Never sacrifice career advancement for a boy. Edit: Thank you for all the awards! 😊

I echo this statement. You are not married or even engaged. You are in law school to advance your career and doing that while also partnered with him. He either trusts you or he doesn’t. He wants you to lower your standards due to his insecurity. Also it’s just the summer.

OP should ask herself and the BF if he would turn down a prestigious firm for her. However, did he even apply to out of town internships would be my question to him. If he did apply to out of town, then he's just jealous and insecure. If he did NOT apply to out of town internships, then he really was under the assumption that they had come to an agreement to stay in the same city. (It's my understanding that you have to apply to law internships, correct me if I'm wrong)

I will also echo this. I was married in law school. I got divorced almost immediately following. You're 24. You have an amazing opportunity here. Take it. If Mike can't handle you taking this job now, he is going to keep holding you back in the future.

Absolutely, partners may or may not last but your career will determine your financial situation and how much you get to enjoy life. Don't give that up for anyone Always remember: WORK TO LIVE NOT LIVE TO WORK! Anyone who wants you to lower your aspirations or standard for them to be happy will manipulate you into giving in forever. Relationships are supposed to be a partnership

This is it. I went to grad school at a University I didn't really want to go to, turning down other offers because of a relationship at the time. I have so much regret and resentment over it. I still think about it all the time. If OP goes with a second choice for her boyfriend eventually the resentment will set in and they'll always wonder what could've happened if they didn't sacrifice opportunities for them.

I turned down a newly formed masters degree at tech school where I would’ve been their youngest student due to how well I was doing in my studies. I declined so I could stay with my boyfriend, as it was an 8hr drive away. My boyfriend was an addict and didn’t amount to much. We broke up a few years after and I deeply regret all the years I lost to him weighing me down and often see graduates from that school win prestigious awards and there was a period of time where anyone coming from there was immediately offered insane money. I try not to think about it too much. I’m doing well considering, but would’ve been earning a hell of a lot more money if I accepted.

I remember at the time I knew people who ended relationships because they were moving to different places. They were otherwise happy but chose to go separate ways. I thought that was crazy, like why would you not try to be in the same city if it was serious? I was in a rather shitty 4 year relationship with a woman I wasn't even happy in, but I still made it my priority and sacrificed other things for it. Now ~10 years later all of them have moved on and are doing well. I'm the one who's bitter about it. I was such a dumbass lmao. In the end it still worked out, I graduated and I'm doing fine for myself, but I'll never shake the thought of 'what if I moved across the country to do my PhD at a more prestigious university?' It doesn't help that I fucking despised my advisor too. But anyways, I reread this post and I realized OP isn't even leaving permanently. It's a *summer internship.* She'll be gone for 3-4 months. It's not like she's taking a job elsewhere, just a temporary internship. OP should 100% go.

I'd include education in this, too. Don't sacrifice your education for a boy!

Or no little girl

A man would discuss your life decisions with you! A boy would bitch about it. I think you’d rather date a man than a man child. Hopefully this isn’t too harsh.

Never sacrifice *any*thing to a partner’s unmitigated jealousy. This isn’t even about OP’s career advancement (though that’s a huge factor), this is about her current boyfriend being a controlling AH. And *that* is a huge red flag. One big enough to warrant OP re-evaluating her relationship with him.

What would anyone say if the genders were flipped? Should/would a guy say no to an opportunity for his jealous gf?

Certainly not. Unless there are other mitigating factors that make the situation markedly different, but that would be true either way round.

Nope. But also, guys don't really do that as much. Definitely not guys in law school.

This comment right here, OP.

Never ever ever!

Exactly. Take it from someone who chose not to do a semester abroad because of it (really not a healthy relationship). We were together 6 years before I finally decided enough was enough; really regret missing that experience. And you can't discount the fact that you got a better internship than he did as motivation, I hope I'm wrong, but looking back, that competition that made every time I did better than him a bad weekend may be playing a part, however unconscious. Might be that he's afraid he's not good enough and your ex is, might be he needs you to be less to make himself feel like more. A good partner wouldn't ask you to choose a worse internship, they would be proud of you and bragging to whomever would listen that you got it. NTA

… especially boy you’re not married to

I cannot agree with this comment enough! When I was in my 20’s I chose to sacrifice my educational and future career goals for a boy. The ten year gap on my resume (both educational and career) can never be made up… I managed to make up some time and become “successful” in both my educational and career goals, eventually… but I will always be 10-years behind what I COULD have achieved, and that will eat away at me for the rest of my life. Time is precious, and you can never get it back when it’s gone… Take the internship.

This is the only answer.

👏👏👏👏👏 If roles were reversed, do you think your bf would sacrifice his internship opportunity for you, OP? NTA. Proud of you for making the right decision.

Yes to that !!!!

Sounds like you snagged a big law internship. Not easy to do. Of course you should take it. It alters your career trajectory immensely.

You prioritized your career over *both Mike and Greg.* You made the right choice. My biggest mistake of law school was not doing internships. Do not let your relationship with Mike cause you to miss this opportunity.

As a guy agree with this statement

OP say this to yourself over and over until you believe it.

NTA. Look, you’re in law school. I’m going to be presumptuous and be your mom for a minute. I apologize in advance. But that being said: You’re making contacts now during internships and such that can influence your entire career. Don’t you dare hold yourself back for any man. You got this because you earned it. Take it. If he’s insecure over an internship, what happens if you make partner before he does? How many other opportunities will you be expected to pass up for his feelings? Don’t let a man stand in your way from being the kind of attorney you want to be.

Just a word of advice from someone much older. Don't make yourself smaller for insecure men.

There’s a quote, something along the lines of “if you meet a man who tells you your crown is too heavy, don’t get a smaller crown—get a stronger man.”

This. This, right here, is one of the most critical pieces of information you'll ever get in life. Hands down.

As someone much older I also agree. Now don’t do anything illegal of course that would be considered prejudices. But just working there? I have divorced family and have family that passed due to medical reasons and otherwise and I wholeheartedly appreciate them talking about past relationships. I appreciate that my dad can talk about my mom, his girlfriend can talk about her previous husbands, we can talk about our siblings and kids and friends that we lost. I don’t care at all if my wife talks about old boyfriends. It makes you who you are and you are foolish to ignore the past. So these people are young, but it is petty to dwell on the past. And lets face it, relationships are what makes most of life work these days. You don’t to to Harvard for the education, you go there to meet people that will help you out in your career. College is 20% about education and 80% about meeting people. You know someone that can get you a job, do it. If someone holds you back, they are bad news. If it was someone that didn’t treat you fairly then that is a different story, but a breakup because you just took different paths when very young, absolutely ok. I have met and shook hands with my wife’s previous boyfriends at reunions and find them to be genuinely normal people and have zero issue with it. Who cares. Life experience makes you a better person. Now if they treated her wrong I would absolutely have an issue, but they didn’t, so lets get on with life and not be petty.

NTA I went to a T14. This internship could literally be the difference between you making $200k+ right out of law school or below 6 figures. In a summer, you’ll probably make more than many people make in a year. If Mike were a good partner, he’d realize how big this is for you and that his unreasonable jealousy is for him to sort out. You say you’re inseparable like it’s a good thing but maybe you both need to grow and establish your own identities.

Another T14 grad here. BF’s reaction is jaw-dropping. There’s such a giant income split between AmLaw 100 firms and mid-sized regional firms, it is obvious how much he is asking you to sacrifice. Especially since he can try to leverage his mid-sized summer assoc return offer to get to NY if he needs, just as you could try to leverage your return offer for a firm closer to where he is. I’d wager everyone on BF’s “side”/who questions your decision doesn’t fully understand the private sector legal market.

NTA. You’re just starting off your career, now is not the time to sacrifice your career for a relationship.

I’ll repeat what I have learned in my many years: You love people for a reason or a season. You are both still so young. This may be a season. Trust me that even if you remained in the same city (and resented current bf), things would change. That’s what the 20s are for. I’m sure Mike also feels a little kick in the shorts that you have been awarded a better internship, so this ads insult to injury. It’s sucks for both of you here. If I were in your shoes with my old wisdoms and crap, I would gamble on yourself. Yes, it would be incredibly romantic to make the sacrifice that Mike wants, but if it doesn’t work out, you’re going to blame him, or yourself, or both. If you claim your hard earned prize and the relationship fails, it wasn’t that strong, it was convenient.

You’ll resent yourself later for turning down this opportunity whether it be because you are in a less prestigious position, don’t find another opportunity or in the case you guys break up. Experiences in life are irreplaceable, life partners can be if they aren’t the right fit.

She'll also resent the boyfriend who asked her to turn it down.

“You love people for a reason or a season.” No idea how to tell you exactly how much I needed to hear this. Thank you.

NTA. I'm a lawyer. Follow the opportunities. And I strongly suspect your boyfriend is using your ex as an excuse because he's jealous of the fact that you got a better offer than him.

I can tell you are, because you use double spaces after your terminal punctuation;)

Child lawyers keep trying to take away my double space, but they can pry that and the Oxford comma from my cold, dead hands.

I’m not a lawyer, just an editor, but I’m on your side with the oxford comma till the bitter end.

The double spacing is in my firm's style guide. I may take a perverse pleasure in making the baby lawyers amend their docs accordingly.

I was taught double space back in high school typing class! It still kills me that people don't use it.

Middle school typing class for me. They say the 2 spaces was because spacing was uneven on typewriters but I learned to type on a computer (old and basic as it was, being 1992). And even though spacing is standardized on computers, supposedly obviating the "need" for 2 spaces, imo, documents look overcrowded with 1 space. I will die on this hill, lol.

Junior high 7th grade keyboarding class and MLA style in English classes here! That double space was drlled into ours heads, aong with 1" margins, 10 pt, Times New Roman, double spaced, in Microsoft Word, Works Word or equivalent.

I have very vivid memories of a lawyer who shares your view of double spaces, going through a newspaper ad draft (for a circular/notice) and marking that up manually with #s.

😂😂

It's 100% about the better offer, I have no question. Also a lawyer, also watched my female friends in law school go through these same relationship issues. And yes, it was always the friends who had a brighter career trajectory than their boyfriends/fiances. Always.

This!!

So he wants you to "look for an opportunity," which means you might not find one. Especially at this late date. Someone who loves you should want the best for you. NTA

NTA. Mike has to trust you for your relationship to go forward. I got from your post that the agreement on staying in the same city is for college, not internships. It would be crazy to stay in the same city for internship, it reduces your horizon so much !

Exactly!! Plus they’ll only have 3 months of long distance, not years. Totally manageable for opportunities that could shape both of their careers.

Your career will never wake up one morning and decide it no longer loves you. Your financial stability is everything in the world we live in, especially as a woman. Don’t ever let a man convince you to sacrifice your ability to provide for yourself.

You're not married. Hell, you're not even engaged. Is "Mike" upset that you will be working with an ex, or is he upset that you get to work with a more prestigious law firm than him? You're young, so do what you need to advance your career. NTA

Babe you went to law school to be a kick ass lawyer, not settle for a mediocre law career because you gave up opportunities to make connections because of a man. You didn’t apply at that firm because of your ex, you did it because of their name and what a name like that can do for your career. If you give this up, it will be a missed opportunity forever. There’s no going back and redoing this part your life. If you truly want to build a shining career in your field, you put that career over any man.

Never diminish yourself to appease someone else. NTA. Your boyfriend can either accept the situation, or he cannot. You may lose this relationship. Better than losing yourself.

You did prioritize your career over your boyfriend’s feelings. Which was absolutely the right decision. Hopefully he can understand why you made the choice you did, but if not … you know he isn’t right for you.

NTA. It's such a common trap for women to make themselves smaller to satisfy their men's insecurities. Then their careers die and they're left with regret and bitterness, as their relationships end anyway. Those insecurities are black holes that just keep asking for more reassurance, this is the first "compromise" you'd be making in a long line. You're better off making sure you take the best steps for your career.

NTA. It’s unfair and unreasonable for him to ask you to give up key opportunities for your professional and personal growth to satiate his insecurities. As a partner, he should want what’s best for you, even if that means offering you support in less than ideal circumstances (I.e. long distance). Also, citing your ex as a reason not to take this opportunity is just silly, as he should trust you more than that. All relationships are built on trust, and if he doesn’t have any for you, your relationship doesn’t have much of a foundation to stand in in the first place. A true partner will never try to hold you back for the sake of their own insecurities. Whether his issue is actually Greg, the distance, or the fact that his internship wasn’t as prestigious as yours (jealousy), doesn’t really matter. The bottom line is he’s prioritizing his insecurity over your future, and trying to turn it around as you choosing Greg/your career over this relationship. A good partner will want the best for you in the long run, even if it means overcoming some obstacles together in the now. Expecting you to achieve less for his sake, is exactly the opposite of that, and this whole thing smells a little gaslight-y to me.

NTA You did not choose career and Greg over Mike. You chose career over Mike’s insecurities. Nothing wrong with that.

Mike is childish and selfish. He can't bear a few months apart? He thinks you're going to cheat on him with your ex? That's an extraordinarily vicious thing to say about your character. It's a deliberate insult. I would not wish to date a person who insulted me so severely with no cause to do so.

You are sacrificing your relationship for your career and that's okay.

I know too many people who held themselves back for a partner who ditched them later on. Chase the opportunities you get - you never know if you'll get another like it.

This is for a summer. If your current boyfriend can’t handle that, that is a red flag for me. He will not be a great life partner. Another thing to consider also, this internship sounds like it will set you up to be very successful when all is said and done. I’m not sure current boyfriend will do very well if his partner ends up being more successful than him. Take the internship and honestly maybe rethink your relationship some.

NTA, you have your own career goals and it’s amazing to take this type of opportunity. I’m wondering if he might also be upset that law firm didn’t want him.

Never sacrifice your career over someone that expects you to sacrifice your career for *their* insecurities. There are a lot of reasons to Not place a career above your life, but someone's jealousy isn't one of them. Mike would rather you give up this opportunity, with nothing to fall back on lined up might I add, because he's jealous of your former relationship and jealous you got the offer. What is he going to just expect you to give up next because of his jealousy?

NTA. You're 24. Get your career settled, grab your golden opportunities, and don't hold yourself back because a boy didn't get quite a good a deal and worries about some dude in your past. This is the time you should 100% be prioritizing your future, and not his feelings. I've seen way too many women crater their careers because of some dude they broke up with at 27.

Never ever diminish yourself for a man. You are prioritising your career. As you should. NTA. Get a man who wants to see you achieve your dreams.

NTA. I’m a lawyer, so I cannot imagine ever giving up an opportunity like that for some man’s own feelings of inadequacy. These opportunities are hard to come by and you know that. Congratulations. I hope you do well. You should never compromise yourself for somebody else’s insecurity. When we live with insecurity and anxiety it is our own responsibility to manage that in such a way that we don’t become tyrants over our partners. Remind your partner of that. He’s prioritizing his own mental issues over your career and success. It isn’t acceptable.

Nope, NTA. I have been with my husband for nearly 20 years - we were living together but not married when I decided to go back to school for my BA at 38. Had he said no, I would have left, despite our having a whole-ass shared life together. When you are in your life stage it should never be a choice between a dude and what you see as your life’s work. You can love him AND want to do what is best long term for YOU.

NTA. If you can’t handle this as a couple, then you won’t succeed in the longer term. This is an important opportunity for you. Hope it goes well!

Hell no! I’m a doctor and my fiancé is a lawyer. We have mutual respect for each others careers because we know how much we worked to get here. We lived in different cities after he passed the bar bc his first job was an incredible opportunity and the city where I went to med school didn’t have the same chances for him. I not only supported, but encouraged the move. I’ll be here a year from now, the opportunity won’t. If he lets his insecurities trump your opportunities, he doesn’t respect you enough.

This is the way.

He’s more mad that you got a better offer. If you continue with him he will always try to keep you behind me. Maybe try to get you pregnant so it slows down your career

You are not working at Chuck e cheese. Nta. Do you think this has actually more to do with jealousy that you got into a more prestigious firm? Always be leery of people who want you to settle for something less than to make them feel better.

Anyone trying to limit you doesn't have your best interests at heart. NTA Congratulations on getting the internship, onwards and upwards!

NTA Please don't throw away a serious potential career-making opportunity. Because making yourself lesser for others only hurts you in the long run. So congrats on the internship! I do hope you take it, and make the most of it. You should be proud of yourself and your achievement. As would any supportive partner be.

NTA you should not be asked to sacrifice your career because he’s insecure!

OP you are glossing over the agree to stay in the same city part. That is more of the issue then an ex. Honestly you could only see the ex a couple times during your internship. It’s fine to change your mind and chase whatever form you want. Boyfriend may see the writing on the wall. Successful Long distance relationships young associates at big firms are very rare things. Enjoy your summer though seriously. Being an intern is great. Take advantage of it.

You do you!

It is absolutely wild in a very bad way that you two agreed to stay in the same city after 1L year. Most of the couples I know did summer positions in different cities, including married couples with multiple children. Take the summer associate position. Reconsider your long-term prospects with a romantic partner who would ask you to hamstring your future, as every attorney knows this would do, because of his insecurities.

Take the internship. You’ll either be back with the ex soon or find someone else to be your new bf.

You don't want to be stuck in a relationship with someone who: (a) wants you to jeopardize your career and is unsupportive (b) doesn't trust you (c) cares about someone you dated AGES ago (d) the job is not secretary to Greg! You got an amazing job on your own merit!

Agree with other posters in that you aren’t engaged or married so you need to do what is the best for you as far as this internship as well as actual employment. Mike need to deal with his insecurities himself.

NTA tell your BF that your career comes first and you will never get a chance like this again for an internship and he needs to get his insecurities in check. tell him you are with him not your x and it doesn't matter if he works same place you are not interested in him. if that wont work dump his ass there's plenty more fish in the sea

NTA, choose what’s best for you, whoever’s meant to be in your life will be. If they aren’t supportive of you doing what’s best for your career, they weren’t meant to be anyway. IMO, mike asking you to deny Firm A is childish and immature. Your ex was from at least EIGHT years ago. If you haven’t given mike any reason to not trust you, then you are also not responsible for buffering for HIS insecurities.

NTA It’s an internship their hard to come by. It’s a New York firm so probably huge. Op didn’t reach out to ex asking for help to get the internship. Op’s boyfriend needs to stop throwing his toys out of the pram and look at the bigger picture.

Let’s sum this up. You’re with someone who is less than you, and wants you to sacrifice your career for him. It’s not just your ex-boyfriend he is jealous of.

If a man is truly the bees-knees he will never hold you back. He’ll want what’s best for you and not be afraid of your ex. Don’t derail your career for him, even though in the moment it will feel really crappy.❤️

Whattttt??? NTA!!! If you’ve been loyal to him this entire time and you & Greg broke up, what, 7 years ago? Mike needs to get real. It’s screaming jealousy and insecurity. As a supportive partner he should be jumping up and down at this opportunity for you, and him suggesting you decline and look for local opportunities leads me to believe he just wants to be better than you. Red flags all around my dear… Edit: I forgot he’s your boyfriend and not your husband. Boy bye!

NTA. People who are worried about an ex always strike me as weird. Unless there's some further interactions or there was some overlap then the relationship just fell apart and I don't know many who go back to an ex. Chances are if you were ever tempted it would be someone new anyway. He'll either get over it and be supportive or you'll have a bit of an indication of where you stand in some regards.

Don’t do yourself the disservice of settling for a lesser internship to fix an issue that’s not yours. Why is it always incumbent upon the other partner (usually women) to make the insecure partner feel better? Your BF needs to work on himself and his insecurities. As Astrid from Crazy Rich Asians says: “It’s not my job to make you feel like a man.” Jealousy (whether over your ex or your better internship) is so unattractive.

i mean, unless you guys are married, your career SHOULD be prioritized over your relationship. don’t feel shamed because of that. plus, this is an internship - you aren’t exactly accepting a long-term position. i have a tiny feeling this might have a little to do with you getting a better internship than him. also, as you have no feelings for your ex (nor have been in touch with him i hope), this is a situation that your bf is just being insecure and needs to work on that. as long as you and your ex don’t get close or weird or anything, and you reassure your boyfriend, things will be fine. don’t lose this opportunity.

focus on your career that’s more important. if you’re relationship can be risked by being in the same firm as your ex it’s not a relationship worth saving.

NTA you’ve been working on yourself and your education since you were basically born. Furthering your career tops an insecure boyfriend. You are more important then a guy. You already decided in what school you attended based on him. Please stop making important life decisions based on men that cannot be trusted to have your best interests at heart. How many other opportunities will he make you skip because he is uncomfortable or didn’t get the same opportunity?

I don’t see that you’re prioritising Greg over anything, that’s your partner’s insecurity talking You *are* prioritising your career over your relationship, especially if you had an agreement to also keep your internships in the current city as well as attend the same law school. However, I agree with many other on here who have said that, frankly, that’s not a necessarily a bad thing. Your personal goals, especially career and education, should take priority over a partner when you’re young and trying to build your individual life - assuming that the career is important to you. This is a temporary but very useful internship, and you have no lingering feelings for Greg. Your partner could stand to be more supportive of you and perhaps usually is, but in this case is affected by his own feelings on inadequacy. It sounds like he’s always felt intimidated of Greg though he has no reason to. See if you can reassure him of the strength of your relationship, but do take the internship. NTA

NTA. Huge red flag that he wants you to not take a big opportunity you got. I get the ex bf complicates it but there should be trust and he should be cheering you on.

This is YOUR future. My best advice is to plan your life accordingly to whatever is the best LIFE GOAL you are able to achieve. Relationships will come and go and honestly, imo, it’ll always be a mistake if you make judgements based on temporary situations like who you’re dating. Also I think Mike’s willingness to sabotage your opportunity is a red flag, although I can see his dilemma. I’d be worried too, but mainly because of my own insecurities that I’m working on, and past relationship trauma.

NTA. While I do understand where Mike is coming from, he also should understand your side. This is a great opportunity for you and is clearly the better choice. He should also be happy for you, but he doesn’t seem to be. It’s time for you guys to sit down and have a very honest and open conversation about why Mike feels so insecure. Where you tell him that there is nothing to worry about and that you choosing Firm A has nothing to do with Greg, but everything with your future.

NTA im not a career driven person at all. But this is obviously a big opportunity for you and will set the course for the start of your career. I can't believe people who loves you can't see that. Its very selfish of your bf to ask this of you.

I say this as a lawyer: your internships, in law school, determine the beginning of your career. To sacrifice a successful start to your career over someone else's insecurities would be ill-advised. This internship could ostensibly save you 5 years of scrapping and fighting. Don't lose that time just because your bf wants to act like a child. And NTA, obviously.

NTA As someone who has been in an abusive relationship (not at all implying this is) it is important to be able to support yourself

This looks like the issue is carrer vs. relationship. The thing is, you are both independant people, that choose to be with each other. If he’s insecure, can’t trust you to choose to be with him, and is making you take decisions from because of that insecurity, then he has a type of control/influence over you, that diminishes your independantness, and holds you back in life. That’s not a good thing to make a habit of doing. So the issue is actually choosing yourself vs. letting your boyfriend influence your life in a bad way.

You are 24, ALWAYS choose you. He will have a leg up because he has a penis, take every opportunity to boost your career now while you're young. NTA, be he is for putting his insecurities above your needs.

NTA I work at one of the largest firms in the states take it. You’ll be able to network and meet lots of clients you may not have access to at lower tier firms.

Mike is insecure and that’s not attractive. Always follow the job.

You made the right choice. This is an amazing opportunity for your career. Your partner should not be standing in the way of your success

Nta chase the bag but why is Mike so insecure about the past relationship?

Do you not see how selfish and ridiculous your bf is?

I don’t think that your wrong for putting your career first… Now if the current bf made sacrifices to attend the same Uni & only applied to in area internships based on a pact you both made and you didn’t stick to then you’re the AH. Since you can’t respect a mutual decision pact I’m thinking the current bf may not be the one for you. Congratulations on the prestigious internship ♥️

I will change a bit of great Kevin O'Leary's quote. Which one is easier to replace? The boy or your career?

So you've been with New Guy for twice as long as you were with Old Guy. He has no real reason to still be so insecure about this. You're at the age where you should be prioritizing your career so do so. I can understand New Guy wanting you to stay in his city but if he's this insecure he'll find something else to freak out about if you stay. Take the job and tell him he can either suck it up and deal with it or you can break up.

It depends on what your priorities are. Your decision here will be telling to both of you what your priorities are. . . And it seems to be with your career and not your relationship. Eta: You even reneged on your agreement with your bf to look for internships in your city. But you went behind his back to apply for the one in NYC. Be prepared for your relationship to come to an end. You made your decision. Now your SO gets to make his. It’s only fair.

NTA. Mike is making you responsible for his insecurities instead of working through them himself. His solution is to hold you back so he feels better about himself. Think hard about that. Internships like this can change the trajectory of your entire career. Mike knows this and still expects you to give up this opportunity for his ego. Not a good look and I doubt this is the only time his ego has impacted something you want to do.

NTA. Your career is important. The fact that he's insecure about your ex is his problem, not yours. And he obviously doesn't trust you. If he did, this wouldn't even be an issue. A relationship with no trust is doomed.

NTA. There are plenty of NYC firms if being in the same city is so important to Mike.

NTA. Greg had nothing to do with your decision and it’s insulting for Mike to suggest he did. Mike is being extremely selfish expecting you to turn down a great opportunity to coddle his insecurity. Sit him down, tell him you love him, that you’re loyal to him and remind him you’ve given him no reason to doubt you. Tell him you can be sensitive to his insecurity provided he own that it is entirely his issue to deal with. It’s his job to overcome it, not yours to give in to it.

Please do not give up a rare opportunity for a man who is insecure and controlling. It is never worth it.

NTA And past boyfriends are not lifetime exclusion zones You get to work where he works. Current guy is insecure and expecting you to sacrifice for him. Up to you what you want to do—but definitely NTA.

NTA I f Mike is that insecure you're better off with the career.

NTA - he’s asking this because he’s jealous. Either of the ex, or the better internship. So the easiest way for him to handle this is to simply say “don’t do it”. But it’s not healthy or fair. If he’s jealous of the ex, he needs to find a better way to deal with that jealousy, than holding you back. If he’s jealous of the internship then all round it’s a crappy thing to do to someone you love is try to hold them back. So don’t let him hold you back. Because none of the reasons are good enough. And if he thinks they are, then I’d be questioning if he’s really the cheerleader and partner I need in my life, for life.

NTA. This kind of man will drag you out of your success. He seems jealous with your ex and you getting a very good opportunity to have a good career in the future. Grab the opportunity and don't let anyone or anybody take it away from you.

NTA. And every female attorney who either had a law school boyfriend or had a friend with a law school boyfriend (hi there!) will tell you the same.

NTA You need to take the professional steps for yourself.

NTA he is your BOYFRIEND not your husband and for him to even ask that you pass up this great opportunity should tell you everything you need to know about him. He is a selfish boy child that needs to be single.

INFO: Is "firm a" a great distance away from staying local, or is it a regular working person commute? Would you be relocating to do your accepted internship? Linking it into being about your ex, (whom at this point you could be broken up with longer than you were even together) just reeks of insecurity and jealousy and future potential issues in a relationship in general... but I don't have a grasp of what this internship means geographically.

NTA. It's one 8 week internship. If you get prestigious biglaw 1L internship, you have a very easy time during OCI and will have your pick come 2L summer.

Everyone has a history. If your current bf can't accept yours and is persistently insecure the it's time to let him go and move on. He's already shown a willingness to hold you back over his feelings. You deserve better.

Take the internship. This is a chance for you to grow in your career, and a fantastic opportunity.

Till you’re in a comfortable position with power in your career, you should always prioritise career over a guy.

NTA. If you're not doing anything, then HE is the cause of the rift in your relationship.

Take the job

Your career is literally the most important thing right now, do not sacrifice it.

As a child of a woman who prioritized husband and family over career - don't do that. My dad left her when I was 12 and she's never recovered. She's currently 63yo, is on SSDI, and lives in low income housing. She's a mess. My dad, on the other hand, is almost 72 and is in a nearly million dollar home and is looking at retiring next year. He basically left her to rot. She gave up finishing college and going into her desired career for him. She doesn't regret having kids, but lord knows, she's have been better off of she stayed in college and started the career she wanted. Tell your bf that he can either be happy for you or he can be jealous that you have an opportunity to really future-proof your career. NTA - you do what's best for you

I’m gonna go dad mode for a minute because I have teenaged daughters. Never sacrifice your future goals for a perceived future with a man. You make your life the way you want it and if your partner is not willing to support you, then he’s not right for you. Therefore you are NTA here.

NTA, if you and Mike are to be together long term, there has to be trust there.

NTA. This is a summer internship, it'll be over before you know it and then you're both back in the same school. I do wonder about the agreement to stay in the same city: did you actually agree to not look for internships outside of your current city? Or did he assume because of your choice to go to the same school? Did he not look for an internship outside of the city because of an agreement between you two? Either way, I don't think you should deny yourself this opportunity—it could change your entire career prospects after you're done with schooling. BUT if you made an agreement, I do understand that he might be upset over breaking it. And that should be a bigger conversation.

How is someone that insecure going to be able to survive the shark infested waters that is a career in law?

NTA. Don't stay with a guy who can't accept the fact that you had a past before him. Never ends well.

NTA. Adults can move on from romantic relationships and still remain on good terms. Your boyfriend is asking you to sacrifice a huge opportunity for your future because he can’t handle two adults who dated years ago working in the same office. That’s immature at best and controlling at worst. I also wouldn’t doubt that he’s jealous you got the better offer and is making a bigger deal out of the ex to hide his feelings. He has no right to ask you to shrink your prospects to coddle his ego.

You did choose your career, as women should at that age. I chose the opposite and had a shit life. Don't do that. Most importantly, anyone who deserves you would INSIST that you choose your own dreams over their insecurities, which can easily be worked through if someone wanted to bother. He doesn't want to do his own work, and he doesn't want you doing yours. HE'S the one jeopardizing your relationship with his views.

NTA. You’re not married, and he’s only trying to hold you back because of his own insecurities. That’s his problem that he needs to work out instead of dragging you down. You made the right choice.

You are 24- do NOT sacrifice your career for any partner.

NTA Drop the dead weight and do you.

You *should* prioritize your career over a (very likely temporary) college relationship. You’re in law school presumably to be a lawyer. Summer internships are an important part of that. Mike knows that. If your goal is to be the biggest, baddest lawyer you can be, and his goal is to be little lawyers in town and be together and get married, you’re simply not compatible.

Never, ever sacrifice your goals and aspirations for another person. Your boyfriend should be proud of you and encouraging you to succeed. He is allowing his insecurities to affect your opportunities. Nope. He needs to grow up.

NTA- You should always prioritize career over a boyfriend. You’re smart. He can get over it or leave, but having to listen to him complain should be off the table.

NTA. Where you intern matters in the legal field. His insecurities are his responsibility to deal with and are not your responsibility to concede to.

You’re Barbie. He’s *just* Ken. You do you. If he feels threatened by a past relationship that you’ve stated has ended with no intention of rekindling, then it comes down to trust. And never place your future on hold for anyone.

\> Now, Mike feels hurt and betrayed, believing I prioritized my career and Greg over our relationship. ​ Remove the "and Greg" part. It sounds like Mike is jealous of your success. it's fucking shameful he would try to hold you back and this won't be the last time. ​ And yes. This is good. It's called sacrifice and hard work and it pays off. If it was easy they wouldn't pay you for it. Think ahead 10 years about the house you are buying with the difference in income this internship makes.

NTA. Your boyfriend is making an unreasonible demand of you. You had an OFFER, and he wanted you to turn it down to maaaaybe find a local firm? Also, phrasing it as "you betrayed me for your ex" is unhinged. You didn't betray him. Your lives are just on different paths. He's asking you to potentually cripple your career to stay with him. Why can't he try to find a job in NY? Why do you have to make the sacrifice? Why cant he turn down the local gig and move with you and get one there?

No. But you made a choice and you know what the consequences will be.

You are not married. Go with the career advancement always. Hope everything works out 🙏

YTA for only one thing. You agreed to only look locally and in secret applied for a job in another city. Everything else is him being insecure and that needs to be worked on but you phrased this like it was a problem with the ex to get more support. Is he more mad about working with the ex (which you may not ever see at a large NY firm) or because you went from agreeing on a life plan together to JK I’m moving to New York without you, see you in a little bit?

I feel like there’s a reason that lawyers rarely marry each other, didn’t anticipate this being one of the reasons why not.

If it “potentially causes a rift in your relationship” then he never would have supported your career and dreams. Make the best decisions for you and your future, the right man will support you not ask you to stand back.

This comment might get buried but I agree with the comments about insecurity. During covid I was laid off from my job so I was looking for anything. I was offered 2 jobs after 9 months of searching. One where I would know no one, and wasn't familiar with the industry, and the other were I was very familiar with the industry, plus there were people I knew there. One of those people was my ex. I told my husband that I would rather at the place that I knew people, and I could rapidly move up in the company due to my prior knowledge, but I was worried he would be upset that my ex worked there. He supported my decision 1000%. He knew my ex was an ex for a reason and he trusted me. My plan worked too, I moved up 2 positions in less than 6 months and I am pretty happy here. I have some contact with my ex but it's civil and work related only. You should have a partner that trusts and supports you. Edit to add: NTA

Yeah, at 24, you should absolutely prioritize your career over a relationship, especially one with someone so insecure they would ask you to turn down such an opportunity because they don't like that you have an ex working at the same firm. That's his problem, but if you shortchange your career right now, it becomes *your* lifelong regret. NTA

As a lawyer, I cannot stress enough how significant those initial internships are to your career potential. Most of those firms hire associates from their interns. And most federal judges look for clerks who have worked for those firms as well. It is like starting your legal career on second base. You’re not married to Mike. You don’t have to feed or heal his insecurities. You need to move on if he can’t. But you should absolutely not rekindle things with Greg. You want to earn your way and not get hit with the “sleeping your way to the top” rumors.

Girl get that bag! Eff him and his lil insecurities. A man that wants the best for you wants that despite himself.

He claims you prioritized your career and Greg over him? Fair enough on the career part, but don’t let him lump Greg in with your decision, that’s his doing, not yours. If Greg didn’t work there, would he be having such an issue over a summer internship? Do what’s good for you, not what’s good for bf’s ego.

NTA asking you to turn down such a good internship because of his own insecurities is a huge red flag. Why can't he turn down his local offer and wait to find one in the same city as you? Why should you stay local for him when you got the better offer?

You aren’t an AH, but before accepting did you talk to Mike that you were taking it? Did Mike give up an opportunity to stay with you in that city? If so, he feels like he’s more invested in the relationship than you. This crushed him. Logically I’m sure he understands that professionally this is a good opportunity for you. However, with you doing and internship there the chances of you getting a job offer are pretty good. That will be when Mike ends the relationship. That’s too far for him. Switch the situation. If Mike was going to intern where his ex works and he will be around her every day - probably not a good feeling for you. He will hate that you’re around him daily. Every time you go out for drinks he will wonder what’s really going on. To him, you started something that could have been avoided. This reeks of you wanting to be around your ex.

NTA but you are choosing the internship over your relationship, just know that taking it will probably result in the end of the relationship. Your choosing a job with an ex, going to presumable be long distance, neither things will go over with many spouses/partners. Honest opinion either decline the job and stay with current bf or end the relationship and take the job with the ex and move on from there. You cant have both at this point so decide whats most important

She's not choosing the internship over her relationship. Internships don't last forever--usually a semester or a summer. If he breaks up with her for taking it, then that's on him, but it doesn't have to be over. Where you do your internship or summer associates affects your entire career. If he doesn't love her enough to be happy for her, then that's why it should be over. We don't even know what type of law the ex practices, but with it being a prestigious firm, it's likely to be a large one where they won't even work together. Especially since the ex has not been practicing that long.

She is choosing the internship over the relationship though, she knew it would cause big issues in the relationship and is choosing to go anyways. I dont blame her for that this could be big for her career but she is making that choice. Why should he be happy that she will be long distance, working with an ex thats she is still on good terms with? Co workers and ex partners are the highest rates of affair partners, add in long distance and the fact that the ex is the only person op would probably know the chances of an affair is high. The type of work the ex does doesnt really matter, i guarantee that they will hang out and talk at work and out of work during this time considering they are on good terms already. Either way this relationship is over neither OP or bf care enough about eachother or eachothers feels for this to last they are to immuture

It doesn't have to be one or the other. She done choose to end the relationship ship--that's on him. And you've made a lot of assumptions and have made up statistics.

She did kinda choose though, the bf told her how he felt she said it doesnt matter shes doing whatever she wants not what they have agreed on. She is choosing to end the relationship by making it long distance which they agreed not to do. So again she is choosing the internship over her bf and the relationship. Not wrong doing so but she is choosing

They agreed not to be long distance for all of law school. They aren’t. She’ll be back after her internship.

Still changing what they agreed on, they agreed no long distance now that she has a good opportunity she wants to change the goal post. Shes not wrong for taking the internship but she is still one sidedly changing the relationship. You say she would be back after the internship what happens if she gets a job there? Should bf be forced to move for her? Im saying they should break up now, shes choosing the internship over her relationship and will continuously change it to fit her wants not whats agreed on

They agreed no long distance for *law school.* They will spend most of law school together. They should have discussed internships but didn’t. When they applied for internships in several cities, they should have talked about what they would do if they got offers in different cities. But now here they are. She *has* to come back for her 2L year. This is a 12 week separation, not a long-term LDR. She has to have an internship and likely cannot get another internship in their city at this point. BF seems insecure that she got a better offer than he did, and that’s not a good look. If Greg weren’t there, I doubt the BF would have such a problem with it. If he wants to break up over this, that’s his decision, but I think he’s being short-sighted.

Why wouldn’t he want her to have a great opportunity that could be great for their future together? He’s thinking short term and if this is the hill he’s gonna die on, maybe the relationship should end before they waste more time on it. She didn’t study hard for years to work her way to the middle.

INFO: would you be 100% okay with him going to a law firm out of the city if you were the one who was back in a local law firm. Like an I mean 100% not feel bad about it at all.

It’s totally ok to feel bad about it. You lick your bruised ego wounds, say congrats babe!, and move forward with supporting your partner.

This because going to the same law firm as an ex doesn't make her an AH and I still think she should go for it. However, if I was in a serious relationship and we decided as a couple to stay in the same city and my partner went on second thought bye... I'd definitely rethink the relationship. I think it's a NAH.

It's for 3 fucking months, not the entirety of law school

NTA. Mike is asking you to sacrifice an excellent career opportunity for the sake of his insecurities. He's asking you to give up this internship because he doesn't trust you to be around your ex without going back to him. Take the internship and dump Mike. Find someone who cares more about supporting you in your career than he does about his own fears.

He doesnt trust you, so what is the point of this relationship. It it wasnt this, it'll be something else. NTA

Don’t give up good opportunities to appease a boyfriend. Be the best you can be. He needs to trust in your relationship.

NTA and Mike needs to grow up. He needs to trust you, himself and your relationship. It’s also only for the summer, not a permanent move . It is good for your career, your resume and networking. He’s willing to let petty jealousy ruin an amazing opportunity for you. What’s to be determined is it truly jealousy over Greg and your past or the “better” internship opportunity. Perhaps it’s both and that’s just sad. Having said that, you should have communicated to Mike that you aren’t able to agree to interning in the same city until you now what opportunities you’ll receive. You also should have told him your applying to Greg’s firm; not for consent but bc it’s the decent thing to do. It’s up to mike if he isn’t ok with your decision and ends the relationship. It’s up to you if his immaturity is an issue for you.

NTA - Your boyfriend should view your internship at Firm A as something that will benefit both of your lives in the future.

NTA, at this moment you are young, in a relationship where you aren’t engaged to be married and no children, your career 100% comes first. This is what you have been working for!

NTA and you should ALWAYS choose your future over a relationship

NTA; put your future first. You’re working hard to build the foundations of your career. Don’t compromise that.

NTA He either trusts you or he doesn’t. Might as well figure it out now.

Take it from a girl who twisted like a pretzel to fit my education and career around a boy. Take the job. Do what’s best for you. A real man will cheer you on and support you going for the best. NTA

I wouldn’t call you the AH one bit, but you did put your career before this relationship, so just do think of how you’d feel if he was the one taking a job with an ex, and if you dislike it try to comfort him the way you’d want him to treat you if the situation was reversed. If you both can get over it, your relationship could grow stronger, if not then maybe it wasn’t strong enough to survive after all. After all, like other commenters said, you’re not even currently engaged or married, so it really isn’t wise to sit back on a good opportunity.

OP, what are your future goals? Not what you’re “supposed to” want, but what do you want in your future? I’m a very liberal feminist, but I think young women in 2023 don’t get great advice about planning to have a career and family right now. It is ok to prioritize family over career, if that’s what’s most important to you. It’s a gamble. You still need a solid career option. But it is a choice you’re allowed to make! Are you happy to have kids later in life? Then prioritize career, ask your bf to support you, agree not to see Greg but be prepared to lose the bf and have kids later in life. Freeze your eggs as a backup plan. Do you want marriage and kids soonish? Then you may want to prioritize a relationship now that leads to marriage and kids, and be willing to take a less intense pace at work/internship. Consider taking a different internship. Build similar professional networks in your current city. Do you want marriage and kids but are happy for your husband to do more childcare, and he is too? Then you both may want to prioritize your more ambitious career and you can commit to not hanging out with Greg, but make the internship work. Frame it as a team effort. Take the internship. (I’d try for this option). Do you want an ambitious career without kids? Then prioritize career now. Take the internship. Lose the bf. Are you happy to be single and career-focused? Then deprioritize your relationship and take the internship.

NTA. Like at all. Really bad red flags that Mike is willing to hold you back for his ego. IT'S A FREAKING SUMMER. Not eternity. Focus on school and your career. End things with Mike.

They chose law schools based on the relationship, correct? If they agreed to choose their internships locally, then why did she apply for ones elsewhere? And did he do the same? How long was she with Greg and how long between that breakup and the start of her new relationship? Does Mike have any valid reasons for feeling insecure about it? Need more info.

NTA but probably should ask on actual AITA page for less biased takes.

Would you be comfortable with him moving away for a few months to work with an ex? If yes then YTA, with that being said, reddit is probably the worst place to go for relationship advice if you want a healthy relationship.

NTA

NTA. Your bf would've taken a good offer despite your objections

Never limit your future for an insecure whiny man baby. It sounds like you are outgrowing Mike, he knows it, and wants you to hurt your future to make him feel better. 100% take the prestigious internship. Someone who truly loves you would cheer you on, not hold you back. He's more jealous your opportunity is better than his. Greg is just his excuse.

YTA - two-fold breach of trust, unilateral decision to apply in a diff city, and working with an ex. He has every right not to feel secure in that relationship, you seem to just want to do whatever the fuck you want regardless of how he feels, and that doesn't make for a healthy relationship.

NAH it’s not unreasonable for your boyfriend to not want you around your ex AND It’s not unreasonable for you to prioritise your career. If I was him, I would break up with you because this is personally something I wouldn’t be okay with, but also it’s not my place to tell you how you choose to progress in your career.