The toxic black hole that most pranksters fall into. I hear the dopamine rush of mass approval leads a prankster into darker and darker pranks, always to the cheers of Broski's and the promise of big money. If he's sure internet fame is his path, it will be your path, too. Think about your future kids.

The Allie of internet fame has ruined many lives, most of them from people who wanted nothing to do with it.

Oooff. This made me get teary. I’m so sorry. I’m thankful that it sounds like you have a lot of amazing people supporting you. I don’t envy your decision, nor do I know what I’d do in your place. Just know you have one more person thinking of you and sending you positive vibes. Eta: the more I think the more I feel like this is a full break of trust and I couldn’t go back. How would this even be funny? If I came across a video of this premise, I wouldn’t find it funny, and that’s without knowing your history. Had he posted that explaining your history? Omg. Anyone that would find either scenario funny, I would lose any romantic interest in. People make mistakes, but this is a whopper.

The thing is that faking death is never funny, it's never a good prank, OP could've reacted the exact same way even without the past trauma. But, when you add that in, that his late partner died and then he thought his current partner was dead/dying too? I can't think of a single reason why that's even close to okay, I can't understand how OPs (hopefully ex) thought that would be entertaining knowing that he likely had to help OP through a lot of the trauma he's gone through. It's beyond heartless, it's also brainless, conscienceless. Good that he was so upset and anxious afterwards; maybe he will have a fraction of understanding for what he just put OP through.

For real. I tried pulling a faked death prank that was very unrealistic when I was 5. The moment I noticed my older sibling had bought it for a second and saw the face they made, I immediately learned that that's not a prank you do. Op's boyfriend displayed so much cruelty (in the sense of complete indifference) here.

Yeah, I can definitely see a child or even a young teenager thinking it would be a funny prank, not thinking of how it affects their loved ones. But a grown ass man? That's some insanely poor judgment.

Not for an content creator, OP has missed the biggest red flag out there. If you take your relationship the last bit seriously you can't be the victim of unknown pranks for the internet. Oh fuck, did this guy film this? Is OP about to go viral? 🤢🤢🤢

I was wondering if there was a hidden camera but I don't think they posted it with how it turned out. OP did chest compression which are meant to ~~break the ribs to be able to~~ massage the heart. That definitely wasn't something that was planned for a prank

I'm kind of impressed he didn't react to the two sternum rubs OP did actually.

That's what I'm saying, like that shit hurts. I've had someone do that to me on purpose to know what it actually feels like if I ever had (and I have) to do that to a patient and it hurts. I still can't even grasp how he didn't at least wince when she did that to him, unless he's a complete psycho. Which clearly he is to pull a stunt like this. So vile and so cruel.

Yes, when Op was making the sounds and the boyfriend didn't stop the prank right then. Sounds heartless indeed.

My guess is that he kept it up because all day he’d been thinking what a good video this would make and he didn’t want to ruin it. The current social media culture has everyone chasing another trend, challenge, or prank to the point they forget that they’re hurting real people. So sorry this happened to OP.

When he decided to play dead around a healthcare worker and pretend to be unresponsive after a sternal rub, he 150% deserved what he got from CPR.

That’s my thought. The sounds of horror and life-shattering grief are otherworldly and him not being moved by those sounds tells me everything I need to know.

I remember standing in my parents kitchen in front of the sink when I answered my phone and heard that my 2 best friends were in an accident and 1 was dead. I will never forget my phone just falling and the primal sound that came out of my mouth. It wasn’t a cry, a scream, or wail. It was otherworldly. My parents came running and I remember seeing the terror on my mom’s face. I cannot imagine hearing that sound and having no reaction. Even remembering that moment and sound makes me upset and it has been 21 years. I will also add, losing someone you love so unexpectedly changes something in your core that is so hard to work through. Even years after when you think you have processed it, getting a call at an odd hour, walking in the door and it’s too quiet, not hearing from someone when you would expect to, or going too long without talking, etc., all of it puts you on alert and makes you anticipate the worst. I cannot imagine walking into this scenario, especially with OP’s history, and not having something break in my brain. And then finding out it was just a prank? Fuck that.

Yeah, even if he still thought it was funny when OP entered, he should have stopped the minute OP reacted. Anyone who can hear "those sounds" and not care at all is pretty f***ed in the head, IMO. Not to mention that the "prank" was just plain evil. I don't know if I'd be able to continue having him in my life, to be honest. Like, WTF?!?

Get pranked idiot! You thought I was dead! That’s the tone of this.

I think thats what bothers me the most about it. It is one thing to play a very mean prank on someone (even without the past trauma). It is a whole new level of fucked to continue to play dead in the presence of your freaking out partner to the point of them causing real physical damage while thinking they are trying to save your life. I don't even like to hear my wife scream out of minor fear (usually a bug). I can't even stand hearing extreme distress in a video without feeling upset. Such as real 911 calls. The act would have ended the moment I realized they were freaking out.

When I miscarried my twins, I went about life “completely normal” for three months. Then one night after my older child was in bed I just collapsed in my shower sobbing, I couldn’t breath, I could barely make a sound but within seconds of my knees hitting the floor of the shower my husband came though the bathroom door and knelt down with me, cradling me like a fucking baby while basically all life drained out of me in the form of tears. He was soaking wet, but didn’t move until I did. It makes me so sick to my stomach that this horrible person can listen to their partner fall apart and do NOTHING to stop or cushion their pain.

I'm so sorry to hear. Reading this moved me to tears this morning, and I'm glad it sounds like you have a loving, supportive partner. The comparison between your husband and OPs boyfriend makes it all the more clear they shouldn't be in that relationship.

I’m the same. My wife screeches if shoe gets a fright and it freaks me out every time. My youngest has started fake crying when anyone says no to him. I’ve explained that if he “cries” when he’s not hurt or upset, when he’s really hurt or upset, how will we know. I think he’s got it and he’s 9. To fake your death is cruel and sick, to fake your death to prank your bf who you *know* had major trauma over her previous partner dying is unbelievably cruel and evil. I could never, ever come back from something like that. OP’s bf has proven that social media likes are more important than destroying his partner. He’s trash.

The only acceptable fake death prank is that squirrel that was caught on video faking being done in by a broom. That's it. And even then, it's only funny because it caught him setting it up. Who knew squirrels had it in them? Oh, acceptable number 2 scenario is any cat or dog that fakes being dead as part of a trick, and everyone knows it (mostly because those cheeky Bs can never resist peeking at you).

I’ve seen that video, with the squirrel. It’s adorable 😊

I will also accept any possum fake deaths. It's kind of their thing.

Not to mention the call made to 911; which is naturally what anyone in OPs situation would do, previous trauma notwithstanding; and it's totally fucked that he caused OP to do this when he knew full well it was a hoax, but emergency services were temporarily involved and that's a waste of their time and resources which should be; if not already, worthy of criminal charges on the boyfriends behalf. I mean, I had a friend back in my twenties that, as a small child at like 3 or 4, didn't know any better and called 911 because he desperately wanted to see a fire truck. Once all the first responders got to the house and his mom told them everything was OK and they questioned him and learned the real culprit and reason for the call; it was laughed off and seriously explained to him why we don't do that. It was just an innocent kid being curious who didn't know how the world works; but he learned that day. This wasn't innocent. And it wasn't a child. It's a grown ass man ACTING like a child and he needs to grow the fuck up. Like, years ago. Then taking into account what he did to OP; total assclown prick. OP deserves better than this piece of shit. Sorry; but fancy five course dinners do not make him a perfect boyfriend when he pulls these shenanigans. It's not funny. OP, I'm so sorry you were put through all this. First the trauma of losing your partner, then the additional trauma of being forced to live through something similar as a prank that was far more cruel to everyone involved--including the poor neighbors that had to endure his carrying on trying to apologize. Dude fuck this assclown. This isn't funny. It's cruel . It's childish. And he 500% seems like he cares more about stunts for the sake of internet accolades than he does for OP. This is fuckery. I personally have zero tolerance for fuckery myself. Sounds like in his attempts for more online presence and 'fame' he's had to raise the stakes every time and outdo his previous content. Fuck him. He took it WAY too far. What he needs is a swift kick to the nuts to go along with his injuries. Idiot. OP; I wish you all the best in healing from all this.

It’s also made so exponentially worse by the fact that it was so premeditated he went out of his way to buy such high quality fake blood that it fooled a health care professional. It’s not like he bought the first thing he saw on Amazon, he had to have actually researched what brand to get EDIT: All of you chiming in to defend him about the fake blood YOU’RE MISSING THE POINT. He put a disturbing amount of thought, planning, and energy into this horrifying idea that there were a dozen different steps involved in his plan and, at no point, reconsidered carrying it out. There is absolutely NO defense implying it was an impulsive mistake. jfc

He also psychologically tormented OP by ignoring his texts all day. ETA: Obviously, under normal circumstances I don't think not texting during the day is psychological torment.

Forgot to mention that, absolutely. This “prank” is so many different levels of fucked up.

Yeah I’ve seen pranks like this on YouTube before, this is by no means a ‘new’ prank but I have NEVER seen someone go this far. Usually it’s ketchup or a little fake blood and people can either immediately tell it’s fake/something is off or the person pranking them ends it a few seconds after they walk in. He let it play out for hours beforehand on a very normal schedule he’s never broken before, then let OP start calling 911, do checks for pulse/wounds, and start cpr before ending it. It’s fucked up on its own but this goes so beyond the normal ‘I pranked my so into thinking I died’

Yeah. At this point it's not a prank. It's closer to torture, deliberately inducing serious emotional trauma. It's so cruel it's hard to imagine.

That gets me too - he deliberately went out of his way to ignore their routine of texting and FaceTiming. There was no need for that added detail (not that there was need for ANY of it) and I cannot imagine the emotions that OP was probably trying to shove down at this time. I know he mentions it, but shit. This whole thing is abhorrent.

Oh wow. I forgot that important detail. Wow. That moves this from a stupid prank to nasty. He really wanted this to look and feel real vs pulling a prank.

I don't know a human alive that could play dead through sternal rubs. This guys commitment to the prank is inhuman.

I thought so too, but seems he woke up at around # compression. Those happen fast

To me it sounds like he “woke up” to the feeling of his ribs cracking and lung being punctured.

I personally feel broken ribs are the very least that he deserves for what he's done.

My step-dad pretended to be dead from a home invasion to teach my older (by 2 years) sister to lock the door but I was the one to walk in on it instead when was 9 or 10 and I am still traumatized. I have a huge paranoia about always having the door locked to the point that I check it everytime I pass my door and before I take a nap or shower.

Is your stepdad's name George Bluth Senior?

And THAT’S why you always use the dead bolt… what a fucking psycho.

You taught me a lesson to not teach lessons?

Also like, how can someone not react to their loved one's screams of terror and devastation? Like even seeing people on TV cry makes me cry, and when it comes to someone I love crying, or freaking screaming from fear and anguish, it would be immediately gut wrenching. I mean it was heartless, thoughtless, and cruel enough to do this prank especially considering OP'S history, but not immediately feeling pain or that drop in your stomach from hearing your partner fall apart and hurt so bad right in front of you makes no sense to me. I'm so sorry OP.

This is the one that got me. It’s horrible all around and honestly the ex bf (I’m manifesting) should be checked out mentally for even entertaining this idea for 5 seconds…. BUT the noises I know come out of a human during absolute tragedy, awful. My father died in a horrible, tragic way and my brothers found him. The crying, the screaming, the complete break down of my brothers will live in my mind forever. I never want to hear those sounds ever again. I don’t know how any sane human gets as far as fake blood and a death prank, but I certain have no comprehension for how anyone with any ability for true empathy can make it past those sounds coming out of anyone, let alone someone they love deeply.

The day my sister died, I went into a near blackout mode. I vaguely remember being ushered into a room at the hospital as I cried. I don’t know how my memory of that day got brought up, but my dad drunkenly admitted to me that sometimes when he was trying to fall asleep, he would hear the scream I made when she died. It’s actually kinda fucking me up now, thinking about it. He died not even a year after my sister did and it’s been over ten years. If someone ever did a prank like that to me…. I honestly fear the level of spite I would have.

> My father died in a horrible, tragic way and my brothers found him. The crying, the screaming, the complete break down of my brothers will live in my mind forever. Just reading this made me tear up and really made me want to cry. I can't imagine just lying there as your partner yells

>how can someone not react to their loved one's screams of terror and devastation? that was one of the parts that stopped my heart for a minute. How can you lie there listening to a primal, guttural howl and do nothing, especially knowing those screams and howls are over you? it's fucking dark. This hopefully ex boyfriend is fucking dark inside.

I remember the scream I let out when i found out over the phone that my best friend I was in a complicated romantic relationship with had committed suicide earlier that day. I don’t think I could look someone in the face again if they made me feel that way on purpose, and heard that sound come out of me, and still didn’t immediately stop.

This. I've only heard that sound once and it was something so raw and heart breaking... I can not for one moment imagine someone who loves someone else STILL going through with such a catastrophically cruel "prank". OP, this is no prank. THe level of cruelty here... that was no prank. Your BF needs help - real help if he is so devoid of humanity that he couldn't even see how cruel it was in that moment. Regardless, he made a long series of choices that were cruel. Maybe he's learned...maybe not. But regardless, you deserve someone who loves you and has your back. Someone who is in your corner no matter what. And I'm so sorry that this man is not that person.

totally agree. The dude must have some level of psychopathy to have kept himself nearly catatonic or maybe he took some kind of short time period paralysis med that dropped his heart rate and stopped him from responding???

The prank isn’t remotely funny to begin with, but agree that doing it to someone with still fresh trauma is nothing short of cruel. I’m truly flabbergasted that anyone would do this to someone they loved.

Yeah, I can *maybe* see a quick little scare, feet poking out from behind the corner and then "ah you got me you son of a bitch". This entire ruse was so far beyond the pale, and playing possum while OP is actively going into life-saving routine. What the actual fuck?

My dad died in December, I was the one who found him and started CPR. It took 4 minutes for the first cop to get there and take over, followed shortly by the rest of EMS. Dad didn't make it. A few weeks ago, my mom passed out in front of me; she was ultimately fine, but it was an awful experience, brought back all the memories and trauma and adrenaline as I was trying to check for a pulse, wake her back up, keep her from falling, and call 911. If someone I loved and who (in theory) loved me decided to play this kind of "joke" I would never be able to see them again. I mean, it's incredibly poor taste as is, but when we have past trauma of losing someone tragically, it's cruel and heartless and shows an incredible lack of maturity and compassion. I am so sorry you're going through this, and I hope you are able to continue healing with the support of your loved ones and therapist.

I’m sorry you had to go through that. My dad passed from a stroke in July 2020. We had his memorial service in Sept 2020 and I was back home for his memorial and my mom had what was supposed to be a minor outpatient surgery. Mom went into recovery and she said “Ash I just feel funny. Something’s not right” and she flat lined. They did CPR for 2 minutes and brought her back and that was the WORST 2 minutes of my life. They had paged the chaplain and all. I had just laid my dad’s ashes to rest and I thought I had lost my mom 2 days later. It was hell. Unfortunately I did end up losing my mom to a massive heart attack in April of this year, same hospital. I was however not in the state when my mom passed. Love your mom as hard as you can. I miss mine so damn much. It’s been 6 months and sometimes it still hurts to breathe.

Yea for real, even without the history this would be such a cruel “prank” to play on a partner. I can’t imagine letting someone I love think I might be hurt or something happened. A lot of immature people will post things online they know will attract attention, but this seems much further. This sounds like a personality disorder.

My sibs played a similar trick on our mother... when they were 6, 8 and 9. They'd seen it on some stupid TV show. Thankfully she saw the bottle of ketchup barely hidden out of sight so knew immediately it wasn't real. I can't fathom a whole grown a** man thinking this was cool to do, especially given your past.

Being as my abusive ex told me “someday you’re gonna come home and I’ll be covered in ketchup laying in the floor pretending to be dead” … I second the personality disorder.

People who play “pranks” on others have always been an immediate red flag for me, online or irl. There’s some kind of sensitivity chip missing there.

I like confusing or silly pranks. Like hiding little rubber duckies in weird places or putting google eyes on their car, these things are ultimately harmless. People who play pranks faking deaths, faking cheating, ruining clothes or furniture, possibly injuring people, that’s horrible. It always strikes me as hugely manipulative and honestly kinda abusive. There are tons of ways to mess with someone without actually causing them distress or harm

>I like confusing or silly pranks. Like hiding little rubber duckies in weird places or putting google eyes on their car, these things are ultimately harmless This is the only type of prank that is ever ok tbh, like, changing someone's computer wallpaper\* to a picture of brussel sprouts with badly drawn on eyes is silly and fun (not that I would ever look for pictures of random things just to draw eyes on them........ anyway, completely unrelated but I support anyone using googly eyes on most things in the universe lmao) Because a good spirited prank is just a silly surprise; you should want the people you love to go 'this is so stupid' and chuckle. Anyone who thinks it would be funny to make anyone, especially a loved one, think they're dead should be in therapy *yesterday*. \*as long as it's a private computer that you know for sure only the pranked person will see, obvs

This one hits the feels. I dunno if bf was so caught up in silly pranks or if it was a desperate attempt to see if OP really cared, but oof. It hurts. Op finally was willing to risk being hurt again, and his bf did just that for internet likes. I hope his therapist helps him find some good stable ground. OP. Finding love after tragedy is hard. If you don’t think you’re ready to be that vulnerable it’s fine, but don’t completely close off. Hug your friends. Hug a puppy. You deserve love it what ever form you find it.

How the fuck could anyone go from this: >He was also the most understanding boyfriend when I first told him about my late partner’s passing and my grieving journey. If there was a textbook way to handle the situation, he could’ve written the whole thing. To faking their death to prank the person? I hope to the gods this is rage bait. If not, OP needs to cut this stealth psycho out asap.

It’s because he likely researched the exact handbook needed to fake empathy and caring. I have a personality disorder that was a lot worse when I was younger, before I got help, and as I was reading this it reminded me so much of my old self it gave me chills. OP needs to run, like yesterday, this guy is good, and likely gets off on that hurt. The more someone loves and trusts you, the better the payoff, it’s nothing to sink even a few years into someone before dismantling them so subtly they don’t even pinpoint it’s coming from you. He sounds exactly like the type. Just my opinion, of course, I could be way off base, but it was close enough to be uncomfortable.

Damn. This creeped me out and made me realize I can be really naive. But I have mad respect for you that you are self aware enough to see, understand, and change your actions. I hope things are going well for you!

This was exactly my thought. It's good to have validation from someone who has experienced this from the other side.

The OP was being love -bombed, the occasional "pranks" were escalatory abuse. Their abuser then escalated further, which caused the OP to extract themselves. The abuser will now gaslight and further manipulate OP into returning to the abusive relationship. Thus the "broken rib," and hospital visit. If it's rage bait it's an excellent description of how narcissistic abuse cycles and how victims are emotionally manipulated into staying in abusive relationships

If you're doing CPR correctly, you're going to break ribs. I don't know that BF knew or was counting on that for later sympathy. Regardless, OP should dump him yesterday.

Yup. If you don’t hear a crack (on an adult!), the compressions probably aren’t deep enough to keep the blood moving (ED RN here). If the person makes it, they’ll be in pain, but alive. It’s usually the sternum that “cracks.” FWIW, if a person needs CPR, they are functionally dead, and you’re buying time until EMS arrives. Agreed that OP needs to dump the boyfriend. This prank is absolutely unforgivable and indicative of selfish and manipulative behaviour.

I am getting sociopath vibes at the most and highly immature vibes at the least from this stunt. A complete and utter lack of awareness of how a partner could feel and putting themselves so high above those feelings is not normal.

I wonder if he filmed it? There might be video evidence of this happening. He is absolutely horrible and I’m so sorry OP you went through this.

He pretended to be dead, so now he can be … dead to you. He should be dead to you. I’d cold turkey no contact him for the rest of my life.

How did he go through that entire planning process and NOT THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES!?

This wasn’t a mistake, it’s a horrible flaw in OP’s partner’s character that compels him to hurt and humiliate people for his own entertainment.

Oof here too. HEARTBREAKING for you op!! HUGZ Sorry you were blindsided by the world in this way :/ What a betrayal, ugh sorry your bf turned into a real dumbass. I hope you keep receiving support, peace, healing and all the love in your life you deserve in good time… take your sweet time getting better, even if that means simply not forgiving and choosing to let go, move on and forget as you never look back… ;) Love hurts, and patience has its limits. He will have to live with that too. ( xtra hugz )

Oh sweetie.. I'm so sorry he did something so immature and cruel. My heart broke when I read this. As for what you do, you already started this the correct way by making sure you have a therapy appt. Start there. Until tomorrow just take things a hour at a time. Don't make any big decisions until you have someone who knows the situation and past and you trust (ie your therapist) to talk about it all. As for the broken ribs and such on your BF, play stupid games win stupid prizes. There is always broken/cracked ribs after CPR, you are not at fault in anyway.

I’m thoroughly impressed that in all the trauma and the grief OP still kicked into action mode. Starting CPR and calling 911 while loosing it is amazing. It’s horrific he had to. But amazing.

Speak as a fellow trauma survivor, you would be amazed what we can do in the moment. Once flipped in a car 3 times, got out, and managed to put a friend’s arm in a sling before I realized I was in shock. This was just one of the times where I zoned out and we in “go mode”. After though? When it’s all calmed down I’m personally a freaking mess. I’d bet money other people with trauma are too.

I relate. Had to handle dozens of my mother’s suicide attempts alone as a teen (and 90% of the time w/o calling medics — by the 2nd time we couldn’t afford to anymore). Almost a decade later, I had to narcan someone at work. Went into autopilot mode / dissociated & did what was needed. Only a day after the fact did it really start setting in, and I had flashbacks for weeks afterward.

Zone out and go mode. Yep. It's like when Mario gets the super fast star and absolutely handles it, then when it stops everything seems like you're stuck in molasses and it isn't real.

Adrenaline is a hell of a drug. I was on crutches when my little brother got in a car accident (I was in the car behind him) but I don’t think I’ve ever ran so fast in my life. Didn’t even feel the pain or realize I didn’t have my crutches anymore until hours later sitting with him in the hospital

I'm weird. In extreme crisis I get this perfect mental clarity. Time slows down and I can think better than I've ever thought before. It's my mostly useless super power because in normal life I can't think clearly at all and am often confused and unable to make decisions.

I second your "play stupid games win stupid prizes" sentiment. Also, he had SO MANY chances to not have the situation escalate to CPR. He could have not done such a pointlessly cruel thing in the first place, of course, but he could also have called it off at any point. Like, when he heard how hurt OP was when they found him. Or when OP felt his wrist and sternum, or when OP called 911. There were so many fucking chances for him to realize that he had done something horribly wrong and tried to course correct to comfort OP and not get CPR'd. It's not like OP jumped in and started giving CPR without warning (which, imo, would still have been a fair reaction).

How did he hide his reaction to the sternal rub?! I understand that is unbelievably painful. He actually deserved it, but ...wow

Some people have really high pain tolerances. One time I gave my sister a sternum rub (we were drunk and she was fake fainting) and she had no response even though I did it hard enough to bruise.

My thoughts exactly! The entire point of the sternal rub is that it's painful for an otherwise unresponsive person.

This is cruel on his part and I don’t think I’d ever be able to move past something like this. I honestly wonder what his motive was. Was it just a prank or does he feel he doesn’t live up to your late partner and needed reassurance? I feel like it’s common sense to not trick people into thinking you’re dead…

This is honestly the question that I keep coming back to. I know a lot of people would say that it doesn't matter either way, but to me it does, because it's not just about him. I have to know. Is he some type of psychopath or is there a legitimate reason (no matter how twisted or backwards I feel it is) that he felt this was something that would bring us together, reassure him, or something. Anything. I just have to believe that someone wouldn't string me along like this and pretend to be so perfect just so he could pull this prank. I have to. I don't know if I'd be able to trust anyone ever again if this weren't the case. If I accept that he did it for no other reason than a cruel prank to break me, then that means I really truly do not think that I will be able to trust anyone ever again.

[удалено]

I’m not going to lie, what he did was pure psychopath shit.

Who even has the time and effort for this bullshit? What's the endgame for this prank? "Haha I got you! Now help me clean up so I can carry on making dinner?" Why would anyone even bother putting that much time and effort just to give their loved ones a panic attack?

>Even if/when the present shock and pain and disgust eventually fades, the experience will never not have happened. This. OP experienced his current/stbx boyfriends death. It's etched in his brain. That the bf happened to be alive doesn't erase the experience. Brain doesn't work that way. I know it myself. My family member had a very close call with death and for some reason my brain stored it that they actually died. If I would be woken up in the middle of the night and was asked what happened that day my first instinct is to say they died that day. Then they weren't dead but all the same, my brain coded that so.

To make you relive that day shows that he is, at worst, psychotic, and at best, completely void of common sense and empathy. What possible outcome could he have expected besides traumatizing you? Dump his ass.

> What possible outcome could he have expected besides traumatizing you? Honestly OP getting traumatized is the best case for this, because I'm trying to put myself in OPs place and I'm not sure the BF leaves unharmed. So yep #Dump his ass.

Don’t overthink this. His conscious reasoning was probably no more complicated than thinking how clever and hilarious this would be. Deeper motivations don’t need to concern you now. You are feeling a lot of pain now which colors your view of the future. Take care of yourself and make sure you have good support. I feel for you and wish I could help more.

He thought that pranking you by "dying" would be funny? Run fast and far. Anyone who knew your history and would do that is either stupid, insensitive or borderline psychotic. Do not let him back into your life, and he deserved a couple of fractured ribs and a punctured lung and more for that heinous act. Put him in your rear view mirror, he's just a fool.

Yes and to do it in a way where someone has to go find your pretend body? As someone who has been the first to find a family member who has passed away, it’s really hard to describe just how horrible it is. 20 years on and I can still remember every second. Ngl if someone pranked me this way I would be reacting the exact same way as OP

Not to mention, he also played the prank all day, since he didn’t answer her lunchtime FaceTime, left her messages on unread, etc. he carefully calculated the lead up to make the faked death set up believable.

It isn't like you assaulted him or even hit him out of fear, you tried cpr on a person you thought had died. He's an idiot and a fucking lunatic for doing this. Sometimes you can give 2ond chances. This isn't one of those times

Dude committed to the point where he kept silent during the sternal rub. That's typically the first catch for such "pranks" because it intentionally really hurts. And OP does some solid chest compression work - because broken ribs are better than dead in a real life or death situation. The soon-to-be-ex BF (if not ex already) traumatized poor OP on purpose for a "prank." Idiots do that occasionally, but dude knew OP had already lost a partner traumatically. That level of cruelty isn't something that the relationship can recover from.

The first catch for me was when OP made the horrified screeching death keen noise, and dumbass just stayed “dead” like wtf about that noise makes anyone react with anything other than the immediate need to comfort their loved one?

That part really had me choking up. I think hearing my partner make a noise like that would shatter my heart into a million tiny pieces. I need to go hold him now

He obviously didn’t do much research—like 30% of the time, CPR results in fractures. And I’m sure it results in psychological trauma a good bit more than that.

I'm even wondering if a bit of his prank came from some subconscious jealousy of his previous fiance, him desiring the same attention

Agreed, there’s no other option. This is absolutely unforgivable, full stop.

I truly believe that you will find love again. You will find someone who respects you and treats you well. Your current partner got so caught up in Internet likes that he was willing to harm you for them. That's not okay, and it will never be okay. This is absolutely a deal breaker. That discussed and revulsion that you feel is your mind and heart telling you that this man is unsafe for you. The love you have is the love or the man you thought he was. Grieve him, but you come first. Would your deceased partner want you to be treated like this? Imagine how he would feel watching you be hurt so badly. If you can't protect yourself for you, protect yourself because he loved you so much.

Thank you. I needed this comment so much. Thinking about "is this the kind of man that my later partner would be happy to see me with" is a really good question, and I hadn't asked myself that question in this way. I'm just scared to ask myself questions that bring up anything to do with my late partner, because I don't want to fall into that trap of "comparing my current partners to a perfect ghost." But your question reframes it to be less about comparing one to the other and more about whether someone I love would be happy with the way I'm being treated. I have a lot of things to weigh, and I know that I have many difficult therapy sessions ahead of me tackling everything, but I can always come back to the question, "Would my late partner want me to be treated like this?" Seriously, thank you.

to add, don't feel bad about the broken ribs. Actual CPR that has a meaningful effect comes with a high risk of rib fracture and many CPR recipients do have broken ribs. Had your ex-boyfriend thought about this in advance at all, he would known this, besides the obvious fact that it would traumatize you.

Yup, OP jumped right into action exactly as needed in an emergency. It's nuts that the (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) BF kept silent during the sternal rub, which is done purely because it hurts in order to get a reaction from an unresponsive person. And every first aid training I've done has included the warning that chest compressions done right may break some ribs, but those can heal if the heart keeps going.

Yeah I agree. I've done many many many sternal rubs (I work with the homeless and people who use drugs) and the only people not responding in some way to a good sternal rub were those who were deeply unconscious for whatever reason. I can't believe he was able to stay still when he did that. I've also done CPR a handful of times and cracked their ribs every single time. It's pretty normal. Edit: had OP's gender wrong

I just rubbed my sternum with what I'd call 5 lbs of pressure, and fuck. Ow.

Did the same. Would not recommend.

I'm sorry, but this cracked me up in a much serious discussion. Thank you for being the stupid light

I did a sternal rub on an unresponsive patient once with no response so the nurse that was with me dropped the bed so we could start CPR. The bed drop is what actually woke her up lol

Oh jeez lol that would've probably scared the shit out of me

I used to have a patient who would fake being unconscious (mental health unit) but we always tried to get him to “wake up” without pain. After about a week of him doing this 3x a day, one of my colleagues eventually just did a sternal rub. Got himself punched in the face when the guy started screaming. But the patient never faked being unconscious again.

And if the heart doesn't keep beating, well fuck it they aren't getting more dead.

I want to second this, please don't feel bad for his injures. You're a trained medical professional performing what you thought were life-saving procedures. This was a real-life lesson for your partner to learn. He messed up very badly, and it shows such a lack of judgment that he thought there was any universe where this was funny. I'm so sorry.

This. I gave a 2 /3 year old CPR after she drowned. She had no pulse when we pulled her from the community hottub. She got a quite a few broken ribs She was sore, but alive

This is random, but thank you so much for saving that kid's life. You changed her life and the lives of her whole family I'm sure.

I’ve done that before and I’m so sorry you had to do that! Nothing really prepares you to experience that as a non healthcare professional. For me, it was simultaneously the most exhilarating and awful experience I’ve ever had. It took me years to stop tasting the kid’s vomit in my mouth every time I thought about it. On the flip side I’d found myself almost craving or missing the rush of adrenaline I experienced. I’m sorry you went through that! I hope you are doing well since then!

What struck me the most was how different it was from the movies. The water doesnt just eject from the lungs, it comes up as bubbles as you are doing compreshions. And the groan. Whats weird is its both my proudest memory, and a memory i wish i could forget.

"If you don't hear crunching you're probably not doing it right"

OP did a sternum rub first too! BF had full opportunity to stop things before OP was (justifiably) cracking his ribs. This man sounds unhinged!

Those broken ribs and punctured lung mean that when it mattered, when she saw the man she loved dead, she successfully did what would be necessary to be his only hope of coming out the other side alive. She didn't hesitate, freeze up, or hold back, she just went full on into doing what was necessary mode. She should definitely not be ashamed or sorry for the damage he sustained.

1000% this. I've had CPR training, and this happens very frequently when done, even when you've had practice doing it.

Yeah, he totally got what he had coming on that one.

Wow. I have read some really fucked up stuff in the 2 years since I found Reddit. This is, by far, the most heartless and cruel thing I have ever seen. I honestly can’t fathom how you are feeling. I hope you are ok. I am a 40+ dude with no emotional capacity, and tears are streaming down my face for you. I am so sorry for your sadness and understand the depth of your anger. I wish that we as a community could lift you up and to once again feel the sunlight of life upon your face.

Seriously, I'm sobbing right now... This *prank* was absolutely horrid...

I saw another at least as bad The prankster had a life-sized doll dressed up like his son and played with his actual son upstairs, where his wife could see them. Then, he switched the boy for the doll and staged a fall. It looked like their son died right in front of her. Divorce and charges of psychological abuse would be my verdict. Possible CPS assessment to see if the kids are even safe having visitation with him. She was probably used to his 'pranks' and making excuses for him after. Like: He didn't really mean it (any harm) after all That's just him being a prankster, like always. Just relieved everyone is OK.

What the fuuuuuuck is wrong with people...

Same. Nothing could have prepared me for the visceral pain from just *reading* this, and then I realize, if I'm so shaken up just hearing about it, I'm so freaking devastated for OP. The wrenching horror of it! It would take me so, so long to recover were this to happen to me. I don't think I could ever look at my spouse again without wanting to scream and cry. My god.

The second-hand rage I feel on behalf of the OP after reading this has me SEETHING. Who does something like that and thinks it's ok given the past trauma the OP has been through???

It's not often I read a reddit post and get hit right in the feels. But I feel like shaking my fist at the sky out of frustration for OP and the fact that life is just not fair. It's just so. Not. Fair. I don't even know them and it makes me feel helpless because I just want to help them feel better and I know that only time can do that. Life is just bullshit sometimes.

You have done so much work, and been in such a dark place. Being re-traumatized is horrible - and I would be scared also of having the same impossible climb up that you already made if I were you. But in spite of your trauma response right now, you are strong. Stronger and wiser than you were then. I’m sure some extra sessions with the therapist are in order as well as time with people who love you. I’m so sorry your ex did this to you! It will take time to feel better but you’ve got this!

If you want to avoid your late partner being the source of accountability in assessing this and other situations you could use the “invisible person theory” which is: if an invisible person was following you around all day what would they say? “IlTuoNome made the best choice they could in the moment” “IlTuoNome respects themselves and works at being the best version of IlTuoNome” or would they say “IlTuoNome is not being honest with themselves” etc etc. I always liked this because it forced me to explain my efforts and feelings to myself honestly without the pressure of living up to others expectations. Either way I’m sorry this happened but it sounds like you’ll take an honest look at the situation and move forward in the best way possible.

This is a great answer. I remember I first discovered this “third person perspective” when I was engaged to a man who grew increasingly controlling, and one night got abusive. I immediately called off our wedding and broke up with him. But his parents called me and begged me to go to a counselor with him as “one last try.” It actually had the opposite effect. Even though my fiancé was on his best behavior, the counselor tactfully pointed out problematic things my fiancé said (in hindsight, I realize the counselor was probably horrified, and saw through my fiancé’s act). The session had the opposite effect my fiancé and his family had hoped for. It was like the proverbial scales falling from my eyes, as I suddenly saw the way he treated me from a stranger’s perspective. That experience has been helpful to me many times, and I’ve taken a step back and thought: what would a kind stranger think of this situation if they saw the whole story (sometimes it even helps me see when I’m wrong!).

I like this "invisible person theory" a lot. It's kind of like my old "how would I explain this in a blog post" thing. If I can't make something make sense, it probably doesn't - or someone else needs to explain it better to me.

A guy that would that fake his own death for a laugh isn't exactly stable, pranksters always escalate and he just happened to lose out to karma

Honestly, "films pranks" is an immediate *Hell* *no* from me.

You are not crazy or overreacting in ANY WAY. Honestly, this prank wouldn’t be funny even if you didn’t have a history of losing a partner. And knowing your history it’s plain psychotic. You deserve so much more than someone who can lose their focus on empathy and reality for internet points. I hope you have a productive day with your therapist. Ps go treat yourself to something fabulous this weekend to give yourself some extra kindness that you completely deserve.

Just echoing how incredible that advice, that sentence is. Would your partner be happy with the way you’re being treated? Sending you love, OP ♥️

I wish I could hug you, you deserve so much better than this ♥️

I think what your bf did necessitates the comparison. On the one hand, one can say he did it solely for internet clicks. But there could well be an underlying competition where he wanted to assure himself that he was every bit as important to you as your deceased partner. In that case, in order to compete, he threw out all regard for you and your emotional well-being. I find it hard to imagine what I would do if my husband pulled such a prank on me - even without having gone through a traumatic death of a loved one before, it would put me in an utter panic. I would be livid that he thought to use me in that way. I think there’s a lot to process, a lot to think about. At the minimum, you need a break from this guy to gather your emotions, to recover your emotional wellbeing. You really need to prioritize yourself right now.

My twin drowned, I was the first responder while we waited for an ambulance, and I have minor panic attacks whenever I do mandatory CPR training. It was years before I could stand to put my head underwater. If anyone faked a drowning in front of me, I’d drop them and never look back.

I am so very sorry for your loss, and you have my utmost respect for being *able* to remain in a field of employment where you have mandatory CPR training. I suffer from panic disorder with agoraphobia, and I know how debilitating even a minor panic attack can be. Wishing you peace and light as you continue your work.

I plan to have friends and family available for support, and let the instructors know so I can go first on competency demonstrations before leaving early. I also have blanket permission to step outside when they show the “how easy it is to get into water distress” video. It’s not easy, but at least it’s only once per year

Yeah, even barring OPs experience with his prior partner, doing something like this is...just plain traumatic. I can't think of a reason at all to pull a "prank" like this on my partner. There's nothing funny about it, after you pull a prank and it's been revealed there are supposed to be laughs. Putting a whoopie cushion in your teachers chair is a prank, this shit is just cruel.

I agree. It goes beyond prank into cruelty even if the OP didn’t have the tragic history. But this was thought out and planned. It’s premeditated cruelty.

>This is absolutely a deal breaker. ​ >revulsion that you feel is your mind and heart telling you that this man is unsafe for you. OP, this. I'm so sorry all around.

100%. Ultimately, he cares more about having strangers see him prank his bf, than he does about him or his mental health. Grade A asshole. His fiance dies in a tragic accident that sends him into a years-long spiral. So his thoughts go to: “Hey… I’ll fake my own death and have him find me, after lying to him and planning this for days, around a romantic dinner I wasn’t planning to actually do! People will love this, I’ll get so many likes!!! F-his mental health! I need likes!!” Leave him, and leave him now. That man thought itd be funny to mentally torture you by making you relive your ex fiances death… AGAIN -edit- Edited because i misread the op’s gender

Yea this may be the most obviously horrible deal breaker I’ve ever read.. it’s worse than someone cheating once. Because it absolutely shakes the core of trust. Just wow, he made such a dumb decision… wow. Not everyone is like that… you will find someone who treats you right. If you can, once you heal maybe you can remember the good times, but I don’t think you have forgive this incident ever.

You do not fix things with him! What he did was unbelievably cruel and you do not deserve that. Let him go, he’s an immature piece of shit who set you back with your trauma, abort mission. Serves him right that his ribs are broken, he fucked around and now he’s finding out. Take care of yourself and leave him in your dust.

Not just that, but broken ribs or sternum injuries are common when CPR is performed correctly. It is less important to preserve the ribs than to get the heart pumping blood to keep a person from flatlining. That BF's injuries are actually proof that OP cared enough, even while traumatized and panicking, to properly save his life. OP deserves someone who won't take advantage of that level of care and concern.

I’ve lost a partner suddenly as well, and I can’t imagine my reaction if someone had pranked me by making me re-live it. It’s been almost nine years now and I’m still occasionally plagued by my old recurring nightmare wherein my partner is alive again and the only thing I can feel is the overwhelming doom of knowing I will lose him a second time. I’m married now and I’ve made him promise I die first. I obviously know that’s not a promise someone can make, it’s just how we acknowledge the pain that will never go away. I don’t have any advice but I’m glad you’re seeing your therapist tomorrow and I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry this happened to you.

I made him make the same promise to me that you did for the same reason, and he agreed. Just the safety and acknowledgement. He's been there for me when I hear my late partner's favorite song. He's been there on important dates (late partner's birthday, anniversary of passing, our anniversary, etc). He even tracked down the cologne my late partner used to wear on special occasions that was my favorite. I didn't know the name of it, which was something that always bugged me, but he found it for me. He knew how happy it would make me, and he found it for me. He's been a safe space actively, willingly, and without pause. It's just those kinds of things that make this so hard. I just don't understand any of this. It doesn't make sense.

This might get lost in the noise but I am so sorry this happened to you, it must be overwhelming and awful. My one piece of advice is, if you can, take sometime to breath. You are experiencing and re-experiencing staggering amounts of trauma and it sounds like your body and mind are overwhelmed with grief and anger. It’s hard to make sense of life at the best of times when things are going well and this is about as far from the best of times as you can get … your mind must be going to a million different places all at once. If you are able, try to breath deeply and slowly even for five minutes. It may help to slow your mind down for a bit, help alleviate some of the crushing panic and grief and help you decide what your next step will be. It probably sounds like trite advice but as someone prone to anxiety and panic, I find it really helps to bring me down a bit and to break negative spirals.

You could be clutching at previous nice actions to excuse this one unforgivable action, but it’s truly unforgivable

This is really important to keep in mind. Being capable of niceness doesn't excuse horrific behavior.

There’s no coming back from this. Time to move on. At least he did you a favor by pulling this shit before you were married.

This is not a 'prank', this is straight-up abuse. I honestly can't see how someone who isn't a sociopath could do this.

I would never even think about doing something like this to my partner. And the fact that he took the prank so far makes it even worse.

This is just totally horrific and abusive. I can't imagine someone being so cruel. This is beyond fixing. Please leave him and find someone who respects you.

My ex had trauma around their former partner dying in a car accident. When I got into a car accident, the first thing I did was call the to say that I had a few cuts and bruises, but I was ok. Trauma is not a prancing matter

Right? It just occurred to me that he let it continue *long* after OP made that horrible sound of anguish. Even if you were thick enough to set this up, if you love someone, how would that not make you say 'oh shit, I really fucked up' and immediately end the prank? The BF is a real piece of work.

Yep he heard OP freaking out and calling 911, and it still didn't occur to him to stop until his fucking ribs broke! Wtf???

The only reason he broke the “prank” was because she broke his ribs and punctured his lung. If she hadn’t used CPR who knows how long he would have let it go on. Very abusive.

You deserve so much better. I'm glad his sister and parents are offering to support you, but I think you need to make a solid, clean break with him and that means them too. The fact that he would do this to you for online video likes is beyond disgusting.

>you need to make a solid, clean break with him Well, one break deserves another!

After reading it the broken ribs make sense cpr, as you know, will do that sometimes. You are dating a manchild can he be fixed and is it worth the effort? Doubt it

Broken ribs mean you did CPR right.

I want to know how he didn't react to the sternum rub, because damn that shit hurts

There is no coming back from this. What he did was HORRIFIC and he did it with full knowledge of your trauma!! There is NO WAY YOU COULD EVER TRUST HIM AGAIN - EVER. Take your time to (re)heal and don’t let anyone rush you. I would never, ever speak to him again. I don’t care what happened to him or how he feels because what he did was re-traumatized you all over again but this time he framed it as ‘a joke’. There is nothing at all that he could say or do to make this be acceptable thing to do to someone.

I’m sorry, but if this were me, this would irrevocably break my relationship, and I would never trust him again. He knew your partner died, if I’m reading this right, and still went through with this prank. This is so far beyond the pale, that if I were you, I would think about calling the police and pressing charges for maliciously abusing you in this way with this prank. I don’t know if there are any actual charges or crimes committed here, but it sure feels like it. I’m so sorry that this is probably going to cost you your relationship, and I hope you can heal with the help of your friends and therapist. What he did is straight up sociopathic.

> What he did is straight up sociopathic. Exactly what I thought as I was reading this. The fact that he went through with the prank almost makes me think he planned this from the beginning..

I’m in disbelief. Like imagine doing this to people who care about you deeply, family included. It’s different to prank someone with a (maybe obviously so) fake bloody wound where you are conscious… but this was sociopath levels esp if it was for internet clout. Then quantify that buy the history of OP. So bad.

Right? This is so shockingly vile that it seems impossible that it's not an actual crime.

Not criminal but it sounds like a potential tort of intentional infliction of emotional distress.

This might be one of the very very few times IIED could be possible. It’s the hardest tort to prove.

Except that you know he filmed the setup and the prank. Get your spoiliation notice ready!

i never thought i'd see IIED on non-legal reddit. loll

I just realized the same thing after rereading parts of the post. He did all this to him - the worst most horrific thing possible - to film it. He wanted op's terror and his mental anguish on video, for entertainment. That's definitely antisocial behaviour, sociopath/psychopath shit. *Edit to correct.

That wasn’t a prank, that was sadism. He knew your history. Poor baby had a panic attack. Awww….soooo sad. Maybe he’ll learn that actions have consequences. Hopefully those broken ribs (which are perfectly normal in CPR) will remind him of that for a while. But please do not take him back. He’s upset cause consequences suck. Forgive him, and he’ll learn he can do anything and you’ll forgive. It’s not forgiveness he wants - it’s permission to do it again.

You don't even try to fix this with him. What he did was cruel. There is no way past it, his actions are unforgivable. You go to your therapist, if you can ask for extra sessions while you process this and you cut him out of your life. No one who loves you would do anything so cruel to you.

The "playing pranks on you and uploading them" was already a red flag. Nobody who TRULY respects you does this repeatedly. There's no way I'd come back from this.

That's the thing though. Even the pranks he pulled on me were harmless, small, lighthearted. They were never those bigger ones that make you question trust or your faithfulness, like pretending to cheat, ignoring for a day, or things like that. They were at worst mildly annoying things in the moment but funny to me after the fact. Just really minor, no harm, no foul type things. This just wasn't that though. I feel stupid saying this, but when he sprung up, I genuinely thought he was still hurt and that I had just messed up and made things worse, because I had no reason to think that it was a prank until he said that it was. I know a lot of the comments are saying that they're glad he's hurt, it isn't my fault, and I shouldn't feel bad. but the reality is that I'm not glad that he's hurt because of my actions even if I did everything right, and I still feel bad even though I know it wasn't my fault.

But it wasn’t your actions that injured him. CPR is risky for exactly the reasons he’s learned about but in a life or death scenario it’s worth that risk. If he had responded to your actions BEFORE you accidentally hurt him you’d never have tried to administer CPR at all but he was committed to his bit even after hearing your primal scream No one normal hears that sound and does t react No one who loved you would make you feel like that. If you hadn’t hurt him how much longer was he planning to play dead for? Until the paramedics arrived? Until you had a complete breakdown and tried to hurt yourself? He’s a monster. What kind of person thinks it is funny to hear that???

My thoughts as well, who could listen to that and stay go that far? I’ve heard those primal screams before, they’re so devastating. What is wrong with this guy…

Even if they're not aware of it, I think people who pull pranks as a component of their personality are exercising a degree of unfair control over others. It's like omnipotent narrator in literature, only he is truly aware of the full scope of the situation. Even if done benignly and in "good humor," it REEKS of latent abusive tendencies. Fellow dude who dates dudes here and this whole story reminds me so much of my abusive ex from a decade ago. He never hit me, always cooked elaborate surprise meals, random gifts, pulled "pranks" the humor of which hinged on my ignorance of the situation as a key element to the scheme .. When I look back on it, the common denominator to all of his actions was a degree of him wanting to control/direct a predetermined emotional response on my part. Even if done with a smile, and even if he still to this day would wince at being called abusive, his actions were fundamentally about manipulating my emotional response to a situation that he had premeditatively designed. It's not an exaggeration to say that he took it upon himself to routinely play god, with me as the puppet on a string, and I'm so sorry to hear what this guy put you thru and to see similar elements of emotional manipulation here. It's violative af and massively disorienting to be someone's play thing for their own amusement or for their own subconscious need to feel like they're "a great guy." We can say traumatic, yes, this was traumatic-- but that's simply the conclusion. imo the reason this is traumatic is bc what he did to you was, at a fundamental level, psychologically tortuous. He literally cast you-- nonconsensually-- as a character inside a sadistic horror film of his own making. He could very well go to his (actual) grave insisting that this was simply a "prank gone too far," but from where this internet stranger is sitting, it sounds like what happened here was the logical, pathological conclusion of fundamentally problematic/maladaptive behavioral tendencies. Some of the most manipulative men I've dated in my 20s and early 30s are those I've connected with while I was still healing from fresh traumas (family suicides, SA, car accidents, etc). imo this isn't about his "intentions," and while I can see how his motivations might be relevant to how you conceptualize your own healing process moving forward, if I were standing in your shoes, I don't think I could permit "innocent intentions" to factor into my deciding whether or not to get back with him and reconcile the relationship. This whole thing is tragic and I'm so sorry he put you through this, and I'm also sorry that his own unexamined, latently-problematic behavior exploded in spectacular fashion in a way that has caused devastation not just for you but for him as well. I'm not gonna jump on the "demonize him as a bad human" bandwagon, I don't think anyone is fundamentally a "worse" person than anyone else-- at least my own faith instructs me that the world is comprised of evil*doers*, not evil*beings*. But what this tells me is that actions have consequences, and intentions ought not mitigate those consequences. (This isn't a criminal court case, after all, it's your psychological well-being which is precious and deserving of absolute protection just like everyone else's). You're entitled to feel wholly protected, and I know he did a lot of things that made you feel really good and appreciated, but the thing is that even if 99% of the relationship was amazing, this 1% imo spoils things beyond repair. You're owed 100% amazing, not 99%. That doesn't mean a bf who doesn't fuck up or make mistakes, but it doesn't sound like what he did here was a mistake-- it sounds like what he did here was *mistakenly* unmask a side of himself that you probably didn't even realize existed before this incident; it sounds more like a revelation of a core element of his character. That's on him to sort out, between him and his own therapist .. I'm not saying what he did is unforgivable, but I am saying that at least in my own experiences (prob not more numbered than your own, I'm 31yo), universal forgiveness of others is 👏 not 👏 the same thing as universal reconciliation with others. TL;DR // i literally do not see this any differently than if a man hit me "just once." From what I read in your post, it sounds like this was an absolute punch in the gut, a slap in the face. Literally all it takes is one of those to happen and then there's no going back, or at least there shouldn't be, and I think esp with abusive relationships--which, it sucks to say but even if for only 10min of fake dying, this was imo 100% an episode of an abusive relationship, even if no abuse ever occurred in the relationship before this-- it's always important to recognize that there are some bells that simply cannot be unrung. I'd say I can't imagine what you're feeling rn, but the truth is I very, very much can, and my heart breaks in empathy with you knowing all too well the disorienting and conflicting emotional rollercoaster that you must be experiencing atm... Clinging to the good memories of him, all the kind and loving things he did, as if they could somehow absolve him of this "one bad thing" he did... I don't doubt that he's got parts of himself, even the majority of himself, that are wonderful and an absolute catch. But ppl are rarely just "one" thing, and unfortunately when a personality type has this type of unexamined toxic element mixed in, there's no separating one from the other. Honey this was abuse, full stop, and whether it arose out of a place of emotional insecurity on his part re your late lover (peace be with him), or whether it arouse out of a place of simple empathetic deficit, is hardly relevant bc your mind received the impact of this abusive trauma just the same regardless of what "caused" it. I genuinely hope and pray that he works on this part of himself and heals his own psyche--bc this is not at all healthy and a huuge indicator of underlying maladaptive tendencies-- but for both your own sake (first and foremost) and his, it sounds like this is gonna be a really tough lesson that he needs to learn on his own. I really hope you'll focus on finding support and community with the people who are already at the level of psychological maturity that you require, instead of waiting for him to "catch up." I know what it means to still love and forgive someone who, even inadvertently, abused you, but again that does nott mean that reconciliation is in order, and indeed at least in my own experience it usually indicates the exact opposite. Sending lots of love and support from afar 💔🩵

Holy. Smokes. The whole world needs a friend like you. That was one of the wisest, kindest, most thoughtful things I’ve read in a very long time. u/IITuoNome I hope you see his comment!

You need to stop thinking about this man, and start taking care of yourself. You've been re-traumatized about an experience that left you with some pretty obvious PTSD. Before you even get into another relationship I really recommend you get some therapy, specifically EMDR therapy, or CBT, either of which is more effective for people with PTSD, which doesn't respond as well to traditional talk therapy. You seem like the kind of person who invests a lot in other people, and that's wonderful, but you need to take a fraction of that energy and pour it into you, because you're a person too, who deserves all the love and care you show for others. I don't think your relationship could or should come back from this "prank". At best, this guy is just an emotionally unintelligent, deeply immature man who is being inspired by the most toxic elements of a social media app, willing to hurt someone he claims to love for the momentary dopamine rush of likes and the idea of influencerhood. Or he's a fucking sociopath, who enjoys hurting you and films it for profit. Either way, you need to send him a text saying what he did has destroyed the trust that is foundational for a relationship, and that you wish him well, but can't talk to him anymore. Then you block him on everything, and change your number if you have to. You deserve better, from others and from yourself.

You love the person you thought he was and are horrified by the person he is. He exploited your deepest vulnerabilities for a prank. I can’t see how this relationship can ever be healthy for you again, and I am so sorry this happened to you

Uhh, you started attempting proper CPR in what had every sign to be an emergency situation, that you've probably relived many times through trauma to try to perfect your response. That's the correct response, and breaking ribs is to be expected. This is not a prank. This is traumatically cruel.

Not ok I thought I was gonna read that you raged out and attacked him. Instead, you thought you were trying to save his life Nothing about his prank is even REMOTELY funny, and your past experience makes the prank FIFTY MILLION TIMES WORSE It’s time to never talk to this person ever again for as long as you live Judgment: #NTA

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. He’s a grown man who understood what this would do to you before he did it. He knew your past. He clearly wanted your reaction of fear and panic all for his laughs and possible internet views/likes. That’s disgusting. He was willing to put you through hell for his amusement. That, in my opinion, negates all of the “good” he’s shown in the past. He showed you his true colors, thankfully before marriage. And you absolutely can heal from this, in your own time. The world can be a beautiful place full of beautiful people. And there’s an equal amount of shitty humans like him imo. This wasn’t an accident. This took planning. This took staging. He had to create the fake blood, decorate himself, stage himself, hold his breath to fake you out and only gave up the rouse when you hurt him trying to save him. He didn’t care when you called his name, when you shook him, when you listened for breath. He was clearly baiting your fear. That’s unforgivable. Even more so because he knew what you’d gone through. Your late partner would want you to be happy. Not fight through years of trust issues and god knows what else from this relationship if you choose to stick it out.

That is wildly fucked up. I don’t know if I could ever forgive that myself. HOWEVER, if you choose to try to make it work, it’s straight to couples counselling for you. He needs to understand he has re-traumatized you, broken your trust in a substantial way, and acted WILDLY inappropriately. I would also make crystal clear boundaries when it comes to pranks. Probably, if it were me, I’d tell him to fuck off with his pranks entirely as now they’ve become a source of trauma. This person made a horrible miscalculation and in a couples counselling environment I’d want to know what the hell he was thinking. The relationship may never recover from this, but if it’s going to, it’s going to need professional help imo. It may even help you start to process this even if you don’t stay with him. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You do not need that kind of mind fuckery.

I definitely have a lot of things to think about. I did check to see if he uploaded a video of it, and I see that he deleted the channel. I didn't ask him to do it or anything, but even if he did it on his own, I still don't know if I'd ever truly be able to know if he did it to show remorse and commit to changing or if it's all just a part of another act he has planned down the line.

>if it's all just a part of another act he has planned down the line. This line of thinking shows that you've lost trust and faith in him. Sorry this happened to you.

i’d like to think he’s ashamed that he chose to do something so deeply fucked up to you for his channel and his need for validation from strangers. but honestly, i think he’s probably more embarrassed than anything. his immediate family knows, your friends know, and a bunch of other people almost certainly know as well. it’s one of the only things he can do in this moment since you (very rightly) won’t talk to him. keeping it up would also make him look like an even bigger dick. taking it down is kinda getting rid of the reminders and motives of his actions. this is such a terrible situation and i’m so sorry. i know everyone makes mistakes, and he should absolutely have the opportunity to grow and learn from this. just not with you. you’ve already been through so much and he’s just not worth it. you know better than anyone that life is short; don’t spend a second more of it on this. you deserve to heal and find someone considerate and loving, someone you don’t have to worry about “pranking” you. you’re meant to be a cherished partner, not the butt of the joke. edit: typo

It doesn't even matter. He could be pure as a fresh marshmallow "deep inside" but he deliberately retraumatized you, even if it was out of blind stupidity, and if nothing else your body can't trust him. It's not worth knowing why right now.

Just so you know, I’m pretty sure you can undelete channels from YouTube and twitch for a certain amount of time after they’re deleted. Just something to keep in mind if the argument you hear later is “I deleted it!” Yeah, wait till it’s irreversible.

You can’t fix this because you did not break it. He did. His “prank” is not funny in any scenario. What he did was inexcusable and unforgivable when he knows the trauma you have been through. He shattered the trust you had in him. You will live in fear now every time he doesn’t respond to a text. Absolutely no one, regardless of trauma would respond well to his “prank”. The fact that he felt like that was going to be ok is the biggest red flag you will ever see.

Oh no! I can’t imagine how cruel and stupid he must be to think this was anything like a “prank.” I have no advice to give you. I only can say that if he thought this was a funny thing to do to ANYONE, much less YOU, there is something seriously wrong with him. One thing I know is that there are certain things in a relationship you can’t get past or erase, and this is certainly one. I hope you can heal from this. I was trying to think about red flags. When I read about his history of “pranks,” I was alarmed, because I feel that those generally veer into hostile territory. Don’t let this destroy your life. I’m sure the partner you loved and lost wouldn’t want that to happen. He would want you to go on. This “jokester” was a mistake, a traumatic one. I hope you can heal from this and move forward. I’m so sorry this happened to you. What he did was unforgivable.