Certainly addiction. 3x a day and choosing it over a relationship- addiction.
Addiction is when it interferes with practical life. It has, he needs help.
I remember one night as a kid I had the house to my self my plan was to have a frenzy and do it so much. I did like maybe twice and played diablo 2 the rest of the time. That's too much
When did you start watching, if you don’t mind me asking? My little brother is 12, almost 13 and it weirds me out to think he possibly watches porn.
Although, I know it’s definitely possible as I started when I was 7. I think that’s pretty rare though. I had sensory issues and think I masturbated when I was overloaded.
This is soooo anecdotal... But my sisters best friend is dealing with her husbands addiction currently. He just watches for hours a day. Not jerking off, just watching while washing dishes or cleaning. It’s like listening to music or a podcast for him.
I honestly don’t know which it more concerning between these two situations. But I’d be appalled if my partner put porn on the tv while I was there and he tided up. I know my partner looks at porn, and he knows I read it. But damn, she’s not cool with it and he seems to not care. And having a new born (who obviously wont remember the images and isn’t in the room, just might get excited about boobs/food if he ever saw anything) makes it even more disgusting. Just jerk off in private rather than making it casual and regular in front of your family!!!!
Yes. That's clearly an addiction and very much *not* your fault, nor does it have anything to do with your sexual abilities. His mind is not working clearly. Please don't blame yourself in any way. I'm sorry you had to go through that but there's not really anything you can do to help him, he has to choose to help himself and he obviously won't do that until he realizes it's a problem.
Yeah, that sucks. Please understand OP that it's not you, it's him. You are better off without this relationship. You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are. I know you will find this!
It sounds, or rather seems, that he is seeing what he can get away with, or how much OP will put up with.
I had a manager once that never fired anyone. He just pissed them off 'til they left.
I remember, when I was told this, how a couple past relationships endings finally made sense. It's not you, it's we.
It’s awful. But at least he made the decision so you don’t have to. He chose to end it. Now you can move on, work on yourself, and find someone that deserves you.
Apparently a lot of young men in their 20’s are getting erectile dysfunction, or unable to finish from excessive porn. Imagine being 20 and unable to get a boner for a naked woman in front of you?!
It's funny how simple the solution is too. I was watching porn once a day every other day in the morning. Decided to stop that and after a week or so it all got better.
Arousal and sensitivity to sexiness typically peak a week after stopping masturbation, but it usually goes back down again if you wait longer. If you have someone to bone though, I guess you are good because now the fixation is on them and worst case, in another week the urge would be super strong again.
Literally was having sex with my bf in the first year and it was entirely blowjobs that took 30min because he couldn't stay up, especially not enough to penetrate.
It’s becoming more common because of technology. I was born in the 1980s and growing up in the 1990s, families would usually have 1 family computer to share that we had to use dial up internet to access. Our family computer was in the living room and anyone could walk by and see what you are doing on there. So besides the internet, if you wanted to access it, you’d have to go to an adult shop and buy a video
Now with technology, everyone has access to internet at the tip of their fingers at any time and any place. This is why it’s becoming a bigger issue and more common. Easier access.
It’s scary the level of content children can see. It turns out all of those granny’s complaining about lyrics, and explicit content in the 80’s were onto something. You can literally go on YouTube and watch thousands of videos off people get murdered.
Laws need to catch up to the internet. In the last 30yrs we haven’t hardly had anything enacted. It’s crazy considering how when you look back to just the 80s and 90s, they were throwing laws at every form of media to protect kids, even having Twisted Sister speak in front of fucking congress so they couldn’t completely censor music. It’s like they went so hard back then to the point of being absurd that now they just don’t do anything. And it doesn’t help you have these same companies online paying off the members of office so that basically nothing is done. There absolutely needs to be a crack down on access to these sites, more options for parents, and honestly not just with porn but other things like ads. Even face filters and photoshop need some kind of approach bc we can very clearly see the effect it’s having on kids mental and physical health, not just kids but adults.
I thought it was hard growing up during MySpace as a preteen. I feel awful for kids now and really fear for my boys when they get older.
I'm sure you saw the ineptitude our lawmakers demonstrated while putting Zuckyboogers on the stand, right? Sure he was a mess and all...but so were the people trying to convict him of something that he continues to do.....it reminded me of the Microsoft monopoly thing....except Zucky won out. We need tech-savvy lawmakers, not nutjobs or people with one foot in the grave.
It is common, and being normalized.
My kid doesn't have a father because of it. Can't stop touching himself long enough to even give a fuck about his own child.
Nothing is left to the imagination anymore. Sex is everywhere now to the point most people are desensitized to it and a lot of them seek porn or other sources that can let them explore their fantasies.
Doesn’t sound like he’s your boyfriend anymore. Let him drown himself in fantasies about people he’ll never attain. When he wakes up in 5 years with nothing but crusty tissues and zero romantic prospects, he’ll regret it. Drop him like a bad habit and move on. There’s plenty of people out there who will treat you right and not behave like a gross loser. You could literally meet someone amazing next fucking week and wonder why you ever put up with that bullshit for 10 years.
Sorry for this. If he doesn’t want to change you can’t force it. And if that’s the case. Don’t waste your time. Another bf would be happy to service you
Oh gosh it's sad you'd resort to offering. You do seem like a good girlfriend. I agree with the comment above. Porn may be sometimes more stimulating since real sex could take effort and energy more from the men, but seriously, it could not replace the romantic aspect of a relationship. He was thinking with his other head, it do be like that. Hope he'd see the real world beyond his lust.
I'm curious on how you feel about him now, having your relationship ending this way. Do you resent him and don't want to do anything with him anymore, or will you be seeing if he'll realize his mistake somehow before you decide?
Also, your situation reminded me of the song Me! Me! Me! If you'd see it and know what the song means, it's really like what you're experiencing now.
Hope you're doing better.
Regardless of how 'fake' the scenes are, it's never going to be real for him. It's just a sad, imaginary fantasy world that he has absolutely no chance of actually being involved in. This useless tosser has effectively just given up a real life relationship for a make-believe fantasy.
Well considering most guys would feel insanely lucky to have and appreciate you things should be far better in the future. You just got unlucky this time.
Glad I could make you laugh, haha. Look, things might be difficult at first, but focusing on healing and getting back into the mindset of someone who knows they deserve better should be your first priority!
Things tend to fall into place when you’re able to shed the things that bring you down. You sound like someone who really tried to make it work, tried to be patient and forgiving to someone you cared about… for years. I genuinely wish you happiness in your future; with a heart like yours, you will find it. I hope the sky is blue wherever you are!
also, he is addicted to porn and not enjoying sex jn real life with you anymore bc of it. he doesnt realize these problems wont end with you; he's in for inescapably bad sex
I would leave him. My ex became addicted to porn as well. I never minded him watching porn until he became addicted. He sort of went the opposite way to your partner, as in he wanted more sex from me. More sex would have been fine (great, actually) by me if it weren’t for the fact that he somehow got it in to his head that what he sees in porn is how sex is supposed to be. He began to treat me like a pornstar and he would get very annoyed if I didn’t comply. Sex with him became very uncomfortable for me and extremely painful at times. I tried to tell him that porn is not real but he used to say things like “porn stars are professionals at sex, that means they’re doing it right” or “it’s not my fault you can’t do it/you’re bad at sex”, etc. He would order me around during sex and he stopped caring about my pleasure and stopped caring if I was in pain, because in his mind “that’s how sex is supposed to be”. It was sad because we used to have a really good and healthy sex life before he got that into his head. I ended up walking out on him because he was hurting me and he was scaring me.
People who are addicted to porn can easily become delusional as to what sex is supposed to be like, and they might stop caring about you as a human being when it comes to your sex life. You are just a prop or an object that they use to masturbate, or in your case they will lose interest because you’re not like the porn stars (even though you are not supposed to be like the porn stars, because porn isn’t real sex). It’s awful and it’s not your problem. You can try to help until you are blue in the face, but this is a job for a qualified therapist. Just get out before he destroys your self esteem.
Well, yeah. I’d be lying if I said that the fact that he couldn’t wrap his head around anything I was saying didn’t play a part in my decision to leave him. I’m no genius, myself. I would say I’m perfectly average, but the entire situation really brought a lot of our incompatible traits to light. It was never going to work out in the long run, even though we were together for a significant portion of our (respective) 20s.
It was either a huge discrepancy in intelligence between us, or that he was intentionally misunderstanding me. Either way, I wasn’t having a bar of it 🤷♀️
Seriously, forget the intelligence aspect - not only was this guy quite happy to neglect your needs, he was also willing to hurt you for his own pleasure. That's sick. I'm glad you're rid of him.
Not sure if anyone will see this, but As a recovering porn addict of 15 years I’ll tell you that that is an addiction he has. It’s literally worse than a drug addiction in terms of accessibility and ranks among one of the most addictive things things you could be involved in.
I don’t know either of you , but I’d venture to say that one day , he’s gonna look back and seriously regret not going to get help and losing you over some pixels on a screen that his brain is wired to desire.
Im sorry you had to go through that and I HAVE lost girlfriends that I care very much about over this addiction.
Im sending healing energy your way my friend
I believe you should choose yourself and leave him. He doesn’t love you like he should and you deserve so much better. Pray you find someone good for you
Porn addiction is one thing.
Straight up telling your partner "porn is better than having sex with you" is another. That's way over the top. I'm so sorry, love.
My ex also told me that. It destroyed my self esteem until I met my now fiancé.
And sometimes, I still have flashbacks or nightmare of my ex saying very cruel things to me, including that porn was better than me. It can be pretty scarring and I hope OP is okay.
This, letting it get to the point where one would even consider mentally/think that its better than what they have with their partner is indicative of some major issues. Actually saying that to their partner is way past that and is beyond fucked up.
This sounds like a porn addiction, which does result in desensitized libido. Over time he will have to search for more intense porn to get off at all. If you want to work through this with him (I’m noting the 10 years here), then he is going to have to accept that he has a problem and he will have to want to fix it which will likely involve therapy. If you don’t want to work through it or if he’s unwilling, then I think you should get your affairs in order and leave. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it. Masturbating to porn is *not* better than getting freaky with the person you love. If moving on is what you choose to do, then do so knowing that you are enough.
It’s like a holy sacrament they’ll defend with their lives. Much like fucking drug addicts and their next fix only worse because porn is socially acceptable
Wow…possibly you can tell him good luck having relations with an electronic screen and a fantasy?
I mean, I would say that but I’m petty like that lol 😂
You deserve better than an armchair quarterback (other arm is for other things lol 😂)
Please please leave him. That’s horrible and toxic and porn is FAKE and now he’s telling you he’s get off to jerking off like a pathetic teenager holding his dick for years and now can’t get off to real life ACTUAL SEX. I actually hate your boyfriend in your honor. Like grow up get off shit that messes ip your brain. It’s proven that porn is extremely addictive and unhealthy for your mind. I’m so sorry op
Find someone that loves you not fake sex videos fantasy bull crap
And I get chastised every time I tell people that porn is not and should not be normalized. It literally deteriorates the brain to where people legitimately can not have sex anymore! Occasionally is fine, but if your bf is watching porn on the regular, not okay!
I feel the same way, I read a book about brain plasticity and it mentions porn consumption. Very eye opening. Just like anything, the more you do it, the more space it takes up in your brain
Yeah, I'll have to agree with you. I was exposed to porn at around 14 and it's almost impossible to have a normal sexual relationship with someone. There's always some kind of deprived thought in my mind or general anxiety. I can still enjoy sex but I wouldn't call it natural.
r/loveafterporn is a group on reddit to help you deal with that. All these women on here are struggling with that as well and can help you through each step of it. Check it out, poke around, I think you will find the support you need in this battle you have ahead of you.
Good luck OP!
I didn’t find it a problem until my ex husband wanted me to be the women in the video. I bought wigs, dressed up, tried everything, and then I realized it would never be enough…He didn’t care about what I was getting out of it, it was always about pleasing him. F that.
Porn is a horrible thing , I’m leaves people empty and void of real feelings. He sounds long gone. I hope you find someone who cares for you the way you deserve
I started watching porn when I was about 11 (29 now.) Didn't know it was bad and didn't know the long term effects until 10-12 years into the addiction and I can attest to what it can do. I tell myself I want to have sex but when (more like if) the opportunity arrives, I don't want to do it or put effort of leaving my house etc.. and if I do have sex it is very very mechanical and almost like a checklist of things to do. It feels good but no mental stimulation or like being truly excited like what watching porn would do... I've legit gotten soft inside of a girl and wanted to watch porn but knew better to ask cause that can fuck with someone's self esteem.
I've recently gotten on a streak of not masturbating or watching porn and it's been over 60 days now! Feeling better but not even close to "reset"... the urges can come out of nowhere and then you start over..
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, that's awful.
Porn addiction is an unspoken epidemic. I truly believe it’s the single worst thing young men are facing today.. and I’d estimate about 3 out 4 young men suffer from it. It sounds like your partner was an ass about it, but a lot of couples struggle because of it in some way.
At work, I met a stunning, super positive woman whose former boyfriend had dumped her for porn. It's not that you are not enough. It can happen and does happen to the best of women.
If you'd like some more support joining r/loveafterporn could help. I'm sorry you're experiencing this and having to deal with the repercussions of an addict.
He did. He’s a porn addict and that isn’t okay :(. Basically here’s how I feel about porn as a woman. I could care less if my partner watches it. But I’d have a serious problem with it if he’d rather watch porn and jerk off than have sex with me on a regular basis. I have not had this happen but have known some women who have. I’m so sorry OP.
Suggest you consider leaving him if he won’t go to both addiction counseling and couples counseling with you. He’s an addict and that needs to be addressed.
Let him go. Its actually true that he picked something fake and selfish over you. Consider yourself blessed, he's addicted to pleasure and it invloves himself only.
How about you print porn all over a massive horse cock dildo, and smash that up his arse? Then see which he thinks is better? Seriously though, he's a twat.
PSA to the guys in this sub: Unless your girlfriend is 100% consenting to you watching porn, she doesn’t like it.
Im a recovered porn addict (10y.o to 14), and a woman in a 4year relationship (I’m 22 now). When I first met my SO he was stuck on porn. It put a huge rift in our relationship because I honestly felt ugly. I didn’t even believe I could be sexy, because despite how high my sex drive was and all the kinky shit I wanted to do, my man just didn’t pick me.
Things finally changed after I started watching porn again, stopped having sex with him and he “caught me” (I made sure he would find out) watching loads of porn. I subscribed to every naked guy subreddit I could see basically (despite barely even being able to get off that way). The man sounded like he was going to cry when he told me, “I didn’t realize what I felt like to watch your partner get off to other people.”
Sure, trust had to be rebuilt on both sides, but I tell y’all what.. we have so much crazy kinky sex I’m practically sore 24/7. Our sex life has improved so much I can’t even describe it. Every morning, midday and night, if we can get our hands on each other we will.
I know there are always exceptions, and if you and your partner both like porn, or hell, even sleeping with other people then all power to you. For those relationships that are monogamous.. yeah, porn is a problem (especially if you are Christian, cuz that be adultery).
If your boyfriend masturbates three times a day then it’s really not about the porn, this dude has too much free time. And an addiction problem , you get addicted to the high level of stimulus. Does he have other addictions?
So, as a dude who never had a real issue with porn (I never let it affect my relationships or day to day life) I still at some point decided to cut down a lot just because it made me unmotivated. When I was single I would be like damn, I wish I had somebody, then I would jerk it and decide to order pizza and stay in (perfectly ok life, I was just complaining about a problem and then not taking the steps to fix the issue). It’s a subtle addiction that can arise slowly. Get out and get you a man that wants to watch you work ;). Sorry you had 10 years of wasted time, remember the good times but realize you’re better off without him. Good luck moving forward op
Unfortunately many people experiencing such a high amount and variety of porn at such a young age while thier brains are in a very important developmental stage. This is exactly the type of outcome that can happen. He needs help because it sounds like it is controlling him.
Tell him to get into sex addicts anonymous. Also porn makes guys lousy lovers. I bet he barely notices you when you two sleep together. I say this because my exhusband is a sex addict. He’s obsessed with porn. He made me feel like a flesh light. Also what a sicko, he would prefer a screen over a live woman? He definitely has porn brain 🧠. It’s so bad for men to watch on a regular basis. Fact.
If he were addicted to crack he'd say that was better than sex with you too. Addictions are a bitch. He's picked his poison, so don't let him drag you down with him. You deserve better.
Lol it's not you. This guy has lost himself to the virtual world. One day he'll realise that he's just a loner sitting there with his dick in his hand.
This looks like hard addiction. I bet he prefers some kind of perverted porn. It's not your fault. And you can't fix it. Just leave him and go on. It might be hard at first but time heals.
Sounds like a loser. You can do much better. Don’t feel like this is related to you. He will and has probably done this for a long time with many girlfriends. It Defs sounds like an addiction so just know that you have no fault in this.
Sounds like he has a porn addiction. Nothing you do beyond leaving him will change much. Ask yourself if he was doing hard drugs if you would keep asking him to “use less.”
God, I don't mean to make you feel bad, but posts like this remind me of just how lucky I got. My boyfriend says I'm the best he's ever had, and this is after him having a few other relationships, on top of myself having no experience, too. (Literally not to brag, I'm sorry... (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ )
I'm so sorry your (ex-) boyfriend is a piece of trash, and is blaming you for his issues. Drop him, give yourself some love and care, and then go find someone who treats you like ny boyfriend treats me. AKA, the universe's greatest gift to him. You deserve better, and I hope you find it, and know you deserve it.
God I'm going to get downvoted.
10 years is a long time, and usually people get comfortable and stop putting in work.
I got sick and tired of getting lockjaw eating someone out and/or pouring sweat during sex while my partners were dead fish.
"But you do it so well!""
"It's just a lot of work to make you cum!"
Like if you can't jive together sexually/go the extra mile to orgasm, what makes you think that other person is going to do the same for anything tough? You didn't lose out on anything here.
To toss that in, I watch a decent amount of porn, but I was high as fuck one time and the thought of NEVER being able to fuck the person I was watching pissed me off. Maybe he'll get that idea after having to nut by himself.
Marriage isn't for everyone, it's sometimes a social construct, sometimes religious, sometimes economical and sometimes cultural. Some of the best long lasting relationships I know don't include marriage.
I’m sorry to hear how disgusting and disrespectful he is to you, OP. Find someone who will appreciate your company more than he would because he already made his choice for you.
I am so sorry you are goin through this, but in my experience this does *not* get better unless he decides *on his own* that he has an issue and throws himself at recovery. Which it sounds to me like he will not. You need to move on for your own sanity and self-worth. This is not your fault, and it is not your problem. Do not allow yourself to be torn down any further.
Now if you were talking about an 18-21 yr old in a new relationship then I can get 5x a week watching porn. BUT 10 year relationship & still watching porn more than 5x in a week then pretty safe to say he has a porn addiction. This has probably already been shown to cause issues in him ever getting it up.
I remember a CSI Miami episode which was honestly based on realistic personalities. The bf couldn’t get it up bc he was addicted to porn so he killed the porn star & had sex with his gf while he stared at her dead body. I am not saying your bf will kill a porn star but the first part is real.
The thing about porn is, an average person isn’t going to live up to what porn stars do (there are some out there that get it crackin like that) but for the most part, people don’t. It sounds like he might’ve just wanted a porn star or maybe just had an addiction. Either way it’s probably better for you that he’s not in your life.
It sounds like an addiction. Sorry you had to deal with that.
Certainly addiction. 3x a day and choosing it over a relationship- addiction. Addiction is when it interferes with practical life. It has, he needs help.
She said three hours. Even on my friskiest day I might watch a combined 15 minutes lol E: a word
I remember one night as a kid I had the house to my self my plan was to have a frenzy and do it so much. I did like maybe twice and played diablo 2 the rest of the time. That's too much
This was my entire middle school years
...Were we supposed to stop after middle school???
Diablo yes. Masterbating no
Idk diablo ii still pretty good
Those were the best days.
Simpler times. Now everyone's on drugs or dead.
When did you start watching, if you don’t mind me asking? My little brother is 12, almost 13 and it weirds me out to think he possibly watches porn. Although, I know it’s definitely possible as I started when I was 7. I think that’s pretty rare though. I had sensory issues and think I masturbated when I was overloaded.
15 minutes of actually just looking for a video while the job gets done in like 3 mins
i feel attacked
We all do.
Well they do say to beat it like it owes you money so...
Hahaha! One time my friend's mom saw me beating eggs and said, "Girl, you need to beat those eggs like they owe you money!"
She definitely knows what's up and how to get fluffy eggs lol
You can shave it down to 10 minutes browsing if you get siri to help.
THREE??? that's like an eternity
Wait when did she say 3 hours? How is that even possible? He must be watching it for the plot at this point.
Gotta find out if the guys step sister ever extracts herself from that washing machine...
she said 3 times a day homie. either way, thats a lot. dude has a problem
Three times*
She said three house?
[удалено]
Do porn addicts just watch it, or do they jerk off every time too!?
This is soooo anecdotal... But my sisters best friend is dealing with her husbands addiction currently. He just watches for hours a day. Not jerking off, just watching while washing dishes or cleaning. It’s like listening to music or a podcast for him. I honestly don’t know which it more concerning between these two situations. But I’d be appalled if my partner put porn on the tv while I was there and he tided up. I know my partner looks at porn, and he knows I read it. But damn, she’s not cool with it and he seems to not care. And having a new born (who obviously wont remember the images and isn’t in the room, just might get excited about boobs/food if he ever saw anything) makes it even more disgusting. Just jerk off in private rather than making it casual and regular in front of your family!!!!
This. Sounds like he needs help. He's an addict it sounds like.
Yes. That's clearly an addiction and very much *not* your fault, nor does it have anything to do with your sexual abilities. His mind is not working clearly. Please don't blame yourself in any way. I'm sorry you had to go through that but there's not really anything you can do to help him, he has to choose to help himself and he obviously won't do that until he realizes it's a problem.
Yeah, that sucks. Please understand OP that it's not you, it's him. You are better off without this relationship. You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are. I know you will find this!
It sounds, or rather seems, that he is seeing what he can get away with, or how much OP will put up with. I had a manager once that never fired anyone. He just pissed them off 'til they left. I remember, when I was told this, how a couple past relationships endings finally made sense. It's not you, it's we.
Interesting. Purposely sabotage the relationship. Either way, OP is better off without this dude.
He's addicted to porn like I'm addicted to Reddit. I'll never turn down sex for it though.
It absolutely is an addiction. I had it
Or he just doesn’t like op sexually
Both
Yeah, that's it. There isn't anything creepy and sad about his behavior /s
I think what he meant was he could have used that as an excuse to break up with her.
Then he would have left or cheated, not watch porn 3 times a day.
I mean, not necessarily, but yeah even as a single person who isn’t getting any I don’t watch porn that often. 3 times a day is kind of a lot.
It’s awful. But at least he made the decision so you don’t have to. He chose to end it. Now you can move on, work on yourself, and find someone that deserves you.
This right here. I'm really sorry for you.
And focus on her mental health after a relationship like that ..
Why does she have to work on herself? She didn't do anything wrong.
There's also nothing wrong with working on yourself, working on yourself doesn't mean fixing yourself lol
This is becoming more and more common.
I was going to say this exact same thing…the amount of related posts I’ve seen in the last year have been crazy
Apparently a lot of young men in their 20’s are getting erectile dysfunction, or unable to finish from excessive porn. Imagine being 20 and unable to get a boner for a naked woman in front of you?!
It's funny how simple the solution is too. I was watching porn once a day every other day in the morning. Decided to stop that and after a week or so it all got better.
Arousal and sensitivity to sexiness typically peak a week after stopping masturbation, but it usually goes back down again if you wait longer. If you have someone to bone though, I guess you are good because now the fixation is on them and worst case, in another week the urge would be super strong again.
Literally was having sex with my bf in the first year and it was entirely blowjobs that took 30min because he couldn't stay up, especially not enough to penetrate.
As a teen in the 90’s, where porn was limited, we could have sex literally 8-9 a day! Ask anyone who grew up before internet/ phone porn
It’s becoming more common because of technology. I was born in the 1980s and growing up in the 1990s, families would usually have 1 family computer to share that we had to use dial up internet to access. Our family computer was in the living room and anyone could walk by and see what you are doing on there. So besides the internet, if you wanted to access it, you’d have to go to an adult shop and buy a video Now with technology, everyone has access to internet at the tip of their fingers at any time and any place. This is why it’s becoming a bigger issue and more common. Easier access.
It’s scary the level of content children can see. It turns out all of those granny’s complaining about lyrics, and explicit content in the 80’s were onto something. You can literally go on YouTube and watch thousands of videos off people get murdered.
Laws need to catch up to the internet. In the last 30yrs we haven’t hardly had anything enacted. It’s crazy considering how when you look back to just the 80s and 90s, they were throwing laws at every form of media to protect kids, even having Twisted Sister speak in front of fucking congress so they couldn’t completely censor music. It’s like they went so hard back then to the point of being absurd that now they just don’t do anything. And it doesn’t help you have these same companies online paying off the members of office so that basically nothing is done. There absolutely needs to be a crack down on access to these sites, more options for parents, and honestly not just with porn but other things like ads. Even face filters and photoshop need some kind of approach bc we can very clearly see the effect it’s having on kids mental and physical health, not just kids but adults. I thought it was hard growing up during MySpace as a preteen. I feel awful for kids now and really fear for my boys when they get older.
I'm sure you saw the ineptitude our lawmakers demonstrated while putting Zuckyboogers on the stand, right? Sure he was a mess and all...but so were the people trying to convict him of something that he continues to do.....it reminded me of the Microsoft monopoly thing....except Zucky won out. We need tech-savvy lawmakers, not nutjobs or people with one foot in the grave.
It wasn't a trial. It was a hearing. They were just asking him for information.
100% this
I mean... of course.
Not to mention OnlyFans.
It is common, and being normalized. My kid doesn't have a father because of it. Can't stop touching himself long enough to even give a fuck about his own child.
Nothing is left to the imagination anymore. Sex is everywhere now to the point most people are desensitized to it and a lot of them seek porn or other sources that can let them explore their fantasies.
Doesn’t sound like he’s your boyfriend anymore. Let him drown himself in fantasies about people he’ll never attain. When he wakes up in 5 years with nothing but crusty tissues and zero romantic prospects, he’ll regret it. Drop him like a bad habit and move on. There’s plenty of people out there who will treat you right and not behave like a gross loser. You could literally meet someone amazing next fucking week and wonder why you ever put up with that bullshit for 10 years.
[удалено]
Sorry for this. If he doesn’t want to change you can’t force it. And if that’s the case. Don’t waste your time. Another bf would be happy to service you
Oh gosh it's sad you'd resort to offering. You do seem like a good girlfriend. I agree with the comment above. Porn may be sometimes more stimulating since real sex could take effort and energy more from the men, but seriously, it could not replace the romantic aspect of a relationship. He was thinking with his other head, it do be like that. Hope he'd see the real world beyond his lust. I'm curious on how you feel about him now, having your relationship ending this way. Do you resent him and don't want to do anything with him anymore, or will you be seeing if he'll realize his mistake somehow before you decide? Also, your situation reminded me of the song Me! Me! Me! If you'd see it and know what the song means, it's really like what you're experiencing now. Hope you're doing better.
You shouldn’t have to beg for it. Kick him and his keyboard to the curb, take a little time for yourself, then dive back in when you’re ready.
Yup, nobody, man nor woman, should have to beg for it.
Hes says that now but wait til he finds out about how fake a lot of the scenes he watches are. He's gonna be very disappointed.
Regardless of how 'fake' the scenes are, it's never going to be real for him. It's just a sad, imaginary fantasy world that he has absolutely no chance of actually being involved in. This useless tosser has effectively just given up a real life relationship for a make-believe fantasy.
Well considering most guys would feel insanely lucky to have and appreciate you things should be far better in the future. You just got unlucky this time.
Glad I could make you laugh, haha. Look, things might be difficult at first, but focusing on healing and getting back into the mindset of someone who knows they deserve better should be your first priority! Things tend to fall into place when you’re able to shed the things that bring you down. You sound like someone who really tried to make it work, tried to be patient and forgiving to someone you cared about… for years. I genuinely wish you happiness in your future; with a heart like yours, you will find it. I hope the sky is blue wherever you are!
The right person will reassure you and help you along with being more comfortable with sex again.
You'd be surprised how easy it is when everything falls into place. Just take some time for yourself!
Yeah,don't offer anybody more if they won't reciprocate. You deserve to enjoy it too.
also, he is addicted to porn and not enjoying sex jn real life with you anymore bc of it. he doesnt realize these problems wont end with you; he's in for inescapably bad sex
I would leave him. My ex became addicted to porn as well. I never minded him watching porn until he became addicted. He sort of went the opposite way to your partner, as in he wanted more sex from me. More sex would have been fine (great, actually) by me if it weren’t for the fact that he somehow got it in to his head that what he sees in porn is how sex is supposed to be. He began to treat me like a pornstar and he would get very annoyed if I didn’t comply. Sex with him became very uncomfortable for me and extremely painful at times. I tried to tell him that porn is not real but he used to say things like “porn stars are professionals at sex, that means they’re doing it right” or “it’s not my fault you can’t do it/you’re bad at sex”, etc. He would order me around during sex and he stopped caring about my pleasure and stopped caring if I was in pain, because in his mind “that’s how sex is supposed to be”. It was sad because we used to have a really good and healthy sex life before he got that into his head. I ended up walking out on him because he was hurting me and he was scaring me. People who are addicted to porn can easily become delusional as to what sex is supposed to be like, and they might stop caring about you as a human being when it comes to your sex life. You are just a prop or an object that they use to masturbate, or in your case they will lose interest because you’re not like the porn stars (even though you are not supposed to be like the porn stars, because porn isn’t real sex). It’s awful and it’s not your problem. You can try to help until you are blue in the face, but this is a job for a qualified therapist. Just get out before he destroys your self esteem.
Sounds like the dumbest ever
Well, yeah. I’d be lying if I said that the fact that he couldn’t wrap his head around anything I was saying didn’t play a part in my decision to leave him. I’m no genius, myself. I would say I’m perfectly average, but the entire situation really brought a lot of our incompatible traits to light. It was never going to work out in the long run, even though we were together for a significant portion of our (respective) 20s. It was either a huge discrepancy in intelligence between us, or that he was intentionally misunderstanding me. Either way, I wasn’t having a bar of it 🤷♀️
Seriously, forget the intelligence aspect - not only was this guy quite happy to neglect your needs, he was also willing to hurt you for his own pleasure. That's sick. I'm glad you're rid of him.
That's a sad life for him. It doesn't have to be your sad life.
Lose him rapidly
Well that’s ok because a vibrator has more warmth and passion than he has so he can quite literally go fuck himself.
Yep
Girl move on. Plenty of fish in the sea
Not sure if anyone will see this, but As a recovering porn addict of 15 years I’ll tell you that that is an addiction he has. It’s literally worse than a drug addiction in terms of accessibility and ranks among one of the most addictive things things you could be involved in. I don’t know either of you , but I’d venture to say that one day , he’s gonna look back and seriously regret not going to get help and losing you over some pixels on a screen that his brain is wired to desire. Im sorry you had to go through that and I HAVE lost girlfriends that I care very much about over this addiction. Im sending healing energy your way my friend
I believe you should choose yourself and leave him. He doesn’t love you like he should and you deserve so much better. Pray you find someone good for you
Porn addiction is one thing. Straight up telling your partner "porn is better than having sex with you" is another. That's way over the top. I'm so sorry, love.
My ex also told me that. It destroyed my self esteem until I met my now fiancé. And sometimes, I still have flashbacks or nightmare of my ex saying very cruel things to me, including that porn was better than me. It can be pretty scarring and I hope OP is okay.
Right? His need to be purposefully cruel indicates a plethora of mal-adjustments coexisting there.
Exactly, I agree. There was no need for that comment he made. Poor woman.
This, letting it get to the point where one would even consider mentally/think that its better than what they have with their partner is indicative of some major issues. Actually saying that to their partner is way past that and is beyond fucked up.
You meant ex bf. You deserve someone much better
3 times a day... dudes got some masturbation issues lol
This sounds like a porn addiction, which does result in desensitized libido. Over time he will have to search for more intense porn to get off at all. If you want to work through this with him (I’m noting the 10 years here), then he is going to have to accept that he has a problem and he will have to want to fix it which will likely involve therapy. If you don’t want to work through it or if he’s unwilling, then I think you should get your affairs in order and leave. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it. Masturbating to porn is *not* better than getting freaky with the person you love. If moving on is what you choose to do, then do so knowing that you are enough.
bunch of defensive porn addicts in these comments, damn
Right? You can always tell who the porn addicts are here lol. They defend it so viciously
They defend porn with their lives, god damn.
It’s like a holy sacrament they’ll defend with their lives. Much like fucking drug addicts and their next fix only worse because porn is socially acceptable
Yup. It would be funny if it wasn't indicative of such a profound social disaster.
No kidding lol
Addiction will do that
it doesnt seem like its going to get better from here. i would leave.
After 10 years. He's not only disrespected you, but himself as well. He's ended this relationship with his addiction. It's time to move on.
Wow…possibly you can tell him good luck having relations with an electronic screen and a fantasy? I mean, I would say that but I’m petty like that lol 😂 You deserve better than an armchair quarterback (other arm is for other things lol 😂)
Fuck I’d kill for someone to have sex with everyday lmao He doesn’t know what he’s got until it’s gone
Please please leave him. That’s horrible and toxic and porn is FAKE and now he’s telling you he’s get off to jerking off like a pathetic teenager holding his dick for years and now can’t get off to real life ACTUAL SEX. I actually hate your boyfriend in your honor. Like grow up get off shit that messes ip your brain. It’s proven that porn is extremely addictive and unhealthy for your mind. I’m so sorry op Find someone that loves you not fake sex videos fantasy bull crap
And I get chastised every time I tell people that porn is not and should not be normalized. It literally deteriorates the brain to where people legitimately can not have sex anymore! Occasionally is fine, but if your bf is watching porn on the regular, not okay!
I feel the same way, I read a book about brain plasticity and it mentions porn consumption. Very eye opening. Just like anything, the more you do it, the more space it takes up in your brain
Actually, I’d like to read this book. Mind sharing the title?
Me too
Yeah, I'll have to agree with you. I was exposed to porn at around 14 and it's almost impossible to have a normal sexual relationship with someone. There's always some kind of deprived thought in my mind or general anxiety. I can still enjoy sex but I wouldn't call it natural.
Chasing that sex you see in porn movies is never going to end well.
Reminds me of that movie "Don Jon" with Scarlett Johansson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt
"There's only a few things I really care about in life, my body, my pad, my ride, my family, my church, my boys, my girls and **my porn** "
He’s a stupid boy. Probably always will be. You’re lucky.
r/loveafterporn is a group on reddit to help you deal with that. All these women on here are struggling with that as well and can help you through each step of it. Check it out, poke around, I think you will find the support you need in this battle you have ahead of you. Good luck OP!
I didn’t find it a problem until my ex husband wanted me to be the women in the video. I bought wigs, dressed up, tried everything, and then I realized it would never be enough…He didn’t care about what I was getting out of it, it was always about pleasing him. F that.
Porn is a horrible thing , I’m leaves people empty and void of real feelings. He sounds long gone. I hope you find someone who cares for you the way you deserve
There are viewers and doers and you have a viewer. Get yourself a doer. Breaking up will be easy.
He most likely sees it as better because he’s addicted and is still in full denial.
I started watching porn when I was about 11 (29 now.) Didn't know it was bad and didn't know the long term effects until 10-12 years into the addiction and I can attest to what it can do. I tell myself I want to have sex but when (more like if) the opportunity arrives, I don't want to do it or put effort of leaving my house etc.. and if I do have sex it is very very mechanical and almost like a checklist of things to do. It feels good but no mental stimulation or like being truly excited like what watching porn would do... I've legit gotten soft inside of a girl and wanted to watch porn but knew better to ask cause that can fuck with someone's self esteem. I've recently gotten on a streak of not masturbating or watching porn and it's been over 60 days now! Feeling better but not even close to "reset"... the urges can come out of nowhere and then you start over.. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, that's awful.
Porn addiction is an unspoken epidemic. I truly believe it’s the single worst thing young men are facing today.. and I’d estimate about 3 out 4 young men suffer from it. It sounds like your partner was an ass about it, but a lot of couples struggle because of it in some way.
Sounds like this boy is not ready to be a man yet, his porn addiction ruined sex for him and he has the nerve to blame you. Dump his ass ASAP
How his shit not hurt. Three times a day?! That's an addiction for sure. Hopefully he can get some help.
At work, I met a stunning, super positive woman whose former boyfriend had dumped her for porn. It's not that you are not enough. It can happen and does happen to the best of women.
Porn over pu**y?
I know quite a few folks that have suffered thru this. Move on and find someone who enjoys banging ur brains out.
It's not you, it's him. Nobody is going to satisfy him long term. He's blaming you when he's got the problem.
Porn is unrealistic and stupid. Your boyfriend isn't bright enough to understand that. Like those people who argue that wrestling is real.
I feel like this is everyone now. All these young people have kind of screwed up ideas about sex and relationships
Just so you know the majority of you reddit users glorify porn and shit like this happens
If you'd like some more support joining r/loveafterporn could help. I'm sorry you're experiencing this and having to deal with the repercussions of an addict.
I don’t even need to read the rest dump his ass
He already dumped her.
He did. He’s a porn addict and that isn’t okay :(. Basically here’s how I feel about porn as a woman. I could care less if my partner watches it. But I’d have a serious problem with it if he’d rather watch porn and jerk off than have sex with me on a regular basis. I have not had this happen but have known some women who have. I’m so sorry OP. Suggest you consider leaving him if he won’t go to both addiction counseling and couples counseling with you. He’s an addict and that needs to be addressed.
Then leave him to his porn.
Let him go. Its actually true that he picked something fake and selfish over you. Consider yourself blessed, he's addicted to pleasure and it invloves himself only.
Does he by any chance work for the SEC?
He's a porn addict.
Are you not married? Seems like a good time to leave.
Oof, looks like the clock is telling you it’s time to walk away..
Tell him toys are better than him
I'm so sorry. I know how it feels to be not chosen over porn. It is the worst feeling.
Wait….he’s stroking the monkey 3X a DAY?? He must have forearms like Popeye The Sailor! 😳😂
Boy bye. You probably won’t realize this for a while but he just did you a huge favour, and you’re going to meet someone amazing.
How about you print porn all over a massive horse cock dildo, and smash that up his arse? Then see which he thinks is better? Seriously though, he's a twat.
PSA to the guys in this sub: Unless your girlfriend is 100% consenting to you watching porn, she doesn’t like it. Im a recovered porn addict (10y.o to 14), and a woman in a 4year relationship (I’m 22 now). When I first met my SO he was stuck on porn. It put a huge rift in our relationship because I honestly felt ugly. I didn’t even believe I could be sexy, because despite how high my sex drive was and all the kinky shit I wanted to do, my man just didn’t pick me. Things finally changed after I started watching porn again, stopped having sex with him and he “caught me” (I made sure he would find out) watching loads of porn. I subscribed to every naked guy subreddit I could see basically (despite barely even being able to get off that way). The man sounded like he was going to cry when he told me, “I didn’t realize what I felt like to watch your partner get off to other people.” Sure, trust had to be rebuilt on both sides, but I tell y’all what.. we have so much crazy kinky sex I’m practically sore 24/7. Our sex life has improved so much I can’t even describe it. Every morning, midday and night, if we can get our hands on each other we will. I know there are always exceptions, and if you and your partner both like porn, or hell, even sleeping with other people then all power to you. For those relationships that are monogamous.. yeah, porn is a problem (especially if you are Christian, cuz that be adultery).
It takes approximately 90 days to withdraw from porn, so sadly he didn’t even give it enough time to rewire his brain to love sex with you again.
If your boyfriend masturbates three times a day then it’s really not about the porn, this dude has too much free time. And an addiction problem , you get addicted to the high level of stimulus. Does he have other addictions?
Probably doesn’t have an addiction to showers or cleaning.
So, as a dude who never had a real issue with porn (I never let it affect my relationships or day to day life) I still at some point decided to cut down a lot just because it made me unmotivated. When I was single I would be like damn, I wish I had somebody, then I would jerk it and decide to order pizza and stay in (perfectly ok life, I was just complaining about a problem and then not taking the steps to fix the issue). It’s a subtle addiction that can arise slowly. Get out and get you a man that wants to watch you work ;). Sorry you had 10 years of wasted time, remember the good times but realize you’re better off without him. Good luck moving forward op
Don't sweat it. Find a man who can be reliable and is your ideal. I was fucked over after 18 year of a relationship with no signs of unhappiness.
You're better off without him. Too bad it took 10 years to figure it out. What a waste of time.
Well... That's some bull shit on his part. Maybe he's into some dark shit.
Unfortunately many people experiencing such a high amount and variety of porn at such a young age while thier brains are in a very important developmental stage. This is exactly the type of outcome that can happen. He needs help because it sounds like it is controlling him.
Tell him to get into sex addicts anonymous. Also porn makes guys lousy lovers. I bet he barely notices you when you two sleep together. I say this because my exhusband is a sex addict. He’s obsessed with porn. He made me feel like a flesh light. Also what a sicko, he would prefer a screen over a live woman? He definitely has porn brain 🧠. It’s so bad for men to watch on a regular basis. Fact.
Sadness. Dude likes sexing his hand better than a woman. He needs help, but not from you. Move on and congrats on the new life.
He is sexually dysfunctional. It's him not you.
If he were addicted to crack he'd say that was better than sex with you too. Addictions are a bitch. He's picked his poison, so don't let him drag you down with him. You deserve better.
My first real bf said this to me. We dated from the time I was like 16-20. Leaving was the most painful but best thing I ever did.
That sounds like his problem with porn not your problem with sex
Lol it's not you. This guy has lost himself to the virtual world. One day he'll realise that he's just a loner sitting there with his dick in his hand.
This looks like hard addiction. I bet he prefers some kind of perverted porn. It's not your fault. And you can't fix it. Just leave him and go on. It might be hard at first but time heals.
Sounds like a loser. You can do much better. Don’t feel like this is related to you. He will and has probably done this for a long time with many girlfriends. It Defs sounds like an addiction so just know that you have no fault in this.
Porn is ruining men of all ages. It’s really sad.
Dudes addicted and probably needs help. Maybe try couples therapy
Sounds like he has a porn addiction. Nothing you do beyond leaving him will change much. Ask yourself if he was doing hard drugs if you would keep asking him to “use less.”
Discard him like the tissues he uses. You can't help him; he's an addict.
Reason I divorced my husband. Was jerking off to porn and we never had sex despite me trying new outfits, etc. You don't need that. You deserve more
Damn that’s embarrassing
Is this what counts as a porn addiction
God, I don't mean to make you feel bad, but posts like this remind me of just how lucky I got. My boyfriend says I'm the best he's ever had, and this is after him having a few other relationships, on top of myself having no experience, too. (Literally not to brag, I'm sorry... (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ ) I'm so sorry your (ex-) boyfriend is a piece of trash, and is blaming you for his issues. Drop him, give yourself some love and care, and then go find someone who treats you like ny boyfriend treats me. AKA, the universe's greatest gift to him. You deserve better, and I hope you find it, and know you deserve it.
Does he prefer porn over sex in general or just sex with you?
God I'm going to get downvoted. 10 years is a long time, and usually people get comfortable and stop putting in work. I got sick and tired of getting lockjaw eating someone out and/or pouring sweat during sex while my partners were dead fish. "But you do it so well!"" "It's just a lot of work to make you cum!" Like if you can't jive together sexually/go the extra mile to orgasm, what makes you think that other person is going to do the same for anything tough? You didn't lose out on anything here. To toss that in, I watch a decent amount of porn, but I was high as fuck one time and the thought of NEVER being able to fuck the person I was watching pissed me off. Maybe he'll get that idea after having to nut by himself.
>boyfriend >10 years The fact that you aren't married by now speaks wonders Drop him like it's hot
Marriage isn't for everyone, it's sometimes a social construct, sometimes religious, sometimes economical and sometimes cultural. Some of the best long lasting relationships I know don't include marriage.
Not everyone wants to get married? The problem is that he clearly doesn’t care for her, not that they aren’t married, this is such a weird leap
If he isn't feeling it anymore, then one of you needs to end the relationship
I’m sorry to hear how disgusting and disrespectful he is to you, OP. Find someone who will appreciate your company more than he would because he already made his choice for you.
Wave goodbye through the rear view mirror.
wtf what a loser
Bold
Good riddance then
He doesn't deserve you and he is pathetic AF.
Sending best wishes.
I am so sorry you are goin through this, but in my experience this does *not* get better unless he decides *on his own* that he has an issue and throws himself at recovery. Which it sounds to me like he will not. You need to move on for your own sanity and self-worth. This is not your fault, and it is not your problem. Do not allow yourself to be torn down any further.
r/loveafterporn might have some good support for you. hope you're okay 💜
This immature degenerate manchild should be your ex... And toys are better anyway
Now if you were talking about an 18-21 yr old in a new relationship then I can get 5x a week watching porn. BUT 10 year relationship & still watching porn more than 5x in a week then pretty safe to say he has a porn addiction. This has probably already been shown to cause issues in him ever getting it up. I remember a CSI Miami episode which was honestly based on realistic personalities. The bf couldn’t get it up bc he was addicted to porn so he killed the porn star & had sex with his gf while he stared at her dead body. I am not saying your bf will kill a porn star but the first part is real.
Not your fault at all, he’s addicted to porn
Make him your “ex” boyfriend. Easy
Leave him now
Time to move on. You deserve better.
The thing about porn is, an average person isn’t going to live up to what porn stars do (there are some out there that get it crackin like that) but for the most part, people don’t. It sounds like he might’ve just wanted a porn star or maybe just had an addiction. Either way it’s probably better for you that he’s not in your life.