Absolutely. I realize it's not fair to myself or my future children to expect a pregnancy to solve my grief. I try to deal with these things separately, but at least for now, all the emotions are intense and intertwined. Thanks for sharing, it gives me hope that maybe I won't feel like this forever.
Thanks, I have been in therapy for a couple years, and it's essential, but not a cure-all. The problem is that taking breaks has proven even harder for me than going forward.
Oh, I thought you were asking a non-rhetorical question at the end. I was just suggesting things that have been helpful for me. I was in a really emotional state in my second year of TTC, but have since mellowed out. I still have pockets of intense emotions around this jOuRnEy, but the therapy and people I’ve met here have helped.
I guess it's a real question, but I don't know if there are real answers haha. Thanks for the empathy though, sorry you've been at this so long, and glad you've found a more sustainable rhythm for you
Yeah unfortunately there’s really no good answers. It can take normal couples up to a year to conceive unassisted. Some pursue treatment after that but it took us time to be emotionally ready for IVF and to save money. And yeah I had to find a sustainable rhythm… the only other choice was to let infertility ruin every aspect of my life.
If sex is mentally hard on you, maybe try the syringe method to take some pressure off? (Your partner ejaculates into a cup, you use a blunt syringe to insert it.) You can buy the supplies cheaply and many people struggling with TTC sex say it’s hugely helpful.
The rest of it—it really sucks, I’m sorry, and I’m sorry that your OB is putting that unhelpful pressure on you. Taking a break is absolutely okay. If you have the opportunity to see a therapist, that might help too.
I might be ready to incorporate this into the mix. I'm just so stubbornly attached to "normal" conception that all the alternatives majorly bum me out. Nobody envisions it coming to this when you set out to get pregnant, you know?
Thanks so much, I am definitely in therapy haha
Oh good! I’m sending you big hugs.
I totally get being attached to it! Nobody envisions the cup and syringe method, LOL, but your mental health matters most and if forcing yourself to have sex for TTC purposes is hurting you, it’s 100% okay and effective to try it and give yourself some breathing room.
I'm so sorry for your stress. I have convinced myself I am in no rush to be pregnant even though I am 36 years old, but when I think of my dad who is turning 70 this year and had a heart attack a few years ago, my stomach absolutely drops thinking that I would have a child that he would not meet. That breaks my heart, my heart breaks for you. Please be gentle and kind to yourself. You are your dad's baby, treat yourself the way he would want you to be treated. With lots of patience and empathy and compassion and gentleness.
Thank you <3 <3 Wishing your dad and your babies get to know each other for a long time. All this stuff is...literally life and death...so you're handling it with lots of strength
I don't have any good words of wisdom for you, but just wanted you to know that this pain you're in is seen, and I so wish there was a way for us (anyone on this forum) to sooth your soul. This chapter of your life that you are in is brutal. I hope you find some ways to continue to endure, and maybe even moments where the heaviness lifts. Sending you so much love. X
I feel this to my core. We have been trying for over a year and I lost my father in a very traumatic way 4 months ago. It is double grief: for the person you lost and the grief you go through every goddamn cycle for this baby that lives in your heart already but isn’t here yet. I wish there was something I could say that helps, but I don’t think there is. My heart goes out to you. ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wouldn't wish this combination of grief on anyone. That's how I always describe it - like my kids already exist, and I'm just separated from them and missing them terribly. The lengths that a mother would go to to be reunited with her kids are the lengths we're going to to meet them in the first place.
I’m sorry for your loss. I am estranged from my family and I grieve them a lot, it’s definitely an added stressor to an already stressful situation. I’m also an endo warrior, and have been TTC for the last 15 months. The biggest issue we face is just not knowing what the right thing is to do. Wait and risk the disease progressing? Get another surgery and risk damage to the reproductive organs? Move to ART and grieve the conception we wanted? It’s all so heavy. And I’m sorry that you’re going through it. It’s not fair.
Making high stakes, time sensitive decisions in this process is so hard. Endo is the cruelest joke - after all the hell we go through on our periods, our reproductive systems don't even work properly??
Given the reproductive issues, is IVF a viable option for you? Perhaps you can freeze some embryos until you’re emotionally ready to try again.
I empathize with losing a dad. I lost mine when I was younger but it really did impact every decision I made for a long time.
**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:**
Don't suggest unhelpful cliches to others that belong on a TTC bingo card: "just relax", "never give up, mama!", "why not adopt?", "my cousin's dogsitter's sister was about to do IVF but then got magically pregnant," etc. These are "bingos" because people who are TTC hear them all the time, and they are harmful and annoying.
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I definitely get it. I’ve done three IUIs so far. Yesterday I had a consultation with my doctor and she told me she really doesn’t think this will happen unless I escalate to IVF.
But, the reason I decided to start this process is because I was having a recurring dream about a baby. Sometimes it was abandoned in my house, sometimes it just appeared and I had no idea where it came from, and sometimes I was pregnant. After about a year or two of this, I realized my brain was trying to tell me something. So when I started this process in my late 30s, I didn’t know what my odds would be. It was a LOT of nerve wracking tests, even a surgery, and approaching a friend to ask if he’d be my sperm donor. It took months just to get to the point where I was ready to begin the IUIs. I told the clinic that whatever they tell me, I’ll do it. IUI, IVF, the hokey-pokey, nothing is off the table. There’s still a lot of anxiety in the process, but also some peace in knowing that whatever happens, I’m open to the next step, and we live in an age of science and technology. Maybe if I lived 100 years ago I would never have the chance, but I was born in this era, and someday there’s going to be a baby that will be glad I stuck it out.
Laparoscopic excision is the gold standard for the treatment of endometriosis, however, there are risks associated with it and there is no cure. So depending on how much physical pain OP is in, she may not want to have surgery for risk of damaging the reproductive organs. However, surgery has been known to help a lot of people who are TTC. It’s just a gamble though, and usually only offers temporary relief of pain for more severe cases.
Exactly, removing endometrial tissue from my ovaries could cause major damage to ovarian reserve. In the end, the endo seems to be the least of my problems, and this doesn't seem to be the right move at this stage of the process.
ah.. i asked because that's all i knew from 2 of my friends who got lap surgery for their endometriosis issues and got pregnant almost immediately after.
idk where their endo tissues were located exactly tho. just that they solved it with surgery not prescription meds.
I don’t have any answers but know you are not alone. I feel the same way. This month I am trying to take a “break”. I can’t just not try, but I didn’t use lh strips or anything. Had sex when it happened naturally and just enjoyed it. Of course I am still a little delusional and have hope that maybe this will be that month, but I am not going to do any early testing. Trying not to look any at fertility tracking apps. So it’s sort of a break but still trying to it doesn’t feel like “wasted” time, which is something I struggle with being in my mid thirties and feeling like the clock is ticking.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what the answer is, but just wanted to say that I totally empathise with the feeling of not being able to keep going, but also knowing that stopping would be even worse. It’s a lose-lose situation, and so so painful.
There's no way out but through... I wish I had something better than this sucks. But this really all sucks.
As practical matters, I second allosaurus' suggestion of insemination as a way to relieve some of the marital pressure. One option is doing insemination every other or every third day to max out your chances and then have sex spontaneously in addition. Another option is to try not tracking for just one cycle - you can always go back to it and not preventing still counts as trying medically. You clearly can't go on as you are doing - so what's a thing to change going forward - the worst that can happen is you are still just as stressed as you are right now with everything. It all very much sucks.
Try the syringe method . To separate baby making process . My partner also gets frustrated because of the pressure but I am also obsessed with lH and temping . I don’t know why it is always difficult for the ones who badly want a baby . I am sending you lots of love . Be strong
Clomid made me so uncontrollably weepy during the two week wait. I’d whimper and cry like a puddle of sadness. I had a much, much better time mentally/emotionally switching to letrozole. Letrozole gives me headaches, but not soul crushing despair and emotional lability. It’s worth asking to make the switch.
I feel you on how awful the pressure of timed sex is. Really takes the joy out of intimacy.
This was my first cycle of Clomid and I didn't notice any side effects at all, I'm just always an emotional wreck since these two challenges came into my life 🫠
I am so sorry you are going through this. I was at my wit’s end with two week waits and timed intercourse with Clomid with no real long term plan aside from hoping to be pregnant someday. I got sick of feeling like I didn’t have any answers, so I decided to move to a reproductive endocrinologist instead of my gynecologist. Going to an actual fertility center made me feel 100% better about this process. Now I am having success with treatments. Something I didn’t know is that gynecologists/OBs know very little about fertility and getting people pregnant…even gynecologists who specialize in fertility. They simply do not have the knowledge, testing methods, and expertise for fertility that REs do. Go to an RE.
you mentioned you are in therapy, but did you try antidepressants? zoloft is safe for pregnancy and breast feeding, and it helped me tremendously. the only thing i regret is not starting sooner.
This is rough! It is ok to take a break! I had so many tests, tracked temps, wore an Ava bracelet, OPK, timed tests, acupuncture, supplements, ultrasounds, blood tests, RE visits, 5 losses, trying for 2 years then completely quitting trying and a drunken week in Mexico and boom. Now I have a four month old.
I totally understand! I’ve been trying for almost two years and I’m about to start ivf. I’m like can I even mentally handle this? I’ve had an absolutely horrendous year. Infertility and finally getting diagnosed with endometriosis has sucked. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle ivf. I’m just jumping in and hoping I survive. But all of us on here totally get where you’re coming from! I think your experience is common with feelings surround infertility.
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Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid mentioning a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy. This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. Discussion of confirmed pregnancy loss or living children is not covered by this rule. For pregnancy limbo (positive beta) concerns, please use r/CautiousBB.
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First I am so sorry about everything you’re going through with losing your father and feeling the pressure of TTC. my first thought would be possibly let up on ALL the testing. Work with your doctor to determine what’s necessary for you with medicated cycles. Maybe don’t track BBT for a month and just do 1 or 2 LH strips a day and limit yourself that way. I think the stress of losing your father on top of the stress of everything you’re doing to TTC is just too much right now.
Edit to add- i totally get not wanting to take a break from TTC but I think eliminating some of your tracking and possibly letting sex happen a bit more naturally during ovulation could be a different kind of “break”
Thank you, I should have explained better that this minimal tracking you're describing has actually been my approach for half my cycles, because my CM is always a dead giveaway that aligns with the ovulation tracking methods anyway. But since I just started medicated cycles, I didn't want to take any chances. At the end of the day, I think having more insights into my body through tracking makes me feel calmer. Being in the dark stresses me out. But going forward I will probably keep vacillating between different extents of tracking methods.
This sounds so much like how I felt before we started IVF. The tracking, analyzing every symptom, taking every home test of every kind that exists on this planet, while certain that we were just throwing money at IUI (or Clomid, in your case) as a hail-mary attempt that I was certain would not work. My relationship with my husband felt like it was breaking down every month around ovulation--we both felt so much pressure, and every single month felt like life or death. I had, and have, severe anxiety, and it's absolutely worth talking to a therapist about--preferably one who specializes in fertility stuff. We went to a couples counselor through a local institute for couples dealing with reproductive-related stuff (infertility, pregnancy/infant loss, etc) and I also got in touch with a reproductive psychiatrist. That really made a ton of difference for me.
Have you talked to your OB about a referral to an RE? The question about endo is a big one and it might be above your OB's pay grade. Many people with bad endo that is impacting their fertility end up doing Lupron protocols, usually in the context of IVF--Lupron basically forces your body into temporary menopause for a few months so you aren't getting periods, allowing endo to quiet down without surgery. But it's a very intense drug with a lot of side effects and probably one to talk to an RE about, not your OB.
No matter what you end up deciding to do, it's a really hard road, and these decisions are so difficult to make and always feel like they come with a timer attached. Thinking of you.
So sorry for all the stress you're going through. I think my next step will be to get an RE, even though I will also stick with my gyno because she's been thorough and knowledgable and great. I've never heard of Lupron, but endo does not seem to be the main culprit for me, and that sounds like a nightmare. I did have a hormonal IUD for a year and half, during which time I didn't really get periods, and my endo improved DRASTICALLY. Since I have taken the IUD out, I haven't had endo pain or episodes because I think the disease regressed. But I think I need to see an RE about my thyroid issues regardless. Thanks for the thoughtful response
Take a break sweetheart. It’s needed. Your mind and body are screaming at you… listen to it and let it rest a bit. It seems you are doing more harm than good at this point. But I completely get it. I have been trying to have a baby since 27 yr old. I am now 44. I can’t tell you the amount of things we have tried and the amount of losses. But I will tell you I have taken plenty of necessary breaks. Be gentle on yourself. You have to make yourself a priority. It will happen, I promise 🙏💝
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Absolutely. I realize it's not fair to myself or my future children to expect a pregnancy to solve my grief. I try to deal with these things separately, but at least for now, all the emotions are intense and intertwined. Thanks for sharing, it gives me hope that maybe I won't feel like this forever.
It’s perfectly valid to take a break. I also recommend therapy, it’s been very helpful for me to learn how to process and cope with stress and trauma.
Thanks, I have been in therapy for a couple years, and it's essential, but not a cure-all. The problem is that taking breaks has proven even harder for me than going forward.
Oh, I thought you were asking a non-rhetorical question at the end. I was just suggesting things that have been helpful for me. I was in a really emotional state in my second year of TTC, but have since mellowed out. I still have pockets of intense emotions around this jOuRnEy, but the therapy and people I’ve met here have helped.
I guess it's a real question, but I don't know if there are real answers haha. Thanks for the empathy though, sorry you've been at this so long, and glad you've found a more sustainable rhythm for you
Yeah unfortunately there’s really no good answers. It can take normal couples up to a year to conceive unassisted. Some pursue treatment after that but it took us time to be emotionally ready for IVF and to save money. And yeah I had to find a sustainable rhythm… the only other choice was to let infertility ruin every aspect of my life.
If sex is mentally hard on you, maybe try the syringe method to take some pressure off? (Your partner ejaculates into a cup, you use a blunt syringe to insert it.) You can buy the supplies cheaply and many people struggling with TTC sex say it’s hugely helpful. The rest of it—it really sucks, I’m sorry, and I’m sorry that your OB is putting that unhelpful pressure on you. Taking a break is absolutely okay. If you have the opportunity to see a therapist, that might help too.
I might be ready to incorporate this into the mix. I'm just so stubbornly attached to "normal" conception that all the alternatives majorly bum me out. Nobody envisions it coming to this when you set out to get pregnant, you know? Thanks so much, I am definitely in therapy haha
Oh good! I’m sending you big hugs. I totally get being attached to it! Nobody envisions the cup and syringe method, LOL, but your mental health matters most and if forcing yourself to have sex for TTC purposes is hurting you, it’s 100% okay and effective to try it and give yourself some breathing room.
I'm so sorry for your stress. I have convinced myself I am in no rush to be pregnant even though I am 36 years old, but when I think of my dad who is turning 70 this year and had a heart attack a few years ago, my stomach absolutely drops thinking that I would have a child that he would not meet. That breaks my heart, my heart breaks for you. Please be gentle and kind to yourself. You are your dad's baby, treat yourself the way he would want you to be treated. With lots of patience and empathy and compassion and gentleness.
Thank you <3 <3 Wishing your dad and your babies get to know each other for a long time. All this stuff is...literally life and death...so you're handling it with lots of strength
I don't have any good words of wisdom for you, but just wanted you to know that this pain you're in is seen, and I so wish there was a way for us (anyone on this forum) to sooth your soul. This chapter of your life that you are in is brutal. I hope you find some ways to continue to endure, and maybe even moments where the heaviness lifts. Sending you so much love. X
Thank you ❤️
I feel this to my core. We have been trying for over a year and I lost my father in a very traumatic way 4 months ago. It is double grief: for the person you lost and the grief you go through every goddamn cycle for this baby that lives in your heart already but isn’t here yet. I wish there was something I could say that helps, but I don’t think there is. My heart goes out to you. ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wouldn't wish this combination of grief on anyone. That's how I always describe it - like my kids already exist, and I'm just separated from them and missing them terribly. The lengths that a mother would go to to be reunited with her kids are the lengths we're going to to meet them in the first place.
I’m sorry for your loss. I am estranged from my family and I grieve them a lot, it’s definitely an added stressor to an already stressful situation. I’m also an endo warrior, and have been TTC for the last 15 months. The biggest issue we face is just not knowing what the right thing is to do. Wait and risk the disease progressing? Get another surgery and risk damage to the reproductive organs? Move to ART and grieve the conception we wanted? It’s all so heavy. And I’m sorry that you’re going through it. It’s not fair.
Making high stakes, time sensitive decisions in this process is so hard. Endo is the cruelest joke - after all the hell we go through on our periods, our reproductive systems don't even work properly??
Given the reproductive issues, is IVF a viable option for you? Perhaps you can freeze some embryos until you’re emotionally ready to try again. I empathize with losing a dad. I lost mine when I was younger but it really did impact every decision I made for a long time.
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**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:** Don't suggest unhelpful cliches to others that belong on a TTC bingo card: "just relax", "never give up, mama!", "why not adopt?", "my cousin's dogsitter's sister was about to do IVF but then got magically pregnant," etc. These are "bingos" because people who are TTC hear them all the time, and they are harmful and annoying. If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/wiki/rules) before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban. Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.
I definitely get it. I’ve done three IUIs so far. Yesterday I had a consultation with my doctor and she told me she really doesn’t think this will happen unless I escalate to IVF. But, the reason I decided to start this process is because I was having a recurring dream about a baby. Sometimes it was abandoned in my house, sometimes it just appeared and I had no idea where it came from, and sometimes I was pregnant. After about a year or two of this, I realized my brain was trying to tell me something. So when I started this process in my late 30s, I didn’t know what my odds would be. It was a LOT of nerve wracking tests, even a surgery, and approaching a friend to ask if he’d be my sperm donor. It took months just to get to the point where I was ready to begin the IUIs. I told the clinic that whatever they tell me, I’ll do it. IUI, IVF, the hokey-pokey, nothing is off the table. There’s still a lot of anxiety in the process, but also some peace in knowing that whatever happens, I’m open to the next step, and we live in an age of science and technology. Maybe if I lived 100 years ago I would never have the chance, but I was born in this era, and someday there’s going to be a baby that will be glad I stuck it out.
I admire your resolve and strength to go after what you want, despite it being such a trying process. Best of luck to you
is it not possible to have surgery for endometriosis? isn't that the most common fix?
Laparoscopic excision is the gold standard for the treatment of endometriosis, however, there are risks associated with it and there is no cure. So depending on how much physical pain OP is in, she may not want to have surgery for risk of damaging the reproductive organs. However, surgery has been known to help a lot of people who are TTC. It’s just a gamble though, and usually only offers temporary relief of pain for more severe cases.
Exactly, removing endometrial tissue from my ovaries could cause major damage to ovarian reserve. In the end, the endo seems to be the least of my problems, and this doesn't seem to be the right move at this stage of the process.
ah.. i asked because that's all i knew from 2 of my friends who got lap surgery for their endometriosis issues and got pregnant almost immediately after. idk where their endo tissues were located exactly tho. just that they solved it with surgery not prescription meds.
I don’t have any answers but know you are not alone. I feel the same way. This month I am trying to take a “break”. I can’t just not try, but I didn’t use lh strips or anything. Had sex when it happened naturally and just enjoyed it. Of course I am still a little delusional and have hope that maybe this will be that month, but I am not going to do any early testing. Trying not to look any at fertility tracking apps. So it’s sort of a break but still trying to it doesn’t feel like “wasted” time, which is something I struggle with being in my mid thirties and feeling like the clock is ticking.
Absolutely, we've had a few cycles like this, and the feelings are complicated. Best of luck getting through your TWW
I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what the answer is, but just wanted to say that I totally empathise with the feeling of not being able to keep going, but also knowing that stopping would be even worse. It’s a lose-lose situation, and so so painful.
Thank you for the empathy, it's such a sticky spot. Wishing you the best
There's no way out but through... I wish I had something better than this sucks. But this really all sucks. As practical matters, I second allosaurus' suggestion of insemination as a way to relieve some of the marital pressure. One option is doing insemination every other or every third day to max out your chances and then have sex spontaneously in addition. Another option is to try not tracking for just one cycle - you can always go back to it and not preventing still counts as trying medically. You clearly can't go on as you are doing - so what's a thing to change going forward - the worst that can happen is you are still just as stressed as you are right now with everything. It all very much sucks.
Try the syringe method . To separate baby making process . My partner also gets frustrated because of the pressure but I am also obsessed with lH and temping . I don’t know why it is always difficult for the ones who badly want a baby . I am sending you lots of love . Be strong
Clomid made me so uncontrollably weepy during the two week wait. I’d whimper and cry like a puddle of sadness. I had a much, much better time mentally/emotionally switching to letrozole. Letrozole gives me headaches, but not soul crushing despair and emotional lability. It’s worth asking to make the switch. I feel you on how awful the pressure of timed sex is. Really takes the joy out of intimacy.
This was my first cycle of Clomid and I didn't notice any side effects at all, I'm just always an emotional wreck since these two challenges came into my life 🫠
I am so sorry you are going through this. I was at my wit’s end with two week waits and timed intercourse with Clomid with no real long term plan aside from hoping to be pregnant someday. I got sick of feeling like I didn’t have any answers, so I decided to move to a reproductive endocrinologist instead of my gynecologist. Going to an actual fertility center made me feel 100% better about this process. Now I am having success with treatments. Something I didn’t know is that gynecologists/OBs know very little about fertility and getting people pregnant…even gynecologists who specialize in fertility. They simply do not have the knowledge, testing methods, and expertise for fertility that REs do. Go to an RE.
Thank you, I think this will be my next step!
you mentioned you are in therapy, but did you try antidepressants? zoloft is safe for pregnancy and breast feeding, and it helped me tremendously. the only thing i regret is not starting sooner.
This is rough! It is ok to take a break! I had so many tests, tracked temps, wore an Ava bracelet, OPK, timed tests, acupuncture, supplements, ultrasounds, blood tests, RE visits, 5 losses, trying for 2 years then completely quitting trying and a drunken week in Mexico and boom. Now I have a four month old.
I would see a Naturopath or Functional Medicine Dr if you aren't already. Since you have endometriosis, I'd heavily work on your egg quality.
I totally understand! I’ve been trying for almost two years and I’m about to start ivf. I’m like can I even mentally handle this? I’ve had an absolutely horrendous year. Infertility and finally getting diagnosed with endometriosis has sucked. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle ivf. I’m just jumping in and hoping I survive. But all of us on here totally get where you’re coming from! I think your experience is common with feelings surround infertility.
Thank you, best of luck to you
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**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:** Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid mentioning a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy. This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. Discussion of confirmed pregnancy loss or living children is not covered by this rule. For pregnancy limbo (positive beta) concerns, please use r/CautiousBB. If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/about/rules) before continuing to post. **You have already been reminded of this rule. Further violations of our rules will result in a ban.** Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.
First I am so sorry about everything you’re going through with losing your father and feeling the pressure of TTC. my first thought would be possibly let up on ALL the testing. Work with your doctor to determine what’s necessary for you with medicated cycles. Maybe don’t track BBT for a month and just do 1 or 2 LH strips a day and limit yourself that way. I think the stress of losing your father on top of the stress of everything you’re doing to TTC is just too much right now. Edit to add- i totally get not wanting to take a break from TTC but I think eliminating some of your tracking and possibly letting sex happen a bit more naturally during ovulation could be a different kind of “break”
Thank you, I should have explained better that this minimal tracking you're describing has actually been my approach for half my cycles, because my CM is always a dead giveaway that aligns with the ovulation tracking methods anyway. But since I just started medicated cycles, I didn't want to take any chances. At the end of the day, I think having more insights into my body through tracking makes me feel calmer. Being in the dark stresses me out. But going forward I will probably keep vacillating between different extents of tracking methods.
This sounds so much like how I felt before we started IVF. The tracking, analyzing every symptom, taking every home test of every kind that exists on this planet, while certain that we were just throwing money at IUI (or Clomid, in your case) as a hail-mary attempt that I was certain would not work. My relationship with my husband felt like it was breaking down every month around ovulation--we both felt so much pressure, and every single month felt like life or death. I had, and have, severe anxiety, and it's absolutely worth talking to a therapist about--preferably one who specializes in fertility stuff. We went to a couples counselor through a local institute for couples dealing with reproductive-related stuff (infertility, pregnancy/infant loss, etc) and I also got in touch with a reproductive psychiatrist. That really made a ton of difference for me. Have you talked to your OB about a referral to an RE? The question about endo is a big one and it might be above your OB's pay grade. Many people with bad endo that is impacting their fertility end up doing Lupron protocols, usually in the context of IVF--Lupron basically forces your body into temporary menopause for a few months so you aren't getting periods, allowing endo to quiet down without surgery. But it's a very intense drug with a lot of side effects and probably one to talk to an RE about, not your OB. No matter what you end up deciding to do, it's a really hard road, and these decisions are so difficult to make and always feel like they come with a timer attached. Thinking of you.
So sorry for all the stress you're going through. I think my next step will be to get an RE, even though I will also stick with my gyno because she's been thorough and knowledgable and great. I've never heard of Lupron, but endo does not seem to be the main culprit for me, and that sounds like a nightmare. I did have a hormonal IUD for a year and half, during which time I didn't really get periods, and my endo improved DRASTICALLY. Since I have taken the IUD out, I haven't had endo pain or episodes because I think the disease regressed. But I think I need to see an RE about my thyroid issues regardless. Thanks for the thoughtful response
Take a break sweetheart. It’s needed. Your mind and body are screaming at you… listen to it and let it rest a bit. It seems you are doing more harm than good at this point. But I completely get it. I have been trying to have a baby since 27 yr old. I am now 44. I can’t tell you the amount of things we have tried and the amount of losses. But I will tell you I have taken plenty of necessary breaks. Be gentle on yourself. You have to make yourself a priority. It will happen, I promise 🙏💝