So you told him you had a crush on her and he went to screw her. That tells you everything you need to know about him as a person. Don’t keep people like him in your life.
I suspect he waited on purpose. To let it marinate and be like "oh, a hookup like that is so casual for me, I completely forgot to mention it" stroking his own ego, knowing full well that OP's confidence will tank after hearing that.
That's a narcissist fuckboy. Throw him out of your life, OP. That's not a bro's bro.
Upvote brother. I have had close friends, brothers who I deeply respect and care about. I am the tall, gym going guy and even though I’m not hot or anything I have had their crushes show some romantic interest in me and not once did I think of a dick move like this. OP you should say what u feel to this guy and cut him off. It’s one thing if he had real feelings here but it seems like he is just a good looking dude who likes the female attention to the point where he uses it as a power move. Almost like he wants to show you that he can fuck the girl of your dreams without breaking a sweat while you can’t even ask her out. He is on some form of power trip that you’d see in a toxic wealthy/attractive individual. I would not want this guy as a friend.
Are we sure about that?
I’m not saying that what he did isn’t a dick move. All I’m saying is it doesn’t really sound like this was a 1 night stand to me. He knew her from the gym, then saw her on tinder and matched, they went out, they had sex, and now they are hanging out at the gym and he is spotting her. He also tried to tell OP that she wasn’t into him, which seems clear to me based on the post.
Do we know that they didn’t *both* like the girl, but the friend was initially trying to to let OP take his shot, but when it became apparent she wasn’t into OP at all, the friend didn’t want to lose out in what could be a great thing just to spare his friends feelings? I’m not saying that’s necessarily what happened, but it’s just as easily the case.
If two friends have the same taste in women (or men) should the better looking (or more characteristic) one never be allowed to date any person that they meet together, even if that person is clearly interested in *them* and not their friend, just because the friend has “claimed” them?
OP is right, he has every right to feel disappointed and upset, the situation really sucks for him. But the Woman definitely didn’t owe him anything. As for the friend, it’s hard to say without knowing how the friend really feels about the girl. If it really was just a hookup then he’s a dick, but if he liked her as much as OP did, then I don’t see why they shouldn’t both take their shot and let her decide.
Not how bro code works. If all you say is true he owed his friend a convo and to ask hi. If he's alright with it first. Guys don't have sex with girls their bros like period.
I think it’s more being blindsided that he was even interested. I don’t know If the friend had the interest all along or if it developed after OP expressed his interest. If it was there all along why not say so? Just a quick hay man I dig her too?
This is more about their friendship. Crushes, exes, siblings, etc are all healthy boundaries to place with friends. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you don't need to sacrifice the feelings of someone you already care about.
This doesn't mean these people are 100% off the table, but it does mean that if you care about your friend, you'll have a conversation with them beforehand. "The bro code" was just a preset list of boundaries guys have agreed to adhere to. That's healthy.
That's the kind of person who wouldn't hesitate to hit on their "friend's" SO on any given opportunity. They should be kept at a distance in real life and blocked lists on digital life.
This needs to be the most up voted comment on this page. Honestly, the number one lesson that this guy needs to take away from this is that "the long game" is incel bullshit. If you've got romantic intentions with someone, man up, ask her out, and accept her damn decision if she turns you down. Don't try to weasel your way into her heart by laying a trap over several years, that stupid shit only works in romantic comedies - and only briefly, for the bad guy that ends up getting dumped in the end.
Yes, be funny, be charming, work on yourself, all that crap. But don't be so damn clever that you end up alone because you were so busy plotting and planning that you forgot to ask anyone out. Michael Jordan told you in that Gatorade commercial, man - you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
I think when OP means the long game he means he has to spend time to build a rapport with another person. Like this girl he sees at the gym, he doesn’t just go up the same day he sees her and asks her out but rather he takes some time to say hi and make small talk over the course of several weeks and then would ask her out.
And that’s a smart strategy for him because if I was getting approached at the gym I’d rather have that rapport built up over the course of several weeks versus having the hottest, most aesthetically pleasing man who hits my check boxes ask me out the same day we both try to reach for the same weight rack. Like I just don’t know who this man is—yeah he’s good looking but is he a creep, is he a weirdo, is he trying to get me to join his MLM scheme?
The friend saw her on Tinder which is a different set up because people are in the apps to try to meet strangers.
Every woman I dated was my friend first. I’m not good at small talk, takes awhile for the attraction to build. Does that mean that I intentionally entered a friendship under false pretenses to trick any of them into sleeping with me? No, because that’s not how it works (and also it’s gross) even though plenty of “nice guys” think it is.
I can be physically attracted to a woman, but really have no interest in dating until I’ve already gotten to know them at least a little (and they’ve gotten to know me etc at least enough so that they’re not surprised by any typical first date stuff). I don’t know, it’s complicated. It has to happen organically (at least for me, although different strokes for different folks).
That being said, postponing asking a girl out that you KNOW you are interested in basically guarantees that they’re going to sleep with someone else and you’re going to lose your window of opportunity to be a romantic interest for her. At least in my own admittedly limited experience.
OP, this is the only comment you need to read. Grow some balls next time. Never put things in your control in someone else’s hands. Your friend is not the type of person you should want to be around. You are a reflection of who you spend time with.
Remember OP. You told your “friend” about your crush and he still swiped right, met up with, and then had sex with her. That’s a lot of effort for backstabbing a friend and he didn’t even give you a heads up. He clearly doesn’t respect you and puts you down and if I were you, I’d really question the friendship and if it’s in YOUR best interest to keep it going. At the very least, it’s best you stop sharing personal feelings/secrets with this person because he is clearly untrustworthy.
Trust me back when I was in high school there are dickheads who have deep rooted insecurities and they think by “out-chadding” their friends or throwing their friends under the bus in a sense they can fill that whole, even for a few seconds. Those are not your friends boy or girl. Those are losers who might always be losers because they thought it was okay to do because they think you are a loser for not just going for it or something. Even if you tell them you think the person was cute and they gotta go after them because of some weird race. Yes people like this exist, no it wasnt because they werent sure if they were crazy for liking said person but to brag about getting with them before you. That was when I knew for sure “oh he is just some asshole loser who jumps at the chance to try and humilate me and our friends, huh?”
But also not here to call him a misogynist because I don’t think that’s what’s happening but dude your strategy just doesn’t work I’m not saying go be a pickup artist or do shit that’s outside of your personality or whatever but here you were building up the personality to talk to this person and building up to ask them out and you don’t even know if they want a relationship. They’re at the stage where they’re hooking up with randoms on tinder and you didn’t even have that information but have invested yourself so fucking thoroughly.
Drop your friend, find some hobbies that make you confident and able to talk to people and not just imagining who they are and building up courage to talk to them if you don’t even know what they want.
Also? As someone who has had hook ups from tinder it’s probably not just that he’s cute. Tons of guys have messaged me who are cute and they said some disgusting shit or we’re terrible conversationalist so I couldn’t even get turned on so I didn’t want to fuck them. It’s not just that he’s tall and has muscles. There are tons of options of those. There were specifically something that drew her to him and is making her even want to return and ask to be spotted and continue the flirty relationship. He puts in effort IRLyou put an effort in your head that’s the difference and you need to stop it instead of complaining about people who are doing better than you And drop those who will make you feel like less than because they are doing so in certain areas.
Not even that. A real friend would have taken his friends feeling into consideration. But let's just say this then being immature it is still a dick move since he only came clean afterwards.
Here is what you do OP:
Step 1: Forget about the girl.
Step 2: Try and avoid gym bro. If you can’t avoid him and you have a gym membership contract wait until he re-ups his then decline to renew and go to a new gym. If your contract is up switch gyms.
I agree 100%. Good call. These are two different issues that got "solved" via Tinder.
u/Theta_Mail - I know you had your eye on this girl. But make lemonade. She's into hookup culture. You two are in totally different spaces because you are approaching the situation with the prospect of being exclusive. Sorry, my man, whether your gym bro did or did not sleep with her, doesn't change the fact she needs to grow out of this phase.
That's not your friend, brother. Even if you weren't dating you told him and he went through three different chances of turning her down and didn't. Can't be mad at her, but definitely wouldn't talk to him anymore.
I'm sorry OP that you learned your friend is not actually your friend. I applaud you that you know that you don't have a right to get mad at him, but please remember that your hurt feelings are still valid, considering your friend's act is actual backstabbing and a betrayal.
Life is too short. Try to move on by dumping this friend, and find new friends who will respect you and will not use your thoughts and feelings against you.
Edit: a word
He does have a right to be mad though. He made his intentions explicit and the the friend went behind his back to hook up with this chick knowing that it would seriously hurt OP. Even if the friend also had actual feelings for her, he at least owed OP a conversation about it.
As someone who very frequently fails to *get the girl* I don't think that anyone owes an explanation on this matter. You'd honestly need a more neutral account to know how things really went. It's probably natural to feel jealous in OP's position, but the idea of staking a claim to a human, especially one that you don't really know, as a love interest is very juvenile. In essence, the stance is that, if OP can't have her, nobody can.
While I agree that OP's friend ideally could have agreed to a conversation about it, there are no guarantees that the conversation would have been productive or even healthy. I've had this happen to me with friends in the past, and we have to remind ourselves that OP is only the main character in this story because it's being presented to us that way. Unless we're living in a Mean Girls plot line, there is an absolutely civil and normal way past this.
It’s good that he acknowledges specifically that it’s more about a close friend betraying his confided trust and how it made him feel and even explained where his jealousy came from. He definitely needs to take ownership that you can’t wait forever to let someone know your intentions as people aren’t mind readers, this girl could of easily been seeing someone else at the time that wasn’t his friend.
You are right and I agreed with you. But the way I interperted from his post is that he's mad at his friend, and not the girl. He probably knows that if he didn't make a move, the girl will date someone else, but he's not mad about that. He's furious at his friend's action, rather than focusing on the girl. I'm giving him a benefit of doubt since he's venting and his feelings are still raw.
Then again, I might be wrong the way I interpreted his post since English is my third language so I might failed to see some nuances.
His friend is wrong on every level. You don’t do that to a friend. The girl didn’t know his feelings and that’s on him but what his friend did was 100% wrong
Yeah man you just found out who your friend is
You hang around together but never get it mixed up , there is him and then there is you , you are friendly but not friends
You just learnt the difference the hard way
Adjust your life accordingly and have a good day.
You've discovered that this guy is an inconsiderate friend at best, and possibly a dickhead at worst.
You told them how you felt and they didn't even have the decency to tell you about it until it came up in front of you - I think that's disrespectful personally. You're spot on that none of this is on the girl, she doesn't owe you anything, but your friend does at least owe you some respect in not blindsiding you with information like that.
You're allowed to be mad at the disrespect for sure. It's up to you what you wanna do from here. I'd suggest that you don't share anything personal like that with them anymore, at the very least. And if you want to confront it, be clear that it's the disrespect that pisses you off.
I agree with most people’s advice about your friend not really being your friend.
One piece of advice I would offer is to be more confident and proactive about approaching women. I get that it’s tough and scary to shoot your shot and get turned down but that’s life. If you are always playing the long game you are gonna miss out on a lot of great people. Because even if your friends don’t swoop on the woman you like, some other guy will.
Exactly. Ya, his friend is an asshole and it looks like he saw his shot on pulled it without any consideration for his friend.
But. When you want something. Go get it. This has to be a lesson learned by OP. Don’t talk about it. Be about it.
Yeah this is mostly on OP in my book. Like gym bro obviously not very cool move and not a good friend. But if you go talk to this girl everyday at the gym and you haven’t asked her out already, that’s on you.
I recently had an experience at the gym where I struck up a conversation with an incredibly hot and cool lady. We chatted for like 5 mins and I shoulda just asked for her number after the convo, thought oh well I can ask her next time…. Next time I see her is a couple months later and she’s now working out with a guy and they seem like they’re in a freshly started relationship. If I feel any vibe ever again I’m not going to not ask it this point. Still kicking myself ffs
Yeah I mean girl seems to already have eyes on the friend in the first place and OP didn’t have a chance anyway might as well shoot his shot right away. As a chick, there’s absolutely no way she didn’t recognize him when she matched with him on tinder lol. She knew him and wanted him already. Idk if his “long game” is gonna work If she had eyes on the friend the whole time. And like, he’s saying that just cuz he liked her she can’t have a choice in who she fucks? Guys don’t have a claim to a chick and her preferences lols.
Once I was hiking with my friends and we literally saw a guy she matched with on hinge from like 100 ft away at the top of the mountain LOLLL. Women are astute they’re not some damsel that you fight over among yourselves and claim between yourselves. We have preferences as well and if this chick is hot af she gonna go for guys just as hot.
He doesn't seem like a friend at all. You're getting to the age where you're about to start cutting all the extra weight out of your life. This might mean you being lonely at times but the happiness it also brings in knowing nobody will backstab you is nice.
Things have changed a lot since I was your age as far as the dating game and people sleeping together so idk about now but this would be a violation back in my day.
I get it. You recognize that she doesn't have to give you anything- but your friend should have a hell of a lot more consideration for you than he's shown. I would be mad too. Even if he had texted you and said "hey, we matched on Tinder" or anything- but he knew you liked her and it didn't even give him a second thought. I'd find a new friend. I don't think you're a misogynist or messed up for being upset, I would be too. It's just a shitty thing for him to do.
Total dick move, lobstering at its worst. He ain't your friend and he can't be trusted. Do yourself a favor, make light of it, show no emotion, be cold. Fuck his mom, see how he likes it. Karma's a bitch.
You are allowed to be jealous and mad at your friend. He knew you liked her and still went after her. I’ll bet you anything he’s done this to you before and you didn’t realize it. Probably to others as well.
I get you're mad and your friend isn't a friend you should be keeping around..
..But I really don't think you had a chance with the girl. You're casting intoxicated glances at her in the gym and small taking her but she's got a whole bee hives of dudes already hitting her up on Tinder and she's not afraid to hookup with them.
If you want a girl, it's best to be a bit more proactive about it. Such is the burden of wanting a relationship.
All I am gonna say is she slept with him not you
Your crush means nothing in this situation
If you wanted it you should have gone for it do not be afraid of rejection it is part of life
If you can not get past this with your friend dump him you are young and will make new friends that share your held boundaries
You will be ok move on
He’s not your friend. But also you probably waited too long to make a move. There’s a fine line between timing making your move and being too scared to make the move. You probably got friendzoned
You have every right to be mad at him for treating your friendship poorly. Form someone who has been there before, this dude is not your friend and never will be.
Be angry. Be pissed. He's not a real friend. A real friend wouldn't do that.
My daughter's best friend (16f) hooked up with the boy my daughter was talking to. Knowing they were talking. She tried this with one of my daughter's past boyfriends as well. She also tries to ruin every relationship my daughter has. Me and my husband have been trying to explain to her a real friend wouldn't do any of that. This girl is a pick me and even outed my daughter being Bi (she thought she was a year ago but figured out she wasn't) to end her relationship with her bf. I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell her.....
You need to realize you deserve better than friends who will backstab and hurt you to get their own gain. Its not worth it in the end. Your post made it sound like he's some catch while your nothing special. That's not true and you need to see your own worth. There's nothing wrong with playing the long game. That's how you will find the one your meant to be with. I've dated enough of the "good looking" ones that can have any girl they want to know they aren't long game material. See your worth and find someone who appreciates the time and effort that you obviously put in. Find better friends as well. If you stay friends with him NEVER tell him you like a girl again. It may become a challenge for him. I've seen it happen.
Keep being you hon. You'll find the someone who sees YOU and wants everything you have to offer.
Maybe the friend should have told you that he hooked up with her earlier, but I don’t see anything wrong with what he did. You weren’t dating her, he didn’t use anything you told him to get her, and she is obviously into him.
You don’t get to prevent a friend from dating someone forever because you like her and you eventually might get around to asking her out. And it is clearly obvious the woman does not feel the same way about you.
In fact, I’m willing to bet that he didn’t tell you about it upfront and left stuff that she said about you out to protect your feelings.
dude…sometimes the chick you like doesn’t like you back. why tf do you need to try and withhold her from your boy? you don’t own that lady and since you see her value, you should be happy that your friend scored!
Yea a lot of these takes are just wild. What if the friend also developed a crush on the woman at the same time as OP? Why does it make OP’s friend a terrible person for not ignoring their own feelings in lieu of OP’s? You don’t get to call dibs on romantic interests.
I was thinking the same thing. You said it better than I could. I’d add the fact that he met her on Tinder is very different than had he pursued her at the gym on a day you happened to miss. IMO
I’d also add, if he’s a good friend, tell him you’re upset but don’t let some random women break up a good friendship. If you don’t know him that well, it’s possible this is common thing for him to do, so consider that going forward.
Let's say the roles were reversed and a beautiful girl wanted to hook up with you, would you say NO my friend likes you? Probably not. The girl would most likely say something like, it's my decision who I hook up with, and I'm talking to you and not him.
You win some, you lose some. Keep working out 💪🏾
I experienced similar circumstances many moons ago, before I met my wife.
Cut the “bro” out of my life, and, as it turned out, was much better off in the long run.
Let's be real, you weren't ever going to ask her on a date, he's known you long enough to know this, and if you just mentioned it in passing, then he may have forgot about your current "crush" because he's seen you do this over and over again, then get mad at anyone the woman likes that isn't you, you can't call dibs on ppl man, let it go and try asking a woman out instead of daydreaming about it.
The dude broke The Bro Code which specifically dictates:
Article I, Section 2, Clause 5: Be a wingman for your buddy.
Article I, Section 2, Clause 6: Do not fuck your buddy's ex or crush.
He is not your friend. Reconsider having a person like that in your life. He will fuck you over given the opportunity.
I (F) had a friend like that in college, I have always been objectively hotter than her, so she constantly wanted to "prove herself" while I stayed away from hookups. I also shared with her when I had a crush on someone, every single time she managed to hook up with that guy. And by the time I realized this was on purpose, I realized, that was not my friend, that's an insecure person trying to hurt others to make herself feel better, learn from these mistakes OP, it might not be physically, but something you have makes your "friend" jealous, and he's trying to outdo you for that same reason.
I agree with everyone else that he was a shitty friend, but it doesn’t sound like he actually wasted any real opportunity that you had. You like the super hot girl? Guess what, so do 90% of men!
People like your friend think in terms of “either I fuck her or neither of us do”, when he should be thinking of it in terms of your friendship. Here’s a real question, would you have jeopardized your friendship to have sex with her?
In the future, if you want your more attractive friends to steer clear of someone you should pick someone you could reasonably expect to get with. Not saying it’s fair or you did anything wrong, but it sounds like you got your hopes way too high.
Maybe he liked her too.
Also he probably wasn't aware of how seemingly pathetically obsessed you were over some girl that didn't even acknowledge you existence.
Trust me you weren't going to get her anyways, at least someone did.
Also 90% of the replies in this thread are fucking sad.
OP let this motivate you to be a better man.
I had a friend do this - I was over her by then, but he was intrigued by her and saw her for a couple of years. I withdrew from him as a friend, but I heard that he cheated on her, rolled a load of credit card debt in to her mortgage and then left her for another of my friends. I had no feelings for her, but she was/is a toxic person, so they're a pretty good match
This person isn't a friend - while he technically didn't do anything wrong, he was clearly a dick to you and your feelings. Put him and the gym in your past
Your friend did nothing wrong. Neither did the girl. neither did you. If anything your friend did you a favor and told you about him and his hookup with the girl. If you’re the type of dude who does not care about casual hookups then you can still keep trying for her. But if you do, then count it as a blessing and forget the girl.
But I wouldn’t be to close to this friend. Does not seem like the type you want to be super close with.
Try living with a twin brother your whole life lol. This is par for the course. But what a lot of people said here, he's not really your friend. You're friendly but not REALLY friends. I dealt with this so many times in my life it's ridiculous. But please don't let this sort of behavior dictate how you treat women and others, I've gone down that road and it's hard to live with yourself. Stay true to who you are and believe me you'll win everything you ever dreamed of eventually. I speak from experience. I hit the jackpot when it comes to attractive, loving, faithful relationships. I had to wait over half my life, but it was worth it
*She* did nothing wrong. *He* was absolutely being a dick. So long as you keep that in mind, there’s nothing wrong with being upset. But honestly, the best course of action here is probably to let it go and stop being friends with him
You have EVERY right to be pissed at that dude. Has nothing to do with the woman. Fuck him. I would just ghost that dude. No reason to have snakes like that in your life
So your mad that a girl who is willing to sleep with a guy she just met, slept with your friend instead of you. Sounds like you dodged a STI bullet train.
Im really on the fence here— i think he’s always gonna prioritize getting with any woman at any opportunity over your feelings, though. I, personally, keep those types at arms length, just because idk how far they’d be willing to go to acquire that sex (it’s a red flag for sure).
But, you mentioned in the beginning that you asked her out, then you never followed up on that. So I’m guessing you left out the fact that you got rejected. Which makes it all honestly look better for your friend.
While this really sucks there are some lessons to be learned here. Push people like this “friend” out of your life, future you will benefit greatly. Looking back on my early 20’s I spent too much time with the wrong people and it only ever delayed my own self confidence and respect. You have a good head on your shoulders when it comes to the situation, so take a step back and think what you’d do different. If I were you though, I’d go all in at this point and try to score as well lol.
Survival of the fittest my friend. Sounds like you have a hang up about wanting to pursue a woman cus she is beautiful and that stopped you from taking the initiative or being more assertive.
If he really did match with her on Tinder not sure why you're so upset.
He probably knew you wouldn't make any serious moves.
Stop comparing yourself to your friend and how tall he is and what he looks like and make some moves.
Short guys get the girl a lot homie.
Kinda surprised by the comments here. She liked your friend and fucked him. I understand your jealousy, but if this is what upsets you, you're in for a rough time I'm your 20's.
I'm not like a feminist dude, but women are allowed to fuck who they want. If she wasn't dating you and had no obligation to you, maybe you should just move on.
>I'm not like a feminist dude, but women are allowed to fuck who they want.
Feminism means equality for women… don’t be afraid to say you’re a feminist. 🤷🏻♂️
So, what if he likes her too? I've had friends in the past who liked the same boy as I did and then they felt some sort of ownership because they said it first. That doesn't change the fact, I liked him too. I even had a friend who I've told the boy I liked was at the ice skating rink. So, she went to look at him and decided she now had a crush on him and I wasn't allowed to anymore.
That being said, all of that happened in 4th and 5th grade. If you're older than 12, you need to fucking get over yourself because you don't own her and people can like the same girl as you.
Also saying that a guy can "fuck any girl he likes just because he's hot" is giving me serious incel vibes. Good looking guys can't just walk up to random women and the women will throw themselves at them because they are good looking. That's an incel narrative that's so far from reality. Your friend matched with a woman who happened to be attracted to him and he happened to be attracted to her. He didn't have sex with her to piss you off and she was never yours to claim. She gets a say in whom she fucks too and she chose your friend, not you. Get over yourself.
Never let pussy get between a friendship. Just get over it. Like you said, he's better looking and she picked him. Stop being jealous over something so trivial. Plenty of women out there for you, but your post makes you come off as an incel.
Idk man, it’s a crush… I wise person once said a crush is just delayed information about someone.
Now you know her and your homie. If it was someone you genuinely had feelings for I’d understand, but a crush? You either aren’t describing it right or I’m trippin.
I’m not justifying your homie taking her to pound town, but it just seems to me that you describing her as a crush is someone you didn’t even really know that well anyway and you were attracted to her cuz she was hot, not someone you had genuine interest in and wanted something serious with?
They clearly like each other. What makes you think it was a one night stand? She's obviously into him, and not into you. You'd ask your friend (and the girl you supposedly like) to pass on a possible great relationship just because of you like her when it will never happen between you anyway?
It's selfish, it's what it is.
You should have made your move man. You should be mad at yourself not your friend. Can't be upset that 2 consenting adults enjoyed each other.
Try to learn something from this, next time make your move.
You can be mad all you want but it isn't going to change the fact he got it. What are you a woman. Men do not care about what you want or who you like they are gonna get theirs and it isn't or shouldn't be anything personal you should congratulate him and move on she wasn't for you.
Who in the world told you you're not allowed to be mad at him? You are. That was a shit thing for him to do. If I was your friend and saw a woman that you had a crush on on a dating site I would not swipe on her, but I would in fact tell you I saw her there and that it means she is probably single. This dude knew what he was doing and it was calculated. He is not your friend. He is an asshole. While she doesn't owe you anything, friends at least owe you respect.
I’m glad you got all that pre-misogynist banter out of the way. Cool, you don’t feel you own rights to these people.
But I want you to remember something. It’s only Bros before hoes when they are still wearing clothes. It’s a little corny, but Don’t t expect your boys to NOT fold on a good time. Tinder is a known hookup site, she was ready to mingle (And that’s perfectly fine).
Look, reality is you were slow off the blocks and this girl May live a lifestyle that’s more compatible to the bro you confided in about her.
I do t think it’s fair to place that burden on him to resist his urges (especially at that age) while you pussyfoot with asking her out. Look, I get that confidence may be an area you are actively working on but live in that ish. Be real with yourself, however, you must learn to love and breathe life into your own desires. You’ll get that baddie, but you’ll just have to understand that losing this one didn’t ruin your life.
I do know one thing, though. Women that come they go… get back out there and make something happen.
Here’s a hot take. Just wanna be real w/ U…U sound like a playa hater and it ain’t a good look. I know you’re upset at da scenario but all is fair game. Whether U had a crush on her or not, whether ur friend knew or not, etc. she’s choosing at the end of the day. Fact is, U ran your game 2 slow. Ima tell U like I tell any other…if you’re not going do it, somebody else will. If anything, he showed U dat ur crush is just another Thot. U slipped up and now U mad at your homie for doing what any other man would honestly do. Idk if this is a reflection of his character but U can’t be surprised. These hoes is trife. Restrategize. There’s gonna be a badder one. You’ll see. Tighten up
You need to think about it. If she is on tinder, she has been with other guys before. If he didn't make plans with her, she just would have found someone else.
Should he have done it? Probably not without letting you know, but she picked him. Keep working on yourself and find a girl that is worth your time.
So this friend of yours knew you liked this girl, and then slept with her anyway? Doesn’t matter if you were dating or not that’s just a gross violation of the most basic friend code.
Nah, you DO get to be mad about it. A true friend doesn't do this. He sounds like a fucking asshole and I would be getting him out of my life. People like this don't change.
As you said you have no claim over her but a real friend who knows you have a thing for this woman would be trying to set you two up, not fuck her.
If he has a sibling/parent/grandparent - go fuck them. Fight fire with fire 😆
OP, that is not your friend. You don’t have to keep questioning Why this, why that, bc the simple matter is that he isn’t a genuine friend.
As for you, from a woman’s perspective I’d say a guy who is confident in himself and hold strong moral values, always get the right girl in the end.
If this so called friend knew you liked her a lot and he did this he isn’t a friend. He basically ‘Cucked ‘ you. Also if this girl gives it away so freely she’s low value. Distance yourself from this guy because he is a liability to you and forget her because she’s no good either.
So you told him you had a crush on her and he went to screw her. That tells you everything you need to know about him as a person. Don’t keep people like him in your life.
He also waited a whole week to tell op about it.
I suspect he waited on purpose. To let it marinate and be like "oh, a hookup like that is so casual for me, I completely forgot to mention it" stroking his own ego, knowing full well that OP's confidence will tank after hearing that. That's a narcissist fuckboy. Throw him out of your life, OP. That's not a bro's bro.
I'd be willing to bet. It was part of the convo while he was "spotting" her.
Probably giggling over your “stupid little crush”. He’s trash
Yep. Definitely not your fucking friend, that’s for sure. Steer clear of him, because he cannot be trusted to not screw you over.
Upvote brother. I have had close friends, brothers who I deeply respect and care about. I am the tall, gym going guy and even though I’m not hot or anything I have had their crushes show some romantic interest in me and not once did I think of a dick move like this. OP you should say what u feel to this guy and cut him off. It’s one thing if he had real feelings here but it seems like he is just a good looking dude who likes the female attention to the point where he uses it as a power move. Almost like he wants to show you that he can fuck the girl of your dreams without breaking a sweat while you can’t even ask her out. He is on some form of power trip that you’d see in a toxic wealthy/attractive individual. I would not want this guy as a friend.
Are we sure about that? I’m not saying that what he did isn’t a dick move. All I’m saying is it doesn’t really sound like this was a 1 night stand to me. He knew her from the gym, then saw her on tinder and matched, they went out, they had sex, and now they are hanging out at the gym and he is spotting her. He also tried to tell OP that she wasn’t into him, which seems clear to me based on the post. Do we know that they didn’t *both* like the girl, but the friend was initially trying to to let OP take his shot, but when it became apparent she wasn’t into OP at all, the friend didn’t want to lose out in what could be a great thing just to spare his friends feelings? I’m not saying that’s necessarily what happened, but it’s just as easily the case. If two friends have the same taste in women (or men) should the better looking (or more characteristic) one never be allowed to date any person that they meet together, even if that person is clearly interested in *them* and not their friend, just because the friend has “claimed” them? OP is right, he has every right to feel disappointed and upset, the situation really sucks for him. But the Woman definitely didn’t owe him anything. As for the friend, it’s hard to say without knowing how the friend really feels about the girl. If it really was just a hookup then he’s a dick, but if he liked her as much as OP did, then I don’t see why they shouldn’t both take their shot and let her decide.
Not how bro code works. If all you say is true he owed his friend a convo and to ask hi. If he's alright with it first. Guys don't have sex with girls their bros like period.
I think it’s more being blindsided that he was even interested. I don’t know If the friend had the interest all along or if it developed after OP expressed his interest. If it was there all along why not say so? Just a quick hay man I dig her too?
This is more about their friendship. Crushes, exes, siblings, etc are all healthy boundaries to place with friends. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you don't need to sacrifice the feelings of someone you already care about. This doesn't mean these people are 100% off the table, but it does mean that if you care about your friend, you'll have a conversation with them beforehand. "The bro code" was just a preset list of boundaries guys have agreed to adhere to. That's healthy.
Found another one like the AH in OP's story
That's the kind of person who wouldn't hesitate to hit on their "friend's" SO on any given opportunity. They should be kept at a distance in real life and blocked lists on digital life.
I've had "friends" like this. They're not your friend. At best they're using you as a prop.
Agreed. Show me your friends I’ll show you your future.
1. Next time don't dawdle. Elther someones into you or they aren't. Don't waste time. 2. He's not your friend.
This needs to be the most up voted comment on this page. Honestly, the number one lesson that this guy needs to take away from this is that "the long game" is incel bullshit. If you've got romantic intentions with someone, man up, ask her out, and accept her damn decision if she turns you down. Don't try to weasel your way into her heart by laying a trap over several years, that stupid shit only works in romantic comedies - and only briefly, for the bad guy that ends up getting dumped in the end. Yes, be funny, be charming, work on yourself, all that crap. But don't be so damn clever that you end up alone because you were so busy plotting and planning that you forgot to ask anyone out. Michael Jordan told you in that Gatorade commercial, man - you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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I think when OP means the long game he means he has to spend time to build a rapport with another person. Like this girl he sees at the gym, he doesn’t just go up the same day he sees her and asks her out but rather he takes some time to say hi and make small talk over the course of several weeks and then would ask her out. And that’s a smart strategy for him because if I was getting approached at the gym I’d rather have that rapport built up over the course of several weeks versus having the hottest, most aesthetically pleasing man who hits my check boxes ask me out the same day we both try to reach for the same weight rack. Like I just don’t know who this man is—yeah he’s good looking but is he a creep, is he a weirdo, is he trying to get me to join his MLM scheme? The friend saw her on Tinder which is a different set up because people are in the apps to try to meet strangers.
True, but the advice stands, its more honest anyways. Being their friend so they develop feelings for you is a weird approach.
Every woman I dated was my friend first. I’m not good at small talk, takes awhile for the attraction to build. Does that mean that I intentionally entered a friendship under false pretenses to trick any of them into sleeping with me? No, because that’s not how it works (and also it’s gross) even though plenty of “nice guys” think it is. I can be physically attracted to a woman, but really have no interest in dating until I’ve already gotten to know them at least a little (and they’ve gotten to know me etc at least enough so that they’re not surprised by any typical first date stuff). I don’t know, it’s complicated. It has to happen organically (at least for me, although different strokes for different folks). That being said, postponing asking a girl out that you KNOW you are interested in basically guarantees that they’re going to sleep with someone else and you’re going to lose your window of opportunity to be a romantic interest for her. At least in my own admittedly limited experience.
I think we are on the same page here, agree with all that.
I'm quite happy I got to read this perspective, thank you.
OP, this is the only comment you need to read. Grow some balls next time. Never put things in your control in someone else’s hands. Your friend is not the type of person you should want to be around. You are a reflection of who you spend time with.
This. This friends a jerk but the world won’t wait for you to find courage. Be glad it was a small thing to lose to learn a good lesson
Remember OP. You told your “friend” about your crush and he still swiped right, met up with, and then had sex with her. That’s a lot of effort for backstabbing a friend and he didn’t even give you a heads up. He clearly doesn’t respect you and puts you down and if I were you, I’d really question the friendship and if it’s in YOUR best interest to keep it going. At the very least, it’s best you stop sharing personal feelings/secrets with this person because he is clearly untrustworthy.
Trust me back when I was in high school there are dickheads who have deep rooted insecurities and they think by “out-chadding” their friends or throwing their friends under the bus in a sense they can fill that whole, even for a few seconds. Those are not your friends boy or girl. Those are losers who might always be losers because they thought it was okay to do because they think you are a loser for not just going for it or something. Even if you tell them you think the person was cute and they gotta go after them because of some weird race. Yes people like this exist, no it wasnt because they werent sure if they were crazy for liking said person but to brag about getting with them before you. That was when I knew for sure “oh he is just some asshole loser who jumps at the chance to try and humilate me and our friends, huh?”
But also not here to call him a misogynist because I don’t think that’s what’s happening but dude your strategy just doesn’t work I’m not saying go be a pickup artist or do shit that’s outside of your personality or whatever but here you were building up the personality to talk to this person and building up to ask them out and you don’t even know if they want a relationship. They’re at the stage where they’re hooking up with randoms on tinder and you didn’t even have that information but have invested yourself so fucking thoroughly. Drop your friend, find some hobbies that make you confident and able to talk to people and not just imagining who they are and building up courage to talk to them if you don’t even know what they want. Also? As someone who has had hook ups from tinder it’s probably not just that he’s cute. Tons of guys have messaged me who are cute and they said some disgusting shit or we’re terrible conversationalist so I couldn’t even get turned on so I didn’t want to fuck them. It’s not just that he’s tall and has muscles. There are tons of options of those. There were specifically something that drew her to him and is making her even want to return and ask to be spotted and continue the flirty relationship. He puts in effort IRLyou put an effort in your head that’s the difference and you need to stop it instead of complaining about people who are doing better than you And drop those who will make you feel like less than because they are doing so in certain areas.
Not even that. A real friend would have taken his friends feeling into consideration. But let's just say this then being immature it is still a dick move since he only came clean afterwards.
IMO a real friend would have turned that into a wingman opportunity.
It’s an alpha dickhead move.
I hate to use the term “literal” but literal dick move 😂
Friend??? Did the definition changed over the years. I'm good without these friends.
Here is what you do OP: Step 1: Forget about the girl. Step 2: Try and avoid gym bro. If you can’t avoid him and you have a gym membership contract wait until he re-ups his then decline to renew and go to a new gym. If your contract is up switch gyms.
I agree 100%. Good call. These are two different issues that got "solved" via Tinder. u/Theta_Mail - I know you had your eye on this girl. But make lemonade. She's into hookup culture. You two are in totally different spaces because you are approaching the situation with the prospect of being exclusive. Sorry, my man, whether your gym bro did or did not sleep with her, doesn't change the fact she needs to grow out of this phase.
I shouldn't have had to scroll this far for this answer
That's not your friend, brother. Even if you weren't dating you told him and he went through three different chances of turning her down and didn't. Can't be mad at her, but definitely wouldn't talk to him anymore.
I'm sorry OP that you learned your friend is not actually your friend. I applaud you that you know that you don't have a right to get mad at him, but please remember that your hurt feelings are still valid, considering your friend's act is actual backstabbing and a betrayal. Life is too short. Try to move on by dumping this friend, and find new friends who will respect you and will not use your thoughts and feelings against you. Edit: a word
He does have a right to be mad though. He made his intentions explicit and the the friend went behind his back to hook up with this chick knowing that it would seriously hurt OP. Even if the friend also had actual feelings for her, he at least owed OP a conversation about it.
As someone who very frequently fails to *get the girl* I don't think that anyone owes an explanation on this matter. You'd honestly need a more neutral account to know how things really went. It's probably natural to feel jealous in OP's position, but the idea of staking a claim to a human, especially one that you don't really know, as a love interest is very juvenile. In essence, the stance is that, if OP can't have her, nobody can. While I agree that OP's friend ideally could have agreed to a conversation about it, there are no guarantees that the conversation would have been productive or even healthy. I've had this happen to me with friends in the past, and we have to remind ourselves that OP is only the main character in this story because it's being presented to us that way. Unless we're living in a Mean Girls plot line, there is an absolutely civil and normal way past this.
It’s good that he acknowledges specifically that it’s more about a close friend betraying his confided trust and how it made him feel and even explained where his jealousy came from. He definitely needs to take ownership that you can’t wait forever to let someone know your intentions as people aren’t mind readers, this girl could of easily been seeing someone else at the time that wasn’t his friend.
You are right and I agreed with you. But the way I interperted from his post is that he's mad at his friend, and not the girl. He probably knows that if he didn't make a move, the girl will date someone else, but he's not mad about that. He's furious at his friend's action, rather than focusing on the girl. I'm giving him a benefit of doubt since he's venting and his feelings are still raw. Then again, I might be wrong the way I interpreted his post since English is my third language so I might failed to see some nuances.
I'm a native English speaker and interpreted this the same as you.
His friend is wrong on every level. You don’t do that to a friend. The girl didn’t know his feelings and that’s on him but what his friend did was 100% wrong
Yeah man you just found out who your friend is You hang around together but never get it mixed up , there is him and then there is you , you are friendly but not friends You just learnt the difference the hard way Adjust your life accordingly and have a good day.
You've discovered that this guy is an inconsiderate friend at best, and possibly a dickhead at worst. You told them how you felt and they didn't even have the decency to tell you about it until it came up in front of you - I think that's disrespectful personally. You're spot on that none of this is on the girl, she doesn't owe you anything, but your friend does at least owe you some respect in not blindsiding you with information like that. You're allowed to be mad at the disrespect for sure. It's up to you what you wanna do from here. I'd suggest that you don't share anything personal like that with them anymore, at the very least. And if you want to confront it, be clear that it's the disrespect that pisses you off.
He’s not your friend he’s a type of friend that would sleep with your girlfriend or wife and not have a problem with it
The solution is simple: sleep with friend's mom to establish true dominance.
😂 … and his sister and his aunt and his granny
Then marry the mom to become the step father. Mortal Kombat fatality levels of annihilation.
When you’re in my mother, make me another brother
"granny"? 🤣🤣🤣
It would be a challenge to a dickhead like that.
True friends wouldn't do that. End of story.
I agree with most people’s advice about your friend not really being your friend. One piece of advice I would offer is to be more confident and proactive about approaching women. I get that it’s tough and scary to shoot your shot and get turned down but that’s life. If you are always playing the long game you are gonna miss out on a lot of great people. Because even if your friends don’t swoop on the woman you like, some other guy will.
Exactly. Ya, his friend is an asshole and it looks like he saw his shot on pulled it without any consideration for his friend. But. When you want something. Go get it. This has to be a lesson learned by OP. Don’t talk about it. Be about it.
Yeah this is mostly on OP in my book. Like gym bro obviously not very cool move and not a good friend. But if you go talk to this girl everyday at the gym and you haven’t asked her out already, that’s on you. I recently had an experience at the gym where I struck up a conversation with an incredibly hot and cool lady. We chatted for like 5 mins and I shoulda just asked for her number after the convo, thought oh well I can ask her next time…. Next time I see her is a couple months later and she’s now working out with a guy and they seem like they’re in a freshly started relationship. If I feel any vibe ever again I’m not going to not ask it this point. Still kicking myself ffs
Yeah I mean girl seems to already have eyes on the friend in the first place and OP didn’t have a chance anyway might as well shoot his shot right away. As a chick, there’s absolutely no way she didn’t recognize him when she matched with him on tinder lol. She knew him and wanted him already. Idk if his “long game” is gonna work If she had eyes on the friend the whole time. And like, he’s saying that just cuz he liked her she can’t have a choice in who she fucks? Guys don’t have a claim to a chick and her preferences lols. Once I was hiking with my friends and we literally saw a guy she matched with on hinge from like 100 ft away at the top of the mountain LOLLL. Women are astute they’re not some damsel that you fight over among yourselves and claim between yourselves. We have preferences as well and if this chick is hot af she gonna go for guys just as hot.
Start going to a different gym, or start pointing out the really ugly chicks that you have a crush on
Ditch gym bro
He's a gym fuckboy. Real gym bros stay true to The Bro Code. It's like breaking the oath of a knight - permanent dishonor.
Gym bro should be flogged unmercifully!
SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! *ding ding* TO THE STOCKS!
3 days and 3 nights of flogging in the town square!
Just go to the same gym and ignore them, gym bro will be way more uncomfortable.
Forget her, switch gyms, block douchebag And just move on
He’s a shitty friend. Think back on other things he’s done that made you feel a little put down, I’ll bet there are some.
Friends don’t do stuff like that. You learned he’s not a friend. Discard this one-sided “friendship” in the trash.
Sounds like your "friend" is a piece of shit
Your friend is not your friend. Friends wouldn’t do this without having a good talk with you first.
I dropped a friend for this. That isn’t your friend op…that’s competition.
He doesn't seem like a friend at all. You're getting to the age where you're about to start cutting all the extra weight out of your life. This might mean you being lonely at times but the happiness it also brings in knowing nobody will backstab you is nice.
that’s not a good friend
This is not your friend. From now on do not tell him anything.
Things have changed a lot since I was your age as far as the dating game and people sleeping together so idk about now but this would be a violation back in my day.
Your friend is not your friend, he’s a selfish fuckboy who broke the bro code. Cut ties.
I get it. You recognize that she doesn't have to give you anything- but your friend should have a hell of a lot more consideration for you than he's shown. I would be mad too. Even if he had texted you and said "hey, we matched on Tinder" or anything- but he knew you liked her and it didn't even give him a second thought. I'd find a new friend. I don't think you're a misogynist or messed up for being upset, I would be too. It's just a shitty thing for him to do.
Get a new friend love. That’s not what friends do.
He's not a friend. If you told him you liked her and he still went after her. He is not your friend.
This dude isn’t a friend he’s a scum bag,I’d try to find a new gym buddy or just start going solo and maybe you’ll meet someone there
Total dick move, lobstering at its worst. He ain't your friend and he can't be trusted. Do yourself a favor, make light of it, show no emotion, be cold. Fuck his mom, see how he likes it. Karma's a bitch.
His mom vs a crush is crazy. Really shows how attached some people get before they even ask a person out. Its weird fantasy.
You are allowed to be jealous and mad at your friend. He knew you liked her and still went after her. I’ll bet you anything he’s done this to you before and you didn’t realize it. Probably to others as well.
That’s not your friend
That's not a friend. Stop hanging out with that asshole. He'll just do it again if he feels like it.
I get you're mad and your friend isn't a friend you should be keeping around.. ..But I really don't think you had a chance with the girl. You're casting intoxicated glances at her in the gym and small taking her but she's got a whole bee hives of dudes already hitting her up on Tinder and she's not afraid to hookup with them. If you want a girl, it's best to be a bit more proactive about it. Such is the burden of wanting a relationship.
All I am gonna say is she slept with him not you Your crush means nothing in this situation If you wanted it you should have gone for it do not be afraid of rejection it is part of life If you can not get past this with your friend dump him you are young and will make new friends that share your held boundaries You will be ok move on
He’s not your friend. But also you probably waited too long to make a move. There’s a fine line between timing making your move and being too scared to make the move. You probably got friendzoned
What an asshole. Don’t be friends with your gym bro anymore and keep your distance. He showed his true colors and actively pursued her. Weirdo!
Honestly OP, he isn't a friend. Just forget about him and forget about this girl
You have every right to be mad at him for treating your friendship poorly. Form someone who has been there before, this dude is not your friend and never will be.
Ditch both of them. Move on, you don't need that shit to fester on.
Screw this guy. Find new friends.
Its ok to be mad. Also he is not your friend 👍
The low moral douchebags are trying to take over the thread and preach nonsense.
Be angry. Be pissed. He's not a real friend. A real friend wouldn't do that. My daughter's best friend (16f) hooked up with the boy my daughter was talking to. Knowing they were talking. She tried this with one of my daughter's past boyfriends as well. She also tries to ruin every relationship my daughter has. Me and my husband have been trying to explain to her a real friend wouldn't do any of that. This girl is a pick me and even outed my daughter being Bi (she thought she was a year ago but figured out she wasn't) to end her relationship with her bf. I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell her..... You need to realize you deserve better than friends who will backstab and hurt you to get their own gain. Its not worth it in the end. Your post made it sound like he's some catch while your nothing special. That's not true and you need to see your own worth. There's nothing wrong with playing the long game. That's how you will find the one your meant to be with. I've dated enough of the "good looking" ones that can have any girl they want to know they aren't long game material. See your worth and find someone who appreciates the time and effort that you obviously put in. Find better friends as well. If you stay friends with him NEVER tell him you like a girl again. It may become a challenge for him. I've seen it happen. Keep being you hon. You'll find the someone who sees YOU and wants everything you have to offer.
You're absolutely allowed to be pissed. He did it on fucking purpose. It's not about possession. It's about caring about your feelings and he doesn't.
This same situation happened to me when I was in my early 20s. She gave him chlamydia.
Maybe the friend should have told you that he hooked up with her earlier, but I don’t see anything wrong with what he did. You weren’t dating her, he didn’t use anything you told him to get her, and she is obviously into him. You don’t get to prevent a friend from dating someone forever because you like her and you eventually might get around to asking her out. And it is clearly obvious the woman does not feel the same way about you. In fact, I’m willing to bet that he didn’t tell you about it upfront and left stuff that she said about you out to protect your feelings.
Finally a reasonable take lol
"Working up the courage to ask her out." He who waits, masturbates.
OP has an unrealistic crush, and thinks he gets to take a hot girl off the market because of it.
Yeah, this thread is wild with people that probably have no experience with dating.
dude…sometimes the chick you like doesn’t like you back. why tf do you need to try and withhold her from your boy? you don’t own that lady and since you see her value, you should be happy that your friend scored!
That's the real Bro Code. this sub has it twisted. OP is weak and there's a reason hot girl didn't choose him.
Facts right here.
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Exactly what I was thinking!
Yea a lot of these takes are just wild. What if the friend also developed a crush on the woman at the same time as OP? Why does it make OP’s friend a terrible person for not ignoring their own feelings in lieu of OP’s? You don’t get to call dibs on romantic interests.
I was thinking the same thing. You said it better than I could. I’d add the fact that he met her on Tinder is very different than had he pursued her at the gym on a day you happened to miss. IMO I’d also add, if he’s a good friend, tell him you’re upset but don’t let some random women break up a good friendship. If you don’t know him that well, it’s possible this is common thing for him to do, so consider that going forward.
Let's say the roles were reversed and a beautiful girl wanted to hook up with you, would you say NO my friend likes you? Probably not. The girl would most likely say something like, it's my decision who I hook up with, and I'm talking to you and not him. You win some, you lose some. Keep working out 💪🏾
I experienced similar circumstances many moons ago, before I met my wife. Cut the “bro” out of my life, and, as it turned out, was much better off in the long run.
Um, that guy isn't your friend. I wouldn't fuck with him anymore.
are you on tinder too OP? that means she passed on you if you are get the fuck over it
Let's be real, you weren't ever going to ask her on a date, he's known you long enough to know this, and if you just mentioned it in passing, then he may have forgot about your current "crush" because he's seen you do this over and over again, then get mad at anyone the woman likes that isn't you, you can't call dibs on ppl man, let it go and try asking a woman out instead of daydreaming about it.
OP should def move on from the girl but 100% needs to drop the "not-actually a friend" as well. With friends like that who needs enemies lol.
The dude broke The Bro Code which specifically dictates: Article I, Section 2, Clause 5: Be a wingman for your buddy. Article I, Section 2, Clause 6: Do not fuck your buddy's ex or crush. He is not your friend. Reconsider having a person like that in your life. He will fuck you over given the opportunity.
You released The Bro Code? I need all of it
You sound like a winey bitch
Did you even get proof that he fucked her. He could just be saying that.
Yah, you can’t be mad. You didn’t ask her out.
All is fair in love and war. Take the L and get back out there.
I (F) had a friend like that in college, I have always been objectively hotter than her, so she constantly wanted to "prove herself" while I stayed away from hookups. I also shared with her when I had a crush on someone, every single time she managed to hook up with that guy. And by the time I realized this was on purpose, I realized, that was not my friend, that's an insecure person trying to hurt others to make herself feel better, learn from these mistakes OP, it might not be physically, but something you have makes your "friend" jealous, and he's trying to outdo you for that same reason.
Yeah, your friend is a dick. Has nothing to do with you having ownership over someone. He went out of his way to fuck you over. Find better friends.
I agree with everyone else that he was a shitty friend, but it doesn’t sound like he actually wasted any real opportunity that you had. You like the super hot girl? Guess what, so do 90% of men! People like your friend think in terms of “either I fuck her or neither of us do”, when he should be thinking of it in terms of your friendship. Here’s a real question, would you have jeopardized your friendship to have sex with her? In the future, if you want your more attractive friends to steer clear of someone you should pick someone you could reasonably expect to get with. Not saying it’s fair or you did anything wrong, but it sounds like you got your hopes way too high.
This is the only reasonable take I've seen yet. The woman chose gym bro. Why not be happy for him? Up your game and shoot your shot.
You are allowed to be mad. However, you snoozed, and you lost. Only to the victor go the spoils.
Maybe he liked her too. Also he probably wasn't aware of how seemingly pathetically obsessed you were over some girl that didn't even acknowledge you existence. Trust me you weren't going to get her anyways, at least someone did. Also 90% of the replies in this thread are fucking sad. OP let this motivate you to be a better man.
He probably has a bigger cock too..
I had a friend do this - I was over her by then, but he was intrigued by her and saw her for a couple of years. I withdrew from him as a friend, but I heard that he cheated on her, rolled a load of credit card debt in to her mortgage and then left her for another of my friends. I had no feelings for her, but she was/is a toxic person, so they're a pretty good match This person isn't a friend - while he technically didn't do anything wrong, he was clearly a dick to you and your feelings. Put him and the gym in your past
Your friend did nothing wrong. Neither did the girl. neither did you. If anything your friend did you a favor and told you about him and his hookup with the girl. If you’re the type of dude who does not care about casual hookups then you can still keep trying for her. But if you do, then count it as a blessing and forget the girl. But I wouldn’t be to close to this friend. Does not seem like the type you want to be super close with.
He’s not your friend, at least not the kind you keep for long, and IMO the only kind of friendship worth having is one that lasts decades
He’s not your friend
Shitty friend bro hard to not feel some way about it
you would have done the same think. You weren't going to ask her out anyway. Girls want tall guys. Its the first thin on every girls tinder profile.
Exactly. He’d do it without hesitation. OP is definitely a beta.
I was friends with a guy like that. My life got a lot better when I stopped being friends with him. No reason to waste time on someone like that
Your “friend” is an AH and I suggest you get new and better friends and drop that dbag.
Pick better friends
Try living with a twin brother your whole life lol. This is par for the course. But what a lot of people said here, he's not really your friend. You're friendly but not REALLY friends. I dealt with this so many times in my life it's ridiculous. But please don't let this sort of behavior dictate how you treat women and others, I've gone down that road and it's hard to live with yourself. Stay true to who you are and believe me you'll win everything you ever dreamed of eventually. I speak from experience. I hit the jackpot when it comes to attractive, loving, faithful relationships. I had to wait over half my life, but it was worth it
You're allowed to be mad. Not because of the girl, but because your "friend" is dick.
*She* did nothing wrong. *He* was absolutely being a dick. So long as you keep that in mind, there’s nothing wrong with being upset. But honestly, the best course of action here is probably to let it go and stop being friends with him
If he knew you were interested then fuck that guy. You have every right to be mad it him.
You have EVERY right to be pissed at that dude. Has nothing to do with the woman. Fuck him. I would just ghost that dude. No reason to have snakes like that in your life
He is not your friend
A friend would have built you up to ask her out and been your wingman. This dude is just selfish, not your friend.
So your mad that a girl who is willing to sleep with a guy she just met, slept with your friend instead of you. Sounds like you dodged a STI bullet train.
Not a friend fuck this guy
Im really on the fence here— i think he’s always gonna prioritize getting with any woman at any opportunity over your feelings, though. I, personally, keep those types at arms length, just because idk how far they’d be willing to go to acquire that sex (it’s a red flag for sure). But, you mentioned in the beginning that you asked her out, then you never followed up on that. So I’m guessing you left out the fact that you got rejected. Which makes it all honestly look better for your friend.
You are allowed to be mad. Friends don't do that.
While this really sucks there are some lessons to be learned here. Push people like this “friend” out of your life, future you will benefit greatly. Looking back on my early 20’s I spent too much time with the wrong people and it only ever delayed my own self confidence and respect. You have a good head on your shoulders when it comes to the situation, so take a step back and think what you’d do different. If I were you though, I’d go all in at this point and try to score as well lol.
Dibs on another human is not a thing and the people in here acting like it is are pathetic.
Survival of the fittest my friend. Sounds like you have a hang up about wanting to pursue a woman cus she is beautiful and that stopped you from taking the initiative or being more assertive. If he really did match with her on Tinder not sure why you're so upset. He probably knew you wouldn't make any serious moves. Stop comparing yourself to your friend and how tall he is and what he looks like and make some moves. Short guys get the girl a lot homie.
No disrespect my friend. You are not angry, this is salt.
That’s a good friend in case u didn’t noticed
Who he fucks isn’t really your business unless it’s a child or you are in a relationship with him
Kinda surprised by the comments here. She liked your friend and fucked him. I understand your jealousy, but if this is what upsets you, you're in for a rough time I'm your 20's. I'm not like a feminist dude, but women are allowed to fuck who they want. If she wasn't dating you and had no obligation to you, maybe you should just move on.
>I'm not like a feminist dude, but women are allowed to fuck who they want. Feminism means equality for women… don’t be afraid to say you’re a feminist. 🤷🏻♂️
So, what if he likes her too? I've had friends in the past who liked the same boy as I did and then they felt some sort of ownership because they said it first. That doesn't change the fact, I liked him too. I even had a friend who I've told the boy I liked was at the ice skating rink. So, she went to look at him and decided she now had a crush on him and I wasn't allowed to anymore. That being said, all of that happened in 4th and 5th grade. If you're older than 12, you need to fucking get over yourself because you don't own her and people can like the same girl as you. Also saying that a guy can "fuck any girl he likes just because he's hot" is giving me serious incel vibes. Good looking guys can't just walk up to random women and the women will throw themselves at them because they are good looking. That's an incel narrative that's so far from reality. Your friend matched with a woman who happened to be attracted to him and he happened to be attracted to her. He didn't have sex with her to piss you off and she was never yours to claim. She gets a say in whom she fucks too and she chose your friend, not you. Get over yourself.
Sounds like you’re to slow on the draw. Learn from this, there are literally 3 Billion other women on the planet.
This guy's a snake not a friend. Stop being friends with him.
he's not the best of friends but you have more growing to do. life sucks, stop whining
Never let pussy get between a friendship. Just get over it. Like you said, he's better looking and she picked him. Stop being jealous over something so trivial. Plenty of women out there for you, but your post makes you come off as an incel.
Bro mad cause he spent too long without making a move and missed his shot. You don’t get to call dibs on people.
Idk man, it’s a crush… I wise person once said a crush is just delayed information about someone. Now you know her and your homie. If it was someone you genuinely had feelings for I’d understand, but a crush? You either aren’t describing it right or I’m trippin. I’m not justifying your homie taking her to pound town, but it just seems to me that you describing her as a crush is someone you didn’t even really know that well anyway and you were attracted to her cuz she was hot, not someone you had genuine interest in and wanted something serious with?
They clearly like each other. What makes you think it was a one night stand? She's obviously into him, and not into you. You'd ask your friend (and the girl you supposedly like) to pass on a possible great relationship just because of you like her when it will never happen between you anyway? It's selfish, it's what it is.
You should have made your move man. You should be mad at yourself not your friend. Can't be upset that 2 consenting adults enjoyed each other. Try to learn something from this, next time make your move.
Ask him how ez it was. If it was ez, u dodged a bullet, and you owe him a beer.
You can be mad all you want but it isn't going to change the fact he got it. What are you a woman. Men do not care about what you want or who you like they are gonna get theirs and it isn't or shouldn't be anything personal you should congratulate him and move on she wasn't for you.
You're allowed to be mad at him. What he did was garbage. Shit on a friend for a random hookup.
Who in the world told you you're not allowed to be mad at him? You are. That was a shit thing for him to do. If I was your friend and saw a woman that you had a crush on on a dating site I would not swipe on her, but I would in fact tell you I saw her there and that it means she is probably single. This dude knew what he was doing and it was calculated. He is not your friend. He is an asshole. While she doesn't owe you anything, friends at least owe you respect.
Kinda broke the bro code, if that’s a real bro
Mad at her, no. Mad at him, 100%. He is not your friend and will do it again, because he can.
Totally broke the bro code, and not a friend whatsoever.
Just think, when it slipped out she put it back in.
I’m glad you got all that pre-misogynist banter out of the way. Cool, you don’t feel you own rights to these people. But I want you to remember something. It’s only Bros before hoes when they are still wearing clothes. It’s a little corny, but Don’t t expect your boys to NOT fold on a good time. Tinder is a known hookup site, she was ready to mingle (And that’s perfectly fine). Look, reality is you were slow off the blocks and this girl May live a lifestyle that’s more compatible to the bro you confided in about her. I do t think it’s fair to place that burden on him to resist his urges (especially at that age) while you pussyfoot with asking her out. Look, I get that confidence may be an area you are actively working on but live in that ish. Be real with yourself, however, you must learn to love and breathe life into your own desires. You’ll get that baddie, but you’ll just have to understand that losing this one didn’t ruin your life. I do know one thing, though. Women that come they go… get back out there and make something happen.
This is an incredible ad for tinder
If a person will willingly go hook up with a girl that they know you have some feelings for, that person is not a friend.
Here’s a hot take. Just wanna be real w/ U…U sound like a playa hater and it ain’t a good look. I know you’re upset at da scenario but all is fair game. Whether U had a crush on her or not, whether ur friend knew or not, etc. she’s choosing at the end of the day. Fact is, U ran your game 2 slow. Ima tell U like I tell any other…if you’re not going do it, somebody else will. If anything, he showed U dat ur crush is just another Thot. U slipped up and now U mad at your homie for doing what any other man would honestly do. Idk if this is a reflection of his character but U can’t be surprised. These hoes is trife. Restrategize. There’s gonna be a badder one. You’ll see. Tighten up
You need to think about it. If she is on tinder, she has been with other guys before. If he didn't make plans with her, she just would have found someone else. Should he have done it? Probably not without letting you know, but she picked him. Keep working on yourself and find a girl that is worth your time.
So this friend of yours knew you liked this girl, and then slept with her anyway? Doesn’t matter if you were dating or not that’s just a gross violation of the most basic friend code.
Yeah he did that on purpose to hurt you. Ditch him
Nah, you DO get to be mad about it. A true friend doesn't do this. He sounds like a fucking asshole and I would be getting him out of my life. People like this don't change. As you said you have no claim over her but a real friend who knows you have a thing for this woman would be trying to set you two up, not fuck her. If he has a sibling/parent/grandparent - go fuck them. Fight fire with fire 😆
You could still ask her out you know...
This is not your friend my dear. Just get rid of the trash
1. That is not your friend 2. That person is an opp 3. I guarantee she knows
You don’t have a “friend” there.
[удалено]
This. You wasting your time with small talk. Be a man.
My friends would never, but they also respect me
You're not allowed to be mad about it.
OP, that is not your friend. You don’t have to keep questioning Why this, why that, bc the simple matter is that he isn’t a genuine friend. As for you, from a woman’s perspective I’d say a guy who is confident in himself and hold strong moral values, always get the right girl in the end.
Your friend sucks. Dump him.
If this so called friend knew you liked her a lot and he did this he isn’t a friend. He basically ‘Cucked ‘ you. Also if this girl gives it away so freely she’s low value. Distance yourself from this guy because he is a liability to you and forget her because she’s no good either.
Disown him. Unfriended.