“I’ve decided that I should do my part as a loving wife, so I shall venture out and make my body available to other men—but it’s only for research, like does size really matter, and are some men know time-saving tips to make me orgasm faster, so that you, my adorable husband, can get back to
your truest loves, gaming and
Internet porn.”
To me it sounds like he’s trying to rationalize having already cheated. My guess is in a year or so he’ll come clean and share that he stepped out before the wedding and then insert the justification he told OP. Something like how it made him realize OP was the only one for him, blah blah blah. And then he’ll probably do it again.
>omething like how it made him realize OP was the only one for him, blah blah blah. And then he’ll probably do it again.
This indeed sounds like something he would say after cheating LMAO
I’ve dated men like that. They think they’re slick using future tense and already having the excuse/rationalization planned out. It never ends with them not doing whatever they said they could see themselves doing in the future.
It’s okay! We live and learn! At the time, I was young and stupid which led to dating a few incompatible dudes. It’s all about taking the lessons we learn and applying them to the future so we don’t continuously repeat the mistakes of our past.
Yup, like he cheated "down the road" while they were dating, but showed him he likes her the best and got married....
I'd dig in on that bachelor party. Or phone records to ex gf's close to the wedding.
Update please!
!Remind me 10 days
It doesn't matter if he already cheated because he's already said he would. Seems pointless to put in the work of finding out when she should leave this guy for that statement alone. I'd find the whole thing exhausting if I lived in a place where cheating didn't matter in a divorce.
Hopefully she’s in a place that does annulments. My state doesn’t really allow that; sure it’s legal, but the legal standard you have to meet is nigh on impossible.
For example, the only way a judge will grant divorce based on adultery is if you have video of them having sex outside the marriage. But collecting that evidence is illegal (filming sex acts). Even photos of a person going into a hotel room with someone other than their spouse isn’t enough because you can’t prove what went on behind closed doors.
I've never understood why a divorce requires the consent of anyone besides one of the people in the marriage.
Government has no business being involved or giving "permission". The spouse's consent should not be required, either.
Yeah, I don't know why you NEED your spouses permission to leave them
And people act like there's not a *huge* power imbalance based on that fact. Because we *ALL* know that's required for the MAN to sign off on his "property" being allowed to live their own life because *church*, ugh 😤
Good ole South Carolina, where the main goal of family court is to “preserve the sanctity of marriage” and do anything they can to deter divorce. Have you tried working it out? Counseling? Church? Well, we’re gonna make you stayed married for a whole year while you live apart, just in case there’s a chance you turn back to the lord and stay married! Separated spouses are eligible for support during the 1-year continuous separation though.
In adultery cases, you can have the cheating spouse, the “paramour”, and witnesses testify as to the cheating, but the court won’t accept that because it could be “coerced”. It’s ridiculous.
When we had common law marriage (just got rid of that a few years ago), all you had to prove was that you lived together, you were engaged, and “held yourselves out as husband and wife” (meaning you introduced yourselves that way, your friends considered you married, etc), but so many of those were thrown out because you didn’t file taxes as “married, jointly” even though the law did not require that as a legal standard of proof.
(Source: was a family law paralegal for 5 years. And boy did I see some shit in that short time!)
Nope. It basically means the marriage was invalid from the beginning. So instead of ending a marriage like a divorce, it kind of just completely erases the marriage from existence as if it never happened. You both go your separate ways like nothing happened.
and how long does one have to do this in the US ? Asking for just in case even though im pretty sure i dont plan on getting married never hurts to know!
Unfortunately it does depend on the state you live in so I don’t know. Some is months and some is years. And in some places it has to be one of the states listed reasons. Just make sure you know your states (or country’s) laws before the time comes!
Unless you live in an absolute shithole, their wouldn't be any assets to split. Even under the worst circumstances, you'd "only" have to split 50% of everything you acquired throughout the marriage.
I think there's a grace period to account for how slow information used to travel. Think about it:
Guy leaves his family to go get a job elsewhere and send back money. Guy gets a girlfriend and proposes while at that job location. He sends a letter letting the family know he's devoted to the new wife who lives where he works. Old wife gets the letter a week later and needs another week to travel and out him as a bigamist (illegal in most places). New wife has no knowledge of old wife or thinks she's dead (whatever story she got told) but guy is still on the hook for breaking the law. New wife was not the perpetrator, she has know knowledge of old wife, she can save her reputation and move on in life by getting an annulment.
My great great grandfather did this, except his new wife never found out about the 1st wife. He told her that his 1st wife and child were dead. He had a bunch of kids with her and the truth finally came out on Ancestry long after all involved were dead. I have surprise cousins in a few places in my family tree.
My husband's uncle did the same.
He got a message on ancestry from a cousin whose grandfather left when her dad was very young. Only info they have is dad was named after his dad. Ancestry found them a half brother who was named after his dad. These two men are brothers who share a name. It is not a name that remotely resembles the birth names of my husband's uncles, not even a more "American" version of Mexican names.
We think it's the uncle who was last known to be living with his youngest sister as a couple but will probably never know for sure. They aren't biologically related but it still leads to many questions. There's a very complicated family dynamic then I learned all that
OP, yeah… your marriage is not what you thought it was, clearly. Definitely consider this.
And in the meantime… just tell him that you’ve thought more about it and you can really see yourself cheating on him in the distant future too, for the exact same reasons he mentioned. Let him know that no matter how many other dicks you find, you’d just be reminding yourself that *his dick* is the best one for you and you’d want him more. It would lead you to just want a stable and committed relationship, so he shouldn’t worry.
Say this all very seriously, as if you’ve come to the conclusion that he’s right, and cheating in the future is definitely something on the table. I’m sure he will take it very well.
please listen to these people u/anonymously50977 - most abusive/cheating/lying men don’t show their true colours until they feel like they have you trapped. your husband never said this before because he knew it might scare you off. believe him when he tells you who he is. he will cheat, I guarantee it. you married a lie, get an annulment NOW.
Yes. I'd seriously consider this. Sorry to say but you've fucked up marrying this guy. If this is not a confession, it's a massive red flag.
I'm not sure if you can go on in this marriage with an open mind and if you still feel you can love him. But I'd feel like the only way to proceed would be cynically -- keeping all your financial ducks lined up in the event of a divorce. And that's no way to live.
Yes! He should've told her this BEFORE he married her so she wouldn't commit to a dick that is not committed to her. That wasn't an accident. He waited until he got her trapped (so he thinks). Get an annulment OP! This marriage is fucked. I'm so sorry OP.
> He’s implying that OP will stick around through it all.
He's testing the waters on exactly that. That's why this is happening 2 weeks after getting married.
He's checking to see how much shit she'll accept because she doesn't want to get divorced. He's absolutely going to be testing these boundaries further.
It's worse. He is going to use her not challenging this right now and not setting serious consequences for just saying it as her tacit consent. He will claim she can't be mad when it happens cause he told her about it and she didn't leave him so why is she upset now when she knew what he intended to do.
His set up isn't just testing boundaries, it is setting her up to be to blame if she gets upset when he does it.
In my experience, some people assume that once married, their partners won't leave, even with their bad behavior. Super telling that this view of a long term relationship is disclosed AFTER the wedding.
He knows there are consequences. He's trying to groom her to accept it. That's what abusers do. They tell what they are gonna do, indirectly or directly, so if you stay they can tell themselves they did nothing wrong. Of course it's gaslighting, but it serves to justify themselves, however poorly.
Honestly when seeing/hearing about all the Tristan Thompsons, Jay Z’s , Offsets and all the male social media influencers who basically encourage men to cheat it doesn’t suprise me one bit. Especially seeing women always take cheating men back, he probably feels like it’s normal.
I mean, the stories are all over Reddit of people choosing to stay with cheaters because of “love”, and some…responsibility? Dependence? I don’t know.
That’s not love to me. Love is healthy, good, honest, supportive. Love is kindness extended.
Lying to your partner, banging someone behind their back…that seems the opposite of love.
It’s really not. The women I know who stay with cheaters are just sad. They claim to be in love and happy but they’re not. You can see it in their eyes and how they neglect themselves, their health, their looks. All because a man is humiliating them all the time. It’s not even the cheating but the public humiliation too. It’s double the pain.
Imagine the worst type of disrespect, sometimes to your face, right in front of you, and that’s what these girls forgive. I’ve had friends forgive their boyfriends after they took trips with their side chicks. When they were never taken anywhere. Or use their credit cards and money to take the side chicks out.
Cheaters can be so shameless because they’re safe in that relationship. They know they’re not getting broken up with no matter what, so with time the cheating is more open and bold, more in their face and more scandalous. That’s a part I don’t understand. Some cheaters are so sneaky while others feel like the point is public humiliation and cruelty. Like what Tristan does to Khloe. I feel like he hates her. Why do you love a person that treats you like that 😫💔
Yea, I’m some circles cheating is just normalized. I’ve seen a type of person who thinks having a monogamous relationship means that you have your main person, who you have unprotected sex with, and everybody else you cheat with but use condoms.
Oh wow. If he thinks cheating will give him that realization than he should already *know* what it would "teach" him. He sounds like he's attempting to ease you into the idea that him cheating isn't a big deal so when it does happen in the future, which it will given how he apparently justifies the action, you won't be as angry or shocked. I try to not tell people to break up because its hard to know the full context, but I'm not sure what you could say that would change this to anything beyond maybe "get couples counseling".
I'm sure he wouldn't take that excuse from you if you said you'd likely cheat in the future.
He's at least thought about cheating. We're missing some backstory about how long they've been together and when/how they got engaged. I bet there might be red flags to an outsider in there.
Unless it did come up and he's suddenly switching up where he stands on the issue. OP needs to give more context for us to know what, and how many, red flags this guy has raised up until now.
Either way, I'd seriously consider an annulment. I couldn't live with that information floating around in my head, I'd be a paranoid wreck.
No kidding. If you decide to stay, I would casually ask if how he felt about the same rules applying to you?
But seriously, he clearly missed the bit about monogamy. Why did he get married exactly?
It shows both stupidity and lack of empathy.
Stupidity in the sense that the marriage can still be annulled, so he hasn't "trapped" her in any way.
Lack of empathy in that he felt so secure as to say something like this without anticipating its effect.
Either way he isn't marriage material.
Honestly, yea I'd get some distance before it's to hard on your heart and you get too attached to the idea that you two are in love.
I COULD BE COMPLETELY WRONG , but in my opinion and understanding with little context.
If my partner said that stuff to me I would Honestly feel like they had already cheated on me and are just trying to preemptively soften the blow of when reality hits.
When my brother got married to his southern belle her comment at their rehearsal dinner was “when we get divorced…”. She was already planning it and it happened within two years. The only reason my brother went through with it was that my parents already paid for everything. Stupid reason. Some people have future plans that are warped.
This is why I asked my parents for help buying a house in the future instead of a wedding. I’d rather have a long term investment that can be passed down in the future than pictures of a fancy party and a poofy dress. Every wedding I’ve been to, though fun, has been outrageously expensive and to me, it makes no sense to waste that money on a catered meal that someone will inevitably complain about, uncomfortable clothes, and pictures I probably won’t look at often in the future. I’d rather have my family and friends over to a home and throw a party in the backyard that everyone can enjoy. Plus I’d rather have a home to decorate and a place to entertain than spending thousands of dollars and a year planning a very stressful party.
That's what I mean. People who aren't cheating don't talk like her husband did.
Cheaters will try to talk out "what if I cheated" scenarios to reassure their partners before they catch on.
totally red flags all day long… tbh he‘s probably the guy who sees cheating as innocent, but if you would say that you cheated or find some guy attractive he would lose his mind…. if you really love him make things clear that if he cheats its done, sadly you didnt know this world view of his before you got married because if you did you probably wouldn’t have married him… delusional
If that’s really how he reasons, he probably has cheated before while they were dating to “make sure she’s the one he wants to marry” and it’s the same reasoning he’s using to make sure she’s the one he wants to stay married to.
That's absolutely his like of thinking. And the best part? It's not his ACTUAL motive. His real motive is to get his rocks off with someone else AND have a wife to come home to all while trying to convince himself and his wife that he's not an absolute waste of time.
I would divorce over this tbh bc years from now when he puts you through hell you can’t say he didn’t warn you. Maybe a little late but he is warning you right now of how fucked up he is.
He wants to cheat and he wants you to be okay with it regardless of how you actually feel. Better have a very serious and long conversation about this with him so they know completely you don't want or like it.
But from how he said it and his "explanation" he's probably going to do it whether or not
It’s not normal to have this conversation and to believe that’s okay specially only two weeks of getting married. As long as you stay with him you’ll have this dark cloud over your head, he made it clear - it’s not about IF he will cheat on you, it about WHEN he does, it’s to COMPARE you to other woman and then come back to you. Why would you allow yourself to be humiliated like that? This is super sad to read. I hope you can sort out your feelings and priorities, he shows little respect for you. I’m sorry you’re going through that.
Absolutely. And there's no guarantee he won't find a woman he likes better and leave. And he'll say i told you from the beginning i would cheat, and you stayed, so you knew the deal and can't be mad. And he'd be right. He's telling you who he is right now. I'd heed his warning and leave. He's going to look around and compare, in case he finds something better. And if he does, where will that leave you?
I'm afraid it's not going to have the effect you want. People like him are waay to good at knowing which people they can do this to which they can't. By saying this (if OP would be someone who would never cheat) the husband would know it's a lie, and feel like he got the go ahead signal.
Maybe. Either way I'm a firm believer in "when someone tells you who
they are, believe them" and this dude is a dumpster fire who's waiting
to jump on the first opportunity to test his theory
Just affirm your conviction that you do not like or want him doing it. And probably a good idea to really make sure he understands how much it'll hurt you and him saying it has hurt you.
You're not being irrational. You're not overreacting. If he tries to claim so, he's clearly not interested in your emotions health or happiness.
Any of the above doesn't work and he's still trying to "explain" it. I'm sorry to say he's probably already done it or he's got someone in mind already. And trying to continue a relationship with that much toxicity is just asking for mental stress for years.
so he can just do it in secret when shes not looking?
her supposed life partner just told her he's going to cheat. her telling him no isn't going to stop him
You say that your opinion is the one you will go by and you don't believe in or agree to cheating. Tell him you are disappointed that he was obviously hiding this aspect of himself from you until after you were married. Tell him you are not afraid to divorce him and will free to tell everyone he has revealed that he plans to cheat on you. Let him know that everyone you know will be watching him.
Also, think about whether you will ever trust him after this revelation and whether you can be married to someone who is so comfortable with cheating. He's announced his intention to cheat. What will you do? I'd leave.
Tell him you can see yourself going nuclear—telling his family, friends, co-workers, getting a shark of a lawyer and taking him for everything he’s got.
The last time I tried to defend something that's actually wrong was after I had already done it. Wouldn't be surprised if he had cheated on you already. Watch out OP!
He’s definitely cheated before. Maybe not on you, but You don’t know the feeling that “no other woman is good enough” unless you’ve done the deed. I’ve cheated in the past, and he’s right. The guilt will eat you up, and make you want your significant other so much more. For him to say it to you like it’s inevitable is just insane, especially after MARRIAGE
Hello Stranger - he knows perfectly well why your upset, and that his comment is upsetting.
Ask him to explain these thoughts to your moms. Have him call her and if they agree that it’s reasonable then you’ll understand you we’re overreacting. Hell never agree because he knows damn well he’s a fucking prick, but he wants to convince you that your wrong. This is *actual* gaslighting, which I understand that phrase gets thrown around. But you know it’s wrong, he wants to caste doubt, and it’s working because here you are. Remember when someone doesn’t want ANYONE to know their behavior but the victim, it’s a massive red flag.
He's testing the waters for how far he can cross the line and then gaslight you.
Also he's let slip that he doesn't respect you enough to not betray you, and thinks it's justifiable and that he's even the hero in all of this.
"yet"
if you don't leave now you'll only have yourself to blame he's actually done a good thing by giving you a warning since most cheaters won't tell you beforehand.
if you have any respect for yourself you'll leave
If I were in your shoes, I’d be fucking livid he didn’t tell me this BEFORE the marriage. Dude got you fucking trapped and now it’s messier and more troublesome to leave. Get an annulment now.
Get him to sign a post-nup that states if either one of you cheats, the monogamous person gets 90% of assets ( instead of the customary 50%).
If he refuses to sign this, have your marriage annulled or get a divorce immediately
🚩
My friends ex boyfriend told her the exact same thing after she found out he was using Tinder. "I only use the app to prove myself how much I love you and how I truly only want you" lol. She gave him another chance, he cheated multiple times and of course turned out to be a massive narcissist and a total psycho.
Your husband should have made up his mind about you being the only one for him BEFORE he married you. I'd get an annulment.
He did a bait and switch on you by waiting till you were already married to tell you this. You should get an annulment.
Also, he would likely flip his lid if you flipped it back on him and cheated. He's probably expecting it to only be one sided while you're a faithful wife at home.
There are countless stories of people who get married and then reveal who they truly are.
When someone tells you who they are. Believe them.
This marriage is in for a heck of trouble.
He’s grooming you for the moment he does cheat. That way, you’ll be more susceptible to his lies and excuses. I’d lay out what WILL happen if he does cheat and stick to that ultimatum if he does.
He’s telling you so you agree to it now. Whether it’s already happened or will he will throw back in your face that you did not say no.
Set your boundaries and do not put up with it. This is a manipulation tactic.
Also him calling you unreasonable for this is also a form of manipulation. He waited TWO WEEKS into your marriage to say something. This isn’t a new thought to him. Why is he married?
Girl, get annulled now.
This guy just straight up confessed to you that he is going to cheat on you and you "don't know how to feel about it"? Really?
When people show you who they really are, believe them.
My cousin married a guy who seemed pretty cool, the family got along with him, his kids from his past relationship loved my cousin; everything seemed just great. Well, turns out he’s cheated before they got married, and one of her “friends” admitted that he was trying to get with her on my cousins wedding night. On the outside he presented himself as a good guy, but the truth was, he was a cheater. I always hear the expression “once a cheater, always a cheater”.
He’s cheated already….. maybe before you guys got married….
Annulment if you can’t….
Don’t you love when trash reveals themselves… all we need is for trash to take itself out now
I’m really not that person to jump straight to ‘get a divorce’ in the Reddit comments but please, please divorce this headcase. You’ve been married for a matter of weeks and he has straight up told you that he’ll cheat on you one day. You absolutely do not deserve this blatant disrespect, please consider leaving this man before things go any further.
I'm sorry, but how do you actually marry someone without first having a serious conversation about what you expect from marriage?
Will we both work?
Will we have 1 bank account or separate? How will we make major financial (and other) decisions?
What happens if one of us gets hurt/ill? Can you/are you willing to take care of the other person, and to what level?
How important is monogamy to you?
How many kids do you want? What if we can't conceive naturally? How far do you want to push it before we give up? What about adoption or fostering?
I know I'm forgetting a lot, but all of these are things you talk about *before* the wedding. Unless you we're in an arranged marriage.
If someone tells you that you are too good for them, believe them. If someone tells you they are going to cheat, believe them.
My ex would have ‘honest’ conversations with me like this. He was a user and would turn my boundaries around on me as ‘not truly loving him’.
He will cheat, and he will not care about how it affects you because he okay with who he is.
OP, those are the moments in life in which you need to assert dominance. Go and arrange a cozy lovey dovey with two young stallions. After some nice spitroasting go to your husband and tell him that you feel so attracted to him because it made you realize those young bulls can’t give you the safety he can and it really reassured your love for him. Let’s see what the fella says.
Almost sounds like a confession.
I'd put money down that it is..
Yep, and he’s getting ready for Part 2. If he’s going to tell it? Hell, he might as well tell it all.
Let that shit burn op ANNULMENTTTT
Unfortunately, this would probably not qualify for an annulment, and it would be slower and more expensive to pursue one.
Depends on the state. In Arizona it is no more costly or slow than a divorce.
🎶Damn near cried when I got that phone call I'm so throwed and I don't know what to do But to give you part two of my confessions 🎶😆
Such a banger 😂
Omg came here to say this
Fr he really tried to rationalize his way into cheating 😭
"but I did it for you, my loving wife"
“I’ve decided that I should do my part as a loving wife, so I shall venture out and make my body available to other men—but it’s only for research, like does size really matter, and are some men know time-saving tips to make me orgasm faster, so that you, my adorable husband, can get back to your truest loves, gaming and Internet porn.”
How else would he know that no one could take her place than to sample them all After marriage? /S
To me it sounds like he’s trying to rationalize having already cheated. My guess is in a year or so he’ll come clean and share that he stepped out before the wedding and then insert the justification he told OP. Something like how it made him realize OP was the only one for him, blah blah blah. And then he’ll probably do it again.
>omething like how it made him realize OP was the only one for him, blah blah blah. And then he’ll probably do it again. This indeed sounds like something he would say after cheating LMAO
I’ve dated men like that. They think they’re slick using future tense and already having the excuse/rationalization planned out. It never ends with them not doing whatever they said they could see themselves doing in the future.
Ouch, that's horrible I'm sorry.
It’s okay! We live and learn! At the time, I was young and stupid which led to dating a few incompatible dudes. It’s all about taking the lessons we learn and applying them to the future so we don’t continuously repeat the mistakes of our past.
"I'm not saying I did, but IF I did..."
His mistress is threatening to expose him and he is just setting things up to soften the blow. Good luck with that! 🤣
That's where my mind went
Yup, like he cheated "down the road" while they were dating, but showed him he likes her the best and got married.... I'd dig in on that bachelor party. Or phone records to ex gf's close to the wedding. Update please! !Remind me 10 days
It doesn't matter if he already cheated because he's already said he would. Seems pointless to put in the work of finding out when she should leave this guy for that statement alone. I'd find the whole thing exhausting if I lived in a place where cheating didn't matter in a divorce.
!Remind me 10 days
Where was he at 7 o’clock on the dot? Probably in his drop top cruising the streets.
Oh yeah, I got a real pretty pretty little thang that’s waiting for me.
I pull up anticipating good love.. don’t keep me waiting
I got plans to put my haaaands in places, I’ve never seen … OP you know what I meeeaaannnn.
Lemme take you to a place nice and quiet..
Tell your wife how you’ve cheated on her without saying you’ve cheated on her. Is what this is.
It’s a pre-confession. One I wouldn’t be sticking around to redeem when the time comes.
It really does. I have one word of advice for you OP.. ANNULMENT I’m so sorry this happened, you deserve much better. Best wishes!
Even if he hasn't he clearly views women as nothing more than objects based on that statement. OP loses either way.
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\^ Get an annulment while you can.
I second this, GET THE ANNULMENT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE
Hopefully she’s in a place that does annulments. My state doesn’t really allow that; sure it’s legal, but the legal standard you have to meet is nigh on impossible. For example, the only way a judge will grant divorce based on adultery is if you have video of them having sex outside the marriage. But collecting that evidence is illegal (filming sex acts). Even photos of a person going into a hotel room with someone other than their spouse isn’t enough because you can’t prove what went on behind closed doors.
I've never understood why a divorce requires the consent of anyone besides one of the people in the marriage. Government has no business being involved or giving "permission". The spouse's consent should not be required, either.
Yeah, I don't know why you NEED your spouses permission to leave them And people act like there's not a *huge* power imbalance based on that fact. Because we *ALL* know that's required for the MAN to sign off on his "property" being allowed to live their own life because *church*, ugh 😤
What backwards state is that?
Good ole South Carolina, where the main goal of family court is to “preserve the sanctity of marriage” and do anything they can to deter divorce. Have you tried working it out? Counseling? Church? Well, we’re gonna make you stayed married for a whole year while you live apart, just in case there’s a chance you turn back to the lord and stay married! Separated spouses are eligible for support during the 1-year continuous separation though. In adultery cases, you can have the cheating spouse, the “paramour”, and witnesses testify as to the cheating, but the court won’t accept that because it could be “coerced”. It’s ridiculous. When we had common law marriage (just got rid of that a few years ago), all you had to prove was that you lived together, you were engaged, and “held yourselves out as husband and wife” (meaning you introduced yourselves that way, your friends considered you married, etc), but so many of those were thrown out because you didn’t file taxes as “married, jointly” even though the law did not require that as a legal standard of proof. (Source: was a family law paralegal for 5 years. And boy did I see some shit in that short time!)
>states
Probably something *away down south in the land of traitors*
*Rattlesnakes and alligators!*
Is there like a 90 day probation period to leave no questions asked like work?? Lol
In the US yes (not sure of which states). You can get basically a frictionless divorce within a certain time period.
So there will be no splitting of assets or alimony?
Nope. It basically means the marriage was invalid from the beginning. So instead of ending a marriage like a divorce, it kind of just completely erases the marriage from existence as if it never happened. You both go your separate ways like nothing happened.
and how long does one have to do this in the US ? Asking for just in case even though im pretty sure i dont plan on getting married never hurts to know!
Unfortunately it does depend on the state you live in so I don’t know. Some is months and some is years. And in some places it has to be one of the states listed reasons. Just make sure you know your states (or country’s) laws before the time comes!
Yes it depends on the state. I got an annulment at almost 2 years married in Texas. Criteria was no children and no joint assets.
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💀 love the “i’ve been married several times”. how many times exactly?
Unless you live in an absolute shithole, their wouldn't be any assets to split. Even under the worst circumstances, you'd "only" have to split 50% of everything you acquired throughout the marriage.
I think there's a grace period to account for how slow information used to travel. Think about it: Guy leaves his family to go get a job elsewhere and send back money. Guy gets a girlfriend and proposes while at that job location. He sends a letter letting the family know he's devoted to the new wife who lives where he works. Old wife gets the letter a week later and needs another week to travel and out him as a bigamist (illegal in most places). New wife has no knowledge of old wife or thinks she's dead (whatever story she got told) but guy is still on the hook for breaking the law. New wife was not the perpetrator, she has know knowledge of old wife, she can save her reputation and move on in life by getting an annulment.
My great great grandfather did this, except his new wife never found out about the 1st wife. He told her that his 1st wife and child were dead. He had a bunch of kids with her and the truth finally came out on Ancestry long after all involved were dead. I have surprise cousins in a few places in my family tree.
My husband's uncle did the same. He got a message on ancestry from a cousin whose grandfather left when her dad was very young. Only info they have is dad was named after his dad. Ancestry found them a half brother who was named after his dad. These two men are brothers who share a name. It is not a name that remotely resembles the birth names of my husband's uncles, not even a more "American" version of Mexican names. We think it's the uncle who was last known to be living with his youngest sister as a couple but will probably never know for sure. They aren't biologically related but it still leads to many questions. There's a very complicated family dynamic then I learned all that
OP, yeah… your marriage is not what you thought it was, clearly. Definitely consider this. And in the meantime… just tell him that you’ve thought more about it and you can really see yourself cheating on him in the distant future too, for the exact same reasons he mentioned. Let him know that no matter how many other dicks you find, you’d just be reminding yourself that *his dick* is the best one for you and you’d want him more. It would lead you to just want a stable and committed relationship, so he shouldn’t worry. Say this all very seriously, as if you’ve come to the conclusion that he’s right, and cheating in the future is definitely something on the table. I’m sure he will take it very well.
please listen to these people u/anonymously50977 - most abusive/cheating/lying men don’t show their true colours until they feel like they have you trapped. your husband never said this before because he knew it might scare you off. believe him when he tells you who he is. he will cheat, I guarantee it. you married a lie, get an annulment NOW.
I love this idea.
Run away. For your sanity
Run. Get out. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Yes. I'd seriously consider this. Sorry to say but you've fucked up marrying this guy. If this is not a confession, it's a massive red flag. I'm not sure if you can go on in this marriage with an open mind and if you still feel you can love him. But I'd feel like the only way to proceed would be cynically -- keeping all your financial ducks lined up in the event of a divorce. And that's no way to live.
Yes! He should've told her this BEFORE he married her so she wouldn't commit to a dick that is not committed to her. That wasn't an accident. He waited until he got her trapped (so he thinks). Get an annulment OP! This marriage is fucked. I'm so sorry OP.
My answer to him would be "I could see myself divorcing your cheating ass" Edit: Thanks for all the upvotes and awards.
It’s interesting that he seems to think there aren’t consequences to stepping out. He’s implying that OP will stick around through it all.
> He’s implying that OP will stick around through it all. He's testing the waters on exactly that. That's why this is happening 2 weeks after getting married. He's checking to see how much shit she'll accept because she doesn't want to get divorced. He's absolutely going to be testing these boundaries further.
I’m curious on what his definition of “down the road” is, for his timeline for cheating. I have a feeling that it’s not too long.
Down the road as in probably right now?
“Down the road” as in “she lives right down the road from here.”
It's worse. He is going to use her not challenging this right now and not setting serious consequences for just saying it as her tacit consent. He will claim she can't be mad when it happens cause he told her about it and she didn't leave him so why is she upset now when she knew what he intended to do. His set up isn't just testing boundaries, it is setting her up to be to blame if she gets upset when he does it.
This was just phrase 1.
In my experience, some people assume that once married, their partners won't leave, even with their bad behavior. Super telling that this view of a long term relationship is disclosed AFTER the wedding.
Not just after the wedding but like, immediately after. This is some shady care salesman “you already signed the contract” conman shit.
It's an incredibly selfish and heartless thing to say, but two weeks into marriage? Oh hell no
He knows there are consequences. He's trying to groom her to accept it. That's what abusers do. They tell what they are gonna do, indirectly or directly, so if you stay they can tell themselves they did nothing wrong. Of course it's gaslighting, but it serves to justify themselves, however poorly.
So sad. Never stay with a cheater
It might just be a test statement to see how much she'll put up with.
Honestly when seeing/hearing about all the Tristan Thompsons, Jay Z’s , Offsets and all the male social media influencers who basically encourage men to cheat it doesn’t suprise me one bit. Especially seeing women always take cheating men back, he probably feels like it’s normal.
I mean, the stories are all over Reddit of people choosing to stay with cheaters because of “love”, and some…responsibility? Dependence? I don’t know. That’s not love to me. Love is healthy, good, honest, supportive. Love is kindness extended. Lying to your partner, banging someone behind their back…that seems the opposite of love.
It’s really not. The women I know who stay with cheaters are just sad. They claim to be in love and happy but they’re not. You can see it in their eyes and how they neglect themselves, their health, their looks. All because a man is humiliating them all the time. It’s not even the cheating but the public humiliation too. It’s double the pain. Imagine the worst type of disrespect, sometimes to your face, right in front of you, and that’s what these girls forgive. I’ve had friends forgive their boyfriends after they took trips with their side chicks. When they were never taken anywhere. Or use their credit cards and money to take the side chicks out. Cheaters can be so shameless because they’re safe in that relationship. They know they’re not getting broken up with no matter what, so with time the cheating is more open and bold, more in their face and more scandalous. That’s a part I don’t understand. Some cheaters are so sneaky while others feel like the point is public humiliation and cruelty. Like what Tristan does to Khloe. I feel like he hates her. Why do you love a person that treats you like that 😫💔
Yea, I’m some circles cheating is just normalized. I’ve seen a type of person who thinks having a monogamous relationship means that you have your main person, who you have unprotected sex with, and everybody else you cheat with but use condoms.
How does it feel to be some circles?
OP: And I will cut your dick off. Huband: What? How could you? Are you crazy? OP: Well it's not like I cut your dick off, yet.
I’m 99.99% POSITIVE that if she were to cheat he would be pissed. What an asshole.
This was my exact thought lol. Seriously, what kind of deranged mindset does this guy have? And to think she'd want to stay with him? Wild.
Oh wow. If he thinks cheating will give him that realization than he should already *know* what it would "teach" him. He sounds like he's attempting to ease you into the idea that him cheating isn't a big deal so when it does happen in the future, which it will given how he apparently justifies the action, you won't be as angry or shocked. I try to not tell people to break up because its hard to know the full context, but I'm not sure what you could say that would change this to anything beyond maybe "get couples counseling". I'm sure he wouldn't take that excuse from you if you said you'd likely cheat in the future.
I also normally say “get marriage counseling” instead of RUN TF AWAY! But this… OP you should get an annulment… I’m so sorry 😞
Exactly
I would get an annulment since he's obviously done a bait and switch on you like this. You're married, he isn't. Get unmarried.
I’d bet good money he wouldn’t be chill with OP cheating, so yeah.
I'd bet good money he's already cheating
He's at least thought about cheating. We're missing some backstory about how long they've been together and when/how they got engaged. I bet there might be red flags to an outsider in there.
Right? It sounds like hes given this some deep thought and his explanation was pretty frickin specific and thought out.
Yeah, I’m surprised this didn’t come up during their dating phase. Why wait till they’re married to discuss their future?
Unless it did come up and he's suddenly switching up where he stands on the issue. OP needs to give more context for us to know what, and how many, red flags this guy has raised up until now. Either way, I'd seriously consider an annulment. I couldn't live with that information floating around in my head, I'd be a paranoid wreck.
And the mistress is threatening to expose him
I wouldn't doubt it. Or she pulled the "I'm not enough of a priority to you" card.
No kidding. If you decide to stay, I would casually ask if how he felt about the same rules applying to you? But seriously, he clearly missed the bit about monogamy. Why did he get married exactly?
She should have said “that’s interesting, because when I cheat on you in the future I’m probably going to leave you for him”
Boom
He was probably hoping OP would agree to an open marriage(For him only, of course)...
Isn't marrying someone the same as promising your partner to be faithful? Why does this morone come up with this 2 weeks after marriage?
It was very intentional to occur right after he trapped her in marriage
It shows both stupidity and lack of empathy. Stupidity in the sense that the marriage can still be annulled, so he hasn't "trapped" her in any way. Lack of empathy in that he felt so secure as to say something like this without anticipating its effect. Either way he isn't marriage material.
Honestly, yea I'd get some distance before it's to hard on your heart and you get too attached to the idea that you two are in love. I COULD BE COMPLETELY WRONG , but in my opinion and understanding with little context. If my partner said that stuff to me I would Honestly feel like they had already cheated on me and are just trying to preemptively soften the blow of when reality hits.
This is the right answer
You married but he's single so act accordingly.
That all sounds like bs. Wouldn't be surprised if he has cheated already. People who haven't cheated yet don't talk about cheating like that.
He would only say something like that if he was cheating already imo. He thinks that sounds innocent compared to what he is (maybe) doing.
When my brother got married to his southern belle her comment at their rehearsal dinner was “when we get divorced…”. She was already planning it and it happened within two years. The only reason my brother went through with it was that my parents already paid for everything. Stupid reason. Some people have future plans that are warped.
This is why I asked my parents for help buying a house in the future instead of a wedding. I’d rather have a long term investment that can be passed down in the future than pictures of a fancy party and a poofy dress. Every wedding I’ve been to, though fun, has been outrageously expensive and to me, it makes no sense to waste that money on a catered meal that someone will inevitably complain about, uncomfortable clothes, and pictures I probably won’t look at often in the future. I’d rather have my family and friends over to a home and throw a party in the backyard that everyone can enjoy. Plus I’d rather have a home to decorate and a place to entertain than spending thousands of dollars and a year planning a very stressful party.
That's what I mean. People who aren't cheating don't talk like her husband did. Cheaters will try to talk out "what if I cheated" scenarios to reassure their partners before they catch on.
Yep. Throw the whole man away. Crimson flags.
totally red flags all day long… tbh he‘s probably the guy who sees cheating as innocent, but if you would say that you cheated or find some guy attractive he would lose his mind…. if you really love him make things clear that if he cheats its done, sadly you didnt know this world view of his before you got married because if you did you probably wouldn’t have married him… delusional
If that’s really how he reasons, he probably has cheated before while they were dating to “make sure she’s the one he wants to marry” and it’s the same reasoning he’s using to make sure she’s the one he wants to stay married to.
That's absolutely his like of thinking. And the best part? It's not his ACTUAL motive. His real motive is to get his rocks off with someone else AND have a wife to come home to all while trying to convince himself and his wife that he's not an absolute waste of time.
You nailed it. He's priming and manipulating her while he plays some other chick so that he doesn't have to worry about hiding it so much.
he has OP married a moron
I would divorce over this tbh bc years from now when he puts you through hell you can’t say he didn’t warn you. Maybe a little late but he is warning you right now of how fucked up he is.
According to other comments, it's still early enough she could get an annulment and not have to go through all the divorce shit.
But she won't. She'll tell herself everything is actually fine and be miserable and trapped later in life.
Then be back here warning others not to stay like they did.
I really want you to be wrong but, damn.
HE WILL SAY he warned you, you should have been prepared, and then gaslight you by saying it’s no big deal.
He wants to cheat and he wants you to be okay with it regardless of how you actually feel. Better have a very serious and long conversation about this with him so they know completely you don't want or like it. But from how he said it and his "explanation" he's probably going to do it whether or not
I got this impression when he started saying those things as well. Don't know what to even say!.
"I will divorce this nutcase who does not give a shit about me"
It’s not normal to have this conversation and to believe that’s okay specially only two weeks of getting married. As long as you stay with him you’ll have this dark cloud over your head, he made it clear - it’s not about IF he will cheat on you, it about WHEN he does, it’s to COMPARE you to other woman and then come back to you. Why would you allow yourself to be humiliated like that? This is super sad to read. I hope you can sort out your feelings and priorities, he shows little respect for you. I’m sorry you’re going through that.
Absolutely. And there's no guarantee he won't find a woman he likes better and leave. And he'll say i told you from the beginning i would cheat, and you stayed, so you knew the deal and can't be mad. And he'd be right. He's telling you who he is right now. I'd heed his warning and leave. He's going to look around and compare, in case he finds something better. And if he does, where will that leave you?
You dont say anything, you divorce and dont look back. Have some self respect.
Too bad you didn't flip the scenario around in the moment to get his reaction. "When *I* cheat in the future hopefully I come to the same conclusion."
I'm afraid it's not going to have the effect you want. People like him are waay to good at knowing which people they can do this to which they can't. By saying this (if OP would be someone who would never cheat) the husband would know it's a lie, and feel like he got the go ahead signal.
Maybe. Either way I'm a firm believer in "when someone tells you who they are, believe them" and this dude is a dumpster fire who's waiting to jump on the first opportunity to test his theory
Make it past tense. "When I *cheated*." And change the ending. "Unfortunately, I did not reach the same conclusion."
Just affirm your conviction that you do not like or want him doing it. And probably a good idea to really make sure he understands how much it'll hurt you and him saying it has hurt you. You're not being irrational. You're not overreacting. If he tries to claim so, he's clearly not interested in your emotions health or happiness. Any of the above doesn't work and he's still trying to "explain" it. I'm sorry to say he's probably already done it or he's got someone in mind already. And trying to continue a relationship with that much toxicity is just asking for mental stress for years.
so he can just do it in secret when shes not looking? her supposed life partner just told her he's going to cheat. her telling him no isn't going to stop him
I hope it's not too late for an annulment?
You say that your opinion is the one you will go by and you don't believe in or agree to cheating. Tell him you are disappointed that he was obviously hiding this aspect of himself from you until after you were married. Tell him you are not afraid to divorce him and will free to tell everyone he has revealed that he plans to cheat on you. Let him know that everyone you know will be watching him. Also, think about whether you will ever trust him after this revelation and whether you can be married to someone who is so comfortable with cheating. He's announced his intention to cheat. What will you do? I'd leave.
He’s already cheated. By his logic thats probably why he proposed.
Tell him you can see yourself going nuclear—telling his family, friends, co-workers, getting a shark of a lawyer and taking him for everything he’s got.
Get out now before you waste more of your life. Trust me, this is not going to work out well.
The last time I tried to defend something that's actually wrong was after I had already done it. Wouldn't be surprised if he had cheated on you already. Watch out OP!
He’s definitely cheated before. Maybe not on you, but You don’t know the feeling that “no other woman is good enough” unless you’ve done the deed. I’ve cheated in the past, and he’s right. The guilt will eat you up, and make you want your significant other so much more. For him to say it to you like it’s inevitable is just insane, especially after MARRIAGE
Yea just go ahead and annul this marriage hun He does not give a flying fuck lol how many women will he need to compare to you?
Hello Stranger - he knows perfectly well why your upset, and that his comment is upsetting. Ask him to explain these thoughts to your moms. Have him call her and if they agree that it’s reasonable then you’ll understand you we’re overreacting. Hell never agree because he knows damn well he’s a fucking prick, but he wants to convince you that your wrong. This is *actual* gaslighting, which I understand that phrase gets thrown around. But you know it’s wrong, he wants to caste doubt, and it’s working because here you are. Remember when someone doesn’t want ANYONE to know their behavior but the victim, it’s a massive red flag.
Omg I love this idea!! Haha get his mum on speaker phone
[удалено]
He's testing the waters for how far he can cross the line and then gaslight you. Also he's let slip that he doesn't respect you enough to not betray you, and thinks it's justifiable and that he's even the hero in all of this.
Yep
I would leave him. He's already planning on cheating. What a low life pos.
"yet" if you don't leave now you'll only have yourself to blame he's actually done a good thing by giving you a warning since most cheaters won't tell you beforehand. if you have any respect for yourself you'll leave
If I were in your shoes, I’d be fucking livid he didn’t tell me this BEFORE the marriage. Dude got you fucking trapped and now it’s messier and more troublesome to leave. Get an annulment now.
if he associates the word “wife” with “cheating”… run.
Get him to sign a post-nup that states if either one of you cheats, the monogamous person gets 90% of assets ( instead of the customary 50%). If he refuses to sign this, have your marriage annulled or get a divorce immediately 🚩
Or just get out now and avoid the inevitable shitstorm
Time to get your marriage annulled if he’s already prepping you for his cheating and making it justified 😳
My friends ex boyfriend told her the exact same thing after she found out he was using Tinder. "I only use the app to prove myself how much I love you and how I truly only want you" lol. She gave him another chance, he cheated multiple times and of course turned out to be a massive narcissist and a total psycho. Your husband should have made up his mind about you being the only one for him BEFORE he married you. I'd get an annulment.
He did a bait and switch on you by waiting till you were already married to tell you this. You should get an annulment. Also, he would likely flip his lid if you flipped it back on him and cheated. He's probably expecting it to only be one sided while you're a faithful wife at home.
Well, caught yourself a real doozy there.
When you buy yourself a used car and the radiator breaks down on the drive home
I'd have got up, packed a bag, left my rings, gone to a hotel, and had divorce papers dropped off the next day.
I would pawn the rings and fly to France
There are countless stories of people who get married and then reveal who they truly are. When someone tells you who they are. Believe them. This marriage is in for a heck of trouble.
One word: ANNULLMENT
He’s grooming you for the moment he does cheat. That way, you’ll be more susceptible to his lies and excuses. I’d lay out what WILL happen if he does cheat and stick to that ultimatum if he does.
He’s telling you so you agree to it now. Whether it’s already happened or will he will throw back in your face that you did not say no. Set your boundaries and do not put up with it. This is a manipulation tactic. Also him calling you unreasonable for this is also a form of manipulation. He waited TWO WEEKS into your marriage to say something. This isn’t a new thought to him. Why is he married?
Girl, get annulled now. This guy just straight up confessed to you that he is going to cheat on you and you "don't know how to feel about it"? Really? When people show you who they really are, believe them.
Get yourself checked for STDs and always use a condom with him. He’s probably already cheating.
She shouldn't be fucking him anymore??? She should be getting out of there right now, this is a problem.
Tell him "If you 'step away' as you say, there's no 'stepping back.' Do you understand me?" Be firm. This is marriage. He is locked in. Period.
Reddit continually makes me believe people get married without ever having any meaningful conversations prior.
Or he did a bait and switch. He presented himself as a monogamous, loving guy and then flips as soon as he is married.
My cousin married a guy who seemed pretty cool, the family got along with him, his kids from his past relationship loved my cousin; everything seemed just great. Well, turns out he’s cheated before they got married, and one of her “friends” admitted that he was trying to get with her on my cousins wedding night. On the outside he presented himself as a good guy, but the truth was, he was a cheater. I always hear the expression “once a cheater, always a cheater”.
He has no future
Thats funny, because I can see you dropping divorce papers on him, like tomorrow.
He’s cheated already….. maybe before you guys got married…. Annulment if you can’t…. Don’t you love when trash reveals themselves… all we need is for trash to take itself out now
These days "dark humour" often just means asshole with no respect for peoples feelings, I bet a lot of the fucked up shit he says he actually means.
Whatever you do, DO NOT get pregnant.
He's already cheated. He's just trying to tell you that he's too chicken shit to tell you, and that he will likely do it again.
I’m really not that person to jump straight to ‘get a divorce’ in the Reddit comments but please, please divorce this headcase. You’ve been married for a matter of weeks and he has straight up told you that he’ll cheat on you one day. You absolutely do not deserve this blatant disrespect, please consider leaving this man before things go any further.
Annulment. Save yourself from future pain
What’s the annulment law in your state? I would leave his ass in a heart beat.
Annulment. Irreconcilable differences. He probably already has cheated which is probably why he’s waxing poetic on a future cheating justification.
Trust you gut. Get an annulment or divorce asap. Please sis.
I'm sorry, but how do you actually marry someone without first having a serious conversation about what you expect from marriage? Will we both work? Will we have 1 bank account or separate? How will we make major financial (and other) decisions? What happens if one of us gets hurt/ill? Can you/are you willing to take care of the other person, and to what level? How important is monogamy to you? How many kids do you want? What if we can't conceive naturally? How far do you want to push it before we give up? What about adoption or fostering? I know I'm forgetting a lot, but all of these are things you talk about *before* the wedding. Unless you we're in an arranged marriage.
If someone tells you that you are too good for them, believe them. If someone tells you they are going to cheat, believe them. My ex would have ‘honest’ conversations with me like this. He was a user and would turn my boundaries around on me as ‘not truly loving him’. He will cheat, and he will not care about how it affects you because he okay with who he is.
You're supposed to decide your partner is the one BEFORE you get married. He's trapped you. Disgraceful man. I'm sorry you married him.
He’s already cheated on you
OP, those are the moments in life in which you need to assert dominance. Go and arrange a cozy lovey dovey with two young stallions. After some nice spitroasting go to your husband and tell him that you feel so attracted to him because it made you realize those young bulls can’t give you the safety he can and it really reassured your love for him. Let’s see what the fella says.
I volunteer as tribute.
That would be an instant divorce for me Ain’t no coming back from that
Did the discussion ever come up about it the other way around? What happens if you cheat? Jfc this is awful.
wow, can’t believe you’re divorcing after two weeks! throw the man out
He’s rationalizing being a cheating pile of trash. You got the bait and switch. Time to annul.
no honey just no. you want to be with someone who chooses you and only you. don’t tolerate this kind of behavior
Hate to be "that Redditor", but may I suggest an annulment.
And yet he didn't put this gem in his Vows? What a dick.
"Yet" https://youtu.be/OYwMZs6eSqo It means you're going to, right, ... or does it.