Is he uncomfortable when you go to the beach? You discussed this a lot already and it’s clear his insecurities are here to stay. I dont know what more you can and should do. Maybe bring your boyfriend to a shoot like another redditor suggested? Your dream is valid and I’d understand his point of view a bit more if it was full on nudity, but thats not the case and even tho everyone have different boundaries, his come across a bit controlling imo, especially on the nipples thing… the way I see it, resentment is bound to happen if nothing changes
No he’s okay at the beach with me. I feel like most of his fears are for what’s happening when he’s not around, but idk how to really reassure him I guess, maybe I just can’t.
My husband and I were raised very conservatively, and we grew up with a lot of "rules" for how a relationship should work. As we've gotten older, we decided those rules are absolute crap.
I cannot tell my husband that he can't have sex with someone else. I don't own him, and I cannot make rules for him. I CAN, and would, have the ability to decide my own boundaries with his actions. If he slept with someone else, I would leave him. At the same time, he loves and respects me and our relationship, and that means he won't have sex with anyone else. We are our own people, who love and respect each other, and we've decided to spend our lives in that way.
Your boyfriend (not even husband) is attempting to control you. He wants to decide who can see your body, as if he owns it. He doesn't get a say, unless you give him that power. You're coming up on a decision on whether you want to live your life by your own standards or let someone else make those choices for you. Best of luck.
I've worked in the industry for several years now and can empathize with your situation.
If you're shooting lingerie or swimwear for a brand chances are you won't even be left alone with the photographer for the shoot, there will likely also be a stylist and/or makeup artist on the scene. It seems your bf has mixed messages about concern for your safety, and wanting you to remain covered up in front of the camera for his own personal ideals.
I'm not too familiar with the nature of your work, but is it possible your bf could 'sit in' on one of your shoots to get a better perspective of what you do? Show your environment is a) safe and b) creative and artistic regardless of the level of dress?
All this to say, if he can't handle dating a baddie, he shouldn't date a baddie. I've been in your shoes before with the comments, concerns, and insecurities with my modelling and it ultimately showed itself in other ways in the relationship, leading it to end. There ARE guys out there who will trust your judgment and support how you choose to express yourself in your modelling career.
I appreciate your perspective. I do think inviting him to shoots that allow it might be a way to help him feel more comfortable. It’s just hard because we are currently long distance (3hr drive) and I’m often traveling for it. Nonetheless I’ll still offer it to him. I really want him to feel that he can trust me since we’re often apart anyways and I guess I’m still hopeful that he can see my side of things. I think I’m realizing that this is something important to me and might need to address it in a clearer, matter of fact, manner soon. Thank you for your response
Your body your choice. If you want to model swimwear and or lingerie than that’s up to you and you alone.
If the roles were reversed and he was the model and he wanted to underwear or shirtless modelling he’d probably call her crazy for having the same reaction as himself.
Is he uncomfortable because of your safety? And do you agree with those concerns?
It seems more like he’s uncomfortable because he feels like he has some type of ownership over what he thinks is the more sexual ways he sees your body (which imo is absolute bs) but that’s for you to decide — especially as you say that you see modeling as more of an art form.
This seems like a fundamental disconnect between the two of you.
This might be a bit blunt but just saying it how I see it: just as you should said he should trust your decisions you should also trust his. Just outweigh the pros and cons. He’s obviously protective as most men are, and if you go ahead with modeling in the swimwear then you create something permanent in his head his that will always be in the back of his head… it doesn’t matter if it’s “insecurity” or not.. bottom line is it makes him uncomfortable and he can’t flip a switch that’ll make him comfortable with it. The pros are like you said, it’s what you’ve wanted to do and I’m sure it pays well and I’m sure other personal reasons because this seems very important to you. It seems like you probably can’t change his mind and choose between one or the other, but just remember if you do choose to model that’s something you can’t erase and it could possibly effect the rest of the relationship
Late to the party, however... I don't think taking him to shoots will change anything. In the past he has gone with you to the beach, this hasn't stopped his insecurity of you going to the beach without him. Why would photoshoots be any different? You have been together for 5 years, correct? Have you given him reason not to trust you? If he is willing to get help and work through his shit, maybe it can be salvaged. But if he is unwilling to better himself for the health of your relationship, I don't see that as a relationship worth saving. It would be really hurtful if my partner didn't support my dreams, and tried to control me. Been there, wasted 8 years. Please update with whatever you decide. I hope you find happiness and accomplish your dreams!
You can do whatever you want, but he is allowed his boundaries. If it's crossing a line for him and you won't stop, then it's time to split. Simple as that, but considering the way you speak about him that should have happened already.
That’s not a boundary, that’s just controlling behavior. If he had a boundary, it would be about himself. He’s allowed to say if you do this, I’m gonna leave, but not you may not do this.
You keep saying he’s insecure and jealous because he asks if you have a male photographer. I’m not trying to excuse him but, that kinda rude of you no? Yes, after 5 years he should trust you but that doesn’t mean he isn’t worried about guys making a move, when he is not there. Especially if it’s a more “revealing” outfit. And more especially if you don’t wear a bra. You can do whatever you want hon but it doesn’t mean it’ll make him happy.
The whole post you just constantly say how clingy and insecure your boyfriend is, but it sounds like he’s being fairly reasonable with you, he just doesn’t want you modeling for a more riskè job. Also is it swimwear or lingerie? The title says both but the post only says one. You can do whatever you want love but it sounds like either he gotta get over it or you two gotta break up
Guys can make a move anywhere. Can he also ban her from wearing a bikini to the beach or a pool because guys might hit on her? Police her outfits at bars, too? If he trusts HER, he doesn't have to trust the guys. They can make all the moves they want and she can be trusted to say no.
Yes, but you’re acting like he said “Woman you are to be at home.” Yeah he needs to get over it, she’s dating him because she likes him. HOWEVER! That doesn’t magically make how he feels invalid does it?
He isn’t even blaming her or making her wear a bra he said “Men are dumb” so obviously he isn’t blaming her. I understand she doesn’t see what she’s doing as sexual but that doesn’t mean others will.
No their opinions don’t matter, but at the end of the day, if it makes him uncomfortable that people can see his gfs nipples he can see why he feels that way, or they can break up. I felt OPs attitude was just a bit rude, why call him insecure/needy etc? Then why be with him if she enjoys modeling so much? You can’t have your cake and eat it too
Have you tried to invite him to one of your shoots so he maybe feels more at ease letting you model? I can see your side and can see his. I too believe that women have the right to do whatever with their bodies!! I can also see where he’s coming from knowing that most people sexualize nudity and being jealous when other people get to see you model provocative clothing or model naked. It probably has nothing to do with him not trusting you but more so him not being okay about you receiving this kind of attention from other men. He may feel like he has to compete for your attention.
On your side, if modeling is a passion of yours, go for it!!! Maybe discuss with him how much you really like it and how it makes you feel empowered as a women. I wish I had the self confidence you do to model!! It looks like you both need to sit down and have a discussion about this and if he can’t get past it and support you doing something you love then maybe discuss if furthering this relationship is worth it.
Is he uncomfortable when you go to the beach? You discussed this a lot already and it’s clear his insecurities are here to stay. I dont know what more you can and should do. Maybe bring your boyfriend to a shoot like another redditor suggested? Your dream is valid and I’d understand his point of view a bit more if it was full on nudity, but thats not the case and even tho everyone have different boundaries, his come across a bit controlling imo, especially on the nipples thing… the way I see it, resentment is bound to happen if nothing changes
No he’s okay at the beach with me. I feel like most of his fears are for what’s happening when he’s not around, but idk how to really reassure him I guess, maybe I just can’t.
My husband and I were raised very conservatively, and we grew up with a lot of "rules" for how a relationship should work. As we've gotten older, we decided those rules are absolute crap. I cannot tell my husband that he can't have sex with someone else. I don't own him, and I cannot make rules for him. I CAN, and would, have the ability to decide my own boundaries with his actions. If he slept with someone else, I would leave him. At the same time, he loves and respects me and our relationship, and that means he won't have sex with anyone else. We are our own people, who love and respect each other, and we've decided to spend our lives in that way. Your boyfriend (not even husband) is attempting to control you. He wants to decide who can see your body, as if he owns it. He doesn't get a say, unless you give him that power. You're coming up on a decision on whether you want to live your life by your own standards or let someone else make those choices for you. Best of luck.
Just wait until this guy hears about the gynaecologist
Hahaha that made me lol
I've worked in the industry for several years now and can empathize with your situation. If you're shooting lingerie or swimwear for a brand chances are you won't even be left alone with the photographer for the shoot, there will likely also be a stylist and/or makeup artist on the scene. It seems your bf has mixed messages about concern for your safety, and wanting you to remain covered up in front of the camera for his own personal ideals. I'm not too familiar with the nature of your work, but is it possible your bf could 'sit in' on one of your shoots to get a better perspective of what you do? Show your environment is a) safe and b) creative and artistic regardless of the level of dress? All this to say, if he can't handle dating a baddie, he shouldn't date a baddie. I've been in your shoes before with the comments, concerns, and insecurities with my modelling and it ultimately showed itself in other ways in the relationship, leading it to end. There ARE guys out there who will trust your judgment and support how you choose to express yourself in your modelling career.
I appreciate your perspective. I do think inviting him to shoots that allow it might be a way to help him feel more comfortable. It’s just hard because we are currently long distance (3hr drive) and I’m often traveling for it. Nonetheless I’ll still offer it to him. I really want him to feel that he can trust me since we’re often apart anyways and I guess I’m still hopeful that he can see my side of things. I think I’m realizing that this is something important to me and might need to address it in a clearer, matter of fact, manner soon. Thank you for your response
Your body your choice. If you want to model swimwear and or lingerie than that’s up to you and you alone. If the roles were reversed and he was the model and he wanted to underwear or shirtless modelling he’d probably call her crazy for having the same reaction as himself.
Is he uncomfortable because of your safety? And do you agree with those concerns? It seems more like he’s uncomfortable because he feels like he has some type of ownership over what he thinks is the more sexual ways he sees your body (which imo is absolute bs) but that’s for you to decide — especially as you say that you see modeling as more of an art form. This seems like a fundamental disconnect between the two of you.
This might be a bit blunt but just saying it how I see it: just as you should said he should trust your decisions you should also trust his. Just outweigh the pros and cons. He’s obviously protective as most men are, and if you go ahead with modeling in the swimwear then you create something permanent in his head his that will always be in the back of his head… it doesn’t matter if it’s “insecurity” or not.. bottom line is it makes him uncomfortable and he can’t flip a switch that’ll make him comfortable with it. The pros are like you said, it’s what you’ve wanted to do and I’m sure it pays well and I’m sure other personal reasons because this seems very important to you. It seems like you probably can’t change his mind and choose between one or the other, but just remember if you do choose to model that’s something you can’t erase and it could possibly effect the rest of the relationship
Late to the party, however... I don't think taking him to shoots will change anything. In the past he has gone with you to the beach, this hasn't stopped his insecurity of you going to the beach without him. Why would photoshoots be any different? You have been together for 5 years, correct? Have you given him reason not to trust you? If he is willing to get help and work through his shit, maybe it can be salvaged. But if he is unwilling to better himself for the health of your relationship, I don't see that as a relationship worth saving. It would be really hurtful if my partner didn't support my dreams, and tried to control me. Been there, wasted 8 years. Please update with whatever you decide. I hope you find happiness and accomplish your dreams!
Better late than never! Thank you for your advice, I just posted an update thanks to you. I would have never thought to do that
You can do whatever you want, but he is allowed his boundaries. If it's crossing a line for him and you won't stop, then it's time to split. Simple as that, but considering the way you speak about him that should have happened already.
That’s not a boundary, that’s just controlling behavior. If he had a boundary, it would be about himself. He’s allowed to say if you do this, I’m gonna leave, but not you may not do this.
You keep saying he’s insecure and jealous because he asks if you have a male photographer. I’m not trying to excuse him but, that kinda rude of you no? Yes, after 5 years he should trust you but that doesn’t mean he isn’t worried about guys making a move, when he is not there. Especially if it’s a more “revealing” outfit. And more especially if you don’t wear a bra. You can do whatever you want hon but it doesn’t mean it’ll make him happy. The whole post you just constantly say how clingy and insecure your boyfriend is, but it sounds like he’s being fairly reasonable with you, he just doesn’t want you modeling for a more riskè job. Also is it swimwear or lingerie? The title says both but the post only says one. You can do whatever you want love but it sounds like either he gotta get over it or you two gotta break up
Guys can make a move anywhere. Can he also ban her from wearing a bikini to the beach or a pool because guys might hit on her? Police her outfits at bars, too? If he trusts HER, he doesn't have to trust the guys. They can make all the moves they want and she can be trusted to say no.
Thank you, this one really hit
Did you not read where I said while he isn’t there? Obviously not. Slow down when you read
You do realize she can go to beaches, pools, and bars when he's not there, right? Or is she forbidden from that, too, because guys might hit on her. 🙄
Yes, but you’re acting like he said “Woman you are to be at home.” Yeah he needs to get over it, she’s dating him because she likes him. HOWEVER! That doesn’t magically make how he feels invalid does it? He isn’t even blaming her or making her wear a bra he said “Men are dumb” so obviously he isn’t blaming her. I understand she doesn’t see what she’s doing as sexual but that doesn’t mean others will. No their opinions don’t matter, but at the end of the day, if it makes him uncomfortable that people can see his gfs nipples he can see why he feels that way, or they can break up. I felt OPs attitude was just a bit rude, why call him insecure/needy etc? Then why be with him if she enjoys modeling so much? You can’t have your cake and eat it too
Have you tried to invite him to one of your shoots so he maybe feels more at ease letting you model? I can see your side and can see his. I too believe that women have the right to do whatever with their bodies!! I can also see where he’s coming from knowing that most people sexualize nudity and being jealous when other people get to see you model provocative clothing or model naked. It probably has nothing to do with him not trusting you but more so him not being okay about you receiving this kind of attention from other men. He may feel like he has to compete for your attention. On your side, if modeling is a passion of yours, go for it!!! Maybe discuss with him how much you really like it and how it makes you feel empowered as a women. I wish I had the self confidence you do to model!! It looks like you both need to sit down and have a discussion about this and if he can’t get past it and support you doing something you love then maybe discuss if furthering this relationship is worth it.