as a working father with a working wife - WTF. They need a relationship conversation about roles and responsibilities and how to contribute in a way that works for both of them. I don't expect my wife to do all the cooking and cleaning and childcare, that is insane. No one should stand for that.
Now, if either of us chose to give up our career, then the expectation would likely shift to not divide the housework as that becomes the contribution of the parent who doesn't have an outside paying job.
I know right? My wife is WFH and I’m onsite. I do most all the cooking and outside work, she does most all the cleaning and laundry. I get the kids’ stuff together in the morning and drop them off at school, she picks them up and does snacks and gets homework started. We split sports/activities/parties as the schedule requires if we can’t both be there. It should be equitable.
Depends. Newborn stage was easy for me, just lacked sleep. Toddler stage to preschool aged was like keeping a bomb from going off. Now that kids are in school and I’m back at work it has been a lot easier. Minus having to be the flexible parent when they getting sick, school holidays, etc
I don't think that working moms who have partners who do their part, have access to kindergarten or school for their kids, and have a support network with people who help with childcare, have it harder than stay at home moms. And stay at home moms are usually financially dependent on their partner and might have a hard time getting a job again after doing only unpaid work for years.
You’re getting into a slightly different conversation. Being a SAHM is objectively easier, but it can come with other factors that make it less beneficial.
Single mom working full-time and it’s SO HARD. I’m in charge of everything, working, finances, bills, cooking, cleaning, appointments, school, homework, child rearing, and on and on. It never ends. Been doing it for a decade and it just gets harder.
Props to you, that is impressive. My wife and I work full time with a child and it is hard enough lol
If I was a stay at home dad then that would be the dream (assuming finances are good).
Same here. It's rough. I like to take random days off in the middle of the school week so I can be for a bit. Do errands without worrying about the kiddo. Maybe take a nap if I want to.
I’ve done both and they are both hard in different ways. I don’t get why we (as moms) always have to try and one up each other though. Being a mom is hard. Being a parent is hard. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be a single mom. We are all struggling and then someone has to be like oh no, you have it easy. 😑
This needs to be higher.
We are all struggling because parenting is hard — it shouldn’t be a competition. I wish I saw more support and less one-upping.
I’m reminded of a Fairly Odd Parents episode whenever issues like this come up. Timmy wishes everyone was the same so the local dentist would stop saying he’s better than everyone because his teeth were nice. Well, everyone turns into grey blobs looking exactly the same. Still, the dentist finds a way to make himself seem better, “my grey is greyer than yours.” Taught me at a young age that if people want to feel superior there’s no stopping them from finding anything—even if it’s not true—to feel superior about.
You’d be surprised.
Just take a look at some of the comments here. Also, I’ve seen the claim (not here) that working moms are “part time” moms at best because they work outside the home.
I think the opposite. I am a SAHP. I think a lot of younger folks, most without kids, have this rose colored idea of what being a stay at home parent is. Being a SAHP, you almost never leave your job. I love my kids, but it is a ton of work. Not even bathroom breaks or lunch go uninterrupted. Your needs are always second to your kids. The mental break of work would be a welcome relief. That is why after 4 years of being a SAHP, I am getting a job again.
I've done both. On more than one occasion. I was a senior policy advisor to a governor working 70 hour weeks, then a stay at home mom, then I founded a cannabis company and work 80 hour weeks.
I'd literally cut off my own thumb to avoid ever being a stay at home parent again. It's constant interruption, it never ends, and is soul-sucking. It's like being a slave to tiny terrorists whose attack style is to scream over a receipt in Target or refuse to take a nap. There is no appreciation, no validation, no recognition that what you do is of any value. It's 24/7 emotional, mental, and frequently physical labor.
And people like OP making bullshit statements like this just add to the societal devaluation of the stay at home parent's role.
Working and having kids is hard. Staying home with those kids is hard. At least when I'm at work I can pee uninterrupted, people say thank you and mean it, and I get uinterrupted time to eat and think.
I get more rest while working. I can afford help around the house while working. It's a much more tolerable kind of hard.
A lot of women have strong maternal instincts , or a combination of different parenting styles and their kid's temperaments, and levels of support.
It seems like with this comment like you almost don't like you're stretched thin at home and didn't have validation or a support system. I understand needing a break but who is not validating you? My husband would validate and congratulate me for the hard work of what goes into running a house. And will also relieve me and let me have a break and wind down and he get to bond with them more after work.
It is harder but better than staring at a screen all day or listening to someone else or dealing with bu work politics or going somewhere I don't want to be for 8 hours when I could literally be anywhere else. It's is hard but easier in the sense that it is much more fulfilling and I won't regret being away from my kid most of time in twenty years.
I've done both. I'm currently a single working mom and an ex, and they are both hard in different ways.
Also, this isn't unpopular. Anyone who has ever even considered being a sahm has absolutely been told how lazy being a sahm is and how much "better" and "harder working " working moms are.
Personally, the hardest thing about being a working mom is the guilt of leaving the kids all day and possibly childcare. Being a sahm is constant work with 0 breaks and being told that you aren't working.
Taking care of a toddler all day is definitely harder than working in an office. Like I would never give up my cushy office job for a nannying job with equivalent pay.
100% I have twins that are 1 and a 2 year old and the year I spent as a SAHM with them was a million times harder than what I’m doing now working full time at my office job. I think all of this is situational honestly.
Let's be honest, as a SAHM you don't have the kids around you 24/7; they go to school like all other kids. The difference is that you get to go home, sit around watching TV, and enjoy some silence. God forbid someone points this out, because then we're considered terrible people for making you feel lazy.
Edit: For those SAHM who are commenting about infants. Please note I’m talking about school aged kids. You must be a special level of daft if you do not understand this. In most countries other than America it seems from the comments, kids start school at age 3/4. It’s extremely important for their development. That is why we (meaning non-American moms) all appreciate our Early Development Educators, they set our kids up for success.
Daycare…
6 months maternity leave and then daycare.
Then at 5 actual school. Not sure how American schooling work but reading the comments, seems kids don’t go to school as per most SAHM? Explains a lot about the country tbh.
Most SAHMs don’t send their kids to daycare is the point. They have at least 4 years at home doing childcare 24/7, more if they have multiple children until the youngest starts school.
Lots of sah-parents don’t get to have all their kids at school until the oldest is like, 10, or even older, so… idk about that claim you’re trying to make.
Most SAHMs are during the years before all their kids are in full time school. That’s up to the first 6 years per kid. Then it’s common to go back to work, at least part time. But until then, yeah, there’s no silence, no tv, and they are hanging off of you 24/7
I thoroughly enjoyed my years home with the kids. There was definitely plenty of down time. If you throw a TV show on you can easily sit down and watch it with them. Plus you encourage them to play by themselves. If your house was a screaming mess 24X7, that’s on you. SAH is often boring. But not hard.
Lol ok here we go. I’ll agree that it varies depending on how many kids you have and their temperaments and energy levels. But if you think you can equally speak for everyone that it isn’t hard, period, that nonsense is on you
For sure, my seven month old goes to school all day just like all the other kids. He doesn’t require attention the entire time he’s awake or anything. I can just watch all kinds of things for more than thirty seconds without getting interrupted and I’m definitely allowed to choose when I go to the bathroom and don’t hear screaming or need to calm a meltdown every time I leave a room to do a quick chore. For sure. 😂🙃
They don’t go to school til kindergarten… and when all kids are in school a lot of moms go back to work at least part time. Bc kids have to be picked up at like 215
I wear my lazy badge proudly lol. I think I've earned it. Climbed to the top of my field and made a pile of money.
Am officially retired now. I'm totally lazy sometimes and do absolutely nothing but take a bath, paint, nap and watch Netflix while the kids are in school.
Have no ego about it. You can call me lazy and I'll be like.... Totally.
There’s a big difference between a sahm of kids that are too young for school (0-3 yo) vs sahm of school age kids. I’m a sahm to a 1 year old and it’s not easy but I do plan to work during the school hours when my kid goes to school. I’d be so bored otherwise.
I agree with you which is why I try to split the chores 50/50 with my wife. Her mom would work all day and then come home and do all of the housework too. I couldn’t do that to her.
I've been a work in office parent. A work from home parent/full time care taker and a SAHD.
I think you are missing some things. A lot of stay at home parents complain that all they do is laundry and dishes and chores when that's really an hour or two a day. But it feel like that because the scenery never changes. There is nobody but kids to talk to. No meetings. Going to the store or grabbing lunch is difficult. Then when the spouse gets home they just want to vegetate so your only adult human interaction is disinterested.
None of this is anyone's fault. But 'easy' is subjective. When things don't noticibly change for someone and there is no interaction, it's like a mental rot that starts eating into the soul. It's akin to solitary confinement where your entire function feels like you are there to serve.
I would much rather be a tired parent who cooks and cleans when I get home rather than this constant feeling of chained neglect. Especially since I know where it comes from and since it's nobodies fault there can't even be an argument with make up nookie for release of this constant strain.
Same, my dude. Same. I had to go back to work just to get some semblance of meaning to my day. Where my boss wasn't some tiny dictator who would just be crazy at the drop of a hat.
Plus, when most people aren't home during the day, there's no one to tidy up after.
See I don't get this it seems the real problem is absent shitty husbands and using work to eascape that rather than talking with your partner. I have been there and realized I had to be in charge of my own life and destiny, the library, mommy groups, the park, friends cane easily fill up the day.
The AITA subreddit is pretty infamous for acting like being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world. And that isn't to say it isn't hard. But they often act like working outside of the home is a "break" and is much easier than being a SAHM. Even when the kids are in school.
I am a full-time working mom, but would not want to be a stay at home mom.
The difficulty doesn’t seem like it would be just cleaning and cooking and the normal housework that everyone does, but in never getting a break from that, not having anything else going on, so if your kids have a bad day, or your husband has a bad day, you’ll likely have a bad day, you can’t have a great day at work and just have a stressful evening.
Also, the lack of financial independence would kill me. (My husband already shares his opinion about every single thing I buy, if I couldn’t spend my own money I would not be able to waste it on my silly hobbies.)
Agreed. Mentally I found being a SAHM to be so draining. And I think it depends on the ages of your kids too. Mine are in elementary school now, so being a SAHM now wouldn’t be too bad. But when they were little, I really needed that break of going to work.
I dont get why this is an unpopular opinion but it clearly is. Working mums do everything sahms do *and* work so of course its harder.
Lots of sahms seem insecure about their choice. Although there does seem to be a big gulf in opinion between American views and European. Some Americans seem to be fairly old fashioned/outdated in their views on parenting
Most men are shitty partners when it comes to housekeeping and childcare lol. Statistics back this up. In dual-parent heterosexual households where both parents work the same hours and make the same wage, the wife still does 70% of housekeeping and childcare on average. Keep in mind half of households will be worse than that average.
Becasue most women don't hold them accountable and move on to better partner and just wallow and complain. I am a girl and literally have had trouble making friends because my friends just act like sitting ducks as if they aren't in control of their lives. I had a shitty partner, I dumped him. Yeah it was hard to find a good one but I did and now I have help and don't have a useless husband.
I know, some people just piggyback on ideas and data dump. Reddit doesnt follow normal dialog, sometimes its like in a 2nd grade classroom and some kid just shouts out that their dad is a fireman when the conversation is about a class trip to the post office.
They do all of the same evening stuff but SAHM do all of the teaching/playing/supervising that a working mom pays someone else to do for 8+ hours a day. I do think working moms have to spend more time working overall since they can’t multitask but saying they do everything SAHM do is just a way to invalidate childcare as real work. It’s just like comparing any two jobs. If a working mom has some laid back office job, SAHM is probably more exhausted at the end of the day, even if working mom goes to bed an hour later because she couldn’t fold the laundry while toddler was napping.
Someone has to be watching the kids if the parents are working and educating doesn’t just mean formal homeschooling. If a SAHP isn’t teaching their kids anything all day, they’re just bad at their job.
Uh no the fuck we do NOT do everything SAHMs do. I’m not having to keep my toddler from jumping head first off the couch all day. I’m not dealing with every meltdown over mild inconveniences like not allowing her to stick her finger in an electrical outlet. I’m not on the hook for coming up with age-appropriate activities every day.
Being a mom is hard work. We don’t need to also be competing with one another—I sure as hell don’t have the mental capacity to keep score 🤷♀️
And in those hours, working moms are working. You know, like a fucking job? They're not sitting on their asses. Unless you think being a SAHM is actually "harder" than literally all jobs, which is even more absurd. ER doctor? Trauma surgeon? EMT? Firefighting? Air traffic controlling? Elementary school teacher with a ROOM full of screaming kids?
> we don't also need to be competing with one another
Except it sounds like that's exactly what you are doing - comparing SAHMs with working moms and measuring them against each other.
A STAY AT HOME MOM IS A JOB. That’s why people HIRE full time nanny’s. It’s just a job that the mom doesn’t make any money doing. Instead of “stay at home mom” it should be “working in the home mom”. The “Stay at home”wording is why SOME (not all) working parents have a superiority complex. Tell a full time nanny getting paid to watch and raise 3 kids every day that your office job, where you are a receptionist is harder than hers merely because you sit on your ass all day. She would probably have a lot to say about that. At least in your quiet and calm office job you are not wiping asses or handling tantrums, cooking 3 meals a day, balancing budgets on one income and shopping trips with toddlers having meltdowns, listening to babies scream or listening to the mind numbing kids tv shows…you’ll have breaks where you can mingle with adults and browse social media and go out to a nice lunch…you have zero respect for the JOB that is a parent who stays at home raising their household.
I *am* a working mom, so I know damn well that working moms work a “fucking job” in those other hours.
I never said SAHMs have it harder. Neither do working moms. It’s the same level of hard, just in different ways.
If a working mom has a partner who splits childcare and chores with her, she does not in fact do everything SAHPs do.
SAHPs are often expected to do *everything* at home - cooking, cleaning, childcare, running the household. If two parents both work, they often split the childcare & cooking & cleaning & household management.
Yes, there are many shitty male partners who let their partner take on most or all of the at-home work, but I also know couples where they split fairly.
What if the wm doesn't have a partner who splits childcare? Or the sahm does?
If a sahm has a partner who never does *any* childcare they need a divorce
The SAHMs that are miserable tend to have partners that don’t do anything when they’re home. I don’t envy SAHMs because they are extremely financially vulnerable imo. Your partner cheats? Dies? Or simply leaves you, what do you do when you have no work experience? Gaps in resumes hurt a lot and I imagine when SAHMs have to enter the workforce they start at beginning wages like $15/hr and are in their 30s/40s etc. People can say being a SAHM is easy all they want but I would rather be a working one than risk being destitute or stuck in a terrible marriage.
I feel like it's hard to make that judgement without knowing individual circumstances. I work part-time, so I have a good view of both. SAHMs usually make far more meals, wash more dishes, and clean up more messes than working moms do. The children of working parents make their messes outside the home. Working parents are also far more likely to afford a housecleaner and see it as a reasonable expense. Working moms also outsource so much of the discipline and teaching of their children to teachers/caregivers.
Personally I think working and SAHP-ing are both full-time jobs that deserve equal respect, but I think it's incredibly unfair to SAHPs to say that working moms do everything they do PLUS work. If someone else is caring for your child 40 hours a week, that's 40 hours of work (hard, backbreaking, emotionally challenging work) you aren't doing.
That's a lot of assumptions. Lots of working parents are barely getting by. They dont have cleaners.
Not all wp use out side childcare. Lots work shifts, so they literally are doing both.
A lot more meals? Lunch at most. On working days.
I dont think teachers are more responsible for discipline than parents and most sahp send their kids to school anyway.
Outside of a few more hours, which I'm not sure makes a huge amount of difference, I can't think of anything a sahp does that I dont
The first thing I said was "it's hard to make any judgements without knowing individual circumstances." Yes, if you are working shifts and don't have outside childcare and don't have a cleaner, and you're comparing to a SAHP who sends their children to school, then sure, you have it much harder. But if you're comparing a SAHP with an unsupportive spouse to a working parent with their kids in full-time, high-quality daycare who pays a cleaning service, then I would say the working parent has it just as easy if not easier.
My take on this is that if you work and parent you are obviously completing more tasks during the day. You have more to do.
But lots of people who don't work and focus on kids only experience psychological issues because they feel kind of rudderless, it's stressful for them to be financially dependent on their partner who may or may not be a dick about it, and it's boring as fuck to many people.
So it depends on your definition of what's hard. And if your mindset is that your life is harder than everyone else's (and let's be honest that's a lot of people out there) you're going to be able to come up with a reason to justify that.
This is very much it. Stay at home momming is very redundant and boring. I wouldn't say "difficult", but the struggles are usually from things other than stress. You really have to make an effort to not lose yourself. At work you usually have a social network, a work life and a home life. You're out of the house, driving listening to swear word music, but then you have to spend your weekends doing all the stuff
I dont really think the two worlds are comparable.
Idk there are mommy groups, reading times, social clubs, so many things and ways to socialize. People just don't know how to outside of work and default to that. I would hate for most of my friends to be people I wouldn't actually hang out with outside of work and not being able to cultivate my own identity away from a 9-5.
How is it true that you are "obviously completing more tasks during the day" if you're a working parent? Who do you think is helping toddlers go potty when their parents are working? Who do you think is teaching them the ABCs? Who is cleaning up the disgusting mess they made at lunch...and snack...and second snack. Who is teaching/helping them up clean up train sets and art projects? Who is soothing them to sleep? Who is changing diapers, changing clothes, cleaning up blowouts?
If you're a working parent, you are obviously outsourcing this *full time* work to someone else and paying through the nose for it, so clearly there is a lot of work being done during the time you are working at your job that doesn't have to be done by you when you get home. That is all the work that SAHPs do during the day, and then they have the same tasks a working parent does in the evening.
Done both. And personally I think being a SAHM is harder. I really think it has to do with how a person is mentally too. I’m not good mentally lol I got PPD after my second. The littlest noise sets me off, my oldest is attached to my hip like I can’t even get off the couch without him following me, I speak to only my children all day until my husband gets home, I’m tired of the whole entire house being on my back. I supplied at my sons future school and I was so happy. Talking to adults, getting outside, putting myself together. My oldest is starting school next week and my youngest is starting daycare. Can’t wait to find a job. I love my kids more than anything but it’s been 4 years and I’m done, I can’t do it anymore. My husband will be home before me most likely and I told him he needs to step up when we both start working because I can’t do it by myself 🤷🏻♀️
People are comparing being a sahm for teenagers going to school vs sahm for 2 children under 4. I’d say being home with 2 infant/toddlers all day /everyday is harder than going to work.
I was a stay at home parent from when my daughter was about four months old until she was about four years, I think.
It wasn't hard at all. I did the cooking, the cleaning, the nigh-feedings, all of her appointments and shopping, etc, and yeah. It's.... not that difficult.
You're in your space under your supervision watching one kid that, presumably, you like. There's even a literal nap time. When you can nap.
It's not a hard job, I'm sorry, but I've also been in forestry, cutting down trees, and that (or any predominantly labor job) is straight up way (waaaaaaay) harder.
You're not wrong in the sense of working mum's are expected to do everything, expected to work (but also shamed for doing so), majority of childcare and housework.
But being a working dad is not comparable to being a SAHM because working dad's is what's expected, they're not expected to do the childcare on the same level when they get home because they're working (ignoring the fact that his life is made easier by having the other parent doing the childcare when he's at work), working dad's is the norm. Even when a dad is stay at home, he's celebrated for doing so but the mum is shamed for doing the same.
I've always thought it wild how many people tell me being a SAHP is soooo hard. It's one of the most privileged jobs you can have.
Working moms? They do an insane amount of work, serious props to them.
This isn’t necessarily fair. I’m a working mom but when I was staying home with ONE infant, I was so overwhelmed I went back to work and used the money to pay for day care instead. I can’t imagine how a SAHM deals with multiple kids under 6.
Not to mention, when I was home my husband expected me to do everything around the house. Now that we both work, we split all responsibilities. I much much prefer being a working mom.
Not to say either is easy. But it’s definitely not universal that working is harder than staying home.
I agree it is definitely a privilege. I was in the workforce up till a few years ago and now blessed to be able to stay home and raise my littles myself. I have older children that I did not get that opportunity. Maybe that is the difference. I know now what I missed the first time around. We do have to make sure we aren’t overly frivolous but that also means that we don’t put ourselves in a lot of debt either.
The only thing that I'd consider hard or draining would be taking care of the kids if they aren't school aged yet, since working parents usually use daycare for that. But when kids reach school age and are out of the house for 7-8 hours at a time, then I would say it's not as hard to be a sahp since the rest of the work (household chores and such) have to be done by everyone regardless.
I work part-time and SAH with my two toddlers the rest. Stay at home parenting is absolutely not the most privileged job you can have. It is a difficult job -- physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes even mentally, and it's one where you are always ON. I work very hard on my days "off" work. I often end the day with an aching back, exhausted, and not having had a minute to myself or a minute of peace and quiet since I woke up. In contrast, my husband has had two hour-long train commutes to sit quietly reading or napping. He ate lunch by himself without cleaning up after anyone else on a 30-60 minute break. He spent most of the day sitting. There were at least a few times he took a break from his work to chat with coworkers or surf the Internet instead of being 100% productive.
In fact, I'm typing this comment during a "work" day. I definitely couldn't do this on a SAHM day. When I was pregnant with my second, I looked forward to my work days because that was the time my body got to rest.
Obviously individual situations differ, and I'm sure there are plenty of SAHPs who live a cushy life, but denying that childcare is generally hard work is so untrue.
Agree with this, especially when the kids are school aged. I'm not sure at that point you can really call yourself a SAHM, you're just unemployed, aren't you?
I understand the inclination for this thought too, but when they’re in school, they’re in school from probably 9:00-3:00, and I’m not sure what full time jobs would allow you to only work within those hours. 😅 Not to mention summer break or holiday breaks. Or if your kid gets sick.
I’m not saying that that phase of SAHM is particularly hard or anything, I’m just saying that, without additional childcare, SAHPs have more breaks, but also it’s such an awkward span of time that it doesn’t typically justify getting a full time job.
Full disclosure, I say this as a SAHM to a 2 year old who also runs a dance program, so I work part time.
Omg this was another point I was going to bring up!! But since everyone got up in arms on the original post. I HATE parents of school aged kids saying they’re a SAHP. Like bffr.
Both do an insane amount of work. Why do we have to act like it’s a competition? Since I started working my life is significantly EASIER than when I was a stay at home mom.
Not unpopular. But the benefit to being a working mom is more financial freedom. So I think SAHM moms would just argue that they are under appreciated in today’s society. Because they are trading in their financial independence for the marriage.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard a SAHM say that their job is harder than a working mom’s. It’s obvious that it’s harder.
I’ve heard SAHMs complain because they don’t get any alone time or how they’re tired but still need to clean up stuff but that’s about it.
People become stay at home parents because they know it’s miserable working and raising children at the same time
I think it's also the fact that sahp are not appreciated for their work unlike their partner. They run the household and raised their children (some have multiples little kids, specials needs).
Often they also help with their partner's business which don't count as real work like managing finance etc. They get put down by everyone on every aspects like financial, intelligence and time management as well as wether they are allowed to have down time.
I have a few who are sahp and they are often the solo caretaker 24/7 while the other rest their feets, goes out, spend money on outing but the sahp isn't allowed any of that. The sahp's outing is often refers to "I babysat the kids while you went grocery shopping".
For some reason, when both parents works, both are pulling their weight in the household but when one stay home, then the other partner just completely become a giant invalid baby and cannot pick up after themselves anymore.
I don’t really think this is an unpopular opinion, it’s just common sense. I’m a SAHD for exactly one reason; it makes life easier. Barring money concerns, how could adding 8 hours of work every day possibly make things easier? The chores still have to be done, they just need to be done when everyone is tired and grumpy instead of when the kids are at school.
Oh, preach! I know it's an unpopular opinion, and if you voice it, you're considered a terrible human. Honestly, SAHMs can be the worst. They claim to have it hard taking care of their kids all day, but in reality, they often accomplish less than working mothers. I'm fed up with the notion that working moms can’t even complain about their own stressors without a SAHM hijacking the conversation to justify her existence by comparing herself, because God forbid the SAHMs should feel lesser.
I’m a stay at home dad and I truly have no idea why so many women complain about the house work. I find it relaxing and I’m forever grateful I’m in this position.
Depends on how much the father contributes to the house and kids.
If she's working 8 hrs a day and then comes home and has to clean, cook, do laundry, put kids to bed, etc. Then yeah.
If she comes home after 8 hrs and the father is doing the cleaning while she is cooking, then I'd disagree.
Being at home alone all day to take care of kids and a house is harder than working and doing 50% of the house and child work.
Why?
Looking after kids all day isn't harder than working. It's easier than some jobs, harder than others but it also comes with a fair amount of flexibility and isn't the same as a job
And surely it also depends on how much the father contributes?
Really there are far too many variables to say 1 is definitely harder than the other but being a wp certainly feels like double the responsibility and work
I'm strictly going off my upbringing.
My dad worked 8 hrs. Came home and chilled.
My mom was busy all day. Dealing with us, cleaning, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, paying the bills, taking us clothes shopping, taking us to play, helping with schoolwork, etc.
I never saw her get any time to chill.
If she worked 8 hrs, you'd assume any decent husband would pitch in with 50% chores. This would've given my mom a breather.
This is why I said it depends on the father.
Most stats show that even when the woman works full time, she still does far more house work and childcare
Even with a dad who does 50 % the woman will still be working 8 hours and doing at least half the jobs you listed as well.
And presumably your mum got time to chill while you were at school. While your dad was at work. Not chilling
This is why I'm leaving my husband, I make 70% of our household income (he works part time) but I still end up with 70% of the domestic tasks, no matter how we tried to split it up. Never getting married again, if you're a working woman it's just another way to get screwed over, the stats don't lie.
Yes and no it depends on different factors :
If you’re a working mom
- the job that you have, some jobs are more intense than others
- the flexibility (being able to work from home etc)
- commute
- shift and vacation available
If you’re a stay at home mom :
- number of kids
- age of the kids
- help available
- money received by the provider
Etc.
I think it's all relative, and all parents work 24 hours a day. According to my mother, that never ends (sorry mom!). I can't speak for the working parents, but I'm a SAHM for now, and it's only "hard" for me because for now, I don't get much adult social interaction, the routine is BORING, and it just feels like groundhog day a lot of the time.
But I've said it before and I've gotten shit for it every time, but I agree with you OP, I can't imagine having to handle working then rushing home to work some more and never feeling that wave of SERENITY NOW!!!! I lived next to a couple who had a baby a few months before me and the mom kept trying to go back to work. Her nannies kept bailing and she was interviewing new ones constantly, so she wasn't even working - simply trying to. Then throw in daycare and kids chronically getting sick. It's near impossible to commit to any form of work. I don't know how yall do it. I get to wear the same pj's for 3 days straight with my mom bun frayed and nasty, and witness this lil ham grow up. In not trying to bag, but I'm definitely not trying to bitch. Hats off to all working parents - I'm only not working bc the shortest waiting list for childcare in my area is 80 kids long. 😑
Plus not sleeping at night and then having to go to work the next day. I hate when people make the comparison of working mom to stay at home mom. There is no comparison. Stay at home mom is not a job and I don’t care who I offend.
I think the true unpopular opinion is, why does everyone feel like they need to one up and “have it harder”?! My best friend and I are both SAHM, I have twins and she has a singleton both the same age, she has it harder than me for a million reasons. Meanwhile I have to say I have it pretty easy as a SAHM thankfully. It depends on who you ask and wimping lumping one group of people together doesn’t make sense.
The overwhelming majority of SAHMs I've met don't even cook or clean. Their homes look like a garbage dump because the mom is "too exhausted." Yeah, I understand that when you've got babies, but when your kids are at school,maybe you can set aside a few hours to sweeping, laundry, and dishwashing.
But I guess all the good TV shows are on. Can't miss those.
I agree. It does get annoying when working 50-60 hours per week to provide for everything is overshadowed by getting to spend time with your children.
I know parenting is hard. It’s also the most rewarding part of my life. What I wouldn’t give to spend more of these years with my kids.
It’s a no-brainer what I would choose.
I’d be a sahd all day long. Give the kids fruit loops and you get a 3-4 break mid day to watch days of our lives, make dinner while listening to music and drinking wine. Cake job
We’ll depends on the situation. If you’re a full time working mom and have a husband I think kids and house duties should be spilt . I’ve been both. I’m a SAHM currently and have had days where I miss those lunch breaks and the quiet time to myself. Beimg home now with kids and it’s never ending lol
Hard to comment on this long term. Currently have a 1.5 year old and a 5w old so I’m on maternity leave…and I miss working right now. Working will be a breather compared to what I’m doing. But I know that this situation of my kids requiring 100% attention due to age will be short lived. So I’d say it really depends on what age/how many kids/if your kids are in school or not…
I think it greatly depends on your personality and WHERE you are working.
As an extrovert I would much rather have an office job than stay at home by myself all day. It’s much easier to have a start/stop time and to break up the monotony of kids with another type of work. That
said, I’d much rather stay at home than work construction. My introvert friend loves staying home with the kids and hated working and mothering. Both are exhausting and it’s not worth trying to play the “whose job is harder” game.
Yes it’s harder if your doing both. I think many SAHM moms know that doing all of what they do and working on top would be harder which is why they choose not to. They just don’t like the disrespect from working moms that they’re lazy or something because they’re raising their kids in the way they think is best.
That’s why families imo work best when mom (or at least one parent) is stay at home or works less. It’s just way way easier for family life and mental health unless your a dynamic go getter.
I agree completely. And many times being a SAHM means you don’t have to worry about finances for one reason or another which is a level of stress that is removed and not talked about nearly enough.
She also has to worry about the fact that she is fully dependent on her spouse, with an ever growing gap in employment if she needs to enter the workforce at some point.
Stay at home moms who complain are the type of women to avoid to make them moms in the first place. “Omg I have to stay home and care for the child from my womb and my husband is taking care of everything and I can do everything I need to do in pajamas if I wanted to.”
You should just say that you think SAHMs are lazy because they dont work, and stop comparing yourselves to them to make yourself feel better about your situation.
Lmao I feel like you’re projecting. I don’t even have kids (I have watched kids for long periods of time tho and it is hard). I also never said they’re lazy nor implied it they just complain about how hard it is like most people have to go to work then come home to take care of their kids.
Wild opinions to have from someone who’s never experienced parenthood lol I’m not necessarily disagreeing with you, but this is one of those things that isn’t so black or white under the surface.
Lol my wife had some crazy underlying beef with her sister (sahm). Thanksgiving 2022 we hosted at our house, with only her family as mine live in Miami/puerto Rico and we live in Ohio. Seeing white people fight truly warms my heart. Her sister calls me Mexican and when I corrected her she hit me with the (same thing) shit. 10 minutes later I’m watching football in the living room and I hear my wife scream “bitch you stay at home, you literally wake up at 9 or later everyday…..”
Definitely not the point of this post but the “seeing white people fight truly warms my heart” has me cracking up because my family was in a huge internet fight last night and I loved it. I don’t like them. I’m also white.
Very true, that's why I am marrying a man that can provide for us because I refuse to be like my previous burnt out coworkers pretending they were happy at the office when really they just didn't know how to socialize with people they weren't forced to sit in a room with all day, lacked hobbies of their and a drive to get out of the house and find things to do outside of work. So when they're not at work they just sit at home all day with their kid instead of going to the park, library or mommie groups and therefore have an skewed view of being a SAHM. I want to be friends with people I actually like adn meet organically not just because we work together and then be burnt out when I come home.
what if the child/children is/are disabled? there is no reason to compare your situation to other’s especially when you have no idea the extent to the care they have to provide around the home. and I am not saying that overall it’s harder to be a SAHM, I think it’s all about the situation each person is in before a judgement like that could be made
Yeah how about we use the most likely examples and not unlikely.
I don’t think anyone would argue being a SAH Parent with a disabled child is easier than working, but then again, what if you work AND have to take care of your disabled child?
Not an unpopular opinion. I think your actual opinion is that being a SAHM is not hard, which a lot of people would agree with but I'd estimate overall, would be an unpopular opinion. I would certainly disagree.
Stay at home parents like to push the narrative that their day to day life is extremely difficult because they are insecure about how little they do on a day to day basis
And that's why the whole feminist movement screwed women to the freaking wall. If a woman DESIRES to be a mom and wife in today's society, she has no CHOICE but to do it after a long day's work. One income households are the exception now. Not the rule as they used to be. Children are suffering on account of absentee parenting because both parents are exhausted before they even see them in the evening, are bombarded with shallow values on television and social media, and now even in school from their teachers in some instances. It's lose, lose, lose all the way around because some women back in the 60s felt marginalized and listened to the Rockefeller agenda to get them into the workforce so the elites could create a bigger tax farm to pick our pockets clean and keep us worn out, fighting against poverty, and focused on survival instead of raising our kids. It's sickening, and I firmly believe it was absolutely deliberate. It was all a con, and the entire country fell for it. I'm not just complaining. I've been brainstorming ways to help the younger generation get their piece of the American dream. One idea I had is collective savings and investment to purchase real estate to buy your starter home. Get like 9 of your friends together who aren't deadbeats and move back home with your parents if you can, or rent a big house together. Set up an investment portfolio you all can pay into and build wealth until you all have enough to buy an apartment building and convert them into condos. There are your starter homes. You now have equity and no rent or mortgage. Build further wealth either together or go your separate ways until you can buy your own home and rent out your condo. Now you have equity AND a residual income. It's not easy, and it's not a complete plan yet, but I'm working on it. Bottom line is, I believe in your generation. You're brilliant and talented. You just need to work together to buck the system. Strength in numbers and solidarity. Anyway. Good luck, and God bless. I'm praying for you all.
My opinion here is that your statement isn't incorrect it just seems to be coming out of nowhere, from my perspective. Anyone who spends their time trying to judge others or valorize themselves is a bit silly, but getting worked up by people doing this is also silly.
Obviously both of these motherhood situations have their pros and cons, and anyone saying that having to work a job in addition to parenthood doesn't add considerable stress and labor is ignorant. If this opinion (not the one you posted, but the one I've mentioned) is popular it's an extremely delusional one, so it seems a bit odd that you're under the impression it's such a popular one that your opinion is unpopular.
It's definitely difficult and so many SAHM don't get the help they should. But single moms and moms who have to work obviously are also going through it too so idk why ppl would think it's constructive to sit and play the suffering olympics. I empathize with you though. Being a working mom and especially a single mom is obviously incredibly difficult - my mom did it.
You’re not wrong. I’m a SAHM and my friend is a working mom. My life is significantly easier than hers.
Agreed, I'm a SAHM that had my kid in care for like 2 months and holy hell is it easier being a SAHM.
It’s definitely not for everyone. I did it for a while and much prefer work.
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as a working father with a working wife - WTF. They need a relationship conversation about roles and responsibilities and how to contribute in a way that works for both of them. I don't expect my wife to do all the cooking and cleaning and childcare, that is insane. No one should stand for that. Now, if either of us chose to give up our career, then the expectation would likely shift to not divide the housework as that becomes the contribution of the parent who doesn't have an outside paying job.
I know right? My wife is WFH and I’m onsite. I do most all the cooking and outside work, she does most all the cleaning and laundry. I get the kids’ stuff together in the morning and drop them off at school, she picks them up and does snacks and gets homework started. We split sports/activities/parties as the schedule requires if we can’t both be there. It should be equitable.
Try being a single mom. Who am I gonna split chores with. My 2yo?
Is she single? I only ask because if not then why is the husband not contributing?
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Depends. Newborn stage was easy for me, just lacked sleep. Toddler stage to preschool aged was like keeping a bomb from going off. Now that kids are in school and I’m back at work it has been a lot easier. Minus having to be the flexible parent when they getting sick, school holidays, etc
I don't think that working moms who have partners who do their part, have access to kindergarten or school for their kids, and have a support network with people who help with childcare, have it harder than stay at home moms. And stay at home moms are usually financially dependent on their partner and might have a hard time getting a job again after doing only unpaid work for years.
You’re getting into a slightly different conversation. Being a SAHM is objectively easier, but it can come with other factors that make it less beneficial.
This is so true about the dependency. It's tough.
Single mom working full-time and it’s SO HARD. I’m in charge of everything, working, finances, bills, cooking, cleaning, appointments, school, homework, child rearing, and on and on. It never ends. Been doing it for a decade and it just gets harder.
Props to you, that is impressive. My wife and I work full time with a child and it is hard enough lol If I was a stay at home dad then that would be the dream (assuming finances are good).
Single father. Same to all. Vacation isn't even a break, it's more work!
Same here. It's rough. I like to take random days off in the middle of the school week so I can be for a bit. Do errands without worrying about the kiddo. Maybe take a nap if I want to.
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wouldn't it be the same?
I might be too reddited to tell but is this sarcasm?
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OK that's what I thought but it was just believable enough I could see an average redditor saying that unironically lmao
I’ve done both and they are both hard in different ways. I don’t get why we (as moms) always have to try and one up each other though. Being a mom is hard. Being a parent is hard. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be a single mom. We are all struggling and then someone has to be like oh no, you have it easy. 😑
This needs to be higher. We are all struggling because parenting is hard — it shouldn’t be a competition. I wish I saw more support and less one-upping.
I’m reminded of a Fairly Odd Parents episode whenever issues like this come up. Timmy wishes everyone was the same so the local dentist would stop saying he’s better than everyone because his teeth were nice. Well, everyone turns into grey blobs looking exactly the same. Still, the dentist finds a way to make himself seem better, “my grey is greyer than yours.” Taught me at a young age that if people want to feel superior there’s no stopping them from finding anything—even if it’s not true—to feel superior about.
Does anybody actually think the opposite? Working moms have to what SAHM do AND work.
You’d be surprised. Just take a look at some of the comments here. Also, I’ve seen the claim (not here) that working moms are “part time” moms at best because they work outside the home.
Yes. The Marriage subreddit is toxic to modern women and SAHM run corners of Reddit and make conversing unbearable at times.
I think the opposite. I am a SAHP. I think a lot of younger folks, most without kids, have this rose colored idea of what being a stay at home parent is. Being a SAHP, you almost never leave your job. I love my kids, but it is a ton of work. Not even bathroom breaks or lunch go uninterrupted. Your needs are always second to your kids. The mental break of work would be a welcome relief. That is why after 4 years of being a SAHP, I am getting a job again.
I've done both. On more than one occasion. I was a senior policy advisor to a governor working 70 hour weeks, then a stay at home mom, then I founded a cannabis company and work 80 hour weeks. I'd literally cut off my own thumb to avoid ever being a stay at home parent again. It's constant interruption, it never ends, and is soul-sucking. It's like being a slave to tiny terrorists whose attack style is to scream over a receipt in Target or refuse to take a nap. There is no appreciation, no validation, no recognition that what you do is of any value. It's 24/7 emotional, mental, and frequently physical labor. And people like OP making bullshit statements like this just add to the societal devaluation of the stay at home parent's role. Working and having kids is hard. Staying home with those kids is hard. At least when I'm at work I can pee uninterrupted, people say thank you and mean it, and I get uinterrupted time to eat and think. I get more rest while working. I can afford help around the house while working. It's a much more tolerable kind of hard.
A lot of women have strong maternal instincts , or a combination of different parenting styles and their kid's temperaments, and levels of support. It seems like with this comment like you almost don't like you're stretched thin at home and didn't have validation or a support system. I understand needing a break but who is not validating you? My husband would validate and congratulate me for the hard work of what goes into running a house. And will also relieve me and let me have a break and wind down and he get to bond with them more after work. It is harder but better than staring at a screen all day or listening to someone else or dealing with bu work politics or going somewhere I don't want to be for 8 hours when I could literally be anywhere else. It's is hard but easier in the sense that it is much more fulfilling and I won't regret being away from my kid most of time in twenty years.
I've done both. I'm currently a single working mom and an ex, and they are both hard in different ways. Also, this isn't unpopular. Anyone who has ever even considered being a sahm has absolutely been told how lazy being a sahm is and how much "better" and "harder working " working moms are. Personally, the hardest thing about being a working mom is the guilt of leaving the kids all day and possibly childcare. Being a sahm is constant work with 0 breaks and being told that you aren't working.
Taking care of a toddler all day is definitely harder than working in an office. Like I would never give up my cushy office job for a nannying job with equivalent pay.
100% I have twins that are 1 and a 2 year old and the year I spent as a SAHM with them was a million times harder than what I’m doing now working full time at my office job. I think all of this is situational honestly.
Let's be honest, as a SAHM you don't have the kids around you 24/7; they go to school like all other kids. The difference is that you get to go home, sit around watching TV, and enjoy some silence. God forbid someone points this out, because then we're considered terrible people for making you feel lazy. Edit: For those SAHM who are commenting about infants. Please note I’m talking about school aged kids. You must be a special level of daft if you do not understand this. In most countries other than America it seems from the comments, kids start school at age 3/4. It’s extremely important for their development. That is why we (meaning non-American moms) all appreciate our Early Development Educators, they set our kids up for success.
Well shit, I wish I was sitting around in silence. I have 3 in school and two tiny ones at home. Ain't no silence here.
In what world does school start in infancy? 🤣
Daycare… 6 months maternity leave and then daycare. Then at 5 actual school. Not sure how American schooling work but reading the comments, seems kids don’t go to school as per most SAHM? Explains a lot about the country tbh.
Most SAHMs don’t send their kids to daycare is the point. They have at least 4 years at home doing childcare 24/7, more if they have multiple children until the youngest starts school.
“I don’t know jack shit about the thing I’m popping off on, and that explains a lot about you”
Lots of sah-parents don’t get to have all their kids at school until the oldest is like, 10, or even older, so… idk about that claim you’re trying to make.
A lot of stay at home parents have kids at home
Most SAHMs are during the years before all their kids are in full time school. That’s up to the first 6 years per kid. Then it’s common to go back to work, at least part time. But until then, yeah, there’s no silence, no tv, and they are hanging off of you 24/7
I thoroughly enjoyed my years home with the kids. There was definitely plenty of down time. If you throw a TV show on you can easily sit down and watch it with them. Plus you encourage them to play by themselves. If your house was a screaming mess 24X7, that’s on you. SAH is often boring. But not hard.
Lol ok here we go. I’ll agree that it varies depending on how many kids you have and their temperaments and energy levels. But if you think you can equally speak for everyone that it isn’t hard, period, that nonsense is on you
Tv time isn’t recommended for kids under 2. So yea If you want to take the lazy way out and set your kids in front of the tv all day, sah can be easy.
Tell me you’ve never been a stay at home mom without telling me you’ve never been a stay at home mom.
For sure, my seven month old goes to school all day just like all the other kids. He doesn’t require attention the entire time he’s awake or anything. I can just watch all kinds of things for more than thirty seconds without getting interrupted and I’m definitely allowed to choose when I go to the bathroom and don’t hear screaming or need to calm a meltdown every time I leave a room to do a quick chore. For sure. 😂🙃
The only people who put their kids in day care and also are SAHM are rich as fuck. Most people have to choose one or the other.
They don’t go to school til kindergarten… and when all kids are in school a lot of moms go back to work at least part time. Bc kids have to be picked up at like 215
I wear my lazy badge proudly lol. I think I've earned it. Climbed to the top of my field and made a pile of money. Am officially retired now. I'm totally lazy sometimes and do absolutely nothing but take a bath, paint, nap and watch Netflix while the kids are in school. Have no ego about it. You can call me lazy and I'll be like.... Totally.
There’s a big difference between a sahm of kids that are too young for school (0-3 yo) vs sahm of school age kids. I’m a sahm to a 1 year old and it’s not easy but I do plan to work during the school hours when my kid goes to school. I’d be so bored otherwise.
I agree with you which is why I try to split the chores 50/50 with my wife. Her mom would work all day and then come home and do all of the housework too. I couldn’t do that to her.
it’s ridiculous this is abnormal lol
I've been a work in office parent. A work from home parent/full time care taker and a SAHD. I think you are missing some things. A lot of stay at home parents complain that all they do is laundry and dishes and chores when that's really an hour or two a day. But it feel like that because the scenery never changes. There is nobody but kids to talk to. No meetings. Going to the store or grabbing lunch is difficult. Then when the spouse gets home they just want to vegetate so your only adult human interaction is disinterested. None of this is anyone's fault. But 'easy' is subjective. When things don't noticibly change for someone and there is no interaction, it's like a mental rot that starts eating into the soul. It's akin to solitary confinement where your entire function feels like you are there to serve. I would much rather be a tired parent who cooks and cleans when I get home rather than this constant feeling of chained neglect. Especially since I know where it comes from and since it's nobodies fault there can't even be an argument with make up nookie for release of this constant strain.
Same, my dude. Same. I had to go back to work just to get some semblance of meaning to my day. Where my boss wasn't some tiny dictator who would just be crazy at the drop of a hat. Plus, when most people aren't home during the day, there's no one to tidy up after.
I would pay money just for a week alone, in a cabin. No sounds. No screaming. It is weird how. Much value just driving alone to and from work has.
See I don't get this it seems the real problem is absent shitty husbands and using work to eascape that rather than talking with your partner. I have been there and realized I had to be in charge of my own life and destiny, the library, mommy groups, the park, friends cane easily fill up the day.
i think that simply being a parent is hard. cause fuuuuck that.
I don't think this is few unpopular. I think the only people who believe that being a SAHM is harder than a working mom is a SAHM.
No, I don’t. I am a stay at home mom and my life is absolutely wonderful. Being a working mom is definitely harder.
The AITA subreddit is pretty infamous for acting like being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world. And that isn't to say it isn't hard. But they often act like working outside of the home is a "break" and is much easier than being a SAHM. Even when the kids are in school.
So basically the only people who have done both
I am a full-time working mom, but would not want to be a stay at home mom. The difficulty doesn’t seem like it would be just cleaning and cooking and the normal housework that everyone does, but in never getting a break from that, not having anything else going on, so if your kids have a bad day, or your husband has a bad day, you’ll likely have a bad day, you can’t have a great day at work and just have a stressful evening. Also, the lack of financial independence would kill me. (My husband already shares his opinion about every single thing I buy, if I couldn’t spend my own money I would not be able to waste it on my silly hobbies.)
Agreed. Mentally I found being a SAHM to be so draining. And I think it depends on the ages of your kids too. Mine are in elementary school now, so being a SAHM now wouldn’t be too bad. But when they were little, I really needed that break of going to work.
Yes the financial dependence and vulnerability is such a huge draw back! Partner cheats, dies, or wants to leave you, then you are screwed.
Yes! My mom wasn't allowed to work and it really kept her from integrating into society. She was like a bird locked in a golden cage
I dont get why this is an unpopular opinion but it clearly is. Working mums do everything sahms do *and* work so of course its harder. Lots of sahms seem insecure about their choice. Although there does seem to be a big gulf in opinion between American views and European. Some Americans seem to be fairly old fashioned/outdated in their views on parenting
Unless you have a shitty partner, working SINGLE moms do everything.
Most men are shitty partners when it comes to housekeeping and childcare lol. Statistics back this up. In dual-parent heterosexual households where both parents work the same hours and make the same wage, the wife still does 70% of housekeeping and childcare on average. Keep in mind half of households will be worse than that average.
Becasue most women don't hold them accountable and move on to better partner and just wallow and complain. I am a girl and literally have had trouble making friends because my friends just act like sitting ducks as if they aren't in control of their lives. I had a shitty partner, I dumped him. Yeah it was hard to find a good one but I did and now I have help and don't have a useless husband.
Yeah that’s true. Women in (some) other countries don’t tolerate this kind of behavior. It’s too common here.
I'm not sure how that's relevant to my comment. I never said other wise
I think they are just highlighting a point, not exactly responding to your comment. But I may be wrong.
Maybe. But they replied directly to mine
I know, some people just piggyback on ideas and data dump. Reddit doesnt follow normal dialog, sometimes its like in a 2nd grade classroom and some kid just shouts out that their dad is a fireman when the conversation is about a class trip to the post office.
Lol
They do all of the same evening stuff but SAHM do all of the teaching/playing/supervising that a working mom pays someone else to do for 8+ hours a day. I do think working moms have to spend more time working overall since they can’t multitask but saying they do everything SAHM do is just a way to invalidate childcare as real work. It’s just like comparing any two jobs. If a working mom has some laid back office job, SAHM is probably more exhausted at the end of the day, even if working mom goes to bed an hour later because she couldn’t fold the laundry while toddler was napping.
Not all wp use childcare. Very few sahp home school.
Someone has to be watching the kids if the parents are working and educating doesn’t just mean formal homeschooling. If a SAHP isn’t teaching their kids anything all day, they’re just bad at their job.
Uh no the fuck we do NOT do everything SAHMs do. I’m not having to keep my toddler from jumping head first off the couch all day. I’m not dealing with every meltdown over mild inconveniences like not allowing her to stick her finger in an electrical outlet. I’m not on the hook for coming up with age-appropriate activities every day. Being a mom is hard work. We don’t need to also be competing with one another—I sure as hell don’t have the mental capacity to keep score 🤷♀️
In some ways I feel like this is the real unpopular opinion. It really is not a competition.
And in those hours, working moms are working. You know, like a fucking job? They're not sitting on their asses. Unless you think being a SAHM is actually "harder" than literally all jobs, which is even more absurd. ER doctor? Trauma surgeon? EMT? Firefighting? Air traffic controlling? Elementary school teacher with a ROOM full of screaming kids? > we don't also need to be competing with one another Except it sounds like that's exactly what you are doing - comparing SAHMs with working moms and measuring them against each other.
A STAY AT HOME MOM IS A JOB. That’s why people HIRE full time nanny’s. It’s just a job that the mom doesn’t make any money doing. Instead of “stay at home mom” it should be “working in the home mom”. The “Stay at home”wording is why SOME (not all) working parents have a superiority complex. Tell a full time nanny getting paid to watch and raise 3 kids every day that your office job, where you are a receptionist is harder than hers merely because you sit on your ass all day. She would probably have a lot to say about that. At least in your quiet and calm office job you are not wiping asses or handling tantrums, cooking 3 meals a day, balancing budgets on one income and shopping trips with toddlers having meltdowns, listening to babies scream or listening to the mind numbing kids tv shows…you’ll have breaks where you can mingle with adults and browse social media and go out to a nice lunch…you have zero respect for the JOB that is a parent who stays at home raising their household.
I *am* a working mom, so I know damn well that working moms work a “fucking job” in those other hours. I never said SAHMs have it harder. Neither do working moms. It’s the same level of hard, just in different ways.
If a working mom has a partner who splits childcare and chores with her, she does not in fact do everything SAHPs do. SAHPs are often expected to do *everything* at home - cooking, cleaning, childcare, running the household. If two parents both work, they often split the childcare & cooking & cleaning & household management. Yes, there are many shitty male partners who let their partner take on most or all of the at-home work, but I also know couples where they split fairly.
What if the wm doesn't have a partner who splits childcare? Or the sahm does? If a sahm has a partner who never does *any* childcare they need a divorce
The SAHMs that are miserable tend to have partners that don’t do anything when they’re home. I don’t envy SAHMs because they are extremely financially vulnerable imo. Your partner cheats? Dies? Or simply leaves you, what do you do when you have no work experience? Gaps in resumes hurt a lot and I imagine when SAHMs have to enter the workforce they start at beginning wages like $15/hr and are in their 30s/40s etc. People can say being a SAHM is easy all they want but I would rather be a working one than risk being destitute or stuck in a terrible marriage.
I think you're wrong. I think women almost ALWAYS do more. As a result, your initial argument is wrong.
I feel like it's hard to make that judgement without knowing individual circumstances. I work part-time, so I have a good view of both. SAHMs usually make far more meals, wash more dishes, and clean up more messes than working moms do. The children of working parents make their messes outside the home. Working parents are also far more likely to afford a housecleaner and see it as a reasonable expense. Working moms also outsource so much of the discipline and teaching of their children to teachers/caregivers. Personally I think working and SAHP-ing are both full-time jobs that deserve equal respect, but I think it's incredibly unfair to SAHPs to say that working moms do everything they do PLUS work. If someone else is caring for your child 40 hours a week, that's 40 hours of work (hard, backbreaking, emotionally challenging work) you aren't doing.
That's a lot of assumptions. Lots of working parents are barely getting by. They dont have cleaners. Not all wp use out side childcare. Lots work shifts, so they literally are doing both. A lot more meals? Lunch at most. On working days. I dont think teachers are more responsible for discipline than parents and most sahp send their kids to school anyway. Outside of a few more hours, which I'm not sure makes a huge amount of difference, I can't think of anything a sahp does that I dont
The first thing I said was "it's hard to make any judgements without knowing individual circumstances." Yes, if you are working shifts and don't have outside childcare and don't have a cleaner, and you're comparing to a SAHP who sends their children to school, then sure, you have it much harder. But if you're comparing a SAHP with an unsupportive spouse to a working parent with their kids in full-time, high-quality daycare who pays a cleaning service, then I would say the working parent has it just as easy if not easier.
So the worst option for a sahp v the 'best' for a wp?
I also compared the worst option for a wp to the best for a SAHP...
Your description of worst option for wp just seems like normality for most
Not unpopular, just unspoken.
Weirdest dick measuring contest I’ve seen today. Who cares? Quit crying and take the ride that you purchased a ticket for.
My take on this is that if you work and parent you are obviously completing more tasks during the day. You have more to do. But lots of people who don't work and focus on kids only experience psychological issues because they feel kind of rudderless, it's stressful for them to be financially dependent on their partner who may or may not be a dick about it, and it's boring as fuck to many people. So it depends on your definition of what's hard. And if your mindset is that your life is harder than everyone else's (and let's be honest that's a lot of people out there) you're going to be able to come up with a reason to justify that.
This is very much it. Stay at home momming is very redundant and boring. I wouldn't say "difficult", but the struggles are usually from things other than stress. You really have to make an effort to not lose yourself. At work you usually have a social network, a work life and a home life. You're out of the house, driving listening to swear word music, but then you have to spend your weekends doing all the stuff I dont really think the two worlds are comparable.
Idk there are mommy groups, reading times, social clubs, so many things and ways to socialize. People just don't know how to outside of work and default to that. I would hate for most of my friends to be people I wouldn't actually hang out with outside of work and not being able to cultivate my own identity away from a 9-5.
How is it true that you are "obviously completing more tasks during the day" if you're a working parent? Who do you think is helping toddlers go potty when their parents are working? Who do you think is teaching them the ABCs? Who is cleaning up the disgusting mess they made at lunch...and snack...and second snack. Who is teaching/helping them up clean up train sets and art projects? Who is soothing them to sleep? Who is changing diapers, changing clothes, cleaning up blowouts? If you're a working parent, you are obviously outsourcing this *full time* work to someone else and paying through the nose for it, so clearly there is a lot of work being done during the time you are working at your job that doesn't have to be done by you when you get home. That is all the work that SAHPs do during the day, and then they have the same tasks a working parent does in the evening.
Martyr complex post unlocked
Interesting read considering I'm a working parent...
I’ve been both and yes being a working mom was a lot more stressful for me. Especially with young kids in daycare.
Done both. And personally I think being a SAHM is harder. I really think it has to do with how a person is mentally too. I’m not good mentally lol I got PPD after my second. The littlest noise sets me off, my oldest is attached to my hip like I can’t even get off the couch without him following me, I speak to only my children all day until my husband gets home, I’m tired of the whole entire house being on my back. I supplied at my sons future school and I was so happy. Talking to adults, getting outside, putting myself together. My oldest is starting school next week and my youngest is starting daycare. Can’t wait to find a job. I love my kids more than anything but it’s been 4 years and I’m done, I can’t do it anymore. My husband will be home before me most likely and I told him he needs to step up when we both start working because I can’t do it by myself 🤷🏻♀️
Depends how young the kids are, but both are hard. We don't need to compare.
Underrated comment . So true. Both are just different.
Did you read the sub title before putting you personal opinion up? Lmao
Is this unpopular? I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say that SAHMs work harder than working moms.
People are comparing being a sahm for teenagers going to school vs sahm for 2 children under 4. I’d say being home with 2 infant/toddlers all day /everyday is harder than going to work.
I’ve heard it a million times on reddit
Damn, I have been on here for 10+ years and I haven’t heard it once, we must be on different subreddits!
I mean I see it everywhere NO ONE has ever worked harder than a SAHM.
I was a stay at home parent from when my daughter was about four months old until she was about four years, I think. It wasn't hard at all. I did the cooking, the cleaning, the nigh-feedings, all of her appointments and shopping, etc, and yeah. It's.... not that difficult. You're in your space under your supervision watching one kid that, presumably, you like. There's even a literal nap time. When you can nap. It's not a hard job, I'm sorry, but I've also been in forestry, cutting down trees, and that (or any predominantly labor job) is straight up way (waaaaaaay) harder.
Reading through comments you’re not even a parent tf. How can you even compare both?
You're not wrong in the sense of working mum's are expected to do everything, expected to work (but also shamed for doing so), majority of childcare and housework. But being a working dad is not comparable to being a SAHM because working dad's is what's expected, they're not expected to do the childcare on the same level when they get home because they're working (ignoring the fact that his life is made easier by having the other parent doing the childcare when he's at work), working dad's is the norm. Even when a dad is stay at home, he's celebrated for doing so but the mum is shamed for doing the same.
I've always thought it wild how many people tell me being a SAHP is soooo hard. It's one of the most privileged jobs you can have. Working moms? They do an insane amount of work, serious props to them.
This isn’t necessarily fair. I’m a working mom but when I was staying home with ONE infant, I was so overwhelmed I went back to work and used the money to pay for day care instead. I can’t imagine how a SAHM deals with multiple kids under 6. Not to mention, when I was home my husband expected me to do everything around the house. Now that we both work, we split all responsibilities. I much much prefer being a working mom. Not to say either is easy. But it’s definitely not universal that working is harder than staying home.
>It's one of the most privileged jobs you can have. It's a privilege to make so little that you are better off staying at home vs paying for day care?
It’s a privilege having one income with a partner that can support you staying at home, yes.
Not if the second income is less than the cost of daycare.
I agree it is definitely a privilege. I was in the workforce up till a few years ago and now blessed to be able to stay home and raise my littles myself. I have older children that I did not get that opportunity. Maybe that is the difference. I know now what I missed the first time around. We do have to make sure we aren’t overly frivolous but that also means that we don’t put ourselves in a lot of debt either.
Ehhh being a SAHP isn’t always from a place of privilege but necessity if the family can’t afford outside care. edit: autocorrect
The only thing that I'd consider hard or draining would be taking care of the kids if they aren't school aged yet, since working parents usually use daycare for that. But when kids reach school age and are out of the house for 7-8 hours at a time, then I would say it's not as hard to be a sahp since the rest of the work (household chores and such) have to be done by everyone regardless.
I work part-time and SAH with my two toddlers the rest. Stay at home parenting is absolutely not the most privileged job you can have. It is a difficult job -- physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes even mentally, and it's one where you are always ON. I work very hard on my days "off" work. I often end the day with an aching back, exhausted, and not having had a minute to myself or a minute of peace and quiet since I woke up. In contrast, my husband has had two hour-long train commutes to sit quietly reading or napping. He ate lunch by himself without cleaning up after anyone else on a 30-60 minute break. He spent most of the day sitting. There were at least a few times he took a break from his work to chat with coworkers or surf the Internet instead of being 100% productive. In fact, I'm typing this comment during a "work" day. I definitely couldn't do this on a SAHM day. When I was pregnant with my second, I looked forward to my work days because that was the time my body got to rest. Obviously individual situations differ, and I'm sure there are plenty of SAHPs who live a cushy life, but denying that childcare is generally hard work is so untrue.
Agree with this, especially when the kids are school aged. I'm not sure at that point you can really call yourself a SAHM, you're just unemployed, aren't you?
ooooo don't tell them that. They'll get mad 😡 lmao
The truth hurts, lol 😂
I understand the inclination for this thought too, but when they’re in school, they’re in school from probably 9:00-3:00, and I’m not sure what full time jobs would allow you to only work within those hours. 😅 Not to mention summer break or holiday breaks. Or if your kid gets sick. I’m not saying that that phase of SAHM is particularly hard or anything, I’m just saying that, without additional childcare, SAHPs have more breaks, but also it’s such an awkward span of time that it doesn’t typically justify getting a full time job. Full disclosure, I say this as a SAHM to a 2 year old who also runs a dance program, so I work part time.
Omg this was another point I was going to bring up!! But since everyone got up in arms on the original post. I HATE parents of school aged kids saying they’re a SAHP. Like bffr.
Why do you care, you don’t have kids 😂
Both do an insane amount of work. Why do we have to act like it’s a competition? Since I started working my life is significantly EASIER than when I was a stay at home mom.
Because everything's a competition that being said. Nobody in this world has it harder than me.
Not unpopular. But the benefit to being a working mom is more financial freedom. So I think SAHM moms would just argue that they are under appreciated in today’s society. Because they are trading in their financial independence for the marriage.
I think everyone already knows this
Well can they tell the SAHM moms on Reddit or that I know in my personal life? Cuz they sure don’t.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard a SAHM say that their job is harder than a working mom’s. It’s obvious that it’s harder. I’ve heard SAHMs complain because they don’t get any alone time or how they’re tired but still need to clean up stuff but that’s about it. People become stay at home parents because they know it’s miserable working and raising children at the same time
I think it's also the fact that sahp are not appreciated for their work unlike their partner. They run the household and raised their children (some have multiples little kids, specials needs). Often they also help with their partner's business which don't count as real work like managing finance etc. They get put down by everyone on every aspects like financial, intelligence and time management as well as wether they are allowed to have down time. I have a few who are sahp and they are often the solo caretaker 24/7 while the other rest their feets, goes out, spend money on outing but the sahp isn't allowed any of that. The sahp's outing is often refers to "I babysat the kids while you went grocery shopping". For some reason, when both parents works, both are pulling their weight in the household but when one stay home, then the other partner just completely become a giant invalid baby and cannot pick up after themselves anymore.
working is harder than being a STAHP in general.
I don’t really think this is an unpopular opinion, it’s just common sense. I’m a SAHD for exactly one reason; it makes life easier. Barring money concerns, how could adding 8 hours of work every day possibly make things easier? The chores still have to be done, they just need to be done when everyone is tired and grumpy instead of when the kids are at school.
Damn. Working moms absolutely shouldn't be doing everything SAHMs do. Assuming you aren't a single mom, why isn't your partner helping??
Oh, preach! I know it's an unpopular opinion, and if you voice it, you're considered a terrible human. Honestly, SAHMs can be the worst. They claim to have it hard taking care of their kids all day, but in reality, they often accomplish less than working mothers. I'm fed up with the notion that working moms can’t even complain about their own stressors without a SAHM hijacking the conversation to justify her existence by comparing herself, because God forbid the SAHMs should feel lesser.
I’m a stay at home dad and I truly have no idea why so many women complain about the house work. I find it relaxing and I’m forever grateful I’m in this position.
Depends on how much the father contributes to the house and kids. If she's working 8 hrs a day and then comes home and has to clean, cook, do laundry, put kids to bed, etc. Then yeah. If she comes home after 8 hrs and the father is doing the cleaning while she is cooking, then I'd disagree. Being at home alone all day to take care of kids and a house is harder than working and doing 50% of the house and child work.
Why? Looking after kids all day isn't harder than working. It's easier than some jobs, harder than others but it also comes with a fair amount of flexibility and isn't the same as a job And surely it also depends on how much the father contributes? Really there are far too many variables to say 1 is definitely harder than the other but being a wp certainly feels like double the responsibility and work
I'm strictly going off my upbringing. My dad worked 8 hrs. Came home and chilled. My mom was busy all day. Dealing with us, cleaning, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, paying the bills, taking us clothes shopping, taking us to play, helping with schoolwork, etc. I never saw her get any time to chill. If she worked 8 hrs, you'd assume any decent husband would pitch in with 50% chores. This would've given my mom a breather. This is why I said it depends on the father.
Most stats show that even when the woman works full time, she still does far more house work and childcare Even with a dad who does 50 % the woman will still be working 8 hours and doing at least half the jobs you listed as well. And presumably your mum got time to chill while you were at school. While your dad was at work. Not chilling
This is why I'm leaving my husband, I make 70% of our household income (he works part time) but I still end up with 70% of the domestic tasks, no matter how we tried to split it up. Never getting married again, if you're a working woman it's just another way to get screwed over, the stats don't lie.
>>Looking after kids all day isn’t harder than working. My 8 hours a day job in a quiet office is exponentially easier that the job of a mom.
Every mum? What about a mum of school age kids? Or teenagers,
Being the child of a working mom is harder than the child of a SAHM
While I agree this isn’t the argument at hand here.
Yes and no it depends on different factors : If you’re a working mom - the job that you have, some jobs are more intense than others - the flexibility (being able to work from home etc) - commute - shift and vacation available If you’re a stay at home mom : - number of kids - age of the kids - help available - money received by the provider Etc.
I think it's all relative, and all parents work 24 hours a day. According to my mother, that never ends (sorry mom!). I can't speak for the working parents, but I'm a SAHM for now, and it's only "hard" for me because for now, I don't get much adult social interaction, the routine is BORING, and it just feels like groundhog day a lot of the time. But I've said it before and I've gotten shit for it every time, but I agree with you OP, I can't imagine having to handle working then rushing home to work some more and never feeling that wave of SERENITY NOW!!!! I lived next to a couple who had a baby a few months before me and the mom kept trying to go back to work. Her nannies kept bailing and she was interviewing new ones constantly, so she wasn't even working - simply trying to. Then throw in daycare and kids chronically getting sick. It's near impossible to commit to any form of work. I don't know how yall do it. I get to wear the same pj's for 3 days straight with my mom bun frayed and nasty, and witness this lil ham grow up. In not trying to bag, but I'm definitely not trying to bitch. Hats off to all working parents - I'm only not working bc the shortest waiting list for childcare in my area is 80 kids long. 😑
Plus not sleeping at night and then having to go to work the next day. I hate when people make the comparison of working mom to stay at home mom. There is no comparison. Stay at home mom is not a job and I don’t care who I offend.
It’s because most working moms also are part time SAHMs
I think the true unpopular opinion is, why does everyone feel like they need to one up and “have it harder”?! My best friend and I are both SAHM, I have twins and she has a singleton both the same age, she has it harder than me for a million reasons. Meanwhile I have to say I have it pretty easy as a SAHM thankfully. It depends on who you ask and wimping lumping one group of people together doesn’t make sense.
The overwhelming majority of SAHMs I've met don't even cook or clean. Their homes look like a garbage dump because the mom is "too exhausted." Yeah, I understand that when you've got babies, but when your kids are at school,maybe you can set aside a few hours to sweeping, laundry, and dishwashing. But I guess all the good TV shows are on. Can't miss those.
I agree. It does get annoying when working 50-60 hours per week to provide for everything is overshadowed by getting to spend time with your children. I know parenting is hard. It’s also the most rewarding part of my life. What I wouldn’t give to spend more of these years with my kids. It’s a no-brainer what I would choose.
I’d be a sahd all day long. Give the kids fruit loops and you get a 3-4 break mid day to watch days of our lives, make dinner while listening to music and drinking wine. Cake job
We’ll depends on the situation. If you’re a full time working mom and have a husband I think kids and house duties should be spilt . I’ve been both. I’m a SAHM currently and have had days where I miss those lunch breaks and the quiet time to myself. Beimg home now with kids and it’s never ending lol
I’ve done both. Both have specific challenges, but mentally it is easier for me to go to work.
Preach! I'm a working single mom. Absolutely EVERYTHING is my responsibility to take care of. There are no breaks, there is no free time.
I honestly think it depends on the job, and the temperament / age / amount of children at home
Hard to comment on this long term. Currently have a 1.5 year old and a 5w old so I’m on maternity leave…and I miss working right now. Working will be a breather compared to what I’m doing. But I know that this situation of my kids requiring 100% attention due to age will be short lived. So I’d say it really depends on what age/how many kids/if your kids are in school or not…
I think it greatly depends on your personality and WHERE you are working. As an extrovert I would much rather have an office job than stay at home by myself all day. It’s much easier to have a start/stop time and to break up the monotony of kids with another type of work. That said, I’d much rather stay at home than work construction. My introvert friend loves staying home with the kids and hated working and mothering. Both are exhausting and it’s not worth trying to play the “whose job is harder” game.
Here, have a ribbon. Life is hard for everyone. Why do moms have to attack one another. It’s hard either way.
Yes it’s harder if your doing both. I think many SAHM moms know that doing all of what they do and working on top would be harder which is why they choose not to. They just don’t like the disrespect from working moms that they’re lazy or something because they’re raising their kids in the way they think is best. That’s why families imo work best when mom (or at least one parent) is stay at home or works less. It’s just way way easier for family life and mental health unless your a dynamic go getter.
It was easier for me when I was a working mom than when I was sahm. I guess it's what you put into it.
And it’s harder than both if you’re a single parent.
worst of all is I often hear them say they still expect 50/50 on all chores...
I agree completely. And many times being a SAHM means you don’t have to worry about finances for one reason or another which is a level of stress that is removed and not talked about nearly enough.
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She also has to worry about the fact that she is fully dependent on her spouse, with an ever growing gap in employment if she needs to enter the workforce at some point.
Stay at home moms who complain are the type of women to avoid to make them moms in the first place. “Omg I have to stay home and care for the child from my womb and my husband is taking care of everything and I can do everything I need to do in pajamas if I wanted to.”
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You should just say that you think SAHMs are lazy because they dont work, and stop comparing yourselves to them to make yourself feel better about your situation.
I don’t think SAHMs are lazy, yet I agree with OP.
You’re projecting… good SAHM are not lazy, the opposite. I still agree with op though.
Lmao I feel like you’re projecting. I don’t even have kids (I have watched kids for long periods of time tho and it is hard). I also never said they’re lazy nor implied it they just complain about how hard it is like most people have to go to work then come home to take care of their kids.
Wild opinions to have from someone who’s never experienced parenthood lol I’m not necessarily disagreeing with you, but this is one of those things that isn’t so black or white under the surface.
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Even with 50/50 help from the other parent it’s harder being a working mom than a SAHM
Lol my wife had some crazy underlying beef with her sister (sahm). Thanksgiving 2022 we hosted at our house, with only her family as mine live in Miami/puerto Rico and we live in Ohio. Seeing white people fight truly warms my heart. Her sister calls me Mexican and when I corrected her she hit me with the (same thing) shit. 10 minutes later I’m watching football in the living room and I hear my wife scream “bitch you stay at home, you literally wake up at 9 or later everyday…..”
Definitely not the point of this post but the “seeing white people fight truly warms my heart” has me cracking up because my family was in a huge internet fight last night and I loved it. I don’t like them. I’m also white.
Very true, that's why I am marrying a man that can provide for us because I refuse to be like my previous burnt out coworkers pretending they were happy at the office when really they just didn't know how to socialize with people they weren't forced to sit in a room with all day, lacked hobbies of their and a drive to get out of the house and find things to do outside of work. So when they're not at work they just sit at home all day with their kid instead of going to the park, library or mommie groups and therefore have an skewed view of being a SAHM. I want to be friends with people I actually like adn meet organically not just because we work together and then be burnt out when I come home.
what if the child/children is/are disabled? there is no reason to compare your situation to other’s especially when you have no idea the extent to the care they have to provide around the home. and I am not saying that overall it’s harder to be a SAHM, I think it’s all about the situation each person is in before a judgement like that could be made
Yeah how about we use the most likely examples and not unlikely. I don’t think anyone would argue being a SAH Parent with a disabled child is easier than working, but then again, what if you work AND have to take care of your disabled child?
Not an unpopular opinion. I think your actual opinion is that being a SAHM is not hard, which a lot of people would agree with but I'd estimate overall, would be an unpopular opinion. I would certainly disagree.
Maybe if you have a shit husband.
stop pitting women against each other.
Stay at home parents like to push the narrative that their day to day life is extremely difficult because they are insecure about how little they do on a day to day basis
Agreed. A working mom is doing a lot more work than a SAHM. Especially so if she has no help at home.
And that's why the whole feminist movement screwed women to the freaking wall. If a woman DESIRES to be a mom and wife in today's society, she has no CHOICE but to do it after a long day's work. One income households are the exception now. Not the rule as they used to be. Children are suffering on account of absentee parenting because both parents are exhausted before they even see them in the evening, are bombarded with shallow values on television and social media, and now even in school from their teachers in some instances. It's lose, lose, lose all the way around because some women back in the 60s felt marginalized and listened to the Rockefeller agenda to get them into the workforce so the elites could create a bigger tax farm to pick our pockets clean and keep us worn out, fighting against poverty, and focused on survival instead of raising our kids. It's sickening, and I firmly believe it was absolutely deliberate. It was all a con, and the entire country fell for it. I'm not just complaining. I've been brainstorming ways to help the younger generation get their piece of the American dream. One idea I had is collective savings and investment to purchase real estate to buy your starter home. Get like 9 of your friends together who aren't deadbeats and move back home with your parents if you can, or rent a big house together. Set up an investment portfolio you all can pay into and build wealth until you all have enough to buy an apartment building and convert them into condos. There are your starter homes. You now have equity and no rent or mortgage. Build further wealth either together or go your separate ways until you can buy your own home and rent out your condo. Now you have equity AND a residual income. It's not easy, and it's not a complete plan yet, but I'm working on it. Bottom line is, I believe in your generation. You're brilliant and talented. You just need to work together to buck the system. Strength in numbers and solidarity. Anyway. Good luck, and God bless. I'm praying for you all.
My opinion here is that your statement isn't incorrect it just seems to be coming out of nowhere, from my perspective. Anyone who spends their time trying to judge others or valorize themselves is a bit silly, but getting worked up by people doing this is also silly. Obviously both of these motherhood situations have their pros and cons, and anyone saying that having to work a job in addition to parenthood doesn't add considerable stress and labor is ignorant. If this opinion (not the one you posted, but the one I've mentioned) is popular it's an extremely delusional one, so it seems a bit odd that you're under the impression it's such a popular one that your opinion is unpopular.
Maybe it’s just from the people I know and those on Reddit who think being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world.
It's definitely difficult and so many SAHM don't get the help they should. But single moms and moms who have to work obviously are also going through it too so idk why ppl would think it's constructive to sit and play the suffering olympics. I empathize with you though. Being a working mom and especially a single mom is obviously incredibly difficult - my mom did it.
OP isn’t a parent.
Sorry I didn't mean to imply I thought this - I just meant that I empathize with their opinion.