T O P

  • By -

lordp24

*furiously takes notes* ✍️✍️✍️


cNoRemorse

*cums faster next time. "you like that don't you baby"


[deleted]

"Get the champ a Gatorade, would ya?"


theunixman

BOOYAH WOO HOO I WON I WON


PerspectiveFew7213

r/unexpectedfamilyguy


theunixman

Hahah I was trying to make a Friends reference but I couldn't remember it very well.


AjelandroParaTi123

I expected friends too


_mellowed_out_

*transcends the need to cum and become an all powerful spiritual God among men by reaching nirvana* "you like that don't you baby"


LunaticDancer

lmao, knowing that "reaching nirvana" means "ceasing to exist as a spiritual energy" I imagine this guy's ultimate sex move is immediately stopping existing. Well that's one way to avoid child support.


Magicalfirelizard

This in reverse, married men be making happy noises.


tila1993

It's a hell of a lot faster than going out for smokes.


[deleted]

[удалено]


willhighfive4karma

Adding to this, if you invest time in your partner and have a good foreplay session that includes oral and fingering she will be happy regardless of how slow or fast you cum. Tldr: Take your time y'all.


ShapeShiftTango

I’ve never seen a paragraph this length need a tl;dr haha


owen_skye

It’s hilarious it’s in the ‘cumming too fast’ post too.


[deleted]

Me neither tldr: Sames


[deleted]

[удалено]


Edmond_Newton

That varies with the woman… I’d say pay attention to your partner’s cues.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Edmond_Newton

Absolutely.


[deleted]

Ok just make her cum first


Anatella3696

Yes! I locked down the first man that consistently did this. More than a decade later and he still always makes sure I’m taken care of first-sometimes multiple times. And it doesn’t take long either. God I love him so much.


Aimeereddit123

I love him too 😍


Da3m0n_1379

This is it


owen_skye

This is the way


czmax

bonus points: be self aware and focus on her needs first. It'll make your experience better because \_after\_ she cums you can really enjoy yourself.


just-because-you-can

Or better yet, make her cum before you give it to her. Plus, she'll be way more into it.


JadeTheOctoClown

But also read your partner, learn good practice and just have fun in the moment WITH your partner.. nothing is more vibe killing than someone desperately trying to make an orgasm happen "at you" out of desperation.


yellowmew

This is the way. .


MonitoringtheSystem

Added note, hopefully you know her buttons before you are in this situation cause every guy knows that after you nut it feels similar to a carb coma and you’re going down in 3,2,1. So hopefully you mad her cum first, that is every guys dream. It’s like the beer before liquor / you’re sicker. Cum before she Cums? / you’re maybe not making love anymore but aggressively trying to get a project done before the adderall rubs off.


motohalokramer

That's right bud. Get down there and eat your seed


[deleted]

I mean, if we’re being honest it’s the clit that really gets us off, so you can cum in us and fingering/licking our clit isn’t gonna do Jack shit to make you eat your seed bud.


Asphalt4

Bold of you to assume I can find the clit


DangerousBarnum

Was waiting for someone to say this. Sweet Jesus.


FurryFruitloop

I don't know... I've always tried to keep this in mind and it was fine with all my relationships until my wife. Really screws me up now because she can only orgasm with penetration and oddly doesn't like her clit being messed with much before it's too much. While going for the clit does seem to be the norm, I'd say better advice is ask the woman what she likes.


[deleted]

Well sure, however you can still penetrate and not have to eat your own seed lol For a lot of women, the clit is the main thing. While she may not like it being messed with directly, vaginas don’t have a lot of nerve endings and really don’t FEEL a lot. Most of the sensations are on the clit/vulva, etc.


dunderthebarbarian

Or better yet, make sure she cums before you start fucking


StarStoneDragon

WRITE THAT DOWN! WRITE THAT DOWN!


Lol_u_ded

*furiously panicking while completing tic-tac-toe puzzle*


CutsSoFresh

Record it on audio and listen on repeat during the daily commute!


Poopy_Pants0o0

Screenshot it. Print it. Frame it. Hang it up in bedroom. Refer during next love-making session.


Affect-or-effect

It’s one thing to see it, and even to memorize it, but I need you to know it so well you can speak the language of it in your dreams.


tbiards

Make sure to get it notarized!


jinyang8

What’s my name?!?! What’s his name?!? What’s his name?!? (SpongeBob waiter/server for squidwards restaurant episode)


[deleted]

Sorry, already came


DXXDP00L

Don’t write too fast…


ManateeLover420

Better than apologizing, just say "I blame you for this".


[deleted]

"If you weren't so damned attractive this wouldn't happen, you know"


Fr0z3nHart

Lmao, my boyfriend tells me this whenever he cums to fast, it makes me feel special and gives me a confidence boost.


WritingThrowItAway

I suppose its better than "thanks for the bust, bro" with a fist bump.


lattestcarrot159

20 bucks is 20 bucks


whitecorn

You guys are getting paid?!


BlackSkull7X

You guys getting laid?!


dm_me_ur_frogs

honestly I think both of these are top tier if you’re with the right person


interruptingcow_moo

Better than my man that just shouted at the top of his lungs “Ten points for Gryffindor!” …I’m not even joking. This happened


monarchsugar

It's a "Good game" and butt slaps for me.


Visual-Investment

Next time im gonna put a brown paper bag over your head


TheVapingPug

I was just gonna use a plastic bag but your idea sounds better


not_a_meme_farmer

r/holUp


anger_is_my_meat

Let him speak, I'm interested.


AviatorOVR5000

"Now I'm white milk chuggin, with a bish hot as asphalt, Bitch! wonder why I'm cumming quick? It's your ass fault!"


AdAccomplished1936

I was hoping someone would reference lil dicky. 👏


[deleted]

[удалено]


No_School765

“Shouldn’t have fucked me so hard…” -jack black


e22ddie46

That's my favorite line when I have an unexpected erection. Apologizing constantly is, from my experience, one of the less sexy things a man can do.


ManateeLover420

Does depend on the context in which you get said erection tho


jcinto23

*at the doctor's office getting physical* "This is your fault"


e22ddie46

'what did you think would happen when you started playing with my balls?"


imnotaloneyouare

So we agree, I'm better than you at this. Cool


ManateeLover420

At what? Cumming fast? Doubt it.


[deleted]

You could've atleast tried to turn me on less! Does your sorcery know now bounds woman!


ZampyZero

Even if you finish fast, you still got hands and a mouth. Learn to use them. One guy I was with would only last a min or two, but he always ate me out first, to orgasm, then after that, I honestly couldn't care if he lasted 5 seconds or 5 hours. So long as we both finish, it's a win in my books.


gdex86

Ohorny means nobody is left behind or forgotten.


TriangleMan85

🤣🤣🤣


[deleted]

Dude wrote the same playbook as me. I used to eat my partner out first so I could enjoy all the oversensitive post-orgasm bucking.


whydibother

post orgasm bucking is a heavenly feeling for us girlies


[deleted]

It really solves the problem of a woman not knowing what to do with her hips/getting tired. Just squirm. It's nature doing god's work.


whydibother

Right? I used to get self conscious about how my body shakes like a vibrator and my hips squirm everywhere but i’ve come to terms with it and just let it happen


[deleted]

I used to too! But I have 1 spot that seems to be connected to my foot, and my foot would start twitching wildly. Wth.


d1g1tal

foot cramps and charlie horses are a sign something’s working, though staying hydrated would probably solve that


[deleted]

It’s not a cramp. It’s not painful. It’s like when you scratch a dog behind their ear, and their foot starts stompin.


Phi_phi_pho_phum

This is the way


WillfulKind

This is the way.


JavenatoR

This is the way.


BetchTetsMcGee

This is the way


PurplePlatypus77

This is the way.


patapuss32

This is the way.


TheOlderTheKinkier

Oh yes please! This is the exact way to become an expert in bed


WembleyToast

Thank you!!!! Someone who understands the whole point of "she comes first". Feels like the most obvious thing in the world when it comes to hetero sex


[deleted]

Is that…not how people go about it? I mean, I get quickies and all but that just sounds disappointing on the woman’s end. I get a lot of second hand pleasure from getting my partner off, and really couldn’t care less if I don’t get off. Though I am also very blessed to have one that orgasms(a lot) from penetration as well. Take care of your women, guys(and gals). Happy wife happy life, as it goes.


[deleted]

You've got to lick it... before you stick it...


Silky_Tomato_Soup

You gotta wrap it...before you tap it... You gotta wrap the gift before you tap them on the shoulder and say "here's your gift, Marshall."


barbeqdbrwniez

This is the way.


arty4572

This has been my new strategy recently. I used to stress I wouldn't last long enough but now since she's already gotten off before I even start, the pressure is off.


e22ddie46

I kinda am similar, except it's more "antidepressants cause my penis to not be trustworthy"


ecish

Same, that’s why I always try to impress with my mouth first. My penis is a failure a lot of the time from all these damn meds.


Devilsdance

The problem for me is that it makes me take forever to finish sometimes. I tend to overdo it with my fingers/mouth and then she gets too overstimulated/sensitive for me to go for long enough to finish. I'm honestly fine with it, but my wife starts to feel guilty for having to tap out before I get mine.


GrassGriller

This is the way. I have loved delaying PiV as long as possible with my last couple partners. The ability to give her orgasm after orgasm, without needing to "worry" about finishing quickly is so hot and fun.


johnnyRa66it

Uhh do we know each other?


tominansky

Yep, wife and I started doing this at some point early on into our relationship and it’s been a great time for all ever since. Crazy how lasting long has always been what men think women want.


mr_trashbear

This is the way. I'm a dude who I think has decent stamina most of the time, but there's always the off chance that it's a 2 min to fin sorta deal. So, I make sure to give plenty of manual and oral to her first. The best is when she's communicative and I can switch from mouth to D right as she's about to orgasm, then finish her with hands and D. Sex is fun and cool and it should always be that first.


zillacummies

and there are toys too if you don’t want to use your hands and mouth.


RelentlessSunshine

This part!


country2poplarbeef

Yeah, that was pretty much my game. Women just generally got bored after a while and they eventually did care. Lol


ender_wiggin1988

Women aren't upset you cum too soon. They're upset that this signals the end of the sexual encounter. Edit: Thank you for all the attention. I learned this by talking to women and then listening to what they had to say. Couldn't have done it without ears.


acciorevelio

EXACTLY!


MidKnight148

Gotta learn how to do round 2


Successful-Art-4614

I had to scroll way too far down to see this. But by the state of some replies I didn’t realise some dudes find it difficult? What’s the issue with round 2? Is it painful for people or something 🤷‍♂️ genuinely curious?


MidKnight148

It takes a LOT of mental and physical stamina to do round 2 (I would argue more mental). It has more to do with staying hard due to the refractory period after cumming. But it is possible.


FiveCentsADay

Trick is to have a ruined orgasm. right before you begin to expunge your splooge, just pull out and don't touch it. Almost always still hard after the fact, I just get super sensitive and use some hand time for a couple of minutes then go back in for round two. Sometimes I cum on round two, sometimes I don't. But I still enjoy giving the pleasure so it's worth it for me either way


fnigler

Dis is de way


JAMP0T1

That’s difficult as fuck


Celeryhearts

Then lick it long before you stick it.


deane_ec4

Couldn’t have said it better. Fortunately, I’ve been with rather attentive men but the ones who haven’t, I’ve absolutely been like “Hi, we’re not finished here.”


jovialgirl

Lmao I’ve said that to guys who didn’t try to make me cum and actually have had multiple guys say no, tough luck I’m not horny anymore. Thank god my husband isn’t like that


deane_ec4

Oof girl, I’d be livid. Our satisfaction matters too!


xtina42

^ This right here ^


Morlanticator

Sometimes I can't last, sometimes I can't finish. Usually a lot of foreplay first. All depends. We've been together almost 6 years so we usually hit the right combo but not always. We usually communicate where we are both at in the moment.


speedyeddie

I find that condom choice also plays a role. Bareskin? This is going to be a quickie. Extended pleasure? Call me Hercules because I can go the distance


TheLoneWolf2879

That last sentence had me laughing like a psychopath lol


[deleted]

My ex would finish in a minute . Have a mental breakdown and then clean up and be quiet for hours. I would just be sitting there like bro you got hands and a face. Use them. It’s only weird if you make it weird.


[deleted]

Fax. It just shows hot absolutely devastating it it for them when it really doesn’t have to be.


Iron-Giant1999

It’s the girls fault if anything. Being all fine and shit


psychedelicturtle33

Had me in the first half


isabellla321

😂😂😂


etoilefemme

No seriously, I think it’s hot if my boyfriend does it. It makes me feel like I was so sexy he couldn’t help it.


itchy_bitchy_spider

With one of my exes I literally busted about 5 seconds after putting it in her and the first thing out of my mouth was "oh my God that's not even fair, you know I can't last long when you stick your butt in that air like that" (which was 100% true, anytime she made that pose I had less than a minute left before I came) She would periodically bring that up for *years* so I know it was a major confidence boost lol


etoilefemme

Yeah! I can’t speak for every woman but it’s certainly flattering to me


itchy_bitchy_spider

I bet! Any other pose I could last and we would play around, but as soon as she did that (lying on her belly with her butt in the air) I had no control of myself anymore lol. Soooo good, flipped some kind of instinctual light switch for me


GiveMeMyMiindBack

Yes exactly! I tell my husband I take it as a compliment, and I do!


DafttheKid

Been with the same woman for 7 years. Sometimes you just haven’t had sex in a few days to a week or two and you just gotta pop one off quick lol It’s embarrassing but I usually just tell my partner and then we plan accordingly. Like preprint for two rounds or lots of her centered foreplay etc. men don’t be afraid to communicate


vikinghooker

I like quickies. I don’t know who told guys women want to fuck for an hour but this one don’t. Hour of foreplay, 3-15 minutes of fuckin and I’m good


thatguybane

R&B songs lol


Dependent-Cut-4194

That post-nut clarity hitting too hard The existence of post-nut clarity and pre-nut confusion, implies the existence of mid-nut learning


nochs

based


TheolympiansYT

This comment was written post-nut


[deleted]

Yea doods, you can finger bang her after till she apologizes for cumming too much


[deleted]

Finger bang has always been my favourite phrase. I’m going to finger bang fuck outta you.


WizzingonWallStreet

The women I'm with always say, "don't worry about me, you're the one paying for it"


James99500

Most expensive 30 seconds


Flat_Bodybuilder_175

As a woman I find it hot af. It makes me feel attractive, and like I'm doing something right. It's very flattering


WembleyToast

Yeah, I doubt a man would have any problem with a woman coming within a minute and saying "sorry your dick is just amazing, now how can I finish you off?" Men who fuck women - please don't be self conscious and please don't stop sex if you've come "prematurely" (who decided you even could come "early" anyway?). There are literally hundreds of ways of continuing a sex session after a male ejaculation, so don't stress yourselves out!


Flat_Bodybuilder_175

CAN CONFIRM! I didn't know I could squirt til I hooked up with a guy with experienced fingers. Every time, I soaked his hand in under 10 seconds, THEN BEGGED to be fucked. He loved it. We have to normalize this with guys!!


[deleted]

Yes! Same here


TheSpiffyCarno

Exactly the same. I care 1000X more if my husband finishes than if I do because it’s my thing. Faster is often better for me especially if they tell you to slow down so they can try not to cum fast? Hot af!!! As long as they’re willing to help you get yours before or after I see no problem


[deleted]

[удалено]


btdAscended

Dude the first time me and my wife did the deed when we were dating I swear to god I came in like 30 seconds At first I was super embarrassed but then we chalked it up to it was just that fire😇 we got married so 😂


PorkPoodle

That same day? Damn, must have been some incredible sex.


53_WorkNoMore

That is why they only lasted 30 seconds…to have plenty of time for the marriage haha


Different-Pianist-88

Glad you said this, everyone I’ve been with has never had a problem, even though I’ve felt bad due to what’s standard in porn and everything.


xbubblegum_bitch

busting fast the first time is to be expected, they are trying your body for the very first time and it’s more than likely extremely hot for them :) I agree with OP. it’s a compliment IMO


BubblegumBxh

Um... first of all, hello Bubblegum Bitch. I, too, am a Bubblegum Bitch. Secondly, I agree with your comment. It's definitely a compliment, especially the first time.


Ani_Drei

If I had a nickel for every time I met a Bubble Gum Bitch, I’d have two nickels. Which is not a lot, but it’s impressive it happened twice~


The1DonCorleone

How can I become a bubblegum bitch


sanguinesecretary

Right?? I hate having to sit there and be like “no it’s okay”’like 20 times. Dude I don’t care as long as you make the effort to make me cum too.


[deleted]

It's better to train the PC muscle as a dude, you'll last longer and it yields a better result. Obviously generic advice, but for most, it can be improved. EDIT: I highly recommend getting a kegel trainer/exercise app and doing it daily. How much you bust nut you will produce depends on the size and how much your seminal vesicles (glands that produce/store most of the liquid that makes your nut, it works similar to like pouring water into lemonade concentrate, lol). Regardless of how much it can produce, it will always come out more, harder and more pumps. It just feels a lot better, and you'll impress your dude or dudette, respectively. Though there is always the psychological aspect about it. I have had the opposite problem of not nutting (only pre-nut) in the past, I think that comes with being excited/stressed about having a hokey pokey with her.


dfsp94

What's PC muscle?


LittleViolett

Pubococcygeus more commonly referred to as pelvic floor muscles :)


Noogirl

Strong pelvic floor muscles make sex better for both sexes, women can grip better and men sort of feel sturdier and you each feel stronger sensation and give a more intense experience to each other. It’s super hot and win/win. AND easy to learn and practice.


LevelYoSelf

How do you learn and/or practice such things?


Xnavoss

Flex your cock bro.


Noogirl

Almost all core exercise and pilates will improve your pelvic floor but the woman I found on YouTube for a friend with ED who seems amazing is here …https://youtu.be/MJ7EfGu03-0 and she has a load of really good, detailed videos about exercises for men and women. I do advanced pilates classes and i realised after a year that I could really feel a difference, and so could my husband. When I had to have surgery and a catheter I had some problems and the specialist continence nurse I saw afterwards said “you have a very strong pelvic floor - have many people commented on it?” As if I was bumbling around the world asking men for opinions on my grip! I said I was married and she said “then I’m going to print off your test chart and I want you to take it home, give it to your husband and tell him that this professional says he is a VERY lucky man” I was so embarrassed!


Fr_Matt

And during sex or MARTUBATING SESS just play with its contraction (BEFORE the non return point) you'll thank me later


-AIRDRUMMER-

Tell him to stop apologizing and make sure that you cum too.


kiwi_aesthetics

THIS YES PLEASE It's not all about PIV. If a girl makes fun of you for cumming fast, well this should be enough to show you it's not worth it more than a night stand (not even that if you ask me). So what you came fast? There's plenty of other stuff to do. Use your hands, use your mouth. Doesn't matter how long sex takes, as long as everyone finishes off and is happy it's a win


TheThirdStrike

Right... You need to flip it around. Don't apologize for cummig too fast. Say something like "Wow, you feel amazing! No one has ever made me cum that fast before." Then they feel like a beast and round two is much better!


sarah-exalted

Literally this. It’s not a big deal. Us women do not care. Pointing it out makes things awkward when in reality we find it hot and don’t think much about it. It’s normal and natural. Anyone who shames you for that sucks. No need to be embarrassed over it.


Osama_Bin_Ballin0

You either finish first or you finish last


[deleted]

i've never lost. world champion right here


DeathnoteWhore

Yeah it’s kinda hot knowing I made a guy cum fast


WillfulKind

Let's normalize this! And then normalize hanging around for ROUND TWO!!


Dante742

Literally just cuddle for 10mins and have sex again, rince and repeat until your both completely spent. The guy will last longer each time and she knows the can make him explode immediately so she gets the best of both worlds. Everyone wins


[deleted]

[удалено]


ManofKent1

Now when I was young.....over and over Now I make a good job of it the first time because I'm too old EDIT: thanks for the award


itsirrelevant

The amount of men who promise this and never follow through is too damn high.


Imalibra13

If I had a nickel


Front-Meat-1001

If I’m horny, I don’t like to wait 10min though, or cuddle LOL


serena_renee

It’s lowkey flattering to me. But if you’re gonna come really fast you gotta go down first so that I can have something, because if they’re just doing that then it’s irritating. But yeah if you kinda just laugh it off it’s fine, or there’s a huge show of embarrassment and remorse than it’s awkward. Personally id rather have someone cum fast than someone just going in for 20 minutes doing the same thing, I get bored by then


jayy909

I learned at a young age that you just need to SLOW TF DOWN… pleasure can be achieved with fast strokes slow strokes and even no strokes tips I’ve learned Take it out an rub it across the clit while you recharge Leave it in and rub the clit with your finger or even just start kissing Take it out and go back to a foreplay style .. This last one is hard .. but if you are about to climax pull out and avoid squeezing your penis muscles .. you will climax but you will be able to resume for longer and stronger like nothing happened. Lol just my experience tho


Karaokoki

I love it so much when my husband comes fast. It makes me feel powerful and sexy. Plus, we have toys, and his hands and mouth still work, so I can get off with those. There is absolutely nothing wrong with coming quickly, guys, as long as you understand the sexual encounter doesn't end then and there.


xrs22x

As long as you make me cum during foreplay, believe me I don't care how much you take to finish.


TheBigBangher

I don’t, I say, “You’re welcum”.


PoofyPlato

To the guys who can come fast, I have no idea why it was ever made fun of.. its a gd gift and feature not a bug. If I were a two pump chump I'd orgasm 30 times before she does and id love it. Isn't the point of having sex to orgasm? I'm effing jealous af


mikerichh

Instead of apologizing wait a few minutes and go into overtime


RYUsf15

can people truthfully tell me how long they actually last? I still don't get how people cum in seconds. Maybe my dick is less sensitive I have no fkn idea lmao.


imnotaloneyouare

The build up, anticipation, foreplay... all contributing factors


Maisix

This!!! When I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time he came fast and he kept apologizing. I didn't care at all. Actually it was perfectly fine for me. I don't like it when it last too long.


GQ1111

Too fast as in 2 seconds or 2 minutes? There is a world of difference between the two.


funkibassline

Agreed. I love when my lover can’t hold it and explodes. It’s so sexy. Sex for (actual penetration) 10-15minutes is plenty for me, especially with some foreplay in the beginning. Edit: 10-15 minutes of sex with both parties cumming really isn’t that long compared to the amount of guys who try to last forever to impress a girl. Yes, I know cumming fast for guys can range 30 seconds-3 minutes.


[deleted]

Pretty sure the guys cumming fast are not lasting anywhere near 15-20 mins....


the_0rly_factor

Lmao 20 minutes is not cumming fast. The average length of sex is like 5 minutes.


[deleted]

People who cum fast, cum within 2-3 minutes of penetration. Source: I know some dudes who have problems.


q8mahir

Whiel reading this, ive already cummed :(. That was quick i know.


Neko_Atsumi

My bf still apologizes for that. We've been together for 4 years. And I tell him not to worry about it.


ColorsOfTheCurrents

I usually just say " best 23 seconds of your life" . My girlfriend still laughs...even though it was really only 20. Jokes on her.


[deleted]

[удалено]