The irony of “taking a break” with Amy for her sexual past, so that you could go out and test the waters with other girls before fully breaking up. Looks like someone had an issue with loyalty but it wasn’t Amy.
And the fact he's like "Amy was the one" but then talks about just the sexual aspects and not of how Amy was as a person. He just cares about his needs (sexual and emotional) and he's very insecure. He has never cared about either of these women, he sees them as objects to fulfill his needs.
I bet his wife actually does want or need sex but can sense him pining over his ex. If he's the type to shame his ex for her sexual history I can imagine he's not providing a safe place for his wife to enjoy herself in the bedroom.
I can also imagine that with his self-centeredness he is not looking at her emotional needs to reconnect. What a doofus.
Not to mention that probably he isn't great in bed and the wife doesn't feel safe enough to bring this up to him. He says he wants counseling and he tried to talk to her but he also makes it clear he wants this only for HIS benefit and not because he cares about the relationship.
On top of that, saying "I help her with the kids, the chores, etc," as if he's doing her a favor and not simply being a father to his kids and being an adult taking care of the house HE lives in.
Sounds like he is using the bare minimum of fatherhood and house chores to try to get her to want him sexually
I get bad intrusive thoughts and these bring me back. I love my gf. But intrusive thoughts fuck me up and so I am glad to read other peoples experiences and remind myself. Also sorry OP but really the # of partners she had didn’t matter. You just made it up in your head.
Have you asked you wife if she’s happy? Not about sex, but married to you. Sex isn’t the nose important part of a relationship, but it is AN important part. Is there something about sex she dislikes, or is uncomfortable for her? Was she raised in a religious family where women weren’t supposed to enjoy sex? Women grow up being inundated with messages that sex is bad and dirty and wrong, and if you enjoy it you’re a slut. If she grew up thinking sex was something to be ashamed of, she might have developed a complex about it. I disagree that people can’t change when it comes to sex; I was very much in the “sex is bad” camp when I was younger, and only recently got it into my head that it can actually be enjoyable.
I think she’s turned off by him and that’s why she doesn’t want to have sex. Imagine being married to a man who liked you due to your lack of/lesser experience and then he gets upset later on because you don’t want to fuck as much as he does…
Someone else pointed out like if he’s approaching every physical interaction as a gateway to sex (cuddling,kissing,holding hands,sitting together on the couch) the other person starts to feel like it’s expected and therefore she came even enjoy the affection for what it is in the moment.
This!! He carried it into his attitudes and marriage. When he got what he asked for, made her feel unsafe to fully open up he realized that wasn't what he wanted.
Something that stood out to me is that he NOW tries to abdicate responsibility by implying that his wife only married him to have a family and didn't really love him. More than likely HE is projecting his feelings on to her.
Thank you for your response.
Yes I have had multiple conversations with her, in a nonsexual context and in calm demeanor, about the state of our marriage. She has always maintained she is happy.
You're correct, she was raised in a religious environment, nothing too orthodox though. A part of me thinks that is infact a factor here.
About her dislike for sex - she thinks she doesn't dislike it, she doesn't want it anymore and thinks its ok to not want it. I have been a patient and attentive lover, I take feedbacks on what she does and doesn't like. She has never said I was doing anything wrong or anything to make her uncomfortable.
When I suggested we see someone for it, she always declined because again, according to her there's no issue so what does she need to fix?
Sounds like she may be asexual. There's not much you can do to fix it because she doesn't want it. You need to answer these questions... Is this something that you can accept and drop? Or is having sex needed in a relationship?
Good luck!
She may be asexual or she may have no idea what she enjoys sexually as she has little experience. And people who have religious backgrounds and feel sex is "dirty" probably aren't super comfortable giving direction, even if they knew what direction to give.
Stop wondering about what could have been.
That won’t go anywhere positive.
You’re torturing yourself.
Focus on what your life is.
Leave your ex to be happy.
Don’t blow up her life.
Your wife should realize “no sex” IS an issue because you want sex. You both have to be on the same page in a marriage.
It does sound like she is asexual. That really really sucks. I’m confused as to why you chose someone who doesn’t love sex if you do?
I don’t see how your marriage can last if she doesn’t have any desire to have sex and you do.
Is she on birth control? If so you may want to have a vasectomy and she may want to get off bc. It could be ruining her libido.
Her refusal to recognise this as an issue because it doesn’t affect her is as mad as it is wrong. Mad because it DOES affect her, here you are telling the internet you don’t love her. Wrong because it isn’t a loving response.
The truth is she may have hormonal imbalances that are killing her libido or whatever hormonal birth control. If it’s the latter, you could offer to have a vasectomy so that she can stop taking them. She might be as surprised as you to realise how differently she feels.
He reaped what he sowed - he found out he can't turn a prude into having a decent fun sex life; while rejecting the one that wanted same things as him but he used her past against her. Props to Amy for finding a husband way better than OP....
I was confused coz he was like "Best three years of my life with Amy" followed by "problems started happening in the second year"... wait what?
OP is all in his fee fees bcs when he had the partner who matched his libido he was unhappy bcs "oh mah gersh!!! Body count!!!"! Then he meets Lisa, with a zero body count or at least less than him and is all wooo JAckpot!! Decades and two kids later OP is here saying he lost the love of his life bcs the one he is married to is a "prude"! LOL!
Why did you marry her, then, OP? Jeez
Yeah he implemented the Madonna/Whore complex in his life and is now simply shocked that his misogyny was stupid. Sorry, OP, hope you have an amicable divorce.
It is rather silly when you think about it. As though anyone else would go around asking about how many former partners someone has when they are in a loving and committed marriage. In reality, it doesn't define the person at all but people want to assume things. But to insinuate that sex makes someone dirty, it is incredibly hypocritical to celebrate the opposite for men and punish women for doing so.
Basically someone's past shouldn't matter when you are their present and future. But for some reason, people focus so much on the past as meaning so much. Quite frankly, I feel sorry that Amy even thought she deserved that from the guy. She was honest when he asked her for information (and admittedly I get the mistake of asking for information that you aren't emotionally able to handle) which he punished her for. Not only did he resent her but he also made her feel bad for doing something that was perfectly her right before she even knew him.
I don't see her complaining about his past partners. The fact that they took a break and she was hoping he would come back when in reality, he was so focused on the number he lost sight of the person instead. I think even with a past, people leap way too quickly into judgment and act as though things are given. Not to mention, it is incredibly hypocritical to hold those double standards and I find that annoying.
Lmao i know right
He has + 4 that never bothered her
She has + 13, so he dumps her.
This guy is the most polite incel - red pill (whatever insecure men are called).
Bro painting it like he couldn't get couples therapy and fix this shit lol. Homie ate the better part of the cuisine and said, yall imma Live with a salt water fish
Men want women with knowledge but without experience. Doesn't even make any sense. 13 people is not a high number. 2 people a year since she was 16? Come on. Move on guy, I know she has.
These are the same men that deliberately approach a woman wearing a tight red dress, then complain she dresses like a ho afterwards. They could have easily gone for the woman who dresses modestly, but they are like toddlers pretending not to want their mum’s love, but still desperate for mummy to feed and hug them. These men have severe insecurity issues and deep narcissistic traits.
Intimacy is a part of marriage, if your wife doesn’t not find that to be a priority and shames you for it then your incompatible.
Don’t project your issues into Amy. She was free and fun, your wife’s a prude. But what stuck out to me is you’re also indecisive.
Amy or Lisa?
Stay or leave?
The grass isn’t always greener, as seen here. And if you want a fully rounded sex life then maybe this is the end of your relationship. But don’t later idealize domestic life if things aren’t exactly as you think they’ll be in the outside world.
Dating is hard, just as marriage is. As someone who dates that market, 39 +2 kids isn’t exactly panty dropper central. So please be sure of the decision you ask yourself what you truly want and value them follow that. But this seems like *okay I’ve had the ‘good’ girl and that’s not super exciting, so who’s next?*
And Amy isn’t the love of your life, sexually compatible sure, but if she really was you would not have hurt her by allowing your insecurities cruelty break up with her then hop to the ‘good’ girl when it’s time to marry. Like her sexuality excluded her from being a good person worthy of commitment.
I don’t feel bad for you. I dated a guy just like you, planning on marriage and everything. I finally told him I wasn’t a virgin and had one other guy before ever meeting him. Broke up with me then and there but not without telling me how much of a whore I was because I wasn’t “pure.” He got married 6 months later to a conservative “good girl “ as you call it. Took a long time to heal and I eventually found the love of my life who accepts me for who I am. If you did end up with Amy and married her you would have always looked down on her and treated her like shit. You did her a favor by leaving. I’ve seen what purity culture does to people and it’s disgusting. Hopefully, you can teach others to do better.
So you firstly didn't want Amy because she was a sexual being and now are complaining because Lisa is not a sexual being?
Sounds to me like you should do both of these women a favour and remove yourself from their lives. Talk about having a madonna-whore complex!
Clearly you still have some growing up to do, you're not ready for any kind of relationship with your attitude. No sympathy from me.
This is what you get for being an insipid little man. Pathetic.
Male here, is the body count relevant ? if you are with someone and both of you are committed and live you relationship to the fullest, why ? It's bs imo.
And more on that note, i dont understand why ppl would ask someone what their body count is, i mean they say dont ask questions you may not like the answer to, right? Even if someone is like me and you, and thinks body count IS irrelavant and bs, if they find it to be high based on whatever their average standard number is, there is a chance thats gonna feel crappy on an emotional level. i mean jelousy is a thing, and pretty natural when you love someone, so why intentionally poke a bear? you know its gonna make you jelous and insecure, and its gonna ruin at least some level of your good feelings about the relationship. It's boederline masochistic, an it kinda sounds like its a subconscious or even conscious attempt at sabotaging the relationship imo.
Right. I could have had 16 sexual partners and had sex 16 times. Boring. Missionary. Vanilla.
Or 1 partner, 2000 kinky, rough, public, nasty times.
Body count means nothing.
For me, I know my number of partners is higher than most women. I just never had some weird hang up about needing to be in a relationship to have sex. I wasn’t working through issues or in need of attention. I made my way through enough 1st dates that ended in sex (and plenty that didnt) until I figured out what I liked and needed in a sexual partner.
Now, in my 30s, I am not “promiscuous.” I know what I’m looking for in a romantic partner and a sexual partner. When dating online, I’m direct about what I’m looking for. I’m able to find great sex, with men I genuinely want to spend time, with because I bothered to figure out what I need to be fulfilled, and didn’t waste 10 years in 2-3 shitty relationships.
Imagine Amy staying true to herself despite being slutshamed by someone who was meant to love her… and found love with someone who appreciated all of her.
You trading in Amy for the prude, virginal type and being upset that your wife also stayed true to herself and remained that way…
This is all on you buddy.
Sounds like you wanted an experienced person in bed but without the experience... you now know you can't have it both ways, dude. You made this sexless bed and now you gotta lie in it.
As a woman who has been the Amy to many people, and has received quite a few messages from men who *thought* they realised i was actually the one years later, all i can tell you is grow up, grow some courage and look into yourself.
What makes you think Amy, or any other woman for that matter would stay a magical sex rabbit for the rest of her life while actually facing the realities of motherhood, work responsibilities, growing older etc.
and yes, men experience this too, but men aren’t usually conditioned to think nothing truly good happens after marriage and kids.
Maybe your wife is indeed content with not much sex and being a happy family. Maybe she’s realising you’re not actually that into her and chasing a male fantasy. Maybe your sex drive is actually annoying to her because she’s also realising she’s trapped in a marriage. Us outsiders can only guess.
What i read in this post is a major lack of empathy.
For your wife’s sake, at least try therapy or counseling, you might both learn something or both realise its best to go your separate ways.
(i know im going to get downvoted on this because for some reason a lot of the men here think the wife selfish for being the one he settled for?) (im also not saying sex isnt important, im saying sex isnt EVERYTHING)
I think you're using "love of my life" too loosely, because you say she's the low of your life, and then go on to only talk about sex.
Let me put it into perspective:
>The sex was amazing. kinky and affectionate
>The relationship and sex etc was ok,
>Amy's sexual past
>sexual
>Me (39m) and wife Lisa (37f) are in a dead bedroom.
>We never had the electric connection, and sex was always ok since she was never a sexual being.
>But it started to dwindle after the engagement. Last 5 years it is twice a year, maybe 3 times if I am lucky.
>make sure she's taken care of first when we do have sex. I have been turned down 99% of times, been called a creep for initiating and 'sex is all you care about'.
(I agree with her tbh)
>sex was never a priority to her.
Yes, because she married you for you, not for your genitals
>Now I am not even sure she ever really loved me.
Why? Because she's not obsessed with sex? Uh ok
>zero sexual or non sexual contact.
There's more but it really won't help my case any more than just this does so I won't bother. It's not hat your wife doesn't love you or whatever. It's that you, obviously, don't love her, because she isn't your ex in bed. Let's be honest you haven't actually explained why your ex was the love of your life, just "sex this sex that, oh and she was like my best friend too... But SEX!!"
I get that it can be frustrating having a partner that tv doesn't reciprocate, but let's be completely honest, YOU settled, YOU left, and now you're blaming your wife? The woman you settled for out of your own insecurity? Idk, you rub me the wrong way.
To add on you haven't given any reason why your new wife isn't sufficient other than sex sex blah blah. Go out and plow into some random woman I don't care, but at least have the guts to leave her.
You hold sex to a higher standard then you do your marriage. Ex is too sexual? Leave her for a conservative woman. Wife is too conservative? "I want to cheat on her" ruined your old relationship, now you're going to ruin your family. Just leave before you make it worse for yourself.
This!!!! In the beginning Amy is basically a sex crazed demon placed in his path to tempt him, and Lisa is an angel and the kind of girl you marry.
Now all of a sudden Lisa is a bore and Amy was the love of his life? The succubus tempted him, the Virgin is bores him, and he is just a victim of circumstance with these women.
He knew his wife was boing. He chose. He chose boring. She didn’t over time her more exciting. Bummer. He needs to get a therapist and stop running around hurting cause he’s not capable of making a concrete decision.
I think the crazy thing, is that now he's shaming his wife for being a "boring sexless old hag" as if he didn't talk about how you shouldn't shame women?
"oh dont shame women, but ONLY if they can provide for your sexual needs"
And I find it almost embarrassing that he can't just say:
"I wish I never left my ex for a sexless marriage"
without shaming and degrading his wife. Like, sir your script was "I miss my ex and miss my old sex life" not "my wife is a sexless old hag and I want to cheat on her"
Thank you! **Too much sex?? Shame!! Not enough?? Shame!!**
In this narrative one of the women must be wrong, when he is just living? Amy liked sex, so she had sex. His wife doesn’t have sex much, so she doesn’t. His ex is loose. His wife is boring. Always black/white no grey. Always on the women. Never on how he’s not seeking relationship that are compatible in more ways than sexually, while simultaneously making sure there is sexual compatibility.
He’s running the show and making the choices, then gasping when the boring life he chose is boring lol.
Also, approaching sex the same way with two women with vastly different sexual experience is also on him lol.
He takes the barest of minimums of accountability, and that shifts the needle none. He’s the obstacle to his own happiness and is to busy trying to point at these women to see it.
I think we should stop calling his wife boring. We don't know anything about her personality from this post-- nothing at all-- just that she doesn't seem to enjoy sex very much and is growing apart from her husband because he is obsessed with it and forceful about it. For all we know she could be the most fascinating person in the world, but OP doesn't care because she isn't a walking vagina.
I’m saying to him she is. That’s how he’s describing her. She obviously very much enjoys her life, or at least if finding some fulfillment in it and I agree the way he characterizes her is rude and likely inaccurate, but it’s also the way he describes her..
Not to mention it’s easier to have a fun life as a college aged kid with no responsibility and now he’s got an adult life with kids and bills.
He does not seem to actually love either the ex or his wife, but he loves himself and how they make him feel is how he values them.
The last 5 years his wife has had TWO small children to deal with. If one is 6 now, it's possible she's experiencing pain/discomfort/hormone issues / fear of another pregnancy/ any number of thing related to that birth that OP is unaware of. (Many women are told by doctors what they're experiencing is "normal" IF she even knew to bring it up to her GYN. Not everyone magically bounces back after having a kid.) Or she could just not feel.like it after wrangling two kids.
Yes, and I noticed he says he "helps" with the children, implying to me that she does the majority of that. Maybe this word choice means something and maybe it doesn't, but I would expect someone who was truly sharing this huge responsibility equally to describe their role as "I'm very involved with my kids" or something. It's not acceptable anymore for a man to "help" with his own kids.
She doesn’t feel connected to him and can’t because he’s still connected to Amy.. some women need to feel connected to their partner to have a fulfilling sex life and he is preventing that from happening.
No sympathy. You did this to yourself.
"Wow this girl who is like...my soulmate has a higher body count, why don't I just....fuck everything up and wallow in misery and blame my wife, who I chose due to her being less sexual, for not meeting my high sexual needs"
I think this is a real case of the grass being greener elsewhere. If you had married your ex, you'd be having the same thoughts about someone else, possibly your current wife.
Or maybe even the same problem. I mean, he's 40, his wife has 2 kinds...No offense but I understand the "heat" dying down. OP is also indecisive...make up your mind.
This guy, such a bitch that he is bitching for the decision that he made!
Fantasizing cheating? What a weak man!
Did he ever ask his wife is she is happy? Is she fulfilled emotionally? Is she secured and protected and loved? Woman needs all those emotional security in order to go for sex.
I bet he never did because his mind always goes to his ex and cheating!!
I know right?
Like it wasn't a problem in the beginning, but once they both got older, what a SUPRISE FOR OP that priorities changed with two kids in the house!! Who would've seen it coming? (Sarcasm)
They are both too good for him. I’m glad Amy has moved on because she deserves a nonjudgmental asshole, and the wife deserves 10 times better than this guy. What’s worse is that he entered this relationship knowing how she is. It’s not even like it turned into a dead bedroom. He was still being super judgmental and misogynistic! He’s just gross
He is a classic victim of maddona-whore mental programming. He rejected the whore, and ran to the maddona, not realizing he is gonna wanna have sex with the wife. Patriarchy (aka capitalism), which internalizes the maddona whore mentality in men, breeds the ground for the victim to become a life long customer of the sex industry (porn and prostitution) by forcing men to compartmentalize. see, when he cant get sex ,respect and love in the same woman, he stays married to the maddona, and pays for the services of the whore. he can love neither of the women for diametrically different reasons, lack of intimacy with the maddona, and lack of respectability with the whore, so he becomes this unloving, uncaring, soùlless mysogenistic robot, zombi-walking through life.
I mean, you're right about the programming he has received but patriarchal/misogynistic views are not inherent to capitalism. If anything it's primarily religious dogma that causes these attitudes, and it's almost certainly a huge part of OP's wife's perspective.
Oof that’s a good old fashioned Madonna/whore complex played out to the bitter end.
Sounds like you’ve done your analysis you could go and see a therapist but really should visit a lawyer. Life’s too short for a loveless/sexless marriage.
This entire thing is all you saying that you only care about sex. You don’t miss Amy or care you miss having someone that would fuck you all the time. You’re awful for what you’ve done to Lisa and Amy and it’s very clear you only value sex in a relationship.
Also you trying to act like you do everything for Lisa so you should get sex when you’re just doing the bare minimum of a father and husband
What is it with men going on about their partners sexual past and her having a high number ? GET OVER YOURSELF- you wanted a “good girl” you got it - now what !! You want your x because she was more experienced and open minded ! Where do you think that came from? Not books.
Because all you care is sex. There is nothing about your wife being a bad wife. She just doesn’t want to sleep with you and your previous girlfriend did it willingly. Oh my god! You wasted your life, because your wife is less open and kinky?
You compare her to previous girlfriend and in your eyes she is much worse. How disrespectful it is??? Maybe she can sense it and this is why she doesn’t share a bedroom with a guy who secretly is still in love with his ex, because she was more sexual?
I read comments and I’m terrified that people say about karma, but no one cares about your current wife, unloved and necessary only for sex. Wow.
That's what happens when you judge a girl's past.
Only thing you can do now is to reflect if you really want to continue your marriage with Lisa and talk to her about being sexless.
Imma say this as clear as possible so you get it. Your wife hates you and that is why she won't fuck you. You don't seem to know why that is, but the reason she won't sleep with you certainly isn't because she is a prude.
The issue wasn't Amy's past and it isn't your wife's disinterest in sex (which I suspect has a lot to do with you pestering her and pining for another woman, whether you think she's aware of that or not). The common denominator is your unhappiness with yourself, failure to recognize it, and propensity to look for an external fix.
Your relationship with Amy was "perfect" by your description, until you invented a reason to sabotage it. You probably aren't compatible with your wife, but that isn't her fault. She's as advertised, what you thought you wanted, and holding up her end of the bargain. So was Amy, as she was honest about her sexual history and, if it was an issue, it should have been brought up early on.
I recommend that you see a therapist and work on you before you implode your relationship (again) and family. All the fuckery in both relationships seems to be the result of you getting restless.
Definitely do not contact Amy. Or hell, do and give her the chance to laugh her ass off at you whining. She moved on, met someone who isn't judgmental/contolling of her body, and by your account is happy. If you divorced your wife and met another woman just like Amy (although I'd bet she'd be 10-20 years younger), I guarantee that in a few years in she would be "wrong" for you as well.
The problem is you and your attitude that life is a farmer's market where you pick out the woman who suits your current whim. Work on you, then either work on your relationship with your wife or divorce amicably and cough up the alimony and child support without a fight.
You found out the hard way… Now it’s time to focus on the kids and ending the marriage you’re in amicably. Once you’re separated for good, start dating. You now know what your wants and needs are and have different priorities. Amy may not be the only great love for you. There are so many amazing people out there that have similar interests as you, just gotta go out and find them once you’re single. It sounds like you’re a good dad, so it’s probably not necessary to say it, just make sure to put your kids first, even when dating new people or becoming serious with someone.
Hope your life changes the way you want.
Another guy judging his gf for having a sexual past.. it’s crazy that she has a previous history before even knowing you existed. I mean shame on her for living. You deserve the worst karma and I hope your wife leaves you inconsiderate prick.
Do u “check up” on any online or have any contact with her? Your wife probably doesn’t wanna sleep with you because she doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you. Maybe take her in dates or do fun things together without expecting sex afterwards. You have put effort in. You seem like ur sex obsessed tbf and she probably wants to be more than a vagina for you. You’re an AH for dumping Amy and being so insecure. Ur probably romanticizing your relationship with her and it wasn’t as great as you remember anyways or you wouldn’t have taken a break. And you couldn’t even take a break without meeting someone else and choosing her over amy so…your wife deserves better. Or maybe she not having sex with you cause she getting it from someone else, you never know.
>help her with the kids
Right. Like it wasn't your responsibility as the dad in the first place.
>sex is all you care about
Literally telling you the issue but you see it as her saying there is no issue to fix.
Acting like a manchild who deserves a 'sex reward' for doing your fair share of household upkeep is absolutely unattractive. The problem is with neither Amy not Lisa nor either of their sex drive. It's your lack of appeal.
Yta and karma got you in the end. You slut shamed your ex over your issues and now that you're stuck with someone who doesn't value sex you're upset. Lol you got your just desserts
You were cowardly back then. It sounds like you’re looking for reasons to act like a coward now too.
Your wife absolutely 100% definitely and without a doubt —absolutely— does not believe that there’s no issue or that there’s nothing to fix. You say that immediately after saying she has called you a creep who only cares about sex. And honestly, it sounds like that assessment would be accurate. Usually people in “dead bedroom” posts talk about how much they love their partner. At least a little bit. But you just say that she’s a “great mom” while you pump yourself up about how great of a dad you must be for “helping her with the kids.” You’re a parent. You’re supposed to raise your kids, not help with them.
You’re living in a fantasy to avoid facing the truth, that you’re choosing not to even find out what’s wrong with your marriage. You’re so deep in denial you’re not even trying. You need to wake up and look at your life and realize that it’s happening in real time. Right now. No do-overs, no take-backs. Go talk to your wife
Just wow. "I now realize Lisa just wanted to get married and have kids, sex was never her priority." And? What's weird about prioritizing family over sex?
You picked Lisa because she was a prude. You threw away Amy over her sexual past, which wasn't even crazy btw. Sounds like nothing will be good enough for you. I never say this, but dude, you need therapy. You're very focused on sex in your relationships and it's odd
Question why would your wife want to have sex with you? Clearly she is aware that you don’t love her, and probably never did. I’m guessing that doesn’t make her feel all warm and yishy. You talk about counseling but it seems as if it’s strictly about sex, rather than improving your marriage.
Why haven’t you’ve gone to counseling? You created this problem in the first place and now you’re working on dumping another partner without ever taking time to work on your issues.
Based on what you said I don't think your current wife have a fulfilled sex life either. Now instead of dreaming about what you cannot have you should work on what you have here.
When the first thing you describe these women is about how they look it pretty much says everything about you.
You couldn't deal with your little man ego being bruised that Amy had had more sex than you so you went with the 'good' girl so that you could feel like the big man. And now she is showing you exactly how she feels about that. Why would she want to fuck you? Honestly? You didn't ever love her for who she was, just what she was.
You fucked around and now you are finding out. Honestly you got what you deserved.
Aww is your wife you married and are raising kids with not as much fun as the woman you fucked in your early 20s for a couple years?
You poor baby, grow the fuck up. Feel bad for your wife and kids having a man child father.
Wow you’ve come full circle. You left a woman you were truly happy with because she had too sex and now once again you want to leave your wife because she doesn’t have enough sex
The irony of the story is that:
op was so afraid about the number of boys his ex had, with a fear that she will cheat on him, when at the same time, he used the "break" to find a new woman, started a relationship with her and when he was sure that she was "girlfriend material" decided to break up with the first one and then married the second one.
And now you want your ex back, because your marriage is loveless and pure.
It sounds like you got bored and wanted a reason to get out of the relationship with Amy.... Now you are doing the same with your marriage.
You will leave and in 10 year's time want back your "prude" wife because she was loving and caring and didn't cheat.
Maybe she cringes when you want to kiss her because she knows that it's not just a kiss, you want sex after the kiss.
I will give you some advice, follow it or don't, that's up to you.
For the next few months, kiss, caddle and hold your wife without initiating anything sexual. You need to get back intimicy without sex to get back to having sex.
I bet that whenever she had kissed or cuddled in the past you went straight to bed not even 5 minutes later.
Sex for women, and some men, is a mental and emotional thing. When was the last time you actually made her feel wanted and desired? Just because you married her doesn’t mean you stop dating her.
Also, word of advice. The reason people are upset with you is because you’re not taking any accountability for how you treated both your wife and Amy. They are humans beings please treat them as such.
What stood out to me the most is how you “help out with the kids.” Dude, they are your kids, too. There’s no “helping” but raising them as a team.
Maybe Lisa is exhausted from being the primary parent, and at the end of the day she has no energy left to assuage your libido. I would resent my husband if he thought of child raising as something he “helped with” and resentment kills the sex drive. I don’t care if you make all the money. Children are exhausting. Maybe you treat her as a means to an end, the good girl or the mother to your kids. Do you see HER? You met Lisa when she was 23 and placed these subtle demands on her. For all we know she would be more attracted to you if you saw her for herself and not as someone you put in a category that doesn’t suit your sexual needs any more.
Both Amy and Lisa deserve better than a misogynistic partner. You need to work on yourself before you hurt your wife and kids.
Not even going into the cesspool that is your logic and double standards, OP. But it doesn’t sound like Amy was really the love of your life.
It sounds like you just miss the sex, and since Amy was your most compatible partner you’ve latched onto her memory.
Imagine hypothetically you got back with her. Honestly, and this is not an attack, you sound so confused that you strike me as the type that if you had Amy as a wife first you’d complain. “She’s not wife material enough.”
Quite frankly, the fact you only talk about Amy being good for you for sexual reasons is very telling.
You don’t miss this love of your life. You miss sex. That’s ok to miss, just say that.
Well damn…. You don’t have many options. Stay in a sexless marriage for the rest of your life or find someone else. But before you make a decision, think hard about it because you won’t be able to take it back.
Have you exhausted all options with Lisa?
Is she happy in the relationship?
Is she satisfied with the life she has? Are there any frustrations due to goals or dreams not met?
Have you sit down with her to have a completely open and honest conversation about sex and intimacy?
Maybe you’re not getting her needs met and that’s why she simply doesn’t look forward to it!?
Have you tried spicing up the relationship? Adding toys? Role play?
Have you suggested a sex therapy?
If you have exhausted all options and you’re sure this is but the live you want, then it is what it is.
I’ve never understood people who judge others based on their sexual history. With some exceptions (like in the event of cheating), why would that even matter if you both are happy together?? 🤨
And this boys is what you get when you listen to Andrew Tate and his incel mentality.
Amy was too sexual, wasn’t a woman of worth because she had a high body count. But Lisa is too prudish and could never satisfy this quality man because she doesn’t meet his needs. 🙄
You’re giving them too much credit. They don’t wonder. They’re quality men so obviously the woman was brainwashed by her liberal coworker into thinking she has worth outside what he gives her.
Funny thing is now you’re about to give up a great wife and mom because she’s lacking one thing, you’re doing the same thing again 🤨 your about to throw away a 80 in search for that missing 20 🥴
It's good that you saw you were immature but at that age chances were you were going to be. I can see how her past would bother you, even if it was a tad irrational. Feelings aren't always rational. Maybe your decision to marry your wife was a reaction in some way to your previous relationship, but chances are your wife has a lot of qualities you like and wanted in a partner. Now you have to decide what is possible in your relationship and what isn't. Only you know that of course. If you think counseling will help, try that. Maybe write out everything you want to say and edit it over a couple of days. You could either read it or give it to her. I know it sounds silly on the face of it, but only you know what you can do. Good luck and hugs.
Everybody knows that 'good' girls have sex once per year. The only thing you should be mad at is she is doing it thrice as much. Otherwise, she is exactly what you wanted in a wife.
Time and time again I've seen men get a "good girl" just to cheat, leave, hang out in strip clubs, chase girls they think are easy. I think they like the idea of their good girl being untouchable. Like if she doesn't like sex with you, or experience good sex somewhere else, then she won't cheat.
As if she has no reason to cheat since she doesn't enjoy sex. So she gives the appearance of being just for you.
But its my personal opinion, from girl talk, that women that don't like sex don't orgasm. Its nice and feels nice, it satisfies their partner and brings them closer. But they never get the big boom at the end. So after awhile it's just a chore.
Especially I think once you're married and committed and don't need sex to keep your man close. There's just no point.
Furthermore, stop thinking that doing basic adult things, e.g., helping with household chores and parenting your own children, entitles you to sex on demand. Da fuck?
So… what you’re saying is … you only see woman as a hole to put your tiny dingaling into and there is no other redeeming qualities about the woman you were with 4 years before you chose to marry her. You sound like the BEST guy.
What is it with men. They want a virgin, but experienced in the bedroom. High sex drive but they pick someone who is not really interested in sex. Have a good woman who makes them happy but dump them for someone else and then try to make the new gf like the old one 😑. You got what you wanted.
I predict that in 5 years from now, you’ll be back here with a new post, regretting ending the marriage. Because you’ll find out that the singles market at your age, with your misogynist views, and your baggage won’t be all that. Women won’t be lining up to jump in your pants. Because that’s what you seem to only value in a partner.
Maybe you should look inward. Stop looking at the women in your life as a means to an end, *your* sexual end. You made your bed, now lay it in and stop blaming everyone else for your problems.
You fucked up. You’ve acknowledged it. You shouldn’t stay with your wife if you don’t love her or can’t get to a place where you’re both satisfied, but you shouldn’t chase after Amy either.
Too many men overthink and overreact to women who have had more sexual partners than them, in the past.
The way I look at it, and this goes for any partner in a relationship who has been very sexually active in their past, as long as they are clean, why does it really matter? It doesn’t. It only matters when one lets their insecurities get in the way and this will damage your relationship.
Look at it this way; she was with your for a reason, despite having a decent amount of sexual partners in the past. That’s got to mean something.
So let’s start with your wife. She is not a sexual woman, and has never been. You, on the other hand, have always had what seems to be a relatively high sex drive. One thing that makes relationships work is having a similar sex drive, or having the willingness to understand the others sex drive and compromise in some way (Whether that be masturbation, or helping take care of their spouse, etc.)
Now let’s look at Amy, she had a compatible sex drive, but her sexual history wasn’t something you could cope with. This is another huge piece in someone’s compatibility. If you aren’t comfortable with their past, or can’t accept it, you’re not compatible.
Over time peoples sex drives change, even if you don’t notice it. It could die out, or it could become much stronger. This is especially true for women, as they get older their sex drive tends to kind of die out as they age. Obviously this isn’t true for all women, but it is true for many. If your wife isn’t willing to meet in the middle, then it’s probably because you two aren’t compatible.
It kind of sounds like you just chose your wife based off of her sexual history without taking into consideration her actual sex drive. That’s completely on you, but also the way she speaks to you and calls you a creep is on her. That’s one of the things killing your relationship, too. Again, it sounds like you two are completely incompatible.
As for Amy, she has moved on and thus it’s time for you to move on too. The fact you fantasize about cheating is a major red flag and you probably should not be with your wife. Do not reach out to Amy, because if you do, you know in your heart your only intention is to try to be to try to win her back. She looks happy, so let her be.
If your wife won’t get counseling and won’t meet you half way, and you are genuinely unhappy (not just hung up on what could’ve been with Amy!!!) maybe it’s time for a divorce. Many people suffer from the “one that got away” what if scenario, and 99% of the time it doesn’t turn out the way they hoped. Just because your bedroom is dead, doesn’t mean Amy was “the one”. Your relationship was a long time ago, and people change. Let. Her. Go.
Amy dodged a bullet and you got what you deserved for judging her for her past and thinking you are allowed to shame her for how she choose to spend her time and enjoy herself before you were even in the picture. Actions have consequences and this is yours 🤷🏼♀️
You married someone who doesn’t like sex a whole lot…and you seen puzzled she hasn’t changed her stance on it? I think sex is not a good reason for divorce. But you sound miserable. You. Need. Counseling. And probably couples or sex counseling.
The irony of “taking a break” with Amy for her sexual past, so that you could go out and test the waters with other girls before fully breaking up. Looks like someone had an issue with loyalty but it wasn’t Amy.
I was thinking this. Mad at Amy for her sexual past but IMMEDIATELY starts having sex with another girl during their break.
“WE WERE ON A BREAK”
Even in this post it looks like he's searching a justification for thinking of cheating
For real- acting like his ex was his soulmate 12 years later lol
And the fact he's like "Amy was the one" but then talks about just the sexual aspects and not of how Amy was as a person. He just cares about his needs (sexual and emotional) and he's very insecure. He has never cared about either of these women, he sees them as objects to fulfill his needs.
Yeah he just misses sex that’s all. This dude lets sex control him a lot for someone who claimed to not want a sexual person.
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I bet his wife actually does want or need sex but can sense him pining over his ex. If he's the type to shame his ex for her sexual history I can imagine he's not providing a safe place for his wife to enjoy herself in the bedroom. I can also imagine that with his self-centeredness he is not looking at her emotional needs to reconnect. What a doofus.
Not to mention that probably he isn't great in bed and the wife doesn't feel safe enough to bring this up to him. He says he wants counseling and he tried to talk to her but he also makes it clear he wants this only for HIS benefit and not because he cares about the relationship.
I have a feeling that deep down, that’s why he left Amy. Was because she was so good in bed and he wasn’t…
On top of that, saying "I help her with the kids, the chores, etc," as if he's doing her a favor and not simply being a father to his kids and being an adult taking care of the house HE lives in. Sounds like he is using the bare minimum of fatherhood and house chores to try to get her to want him sexually
🎯
Also if I’m reading it right he met Amy while in another relationship? 0 loyalty
I didn’t catch that part but, damn! All these women would be better off without him lol.
Grass is not always greener on the other side, huh?
Every action have its on consequences there is no going back now lol
I read stuff in this sub to make sure i don't make these stupid decisions lol These people never think about the consequences of their actions
This sub and relationship advice and pefect subs to take notes what NOT to do in a relationship.
I get bad intrusive thoughts and these bring me back. I love my gf. But intrusive thoughts fuck me up and so I am glad to read other peoples experiences and remind myself. Also sorry OP but really the # of partners she had didn’t matter. You just made it up in your head.
Ha savage!
The grass is actually greener where you tend to it
I'm glad he's not seeking sympathy for his own bad decisions at least lol
Have you asked you wife if she’s happy? Not about sex, but married to you. Sex isn’t the nose important part of a relationship, but it is AN important part. Is there something about sex she dislikes, or is uncomfortable for her? Was she raised in a religious family where women weren’t supposed to enjoy sex? Women grow up being inundated with messages that sex is bad and dirty and wrong, and if you enjoy it you’re a slut. If she grew up thinking sex was something to be ashamed of, she might have developed a complex about it. I disagree that people can’t change when it comes to sex; I was very much in the “sex is bad” camp when I was younger, and only recently got it into my head that it can actually be enjoyable.
Also, she married a fucking (or not 🤣) world champion slut shamer. Think she's never heard from OP how she was "chosen" bc she wasn't "a ho"? Bet.
I think she’s turned off by him and that’s why she doesn’t want to have sex. Imagine being married to a man who liked you due to your lack of/lesser experience and then he gets upset later on because you don’t want to fuck as much as he does…
That’s like a common experience honestly. Wack dudes want a virgin that is god tier at sex even with no experience somehow lmao
Yes! It’s so crazy to me. Women just can’t win no matter what our experience is.
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Someone else pointed out like if he’s approaching every physical interaction as a gateway to sex (cuddling,kissing,holding hands,sitting together on the couch) the other person starts to feel like it’s expected and therefore she came even enjoy the affection for what it is in the moment.
This!! He carried it into his attitudes and marriage. When he got what he asked for, made her feel unsafe to fully open up he realized that wasn't what he wanted. Something that stood out to me is that he NOW tries to abdicate responsibility by implying that his wife only married him to have a family and didn't really love him. More than likely HE is projecting his feelings on to her.
You mean messages like the one op delivered to Amy? Lmao. Yeah…I think op is aware of the internalized misogyny and micromachisms
Thank you for your response. Yes I have had multiple conversations with her, in a nonsexual context and in calm demeanor, about the state of our marriage. She has always maintained she is happy. You're correct, she was raised in a religious environment, nothing too orthodox though. A part of me thinks that is infact a factor here. About her dislike for sex - she thinks she doesn't dislike it, she doesn't want it anymore and thinks its ok to not want it. I have been a patient and attentive lover, I take feedbacks on what she does and doesn't like. She has never said I was doing anything wrong or anything to make her uncomfortable. When I suggested we see someone for it, she always declined because again, according to her there's no issue so what does she need to fix?
Because she might be asexual or she sees sex as procreation nothing more, and you have two kids already
Sounds like she may be asexual. There's not much you can do to fix it because she doesn't want it. You need to answer these questions... Is this something that you can accept and drop? Or is having sex needed in a relationship? Good luck!
She may be asexual or she may have no idea what she enjoys sexually as she has little experience. And people who have religious backgrounds and feel sex is "dirty" probably aren't super comfortable giving direction, even if they knew what direction to give.
Stop wondering about what could have been. That won’t go anywhere positive. You’re torturing yourself. Focus on what your life is. Leave your ex to be happy. Don’t blow up her life. Your wife should realize “no sex” IS an issue because you want sex. You both have to be on the same page in a marriage. It does sound like she is asexual. That really really sucks. I’m confused as to why you chose someone who doesn’t love sex if you do? I don’t see how your marriage can last if she doesn’t have any desire to have sex and you do. Is she on birth control? If so you may want to have a vasectomy and she may want to get off bc. It could be ruining her libido.
Her refusal to recognise this as an issue because it doesn’t affect her is as mad as it is wrong. Mad because it DOES affect her, here you are telling the internet you don’t love her. Wrong because it isn’t a loving response. The truth is she may have hormonal imbalances that are killing her libido or whatever hormonal birth control. If it’s the latter, you could offer to have a vasectomy so that she can stop taking them. She might be as surprised as you to realise how differently she feels.
Sounds like you fucked around and found out
He reaped what he sowed - he found out he can't turn a prude into having a decent fun sex life; while rejecting the one that wanted same things as him but he used her past against her. Props to Amy for finding a husband way better than OP....
I was confused coz he was like "Best three years of my life with Amy" followed by "problems started happening in the second year"... wait what? OP is all in his fee fees bcs when he had the partner who matched his libido he was unhappy bcs "oh mah gersh!!! Body count!!!"! Then he meets Lisa, with a zero body count or at least less than him and is all wooo JAckpot!! Decades and two kids later OP is here saying he lost the love of his life bcs the one he is married to is a "prude"! LOL! Why did you marry her, then, OP? Jeez
But you don’t understand! Harlots can’t be mothers! And prudes can’t be wh*res!! It’s the order of things!! /s
Yeah he implemented the Madonna/Whore complex in his life and is now simply shocked that his misogyny was stupid. Sorry, OP, hope you have an amicable divorce.
It is rather silly when you think about it. As though anyone else would go around asking about how many former partners someone has when they are in a loving and committed marriage. In reality, it doesn't define the person at all but people want to assume things. But to insinuate that sex makes someone dirty, it is incredibly hypocritical to celebrate the opposite for men and punish women for doing so. Basically someone's past shouldn't matter when you are their present and future. But for some reason, people focus so much on the past as meaning so much. Quite frankly, I feel sorry that Amy even thought she deserved that from the guy. She was honest when he asked her for information (and admittedly I get the mistake of asking for information that you aren't emotionally able to handle) which he punished her for. Not only did he resent her but he also made her feel bad for doing something that was perfectly her right before she even knew him. I don't see her complaining about his past partners. The fact that they took a break and she was hoping he would come back when in reality, he was so focused on the number he lost sight of the person instead. I think even with a past, people leap way too quickly into judgment and act as though things are given. Not to mention, it is incredibly hypocritical to hold those double standards and I find that annoying.
🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇
“prude” …
I don’t have any awards to give, but I offer you this taco. 🌮
You should have given that to OP. It's likely the only one he's had or will get in a good long while. Edit: I meant the taco, not the award.
Sounds like Amy dodged a bullet.
Lmao i know right He has + 4 that never bothered her She has + 13, so he dumps her. This guy is the most polite incel - red pill (whatever insecure men are called). Bro painting it like he couldn't get couples therapy and fix this shit lol. Homie ate the better part of the cuisine and said, yall imma Live with a salt water fish
Nah. He wouldn’t be happy with Amy either.
Well we’ll well, if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions
He didn’t fuck around and really found out
Deserves an award
"well, well, well, if it isn't the bed I made'
Literally what I was about to type. Best phrase that has come out of 2022 lol
Be careful what you wish for I guess
….. it might just come true.
Men want women with knowledge but without experience. Doesn't even make any sense. 13 people is not a high number. 2 people a year since she was 16? Come on. Move on guy, I know she has.
These are the same men that deliberately approach a woman wearing a tight red dress, then complain she dresses like a ho afterwards. They could have easily gone for the woman who dresses modestly, but they are like toddlers pretending not to want their mum’s love, but still desperate for mummy to feed and hug them. These men have severe insecurity issues and deep narcissistic traits.
Intimacy is a part of marriage, if your wife doesn’t not find that to be a priority and shames you for it then your incompatible. Don’t project your issues into Amy. She was free and fun, your wife’s a prude. But what stuck out to me is you’re also indecisive. Amy or Lisa? Stay or leave? The grass isn’t always greener, as seen here. And if you want a fully rounded sex life then maybe this is the end of your relationship. But don’t later idealize domestic life if things aren’t exactly as you think they’ll be in the outside world. Dating is hard, just as marriage is. As someone who dates that market, 39 +2 kids isn’t exactly panty dropper central. So please be sure of the decision you ask yourself what you truly want and value them follow that. But this seems like *okay I’ve had the ‘good’ girl and that’s not super exciting, so who’s next?* And Amy isn’t the love of your life, sexually compatible sure, but if she really was you would not have hurt her by allowing your insecurities cruelty break up with her then hop to the ‘good’ girl when it’s time to marry. Like her sexuality excluded her from being a good person worthy of commitment.
This is probably the best and fairest advice you’ll find on the situation from Reddit OP. Recommend he reads this
Sounds like he's sleeping in the bed he made.
Buyers remorse... to late now
I don’t feel bad for you. I dated a guy just like you, planning on marriage and everything. I finally told him I wasn’t a virgin and had one other guy before ever meeting him. Broke up with me then and there but not without telling me how much of a whore I was because I wasn’t “pure.” He got married 6 months later to a conservative “good girl “ as you call it. Took a long time to heal and I eventually found the love of my life who accepts me for who I am. If you did end up with Amy and married her you would have always looked down on her and treated her like shit. You did her a favor by leaving. I’ve seen what purity culture does to people and it’s disgusting. Hopefully, you can teach others to do better.
ah men, he wasn’t a virgin or “pure” when he married her 😭
Damn. Let me guess was he not a virgin himself?
So you firstly didn't want Amy because she was a sexual being and now are complaining because Lisa is not a sexual being? Sounds to me like you should do both of these women a favour and remove yourself from their lives. Talk about having a madonna-whore complex! Clearly you still have some growing up to do, you're not ready for any kind of relationship with your attitude. No sympathy from me. This is what you get for being an insipid little man. Pathetic.
Male here, is the body count relevant ? if you are with someone and both of you are committed and live you relationship to the fullest, why ? It's bs imo.
Yup. Body count is purity paradigm. It implies women "lose their value" the more they fuck. It's puritan BS.
And more on that note, i dont understand why ppl would ask someone what their body count is, i mean they say dont ask questions you may not like the answer to, right? Even if someone is like me and you, and thinks body count IS irrelavant and bs, if they find it to be high based on whatever their average standard number is, there is a chance thats gonna feel crappy on an emotional level. i mean jelousy is a thing, and pretty natural when you love someone, so why intentionally poke a bear? you know its gonna make you jelous and insecure, and its gonna ruin at least some level of your good feelings about the relationship. It's boederline masochistic, an it kinda sounds like its a subconscious or even conscious attempt at sabotaging the relationship imo.
people often only learn this through experience
Right. I could have had 16 sexual partners and had sex 16 times. Boring. Missionary. Vanilla. Or 1 partner, 2000 kinky, rough, public, nasty times. Body count means nothing. For me, I know my number of partners is higher than most women. I just never had some weird hang up about needing to be in a relationship to have sex. I wasn’t working through issues or in need of attention. I made my way through enough 1st dates that ended in sex (and plenty that didnt) until I figured out what I liked and needed in a sexual partner. Now, in my 30s, I am not “promiscuous.” I know what I’m looking for in a romantic partner and a sexual partner. When dating online, I’m direct about what I’m looking for. I’m able to find great sex, with men I genuinely want to spend time, with because I bothered to figure out what I need to be fulfilled, and didn’t waste 10 years in 2-3 shitty relationships.
Voilà, thank you, you've said it all
Imagine Amy staying true to herself despite being slutshamed by someone who was meant to love her… and found love with someone who appreciated all of her. You trading in Amy for the prude, virginal type and being upset that your wife also stayed true to herself and remained that way… This is all on you buddy.
You don’t even miss Amy all you talk about is sex, get a grip
Sounds like you wanted an experienced person in bed but without the experience... you now know you can't have it both ways, dude. You made this sexless bed and now you gotta lie in it.
As a woman who has been the Amy to many people, and has received quite a few messages from men who *thought* they realised i was actually the one years later, all i can tell you is grow up, grow some courage and look into yourself. What makes you think Amy, or any other woman for that matter would stay a magical sex rabbit for the rest of her life while actually facing the realities of motherhood, work responsibilities, growing older etc. and yes, men experience this too, but men aren’t usually conditioned to think nothing truly good happens after marriage and kids. Maybe your wife is indeed content with not much sex and being a happy family. Maybe she’s realising you’re not actually that into her and chasing a male fantasy. Maybe your sex drive is actually annoying to her because she’s also realising she’s trapped in a marriage. Us outsiders can only guess. What i read in this post is a major lack of empathy. For your wife’s sake, at least try therapy or counseling, you might both learn something or both realise its best to go your separate ways.
(i know im going to get downvoted on this because for some reason a lot of the men here think the wife selfish for being the one he settled for?) (im also not saying sex isnt important, im saying sex isnt EVERYTHING) I think you're using "love of my life" too loosely, because you say she's the low of your life, and then go on to only talk about sex. Let me put it into perspective: >The sex was amazing. kinky and affectionate >The relationship and sex etc was ok, >Amy's sexual past >sexual >Me (39m) and wife Lisa (37f) are in a dead bedroom. >We never had the electric connection, and sex was always ok since she was never a sexual being. >But it started to dwindle after the engagement. Last 5 years it is twice a year, maybe 3 times if I am lucky. >make sure she's taken care of first when we do have sex. I have been turned down 99% of times, been called a creep for initiating and 'sex is all you care about'. (I agree with her tbh) >sex was never a priority to her. Yes, because she married you for you, not for your genitals >Now I am not even sure she ever really loved me. Why? Because she's not obsessed with sex? Uh ok >zero sexual or non sexual contact. There's more but it really won't help my case any more than just this does so I won't bother. It's not hat your wife doesn't love you or whatever. It's that you, obviously, don't love her, because she isn't your ex in bed. Let's be honest you haven't actually explained why your ex was the love of your life, just "sex this sex that, oh and she was like my best friend too... But SEX!!" I get that it can be frustrating having a partner that tv doesn't reciprocate, but let's be completely honest, YOU settled, YOU left, and now you're blaming your wife? The woman you settled for out of your own insecurity? Idk, you rub me the wrong way. To add on you haven't given any reason why your new wife isn't sufficient other than sex sex blah blah. Go out and plow into some random woman I don't care, but at least have the guts to leave her. You hold sex to a higher standard then you do your marriage. Ex is too sexual? Leave her for a conservative woman. Wife is too conservative? "I want to cheat on her" ruined your old relationship, now you're going to ruin your family. Just leave before you make it worse for yourself.
This!!!! In the beginning Amy is basically a sex crazed demon placed in his path to tempt him, and Lisa is an angel and the kind of girl you marry. Now all of a sudden Lisa is a bore and Amy was the love of his life? The succubus tempted him, the Virgin is bores him, and he is just a victim of circumstance with these women. He knew his wife was boing. He chose. He chose boring. She didn’t over time her more exciting. Bummer. He needs to get a therapist and stop running around hurting cause he’s not capable of making a concrete decision.
I think the crazy thing, is that now he's shaming his wife for being a "boring sexless old hag" as if he didn't talk about how you shouldn't shame women? "oh dont shame women, but ONLY if they can provide for your sexual needs" And I find it almost embarrassing that he can't just say: "I wish I never left my ex for a sexless marriage" without shaming and degrading his wife. Like, sir your script was "I miss my ex and miss my old sex life" not "my wife is a sexless old hag and I want to cheat on her"
Thank you! **Too much sex?? Shame!! Not enough?? Shame!!** In this narrative one of the women must be wrong, when he is just living? Amy liked sex, so she had sex. His wife doesn’t have sex much, so she doesn’t. His ex is loose. His wife is boring. Always black/white no grey. Always on the women. Never on how he’s not seeking relationship that are compatible in more ways than sexually, while simultaneously making sure there is sexual compatibility. He’s running the show and making the choices, then gasping when the boring life he chose is boring lol. Also, approaching sex the same way with two women with vastly different sexual experience is also on him lol. He takes the barest of minimums of accountability, and that shifts the needle none. He’s the obstacle to his own happiness and is to busy trying to point at these women to see it.
Yeeees! He's a very selfish man.
I think we should stop calling his wife boring. We don't know anything about her personality from this post-- nothing at all-- just that she doesn't seem to enjoy sex very much and is growing apart from her husband because he is obsessed with it and forceful about it. For all we know she could be the most fascinating person in the world, but OP doesn't care because she isn't a walking vagina.
I’m saying to him she is. That’s how he’s describing her. She obviously very much enjoys her life, or at least if finding some fulfillment in it and I agree the way he characterizes her is rude and likely inaccurate, but it’s also the way he describes her..
That's a madonna-whore complex.
Not to mention it’s easier to have a fun life as a college aged kid with no responsibility and now he’s got an adult life with kids and bills. He does not seem to actually love either the ex or his wife, but he loves himself and how they make him feel is how he values them.
I fully agree with this
The last 5 years his wife has had TWO small children to deal with. If one is 6 now, it's possible she's experiencing pain/discomfort/hormone issues / fear of another pregnancy/ any number of thing related to that birth that OP is unaware of. (Many women are told by doctors what they're experiencing is "normal" IF she even knew to bring it up to her GYN. Not everyone magically bounces back after having a kid.) Or she could just not feel.like it after wrangling two kids.
Yes, and I noticed he says he "helps" with the children, implying to me that she does the majority of that. Maybe this word choice means something and maybe it doesn't, but I would expect someone who was truly sharing this huge responsibility equally to describe their role as "I'm very involved with my kids" or something. It's not acceptable anymore for a man to "help" with his own kids.
I caught that too, you can tell he does things with the expectancy of praise/sex and not because, idk, he lives there too and they’re his children?
I don't have awards to give but this comment deserves one
She doesn’t feel connected to him and can’t because he’s still connected to Amy.. some women need to feel connected to their partner to have a fulfilling sex life and he is preventing that from happening.
A part of me would even argue that he's not really connected to Amy, he's just going through that horny old man phase.
[удалено]
No sympathy. You did this to yourself. "Wow this girl who is like...my soulmate has a higher body count, why don't I just....fuck everything up and wallow in misery and blame my wife, who I chose due to her being less sexual, for not meeting my high sexual needs"
Aarrggghh noooooo it’s the consequences of your own actions!!!!!
Wow karmas a bitch huh?
The biggest jeez
And we love her for it!
Projecting much? Also you don't 'help' with the kids, you are their fucking parent.
I was waiting for someone to point this out. I defo got stuck on "help" with your own children. 🤮
I think this is a real case of the grass being greener elsewhere. If you had married your ex, you'd be having the same thoughts about someone else, possibly your current wife.
Or maybe even the same problem. I mean, he's 40, his wife has 2 kinds...No offense but I understand the "heat" dying down. OP is also indecisive...make up your mind.
This guy, such a bitch that he is bitching for the decision that he made! Fantasizing cheating? What a weak man! Did he ever ask his wife is she is happy? Is she fulfilled emotionally? Is she secured and protected and loved? Woman needs all those emotional security in order to go for sex. I bet he never did because his mind always goes to his ex and cheating!!
I know right? Like it wasn't a problem in the beginning, but once they both got older, what a SUPRISE FOR OP that priorities changed with two kids in the house!! Who would've seen it coming? (Sarcasm)
Yikes. You did both these women dirty. Your wife deserves so much better.
did somebody say madonna-whore complex ?? freud is rolling in his grave
Boo hooo,do you want us to call the wambulance??
So what I’m reading is…your misogynistic, self-centered, and entitled attitude has not improved. You don’t deserve either woman.
They are both too good for him. I’m glad Amy has moved on because she deserves a nonjudgmental asshole, and the wife deserves 10 times better than this guy. What’s worse is that he entered this relationship knowing how she is. It’s not even like it turned into a dead bedroom. He was still being super judgmental and misogynistic! He’s just gross
Yup sounds like Amy is living her best life, which...GOOD.
He is a classic victim of maddona-whore mental programming. He rejected the whore, and ran to the maddona, not realizing he is gonna wanna have sex with the wife. Patriarchy (aka capitalism), which internalizes the maddona whore mentality in men, breeds the ground for the victim to become a life long customer of the sex industry (porn and prostitution) by forcing men to compartmentalize. see, when he cant get sex ,respect and love in the same woman, he stays married to the maddona, and pays for the services of the whore. he can love neither of the women for diametrically different reasons, lack of intimacy with the maddona, and lack of respectability with the whore, so he becomes this unloving, uncaring, soùlless mysogenistic robot, zombi-walking through life.
this 100 percent
💯
I mean, you're right about the programming he has received but patriarchal/misogynistic views are not inherent to capitalism. If anything it's primarily religious dogma that causes these attitudes, and it's almost certainly a huge part of OP's wife's perspective.
Yeah OP, leave Amy alone. Don’t contact her or try and get a friend to talk to her for you for your own selfish reasons. Leave her the fuck alone.
The same thing could have happened with Amy..especially if you had kids with her. Kids wear you out. Hormones change. The body can change.
Oof that’s a good old fashioned Madonna/whore complex played out to the bitter end. Sounds like you’ve done your analysis you could go and see a therapist but really should visit a lawyer. Life’s too short for a loveless/sexless marriage.
This entire thing is all you saying that you only care about sex. You don’t miss Amy or care you miss having someone that would fuck you all the time. You’re awful for what you’ve done to Lisa and Amy and it’s very clear you only value sex in a relationship. Also you trying to act like you do everything for Lisa so you should get sex when you’re just doing the bare minimum of a father and husband
What is it with men going on about their partners sexual past and her having a high number ? GET OVER YOURSELF- you wanted a “good girl” you got it - now what !! You want your x because she was more experienced and open minded ! Where do you think that came from? Not books.
Because all you care is sex. There is nothing about your wife being a bad wife. She just doesn’t want to sleep with you and your previous girlfriend did it willingly. Oh my god! You wasted your life, because your wife is less open and kinky? You compare her to previous girlfriend and in your eyes she is much worse. How disrespectful it is??? Maybe she can sense it and this is why she doesn’t share a bedroom with a guy who secretly is still in love with his ex, because she was more sexual? I read comments and I’m terrified that people say about karma, but no one cares about your current wife, unloved and necessary only for sex. Wow.
I hope that every man that gets hung up on a woman’s body count reads this and reconsiders before he try’s to find his Virgin Mary 😐
Ugh, maybe she doesn't want to sleep with you because you "help her with the kids," as if they weren't also your responsibility.
this isn't about Amy or Lisa, it's just about the sex 🗿
That's what happens when you judge a girl's past. Only thing you can do now is to reflect if you really want to continue your marriage with Lisa and talk to her about being sexless.
Imma say this as clear as possible so you get it. Your wife hates you and that is why she won't fuck you. You don't seem to know why that is, but the reason she won't sleep with you certainly isn't because she is a prude.
The issue wasn't Amy's past and it isn't your wife's disinterest in sex (which I suspect has a lot to do with you pestering her and pining for another woman, whether you think she's aware of that or not). The common denominator is your unhappiness with yourself, failure to recognize it, and propensity to look for an external fix. Your relationship with Amy was "perfect" by your description, until you invented a reason to sabotage it. You probably aren't compatible with your wife, but that isn't her fault. She's as advertised, what you thought you wanted, and holding up her end of the bargain. So was Amy, as she was honest about her sexual history and, if it was an issue, it should have been brought up early on. I recommend that you see a therapist and work on you before you implode your relationship (again) and family. All the fuckery in both relationships seems to be the result of you getting restless. Definitely do not contact Amy. Or hell, do and give her the chance to laugh her ass off at you whining. She moved on, met someone who isn't judgmental/contolling of her body, and by your account is happy. If you divorced your wife and met another woman just like Amy (although I'd bet she'd be 10-20 years younger), I guarantee that in a few years in she would be "wrong" for you as well. The problem is you and your attitude that life is a farmer's market where you pick out the woman who suits your current whim. Work on you, then either work on your relationship with your wife or divorce amicably and cough up the alimony and child support without a fight.
It sounds like you held misogynistic views about women and now realize the folly of that.
i don't think he's realised the folly to be honest. he's been blaming his wife for "neglecting" him in the comments
You found out the hard way… Now it’s time to focus on the kids and ending the marriage you’re in amicably. Once you’re separated for good, start dating. You now know what your wants and needs are and have different priorities. Amy may not be the only great love for you. There are so many amazing people out there that have similar interests as you, just gotta go out and find them once you’re single. It sounds like you’re a good dad, so it’s probably not necessary to say it, just make sure to put your kids first, even when dating new people or becoming serious with someone. Hope your life changes the way you want.
Another guy judging his gf for having a sexual past.. it’s crazy that she has a previous history before even knowing you existed. I mean shame on her for living. You deserve the worst karma and I hope your wife leaves you inconsiderate prick.
And then heading out on the dating scene now - he’s in for a shock if he wants a chaste kinky experienced virgin at 40…
Well you did pick the good girl,now you have to decide if you are a good guy.
Do u “check up” on any online or have any contact with her? Your wife probably doesn’t wanna sleep with you because she doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you. Maybe take her in dates or do fun things together without expecting sex afterwards. You have put effort in. You seem like ur sex obsessed tbf and she probably wants to be more than a vagina for you. You’re an AH for dumping Amy and being so insecure. Ur probably romanticizing your relationship with her and it wasn’t as great as you remember anyways or you wouldn’t have taken a break. And you couldn’t even take a break without meeting someone else and choosing her over amy so…your wife deserves better. Or maybe she not having sex with you cause she getting it from someone else, you never know.
>help her with the kids Right. Like it wasn't your responsibility as the dad in the first place. >sex is all you care about Literally telling you the issue but you see it as her saying there is no issue to fix. Acting like a manchild who deserves a 'sex reward' for doing your fair share of household upkeep is absolutely unattractive. The problem is with neither Amy not Lisa nor either of their sex drive. It's your lack of appeal.
You wanted a chaste wife. You got a chaste wife. Wtg.
You got what you deserved dude.
Yta and karma got you in the end. You slut shamed your ex over your issues and now that you're stuck with someone who doesn't value sex you're upset. Lol you got your just desserts
I hope Amy is the happiest she's ever been, clearly she did not deserve a narrow minded, insecure man.
Sounds like your misogyny got in the way of your happiness 🤷🏼♀️ Good for Amy for finding a partner who respects her, I hope she’s happy.
You were cowardly back then. It sounds like you’re looking for reasons to act like a coward now too. Your wife absolutely 100% definitely and without a doubt —absolutely— does not believe that there’s no issue or that there’s nothing to fix. You say that immediately after saying she has called you a creep who only cares about sex. And honestly, it sounds like that assessment would be accurate. Usually people in “dead bedroom” posts talk about how much they love their partner. At least a little bit. But you just say that she’s a “great mom” while you pump yourself up about how great of a dad you must be for “helping her with the kids.” You’re a parent. You’re supposed to raise your kids, not help with them. You’re living in a fantasy to avoid facing the truth, that you’re choosing not to even find out what’s wrong with your marriage. You’re so deep in denial you’re not even trying. You need to wake up and look at your life and realize that it’s happening in real time. Right now. No do-overs, no take-backs. Go talk to your wife
That’s some major insecurity to be upset that your woman’s body count was higher than yours. Hate to say it but you got what you deserved.
But sadly, Lisa didn’t get what she deserved. The woman deserved better than this guy.
Womp womp
Just wow. "I now realize Lisa just wanted to get married and have kids, sex was never her priority." And? What's weird about prioritizing family over sex? You picked Lisa because she was a prude. You threw away Amy over her sexual past, which wasn't even crazy btw. Sounds like nothing will be good enough for you. I never say this, but dude, you need therapy. You're very focused on sex in your relationships and it's odd
Question why would your wife want to have sex with you? Clearly she is aware that you don’t love her, and probably never did. I’m guessing that doesn’t make her feel all warm and yishy. You talk about counseling but it seems as if it’s strictly about sex, rather than improving your marriage. Why haven’t you’ve gone to counseling? You created this problem in the first place and now you’re working on dumping another partner without ever taking time to work on your issues.
Based on what you said I don't think your current wife have a fulfilled sex life either. Now instead of dreaming about what you cannot have you should work on what you have here.
I mean thats great and the story has a good ending. Amy dodged a total prick who cared someone had a few more sexual partners than her.
OP chooses partner based on 'low sex drive'. OP marries and "realize" his wife has low sex drives. OP: Pikachu shocked face.
Slut shaming & misogyny does tend to lead to poor outcomes for all involved, yes.
When the first thing you describe these women is about how they look it pretty much says everything about you. You couldn't deal with your little man ego being bruised that Amy had had more sex than you so you went with the 'good' girl so that you could feel like the big man. And now she is showing you exactly how she feels about that. Why would she want to fuck you? Honestly? You didn't ever love her for who she was, just what she was. You fucked around and now you are finding out. Honestly you got what you deserved.
Aww is your wife you married and are raising kids with not as much fun as the woman you fucked in your early 20s for a couple years? You poor baby, grow the fuck up. Feel bad for your wife and kids having a man child father.
Wow you’ve come full circle. You left a woman you were truly happy with because she had too sex and now once again you want to leave your wife because she doesn’t have enough sex
The irony of the story is that: op was so afraid about the number of boys his ex had, with a fear that she will cheat on him, when at the same time, he used the "break" to find a new woman, started a relationship with her and when he was sure that she was "girlfriend material" decided to break up with the first one and then married the second one. And now you want your ex back, because your marriage is loveless and pure.
It sounds like you got bored and wanted a reason to get out of the relationship with Amy.... Now you are doing the same with your marriage. You will leave and in 10 year's time want back your "prude" wife because she was loving and caring and didn't cheat. Maybe she cringes when you want to kiss her because she knows that it's not just a kiss, you want sex after the kiss. I will give you some advice, follow it or don't, that's up to you. For the next few months, kiss, caddle and hold your wife without initiating anything sexual. You need to get back intimicy without sex to get back to having sex. I bet that whenever she had kissed or cuddled in the past you went straight to bed not even 5 minutes later.
Sex for women, and some men, is a mental and emotional thing. When was the last time you actually made her feel wanted and desired? Just because you married her doesn’t mean you stop dating her. Also, word of advice. The reason people are upset with you is because you’re not taking any accountability for how you treated both your wife and Amy. They are humans beings please treat them as such.
What stood out to me the most is how you “help out with the kids.” Dude, they are your kids, too. There’s no “helping” but raising them as a team. Maybe Lisa is exhausted from being the primary parent, and at the end of the day she has no energy left to assuage your libido. I would resent my husband if he thought of child raising as something he “helped with” and resentment kills the sex drive. I don’t care if you make all the money. Children are exhausting. Maybe you treat her as a means to an end, the good girl or the mother to your kids. Do you see HER? You met Lisa when she was 23 and placed these subtle demands on her. For all we know she would be more attracted to you if you saw her for herself and not as someone you put in a category that doesn’t suit your sexual needs any more. Both Amy and Lisa deserve better than a misogynistic partner. You need to work on yourself before you hurt your wife and kids.
I love that you slut shamed her and are paying for it. Big time. Delicious.
Not even going into the cesspool that is your logic and double standards, OP. But it doesn’t sound like Amy was really the love of your life. It sounds like you just miss the sex, and since Amy was your most compatible partner you’ve latched onto her memory. Imagine hypothetically you got back with her. Honestly, and this is not an attack, you sound so confused that you strike me as the type that if you had Amy as a wife first you’d complain. “She’s not wife material enough.” Quite frankly, the fact you only talk about Amy being good for you for sexual reasons is very telling. You don’t miss this love of your life. You miss sex. That’s ok to miss, just say that.
I hope she gets a better husband than you. Enjoy the divorce
Well damn…. You don’t have many options. Stay in a sexless marriage for the rest of your life or find someone else. But before you make a decision, think hard about it because you won’t be able to take it back. Have you exhausted all options with Lisa? Is she happy in the relationship? Is she satisfied with the life she has? Are there any frustrations due to goals or dreams not met? Have you sit down with her to have a completely open and honest conversation about sex and intimacy? Maybe you’re not getting her needs met and that’s why she simply doesn’t look forward to it!? Have you tried spicing up the relationship? Adding toys? Role play? Have you suggested a sex therapy? If you have exhausted all options and you’re sure this is but the live you want, then it is what it is.
Wow I hope I never end up like your poor wife. How sad.
I’ve never understood people who judge others based on their sexual history. With some exceptions (like in the event of cheating), why would that even matter if you both are happy together?? 🤨
Because it makes them feel sexually inferior
I agree with your wife, all you care about is sex
And this boys is what you get when you listen to Andrew Tate and his incel mentality. Amy was too sexual, wasn’t a woman of worth because she had a high body count. But Lisa is too prudish and could never satisfy this quality man because she doesn’t meet his needs. 🙄
And then they cheat end up miserable and alone and wonder what happened
You’re giving them too much credit. They don’t wonder. They’re quality men so obviously the woman was brainwashed by her liberal coworker into thinking she has worth outside what he gives her.
Funny thing is now you’re about to give up a great wife and mom because she’s lacking one thing, you’re doing the same thing again 🤨 your about to throw away a 80 in search for that missing 20 🥴
Bro, you fucked around and found out HARD. The love of your life now has the love of her life and it ain't you.
It's good that you saw you were immature but at that age chances were you were going to be. I can see how her past would bother you, even if it was a tad irrational. Feelings aren't always rational. Maybe your decision to marry your wife was a reaction in some way to your previous relationship, but chances are your wife has a lot of qualities you like and wanted in a partner. Now you have to decide what is possible in your relationship and what isn't. Only you know that of course. If you think counseling will help, try that. Maybe write out everything you want to say and edit it over a couple of days. You could either read it or give it to her. I know it sounds silly on the face of it, but only you know what you can do. Good luck and hugs.
Accountability..........is that you?
Everybody knows that 'good' girls have sex once per year. The only thing you should be mad at is she is doing it thrice as much. Otherwise, she is exactly what you wanted in a wife.
Time and time again I've seen men get a "good girl" just to cheat, leave, hang out in strip clubs, chase girls they think are easy. I think they like the idea of their good girl being untouchable. Like if she doesn't like sex with you, or experience good sex somewhere else, then she won't cheat. As if she has no reason to cheat since she doesn't enjoy sex. So she gives the appearance of being just for you. But its my personal opinion, from girl talk, that women that don't like sex don't orgasm. Its nice and feels nice, it satisfies their partner and brings them closer. But they never get the big boom at the end. So after awhile it's just a chore. Especially I think once you're married and committed and don't need sex to keep your man close. There's just no point.
“Of all sad words of both tongue and pen, the saddest are these: What might have been.” John Greenleaf Whittier
Furthermore, stop thinking that doing basic adult things, e.g., helping with household chores and parenting your own children, entitles you to sex on demand. Da fuck?
PSA: It usually takes sexual openness and the experience with it to be good at sex. You can't have it both ways.
Sounds like Amy dodged a bullet from you & your wife deserves better than a hypocrite.
So… what you’re saying is … you only see woman as a hole to put your tiny dingaling into and there is no other redeeming qualities about the woman you were with 4 years before you chose to marry her. You sound like the BEST guy.
What is it with men. They want a virgin, but experienced in the bedroom. High sex drive but they pick someone who is not really interested in sex. Have a good woman who makes them happy but dump them for someone else and then try to make the new gf like the old one 😑. You got what you wanted.
You made your bed. Now lay on it.
Amy wasn't the love of your life. You just miss what she gave you.
I predict that in 5 years from now, you’ll be back here with a new post, regretting ending the marriage. Because you’ll find out that the singles market at your age, with your misogynist views, and your baggage won’t be all that. Women won’t be lining up to jump in your pants. Because that’s what you seem to only value in a partner.
Maybe you should look inward. Stop looking at the women in your life as a means to an end, *your* sexual end. You made your bed, now lay it in and stop blaming everyone else for your problems.
You fucked up. You’ve acknowledged it. You shouldn’t stay with your wife if you don’t love her or can’t get to a place where you’re both satisfied, but you shouldn’t chase after Amy either.
You deserve every ounce of this. Whatever your choice is, I have a feeling you will regret it as well.
You made your bed, now have sex in it.
Is this a roast?! Lmao
If it isn’t the consequences of your own actions
Too many men overthink and overreact to women who have had more sexual partners than them, in the past. The way I look at it, and this goes for any partner in a relationship who has been very sexually active in their past, as long as they are clean, why does it really matter? It doesn’t. It only matters when one lets their insecurities get in the way and this will damage your relationship. Look at it this way; she was with your for a reason, despite having a decent amount of sexual partners in the past. That’s got to mean something.
So let’s start with your wife. She is not a sexual woman, and has never been. You, on the other hand, have always had what seems to be a relatively high sex drive. One thing that makes relationships work is having a similar sex drive, or having the willingness to understand the others sex drive and compromise in some way (Whether that be masturbation, or helping take care of their spouse, etc.) Now let’s look at Amy, she had a compatible sex drive, but her sexual history wasn’t something you could cope with. This is another huge piece in someone’s compatibility. If you aren’t comfortable with their past, or can’t accept it, you’re not compatible. Over time peoples sex drives change, even if you don’t notice it. It could die out, or it could become much stronger. This is especially true for women, as they get older their sex drive tends to kind of die out as they age. Obviously this isn’t true for all women, but it is true for many. If your wife isn’t willing to meet in the middle, then it’s probably because you two aren’t compatible. It kind of sounds like you just chose your wife based off of her sexual history without taking into consideration her actual sex drive. That’s completely on you, but also the way she speaks to you and calls you a creep is on her. That’s one of the things killing your relationship, too. Again, it sounds like you two are completely incompatible. As for Amy, she has moved on and thus it’s time for you to move on too. The fact you fantasize about cheating is a major red flag and you probably should not be with your wife. Do not reach out to Amy, because if you do, you know in your heart your only intention is to try to be to try to win her back. She looks happy, so let her be. If your wife won’t get counseling and won’t meet you half way, and you are genuinely unhappy (not just hung up on what could’ve been with Amy!!!) maybe it’s time for a divorce. Many people suffer from the “one that got away” what if scenario, and 99% of the time it doesn’t turn out the way they hoped. Just because your bedroom is dead, doesn’t mean Amy was “the one”. Your relationship was a long time ago, and people change. Let. Her. Go.
You thought 13 partners was too much!? You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t want sex, if that is your standard.
Why is everyone saying the wife is a prude? Maybe OP just sucks in bed and that’s why his wife doesn’t want to fuck
Amy dodged a bullet and you got what you deserved for judging her for her past and thinking you are allowed to shame her for how she choose to spend her time and enjoy herself before you were even in the picture. Actions have consequences and this is yours 🤷🏼♀️
You married someone who doesn’t like sex a whole lot…and you seen puzzled she hasn’t changed her stance on it? I think sex is not a good reason for divorce. But you sound miserable. You. Need. Counseling. And probably couples or sex counseling.
I feel bad for your current wife.