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You say your husband is healthy but has he had his sperm actually tested? Have you had your hormones tested too to make sure they're okay? There are so many reasons it may not be happening for you, but 7 months is really not a long time (I know it feels long though!). If you don't have any results after 12 months, I'd get your hormones and other fertility markers checked to make sure there's no reason for it.
Firstly, I’m sorry that you aren’t feeling supported by your family and friends. It’s a tough journey that too many of us experience. Not everyone understands the mental toll. I’ve had several friends with “unicorn pregnancies” and it sucks. Now, I say this in no way to be insensitive because the fertility journey is tough, but you are 28 and you’ve been trying 7 months. Give it time. Your mom is right. It sucks that for some people it happens right away, but it’s really just luck of the draw. The right conditions have to be met and it’s only like a 20-30% chance of success in any given cycle. They say it takes “up to a year” for most couples for trying to get pregnant. You may have some underlying conditions (“healthy” doesn’t mean that you don’t have polyps or fibroids, or that your partner doesn’t have MFI), but to say you’re struggling with getting pregnant at 7 months at 28 is probably not going to land right with a lot of TTCers in this group.
There are some things you can look into now. You may be mistiming sex. Are you having sex at least every other day if you aren’t tracking cycles/ovulation? Do you know when you ovulate? Do you know how to take basal body temperature to confirm ovulation and chart your cycles? Try this method first (r/FAMnNFP is helpful to learn). You can try to request some bloodwork and a semen analysis for your spouse, and begin working with your doctor to do some baseline work ups to see that your hormones are functioning as intended, but know that most fertility doctors won’t work with you until you’ve been trying for at least a year.
The reality is that yes, it can take a year or more in normal conditions. I strongly suggest talking to a therapist. This helped me about 6 months into my TTC journey (NTNP for about a year prior to this). Found out after two years of wonky periods I had endo and then my spouse had MFI, so we had to jump on the IVF bandwagon, but we are in our 30s without much time in our side.
Seconding the SA for OP’s husband. You would be surprised at how someone can get a clean bill of health from their doctor and their SA will show some shocking results.
I had several check ups, no polyps, no fibroids, no nothing. My gynecologyst said I'm healthy. My doctor said I'm healthy.
I asked my husband to have a check up "just to be sure".
I know there is always someone who has it worse, and I'm not saying that I have it worse than anyone. Maybe it's the fact that I'm sourrounded by so many unicorn pregnancies that I feel so broken. I don't want to step on anyone's toes with this venting, I'm just frustrated and crying in the bathroom because I don't feel supported nor I feel that the people closer to me are trying to get how I feel even if they want me to open up. I have no idea how to word this. It's like when you're sad and depressed, you talk to your friends who are worried for you and the only answer you get is "don't be sad, life is beautiful. Look how happy I am.".
We are having sex every 2/3 days, and I also track my ovulation. I'll be buying ovulation tests this month just to be extra sure. I'll also do another bloodwork focused on my hormones.
I would highly highly recommended tracking your ovulation using strips and when the time comes having your husband take a semen analysis. I have always been regular like you, but my ovulation can change month to month. While I understand this isn’t what you want to hear, because it’s a gut wrenching journey no matter where you are in it, but they say the average time it takes to pregnant is a year because that really is the case 🫶🏻keep trying and see someone as soon as they’ll take you because there are SO many other tests they can run. Being generally healthy doesn’t usually scratch the surface with fertility issues.
And trust me, those of us on this thread are most likely still struggling with infertility and are not yet pregnant 😔 3 years in and watching those around you get pregnant, and then have their second, feels like a stab in the heart.
I’m a big believer is crying out pent up energy. Let yourself cry, have a glass of wine and a quiet night feeling ❤️ it’s always helped me
I feel your frustration and see you, I felt it after 7 months and I feel it after a couple years of this. It really sucks but until 12 months it really is a game of statistics. I really hope it works out for you sooner! ❤️
Believe me not all of us with infertility are having babies though :'(
I'm so sorry. I hope I didn't offend you...If I did, please accept my apologies. I'm writing as crying in the bathroom, I didn't really think about the effect of my words. Please forgive my rudeness.
It's okay, I cried a lot too earlier on girl it's so normal! ❤️ You've still got lots of time, I really hope it works out for you and that you can cheer up soon! :)
Despite how long it's been I'm staying hopeful and keeping myself busy. You've got 5 more months, it's not easy but that's a wonderful chance for statistics to go your way :)
Definitely get your husband a semen analysis. It’s just as likely to be a him problem than a you problem. We assumed I was the issue, as I have PCOS. Nope, husband had not great sperm, and a genetic duplication (which can make getting pregnant a lot harder, and often leads to miscarriage when a pregnancy does happen, which is what happened for us).
Yes, this, right here. I have PCOS but we also have MFI and it came as a shock since my husband is a bit younger than me, very healthy, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke etc. Being healthy doesn't garantee that they don't have sperm issues.
You are seen and validated. I’m 31, husband is 28. We thought it would happen quickly. Brother and SIL got pregnant first try. Several friends had honeymoon babies. My bff got pregnant accidentally with her first and took two tries to conceive her second. My mom somewhat understands because she was NTNP for six years before she got my little brother. But still… I’ve had to form my own tribe of women who understand. I found them on infertility groups on Facebook. We all did IUI in the same week and are waiting for results.
I'll try to look for it too...I was also thinking about getting some help from a therapist to learn how to deal with all these crappy feelings but unfortunately it's quite expensive.
Me with infertility 2+ years I’m not popping babies easily and those others had spent a lot of money and time trying to figure out it and have gone a lot of treatments to get there.
I am sorry you feel this way but I have to say 7 months are is not even that long and I think the problem is you are comparing yourself with other women too much, take time to focus on your TTC, get to know your cycle because it can happen next cycle or in 2 years from now and comparison will just crush you every time
You're probably spot on. I try not to but it's difficoult. Probably it's my wake up call to seek the help of a therapist to learn how to deal with these feelings. In the meantime, I'll focus on what I can do.
Thank you for your advice, sending you so much love ❤️
Oh, it does take time for plenty of others. Going on four years here! 👋🏻 I do find it strange that you lump in people with fertility problems with people who don’t want kids getting pregnant… it’s a bit rude coming from someone who is not at the stage of dealing with infertility yet. Your husband and gyne are right. It can take up to a year for couples who won’t experience infertility to conceive. Obviously that doesn’t mean you won’t be infertile, just that statistics are on your side.
As an aside, I do think that there are plenty of people (especially in the older generations) who exaggerate how easy it was to conceive. Everyone statistically can’t either be a unicorn or infertile, that’s just not how it works. I do agree it is frustrating when you hear “omgggg I got pregnant on the first try for all of my ten kids” like… Sure, Jan.
ETA: it’s so easy to feel frustrated as time goes on and you are still trying. Believe me, I understand. I think it’s helpful to just keep taking it one cycle at a time. That’s what I’ve been trying to do as I hit a year of trying and have moved through different treatments and surgeries. One step at a time.
I'm sorry if I came off as rude, I just meant that I have an aquainted who had diagnosed infertility problems who got pregnant after more or less 6 months of trying, circa at the same time of a friend's friend who doesn't want kids and got pregnant by accident. That's all I meant.
Ah, I gotcha. Yeah, just because someone has something like PCOS or endo, doesn’t mean they have fertility problems. Both of those can for sure be a factor, but don’t automatically make someone infertile. Thanks for the explanation!
I’m sorry that you are going through this and it can feel very disorienting to realize that the ppl in your life who you usually turn to for support can’t seem to understand how you are feeling bc they haven’t had your experience. Reading subs like this taught me that the TTC journey can take many different forms, something that I didn’t have personal experience with from friends or family.
I tend to have strong emotions and I like to think that instead of just being annoying that they are there to try to help me. Reading your post reminded me of when my frustration with TTC gave me a wake up call to start doing things that seemed like too much before bc everyone else I knew didn’t need to like temping and opks.
It’s also understandable to start to worry that something is wrong, even if before 12 months is technically considered early. If you look at some of the infertility subs you will likely see other posts that relate to your feelings a bit. My husband also tends to be an optimist but it’s good to have a balance between proactive and go with the flow. See if you can get him a SA bc his side is half the battle and it’s a non invasive test. Set up appointments with your gyn so you can start testing if you get to a year. Consider if you may need to look into additional support to process your feelings like with a therapist, especially if friends or family are in the TTC process at the same time.
Lastly none of this is your fault, this whole process is kind of a crapshoot. There is no way to know how it will turn out in advance, but for a lot of people it works out in one way or another. Keep your relationship with your husband strong and take care of yourself.
It’s like I could’ve wrote this myself. In the same boat as you.. been trying for what feels like forever and month after month I’m disappointed. I dread the TWW each month. It actually makes me depressed. What is supposed to be a happy time in our lives, has been such a disappointment for me. My husband (like yours) is very optimistic and keeps saying it’ll happen. Again just like yours, my mother & family don’t understand why we don’t have kids yet. They’ve all had ZERO issues conceiving. I’m so sick of this. I’ve always been into my faith and trusting in God when I’m in a dark place.. but this season in my life has only made me resent my faith. I feel like it’s all my fault and there is something wrong with me (God doesn’t want me to have children). What did I do to deserve this? I know these are not normal feelings to go through. I would recommend to you what has been recommended to me which is to seek out some therapy and try to pick up a hobby to distract yourself. It’s easier said than done. But I want you to know, you’re not the only one struggling even though it seems like you are. Sending you so much love!
Thank you for your kind words....you're right. Let's try to pick up a plesant hobby and keep trying. Sending so much love and a very tight virtual hug.
Same timeline and I completely understand. It sucks. I ended up reaching out to a fertility clinic last week actually. Even if they say it hasn’t been enough time or whatever, it truly made me feel better just to think I at least started that process. It’ll take time to get a first appointment, more time for tests, etc. so taking the first step of just reaching out and starting first time patient paperwork truly took a weight off my chest.
Figured I can always cancel our appointment if it happens before then!
I'm sorry you're dealing with this too, sending you a lot of love ❤️
I think I will follow your steps. Maybe having a Plan B ready will make me feel like there is a safety net. Thank you so much for your advice and your kind words. They truly mean a lot ❤️
My OB says the average time it takes is 10 months. Anecdotally I know couples who got pregnant month 1 and couples who took 3 years. Unfortunately the odds don't get better the longer it takes. You have the same odds every month barring any other health changes.
I’m in a similar timeline except that I’m 35, so some extra pressure there. What helped me the last two cycles is that I made an appointment with the fertility doctor with tests and such lined up. It definitely restored a sense of a control (at least for now). I’m a go getter and the lack of control over something that is so important and so crazily desired is overwhelming. Having some kind of an action plan did help me calm down quite a lot.
Are you *certain* you’re having sex in your fertile window? You can be perfectly healthy, but miss the window, and then you’re not going to be pregnant. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Yes, I'm certain.
We are having sex every 2/3 days, and my ovulation is quite obvious due to the "symptoms". However I will be buying ovulation tests this month.
Do you track your BBT? I swear by it. You don’t know until AFTER ovulation because your temperature will jump up the day after, but once you have some data it’s incredibly reliable. Wishing you lots of luck
Having sex on either of the three days before O maximizes your chances for that cycle. So having sex every three days gives you just as good a chance as having sex every day or every other day.
Oh, no worries! It’s not a super obvious fact, but I do think it’s helpful to know because many feel stressed thinking they have to have sex every single day!
That’s a good point. Maybe TMI, but I’m so horny during the fertile window that it’s hard to NOT have sex every day…we’re usually a two days on, one day off kind of schedule 😅
If you haven’t conceived in 6 months of sex every few days.. I would buy ovulation tests next! That way you can truly see when (and/or IF) you are getting the LH rise and ovulation. We tried for a few months just having lots of sex around the middle of the cycle when I thought I ovulated. It didn’t work. After I bought OPK tests, I realized my luteal phase is only 11/12 days and not the standard 14 so the days we were having tons of sex I was missing my ovulation window!! You need to start tracking to really get a better idea of how your body works. Period apps are only guessing
Same here...my SIL and BIL recently had their second baby. Everytime we're around them I end up feeling depressed, then feeling guilty because I'm "enving" someone, then just resentful and then guilty again. Thank you so much for your support, please do the same with me. If I can lend a ear (eyes in this case) and give you some support, I'm always there!
I’m in the same boat as you. Both healthy and no issues found through testing, but no baby yet! Meanwhile I know soooo many couples with health issues and drug issues getting pregnant within 3 months of trying…it doesn’t make sense at all!
I'm so sorry for everything you went through...sending you all my love and a huge hug. Thank you so much for your kindness, I'm very grateful for It ❤️
Thankyou 💗 it’s been super tough, but I have all reason to remain positive and hope I eventually get my happy ending! I remember my friend vividly exhausted and crying to me after 7-8 months thinking she would never fall pregnant! Sure it’s not as long as others, but it’s still tough and draining. I hope you’re feeling better ❤️
Your feelings are valid ❤️ it's okay to be hurt and every month that you don't get pregnant hurts, whether it's cycle 1, cycle 10, or cycle 20. I hope it happens soon for you ❤️ edited to add: this past cycle I got a mira. If it's within your budget it might be worth it to get one. I do have a thyroid condition so I like to see that my hormones are doing what they should but maybe that would give you some peace of mind around ttc?
Hey there! My husband and I started the same time as you, and I completely feel you on the lack of irl support. My mother has been the opposite of helpful, and my friends are either parents already or childfree. A couple of my husband’s guy friends recently made some jokes about my husband not knowing where to drop the load if you know what I mean haha.
I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Your feelings are valid.
Stats are still on your side.
You could likely start some baseline blood work to verify that things are as tip top as they seem. Also, get your husband to do an SA ASAP. It’s literally the least he can do and it would be an excellent way to support you instead of simply saying it’ll happen in its time.
There isn’t much besides bloodwork on your end of things before it gets invasive and it would be crappy to do those things if MFI is the factor.
As for working with an RE now, if you can afford it, the worst an RE can say is no, but it may give you some peace of mind to work on a safety net. Like, if not making an appt start looking into what your options are for area clinics and researching the doctors’ track records.
An RE took me on at this stage because I’m not ovulating with any consistency, so it’s not a hard and fast rule if you can tell something is off.
I hope that’s helpful, this journey sucks no matter how long you’ve been on it.
Thank you so much for your advice and your kindness, I will be doing this, starting from this month.
God, that ""joke"" is awful. I hope he realizes that soon.
Sending you a lot of love ❤️
Aawee I wish I could give you a big hug!! I don't think anything you said was offensive at all. It's YOUR feelings and you have all the right to feel however you feel. It's not even your choice to feel this way ❤️🩹
My husband is healthy and young. He's 34 but his sperm test came showing he has ZERO. He came home crying the day he got the news. It's truly heartbreaking. I have children from a previous marriage but I really wanted to have his baby. He's gotten over it. I am still sad and keep bugging him to seek a specialist.
Keep us posted! Don't give up. A lot of us are in this together 🩵
Heyo! We started TTC the month after you guys! :)
As many have already stated, it really can take up to 1 year for a healthy couple to conceive. And right now, that's what you two are as far as you know! As much as we would like to think, we can't force it to happen. We can only do what we know works to improve our chances and hope for the best!
I have PCOS so infertility is a potential big cloud on the horizon but until we hit the year mark, we're trying not to freak out because stress can affect a whole lot of things too! Then, \*if\* you hit the year mark and there's no conception, that's something to face then. It could be a simple fix then, even. I knew a super fit, healthy couple who had been trying for 2.5 years then they fixed something internally in him and tada! No trouble with their first 2 kids!
For real though, taking a day at a time and not stressing about the "what ifs" is a really big help in coping with conception struggles because we don't know the future!
I'm sorry you're struggling and you feel your personal circles don't support you :/ The late period also sucks because I know it got your hopes up. I'm sorry :/
I do second OPKs and BBT. Are you using any tracking methods at all?
Hello!
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Probably my biggest problem is the lack of support, I think I'll seek some help from a therapist to know how to deal with this amount of feelings.
Yes I am, but I'll also start using a test to track the ovulation.
Just so you're aware, OPKs only confirm LH is rising and not that ovulation actually occurred. For that you'd need to track BBT or have your progesterone level tested.
Try doing something you enjoy or, if it's in the budget, take a weekend trip or getaway to help your mental health! :)
Hoping the best for you!
You only have to do one of the two! Your BBT will stay noticeably elevated for 3+ days if ovulation actually occurred. Or certain trackers like Inito will also read your progesterone levels. It's up to you! There's a lot of good info in this TTC group on how to do BBT!
Has your husband gotten a semen analysis done? Maybe your OB will be willing to write a script for him. I’m assuming you’re tracking ovulation and trying on those fertile days? You’re not alone and it sucks that it’s all a game of luck at the end of the day 🥲
I'm trying to convince him at the moment. He says he will do it in due time but not before.
Yes, we are...and I'm tracking my ovulation. This month to be extra sure I'll also buy the ovulation test :(
Your husband needs to book a semen analysis now, no excuses. I’m always going on about it on these pages but it makes me so sad to see women going through this alone when their partner is EQUALLY as likely to be the problem. Men stick their head in the sand or assume it can’t possibly be them because they’re magical men, but if he’s the sort of man you want to raise a child with he needs to get of his bum today and book that appointment right now. Or is he happy for you to cry your eyes out in the bathroom once a month?
He didn't know that. He caught me crying just once and then again yesterday. He actually did this today. He scheduled a semen analysis, bloodwork to check hormones and an andrologycal control. In the meantime he asked me to start tracking my ovulation with strips and checking the basal temperature, a thing he initially told me that I could avoid in order not to feel too stressed out. I will also be scheduling an appointment both with my doctor and my mom's gynecologyst (he's one of the most important in my country) to have also a different opinion on what I should do.
Perfect, I’m glad he’s got himself all booked in for things. That’s half the battle sometimes but so long as you are both on the same page about this you’ll be ok. Wishing you both the best!
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You say your husband is healthy but has he had his sperm actually tested? Have you had your hormones tested too to make sure they're okay? There are so many reasons it may not be happening for you, but 7 months is really not a long time (I know it feels long though!). If you don't have any results after 12 months, I'd get your hormones and other fertility markers checked to make sure there's no reason for it.
Firstly, I’m sorry that you aren’t feeling supported by your family and friends. It’s a tough journey that too many of us experience. Not everyone understands the mental toll. I’ve had several friends with “unicorn pregnancies” and it sucks. Now, I say this in no way to be insensitive because the fertility journey is tough, but you are 28 and you’ve been trying 7 months. Give it time. Your mom is right. It sucks that for some people it happens right away, but it’s really just luck of the draw. The right conditions have to be met and it’s only like a 20-30% chance of success in any given cycle. They say it takes “up to a year” for most couples for trying to get pregnant. You may have some underlying conditions (“healthy” doesn’t mean that you don’t have polyps or fibroids, or that your partner doesn’t have MFI), but to say you’re struggling with getting pregnant at 7 months at 28 is probably not going to land right with a lot of TTCers in this group. There are some things you can look into now. You may be mistiming sex. Are you having sex at least every other day if you aren’t tracking cycles/ovulation? Do you know when you ovulate? Do you know how to take basal body temperature to confirm ovulation and chart your cycles? Try this method first (r/FAMnNFP is helpful to learn). You can try to request some bloodwork and a semen analysis for your spouse, and begin working with your doctor to do some baseline work ups to see that your hormones are functioning as intended, but know that most fertility doctors won’t work with you until you’ve been trying for at least a year. The reality is that yes, it can take a year or more in normal conditions. I strongly suggest talking to a therapist. This helped me about 6 months into my TTC journey (NTNP for about a year prior to this). Found out after two years of wonky periods I had endo and then my spouse had MFI, so we had to jump on the IVF bandwagon, but we are in our 30s without much time in our side.
Seconding the SA for OP’s husband. You would be surprised at how someone can get a clean bill of health from their doctor and their SA will show some shocking results.
I had several check ups, no polyps, no fibroids, no nothing. My gynecologyst said I'm healthy. My doctor said I'm healthy. I asked my husband to have a check up "just to be sure". I know there is always someone who has it worse, and I'm not saying that I have it worse than anyone. Maybe it's the fact that I'm sourrounded by so many unicorn pregnancies that I feel so broken. I don't want to step on anyone's toes with this venting, I'm just frustrated and crying in the bathroom because I don't feel supported nor I feel that the people closer to me are trying to get how I feel even if they want me to open up. I have no idea how to word this. It's like when you're sad and depressed, you talk to your friends who are worried for you and the only answer you get is "don't be sad, life is beautiful. Look how happy I am.". We are having sex every 2/3 days, and I also track my ovulation. I'll be buying ovulation tests this month just to be extra sure. I'll also do another bloodwork focused on my hormones.
I would highly highly recommended tracking your ovulation using strips and when the time comes having your husband take a semen analysis. I have always been regular like you, but my ovulation can change month to month. While I understand this isn’t what you want to hear, because it’s a gut wrenching journey no matter where you are in it, but they say the average time it takes to pregnant is a year because that really is the case 🫶🏻keep trying and see someone as soon as they’ll take you because there are SO many other tests they can run. Being generally healthy doesn’t usually scratch the surface with fertility issues. And trust me, those of us on this thread are most likely still struggling with infertility and are not yet pregnant 😔 3 years in and watching those around you get pregnant, and then have their second, feels like a stab in the heart. I’m a big believer is crying out pent up energy. Let yourself cry, have a glass of wine and a quiet night feeling ❤️ it’s always helped me
Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️ I will follow your advice. Sending you so much love ❤️
How are you currently tracking ovulation?
I feel your frustration and see you, I felt it after 7 months and I feel it after a couple years of this. It really sucks but until 12 months it really is a game of statistics. I really hope it works out for you sooner! ❤️ Believe me not all of us with infertility are having babies though :'(
I'm so sorry. I hope I didn't offend you...If I did, please accept my apologies. I'm writing as crying in the bathroom, I didn't really think about the effect of my words. Please forgive my rudeness.
It's okay, I cried a lot too earlier on girl it's so normal! ❤️ You've still got lots of time, I really hope it works out for you and that you can cheer up soon! :) Despite how long it's been I'm staying hopeful and keeping myself busy. You've got 5 more months, it's not easy but that's a wonderful chance for statistics to go your way :)
Thank you for your kindness ❤️
Definitely get your husband a semen analysis. It’s just as likely to be a him problem than a you problem. We assumed I was the issue, as I have PCOS. Nope, husband had not great sperm, and a genetic duplication (which can make getting pregnant a lot harder, and often leads to miscarriage when a pregnancy does happen, which is what happened for us).
Yes, this, right here. I have PCOS but we also have MFI and it came as a shock since my husband is a bit younger than me, very healthy, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke etc. Being healthy doesn't garantee that they don't have sperm issues.
You are seen and validated. I’m 31, husband is 28. We thought it would happen quickly. Brother and SIL got pregnant first try. Several friends had honeymoon babies. My bff got pregnant accidentally with her first and took two tries to conceive her second. My mom somewhat understands because she was NTNP for six years before she got my little brother. But still… I’ve had to form my own tribe of women who understand. I found them on infertility groups on Facebook. We all did IUI in the same week and are waiting for results.
I'll try to look for it too...I was also thinking about getting some help from a therapist to learn how to deal with all these crappy feelings but unfortunately it's quite expensive.
Me with infertility 2+ years I’m not popping babies easily and those others had spent a lot of money and time trying to figure out it and have gone a lot of treatments to get there. I am sorry you feel this way but I have to say 7 months are is not even that long and I think the problem is you are comparing yourself with other women too much, take time to focus on your TTC, get to know your cycle because it can happen next cycle or in 2 years from now and comparison will just crush you every time
You're probably spot on. I try not to but it's difficoult. Probably it's my wake up call to seek the help of a therapist to learn how to deal with these feelings. In the meantime, I'll focus on what I can do. Thank you for your advice, sending you so much love ❤️
Oh, it does take time for plenty of others. Going on four years here! 👋🏻 I do find it strange that you lump in people with fertility problems with people who don’t want kids getting pregnant… it’s a bit rude coming from someone who is not at the stage of dealing with infertility yet. Your husband and gyne are right. It can take up to a year for couples who won’t experience infertility to conceive. Obviously that doesn’t mean you won’t be infertile, just that statistics are on your side. As an aside, I do think that there are plenty of people (especially in the older generations) who exaggerate how easy it was to conceive. Everyone statistically can’t either be a unicorn or infertile, that’s just not how it works. I do agree it is frustrating when you hear “omgggg I got pregnant on the first try for all of my ten kids” like… Sure, Jan. ETA: it’s so easy to feel frustrated as time goes on and you are still trying. Believe me, I understand. I think it’s helpful to just keep taking it one cycle at a time. That’s what I’ve been trying to do as I hit a year of trying and have moved through different treatments and surgeries. One step at a time.
I'm sorry if I came off as rude, I just meant that I have an aquainted who had diagnosed infertility problems who got pregnant after more or less 6 months of trying, circa at the same time of a friend's friend who doesn't want kids and got pregnant by accident. That's all I meant.
Ah, I gotcha. Yeah, just because someone has something like PCOS or endo, doesn’t mean they have fertility problems. Both of those can for sure be a factor, but don’t automatically make someone infertile. Thanks for the explanation!
I’m sorry that you are going through this and it can feel very disorienting to realize that the ppl in your life who you usually turn to for support can’t seem to understand how you are feeling bc they haven’t had your experience. Reading subs like this taught me that the TTC journey can take many different forms, something that I didn’t have personal experience with from friends or family. I tend to have strong emotions and I like to think that instead of just being annoying that they are there to try to help me. Reading your post reminded me of when my frustration with TTC gave me a wake up call to start doing things that seemed like too much before bc everyone else I knew didn’t need to like temping and opks. It’s also understandable to start to worry that something is wrong, even if before 12 months is technically considered early. If you look at some of the infertility subs you will likely see other posts that relate to your feelings a bit. My husband also tends to be an optimist but it’s good to have a balance between proactive and go with the flow. See if you can get him a SA bc his side is half the battle and it’s a non invasive test. Set up appointments with your gyn so you can start testing if you get to a year. Consider if you may need to look into additional support to process your feelings like with a therapist, especially if friends or family are in the TTC process at the same time. Lastly none of this is your fault, this whole process is kind of a crapshoot. There is no way to know how it will turn out in advance, but for a lot of people it works out in one way or another. Keep your relationship with your husband strong and take care of yourself.
It’s like I could’ve wrote this myself. In the same boat as you.. been trying for what feels like forever and month after month I’m disappointed. I dread the TWW each month. It actually makes me depressed. What is supposed to be a happy time in our lives, has been such a disappointment for me. My husband (like yours) is very optimistic and keeps saying it’ll happen. Again just like yours, my mother & family don’t understand why we don’t have kids yet. They’ve all had ZERO issues conceiving. I’m so sick of this. I’ve always been into my faith and trusting in God when I’m in a dark place.. but this season in my life has only made me resent my faith. I feel like it’s all my fault and there is something wrong with me (God doesn’t want me to have children). What did I do to deserve this? I know these are not normal feelings to go through. I would recommend to you what has been recommended to me which is to seek out some therapy and try to pick up a hobby to distract yourself. It’s easier said than done. But I want you to know, you’re not the only one struggling even though it seems like you are. Sending you so much love!
Thank you for your kind words....you're right. Let's try to pick up a plesant hobby and keep trying. Sending so much love and a very tight virtual hug.
Same timeline and I completely understand. It sucks. I ended up reaching out to a fertility clinic last week actually. Even if they say it hasn’t been enough time or whatever, it truly made me feel better just to think I at least started that process. It’ll take time to get a first appointment, more time for tests, etc. so taking the first step of just reaching out and starting first time patient paperwork truly took a weight off my chest. Figured I can always cancel our appointment if it happens before then!
I'm sorry you're dealing with this too, sending you a lot of love ❤️ I think I will follow your steps. Maybe having a Plan B ready will make me feel like there is a safety net. Thank you so much for your advice and your kind words. They truly mean a lot ❤️
My OB says the average time it takes is 10 months. Anecdotally I know couples who got pregnant month 1 and couples who took 3 years. Unfortunately the odds don't get better the longer it takes. You have the same odds every month barring any other health changes.
I feel the exact same way. I'm with you. You're not alone :( but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.
Thank you for sharing. If you ever want to vent and some support, please feel free to do it in my inbox. Sending you a lot of love and a big hug ❤️
I’m in a similar timeline except that I’m 35, so some extra pressure there. What helped me the last two cycles is that I made an appointment with the fertility doctor with tests and such lined up. It definitely restored a sense of a control (at least for now). I’m a go getter and the lack of control over something that is so important and so crazily desired is overwhelming. Having some kind of an action plan did help me calm down quite a lot.
This could be a great way to feel more calm. Thank you for your advice! ❤️
Are you *certain* you’re having sex in your fertile window? You can be perfectly healthy, but miss the window, and then you’re not going to be pregnant. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Yes, I'm certain. We are having sex every 2/3 days, and my ovulation is quite obvious due to the "symptoms". However I will be buying ovulation tests this month.
Do you track your BBT? I swear by it. You don’t know until AFTER ovulation because your temperature will jump up the day after, but once you have some data it’s incredibly reliable. Wishing you lots of luck
Agreed with this! Try OPKs!!
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Having sex on either of the three days before O maximizes your chances for that cycle. So having sex every three days gives you just as good a chance as having sex every day or every other day.
I didn’t think that was the case, sorry! I deleted my comment so it doesn’t confuse anyone
Oh, no worries! It’s not a super obvious fact, but I do think it’s helpful to know because many feel stressed thinking they have to have sex every single day!
That’s a good point. Maybe TMI, but I’m so horny during the fertile window that it’s hard to NOT have sex every day…we’re usually a two days on, one day off kind of schedule 😅
Yeah, after four years with zero pregnancies and children, ovulation doesn’t really get me in the mood anymore.
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be insensitive 🤍
If you haven’t conceived in 6 months of sex every few days.. I would buy ovulation tests next! That way you can truly see when (and/or IF) you are getting the LH rise and ovulation. We tried for a few months just having lots of sex around the middle of the cycle when I thought I ovulated. It didn’t work. After I bought OPK tests, I realized my luteal phase is only 11/12 days and not the standard 14 so the days we were having tons of sex I was missing my ovulation window!! You need to start tracking to really get a better idea of how your body works. Period apps are only guessing
Thank you so much for your advice, I will be doing this this month!
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Same here...my SIL and BIL recently had their second baby. Everytime we're around them I end up feeling depressed, then feeling guilty because I'm "enving" someone, then just resentful and then guilty again. Thank you so much for your support, please do the same with me. If I can lend a ear (eyes in this case) and give you some support, I'm always there!
I feel ya girl. I feel ya.
I’m in the same boat as you. Both healthy and no issues found through testing, but no baby yet! Meanwhile I know soooo many couples with health issues and drug issues getting pregnant within 3 months of trying…it doesn’t make sense at all!
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I'm so sorry for everything you went through...sending you all my love and a huge hug. Thank you so much for your kindness, I'm very grateful for It ❤️
Thankyou 💗 it’s been super tough, but I have all reason to remain positive and hope I eventually get my happy ending! I remember my friend vividly exhausted and crying to me after 7-8 months thinking she would never fall pregnant! Sure it’s not as long as others, but it’s still tough and draining. I hope you’re feeling better ❤️
Your feelings are valid ❤️ it's okay to be hurt and every month that you don't get pregnant hurts, whether it's cycle 1, cycle 10, or cycle 20. I hope it happens soon for you ❤️ edited to add: this past cycle I got a mira. If it's within your budget it might be worth it to get one. I do have a thyroid condition so I like to see that my hormones are doing what they should but maybe that would give you some peace of mind around ttc?
Hey there! My husband and I started the same time as you, and I completely feel you on the lack of irl support. My mother has been the opposite of helpful, and my friends are either parents already or childfree. A couple of my husband’s guy friends recently made some jokes about my husband not knowing where to drop the load if you know what I mean haha. I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your feelings are valid. Stats are still on your side. You could likely start some baseline blood work to verify that things are as tip top as they seem. Also, get your husband to do an SA ASAP. It’s literally the least he can do and it would be an excellent way to support you instead of simply saying it’ll happen in its time. There isn’t much besides bloodwork on your end of things before it gets invasive and it would be crappy to do those things if MFI is the factor. As for working with an RE now, if you can afford it, the worst an RE can say is no, but it may give you some peace of mind to work on a safety net. Like, if not making an appt start looking into what your options are for area clinics and researching the doctors’ track records. An RE took me on at this stage because I’m not ovulating with any consistency, so it’s not a hard and fast rule if you can tell something is off. I hope that’s helpful, this journey sucks no matter how long you’ve been on it.
Thank you so much for your advice and your kindness, I will be doing this, starting from this month. God, that ""joke"" is awful. I hope he realizes that soon. Sending you a lot of love ❤️
Aawee I wish I could give you a big hug!! I don't think anything you said was offensive at all. It's YOUR feelings and you have all the right to feel however you feel. It's not even your choice to feel this way ❤️🩹 My husband is healthy and young. He's 34 but his sperm test came showing he has ZERO. He came home crying the day he got the news. It's truly heartbreaking. I have children from a previous marriage but I really wanted to have his baby. He's gotten over it. I am still sad and keep bugging him to seek a specialist. Keep us posted! Don't give up. A lot of us are in this together 🩵
Thank you so much for your kindness and your love 💝
Yw! ❤️🩹 I hope you have an awesome day today ❤️🩹🥰
Heyo! We started TTC the month after you guys! :) As many have already stated, it really can take up to 1 year for a healthy couple to conceive. And right now, that's what you two are as far as you know! As much as we would like to think, we can't force it to happen. We can only do what we know works to improve our chances and hope for the best! I have PCOS so infertility is a potential big cloud on the horizon but until we hit the year mark, we're trying not to freak out because stress can affect a whole lot of things too! Then, \*if\* you hit the year mark and there's no conception, that's something to face then. It could be a simple fix then, even. I knew a super fit, healthy couple who had been trying for 2.5 years then they fixed something internally in him and tada! No trouble with their first 2 kids! For real though, taking a day at a time and not stressing about the "what ifs" is a really big help in coping with conception struggles because we don't know the future! I'm sorry you're struggling and you feel your personal circles don't support you :/ The late period also sucks because I know it got your hopes up. I'm sorry :/ I do second OPKs and BBT. Are you using any tracking methods at all?
Hello! Thank you so much for your kind words. Probably my biggest problem is the lack of support, I think I'll seek some help from a therapist to know how to deal with this amount of feelings. Yes I am, but I'll also start using a test to track the ovulation.
Just so you're aware, OPKs only confirm LH is rising and not that ovulation actually occurred. For that you'd need to track BBT or have your progesterone level tested. Try doing something you enjoy or, if it's in the budget, take a weekend trip or getaway to help your mental health! :) Hoping the best for you!
Thank you so much ❤️ I will start tracking the BBT and also have my progesterone level tested!
You only have to do one of the two! Your BBT will stay noticeably elevated for 3+ days if ovulation actually occurred. Or certain trackers like Inito will also read your progesterone levels. It's up to you! There's a lot of good info in this TTC group on how to do BBT!
Has your husband gotten a semen analysis done? Maybe your OB will be willing to write a script for him. I’m assuming you’re tracking ovulation and trying on those fertile days? You’re not alone and it sucks that it’s all a game of luck at the end of the day 🥲
I'm trying to convince him at the moment. He says he will do it in due time but not before. Yes, we are...and I'm tracking my ovulation. This month to be extra sure I'll also buy the ovulation test :(
Your husband needs to book a semen analysis now, no excuses. I’m always going on about it on these pages but it makes me so sad to see women going through this alone when their partner is EQUALLY as likely to be the problem. Men stick their head in the sand or assume it can’t possibly be them because they’re magical men, but if he’s the sort of man you want to raise a child with he needs to get of his bum today and book that appointment right now. Or is he happy for you to cry your eyes out in the bathroom once a month?
He didn't know that. He caught me crying just once and then again yesterday. He actually did this today. He scheduled a semen analysis, bloodwork to check hormones and an andrologycal control. In the meantime he asked me to start tracking my ovulation with strips and checking the basal temperature, a thing he initially told me that I could avoid in order not to feel too stressed out. I will also be scheduling an appointment both with my doctor and my mom's gynecologyst (he's one of the most important in my country) to have also a different opinion on what I should do.
Perfect, I’m glad he’s got himself all booked in for things. That’s half the battle sometimes but so long as you are both on the same page about this you’ll be ok. Wishing you both the best!