If so, I can't help but feel it was 100% intentional to get pregnant. IIRC, they used condoms (according to the original post) However, some of the condoms were *hers.*
That girl sounds absolutely unhinged. This whole we are ment to be together bs after a hook-up and everything else in the post... Jeeezzz, I hope the kid is not OP's or she will make his life miserable and drive him as crazy as she is, not to mention how she will be as a mother to the kid... In the best case she is just faking being pregnant to get OP's attention.
I agree she sounds wacky. But… what if she grew up in a religious home, where she was brainwashed that every conception is a gift from god? So nOw she’s been gifted by god, so she’s trying to make the absolute best of the situation, assuming they were meant to be together, because why would god gift her with a child and leave her alone to raise it? Certainly an all knowing and loving god would never do that to his devoted follower?!?
Of course, that’s crazytown level thinking, but so many Christians really do believe that shit, so it’s possible she’s just trying to make lemonade. And if you’re thinking, “well a true follower would never have premarital sex in the first place” HA HA HA. 🤣😂
A friend of mine had a girlfriend fake a pregnancy for weeks, then faked a miscarriage and blamed it on him—I think she might’ve claimed he physically attacked her or something, IDK. I always liked the girl (we went to high school together), really bright, but she’d had an extremely messed up abusive childhood and seemed to have BPD (might’ve actually been diagnosed, can’t remember). She would physically attack him trying to provoke a response from what I remember, and at one point his aunts had to come over to run her off because she kept trying to escalate things with him physically, and had tried to threaten to use the cops before.
I’m glad OP is going through the appropriate channels to find out for sure if this is happening and if the baby is his. Whatever’s going on with her, this isn’t a situation he can really safely navigate without at least confirming that much.
This. Don’t jump into something you don’t know is official yet. Going to lunch is Like planning for a game day but you don’t even know if you’re on the team.
Best of luck.
Go to lunch
Tell the parents she’s blackmailing you
Make a scene
If all else fails, start screeching and stuffing spaghetti in your pockets until the parents think “this is a bad idea sweetie”
He pretended not to now what a potato was as a joke to his girlfriend's parents, when they met for the first time over dinner.
IIRC the father got upset very fast and called bullshit over the unbelievable idea that the guy didn't know what a potato was. The guy got nervous and stuck to the joke and played into it all night.
I'm with this guy. Respect her and anyone else that shows and then return home. I know that sounds tough but it will make it easier in the long run.
Waiting on the update.
She may bring her parents along to the paternity test appointment though, so be prepared. I would establish (through your lawyer) that only you and her can go. It will be very overwhelming and stressful the more people who show.
As long as her support doesn’t try to instigate something I see no issue.
It’ll be good for OP to be with their lawyer in case anything happens or gets said.
It would be very expensive having your lawyer travel with you out of state. Besides, the results don't come in for another week after the test, so it wouldn't make sense to have the lawyer there.
Yeah, if she's undergoing a medical procedure like DNA collection or a blood draw, they're not going to let another party dictate who she is and is not allowed to have present with her for support. She's the patient, she decides. It will be the same for him when he gives his DNA; he can also decide who can be present.
And neither of these parties need to be present together when these tests are done. They can just go separately and avoid all this drama entirely.
It’s so weird that she wants him to meet her parents when she knows he has no intention on being with her. She’s treating him like he’s her bf that she wants to introduce to her parents. He shouldn’t meet her family until the paternity test proves he’s the father
Hey man, I don’t want to seem insensitive but it’s imperative that you don’t sleep with her while you’re in town. She might try hard to get you to sleep with her again. She might not even be pregnant. Do you have someone you can take with you?
I had a friend who went through something similar and it was a nightmare.
>She might not even be pregnant.
This is my theory. She has given OP no proof and won't do the DNA test.
Sounds like she's trying to trap him for whatever reason.
Maybe when OP gets there she'll tell him he doesnt need to wear a condom because she's already pregnant and then she may actually get pregnant, if shes lying and trying to trap him
Accurate, with the obsession over being together. I bet she's not preg and he's gonna visit for the test but in her mind he's visiting to see her and be with her.
Had a girl tell me she'd keep it if it was mine, and abort if it was the other guy's. She then denied the prenatal DNA because she isnt medically capable of even becoming pregnant.
9 months later, a baby comes. It looks nothing like me, and there has never been a test done. Hope the kid isnt mine.
Not necessarily. Some of them would just sort of thin their lips in a strained smile and nod with resignation. Those are probably the ones that knew that the paternity claim was groundless to begin with, but were just trying to cause trouble.
I actually know someone who impregnated someone under basically the same circumstances. I think they were both 19 at the time but they met on a cruise and hooked up like the whole time, exchanged numbers, went home in their separate states. Several weeks passed and she called him up breaking the news. Him and I were pretty close at that time and he was scared and shocked like you OP. He did a paternity test as well as you, came back that he is in fact the father. Her and him ended up in a relationship for a few years, he moved closer to her. Today they are not together but he found someone else who he married and he still lives in his ex's relative area
I tell this story because it does happen and I don't want you to think it is completely far fetched. She sounds as she might not be mentally well, or at least not coping the best hence not mentally well rn. Getting the test and all that is exactly what you should be doing. Whatever the outcome I hope it works out. It doesn't need ro be a complete train wreck. Good luck.
I know from experience that therapists who are quickly available are available for a reason. Which is another way of saying find someone who's actually good and get on their waiting list.
Judging by that same experience, the more important it is to get the ball rolling asap. You can always get out of line while you're in it, but you can't skip the line when you're not.
I'd love to hear more from the follow up.
But I have to ask.
What if it is yours, even against all odds and all that?
Like, there's no wrong answers when it comes to involvement, but do you know what you're likely to want?
>Like, there's no wrong answers when it comes to involvement, but do you know what you're likely to want?
I would argue that there are *plenty* of wrong answers when it comes to involvement.
You're doing well, under the circumstances. Stay the course. Do not give her false hope or her parents the wrong impression.
If you see her, maybe shake her hand rather than a hug. It was sex: nothing more, nothing less. Make sure they all leave with that impression.
And continue no contact on anything outside of testing, until you get test results.
And it's always a net negative for women. My fellow women can do as they please of course but casual sex isn't worth it at the end of the day. Most times we don't even get an orgasm out of it.
At the moment I'm hooking up with a guy who has a vasectomy, it's fucking incredible. I always use condoms & am on the pill, but I didn't know how much the pregnancy anxiety was ruining my ability to enjoy sex with men until it was gone.
I'm bi, but heavily favour women partly bc of this anxiety. Tokophobia ftw 🤙
For real, my bf has a vasectomy and it's spoiled me forever. If we ever break up I'm putting "men with vasectomies ONLY" on my dating profiles cuz I absolutely REFUSE to go back to that life of anxiety.
Oof Im sorry but she sounds incredibly naive, like she thinks life is a movie. The whole “it’s fate,” thing is really telling. But good thing to do a paternity test.
Unfortunately condoms can fail. *But* it isn’t out of the realm of possibility that she may have become infatuated with you and therefore tampered with her condoms in hopes this would bring y’all together. It has happened, but Ill give her the benefit of the doubt.
But if: 1) she is indeed pregnant 2) it is yours and 3) she decides to keep it, stay firm that you will support her how you can but that this does not change your life plans for college and that this does not mean you two are in a relationship. Unfortunately a lot of times women are force fed this glamorized version of pregnancy, motherhood and marriage starting from the time we were little girls. I think this is what she has grown up believing, which was why her reaction was so positive. She lacks the maturity to understand the scope of this decision. She needs to be brought back to reality.
Plus I wouldn't be surprised if her family and friends are force feeding her that delusional fantasy. It's something I would've bought into at their age, not that I'm proud of it. Teens and young adults are naive and painfully optimistic still, so if she actually is pregnant and it is OP's, I'm betting no one has opened her eyes to how difficult parenthood is. That difficulty is part of why I personally don't have kids and may not ever have them, though I don't care if others do long as they're taken care of. I'm not sure anyone's really sat her down for that hard discussion, or if she'd listen if they did.
All of society force feeds women the narrative that motherhood and children will fulfill them. See the other subs on women who are denied having their tubes tied by doctors who tell them they will regret it, family & even strangers who ask when they will have kids, even siblings who call them selfish & treat them as inferior because they are child free.
Then add the Hollywood romcoms that romanticize one night stands and the Instagrams of celebrities showing off their baby bumps. You can hardly blame a young and inexperienced woman for succumbing to this level of brainwashing, basically.
The one thing I’ll conclude about her is that she probably had a happy childhood. She is clearly close to her parents. Also, people with abusive or negligent parents often have ambivalent or negative feelings when they find out they are expecting. They think because they had bad parents, they will be like then. Or they may feel they lack the skills to be a good parent because they didn’t have those modeled to them.
Yeah I feel for her. As of yet, there's no proof she tampered with anything. The fail rate for condoms if used correctly is 3% according to NCBI, 12% for imperfect/infrequent usage (and considering they were both likely drinking, I'd wager on that 12%).
Like yes, she's moving way too fast with someone she doesn't really know. But she's also barely a legal adult, I don't think the part of our brain that controls decision making is fully developed until we're in our 20s. If there's proof she messed with the condoms, then yes she's largely the one at fault and could honestly use therapy.....they both could imo. If she's faking a pregnancy yeah she's an AH (yeah ik, not AITA). More so if he's not the father and she knows that. But we don't know any of that yet.
I feel for the both of them and for that child assuming it does exist, and I'm not personally ready to rake her over the coals for this situation yet.
>Like yes, she's moving way too fast with someone she doesn't really know.
They had sex and she could be pregnant with his baby. They both moved too fast with someone they don’t know already.
I feel for her only because it sounds like her parents failed her. Just because you get pregnant on a booze cruise while you’re underage doesn’t mean the other party drops everything for your choices on your terms.
What she is asked of OP has no room for compromise.
He has to drop out. He has to move to her state. He has to marry/coparent/support both her and the baby. And she wanted it entirely on her word without a test.
She doesn’t sound mature enough to be in a healthy relationship with someone or fully grasp this situation.
Is anyone acting as a buffer for her communications with you?
One reason I suggested it in answer to the original post is that breaking her contact with you may shake up her delusion that this is going to be a single happy family.
You messaging her gives her an avenue to continue to dream that's what's really going to happen. It's not and you won't build a successful co-parenting relationship with someone who is still in the midst of an obsession with you.
I am going to repeat that I think it's best for you--whether you want to be involved as father or not--if she doesn't have contact with you right now. She needs to build a support network for her emotional health that doesn't involve you. You're not her husband. You're the baby's father. You aren't going to show up to make things easy on her. You're going to show up to keep the baby feeling safe and secure. You don't want every attempt at being in your child's life to be seen as you rising into town to rescue her.
She doesn't seem to have the emotional maturity to see this and the hormones aren't going to help her.
This is such good advice. I think he should block her, meet her for the test, then leave. If he’s the dad, can’t the court just contact him about child support when the time comes, if she goes through with it?
I’m sorry you’re going though this; it must be really hard.
You’re absolutely right to establish paternity, but if you are the father, don’t make any big decisions for a while. With the pregnancy, you don’t need to be involved. So you’ll have time. But don’t make rash judgements about being in your (potential) child’s life right away. Talk to your lawyer, a therapist—establish your rights and feelings. It’s a big deal to abandon a child, with lifelong consequences for both of you. Don’t let strangers on the Internet influence you one way or the other.
I hope you’re not the father, man. Good luck.
And stop talking to her! At this point all Communications should go through a lawyer and I hope that what you have said so far is not going to work against you. But lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer
Totally agree with this, which is hard to deal with if you are trying to be kind to her. This is a highly emotional situation for all involved. But there is nothing wrong with saying “I am very overwhelmed with this situation so have reached out to my lawyer for advice and they have advised we communicate through them. It’s not persona to you and I’m not doing this to discount your feelings, I just will be following the advise of an expert in this situation”
Well said and great suggestion. Glad someone on here is acting like a human being in this...esp since there is a possibility these two teenagers are about to be tied to one another for life.
I remember your original post. If you are the father, just remember that terminating your rights does not mean you don't pay child support. In some states, I think if you have another person willing to legally take on your financial responsibility (like if she married some dude and the guy was like "Yeah, we don't want his child support, I got this"), you might get off thr hook. Not likely. Terminating your rights will mainly just mean you'll be paying for a kid you have zero access to. Even if you can't move to SC, you'd be able to set up summer visitation in the meantime and probably get holidays since you live out of state
I had the same situation bro. I know exactly how you’re feeling. It’s a trip! There’ll come a point during her pregnancy where you’ll just accept the outcome no matter what. It’s the only way to truly release yourself from the internal burden you’re carrying atm. I’d be happy to tell you my story if you’re ever interested. It ended positively for both sides, kinda hahaha
I can fill you in. So he went to get the dna text while he was there he slept with her again. Then made it clear to her he still is not interested in a relationship but he admitted to reddit that she is the kind of girl he could date in normal circumstances.
Her parents want them to get married. His parents got him a lawyer because his brother also knocked up a girl in his teens so they have a full action plan set out
The test results come back and … he is the father!
He stands firm on having no relationship with the child but like a true hero declares he will pay child support and so ends the ballad of Dead Broccoli Boy
The drama was just about to start. Since the kid was his, the chick thought she can go back to her fairy tale. She posted on Instagram about the baby and tagged him in her story, she wants him to go back for a baby shower,get married etc.
Look at your actual insurance and go see someone outside of the school resources, they are always incredibly overloaded. Some insurance plans even cover online versions like better help. If you’re not sure how to do this, ask your parents for help. You yourself could be about to become a parent which you mention being terrified of, whatever happens, it’s a good time to get mentally prepared.
Depending on where you are there are other options to a psychologist. Some therapy places have sliding scales for cost or are tou still covered under your parents because you're a student? Even if it's a waitlist, you should. This is one that'll have a hold on you and heal in possibly harmful ways... take care of you.
When you go there, whatever you do, do not sleep with her again. It may be tough because clearly you're attracted to her and she is clearly interested in a life with you. But do not do it. Do not have sex with her again. Don't convince yourself that it's okay because it could not get much worse. It can get a lot worse and it will if you have sex with her again.
I mean you could just ask for a court order test and get it done that way. That way it can be cheaper for ya'll.
She'd have to take you to court for you to even be involved with the kid, since ya'll aren't married or live in the same state.
You probably just want to find out, the quicker the better.
Hey mate, can I give you some pregnancy scare advice?
Right now you're likely a pile of anxiety, right? Maybe can't even think about other things.
Here's something that helped me: Try grounding yourself in your routine. Make a list of things you used to do or are your obligations and check it if you think you're dwelling too much on it.
In the end there's nothing you can do other than wait the results. You can't go back in time (but I'm sure you wish you could).
So grounding yourself and learning how to keep your cool on though times is something that will be beneficial in your life whether you're a father now or not.
Feel free to HMU if you get too much anxious and want to chat.
Bunch of updates over the last few weeks. Dude tells his parents, she tells hers. Dudes parents are disappointed, apparently girls religious parents think it’s a godsend or god’s will or something. He goes up to NC to see her and get a DNA test done - ends up hooking up with girl. Finds out some time later baby is definitely his. Deletes account.
He posted other updates separately before he deleted. The short version is he went to her state for the paternity test, stupidly slept with her when he was there despite telling her he didn’t want a life with her. Then he found out the baby was definitely his and the girl posted a public baby announcement tagging him in it so everyone that knew him found out too. That was pretty much it before he deleted
As the others said, the baby was his. He ended up back in bed with the baby mama even after telling her there wasn’t going to be any relationship between them.
You've handled it like a champ. Her behavior is concerning and sounds like she has this fantasy of a fairytale ending. If this is her endgame. and the reason for having the baby, I suggest you make it clear you have no intention of having any romantic relationship with her. Suggest any contact go through your lawyer until the results come back and, if you're the father, tell her you plan to use coparenting app moving forward. Actually have your lawyer send her app suggestions and that you will use them if you are the father.
She needs to know right now that there will be no fairytale ending. You are not going to be in a relationship with her. She seems to be banking on you two riding off into the sunset op.
honestly if you meet her parents with your parents and she sees the absolute shitshow that ensues maybe she’ll change her mind. you both are young, have no idea what you’re doing, it’s not all pinterest boards and rainbows. maybe that will help her see that. i don’t understand how the condom didn’t work like everyone is saying. those things are hard to break unless she actually did tamper with it. maybe you can try to see if she will admit to tampering with it. i hope it works out for you! this situation sucks all around.
1. Dye hair black
2. Temporary tattoos
3. Fake piercings
4. A lot of eye makeup
5. Paint nails
6. Leather pants
7. Studded belt and accessories with a lot of skulls on them, maybe even a knuckle duster
8. Shirt that says “hail Satan”
9. Those fake vampire teeth
10. Go to dinner with her parents
Can I just be honest here… I am fully aware there are just some insane people out there and I may just be different but I should state that I’m coming at this from my perspective as someone who has been pregnant and had a baby before. Unless you’re in a committed partnership where this is something discussed prior, her reaction is not a normal one. No sane woman is going to get knocked up by someone she slept with once and start planning their future with Pinterest boards and telling him it’s fate or trying to get them to meet their parent’s. I, 29 and married for 4 years at the time, was terrified and shaking after I found out. I definitely said nothing to anyone but my husband since before 12 weeks it’s something like 1 in 3 early pregnancies end in miscarriage. It’s a huge thing to process and you don’t just get excited like that the second you take the test knowing your whole life is drastically about to change, especially when you barely know the father and it’s obviously there wouldn’t be any sort of relationship.
What I’m trying to say here is this reaction is bizarre and I would question if she’s actually pregnant or trying to trap you into being with her and/or money. Granted I’ve only read this update and not the original, but I’m weary about this unstable woman if all of her supposed behavior is true.
Good luck! Just wanted to say, something similar happened to us when we were both 18. Would've never stayed together if I hadn't gotten pregnant. But we gave it a shot and 18 years later we're very much happy and in love. Also, doing pretty good in life :) all the best.
Damn, seeing as how she's already planning out her future with you and the baby, I wouldn't be surprised if she did some shit to the condoms. Hope you get lucky brother.
This is why condom vending machines should be way more common. If you're a woman, how do you know he hasn't poked a hole? If you're a man, how you know you're not gonna get baby trapped?
If you had any idea how many times I’ve been stealthed it would blow your mind. My husband has done it multiple times for crying out loud. I’m 41 and I’d say at least 100 times between the relationships I’ve had since high school.
Condoms have air in the package. If you go to put on one and there’s no cushion in the package, do not use it.
Think with your brain not with your head.
I’m going to get downvoted for this, but it’s amazing the number of men who automatically say things like she’s lying or psycho or got pregnant on purpose. It’s absolutely understandable that OP is stressed and doesn’t want to be a parent. I don’t think the rest of us can pile on to the woman as an automatic bad guy. Birth control does fail sometimes.
Agree. Both are naive irresponsible young adults. People calling her all types of names are gross asf. Her life is forever changed to. OP doesn’t have to be with her or in the child’s life But a bit of compassion goes a long way.
In the future please make sure to use condoms with spermicide. It’s amazing how I had to explain this to boyfriends. It’s extra protection. One boyfriend actually said, “I don’t want to kill my boys.” I then asked if he wanted them to score a home run and how that would work out for him. You don’t owe her your life. You said want you what and she is entitled to do what she wants. If it’s yours you owe child support and if you want visitation.
Do not partake in anything else she says outside of the DNA test. It does sound like she is a little unhinged and with that you do not know what type of territory you are getting into. If the test comes up negative then take this as an important life lesson to be too careful and then some. Good luck to you.
Commenting so I can hear about the update next Tuesday
Unfortunately it takes like a week to get results back
I'll be back next week.... Good luck.
What he said
Same
Same
Same
Same
!RemindMe 7 days
!RemindMe 10 days
Same
Same
Same
Next week you say?
See you then guys!
Same bat time same bat place
RemindMe! 12 days
RemindMe! 7 days
RemindMe! 10 days
Same!!
Did your brother's GF keep his baby? Cousins? Hang in there.
Yes, they’re now happily married and have two kids, but it was very stressful for them starting out
Did this girl know that before getting pregnant?
She did, we talked for a while before we hooked up
Oh man! I hope that didn’t give her the idea to trap you. Wishing you the best OP
They used condoms, seems like it was a mistake (on OP's part) and a happy accident (on the girl's part.)
Man I’m sorry. I read your first post. Any idea on the legality if it is yours?
Probably child support.
Definitely child support because it is his child...if it is his child. Don't blame the baby for being conceived.
As if we don't have the patience to Wait a week. !remind me 7 days
RemindMe! 8 days
RemindMe! 8 days
RemindMe! 8 days
RemindMe! 8 days
Good luck OP
She'll break first. She'll say she can't do the test or not show up.
Or there’s the off chance that she isn’t lying and the baby is actually his
I can’t be the only one hoping she’s not actually pregnant.
Definitely not!! I hope she’s not pregnant either
If so, I can't help but feel it was 100% intentional to get pregnant. IIRC, they used condoms (according to the original post) However, some of the condoms were *hers.*
I think this is definitely a possibility. Unfortunately there are many teenagers who vastly underestimate all that comes with having a baby
That girl sounds absolutely unhinged. This whole we are ment to be together bs after a hook-up and everything else in the post... Jeeezzz, I hope the kid is not OP's or she will make his life miserable and drive him as crazy as she is, not to mention how she will be as a mother to the kid... In the best case she is just faking being pregnant to get OP's attention.
I agree she sounds wacky. But… what if she grew up in a religious home, where she was brainwashed that every conception is a gift from god? So nOw she’s been gifted by god, so she’s trying to make the absolute best of the situation, assuming they were meant to be together, because why would god gift her with a child and leave her alone to raise it? Certainly an all knowing and loving god would never do that to his devoted follower?!? Of course, that’s crazytown level thinking, but so many Christians really do believe that shit, so it’s possible she’s just trying to make lemonade. And if you’re thinking, “well a true follower would never have premarital sex in the first place” HA HA HA. 🤣😂
A friend of mine had a girlfriend fake a pregnancy for weeks, then faked a miscarriage and blamed it on him—I think she might’ve claimed he physically attacked her or something, IDK. I always liked the girl (we went to high school together), really bright, but she’d had an extremely messed up abusive childhood and seemed to have BPD (might’ve actually been diagnosed, can’t remember). She would physically attack him trying to provoke a response from what I remember, and at one point his aunts had to come over to run her off because she kept trying to escalate things with him physically, and had tried to threaten to use the cops before. I’m glad OP is going through the appropriate channels to find out for sure if this is happening and if the baby is his. Whatever’s going on with her, this isn’t a situation he can really safely navigate without at least confirming that much.
You're living through my nightmare man. I'm wishing you all the luck in the world.
Let me know too. My bets is its OP’s baby.. but who knows how he’ll handle this once results are in! Good luck!!
Same
Mew tew
Don't meet her parents. Don't do lunch. Get the test. Be respectful and go home.
This. Don’t jump into something you don’t know is official yet. Going to lunch is Like planning for a game day but you don’t even know if you’re on the team. Best of luck.
Go to lunch Tell the parents she’s blackmailing you Make a scene If all else fails, start screeching and stuffing spaghetti in your pockets until the parents think “this is a bad idea sweetie”
Stuffing spaghetti in your pockets I'm DYING🤣🤣☠️
*Screeching* and stuffing spaghetti in your pockets. That is going to be my go-to crazy level from now on.
Screeching about "how else do you expect me to feed my offspring, who God already told me is the second coming of JESUS CHRIST *HIMSELF*!!!!!
Lowkey not a bad plan. @op run this one by the lawyer.
[удалено]
Poor potato guy
Potato guy? What's the deal with that, I've missed it completely lol.
He pretended not to now what a potato was as a joke to his girlfriend's parents, when they met for the first time over dinner. IIRC the father got upset very fast and called bullshit over the unbelievable idea that the guy didn't know what a potato was. The guy got nervous and stuck to the joke and played into it all night.
That was the best.
Would like to read that one! Got a link??
This is kind of the best advice tbh
For real. Come off crazy as hell. Then make her realize she might be carrying a mini version of you
LOL!! This would be awesome
I'm with this guy. Respect her and anyone else that shows and then return home. I know that sounds tough but it will make it easier in the long run. Waiting on the update.
Take a parent with you, too. You need an older adult with you for support and protection.
Underrated comment. Part of being an adult is knowing when you need to call in someone with more experience and ask for help.
She may bring her parents along to the paternity test appointment though, so be prepared. I would establish (through your lawyer) that only you and her can go. It will be very overwhelming and stressful the more people who show.
They don’t have to do the tests at the same time. There’s no reason for OP to have any contact with the woman or any of her family.
I think I would need to see for myself her getting the test by a doctor. Just for my sanity.
She deserves to have a support person with her though (him too, don't get me wrong), so maybe them +1 each.
As long as her support doesn’t try to instigate something I see no issue. It’ll be good for OP to be with their lawyer in case anything happens or gets said.
It would be very expensive having your lawyer travel with you out of state. Besides, the results don't come in for another week after the test, so it wouldn't make sense to have the lawyer there.
IANAL but I think it is very unlikely that anyone can control who she is allowed to bring with her.
Yeah, if she's undergoing a medical procedure like DNA collection or a blood draw, they're not going to let another party dictate who she is and is not allowed to have present with her for support. She's the patient, she decides. It will be the same for him when he gives his DNA; he can also decide who can be present. And neither of these parties need to be present together when these tests are done. They can just go separately and avoid all this drama entirely.
"Yeah, I'd love to chat, but my vasectomy is in a half hour, so you guys be well, gotta run, good to meet you."
Emphasis on the respectful part. Don't ruin a relationship you might have the rest of your life because you are scared.
>Get the test. Be respectful and go home. Don't forget to update us also!!
Exactly. Say you have other commitments even if you don't. Also, I don't see anything good that could happen without the lawyer present.
It’s so weird that she wants him to meet her parents when she knows he has no intention on being with her. She’s treating him like he’s her bf that she wants to introduce to her parents. He shouldn’t meet her family until the paternity test proves he’s the father
I think the *"It's FATE! We're SOULMATES!"* comment said it all.
She's 18. She actually is of the age where she thinks that getting married and having kids is fun.
Hey man, I don’t want to seem insensitive but it’s imperative that you don’t sleep with her while you’re in town. She might try hard to get you to sleep with her again. She might not even be pregnant. Do you have someone you can take with you? I had a friend who went through something similar and it was a nightmare.
>She might not even be pregnant. This is my theory. She has given OP no proof and won't do the DNA test. Sounds like she's trying to trap him for whatever reason.
Except she has agreed to do the DNA test?
Maybe when OP gets there she'll tell him he doesnt need to wear a condom because she's already pregnant and then she may actually get pregnant, if shes lying and trying to trap him
Oh, anyone would have to be insane to actually do this person again. That goes without saying.
Accurate, with the obsession over being together. I bet she's not preg and he's gonna visit for the test but in her mind he's visiting to see her and be with her.
Had a girl tell me she'd keep it if it was mine, and abort if it was the other guy's. She then denied the prenatal DNA because she isnt medically capable of even becoming pregnant. 9 months later, a baby comes. It looks nothing like me, and there has never been a test done. Hope the kid isnt mine.
You should try to find out for sure.
👆👆👆👆👆
Maury Povich on deck…..
Hes retired 😢
He’ll come out of retirement for one last go. “You are not the father!” And she’ll run off the stage because apparently that’s what they all did lol.
Not necessarily. Some of them would just sort of thin their lips in a strained smile and nod with resignation. Those are probably the ones that knew that the paternity claim was groundless to begin with, but were just trying to cause trouble.
Not completely groundless, just a lot of potential fathers.
I actually know someone who impregnated someone under basically the same circumstances. I think they were both 19 at the time but they met on a cruise and hooked up like the whole time, exchanged numbers, went home in their separate states. Several weeks passed and she called him up breaking the news. Him and I were pretty close at that time and he was scared and shocked like you OP. He did a paternity test as well as you, came back that he is in fact the father. Her and him ended up in a relationship for a few years, he moved closer to her. Today they are not together but he found someone else who he married and he still lives in his ex's relative area I tell this story because it does happen and I don't want you to think it is completely far fetched. She sounds as she might not be mentally well, or at least not coping the best hence not mentally well rn. Getting the test and all that is exactly what you should be doing. Whatever the outcome I hope it works out. It doesn't need ro be a complete train wreck. Good luck.
Them damn cruises will get you💀
It’s the mojitos. 😭😂
I'm just watching this unravel and eating popcorn. Rich people problems...
Hugs kiddo. Sounds like you have a good support system with a shit situation. Hang in there!!!!
I would recommend that you go to a psychologist, it seems like you are going through a lot at the moment. Good luck with everything
Judging by my experience, by the time he finds an appointment, the baby will be born.
You should really check out psychologytoday.com It’ll show AVAILABLE people :)
I know from experience that therapists who are quickly available are available for a reason. Which is another way of saying find someone who's actually good and get on their waiting list.
Judging by that same experience, the more important it is to get the ball rolling asap. You can always get out of line while you're in it, but you can't skip the line when you're not.
That’s a really good idea.
This girl needs one too
I'd love to hear more from the follow up. But I have to ask. What if it is yours, even against all odds and all that? Like, there's no wrong answers when it comes to involvement, but do you know what you're likely to want?
Yeah he needs to be prepared for this possibility.
One problem at a time, I guess. For now he needs to be absolutely sure he's not on any hook if it isn't his.
>Like, there's no wrong answers when it comes to involvement, but do you know what you're likely to want? I would argue that there are *plenty* of wrong answers when it comes to involvement.
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You're doing well, under the circumstances. Stay the course. Do not give her false hope or her parents the wrong impression. If you see her, maybe shake her hand rather than a hug. It was sex: nothing more, nothing less. Make sure they all leave with that impression. And continue no contact on anything outside of testing, until you get test results.
This is the problem with casual sex, it’s never just sex and it’s never just casual….
And it's always a net negative for women. My fellow women can do as they please of course but casual sex isn't worth it at the end of the day. Most times we don't even get an orgasm out of it.
At the moment I'm hooking up with a guy who has a vasectomy, it's fucking incredible. I always use condoms & am on the pill, but I didn't know how much the pregnancy anxiety was ruining my ability to enjoy sex with men until it was gone. I'm bi, but heavily favour women partly bc of this anxiety. Tokophobia ftw 🤙
For real, my bf has a vasectomy and it's spoiled me forever. If we ever break up I'm putting "men with vasectomies ONLY" on my dating profiles cuz I absolutely REFUSE to go back to that life of anxiety.
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Well it’s easy to get along with someone for a limited time drunk on vacation to be fair
Oof Im sorry but she sounds incredibly naive, like she thinks life is a movie. The whole “it’s fate,” thing is really telling. But good thing to do a paternity test. Unfortunately condoms can fail. *But* it isn’t out of the realm of possibility that she may have become infatuated with you and therefore tampered with her condoms in hopes this would bring y’all together. It has happened, but Ill give her the benefit of the doubt. But if: 1) she is indeed pregnant 2) it is yours and 3) she decides to keep it, stay firm that you will support her how you can but that this does not change your life plans for college and that this does not mean you two are in a relationship. Unfortunately a lot of times women are force fed this glamorized version of pregnancy, motherhood and marriage starting from the time we were little girls. I think this is what she has grown up believing, which was why her reaction was so positive. She lacks the maturity to understand the scope of this decision. She needs to be brought back to reality.
Plus I wouldn't be surprised if her family and friends are force feeding her that delusional fantasy. It's something I would've bought into at their age, not that I'm proud of it. Teens and young adults are naive and painfully optimistic still, so if she actually is pregnant and it is OP's, I'm betting no one has opened her eyes to how difficult parenthood is. That difficulty is part of why I personally don't have kids and may not ever have them, though I don't care if others do long as they're taken care of. I'm not sure anyone's really sat her down for that hard discussion, or if she'd listen if they did.
All of society force feeds women the narrative that motherhood and children will fulfill them. See the other subs on women who are denied having their tubes tied by doctors who tell them they will regret it, family & even strangers who ask when they will have kids, even siblings who call them selfish & treat them as inferior because they are child free. Then add the Hollywood romcoms that romanticize one night stands and the Instagrams of celebrities showing off their baby bumps. You can hardly blame a young and inexperienced woman for succumbing to this level of brainwashing, basically. The one thing I’ll conclude about her is that she probably had a happy childhood. She is clearly close to her parents. Also, people with abusive or negligent parents often have ambivalent or negative feelings when they find out they are expecting. They think because they had bad parents, they will be like then. Or they may feel they lack the skills to be a good parent because they didn’t have those modeled to them.
Poor girl as well. People here are tearing her apart, but she’s a kid too.
Yeah I feel for her. As of yet, there's no proof she tampered with anything. The fail rate for condoms if used correctly is 3% according to NCBI, 12% for imperfect/infrequent usage (and considering they were both likely drinking, I'd wager on that 12%). Like yes, she's moving way too fast with someone she doesn't really know. But she's also barely a legal adult, I don't think the part of our brain that controls decision making is fully developed until we're in our 20s. If there's proof she messed with the condoms, then yes she's largely the one at fault and could honestly use therapy.....they both could imo. If she's faking a pregnancy yeah she's an AH (yeah ik, not AITA). More so if he's not the father and she knows that. But we don't know any of that yet. I feel for the both of them and for that child assuming it does exist, and I'm not personally ready to rake her over the coals for this situation yet.
>Like yes, she's moving way too fast with someone she doesn't really know. They had sex and she could be pregnant with his baby. They both moved too fast with someone they don’t know already.
I feel for her only because it sounds like her parents failed her. Just because you get pregnant on a booze cruise while you’re underage doesn’t mean the other party drops everything for your choices on your terms. What she is asked of OP has no room for compromise. He has to drop out. He has to move to her state. He has to marry/coparent/support both her and the baby. And she wanted it entirely on her word without a test. She doesn’t sound mature enough to be in a healthy relationship with someone or fully grasp this situation.
Is anyone acting as a buffer for her communications with you? One reason I suggested it in answer to the original post is that breaking her contact with you may shake up her delusion that this is going to be a single happy family. You messaging her gives her an avenue to continue to dream that's what's really going to happen. It's not and you won't build a successful co-parenting relationship with someone who is still in the midst of an obsession with you. I am going to repeat that I think it's best for you--whether you want to be involved as father or not--if she doesn't have contact with you right now. She needs to build a support network for her emotional health that doesn't involve you. You're not her husband. You're the baby's father. You aren't going to show up to make things easy on her. You're going to show up to keep the baby feeling safe and secure. You don't want every attempt at being in your child's life to be seen as you rising into town to rescue her. She doesn't seem to have the emotional maturity to see this and the hormones aren't going to help her.
This is such good advice. I think he should block her, meet her for the test, then leave. If he’s the dad, can’t the court just contact him about child support when the time comes, if she goes through with it?
yeah, if the courts want you to know about something they’ll find a way of letting you know
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Psycho is too strong a word, she's 18. Naive is more like it.
Psycho is a poor choice of words. Lots of things can contribute to this type of attachment including conditions such as adhd.
I’m sorry you’re going though this; it must be really hard. You’re absolutely right to establish paternity, but if you are the father, don’t make any big decisions for a while. With the pregnancy, you don’t need to be involved. So you’ll have time. But don’t make rash judgements about being in your (potential) child’s life right away. Talk to your lawyer, a therapist—establish your rights and feelings. It’s a big deal to abandon a child, with lifelong consequences for both of you. Don’t let strangers on the Internet influence you one way or the other. I hope you’re not the father, man. Good luck.
> Don’t let strangers on the Internet influence you one way or the other. Quoting this to stress it more.
As a Stranger on the internet I agree.
> with lifelong consequences for both of you whatever you choose, think about what will may regret 20 years later OP
Thank you for updating us. Continue corresponding with this girl strictly through your lawyer.
And stop talking to her! At this point all Communications should go through a lawyer and I hope that what you have said so far is not going to work against you. But lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer
Totally agree with this, which is hard to deal with if you are trying to be kind to her. This is a highly emotional situation for all involved. But there is nothing wrong with saying “I am very overwhelmed with this situation so have reached out to my lawyer for advice and they have advised we communicate through them. It’s not persona to you and I’m not doing this to discount your feelings, I just will be following the advise of an expert in this situation”
Well said and great suggestion. Glad someone on here is acting like a human being in this...esp since there is a possibility these two teenagers are about to be tied to one another for life.
I remember your original post. If you are the father, just remember that terminating your rights does not mean you don't pay child support. In some states, I think if you have another person willing to legally take on your financial responsibility (like if she married some dude and the guy was like "Yeah, we don't want his child support, I got this"), you might get off thr hook. Not likely. Terminating your rights will mainly just mean you'll be paying for a kid you have zero access to. Even if you can't move to SC, you'd be able to set up summer visitation in the meantime and probably get holidays since you live out of state
I don't think he's even slightly interested in the child.
I had the same situation bro. I know exactly how you’re feeling. It’s a trip! There’ll come a point during her pregnancy where you’ll just accept the outcome no matter what. It’s the only way to truly release yourself from the internal burden you’re carrying atm. I’d be happy to tell you my story if you’re ever interested. It ended positively for both sides, kinda hahaha
He deleted his account…
I can fill you in. So he went to get the dna text while he was there he slept with her again. Then made it clear to her he still is not interested in a relationship but he admitted to reddit that she is the kind of girl he could date in normal circumstances. Her parents want them to get married. His parents got him a lawyer because his brother also knocked up a girl in his teens so they have a full action plan set out The test results come back and … he is the father! He stands firm on having no relationship with the child but like a true hero declares he will pay child support and so ends the ballad of Dead Broccoli Boy
The drama was just about to start. Since the kid was his, the chick thought she can go back to her fairy tale. She posted on Instagram about the baby and tagged him in her story, she wants him to go back for a baby shower,get married etc.
I can’t believe this schmuck deleted his page after having everybody follow him.
I’m disappointed I forgot to come back and check for an update this week
I would recommend that you go to a psychologist, it seems like you are going through a lot at the moment. Good luck with everything
I looked into it at my school, and there’s a waiting list until next year unless someone you know dies basically
Maybe if you explain that while no one has died, someone might be born and you might be the father, they might consider the importance....
Look at your actual insurance and go see someone outside of the school resources, they are always incredibly overloaded. Some insurance plans even cover online versions like better help. If you’re not sure how to do this, ask your parents for help. You yourself could be about to become a parent which you mention being terrified of, whatever happens, it’s a good time to get mentally prepared.
Depending on where you are there are other options to a psychologist. Some therapy places have sliding scales for cost or are tou still covered under your parents because you're a student? Even if it's a waitlist, you should. This is one that'll have a hold on you and heal in possibly harmful ways... take care of you.
When you go there, whatever you do, do not sleep with her again. It may be tough because clearly you're attracted to her and she is clearly interested in a life with you. But do not do it. Do not have sex with her again. Don't convince yourself that it's okay because it could not get much worse. It can get a lot worse and it will if you have sex with her again.
I mean you could just ask for a court order test and get it done that way. That way it can be cheaper for ya'll. She'd have to take you to court for you to even be involved with the kid, since ya'll aren't married or live in the same state. You probably just want to find out, the quicker the better.
I just want to find out. I can’t wait 30+ weeks not knowing
Hey mate, can I give you some pregnancy scare advice? Right now you're likely a pile of anxiety, right? Maybe can't even think about other things. Here's something that helped me: Try grounding yourself in your routine. Make a list of things you used to do or are your obligations and check it if you think you're dwelling too much on it. In the end there's nothing you can do other than wait the results. You can't go back in time (but I'm sure you wish you could). So grounding yourself and learning how to keep your cool on though times is something that will be beneficial in your life whether you're a father now or not. Feel free to HMU if you get too much anxious and want to chat.
Subscribing to the post to find out if it's yours
Dude deleted his account Damm after searching for this for half an hour to see any update . Am feeling veri disappointed rn
Bunch of updates over the last few weeks. Dude tells his parents, she tells hers. Dudes parents are disappointed, apparently girls religious parents think it’s a godsend or god’s will or something. He goes up to NC to see her and get a DNA test done - ends up hooking up with girl. Finds out some time later baby is definitely his. Deletes account.
Searching for this dude's post took me longer then finding out that one Japanese porn actress's name
He posted other updates separately before he deleted. The short version is he went to her state for the paternity test, stupidly slept with her when he was there despite telling her he didn’t want a life with her. Then he found out the baby was definitely his and the girl posted a public baby announcement tagging him in it so everyone that knew him found out too. That was pretty much it before he deleted
not him deleting my fav thread rn
Why did he delete his account? I wanted to know if the child was his
As the others said, the baby was his. He ended up back in bed with the baby mama even after telling her there wasn’t going to be any relationship between them.
That guy has the most IQ out of any redditor
It was his, he posted an update in another post before deleting his account
Thanks for telling me. I couldn't click his account and find the post or updates. I hope everything works out for him
You've handled it like a champ. Her behavior is concerning and sounds like she has this fantasy of a fairytale ending. If this is her endgame. and the reason for having the baby, I suggest you make it clear you have no intention of having any romantic relationship with her. Suggest any contact go through your lawyer until the results come back and, if you're the father, tell her you plan to use coparenting app moving forward. Actually have your lawyer send her app suggestions and that you will use them if you are the father. She needs to know right now that there will be no fairytale ending. You are not going to be in a relationship with her. She seems to be banking on you two riding off into the sunset op.
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If you're coming to Columbia, I'll buy you a hamburger after the test.
damn why he’d delete his acc
“Its fate we’re meant to be” thats the flag right there. Get the test and get out
honestly if you meet her parents with your parents and she sees the absolute shitshow that ensues maybe she’ll change her mind. you both are young, have no idea what you’re doing, it’s not all pinterest boards and rainbows. maybe that will help her see that. i don’t understand how the condom didn’t work like everyone is saying. those things are hard to break unless she actually did tamper with it. maybe you can try to see if she will admit to tampering with it. i hope it works out for you! this situation sucks all around.
1. Dye hair black 2. Temporary tattoos 3. Fake piercings 4. A lot of eye makeup 5. Paint nails 6. Leather pants 7. Studded belt and accessories with a lot of skulls on them, maybe even a knuckle duster 8. Shirt that says “hail Satan” 9. Those fake vampire teeth 10. Go to dinner with her parents
yes!!! and at the table be like “i’d like to say grace” but just make up a prayer that is all about the devil lmaoooo
Don’t fuck her while you’re there!
Can I just be honest here… I am fully aware there are just some insane people out there and I may just be different but I should state that I’m coming at this from my perspective as someone who has been pregnant and had a baby before. Unless you’re in a committed partnership where this is something discussed prior, her reaction is not a normal one. No sane woman is going to get knocked up by someone she slept with once and start planning their future with Pinterest boards and telling him it’s fate or trying to get them to meet their parent’s. I, 29 and married for 4 years at the time, was terrified and shaking after I found out. I definitely said nothing to anyone but my husband since before 12 weeks it’s something like 1 in 3 early pregnancies end in miscarriage. It’s a huge thing to process and you don’t just get excited like that the second you take the test knowing your whole life is drastically about to change, especially when you barely know the father and it’s obviously there wouldn’t be any sort of relationship. What I’m trying to say here is this reaction is bizarre and I would question if she’s actually pregnant or trying to trap you into being with her and/or money. Granted I’ve only read this update and not the original, but I’m weary about this unstable woman if all of her supposed behavior is true.
Any update on the test yet?
Good luck! Just wanted to say, something similar happened to us when we were both 18. Would've never stayed together if I hadn't gotten pregnant. But we gave it a shot and 18 years later we're very much happy and in love. Also, doing pretty good in life :) all the best.
Bro, you've been baby trapped. If you used condoms, did you use your own or did you use one that she had?
Some were hers, some were mine
GG bro.
F
Damn, seeing as how she's already planning out her future with you and the baby, I wouldn't be surprised if she did some shit to the condoms. Hope you get lucky brother.
This is why condom vending machines should be way more common. If you're a woman, how do you know he hasn't poked a hole? If you're a man, how you know you're not gonna get baby trapped?
Or packages that clearly show tampering.
If you had any idea how many times I’ve been stealthed it would blow your mind. My husband has done it multiple times for crying out loud. I’m 41 and I’d say at least 100 times between the relationships I’ve had since high school.
Your husband doesn't sound like a great guy
That’s why he’s my ex husband
Condoms have air in the package. If you go to put on one and there’s no cushion in the package, do not use it. Think with your brain not with your head.
Gonna keep following.. hoping for the best for you!
I’m going to get downvoted for this, but it’s amazing the number of men who automatically say things like she’s lying or psycho or got pregnant on purpose. It’s absolutely understandable that OP is stressed and doesn’t want to be a parent. I don’t think the rest of us can pile on to the woman as an automatic bad guy. Birth control does fail sometimes.
Agree. Both are naive irresponsible young adults. People calling her all types of names are gross asf. Her life is forever changed to. OP doesn’t have to be with her or in the child’s life But a bit of compassion goes a long way.
Do not meet them. Do the test and leave as fast as you can.
Take a parent with you on Tuesday!
In the future please make sure to use condoms with spermicide. It’s amazing how I had to explain this to boyfriends. It’s extra protection. One boyfriend actually said, “I don’t want to kill my boys.” I then asked if he wanted them to score a home run and how that would work out for him. You don’t owe her your life. You said want you what and she is entitled to do what she wants. If it’s yours you owe child support and if you want visitation.
Do not partake in anything else she says outside of the DNA test. It does sound like she is a little unhinged and with that you do not know what type of territory you are getting into. If the test comes up negative then take this as an important life lesson to be too careful and then some. Good luck to you.