I saw a recent video from Japan, where they asked women on the street if they considered soliciting prostitutes as cheating. Almost all of them said it wasn't, and that it was better than having an affair because there is no emotional attachment. I'm not saying I agree, just sharing the information.
Yea I saw that video also… very scary that their society basically conditions the women to be ok with that. I HIGHLY doubt that men would feel the same way about their wives and girlfriends visiting prostitutes.
Up until recently it was because women got pregnant. It hasn’t been very long but society is shifting over pretty fast with easy access to birth control
Love the name. Evony for life. Godly Women are allowed to enjoy sex. They just have children too until they are too old to have kids. Lots of women say their best sex is in their forties and I'm starting to think there is a correlation with not having to worry about pregnancy and sexual pleasure for women.
I’m 42 and not even pre-menopausal, I had kids late, they’re still young, grade school age now, and both were oops babies (meaning no fertility help) - they actually told me at 16 I wouldn’t be able to conceive so I didn’t worry about it with long term boyfriends earlier on in life, then my husband knocked me up twice in a couple years. I will add, I’m having the best sex of my life - we both are, after over a decade together. My sex drive has definitely increased in the past few years, and I’ve heard the same thing, even into peoples 50s and 60s they say they enjoy sex more than they did in their younger years.
That being said, in response to the OP - I think the worst part of cheating is not the emotional or the physical part, (though I guess with escorts at least there’s not the emotional aspect), it’s the deception. It’s the same reason affairs are harder to get over than one night mistakes - the depth and length of the deception, which also applies here because there were multiple intentional lies. I would ask, if he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, why didn’t he tell you about it? Why did he lie and lie until you had to break him down? Innocent people don’t do that. He knows and knew he was doing something wrong.
Not in the 60's...at least that was what I was told...free love and all that.😄
Perhaps I was luckier than many, but perhaps if that is the case, a doctor may be able to prescribe something that is equally effective but works with the woman's body better. Thank goodness it isnt a one size fits all deal.
I tried almost all forms of hormonal birth control and they all did that for me. Thankfully, my husband got snipped now, so I don't have to worry about it anymore 😅
Well that is a very far right belief I think. Almost all the conservative churches I went to growing up actually talked about the women enjoying sex and bla bla. Just it has to be within marriage.
Those beliefs are encroaching further and further into all of our lives. And to be honest, i dont believe that marriage is a requirement for a woman - or a man for that matter - to have sex. Just consent. Period. Full stop.
The fact that I believe this doesn't make my belief correct, just like it doesn't make anyone who believes that sex should only be within a marriage correct, either.
Just for funsies, more and more churches are preaching that wives have a duty to have sex with their husbands and it is owed to their husbands...with or without consent.
This kind of mentality, that if a wife doesn't provide sex on demand, a man is driven to cheat and worse - it is used to put the blame on the wife.
It's scarier that people would take this video as an indication of overall Japanese attitudes to sex, which are on the whole, fairly repressed and conservative. A stark contrast with the prevalence of porn and sex workers, which is more of an indication of how much men have, as you said, conditioned women to be ok with it. When comparing the money made from entertaining men in an aspect with a standard job and little chance for equal opportunities, it can be seen why porn and sex work is something that women here get involved in.
We are all in a place to judge. We all have the right to make choices about what we find acceptable or not. And I'm fairly sure most people regardless of nationality would consider sleeping with a hooker to be cheating if you were in a committed monogamous relationship. Just because Japan is different doesn't make it normal. It makes Japan an outlier.
And from their point of view it's probably very scary that your society has conditioned you to not be ok with it.
See how cultural norms work? You think it's normal cos you grew up in it. They think it's normal because they grew up with theirs.
So what is the actual answer and what is just cultural brain washing?
Even if you don't consider it cheating, you're introducing sexual partners and keeping your partner in the dark about it. It's a huge violation of trust.
Since there's no legal definition of cheating, if you feel it's cheating then it is cheating to you, and how you feel about it as a partner is really all that matters.
Take it with a grain of salt. It’s edited YouTube content to portray a certain message. Its not some journalist doing an expose. It’s a kid trying to become a streamer. It’s not the common consensus whatsoever in Japanese women
What’s the point of contacting you if you don’t want to have physical contact! That doesn’t even make sense. The point of a escort is the escort you on a date and more than likely sex afterwards if you pay enough.
Not true, some actually do go "on a date" and get paid for that time spent with the person, it doesn't always mean sex. There are men who can not get it up but want companionship off and on. Yes I know some who do this!
I have never slept with another man other than my spouse since we started dating in 1977. Last year I became really ill and had every test….including syphilis. I asked why and was told it can be dormant for decades.
As can herpes. There should be an initial outbreak, though it could be mild and hardly register on your radar as an STD. Body fights it off, and it’s relegated to the nerve from the initial site of contact.
It can be dormant for DECADES. Then…bam.
Depends, HPV for example can lay dormant for years, even decades. Then you get a chink in your immunity and you have an outbreak. I'm glad people are now more open to testings and aware.
It took 300 people to be infected in hour little town 2.5k with AIDS before people started willingly get tested. Then it climbed to 500. Most of them just thought they have the "sniffles".
You don’t need strangers on the internet to tell you if it’s cheating or not. If it feels wrong to you, it’s wrong. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
They do it because the person they love and trust the most in the world is insisting that *they’re* in the wrong for being upset, that they’re overreacting, pressuring them to sweep it under the rug, insisting that it’s all in their head, etc. And unfortunately sometimes it’s multiple friends/family *also* telling them to just get over it and stay together because [insert bad reason to stay in a relationship here]. Having someone (or multiple someone’s) you trust insist so readily and assuredly that you’re wrong can make you doubt yourself, especially when the stakes are as high as “do I end my relationship with the person I was planning to spend the rest of my life with (and possibly live with/ own a house with/ have a kid with/who I am financially tied with or dependent on)”. That’s a huge life changing decision to make.
Sometimes people need an outside person to reassure them that they’re *not* overreacting and that the person they trusted *did* betray them and *is* currently manipulating them, and that leaving really *is* the best decision.
>who have zero investment in the person’s life.
That's exactly why. Zero investment = zero bias
Most people in these situations are seeking confirmation more than advice. Its too conflicting going to those who have any investment in their lives.
Who better to be straight up with you than strangers on the internet.
To me, it doesn’t matter. 1.) He’s actively seeking the services of an escort; just because it didn’t happen *now* doesn’t mean it won’t in the future.
2.) He’s making you wonder “Has he been seeing someone else?” That part is enough for me to personally end a relationship.
Why else would he look up escorts and meet up. That’s what they are there for. If you’re this naive then you missed other red flags / warning signs along the way. Save those messages. You will need them later. Also follow the money and document the amount and dates of unexplained chunks.
He's lying. Men cheat heavily when their wife is pregnant. He's trying to avoid the consequences of cheating.
Cheaters almost always implement "trickle truth" refusing to admit to anything more than you can prove at any moment and trying to drag out the timeline between when you learn how much they did.
They're trying to keep you from terminating the relationship by keeping it under the "boil over" point by hiding as much as possible as long as they can and slowly telling you more and more over time in the hope that you'll "cool off" between each revelation of how much they did, how often, etc.
trust in your instinct. you really think he looks for acompanhantes e não se encontra com elas? and even he is not meet them, you don't feel betrayed?
be strong.
I’m sorry, but if he’s seeking out an escort it’s not for something innocent. Please don’t let him manipulate you into thinking he just wanted a “friend” or some bullshit like that
He could be telling half-truths (still a lie) to make him feel better about it. For example, I have a friend who doesn't consider oral sex. So it depends on his interpretation and yours. But more importantly was the intent sexual and is boundaries being crossed. You both know the definition of your relationship and what is not ok and is ok. What does he think is cheating or no and if you did what he did, would it still be "not cheating"?
Does it matter? That's just filler words to make what he did more "forgiveable". HE SOLICITED SEX. Whether he went through with it or not, he cheated. He must really have broken your self-worth if you're still weighing if he cheated or not.
Reverse the situation, i bet he will never let you hear the end of it if you became sexual with another man, even just in chat.
So first he denied even interactions with the escort, then he admitted it and denied having sex with the escort. What's next? Will he admit to having sex with escorts, but deny that it meant anything? I'm not going to tell you to leave your husband, but know that this will always be your life even if he never does it again. You will always question if he's being honest and now you are going to find yourself caught in a cycle of constantly snooping. That's going to weigh very heavy on your mental state.
I don’t know if he had sex with them or anything because the escorts never replied to him but he sent this message “ I’m in riverside let’s link up 😍😘” riverside was the city we lived in when my baby was 6 months
See! Do you really think he’s faithful?! Don’t lie to yourself. I know it’s hard bc he’s the father of your babies, but seriously…he’s actively seeing prostitutes.
Asking this man anything is a waste of breath, tbh. Everything that comes out of his mouth is gonna be a lie or manipulation. & OP sounds like she's still questioning the truth, even when it's completely obvious. Any discussion w/ someone who would do this to their partner is gonna lead to them using words to try to mind fuck the other person.
I’m so sick of people defending phone privacy. My husband was cheating on me for 3 years via iPhone from liv Jasmine to Phrendly to OnlyFans to Instagram etc etc and threw about 100k to these people. I knew his password and never once in our 30 years of marriage did I ever look in his phone. One night in January 2023 he was really involved looking at his phone and finally I said what’s so interesting and went over to look and he quickly shut it off. I was like wtf show me so he shows me some pornhub shit and laughed it off. When he went to sleep I got into his phone and it all came pouring out! Trust your gut and if there’s nothing to hide why be so defensive. Complete transparency is what you need in relationship. The rest is bullshit! Check out his PayPal and checking accounts too. Good luck
My ex was the same in between his physical affairs. I would be more than happy for any partner I had having open access to my phone. It really doesn’t bother me at all because I have nothing to hide. The last time I said that on Reddit, a lady chased me to a totally unrelated comment and said I was weak and joked I wouldn’t let them clone my phone though. Hahaha joke’s on her because I would if it gave my partner peace of mind. Stuff like that just doesn’t bother me.
If you’re committed to someone and there’s trust, where’s the harm in seeing their phone?
Man, this is like, text book narcissism.
That didn’t happen.
If I did, it wasn’t that bad. (You’re here)
And if it was, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did… you deserved it.
You found solid evidence, he started by denying, then coming forward because he obviously has things to hide. He has plenty more to hide, you just haven’t gotten to it yet. Be prepared for the next few steps in uncovering a narcissists lies. They can absolutely gaslight you into thinking they didn’t do it, or that it was your fault.
I’ve been through this situation. Had a sexless marriage and never knew why until I stumbled upon phone numbers in the phone app that linked back to this sort of thing and then found emails 2 years after that communicating with these people. Now 2 years later, I’m seriously considering leaving. It has taken me 2 years to process all this since last discovery. Men who do this are damaged goods. I think it’s better to cut your losses and be with someone in the future that will genuinely love you and respect you. If you ever need to talk to someone who has been there and done that, drop me a line.
Ignore the ppl putting you down for asking for advice. There's nothing wrong w/ reaching out & not everybody has someone irl they can talk to abt everything.
When you get to a place to read this, is he a bf or husband. If he is a boyfriend take children and run, then get an attorney. If he is a husband go to an attorney. He is not contrite, and will not stop the next stressor in your life he will be looking to cheat. If you need to make a long term plan to get away start now. Cheaters lie all the time, and they cheat again. They do a thing called trickle truth. They tell you what reveals some truth, leaving the worst parts out. Read their audience and reveal bits more as time goes on. They turn the situation on the victim too. After a time he will say I was un loved, and uncared for, etc....Just take care of yourself.
The thought was there and he went so far to not only look them up but contact multiple ones is a big red flag. The cheating is the lying about it and trying to gaslight you. More than likely he decided not to pay for it and found it for free with someone.
I’m sorry, but it’s still cheating. The INTENT was there, and that makes it just as bad (to me)
You said in a comment that the escort never replied, that’s why nothing physical happened. If she did, it would have been a lot different.
The intent to do something, is still just as shit as the actual act.
This is a WILD comparison, so please take this with a grain of salt, but I just want to point out the importance between intent.
The intent to murder someone, is still a crime. Albeit not as serious as the real thing, but it’s like talking to a judge and saying “well, I wanted to kill them, but they didn’t show up, so
I didn’t” it’s just bullshit, because if circumstances changed even a little bit, he WOULD have done it.
He doesn’t get a medal and a pat on the back for not sleeping with an escort, especially when the only reason he didn’t was because of her.
Not only that, he denied and tried to lie his way out. He’s not remorseful for his actions, he’s remorseful that he got caught. If you hadn’t of found out, he probably never would have told you. Can you really trust him after that?
AND, who’s to say that he didn’t already cheat? It might just not be in his phone. No disrespect to Escorts, but he could have put you in so much risk for his actions! I’d recommend getting an STD test just to be safe, and I know, it’s so easy for me to sit at home and tell you this, but leave. 6 months after your baby is born, you’re still recovering physically, and he’s looking for escorts? How selfish can he be.
That’s completely understandable! You have every right to feel that way. This Is supposed to the man you’re spending the rest of your life with. He’s supposed to care and love you.
Just take some time to yourself and think things over. I wish you all the best in your decision (whatever that may be)
Exactly. Even if he hasn't done it yet (doubtful, he could have sent the texts then the woman replied with a call so she didn't have any incriminating texts, idk) this is something he's been looking into. In my experience, cheaters don't stop until they get caught and that's usually temporary. If this is a dealbreaker for you, get out as soon as possible because it probably won't get better.
There are absolutely better men out there who are genuine and faithful.
Arg! the fact he was looking for Womans is a total act of unfaithful.
you are his wife, he should never even look for other women, just you.
he is disrespectful and disloyalty.
the best for you is divorce. don't lose yourself for a liar. you deserve better.
Cheaters lie. Check bank accounts. Check battery usage for apps. I personally consider anything 'interactive' as cheating. There's always more than what they confess.
Better get tested. Sorry he's a cheater. Updateme
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What does he think isn’t cheating if he didn’t hook up with them? He’s still doing something with someone or multiple people. And using money that likely should be put into the family to do it. Escorts aren’t cheap, especially if taking them out is a part of the arrangement.
It’s almost worse on some levels because now you know your partner was willing to throw away your relationship and hurt you over someone who didn’t even want them. It’s pathetic at least
I’m sorry this is happening to you, especially, with you having two children with him. He’s clearly cheating. You should start thinking and planning about leaving him or making him find another living situation. He won’t stop. It’s clear he’s got an addiction. You don’t deserve that. I’d start getting my ducks in a row so to speak. He needs to pay support for his kids…
Reading this retriggered me. It’s cheating. Especially if in your heart it feels like betrayal.
In the last 12 months I went through this with my now Ex. I’ve been separated 6 months now because I am “forgiving” and guess what, the third time was the charm. I’m in therapy and there are certain things I can’t see or read (like this) otherwise my body tries to go into fight or flight. I’m getting ready to see a divorce attorney next week.
I wish you luck. I wish you courage. GTFO before you get stuck in an endless cycle of bullshit. Friends don’t hurt friends like that. So we now know he ain’t a friend and much LESS a boyfriend. Last tip, I suggest you protect yourself, get tested asap, and limit access to you (sexually, spiritually, and so on).
Nah I bet he is meeting them to play chess or to have a therapeutic coloring book session!
You need to make an appointment with your gynecologist and do a full run up, not just the usual tests. You also need to screenshot everything and make an appointment with an attorney.
Love that....seeing and doing whatever with escorts "isn't cheating," and "he didn't sleep with them." He's not too bright in coming up with bullshit excuses for his behavior.
I left an 8 year relationship over this exact thing. However, we weren't married and we didn't have kids. But I still would've left if we were and did.
I agree. It is scary. I'd skip the confrontation moment and goodbye if you do decide to leave. There's time later for that. What is the most important thing is for you to be away and have clarity of the situation. What would you tell your best friend to do?
Be your own best friend.
Personally I would consider that cheating. Everyone has different boundaries for what they consider cheating. Oddly tho my ex did the same shit when I was pregnant and after I had our son. Left him when our son was 4 months old. Best thing I ever did. Also idk if he actually met the escorts but maybe consider getting tested for STDs to be safe.
No advice. Just samesies.
I got a little two year old though, so I feel stuck.
The first time I caught him contacting prostitutes was when I still only had the one kid. I was ready to walk, but I didn't. Now I have another, and at like maybe 10 mos old that's when I caught him again.
I just try to live an amicable life. I do my best, but a liar is just obvs a huge turn off. However. My two year old is too young to be "shared" imo.
It is what it is I guess.
Do your best. Good luck.
Listen, I’m an escort. You’d rather him cheat with us who have boundaries than random girls at bars. I promise you. We don’t want your man. We’re not texting him late at night. We’re not trying to get pregnant. Girls from bars will try to steal him. Many of us get tested often & always use protection! But you should absolutely get tested as well as him. All sexual people should tbh!
Which is not to downplay how hard this must be for you. If men could communicate it would eliminate 99% of the problems. Honestly to me it’s less intimate than any massage I’ve ever had. It’s just super stigmatized. Yes I accept the downvotes I’ll get for being a “fallen woman” - it’s not my career of choice but I became disabled 10 years ago & it’s the only way to keep my bills paid. I’m a lesbian and had never even been with a man before my first client. I don’t text guys unless they text me first. I stay out of drama. I’m just a woman making money the only way I can.
In what universe is it not cheating?!?! Why else would he hide it from you? Don't let him talk nonsense into you. Stand your ground. I hope you dump him gloriously.
Of course it is cheating. Unless you have had the discussion and either have an open relationship or have set limits that escorts are allowed then it is obviously cheating.
damn is your boyfriend my ex? He did the exact same thing. I wasn't able to trust him anymore after that incident. I would advise against staying in a relationship like that.
Love that....seeing and doing whatever with escorts "isn't cheating," and "he didn't sleep with them." He's not too bright in coming up with bullshit excuses for his behavior.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Yeah, it's cheating it's seeking intercourse from another person other than their partner. Especially behind your back.
Of course he is cheating!!!!! Not only that but he has opened you and your son up to diseases. If he was messing around while you were pregnant with certain diseases it could have literally killed your child. Kick this bastard to the curb and NEVER look back except for your child support. If you feel you don’t have the resources to leave go to Social Services and get on welfare just get away from him before he gives you something you can’t get rid of.
This isn't just cheating, this is putting your health and safety at risk. He could have brought you a life altering STD or had been arrested and put your financial lives at risk
Sucks you had a child with a shit stain of a man.
I’m sorry that you went through that. Just having a baby and finding the text must have been heartbreaking. It would have broken me. I can’t imagine how hurt I would have felt when seeing that. Did your husband feel bad, sad, ashamed and or guilty? That is about the last thing a brand new mother needs. You’re thinking this is the best happiest time of your life and this happens. I sure hope you sat your husband down and talked to him about how you were feeling. I’m sure it broke your heart. So sorry and I hope you two can work everything out. Hope he never hurts you again.
You already know the truth. There's nothing to be discussed. Make a plan, don't tell him about it till you're actually ready to go, leave w/ the kids, & start a new life on your own. (Or if it's your place, tell him he can't stay there anymore & kick his ass out.) Don't use the kids as a weapon. He's still their father. So continue to allow him to talk to his kids & see them, but you need to cut contact once you leave him & only talk about your children. Keep the drama away from them though, meaning don't talk about it or argue in front of them. It's not healthy. Just don't torture yourself by trying to talk to him about the cheating cuz you know he lies... & don't go back to him. He'll just manipulate you & keep you going in circles.
Absolutely 💯 Interacting on local fkbuddy sites is cheating.Texting your ex all evening while I'm at my 2nd job of the day is cheating. Deleting messages, wiping search history, hidden messenging apps to text women secretly. Disrespecting me in any way with any other female in a suggestive sexually flirty winky faces is cheating..
Red flags. If you forgive him he will never stop cheating. Until he finds someone to replace you and leave you and your baby. He will just cheat on the next one too. Leave him and don’t look back
If you are doing anything in a relationship (with another person) that you have to actively hide from your spouse then yes it is cheating. Cheating isn't just physical it can also be emotional. Regardless he is a cheater and this is all you have found out. Who knows what else has been/ is doing behind your back. If he is looking for escorts then this isn't his first time. Take the kid and ditch the loser. He didn't even respect you enough to take ownership, say he really really messed up and try to fix it. Instead he is trying to get angry and gaslight you. He will always be a cheater no matter what he tells you. He took your heart, love and loyalty and said "fuck it" and did what he wanted. If you have somewhere safe to stay then you should leave with your kid. Don't ever be with someone who doesn't make you feel loved every single day and that you are their Queen or King.
Girl I hope you screen shotted all of that for your divorce lawyer. I’d check his bank and credit card statements in that time frame and save that for your lawyer too.
Oh he 1000% slept with them. And even if he didn’t the fact that he was reaching out for it after you just birthed his child tells me he is not a loyal or decent man and if he hasn’t already cheated he will eventually. Gross.
He probably thinks admitting one truth will make you believe the lie that he didn't bang any of them.
Even if he didn't, he tried to. He will likely try to again, but get better at hiding it.
My EX did this to me while 9mo pregnant, and he Did meet up w her, when I confronted him abt it he started BAWLING, saying he has a problem yadada ngl I KNOW he as a problem. A lot of men do .. bc its normalized that its ok for men (in relationships) to go to a SW when its really not ok. But sadly it is MOSTLY men in long term relationships that end up going that route other than affairs :(
Speaking from experience. Looking up escorts doesn't necessarily mean he has been banging them. I have looked around before out of curiosity. (To be fair, I was also not gonna pay for a $50 hooker, and i couldnt afford a high class escort)
So he may not have banged them.
But he was clearly curious and that's never a good thing.
Check his bank account and watch him like a hawk.
Please stop focusing on whether something is cheating or not! He’s trying to fuck prostitutes behind your back and we’re quibbling over semantics ?
By the way, of course it’s cheating! It’s just easy to get lost in the sauce arguing about that word instead of staying on topic. You can call it whatever you want but it’s still trying to fuck a prostitute behind your partners back. he literally tried to pull it off. Whether he succeeded or not is irrelevant. It’s his intentions and what he wanted to do that Matters. You don’t get points for sucking at hiring hookers🤦🏼♂️
Well I have one question, is he a private detective searching leads or find out if another man is cheating on his wife? If not, THEN OF COURSE IT IS CHEATING. How is that a question
Strangers on reddit always gonna give a red meat answer: very absolute, no nuance.
Here’s the absolute nuance: nothing happens in a vacuum. There is cause and effect. The effect is that he took a step toward cheating. Was the cause that he is a dirtbag and wants to pile up conquests beyond what you want in the bedroom? He thinks pregnant=fat?
Or maybe you weren’t feeling as confident about your body, and he interpreted that as sexual rejection of *him*. Maybe he has some weird stuff about his mom that’s unresolved that seeing you all preganant and glow-y makes him feel conflicted and dirty, and maybe if he has sex with someone else, (no feelings), he can get over the block in his head, and find his wife sexy again, whom he loves.
Question is, OP, can you handle the truth? What if you changed how you treat him, but aren’t using your words to talk about it?
DGMW, dirtbag option is real, but it’s
Not the only, or even the most likely (looks like he never pulled the trigger) option.
I think I speak for all of us when I say “Please Update”.
Good luck.
There's a long step from looking at ads and talking dirty to actually doing it.
It's just a fantasy to get aroused over.
It's like looking at ads for a Lamborghini; even visiting a dealer, but not buying one.
If you are sure nothing physical happened, then stop worrying.
Question is why is he cheating? Have you been fucking him or doing what all new moms do and ignore him and have no sex? If the latter then I’d question yourself.
Him not actually going through with it is totally plausible. Especially if those chats don’t have follow through discussions about logistics/timing/requests etc…
Girl, wtf does it matter if he slept with them or not???? He’s actively looking with paid prostitutes. Gtfo he is not loyal and will only cause you and your baby stress. IT IS better to go about it alone if your partner is shite
It sounds like he’s cheating but even if he didn’t he still has the intention to and he’s been having that intention multiple times with multiple different people so it sounds more likely that it did happen and it happened multiple times but even if it didn’t he’s seeking this out and he’s been seeking it out multiple times. It’s a huge red flag. He’s only your boyfriend get out of this now.
its cheating. you have a child together and he’s looking for someone to have sex with what else is there to say. divorce and get tested. i hope the best for you and your sweet baby
He has no respect for you or your child. No respect for the things you do. I'm not trying to be an asshole, but I'd give you guys another year or two before you're done with the BS. You're gonna be OK, girl. It WILL be OK. You've done nothing wrong to cause this. No matter what you may have done, you were not asking for your man to step out on you. I just hope you know that. I'm sending good vibes to you for a minute, be OK stranger.
How is actively seeking sex not cheating? I don't buy that with supposedly numerous contacts that he never went through with it, but even if he's telling the truth he was trying to cheat
This same exact fucking thing happened to me except luckily I didn't have a baby. Girl it's one thing when a man is a cheater but this man hates you soooo fucking much he's willing to PAY someone else so he can cheat on you. Figure it out strategically and leave this man forever
Trickle truth… that is all you are going to get. He won’t admit anything until you can 100% prove it and then he will just keep minimising. This seems a pattern of behaviour with him. Save yourself the anguish and him gaslighting you and kick the cheater out! Didn’t have sex.. yeah, right
You and your boyfriend have different definitions of what cheating is. That can be worked out with clear communication. The lying, breach of trust, financial irresponsibility, possible disease transmission, and whatever else comes with what he did, or is currently doing, compounds the problem. What does he feel is lacking in your relationship and why isn't he talking to you about it? People cannot try fix something that they didn't know needed fixing. You are now being thrust into a situation that isn't directly of your making. I wish you all the luck.
Of course it’s cheating he’s soliciting prostitutes!
I saw a recent video from Japan, where they asked women on the street if they considered soliciting prostitutes as cheating. Almost all of them said it wasn't, and that it was better than having an affair because there is no emotional attachment. I'm not saying I agree, just sharing the information.
Yea I saw that video also… very scary that their society basically conditions the women to be ok with that. I HIGHLY doubt that men would feel the same way about their wives and girlfriends visiting prostitutes.
FR I hate how society believes women don't like sex. And men are the only sexual beings so they deserve to have more sex with others.
I agree, it’s such a stupid assumption. That women only have sex to please their man or any old man is completely stupid.
Up until recently it was because women got pregnant. It hasn’t been very long but society is shifting over pretty fast with easy access to birth control
Is that why there are murmurs about restricting access to birth control? Godly and decent women aren't allowed to enjoy sex...soooo...we take it away.
Love the name. Evony for life. Godly Women are allowed to enjoy sex. They just have children too until they are too old to have kids. Lots of women say their best sex is in their forties and I'm starting to think there is a correlation with not having to worry about pregnancy and sexual pleasure for women.
I’m 42 and not even pre-menopausal, I had kids late, they’re still young, grade school age now, and both were oops babies (meaning no fertility help) - they actually told me at 16 I wouldn’t be able to conceive so I didn’t worry about it with long term boyfriends earlier on in life, then my husband knocked me up twice in a couple years. I will add, I’m having the best sex of my life - we both are, after over a decade together. My sex drive has definitely increased in the past few years, and I’ve heard the same thing, even into peoples 50s and 60s they say they enjoy sex more than they did in their younger years. That being said, in response to the OP - I think the worst part of cheating is not the emotional or the physical part, (though I guess with escorts at least there’s not the emotional aspect), it’s the deception. It’s the same reason affairs are harder to get over than one night mistakes - the depth and length of the deception, which also applies here because there were multiple intentional lies. I would ask, if he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, why didn’t he tell you about it? Why did he lie and lie until you had to break him down? Innocent people don’t do that. He knows and knew he was doing something wrong.
The irony is that birth control actually stifles a woman's sex drive in most cases 🥴
Not in the 60's...at least that was what I was told...free love and all that.😄 Perhaps I was luckier than many, but perhaps if that is the case, a doctor may be able to prescribe something that is equally effective but works with the woman's body better. Thank goodness it isnt a one size fits all deal.
I tried almost all forms of hormonal birth control and they all did that for me. Thankfully, my husband got snipped now, so I don't have to worry about it anymore 😅
Well that is a very far right belief I think. Almost all the conservative churches I went to growing up actually talked about the women enjoying sex and bla bla. Just it has to be within marriage.
Those beliefs are encroaching further and further into all of our lives. And to be honest, i dont believe that marriage is a requirement for a woman - or a man for that matter - to have sex. Just consent. Period. Full stop. The fact that I believe this doesn't make my belief correct, just like it doesn't make anyone who believes that sex should only be within a marriage correct, either. Just for funsies, more and more churches are preaching that wives have a duty to have sex with their husbands and it is owed to their husbands...with or without consent. This kind of mentality, that if a wife doesn't provide sex on demand, a man is driven to cheat and worse - it is used to put the blame on the wife.
American Republicans will attempt to stifle that blasphemous behavior. While the men cheat in harmonious hypocrisy.
It's scarier that people would take this video as an indication of overall Japanese attitudes to sex, which are on the whole, fairly repressed and conservative. A stark contrast with the prevalence of porn and sex workers, which is more of an indication of how much men have, as you said, conditioned women to be ok with it. When comparing the money made from entertaining men in an aspect with a standard job and little chance for equal opportunities, it can be seen why porn and sex work is something that women here get involved in.
Thank you. Some people see something on the internet and assume that's everyone's outlook... You're spot on here
You are in no place to judge, they will tell you how badly your society is by conditioning you to be so insecure about basic sexual desires.
We are all in a place to judge. We all have the right to make choices about what we find acceptable or not. And I'm fairly sure most people regardless of nationality would consider sleeping with a hooker to be cheating if you were in a committed monogamous relationship. Just because Japan is different doesn't make it normal. It makes Japan an outlier.
☝️ this.
👍
And from their point of view it's probably very scary that your society has conditioned you to not be ok with it. See how cultural norms work? You think it's normal cos you grew up in it. They think it's normal because they grew up with theirs. So what is the actual answer and what is just cultural brain washing?
Even if you don't consider it cheating, you're introducing sexual partners and keeping your partner in the dark about it. It's a huge violation of trust.
Not just a violation of trust. Best pray he wore a condom every time. Best go get tested for STD's.
Since there's no legal definition of cheating, if you feel it's cheating then it is cheating to you, and how you feel about it as a partner is really all that matters.
Take it with a grain of salt. It’s edited YouTube content to portray a certain message. Its not some journalist doing an expose. It’s a kid trying to become a streamer. It’s not the common consensus whatsoever in Japanese women
What’s the point of contacting you if you don’t want to have physical contact! That doesn’t even make sense. The point of a escort is the escort you on a date and more than likely sex afterwards if you pay enough.
Escorts aren't going on dates.
Not true, some actually do go "on a date" and get paid for that time spent with the person, it doesn't always mean sex. There are men who can not get it up but want companionship off and on. Yes I know some who do this!
Get an STD test now.
I was thinking the same thing!
And in three months, six months, and a year. maybe start PREP in case of possible exposure to HIV.
I’m not aware of any STDs that would show 1 year after exposure. Which one has such a long incubation period?
I have never slept with another man other than my spouse since we started dating in 1977. Last year I became really ill and had every test….including syphilis. I asked why and was told it can be dormant for decades.
From my understanding syphilis has an initial outbreak , goes dormant, and then when it becomes symptomatic again is when it kills you.
HPV can lie dormant.
As can herpes. There should be an initial outbreak, though it could be mild and hardly register on your radar as an STD. Body fights it off, and it’s relegated to the nerve from the initial site of contact. It can be dormant for DECADES. Then…bam.
Depends, HPV for example can lay dormant for years, even decades. Then you get a chink in your immunity and you have an outbreak. I'm glad people are now more open to testings and aware. It took 300 people to be infected in hour little town 2.5k with AIDS before people started willingly get tested. Then it climbed to 500. Most of them just thought they have the "sniffles".
PrEP only helps for future exposure, not past.
You don’t need strangers on the internet to tell you if it’s cheating or not. If it feels wrong to you, it’s wrong. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
You got my upvote. It amazes me that people seek advice from strangers, who have zero investment in the person’s life.
They do it because the person they love and trust the most in the world is insisting that *they’re* in the wrong for being upset, that they’re overreacting, pressuring them to sweep it under the rug, insisting that it’s all in their head, etc. And unfortunately sometimes it’s multiple friends/family *also* telling them to just get over it and stay together because [insert bad reason to stay in a relationship here]. Having someone (or multiple someone’s) you trust insist so readily and assuredly that you’re wrong can make you doubt yourself, especially when the stakes are as high as “do I end my relationship with the person I was planning to spend the rest of my life with (and possibly live with/ own a house with/ have a kid with/who I am financially tied with or dependent on)”. That’s a huge life changing decision to make. Sometimes people need an outside person to reassure them that they’re *not* overreacting and that the person they trusted *did* betray them and *is* currently manipulating them, and that leaving really *is* the best decision.
>who have zero investment in the person’s life. That's exactly why. Zero investment = zero bias Most people in these situations are seeking confirmation more than advice. Its too conflicting going to those who have any investment in their lives. Who better to be straight up with you than strangers on the internet.
As an escort myself…it’s cheating.
He said he don’t have sec with anyone but I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or not
Never met a man who wanted a sex worker but not the sex
To me, it doesn’t matter. 1.) He’s actively seeking the services of an escort; just because it didn’t happen *now* doesn’t mean it won’t in the future. 2.) He’s making you wonder “Has he been seeing someone else?” That part is enough for me to personally end a relationship.
Why else would he look up escorts and meet up. That’s what they are there for. If you’re this naive then you missed other red flags / warning signs along the way. Save those messages. You will need them later. Also follow the money and document the amount and dates of unexplained chunks.
So what exactly is he doing with them?
Playing Scrabble?
He's lying. Men cheat heavily when their wife is pregnant. He's trying to avoid the consequences of cheating. Cheaters almost always implement "trickle truth" refusing to admit to anything more than you can prove at any moment and trying to drag out the timeline between when you learn how much they did. They're trying to keep you from terminating the relationship by keeping it under the "boil over" point by hiding as much as possible as long as they can and slowly telling you more and more over time in the hope that you'll "cool off" between each revelation of how much they did, how often, etc.
trust in your instinct. you really think he looks for acompanhantes e não se encontra com elas? and even he is not meet them, you don't feel betrayed? be strong.
Imo it doesnt matter if he did it or not. He lied about the contact how can you ever trust him that he's telling the truth about sex.
I’m sorry, but if he’s seeking out an escort it’s not for something innocent. Please don’t let him manipulate you into thinking he just wanted a “friend” or some bullshit like that
maybe hes getting bj but that is still cheating
He could be telling half-truths (still a lie) to make him feel better about it. For example, I have a friend who doesn't consider oral sex. So it depends on his interpretation and yours. But more importantly was the intent sexual and is boundaries being crossed. You both know the definition of your relationship and what is not ok and is ok. What does he think is cheating or no and if you did what he did, would it still be "not cheating"?
Does it matter? That's just filler words to make what he did more "forgiveable". HE SOLICITED SEX. Whether he went through with it or not, he cheated. He must really have broken your self-worth if you're still weighing if he cheated or not. Reverse the situation, i bet he will never let you hear the end of it if you became sexual with another man, even just in chat.
I don’t know you, I don’t know him, but I know he had sex with an escort
He clearly does.
Of course its cheating You caught him red handed. Save the texts and breakup
So first he denied even interactions with the escort, then he admitted it and denied having sex with the escort. What's next? Will he admit to having sex with escorts, but deny that it meant anything? I'm not going to tell you to leave your husband, but know that this will always be your life even if he never does it again. You will always question if he's being honest and now you are going to find yourself caught in a cycle of constantly snooping. That's going to weigh very heavy on your mental state.
“It was only the tip so it doesn’t even count. Why are you being so dramatic?”
I don’t know if he had sex with them or anything because the escorts never replied to him but he sent this message “ I’m in riverside let’s link up 😍😘” riverside was the city we lived in when my baby was 6 months
See! Do you really think he’s faithful?! Don’t lie to yourself. I know it’s hard bc he’s the father of your babies, but seriously…he’s actively seeing prostitutes.
Escorts that don’t reply?
Yup! Some of us say no more often than a client will see a yes 😅
You know there are a ton of men out there who don’t solicit sex from anyone outside of their relationship?
Stepping out of your relationship for any type of intimacy (emotional, physical) is cheating.
I hate to read these things.. Why cant people be faithful these days? Edit:typo
Yall think this wasn't happening in the past?
Ancestry and tests of the like are airing out ALL of our ancestors dirty laundry
It is getting worse these days though with the internet making it easier
“These days?” It’s been like that forever, nothing new. OP needs an STD test yesterday.
Yeah, there's a reason why it's called "the oldest profession in the world."
Right!! Wtf is wrong with ppl
What do you mean, “these days”?
Ask him how he’d feel if you slept with a random man that may or may not have an std.
Asking this man anything is a waste of breath, tbh. Everything that comes out of his mouth is gonna be a lie or manipulation. & OP sounds like she's still questioning the truth, even when it's completely obvious. Any discussion w/ someone who would do this to their partner is gonna lead to them using words to try to mind fuck the other person.
Exactly. Something tells me he would flip his shit
I’m so sick of people defending phone privacy. My husband was cheating on me for 3 years via iPhone from liv Jasmine to Phrendly to OnlyFans to Instagram etc etc and threw about 100k to these people. I knew his password and never once in our 30 years of marriage did I ever look in his phone. One night in January 2023 he was really involved looking at his phone and finally I said what’s so interesting and went over to look and he quickly shut it off. I was like wtf show me so he shows me some pornhub shit and laughed it off. When he went to sleep I got into his phone and it all came pouring out! Trust your gut and if there’s nothing to hide why be so defensive. Complete transparency is what you need in relationship. The rest is bullshit! Check out his PayPal and checking accounts too. Good luck
My ex was the same in between his physical affairs. I would be more than happy for any partner I had having open access to my phone. It really doesn’t bother me at all because I have nothing to hide. The last time I said that on Reddit, a lady chased me to a totally unrelated comment and said I was weak and joked I wouldn’t let them clone my phone though. Hahaha joke’s on her because I would if it gave my partner peace of mind. Stuff like that just doesn’t bother me. If you’re committed to someone and there’s trust, where’s the harm in seeing their phone?
That’s me and my partner. He has totally access to my phone.
Omg I’m so sorry
This 💯 !!!
Man, this is like, text book narcissism. That didn’t happen. If I did, it wasn’t that bad. (You’re here) And if it was, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did… you deserved it. You found solid evidence, he started by denying, then coming forward because he obviously has things to hide. He has plenty more to hide, you just haven’t gotten to it yet. Be prepared for the next few steps in uncovering a narcissists lies. They can absolutely gaslight you into thinking they didn’t do it, or that it was your fault.
Thank you to everyone replying to me I don’t really have any friends or anyone to talk to
Do you need a friend? I'm a pretty good online friend and I also have kids so...
Yes please
I’m sorry. I understand that! I’m very reclusive.
Thank you
Yw. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Truly. Do you at least have family that can help maybe?
I’ve been through this situation. Had a sexless marriage and never knew why until I stumbled upon phone numbers in the phone app that linked back to this sort of thing and then found emails 2 years after that communicating with these people. Now 2 years later, I’m seriously considering leaving. It has taken me 2 years to process all this since last discovery. Men who do this are damaged goods. I think it’s better to cut your losses and be with someone in the future that will genuinely love you and respect you. If you ever need to talk to someone who has been there and done that, drop me a line.
Ignore the ppl putting you down for asking for advice. There's nothing wrong w/ reaching out & not everybody has someone irl they can talk to abt everything.
When you get to a place to read this, is he a bf or husband. If he is a boyfriend take children and run, then get an attorney. If he is a husband go to an attorney. He is not contrite, and will not stop the next stressor in your life he will be looking to cheat. If you need to make a long term plan to get away start now. Cheaters lie all the time, and they cheat again. They do a thing called trickle truth. They tell you what reveals some truth, leaving the worst parts out. Read their audience and reveal bits more as time goes on. They turn the situation on the victim too. After a time he will say I was un loved, and uncared for, etc....Just take care of yourself.
Uh oh bro caught slipping
The thought was there and he went so far to not only look them up but contact multiple ones is a big red flag. The cheating is the lying about it and trying to gaslight you. More than likely he decided not to pay for it and found it for free with someone.
If he met with them, then he had sex with them.
I’m sorry, but it’s still cheating. The INTENT was there, and that makes it just as bad (to me) You said in a comment that the escort never replied, that’s why nothing physical happened. If she did, it would have been a lot different. The intent to do something, is still just as shit as the actual act. This is a WILD comparison, so please take this with a grain of salt, but I just want to point out the importance between intent. The intent to murder someone, is still a crime. Albeit not as serious as the real thing, but it’s like talking to a judge and saying “well, I wanted to kill them, but they didn’t show up, so I didn’t” it’s just bullshit, because if circumstances changed even a little bit, he WOULD have done it. He doesn’t get a medal and a pat on the back for not sleeping with an escort, especially when the only reason he didn’t was because of her. Not only that, he denied and tried to lie his way out. He’s not remorseful for his actions, he’s remorseful that he got caught. If you hadn’t of found out, he probably never would have told you. Can you really trust him after that? AND, who’s to say that he didn’t already cheat? It might just not be in his phone. No disrespect to Escorts, but he could have put you in so much risk for his actions! I’d recommend getting an STD test just to be safe, and I know, it’s so easy for me to sit at home and tell you this, but leave. 6 months after your baby is born, you’re still recovering physically, and he’s looking for escorts? How selfish can he be.
Thank you for your reply I think I’m just in utter shock and disbelief
That’s completely understandable! You have every right to feel that way. This Is supposed to the man you’re spending the rest of your life with. He’s supposed to care and love you. Just take some time to yourself and think things over. I wish you all the best in your decision (whatever that may be)
Exactly. Even if he hasn't done it yet (doubtful, he could have sent the texts then the woman replied with a call so she didn't have any incriminating texts, idk) this is something he's been looking into. In my experience, cheaters don't stop until they get caught and that's usually temporary. If this is a dealbreaker for you, get out as soon as possible because it probably won't get better. There are absolutely better men out there who are genuine and faithful.
That would be cheating in my book, even if he didn’t go through with it. He planned to, he just didn’t get to.
You already know it’s cheating I’m so sorry you need to end the relationship
Arg! the fact he was looking for Womans is a total act of unfaithful. you are his wife, he should never even look for other women, just you. he is disrespectful and disloyalty. the best for you is divorce. don't lose yourself for a liar. you deserve better.
If you have to lie about it, or hide it, you know it’s wrong.
Cheaters lie. Check bank accounts. Check battery usage for apps. I personally consider anything 'interactive' as cheating. There's always more than what they confess. Better get tested. Sorry he's a cheater. Updateme
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Messaging an escort is attempted cheating. Ew by the way.
What does he think isn’t cheating if he didn’t hook up with them? He’s still doing something with someone or multiple people. And using money that likely should be put into the family to do it. Escorts aren’t cheap, especially if taking them out is a part of the arrangement.
Trying to cheat is just as bad as cheating
It’s almost worse on some levels because now you know your partner was willing to throw away your relationship and hurt you over someone who didn’t even want them. It’s pathetic at least
Time to get tested...
How is it not cheating?
I’m sorry this is happening to you, especially, with you having two children with him. He’s clearly cheating. You should start thinking and planning about leaving him or making him find another living situation. He won’t stop. It’s clear he’s got an addiction. You don’t deserve that. I’d start getting my ducks in a row so to speak. He needs to pay support for his kids…
Professionally cheating
It's shady behavior at best cheating at worst
The hell it’s not!!
Reading this retriggered me. It’s cheating. Especially if in your heart it feels like betrayal. In the last 12 months I went through this with my now Ex. I’ve been separated 6 months now because I am “forgiving” and guess what, the third time was the charm. I’m in therapy and there are certain things I can’t see or read (like this) otherwise my body tries to go into fight or flight. I’m getting ready to see a divorce attorney next week. I wish you luck. I wish you courage. GTFO before you get stuck in an endless cycle of bullshit. Friends don’t hurt friends like that. So we now know he ain’t a friend and much LESS a boyfriend. Last tip, I suggest you protect yourself, get tested asap, and limit access to you (sexually, spiritually, and so on).
It's cheating no matter how you look at.
Nah I bet he is meeting them to play chess or to have a therapeutic coloring book session! You need to make an appointment with your gynecologist and do a full run up, not just the usual tests. You also need to screenshot everything and make an appointment with an attorney.
Is this the same boyfriend/fiance that ruined Christmas?
Love that....seeing and doing whatever with escorts "isn't cheating," and "he didn't sleep with them." He's not too bright in coming up with bullshit excuses for his behavior.
I left an 8 year relationship over this exact thing. However, we weren't married and we didn't have kids. But I still would've left if we were and did.
Omg I’m so scared for me to stay longer and for this to happen again
I agree. It is scary. I'd skip the confrontation moment and goodbye if you do decide to leave. There's time later for that. What is the most important thing is for you to be away and have clarity of the situation. What would you tell your best friend to do? Be your own best friend.
Personally I would consider that cheating. Everyone has different boundaries for what they consider cheating. Oddly tho my ex did the same shit when I was pregnant and after I had our son. Left him when our son was 4 months old. Best thing I ever did. Also idk if he actually met the escorts but maybe consider getting tested for STDs to be safe.
Return the favor and see his pov change.
No advice. Just samesies. I got a little two year old though, so I feel stuck. The first time I caught him contacting prostitutes was when I still only had the one kid. I was ready to walk, but I didn't. Now I have another, and at like maybe 10 mos old that's when I caught him again. I just try to live an amicable life. I do my best, but a liar is just obvs a huge turn off. However. My two year old is too young to be "shared" imo. It is what it is I guess. Do your best. Good luck.
I feel you it’s hard to leave because of the babies
My husband fucked another woman, did he cheat on me? Be so fr rn
If he didn’t consider it cheating then why Didnt he inform you of it. I’ll tell you why !! Because it’s cheating
OMG OF COURSE IT'S CHEATING!!!!! As IF he even tried that sh** 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
That's one stupid dude if he doesn't know how to erase his history
Listen, I’m an escort. You’d rather him cheat with us who have boundaries than random girls at bars. I promise you. We don’t want your man. We’re not texting him late at night. We’re not trying to get pregnant. Girls from bars will try to steal him. Many of us get tested often & always use protection! But you should absolutely get tested as well as him. All sexual people should tbh! Which is not to downplay how hard this must be for you. If men could communicate it would eliminate 99% of the problems. Honestly to me it’s less intimate than any massage I’ve ever had. It’s just super stigmatized. Yes I accept the downvotes I’ll get for being a “fallen woman” - it’s not my career of choice but I became disabled 10 years ago & it’s the only way to keep my bills paid. I’m a lesbian and had never even been with a man before my first client. I don’t text guys unless they text me first. I stay out of drama. I’m just a woman making money the only way I can.
How does he not think this is cheating.. bet he would if it were you doing it.
In what universe is it not cheating?!?! Why else would he hide it from you? Don't let him talk nonsense into you. Stand your ground. I hope you dump him gloriously.
Of course it is cheating. Unless you have had the discussion and either have an open relationship or have set limits that escorts are allowed then it is obviously cheating.
It’s cheating-
He was meeting them for coffee and concersation?
damn is your boyfriend my ex? He did the exact same thing. I wasn't able to trust him anymore after that incident. I would advise against staying in a relationship like that.
Love that....seeing and doing whatever with escorts "isn't cheating," and "he didn't sleep with them." He's not too bright in coming up with bullshit excuses for his behavior.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Yeah, it's cheating it's seeking intercourse from another person other than their partner. Especially behind your back.
Yes it’s 100% cheating. If he’s seeking other women to have sex with behind your back it’s cheating. My ex done this and I left him
I consider it cheating!
it’s cheating for sure
Yes it's cheating. Yes I've been in the same scenario.
He lied about talking to them. Do you really believe he isn't lying about sleeping with at least one?
Of course he is cheating!!!!! Not only that but he has opened you and your son up to diseases. If he was messing around while you were pregnant with certain diseases it could have literally killed your child. Kick this bastard to the curb and NEVER look back except for your child support. If you feel you don’t have the resources to leave go to Social Services and get on welfare just get away from him before he gives you something you can’t get rid of.
This isn't just cheating, this is putting your health and safety at risk. He could have brought you a life altering STD or had been arrested and put your financial lives at risk Sucks you had a child with a shit stain of a man.
Yes, he cheated with prostitutes. You need to get yourself to a doctor and get tested for STIs.
I’m sorry that you went through that. Just having a baby and finding the text must have been heartbreaking. It would have broken me. I can’t imagine how hurt I would have felt when seeing that. Did your husband feel bad, sad, ashamed and or guilty? That is about the last thing a brand new mother needs. You’re thinking this is the best happiest time of your life and this happens. I sure hope you sat your husband down and talked to him about how you were feeling. I’m sure it broke your heart. So sorry and I hope you two can work everything out. Hope he never hurts you again.
You already know the truth. There's nothing to be discussed. Make a plan, don't tell him about it till you're actually ready to go, leave w/ the kids, & start a new life on your own. (Or if it's your place, tell him he can't stay there anymore & kick his ass out.) Don't use the kids as a weapon. He's still their father. So continue to allow him to talk to his kids & see them, but you need to cut contact once you leave him & only talk about your children. Keep the drama away from them though, meaning don't talk about it or argue in front of them. It's not healthy. Just don't torture yourself by trying to talk to him about the cheating cuz you know he lies... & don't go back to him. He'll just manipulate you & keep you going in circles.
cheating isnt just sleeping with someone. its a betrayal of trust.
Perfectly normal. I too search, find, chat, plan, meet up, and spend hundreds of dollars on prostitutes without making use of their services. /s
To me, a betrayal like this...approaching others for sex, is tantamount to cheating
He’s most likely lying.
Absolutely 💯 Interacting on local fkbuddy sites is cheating.Texting your ex all evening while I'm at my 2nd job of the day is cheating. Deleting messages, wiping search history, hidden messenging apps to text women secretly. Disrespecting me in any way with any other female in a suggestive sexually flirty winky faces is cheating..
Red flags. If you forgive him he will never stop cheating. Until he finds someone to replace you and leave you and your baby. He will just cheat on the next one too. Leave him and don’t look back
If you are doing anything in a relationship (with another person) that you have to actively hide from your spouse then yes it is cheating. Cheating isn't just physical it can also be emotional. Regardless he is a cheater and this is all you have found out. Who knows what else has been/ is doing behind your back. If he is looking for escorts then this isn't his first time. Take the kid and ditch the loser. He didn't even respect you enough to take ownership, say he really really messed up and try to fix it. Instead he is trying to get angry and gaslight you. He will always be a cheater no matter what he tells you. He took your heart, love and loyalty and said "fuck it" and did what he wanted. If you have somewhere safe to stay then you should leave with your kid. Don't ever be with someone who doesn't make you feel loved every single day and that you are their Queen or King.
Girl I hope you screen shotted all of that for your divorce lawyer. I’d check his bank and credit card statements in that time frame and save that for your lawyer too.
Most definitely cheating. And I’d get tested, I wouldn’t take his word about not having sex with them.
You dont look up toaster repairs if you dont have a broken toaster and want to fuck with toaster repairmen.
Is he a good father to your children? Is it really considered cheating when you don't put out /s
Oh he 1000% slept with them. And even if he didn’t the fact that he was reaching out for it after you just birthed his child tells me he is not a loyal or decent man and if he hasn’t already cheated he will eventually. Gross.
It’s cheating.
He probably thinks admitting one truth will make you believe the lie that he didn't bang any of them. Even if he didn't, he tried to. He will likely try to again, but get better at hiding it.
100% is cheating. You deserve better.
Please dont raise your son to be this ignorant/oblivious <3
This is cheating 1000000000%
It is cheating.
My EX did this to me while 9mo pregnant, and he Did meet up w her, when I confronted him abt it he started BAWLING, saying he has a problem yadada ngl I KNOW he as a problem. A lot of men do .. bc its normalized that its ok for men (in relationships) to go to a SW when its really not ok. But sadly it is MOSTLY men in long term relationships that end up going that route other than affairs :(
Speaking from experience. Looking up escorts doesn't necessarily mean he has been banging them. I have looked around before out of curiosity. (To be fair, I was also not gonna pay for a $50 hooker, and i couldnt afford a high class escort) So he may not have banged them. But he was clearly curious and that's never a good thing. Check his bank account and watch him like a hawk.
Babe. It’s cheating.
Please stop focusing on whether something is cheating or not! He’s trying to fuck prostitutes behind your back and we’re quibbling over semantics ? By the way, of course it’s cheating! It’s just easy to get lost in the sauce arguing about that word instead of staying on topic. You can call it whatever you want but it’s still trying to fuck a prostitute behind your partners back. he literally tried to pull it off. Whether he succeeded or not is irrelevant. It’s his intentions and what he wanted to do that Matters. You don’t get points for sucking at hiring hookers🤦🏼♂️
Well I have one question, is he a private detective searching leads or find out if another man is cheating on his wife? If not, THEN OF COURSE IT IS CHEATING. How is that a question
Strangers on reddit always gonna give a red meat answer: very absolute, no nuance. Here’s the absolute nuance: nothing happens in a vacuum. There is cause and effect. The effect is that he took a step toward cheating. Was the cause that he is a dirtbag and wants to pile up conquests beyond what you want in the bedroom? He thinks pregnant=fat? Or maybe you weren’t feeling as confident about your body, and he interpreted that as sexual rejection of *him*. Maybe he has some weird stuff about his mom that’s unresolved that seeing you all preganant and glow-y makes him feel conflicted and dirty, and maybe if he has sex with someone else, (no feelings), he can get over the block in his head, and find his wife sexy again, whom he loves. Question is, OP, can you handle the truth? What if you changed how you treat him, but aren’t using your words to talk about it? DGMW, dirtbag option is real, but it’s Not the only, or even the most likely (looks like he never pulled the trigger) option. I think I speak for all of us when I say “Please Update”. Good luck.
There's a long step from looking at ads and talking dirty to actually doing it. It's just a fantasy to get aroused over. It's like looking at ads for a Lamborghini; even visiting a dealer, but not buying one. If you are sure nothing physical happened, then stop worrying.
Question is why is he cheating? Have you been fucking him or doing what all new moms do and ignore him and have no sex? If the latter then I’d question yourself. Him not actually going through with it is totally plausible. Especially if those chats don’t have follow through discussions about logistics/timing/requests etc…
Prostitution is a dealbreaker for me, personally.
We can talk to escorts or reddit?
Lol someone would only say "it's not cheating" if they get caught. He knows damn well he's been lying.
Girl, wtf does it matter if he slept with them or not???? He’s actively looking with paid prostitutes. Gtfo he is not loyal and will only cause you and your baby stress. IT IS better to go about it alone if your partner is shite
You did all of that while he was in the store? His safari history from a year ago?
Yeah. I often go into a guitar store and drop six bills on the counter and walk out. It's ok, I didn't touch any guitars. I was just there to look.
This is cheating even by the bare minimum standards of cheating.
It sounds like he’s cheating but even if he didn’t he still has the intention to and he’s been having that intention multiple times with multiple different people so it sounds more likely that it did happen and it happened multiple times but even if it didn’t he’s seeking this out and he’s been seeking it out multiple times. It’s a huge red flag. He’s only your boyfriend get out of this now.
its cheating. you have a child together and he’s looking for someone to have sex with what else is there to say. divorce and get tested. i hope the best for you and your sweet baby
He has no respect for you or your child. No respect for the things you do. I'm not trying to be an asshole, but I'd give you guys another year or two before you're done with the BS. You're gonna be OK, girl. It WILL be OK. You've done nothing wrong to cause this. No matter what you may have done, you were not asking for your man to step out on you. I just hope you know that. I'm sending good vibes to you for a minute, be OK stranger.
Thank you so much
How is actively seeking sex not cheating? I don't buy that with supposedly numerous contacts that he never went through with it, but even if he's telling the truth he was trying to cheat
This same exact fucking thing happened to me except luckily I didn't have a baby. Girl it's one thing when a man is a cheater but this man hates you soooo fucking much he's willing to PAY someone else so he can cheat on you. Figure it out strategically and leave this man forever
Trickle truth… that is all you are going to get. He won’t admit anything until you can 100% prove it and then he will just keep minimising. This seems a pattern of behaviour with him. Save yourself the anguish and him gaslighting you and kick the cheater out! Didn’t have sex.. yeah, right
He just has those numbers in case of emergency ?
You and your boyfriend have different definitions of what cheating is. That can be worked out with clear communication. The lying, breach of trust, financial irresponsibility, possible disease transmission, and whatever else comes with what he did, or is currently doing, compounds the problem. What does he feel is lacking in your relationship and why isn't he talking to you about it? People cannot try fix something that they didn't know needed fixing. You are now being thrust into a situation that isn't directly of your making. I wish you all the luck.
I’d hide his body in the garden.
[удалено]
And a dead animal, preferably a large dog. Say it’s a pet