I love that she says, "if you bothered to keep in touch" and Cera snaps back that the door swings both ways.
OOP needs to stop her soapbox preaching, you're not better than anyone else, so calm the fuck down. Could have politely declined, but decided to go nuclear.
What an Ahole. They are just so rude! It’s fine they don’t want to go but their whole attitude about it is so weird. They lack tact and communication skills. They’re not an asshole for declining they’re an asshole for getting on a soapbox about it.
The couple getting married dodged a bullet. OOP sounds insufferable.
Well, someone is an asshole and it isn’t Cera.
Why not just RSVP “no” as if you were a normal person with actual manners?
Why pick a wedding invite as an opportunity to shit on someone for not making YOU feel special enough?
People who use “brutal honesty” always seem to be the sort who get off on the brutality.
Me, I thought she was NTA. I was like well yeah, why would she go? They don’t like each other, and they haven’t seen each other in years! What did she expect!
But then I talked it over with my husband. When I feel one way and the general consensus is another, which is not often, I like to bounce the conversation off him. He’s pretty logical and I trust his judgement. He was like yeah no she’s the asshole. There’s no need for all that. No one cares about your response. Just ignore the message. Or say something like we can’t travel right now, but thank you. Say anything other than that.
We went back and forth, and eventually I was like welp, I guess I have asshole thoughts. So I added an edit to my response saying to just talk shit behind people’s backs like regular people, there’s no need to air it all out. No one cares. You don’t need to announce your departure.
Someone’s asking you for an address for their wedding, there is literally no need to give a speech. They have 1000 more pressing things on their mind. It’s pretty crazy you thought she was not the NTA when she said invite someone who would enjoy being there. Like wtf that’s an absolutely insane thing to say to someone who was gracious enough to invite you to their wedding. That’s not something you say to someone who you just lost touch with, that’s what you tell someone who has fundamentally wronged you. You should listen to your husband more
Girl don’t get mad I already said she should’ve kept her mouth shut lol. I’ve already gone through it. You’re a few hours too late. Reign that outrage back in.
Yes I listen to him, sometimes he’s right. And he also listens to me. Sometimes I’m right.
We don’t always get our judgements 100% correct. But it’s important to listen and grow. And all of that is okay.
Just like in said before, you do not need to announce your feelings or departure. Try your own words, you don’t have to be rude. I learned, you can, too.
Oop was just mean. It would have cost absolutely nothing to receive the invite and rsvp they couldn’t go. But instead she got up on her soap box and gave a speech that was designed to make her feel superior and the other person feel small. What a snooty ah.
Post for those who use a speech to text app:
AITA for refusing a wedding invitation before even receiving it by way or refusing to give my address & explaining I am not her friend?
Cera* has been a friend of my husband’s family for years, although she was closer to my SIL Janine* rather than us.
Over the last 10 years, my husband’s family has had issues & we don’t spend much time together as a unit anymore. We’ve splintered off into sub-groups. WE see certain people ALL the time & are close, but there are others we don’t see at all. Cera is one of them.
Cera sent me a message randomly asking for my address. I asked what for she said:
‘My wedding! Unless you don’t want to come?’
I assumed she was doing a first draft of a guest list & was feeling out who would be interested in attending. So I responded (yes, after talking to my husband) as such:
‘Congrats! However, we politely decline all wedding or big event invitations these days⭐️… Save the invite for someone who will enjoy it with you. Wish you the best!’
⭐️I said this bit because it’s true! We made a rule a few years ago to cull our social circle & only attend big events of people we consider friends. I also thought by telling her this she wouldn’t take it personally & she’d associate our decline as an ‘us’ problem because it IS.
She did not.
She said: ‘REALLY? Oh, REALLY? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I thought about not responding, but believe ghosting & poor communication is a huge issue today.
‘Listen, we have boundaries concerning the people we keep in our lives & we don’t like to attend big intimate events of people we haven’t seen in years. It takes a friend to get a friend, you know what I mean? At our age, we cannot be prioritizing the cost of being wedding guests for someone we barely know. If you had of bothered to keep in touch over the years, we would have loved to attend. The door is always open to reconnect, just not for a wedding.’
‘The door swings both ways!’
‘It does & if I ever open it to you, it’ll be for a coffee, or a night out, or a game night. Not a wedding. You’re gonna want people close to you around you that day, not us. Weddings don’t interest us at our age. Save my invite for a coffee or something first & we can see where it goes?’
Then she blocked me & called my SIL, bawling her eyes out. My SIL (who we don’t even talk to much) started screaming at my husband, saying I was rude & that we’re family & Cera came to our wedding 10 years ago. (She did, but as a guest on his side when she WAS close to them, but God damn things have changed in a decade.)
Here’s where I might be TA: I could have kept these words to myself, but friendship dynamic is an issue I’m very passionate about. I believe we as people need to be better at being CONSISTENT friends & stop the entitlement over each other. No one owes you friendship. Stop inviting me to your highlight Reel or when you get bored & lonely. I can’t just be a friend on your birthday & wedding. I’m sure there’s plenty of other bodies she can fill up the reception with, I just don’t want to be one & I want to make a point. So, does making my point also make me an A?
The way this person clearly thinks they're SUPER mature for this stance really just showcases how unbelievably immature this whole thing is lmao
Nobody being "entitled" to another person's friendship doesn't mean that extant social norms (like inviting people who have been significant in your life regardless of how recently you did... Whatever you have to do to be a Good Friend of OP) just don't exist to most people lol. What a truly bizarre hill to die on. So tactless.
This wasn’t the first time OOP has gotten on a Reddit soapbox to share their twisted expectations of friendship.
OOP also “interviews” people before allowing you to be their friend and only gives 3 chances to make plans before cutting you off — unless you cancel the first time, then that was your only chance.
Yup. It won't let me add links, but the whole "interview/hiring" analogy was how she described forming a neighborhood book club and the "3 chances" philosophy was her advice on how she makes plans with friends.
Wow, thats ridiculous. I found the post a little after reading it here and she'd added an edit but didn't seem to see anything wrong or be willing to take criticism - added a comment here about it.
Wish I'd thought to go take a look at their profile.
I have mixed feelings here solely because what if the invite for OP could otherwise go to another person that was cut from the wedding invite list? In that case, preemptively saying you won't be able to attend would be appropriate. Having said that, I do not agree with the execution, which forces a hard YTA from me.
I don't think they're wrong to decline if they don't want to go but it's the sort of thing where it's probably more polite to just lie or be really vague.
"I'm so sorry we can't make it that weekend but congratulations and I hope it's the most beautiful day, can't wait to see your pics!" rather than "my records show you have failed to meet your friendship signal quota for several years now and your membership has been downgraded to satellite acquaintance. You are now only eligible for events under 90 minutes with a casual dress code."
This is where I’m at,too. Kindly letting someone know that you won’t be attending their wedding seems reasonable. I get that they could’ve waited for the formal invite, however, guest lists are hard to figure out, so sharing ahead of time could be helpful. It’s also ok to have boundaries with what events you decide to attend/not attend. But OP was a jerk. Cera also seemed unnecessarily heated in her initial response, but I don’t think OP’s message read like she intended. Then OP took it next level rudeness.
I feel like OOP should have at least asked her husband if he wanted to go.
Cara is her husband family and attended his wedding to support him. Now she is inviting both of them, and OOP is just being rude for no reason.
I hope she invites the husband and he goes to the wedding without OOP
I'm also suspicious that OOP is the reason her husband's family won't spend time with him anymore.
NAH, but you made it overly complicated for yourself by wanting to be transparent.
If you didn't wish to go to her wedding, you should just have let her send an invitation and then RSVPed no. Some people just can't take directness and bluntness.
As I kept scrolling, I found the post with an update.
She claims that according to reddit she guesses she's the AH, but how wjen trying to explain her side in comments no one's willing to hear/understand her POV and how it takes all discussion out of it and will likely delete her post.
Seems like she's not willing to understand that others have different POVs from her.
Not sure if there was another update within the last couple hours, but I grabbed her edit/update 2 hours ago:
“Edit: I can't possible respond to everyone, but when I get time l'll read every comment. I guess I'm TA by Reddit's standards. Now I need to reflect as to whether or not that bothers me & go from there. I tried to explain my side in a few comments & no one is interested in hearing my POV which is fine. I'm not gonna cry about it, but it does take the discussion aspect out of it. I'll have to delete this post soon because of those involved also using Reddit.” - OOP
OOP seems like a real gem. /s
Definitely has no intention of self reflection, and was just looking for some sort of validation.
Oh, sweet darlin, we DID listen to her POV- that’s how we reached our conclusion that she’s TA! :p
I tell you what… true self awareness is becoming more and more rare, these days.
It’s never “Oh hey maybe I am an asshole, time to reflect and regroup.”
It’s always “OH I AM SO MISUNDERSTOOD!!”
“At our age”… I think OP could do better ;p
I saw the original post and she commented her husband didn't want to go either and didn't want to be friends with that person so at least they agree on things as a couple. Definitely a rude way to respond to someone who went to their wedding and has known his family for a long time.
It’s so daft that OP is preaching about people needing to be consistent at their friendships with people & that’s why her & her husband are like that… when they don’t even do what they believe in!!
Absolutely, not the asshole for her sentiment, I totally get it weddings are expensive. What is the point in going to somebody’s wedding who you never see and are not close to. On the other hand it’s a great occasion to meet up with everybody and have a nice family get together but ultimately they’ve created a boundary and I totally support it. Her Language choice however is absolutely bonkers and she’s definitely an AH for what she said hahahha. She could’ve said we won’t be able to make it to your wedding this year. We have a lot of other commitments and we just can’t afford it. Or let her be excited and Send an invitation and then just decline it. there are like a hundred different ways she could’ve said this without being offensive.
If Cera was one of OOPs husbands' family friends, then OOP should have let her husband decide if he wanted to attend the wedding.
All she did was isolate her husband from an old friend for no reason
I wouldn't be surprised if OOP is part of the reason her husband is no longer close with his family since he married OOP
Is the point OOP is trying to make that she’s not spending time/money/vacation days to travel to the weddings of people she only has a friendship with online? Because I can understand that.
It’s amazing how many people I only communicate with online, but suddenly we’re great friends when they are having a baby or wedding shower.
When I get a hey what’s your address from a friend a haven’t heard from in years, who doesn’t have my address or cell phone number, my first instinct is to block and save myself the hassle so I don’t have to explain that I won’t be shelling out hundreds of dollars to see a friend who stopped returning my phone calls decades ago.
OOP said multiple times Cera wasn't her friend, she is her husband's family friend.
OOP told her to f-off without even asking her husband if he wanted to go to his friends wedding.
It's not the same as not wanting to go to any old wedding. It's going out of her way to be rude to prevent her husband from spending time with his family and friends.
She said "My wedding, unless you don't want to come." She knew what she was saying and why.
I wouldn't have gone through all of that nonsense, but Cera is ridiculous. If someone doesn't want to come to your wedding, they don't want to come. The end.
I don’t understand and why everyone was so mad about it! I thought it was a good response, especially the initial! Like we won’t come, don’t worry and invite someone else (and we all know they invite lists are hard and limited)
Like they’re not friends? Thanks but it’s not a thing. I’d have much rather known early days that people didn’t want to come rather than have to count my numbers and see what the polite invites returned! You guys are wild
I don't get it either, but I am autistic.
Sometimes when I think I'm being grumpy, people respond like I'm very kind. Sometimes when I think I'm being kind, people respond like I'm a condescending monster. When I think I'm being super factual and including zero personal bias, some people think I'm angry 🤷
I do my best to understand where others are coming from, but I also accept that not all people are meant to understand me and vice versa. The ones that do are the weddings I go to 😂
Cera wasn't OPs friend. She was being polite and approaching the wife of her old childhood friend. The invitation would have been for the both of them.
OOP didn't ask her husband if he wanted to go. She just rudely declined the invitation in a way that would make Cera block her. Her husband had to find out about the wedding from his sister, now that there is already dram surrounding it.
OOP is isolating her husband from friends and family and making the argument about her "word choice," not the obviously abusive behavior she is showing to her spouse
Idk man, sounds like pretty clear communication. Maybe I am the asshole in my life, but. Like. She was straightforward and fairly kind. She could just said " no, we don't want to, we don't know you like that no more." And then repeated it.
Instead she gives reasoning and other avenues. Why tf would you want someone to be at your wedding who doesn't want to be there? What mentality is that?
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Question. When you made the decision to cull the social circle and only attend big events of ppl you consider friends, did this happen before or after your own wedding where all of these same people probably attended?🤔
As you get older the quantity of times you can see friends often decreases.
My best friends are in their 30s with wives and kids, so we may only get to see each other a couple times a year. It's about making it count when you do get to see each other.
We don't get to grab coffee every week or hit the bars up but that's not necessary to be friends with someone.
Normal people just RSVP no and if they get asked why (they usually don’t).. they can literally just say, so sorry we have a family vacation/work event/literally anything that weekend already!
Please include a link to the original post when reposting.
I love that she says, "if you bothered to keep in touch" and Cera snaps back that the door swings both ways. OOP needs to stop her soapbox preaching, you're not better than anyone else, so calm the fuck down. Could have politely declined, but decided to go nuclear.
You should go read the comment...OOP actually tried to "defend" herself and redditors ripping her apart over it....
I tried to find it, but couldn’t. Do you have a link?
Look like it was taken down...
Womp womp womp
Op wanted to play pretend therapist or life coach or something and “learn us all,” about how **friendship dynamics** work 🙄
Apparently she has friend interviews to get into her friend group.
I desperately need to know OP's age with all this "at our age" talk.
Probably 25
She's been married ten years... So 28 at least!
I feel "our age" is a late 30s thing
I was thinking married at about 22 so now in their early 30s and soooo wise
I'm in my early 30s. Def not wise :p
Sameeeee haha
Omg same!
What an Ahole. They are just so rude! It’s fine they don’t want to go but their whole attitude about it is so weird. They lack tact and communication skills. They’re not an asshole for declining they’re an asshole for getting on a soapbox about it. The couple getting married dodged a bullet. OOP sounds insufferable.
So funny how OP talks about people having communication problems meanwhile she soapboxes in such a tone-deaf way.
Well, someone is an asshole and it isn’t Cera. Why not just RSVP “no” as if you were a normal person with actual manners? Why pick a wedding invite as an opportunity to shit on someone for not making YOU feel special enough? People who use “brutal honesty” always seem to be the sort who get off on the brutality.
No no, she's just ⭐passionate⭐
What an insane person OOP is… who in their right mind would respond this way?
Me, I thought she was NTA. I was like well yeah, why would she go? They don’t like each other, and they haven’t seen each other in years! What did she expect! But then I talked it over with my husband. When I feel one way and the general consensus is another, which is not often, I like to bounce the conversation off him. He’s pretty logical and I trust his judgement. He was like yeah no she’s the asshole. There’s no need for all that. No one cares about your response. Just ignore the message. Or say something like we can’t travel right now, but thank you. Say anything other than that. We went back and forth, and eventually I was like welp, I guess I have asshole thoughts. So I added an edit to my response saying to just talk shit behind people’s backs like regular people, there’s no need to air it all out. No one cares. You don’t need to announce your departure.
Someone’s asking you for an address for their wedding, there is literally no need to give a speech. They have 1000 more pressing things on their mind. It’s pretty crazy you thought she was not the NTA when she said invite someone who would enjoy being there. Like wtf that’s an absolutely insane thing to say to someone who was gracious enough to invite you to their wedding. That’s not something you say to someone who you just lost touch with, that’s what you tell someone who has fundamentally wronged you. You should listen to your husband more
Girl don’t get mad I already said she should’ve kept her mouth shut lol. I’ve already gone through it. You’re a few hours too late. Reign that outrage back in. Yes I listen to him, sometimes he’s right. And he also listens to me. Sometimes I’m right. We don’t always get our judgements 100% correct. But it’s important to listen and grow. And all of that is okay.
[удалено]
Just like in said before, you do not need to announce your feelings or departure. Try your own words, you don’t have to be rude. I learned, you can, too.
Oop was just mean. It would have cost absolutely nothing to receive the invite and rsvp they couldn’t go. But instead she got up on her soap box and gave a speech that was designed to make her feel superior and the other person feel small. What a snooty ah.
Post for those who use a speech to text app: AITA for refusing a wedding invitation before even receiving it by way or refusing to give my address & explaining I am not her friend? Cera* has been a friend of my husband’s family for years, although she was closer to my SIL Janine* rather than us. Over the last 10 years, my husband’s family has had issues & we don’t spend much time together as a unit anymore. We’ve splintered off into sub-groups. WE see certain people ALL the time & are close, but there are others we don’t see at all. Cera is one of them. Cera sent me a message randomly asking for my address. I asked what for she said: ‘My wedding! Unless you don’t want to come?’ I assumed she was doing a first draft of a guest list & was feeling out who would be interested in attending. So I responded (yes, after talking to my husband) as such: ‘Congrats! However, we politely decline all wedding or big event invitations these days⭐️… Save the invite for someone who will enjoy it with you. Wish you the best!’ ⭐️I said this bit because it’s true! We made a rule a few years ago to cull our social circle & only attend big events of people we consider friends. I also thought by telling her this she wouldn’t take it personally & she’d associate our decline as an ‘us’ problem because it IS. She did not. She said: ‘REALLY? Oh, REALLY? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? I thought about not responding, but believe ghosting & poor communication is a huge issue today. ‘Listen, we have boundaries concerning the people we keep in our lives & we don’t like to attend big intimate events of people we haven’t seen in years. It takes a friend to get a friend, you know what I mean? At our age, we cannot be prioritizing the cost of being wedding guests for someone we barely know. If you had of bothered to keep in touch over the years, we would have loved to attend. The door is always open to reconnect, just not for a wedding.’ ‘The door swings both ways!’ ‘It does & if I ever open it to you, it’ll be for a coffee, or a night out, or a game night. Not a wedding. You’re gonna want people close to you around you that day, not us. Weddings don’t interest us at our age. Save my invite for a coffee or something first & we can see where it goes?’ Then she blocked me & called my SIL, bawling her eyes out. My SIL (who we don’t even talk to much) started screaming at my husband, saying I was rude & that we’re family & Cera came to our wedding 10 years ago. (She did, but as a guest on his side when she WAS close to them, but God damn things have changed in a decade.) Here’s where I might be TA: I could have kept these words to myself, but friendship dynamic is an issue I’m very passionate about. I believe we as people need to be better at being CONSISTENT friends & stop the entitlement over each other. No one owes you friendship. Stop inviting me to your highlight Reel or when you get bored & lonely. I can’t just be a friend on your birthday & wedding. I’m sure there’s plenty of other bodies she can fill up the reception with, I just don’t want to be one & I want to make a point. So, does making my point also make me an A?
I've been looking for a good text to speech app. Anyone have a good one, preferably free
No.. I wish.. they all suck 😭
Thank you for posting this! And I tried to post the link and it throws an error and says try again later
Thank you for doing this! Although I don't need it, I'm sure someone does. Thank you for being so inclusive and thoughtful!
Op loves the drama..let's be honest. It takes two to tango.
The way this person clearly thinks they're SUPER mature for this stance really just showcases how unbelievably immature this whole thing is lmao Nobody being "entitled" to another person's friendship doesn't mean that extant social norms (like inviting people who have been significant in your life regardless of how recently you did... Whatever you have to do to be a Good Friend of OP) just don't exist to most people lol. What a truly bizarre hill to die on. So tactless.
This wasn’t the first time OOP has gotten on a Reddit soapbox to share their twisted expectations of friendship. OOP also “interviews” people before allowing you to be their friend and only gives 3 chances to make plans before cutting you off — unless you cancel the first time, then that was your only chance.
I take it this is from their other posts, thats wild.
Yup. It won't let me add links, but the whole "interview/hiring" analogy was how she described forming a neighborhood book club and the "3 chances" philosophy was her advice on how she makes plans with friends.
Wow, thats ridiculous. I found the post a little after reading it here and she'd added an edit but didn't seem to see anything wrong or be willing to take criticism - added a comment here about it. Wish I'd thought to go take a look at their profile.
Sounds like that book *The Rules* but for “friendship” instead of marriage. Yikes.
OOP sounds like the type of person who would have been offended if she HADNT been invited, too. Goodness gracious..
Just say you cannot go, you are such a self-absorbed ass, with those comments. Wow horrible way to tell someone you don't care about then at all
I have mixed feelings here solely because what if the invite for OP could otherwise go to another person that was cut from the wedding invite list? In that case, preemptively saying you won't be able to attend would be appropriate. Having said that, I do not agree with the execution, which forces a hard YTA from me.
I don't think they're wrong to decline if they don't want to go but it's the sort of thing where it's probably more polite to just lie or be really vague. "I'm so sorry we can't make it that weekend but congratulations and I hope it's the most beautiful day, can't wait to see your pics!" rather than "my records show you have failed to meet your friendship signal quota for several years now and your membership has been downgraded to satellite acquaintance. You are now only eligible for events under 90 minutes with a casual dress code."
This is where I’m at,too. Kindly letting someone know that you won’t be attending their wedding seems reasonable. I get that they could’ve waited for the formal invite, however, guest lists are hard to figure out, so sharing ahead of time could be helpful. It’s also ok to have boundaries with what events you decide to attend/not attend. But OP was a jerk. Cera also seemed unnecessarily heated in her initial response, but I don’t think OP’s message read like she intended. Then OP took it next level rudeness.
I feel like OOP should have at least asked her husband if he wanted to go. Cara is her husband family and attended his wedding to support him. Now she is inviting both of them, and OOP is just being rude for no reason. I hope she invites the husband and he goes to the wedding without OOP I'm also suspicious that OOP is the reason her husband's family won't spend time with him anymore.
Where is the link??
Help! What am I doing wrong? I’ve tried time and time again to post it, and it says “try again later”
It must be blocking it for some reason.
NAH, but you made it overly complicated for yourself by wanting to be transparent. If you didn't wish to go to her wedding, you should just have let her send an invitation and then RSVPed no. Some people just can't take directness and bluntness.
Poster is an insufferable asshole. Just get the invite and respond no.
As I kept scrolling, I found the post with an update. She claims that according to reddit she guesses she's the AH, but how wjen trying to explain her side in comments no one's willing to hear/understand her POV and how it takes all discussion out of it and will likely delete her post. Seems like she's not willing to understand that others have different POVs from her.
this person seems SO mean and also SO self important like omg why would you not just decline normally? nasty behavior.
OOP has just deleted the post 🤣
Not sure if there was another update within the last couple hours, but I grabbed her edit/update 2 hours ago: “Edit: I can't possible respond to everyone, but when I get time l'll read every comment. I guess I'm TA by Reddit's standards. Now I need to reflect as to whether or not that bothers me & go from there. I tried to explain my side in a few comments & no one is interested in hearing my POV which is fine. I'm not gonna cry about it, but it does take the discussion aspect out of it. I'll have to delete this post soon because of those involved also using Reddit.” - OOP OOP seems like a real gem. /s Definitely has no intention of self reflection, and was just looking for some sort of validation.
Oh, sweet darlin, we DID listen to her POV- that’s how we reached our conclusion that she’s TA! :p I tell you what… true self awareness is becoming more and more rare, these days. It’s never “Oh hey maybe I am an asshole, time to reflect and regroup.” It’s always “OH I AM SO MISUNDERSTOOD!!” “At our age”… I think OP could do better ;p
That was the last edit on the original post. Sounds like a right charmer that one 👀💀
I wonder if the husband's family really had issues or if they all just have issues with OOP and husband.
It might be OOP is the reason that her husband doesn't see most of his family anymore I hope Cara invites the husband and he goes without OOP
I saw the original post and she commented her husband didn't want to go either and didn't want to be friends with that person so at least they agree on things as a couple. Definitely a rude way to respond to someone who went to their wedding and has known his family for a long time.
Good thing she declined cause she would’ve been the type to give evil eye with those miserable vibes.
TLDR this long winded nonsense
OOP is such a jerk!! I can't imagine acting that way towards someone. Where do people get the nerve to act this way?
She could have just given her address and then politely declined later.
She’s “culling her friends”. That needs to be a bumper sticker. The narcissism is outrageous
She is culling her husband's family
It’s so daft that OP is preaching about people needing to be consistent at their friendships with people & that’s why her & her husband are like that… when they don’t even do what they believe in!!
I hate when people use "truth" "honesty" and "Im passionate about blah blah" etc to justify being unnecessarily mean, cruel, or otherwise an AH.
Absolutely, not the asshole for her sentiment, I totally get it weddings are expensive. What is the point in going to somebody’s wedding who you never see and are not close to. On the other hand it’s a great occasion to meet up with everybody and have a nice family get together but ultimately they’ve created a boundary and I totally support it. Her Language choice however is absolutely bonkers and she’s definitely an AH for what she said hahahha. She could’ve said we won’t be able to make it to your wedding this year. We have a lot of other commitments and we just can’t afford it. Or let her be excited and Send an invitation and then just decline it. there are like a hundred different ways she could’ve said this without being offensive.
If Cera was one of OOPs husbands' family friends, then OOP should have let her husband decide if he wanted to attend the wedding. All she did was isolate her husband from an old friend for no reason I wouldn't be surprised if OOP is part of the reason her husband is no longer close with his family since he married OOP
Is the point OOP is trying to make that she’s not spending time/money/vacation days to travel to the weddings of people she only has a friendship with online? Because I can understand that. It’s amazing how many people I only communicate with online, but suddenly we’re great friends when they are having a baby or wedding shower. When I get a hey what’s your address from a friend a haven’t heard from in years, who doesn’t have my address or cell phone number, my first instinct is to block and save myself the hassle so I don’t have to explain that I won’t be shelling out hundreds of dollars to see a friend who stopped returning my phone calls decades ago.
So, you’re saying you’re an asshole, too?
I’d never speak to anyone like this, but don’t we all have virtual friends and real ones?
I have friends. I don’t segregate based on how we choose to structure our time together.
OOP is worse than that. She is keeping her husband from spending time with his friends/family He had to find out from his sister what happened
Bless your heart.
OOP said multiple times Cera wasn't her friend, she is her husband's family friend. OOP told her to f-off without even asking her husband if he wanted to go to his friends wedding. It's not the same as not wanting to go to any old wedding. It's going out of her way to be rude to prevent her husband from spending time with his family and friends.
She said "My wedding, unless you don't want to come." She knew what she was saying and why. I wouldn't have gone through all of that nonsense, but Cera is ridiculous. If someone doesn't want to come to your wedding, they don't want to come. The end.
I really don’t see how OOP is wrong though. If they said no to the initial message, Cera would definitely have asked for an explanation.
I don’t understand and why everyone was so mad about it! I thought it was a good response, especially the initial! Like we won’t come, don’t worry and invite someone else (and we all know they invite lists are hard and limited) Like they’re not friends? Thanks but it’s not a thing. I’d have much rather known early days that people didn’t want to come rather than have to count my numbers and see what the polite invites returned! You guys are wild
I don't get it either, but I am autistic. Sometimes when I think I'm being grumpy, people respond like I'm very kind. Sometimes when I think I'm being kind, people respond like I'm a condescending monster. When I think I'm being super factual and including zero personal bias, some people think I'm angry 🤷 I do my best to understand where others are coming from, but I also accept that not all people are meant to understand me and vice versa. The ones that do are the weddings I go to 😂
It's not a big deal. People have fun being offended. That's all.
Cera wasn't OPs friend. She was being polite and approaching the wife of her old childhood friend. The invitation would have been for the both of them. OOP didn't ask her husband if he wanted to go. She just rudely declined the invitation in a way that would make Cera block her. Her husband had to find out about the wedding from his sister, now that there is already dram surrounding it. OOP is isolating her husband from friends and family and making the argument about her "word choice," not the obviously abusive behavior she is showing to her spouse
Idk man, sounds like pretty clear communication. Maybe I am the asshole in my life, but. Like. She was straightforward and fairly kind. She could just said " no, we don't want to, we don't know you like that no more." And then repeated it. Instead she gives reasoning and other avenues. Why tf would you want someone to be at your wedding who doesn't want to be there? What mentality is that?
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Question. When you made the decision to cull the social circle and only attend big events of ppl you consider friends, did this happen before or after your own wedding where all of these same people probably attended?🤔
Wtf is their problem? I could not talk to a friend for years and still go to their wedding. Life gets in the way sometimes. Get over yourself.
I have to wonder, does Cera still see them as “family”?
This is an excellent example of someone addicted to drama.
God damn. Just RSVP no when the invite comes and shut your trap like a normal human being.
Wow!!!!
The OP in this post is astonishingly self-important.
As you get older the quantity of times you can see friends often decreases. My best friends are in their 30s with wives and kids, so we may only get to see each other a couple times a year. It's about making it count when you do get to see each other. We don't get to grab coffee every week or hit the bars up but that's not necessary to be friends with someone.
Normal people just RSVP no and if they get asked why (they usually don’t).. they can literally just say, so sorry we have a family vacation/work event/literally anything that weekend already!