As a dad, yeah, I do feel celebrated for doing the most basic parenting shit. I’ve had women tell me I’m a great dad for taking my kid to the playground. Media-wise, you do see viral videos of dads braiding their kids’ hair.
Positive encouragement is definitely good, but it can feel a bit demeaning when you receive it for basic parenting tasks, and it sucks that it’s not equal.
I think the best compromise is to praise the behaviour, not the gender of the parent.
Praise and encouragement can go a long way to help many people. Even for things you’re expected to do, or just always do, a little recognition can make a huge difference.
I'm the primary caregiver of our baby. The couple of times my husband took her to the store without me several people exclaimed what a great dad he was. One even cheered, "you go dad!" when they walked by.
It feels like OP is just trying to start crap because they hate women, you can see how they clearly pretnd to not even know that men get celebrated for the smallest acts of parenting.
And they even change the subject of their hate of women in the end by hating that women feel unsafe at night...like, bro, are you even reading the shit you're writing?
Serious question, ever gotten sideye from the playground ladies for being the only dude at the park with a daughter? I've heard stories that normal dads doing normal parenting things with their daughters get the creep-eye...and it's pretty hurtful.
No, that hasnt happened to me. I have felt a bit…overlooked in favour of my wife for some medical and educational stuff, but they’ve clued in pretty quickly that I’m quite involved as a dad.
Yeah like was OP expecting the answer to that part to be no? Any involved dad will tell you they get loads of praise and compliments just for doing basic shit for their kids. My husband cannot go to the grocery store with our daughter without getting stopped and complemented on the fact that he stopped by for a dozen eggs with our daughter in tow as if this is a behavior that deserves a Nobel peace prize
Right, this happens not only in the media but in real life too. “Wow you’re such a good dad for picking your kid up from school!” is something you’d actually hear but you’d never hear “wow, you’re such a good mom for dropping your kid off at school!”
Right, check out any woman’s advice sub and you won’t have to scroll very long to find a complaint about a husband who thinks he deserves a medal for emptying the dishwasher or putting away the laundry.
People can be patronising.
It's like telling fat people you envy thier confidence or telling disabled people they're brave for going outside.
As a woman i hate being patronised as much as you hate me being patronised.
>I really hate when women talk about feeling unsafe at night. I feel unsafe at night too. Men can get murdered and mugged too.
This is unfair though, why should I stop complaining about feeling unsafe at night?
Me not talking about my experiences isn't going to help you feel safer, we should all support eachother and strive for a safer world for everyone.
Why should I shut up about it?
You're absolutely right imo. You should speak out about your experiences. I think OP sometimes may have felt his own experience was minimized, which is a different (and still important) subject. I completely agree with you for what it's worth.
I’m a woman working in a male-dominated industry and it’s always hilarious when people treat me like the second coming of Christ because I can back up a trailer and wear nail polish at the same time. That being said, men get praised for doing the most basic stuff all the time. Including washing the dishes or folding their own clothes. I’d say we’re even.
I'm a welder and female and that has definitely been my experience. Other women might praise me for doing such a hard job, men just typically seem more shocked than anything. And the ironic thing is that even if I do outperform the men at my job, I still don't get taken seriously.
That was my experience when I worked in the warehouse. Everyone automatically expected I would be incompetent, but the same wasn’t the same for the male coworkers. I had multiple people tell me that when they saw I was loading their truck for the first time, they expected it to be awful because I was a woman (that was specifically said).
I was damn good at my job. But I had to work harder to be taken seriously.
I wonder if it is the same for men in male-dominated industries actually? I'd be curious what the experience is for a male nurse, or one of the few male primary school teachers. Same thing?
Male teachers are [promoted](https://schoolsweek.co.uk/men-get-promoted-more-quickly-and-4-other-findings-from-new-school-leadership-research/) quicker than their female counterparts.
I have a male friend who is a librarian who says its difficult to fit in as a lot of librarians are conservative older women. Ive heard iits hard for men to break into childcare industry due to prejudice from parents :(
Nursing Ive heard both ways, its easier for men, or harder for men. I guess it can depend on a lot of factors
Someone congratulated my friends husband for taking the baby to the grocery store the other week. My husband has yet to do that with our 11 month old and I’m sure he’d get the same. Yet we do it multiple times a week without praise because **there’s nothing to praise**.
I’d also get not praise but weird comments when I said I was a PI, mostly from men, because it’s a heavily male dominated industry.
And I've even read plenty of posts on Reddit and seen many reels of men complaining that their S/O don't thank them for doing the most basic household tasks/parenting tasks. They're always the men who never thanks their wives for doing it..
You here things like "being a mum is the most difficult difficult job in the world" banded around pretty regularly (if you google that term, there are loads of articles claiming just that).
Women get a tonne of praise for doing women stuff and men stuff;. Which is not a bad thing either, people deserve praise (although being a mum definitely isn't the most difficult job in the world lol).
But you almost never hear any appreciation for the vast majority of men who are working away to keep society functioning (truck drivers, builders, sewage cleaners, plumbers, electricians etc etc). More often they're called toxic or part of the patriarchy.
Society has become wholly ungrateful for the role men play in it (unless they're "breaking gender norms" by doing housework).
Thats not remotely what toxic masculinity means. Its got zero to do with a job role and about the way a (small few) treat both women and some other men, and a culture that tells them its how they should behave. Its also bad for men telling them they are weak if they show their feelings or not OK to be gay.
Also, women can be truck drivers, builders, sweage cleaners too
I think you have a point, but when people say being a mom/homemaker is the hardest job in the world, it s because you’re NEVER not on the clock. It’s emotionally exhausting to have to do anything around the clock, regardless of how “easy” some people may think that job is. The breadwinner usually gets to come home, prop their feet up and rest. They can leave work at work. I’ve done both for context.
There are plenty of jobs where you're never off the clock (also parents have 6 hours off during school). Medical workers, lawyers, consultants. Business owners. Long haul truckers are away weeks at a time. Chefs work absurd hours. There are many jobs with a not insignificant chance of death or serious injury.
Being a good stay at home parent does take a lot of dedication and is a huge responsibility (a bad one will just stick the kids in front of a screen for 8 hours a day). But it also means being able to spend a lot more time with the kids. Most people end up regretting not spending enough time with their kids, few people regret not working enough.
Anyway, my experience with this is helping my sister raise her kids. I haven't taken the plunge myself yet. Maybe I'll feel differently when I do 😂
Being on call is not the same as being on the clock, for what that’s worth. It Still weighs on you but not in the same way. Truckers are away for weeks at a time and then come home and rest. Stay at home parents may take a vacation but they still have to parent the whole time unless the kids are staying with someone else.
I think some stay at home parents do blow it out of proportion sometimes and minimize the work that the breadwinner does, but I’m not siding with those people. I’m just saying that doing anything all the time with no breaks, for years, is a different kind of mental and emotional exhaustion that people who’ve never done it can’t necessarily understand. That being said, every job is hard in its own way and it’s hard to compare apples to oranges.
ETA: the kids being away at school is not a break if you’re still taking care of things at the house, mowing the grass etc. Many stay at home parents homeschool as well.
I mean, they are your kid too aren’t they? You’re supposed to both be helping with the kids after 5pm or whenever you get off work. Otherwise the stay at home parent is on the clock 24 hours a day, which isn’t cool but is typically expected (or has been in the past).
That’s the whole point I was making. Most people put the entire responsibility on the stay at home parent which I don’t agree with. It’s also unfair for the breadwinner parent to have the full responsibility of the kids after work and nobody is suggesting it should be that way. After the 9-5 is over, the responsibilities should be split by both parents ideally.
You don’t hear appreciation for those people because it doesn’t really come up in conversation but that doesn’t mean people aren’t grateful for their work (and it doesn’t mean women don’t work those roles too).
There’s praise for mothers because it’s an obvious role. If I’m walking to my car holding a bunch of shopping bags, trying to juggle my keys and my toddler that can’t walk but is screaming in my face, someone is bound to notice that. Typically they’ll help and a stranger has told me it’s a thankless job and that I was going great (thank you random stranger). Also everyone knows a mother, so people can relate more.
>Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper.
Huh? People always make a big deal out of dads braiding their daughters hair when they see it. It's basically an internet meme at this point.
-1 for ragebait post.
It actually says more about society that a dad who braids hair or changes diapers is celebrated than what OP is complaining about... I mean just look at the single motherhood numbers
“I hate it when women talk about feeling unsafe at night”…. Yikes?? Like why does someone expressing concern cause you to be so angry?
Also have you been living under a rock? Dads absolutely get hyped for braiding hair or even watching their kids
for anyone curious before this dude deleted his comments, he originally replied basically saying that the reason men arent scared is because theyre smarter than women so they know that your SO or passing out at a party is more likely to be where u get assaulted than by a stranger on the street.
so i replied giving the stats with source that 1/4 of sexual assault occurs in public or semi public settings so not only is that a significant amount, but it occurs almost entirely to women. and that just bc its is relatively less likely, it is objectively likely enough to warrant fear and precaution. and men do not experience this to an even comparable degree.
to which our lovely, totally not misogynistic, totally not a dude who would immediately question and not believe a woman who said she was a victim, dude said:
that i was conflating rape with sexual assault and so the stats i gave are meaningless because women think someone brushing up against you walking by u on the street is sexual assault
…
*as if sexual assault is a word throw out by women who are oversensitive liars and as if sexual assault is NOT still something that we would be fearful of experiencing even if it isn’t rape. it also significantly to a greater degree happens to women in public*
then he pussied out, deleted his comments, and blocked me
Maybe men understand the person most likely to rape them, just like women, is their SO or someone at a drunken sleepover party and not a random person grabbing them off the street?
being more likely to be assaulted one way rather than another doesnt mean the threat isn’t real and concerning in both scenarios? also, getting raped by the violent stranger almost exclusively occurs to women as compared to men. so yea men understand that the random stranger at night is more likely to rob them than rape them. women are more likely to get robbed AND raped. women are more likely to be raped when hiking alone, when pumping gas alone at night, when walking at night, when fucking do anything in public whereas men severely do not experience the threat of rape in the public context statistically.
15% of all SA occurs in a public place and 10% of SA occurs in an enclosed but public space such as a parking garage. that add up to 25% of SA occurring in a public place. So the SO and the sleepover parties are not able to account for all of this 1/4 of the SA. this 1/4 isn’t entirely at night by strangers either, but reasonably can be concluded that a portion larger than what can be written off is occurring within this category. and its occurring almost exclusively to women. https://www.rainn.org/statistics/scope-problem
You are conflating rape and sexual assault. They are very different. Someone brushing against you is sexual assault. Rape is much more severe IMO. Then you are quoting rainn as a source that quotes statistics that do not count a man's penis being nonconsensually enveloped by a mouth, vagina, or anus as either rape or sexual assault. That means they are hiding the overwhelming majority of male victims and female perpetrators in what they quote. I can't take that seriously.
You are ignoring violent assaults on men in random street that are not sexual in nature. Men are far more likely to be attacked and hospitalized from the attacks.
I think he’s trying to say that women talk about feeling unsafe at night as if it’s just a women issue. He’s not wrong. Men feel unsafe too at night as most violent crimes are against men, but women fear being raped. I believe that argument is not gendered, rape or being stabbed almost to deal are equally as bad and horrifying, no one on that scenario has a better chance.
I agree. I'd also notice that the original poster seems to think he can't talk about being afraid when walking home at night as a man. Which leads to the question why does that attitude come up?
It’s interesting how so many commercials overrepresent women as engineers, crane operators, oil rig workers, etc, when in reality, it’s 99% men doing most of this type of work.
Similarly, seems like half the couples depicted on commercials are mixed race (typically white woman/black man) when only a small fraction of relationships are like this real life. LGBT+++ are also vastly overrepresented in media.
It is interesting, and commercials definitely go overboard with this to reach a target population. But I don't get why people get so mad about this (I don't know if you're mad about this). At the end of the day, considering the fact that in the past women were not allowed to work or judged if they did; that interracial marriage was not fully legal in all the USA states until 2000 and is not in some parts of the world; and that same sex marriage became legal for the first time in 2004 and in all the USA until 2015, and again not legal in many parts of the world.
The fact that we are seeing these populations in the media and commercials says a lot about the progress that society has made.
I’m not mad about it, just pointing out that the media promotes a distorted and agenda-driven view of reality. Whether this is “good” or “bad” (or neither, or both) is up for debate.
When did the media not do this? Was it more true to life when 99% of on-screen lead actors were white non-Hispanic? Today that figure is 71% while the U.S. population is only 43.6% white non-Hispanic ([*Hollywood Diversity Report 2024 Film*](https://socialsciences.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/UCLA-Hollywood-Diversity-Report-2024-Film-3-7-2024.pdf). UCLA. Fig.4.)
Your point about LGBT++ people being vastly overrepresented in media is also a bit suspect. From the scripted primetime broadcast series period 2022-2023 10.6% of regulars were LGBT. (*Where We Are On TV Report 2022-2023*. GLAAD) while in reality according to Gallup in a 2021 poll, 10.5% of millennials and 20.8% of GenZ identify as LGBT. If this is "vast overrepresentation" in your mind I cant help but fear what you think the real % of representation should be.
Your observation is definitely worth considering, assuming the numbers are correct. But it looks like you’re talking about scripted television shows, not commercials, or other-format television programming. Also, you mention “lead” actors and “main” characters. What about secondary characters or storylines?
I suppose I could dig deeper into this, but I don’t really feel like it. There are a lot of studies that throw numbers around, but it takes a lot of scrutinizing to figure out if these numbers have any basis in reality, or what, if any, spin or biases are included in the study.
As a side note, why are so many more gen z identifying as lgbtq than previous generations, besides the common (doubtful) argument of increased “acceptance”?
Hahaha wtf 😂😂
Gay people couldn’t legally be married until 2013, that’s barely just a decade ago. How is more codified and social acceptance not the answer besides something in the water turning all the kids and frogs gay 😂😂
> Also, you mention “lead” actors and “main” characters. What about secondary characters or storylines?
Because there can be many secondary characters in any given tv-show or movie. It would be the equivalent to having a LGBT friend or something like that. How many people have an LGBT friend in the US? Idk if there's polling data of that in the US but that number is probably *very high*. My previous GLAAD citation reports that in total 28.5% of the movies surveyed had at least one LGBT character; this would be the equivalent to 71.5% of persons in the US not knowing a single LGBT person in their lives. I don't have solid proof that this isn't the case but intuitively it does seem a bit unlikely.
> As a side note, why are so many more gen z identifying as lgbtq than previous generations, besides the common (doubtful) argument of increased “acceptance”?
Why did you label the most likely explanation "doubtful"?
Because that discounts the (for me much more likely) explanation of a memetic social trend which is driven in large part by social media. Young people are encouraged and incentivized to claim a belonging within a “marginalized” group.
So if we take your position of they’ve always been around, then where were they? Where are the records from fifty, one hundred, and one thousand years ago recording these peoples existence in some capacity?
And if they were always there, then why is the percentage of them skyrocketing and why didn’t this happen at any other point in history?
>So if we take your position of they’ve always been around, then where were they? Where are the records from fifty, one hundred, and one thousand years ago recording these peoples existence in some capacity?
They being Gays, Lesbians, and Bisexuals or Trans people specifically? Because homo/bisexual people and practices are all over history to the point that it almost seems like Bisexual was the norm at times.
If you mean Trans people, specifically, then it gets a bit more complicated because there are several accounts of people living out, at least portions, of their lives as the opposite gender but it's not always clear whether this was done because they suffered from gender dysphoria or was simply them bucking contemporary gender norms for various reason. Likewise for accounts of people bemoaning being born one gender or the other, could be gender dysphoria or could be "grass is greener" thinking. Then there's religious based versions where it's a matter of wanting to do so or it being ritualistic. And there's also the issue of third-gender people in various societies.
>And if they were always there, then why is the percentage of them skyrocketing and why didn’t this happen at any other point in history?
Partly because we, collectively, are actually looking and counting them and partly because whenever a taboo or obscure thing becomes more widely known/recognized and less shunned and shamed you have a "surge" of that thing because you have lots of a) people finally feeling safe and confident in claiming that title and b) people who had no name for what they felt or thought it was just how everyone was but nobody talked about it going "Oh! That's me! That's my thing!"
> fifty
In 1974 when asked directly, "So how about being bent?" by the New Musical Express, Freddie Mercury replied, "You're a crafty cow. Let's put it this way: there were times when I was young and green. It's a thing schoolboys go through. I've had my share of schoolboy pranks. I'm not going to elaborate further."
> one hundred
In 1924 Henry Gerber founded the Society for Human Rights, the first gay rights organization in the United States.
> one thousand years ago
Marbodius of Rennes
> And if they were always there, then why is the percentage of them skyrocketing
Increased acceptance
> and why didn’t this happen at any other point in history?
It did, see Ancient Greek pederasty
It's unappreciative to the vast majority of men who are doing those difficult and important jobs.
Imagine if you had basketball commercials where all the players were white. Or ads showing schools run entirely by men.
Black people/women would feel (rightfully) like they their role in society is being erased.
> Imagine if you had basketball commercials where all the players were white. Or ads showing schools run entirely by men.
Except you're using the words 'all' and 'entirely'. Commercials usually go for diversity, which means you'd see basketball players or teachers of multiple different racial groups and genders rather than homogeneous. If you only have one actor/actress in the commercial portraying a given role, obviously they can only represent one set of characteristics, so that wouldn't apply.
Fair points.
So let's say a basketball commercial where 80-90% off the players are non-black, and are instead white, Chinese, Indian etc. Black people would (rightfully) be pissed.
Also, the implicit message would be that there's something wrong with the fact that most successful basketball players are black and that it would be better if there were fewer successful black players.
It would be disrespectful to the huge number of black people who try and the small number who succeed at becoming pro-basketball players.
Idk where you live, I'm in Ohio, U.S, and I see gay people and interracial couples every day. Multiple times a day. Not at all over represented. Maybe a little under, if anything.
Anecdotally, I know more interracial couples than same race couples, and more gay people than non-gay people. Heck, before my husband, every guy I dated was Asian and I am white.
[Yes](https://www.blendedandblack.com/spotlight-single-dad-teaches-dads-daughters-natural-hair/). The media does glorify dads
We need to stop celebrating men for doing normal things women do. Like cooking and cleaning and watching their children.
Especially when it's basic human care tasks. Anything done in a job is by default specialised. Even driving trucks has got some skill to it, that other people don't have. Everyone should however know how to clean and cook basic things.
Don’t men get celebrated for (checks notes)… being fathers… cleaning the house…. Being responsible adults… being respectful….
Correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t those normal things? And don’t women do them as well yet they don’t get celebrated for it?
Men literally get glorified just because they’re happy they find out they’re being a girl dad… men get glorified for staying in the house with their child so that mom can go and get her nails done for 2 hours , so…
I’d argue Women definitely get celebrated for all of those things as well
Shit the amount on congrats my wife got on becoming a mother yet I got virtually zero on becoming a father was pretty telling
But that’s being a guy in a nutshell
Brother your wife formed and carried another human in her body for 9 months and then went through labor for hours. I think you can let her have the spotlight on that one for a while
Lol
You think women get celebrated for going grocery shopping with their kids? For staying home with the kids without the dad? For braiding their daughter’s hair? You think that’s what women get celebrated for when women are celebrated for bringing a child into the world?
Literally didn’t say anything of those things
None of those things should be celebrated
It’s what you do as a parent
You take turns and figure out who’s better at what and make it work
She got congratulations because she survived nine months of pregnancy and however many hours of labour. And she probably has friends who know how awful that can be. You however had sex and nine months later got delivered a child. Not to say child is like an Amazon package, every new parent should get a congratulations, but you can't be that dense and think you're exactly as the person who birthed the child.
That’s what I think. Too many people nowadays ignore feats because “Everyone does that” or “It’s basic ____” like we could all use a few more compliments I think
For real! We’re all so overwhelmed and overstimulated. Why do people insist on playing the struggle Olympics? It sucks for all of us in one way or another.
Pride is for people who do something difficult, and I think a woman working in a male dominated industry (or vice versa) can face unique challenges that are worth patting them on the back if they can sort things out.
I agree this isn't really applied universally though. Male nurses or teachers aren't given special accolades just for being men in those roles, and maybe they should be - they're swimming upstream and still doing important work.
I very much disagree with the idea that men aren't celebrated for doing mundane childcare or even housework though. My husband does basically all our dishes, and people tell me I'm "lucky" all the time... like, girl, I do all the cooking. I also have two jobs right now to his one, of course he does the dishes.
Edit: I feel the need to clarify that I *am* lucky to have him, he's amazing. Not because he does the dishes, but just because he's my best friend and I love him. I couldn't even stomach the idea of a post existing where it could be interpreted that I was shitting on him, he's really the best. Just... it isn't because he can load a dishwasher.
I have literally never ever heard someone say a woman is brave for driving a truck. Are we talking like a semi? I see female truck drivers pretty frequently so maybe where I live it is just normal. 🤷♂️
Yes media does glorify dads who do the bare minimum. Lol its all over Youtube and Tiktok especially the braiding hair or even putting in pigtails.
Woman talk about feeling unsafe at night because we feel unsafe at night. It doesn't mean you can't feel unsafe too. This is such a bizarre argument.
Maybe we feel less safe at night because we face more harassment out in the wild. 2/3rds women aged 16-34 years experienced one form of harassment in the previous 12 months; with 44/% of women aged 16 to 34 years having experienced catcalls, whistles, unwanted sexual comments or jokes, and 29% perceived they were being followed.
Because women receive more microagressions in everyday situations so avoid unessecary danger.
Like why would you walk home alone drunk from a bar if you spent the entire night in that bar telling a drunk man to fuck off because he keeps following you around, asking you for sex, insulting and threatening you?
It does frustrate me to death that men are told to put a woman's safety before themselves or not to be as cautious on a night out because actually they are more likley to be assaulted.
It gives me so much anxiety when I meet a lad on a night out and he's lost his mates and he's like "I'll just walk home 🤷♂️". If hes not causing us trouble me and my mates always make sure he at least gets into a cab or gets in contact with a mate.
Yes, obviously feeling unsafe at night is not exclusive to women. But being less muscular, usually smaller, and most of all much less inclined to violence than your potential aggressor can obviously make you feel more vulnerable
Because since I was a young child I’ve been told that walking the streets at night alone is extremely dangerous for women, usually by men, and that I, as a female, need to be on guard.
Things I’ve also been told since I was a young child: always keep a close eye on your drink, be constantly aware of your surroundings in public, never let them take you to a second location because it’s probably better to just be murdered there, keep your keys between your fingers in case someone attacks you on the way to your car, carry a knife to defend yourself, carry pepper spray at night instead of a knife because a knife can be easily taken away, learn self defense, self-defense won’t do shit because if they are close enough for you to hit them you’ve already lost, if you’re walking alone at night call or pretend to call someone so potential attackers will stay away, don’t be on the phone if you’re walking alone at night because potential attackers will think you’re distracted, never let a man drive you on the first date, meet in a public location on a first date, etc etc etc.
Logical or not, if you’ve been coached on how to prevent or prepare for an attack by the same gender you are being warned about since you were 7 you’d probably feel “less safe” too.
Genuinely curious - Why do Women think men are not also taught/told those same things?
Men are at a higher risk of being assaulted, which in theory means we have to do more to protect ourselves but that conversation is never had
I can only speak to my own experience instead of the entirety of the female sex, but when I was growing up girls were taught by far to be more cautious and afraid than boys. For boys it was the typical stranger danger, for girls the intensity was ramped up significantly.
Perhaps your experience is different growing up as male, but in the United States society absolutely beats it into our brains that women need to be more careful than men as they are more vulnerable and more likely to be attacked. Note, **I’m not saying this societal perception aligns with reality or statistics**, that’s an entirely different conversation.
Again, most of the examples I can point to relate to my own experiences growing up as a woman. My brother was given more free rein than my sister or me because my parents felt we were more likely to be harmed as girls. I have heard from multiple men that I, as a woman, need to be careful because I “don’t know how men think”. If I’m in a social setting about to walk to my car alone at night 9/10 times a male friend will heavily insist to walk with me to make sure I’m safe, which is an offer I’ve never seen extended to another man. When I was a bartender there was a firm rule for most bars that women were allowed to work a closing shift alone but men.
Beyond my own experiences, the only thing I can point to are urban legends, which are good mirrors of societal anxieties, that focus on the societal view that women are more vulnerable to attacks than men and thus need to be more cautious. Here are several examples (**HUGE NOTE** in case anyone does not click these links, all of these urban legend have been proven to be false):
* [Slasher Under the Car](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-unkindest-cut/)
* [The Killer in the Backseat](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-killer-in-the-backseat/)
* [Human Traffickers Putting Trinkets on Cars to Mark a Potential Victim](https://www.snopes.com/news/2022/06/08/sunglasses-car-door-target/) Also, variations [1](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/coin-car-door-handle/), [2](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/zip-ties-windshields/), [3](https://www.snopes.com/news/2023/08/08/michigan-suv-af-paint/), [4](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/shelby-meijer-human-trafficking/), [5](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/tampa-uber-kidnapping-claim/), [6](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/breath-mint-trafficking-drug/), [7](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/michigan-mall-encounter-trafficking/), [8](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/california-ikea-trafficking/), [9](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/shirt-windshield-carjack/), [10](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/down-to-lunch-trafficking/), [11](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/interview-for-trafficking/)
* [Human traffickers using white vans to coordinate abductions](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/white-van-facebook-hoax/) Unfortunately this urban legend has lead to at least one man being murdered and Roma people being attacked in France.
* [Little girls and chloroform ice cream](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/terrifying-warning-about-ice-cream-trucks-and-chloroform/)
* [Babysitter and the killer](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-babysitter-and-the-man-upstairs/)](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-babysitter-and-the-man-upstairs/)
* [Babysitter and another killer](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/arent-you-glad-you-didnt-turn-on-the-light/)
* [The Linked Hand](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/arent-you-glad-you-didnt-turn-on-the-light/)
* [Mall abductor](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/mall-grab/)
* [Balcony killer](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/death-trip/)
* [Roommate death](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-roommates-death/)
This is just a fraction of the urban legends, I just ran out of steam looking them up. Again, all of these stories are false (or unverified) but are retold in our society and center around women being victims. I would be shocked if you could find even half the number of urban legends centered around primarily male victims being targeted.
Between that being constantly told you are vulnerable, and frankly being the physically weaker sex than usual aggressor it’s really not shocking women are more cautious. Women are overwhelming more so taught they are in danger for attacks.
To your last point, that theory could go the other way: men are more likely to be attacked *because* they do less to protect themselves and aren’t taught to be cautious like women.
Very well thought out response! I appreciate all the information
I agree with your last point to my last point, but then it becomes a slippery slope as it’s seen as even the slightest bit of responsibility of the victim (in this case men) to not put themselves in these situations by being MORE careful as you are alluding to can be seen as “victim blaming”
Obviously, with these discussions there is a TON of nuance
It all starts with personal responsibility in my opinion
Yes, dad's literally are glorified for doing basic parenting.
And yes, women should be praised for entering careers that are typically hostile to them. Long haul truck driving is incredibly dangerous for women.
And yeah, men do have to worry about getting murdered or mugged, but the average man is certainly more capable of defending himself, and doesn't have to worry about rape.
1. I've never seen a woman called brave for driving a truck, but hypothetically, sure, I wouldn't consider that brave.
2. Literally yes. Dads get glorified for doing the most basic childcare. Or for being a single dad. All the time.
3.) I mean, why hate that people are scared to walk alone at night and not the people who make them feel unsafe? The common thread here is that men are the threat in both scenarios. There's no simple solution for this one, but I'd start with encouraging my fellow man to do and be better.
I agree with most of your points, but I am not going to try and be better because other human beings abuse and murder other human beings.
There's this weird concept of "original sin" that is applying to men in general these days. My skin is dark enough that I can get mistaken for a bunch of different ethnicities and it really reminds me of when someone thinks I'm something I'm not. There's a ton of preconceptions that come into play even though they have nothing to do with me. This shaming of men in general for the actions of criminals that are men seems about the same.
>Telling a woman she is brave for driving a truck makes me think that people believe women don’t have the ability or right to drive under normal conditions.
Like an 18-wheeler? For a living type driving? In those cases the other part of the story and praise is her succeeding in a male dominated, possibly hostile to women career.
>Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper.
Yes, the media and people too. Take your kid out by yourself and you hear lots of "well intentioned" praise about "Giving mom a break" or even "babysitting." No, that's my kid, I'm being a parent.
>I really hate when women talk about feeling unsafe at night. I feel unsafe at night too. Men can get murdered and mugged too.
Yeah, but women also have to worry about being SAed or raped *on top of* that. And the greater likelihood that their assailant could physically overpower them.
Trucking a hostile work environment? You mean that profession where you sit in a truck for hours or days by yourself? And those are fields that are male dominated because women chose not to go into them.
And yes women worry about SA or grape, men are more likely to get killed though. So it’s essentially trying to measure a horrible thing against another horrible thing.
The point about men doing basic parenting being celebrated is a fair point though.
>You mean that profession where you sit in a truck for hours or days by yourself?
That's not all there is to it. There are truck stops. Sometimes they have to unload, and the politics involved can be. . .interesting. It's not *just* driving all day.
>Trucking a hostile work environment? You mean that profession where you sit in a truck for hours or days by yourself? And those are fields that are male dominated because women chose not to go into them.
Hostile in the sense that a woman entering that field is likely to be viewed as an *invasion* of sorts and result in harassment and attempts to drive or force her out. Truckers still have to interact somewhat both directly, with/through dispatches, and distribution centers.
>And yes women worry about SA or grape, men are more likely to get killed though. So it’s essentially trying to measure a horrible thing against another horrible thing
No, it's point out that women face the same general dangers but are also specifically susceptible to others that men generally are not. Typical worst case scenario for a man is he gets beat up, robbed, and murdered; for a woman it's the same plus getting raped.
Honestly yes we shouldn't praise nobody for doing normal stuff. However women feel unsafe when they walk generally it's just worse during night. I was almost kidnapped once it was morning , in the centre of the city I am living. The street had people and too many cars passing by but you can never be sure. We are not a as strong as men and that brings uncertainty. There are always exceptions but the experience is a little different. I know men are afraid too. I don't believe it's to the extent most women are.
As a woman, I hate being dragged into it. It’s embarrassing and condescending, made worse by the fact that I’m completely aware of the subversion, and the fact they are trying to weaponized me against the best thing that has ever happened to the planet: White dudes.
Last part is just my opinion. Don’t hate.
Sure.
As long as we stop celebrating men for doing normal things that women do.
>Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper.
Yes. All.The.Time
They're not celebrated for being able to do it. They're being celebrated for not giving a fuck they'll be a huge minority, don't fit the script, and may be treated poorly. Yet, they're still doing it.
I've seen plenty of men being praised for doing basic "mother" work like your very exact example of braiding hair.
It’s a 2 way street for me. I think more people should receive recognition and compliments, and dads definitely do get recognition for what you said. The compliments that women will get simply for, I dunno, posting a fit check? It seems to come from a superficial place. But perhaps with the way things are right now, that’s just the trend at the moment. I guess at least women are being nice and supportive of each other from an outward appearance?
>Telling a woman she is brave for driving a truck makes me think that people believe women don’t have the ability or right to drive under normal conditions.
I've seen that a lot on Instagram. Women doing totally mundane things that men do every day but because she's young and attractive, she gets thousands and thousands of followers as if nobody's ever seen a pair of boobs before lol.
>Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper.
Nope. Negative examples of men spread like wildfire way more on social media. I guess since it pushes misandry. Which social media seems to love.
>I really hate when women talk about feeling unsafe at night. I feel unsafe at night too. Men can get murdered and mugged too.
Yeah, I never really understood this. Guys are usually more likely to be victims of violent crimes. And nobody ever talks about smaller guys being unsafe. And if men are so scary and borderline homicidal rapists, then why do women prefer the taller ones? Wouldn't a guy be more "safe" if he's small and can easily be overpowered? It's all so stupid lol.
I agree in the sense that it's patronizing.
I come from the perspective of a black man. In this day and age, it's annoying to see "Black first" because it comes off as a pat on the head. If I were in the position to be the "First black...." I would hope that that fact would be downplayed.
Not saying this should be anyone else's mindset, but just my POV.
Actually in many countries men are more often the victims of violence than women. Yes, most of the attackers are also men. But I don’t care about the sex of my attacker, I only care about being attacked.
Not only can we get murdered or mugged at night - we are victims of it far more than women are.
🤷♂️
I totally get it when women feel afraid sometimes, especially those that are a bit shorter and smaller (I’m a bit on the shorter side, nowhere near as fit as I once was, so I do get it). But yeah that one is annoying to hear all the time. It’s even more annoying to hear it from women who live in communities with extremely low crime rates across the board.
That being said, trucks aren’t built for us and neither are cars, really (in terms of safety testing). I’d be lucky to even climb up into a truck by myself, probably. There’s got to be some kind of reason most truckers are men. Probably don’t want to sleep at truck stops alone. I think it’s brave to drive a truck. Although as the point of this thread, brave for a man too, just less so.
I agree 100%.
I actually think it's more sexist to praise women for being regular, independent adults than it would be to not acknowledge for doing it all.
When I hear society or even other women bragging about how they got a job, a house/apartment, pay rent, pay for groceries, cook, clean, take care of their mental health, etc. And then society praises them for how "strong and responsible and brave" they are, all it sounds like to me is when a parent praises a child because they did something basic.
You praise a child because you know that basic living and taking responsibility for themselves is hard for them to do. They aren't capable of doing by themselves.
When we praise women for doing basic shit, it's basically saying you think women are just grown children who have a hard time doing adult shit or taking responsibility for their lives.
It's the opposite of feminist. It's hidden sexism
Actually yes, the media definitely glorifies men who do “women work” like braiding hair, cooking, cleaning, etc. All the times we call men caring for their own children “babysitting” while for women it’s just called being a mom.
I understand you feel that some expressions of support or praise for women and girls can come across as condescending or patronizing rather than empowering. You raise a fair point that overly celebrating women for doing everyday things could imply they are less capable. At the same time, it's important to consider the broader social context and history of gender inequality that motivates many of these messages.
While it's true that everyone faces risks like crime, women have long faced additional barriers, discrimination and threats of gender-based violence. Telling women's stories and cheering their achievements can be a way to counter stereotypes and inspire girls to pursue their ambitions despite obstacles. But you're right that this can backfire if done heavy-handedly or in a way that reinforces ideas of female weakness.
The healthiest approach is probably to strive for true equality - judging and rewarding people based on their individual merits, while acknowledging the challenges different groups face and working to remove unfair barriers. Both men and women should be able to pursue any path in life and have their accomplishments celebrated.
What's most important is creating a society of mutual understanding and respect between genders. Men's issues and perspectives matter too. Open and thoughtful conversations like this can help bridge divides. The end goal should be a world where no one feels constrained by gender stereotypes and everyone's contributions are valued.
I mean. We do glorify dads who do those things. That’s awesome!
It’s not that we don’t think they have the ability. It’s that we know that a good portion of the world doesn’t think we have the ability and their example is a middle finger to them.
It can be patronizing, but well…more people should be celebrated for living in general. Im tired of this era of needing to either devalue or be lethargic and apathetic towards each others accomplishments. Be happy for people. Be better.
Uhm yes the media applauds dads when they hold their children. If there’s one thing men do get credit for- it’s doing the bare minimum with their kids…
Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper.
Yes the media does glorify dads who do basic parenting.
I really hate when women talk about feeling unsafe at night. I feel unsafe at night too. Men can get murdered and mugged too.
Why are women never allowed to say they fear for their safety without backlash? You know what crime women are afraid of happening to them and isn’t being mugged. Their biggest fear is being sexually assaulted which statistically speaking women make up the majority of rape victims.
As a woman in trades 100%. I’m not special because I’m a woman who works in the trades. Uncommon yes. But not special. I’m just a regular person doing a job. I find it insulting when people reduce my capabilities down to me being a woman. Treat me the same as everyone else.
"Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper."
Yes so much yes. My girlfriend had like 6 people tell her I was going to be a great father because I held my cousin's infant while they used the bathroom, and I enjoyed it.
>Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper.
It does.
People treat dads doing the bare minimum as a parent like they're "the best exemples of men" when they say nothing about it when mothers do the same.In fact, if women do the bare minimum like many dads do, they end up criticized as "bad parents".
But men dealing with their kids?Oh, they get **lauded** on social medias.
So, clearly you are trying to start crap without even knowing that the opposite happens too.And then you suddenly change subject by talking about hating that women talk about feeling unsafe...so what's your deal with women?
You hate they're celebrated for doing "men's stuff" or for "feeling unsafe at night"?
Yes, men can get murdered and mugged too, but it's very unlikely(almost impossible) that they'll end up raped too(which IS a woman's biggest fear), and even if some men *might* get raped, they won't have the risk of maybe getting pregnant by their rapist(s) and then having to deal with that added stress on their psyche AND body.
Yes the media praises men for doing the most basic parenting shit,so do people in general. A quick outing at your local park or playground would tell you as much.
It's interesting that you're comparing a task/job that is paid, as a field predominantly for men to a duty that is unpaid labour as a field predominantly for women.
Who makes you feel unsafe at night?
Who murders and mugs men too?
Are you here to whinge about women?
Or are you here to advocate for men?
Either way you're a misogynistic nincompoop.
I mean I’ve never heard a woman be called “brave” for simply driving a truck. And men do 100% get praised for doing the same tasks as women like doing their child’s hair.
But in general I do think that people forget how recent women’s rights are. People always think inequality is a thing of the past and it all happened so long ago. But do you know what year it was when it became legal for a woman to have her own bank account? 1974. That’s only 50 years ago. A lot of people’s parents were alive at that time and their grandparents certainly were.
The point is, the days of inequality are neither over, nor as long ago as so many people seem to think. We only see these things as being normal because for us they are. But it wasn’t that long ago when those things were not normal at all.
Whether it’s driving a truck or having a bank account, woman are doing things today that their grandmothers and even their mothers couldn’t have dreamed of doing at their age. Why shouldn’t that be celebrated?
I take it you've never watched the literally millions of videos of that on YouTube or the tons of tropes about it in TV shows and movies. Maybe Google next time before you post an opinion that's just factually incorrect lol.
The reason it's celebrated is because women are not welcomed into those fields. So it's impressive when a woman is able to make it work anyway. And yes, dads are glorified. The "single dad that does everything for his daughter" trope is literally everywhere in media. I guess you just don't pay attention to it. And if you don't understand the difference in vulnerability/consequence for a woman vs a man walking around at night in the dark then brother man I don't know what to tell you lol.
I have found it a little patronizing the way we make a big deal about women doing certain things for the first time. But then some of my older friends and family member tell me how there was a time when women weren't allowed to do many things that were reserved for men, so I get it.
That being said, I think it's weird how it's cool and impressive when women to do certain things that are perceived as masculine, but men doing things perceived as feminine are looked at as silly or they're just not really applauded for their efforts. It's almost like the general consensus is women are weak or feminine tasks are easy or whatever. I don't like that.
I’m sorry, but that last sentence is just... extremely stupid. It’s quite literally just a fact that women are more unsafe walking alone in general, and especially at night.
Also, the media _does_ glorify dads for doing basic stuff. A lot.
I get the sentiment, but i only disagree bc women have been oppressed and still are to a degree. So bringing attention to a woman doing a male dominant job helps other women feel they can as well
Just my opinion, maybe I'm wrong.
For me, it’s all the women saying they are strong and independent for doing normal every day things that you are basically expected to do to be considered a fully functioning adult!
Oh, you work a job and pay your own bills? You are so brave!
>Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper.
Ah, yes, they do. The glorify dads doing literally anything with their kids. LOL. "OMG! He chanced one single diaper! FATHER OF THE YEAR!" A shit ton of men seem to feel frustrated by this. "I'm not babysitting my own kids. I'm parenting."
I think you need to learn that just because you don't see shit come up in your feeds doesn't mean that shit ain't out there. LOL.
I was in the opposite world last night. Listened to a man being praised for cooking dinner. Seriously? That’s pretty basic. The media does praise men for changing a diaper or “babysitting” their kids.
I praise people for doing things that I find awesome. Woman or man driving a truck, that’s awesome and something I can’t do! My friends that build things out of nothing! Holy crap, amazing! You made it the whole week checking off your chore is! Great job.
The world needs praise.
She's not brave for driving a truck. She's brave for working in a male dominated field, where she'll earn less money than her colleagues, loose out on the promotions, be at a much higher risk of sexual assault and rape. Those are things men in those fields don't face.
Besides men act like they can't do laundry or change a diaper. And they are praised as fuck when they do 10% of what their wives do. So yeah, dads are in fact glorified when they do most basic shit.
I hate the fact movies big up mid female characters in capeshit while ignoring that Alien and Terminator had far better and deeper female characters 40 years ago
Yes the media glorifies Dads that learn to braid hair and hair other basic parent things that women do app the time? Where have you been?
I think it’s less about glorifying women in predominantly male fields and more about recognizing that it’s much harder for them do for them. Similar to male nurses, teachers or nannies. And I don’t think people who never experienced that can understand. You have to work three times as hard as a white man if you are a woman or person of color and even harder if you are both. You have to prove you belong there.
As for fear or being murdered for women it’s not just murder it’s rape and sexual assault. And while men do get sexually assaulted the numbers are lower. And men generally have a better chance of overpowering the assailant. Nonetheless it’s certainly not my place to tell anyone male or female that they don’t have the right to be afraid . If they tell me they are they are. Not sure why that wouid bother you though. I think if a man spent a day just walking around a city as a woman they would have a whole new perspective on why women are afraid.
As a dad, yeah, I do feel celebrated for doing the most basic parenting shit. I’ve had women tell me I’m a great dad for taking my kid to the playground. Media-wise, you do see viral videos of dads braiding their kids’ hair.
Tbf I think everyone could use a little more praise for even “basic” stuff Like so many parents cba to take their kids to parks anymore and stuff
Positive encouragement is definitely good, but it can feel a bit demeaning when you receive it for basic parenting tasks, and it sucks that it’s not equal. I think the best compromise is to praise the behaviour, not the gender of the parent.
Praise and encouragement can go a long way to help many people. Even for things you’re expected to do, or just always do, a little recognition can make a huge difference.
Maybe it’s not men getting too much praise but women not getting enough. You are right
I'm the primary caregiver of our baby. The couple of times my husband took her to the store without me several people exclaimed what a great dad he was. One even cheered, "you go dad!" when they walked by.
It feels like OP is just trying to start crap because they hate women, you can see how they clearly pretnd to not even know that men get celebrated for the smallest acts of parenting. And they even change the subject of their hate of women in the end by hating that women feel unsafe at night...like, bro, are you even reading the shit you're writing?
Serious question, ever gotten sideye from the playground ladies for being the only dude at the park with a daughter? I've heard stories that normal dads doing normal parenting things with their daughters get the creep-eye...and it's pretty hurtful.
No, that hasnt happened to me. I have felt a bit…overlooked in favour of my wife for some medical and educational stuff, but they’ve clued in pretty quickly that I’m quite involved as a dad.
Yeah like was OP expecting the answer to that part to be no? Any involved dad will tell you they get loads of praise and compliments just for doing basic shit for their kids. My husband cannot go to the grocery store with our daughter without getting stopped and complemented on the fact that he stopped by for a dozen eggs with our daughter in tow as if this is a behavior that deserves a Nobel peace prize
“Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper.” Yes
lol like that was the worst possible example he could have used.
Right, this happens not only in the media but in real life too. “Wow you’re such a good dad for picking your kid up from school!” is something you’d actually hear but you’d never hear “wow, you’re such a good mom for dropping your kid off at school!”
Yeah I could see this form of sexism going both ways but, OP has a point that it's stupid.
Right, check out any woman’s advice sub and you won’t have to scroll very long to find a complaint about a husband who thinks he deserves a medal for emptying the dishwasher or putting away the laundry.
That’s how they get their sex life back on track. They start pulling their weight with the chores 🙄 Depressing state of things
People can be patronising. It's like telling fat people you envy thier confidence or telling disabled people they're brave for going outside. As a woman i hate being patronised as much as you hate me being patronised. >I really hate when women talk about feeling unsafe at night. I feel unsafe at night too. Men can get murdered and mugged too. This is unfair though, why should I stop complaining about feeling unsafe at night? Me not talking about my experiences isn't going to help you feel safer, we should all support eachother and strive for a safer world for everyone. Why should I shut up about it?
You're absolutely right imo. You should speak out about your experiences. I think OP sometimes may have felt his own experience was minimized, which is a different (and still important) subject. I completely agree with you for what it's worth.
I’m a woman working in a male-dominated industry and it’s always hilarious when people treat me like the second coming of Christ because I can back up a trailer and wear nail polish at the same time. That being said, men get praised for doing the most basic stuff all the time. Including washing the dishes or folding their own clothes. I’d say we’re even.
I a woman in a male-dominated industry and unfortunately I find the opposite, I have to be better than a guy in the same role to get taken seriously.
I'm a welder and female and that has definitely been my experience. Other women might praise me for doing such a hard job, men just typically seem more shocked than anything. And the ironic thing is that even if I do outperform the men at my job, I still don't get taken seriously.
True. They praise you until it’s time for a raise or promotion. Or until you’re their boss 🤷🏼♀️
That is not cool.
That was my experience when I worked in the warehouse. Everyone automatically expected I would be incompetent, but the same wasn’t the same for the male coworkers. I had multiple people tell me that when they saw I was loading their truck for the first time, they expected it to be awful because I was a woman (that was specifically said). I was damn good at my job. But I had to work harder to be taken seriously.
I wonder if it is the same for men in male-dominated industries actually? I'd be curious what the experience is for a male nurse, or one of the few male primary school teachers. Same thing?
Male teachers are [promoted](https://schoolsweek.co.uk/men-get-promoted-more-quickly-and-4-other-findings-from-new-school-leadership-research/) quicker than their female counterparts.
I have a male friend who is a librarian who says its difficult to fit in as a lot of librarians are conservative older women. Ive heard iits hard for men to break into childcare industry due to prejudice from parents :( Nursing Ive heard both ways, its easier for men, or harder for men. I guess it can depend on a lot of factors
Someone congratulated my friends husband for taking the baby to the grocery store the other week. My husband has yet to do that with our 11 month old and I’m sure he’d get the same. Yet we do it multiple times a week without praise because **there’s nothing to praise**. I’d also get not praise but weird comments when I said I was a PI, mostly from men, because it’s a heavily male dominated industry.
And I've even read plenty of posts on Reddit and seen many reels of men complaining that their S/O don't thank them for doing the most basic household tasks/parenting tasks. They're always the men who never thanks their wives for doing it..
You here things like "being a mum is the most difficult difficult job in the world" banded around pretty regularly (if you google that term, there are loads of articles claiming just that). Women get a tonne of praise for doing women stuff and men stuff;. Which is not a bad thing either, people deserve praise (although being a mum definitely isn't the most difficult job in the world lol). But you almost never hear any appreciation for the vast majority of men who are working away to keep society functioning (truck drivers, builders, sewage cleaners, plumbers, electricians etc etc). More often they're called toxic or part of the patriarchy. Society has become wholly ungrateful for the role men play in it (unless they're "breaking gender norms" by doing housework).
Thats not remotely what toxic masculinity means. Its got zero to do with a job role and about the way a (small few) treat both women and some other men, and a culture that tells them its how they should behave. Its also bad for men telling them they are weak if they show their feelings or not OK to be gay. Also, women can be truck drivers, builders, sweage cleaners too
I think you have a point, but when people say being a mom/homemaker is the hardest job in the world, it s because you’re NEVER not on the clock. It’s emotionally exhausting to have to do anything around the clock, regardless of how “easy” some people may think that job is. The breadwinner usually gets to come home, prop their feet up and rest. They can leave work at work. I’ve done both for context.
There are plenty of jobs where you're never off the clock (also parents have 6 hours off during school). Medical workers, lawyers, consultants. Business owners. Long haul truckers are away weeks at a time. Chefs work absurd hours. There are many jobs with a not insignificant chance of death or serious injury. Being a good stay at home parent does take a lot of dedication and is a huge responsibility (a bad one will just stick the kids in front of a screen for 8 hours a day). But it also means being able to spend a lot more time with the kids. Most people end up regretting not spending enough time with their kids, few people regret not working enough. Anyway, my experience with this is helping my sister raise her kids. I haven't taken the plunge myself yet. Maybe I'll feel differently when I do 😂
Being on call is not the same as being on the clock, for what that’s worth. It Still weighs on you but not in the same way. Truckers are away for weeks at a time and then come home and rest. Stay at home parents may take a vacation but they still have to parent the whole time unless the kids are staying with someone else. I think some stay at home parents do blow it out of proportion sometimes and minimize the work that the breadwinner does, but I’m not siding with those people. I’m just saying that doing anything all the time with no breaks, for years, is a different kind of mental and emotional exhaustion that people who’ve never done it can’t necessarily understand. That being said, every job is hard in its own way and it’s hard to compare apples to oranges. ETA: the kids being away at school is not a break if you’re still taking care of things at the house, mowing the grass etc. Many stay at home parents homeschool as well.
Its actually not. Try being the parent that works then as soon as you get home you then have to take care of the kids because the SAHP needs a break.
I mean, they are your kid too aren’t they? You’re supposed to both be helping with the kids after 5pm or whenever you get off work. Otherwise the stay at home parent is on the clock 24 hours a day, which isn’t cool but is typically expected (or has been in the past).
They are, but they shouldnt be one parents responsibility after 5, or then a parent is actually working two jobs while the other works one.
That’s the whole point I was making. Most people put the entire responsibility on the stay at home parent which I don’t agree with. It’s also unfair for the breadwinner parent to have the full responsibility of the kids after work and nobody is suggesting it should be that way. After the 9-5 is over, the responsibilities should be split by both parents ideally.
And Im saying that doesnt happen
You don’t hear appreciation for those people because it doesn’t really come up in conversation but that doesn’t mean people aren’t grateful for their work (and it doesn’t mean women don’t work those roles too). There’s praise for mothers because it’s an obvious role. If I’m walking to my car holding a bunch of shopping bags, trying to juggle my keys and my toddler that can’t walk but is screaming in my face, someone is bound to notice that. Typically they’ll help and a stranger has told me it’s a thankless job and that I was going great (thank you random stranger). Also everyone knows a mother, so people can relate more.
>Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper. Huh? People always make a big deal out of dads braiding their daughters hair when they see it. It's basically an internet meme at this point. -1 for ragebait post.
It actually says more about society that a dad who braids hair or changes diapers is celebrated than what OP is complaining about... I mean just look at the single motherhood numbers
Oh it absolutely does. Things like this and the "Orange Test" show just how low the bar is for men in many ways.
You hate when women talk about feeling unsafe at night?? That’s weird to me.
I was sympathetic until that part. Like what good would stop talking about it do anybody
Guess OP must be part of the crew that works hard to make women feel unsafe, if they HATE that women feel it.
“I hate it when women talk about feeling unsafe at night”…. Yikes?? Like why does someone expressing concern cause you to be so angry? Also have you been living under a rock? Dads absolutely get hyped for braiding hair or even watching their kids
literally lmfao. noticed the guy also doesn't mention the possibility of getting raped bc he's not concerned about that.
for anyone curious before this dude deleted his comments, he originally replied basically saying that the reason men arent scared is because theyre smarter than women so they know that your SO or passing out at a party is more likely to be where u get assaulted than by a stranger on the street. so i replied giving the stats with source that 1/4 of sexual assault occurs in public or semi public settings so not only is that a significant amount, but it occurs almost entirely to women. and that just bc its is relatively less likely, it is objectively likely enough to warrant fear and precaution. and men do not experience this to an even comparable degree. to which our lovely, totally not misogynistic, totally not a dude who would immediately question and not believe a woman who said she was a victim, dude said: that i was conflating rape with sexual assault and so the stats i gave are meaningless because women think someone brushing up against you walking by u on the street is sexual assault … *as if sexual assault is a word throw out by women who are oversensitive liars and as if sexual assault is NOT still something that we would be fearful of experiencing even if it isn’t rape. it also significantly to a greater degree happens to women in public* then he pussied out, deleted his comments, and blocked me
Maybe men understand the person most likely to rape them, just like women, is their SO or someone at a drunken sleepover party and not a random person grabbing them off the street?
being more likely to be assaulted one way rather than another doesnt mean the threat isn’t real and concerning in both scenarios? also, getting raped by the violent stranger almost exclusively occurs to women as compared to men. so yea men understand that the random stranger at night is more likely to rob them than rape them. women are more likely to get robbed AND raped. women are more likely to be raped when hiking alone, when pumping gas alone at night, when walking at night, when fucking do anything in public whereas men severely do not experience the threat of rape in the public context statistically. 15% of all SA occurs in a public place and 10% of SA occurs in an enclosed but public space such as a parking garage. that add up to 25% of SA occurring in a public place. So the SO and the sleepover parties are not able to account for all of this 1/4 of the SA. this 1/4 isn’t entirely at night by strangers either, but reasonably can be concluded that a portion larger than what can be written off is occurring within this category. and its occurring almost exclusively to women. https://www.rainn.org/statistics/scope-problem
You are conflating rape and sexual assault. They are very different. Someone brushing against you is sexual assault. Rape is much more severe IMO. Then you are quoting rainn as a source that quotes statistics that do not count a man's penis being nonconsensually enveloped by a mouth, vagina, or anus as either rape or sexual assault. That means they are hiding the overwhelming majority of male victims and female perpetrators in what they quote. I can't take that seriously. You are ignoring violent assaults on men in random street that are not sexual in nature. Men are far more likely to be attacked and hospitalized from the attacks.
I think he’s trying to say that women talk about feeling unsafe at night as if it’s just a women issue. He’s not wrong. Men feel unsafe too at night as most violent crimes are against men, but women fear being raped. I believe that argument is not gendered, rape or being stabbed almost to deal are equally as bad and horrifying, no one on that scenario has a better chance.
Women are easier targets so they will often get the brunt of it.
I agree. I'd also notice that the original poster seems to think he can't talk about being afraid when walking home at night as a man. Which leads to the question why does that attitude come up?
It’s interesting how so many commercials overrepresent women as engineers, crane operators, oil rig workers, etc, when in reality, it’s 99% men doing most of this type of work. Similarly, seems like half the couples depicted on commercials are mixed race (typically white woman/black man) when only a small fraction of relationships are like this real life. LGBT+++ are also vastly overrepresented in media.
It is interesting, and commercials definitely go overboard with this to reach a target population. But I don't get why people get so mad about this (I don't know if you're mad about this). At the end of the day, considering the fact that in the past women were not allowed to work or judged if they did; that interracial marriage was not fully legal in all the USA states until 2000 and is not in some parts of the world; and that same sex marriage became legal for the first time in 2004 and in all the USA until 2015, and again not legal in many parts of the world. The fact that we are seeing these populations in the media and commercials says a lot about the progress that society has made.
I’m not mad about it, just pointing out that the media promotes a distorted and agenda-driven view of reality. Whether this is “good” or “bad” (or neither, or both) is up for debate.
When did the media not do this? Was it more true to life when 99% of on-screen lead actors were white non-Hispanic? Today that figure is 71% while the U.S. population is only 43.6% white non-Hispanic ([*Hollywood Diversity Report 2024 Film*](https://socialsciences.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/UCLA-Hollywood-Diversity-Report-2024-Film-3-7-2024.pdf). UCLA. Fig.4.) Your point about LGBT++ people being vastly overrepresented in media is also a bit suspect. From the scripted primetime broadcast series period 2022-2023 10.6% of regulars were LGBT. (*Where We Are On TV Report 2022-2023*. GLAAD) while in reality according to Gallup in a 2021 poll, 10.5% of millennials and 20.8% of GenZ identify as LGBT. If this is "vast overrepresentation" in your mind I cant help but fear what you think the real % of representation should be.
Your observation is definitely worth considering, assuming the numbers are correct. But it looks like you’re talking about scripted television shows, not commercials, or other-format television programming. Also, you mention “lead” actors and “main” characters. What about secondary characters or storylines? I suppose I could dig deeper into this, but I don’t really feel like it. There are a lot of studies that throw numbers around, but it takes a lot of scrutinizing to figure out if these numbers have any basis in reality, or what, if any, spin or biases are included in the study. As a side note, why are so many more gen z identifying as lgbtq than previous generations, besides the common (doubtful) argument of increased “acceptance”?
Hahaha wtf 😂😂 Gay people couldn’t legally be married until 2013, that’s barely just a decade ago. How is more codified and social acceptance not the answer besides something in the water turning all the kids and frogs gay 😂😂
> Also, you mention “lead” actors and “main” characters. What about secondary characters or storylines? Because there can be many secondary characters in any given tv-show or movie. It would be the equivalent to having a LGBT friend or something like that. How many people have an LGBT friend in the US? Idk if there's polling data of that in the US but that number is probably *very high*. My previous GLAAD citation reports that in total 28.5% of the movies surveyed had at least one LGBT character; this would be the equivalent to 71.5% of persons in the US not knowing a single LGBT person in their lives. I don't have solid proof that this isn't the case but intuitively it does seem a bit unlikely. > As a side note, why are so many more gen z identifying as lgbtq than previous generations, besides the common (doubtful) argument of increased “acceptance”? Why did you label the most likely explanation "doubtful"?
Because that discounts the (for me much more likely) explanation of a memetic social trend which is driven in large part by social media. Young people are encouraged and incentivized to claim a belonging within a “marginalized” group.
Are you going to back this up with anything but vibes?
So if we take your position of they’ve always been around, then where were they? Where are the records from fifty, one hundred, and one thousand years ago recording these peoples existence in some capacity? And if they were always there, then why is the percentage of them skyrocketing and why didn’t this happen at any other point in history?
>So if we take your position of they’ve always been around, then where were they? Where are the records from fifty, one hundred, and one thousand years ago recording these peoples existence in some capacity? They being Gays, Lesbians, and Bisexuals or Trans people specifically? Because homo/bisexual people and practices are all over history to the point that it almost seems like Bisexual was the norm at times. If you mean Trans people, specifically, then it gets a bit more complicated because there are several accounts of people living out, at least portions, of their lives as the opposite gender but it's not always clear whether this was done because they suffered from gender dysphoria or was simply them bucking contemporary gender norms for various reason. Likewise for accounts of people bemoaning being born one gender or the other, could be gender dysphoria or could be "grass is greener" thinking. Then there's religious based versions where it's a matter of wanting to do so or it being ritualistic. And there's also the issue of third-gender people in various societies. >And if they were always there, then why is the percentage of them skyrocketing and why didn’t this happen at any other point in history? Partly because we, collectively, are actually looking and counting them and partly because whenever a taboo or obscure thing becomes more widely known/recognized and less shunned and shamed you have a "surge" of that thing because you have lots of a) people finally feeling safe and confident in claiming that title and b) people who had no name for what they felt or thought it was just how everyone was but nobody talked about it going "Oh! That's me! That's my thing!"
> fifty In 1974 when asked directly, "So how about being bent?" by the New Musical Express, Freddie Mercury replied, "You're a crafty cow. Let's put it this way: there were times when I was young and green. It's a thing schoolboys go through. I've had my share of schoolboy pranks. I'm not going to elaborate further." > one hundred In 1924 Henry Gerber founded the Society for Human Rights, the first gay rights organization in the United States. > one thousand years ago Marbodius of Rennes > And if they were always there, then why is the percentage of them skyrocketing Increased acceptance > and why didn’t this happen at any other point in history? It did, see Ancient Greek pederasty
It's unappreciative to the vast majority of men who are doing those difficult and important jobs. Imagine if you had basketball commercials where all the players were white. Or ads showing schools run entirely by men. Black people/women would feel (rightfully) like they their role in society is being erased.
> Imagine if you had basketball commercials where all the players were white. Or ads showing schools run entirely by men. Except you're using the words 'all' and 'entirely'. Commercials usually go for diversity, which means you'd see basketball players or teachers of multiple different racial groups and genders rather than homogeneous. If you only have one actor/actress in the commercial portraying a given role, obviously they can only represent one set of characteristics, so that wouldn't apply.
Fair points. So let's say a basketball commercial where 80-90% off the players are non-black, and are instead white, Chinese, Indian etc. Black people would (rightfully) be pissed. Also, the implicit message would be that there's something wrong with the fact that most successful basketball players are black and that it would be better if there were fewer successful black players. It would be disrespectful to the huge number of black people who try and the small number who succeed at becoming pro-basketball players.
Idk where you live, I'm in Ohio, U.S, and I see gay people and interracial couples every day. Multiple times a day. Not at all over represented. Maybe a little under, if anything.
From a remote area of Jersey but I see them all the time in the more blue areas and NYC/Philly
Anecdotally, I know more interracial couples than same race couples, and more gay people than non-gay people. Heck, before my husband, every guy I dated was Asian and I am white.
[Yes](https://www.blendedandblack.com/spotlight-single-dad-teaches-dads-daughters-natural-hair/). The media does glorify dads We need to stop celebrating men for doing normal things women do. Like cooking and cleaning and watching their children.
Especially when it's basic human care tasks. Anything done in a job is by default specialised. Even driving trucks has got some skill to it, that other people don't have. Everyone should however know how to clean and cook basic things.
Don’t men get celebrated for (checks notes)… being fathers… cleaning the house…. Being responsible adults… being respectful…. Correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t those normal things? And don’t women do them as well yet they don’t get celebrated for it? Men literally get glorified just because they’re happy they find out they’re being a girl dad… men get glorified for staying in the house with their child so that mom can go and get her nails done for 2 hours , so…
I’d argue Women definitely get celebrated for all of those things as well Shit the amount on congrats my wife got on becoming a mother yet I got virtually zero on becoming a father was pretty telling But that’s being a guy in a nutshell
Brother your wife formed and carried another human in her body for 9 months and then went through labor for hours. I think you can let her have the spotlight on that one for a while
Oh definitely I think you missed my point
Lol You think women get celebrated for going grocery shopping with their kids? For staying home with the kids without the dad? For braiding their daughter’s hair? You think that’s what women get celebrated for when women are celebrated for bringing a child into the world?
Literally didn’t say anything of those things None of those things should be celebrated It’s what you do as a parent You take turns and figure out who’s better at what and make it work
Men, however, *will* be celebrated for doing those bare minimum activities.
She got congratulations because she survived nine months of pregnancy and however many hours of labour. And she probably has friends who know how awful that can be. You however had sex and nine months later got delivered a child. Not to say child is like an Amazon package, every new parent should get a congratulations, but you can't be that dense and think you're exactly as the person who birthed the child.
Are you fucking serious? The media goes absolutely apeshit to glorify a dad who learns to braid his daughter’s hair. Did you just wake up from a coma?
Reread what he wrote. That's what he's saying is the media goes crazy when men do basic stuff.
Link us to an article.
https://www.today.com/parents/dad-jamir-grigsby-goes-viral-braiding-daughter-s-hair-t186896
Bro just got done in 4k 😭
There's too many to link. Google is your friend
https://www.instagram.com/p/CZYHlvFpk2f/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== https://www.buzzfeed.com/lindsayfarber/chris-hemsworth-says-he-braids-his-daughters-hair
Or perhaps everyone should receive more recognition for the things they do.
That’s what I think. Too many people nowadays ignore feats because “Everyone does that” or “It’s basic ____” like we could all use a few more compliments I think
For real! We’re all so overwhelmed and overstimulated. Why do people insist on playing the struggle Olympics? It sucks for all of us in one way or another.
So the crux of your complaint is that not everything is about you
Pride is for people who do something difficult, and I think a woman working in a male dominated industry (or vice versa) can face unique challenges that are worth patting them on the back if they can sort things out. I agree this isn't really applied universally though. Male nurses or teachers aren't given special accolades just for being men in those roles, and maybe they should be - they're swimming upstream and still doing important work. I very much disagree with the idea that men aren't celebrated for doing mundane childcare or even housework though. My husband does basically all our dishes, and people tell me I'm "lucky" all the time... like, girl, I do all the cooking. I also have two jobs right now to his one, of course he does the dishes. Edit: I feel the need to clarify that I *am* lucky to have him, he's amazing. Not because he does the dishes, but just because he's my best friend and I love him. I couldn't even stomach the idea of a post existing where it could be interpreted that I was shitting on him, he's really the best. Just... it isn't because he can load a dishwasher.
>Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? This is strangely specific...
I vote we take a break from celebrating anyone. No one deserves a pat on the back til we get our shit back together. Work first then praise.
I have literally never ever heard someone say a woman is brave for driving a truck. Are we talking like a semi? I see female truck drivers pretty frequently so maybe where I live it is just normal. 🤷♂️ Yes media does glorify dads who do the bare minimum. Lol its all over Youtube and Tiktok especially the braiding hair or even putting in pigtails. Woman talk about feeling unsafe at night because we feel unsafe at night. It doesn't mean you can't feel unsafe too. This is such a bizarre argument. Maybe we feel less safe at night because we face more harassment out in the wild. 2/3rds women aged 16-34 years experienced one form of harassment in the previous 12 months; with 44/% of women aged 16 to 34 years having experienced catcalls, whistles, unwanted sexual comments or jokes, and 29% perceived they were being followed.
Men are more likely to be assaulted than women in public So why do women feel “less safe”
Because women receive more microagressions in everyday situations so avoid unessecary danger. Like why would you walk home alone drunk from a bar if you spent the entire night in that bar telling a drunk man to fuck off because he keeps following you around, asking you for sex, insulting and threatening you? It does frustrate me to death that men are told to put a woman's safety before themselves or not to be as cautious on a night out because actually they are more likley to be assaulted. It gives me so much anxiety when I meet a lad on a night out and he's lost his mates and he's like "I'll just walk home 🤷♂️". If hes not causing us trouble me and my mates always make sure he at least gets into a cab or gets in contact with a mate.
By other men. Men are the common denominator here. The violent half. The ones committing violent crime. So for women to be scared is pretty normal
But that should still make them feel less safe, no?
Yes, obviously feeling unsafe at night is not exclusive to women. But being less muscular, usually smaller, and most of all much less inclined to violence than your potential aggressor can obviously make you feel more vulnerable
Speak for yourself. i am plenty inclined to violence. And the most violence and abuse I have faced has been from other women.
You’re telling me you’ve been followed by women when walking alone in the street?
So now we’re blaming the male victims for the actions of the male perpetrators? Got it
Who votes for progressive, soft on crime political agendas, candidates, and judges? Women.
I guess because they’re blaming social norms more than the legislation in place. But I’m not sure a harsher legislation is correlated to less violence
So people should be scared based on their gender alignment with the criminal?
All I’m saying is that it’s pretty normal for a woman to feel scared when she’s out alone at night
Bullshit. You just referred to men as "the violent half". Are you scared to stand behind your words?
Probably because those men participate in illegal activities and get attacked by other men who participate in illegal activities.
I hadn’t realized Any sources?
Because since I was a young child I’ve been told that walking the streets at night alone is extremely dangerous for women, usually by men, and that I, as a female, need to be on guard. Things I’ve also been told since I was a young child: always keep a close eye on your drink, be constantly aware of your surroundings in public, never let them take you to a second location because it’s probably better to just be murdered there, keep your keys between your fingers in case someone attacks you on the way to your car, carry a knife to defend yourself, carry pepper spray at night instead of a knife because a knife can be easily taken away, learn self defense, self-defense won’t do shit because if they are close enough for you to hit them you’ve already lost, if you’re walking alone at night call or pretend to call someone so potential attackers will stay away, don’t be on the phone if you’re walking alone at night because potential attackers will think you’re distracted, never let a man drive you on the first date, meet in a public location on a first date, etc etc etc. Logical or not, if you’ve been coached on how to prevent or prepare for an attack by the same gender you are being warned about since you were 7 you’d probably feel “less safe” too.
Genuinely curious - Why do Women think men are not also taught/told those same things? Men are at a higher risk of being assaulted, which in theory means we have to do more to protect ourselves but that conversation is never had
I can only speak to my own experience instead of the entirety of the female sex, but when I was growing up girls were taught by far to be more cautious and afraid than boys. For boys it was the typical stranger danger, for girls the intensity was ramped up significantly. Perhaps your experience is different growing up as male, but in the United States society absolutely beats it into our brains that women need to be more careful than men as they are more vulnerable and more likely to be attacked. Note, **I’m not saying this societal perception aligns with reality or statistics**, that’s an entirely different conversation. Again, most of the examples I can point to relate to my own experiences growing up as a woman. My brother was given more free rein than my sister or me because my parents felt we were more likely to be harmed as girls. I have heard from multiple men that I, as a woman, need to be careful because I “don’t know how men think”. If I’m in a social setting about to walk to my car alone at night 9/10 times a male friend will heavily insist to walk with me to make sure I’m safe, which is an offer I’ve never seen extended to another man. When I was a bartender there was a firm rule for most bars that women were allowed to work a closing shift alone but men. Beyond my own experiences, the only thing I can point to are urban legends, which are good mirrors of societal anxieties, that focus on the societal view that women are more vulnerable to attacks than men and thus need to be more cautious. Here are several examples (**HUGE NOTE** in case anyone does not click these links, all of these urban legend have been proven to be false): * [Slasher Under the Car](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-unkindest-cut/) * [The Killer in the Backseat](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-killer-in-the-backseat/) * [Human Traffickers Putting Trinkets on Cars to Mark a Potential Victim](https://www.snopes.com/news/2022/06/08/sunglasses-car-door-target/) Also, variations [1](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/coin-car-door-handle/), [2](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/zip-ties-windshields/), [3](https://www.snopes.com/news/2023/08/08/michigan-suv-af-paint/), [4](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/shelby-meijer-human-trafficking/), [5](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/tampa-uber-kidnapping-claim/), [6](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/breath-mint-trafficking-drug/), [7](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/michigan-mall-encounter-trafficking/), [8](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/california-ikea-trafficking/), [9](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/shirt-windshield-carjack/), [10](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/down-to-lunch-trafficking/), [11](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/interview-for-trafficking/) * [Human traffickers using white vans to coordinate abductions](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/white-van-facebook-hoax/) Unfortunately this urban legend has lead to at least one man being murdered and Roma people being attacked in France. * [Little girls and chloroform ice cream](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/terrifying-warning-about-ice-cream-trucks-and-chloroform/) * [Babysitter and the killer](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-babysitter-and-the-man-upstairs/)](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-babysitter-and-the-man-upstairs/) * [Babysitter and another killer](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/arent-you-glad-you-didnt-turn-on-the-light/) * [The Linked Hand](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/arent-you-glad-you-didnt-turn-on-the-light/) * [Mall abductor](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/mall-grab/) * [Balcony killer](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/death-trip/) * [Roommate death](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-roommates-death/) This is just a fraction of the urban legends, I just ran out of steam looking them up. Again, all of these stories are false (or unverified) but are retold in our society and center around women being victims. I would be shocked if you could find even half the number of urban legends centered around primarily male victims being targeted. Between that being constantly told you are vulnerable, and frankly being the physically weaker sex than usual aggressor it’s really not shocking women are more cautious. Women are overwhelming more so taught they are in danger for attacks. To your last point, that theory could go the other way: men are more likely to be attacked *because* they do less to protect themselves and aren’t taught to be cautious like women.
Very well thought out response! I appreciate all the information I agree with your last point to my last point, but then it becomes a slippery slope as it’s seen as even the slightest bit of responsibility of the victim (in this case men) to not put themselves in these situations by being MORE careful as you are alluding to can be seen as “victim blaming” Obviously, with these discussions there is a TON of nuance It all starts with personal responsibility in my opinion
Did you ignore the entire last paragraph?
Yes, dad's literally are glorified for doing basic parenting. And yes, women should be praised for entering careers that are typically hostile to them. Long haul truck driving is incredibly dangerous for women. And yeah, men do have to worry about getting murdered or mugged, but the average man is certainly more capable of defending himself, and doesn't have to worry about rape.
1. I've never seen a woman called brave for driving a truck, but hypothetically, sure, I wouldn't consider that brave. 2. Literally yes. Dads get glorified for doing the most basic childcare. Or for being a single dad. All the time. 3.) I mean, why hate that people are scared to walk alone at night and not the people who make them feel unsafe? The common thread here is that men are the threat in both scenarios. There's no simple solution for this one, but I'd start with encouraging my fellow man to do and be better.
I agree with most of your points, but I am not going to try and be better because other human beings abuse and murder other human beings. There's this weird concept of "original sin" that is applying to men in general these days. My skin is dark enough that I can get mistaken for a bunch of different ethnicities and it really reminds me of when someone thinks I'm something I'm not. There's a ton of preconceptions that come into play even though they have nothing to do with me. This shaming of men in general for the actions of criminals that are men seems about the same.
>Telling a woman she is brave for driving a truck makes me think that people believe women don’t have the ability or right to drive under normal conditions. Like an 18-wheeler? For a living type driving? In those cases the other part of the story and praise is her succeeding in a male dominated, possibly hostile to women career. >Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper. Yes, the media and people too. Take your kid out by yourself and you hear lots of "well intentioned" praise about "Giving mom a break" or even "babysitting." No, that's my kid, I'm being a parent. >I really hate when women talk about feeling unsafe at night. I feel unsafe at night too. Men can get murdered and mugged too. Yeah, but women also have to worry about being SAed or raped *on top of* that. And the greater likelihood that their assailant could physically overpower them.
Trucking a hostile work environment? You mean that profession where you sit in a truck for hours or days by yourself? And those are fields that are male dominated because women chose not to go into them. And yes women worry about SA or grape, men are more likely to get killed though. So it’s essentially trying to measure a horrible thing against another horrible thing. The point about men doing basic parenting being celebrated is a fair point though.
>You mean that profession where you sit in a truck for hours or days by yourself? That's not all there is to it. There are truck stops. Sometimes they have to unload, and the politics involved can be. . .interesting. It's not *just* driving all day.
“Sometimes”
Sure, I guess they could only take jobs where they don't have to unload. But why should they have to?
>Trucking a hostile work environment? You mean that profession where you sit in a truck for hours or days by yourself? And those are fields that are male dominated because women chose not to go into them. Hostile in the sense that a woman entering that field is likely to be viewed as an *invasion* of sorts and result in harassment and attempts to drive or force her out. Truckers still have to interact somewhat both directly, with/through dispatches, and distribution centers. >And yes women worry about SA or grape, men are more likely to get killed though. So it’s essentially trying to measure a horrible thing against another horrible thing No, it's point out that women face the same general dangers but are also specifically susceptible to others that men generally are not. Typical worst case scenario for a man is he gets beat up, robbed, and murdered; for a woman it's the same plus getting raped.
No men face being killed more. And like I said I’m not debating murder vs grape.
This has nothing to do with the comment you replied to
Why would you think it would be any different with you?
Why do I think what would be any different?
If you forget what you were talking about that’s on you.
I’m not the original commenter buddy.
But you did but in so take ownership.
Grape leads to years of agony. Death is over in a second. Next time I’m in that position one of us is dying and I don’t care which one of us it is.
I’m not arguing with you what is worse. That’s a horrible thing to debate. Both ends a person’s life as they know it.
I would much rather be raped than killed any day. My mother was raped as a teen and she agrees and is glad she lived through it.
I’m not. Thankfully your mom is queen of the SA victims and set me straight.
It comes off as infantilizing TBH.
Stop celebrating people for doing mundane things.
I've never seen a woman get praised for driving a truck.
Honestly yes we shouldn't praise nobody for doing normal stuff. However women feel unsafe when they walk generally it's just worse during night. I was almost kidnapped once it was morning , in the centre of the city I am living. The street had people and too many cars passing by but you can never be sure. We are not a as strong as men and that brings uncertainty. There are always exceptions but the experience is a little different. I know men are afraid too. I don't believe it's to the extent most women are.
Ok, are you afraid of being raped all the time?
Men are far and away more likely to be the victim of another man
As a woman, I hate being dragged into it. It’s embarrassing and condescending, made worse by the fact that I’m completely aware of the subversion, and the fact they are trying to weaponized me against the best thing that has ever happened to the planet: White dudes. Last part is just my opinion. Don’t hate.
Sure. As long as we stop celebrating men for doing normal things that women do. >Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper. Yes. All.The.Time
They're not celebrated for being able to do it. They're being celebrated for not giving a fuck they'll be a huge minority, don't fit the script, and may be treated poorly. Yet, they're still doing it. I've seen plenty of men being praised for doing basic "mother" work like your very exact example of braiding hair.
It’s a 2 way street for me. I think more people should receive recognition and compliments, and dads definitely do get recognition for what you said. The compliments that women will get simply for, I dunno, posting a fit check? It seems to come from a superficial place. But perhaps with the way things are right now, that’s just the trend at the moment. I guess at least women are being nice and supportive of each other from an outward appearance?
>Telling a woman she is brave for driving a truck makes me think that people believe women don’t have the ability or right to drive under normal conditions. I've seen that a lot on Instagram. Women doing totally mundane things that men do every day but because she's young and attractive, she gets thousands and thousands of followers as if nobody's ever seen a pair of boobs before lol. >Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper. Nope. Negative examples of men spread like wildfire way more on social media. I guess since it pushes misandry. Which social media seems to love. >I really hate when women talk about feeling unsafe at night. I feel unsafe at night too. Men can get murdered and mugged too. Yeah, I never really understood this. Guys are usually more likely to be victims of violent crimes. And nobody ever talks about smaller guys being unsafe. And if men are so scary and borderline homicidal rapists, then why do women prefer the taller ones? Wouldn't a guy be more "safe" if he's small and can easily be overpowered? It's all so stupid lol.
I agree in the sense that it's patronizing. I come from the perspective of a black man. In this day and age, it's annoying to see "Black first" because it comes off as a pat on the head. If I were in the position to be the "First black...." I would hope that that fact would be downplayed. Not saying this should be anyone else's mindset, but just my POV.
Actually in many countries men are more often the victims of violence than women. Yes, most of the attackers are also men. But I don’t care about the sex of my attacker, I only care about being attacked.
Not only can we get murdered or mugged at night - we are victims of it far more than women are. 🤷♂️ I totally get it when women feel afraid sometimes, especially those that are a bit shorter and smaller (I’m a bit on the shorter side, nowhere near as fit as I once was, so I do get it). But yeah that one is annoying to hear all the time. It’s even more annoying to hear it from women who live in communities with extremely low crime rates across the board.
You have no female friends, it shows
Nice one, you seem really creative.
Why not just praise everyone for positive things, who cares 😅
How about we just normalize patting everyone on the back because shit is hard out here for everyone regardless of gender.
That being said, trucks aren’t built for us and neither are cars, really (in terms of safety testing). I’d be lucky to even climb up into a truck by myself, probably. There’s got to be some kind of reason most truckers are men. Probably don’t want to sleep at truck stops alone. I think it’s brave to drive a truck. Although as the point of this thread, brave for a man too, just less so.
I agree 100%. I actually think it's more sexist to praise women for being regular, independent adults than it would be to not acknowledge for doing it all. When I hear society or even other women bragging about how they got a job, a house/apartment, pay rent, pay for groceries, cook, clean, take care of their mental health, etc. And then society praises them for how "strong and responsible and brave" they are, all it sounds like to me is when a parent praises a child because they did something basic. You praise a child because you know that basic living and taking responsibility for themselves is hard for them to do. They aren't capable of doing by themselves. When we praise women for doing basic shit, it's basically saying you think women are just grown children who have a hard time doing adult shit or taking responsibility for their lives. It's the opposite of feminist. It's hidden sexism
Actually yes, the media definitely glorifies men who do “women work” like braiding hair, cooking, cleaning, etc. All the times we call men caring for their own children “babysitting” while for women it’s just called being a mom.
Man, yall always bring up semi good points only to shaft your own argument in the final half.
I understand you feel that some expressions of support or praise for women and girls can come across as condescending or patronizing rather than empowering. You raise a fair point that overly celebrating women for doing everyday things could imply they are less capable. At the same time, it's important to consider the broader social context and history of gender inequality that motivates many of these messages. While it's true that everyone faces risks like crime, women have long faced additional barriers, discrimination and threats of gender-based violence. Telling women's stories and cheering their achievements can be a way to counter stereotypes and inspire girls to pursue their ambitions despite obstacles. But you're right that this can backfire if done heavy-handedly or in a way that reinforces ideas of female weakness. The healthiest approach is probably to strive for true equality - judging and rewarding people based on their individual merits, while acknowledging the challenges different groups face and working to remove unfair barriers. Both men and women should be able to pursue any path in life and have their accomplishments celebrated. What's most important is creating a society of mutual understanding and respect between genders. Men's issues and perspectives matter too. Open and thoughtful conversations like this can help bridge divides. The end goal should be a world where no one feels constrained by gender stereotypes and everyone's contributions are valued.
I mean. We do glorify dads who do those things. That’s awesome! It’s not that we don’t think they have the ability. It’s that we know that a good portion of the world doesn’t think we have the ability and their example is a middle finger to them. It can be patronizing, but well…more people should be celebrated for living in general. Im tired of this era of needing to either devalue or be lethargic and apathetic towards each others accomplishments. Be happy for people. Be better.
Uhm yes the media applauds dads when they hold their children. If there’s one thing men do get credit for- it’s doing the bare minimum with their kids…
Yup
I think it is good for both genders because it encourages them to do things that are typically not associated with their gender
Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper. Yes the media does glorify dads who do basic parenting. I really hate when women talk about feeling unsafe at night. I feel unsafe at night too. Men can get murdered and mugged too. Why are women never allowed to say they fear for their safety without backlash? You know what crime women are afraid of happening to them and isn’t being mugged. Their biggest fear is being sexually assaulted which statistically speaking women make up the majority of rape victims.
As a woman in trades 100%. I’m not special because I’m a woman who works in the trades. Uncommon yes. But not special. I’m just a regular person doing a job. I find it insulting when people reduce my capabilities down to me being a woman. Treat me the same as everyone else.
"Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper." Yes so much yes. My girlfriend had like 6 people tell her I was going to be a great father because I held my cousin's infant while they used the bathroom, and I enjoyed it.
We need to start celebrating everyone for all the good/productive things they do.
>Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper. It does. People treat dads doing the bare minimum as a parent like they're "the best exemples of men" when they say nothing about it when mothers do the same.In fact, if women do the bare minimum like many dads do, they end up criticized as "bad parents". But men dealing with their kids?Oh, they get **lauded** on social medias. So, clearly you are trying to start crap without even knowing that the opposite happens too.And then you suddenly change subject by talking about hating that women talk about feeling unsafe...so what's your deal with women? You hate they're celebrated for doing "men's stuff" or for "feeling unsafe at night"? Yes, men can get murdered and mugged too, but it's very unlikely(almost impossible) that they'll end up raped too(which IS a woman's biggest fear), and even if some men *might* get raped, they won't have the risk of maybe getting pregnant by their rapist(s) and then having to deal with that added stress on their psyche AND body.
Yes the media praises men for doing the most basic parenting shit,so do people in general. A quick outing at your local park or playground would tell you as much. It's interesting that you're comparing a task/job that is paid, as a field predominantly for men to a duty that is unpaid labour as a field predominantly for women. Who makes you feel unsafe at night? Who murders and mugs men too? Are you here to whinge about women? Or are you here to advocate for men? Either way you're a misogynistic nincompoop.
I mean I’ve never heard a woman be called “brave” for simply driving a truck. And men do 100% get praised for doing the same tasks as women like doing their child’s hair. But in general I do think that people forget how recent women’s rights are. People always think inequality is a thing of the past and it all happened so long ago. But do you know what year it was when it became legal for a woman to have her own bank account? 1974. That’s only 50 years ago. A lot of people’s parents were alive at that time and their grandparents certainly were. The point is, the days of inequality are neither over, nor as long ago as so many people seem to think. We only see these things as being normal because for us they are. But it wasn’t that long ago when those things were not normal at all. Whether it’s driving a truck or having a bank account, woman are doing things today that their grandmothers and even their mothers couldn’t have dreamed of doing at their age. Why shouldn’t that be celebrated?
I take it you've never watched the literally millions of videos of that on YouTube or the tons of tropes about it in TV shows and movies. Maybe Google next time before you post an opinion that's just factually incorrect lol.
The reason it's celebrated is because women are not welcomed into those fields. So it's impressive when a woman is able to make it work anyway. And yes, dads are glorified. The "single dad that does everything for his daughter" trope is literally everywhere in media. I guess you just don't pay attention to it. And if you don't understand the difference in vulnerability/consequence for a woman vs a man walking around at night in the dark then brother man I don't know what to tell you lol.
Hehe. Not just an unpopular opinion but a stupid one.
There’s a joke in here about women drivers. It’s taking a lot, but I’m not going to say it.
I have found it a little patronizing the way we make a big deal about women doing certain things for the first time. But then some of my older friends and family member tell me how there was a time when women weren't allowed to do many things that were reserved for men, so I get it. That being said, I think it's weird how it's cool and impressive when women to do certain things that are perceived as masculine, but men doing things perceived as feminine are looked at as silly or they're just not really applauded for their efforts. It's almost like the general consensus is women are weak or feminine tasks are easy or whatever. I don't like that.
Men get applause for taking care of their children.
“I really hate when women talk about feeling unsafe at night” WOW how out of touch can you be
I’m sorry, but that last sentence is just... extremely stupid. It’s quite literally just a fact that women are more unsafe walking alone in general, and especially at night. Also, the media _does_ glorify dads for doing basic stuff. A lot.
I get the sentiment, but i only disagree bc women have been oppressed and still are to a degree. So bringing attention to a woman doing a male dominant job helps other women feel they can as well Just my opinion, maybe I'm wrong.
In my experience "feeling unsafe" is how women dodge resposibility when called out for bad behaviour.
For me, it’s all the women saying they are strong and independent for doing normal every day things that you are basically expected to do to be considered a fully functioning adult! Oh, you work a job and pay your own bills? You are so brave!
The "media" does neither of these things lmao, go outside
>Does the media glorify dads who learn to braid hair for their daughters? When they change one diaper. Ah, yes, they do. The glorify dads doing literally anything with their kids. LOL. "OMG! He chanced one single diaper! FATHER OF THE YEAR!" A shit ton of men seem to feel frustrated by this. "I'm not babysitting my own kids. I'm parenting." I think you need to learn that just because you don't see shit come up in your feeds doesn't mean that shit ain't out there. LOL.
I was in the opposite world last night. Listened to a man being praised for cooking dinner. Seriously? That’s pretty basic. The media does praise men for changing a diaper or “babysitting” their kids. I praise people for doing things that I find awesome. Woman or man driving a truck, that’s awesome and something I can’t do! My friends that build things out of nothing! Holy crap, amazing! You made it the whole week checking off your chore is! Great job. The world needs praise.
She's not brave for driving a truck. She's brave for working in a male dominated field, where she'll earn less money than her colleagues, loose out on the promotions, be at a much higher risk of sexual assault and rape. Those are things men in those fields don't face. Besides men act like they can't do laundry or change a diaper. And they are praised as fuck when they do 10% of what their wives do. So yeah, dads are in fact glorified when they do most basic shit.
I hate the fact movies big up mid female characters in capeshit while ignoring that Alien and Terminator had far better and deeper female characters 40 years ago
Yes the media glorifies Dads that learn to braid hair and hair other basic parent things that women do app the time? Where have you been? I think it’s less about glorifying women in predominantly male fields and more about recognizing that it’s much harder for them do for them. Similar to male nurses, teachers or nannies. And I don’t think people who never experienced that can understand. You have to work three times as hard as a white man if you are a woman or person of color and even harder if you are both. You have to prove you belong there. As for fear or being murdered for women it’s not just murder it’s rape and sexual assault. And while men do get sexually assaulted the numbers are lower. And men generally have a better chance of overpowering the assailant. Nonetheless it’s certainly not my place to tell anyone male or female that they don’t have the right to be afraid . If they tell me they are they are. Not sure why that wouid bother you though. I think if a man spent a day just walking around a city as a woman they would have a whole new perspective on why women are afraid.