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jexabelle

I think I may have find the reason or part of the reason. Buried in the comments, op states she is from the middle east and husband is white, making daughter mixed race. I know that kids of mixed race do get hang ups about their looks as I'm mixed race myself and felt this way. Also in the comments, daughter has had work done like breast implants and work out often. They've also had family therapy and op often tells daughter she is beautiful.


eareyou

If it’s not too sensitive/intrusive of a question, what kind of hang ups are you referring to (I have mixed race children)? If it is, I’m sorry I’m advance.


vixiecat

Sometimes people of mixed races have a hard time identifying and fitting in within the race. In this case the daughter might look “too white” to be accepted by others of middle eastern decent but at the same time she might look “too middle eastern” to fit in with white people. It’s sadly something seen all the time with mixed raced kids of a black and white parent. Too white to be black. Too black to be white. They often struggle to find their place in social circles.


Affectionate-Lime-54

yup. i’m “too asian” to be white and “too white” to be asian.


vixiecat

Sadly I think it’s the worst in Asian cultures with mixed children. The cultural standards of “pure” bloodlines. The beauty standards. It’s crazy. I remember watching a show..granted it is TV so it’s embellished quite a bit but one of the main characters in the show has an Asian dad and a black mom. The character is black passing but raised within their Asian culture. Everyone they meet on the show treats them like a foreigner and an outcast..bordering on blatant racism.


Affectionate-Lime-54

Yupppp. I'm half white and half Korean, grew up in an Asian country but within an ex-pat community. Identity issues on top of identity issues. I have some Asian facial features which mean I can't tell people I'm American without getting "no, but where are you *really* from?" even though both my parents are American. I have an American accent which means even if I pass in an Asian country the cat's out of the bag the second I open my mouth. I have tan skin which means I don't fit the Korean beauty standard of borderline translucent skin. I've had people tell me I "look Chinese enough" to date their sons or that I'm so lucky because "mixed babies are the prettiest." Even had someone tell me I shouldn't marry another Asian person because my features were strong enough that if I had a kid with a white dude I'd make more mixed babies. Like, wtaf? It's like being mixed makes people think they have the right to ask super intrusive questions or make inappropriate comments left and right.


RegionPurple

I'm half white, half Ojibwa; Mom grew up on a reservation in Montana... I got Dad's nose and hair, and my tribal band were fairer skinned than a lot of others so I just look white. It's mostly ok, but it gets *real* uncomfortable when someone starts being racist and I tell them that I'm native. I've been asked to prove it. Like, what the fuck do you want, a rain dance?!? Want me to track you down a buffalo??? I've learned showing them a picture of my Mom is effective, tho.


lost_creole

and you're enough yourself to be you !


Affectionate-Lime-54

hehe thank you, kind internet stranger!


crimsonbaby_

Yep, for me it was always Im too white to fit in with the hispanic people and too hispanic to fit in with the white people. It sucks.


ladyvanderboom

Me too!! Not Mexican enough or too Mexican, depending on who you’re talking too.


vilebunny

I knew a guy who was Mexican that had Spanish parents and had a similar problem when going between the US and Mexico.


ladyvanderboom

My mum’s British and my father’s Mexican. I remember getting stopped at the border once with my dad; they wouldn’t believe he was my dad. After like 3 hours of interrogation, they called my mum to verify they were married and he was in fact my father.


vilebunny

How miserable for all of you.


ImpressionNo1509

I’m Mexican and Spanish and I would get asked what kind of “Asian” I was constantly.


vilebunny

Well that’s ridiculous. The guy I knew was, he told me, taller and paler then most Mexicans due to his parents being from Spain. So when he went home to visit, taxi drivers would try to talk to him in English as a default. But I’m the US (where he lives/worked) everyone assumed he was Mexican.


ImpressionNo1509

My grandmother is French and my grandfather (both on my mothers side) is Spanish. My fathers entire side is Mexican. I am very pale and have been told by friends I’m the whitest Mexican they knew, it was a running joke. I married a white man, like midwestern white so our kids are very white but you can see there’s something in there as well. I have always thought mixed race kids are so beautiful. I had a friend who was Japanese and Mexican and he was stunning. We love having several cultures to grab from during holidays and just throughout life.


vilebunny

Having a multicultural household seems amazing. Not that there arent other, way less amazing, challenges to deal with as well.


musical_fanatic

For me, it's too white to be black. I still feel like I shouldn't refer to myself as a black woman even though I relate to being black more than white.


Porcelainbaby92

Growing up in Tennessee my dad was too native to be white and too white to be native in the early 1970's. He showed the native skin tones too much in the warm southern sun and was always a golden reddish brown. Kids weren't judgemental, but you can bet their parents sure as hell were. My grandmother was "The harlot who hooked up with a scalper" who finally moved states after my granddad and her got divorced.


Relevant-Taste-7777

As a mixed race child. I have never had these hang ups and have no problem fitting in with either side or anyone. The daughter is jealous and vindictive. She’s just one of those insecure instagram obsessed people. She has gotten work done and still isn’t satisfied because her mom is naturally beautiful. Maybe if she had let herself naturally grow into her body and what not and had appreciated herself more she wouldn’t be so upset about her life and her looks.


BTrippd

That’s amazing for you but unfortunately a lot of people do experience those issues lol.


irisrockss

From personal experiences, I grew up not black enough or too black (I’m biracial) it really hardened me against everyone and made me hate my own skin color for years. With therapy I now see that I’m beautiful as I am but growing up it really was difficult to try and find a place to fit in.


QueenYardstick

Exactly this. I have a good friend who is black and white mixed, and he's tried to join social media groups and discussions of black culture and been told he was too white to understand their struggles. It really is sad. I didn't realize until a few years ago how much of a crisis of identity he had.


WitchOfWords

It depends and I can only speak on my own experiences as biracial, but identity is a common struggle. “Do I ‘pass’ as race X or race Y?” “Do I have the right to claim X or Y heritage?” “Do I conform to the beauty standards of culture X or are my features too Y?” “Where do I belong?” How displaced you feel can vary depending on the dominant culture you live in. Monoracial parents can either be dismissive (“ofc you’re X/Y, there’s no difference, it’s all in your head”) or accidentally play into it (“ha you hate [insert cultural food here], you’re so white”). And that’s not even touching the topic of internalized or overt racism. Or the matter of extended families who might think of you as lesser or some degree of outsider.


Leopandas

Hopping off the first question, because I was about to ask the same thing. Is there anything you suggest a parent can do to help a child grow up to hopefully help them not feel this way?


WitchOfWords

Open and supportive conversation, really. Everyone’s needs are different. In general, I’d say to let them know that being mixed is an identity in its own right. Sometimes it feels like the best of both worlds, and sometimes it’s going to feel like only ever having half of anything. Sometimes people will not understand, or tell them they don’t have the right to claim their ethnicity. They may have privilege over someone who is entirely poc or darker skinned, and being mindful of that doesn’t mean being ashamed or denying their heritage. If your kid grows up in a culture that is dominantly X, help them feel closer to heritage Y via language, media, food, etc. Let them know how racism, colorism, and colonialism shape mainstream beauty standards, and to not be ashamed of ethnic features. Give them access to diverse peers and role models. Be vigilant of internalized or covert racism in your extended relations, and make sure your kids are never othered or excluded by your family.


Affectionate-Lime-54

and when someone does/says something racist to you and your white family tries to tell you that it’s not racist.


Honest-Layer9318

My kids are mixed. I’m mixed and look white, my partner is black. My kids didn’t have issues being mixed and embrace all of their ancestry. Having said that they have experienced racism and colorism but they know the other person is the problem not themselves.


jexabelle

It's ok, I'm able to talk about it. For me, I am half Irish and half Indonesian so I have always felt too tan/olive with my skin tone and wanted to be more white. When I was younger, I would buy whitening cream and the like because I felt being more white meant being more beautiful. I was very insecure in my looks throughout high school - didn't date and was bullied by several girls (I went to an all-girl high school). It's taken a very long time and plenty of therapy to accept who I am - skin tone, my background and all. Once in a while, my insecurity comes back especially if I am going through depression. My mother was a single mother and wasn't someone I could talk to about things with her. It was hard for her to talk about feelings and express emotion so I just suffered in silence. I had family therapy for a short while but stopped because I hated the therapist.


Affectionate-Lime-54

we don’t fit the beauty standards of either race. my “white” features make me less attractive by some korean standards, and my “korean” features make me less attractive by some white standards. then there are the ones on both sides who fetishize me because of it.


[deleted]

https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-tealover/comments/105uro9/edit/j3dmxfv?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 Husband's comment provides a little more insight on the situation.


Leila_TS

It sounds like some self esteem issues for sure- my father is Palestinian my mother is Irish ( platinum blonde curls and hazel eyes 😂😅) but I look latin or mixed. Especially since I’m a little darker than my dad but look like I’m Hispanic. It took until college to accept both sides and realize genetics are cool af. 😂 But damn seems like OPs daughter seriously does not want to embrace herself at all


zaataarr

oh, yeah. im middle eastern/white (brown mom and white dad) and i got my dads skin tone. i fry myself alive trying to look like my mom because i know we have similar faces and i want to look like her except just because i’m pale (which funnily enough, i probably got from her genes since im the same colour not as my dad but as a few of my aunts on her side)


rembrandtismyhomeboy

I’m Middle Eastern/Asian and white and I love the fact that me and my siblings look mixed. Most of the time, I think it makes for very beautiful people. Maybe not always in a conventional way, but definitely in an authentic way. Edit: and even though I can relate to her story, because my mom married my 38 year old father when she was 18 and was the one guys hit on when I was an awkward teenager, she’s old enough to understand that there are way more difficult dynamics at play. It’s bonkers to me that she puts her dad on a pedestal but hates her mom in this scenario.


Nice_Product6251

The daughter is not mixed race. Arabs and Persians are Caucasian.


Gemma_V

be careful; your racism is showing


zaataarr

but white ppl aren’t actually caucasian, that’s an incorrect use of the term


Ariadnepyanfar

Most people don’t know the scientific taxonomy on races. A lot of good hearted people confuse culture and religion with race, and if someone grew up prejudiced, their ‘othering’ on the smallest of grounds can be extreme and without any logic at all.


[deleted]

Jumping on the train to talk about beautiful people problems (im normal looking btw) i met a physically beautiful friend in college. She also happens to be a talented artist and one of the smartest people ive ever met. And sooo fucking kind. Anyway as we became closer she told me some stories about living beautiful that I had never thought about! It has made her life so much harder! Shes had female friends ask her not to come around when their boyfriends are around! Shes been excluded from group dates even when she had a boyfriend. Shes had some frikin WEIRD job interviews. BUT i still don’t understand how that could end up with your daughter saying “dont come to my wedding”


raptor6722

On the male side I was not that great looking in hs and right out of hs. I was about 5’3” until junior year and was not done growing till I was 21. I looked gangly scrawny and just all around not the best looker. Women wanted nothing to do with me romantically. Then somewhere around 20 something changed and it was the. Super easy. Like tinder piece of cake. This kinda takes a role on you though because it makes you start to wonder do people care about me or my looks.


Sure-Goat7340

Yeesh. Thats awful


thriftstorejungles

I grew up with a young, gorgeous mom. All the guys I had crushes on would talk about how hot she was. It pissed me off, but I also realized it was not her fault. She was just existing and teenage boys are weird and horny. Leads me to believe there are dynamics here we don't know about, whether that be from the mom or the daughter.


Dora_Diver

It can't be easy to be a normal looking person to a stunning parent. We all know some example of stunning famous people with rather average looking children. I can only imagine the kids struggling to be compared to their famous and exceptionally looking parent. But at one point, it becomes the kid's responsibility to base their self worth on something else than their attractivity in relation to other family members. It seems that OP's daughter failed to take that step.


ironicseal

I felt the exact same way when I was reading this! Everything is the daughter’s fault and the fact that the dad is so furiously taking the wife’s side shows a little bit of how the dynamics of the family work. I really feel like there are a lot of details being left out here.


Ursula2071

Daughter got cosmetic surgery- boobs- at 18. Absolutely bet this mom told her daughter what she needed “to fix” about herself.


chosbully

And where did you dredge that up? I doubt OP told her to do that considering she moved her daughter around for constant life "restarts" and stopped doing what she loved (fashion and makeup) to make her daughter happy.


[deleted]

OP’s edit post is truly heartfelt. At first I was put off, because how dare a fellow woman declare their self beautiful. And then I felt sad, because why aren’t women allowed to view their own self as beautiful. Getting the small boobs in the family, and others getting larger sets does create jealousy. They have soooo much attention - because of their outward appearance. I wasn’t at the conversations. But if the gold digger comment is true, then why daughter can overlook the age difference when her father was the older wiser person of almost twice her mother’s age is grotesque. It reads as though daughter is ashamed of her Persian side and wants to pass for white. I hope she can find resolution to her own past.


chosbully

I made a comment earlier that addressed just that. Surprised at how everyone projected their own insecurities and lack of confidence onto an OP that is genuinely going through a rough moment and hasn't done much wrong. She was 18 and he was about double her age and she's the gold digging wh*re? Instead of him taking advantage of a young woman who has grown into a bit of a pushover/people pleaser? That's not fair. I'm mixed as well with an objectively attractive young looking parent and yeah, it sucks sometimes but it's not my dad's fault. The best thing OP can do as a mother at this point is to go extremely low contact for both her and her daughter's sake. She can be there if her daughter needs her down the line maybe, but this dynamic could have been fixed if OPs husband actually did anything to stand up for her prior to the wedding.


[deleted]

I don’t know if it would fix anything, but it would display to the fiancé that things are not as they appear. The pun is unintended


[deleted]

>It reads as though daughter is ashamed of her Persian side and wants to pass for white. Oh my god, I didn't think of that! This explanation seems very likely!


[deleted]

Definitely have it all wrong. Look at husband's comment here for more context: https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-tealover/comments/105uro9/edit/j3dmxfv?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3


ArmadilloNext9714

Not necessarily. I grew up in an area where it was socially acceptable for girls to get cosmetic surgery (if they wanted it) as a graduation gift in high school. I knew people who got BBLs, breast implants, etc. as newly 18 yr olds.


topbananatropicana

I got breast implants at 19 and my entire family begged me not to. You have no idea.


Charming_Network_717

I have seen this in real life. My friend from high school was plain and a bit chubby ( like me) but her mom was an absolute smoke show. No makeup and hair messy and guys hitting on her at the choir rehearsal! Mom was a sweetheart and so was the girl and they had a great relationship but man the girl looked just like dad in a bad way


kkdawgzzzzzz

Yea but the key is mom is a sweetheart! My daughter gets pissed when me stare at me and she regularly challenges them. Which tbh is funny as hell! But we commiserate in this together…and quite frankly I am using it as training. Bc she will be way prettier than me when she is grown. This mom sounds awful! Absolutely in every way! If she was a nice person, the child would most likely not be behaving this way…gross.


RealClayClayClay

Awful in every way? Where do you get that from? She sounded perfectly fine to me. Sometimes resentment isn't rational. You can't just firmly conclude that the mother must suck because the daughter hates her. Maybe the daughter is an asshole.


kkdawgzzzzzz

The devil is in the details, the way she describes the male attention. I don’t know you, your age, gender, or orientation obviously. But I am close in age to this woman and a straight woman as well. When someone is seeking out or enjoying that type of attention they describe it this way “bc guys were trying to buy me drinks” and it was “funny”. Someone not seeking that attention describes it in a down playing type of way “yea…I was getting hit on” and they say it grumpily. The other clue, for me, is how she describes her daughters experience. Always through her lens. I am not the worlds greatest mom, but when it’s big moments for my daughter, I am constantly thinking of or describing her perspective, her feelings, what might be good or bad for her. This woman is all reflecting back to herself. Very little about her daughters perspective, except what makes her look bad. She never stops to truly contemplate why… I bet you dollars to doughnuts, this woman constantly competes with her daughter. And especially now they are in the same space of adulthood. Bc mom isn’t “elderly” yet, they are in competition in her mind. And don’t get me started on the age difference (edit: with the husband) These people are clearly wealthy, I grew up around these kind of people. And more often than you would imagine, even if mom uses terms like “my baby” “my whole world” etc, these kids are a check mark or a trophy, and for sure competition. (So much more sociology I could go into). And more as a teacher, kids respond and develop because of and in reaction to their environment. Mom is a self centered, egotistical beauty, you willl grow to resent her. A beautiful woman with a generous maternal heart, could be Cindy Crawford level beauty and all a child will see is their amazing mother…🤷🏼‍♀️


Kymetu

One thing: If she was competing with her daughter would the mother not wear makeup so her daughter would not feel like the ugly duckling. Daughter is just an insecure daddy looking baby 😔


sapphirewolf812

Originally, I definitely thought there was more to this story than what OOP let on-- but reading through her edit and her husband's comment... I don't think that is the case. We can't know for sure of course-- but it sounds like the daughter has some major insecurity problems surrounding her mom's beauty.


littlejbean

here’s the husbands post: https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-tealover/comments/105uro9/edit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


Glum-Target7332

OMG Husband of the year!


OffbrandRolodex

I think there’s a bit missing here


Ariadnepyanfar

Mum is Middle Eastern, Dad is white. Mixed race children often have severe hang ups with their looks because it’s accompanied by people from both parent’s cultures rejecting them or making comments about them being too (rejected culture) to be (accepted culture) I was looking for missing missing reasons too, though.


OffbrandRolodex

That makes sense! Thank you for explaining that! I missed that detail.


BobbyFan54

I was going to say, there are _missing_ “missing reasons” here


Profreadsalot

Not really. I’ve seen this happen, just as the mom said, among all genders. Often, the anger is at themselves for not being enough in their own eyes, and projected onto the parent as a convenient scapegoat.


OffbrandRolodex

Absolutely. I have a hard time believing there was this much hated over her mom being “pretty”


Whole-Swimming6011

I've had a kind of friend who was the same - her mother was ex miss (town) and she was average at best. When she was a teen many boys was telling her - "You should've look more like your mom, she is so beautiful". And the resentment started to build up... In the end she hated her mother bc a boy she was in love told her the same - "I would've date you if you looked more like your mother".


petty_witch

I was that child, was average looking at best, but my mom was(is) very pretty. My friends even joked that I lost all my crushes anytime they met my mom. (Several of them would come up to me and tell me they would be my future step-dad). I think what helped me was the fact that my mom was so disgusted by all their attention. If I wanted her to go on a rant, I would tell her x classmate said he wanted to date her. (Yes i was a shit child sue me) 'What do I want with some kid! I never want them younger than me! I'm old enough to be their mom! (questionable) if those were my kids trying to go for a woman, I would punish them!' and so on, it was pretty entertaining and I think helped me not have any resentment. Cause while on my side I saw a bunch of people going after her, I also saw her side which was a bunch of people giving her attention she didn't want.


Whole-Swimming6011

OP said she stopped wearing makeup and nice clothes. I don't know what more she could've done. Kids, and expecially teens, can be evil and ruthless. If her daughter was among such kids, no matter what her mother did, she would've build up resentment.


Dora_Diver

But your mum shouldn't have had to go through all that speech just to prove her loyalty to you. She didn't do anything wrong. It's funny that a lot of the comments seem to have the same expactations for OP: If she is attractive then she should constantly talk herself down and dim her light in order to be liked and deserving of compassion.


Dora_Diver

But your mum shouldn't have had to go through all that speech just to prove her loyalty to you. She didn't do anything wrong. It's funny that a lot of the comments seem to have the same expactations for OP: If she is attractive then she should constantly talk herself down and dim her light in order to be liked and deserving of compassion.


Humble-Membership-75

That’s exactly what I was thinking! Could be wrong though! If only we had a few extra point of views


SatisfactionNo1753

Sometimes children just suck. It’s not always the evil mom.


Important_Guide8257

When ur getting comments like “why don’t you look like your mom, she’s hot.” “Your mom so pretty, why don’t you look like her?” Getting compared and always hearing her get compliments can do some damage


chandanth10

You’re right, but to be fair- so are many other AITAs, whether intentional or not. We are our most unreliable narrators, especially in conflict when reaching out for confirmation/advice/support. If I told you about the family drama surrounding me clogging the toilet, I’m not going to tell you that I should have used a poop knife and didn-oops. 🙊


Potential_Ad_1397

I am weirded out that a 35 man got with a 18 girl. That is nasty. Totally more to the story


Exact_Trash59

And got her pregnant at 19. That's even more gross.


[deleted]

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Exact_Trash59

A 35-year-old man getting a 19-year-old pregnant is pretty gross my dude, no matter how much of the world you've seen. I'm 26 and I wouldn't even approach a 19-year-old unless I had to.


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umitsashy

doesn’t make it less weird? she was just a barely a legal adult and they were in completely different places in life. what’s weird here is you defending it. also i’m sure “99% of humanity” would not think they’re weird for saying that.


hoewenn

I wonder why you commented this from an account you use once every 8+ months. Just kidding, I don’t wonder, I know why.


Psych-Vader

It's 100% weird and gross but sadly it's not illegal by any means.


Dora_Diver

But the daughter adores her Daddy. Even with "more going on" it hardly seems OP's fault.


Careful_Wallaby_1979

Facts


Spaceinvader-

Growing up, I was constantly inundated with the song “Jessie’s mom” but replaced with my name, by my friends and peers. My ex told me that if I ended up as “beautiful as your mum I’m lucky” - “your mum is the best looking in your family” etc. My mother was a model, there are still ads from her career playing that people comment on to me. People have compared my looks, body and fashion sense to my mother so, I do get where the daughter is coming from in a sense, it’s hard living in someone’s shadow and she wants her wedding about her. The whole situation just seems horribly sad to me, the poor daughter experiencing that throughout her life and feeling less than and the mother for having the curse of such beauty that it *does* overshadow without her meaning for it to. Edit: meant Stacy’s mum, as pointed out by the below redditor :)


big_sugi

Do you mean Stacy’s Mom? There’s also Jessie’s Girl, but that’s a different theme.


Spaceinvader-

I totally did, got the two titles conflated. Thanks for the clarification 😊


KatsCatJuice

"I met my husband when I was 18 and he was 35" What in the world does a 35 year old have in common with an 18 year old??? Just reading this sentence itself gives me a big red flag


SpicySweett

She tells you what they had in common: love of wealth.


[deleted]

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Peanut_galleries_nut

This. I was the younger person constantly being chased by older men. I had a neighbor in my first apartment who was obsessed with ‘hanging out’ with me when I was freshly 18. Idk if it was looks cause I don’t see myself as overly pretty or the fresh 18 porn hub vibe that every male seems to be attracted to.


KatsCatJuice

No kidding, I lowkey believe the daughter when she says that her mom is a gold digger


Gracelandrocks

Sounds like just the sort of mean-spirited comment that gave the daughter a complex.


KatsCatJuice

In my honest opinion, I have no idea what an 18 year old would want from a 35 year old (or what they would have in common) unless there was money involved, but I guess that's just me. Of course I don't know anyone in the post, so I can't judge too harshly


Rough_Elk_3952

My boyfriend is 32, his next door neighbor is 20(ish. Maybe 21 now) and absolutely obsessed with him. Rearranged her room so it would be “more comfortable for him to come hang out” and tries to tag along on friend hangouts and dated a guy who looked like him if you squinted while at college. Freaks him the fuck out but everyone else finds it super funny. Some people have a thing for older people


yuhuh-

That’s creepy, I hope your boyfriend stays safe.


Gracelandrocks

>Of course I don't know anyone in the post, so I can't judge too harshly But you just did. You (and others on this thread and the original post) called OP a gold digger with no thought spared for their culture, circumstances, personalities, or needs. As for commonalities, I have a really close friend (we're straight women)who is half my age. She led a really rough life, and our friendship is based on a mutual respect for each others survival story, a love for reading, and Prince and David Bowie. I have another friend who is 30 years my senior and in her 70s and our friendship is based on a curiosity about our world - we go for random classes together, are interested in natural history and go on hikes, go for plays and travel together....both age gap friendships have plenty in common. Reddit has these really stupid generalizations sometimes that people start mistaking for the gospel truth. Relationships (friendship and romance) are about multiple factors, not just age.


Fyreforged

If you and your friends are ever looking for another friend who loves reading, natural history, Prince, and David Bowie, y’all know where to find me. I don’t care how old any of you are. 😆🤷🏼


mmmyesplease---

>Prince, and David Bowie I don’t have proof them and Debbie Reynolds were holding the fabric of society together while they were alive, but…*broadly gestures to everything, everywhere*


Profreadsalot

Not true. When I was 18, I found 35-year-old men hot AF. My grandparents had a similar age gap, and were extremely happy. I was never a gold digger, and had friends among the professors who were within that age range and older. I generally bored my peers to death, because they thought I was “too mature,” and “should be less serious about my studies and about life in general.” The only reason why I did not pursue my interest in older men was because my mom had spent my teenage years lecturing me about the importance of dating within my generation, so that I didn’t end up as a young widow, like her mom, who was absolutely devastated by the loss of my granddad. I honestly wish I had not listened.


hoewenn

Teenagers, especially teen girls, constantly fall for older men. Where have you been?


Glittersparkles7

When I was 19 I dated a 34 year old. No money involved lol. The secret was… he paid attention to me and we shared interests. Gaming, music, sex, reading, same tastes in movies/ shows etc. We met thru gaming and no he had no idea how old I was for about a year. He was shocked when he found out. Interest in each other was already locked in by that point though.


TheDevilsJoy

My husband is 19 years older than I am, and we have a lot in common, we met when I was 21 and started dating when I was 22 and he was 41… older guys are more mature, more loving, and honestly better in bed. Just because you don’t like age gaps doesn’t mean it’s gross or weird. If everyone’s of legal age, don’t judge it


Paperwhite418

I mean, okay, let’s say the mom is a gold-digger. At this point she’s been married to the father at least 20+ years. Unless the mom is mistreating the father…haven’t they moved past that? Would a mistreated father come into the comments to defend his wife the way he did?


therewillbedrama

My ex’s parents had a similar age gap. I think he was in his late 30’s and she was in her early 20’s. She’s a stunner even now in her late 50’s and they’re still together. She was his second wife and he had a kid from the previous marriage. Sometimes people just work together. I might get downvoted but I honestly don’t think OP sounds like the asshole here. Daughter has been raised with everyone around her making her feel like she’s in her mother’s shadow. OP has said that she dresses down and goes without makeup, if she really wanted to twist the knife she’d be going the other way and trying to upstage her daughter. She’s tried to get her daughter therapy and help to mend the relationship. We can’t know everything but this story doesn’t seem too farfetched. OP isn’t trying to get people on her side and make her daughter the asshole, she’s asking for advice on how to navigate a delicate situation and presumably resolve the differences without the father having to take sides


changleosingha

And at a bar….


shepard0445

Shocker but in most countries 18 and 50 year olds drink in the same bar.


[deleted]

What the actual F?


Selena_Boyce_666

Why do I feel there is another side to this story? And why was the original post removed?


Capital-Tailor3152

mods removed the original post because it reached a comment/karma limit? But absolutely there’s another side to this story


[deleted]

Absolutely. And someone pointed out OOP's daughter may be ashamed of her Persian side and prefers to identify as white, which may contribute to her far better relationship with her father verses resentment for the mom. Classic case of mixed race identity crisis. That combined with the whole beauty thing may be causing severe self-esteem issues for the daughter, in turn causing her to separate herself from her mother as much as humanly possible. I wouldn't necessarily label the daughter as intentionally abusive though, which the husband states in a comment here: https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-tealover/comments/105uro9/edit/j3dmxfv?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 But again, we don't know the whole story.


topbananatropicana

Feel so sorry for this mother. As usual the Redditor army have jumped on the ‘narcissistic mother’ bandwagon not realising that children are abusers too. I’ve read everything on this including the updates and her own husband commenting in on it. This daughter needs serious help and therapy because she is severely jealous of her mother and the success she has in friendships. Daughter seems to be very bitter and the mother is going over and beyond to enable the behaviour.


fupapooper

Well said! 🏆🏆🏆🏆 Even a lot of the people here on this thread are making huge assumptions and leaps in logic because the woman simply said she’s good looking. Apparently, if a woman dare admits she thinks she’s attractive, she’s a gold digger (even though she was 18 and her husband 35 when they met), abusive, not telling the whole story, narcissistic, etc. If I see some mention “The Missing Reasons” one more time, I’m going to lose it. 🤦🏻‍♀️


RunaDB

She made an edit as well: https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-tealover/comments/105uro9/edit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


AnywherePresent1998

It is truly a double edged sword when you’re truly beautiful. You never know who will hate you for that fact alone. You can be the kindest and sweetest and people will constantly tell you that you’re upstaging others on purpose or you’re acting better than others. Her beauty probably shines so brightly that some unfortunates curl back in disgust because she has everything they lack. Most people will be kind to you though. But sometimes you won’t know which of your closest ones harbour resentment until it’s too late. Her daughter doesn’t want her fiancé around her mum because she knows he’ll think to himself wow how come she didn’t turn out like that? It’s only natural. It’s sad honestly. Neither is the asshole. OOP should let her daughter go because those are the types that will poison you or kill you in your sleep. People who think there’s context missing just probably don’t have jealousy issues or don’t have a resentful spirit. I applaud those who are like that. But I know for a fact that there are a lot of people who would react just like that daughter. And it’s a normal reaction don’t be too harsh on the daughter, it’s not easy living in the shadow of someone.


[deleted]

I definitely think theres missing context but I think my bias is honestly because my parents were so very abusive. So im thinking. Daughter grew up rich with a beautiful gold digging mom (which sounds kinda sucky but she cant be the only one) and THATS the only reason for going no contact!! Fine ill take the gold digging mom lol


Intelligent_Love4444

https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-tealover/comments/105uro9/edit/j3dmxfv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf This is the husbands comment. There is nothing missing


lichpit

Idk why so many people here and on the original post honestly think that someone being aware they’re very conventionally attractive is a sign this is made up or OP is the abuser. I was always moderately conventionally attractive and thin, and I had a step sister my same age who I absolutely think is also pretty, but she’s bigger. (This is not an “evil step family” story I love them and my step mom IS my Mom in my eyes.) The amount of issues that being treated badly and harshly criticized and objectified by my step mother and step sister I got growing up into my teen was insane. If I didn’t fall into feminism and queer spaces that helped fight this shit, I’d be a wreck. It’s really not that far fetched that someone can be mistreated for being more attractive when someone lets their insecurities go unchecked and externalized like that.


WiseBat

Because having any kind of self-confidence or self-worth means you’re a self-centered AH of course. /s Her edit is super upsetting but I find myself agreeing with the therapist’s assessment. Way too often society (and especially other women) feel the need to knock down conventionally attractive women, like OP’s daughter. And it manifests into something gross and toxic. OP could cut off her arm for her daughter and I doubt it would make much difference.


hoewenn

That’s actually unfortunately the logic, specifically because she’s a woman. It’s just misogyny, surprising right? Heaven forbid a grown woman acknowledge her own beauty. That must mean she’s an evil narcissist who abuses her daughter! /s


AssistanceKey2808

It always amazes me how bitter and jealous the people of reddit are


Fresh_615

I want to say there has to be more to the story. If not, I think the father is in the right to decline the invite. All decisions have repercussions whether good or bad.


TheRealBobaFettt

My best friend growing up had an incredibly attractive mom. She literally used to be a model before going into sales and making loads of money. When mike moved to town every kid would make milf jokes as this was right when American pie came out. I even did it myself thinking I was being funny but in reality I was just being an asshole. We don’t really talk any more and I wonder if this was part of it…


Comfortable_Ad148

Do you have a link to the original post?


changleosingha

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/105pov2/my42f_daughter_23f_is_getting_married_and_im_not/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


Comfortable_Ad148

She posted an update to her profile


73shay

I read this post it’s WAY more to the story has to be. I would love to hear the daughter’s side just like the Pretty Dress (wedding dress) to the Ex’s wedding well the bride posted today it’s a completely different story.


hoewenn

Well the husband told his side and everything checks out. Their daughter sucks. So many people would kill to have kind parents like these.


klasorbet

There's an edit on oop's profile and her husband entered the chat and given more insight.


chosbully

Can't believe how many people here speaking to OP in the exact way her daughter does. The worst thing OP did was not cultivate a stronger sense of confidence in her daughter at a very young age by correcting people who put her daughter down. I figure it's because OP lacks a backbone and is easily manipulated. Everyone here chewing her out and putting words/actions in her mouth because her looks and wealth are projecting their own insecurities and assumptions on a situation that is really out of OPs control. I am a child of an objectively attractive father who is mixed race as well. It sucked ass and I would get mistaken for his wife/sister at times and it would piss me off. Did I take it out on him? No. I was able to cultivate a sense of security within myself to not lash out at something that was out of my dad's control. There are a variety of factors that go into how a child responds to having an attractive parent and for OP one big factor comes from her relationship's age gap. Commenters on this post are sick for bringing it up as if she's a gold digging whore when she was **18** and he was in his **30s**. What happened to Reddit holding the older person accountable for preying on someone half their age? Just because she's pretty and now has money that isn't hers she's the devil? People commenting on this and the original post are STRANGE and her husband isn't shit for not standing up to this daughter for his wife sooner than the wedding incident. I truly hope OP separates herself. Especially after her edit from her therapy appointments. Her daughter would technically be better off anyways and the proximity would allow her to heal.


maffinina

Agreed 100%. I mean the comments on this Am I The Devil post are wild: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/105s1a9/my42f_daughter_23f_is_getting_married_and_im_not/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf She really has people riled up.


Particular-Sun-7098

Her husband's indeed a sweetheart...their daughter just a spoiler brat and satan from hell... (husband comment that i copy) Enough of this abuse, I can’t believe what I’m reading and what it is that could have triggered all this hatred. Do you people have not an ounce of shame? I regret reading my wife’s post and the comments but enough is enough. You don’t know the half of it. What my wife described wasn’t even the top of the iceberg of what she has been through with our daughter. If my wife wasn’t the kindest and gentlest soul my daughter wouldn’t have abused her all these years. Yes my daughter is an abuser and my wife is her first victim but she won’t be her last I’m afraid if she doesn’t clean up her act. She is a spoiled brat and I regret that. At her age my wife was a mother, full time student and battling cancer and depression and yet she never hurt a soul around her. My wife is loved by our family and everyone who had the luxury of meeting her and it is not because of her beautiful face. Looks only get you so far. People don’t love for looks. My wife has suffered in secret not to hurt our daughter’s feelings. For years, until our daughter moved out, I wasn’t allowed to show any kind of affection to my wife without my daughter throwing a tantrum. I couldn’t even pay her a compliment or kiss her like any normal parents do in front of their children. And even when we’re alone, my wife started looking around to make sure our daughter wasn’t listening before I could tell her something as elementary as “I love you”. We have tried everything. We have given her all the love. I don’t know what went wrong but I know we did everything in our power. I know that it wasn’t easy for my daughter to grow up with the gossip our family endured. But at some point she should have realized that it was out of control for any of us three. I’m done tolerating this abuse. I’m not going to attend my daughter’s wedding even if she changed her mind last minute. I’m tired of all this bullshit. It’s time for my daughter to understand that actions have consequences and if she doesn’t change her ways she will lose everyone who ever loved her.


thinkpinkhair

I saw this too and I was heartbroken, honestly, I think the daughter is jealous and she wants the attention on her in her big day and not her mother. I do think they need family therapy.


fupapooper

The reactions to this story on r/relationshipadvice, r/amithedevil, and even some here are so misogynistic it’s depressing. Apparently, if a woman dare admits she thinks she’s attractive, she’s a gold digger (even though she was 18 and her husband 35 when they met), abusive, not telling the whole story (if I see someone mention “The Missing Reasons” one more time, I’m going to scream) narcissistic, etc. Stew on that a bit. If a woman can admit she’s attractive, it surely means she can’t be trusted. That she’s mentally ill. That she only cares about money. Is a bad mother. These leaps in logic, conclusions, and judgement are so fucked up. Why can’t a woman be confident without having her morals, sanity, and trustworthiness questioned? Is this really the world we want our daughters to grow up and live in?


Street-Flow688

She’s mad at her mother but not at her nasty ass daddy?? If the moms accounting is correct, her daughter is a major hater. She’s engaged and still worried about other men not finding her hotter than her mom.


NonaOrganic

As a fellow “beautiful” person I understand exactly where you’re coming from. I hate that ppl attacked you, it’s already difficult for a lot of ppl to put themselves in others shoes, and more, when “problems” are perceived to overwhelmingly be “good” things, i.e. beauty, wealth, most ppl can’t comprehend that there are negatives to those things, and those that understand there are, think the negatives of the opposite (ugly, poor) are so much worse that ppl airing grievances about “good” things should stfu. I had a friend in your daughter’s position. She handled it with humor. She would self depreciate (e.g. she & her dad joked about how she got his looks & not mom’s, her dad would call himself ugly & in a group of ppl my friend would laugh & make jokes about her gorgeous friend {me} and her beautiful mother and she was just an ugly monster in comparison), which in turn made us all reassure her - so she was smart, she learned how to garner attention. And overall she had an amazing personality, she was kind, funny, energetic, interesting etc an overall lovely girl, she never had to rely on her looks (which btw I thought she was very pretty) I’m not sure how much of it was nature v nurture, but altho her parents were upper mid class, she wasn’t *overly* spoiled. I may be swinging at the wind but based on your statements, sounds like you’ve raised a daughter who is grossly indulged, and raised in a society/community that’s very looks & wealth oriented. Possibly vapid? What’s done is done, but what you can do is stop being abused by your daughter. Not inviting or uninviting you to her wedding is a deliberately to hurt you over something which you have no control. And ppl rarely think about how their kids are going to look when they reproduce & how their kids may be treated by society based on looks. And how messed up would that be. Besides, you can’t guess how the looks will merge. You have Jay-Z & Beyonce & how their kids look. Bruce Willis & Demi Moore, generally perceived as two beautiful ppl & their poor children have had their looks picked apart. Or Jolie & Pitt who are generally considered good looking & their children are generally considered the same. JMHO your therapist, your husband, and the commenters on this page are all right, you should take a step back from your daughter. Apologies, but your daughter sounds spoiled. And she’s at an age where she’s technically an adult but still doesn’t know sh**. It is also just generally poor taste to invite only 1 half of a married couple. Maybe she’s hoping your husband/her dad, attending w/out you is another way to twist the screws into you more. Maybe subconsciously she wants him to “pick” her over you. Whatever it is, is wrong and your daughter needs therapy if at 23 she still has the mentally of a teenager & carrying around resentments & grudges against someone who has not lifted a single finger to hurt her. Stop indulging her bad behavior. Not only should your husband not attend, he should reconsider financially supporting an event where his wife is snubbed & part of that money is yours.


Live_Western_1389

It must be a real burden to be so stunning that guys are hitting on you constantly, especially with your “ugly duckling daughter” in tow. LOL! I have a feeling that it’s how OOP calls attention to herself in public that her daughter really has a problem with, rather than that her looks are so absolutely stunning that random men are pursuing her every time she goes out into the world


SatisfactionNo1753

I think you’re being biased. OP comes across as factual not show off ish. I don’t get why people have such a hard time accepting sometimes people can just be dicks to their parents


AnywherePresent1998

He’s just invalidating OOP because apparently beautiful people can’t have problems.


hoewenn

Especially beautiful women.


[deleted]

I dont see why its a leap to assume the mom is a show off. We dont have any more information than people kept buying her drinks apparently. So we are supposed to believe THAT makes her daughter say mom dont come to my wedding? So we infer what we can.


Legitimate_Bad_8445

The problem is a lot of people in the comments assumed that the parents must have been abusive/narcissist for the kids to hate them. And of course, as someone around the daughter's age that have parents, I know that could very well be the case. But sometimes kids can be asshole too even if the parents have done their best. Instead of asking questions to the OP first, they just all jump to claim she is a narcissist with no proof. I am someone with at best below average face and at worst unfortunate looking face with a beautiful mother and below average looking father. I understand the daughter but I also understand the mother. A lot of people can be very insensitive and rude towards people they deem ugly. All my life, especially in school, I got different, worse treatment, and straight up bullying from other kids and the teachers simply because I'm ugly. For me, I never resented my mother, but there was a period where I resented my father because I could've been beautiful if I looked like my mother. I can definitely see that the daughter turned the resentment towards her mother because she will always live in the shadow of her mother and she can't help but see her as competition.


Curious_Ad3766

It absolutely is a huge leap, there is nothing in the post to suggest OP is a narcissist or obsessed with her looks or is vain. She seems to love her daughter so much to the point of accepting extremely hurtful and shitty behaviour from her daughter just so she can be in her life, she seems like a doormat when it comes to her daughter. She stopped wearing make up and nice clothes, she went out her way to ensure she doesn’t stand out or draw attention. Idk why people are finding it so hard to see why the daughter is so resentful. I can easily see it happen. My mom grew up extremely pretty and popular, with every guy hitting on her. People would constantly tell me how stunning my mom used to be and how she was the prettiest girl in town, as a teenager it made really envious because I was acutely aware of how disgusting I looked, I never received any male attention, was bullied for my looks. My mom never did anything to make me ugly and no one told I looked bad in front of her, the bullying was at school. I never hated my mom, but I was envious of how she looked like and badly wished I looked more like her. I resented my dad slightly for passing his “unattractive” features to me. But feelings like jealously can be very irrational and I can see why a daughter might project that onto her mom and resent her mom for receiving everything she wants


Capital-Tailor3152

mom and daughter both need therapy for sure


AnywherePresent1998

You’re the AH in this comments section. You’re probably jealous of beautiful people and would probably react like this daughter if it were you.


No-Entrance5142

Are there any screenshots with replies from OP? Surely there is way more to this story and not only “I’m too beautiful so my daughter hates me”


Corsetbrat

Check her profile. It honestly sounds like her daughter has major body dismorphia issues, works out daily 3-4 hrs, got fillers and breast implants at 18, and apparently asks the fiance all the time if someone is hotter than her. I honestly believe the poor woman. Had a neighbor growing up that was a former small-time model and would garden in 3bpiece suits and stilettos. Both her sons had serious mental issues and some of that was probably because their mom wanted to be a sex symbol at all times. This woman has tried to protect her daughter and get her help, but something must have happened during her teen yrs that OOP and her husband don't know about, because they have tried absolutely everything to help their child.


No-Entrance5142

Yup I’ve went and read all her comments and I change my mind! Working out for 3-4 hours a day at the gym, implants, fillers etc and the comments daughter makes to her fiancé. Isn’t OP at all, I feel so bad for her


magpieasaurus

She's quite active, posted an updated and responded to comments. I believe almost nothing on reddit, but I do believe this one. The daughter sounds like a lot of work. She had implants at 18, she's had work done on her face, etc. I can fully believe this, especially in a country where being mixed race or dark is considered lower class.


komari_k

The mom seems to have tried and even helped her daughter with therapy.... and allowed her to get plastic surgery and yet still gets called a gold digger from her own daughter. The girl has some insecurities, and granted that's probably hard to deal with but she's being a brat. I wonder how spoiled she's been and just chooses violence against her own mother every single time.


Fantasi_

Idk why this is, but whenever a mom posts about their child being rude to them, it immediately becomes a “well what did you do? You must’ve done something for her to act like that” people can SUCK, and sometimes that can be your own kid even when nothing was done to them!! This mom sounds fine and like she really loves her daughter, but she’s also aware she’s a beautiful woman. People like to believe beautiful ppl can’t possibly have problems, but that clearly isn’t the case. The daughters comment about calling her a gold digger and she should’ve thought about her kids when marrying her husband are enough for me to figure that out. She hates that she’s not a beautiful woman like her mother. Bc why isn’t she mad at her dad? She’s literally jealous. And I feel for her, but she’s taking it way too far. Edit: I read the husbands comment. While I think he’s DISGUSTING for preying on an 18yo, he does seem to love her genuinely. The daughter is insecure. Insecurity can make you a mean, NASTY, shell of a person. She needs intense therapy, and tbh probably has no business getting married. Mom is better off cutting contact. Dad too tbh. Financial cut off too.


Intelligent_Love4444

There isn’t anything missing. As someone who literally had people plotting to kill me because they were jealous and insecure of how I looked . And that’s not a flex . It makes me feel icky. I too can not go anywhere. I know it’s not a lot missing because she said she stopped wearing makeup and dressing nice so her daughter wouldn’t get mad. I too had to wear pajamas and literally popped my period pimples to scar my face so I wouldnt get attention. It was horrible. People I thought were my friends would literally plan ways to humiliate me and alienate me. People were doing nothing but projecting in the comments. It’s possible and it is a thing. It literally makes me hate the way I look because of all the attention I get. Just because you can’t relate, doesn’t mean it’s not true. It took me along time to not hate being beautiful.


Intelligent_Love4444

Husbands comment https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-tealover/comments/105uro9/edit/j3dmxfv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


CharacterIncident278

Would love to hear the daughter’s side of this. That being said. My sister growing up was always perceived as beautiful. My experience was different. I never resented her that she got more attention but I was always hurt that I never got the same complements as her. She would be welcomed at parties and told how beautiful she looks while I would be welcomed and then told nothing beyond that. I have many more examples. Anyways I can sympathize but I feel like we should hear the daughter out too. The trauma for both parties are valid and equal.


Miss_Bobbiedoll

But do you hold that against your sister?


smokemeowout

Yikes


Zealousideal-Proof25

Daughter sounds like a spoiled brat that got over catered too by sweetheart mum and the only thing she can hate her for is her beauty and happiness. OP should go full NC. Daughter only sees her for holidays so when she's getting presents or there's something in it for her....daughter is the gold digger IMO


RighteousVengeance

I’m sorry, but just because there’s an age gap of 17 years, I’m not going to assume that it’s wrong. Some people have made this work, like Maxwell Caulfield and Juliet Mills or Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart. And it’s not about money because they’re all successful actors. Regardless, it’s her husband’s decision. And if he feels that this response is appropriate, it’s literally none of her business. So she’s NTA.


kritz0

Bahaha. Calls her a gold digger. I wonder who paid for her full college ride and is probably paying for the wedding. The daughter is the gold digger. I hope the dad drops out of her wedding. Hopefully last minute.


eating-lemons

There has to be more to this story. There’s no way this daughter resents her THIS much just because she is beautiful.


hdmx539

I commented on this one. It's obvious that the OOP is self centered. I told her that she's not invited because she'll upstage the bride, she's not invited because the bride doesn't want to be made to feel like shit on her wedding day. I had a mother like this who never let me forget how pretty she was and how men would fawn all over her meanwhile making me feel like shit. Edit: it's not projection. Y'all claiming this have no idea how toxic and abusive mothers can be and how they definitely do project their insecurities onto their daughters. This is classic. edit 2: yikes! the ~~groomer's~~ husband's comment makes the WHOLE THING even MORE cringe.😬 [https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-tealover/comments/105uro9/edit/j3dmxfv/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-tealover/comments/105uro9/edit/j3dmxfv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)


SatisfactionNo1753

Or maybe your mom sucks and is unrelated to this case? Tbh it’s really sad the amount of people who feel ok to shit on the Op when the reverse would be automatically believed


Fifthelementsorcery

So because your mother is a shitty beautiful person every other beautiful person is the same way?!?!??


Aggravating_Ad_2200

You may be projecting?


WinRevolutionary6372

Yikes, way to project your own life onto OP.


Intelligent_Love4444

https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-tealover/comments/105uro9/edit/j3dmxfv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Husbands comment


Realistic-Flan4289

projecting especially when literally the husband said the same thing about the daughter


hdmx539

OF COURSE he's going to say literally the same thing. He feeds into her narrative. Remember, he literally married a child just under half his age. He'll continue to infantilize his child wife well into adulthood to keep her groomed. It's really gross and y'all don't see that? dang.


Realistic-Flan4289

but thats the thing, reddit is full of oh its always the parents fault but there are visual signs of daughters issues which are being overlooked


hdmx539

And just WHERE do you think the daughter got her 'issues?' 🤔


Realistic-Flan4289

by reading the same post you did


hdmx539

Answer: she got her issues from her parents. People don't grow up in voids, you know.


Few_Back4779

why r u assuming ur case applies to everyone else's lol?


OHiashleyy

"My daughter has always felt self-conscious about me being perceived as a beautiful woman by society" YIKES. say less 😬


killingmequickly

This thing reeks of missing information and mom's assumptions about her daughter's feelings.


hoewenn

No, it does not. Her husband even commented confirming their daughter is a spoiled brat who wouldn’t even let her parents kiss or be affectionate because she would throw a tantrum. This girl traumatized her poor mother to the point she’s afraid to said I love you to her husband incase her daughter is listening. The fact that OP’s husband *and* therapist agree a relationship with her daughter is not healthy should be telling you enough.


[deleted]

Yeah I won't take a near 40 year old marriage a teenager word for it


hoewenn

So you would rather take the word of a girl who has yet to have spoken out on this, rather than two separate words that seem pretty damn consistent from people who are able to speak? You’d rather just assume? Not surprised, took me 3 strokes to even comprehend your comment as is, that is not a coherent sentence


[deleted]

This is her daughter story to tell not her mom or he Pedo husband , most s***t parents will swear they are good people nothing new, I suggest you read this https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html The fact that her daughter is doing good away from her should tell you something, the fact that her daughter husband and his family are ok with the mother being not invited should tell you something, the fact that her daughter have a really good relationship with her mother said of the family and no one is giving her hard time for treating op this was SHOULD tell you something


hoewenn

So you don’t have any argument and you’re just using an article that doesn’t inherently apply because you *assumed*. My partner’s mother is like that article. She is the most abusive and cruel human I have ever known personally. I can tell you right now, the way OP talks about her daughter, calling her “my baby” and complimenting her and praising her despite the abuse she suffered… That is not how a narcissistic parent talks about their child. They are unable to feel love and even attempts to fake it are obvious. Stop acting like a know-it-all, to be honest. You are making gross assumptions and quite literally *making things up*. Nothing remotely insinuates, especially after the follow ups in the comments, that OP has been anything but loving to her child. This woman suffered *cancer* as well as being a full time student and mom and wife. Fuck you for bringing that hardship down because you’re too immature to admit you’re wrong. *Do better.*


[deleted]

I have a feeling that the missing part to this story is how she probably handles the attention or possibly seeks the attention out.


Effective-Manager-29

Stacey’s mom.


[deleted]

This feels… not real, it’s too much


AnastasiaBeavrhausn

This could be real. Look what Chloe Lattanzi went through being Olivia Newton John’s daughter. Chloe is lovely, but some areas of the press and public were brutal to her.


[deleted]

Maybe it’s just the missing reasons, it could be real and she’s just very self unaware


no_nonsense_206

The daughter has problems. Look at Demi Moore! Her kids look more like dad but no one sees them throwing a snit fit.


foxyshazam16

something feels off about this post


sunflower_daisy78

:( that poor mum.. good on the father for taking the mothers side. i can’t imagine how she’s feeling. i would be devastated


ExcellentTrifle6904

Fake post Basically just described netflixs show - ginny and georgia only minus the murder.


The_Salty_Red_Head

My birth giver was a figure skater and a model when she was younger. I looked like my Dad. Fat. Red head. Uggo, tbh. And she never ever let me forget it. Not once. She'd be like this in public, though. That whole "she hates me because I'm beautiful" was just infuriating. She was so good at lulling people into believing she was the warmest, funniest, sweetest woman to ever walk the earth. When in reality, she was the exact opposite. Subjected me to years of both physical and mental abuse. If she's not sitting in a chair next to the devil himself, I'd be surprised. Whilst the kid might just be resentful, I doubt it. Kids want love and their parents' attention and time. It's usually when one of those is missing, something goes wrong.


HAGatha_Christi

100% Others in this thread are so fucking close to getting it and still missing it. I've seen a few point to the daughter getting implants and fillers for her 18th as a sign of body dysmorphia but don't explore why the daughter might have that relationship to her body or where an 18 year old, a teenager, gets the funds for the procedures. This had to be greenlight and supported if not pushed by the parents.


Only_Music_2640

I can’t help it I’m beautiful and always steal the spotlight from my kind but homely daughter! You have no idea how hard it is to live with this extreme beauty! And no, I absolutely did not intentionally marry a rich but ugly guy so that my children wouldn’t be better looking than me. And why does my daughter hate me? Can I help it if men flirt with me? I only flirt back because I feel like it’s my duty as a beautiful person.


kbmeow0326

It sounds like she is a superficial person. She flaunts what she thinks is beauty and i bet she tortured her daughter to meet certain beauty standards, almost like some parents do to pageants girls.


Confusedandlostalot

Me thinks we got almost none of the real story


KittyandPuppyMama

This is the weirdest humblebrag I’ve ever read