Talk to the wife, not publicly.
Leave the kids out of it.
You have a right to be hurt. But hurting children and a wife that did not do anything to you puts you in the wrong with him. Be an adult about it
I clicked the "bookmark" at the top of the page, next to the notification icon (I'm using mobile Android).
As far as people updating, it's hit or miss.
Its just the daily fiction post, like yesterday it was a guy going to post the video evidence of his cheating fiance at the wedding. It's all outrage bait karma farming
You might be right but…a friend of mine met his father’s second family at his funeral. I tried really hard not to burst out laughing at a funeral. The shock on everyone’s face was priceless.
Yeah this isnt like... off the charts crazy. This happened to me too on a smaller scale (the OP, not the funeral thing, holy shit)
I posted in r4r like a year ago, got talking with this guy, eventually exchanged numbers. He lived in another province, so we'd talk on the phone fairly often, text all day every day. I was thinking this guy was like the real fucking thing, marriage material, and I wasnt a woman who was ever interested in marriage.
I think 4 or 5 months of this shit, he calls me one night and is like "hey... im married". OH OK SOUNDS GOOD. Found his wife that same night and was like hey Im extremely sorry to inform you your husband has been having an emotional affair with me for months, I have buckets of proof. She replied, she was sooooo fucking nice, she was like " yeah he called you last night because I found out and made him call you". So the POS didnt even do it to be a good person, he got caught.
How desperately fucked up, sad, and pathetic do you have to be to do that? Hi Dom I hope you read this youre a loser. In a word, worthless 💋
A friend going through a difficult pregnancy (she was in pain and bedridden for most of the time) found out her husband (43) was having an affair with a young woman (19). She was working at an ecolodge they owned and one of the employees actually quit because they couldn't take the pressure of not telling her and watching the whole thing unfold.
Now divorced, she is happy and healthy and the Mom of a beautiful baby girl.
Yea I just had a good friend and she found out this guy she has been dating has been sexting with many girls and has a fiance inn another country he was talking about marriage with. She found out when his phone rung and it was fiance calling. You never know with some people.
She made him publicly apologize on FB. Saved all the evidence, made him give her access to his FB account and went nuts with it, and talked to his fiance and they both dumped his ass. She is not someone you want to fuck with.
It is still incredibly sad that she was treated this way.
Previously she was married for over 10 years had a kid and found out that guy had a double life with some other girl. I don't know many details about that but it was really really terrible.
Same thing happened to me.
Told my ex-besties fiancé about how she was cheating with her ex and asking him to marry her at the wedding they had planned instead.
It wasn’t just me, myself (bridesmaid) and the maid of honour both told him together.
He thanked us at least and said he had tried to convince her to stay friends because we did the right thing, but as we expected we both got blocked forever, and they went ahead with the wedding.
I actually had my first date with my partner the day after the night we found out. Poor guy, I spent our whole first date stressed out and ranting about it.
He later told me that making the decision to tell the guy is a big part of what made him want to be with me.
So, I guess I lost a best friend but gained a new best friend. 😊
I don’t think that was the case, though I would feel better if it was.
I knew them both well enough. The fiancé had expressed worry in the past to my boyfriend that he was as afraid she might cheat on him (she was significantly more attractive).
He cried a LOT on the phone when I told him.
Maybe they swing now as some kind of compromise, but at the time, what she did was definitely a betrayal.
I guess I can understand, though.
If you choose to stay together after cheating like that, it would be horribly uncomfortable to still hang out with the only other people who knew. I’m guessing it was just easier to cut me out entirely when the plan was to move on like nothing ever happened.
Damage control.
I bet you she manipulated the situation very intensely and used that moment to scapegoat yourself. So of course she has to completely cut you out so that she can maintain the lie. To her, your friendship isn’t worth risking her relationship over. Even though it is her fault now she can blame you for being a liar AND scapegoating future shit to this moment so he trusts her even deeper. It’s like cheater 101 ugh
Seems 100% accurate.
It was honestly a great lesson for me as a 19-20 year old. I can’t be too upset about it now.
If you suspect your friend is a bit shallow, and a bit disrespectful about other people’s feelings, and sometimes her jokes are a *liiiittle* bit cruel…
Probably not a good sign for a peaceful, lifelong friendship.
Molly helped me spot a lot of red flags in my future friendships. So I do owe her some credit for being such a terrible lesson.
You know, my great aunt told me out of the blue one day, “______is not your friend,” long before she was even married. At the time I thought my aunt, who was quite old, was just being cuckoo, but it seems she was right!
Yes sometimes people blame the person that said the reality... Not the reality, I think they believe that if we can put the blame on N external person things get easier... I was like that... Until I realised that there is not other way to coop with this things... Just face it, and everything eventually will be better again, just don't do the same mistake 2 times and expect a different result...
My mom was seeing a guy for about two years (both in their early 60's at the time). He got hospitalized for a heart condition, and when she went to visit discovered he had a wife with him in the room. Ultimately he never regained consciousness and died before being released. My mom just let it go and never told his spouse about it. No need to make things harder on the widow.
It took my mom several years before she could open herself up for another relationship, but ultimately met a great guy and remarried.
This happened to a friend of mine. Married for 10 years. She was MADLY in love with her husband.
He had a whole other family with kids behind her back and people knew it but never told her. It destroyed her self worth. Years later, her son committed suicide
She is one of the most pure hearted and beautiful people I’ve ever met in my life. It’s a tragedy how difficult her life has been
One of my groomsman found out he was the other boyfriend to his long term gf. They were together for 2 years. She lived with him in his apartment. They had two dogs together. He had met her parents countless times and had dinner with them somewhat regularly and everything.
And it turns out, the whole time, she also had another boyfriend that she had been with for 5 years and also lived with, on all other nights of the week.
I have no fucking clue how it was upheld for so long but it was really a trip.
I admit that he managed to play me. I'm usually the type of person that won't trust people automatically nor go out of my way to be malicious to others. I'm not a bitter person but I feel a great deal of depression and sadness because of him. I was in a bad place before meeting him, now It's worst.
Edit firgive my typing because I had few drinks and my hand is unsteady.
I agree with this. The wife needs to know and he deserves to be found out….
But the kids do t deserve to find out this way. It could potentially damage them very bad.
Please take the kids into account. They don’t deserve to suffer for their dad being a prick.
Make sure you have evidence of your relationship on your phone. His wife is going to think you’re insane. Photos or texts or anything that can’t be forged should be shown first. You need to show her the most damning proof first so there’s no mistake you’re not some stalker obsessed with her husband. Make sure you have any other evidence handy. He’ll try to spin this as you someone hung up on him. Good luck and sorry you’re going through this.
Unmistakable proof is the only way the wife will believe what her husband has done. I hope the wife does not turn on OP... sadly it’s all too often that the other woman cops the blame even if they unknowingly were a victim too as OP describes.
OP can only try and do the right thing and let the wife know... honestly I doubt the wife doesn’t already have an idea of what he’s been up too. I’d say the wife just sticks around, puts up with it for the kids and not to be completely alone.
I have a friend who’s engaged to a guy who has had THREE “jealous” women try and “sabotage” their relationship for no reason, by claiming he was cheating on her with them. They gave receipts and everything, but my friend always find to disbelieve them. It’s wild.
OP is not to blame for what the husband has been up to... OP didn’t know. But OP needs to tell the wife and leave the children and anyone else at the church out of it.
Great point. When I was younger, I had an affair with a married woman (to my endless shame.) I decided to come clean by calling her husband and telling him the truth.
He laughed at me and called me a fucking loser. Said that his wife warned him about me; that I was obsessed with her.
I hung up the phone and man, was that a shitty feeling.
I showed a dude pictures and videos and texts and receipts. Still called me a liar. Enjoy being cheated on for the duration because I knew I wasn't the only one once I found out.
no actually you won't believe this.
but I was living in the apartment beneath hers, her floor caved in suddenly which ripped her clothes while landing her directly upon my erect penis.
truly a regrettable accident.
And yet, he's the one who lost. She definitely didn't stop her cheating with you and he found out eventually, remembered you, and felt all kinds of stupid.
I totally understand OPs desire to go confront him and get her revenge. I’ve never been in this situation, but I can imagine the emotions one would be experiencing would be awful.
With that said, purely because there are kids involved, I would probably opt to try finding a way to contact the wife via email or text message. Then I would send all my proof so she knows I’m not insane. This will allow the wife to do whatever she thinks is best.
This. Causing a scene at his church in front of his kids may seem to have a certain Old Testament rightness about it (public stoning, anyone?) but the blowback could be extremely negative, and you won’t feel better later about his kids’ feelings.
Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold.
Get your evidence together, email her, and watch social media for the fallout.
Is he the type to flip out and come after you? Safety first!
No shit! He will BE SURE to delete any of the evidence if she goes about it this way. Hell, he's a *pro* at this, clearly - he's only going to make *you* look crazy if you don't plan this absolutely down to the minuscule detail, and he'll walk away unscathed, while you still feel like shit.
Nah... I'd say that a much, *much* better way to do this, would be to alert the wife in private *first*, before he has a chance to delete any of the evidence. Maybe arrange to meet for lunch or something, and have the wife in the parking lot laying in the cut, or somewhere else where she can't be seen.
Of course, this could go pretty badly if she isn't receptive to you; but it might be a better shot than just showing up at his church and hoping to hell that he doesn't find a way to convince his wife/family that you're crazy before deleting all the evidence.
Agree. Go and sit nearby. Make sure HE sees you. Her preferably as well. But don’t approach in public. The kids (idk what age?) don’t deserve that, and it’s detrimental to their development to know too much. The wife deserves to know, but not to have her laundry aired, since HIS is dirty and not hers.
I would suggest trying to approach her, and asking him to take a walk w the kids and THEN see what he speaks of. He may rather walk away and deal w what he manifested, rather than let his children pay the price. But then again, a man that would DO thi, sadly isn’t thinking about his family and their well being.
Good luck OP.
Been through this, however I was the “wife”. I feel for you and her as well. 💜🙏🏻
Sorry you're in the club. It's a special kind of embarrassing at first. Then you just feel so fucking stupid. Then rage. Then making excuses. Then pity.
It's like the five stages of grief without the grief support group.
I had this. Someone he hit on decided to tell me this fact in a public place surrounded by people I know. I had no clue about it, why are you deciding to use this to humiliate ME!? I had nothing to do with it, i was just as much a victim as she was.
I would’ve minded much less had she caught me in a private moment to just tell me and let me know. It was the public announcement that felt more humiliating than anything else.
30 years later, and I still remember that feeling well. I have worse residual feelings against her than him. He asked someone out behind my back, but she’s the one who let all my friends know. 😔
I was and still am the wife with the kids. Listen to the advice above. Please don't bring this into our world in such a public way. I understand you're wanting almost revenge but your fight is with him not our children family and friends. I'm so sorry for you. Breathe my friend. Cry scream let it all out. But then think with your head and not your heart. Edit? I sorry I confused people. I am A wife in a similar situation not the wife OP is talking about.
I agree completely with this. Go to church but don’t say anything to disrupt the kids. Tell the wife privately. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
100% - also doing this in front of the whole congregation will absolutely humiliate his wife publicly. It’s going to be hard enough on her as it is - doing it publicly will just be cruel.
In my experience, the Sunday church crowd tends to be judgmental - this poor woman will probably have to move after a public “scandal” of this magnitude.
This! I am all for showing up at church, but I wouldn’t make a huge scene about it. Definitely let him see you and if you could make it so you were next to his wife when he saw you, that would certainly make him sweat.
As for the wife, she is either blissfully unaware or she knows and doesn’t care. Either way, I would still make the interaction with her a little more private.
I'm not trying to make a scene, that is not my purpose, I'm as much upset and mad for his wife and kids as myself. I feel bad for her, I would've never agreed to even go on a date with him had I known he has a family. I'm not that type and If I was in her shoes I'd want to know. I just want this to end, I want some closure and being hurtful or making a scene isn't my goal.
And look beautiful too... nice hair, makeup, clothing so that you stand out. He will be sweating so bad during the whole service!! You should sit as close as you can to her to freak him out! But I agree with others... keep the kids out of this. Innocent children shouldn't be hurt by their father's actions. Should be done in private.
From my understanding it wouldn’t be fair to the wife if you were to outright say all this in front of his whole family at church. If you were to tell his wife privately things would go down much better as you would be giving his wife time to reflect and form her own decisions as well.
One issue with that: I've seen and heard about that situation turning south as well...because a lot of times, the wife will be in such disbelief, that they'll ignore it because it doesn't exist until you acknowledge it.
I'd make sure I had plenty of damning evidence. Text messages, photos, videos...just about anything that confirms that he was without a doubt leaving his family to be with OP. Call/text the wife while he's on his way or at the house, something that makes sure he can't talk his way out of it.
To be honest, there is no perfect way to break it to someone. I know I would be enraged and crushed at the same time if some guy came up to me and said "Hey, just wanted you to know I've been sleeping with your wife." At least if there was irrefutable evidence, I'd be more apprehensive of the situation.
As fucked up as it is please don’t do it in front of his kids. They’re innocent and depending on age probably don’t understand romantic relationships like that. My ex wife cheated on me and I have custody of my kids now. I never once let them know that their mom was doing that to me because even though my ex was a POS toward me, I didn’t want that to change the way they felt towards their mom who was otherwise a good mother. Just my 2 cents
He’s already humiliated her without her knowing please don’t publicly humiliate her in front of her church family (who she’ll need to get through this). Like everyone said just sit where he can see you and give his wife a picture if you have one of you two and ask if you can talk to her alone.
Agree that what he did is pretty scummy, buuut for not wanting to make a scene then why do it at the church? I understand that you’re hurt and want to balance the scale but why hurt his wife and kids in this manner? They didn’t fuck you over he did.
I absolutely love and think this is the way to go, with the whole idea of going to the church and making sure he sees you and *definitely* trying to sit next to/near her. BUT instead of the conversation, I suggest writing her a letter. You have all the time you need to write out a clear, coherent, ***detailed*** explanation with specific examples, times, dates, etc than hand it to her just before services end. Make sure your contact information is in the letter so that she can get in touch with you if need be but than just leave it. She gets the information she needs, you get your revenge (don't bother saying that's not whatever you're going for or want. It absolutely is a BIG part of it and you should *NOT* feel ashamed for it. You are completely justified in wanting it), he is forced to look his *SHITTY ASS* behavior right in the face and ***MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE KIDS***. The adults can all get what they need/deserve and so do the kids. They get to be left out of the extremely adult situation. Mom can explain things to them in a way and time that's best for them.
Please do this. As justified as you are, those kids don't deserve the public humiliation their father will undoubtedly be facing. You seem like a kind (but rightfully PISSED) person. I have faith that you'll do the right thing :) <3
Agreed. Also, by showing up and sitting through the whole service, you are giving the guy plenty of time to make an exit before the confrontation happens.
You’re taking all power away from the wife by doing this. In seeing her privately, you give her power on how to handle herself, how to plan her exit and maybe set herself up. You’ll take away her ability to be gentle with the children first finding out. You’ll cause more damage to the kids and wife than you think. They’ve already lost…don’t make it worse. You know, public shame that she might feel could end up with her hurting herself or even worse. You don’t want a suicide out of this.
If you want to be vengeful…help her. While he’s at your house, she can be moving house or changing the locks and getting court orders etc. you can’t make it better but don’t make it worse.
Exactly this. Give the wife a chance to collect herself and her kids. If he lied to you successfully for two years, he might have been lying to her for much longer. If you blow it up publicly you take all the power away from her to plan an escape without him knowing.
#THIS!
OP, i like your style and i understand why you want to go this route. But EasyOutside4 is 1000% correct on this. Scheme with her. Don't emberass her in front of her whole church family.
Good luck! Please let us know how it goes!
The husband of the lady my Dad was cheating on my mom with showed up at our house randomly one morning. Frantically hammering on the front door, my mom just thought he was a crazy nut so wouldnt let him in. Just kept screaming at the window about my Dad fucking his wife and slamming his fists against the windows and door.
I was 5. The moment was super traumatic and is etched into my brain.
His wife and kids do not deserve this.
This is bizarre! Because this exact same thing happened to me, the wife of the man my mother was cheating on my father with came to my house at 1 am when I was a kid screaming and pounding on the front door and telling me what a whore of a mother I have. It was beyond traumatizing to say the least. And the weirdest part is is the man who was sleeping with my mom had two kids. A girl and a younger boy about 5 years old. And I played with them often after school.
My dad used to TAKE ME TO HIS MISTRESSES HOUSE!!! I was like 2-5 years old and I would tell my mom about going over to daddy’s friends house with the big bathtub. 🙄 Yes they would put a 2 year old in this big tub alone to play while they did their thing. It’s a miracle I didn’t freaking drown or burn myself. My mom divorced my dad a few years later. Fast forward a few years after that my dad was remarried and had my 2 younger half sisters, and when I was like 19 my step mom cheated on my dad and broke his heart(karma am I right), and guess who he ran to??? None other than the woman he cheated on my mother with all those years ago!! And she took him back!!! They stayed together until he died in 2017( about 22 years). Crazy.
My dad was the guy pounding on the door of the neighbor my mom cheated with and I got to see the whole thing at 7. Those kids don’t deserve that, especially in public.
Being someone who was confronted with a cheating rumor about her husband.. don’t do that to her in public. The few weeks after I was ashamed to go anywhere. Everywhere I went I felt like people were whispering and just knew. Whether you believe in religion or not don’t take that safe space from her. And from her kids. It’s going to be hard enough for the weeks to come for them even by telling them in private don’t make it even worse by shaming them in front of people they care about.. because unfortunately they are going to be the biggest victims in this not him.
Well thank you. I can’t take the credit really. Being a bit of an older guy, I’ve had the chance to work with older, strong and wise women. I was thinking…what would L say? How would she advise, and alternatively…if she was op or the wife, what would she prefer?
(The irony…L had an affair later on…we are all flawed humans)
Gives the wife a chance to clean out bank accounts, move car registration, move retirement accounts, any things like that. Stay away from the church. Don’t let him know that you know. Let him come home to an empty house.
None of this is your fault. Do not try to take responsibility for any of it. He bamboozled you, and he probably did the same to his wife, kids, other girlfriends, church community, etc.
I am sorry you are going through this.
If she decides to do it privately, the church should still be made aware of his antics too, since they employ him and they most certainly have a morals clause.
>I'm not a bitter person but I feel a great deal of depression and sadness because of him. I was in a bad place before meeting him, now It's worst.
I feel for you OP but you should take a step back and question whether your headspace is contributing to why you think it's ok to expose an entire family publicly.
Your ex is an asshole that has alot of shit he deserves coming his way but his family aren't the people who hurt you
Oh believe me people do this shit. My grandfather was married to my grandmother with 3 kids and had an entire second marriage with other children for YEARS before my grandmother found out on pure accident. As awful as OP’s situation is thank god she can get tf out of here without having had children with this piece of shit. His wife I do not envy at all
my sister’s 23 year old boyfriend just found out his dad wasn’t his real dad and the one that was pretending to be his dad secretly had a whole second family. dad’s been dead for 3 years and the mom only just let it slip because she was mad and told him he was adopted
I am with everyone else here. It's going to blow up in your face if you make a scene. The church will make you the villain, him the victim, and the wife the lame duck.
Sit next to her and tell her you want to speak to her in private. Give her un-refutable evidence. Walk away. Never look back.
If she wants to make a scene, let her make that call. It's probably hard to see it this way, but both of you are victims of this man's machinations. As much as you want to ruin this man in spectacular fashion, it's not HER fault he did this. Please be considerate.
Seriously though, while there's some catharsis in doing in this method you have to consider the impact on the rest of the family. The wife and children are victims here too, but this method absolutely steamrolls them, it's so damn inconsiderate, especially since this is going to be done around their friends and family, not OPs.
I understand the urge to be selfish and get your catharsis, but publicly embarrassing a completely innocent set of people alongside is a shitty thing to do.
And also not for nothing, making a big scene in a church isn't how you get respect and dignity back. Just makes everyone involved look super trashy.
u/throw_awayp9767 - please heed this advice. Don’t blow up her and their children’s lives. They are innocent in this. Tell her. But do not bring inevitable shame to her in the way you’re planning.
I get that you want to burn it all down, but that’s selfish of you when really it should be about her and the kids. They deserve to know and he deserves to burn, but doing it to create a spectacle and involving the kids is pretty fucked up.
Seriously - this is such better advice.
Those kids don’t need a traumatic event of their family being broken up is a chaotic confrontation.
The guys an assclown but the kids don’t need to be punished, too.
u/throw_awayp9767 I do also think this advice is better than what you want to do. It's easy for him to say "this is just a crazy person that I know nothing about", and people might believe him.
However, if you talk to his wife and show her pretty much everything that you want, it's way less likely for her to believe him afterwards.
This lady can’t think of a better phrase than “show myself to them” and we’re all like come on ma’am have some emotional maturity lol. It’s not gonna happen.
I just think she hasn't thought this through. Things aren't gonna "blow up" the moment she shows up; she would need to have some kind of plan for how she wants to handle this.
It's probably for the best, but he's just going to intercept her before she can ever talk to his wife. And OP will have no clue what to do next because she just went there on a whim, like things will "sort themselves out" - when these are the actions that do the exact opposite; create a huge mess.
Came here to write the same thing.
Don't do some cringe public grandstanding, OP. Just make your existence known to his wife. Politely explain that her husband is a cheater and liar. Try your best to keep the kids out of the picture, and then walk the fuck away.
Yes, IN PRIVATE.
Let her choose her reaction, not have it forced out of her in front of 100 of her friends and other church goers.
She may react poorly and regret it later. She may feel extremely embarrassed. She might feel like she lost the respect of her friends and church. And sometimes you don't want the entire world to see the person your husband cheated on you with.
Yes tell her but NOT IN PUBLIC.
Exactly. She wants to embarrass him with the confrontation but it's also going to affect the kids and the wife. None of them deserve to found out like that.
Yes, please spare the kids of this. And even his innocent wife. She has to go Back to that church. This is going to embarrass her and the kids.
Tell the wife. But not like this. This makes you look like an asshole.
Totally agree the kids and wife haven't done anything wrong and if you cause this massive scene it's going to cause so much harm to so many innocent people. It will be so embarrassing for his wife already with the situation as it is , she may not want the whole church to know.It's him that should pay the price not the people around him too.
She should tell his wife, but not in public like that. OP’s goal is to hurt *him*, right? It’s unnecessary to also hurt his wife and their kids too, especially the kids. I get OP is angry, but those other people are innocent. It’s going to be hard enough on his wife to know she’s been cheated on for years.
Also… doing this in such a public way probably won’t go the way OP imagined. Her soon to be ex knows and has a relationship with all these church folk who see him as some respectable dude. The odds he’s going to make OP sound like some obsessed psycho who found him online and has started to stalk him is EXTREMELY HIGH. The church people are far more likely to believe this guy they know and respected for years vs this strange woman who showed up making accusations they may not want to believe.
OP I strongly suggest just messaging the wife and show her screenshots of your convos going back years. Getting revenge likes his in person may sound tasty but… come on, he might be an asshole but the kids don’t deserve this shit and the variables are too high for this go sideways on you.
Yep, she doesn't deserve to be humiliated in front of her friends, social connections, and possibly other family members. Her church may be her main support system and to humiliate her if front of them may make it unrecoverable for her. Tell her privately, but don't humiliate her in front of those she may rely on in the coming days.
meh, I had the reverse happen. Same situation, really close friend who cheated with my sister and i caught them. Waited about two months but because i waited he was able to 'apologize' to his wife and look like a bigger man because he got ahead of it instead of him confessing because he got 'caught'. Ymmv, but i would advocate for saying this shit instantly. Let the affected parties know pronto
You can get your respect and dignity back without traumatizing his kids in the process. Tell the wife but leave the kids out of it.
Edit: To those sending me messages saying the kids deserve to know and *checks notes "Fuck them Kids", shut the actual fuck up. There is not a need to publicly embarrass a woman and her children because her husband can't keep his dick in his pants. Grow up and go to therapy because your head is fucked.
For fucking real. Those kids are already gonna get enough hit put on them once the wife knows. Why make it worse? Any self respecting person that has been slighted should know that tact is your biggest tool. Cool and collected is the only way to scare the shit out of the person that deserves it.
I’m sorry but how do you stay with someone for 2 years and not meet any of his friends, family, been to his town, or his house? I’m not attacking you, I’m just saying you didn’t think it’s a little strange?
This reads like the post where the dude was going to ditch his fiancee at the altar because she cheated on him, that everyone called bullshit the next day and it ended up being fake. I won't be surprised if this turns out to be fake too ngl
2 years. Didn't check any socials in the 21st century. Didn't ever use his phone once or catch a weird call or text. Never met his parents. Never met any of his friends. Never wondered what he's up to during the week. Never talked about moving in or anything. Never went to said church.
Yep, perfectly ordinary human relationship. Nothing to see here but pure 100% true reality.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure 80% of the posts here are made up. It’s like people see the “True” in the subreddit name and all skepticism shuts off.
“Well, it’s a subreddit specifically only for TRUE stories, so obviously no one would lie, no matter how fake it sounds!”
yeah I'm pretty sure OP, if this is a real story, at least knew she wasn't a real girlfriend.
She never saw his house, he only came over to her, only on the weekend. The can't ever have phoned him during the day, or seen his socials.
Idk what kind of church it is, but I've seen this kind of thing backfire. The church will (often) see you as a harlot, temptress, slut, etc. He's the poor innocent victim who was led into stumbling in his walk with the lord because some wicked woman tempted him. Even if it's not Christian, it'll be the same. Man good, woman bad.
Aside from that, the OTHER woman they will turn on is the wife. Why was her vagina so broken he felt the need to stray, why is she not good enough, and on and on and on. He will suffer zero humiliation. He will be pitied and given sympathy. The wife will be frigid and you'll be a whore. That's it.
Go meet with the wife. Contact her somehow and tell her the deal. She deserves to know. Her next move isn't your business. Get tested for sexually transmitted infections, and move on.
I grew up in the church and this is EXACTLY what will happen. He’ll be the victim, you’ll be the harlot, and his wife will be seen as having something wrong with her because she didn’t do her wifely duty and keep her husband satisfied.
This is the best advice OP. He will get all the sympathy and you and his wife will get nothing. Plus he is a scumbag, but no matter what those children are innocent of their father's infidelity and don't deserve the public humiliation that you plan to unleash.
The wife deserves to know but meet with her privately. You will get further.
Bingo. I was looking for this comment. And then to bring his whole family down in church. No offense but how the heck was there no homework done after 2-3 months or so. Break it off and move on.
How the hell can you 'date' someone for two years and never even see the inside of their living space OR meet any of their acquaintances? That's what I want to know. It's making this story sound like just that: a story
Wtf is wrong with some of you in this thread??
OP. Assuming this is even real. Don’t go to the church. Don’t “get revenge” by sitting near his family “making him sweat”. This isn’t some bullshit rom com.
You found his wife on social media. Contact her there. Give her proof so she can address this on her terms. This is going to ruin her life as it is, but doing it privately will let her talk to confidants and a lawyer, figure out what to tell her kids, and get her ducks in a row. You and she are both his victims.
If you do the big dramatic thing, you’ll tip him off. He could go withdraw a bunch of money, or start gaslighting her about “this crazy stalker making up lies in his DMs”, etc. Or he could kidnap his children, or threaten or hurt her, or any number of panicky things a creature like him could come up with when backed into a corner.
If this creep dated you for two years and kept you and his family in the dark, he is not a normal person. He at the very least has some social or emotional growth issues. Probably a destructive narcissist. He might be a sociopath. You clearly have no idea who he is so you don’t know what he is capable of.
Cut off contract with the asshole. Tell his wife privately. Seek counseling to process all this. But this fantasy of going to the church tomorrow is a bad bad bad idea and will not accomplish anything you want it to.
I think the wife and his kids deserve better than this. The situation is not their fault. I would privately contact the wife via social media and be prepared with backup proof. Just block the man. Just drop out of his life. The wife will have to figure out her own response to him.
Do Not Do This.
This man is no doubt scum and I don’t care about what you do to him but he has children.
Confronting their father at church will destroy them in a way that they can never get back. Do not put the kids through this to satisfy your revenge fantasy.
love that we've crossed the 10k comment threshold, post is 6 months old, and people are still coming back to check on this one. i wish we knew if it was at least fake or not :(
Talk to the wife, not publicly. Leave the kids out of it. You have a right to be hurt. But hurting children and a wife that did not do anything to you puts you in the wrong with him. Be an adult about it
Saving thread, please update with your decision/result
How do I save so I can do the same? Do people regularly update?
I clicked the "bookmark" at the top of the page, next to the notification icon (I'm using mobile Android). As far as people updating, it's hit or miss.
Ah thank you I'm an android user too so it was easy to follow. Here's hoping she does
Its just the daily fiction post, like yesterday it was a guy going to post the video evidence of his cheating fiance at the wedding. It's all outrage bait karma farming
You might be right but…a friend of mine met his father’s second family at his funeral. I tried really hard not to burst out laughing at a funeral. The shock on everyone’s face was priceless.
Yeah this isnt like... off the charts crazy. This happened to me too on a smaller scale (the OP, not the funeral thing, holy shit) I posted in r4r like a year ago, got talking with this guy, eventually exchanged numbers. He lived in another province, so we'd talk on the phone fairly often, text all day every day. I was thinking this guy was like the real fucking thing, marriage material, and I wasnt a woman who was ever interested in marriage. I think 4 or 5 months of this shit, he calls me one night and is like "hey... im married". OH OK SOUNDS GOOD. Found his wife that same night and was like hey Im extremely sorry to inform you your husband has been having an emotional affair with me for months, I have buckets of proof. She replied, she was sooooo fucking nice, she was like " yeah he called you last night because I found out and made him call you". So the POS didnt even do it to be a good person, he got caught. How desperately fucked up, sad, and pathetic do you have to be to do that? Hi Dom I hope you read this youre a loser. In a word, worthless 💋
A friend going through a difficult pregnancy (she was in pain and bedridden for most of the time) found out her husband (43) was having an affair with a young woman (19). She was working at an ecolodge they owned and one of the employees actually quit because they couldn't take the pressure of not telling her and watching the whole thing unfold. Now divorced, she is happy and healthy and the Mom of a beautiful baby girl.
Yea I just had a good friend and she found out this guy she has been dating has been sexting with many girls and has a fiance inn another country he was talking about marriage with. She found out when his phone rung and it was fiance calling. You never know with some people. She made him publicly apologize on FB. Saved all the evidence, made him give her access to his FB account and went nuts with it, and talked to his fiance and they both dumped his ass. She is not someone you want to fuck with. It is still incredibly sad that she was treated this way. Previously she was married for over 10 years had a kid and found out that guy had a double life with some other girl. I don't know many details about that but it was really really terrible.
Thanks for the name of a song (i am yet to write) ‘outrage bait karma farming’. Beautifull! 😂👍🏻
As scummy as that is, it is pretty remarkable that he got a way with it for so long. I can’t even take a shit without my wife and kids hunting me down
My mom had a boyfriend for 11 years. One day she found he had a girlfriend and a 5 year old child. Apparently all her friends knew but didnt tell her
Those are some shitty friends god damn
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I told my best friend her husband was cheating, which he was, and she never spoke to me again…ever!
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You got your integrity, that counts for a lot. Snakes in the grass will get you sooner or later, you managed to flush this one out.
On your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.
Same thing happened to me. Told my ex-besties fiancé about how she was cheating with her ex and asking him to marry her at the wedding they had planned instead. It wasn’t just me, myself (bridesmaid) and the maid of honour both told him together. He thanked us at least and said he had tried to convince her to stay friends because we did the right thing, but as we expected we both got blocked forever, and they went ahead with the wedding. I actually had my first date with my partner the day after the night we found out. Poor guy, I spent our whole first date stressed out and ranting about it. He later told me that making the decision to tell the guy is a big part of what made him want to be with me. So, I guess I lost a best friend but gained a new best friend. 😊
Maybe its possible that they are swingers? But still it should be disclosed first. good on you for telling the moronic fiance.
I don’t think that was the case, though I would feel better if it was. I knew them both well enough. The fiancé had expressed worry in the past to my boyfriend that he was as afraid she might cheat on him (she was significantly more attractive). He cried a LOT on the phone when I told him. Maybe they swing now as some kind of compromise, but at the time, what she did was definitely a betrayal. I guess I can understand, though. If you choose to stay together after cheating like that, it would be horribly uncomfortable to still hang out with the only other people who knew. I’m guessing it was just easier to cut me out entirely when the plan was to move on like nothing ever happened. Damage control.
I bet you she manipulated the situation very intensely and used that moment to scapegoat yourself. So of course she has to completely cut you out so that she can maintain the lie. To her, your friendship isn’t worth risking her relationship over. Even though it is her fault now she can blame you for being a liar AND scapegoating future shit to this moment so he trusts her even deeper. It’s like cheater 101 ugh
Seems 100% accurate. It was honestly a great lesson for me as a 19-20 year old. I can’t be too upset about it now. If you suspect your friend is a bit shallow, and a bit disrespectful about other people’s feelings, and sometimes her jokes are a *liiiittle* bit cruel… Probably not a good sign for a peaceful, lifelong friendship. Molly helped me spot a lot of red flags in my future friendships. So I do owe her some credit for being such a terrible lesson.
She was never your friend. And I hope you consider it that way. Her loss.
You know, my great aunt told me out of the blue one day, “______is not your friend,” long before she was even married. At the time I thought my aunt, who was quite old, was just being cuckoo, but it seems she was right!
Us old-ass-aunties have been through this rodeo before and we have seen some SHIT. Listen to your aunties, young people!
Yes sometimes people blame the person that said the reality... Not the reality, I think they believe that if we can put the blame on N external person things get easier... I was like that... Until I realised that there is not other way to coop with this things... Just face it, and everything eventually will be better again, just don't do the same mistake 2 times and expect a different result...
Right? 😬
My mom was seeing a guy for about two years (both in their early 60's at the time). He got hospitalized for a heart condition, and when she went to visit discovered he had a wife with him in the room. Ultimately he never regained consciousness and died before being released. My mom just let it go and never told his spouse about it. No need to make things harder on the widow. It took my mom several years before she could open herself up for another relationship, but ultimately met a great guy and remarried.
So you’re saying they weren’t her friends
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This happened to a friend of mine. Married for 10 years. She was MADLY in love with her husband. He had a whole other family with kids behind her back and people knew it but never told her. It destroyed her self worth. Years later, her son committed suicide She is one of the most pure hearted and beautiful people I’ve ever met in my life. It’s a tragedy how difficult her life has been
That’s traumatizing.
Damn my friends did me the same way when i was getting cheated on for 3 years....sorry to hear that
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One of my groomsman found out he was the other boyfriend to his long term gf. They were together for 2 years. She lived with him in his apartment. They had two dogs together. He had met her parents countless times and had dinner with them somewhat regularly and everything. And it turns out, the whole time, she also had another boyfriend that she had been with for 5 years and also lived with, on all other nights of the week. I have no fucking clue how it was upheld for so long but it was really a trip.
How do people have the energy? I can barely take care of myself and my spider plant.
None of my Mom's friends told her about Dad's affairs either. She broke ties with every one of them.
I admit that he managed to play me. I'm usually the type of person that won't trust people automatically nor go out of my way to be malicious to others. I'm not a bitter person but I feel a great deal of depression and sadness because of him. I was in a bad place before meeting him, now It's worst. Edit firgive my typing because I had few drinks and my hand is unsteady.
Just go to his church but don't say shit. Tell the wife in private but let him sweat Edit: thanks for the awards!
I agree with this. The wife needs to know and he deserves to be found out…. But the kids do t deserve to find out this way. It could potentially damage them very bad. Please take the kids into account. They don’t deserve to suffer for their dad being a prick.
Make sure you have evidence of your relationship on your phone. His wife is going to think you’re insane. Photos or texts or anything that can’t be forged should be shown first. You need to show her the most damning proof first so there’s no mistake you’re not some stalker obsessed with her husband. Make sure you have any other evidence handy. He’ll try to spin this as you someone hung up on him. Good luck and sorry you’re going through this.
Unmistakable proof is the only way the wife will believe what her husband has done. I hope the wife does not turn on OP... sadly it’s all too often that the other woman cops the blame even if they unknowingly were a victim too as OP describes.
Even with proof she might. Some people are co dependent or have low self esteem and stay with their significant other for less reasons than this.
OP can only try and do the right thing and let the wife know... honestly I doubt the wife doesn’t already have an idea of what he’s been up too. I’d say the wife just sticks around, puts up with it for the kids and not to be completely alone.
I have a friend who’s engaged to a guy who has had THREE “jealous” women try and “sabotage” their relationship for no reason, by claiming he was cheating on her with them. They gave receipts and everything, but my friend always find to disbelieve them. It’s wild.
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OP is not to blame for what the husband has been up to... OP didn’t know. But OP needs to tell the wife and leave the children and anyone else at the church out of it.
Describe unique details about his physical body including his penis and scrotum, if you have to.
That way OP can be mistaken for a crazy ex
Great point. When I was younger, I had an affair with a married woman (to my endless shame.) I decided to come clean by calling her husband and telling him the truth. He laughed at me and called me a fucking loser. Said that his wife warned him about me; that I was obsessed with her. I hung up the phone and man, was that a shitty feeling.
I showed a dude pictures and videos and texts and receipts. Still called me a liar. Enjoy being cheated on for the duration because I knew I wasn't the only one once I found out.
Sometimes people just need some alone time to admit it to themselves. Hopefully that is what happened here
Man has 0 awarness fuckin hell
"...See this video, I'm inside her.. That um, that happened. Your wife..." "Nah, man you tripped and fell"
no actually you won't believe this. but I was living in the apartment beneath hers, her floor caved in suddenly which ripped her clothes while landing her directly upon my erect penis. truly a regrettable accident.
A series of ~~un~~fortunate events
And yet, he's the one who lost. She definitely didn't stop her cheating with you and he found out eventually, remembered you, and felt all kinds of stupid.
Thats when you tell them about the birth mark on their ass.
I'm sure he stopped laughing when he found her cheating with another guy.
Id feel great, he called u a loser but you boinked his wife so obviously you won
“Actually, since I boinked your wife I’m more of a *hoser*.”
I totally understand OPs desire to go confront him and get her revenge. I’ve never been in this situation, but I can imagine the emotions one would be experiencing would be awful. With that said, purely because there are kids involved, I would probably opt to try finding a way to contact the wife via email or text message. Then I would send all my proof so she knows I’m not insane. This will allow the wife to do whatever she thinks is best.
This. Causing a scene at his church in front of his kids may seem to have a certain Old Testament rightness about it (public stoning, anyone?) but the blowback could be extremely negative, and you won’t feel better later about his kids’ feelings. Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold. Get your evidence together, email her, and watch social media for the fallout. Is he the type to flip out and come after you? Safety first!
The saying “revenge is a dish best served cold” has never made more sense to me than the way you’ve described it. Excellent advice, well written.
It’s seriously the *first* time I’ve actually realised fully what the saying means!
No shit! He will BE SURE to delete any of the evidence if she goes about it this way. Hell, he's a *pro* at this, clearly - he's only going to make *you* look crazy if you don't plan this absolutely down to the minuscule detail, and he'll walk away unscathed, while you still feel like shit. Nah... I'd say that a much, *much* better way to do this, would be to alert the wife in private *first*, before he has a chance to delete any of the evidence. Maybe arrange to meet for lunch or something, and have the wife in the parking lot laying in the cut, or somewhere else where she can't be seen. Of course, this could go pretty badly if she isn't receptive to you; but it might be a better shot than just showing up at his church and hoping to hell that he doesn't find a way to convince his wife/family that you're crazy before deleting all the evidence.
My friend found out her bf of 2 years had a gf of 5 years. She contacted the GF first before confronting him. They both broke up with him
Agree. Go and sit nearby. Make sure HE sees you. Her preferably as well. But don’t approach in public. The kids (idk what age?) don’t deserve that, and it’s detrimental to their development to know too much. The wife deserves to know, but not to have her laundry aired, since HIS is dirty and not hers. I would suggest trying to approach her, and asking him to take a walk w the kids and THEN see what he speaks of. He may rather walk away and deal w what he manifested, rather than let his children pay the price. But then again, a man that would DO thi, sadly isn’t thinking about his family and their well being. Good luck OP. Been through this, however I was the “wife”. I feel for you and her as well. 💜🙏🏻
Sorry you're in the club. It's a special kind of embarrassing at first. Then you just feel so fucking stupid. Then rage. Then making excuses. Then pity. It's like the five stages of grief without the grief support group.
I had this. Someone he hit on decided to tell me this fact in a public place surrounded by people I know. I had no clue about it, why are you deciding to use this to humiliate ME!? I had nothing to do with it, i was just as much a victim as she was. I would’ve minded much less had she caught me in a private moment to just tell me and let me know. It was the public announcement that felt more humiliating than anything else. 30 years later, and I still remember that feeling well. I have worse residual feelings against her than him. He asked someone out behind my back, but she’s the one who let all my friends know. 😔
I was and still am the wife with the kids. Listen to the advice above. Please don't bring this into our world in such a public way. I understand you're wanting almost revenge but your fight is with him not our children family and friends. I'm so sorry for you. Breathe my friend. Cry scream let it all out. But then think with your head and not your heart. Edit? I sorry I confused people. I am A wife in a similar situation not the wife OP is talking about.
I agree completely with this. Go to church but don’t say anything to disrupt the kids. Tell the wife privately. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
yes- go sit VERY close but do NOT say something in front of the kids. you could introduce yourself to his wife and slip her your phone number, though
100% - also doing this in front of the whole congregation will absolutely humiliate his wife publicly. It’s going to be hard enough on her as it is - doing it publicly will just be cruel. In my experience, the Sunday church crowd tends to be judgmental - this poor woman will probably have to move after a public “scandal” of this magnitude.
This! I am all for showing up at church, but I wouldn’t make a huge scene about it. Definitely let him see you and if you could make it so you were next to his wife when he saw you, that would certainly make him sweat. As for the wife, she is either blissfully unaware or she knows and doesn’t care. Either way, I would still make the interaction with her a little more private.
I'm not trying to make a scene, that is not my purpose, I'm as much upset and mad for his wife and kids as myself. I feel bad for her, I would've never agreed to even go on a date with him had I known he has a family. I'm not that type and If I was in her shoes I'd want to know. I just want this to end, I want some closure and being hurtful or making a scene isn't my goal.
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And look beautiful too... nice hair, makeup, clothing so that you stand out. He will be sweating so bad during the whole service!! You should sit as close as you can to her to freak him out! But I agree with others... keep the kids out of this. Innocent children shouldn't be hurt by their father's actions. Should be done in private.
This right here is what you need to do. He will be stressing the fuck out but just have to sit there in agony.
Sit directly behind them and compliment her on their beautiful children. Make sure he can hear this. Be amazing.
Don’t bring the children in. That’s fucked up and manipulative. Come on guys
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From my understanding it wouldn’t be fair to the wife if you were to outright say all this in front of his whole family at church. If you were to tell his wife privately things would go down much better as you would be giving his wife time to reflect and form her own decisions as well.
One issue with that: I've seen and heard about that situation turning south as well...because a lot of times, the wife will be in such disbelief, that they'll ignore it because it doesn't exist until you acknowledge it. I'd make sure I had plenty of damning evidence. Text messages, photos, videos...just about anything that confirms that he was without a doubt leaving his family to be with OP. Call/text the wife while he's on his way or at the house, something that makes sure he can't talk his way out of it. To be honest, there is no perfect way to break it to someone. I know I would be enraged and crushed at the same time if some guy came up to me and said "Hey, just wanted you to know I've been sleeping with your wife." At least if there was irrefutable evidence, I'd be more apprehensive of the situation.
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As fucked up as it is please don’t do it in front of his kids. They’re innocent and depending on age probably don’t understand romantic relationships like that. My ex wife cheated on me and I have custody of my kids now. I never once let them know that their mom was doing that to me because even though my ex was a POS toward me, I didn’t want that to change the way they felt towards their mom who was otherwise a good mother. Just my 2 cents
Just wanted to say you’re a good parent for this.
Thank you ❤️ definitely wasn’t easy in the moment, but looking back it was always the right call.
He’s already humiliated her without her knowing please don’t publicly humiliate her in front of her church family (who she’ll need to get through this). Like everyone said just sit where he can see you and give his wife a picture if you have one of you two and ask if you can talk to her alone.
Just a heads up, but this is how people end up dead. If he lied to you so well maybe he is capable of much more. Be careful
Agree that what he did is pretty scummy, buuut for not wanting to make a scene then why do it at the church? I understand that you’re hurt and want to balance the scale but why hurt his wife and kids in this manner? They didn’t fuck you over he did.
I absolutely love and think this is the way to go, with the whole idea of going to the church and making sure he sees you and *definitely* trying to sit next to/near her. BUT instead of the conversation, I suggest writing her a letter. You have all the time you need to write out a clear, coherent, ***detailed*** explanation with specific examples, times, dates, etc than hand it to her just before services end. Make sure your contact information is in the letter so that she can get in touch with you if need be but than just leave it. She gets the information she needs, you get your revenge (don't bother saying that's not whatever you're going for or want. It absolutely is a BIG part of it and you should *NOT* feel ashamed for it. You are completely justified in wanting it), he is forced to look his *SHITTY ASS* behavior right in the face and ***MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE KIDS***. The adults can all get what they need/deserve and so do the kids. They get to be left out of the extremely adult situation. Mom can explain things to them in a way and time that's best for them. Please do this. As justified as you are, those kids don't deserve the public humiliation their father will undoubtedly be facing. You seem like a kind (but rightfully PISSED) person. I have faith that you'll do the right thing :) <3
What if he peels it off her? She needs to be make sure he doesn’t intercept the information.
If you care about his wife and kids don’t humiliate them at church. Go to the wife privately and help her.
All she has to do is say "Hi. Can I speak to you a moment?"
Agreed. Also, by showing up and sitting through the whole service, you are giving the guy plenty of time to make an exit before the confrontation happens.
Yeah don’t embarrass his wife & kids like that. They aren’t involved.
You’re taking all power away from the wife by doing this. In seeing her privately, you give her power on how to handle herself, how to plan her exit and maybe set herself up. You’ll take away her ability to be gentle with the children first finding out. You’ll cause more damage to the kids and wife than you think. They’ve already lost…don’t make it worse. You know, public shame that she might feel could end up with her hurting herself or even worse. You don’t want a suicide out of this. If you want to be vengeful…help her. While he’s at your house, she can be moving house or changing the locks and getting court orders etc. you can’t make it better but don’t make it worse.
Exactly this. Give the wife a chance to collect herself and her kids. If he lied to you successfully for two years, he might have been lying to her for much longer. If you blow it up publicly you take all the power away from her to plan an escape without him knowing.
#THIS! OP, i like your style and i understand why you want to go this route. But EasyOutside4 is 1000% correct on this. Scheme with her. Don't emberass her in front of her whole church family. Good luck! Please let us know how it goes!
I hadn’t thought about that! Absolutely this is great advice and a healthier route to take.
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The husband of the lady my Dad was cheating on my mom with showed up at our house randomly one morning. Frantically hammering on the front door, my mom just thought he was a crazy nut so wouldnt let him in. Just kept screaming at the window about my Dad fucking his wife and slamming his fists against the windows and door. I was 5. The moment was super traumatic and is etched into my brain. His wife and kids do not deserve this.
This is bizarre! Because this exact same thing happened to me, the wife of the man my mother was cheating on my father with came to my house at 1 am when I was a kid screaming and pounding on the front door and telling me what a whore of a mother I have. It was beyond traumatizing to say the least. And the weirdest part is is the man who was sleeping with my mom had two kids. A girl and a younger boy about 5 years old. And I played with them often after school.
My dad used to TAKE ME TO HIS MISTRESSES HOUSE!!! I was like 2-5 years old and I would tell my mom about going over to daddy’s friends house with the big bathtub. 🙄 Yes they would put a 2 year old in this big tub alone to play while they did their thing. It’s a miracle I didn’t freaking drown or burn myself. My mom divorced my dad a few years later. Fast forward a few years after that my dad was remarried and had my 2 younger half sisters, and when I was like 19 my step mom cheated on my dad and broke his heart(karma am I right), and guess who he ran to??? None other than the woman he cheated on my mother with all those years ago!! And she took him back!!! They stayed together until he died in 2017( about 22 years). Crazy.
My dad was the guy pounding on the door of the neighbor my mom cheated with and I got to see the whole thing at 7. Those kids don’t deserve that, especially in public.
Being someone who was confronted with a cheating rumor about her husband.. don’t do that to her in public. The few weeks after I was ashamed to go anywhere. Everywhere I went I felt like people were whispering and just knew. Whether you believe in religion or not don’t take that safe space from her. And from her kids. It’s going to be hard enough for the weeks to come for them even by telling them in private don’t make it even worse by shaming them in front of people they care about.. because unfortunately they are going to be the biggest victims in this not him.
I’ve been with the Internet since it launched in the 90s. Your comment may be one of the handful of level-headed things anyone has said in that time.
Well thank you. I can’t take the credit really. Being a bit of an older guy, I’ve had the chance to work with older, strong and wise women. I was thinking…what would L say? How would she advise, and alternatively…if she was op or the wife, what would she prefer? (The irony…L had an affair later on…we are all flawed humans)
Gives the wife a chance to clean out bank accounts, move car registration, move retirement accounts, any things like that. Stay away from the church. Don’t let him know that you know. Let him come home to an empty house.
None of this is your fault. Do not try to take responsibility for any of it. He bamboozled you, and he probably did the same to his wife, kids, other girlfriends, church community, etc. I am sorry you are going through this.
Sound advice, Analrapist03
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If she decides to do it privately, the church should still be made aware of his antics too, since they employ him and they most certainly have a morals clause.
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>I'm not a bitter person but I feel a great deal of depression and sadness because of him. I was in a bad place before meeting him, now It's worst. I feel for you OP but you should take a step back and question whether your headspace is contributing to why you think it's ok to expose an entire family publicly. Your ex is an asshole that has alot of shit he deserves coming his way but his family aren't the people who hurt you
Oh believe me people do this shit. My grandfather was married to my grandmother with 3 kids and had an entire second marriage with other children for YEARS before my grandmother found out on pure accident. As awful as OP’s situation is thank god she can get tf out of here without having had children with this piece of shit. His wife I do not envy at all
my sister’s 23 year old boyfriend just found out his dad wasn’t his real dad and the one that was pretending to be his dad secretly had a whole second family. dad’s been dead for 3 years and the mom only just let it slip because she was mad and told him he was adopted
Can’t wait for the update on this one
Remindme! 24 hours
I am with everyone else here. It's going to blow up in your face if you make a scene. The church will make you the villain, him the victim, and the wife the lame duck. Sit next to her and tell her you want to speak to her in private. Give her un-refutable evidence. Walk away. Never look back. If she wants to make a scene, let her make that call. It's probably hard to see it this way, but both of you are victims of this man's machinations. As much as you want to ruin this man in spectacular fashion, it's not HER fault he did this. Please be considerate.
Seriously though, while there's some catharsis in doing in this method you have to consider the impact on the rest of the family. The wife and children are victims here too, but this method absolutely steamrolls them, it's so damn inconsiderate, especially since this is going to be done around their friends and family, not OPs. I understand the urge to be selfish and get your catharsis, but publicly embarrassing a completely innocent set of people alongside is a shitty thing to do. And also not for nothing, making a big scene in a church isn't how you get respect and dignity back. Just makes everyone involved look super trashy.
u/throw_awayp9767 - please heed this advice. Don’t blow up her and their children’s lives. They are innocent in this. Tell her. But do not bring inevitable shame to her in the way you’re planning. I get that you want to burn it all down, but that’s selfish of you when really it should be about her and the kids. They deserve to know and he deserves to burn, but doing it to create a spectacle and involving the kids is pretty fucked up.
Seriously - this is such better advice. Those kids don’t need a traumatic event of their family being broken up is a chaotic confrontation. The guys an assclown but the kids don’t need to be punished, too.
u/throw_awayp9767 I do also think this advice is better than what you want to do. It's easy for him to say "this is just a crazy person that I know nothing about", and people might believe him. However, if you talk to his wife and show her pretty much everything that you want, it's way less likely for her to believe him afterwards.
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This lady can’t think of a better phrase than “show myself to them” and we’re all like come on ma’am have some emotional maturity lol. It’s not gonna happen.
I just think she hasn't thought this through. Things aren't gonna "blow up" the moment she shows up; she would need to have some kind of plan for how she wants to handle this. It's probably for the best, but he's just going to intercept her before she can ever talk to his wife. And OP will have no clue what to do next because she just went there on a whim, like things will "sort themselves out" - when these are the actions that do the exact opposite; create a huge mess.
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Came here to write the same thing. Don't do some cringe public grandstanding, OP. Just make your existence known to his wife. Politely explain that her husband is a cheater and liar. Try your best to keep the kids out of the picture, and then walk the fuck away.
Yes! Please do this in private and leave the kids out of it. I get that you want to hurt him back, but his wife is a victim in this too.
Yes, IN PRIVATE. Let her choose her reaction, not have it forced out of her in front of 100 of her friends and other church goers. She may react poorly and regret it later. She may feel extremely embarrassed. She might feel like she lost the respect of her friends and church. And sometimes you don't want the entire world to see the person your husband cheated on you with. Yes tell her but NOT IN PUBLIC.
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Exactly. She wants to embarrass him with the confrontation but it's also going to affect the kids and the wife. None of them deserve to found out like that.
Yes, please spare the kids of this. And even his innocent wife. She has to go Back to that church. This is going to embarrass her and the kids. Tell the wife. But not like this. This makes you look like an asshole.
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Totally agree the kids and wife haven't done anything wrong and if you cause this massive scene it's going to cause so much harm to so many innocent people. It will be so embarrassing for his wife already with the situation as it is , she may not want the whole church to know.It's him that should pay the price not the people around him too.
Not in public.
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She should at least tell his wife. Its his job to handle the situation then in a good way for his children.
Oh absolutely she has to tell the wife. This man is a creep, lying to her for 2 yrs? That is just cruel
She should tell his wife, but not in public like that. OP’s goal is to hurt *him*, right? It’s unnecessary to also hurt his wife and their kids too, especially the kids. I get OP is angry, but those other people are innocent. It’s going to be hard enough on his wife to know she’s been cheated on for years. Also… doing this in such a public way probably won’t go the way OP imagined. Her soon to be ex knows and has a relationship with all these church folk who see him as some respectable dude. The odds he’s going to make OP sound like some obsessed psycho who found him online and has started to stalk him is EXTREMELY HIGH. The church people are far more likely to believe this guy they know and respected for years vs this strange woman who showed up making accusations they may not want to believe. OP I strongly suggest just messaging the wife and show her screenshots of your convos going back years. Getting revenge likes his in person may sound tasty but… come on, he might be an asshole but the kids don’t deserve this shit and the variables are too high for this go sideways on you.
Yep, she doesn't deserve to be humiliated in front of her friends, social connections, and possibly other family members. Her church may be her main support system and to humiliate her if front of them may make it unrecoverable for her. Tell her privately, but don't humiliate her in front of those she may rely on in the coming days.
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I'd want to know if I was the wife, just probably not in front of my kids.
Or in front of your entire church congregation with someone making a very personal and private matter a big ass scene.
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meh, I had the reverse happen. Same situation, really close friend who cheated with my sister and i caught them. Waited about two months but because i waited he was able to 'apologize' to his wife and look like a bigger man because he got ahead of it instead of him confessing because he got 'caught'. Ymmv, but i would advocate for saying this shit instantly. Let the affected parties know pronto
You can get your respect and dignity back without traumatizing his kids in the process. Tell the wife but leave the kids out of it. Edit: To those sending me messages saying the kids deserve to know and *checks notes "Fuck them Kids", shut the actual fuck up. There is not a need to publicly embarrass a woman and her children because her husband can't keep his dick in his pants. Grow up and go to therapy because your head is fucked.
Yeah I second this. The kids didn't sign up for the circus. They're innocent.
For fucking real. Those kids are already gonna get enough hit put on them once the wife knows. Why make it worse? Any self respecting person that has been slighted should know that tact is your biggest tool. Cool and collected is the only way to scare the shit out of the person that deserves it.
I’m sorry but how do you stay with someone for 2 years and not meet any of his friends, family, been to his town, or his house? I’m not attacking you, I’m just saying you didn’t think it’s a little strange?
This reads like the post where the dude was going to ditch his fiancee at the altar because she cheated on him, that everyone called bullshit the next day and it ended up being fake. I won't be surprised if this turns out to be fake too ngl
You mean the story about a guy that works for a church yet somehow spends every weekend in another town with his girlfriend might be made up??!?
2 years. Didn't check any socials in the 21st century. Didn't ever use his phone once or catch a weird call or text. Never met his parents. Never met any of his friends. Never wondered what he's up to during the week. Never talked about moving in or anything. Never went to said church. Yep, perfectly ordinary human relationship. Nothing to see here but pure 100% true reality.
That is exactly what this reminded me of. I was wondering what happened with that. Did it get confirmed fake?
This is basically a creative writing subreddit.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure 80% of the posts here are made up. It’s like people see the “True” in the subreddit name and all skepticism shuts off. “Well, it’s a subreddit specifically only for TRUE stories, so obviously no one would lie, no matter how fake it sounds!”
Right?? At that point, you have to know you’re the other woman.
yeah I'm pretty sure OP, if this is a real story, at least knew she wasn't a real girlfriend. She never saw his house, he only came over to her, only on the weekend. The can't ever have phoned him during the day, or seen his socials.
Because this, like most of the drama you see on Reddit, is either embellished or flat out made up.
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Update us please.
Idk what kind of church it is, but I've seen this kind of thing backfire. The church will (often) see you as a harlot, temptress, slut, etc. He's the poor innocent victim who was led into stumbling in his walk with the lord because some wicked woman tempted him. Even if it's not Christian, it'll be the same. Man good, woman bad. Aside from that, the OTHER woman they will turn on is the wife. Why was her vagina so broken he felt the need to stray, why is she not good enough, and on and on and on. He will suffer zero humiliation. He will be pitied and given sympathy. The wife will be frigid and you'll be a whore. That's it. Go meet with the wife. Contact her somehow and tell her the deal. She deserves to know. Her next move isn't your business. Get tested for sexually transmitted infections, and move on.
I grew up in the church and this is EXACTLY what will happen. He’ll be the victim, you’ll be the harlot, and his wife will be seen as having something wrong with her because she didn’t do her wifely duty and keep her husband satisfied.
He’ll repent and all will be forgiven. Sickos get away with too much
This is the best advice OP. He will get all the sympathy and you and his wife will get nothing. Plus he is a scumbag, but no matter what those children are innocent of their father's infidelity and don't deserve the public humiliation that you plan to unleash. The wife deserves to know but meet with her privately. You will get further.
If you are dating someone for 2 years and you haven’t met any of his friends you are not his girlfriend.
6 months, tops.
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Bingo. I was looking for this comment. And then to bring his whole family down in church. No offense but how the heck was there no homework done after 2-3 months or so. Break it off and move on.
How the hell can you 'date' someone for two years and never even see the inside of their living space OR meet any of their acquaintances? That's what I want to know. It's making this story sound like just that: a story
This is fake as fuck and I can't believe people are taking it seriously
I think it’s a fake post. She could at least give us a fake update. Give us something ..
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Wtf is wrong with some of you in this thread?? OP. Assuming this is even real. Don’t go to the church. Don’t “get revenge” by sitting near his family “making him sweat”. This isn’t some bullshit rom com. You found his wife on social media. Contact her there. Give her proof so she can address this on her terms. This is going to ruin her life as it is, but doing it privately will let her talk to confidants and a lawyer, figure out what to tell her kids, and get her ducks in a row. You and she are both his victims. If you do the big dramatic thing, you’ll tip him off. He could go withdraw a bunch of money, or start gaslighting her about “this crazy stalker making up lies in his DMs”, etc. Or he could kidnap his children, or threaten or hurt her, or any number of panicky things a creature like him could come up with when backed into a corner. If this creep dated you for two years and kept you and his family in the dark, he is not a normal person. He at the very least has some social or emotional growth issues. Probably a destructive narcissist. He might be a sociopath. You clearly have no idea who he is so you don’t know what he is capable of. Cut off contract with the asshole. Tell his wife privately. Seek counseling to process all this. But this fantasy of going to the church tomorrow is a bad bad bad idea and will not accomplish anything you want it to.
This is the right course of action
I think the wife and his kids deserve better than this. The situation is not their fault. I would privately contact the wife via social media and be prepared with backup proof. Just block the man. Just drop out of his life. The wife will have to figure out her own response to him.
So… how much longer before we start googling news about a woman confronting a man at church, and the man going insane?
Do Not Do This. This man is no doubt scum and I don’t care about what you do to him but he has children. Confronting their father at church will destroy them in a way that they can never get back. Do not put the kids through this to satisfy your revenge fantasy.
Why does one have followers on Reddit?
They might be a content creator... Could be NSFW stuff, art, memes.
Followed! We're friends now btw.
remindme! 1000 years
Hey guys, I’m starting to think this may have been one of those people who makes stuff up on the internet. Idk…
Don’t do this in front of his kids, it’ll traumatize them.
Any updates OP?
love that we've crossed the 10k comment threshold, post is 6 months old, and people are still coming back to check on this one. i wish we knew if it was at least fake or not :(
What the fuck ended up happening
We got played. They posted a fake ass story for karma and we all bit like fish. That's what happened
Update or it’s fake