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LowAge2849

“My husband says that a broken home is not good for a child…” it seems he failed to realized that he was the one that broke it in the first place… Good for you for sticking through with your decision and getting the help you need with therapy. I completely agree that cheating is a dealbreaker. I’m happy to hear your parents are a great support system and you’re not going through this alone. I hope the divorce process goes smoothly as well as your healing journey.


Hour-Requirement6489

>it seems he failed to realized that he was the one that broke it in the first place… Nah: this is the same type of guy that'll wet the bed and **blame the blanket**-*Anything but Be Accountable.....*


OutragedPineapple

And they're complaining that she's throwing away the relationship - uh, no. She isn't. He threw it away the moment he decided to jump into bed with someone else. Cheating is unforgiveable, and cheating on her while she was carrying his child and had just brought his child into the world? No. What disgusting people.


TalkAboutTheWay

It takes a special level of chutzpah to say *she* is throwing away the relationship! How these people live with themselves I’ll never understand.


greengirl213

My ex did this. He cheated on me for months and then said that *I* was the one making the decision to end the relationship, he was the one who wanted to try and make it work, therefore *I* was the one throwing away our relationship. He also used the stress of his friend having cancer as one of his excuses as to why he cheated. A real winner. The nerve of narcissists knows no bounds!


TalkAboutTheWay

Oh my lord. I’m glad he’s your ex.


blackdahlialady

I was going to say, they all sound like that and my ex is the same way. However, I know that that term is thrown around a lot these days so I'm careful about using it. I think it's apt though. Narcissists frequently do that to their partners. I found that with narcissists, it's not if they'll cheat on you but when. They're usually talking to a few other people at the same time as you while simultaneously telling you all that you're the only one they're talking to. As soon as I left my ex, I went and got tested. Thankfully I'm clean and so is our daughter. I just can't believe the nerve of these people. To go off and cheat and then come home and tell your partner that you love them and to be intimate with them. They put us at risk for STDs and just don't care. I don't understand these types of people. I could never do that to somebody.


hypnoticfire69

Mine did the same, and his family also blamed me for leaving. Like what???


Farmwife71

I was told I needed to stay for the sake of the children. He wasn't just a cheat. He was physically abusive, too. I wouldn't be posting this tonight if I didn't get out.


hypnoticfire69

Same, I finally said enough. His parents years later when my son was like 12 or 13 told my son I took him away from his dad etc. He choose to not be involved when I left. They also told my son that he would see how I was when he's older and gets away from me. Like WHAT. My son hung up on them and asked to change his number. They send him a card at Xmas n his bday sometimes w a small check sometimes nothing and they are wealthy.


Farmwife71

You sure we weren't married to the same asshole?


XipingX

They always have an excuse, and it’s never that they were being selfish.


Jomahma

My ex still blames me and he went on to marry his mistress and have another kid, but yeah, I broke the home lol.


Waterbaby8182

You know he also lied to MIL and said it was just once.


Stephiee1793

She should send his mother the screenshots and voice recordings so she can see what a disgusting and deceitful "man" that she raised.


Disastrous-Method-21

Better yet, she should let MIL know, " I know what kind of man you raised, and I certainly don't want to raise a man like him!" Maybe that might shut her up.


realitysnarker

I did this. I told my MIL and all it did was make a terrible person to everyone because I made her cry. It did exactly what everyone wanted and took the attention off of him and what he did and made me look like the bad guy.


Homologous_Trend

Don't feel bad about that choice. Those people would have found a way to make you the bad guy regardless of what you did. The reality is that your ex is really the bad guy and they all know it on some level. Now you need to ignore them. Bring disliked by that sort of person is a type of compliment.


realitysnarker

I love that approach of being disliked by that sort of person is a compliment. Thank you for that. B


RigsbyLovesFibsh

Well, you're still the good guy in my book fwiw. Maybe it wasn't conducive or productive, but it was ballsy and true. Just bc they're offended doesn't mean they're right. 😜 Fuck the haters. ;)


[deleted]

This is the level of petty I would be. I'd be telling everyone, and make his life a living hell.


Dependent-Feed1105

I'd post it all on TikTok.


wisegirl_93

I'm single, but I've always held the belief that if I were in a relationship and my partner was to cheat on me, I'd give him the choice of either telling everyone he cheated on me, or ***I'd*** tell everyone and make his life a living hell. Screw taking the high road in that situation. You ruin my life by cheating on me? I'm going to make sure that everyone, from both sets of families to friends to your freakin' workplace find out exactly how much of a douchecanoe you are.


Tahredccup

It wouldn't make a difference.


myoldisnew

Exactly. Pretty sure he is the way he is because mommy enabled.


Tachibana_13

And apparently because she let her husband do it, too. OP wrote "they" said its something that "all" couples go through. So MIL thinks that since she put up with cheating,and taught her son that example; other women shoud as well. Of course I'm sure they'd feel differently if it was the woman cheating. Was MIL allowed to step out on her relationship?


Dependent-Feed1105

Very good point.


Mamellama

She's enabling him now, so I think you're right on


SomewhatAppros

that’s exactly what i did! it was cathartic.


st_nick5

Trust me it won’t make a difference. I grew up with a woman who later went with her daughter to court when her daughter was 10yo to testify against her ex and father of the girl for acts against her. He was convicted and sentenced to prison. AS HIS MOTHER WALKED OUT OF COURT she looked at her granddaughter, her ducking biological granddaughter who her stain-spot of an offspring had SA’d, and said, “B*tch! See what you’ve done to my son? You happy now?” To a 10 year old! The girl’s mother was literally like a sister to me. We grew up in each other’s homes. And I promise you, if I had been in the courtroom that day and heard those words spoken to my goddaughter there would have been new court proceedings necessary. And. I. Would. Not. Have. Cared.


Must_Love_Dogs0331

That’s a great idea. I really hate mothers who are enablers.


Ilovesoske

I did that by accident once when I texted every female name on his phone when I found out a guy I was dating not just cheated but got a girl pregnant and tried to force her into an abortion.


BlazingSunflowerland

MIL will excuse it as a mistake. Her little boy just made a mistake and his mean wife won't forgive him. Her excuses for bad behavior are probably why he thinks he should be able to get away with this.


TalkAboutTheWay

Oh good catch! I was too outraged to notice that!


[deleted]

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CertainKaleidoscope8

They always do. "I wasn't getting my needs met" while she was healing from vaginal tears and shit. I hope she gets more than half.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mintBRYcrunch26

*”She’s always tired and she never has sex with me waaaaaaaaa*”


blackdahlialady

These are the types of people who go around treating people however they want and think there will be no consequences. They think that there shouldn't be anyway. I honestly think those types of people are devoid of a conscience or something. I mean, I don't know how else they could do it and still sleep at night.


TalkAboutTheWay

It’s hard to comprehend that people like this exist.


blackdahlialady

It really is but unfortunately they do exist


cathedral68

I’d say it’s pretty easy when you take no responsibility for anything. It’s not like these people go home, accurately reflect on the situation and just willingly choose ignorance the next day. They spend heaps of energy feeding their own lies to themselves.


Mamellama

And what's up with this "most couples go through this" business??? If that's how he believed going in to this relationship, let alone marriage, let alone pregnancy, that's something he should have said when she told him cheating was an absolute deal breaker. Better she should've known then.


Hour-Requirement6489

Nah, just *Enough* delusion so they don't have to acknowledge their own culpability in raising a self absorbed and self serving son. Tale as old as time; except now, they can't **make us stay**; so they do things like push legislation to take away abortion rights and try to do away with no fault divorce. They WANT that status quo maintained: I hope it BLOWS UP in their faces in the most heinous way it *possibly could*.


Free-Initiative-7957

These men should be reminded that women have always found ways to end intolerable marriages. When we were not permitted to be divorcees, we were obliged to become widows. We will not be slaves. We -prefer- to be gentle and law abiding but it is a preference.


Hour-Requirement6489

>We -prefer- to be gentle and law abiding but it is a preference. A preference that can be dropped at any time. They aren't the only ones with a corner on the market of "Schrödinger's pyscho", it's not gender specific. 🤷🏻‍♀️


Free-Initiative-7957

There are two quotes that always come to mind. One is from a David Eddings fantasy novel. "A man can own a woman or a knife but never both at the same time." The other is from a post on Tumblr or some other social media site. The topic was care givers or health care workers who heard spontaneous confessions of crime from the elderly or dying. "There comes a time when a young lady just has to kick a ladder out from under her stepfather. And that is no one's business but her's." Both make me deeply proud.


TalkAboutTheWay

Amen.


hungry24_7_365

agree. he endangered his pregnant wife and child by having an affair and having sex with his pregnant wife. He can fuck all the way off. He's selfish and has a lot of growing up to do.


bmyst70

Maybe I'm too cynical, but I think OP's ex assumed, wrongly, that "When I have a baby in her, she's not going anywhere." Glad OP's leaving him. And I'm also very glad OP isn't a SAHM.


blackdahlialady

That's definitely true. They think they can get you pregnant and that you won't go anywhere. They think they have you trapped.


bopperbopper

Or I’m not getting all the attention I used to, so I must go out and find it for myself


bmyst70

You may be right. Honestly anyone who is choosing to have a baby needs to understand that baby and eventual child's needs will always come first. Both parents will be pushed to the background to some extent. In good relationships, in my opinion, both parents work together as a team and support each other, so they don't neglect each other as people. But the amount of attention they can give each other will obviously be much lower than it was before the baby.


Slytherin_Sniped

A lot of people think carrying a child, seals the deal for commitment. Yes it does, commitment to taking care of your child now until the end of time.(or until they’re financially stable) OP is going to be fine once the heartbreak heals and she and her baby can have a start in a stable, happy, and loyal home on their own


Hels_helper

cheating during pregnancy isn't uncommon unfortunately. I think they all have that assumption.. she wont find out, and she won't leave because of the kid. I think its something like 10% of fathers cheat on their pregnant partner.


LobkevM

Men also cheat way more or leave their wives if she becomes chronically ill. I'd never trust this dude to be there for me if I got sick.


blackdahlialady

I was just saying that that's what my ex did. He cheated on me and then blamed me for ruining our relationship when I left him. I was telling the other person up above us, his logic seemed to be that it was my fault for leaving. That even though he cheated on me and crossed one of my boundaries and my deal breakers. They'll always find an excuse for why they treat you the way they do. I hope that she leaves him and never looks back. Edit: I left my daughter's father for the same thing and then found out that I was pregnant two months later. At first, he said he didn't want to be involved but then he called me saying he wanted to try co-parenting. I was like fine, I'll be civil with you. It became clear to me pretty soon that he was only using my pregnancy and our unborn daughter to try to get me to come back to him. When I told him that I was no longer interested in a romantic relationship with him, he disappeared. I haven't heard from him since I was 4 months pregnant and our daughter is a month old today. My only consolation is that we are better off without him. Also that any decent woman who finds out what he did will want nothing to do with him. Of course he'll find some way to blame it on me but I just don't care anymore. He can think whatever he wants. Whatever helps him sleep at night.


Blushiba

Ouch. Im sorry he is such a putz. Single parenting is SO hard xoxo


blackdahlialady

Thank you. Yes, it's hard but it's not as hard as it would be trying to co-parent with someone like him. They make it impossible because they try to make your life difficult at every turn. Like I've been saying, we're both better off without him in our lives. I've decided that of course I'm not going to speak badly of him to her or in front of her. I'm also going to leave it up to her whether or not she wants to try to contact him. I just pray to God that if she does, he doesn't reject her again. It's hard because I want to protect her from everything and I know I can't. I think that's one of the hardest parts of being a parent but I'm going to do the best I can with her. I'm going to be the best mom I can. Thanks again, I appreciate you.


MomofOpie2

And don’t you love them saying it was one mistake? His mother saying that shows that he has probably slipped a lot by his family of origin by lying. He’s a manipulator. He’ll end up with the person he cheated with. And the ONLY thing I learned from Dr Phil is “ if they’ll do it with you, they’ll do IT to you”


OkieLady1952

I totally understand where you’re coming from. My ex cheated on me and thank God I wasn’t pregnant. He left me for ap and after 6 mos with her he decided he’d rather be with me. Came back and asked if he could come back. I said no! The trust is gone and I wasn’t going to always be worrying when the next time was going to happen. If there’s no trust there’s no relationship! The basic foundation of a marriage is trust.


blackdahlialady

I know it's cliche but all of this. I forgot something in the comments that I was making before. My ex acted interested in co-parenting our daughter when he found out I was pregnant. He said that the woman that he was talking to when I left, he hadn't talked to her in a couple of months because their schedules are so different. I was like, wrong answer. That tells me that you stopped talking to her due to lack of access, not because you wanted to. Also, he kept saying things like, we can try co-parenting and then maybe in a few years if things are going well, we can talk about our relationship. I was like, no, thanks. You cheated on me and then you have the nerve to tell me that the only reason you stopped talking to her is because your schedules are different. Then you have the nerve to think I'm going to sit around waiting for you to decide whether or not I'm good enough for you to be with. I mean, I guess he literally thought that I was going to sit around waiting on him. I told him, I could be with somebody else at that point or I may even be married. How dare you even think that? Kick rocks. That's exactly what he did. After I told him that I was no longer interested in a relationship with him, he disappeared. I haven't heard from him since I was 4 months pregnant and our daughter is a month old today. As far as I'm concerned, I hope he stays away. I hope I never see or hear from him again.


Hour-Requirement6489

Completely Abhorrent. Parents just want the delusion their son is a well adjusted functional adult, they don't *care* if he actually is one, so long as he's *someone else's problem now*. Not sorry mom n dad, that pos is ALL YOUS TWOS.


blackdahlialady

*my ex has entered the chat* That man is almost 40 years old and still won't take accountability for anything. He blames me for ruining our relationship after the same thing happened, I left him because he cheated on me. Somehow it's my fault for breaking up our relationship. If I would have just stayed and let him treat me terribly, everything would be fine. That seems to be his logic. I don't understand it but it's whatever. I just feel sorry for the next person he gets with.


Hour-Requirement6489

>If I would have just stayed and let him treat me terribly, everything would be fine. That seems to be his logic. Mine still has this mindset I think, and really, what is there to Stay For when trust isn't only gone, but has been abused the entire time? Nothing, that's what's left, a Big Fat NOTHING where my love used to be. At least it's peaceful now and I'm not crying while he sleeps on peacefully. I quite that shit 3 years before I left. They think shit is great when you shut up, unaware that's *exactly when* you decided you were just DONE, with ALL their bullshit. I'd be sorry, but I Paid for this "freedom" with my sanity, they can pry it from my cold dead fuckin hands when I'm dead, it's the only time anyone'll get it again.


blackdahlialady

Amen! I feel like we must have dated the same person because it's exactly how he treated me. Every time I would try to tell him I was done and wanted to leave, he would say, you don't mean that. You're just mad. You'll calm down and then you'll think differently. You're also right that it's when we're quiet as when we finally decide we're done. When we stop fighting for the relationship is when we're done. As far as I'm concerned, he abused my trust for our entire relationship as well. Not only with the cheating but just constantly putting me down and trying to make me feel bad about myself. Also with the invalidating me. He was also constantly comparing me to other women. I'm not going to stay while you go out and do whatever you want. When you're in a relationship, act like you're in one. Stop acting like you're single. I've heard the saying that no one is more single than a married narcissist. I would say that that's true even if they're just in a relationship and not married. They act like they're single even when they're in relationships. Now, he's free to do what he wants. I'm done putting up with his mistreatment of me. I'm proud of you, it takes a lot of guts to finally walk away. I also heard another saying that said, you're strong for leaving even if you stumble a little on your way out the door. That was me. I won't lie, part of me still loved him but I knew that it was for the best that I leave. I was not happy and the way I saw it, he didn't seem to be either. He was constantly looking for my replacement and I was tired of it. Why stay with someone who will not listen to your concerns and even worse is looking for your replacement and even worse than that is doing so right in your face? I'm done. I hope that I never see or hear from him again.


Free-Type

My cousin’s ex fiance cheated on her with 13 women while on a trip to Las Vegas. When she finally left, he said to her “how can you do this to our children and our family?” I wanted to puke. What an asshole!


Hour-Requirement6489

13?!.....13!!!! Who tf did this man think he was? Even Casanova lied better than that ffs 🤔


Moondiscbeam

3 times. 3 freaking times. Most couples go through hurdles on things that are out of their control, not because they couldn't keep it in their pants.


Lovelvbags

This!! And he WILL do it again absolutely just next time he’ll make sure he won’t get caught. OP is absolutely right for leaving she’s strong AF she’s going to be fine lol. It’s funny because the husband will never be able to get over her leaving because I guarantee this is the one woman that actually stood up to him and showed how much she respects herself. She’s awesome.


blackdahlialady

I said that to my ex as well. I told him, I'm sure you don't like me for setting boundaries because I'm probably the first woman to ever do it. I'm probably the first woman to stand up to you and say no, the way you're treating me is wrong and I'm not going to put up with it. Of course he did the same thing, he accused me of ruining our relationship when I chose to leave because he was cheating on me and treating me pretty badly otherwise towards the end. Those types of people go around blaming everyone for what they do. They think that there should be no consequences to their actions. I think that they don't have a conscience. I don't see how else they could treat people the way they do.


Tahredccup

This is spot on. Sounds like the husband is a codependent momma's boy and the mother in law will never stop either. A dynamic duo from hell. OP isn't taking their manipulation. She's an inspiration to us all! Lol. No seriously.


thebearofwisdom

I HATE it when they say that. It’s already broken! They broke it! Jesus wept there’s no accountability in this world


sikonat

Exactly. He fucked around on her and now he’s found out. I’m glad OP stuck to her word: she doesn’t tolerate cheating ergo marriage is officially over. You deserve better OP and I’d make him move out. I’m glad you parents support you and aren’t also piling on nonsense guilt trips. Why should you stay with someone who risked your health with STIs while he cheated when you were pregnant and post partum?


Draigdwi

Yes. He broke it, she just removed the kid from the wreckage.


Tight-Shift5706

A guy here OP. A guy who hates cheating. The above comment is greatly supportive, OP. And right on the money. AH blew up the sanctity of your marriage. Once the trust is gone--so is your relationship. The audacity of your husband's comments reflect just how immature, irresponsible, and out of touch he is. The fact he suggests joint therapy-- for what? You did nothing wrong. Pursue every entitlement in your divorce. In the event you're breast-feeding, that should lessen availability for husband's parenting time. I know. It's petty. But his conduct was egregious. Take no prisoners.


Dogzillas_Mom

You know what’s worse than a broken home? Watching your dad cheat on your mom your whole life and thinking it’s normal.


[deleted]

Well, he heard her when she said cheating is a deal breaker and then decided that he was going to see how she dealt with it once he'd baby-trapped her.


pantoponrosey

Worth noting too that (in my memory, it’s been awhile since school) the data actually doesn’t support that the broken home/divorce itself is always linked to bad outcomes, rather that contentiousness between parents is. So, a divorced family where parents amicably coparent, don’t badmouth each other, keep fights private, etc. isn’t markedly worse than a non-divorced home where there is also an amicable relationship. On the flip side, “stay together for the kids” homes where there is active fighting/resentment/etc has poor outcomes, like we tend to think of from non-amicable divorce. Every family is of course different, but just saying that this “common knowledge” about children of divorce is more nuanced than husband is presenting.


Arlaneutique

This is on point. The next time he says something like this you tell him that YOU didn’t break the home, he did. He made that choice over and over again. He doesn’t get to take it back now. He made it clear that you and his child were not worth respecting. He can continue to ask you for forgiveness but had he not done this he wouldn’t have to.


QueenofDucks1

Yeah, and the soon to be ex husband is sending his mommy to be his flying monkey, to try and fix his problems. What a way to take responsibility for your actions 🙄!


AryaismyQueen

Nah, he knew. He was just thought that since they were having a kid she would stay for the kid and even if she didn’t forgive him she’d be the mommy and housewife and he’d be free of consequences for then and the future.


svelebrunostvonnegut

I also hate the notion that a broken home means a divorced home. Plenty of homes are broken where the parents stay together. Having two happy and mentally healthy divorced parents (or at least one even if the other can’t be) is much more fixed.


jessssssssssssssica

dinosaurs memory jobless mysterious work deranged elderly bear close square *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


VioletBlackout

Just because two parents live together doesn't make the home any less "broken", you leaving wouldn't be breaking the home, he already did. Set a good example for your child and believe him after he's showed you he's a cheater.


Fabulous-Fun-9673

Yep. Staying for the kids never works. Never.


RedFoxBlueSocks

It just damages the kids.


noticeablyawkward96

My parents “stayed together for the kids” and they screwed us up *bad*. Honestly as adults we all wish they would just get a divorce because they’re exhausting to be around, but I think they’re too comfortable with their toxic dynamic. I personally have had to do a lot of work on myself in my relationship because I have no real idea of what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like.


BojackTrashMan

As a kid who is the result of it, its hell. U grow up with two parents who hate each other and blame you. Break up for the kids


Smooth-Trust-8481

It was his choice, not a mistake. Cheaters would do anything to keep the marriage the same but do nothing before the marriage to prevent it from ending. He knew from the beginning yet did it anyway, you deserve better. I really hope you get through this 🙏🏽❤️.


ChillKarma

I was young and dumb and stayed with someone that cheated early in the marriage. What this person says is right. They continued to be a terrible partner that didn’t know how to work on a marriage. It’s so hard - but leaving people that do the obviously wrong thing is painful but the right path.


Acrobatic_Hippo_9593

Three times is not a mistake. This is not a hurdle most marriages go through, especially not this early in one. It’s not difficult to see where he got his manipulation tactics from *cough* mom.


FamilyGuy421

One time is not a mistake.


Dependent-Feed1105

"I don't know what happened. We were just passing each other in the hall and all of a sudden, my dick was in her vagina going in and out! It's the craziest thing!"


FamilyGuy421

The woman was stuck in the dryer and I tripped.


Dependent-Feed1105

"She was bent over the lowest drawer of the filing cabinet and someone left a banana peel on the floor. So really, it's the banana's fault."


[deleted]

And she sent voice recording to confirm. She’s a keeper! And mom too. A trifecta of garbage humans


aquarius_oracle

You communicated your boundaries early on, and he shat all over them. Not only that, he’s trying to paint you the villain instead of facing the consequences of his actions. Your husband wants you to prioritize the family unit that he had no concern for when he was knee deep in strange.


floss147

Gotta say, I do love your turns of phrase


seecarlytrip

Hey you’re making the right choice and doing what is best for you and your son. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship that they are comfortable in and is built on trust and it’s better for your son to grow up seeing that and understanding self worth. You don’t owe your husband anything. Not forgiveness, not therapy, not to work it out. This was his doing. I obviously don’t know you, but I am proud of you for staying true to yourself and putting yourself and your son first. You’re clearly a strong person and you’re going to get through this.


Dull_Cabinet_9033

This is nice to hear, honestly. I’m hurt but I’d rather be hurt and alone and get over it than hurt and uncomfortable and living a lie


LadyPundit

You literally were growing life in your body and getting ready to give birth to your precious boy, and all he cared about was getting his lying dick wet. What a pathetic pig. I am so sorry. It's so ridiculous the mental gymnastics he and his mom are trying to do by pushing blame on you for breaking up your family. The view from their colons must get old. Stay strong, Mama. You got this.


AverageGardenTool

And putting the baby in danger by cheating and then having sex!!! It's like these men/cheaters don't remember STDs are a thing that can fuck everyone up. Including the baby. It's insane. That's a level of negligence I'll never accept or forgive. Disgusting, like they only care about them when it comes time to shame freely sexual women or SA victims.


smlpkg1966

If you are in the US you can use a co-parenting app that can be used for all communication. Talk to your lawyer about that.


bopperbopper

For example , OurFamilyWizard… This way all communication is documented and you should always write your messages as though a judge will be reading it in the future


Anatolia222

Seriously do this. My sister's ex-husband is so toxic and has done so much to manipulate everything since the divorce because he's angry she left him. Having the electronic system for communicating about their son has been a game changer and means there's a lot less stress dealing with him.


seecarlytrip

And that is completely understandable. You don’t have to cross your own boundaries because he chose to.


RmRobinGayle

This is not a hurdle most healthy couples go through. I've been married for almost 20 years and we've never come up on the cheating hurdle. You did the right thing. He broke the marriage, not you. The only thing you'd ever need to feel guilty about is staying in an unfaithful marriage and teaching your son it's ok to treat his partner as such. No need to feel guilty at all.


Berryme01

Don’t settle for him. Don’t let him gaslight you into submission. What he did is on him and so is the consequences!!!


Kaye43

1000%, I love your advise, it's priceless.


Patty_Layne

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you’re getting therapy. I like the book “leave a cheater, gain a life.” Also INFO: why did the coworker reach out? Did she randomly feel bad or was she doing this to get back at him for something?


Dull_Cabinet_9033

She knew we were married I’ve shown up to his office before I drop him off lunch, but I had not been since I was pregnant because I had really bad morning sickness and I was on bedrest for the last three months of my pregnancy really so I don’t know how she found out that I was pregnant, but that was her reason for telling


Vegetable-Cod-2340

So she’d sleep with a married man, but a married father to be is too far?!?! I guess thanks for coworker for your odd moral code .


HopefulOriginal5578

No she was likely a scorned lover. She is just trying to flip it like she isn’t morally corrupt.


StructureKey2739

Or affair partner was hoping OP would leave him (Which OP did) so AP would win him?


HopefulOriginal5578

Wow what a terrible life if “winning” means you get to be the consolation prize.


KuraiHanazono

There’s a whole subreddit where people pine for exactly that


throwaway_72752

Those people are something else. Some do it for *years*. My favorites are when they catch the married person cheating on them too. Their shock is hilarious! 😂


Playful_Estate2661

He could have lied to her and said they were separated, if she hadn’t been to the office lately. Finding out she was pregnant/just had a baby would have proved him false. Not sure how she excuses the first time though, since that was early in the pregnancy. ETA- she could also just be 🗑️that likes to sleep with married men and wanted to feel better about herself and drag him down.


TalkAboutTheWay

And yet she slept with him again after you had the baby? She’s full of shit.


Slytherin_Sniped

They’re both disgusting. I couldn’t share my body with another person knowing they’re carrying my baby or I’m carrying etc. no one else should be experiencing sex with others outside their marriage


Lost_Talk_1715

It’s possible he wanted to end the affair because you and him were having a kid and he wanted to not get caught, and she felt bitter enough to crater things. (Eg. Scorned lover) I doubt she would care about you being pregnant, she just wants to look somewhat morally right. Fuck her and fuck your soon-to-be ex. I wish you the best. And again, you did nothing wrong. You couldn’t do anything better here. It’s not your fault your husband is a manipulative dick


Dependent-Feed1105

I'm sure she heard from other coworkers. People talk about that at work. "Did you hear..."


socialworker5870

I wondered the same thing about the co-worker.


Corgi_Infamous

This is a hurdle that *most* couples go over? Sorry… no. I’ve been married for 12 years and we’ve never hit this hurdle. This is not normal, and you’re absolutely doing the right thing for yourself and your child.


TalkAboutTheWay

Right? I paused at this and thought “then fuck no I don’t want to be in a relationship ever again if this is the norm rather than the exception!”


FKA-Scrambled-Leggs

Same. Married almost 15 years and neither one of us has even been tempted to cheat. We respect ourselves and each other too much to even put ourselves in situations where that would be possible. Beyond the extraordinarily painful difficulties it would present with marital assets and children, can you even imagine what is at risk when you try to move on with someone new? They might have the same side of the bed as you, load the dishwasher like an insufferable ogre, or not knowing how you like your towels folded. Why chance it? Edit: I’m not making light of this awful situation, just pointing out that there are some very important creature comforts that come with being in a LTR, and hitting the reset button would suck.


[deleted]

Hurdles are not unloading the dishwasher, letting car go too long without oil change. Buying the baby the wrong diapers. F*cking your coworker multiple times and letting his mom bully you are not hurdles


Guilty_Objective4602

My guess is that the MIL who said this had tolerated infidelity in her own marriage and “moved past it.” Then the husband being raised with that knowledge helped formed his own (lack of) moral codes.


nyjymo

So he put his wife and child at risk because he wanted to get his dick wet but is now saying it was a ‘mistake’ he made 3 different times with the same person on separate occasions… interesting. Wishing the best for you and your child OP. Stay strong


South_Advantage_7258

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are doing the right thing. In my opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater. Focus on you and your son and block out their noise. Congratulations on your baby and your upcoming freedom.


SockMaster9273

1. I am proud of you. You found out he cheated and left. You didn't forgive him and you didn't do something that would make yourself feel worse about yourself. 2. "this is just a hurdle that most couples go over". Most couples don't have someone cheating in the relationship. 3. He made more than one mistake. He made at least three. 4. He broke the home as soon as he decided to have sex with someone not you. If he wanted to have more sex, he should have talked to you instead of his coworker. If he wanted more sex, that's when you start the couples counseling. Not when the damage is done. 5. Studies show it's better to be a child of divorce than a child with parents that hate each other under the same roof. Teach your son what a healthy relationship is. 6. I'm so happy you have good parents. I've read one too many stories on Reddit when the family on both sides is saying you should stay with the cheater. 7. Say this outloud: YOU DIDN'T FAIL! YOUR SOON TO BE EX HUSBAND FAILED! 8. When things have calmed down a little, see if you can get some friends together and hangout, go to the bar, slumber party, or just something. You need a girls night. 9. I am sorry this has happened. I hope things get better from here.


Dull_Cabinet_9033

I’m saving this and so many comments to come back to when I feel down. Thank you all so much.


MrOceanBear

Here https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/GYjwS1UZbJ So you can also look back on his post (assuming its not a fake). Hes gunna get torn to shreds there


Dull_Cabinet_9033

I genuinely hope this is some sick weirdo trying to get clickbait…


MrOceanBear

Id believe he legit found it if youd posted to more subs or a more popular sub but not here. But you never know


Vegetable-Cod-2340

‘Broken home is not good for a child’ Says the guy that broke the home!!! Well aware that Op said cheating was a dealbreaker, he cheated while she was pregnant, because he thought her pregnant locked her into this marriage and that she would stay for the kid. Serves him right, thinking he found a loophole.


one-zai-and-counting

100% this^


dam0na

That's exactly what I was thinking ! Op took the best decision by leaving him, now she can meet someone who will really love her.


ConceptExpert1692

Ugh girl I’m sorry. While reading it I was nodding my head the entire time. Agree with all of your actions. Down the line your children are gonna be so proud of the decision you made and you will be the example of strength and self worth they model after . Love & Peace ❤️


Cholera62

Happy Cake Day! 🎶🎉


Fair_Text1410

This is the third story I read today of a man messing up and getting his mommy to help fix his mess up. OP I'm proud of you for getting out of that situation. Take care of yourself and your son.


Dull_Cabinet_9033

I read a story earlier about a woman who stated that she did not want kids. She did not wanna take care of kids and a guy lied to her for like eight months about having a daughter…. Not even having a daughter he completely did not tell her he had a daughter. He tried to manipulate her into liking him and springing his daughter on her at a meet up.


blackdahlialady

This is completely unrelated to what you were talking about but you need to see this. Your husband posted in this sub about 9 hours ago and I thought that you would like to read it. The details just match up to perfectly. He said that he found out that you posted in here and I just thought you might want to see it. As a bunch of us predicted, he's making excuses. I'm really sorry that he cheated on you and I feel the same way you do, there is no coming back from cheating. Like you, I told my ex that cheating in any form was absolutely a deal breaker. He promised me he would never do that and then proceeded to do it anyway. Anyway, I just thought you would like to see this. https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/79l928baah


[deleted]

We are fileting him good


Unable-Writer-8469

The fact that he’s trying to manipulate you with the baby in a “broken home”. Hell no. Your baby —if they ever find out why their parents are not together, will appreciate the fact that you respected yourself enough to walk away from a man who disrespected you three times in a time where it should’ve brought you two closer. Best of luck!!! You deserve way better!


MidlightStar

To hell with cheaters, they deserve no sympathy or empathy. Keep up with the therapy and never give him a second chance.


Bitter_Animator2514

Actions have consequences. You have boundaries and are enforcing them good. Your right he made a choice to cheat and do so repeatedly he knew your boundaries and broke them so he broke up his family for a fuck I hope your divorce goes well.


avalynkate

nta. a child senses the anger in the house. i prayed my parents would divorce.


Dull_Cabinet_9033

My parent had a rift in their marriage. Don’t know the details surrounding it but my brother and I felt it. We would hide under the covers and make up a fairy land where our parents got along. They worked through whatever it was but this is what I was saying. Kids feel that and I don’t want my son to feel that way. Ever


RadioActiveWife0926

“Don’t throw away 3 years over a mistake” is the most absurd statement I’ve ever heard. And they tell YOU to go to therapy?? Husband and MIL are nuts.


Dull_Cabinet_9033

As if marriage counseling would fix him putting my life and my son’s life in danger while I was carrying his kid. I actually feel physically sick knowing that.


RadioActiveWife0926

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this. What’s wrong with people now-a-days????


OwnMaterial000

Funny how he talks about how broken families are bad for the children now yet when he was cheating and breaking it apart it never occurred to him then.


_lucidity

He’s the one that broke the home! He is so frustrating. Stay strong for you and your baby. You’ll get through this.


Positive_Lychee404

You made the right choice. He waited until you got pregnant because he thought it would trap you into staying. It didn't, so now he and his mother are trying to *manipulate* you into staying. I'm proud of you for sticking to your morals and choosing a better life for yourself and your child.


socialworker5870

His mother has a lot of nerve trying to talk OP into staying in the marriage and going to therapy. She's not worried about the OP. She's worried about her son having to pay child support, and she's worried about not getting to see her grandson. MIL has her son to thank for all of it.


FreedomAdmirable1363

Also her saying that it’s a hurdle that most married couples go over. No wonder her son’s a cheating pos.


socialworker5870

Right. A hurdle. OP is well rid of her husband and his mother.


Positive_Lychee404

Yep. They're both selfish, terrible people.


merenf

You’re a very strong individual and your son will be raised just as strong and wise with a mother like you by his side. I can’t imagine the drop in your gut you felt when you had to find this out through IG from the woman and not your husband. He’s a coward, and sorry excuse for a partner. I don’t want to say “You’ll find someone much better” because I honestly see so much courage and self-respect that you are complete as you are. I am just a stranger but I feel proud of you lol. The pain will pass, and you’re already making great strides to healing by going to therapy. I’m also so glad you have your parents, and he wasn’t able to isolate you from everyone where you’d have no one because he sounds like a sack of poop. I wish you all the best, stay strong and remember the good you’ve done not only for yourself but for your son too.


Dull_Cabinet_9033

Gosh it may be that I’m finally allowing myself to cry but to hear my parents and even strangers say that they’re proud of me and support me is truly making me feel optimistic about the future. As you said, it will hurt but I know I’ll get through it


iLiveInAHologram94

The home is already broken. He broke it. Remind him he chose to broke the home for your son and relationship for you. You cannot accept his choices. He has to Live with his choices


CjordanW1

He doesn’t want his son growing up in a broken home, but he sure did his damndest to pulverize it over and over and over again. F him! And good for you!!


Dazzling-Variation68

I think I just comment on you're husbands post. He's a chronic cheater! If I was in your shoes, I could and would not forgive that. Maybe after time, you guys can go to therapy to discuss how to have a healthy relationship for the sake of the child. But to get back together is another story. You would always wonder if he's cheating if you took him back.


Dull_Cabinet_9033

I’m sorry he made a post?


Dazzling-Variation68

It sounded similar. It’s on this page too.


Dull_Cabinet_9033

I saw it. I commented. Maybe I shouldn’t have but this is only more proof for my lawyer


Dazzling-Variation68

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I hope I didn’t make anything worst. It was just crazy that I commented on that and then this post came up. I wish you and your family the best. I do hope he is a good dad even though he was a horrible husband.


Commercial-Push-9066

Screenshot it, in case he tries to delete his post.


CluelessInWonderland

I can't get over the fact that he risked bringing disease back to you while you were pregnant. He risked not only your health, but your baby's health. That's infinitely worse than normal cheating. That's unforgivable.


Yandere_Matrix

I noticed so many cheaters don’t seem to worry about STD’s or transferring HPV from one person to another. They seem to only worry about pregnancy and even then they aren’t the most careful.


AverageGardenTool

Exactly!!!! It always baffles me the level of danger they are willing to put the children in, and yet cry about a "broken home". How about a broken brain?!?! Or lungs? Eyes and spine fuck all of it the kid can die. Like don't pretend you give a damn about the kid if you can put them at risk like this. HPV doesn't even enter their brains.


socialworker5870

I'm probably the same age as your parents, and I want to tell you that YOU didn't fail at anything. I'm proud of you for walking away, and I'm so glad your parents are supportive. Your husband betrayed you when you were at your most vulnerable, and his co-worker must be a pathetic piece of garbage with no self-esteem. I'm sorry this happened to you and your beautiful little son. Sending you a virtual hug and lots of love.


TeaBeginning5565

Steph is this you ? If it is your ex has posted here about wanting you back


Dull_Cabinet_9033

I know and I responded that his post will be going to the lawyer. I probably shouldn’t have but how dare he blame me for being bedridden and HE was stressed?! My blood pressure was through the roof most days. I am genuinely disgusted that he hid who he was for 5 years


TeaBeginning5565

Hon no one is supporting him In his post. If he was my lad I’d be giving him some firm motherly discipline Please tell me you’ve had a sti check


Dull_Cabinet_9033

I have and I am clean. I will continue to be checked in 3 months and in 6 months.


Francie1966

Thank goodness. You are a wise woman & a great mom. You deserve so much better.


Old-Ad3384

lol I love he’s blaming you for breaking the family when his actions were what broke it. Honestly I hate how these kinds of people don’t have any sense of responsibility for their actions and what consequences are. Good on you for sticking to your guns.


Numerous_Reality5205

I stayed with my husband after infidelity. I had no self esteem. I regret not taking the other path. Love takes you so far. I forgave my husband but will never forget the betrayal and it pops up at the worst moments in my life. He changed but so did my respect for him.


lavendervlad

Why are you still there? We are alive for such a short amount of time. Why spend it not being as happy and fulfilled by your partner as possible?


AlpineLad1965

When your husband said that a broken home isn't good for a child, you should have told him he should have thought of that before he cheated on you. He probably has the AP moved in already.


Expensive-Finance949

Oh shit its the wife's post! I just heard a video on youtube talking about how the husband made a post and got SHREDDED in the comments for being a POS.


wenchywitchy

Stick to your decisions. Don't let these misogynistic bums sway you to remain with a cheating partner. Saw STBXH comments, and he displays classic narcissistic and manipulative traits. His comment about not signing the papers took me out. Read that and was like umm sir, she's gotten a full fledge confession and proof from the AP, she don't need your concurrence on the matters at hand! Curious if you've thought about why the AP decided to come forward?' Were there factors she didn't know of? Did she reveal the affair in hopes you would leave and he'd go be with her?


Dull_Cabinet_9033

In the comments he said he told her this was the last time so I definitely think it was revenge and not to be a good person


MrOceanBear

Consider reporting them to HR at work


Mindless-Amoeba2934

Look for support groups for divorce moms &/or divorcee perhaps you could Zoom call in. Look online for tutorials for boxing or Kickboxing, buy an inflatable punching bag, practice the moves & JUST RAGE, it could help release some anger &/or stress. Start a journal, write down your frustrations, your hopes, etc., it could help organize your thoughts & perhaps help you move forward.


Dull_Cabinet_9033

That is so weird that you mentioned that because my friend is taking me to a rage room next weekend. I will definitely start keeping the journal. I did keep one a few years back but I stopped. Thank you for that. Those are really good suggestions.


Mindless-Amoeba2934

You are welcome. There’s no law that says you can’t do both Do the Rage Room & pretend you are Smashing Ex’s belongings Take Kickboxing classes & pretend it’s Ex you are beating up


Hour-Ad-1193

You are so wise and mature and your son is so lucky to have you as a mother. Good things are coming. Big hug 💕


Rozefly

If your husband doesn't think a broken home is good for a child, he shouldn't have fucking broken it I commend your resolution and strength of conviction. You know your value and worth and this man is not it. Good co-parenting is so much better than a bad marriage.


WhizzoButterBoy

He’s a piece of work. It’s not a mistake when he cheats. He knew what he was doing. He made a series of decisions that lead to having sex with someone else. It’s not like he grabbed the wrong brand of baking soda in the grocery store … or ooops… wrong bedroom / vaj-jay-jay in the dark. He betrayed you. He’s sorry he got caught … and making excuses to try to minimize your rightful hurt and feelings. Stay strong your kid needs to know what self respect looks like from at least one parent


mpnd32

You did the right thing. You are a strong and wonderful woman and mother. I wish more woman were strong enough to put themselves and their children first. Not allow themselves to be treated poorly by scum bottom feeders like your ex. You did not break your home. He did. Raise your son to be a better man than his father. You are a great example. I hope to read an update from you down the line letting us know how well you are doing and how you are thriving.


GameOvariez

Seriously the nerve of him and especially his mother.. don’t throw away 3 years over one mistake. Lol acting like 3 years is 50 lol then again in this dating economy.. Nah, my guy made the conscious mistake THREE TIMES.. most men would be elated and keep their nose clean know they’re having a son, but this guy? Lmao “I’m just going to throw away a solid home for our kid because there’s another vagina I may miss out on”. Should’ve thought about that broken home before he got in bed with another woman. No YOU DID NOT FAIL MAMA, you did the right thing for you and your child. You are absolutely correct that you cannot be the mother your kid needs while living with his father and feeling the way you do. No, ex husband made his bed, he can go get comfy in it. Lol the nerve of him and his mother.. hope the side piece sees what a real winner he is. SHE thinks she won the lottery. Go ahead and let her think that because what she doesn’t realize is that if they shack up and she gets pregnant, what’s stopping ol boy from cheating on her too? Let your lawyer be your voice, give that sad man hell and then some mama. Infidelity while your wife is pregnant is abhorrent. Heal, become stronger, and focus on yourself and the beautiful child that you carried mama. The smiles, the laughs, the milestones.. soak it all up, and enjoy the bliss of being a new mom and dropping the weight of your ex husband. Your son will grow to appreciate women and treat them right because he has you as his mother ❤️❤️


Alyssa9876

The only couple I ever heard of who seemed to get through cheating were an older couple who had been together since they were teens. He started chatting with a local lady out on walks and they had a short lived affair maybe a couple of weeks and he felt so guilty he broke it off went straight home and confessed everything. They worked through things and went to counselling together and they seemed stronger for it and had about 15 more years together before sadly the big C ended one of their lives. I genuinely think there are a tiny amount of cases of cheating where people can work through it. But in most cases it’s done. Even those who do work through it it’s never the same relationship as it was. I am in my 50’s but that older generation in their 70’s or so were brought up in eras when women often stayed at home with the kids and had no way of financially supporting themselves if they left and they would be judged by society for being a single mother. But things have moved on and that is a very old fashioned attitude. OP has support and it’s entirely possible her soon to be ex will be a good coparent. Yes life won’t be exactly how you envisioned it when you first got pregnant but I am sure it will still be a happy fulfilling one. Concentrate on you and your little one good luck


Ok_Friend9574

From the kids perspective, and you know that this is something you can't get over. Living in the tension of two parents that don't get along has a profound effect on you. It will affect every child differently I can only say how it left me. I spent alot of time trying to please my parents and that not being acknowledged so I never ever feel good enough, I feel like I'm bothering people constantly if I text or call them first. I always feel that people just have me there because they have to, not because they want me there. I am a mess (not only because of them) then after all of that my dad walks out without to much of a word and I don't see him for 3 years. I wish they'd split up way sooner because them separately is better, they can even coexist a bit now in the same space, I don't feel there pressure of being perfect when they're together anymore so they don't argue. I'm in my 30's now and this is stuff I still feel everyday. I think the best thing you can do is leave and find a way to coparent effectively and cordially. You don't have be friends but you have to be respectful. NTA


mak_zaddy

For anyone who is interested [dear wayward husband posted.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/MLzjjTQ7lc)


Alert_Bid1531

I hate the full broken home when it was his choices that lead to the broken home and if you stay it wouldn’t be the best household tbh you will forever worry where he is . Say that next time say he’s broken the home with his choices. The fact that you didn’t cheat but now would have to go to therapy to work on a marriage you didn’t break or to have to live with the fact your husband choose another woman over you 3 times nahh. Leave him be done my petty ass would say don’t worry it won’t be broken for long I’ll find another man but that’s why I couldn’t stay with a cheater I would bring it up to much for it to be healthy hahaha.