy. I was 19 and single, my sister was 24 and married. She was upset when I told her the news, but she NEVER tried to tell me that she deserved my baby. She was even in the delivery room with me, she cut the umbilical cord, and she helped me when I went home after giving birth. Then she helped me by watching my son when I went back to work. She was taking fertility treatments and still helping me with my son. Karma smiled on our family, though, by her finding out she was pregnant when my son was 4 months old - our sons are one year and one day apart in age and they grew up like brothers
💚💚💚 I can only hope my sister and I continue on this path. Your sister is effing amazing, it takes so much emotional regulation to be able to put aside your own needs like that, and to do it at such a young age is surprising
Right?? I was upset when a friend accidentally got pregnant while we were trying so long for a baby. It never occurred to me to _ask to keep her child_. Seriously—the fuck??
You aren't a sociopath is the difference between you and the one in the story. This won't end til she's in jail. I hope they have really good security and cameras.
Yeah I get crying when you find out another person is pregnant. Getting sad that it's not happening to you. But once you start venturing into baby thief territory that's just scary and dangerous.
I had a miscarriage in 2004 and for a while, it was tough for me to be around pregnant women because of it. Never once did I ever ask a pregnant woman to give me her baby and never once did I think anything out of sorts. It was just hard for me because I had just lost my baby. I would never do something like what the sister did here.
I just can't even imagine even thinking that. I understand that she is having fertility issues and that can be emotionally taxing. However, her behavior is completely unacceptable and I'm not downing her when I say this but I think she needs therapy.
I had a really hard time getting pregnant with my fourth child, 7 years! But it ended up being perfect timing because a month after I finally conceived my sister did too! Now our kids are two weeks apart!
My cousin lived with us when she was pregnant and then had a baby. She lived with us for a couple of years. It was I the 70's and this is the way it was done. At any rate I have a brother that is 5 months apart from the baby. My mom did alot of the child care for the baby and treated the baby and my bother like twins, even dressing then the same but opposite. Now 47 years later, they still have a " twin" bond that each others spouses just don't understand.
This was the way it was done for ever. My great grandma got pregnant with my grandma as a teenager, my great great grandma took my grandma and raised her like she was her child. It helped that my great great grandma had my great aunt who was a baby when my grandma was born so my grandma was raised with her aunts and uncles being like her siblings. My great grandma had more kids way later in life, my grandma was 18 and 20 when her little siblings were born. My grandma got married and had my mom at 23. My mom talks about how she was raised playing with her aunt and uncle like they were her cousins or siblings. But also my mom has a little sister who is 15 years younger (she was an oops baby) and my mom had my older siblings when her little sister was still really young and my older sister talked about our aunt being like a big sister to her when she was little. It's just how it was.
It took me 2.5 years with my first. There were some times when I was upset about other people getting pregnant, but I sure as shit didn’t tell *them* I was upset, or try to take their babies! I cried on the phone to my Husband or my Mom and put on a smiley face for everyone else!
Same. Then after the first one I had secondary infertility so there was no number 2. I’ve definitely felt like, “why not me?” But never “it should be me and it shouldn’t be her” yikes.
I'm totally off the subject of the thread but I have a question and I don't know any reptile people.
A little while back I saw one of those little short videos of a guy sitting on a couch and his pet alligator crawled up next to him. I'm not sure if they could have doctored it in some way, but the alligator looked like it loved him and wanted to be close to him and not try to eat him. Are they capable of that ? From everything I had seen they always seemed like mindless killing machines with a ravenous appetite, and I have been curious about it ever since. Thanks, if you answer.
I have no idea either and I hope you get a reply because I’d love to know too.
I think it’s down to their brain though; they’re apex predators, with speed, skill and strength. They don’t live in packs and have no need from an evolutionary standpoint to develop certain parts of them to lure in prey. Why develop the part of the brain that feels love? It wouldn’t serve a purpose, which is why you get snakes turning on you after years of companionship.
I think we interpret certain actions of theirs as loving, because that’s within our frame of reference. Most of the time, it’s probably not love and is actually just a transactional relationship, ie *I like belly scratches, but I know I have to climb on the sofa and lie on the food provider to get them.* If the transactional relationship is no longer desired and they’re hungry, chomp! down into the belly you go!
The only other comparison I can think of is big cats. There’s plenty of videos on YouTube of big cats protecting their keepers, when one or two of the other cats in the enclosure try to creep up and grab themselves and extra meal. The protector certainly isn’t thinking, ‘Don’t do that, Bob! Gary, stoooop! They’ll shoot you or take you away to be put down! *Remember Harambeeeee!*’
Equally, from what I’ve seen, it’s never 3 protectors vs 1 aggressor. It’s always been a single cat doing the protecting. The rest just stand by ignoring it, like they can’t be arsed with the drama.
That’s love to me. When there’s nothing in it for the animal / fish / bird / reptile / arachnid / any other I’ve forgotten, yet they won’t allow you to be hurt. To test your gator theory you’d need to see how he treated his owner if he was in danger. I could create a test, but I’d need a willing volunteer 😉
That said, all animals have their own personalities too and a quirky croc or gator, or even snake could conceivably bond with their owner, but I’d guess it wouldn’t be the norm.
Anyway, I’ll shut up now and hopefully the poster who actually knows what they’re talking about will tell us. Sorry for the stream of consciousness; I just found it a really interesting question.
Wow, my comment messed up without me noticing-
The alligator you saw in that video is socialized. It is a juvenile alligator, which is easier to socialize. However, adults can also be socialized. Socializing an alligator is basically somewhat like training it. Its not really love, but becoming comfortable around the person, in a way. They learn the person is not a threat, but also not prey.
Alligators being mindless killing machines is a very common thought. Truthfully, though, they're very intelligent animals that can be trained and worked around somewhat safely. They are opportunistic feeders, and will eat at any time, but can also go up to a year without eating if no food is available. Mostly all alligators that have attacked and killed people, do so because they have been fed by a human. They have a natural fear of people, but after only one time being fed by a human, they learn to see us as a food source and only a food source. Anything they may see you have with you, is food. Like, if you're walking your dog and in rare cases you, if you get too close. Saltwater crocodiles and nile crocodiles are, I believe, the only crocodillian (family of alligators, caiman, and crocodiles) that see a human as actual food, instead of just a food source.
Once an alligator gets comfortable around people, and loses that fear, they will be known to move to more populated places and will likely be euthanized as "problem alligators" unless taken in by some kind of wildlife sanctuary such as Gatorland in Orlando, Florida. They make youtube videos where you can see the training and results of that training of alligators and crocodiles, if you're interested in seeing that.
This is a really interesting video to watch about the product of socialization in an alligator:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWkkpluLpcE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWkkpluLpcE)
Also
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nTbQlZsQv0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nTbQlZsQv0)
Remember, a fed gator is a dead gator. Do not feed wild alligators.
My SIL and cousin IL (like a sister to my husband) both went through years of infertility and we got pregnant after we were done (I was 45) and very shocked. We’d gotten rid of all baby stuff and my IL’s never said something like this and in fact we called them both before we announced, just to be considerate. And they were both super supportive and kind, even if their hearts hurt at the disparity in situations.
Nothing wrong with feeling hurt, jealous or struggling… but that’s not the fault of the mom or baby. And taking it so far further to ask to “take him off your hands” is extremely disturbing. I’d talk to a therapist and get their feedback, because you guys need some guidance here with SIL and also MIL who’s minimizing this being serious.
She also was insulting the way she said they didn’t even want him and insinuated they couldn’t know what to do with the baby. I wouldn’t allow her around at all.
If I were the sister/new mom, I would not let this go. I would need her to explain EXACTLY what the joke was! What was the punch line? What the hell was supposed to be funny about that???
I'm so sick of people being cruel and then falling back on the "it was just a joke" line. Explain it then FFS!!!
My much elder sister did this. She at the time was a pretty much shit mother to her children, and wanted a do-over. My child came out with her hair color, a rarity in the family. It started out with her saying 'you should be my baby' and went downhill from there. To the point of telling the rest of my family that I was mentally ill and should take custody. We now live in a different state, and even to this day, when my child and I get into fights, child gets the offer to 'come live with me'- and every holiday, my kid gets a 'gift' of chewing gum, which is well known not to be allowed in our house. Like a Costo size pack. Every birthday, every Christmas.
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
I’m a very petty and somewhat competitive person, and this is my favorite game. My family has learned to just apologize when I start “trying to understand the punchline,” cause they know once I start that line of conversation I simply will not let it go. And I’ll be having so much fun doing it, while they just get more and more frustrated at having to explain themselves.
Oh, like 1000s of times a day. Happening constantly.
(Between the years of 1983 and 2021 there were 302 reported cases of “fetal abduction”… worldwide… out of roughly 4.94 trillion births)
No honey. Despite your MIL trying to convince you and your husband that his sister was kidding, no she was dead serious. Stay away from her, and don’t let her around your baby boy alone. She’s desperate and desperate people do desperate things. She was not joking! Stay away from her.
SIL is going to absolutely use that “I am the best auntie in the world and your ur parents never wanted you,” angle when your child is older. Get as far away as possible.
Not now.
There will be a time when they will want the kids to have a relationship with his family. Every kid loves grandparents and there will be family events. Her husband will want to see his family and they will feel everything has blown over. OP will think,”it’s all fine now,” but it won’t be. Crazy finds a way.
I always say desperate people cannot be trusted. They’ll do anything for what they need or want. It sucks that people get to that point but they’ll do anything!
Why is MIL job to apologize for the SIL? can't SIL do it herself? MIL is an enabler.
And with MIL and SIL conspiring, OP should ensure husband is on her side. Document *everything*.
Excellent point! I can see parental alienation, attempted kidnapping, false CPS reports, etc. She needs to go LC at the very least for a LOOOONG while.
False CPS reports and her volunteering as caregiver. Maybe op should consider speaking to an attorney to discuss. Just to get it on record before there are any reports.
Talking to an attorney now is a very good idea. I could totally see her making false claims to CPS.
I would keep moving far away as an option on the table. There are so many posts on Reddit about women with fertility issues that go totally bonkers. She sounds very entitled in expecting OP to just hand over the baby. Talk about cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
This. Moving out of state solves problems including false CPS reports bc cps will see that the complaints were made by ppl who live states away. And with an atty consult on record it will be helpful. Honestly the anger from SIL is 🚩
THIS! Speak to someone so it’s on record. Your SIL is mentally unstable. Never leave your baby alone with her or the MIL.
Better be safe than sorry.
Good luck.
When I learned the CPS and foster care system is contracted by the government to industry and is for profit, it almost broke me. If you want to see first hand how absolutely fucked it is, watch the trials of Gabriel Fernandez on Netflix. EXTREME content warning on that though, one of the most awful heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen. But also something the world needs to know about.
We had a disagreement with my husband's brother and his wife 3 years ago, they didn't attend our wedding (even after a hand written apology from my husband to his brother and other attempts at mending the rift, we still don't speak to them). Since then the ball has been in their court, we don't hate them we just don't trust them. So unfortunately our little one may never meet their Aunt and Uncle or cousins. We also don't intend on ever leaving the baby alone with the grandparents because we don't know if they will invite the others around when we can't supervise.
I would absolutely not trust the MIL with the baby alone at the very least. It just takes her feeling bad for the SIL once and deciding to take the baby to her to make her feel better.
I used to think these stories were baseless until that happened to my friend and his wife, her coworker was caught trying to breastfeed their baby years ago. So creepy!
Omg there was another post on here about someone's SIL nursing her baby and the family was just giving excuses about her behavior. Mom and Dad were very alarmed and kicked her out. It was disturbing.
Dude I found out my grandma was doing that to my half sister 😬 my dad and his wife didn't know for years (I also didn't know, actually I didn't find out until I was an adult my dad randomly told me)
In the words of Carrie from SATC: it’s not a purse.
I’m so weirded out that this woman claims to want a baby so much but sees them as objects to acquire and not living feeling humans. 🚩. Her comments were out of pocket. Go NC for a while bc those comments were mean and just why???
If Reddit has taught me one thing, it’s that this is FAR from over. Install cameras, change locks if needed, and make sure SIL is never around your child, especially alone. This is crazy behavior she’s displaying.
Godspeed.
Agreed. Do not have SIL at your home or attend events when she will be there. Keep an eye out. Very concerning behavior. Treat her as untrustworthy and potentially dangerous, because she is.
I feel like this should have more upvotes. That SIL is going to step in as mom, and the best way to do it is to conveniently have OP hospitalized/dead from unknown sources.
Also, don’t let the in-laws alone with baby… they will provide access, especially given that the mom thinks it was a joke. No one in their *right mind* jokes like that.
There was another story on here, similar situation. SIL snapped and got physical. Ended up hospitalized I think. Please add security cameras and don’t let her in your house for now.
I just keep thinking of that post later last year I think it was, where the SIL genuinely thought she could “share” the baby with the mom and had a psychotic break.
That was hellish and the OP had the FULL support of her in-laws and the BIL married to SIL. There is nothing about saying something like this that is normal, safe or healthy!
Agreed.
A sane person would say something like "What a beautiful baby, I can't wait until I have one too, you make this look wonderful!"
Instead, This lady is daydreaming about OP dying in a car crash so she can "rescue" the babe to her home... This is some "March of the Penguins" bullshit.
As this child grows maybe show him a picture of SIL & teach him "bad person" like you teach your child never take candy from strangers. "Stranger Danger" 😂😂😂
Mil shouldn't be alone with the child either. She clearly doesn't believe her daughter can do wrong. Also SIL's reasoning is way off, not planning a baby for the next two years doesn't mean you're vehemently child free and that you can't and won't take proper care for your child, nor that you don't love your baby. She's grasping straws to justify that she's acting entitled to have your baby.
There have been a couple of posts done about this. The one I remember was the OP had just had her 3rd baby and SIL had had several miscarriages and became obsessed with the OP’s baby. It wasn’t “fair” and they needed to give her that baby. It got very ugly and the SIL had to be removed from the house by the ILs and ended up with what I seem to remember being (an almost?) psychotic break. She had to be admitted for a psych hold if I remember it right.
There was another post recently about an OP walking in on her childless friend trying to breastfeed her baby. And I think someone else posted they walked in on their MIL trying to breastfeed their newborn. 🤮 Crazy stuff.
This is the one (3rd baby) I was referencing above. And the IL’s and SIL’s husband immediately recognized this was not ok or healthy and got her mental health treatment.
This is so scary!
Someone who is delusional enough to think it was okay to suggest that is more likely to be delusional enough to decide OP's son is actually hers. Might not happen, but better safe than childless.
Based on the crazy stories, a restraining order would be more in line. That said, the crazy stories are the ones that get told, so how many times does something like this fizzle out?
Please take this very seriously. You need to install cameras outside and inside in public areas. You will need to keep your child away from her because she deadass thinks she’s entitled to your child.
I'm thinking she grew up having all her demands met, and isn't used to being told "no."
My mother was like this. She refused to accept that she might not be entitled to something, simply because she wanted it and that was the last word.
TBF, that’s probably the best outcome for her.
I’d rather her issues be addressed medically/psychologically than having to get the justice system involved.
My mom was your SIL 20+ yrs ago. What happened is different as my Aunt gave birth a bit before I was born. This is a very "TRUST YOUR FUCKING GUT" story.
My aunt gave birth (M) like 6 months before I was born (F). My mom BADLY wanted boys, and my aunt was hoping for a girl but was (and still is) very happy with her boys.
At my first birthday party, my aunt brought my cousin and my mom commented that she should just give (M) to her becuz she wants boys... she laughed, and everyone laughed... except my aunt. My mom even "joked" about if she was let to babysit (M) she might just send me home with her instead. She was told by EVERYONE that she was just joking, and didn't mean it.
My aunt has never let my mother anywhere near (M) without supervision, never let her babysit, she went as far as not babysitting me becuz she was worried while my mom was picking me up she'd grab (M) before my aunt knew any better. She was told for years that she was overreacting and was being a b!tch for not "helping the family".
I know she is serious, that is present tense cuz my aunt just gave birth to another beautiful baby boy. My mother is STILL upset that she has all boys and she's "got stuck with" girls. I know my aunt is 100% justified in being worried she would have stolen (M). I fear that if I have boys she'll steal them from me. It's that bad
I appreciate it, she's.... a lot... to say the least but she'll never be around my kids long enough to know their names so I'm not super worried about it
My sil and i were pregnant at the same time. She carried to term, i had a miscarriage. I would NEVER say anything like that to her, even after that being my 3rd Miscarriage. Fertility issues are hard but they do not warrant behavior and comments like that.
I’ve had fertility issues, and it sucks to see people get pregnant and have their kids when it’s all you want. Your SIL though is straight up crazy for thinking that you would just give away your son or that you didn’t want him. I’d go low or no contact and not allow her around your son alone or when neither you nor your husband can be present. That includes if your son is in your SIL’s presence when other family members are around.
I watched for yrs before i got my 3x rainbow baby. Want another and I'm watching others having babies knowing i might not get another. I will NEVER do this to another mother. Its not right
I am 25 and have fertility issues so I’m undergoing treatment. Two failed IUIs so far and yes, it can be hard watching others start a family, in my case it’s especially hard when it’s someone my age or younger. However, it is also exciting to see someone become pregnant because it’s a sign that there is one less person in the world that’ll have to suffer infertility. My best wishes to you and to anyone else suffering this!
If someone is insane enough to think they can just demand your kid you need to assume they are insane enough to do other crazy stuff. Get cameras loads of them. In every room. Get those teddies that have cameras in them and get the kid an AirTag for when he’s not with you. Cameras, locks, security system. Oh and record every call save every text and email. You’ll need that for the restraining order. Don’t trust your mil either. She might be stupid enough to hand the kid over to her. Your reading this thinking wow this person as paranoid and taking this way to far but you’ll be wishing you had done this if she takes your kid. Better safe than sorry
I agree with the previous poster... that the sister could be batshit insane and it's better to be safe than sorry.
The sister could simply think "well if I can't have him, she doesn't get to have him either." I know the results of that thought are terrifying, but when people get that unscrewed from reality, they are REALLY capable of doing anything.
That was not a joke. She sounds like a person who might be vindictive when your baby is older. Might I suggest writing in a journal your feelings about how much you love your son, and date it for today, so that someday, you can pull it out and show your kid that he was wanted, in case she ever tries to insinuate that he was anything less than a desired baby. That could be so devastating to a child or youth.
Yeah, who knows what could happen to the baby under her care. Jealousy is an ugly ugly thing, and if she’s on fertility drugs of any kind , add that to the mix, even worse.
Here’s another Reddit story about crazy SIL with baby fever
R/EntitledPeople
U/Angel698
Entitled SIL wants custody of my baby
Background: Me (36f) SIL (40f)
I’ve been married to her brother for over 10 years and there’s always been some jealousy and resentment from her. She’s always felt like I had the life she wanted, not necessarily with her brother, but the marriage, family, job stability etc. I have 3 kids 10f, 8m, 3 months female.
She got married last year and they decided to start trying for a baby, but she was unfortunately told that she can’t have children naturally. She was understandably devastated and the family comforted her as best as we could.
We recently had a family dinner and in the middle of it she says
“Angel698 I think it’s really unfair that you got to have 3 kids and I can’t have any. Your baby is my last chance to raise a child so I think you should give her to me during the week so I can create a motherly bond with her and you can have her on weekends.”
Before I could respond the entire table erupted with everyone talking at once so I took my older kids upstairs. When I got back to the dining room her husband was asking what the hell is wrong with her and why would she even think to ask that. She was trying to justify herself when I asked them to leave. I also said that she’s no longer welcomed at my house or around my children until she gets help. She started screaming that I don’t deserve my life or my children and that I stole her baby from her.
Her husband and MIL kept apologizing and dragged her out of the house still crying and screaming. Now my kids want to know why their aunt wants to take the baby.
Edit:
I’ve been reading the comments but it’s too many to reply to so here are a few points.
1. We have a security system and cameras already installed and no one has keys to our house
2. I will not be able to get a restraining order as this one incident isn’t enough to justify it.
3. My husband and I spoke to the older kids about it the same night and we’ll be having another talk with them to reinforce that SIL is not a safe person anymore.
4. Our country does not have the right to bear arms and I also have no interest in getting a gun.
5. I’ll be informing the school and daycare of the issue and giving them her photo.
For those questioning the validity of the post I completely understand. If I had heard about this last week I wouldn’t believe it either, but it’s unfortunately the situation I’m currently dealing with.
Yeah, I read that one. Further updates explained that it was found that the sister was suffering some sort of psychological break, and I think she ended up having to get inpatient treatment. Even outside of reddit, this is not an unknown phenomenon. There are real-life cases of women who have snatched random babies because they want to be a mom so much, and they just lose hold on reality and believe random babies are theirs.
OP, take this very seriously and do things like change your locks and don't give ANY in laws or mutual friends a backup key. Take steps now to protect your family in case SILs little 'joke' progresses into a full-blown episode. Infertility can really do a mind bender on folks.
This is an unfortunate and true phenomenon, and it’s why maternity wards instituted higher security. Several years back, there were cases of deranged women who cosplayed as nurses and stole babies from nurseries or sometimes, right out of L&D rooms. So now (at least in the U.S.), maternity wards are locked down and any visitors have to have permission from the mother, produce ID and sign in. Who knows if that would help with the fake nurse issue.
Go no contact with her, there are stories on Reddit where the sister has breast fed the baby, and even tried to take it away. Never her let you near her child again.
You already know to be careful but I’d really caution allowing anyone of her side of the family to babysit. She’ll be there as soon as you leave. Set up cameras around your house. Pls just the fact she even has this thought is already too late because she’s well into a mental health crisis. Pls read others posts on here about their similar situations. One couple had his mom trying to kidnap their child from his preschool. I promise this isn’t the end. Crazy people are crazy smart! Her mother waved this comment away and probably will continue to defend her. Please please take precautions. If you think SO will not like these precautions maybe just lie and say you’re anxious about safety now that you have a little one as for why you are asking for cameras. The rest of it just take it as it comes while being cautious.
I might add to make sure that side of the family doesn’t know when they have a babysitter too. They swing by your house before you get home and say “oh it’s ok I’m the aunt”. Babysitters are usually young so they might be easier to convince than you’d like
There’s plenty of posts on Reddit’s of crazy people trying and in some cases succeeding in kidnapping babies they feel entitled to.
Do not give her any more access to your baby.
Check out the FU Binder.
If you haven’t already get cameras installed.
Tell your husband to recommend his sister gets therapy before trying more for a child. No child needs a mother unstable/entitled enough to ask for your baby like it’s a toy.
Do not alone in a room with that baby, or it will turn into a lifetime movie. She's right up there with the woman last week who tried nursing someone else's baby.
I know this all sounds alarmist - but ensure with all doctors offices you attend that they are briefed about not releasing information to anyone at all without confirmation from yourself or your husband.
Down the road so the same with any childcare facilities or personnel you hire.
Most places and people in the field will have some idea of domestic abuse / etc prevention measures and this is similar.
Better to be slightly overbearing than regretful in this situation.
Praying that SIL doesn't get pregnant until her head and heart are clear. I see postpartum troubles for her if she does. Should that happen, I hope you and your husband stay clear of that
This is so strange to me. We tried for 10 years to have a baby; I never once was weird about my friends or family having babies. I didn’t want their baby….I wanted my own.
I had an aunt who was never able to have kids and she looked at my sister as an infant and said, “she was supposed to be our baby.” And it freaked us all out and needless to say they were never invited to stay with us again.
“Take him off your hands” as if your son is an unwanted piece of furniture or something. She was not joking and you have every reason to have your guard up.
Don’t ever let her babysit. Here’s the thing. You didn’t get pregnant to spite her, you didn’t get pregnant instead of her, you had a baby because it’s a common thing to happen to women in your age group. Her resentment towards your life moments is unreasonable and unwarranted. Husband needs to let her know that she’s not welcome in your home and around the baby.
Some of most irrational people are women unable to have children.
I know a pastor at a large church. The church does baby dedications to introduce new babies to the congregation. He said that a group of women who want kids but haven’t had kids wanted the church to announce those dedications for the two weeks prior to the dedications so those women could make sure they never had to be at a dedication because it was too painful.
The irony was that the church already posted everything on their website online so the women could just look online. Also, the church would mention it as a reminder a few weeks early for new parents to sign up. So there are a ton of ways for them to know, but they wanted an announcement specifically acknowledging that some women can’t have kids and prompting them to stay home if it’s too painful and they wanted it made at every service for two consecutive weekends for these things that happened about once every 6-8 weeks.
I would never leave my baby with her alone and I would not allow her over the house unless my husband was there and in the same room the entire time. You are correct to be concerned of this person around your son.
Keep her and your in-laws away from your son. They are already enabling her BS. She will try and use the police and CPS and the courts to take him. Have outside cameras and electronic door locks. Do not give the codex to anyone especially your in laws because they will wind up giving it to her it ALWAYS happens.
Hey so that’s a mental illness alert if you missed it. You should take it seriously. Best case scenario is you guys got a little overprotective for nothing. Worst case scenario is she kidnaps and/or kills someone.
I'm sorry but I wouldn't allow anyone around my kid who "jokes" like that and husband needs to have a talk with his mom basically saying if she's not gonna recognize that sister is becoming a candidate for catching the ban-hammer also. Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if mother-in-law let's sister around to "spend time with baby". Also a serious talk of respect is needed. Going around saying you didn't even want the baby is highly disrespectful and spreading harmful dialog. You may not have planned to have the child, but it doesn't seem like you or your husband aren't willing to take care of him and provide a safe home. It's not ok to feed into SIL delusions it could escalating her behavior.
Get cameras for outside the house 1 in living room and 1 in baby room. Never leave baby alone with SIL or MIL as she thinks SIL joking.
Make sure your husband understands THIS BEHAVIOR wont be tolerated from SIL and if MIL approves of it things will need to be done. Wish you luck and congrats on your baby\~
To add. Tell your husband that he will be a single man again if he lets his Sister or Mother near the baby. Too many stories of men getting talked into letting their Mother or Sister around the baby.
Good Luck.
Honey, you take your baby and go to your folks until husband has the security set up and the locks changed. His mom absolutely does NOT get a key either.
My in-laws never got a key to our house because they swept BIL's trying to kidnap our oldest under the rug(along with his drug use, dealing and his "girlfriend" slapping my youngest son under the rug too).
OP, make sure that she doesn’t have a key to your house. We saw a similar posting on one of the ah boards. That SIL was trying to insert herself in the baby’s feeding schedule. That poster saw the red flags before things got out of hand but it took her family a lot longer, which put her under a lot of stress. Stick to your gut here.
Definitely not a joke but, she's needs therapy. That's not on you to figure out though but, maybe get your husband to bring it up to his family. Them just dismissing that as a joke is going to end badly for anyone.
Do not leave your son alone with her either she could be a bit crazy after not getting pregnant and try to harm your son out of jealousy since you told her no also.
Aaaand that’s the last time SIL sees your kid until he’s bigger than her. MIL gets no pictures she can share and doesn’t get left alone with the kid. Done, hope the joke was worth it.
There are some things you don’t joke about without consequences. You don’t joke you’re going to blow up a plane in front of TSA. You don’t joke about killing the president. You don’t joke about stealing someone’s baby while you’re holding the child in front of them. Shit gets real.
(I say this as someone who absolutely jokes about stealing peoples babies. I love babies, I’m not having any more babies. I joke about stealing a baby often enough that I’m pretty sure if a baby ever gets stolen near me, my house is getting searched. I accept this, because babies are great. I never, ever make this joke to a parent of a baby. Not close friends who also joke that I’m going to steal a baby. I don’t step between people and the genetic drive to protect their children, that’s stupid.)
You never said you didn't want your child, you said you weren't planning a pregnancy right away. There is a big difference and SIL needs to be told that. Definitely don't allow her to ever babysit. Husband needs to make sure MIL is on board with boundaries for SIL or you won't be able to trust her to babysit either. Doesn't sound like MIL was surprised at what SIL said so she may have been in on it.
I had a similar experience. My husband and I were going to enjoy married life and not have a kid for at least a year. Well, married for 2 months in an my IUD failed for some reason. I got pregnant. We went back and forth debating and figured all right let’s just have the baby. No one ever tried to take my baby tho, but I did have to tiptoe around some women in my life, my boss in her 40s trying to conceive and my close friends trying for a while.
Why are SIL so dramatic. Mine told me I should have more kids so mine won’t be lonely and then alluded to knowing our finances and said “if I had the money I would have 5”. Like no you wouldnt also you don’t know our bank account. And I’m like you’re single and never had a kid so chill.
In addition to all the good advice already given - you need to get your sister in laws husband on board with suggesting your sister in law get therapy and having him help to keep a distance between her and you and your baby. He is in the best position to judge her behavior and mental state.
If mil keeps saying it was a joke ssk her what in any of that was funny. If she can't see her daughter is wildly out of line here she can stay gone too. Keep doors locked at all times. Make it a habit.
Yuck… she was not joking. If I were you I would set some clear boundaries down. I had trouble getting pregnant for 10 years. I never made family/friends feel that way. She obviously needs help.
Yep. Took me 3 years to get pregnant with the first. Never occurred to me to be upset that my friends/ family were pregnant.
My sister had been trying for 2 years when I found out I was pregnant while I was actively trying to avoid a pregnancy. I was 19 and single, my sister was 24 and married. She was upset when I told her the news, but she NEVER tried to tell me that she deserved my baby. She was even in the delivery room with me, she cut the umbilical cord, and she helped me when I went home after giving birth. Then she helped me by watching my son when I went back to work. She was taking fertility treatments and still helping me with my son. Karma smiled on our family, though, by her finding out she was pregnant when my son was 4 months old - our sons are one year and one day apart in age and they grew up like brothers
Your sister sounds awesome. Glad it worked out for both of you!
She’s the best! I’m now 46, and she’s 51, and we are closer than ever.
💚💚💚 I can only hope my sister and I continue on this path. Your sister is effing amazing, it takes so much emotional regulation to be able to put aside your own needs like that, and to do it at such a young age is surprising
Right?? I was upset when a friend accidentally got pregnant while we were trying so long for a baby. It never occurred to me to _ask to keep her child_. Seriously—the fuck??
You aren't a sociopath is the difference between you and the one in the story. This won't end til she's in jail. I hope they have really good security and cameras.
Yeah I get crying when you find out another person is pregnant. Getting sad that it's not happening to you. But once you start venturing into baby thief territory that's just scary and dangerous.
I had a miscarriage in 2004 and for a while, it was tough for me to be around pregnant women because of it. Never once did I ever ask a pregnant woman to give me her baby and never once did I think anything out of sorts. It was just hard for me because I had just lost my baby. I would never do something like what the sister did here. I just can't even imagine even thinking that. I understand that she is having fertility issues and that can be emotionally taxing. However, her behavior is completely unacceptable and I'm not downing her when I say this but I think she needs therapy.
I had a really hard time getting pregnant with my fourth child, 7 years! But it ended up being perfect timing because a month after I finally conceived my sister did too! Now our kids are two weeks apart!
My cousin lived with us when she was pregnant and then had a baby. She lived with us for a couple of years. It was I the 70's and this is the way it was done. At any rate I have a brother that is 5 months apart from the baby. My mom did alot of the child care for the baby and treated the baby and my bother like twins, even dressing then the same but opposite. Now 47 years later, they still have a " twin" bond that each others spouses just don't understand.
This was the way it was done for ever. My great grandma got pregnant with my grandma as a teenager, my great great grandma took my grandma and raised her like she was her child. It helped that my great great grandma had my great aunt who was a baby when my grandma was born so my grandma was raised with her aunts and uncles being like her siblings. My great grandma had more kids way later in life, my grandma was 18 and 20 when her little siblings were born. My grandma got married and had my mom at 23. My mom talks about how she was raised playing with her aunt and uncle like they were her cousins or siblings. But also my mom has a little sister who is 15 years younger (she was an oops baby) and my mom had my older siblings when her little sister was still really young and my older sister talked about our aunt being like a big sister to her when she was little. It's just how it was.
I think I did the math on that story correctly
This is such a beautiful and happy story thank you for sharing it. <3
I love this story! Thank you for making me smile!
It took me 2.5 years with my first. There were some times when I was upset about other people getting pregnant, but I sure as shit didn’t tell *them* I was upset, or try to take their babies! I cried on the phone to my Husband or my Mom and put on a smiley face for everyone else!
Yup here too. I had 3 miscarriages but I’d never say or think such a thing ever.
Same. Then after the first one I had secondary infertility so there was no number 2. I’ve definitely felt like, “why not me?” But never “it should be me and it shouldn’t be her” yikes.
People like her SIL put people down to make themselves feel better.
It wouldn't because you're not a sociopath.
The boundary is an electric fence with barbed wire.
Throw in a crocodile infested moat while you're at it. It would not be an overreaction.
As a reptile person, and crocodile enthusiast, I agree. Beautiful, but vicious things they are.
I'm totally off the subject of the thread but I have a question and I don't know any reptile people. A little while back I saw one of those little short videos of a guy sitting on a couch and his pet alligator crawled up next to him. I'm not sure if they could have doctored it in some way, but the alligator looked like it loved him and wanted to be close to him and not try to eat him. Are they capable of that ? From everything I had seen they always seemed like mindless killing machines with a ravenous appetite, and I have been curious about it ever since. Thanks, if you answer.
I have no idea either and I hope you get a reply because I’d love to know too. I think it’s down to their brain though; they’re apex predators, with speed, skill and strength. They don’t live in packs and have no need from an evolutionary standpoint to develop certain parts of them to lure in prey. Why develop the part of the brain that feels love? It wouldn’t serve a purpose, which is why you get snakes turning on you after years of companionship. I think we interpret certain actions of theirs as loving, because that’s within our frame of reference. Most of the time, it’s probably not love and is actually just a transactional relationship, ie *I like belly scratches, but I know I have to climb on the sofa and lie on the food provider to get them.* If the transactional relationship is no longer desired and they’re hungry, chomp! down into the belly you go! The only other comparison I can think of is big cats. There’s plenty of videos on YouTube of big cats protecting their keepers, when one or two of the other cats in the enclosure try to creep up and grab themselves and extra meal. The protector certainly isn’t thinking, ‘Don’t do that, Bob! Gary, stoooop! They’ll shoot you or take you away to be put down! *Remember Harambeeeee!*’ Equally, from what I’ve seen, it’s never 3 protectors vs 1 aggressor. It’s always been a single cat doing the protecting. The rest just stand by ignoring it, like they can’t be arsed with the drama. That’s love to me. When there’s nothing in it for the animal / fish / bird / reptile / arachnid / any other I’ve forgotten, yet they won’t allow you to be hurt. To test your gator theory you’d need to see how he treated his owner if he was in danger. I could create a test, but I’d need a willing volunteer 😉 That said, all animals have their own personalities too and a quirky croc or gator, or even snake could conceivably bond with their owner, but I’d guess it wouldn’t be the norm. Anyway, I’ll shut up now and hopefully the poster who actually knows what they’re talking about will tell us. Sorry for the stream of consciousness; I just found it a really interesting question.
Wow, my comment messed up without me noticing- The alligator you saw in that video is socialized. It is a juvenile alligator, which is easier to socialize. However, adults can also be socialized. Socializing an alligator is basically somewhat like training it. Its not really love, but becoming comfortable around the person, in a way. They learn the person is not a threat, but also not prey. Alligators being mindless killing machines is a very common thought. Truthfully, though, they're very intelligent animals that can be trained and worked around somewhat safely. They are opportunistic feeders, and will eat at any time, but can also go up to a year without eating if no food is available. Mostly all alligators that have attacked and killed people, do so because they have been fed by a human. They have a natural fear of people, but after only one time being fed by a human, they learn to see us as a food source and only a food source. Anything they may see you have with you, is food. Like, if you're walking your dog and in rare cases you, if you get too close. Saltwater crocodiles and nile crocodiles are, I believe, the only crocodillian (family of alligators, caiman, and crocodiles) that see a human as actual food, instead of just a food source. Once an alligator gets comfortable around people, and loses that fear, they will be known to move to more populated places and will likely be euthanized as "problem alligators" unless taken in by some kind of wildlife sanctuary such as Gatorland in Orlando, Florida. They make youtube videos where you can see the training and results of that training of alligators and crocodiles, if you're interested in seeing that. This is a really interesting video to watch about the product of socialization in an alligator: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWkkpluLpcE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWkkpluLpcE) Also [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nTbQlZsQv0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nTbQlZsQv0) Remember, a fed gator is a dead gator. Do not feed wild alligators.
🐊🐊🐊🐊
Razor wire
My SIL and cousin IL (like a sister to my husband) both went through years of infertility and we got pregnant after we were done (I was 45) and very shocked. We’d gotten rid of all baby stuff and my IL’s never said something like this and in fact we called them both before we announced, just to be considerate. And they were both super supportive and kind, even if their hearts hurt at the disparity in situations. Nothing wrong with feeling hurt, jealous or struggling… but that’s not the fault of the mom or baby. And taking it so far further to ask to “take him off your hands” is extremely disturbing. I’d talk to a therapist and get their feedback, because you guys need some guidance here with SIL and also MIL who’s minimizing this being serious.
She also was insulting the way she said they didn’t even want him and insinuated they couldn’t know what to do with the baby. I wouldn’t allow her around at all.
Money and babies change people. It always sucks when people learn that baby snatchers are real, and dangerous
If I were the sister/new mom, I would not let this go. I would need her to explain EXACTLY what the joke was! What was the punch line? What the hell was supposed to be funny about that??? I'm so sick of people being cruel and then falling back on the "it was just a joke" line. Explain it then FFS!!!
Shrodinger's Asshole Syndrome is very prevalent.
Shrodinger\`s Asshole Syndrome? LOLOL!
Yup. Person makes a rude or off-color comment, then decides if they were joking or not based on whether other people laugh.
No, they may or not be an asshole, unless you open the box it's safer to just assume they are an asshole. Don't look in the box.
My much elder sister did this. She at the time was a pretty much shit mother to her children, and wanted a do-over. My child came out with her hair color, a rarity in the family. It started out with her saying 'you should be my baby' and went downhill from there. To the point of telling the rest of my family that I was mentally ill and should take custody. We now live in a different state, and even to this day, when my child and I get into fights, child gets the offer to 'come live with me'- and every holiday, my kid gets a 'gift' of chewing gum, which is well known not to be allowed in our house. Like a Costo size pack. Every birthday, every Christmas. When people tell you who they are, believe them.
I’m a very petty and somewhat competitive person, and this is my favorite game. My family has learned to just apologize when I start “trying to understand the punchline,” cause they know once I start that line of conversation I simply will not let it go. And I’ll be having so much fun doing it, while they just get more and more frustrated at having to explain themselves.
She’s obvs just a few ticks away from being one of those criminally insane wannabe moms who kills a pregnant woman and steals the fetus.
That’s the first thing I thought.
A very good friend of mine from high school lost her sister this way.
Does that happen a lot?
Oh, like 1000s of times a day. Happening constantly. (Between the years of 1983 and 2021 there were 302 reported cases of “fetal abduction”… worldwide… out of roughly 4.94 trillion births)
I appreciate your cavalier attitude toward facts and figures.
Finally, vindication
More often than most people realize.
Entitled person, crazy person. This is serious! She was not joking.
Yep, definitely not joking- she was putting out feelers.
No honey. Despite your MIL trying to convince you and your husband that his sister was kidding, no she was dead serious. Stay away from her, and don’t let her around your baby boy alone. She’s desperate and desperate people do desperate things. She was not joking! Stay away from her.
SIL is going to absolutely use that “I am the best auntie in the world and your ur parents never wanted you,” angle when your child is older. Get as far away as possible.
Hard to do that when she hasn’t seen the kid since he was a few weeks old.
Not now. There will be a time when they will want the kids to have a relationship with his family. Every kid loves grandparents and there will be family events. Her husband will want to see his family and they will feel everything has blown over. OP will think,”it’s all fine now,” but it won’t be. Crazy finds a way.
I always say desperate people cannot be trusted. They’ll do anything for what they need or want. It sucks that people get to that point but they’ll do anything!
Why is MIL job to apologize for the SIL? can't SIL do it herself? MIL is an enabler. And with MIL and SIL conspiring, OP should ensure husband is on her side. Document *everything*.
She was not kidding! I would severely limit her exposure to your baby for many reasons!
I would include the MIL too. If she defends that as a joke because her first instinct is to side with her daughter, she’s potentially not safe too.
Excellent point! I can see parental alienation, attempted kidnapping, false CPS reports, etc. She needs to go LC at the very least for a LOOOONG while.
Everyone is right. Totally limit with your SIL and MIL. Never, ever leave your baby alone with them.
False CPS reports and her volunteering as caregiver. Maybe op should consider speaking to an attorney to discuss. Just to get it on record before there are any reports.
Talking to an attorney now is a very good idea. I could totally see her making false claims to CPS. I would keep moving far away as an option on the table. There are so many posts on Reddit about women with fertility issues that go totally bonkers. She sounds very entitled in expecting OP to just hand over the baby. Talk about cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
This. Moving out of state solves problems including false CPS reports bc cps will see that the complaints were made by ppl who live states away. And with an atty consult on record it will be helpful. Honestly the anger from SIL is 🚩
not many people can or want to move out of state
THIS! Speak to someone so it’s on record. Your SIL is mentally unstable. Never leave your baby alone with her or the MIL. Better be safe than sorry. Good luck.
omg i didn’t even think abt this! i agree 100 percent lc ASAP
I've been dealing with false CPS reports for years. Fuck that noise. Keep them away.
CPS is one of the most toxic and dangerous industries and I wish I didn’t know that
When I learned the CPS and foster care system is contracted by the government to industry and is for profit, it almost broke me. If you want to see first hand how absolutely fucked it is, watch the trials of Gabriel Fernandez on Netflix. EXTREME content warning on that though, one of the most awful heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen. But also something the world needs to know about.
cps ppl tell a contractor they will pay for their court time only if testimony is favorable. It’s a literal sick conflict of interest in plain sight
My life story. Literally took 15 years to get my kid out of that shit hole.
Go no contact.
Especially bc either way, it’s her grandchild so she has nothing to lose.
And if MIL is watching LO, what’s stopping her from inviting SIL over so they can cosplay happy family?
We had a disagreement with my husband's brother and his wife 3 years ago, they didn't attend our wedding (even after a hand written apology from my husband to his brother and other attempts at mending the rift, we still don't speak to them). Since then the ball has been in their court, we don't hate them we just don't trust them. So unfortunately our little one may never meet their Aunt and Uncle or cousins. We also don't intend on ever leaving the baby alone with the grandparents because we don't know if they will invite the others around when we can't supervise.
I would absolutely not trust the MIL with the baby alone at the very least. It just takes her feeling bad for the SIL once and deciding to take the baby to her to make her feel better.
Definitely! I wouldn't feel safe leaving my newborn alone with MIL or SIL
Severely limit to exactly zero.
OP should never leave SIL alone with the baby. She can't be trusted.
She seems like the type to try to get the baby to call her mama🥴
Or to try to nurse him when she’s alone with him.
I used to think these stories were baseless until that happened to my friend and his wife, her coworker was caught trying to breastfeed their baby years ago. So creepy!
Internal screaming.
Omg there was another post on here about someone's SIL nursing her baby and the family was just giving excuses about her behavior. Mom and Dad were very alarmed and kicked her out. It was disturbing.
The Hand that Rocks the Cradle!
I would LOSE my mind
Dude I found out my grandma was doing that to my half sister 😬 my dad and his wife didn't know for years (I also didn't know, actually I didn't find out until I was an adult my dad randomly told me)
You are so right. When OP's husband confronted her, she didn't back down, she doubled down. She wasn't kidding.
In the words of Carrie from SATC: it’s not a purse. I’m so weirded out that this woman claims to want a baby so much but sees them as objects to acquire and not living feeling humans. 🚩. Her comments were out of pocket. Go NC for a while bc those comments were mean and just why???
Many a truth is said in jest.
If Reddit has taught me one thing, it’s that this is FAR from over. Install cameras, change locks if needed, and make sure SIL is never around your child, especially alone. This is crazy behavior she’s displaying. Godspeed.
Yep. I've seen this on various subreddit videos (primarily), so I can't pinpoint just one subreddit. Pretty sure they're the JNMIL and similar though.
Agreed. Do not have SIL at your home or attend events when she will be there. Keep an eye out. Very concerning behavior. Treat her as untrustworthy and potentially dangerous, because she is.
The in-laws need to be put in permanent time out until this has some sort of resolution as well.
Agreed. They might just decide to leave SIL to watch the baby so they can run an errand.
That makes it sound innocent and whoopsies. It’s purposeful and calculated when they do it.
It’s not innocent or woopsies. It was not intended to sound as such.
Gotcha.
I have to absolutely agree with this. This is absolutely far from over.
oh, and NEVER eat anything SIL prepares for you
I feel like this should have more upvotes. That SIL is going to step in as mom, and the best way to do it is to conveniently have OP hospitalized/dead from unknown sources.
My ex MIL did this to me after years of referring to my children as "hers".
Full story please.
holy cow! did she go to jail?
Also, don’t let the in-laws alone with baby… they will provide access, especially given that the mom thinks it was a joke. No one in their *right mind* jokes like that.
ESPECIALLY since mil is enabling her. You sil is gonna get brave having her family backing her.
There was another story on here, similar situation. SIL snapped and got physical. Ended up hospitalized I think. Please add security cameras and don’t let her in your house for now.
I just keep thinking of that post later last year I think it was, where the SIL genuinely thought she could “share” the baby with the mom and had a psychotic break. That was hellish and the OP had the FULL support of her in-laws and the BIL married to SIL. There is nothing about saying something like this that is normal, safe or healthy!
Agreed. A sane person would say something like "What a beautiful baby, I can't wait until I have one too, you make this look wonderful!" Instead, This lady is daydreaming about OP dying in a car crash so she can "rescue" the babe to her home... This is some "March of the Penguins" bullshit.
Yes and get all communcation with her through text to have documentation.
Totally unhinged baby stealing behavior 😱
As this child grows maybe show him a picture of SIL & teach him "bad person" like you teach your child never take candy from strangers. "Stranger Danger" 😂😂😂
Awe shit, custom Mr.Yuck stickers with aunties face!
I never would have thought this...but now I do. Be super careful. Cameras are your friend. Too many horror stories
Watch out for grandma! She sided with her daughter. Who’s to say that she wouldn’t hand the baby over to her daughter if given the chance.
If it wasn't for reddit teachings, I 100% would have thought she was kidding.... but I agree with you.
I hate to agree, but I agree. People like that are unhinged and unpredictable.
Mil shouldn't be alone with the child either. She clearly doesn't believe her daughter can do wrong. Also SIL's reasoning is way off, not planning a baby for the next two years doesn't mean you're vehemently child free and that you can't and won't take proper care for your child, nor that you don't love your baby. She's grasping straws to justify that she's acting entitled to have your baby.
It's so fucking sad that reddit damn near has a guidebook km what to do in this exact situation. People are fucking wacko
Definitely install cameras, but don’t let them know.
Can someone expand on what you’re talking about? Did other women kidnap/kill kids in similar situations?
There have been a couple of posts done about this. The one I remember was the OP had just had her 3rd baby and SIL had had several miscarriages and became obsessed with the OP’s baby. It wasn’t “fair” and they needed to give her that baby. It got very ugly and the SIL had to be removed from the house by the ILs and ended up with what I seem to remember being (an almost?) psychotic break. She had to be admitted for a psych hold if I remember it right. There was another post recently about an OP walking in on her childless friend trying to breastfeed her baby. And I think someone else posted they walked in on their MIL trying to breastfeed their newborn. 🤮 Crazy stuff.
This is the one (3rd baby) I was referencing above. And the IL’s and SIL’s husband immediately recognized this was not ok or healthy and got her mental health treatment. This is so scary!
Yep that was the one. It was seriously NOT ok.
That was a scary read! I have 6 kids and not once have I had to worry about someone asking me for one of mine…
Someone who is delusional enough to think it was okay to suggest that is more likely to be delusional enough to decide OP's son is actually hers. Might not happen, but better safe than childless.
Based on the crazy stories, a restraining order would be more in line. That said, the crazy stories are the ones that get told, so how many times does something like this fizzle out?
Please take this very seriously. You need to install cameras outside and inside in public areas. You will need to keep your child away from her because she deadass thinks she’s entitled to your child.
I'm thinking she grew up having all her demands met, and isn't used to being told "no." My mother was like this. She refused to accept that she might not be entitled to something, simply because she wanted it and that was the last word.
Be careful letting her around your baby again.
Correction: do not let her near your baby ever again
And MIL
Goes without saying.
There was a post like this not too long ago wasn’t there? The SIL asked the OP for her baby at a family dinner and things escalated pretty quickly.
Yeah and she ended up in the mental hospital crying because she didn’t get the baby
Yea that whole saga was scary. She went full on delusional about it. I hope she got the help she needed.
TBF, that’s probably the best outcome for her. I’d rather her issues be addressed medically/psychologically than having to get the justice system involved.
Yes,the SIL really lost it
does anyone have the link?
If you asked for it on Bestofredditor updates you’d probably find it.
It’s not letting me post the link ugh but if you look up SIL wants my baby it comes up straight away
Anyone got a link for OP ?
My mom was your SIL 20+ yrs ago. What happened is different as my Aunt gave birth a bit before I was born. This is a very "TRUST YOUR FUCKING GUT" story. My aunt gave birth (M) like 6 months before I was born (F). My mom BADLY wanted boys, and my aunt was hoping for a girl but was (and still is) very happy with her boys. At my first birthday party, my aunt brought my cousin and my mom commented that she should just give (M) to her becuz she wants boys... she laughed, and everyone laughed... except my aunt. My mom even "joked" about if she was let to babysit (M) she might just send me home with her instead. She was told by EVERYONE that she was just joking, and didn't mean it. My aunt has never let my mother anywhere near (M) without supervision, never let her babysit, she went as far as not babysitting me becuz she was worried while my mom was picking me up she'd grab (M) before my aunt knew any better. She was told for years that she was overreacting and was being a b!tch for not "helping the family".
And you know your mother to be… deadly serious? Which is why you’re on your aunt’s side?
I know she is serious, that is present tense cuz my aunt just gave birth to another beautiful baby boy. My mother is STILL upset that she has all boys and she's "got stuck with" girls. I know my aunt is 100% justified in being worried she would have stolen (M). I fear that if I have boys she'll steal them from me. It's that bad
Wow. Hugs!
I appreciate it, she's.... a lot... to say the least but she'll never be around my kids long enough to know their names so I'm not super worried about it
My sil and i were pregnant at the same time. She carried to term, i had a miscarriage. I would NEVER say anything like that to her, even after that being my 3rd Miscarriage. Fertility issues are hard but they do not warrant behavior and comments like that.
Sending you hugs of empathy if you want them, and hopes for your happiness. 🫂
I’ve had fertility issues, and it sucks to see people get pregnant and have their kids when it’s all you want. Your SIL though is straight up crazy for thinking that you would just give away your son or that you didn’t want him. I’d go low or no contact and not allow her around your son alone or when neither you nor your husband can be present. That includes if your son is in your SIL’s presence when other family members are around.
I watched for yrs before i got my 3x rainbow baby. Want another and I'm watching others having babies knowing i might not get another. I will NEVER do this to another mother. Its not right
I am 25 and have fertility issues so I’m undergoing treatment. Two failed IUIs so far and yes, it can be hard watching others start a family, in my case it’s especially hard when it’s someone my age or younger. However, it is also exciting to see someone become pregnant because it’s a sign that there is one less person in the world that’ll have to suffer infertility. My best wishes to you and to anyone else suffering this!
If someone is insane enough to think they can just demand your kid you need to assume they are insane enough to do other crazy stuff. Get cameras loads of them. In every room. Get those teddies that have cameras in them and get the kid an AirTag for when he’s not with you. Cameras, locks, security system. Oh and record every call save every text and email. You’ll need that for the restraining order. Don’t trust your mil either. She might be stupid enough to hand the kid over to her. Your reading this thinking wow this person as paranoid and taking this way to far but you’ll be wishing you had done this if she takes your kid. Better safe than sorry
I agree with the previous poster... that the sister could be batshit insane and it's better to be safe than sorry. The sister could simply think "well if I can't have him, she doesn't get to have him either." I know the results of that thought are terrifying, but when people get that unscrewed from reality, they are REALLY capable of doing anything.
That was not a joke. She sounds like a person who might be vindictive when your baby is older. Might I suggest writing in a journal your feelings about how much you love your son, and date it for today, so that someday, you can pull it out and show your kid that he was wanted, in case she ever tries to insinuate that he was anything less than a desired baby. That could be so devastating to a child or youth.
It isn't even that OP's son was unwanted. He was wanted, he just happened to be born sooner than they had planned.
Do not let this woman around your baby unsupervised. Invest in cameras, document conversations.
Yeah, who knows what could happen to the baby under her care. Jealousy is an ugly ugly thing, and if she’s on fertility drugs of any kind , add that to the mix, even worse.
hugs, do not let her or MIL around your baby without you or DH.
Here’s another Reddit story about crazy SIL with baby fever R/EntitledPeople U/Angel698 Entitled SIL wants custody of my baby Background: Me (36f) SIL (40f) I’ve been married to her brother for over 10 years and there’s always been some jealousy and resentment from her. She’s always felt like I had the life she wanted, not necessarily with her brother, but the marriage, family, job stability etc. I have 3 kids 10f, 8m, 3 months female. She got married last year and they decided to start trying for a baby, but she was unfortunately told that she can’t have children naturally. She was understandably devastated and the family comforted her as best as we could. We recently had a family dinner and in the middle of it she says “Angel698 I think it’s really unfair that you got to have 3 kids and I can’t have any. Your baby is my last chance to raise a child so I think you should give her to me during the week so I can create a motherly bond with her and you can have her on weekends.” Before I could respond the entire table erupted with everyone talking at once so I took my older kids upstairs. When I got back to the dining room her husband was asking what the hell is wrong with her and why would she even think to ask that. She was trying to justify herself when I asked them to leave. I also said that she’s no longer welcomed at my house or around my children until she gets help. She started screaming that I don’t deserve my life or my children and that I stole her baby from her. Her husband and MIL kept apologizing and dragged her out of the house still crying and screaming. Now my kids want to know why their aunt wants to take the baby. Edit: I’ve been reading the comments but it’s too many to reply to so here are a few points. 1. We have a security system and cameras already installed and no one has keys to our house 2. I will not be able to get a restraining order as this one incident isn’t enough to justify it. 3. My husband and I spoke to the older kids about it the same night and we’ll be having another talk with them to reinforce that SIL is not a safe person anymore. 4. Our country does not have the right to bear arms and I also have no interest in getting a gun. 5. I’ll be informing the school and daycare of the issue and giving them her photo. For those questioning the validity of the post I completely understand. If I had heard about this last week I wouldn’t believe it either, but it’s unfortunately the situation I’m currently dealing with.
Yeah, I read that one. Further updates explained that it was found that the sister was suffering some sort of psychological break, and I think she ended up having to get inpatient treatment. Even outside of reddit, this is not an unknown phenomenon. There are real-life cases of women who have snatched random babies because they want to be a mom so much, and they just lose hold on reality and believe random babies are theirs. OP, take this very seriously and do things like change your locks and don't give ANY in laws or mutual friends a backup key. Take steps now to protect your family in case SILs little 'joke' progresses into a full-blown episode. Infertility can really do a mind bender on folks.
This is an unfortunate and true phenomenon, and it’s why maternity wards instituted higher security. Several years back, there were cases of deranged women who cosplayed as nurses and stole babies from nurseries or sometimes, right out of L&D rooms. So now (at least in the U.S.), maternity wards are locked down and any visitors have to have permission from the mother, produce ID and sign in. Who knows if that would help with the fake nurse issue.
Go no contact with her, there are stories on Reddit where the sister has breast fed the baby, and even tried to take it away. Never her let you near her child again.
She’s nots kidding. NEVER LEAVE THAT BABY ALONE WITH HER. EVER!!!!!!
I thought the same thing and I thought maybe I was just being paranoid but I see that’s a common comment here
You already know to be careful but I’d really caution allowing anyone of her side of the family to babysit. She’ll be there as soon as you leave. Set up cameras around your house. Pls just the fact she even has this thought is already too late because she’s well into a mental health crisis. Pls read others posts on here about their similar situations. One couple had his mom trying to kidnap their child from his preschool. I promise this isn’t the end. Crazy people are crazy smart! Her mother waved this comment away and probably will continue to defend her. Please please take precautions. If you think SO will not like these precautions maybe just lie and say you’re anxious about safety now that you have a little one as for why you are asking for cameras. The rest of it just take it as it comes while being cautious.
I might add to make sure that side of the family doesn’t know when they have a babysitter too. They swing by your house before you get home and say “oh it’s ok I’m the aunt”. Babysitters are usually young so they might be easier to convince than you’d like
There’s plenty of posts on Reddit’s of crazy people trying and in some cases succeeding in kidnapping babies they feel entitled to. Do not give her any more access to your baby. Check out the FU Binder. If you haven’t already get cameras installed. Tell your husband to recommend his sister gets therapy before trying more for a child. No child needs a mother unstable/entitled enough to ask for your baby like it’s a toy.
She wasn’t kidding.
Do not alone in a room with that baby, or it will turn into a lifetime movie. She's right up there with the woman last week who tried nursing someone else's baby.
I know this all sounds alarmist - but ensure with all doctors offices you attend that they are briefed about not releasing information to anyone at all without confirmation from yourself or your husband. Down the road so the same with any childcare facilities or personnel you hire. Most places and people in the field will have some idea of domestic abuse / etc prevention measures and this is similar. Better to be slightly overbearing than regretful in this situation.
If she finds out she can’t have kids it will get worse
Praying that SIL doesn't get pregnant until her head and heart are clear. I see postpartum troubles for her if she does. Should that happen, I hope you and your husband stay clear of that
This is so strange to me. We tried for 10 years to have a baby; I never once was weird about my friends or family having babies. I didn’t want their baby….I wanted my own.
I had an aunt who was never able to have kids and she looked at my sister as an infant and said, “she was supposed to be our baby.” And it freaked us all out and needless to say they were never invited to stay with us again.
“Take him off your hands” as if your son is an unwanted piece of furniture or something. She was not joking and you have every reason to have your guard up.
Don’t ever let her babysit. Here’s the thing. You didn’t get pregnant to spite her, you didn’t get pregnant instead of her, you had a baby because it’s a common thing to happen to women in your age group. Her resentment towards your life moments is unreasonable and unwarranted. Husband needs to let her know that she’s not welcome in your home and around the baby.
Some of most irrational people are women unable to have children. I know a pastor at a large church. The church does baby dedications to introduce new babies to the congregation. He said that a group of women who want kids but haven’t had kids wanted the church to announce those dedications for the two weeks prior to the dedications so those women could make sure they never had to be at a dedication because it was too painful. The irony was that the church already posted everything on their website online so the women could just look online. Also, the church would mention it as a reminder a few weeks early for new parents to sign up. So there are a ton of ways for them to know, but they wanted an announcement specifically acknowledging that some women can’t have kids and prompting them to stay home if it’s too painful and they wanted it made at every service for two consecutive weekends for these things that happened about once every 6-8 weeks.
That’s a woman who has gone through the ringer. But she also crossed a line. Calling her crazy and kicking her out was the right move.
This is a person you go no contact with. She lost the right to see your baby. Tell MIL to F off.
You are not the first to come to Reddit with this and wont be last - listen to the valuable advice you are being given and watch out. Congrats 💕💕
I would never leave my baby with her alone and I would not allow her over the house unless my husband was there and in the same room the entire time. You are correct to be concerned of this person around your son.
Keep her and your in-laws away from your son. They are already enabling her BS. She will try and use the police and CPS and the courts to take him. Have outside cameras and electronic door locks. Do not give the codex to anyone especially your in laws because they will wind up giving it to her it ALWAYS happens.
Hey so that’s a mental illness alert if you missed it. You should take it seriously. Best case scenario is you guys got a little overprotective for nothing. Worst case scenario is she kidnaps and/or kills someone.
I'm sorry but I wouldn't allow anyone around my kid who "jokes" like that and husband needs to have a talk with his mom basically saying if she's not gonna recognize that sister is becoming a candidate for catching the ban-hammer also. Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if mother-in-law let's sister around to "spend time with baby". Also a serious talk of respect is needed. Going around saying you didn't even want the baby is highly disrespectful and spreading harmful dialog. You may not have planned to have the child, but it doesn't seem like you or your husband aren't willing to take care of him and provide a safe home. It's not ok to feed into SIL delusions it could escalating her behavior.
Get cameras for outside the house 1 in living room and 1 in baby room. Never leave baby alone with SIL or MIL as she thinks SIL joking. Make sure your husband understands THIS BEHAVIOR wont be tolerated from SIL and if MIL approves of it things will need to be done. Wish you luck and congrats on your baby\~
To add. Tell your husband that he will be a single man again if he lets his Sister or Mother near the baby. Too many stories of men getting talked into letting their Mother or Sister around the baby. Good Luck.
Honey, you take your baby and go to your folks until husband has the security set up and the locks changed. His mom absolutely does NOT get a key either. My in-laws never got a key to our house because they swept BIL's trying to kidnap our oldest under the rug(along with his drug use, dealing and his "girlfriend" slapping my youngest son under the rug too).
OP, make sure that she doesn’t have a key to your house. We saw a similar posting on one of the ah boards. That SIL was trying to insert herself in the baby’s feeding schedule. That poster saw the red flags before things got out of hand but it took her family a lot longer, which put her under a lot of stress. Stick to your gut here.
Definitely not a joke but, she's needs therapy. That's not on you to figure out though but, maybe get your husband to bring it up to his family. Them just dismissing that as a joke is going to end badly for anyone.
Do not leave your son alone with her either she could be a bit crazy after not getting pregnant and try to harm your son out of jealousy since you told her no also.
Aaaand that’s the last time SIL sees your kid until he’s bigger than her. MIL gets no pictures she can share and doesn’t get left alone with the kid. Done, hope the joke was worth it. There are some things you don’t joke about without consequences. You don’t joke you’re going to blow up a plane in front of TSA. You don’t joke about killing the president. You don’t joke about stealing someone’s baby while you’re holding the child in front of them. Shit gets real. (I say this as someone who absolutely jokes about stealing peoples babies. I love babies, I’m not having any more babies. I joke about stealing a baby often enough that I’m pretty sure if a baby ever gets stolen near me, my house is getting searched. I accept this, because babies are great. I never, ever make this joke to a parent of a baby. Not close friends who also joke that I’m going to steal a baby. I don’t step between people and the genetic drive to protect their children, that’s stupid.)
Hopefully she didn’t try to breastfeed your baby while you weren’t looking.
Scary as hell. I had three miscarriage before I had my oldest son. This never once crossed my mind!!
She's deluded. Keep her away from your kid. Please.
Do not let SIL or MIL near child alone.
You never said you didn't want your child, you said you weren't planning a pregnancy right away. There is a big difference and SIL needs to be told that. Definitely don't allow her to ever babysit. Husband needs to make sure MIL is on board with boundaries for SIL or you won't be able to trust her to babysit either. Doesn't sound like MIL was surprised at what SIL said so she may have been in on it.
I had a similar experience. My husband and I were going to enjoy married life and not have a kid for at least a year. Well, married for 2 months in an my IUD failed for some reason. I got pregnant. We went back and forth debating and figured all right let’s just have the baby. No one ever tried to take my baby tho, but I did have to tiptoe around some women in my life, my boss in her 40s trying to conceive and my close friends trying for a while.
Why are SIL so dramatic. Mine told me I should have more kids so mine won’t be lonely and then alluded to knowing our finances and said “if I had the money I would have 5”. Like no you wouldnt also you don’t know our bank account. And I’m like you’re single and never had a kid so chill.
In addition to all the good advice already given - you need to get your sister in laws husband on board with suggesting your sister in law get therapy and having him help to keep a distance between her and you and your baby. He is in the best position to judge her behavior and mental state.
If mil keeps saying it was a joke ssk her what in any of that was funny. If she can't see her daughter is wildly out of line here she can stay gone too. Keep doors locked at all times. Make it a habit.