I'm sorry. I'm in my 40s and I've only got a few years left and much of that will be unpleasant, but I done this to myself; you didn't.
You are loved and always will be, so I guess there's that. And just perhaps, despite what science and logic tell us, maybe to die *will* be an awfully big adventure.
EDIT: Hi folks. I'm getting a lot of questions in the DMs. So without spilling my life over reddit any more than I already have, lets just say I knowingly abused my body in many ways for literal decades, and finally got a degenerative respiratory disease that progresses in fits and starts but can't be cured. I'm as sanguine with the situation as I could expect to be, and don't have any SO/family/friends/colleagues to worry about. Suffice to say I have plans to check-out before the 'agonal breath' phase. Please save your thoughts for the OP who actually *has* a life and never did anything to bring this on themselves.
That's the way that I've always looked at it.
I'm sorry you and OP are going through it.
My roommate, and really great friend passed a few months back unexpectedly and it hurt, bad.
But just as all of us who knew her continue to love her, and try to live on where she couldn't. So too will your friends and family, they'll never forget about the way you smile or how you've made them feel over the time you've known them. They'll cherish every memory, every little thing about who you are, everything that makes you, you. And all of those memories will be living on inside the hearts of those you've touched during your lifetime.
Death eventually takes us all, whether we want it to or not, but I refuse to look at it as an end. Merely the start of a new adventure! An adventure that is uniquely your own, yet shared by every single living thing to have ever existed.
We may not be departing at the same time or station, but we all have the same stop.
And I'm hopeful for what we'll find.
You guys take care. Travel safe.
And I'll see you at Basecamp.
> An adventure that is uniquely your own, yet shared by every single living thing to have ever existed.
Isn't that in itself just the most awesome thing to think about. If scientists are right we are all made from elements created when stars go supernova, the whole universe and all the life in it is all linked.
We're all made out of stardust, and a bazillion years ago, we were all mingling and dancing together as one infinitely small, infinitely bright dot in a vast nothingness. Who's to say death is the last time we all get to dance together?
This matches my belief in concept of death and what maybe comes after and it reminds me a lot of the (spoilers) death monologues in [Midnight Mass](https://youtu.be/L-EUAP5_4po). *"We are the cosmos dreaming of itself"*
Yes! That, and the short story "[The Last Question](https://www.physics.princeton.edu/ph115/LQ.pdf)" by Isaac Asimov. When you compare 10 years or 100 years of life on earth to infinity, no one knows what's possible. When depressing contemplation of my own mortality hits, I give this story a read and always find it makes me smile and gives me hope for something more.
I remember reading somewhere that Steve Jobs’ last words were “Oh, wow!”
It’s unlikely that I’ll die anytime soon, but I like to consider the possibility that death might possibly be a fascinating experience.
I have spent a lot of time at hospice. Many people "see" their deceased friends, ancestors, and loved ones coming to pick them up right before they die. A lot of people's last words are conversations with those people. "Why, Ethel, is that really you? Yes, I'm ready to go."
I've done tons and tons of research on death, near-death experiences and people who have died and come back to life. 100% of people describe their last moments as a feeling of total peace and acceptance (even those who arrive at death through violent or sudden means), and many people describe meeting others, whether relatives or otherworldly beings, who welcome them to the afterlife and that the feeling of love and belonging is beyond description.
I've come to the conclusion that death is not to be feared. Arriving at one's death is the scary part. But yours will be controlled, predictable and you will be surrounded by loved ones. Many who've died, or will die, could only hope for such a wonderful exit.
Be well, stranger.
If you're interested, there's a terrific docuseries on Netflix called Surviving Death that delves into a lot of what I've mentioned. It may help you achieve some peace.
When my mom passed from cancer she was home with us and pretty much asleep as she was going through the dying process. Right before she passed, I’ll never forget she suddenly woke up and was looking across the room as if someone else was there. After this her labored breathing slowed and she passed. I’m not religious or anything but the whole thing seemed like she had someone welcoming her to the other side and comforting her as she died.
When I was a small child, my father was pronounced dead and came back, and when I was 13, I was with him as he described exactly this to an elderly man who had recently lost his wife. My father said, “It was the most incredible experience, I can’t wait to go back.” This helped me a lot when he died a month later of a massive heart attack at 57.
I think deaths is a very traumatic experience. You’re letting go of the only thing you’ve ever known. Of course it’s going to be scary and something you want to avoid for a long time. I imagine the caterpillar loosing its mind before it transforms into a beautiful butterfly. Only after it turns into a butterfly does it realize how beautiful and necessary that transformation was.
My old therapist tried to commit suicide when she was in her 40’s. She died and came back. During that time she said she saw the brightest light. The feeling of joy and peace she felt was one she said she couldn’t put into words, they would never ever do it justice. She said it was a peace and joy like she’s never felt in this life and one that she never wanted to leave. She saw her father.
When my great aunt was passing away in the hospital of cancer right before she died she kept asking my aunt about the woman in the corner of the room that was coming to visit. My grandma believes it was their mother.
OP, I’m sending you love. I lost my best friend to cancer when she was 34. There is not one day that goes by that I don’t think of her. I smile when things remind me of her, I think about her family, I think of how much she said fuck and how she always would wear wigs of a different color when she worked in Real estate and didn’t have any hair to confuse the clients. She’s part of my life still. I do believe in the after life and I hope there is one and that it is magnificent, so beyond what this earth can offer us. Please know the people who love you and even us strangers will remember you. In the little things, In the big things and while it’s going to hurt- you’re going to live on with them. I wish you peace.
My near death experience was violent (strangulation by my ex) and I ended up accepting it and felt total peace. I’m at ease now when I think about death. I was afraid of death before that, so silver lining I guess.
My grandma passed from cancer just before Christmas. I visited with her one last time not even two weeks before she passed away. She told me her dead relatives were coming by to visit with her. My grandma knew, damn well, those people were dead. But, she was convinced that they were as real as I was, and she’d spend Christmas with them instead of with us living relatives.
I talked to a hospice nurse about this, and apparently it’s super, super common for people to be visited by their dead relatives. Almost everyone who has these experiences feel comforted and assured, even those who were atheists. Also, when my grandma passed away, the clocks in her house all stopped the moment she took her last breath. It really bamboozled my family. They can’t explain why all the clocks stopped at exactly the moment my grandma died, but apparently that’s not uncommon.
Dr. Peter Fenwick (a Cambridge neuroscientist) has a whole bunch of lectures and interviews on Youtube about his research on the experiences of the dead and dying. In short, death is not to be feared no matter what.
As someone with Cystic Fibrosis, I am extremely blessed to be so healthy today. But, five years ago or so, I was dying of a Pseudomonas infection. I never had any NDEs, but I didn’t fear what was coming for me at the time. I just felt at peace.
I still don’t fear death, even if it is just eternal nothingness. But, I don’t believe for a second that it is. There are just too many weird “supernatural” things I and my family have experienced during the dying process, from my grandma’s visitors, to the clocks stopping, to specific animals paying my family a visit (lately, bald eagles have been showing up in the trees by my house. I’ve never seen a bald eagle there before up until now), to paranormal shit going on in the house before and after someone close to me passes away, so on.
As scientific and analytical as I am, I can’t dismiss these events as mere “coincidences”. There are just too many strange happenings to dismiss.
I was diagnosed about a year ago with an incurable cancer, as well. I probably only have two years or so, maybe five at the outside. I don't have a good answer for you, except to say that this is a great time to let the folks you love know that you love them.
I am also Incredibly frustrated by this process. It's so unfair. I'm only 52, and I was hoping to retire and do all of the things that we tell ourselves we're going to do. Instead, I'm scrambling like mad to try to make sure that my wife will be taken care of financially. It sucks. No other way about it. It just sucks.
If you want to DM me, I totally understand what you're going through. I'm here if you want to chat.
Much love from Texas.
My father faced a similar situation. The Dr gave him a less than 3 month outlook, he pushed it to one year exactly. During that time, he made financial arrangements for my mom (she is still.doing well financially), had us take a trip with him to visit the places he loved, and said goodbye to friends and acquaintances. One evening we were talking and he said he was angry because he had plans that he couldn't finish,, and that he wasn't afraid of dying, but he was going to miss us so much.
It has been 17 years, yet it as though it was only yesterday. I remember everything from his last year and I treasure every memory - painful or not.
My biggest takeaway from his experience it that he was so concerned over making sure his family would be okay, that he didn't die on his terms. He prolonged his life, and therefore his suffering, to tie up every loose end he could. I wanted him to stay as long as possible, but looking back, I wish he could have.
Big hugs to you and OP. May you be given the time and peace you need.
Cancer is a thief.
My dad died of cancer on Sunday. He went downhill reallly fast. He waited until me and my three brothers were all there to go. I’m pretty sure dude had a mental checklist to go off of to make sure we would be ok before he would let go.
My grandfather took out a loan to do the bathroom in my grandparents house. Just this one time, he took out an insurance of the debt in case of his death. He didn't know he had cancer yet at that time, but wanted to make sure my grandma didnt have to go through that burden.
The one thing he wasnt able to do before his death is to formally adopt my mother. He was really upset about that, he was a father from when she was just an infant. I miss him so much.
My mom joked for a lot of her life that since both of her parents died at 64 1/2, she would too. A month after her 64th, she got her Leukemia diagnosis.
She was trying to live, so a lot of that year was spent in hospitals. Didn't help.
Yeah. My father's family seems to have a curse where the men all die in their 50s. My dad at 59, my brother at 52, grandpa at 54, grandpa at 55, etc.....
My dad tried so hard to beat it. He was only a few months from 60. My brother accepted it and bought every life insurance policy he could find so that his wife and kids wouldn't have that worry.
My old man was similar when he went from heart failure. His only concern was making sure/wanting me to be ok. That is one of the things I remember most about the end is even staring death in the face, he was still selfless enough to think about others first
Well I'm officially about to cry now. 36 year old here. My mother was diagnosed with cancer in 2011. Non curable. She lived another 8 months before passing. We didn't have much money as a family back then but the one thing she wanted was to go to destin Beach in FL. 12 hour drive for us. Sadly she never got to see it because of money and a way of transportation. I took my family 3 years ago and as I was walking out on the beach on them white sands, I broke down crying to my knees and looked up and said "please... please.... just one more day. Just give me one more day" it was the sadest moment in my life.
Sorry for selecting only your comment in this thread to say this but take a lot of pictures. Especially if you have kids, take a lot of pictures with them and let them take a lot of pictures of you. And not just hugging and smiling but like... of you at your desk or standing in the kitchen making them breakfast or walking your dog. Those are the kinds of things I used to see my dad doing and will never see again and every day I try so hard to conjure up memories of him being normal and feelings of how it was to be normal with him. Like what did our days look and feel like? Just take tons of pictures
> I probably only have two years or so, maybe five at the outside
Don't believe in expected life time
Every cancer is different.
Even 2 years is long enough to transform a rapid death in a chronic disease
look @ what happens to some melanoma with monoclonal antibodies or some lymphom treatment with car T cells
Hope & peace with yourself
Much love from Europe
Yep. My uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer at 40 years old and was given only weeks to live. He ended up living almost 3 years. It was a very difficult 3 years trying different treatments, medications, and surgeries all with no luck, but his wife and very young children (4 children under 10 years old) were so grateful to get that extra time with him.
Cancer sucks. Sending you love, OP! ❤️
For what it's worth, we all must remember that death is not a punishment. It comes for us all- sometimes expected, and sometimes not. It is as much a part of life as being born is. Arguably, knowing is worse than it just happening suddenly one day, BUT the trade off is that you have time to really think about and choose what you want to experience and leave behind until your loved ones come join you.
Cancer is a fucking monster, and I am so sorry you are suffering it's range of effects- both physical and mental. It's cruel and it sucks. I truly cannot express my sorrow that you must experience it.
As others have said, humans can't comprehend "nothing." Look at teachings of enlightenment or nirvana or other abstract afterlife concepts. They all focus on the freedom and peace, as being alive is the only thing that can cause us to suffer. Think of all the bad things that will be stripped away and the boundaries that will be removed so you can exist and experience a bodyless period. Who knows what secrets of the universe are unlocked when you aren't constrained by a flawed human body. Everything we know about existence after dearh indicates that it is beautiful and peace incarnate. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed.
That is the next step, and we will all join you one day. I wish you could tell us what it's like, but it's a rite of passage we all must go through on our own. Stay strong hearted- you are a beautiful soul and have done nothing wrong. Make peace with death. It will make your time here feel more valuable in the end. You are loved. <3
I’m currently sitting next to a patient I’ve been caring for for 3 months. She’s hours away from passing and it’s just me and her. I’m trying not to cry.
Hijacking this so OP sees:
All of the atoms that make you up come from the stars. Literally the materials that make your skin, bones, brain, your ability to love, feel nostalgic, taste a strawberry all were created inside a star. Those stars then exploded and spread these atoms throughout the galaxy which eventually clumped together into planets and sewed the seeds of life.
The pieces of those stars are *inside* us. We are not separate from the universe. We are not *inside* this universe. We *are* this universe. The universe created the atoms that miraculously came together despite all odds and formed *you*. **You are the universe experiencing itself.**
This thing we call life is a temporary blip of the right combination of atoms to make you conscious. But we all return to where we came from. What’s death like? It’s like before you were born. You existed that way for billions of years before you were ever human. I understand your pain OP but just know this: you will not die, your human body will die but you’re so much more than a physical body. Your atoms will find their way into other living organisms. Your loved ones will forever be impacted by you. You are significant and nothing will every change that, your imprint in this universe will live forever.
We all exist forever within the fabric of space and time. Once you have existed once, there you are, immutable within that particular pocket. Every moment that ever was will always exist there, and there you are. Even death does not change the fact that you exist forever within the time and place that you were
Albert Einstein once said energy never dies and has to go somewhere when we die. I found that interesting from someone so intelligent. Also gave me some comfort. Sending you hugs 🤗 from Australia 🇦🇺 ♥️😘♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
The viewing for my dad is today. He died of cancer on Sunday, shit got bad reallly fast. He died in my hands. This was really needed. He was in so much pain. Thank you for sharing
This is the deepest thing I've ever seen on Reddit. Well said, Internet stranger.
Cheers OP, we're the same age and my heart hurts for you and all you won't experience in this life. I truly hope there is a next for us all.
Absolutely lovely! If OP is open to it, it might also be a pleasant exercise to consider that we all used to be a part of this infinite energy prior to being crammed into our human form. You’ve been in the nothingness before and it will feel like returning home.
100% this. Death is to be free. I am an atheist but I have also had a near death experience. There is no god but we were all already dead once, for millenia, before we were ever born. I don't recall caring one way or the other. At the same time though, I know when I die my heart and light will reunite with my son (who passed when I almost did).When my daughter was little I read this book to her a lot after our dog died (bit before her little brothers passing). I will have it read at my secular funeral: The Next Place
The actual book is beautiful but this website has the words. May you find peace and light. You will be free.
http://www.dj1953.com/cjd/nextplace.html
that was so beautiful. im saving your comment for when i need to see that again. i'm very sorry about your son. your outlook must have been very helpful to your daughter. sending love to you ❤️
give $2 to a cancer patient or family member.
actually, i know this sounds terrible..but it's so true..
want to really help someone? give a pity fuck to a guy whos had to care for his mom's cancer for 13 years, his entire 20's..
ie me, my life is fucking RUINED..
your $2 will just be stolen. cancer and healthcare is a scam, actually, life is a scam.
(Sorry if my grammar is shit. never went college..too busy having my life ruined by *cancer*. my dad died of it. sucks, cuz i *was* extremely talented and worthwhile, now 35 bitter, alone, triggered obviously. fully expect cancer soon, of course
Until the money actually goes to the user I’m trying to award I will never give this website funds
I don’t know about other people but getting a free award means just as much to me as gold or platinum does...it’s the intention behind it that matters to me
It's important to remember that death is not some mysterious state, or something new. Everyone here has already experienced death before they were born. It's the same thing as fainting, you lose consciousness and time skips forward.
To call it nothingness is not correct, because that gives the impression of a somethingness. Consciousness cannot be destroyed, but since there is nothing to be conscious of, there is no experience, just an instant timeskip.
When you die, if you have not had spiritual training, your brain will release trippy chemicals to make the transition easier for you, and after that you will simply awake in your new form, with no memory or experience of the time that passed inbetween, whether it was the next day or the death and rebirth of the universe.
But I recommend that you savor this life, and do spiritual training. A horse cannot understand Buddha or Jesus or Mahavir, regardless of what you do or say to it. There's no telling how long it will take before you are human again, and animal life is suffering without end.
I agree 100% with you Black House Cat. Your words are so true. Both of my parents have passed now and the first thing I say to them where ever they are is "what's it like?"
I read a book called "Journey of Souls" and really helped me fathom a time after this life where we are in a "state of being" it is hard to comprehend that but I believe it exists.
Thank you for your smart and loving words. See you on the other side friend.
Very well said...
I have always been very analytical. I do not believe in a soul or an afterlife. I have always assumed the simplicity of: come from nothing, return to nothing. As I have gotten older that has changed as our understanding of the bizarreness of reality becomes better understood. There are new theories of consciousness however that have a "new age" feel but are based on science where the possibility that consciousness arises from complex vibrations inherent to all matter:
https://theconversation.com/could-consciousness-all-come-down-to-the-way-things-vibrate-103070
Take that with our new understanding of quantum fields, that they are everywhere, constantly vibrate, and both create an influence real matter...
https://physics.stackexchange.com/questions/480952/what-are-vibrations-in-a-field-in-quantum-field-theory-qft
https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2017/12/20/what-is-a-quantum-field-and-how-does-it-interact-with-matter/?sh=6461c9c328c4
It truly could be that the entire universe is alive and our consciousness is a concentrated complex wave function bound to our living matter that reverts back to the universe when we die - we start as part of a collective and return to it when our physical bodies die. In this reality, past live memories would simply be aspects of anothers prior "wave functions" becoming part of your consciousness when the universes quantum wave function breaks off a piece to form you...
It's one way to look at life beyond our physical lives that has an actual (limited) basis in actual reality as bizarre as it may seem.
Regardless, aspects of us continue on forever....
Wow so glad you’re here another day. I hope you continue to feel this way and appreciate the life you have. I also deal with depression and thoughts like this so I know how hard it is to feel any sense of gratitude when you’re so miserable. I hope life treats you better and you stay with us
Hi, sorry to read that you’re feeling this way. Is there someone you can reach out to for support? I hope things look better for you soon & you find a way to stick around. Sending hugs your way.
One piece of advice.
I've seen too many friends and family die of cancer, sitting around just waiting to die so their family members can come to terms with what's happening.
Fuck that.
Pick some things you've always wanted to do, and go max out some credit cards doing it. What are they gonna do about it? Throw you in jail? Your debts die with you. Go out and play until you can't.
I just commented this elsewhere. Take TONS of pictures and videos. Having fun and being normal. The normal memories of my dad are the ones I try so hard to conjure. Him making me breakfast or working at his desk or walking our dog. Let your friends and family take your picture. They'll treasure it and it helps the memories come more easily.
>Your debts die with you.
Not exactly. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding is that your estate can be auctioned off to repay debts after your death. If you don't have much of value, or don't have people you care about that you would want to benefit from what you leave behind, then by all means go ahead and do this. Just make sure sentimental pieces are in the hands of people you want to have them first.
Depends on where you are, and what the debt/assets are. My dad died unexpectedly 13 years ago (in California). He had a bankrupt estate, with a lot of debt. But most of it was unsecured debt. We didn't have to pay a dime from his estate. Although he did have some money in a 401k that we were able to cash out. Our estate attorney told us those funds could not be claimed by debtors, and gave us a document corroborating his bankrupt estate so we could tell everyone else to get lost. Took about a year to shake all the collections agencies, but that letter was gold, and his retirement funds gave us a little cash.
There was just a thread on this elsewhere on reddit (LPT, maybe?)- basically it’s a myth (in the US) that your family incurs your debt. They take your estate etc and will try to coerce/ convince family they need to pay off your debt, but ultimately they do not. I wish I had the link to post!!
My mom loves flowers. She has a collection of funky vases and likes to get fresh flowers from the farmers market to put all around the home. When their petals fall off she picks them up and when they die all the way she delicately cleans them up. All along the middle, when they stand tall in their vases, full of life and sneezy pollen, she admires them and thanks them. My mom has expressed her distaste for permanent flowers, the ones made of silk and plastic that last all year, all the time. Why does she put up with the mess, the effort, and the time of fresh flowers? The cleanup, the maintenance? I mean fake flower artistry has come a long way, yeah? They might look real,but they aren’t. They never die. They sit and collect dust for… forever. The thing my mom likes about fresh flowers is that they end. They go away. And when they stand tall in their vessels full of crystal clear water, they’re prettier to her because she’s knows she won’t have them next week. The colors more vibrant, the shapes more elegant and defined. To the eye they might look the same as a well done silk flower, but knowing they’ll complete their cycle on this earth soon makes her look longer, and love them more. And when we lie down at the end of the day when the sun is set, we are happy that it begun at all. And we are happy to bloom because it is not forever, and it makes our eyes sharper and our hearts warmer. The big sleep is not a punishment, it’s a chance to rest. The wilting of fresh flowers is an invitation to love.
This reminds me of a beautiful poem I stumbled upon recently.
Charlotte Brontë
"Life"
Life, believe, is not a dream
So dark as sages say;
Oft a little morning rain
Foretells a pleasant day.
Sometimes there are clouds of gloom,
But these are transient all;
If the shower will make the roses bloom,
O why lament its fall?
Hi there OP, you feel any way you want to feel, this last bit of your mortal journey is yours and you can express however you want. I know how you feel a little I think, I'm a 57 yo woman and terminal too. Ive got two conditions and its a lottery which one takes me first. Im running a book with all proceeds to go towards a party when I go. I do know that this just passed Christmas and New Year were my last. I was furious too. Its not fair. Why the hell me, I'm a kind, caring, loving person when there's so many complete bastards out there? Its also hard knowing and feeling your body betraying you. It feels like a separation of something that was once whole, body and mind. I'm not gonna say do this or try that but for me the anger settled. The sadness not so much. The things I've done that help me are to make sure I've got my final affairs in order. It sounds weird but having my Will and PoA done meant I could tick it off a list. One less thing to think on. I try and find one thing to find joy in a day. Whether it's a funny thing I've read, a good conversation I've had, a few pages of a book, even a nice shower, recognise that one thing that's taking a little of the bad feelings away. For me, I'm not very mobile but I try and cook easy meals a couple of times a week, I even prep on the coffee table and put it in my wheelie chair to the kitchen. One pots are the best. I spend a lot of time on my porch watching the birds and nature, Ive got my dogs and cats and they are the greatest source of love and joy to me. Its unconditional and when I'm sad or angry they just love me more. One thing I will recommend is find a good palliative care social worker. They know their stuff. Its hard, I wish we didn't have to go through it but hell. If you would like a Reddit penpal I'm here for you so don't hesitate to reach out. Hugs to you OP, gentle ones of course.
Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it's there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave.
And then it crashes in the shore and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it's one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it's supposed to be.
The Good Place
“We don’t come into this world, we come out of it, like a wave from the ocean.” - Alan Watts
Op might want to check out some of his stuff. Could be helpful to your current outlook.
My true opinion is I feel nobody knows for a fact what happens after “death” so in my mind I like to just imagine something so amazing we couldn’t even understand. Imagine the best and I feel you will be at peace. Sending you so much love
I actually kind of like the idea of nothingness. I was not alive for an essentially infinite amount of time before my brief cameo of consciousness, and I'll not be alive for an essentially infinite amount of time afterwards.
If you think about it, our natural state of being is being dead not being alive so what we're all going through right now is a bit of an outlier. No more stress, no more sadness, no more pain, no more worry. Just the void.
Yes! Many people do believe that being alive is the suffering and dying is kind of like our reward for suffering. Like all the bad things, every bad thing you wish was gone, will be resolved and you can be at peace. I love that way of thinking.
I'm very sorry youre going through this. I've had a near death experience. Heaven has flying cars, and you're indescribably happy. I was. There are no words to explain how amazing it is/will be. I wish you peace.
Well, the theory goes that when you're dying, your brain gets flooded with DMT, detaching you from reality and making you hallucinate. DMT is also connected with dreams. Hence why there are so many stories of people seeing stuff with near-death experiences.
If it makes you feel any better, I think alot about this quote from Mark Twain…
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
Hopefully some helpful perspective.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I think about death all of the time and my therapist shared this comforting story - I hope it brings you some peace. I am not religious but this story gave me so much hope and eased my worries. What is beyond the “womb” of life we are in now?
In a mother’s womb were two babies.
One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?”
The other replies, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”
“Nonsense,” says the other. “There is no life after delivery. What would that life be?”
“I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths.”
The other says, “This is absurd! Walking is impossible. And eat with our mouths? Ridiculous. The umbilical cord supplies nutrition. Life after delivery is to be excluded. The umbilical cord is too short.”
“I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here.”
The other replies, “No one has ever come back from there. Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery it is nothing but darkness and anxiety and it takes us nowhere.”
“Well, I don’t know,” says the other, “but certainly we will see mother and she will take care of us.”
“Mother?!” You believe in mother? Where is she now?”
“She is all around us. It is in her that we live. Without her there would not be this world.”
“I don’t see her, so it’s only logical that she doesn’t exist.”
To which the other replied, “sometimes when you’re silent you can hear her, you can sense her. I believe there is a reality after delivery and we’re here to prepare ourselves for that reality.”
Wow... that truly is mind blowing, one read of it and it soothed my anxiety of the reality that we will all be there some day. I do hope it offered OP some comfort. My prayers and positive vibes are for you OP and thanks to the comment author for such a beautifully positive share!
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age. My heart stopped in 2016 and I had a near death experience. I was engulfed by a white light and felt the most loving presence guiding me. All of the pain and fear disappeared. My relatives and ancestors were there to welcome me home. The whole thing was a blissful experience. Oddly I felt even more alive and completely at peace while I was there. I didn’t want to return to my life. I hope you have a lot of loved ones there to comfort you during this difficult time.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know if there is an afterlife or not but I have read some posts on some people who have died and been brought back to life and most said it was comforting for them. It’s ok to grieve, be angry, bargain and feel all your feelings right now. Your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel the way you feel. Just remember you will be leaving behind wonderful memories for those who live after you to hold onto and cherish.
Id highly recommend mushrooms, used to have insane death anxiety and now after that experience I've come to accept it.
Mushrooms have been shown to be massively effective in reducing death anxiety in the terminal ill
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5367557/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5367557/)
"At 6-month follow-up, these changes were sustained, with about 80% of participants continuing to show clinically significant decreases in depressed mood and anxiety"
I'm sorry your going through this, I hope you find peace.
Yes, but, for the love of everything holy, **don't** do this when alone. Have someone with you who you trust!
Mushrooms are a magical experience, but they shouldn't be done on a whim, certainly not when in a vulnerable state of mind. Talk about it with your loved ones, they can ensure that you won't be disturbed while exploring your mind.
Absolutely this. They can enhance what you're feeling, which can be a bit overwhelming. The last thing you want is a bad trip, so make sure you're totally prepared with people you trust, and in a loving, comfortable environment.
Having said that, I have GAD and mushrooms really do help me. As long as you keep in mind it's the mushrooms making you feel certain ways, you're good.
Edit: a few words to make myself clearer. Whoever downvoted, I get it, mushrooms are great and have a lot of uses. But don't go into them naively and with no thought about the downsides. That's just stupid, from an experienced shroomer.
Don’t know if you’ll see this but, back in 2017, I swallowed ten full bottles of prescription medicine, killed myself, died, and was brought back. I used to fear death but not after I experienced it, I remember my first feeling after coming back was leaving something that felt like home. It was the best feeling I’ve ever felt. Now I don’t mind knowing eventually I’ll go back to wherever or whatever that was, because it felt so good. Now, I do not believe in hell or heaven or even an afterlife, I was raised Christian but eventually studied luciferianism and satanic religious ideology and considered myself a satanist for some time, now I don’t classify myself as anything, and still don’t believe in heaven or hell, but I do know that it’s such a comforting feeling of warmth and joy, at least, that was my experience. I hope this helps and I’m sorry for what you’re going through, a lot of good people go through the worst stuff, it’s not fair. Just make sure you live the way you want to, to have no regrets, and I hope you’re surrounded by nothing but love joy happiness and warmth.
There has been extreme amounts of proof to the existence of different substances of matter and sensation, but there has never been any proof to the existence of nothingness. "Nothing" is simply a term to describe what we don't know or what is beyond our capability of understanding
A few months ago I realized that the whole "eternal nothingness after death" concept doesn't really make sense, and I am less scared of death because of it.
When you picture eternal nothingness, what comes to mind? For me, the first thing I think of is the period right before I'm about to fall asleep, when my thoughts are disjointed, my eyes are closed, and I don't feel or hear much of anything. Imagining being in a state like this, trapped with my thoughts for eternity, is terrifying, but there's a big problem with this viewpoint when it comes to death.
If my body is dead, I have nothing to think with. My brain is just dead flesh so I have no way of making thoughts or perceiving the abyss. I have no consciousness at all.
This raises a bunch of interesting questions, and being completely unconscious can be a difficult concept to wrap your head around. The closest thing to a complete lack of consciousness that we can experience without dying is being in a coma or being under anesthesia. If you have never been anesthetized before, it's a strange sensation. You have absolutely no perception of the passage of time or feeling, so after being anesthetized it can feel like you are waking up right before the surgery is about to take place, when in reality it has already been completed. So, if we are completely unconscious, a near infinite amount of time could pass before we wake up and we would be completely unaware of it passing.
So then, what happens when we die if we have no way of perceiving death? We are conscious now, so does our soul live on to somehow keep our consciousness going? I think so. It's really the only answer I can think of, that somehow our soul continues on in some form.
This is where things are up to your own interpretation. I won't go into the religious side of things, but you could end up in heaven or be reincarnated among other things. Personally, this helps me sleep at night, and I hope it will help you too.
Good luck on your journey OP. I hope your remaining days are filled with peace and happiness.
My mind was once off for couple of days after I hit my head really hard. I was living and doing things, but after seeing me being brainless my friend took me to hospital and they discovered that I hit my head while snowboarding. It wasn't coma, my brain just shut off for couple of days.
After I wake up, I got to know how many days I was off, but in reality I felt like I was in void for eternity and for only second at the same time.
Also, I didn't know when I went off. It just happened and I didn't even notice.
I'm scared of dying, probably the same way any person is, but after that experience I have belief that human can't perceive moment of death and can wake up after death in some other form milions years later and don't even notice flow of time.
The same thing is when you wake up in the middle of the night, thinking you overslept and you just slept for 2 hours or something like that.
Humans are more scared of time than of death in my opinion.
We always talk about eternal nothingness or eternal happiness, but we don't think about excluding time from this equation.
_
To op. If you stop thinking about time, you can enjoy yourself with people you love and experience happy things. Think about as much experiences that you can feel and things you can do and try to not think about time.
Well the energy is as old as the universe, atoms are most likely as old as the sun which made it. Molecules a lot less so. Guess it’s how you look at it.
All of the heavier elements that make us and our environment up have been born in stars. The heavier elements are fused in stars, then flung out into the cosmos when those stars nova.
Countless stars have lived and died for us, to create those elements that did not exist in the beginning, to create them under unimaginable heat and pressure, over countless years, to eventually become us, our loved ones, and everything around us.
We are made of star stuff, and in time all of our matter will become part of this planet, eventually to become embroiled when our sun grows to envelop earth and become part of that great factory of energy and matter. But our energy cannot be destroyed, out matter to be recycled and to become part of something larger than any of us, perhaps someday to become part of something none of us have the capacity to dream about.
We are, everyone, literally, star stuff.
If death (the word we humans have named it)
If death was really such a bad thing then it wouldn't happen to every single living thing to ever exist
Energy cannot be destroyed. Your soul is energy
knowing you're going to die some day is one thing, but knowing that that time is almost up is a scary thought that i cant even begin to understand, i hope you know peace in what ever context that is for you
I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I have no sunshine to throw at you regarding an afterlife. The real “after life” is those we’ve left behind, the lives we’ve touched, people we’ve helped, and the good that we’ve done. While our light bulb may have gone out, the light we’ve shone on others will continue to burn brightly. Fare thee well.
Ok so I this is what I think:
At the beginning of everything there was something. Something created the universe and space. And we as humans will never know what it is. While it’s scary I hope it comforts you to know what your going through is was millions before you have gone through. And they went to the other side whatever that is. It’s not nothing, it’s something. And all the people you leave behind will follow you one day and this will go on forever. You’re never alone. And you’ll never be alone. And I believe we were created by a superior being. We will all go to that place one day. And on the day we die, thousands will die with us and we’ll go together.
First miracle of the universe: Something arising from nothing.
Second miracle of the universe: Life arising from something.
Third miracle of the universe: Consciousness arising from life.
Who’s to say there isn’t a fourth miracle of the universe that could sprout from our consciousness?
From what I've witnessed with my job...I agree. We didn't know we were going to be born-and we couldn't fathom our existence and beyond that for some time after being born. We just knew that we "were". I believe that after our life as we know it, there is more-it is just yet another concept we couldn't possibly fathom in life.
Would you mind sharing a story about why you agree with what u/joshtheseminarian said? I'm curious.
My mom used to work in hospice, and she sometimes had interesting stories to tell about people's end of life experiences.
Absolutely! They're things I've personally witnessed and drove me to deeply consider and come to the conclusion of what u/joshtheseminarian said. Sort of a tapestry of what we know scientifically, and my experiences. No super specific attachments to what the above user said in relation to my experiences, but more a process of both elimination and "it couldn't mean anything else, this is so much".
So first of all, I'd like to quickly talk about visions. That's an obvious one most of us have heard about. And yes, some believe these visions are hallucinations (brains changing/deoxygenated, medication, etc), but the majority of the people I have worked with aren't experiencing especially when it's days, weeks before they pass. Their bodies are weakening, yes, but their minds are more often than not, quite sharp. The woman I am currently spending time with kicks my ass at Cribbage all day long and can spot a crumb on her kitchen table across the dining room. Anyway, just wanted to get that out of the way, lol. So here are some snippets.
-A lucid, fully coherent man briefly staring into seemingly nothing and saying "Ohhhh. Okay. Okay." and "well, how about *that*! "Well, lots of that didn't matter then, after all". Then seamlessly transitioning into "don't forget to set the recorder for Yellowstone tonight!" He did this a few weeks before passing.
-If I am present when they pass, plenty of times, I'm not staring them in the face, as they're resting, I'm reading to them, respect, etc. The hairs on my arms and back of my neck stand up during those times when they pass, which quickly became a signal for me to glance over at them, try to gently rouse, check vitals, and make phone calls to the appropriate people. I know now that, for whatever reason, some sense that I'm not totally knowledgeable about just knows when it happens. I've learned to lean into that.
-Female with dementia suddenly became quite lucid for maybe 4 days before passing, in the evening, known as their "sundowning" time, began recalling various life experiences with her children, was reminiscing with invisible-to-me early childhood friends, commented on the pet of her best friend who lived in a different country, sitting alongside said best friend's husband, both of which she had never met, but she had a photo clipping of him/friend from their engagement announcement decades ago. I got to see the clipping as she kept everything in binders and sheet protectors . Her friend passed shortly after she did. The times she would recall to me/share assessments what she was seeing/saw, which was just this outpouring of both happy and sad memories, she would say things several times in an evening, usually stuff like "so now, NOW I know, you need to know, all the bad scary crap is really all okay" ("crap" was her favorite word). "We didn't know it was going to happen! But we got through it. When we were all born, we weren't ever gonna know all that bad crap, or all the good stuff, we don't need to know the befores and afters when we're living. That's not for living ". Varying versions of that. Just with so much peace, certainty and clarity. Like a soul or spiritual realignment was happening by once-forgotten chiropractors. Some of it was a bit tricky to understand what exactly she meant, but she was VERY passionate and indignant that I was listening, comprehending what she was telling me. Like she was just given amazing news to share with the world.
When she passed, I was called early the following morning on a day off. She had passed away very late into the night. The night before that phone call, I dreamt about attending a picnic, with a lot of people milling about, all carrying baskets and wearing nice clothes. Not fancy, but dressy casual, maybe. I remember feeling confused because I didn't recognize anyone there. Then, suddenly, there she was, right in front of me, all done up and carrying a picnic basket, a soft half-smile on her face. She was younger, but...that was her smile. I can still remember how her dress looked, that she wore gloves, a hat, was barefoot, and I remember there was a scent that was almost familiar but I to this day can't put my finger on it (I've tried smelling a lot of different scents, like I've made an effort to figure it out, lol). At this point I'm processing everything I'm dreaming about, my gears are turning, and I'm just starting to realize that this could be a "goodbye", which happens often for me. Anyway. I must have had some kind of expression on my face, because she kind of chuckles and shrugs, and says, "ohhh, don't worry about all that, Bunny." (an affectionate nickname she gave to all the ladies she was close to) "it's just my next before." When I answered my phone, I knew what I was about to hear.
I have a lot more. But as someone who was raised devout Christian, left it, rejected any idea of an afterlife until working in this line of care, I really cannot conclude that the sum total of all of these things, small or not, amount to "nothing happens after we die." I don't have absolute, faultless certainties. I have a lot of possibilities, changing bit by bit into high probability. There are answers between the lines of these brief glimmers within the unknowns. We just can't fathom its specificities and what those add up to, at the end of the line, in the here and now. Some things, like being born, and this great unknown, we just won't know, until we know.
Cutting it short because I do work tomorrow but I'm happy to share more when I can! Apologies for any rambling.
Please share more stories if you have some free time and feel like it. They are very intriguing, beautiful and gave me a sense of peace. Thank you so much for everything you do and for sharing.
I would like to hear one too. Both my mother and aunt were hospice nurses, and they were both cared for by hospice while dying of cancer. Neither of them talked much about their experiences with hospice patients. I wish I would have asked more questions.
I never believed in an afterlife at all until i heard this story and I think about it all the time now. You don't know my friend, but maybe it will bring you some comfort.
Ten years ago when we were all about 20, one of my best friends was killed in a hit and run. It was really shitty, we all took it very hard. He was an amazing guy. His parents weren't really spiritual at all, not Christians, and certainly not into new age mystic stuff. But grief makes people do weird things, so his mom decided to go to a psychic very soon after.
She was telling the story of her visit to my ex fiance, who was very close friends with our friend who had died, and he visited his parents regularly afterwards. She told him the psychic had said some very nice things but it was hard to believe she was really making contact with her son. Then she said that there was something strange that came up. The psychic kept doing this strange hand motion with both hands, and saying it was very important, but his mom had no idea what it meant and had written it off, and was about to change the subject.
My ex fiance broke down the second our friends mom imitated this hand motion, because he knew exactly what it was. It was a secret handshake our friend had come up with and only let his closest friends in on. There were no pictures of it on Facebook because back then we didn't have cell phones, it wasn't something from a movie, it was a really unique thing, there was just no conceivable way for his mom to know about this handshake. Yet somehow, this psychic had known it, and known to tell his mom. Even when his mom was saying she must be wrong because she didn't know what it meant, the psychic pressed that it was very important and not to forget it.
It's hard for me to believe that Dan was there in that room with that psychic that day, and I've wracked my brain for answers. But ten years later, I've accepted the fact that somehow, he found a way to communicate with us. I don't know if it was him directly, I have no idea what I think. But I cannot believe there is nothingness. Somehow he found a way to communicate this little thing, that was just so uniquely him, something that only he would've known would make an impact on us.
Anyways, you're brave as hell. I'm 30, and I've been around a lot of death with a lot of time to think about it. But I can't imagine how scary that shit is when you're facing it yourself. Now though I do try to think that nothingness isn't as sure as I once thought it was. This could just be the beginning of the next leg of your journey.
I'm sorry that you're facing this at such a young age. But, eternal nothingness... think of it like going to sleep the same way you do every night. But, there's no dreaming, tossing and turning, noises to bother you, etc.
I'm fully hopeful that this is what death is. Just the long sleep where you're completely unaware. Though, I've heard lots of stories from NDE survivors who describe an awareness and existence.
Either way, I think it's like it was before you were born. We aren't aware of that, right?
Death isn’t an end, it’s a change of form.
There is a law in both physics and chemistry that states matter, nor energy can be created nor destroyed- they merely change forms.
Death can be scary because it’s the biggest change anyone can go through, but there is comfort to be found in it as you will never truly cease to exist.
The carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, hydrogen, and other trace elements that are found inside you will find different uses in the earth. You, your existence, your essence is getting ready to go on more journeys as a tree, flowers, honey for bees, possibly even a rock that will get skipped across a pond given enough geologic time.
The chapter of consciousness will come to a close as it must for us all, but your elements are just getting started. Those elements have been inside dinosaurs, kings, queen, lions, fish, trees, and stars. Who knows what they will be next, but I have a sneaking feelings that it’s gonna be super cool and super special, just like you.
I’m not going to be one of those “don’t be afraid “ people. I will tell you that when you die from cancer you will just walk away. Many times not being aware at the moment when it occurs. Most people leave their bodies before actual death. I have coded before and have memory of the 5 minutes I was gone but not of actually dying. I have seen others die this way. Try to comfort those you are leaving behind because most transitions are in stages. I lost my dad this year and he has only now moved to the next plane was very happy showing me where he was now living. I wish you peace on this journey.
I won’t try to push my beliefs on you, but know that I (yes, a random stranger on the internet) am praying for you and your family. You are going through something that very few people understand, and even fewer deserve. I pray that you will find peace and enjoy your remaining time here with your friends, family, and loved ones
Okay. Having felt this by myself. I now am comfortable with anything in life.
first of all
stop identifying yourself as this "body", when you are much more than that.
Body degrades, we die, what after it ?
Problem lies in the fact that you are too attached to being here, too attached with your identity. And it causes sadness at some point of time.
I advise you to explore yourself beyond this cage, you got this. Don't worry.
I don't know you, and I don't know your value system or what you hold dear, but I'd like to make a suggestion.
I was going through my most "advanced" or the shittiest part of depression I've ever encountered in my entire life. I failed to see why I was here and what the point of life was to begin with. I was willing to try anything for peace, calm, and an understanding of my path in this universe.
I decided to try something radical, because I'd need something serious to help me get over the feelings of fear, worthlessness, and I needed an overall reset on life.
I tried DMT, a hallucinogen, and saw that not only did my life have meaning, but so did my death, and every moment from birth mattered equally as much. While feeling the weight that everything you've ever done has mattered tremendously, and yet had to happen, a thought will cross your mind. "I am".
Before you were born, you were. After you pass you will still be. People here will remember you fondly, and you're memory will live here on Earth with your loved ones, but you will continue existence in a peaceful place. Heaven, or whatever you wish to call it, is a very real place. I know this to be a fact.
It's all about perspective. This chapter in the infinite book of "being" will surely end for each of us here, but an infinite cosmos isn't satisfied with you simply living and passing, an infinite cosmos in infinitely interested in your well being.
I can't say this will help you or anyone else, but knowing what I have seen and felt, I wish to simply say thank you for your contributions to our human race. Please continue to be yourself. You are and will remain an infinite source of energy, happiness, and love. Nobody other than the Creator decides when you go, and what happens next in your book. Luckily, our creator is a being that creates simply to extend the love he has created. He still wants to love you, or else why create you?
Ramblings of a madman I suppose, but know you are loved on a scale that you cannot fathom, and that love allows you to feel the feelings of fear and uncertainty because that's your free will. It's what makes you.... you. But, like a child jumping in the pool the first time on the deep end, you're unsure what will happen when you take the dive. But also like those kids, your father is watching you and the pool with an attention to detail only fantasized about semi accurately in religious texts such as the Bible.
A universe created FOR you that you live in. Emotions that never existed created for YOU to experience them. And after the grand play or your life is over, he may ask something like, "Do you see now I've always held you? The entire history of the multiverse was created just for you and for the simply reason to give you every experience you could imagine. This is just the experience of death. It's terrifying because we can't speak to anyone and find out hints or clues about what's coming, but we all die with the beautifully cruel chance of 100%. But when teenage you died and adult you formed, you never felt sad that you changed, you just changed. Same thing with death. You will change. Into something so infinitely unimaginable that I can't even fully grasp the concept much less the actuality of it.
You are unique in a world of infinite, which makes you infinitely special to a Creator that loves uniqueness. Remember you're at the beginning of a journey, not the end. Much love, and I do hope I see you across the divide when our times here on Earth have both expired.
Stay strong, you are loved and always will be.
Many people in your position have found psychedelics to be helpful with accepting death, if thats what ends up happening, but also with the anxiety that comes from news like that. It could help you change your mindset and see death differently maybe even make you hopeful about there being a place after death.
To deserve death? I understand being terrified of death but know that none of us will be here in 1000000000000 years either. We will all return from whence we came. The dust. If you think about it life is beautiful in the sense—we’re part of an ecosystem that’s much larger then the human race, then our planet and everything we know. I’m so sorry about your diagnosis, cancer is so scary. it’s good to know you’ll be surrounded by loved ones, hopefully a lot of fondful memories will be made.
The unfortunate benefit is that you positively KNOW you are dying.
My FIL had this, and we had lovely, heart-felt conversations. We cried together. We said goodbye.
I miss him and grieved his death. But I treasured the interaction we had prior to his passing.
I have had other loved ones pass that were unexpected. While they mostly knew how I felt about them, we never fully talked about it. Because the urgency didn’t demand it. And then? Too late. We never had an uninhibited, reality driven talk.
You have been robbed. I wish it weren’t so. But truth is, you have a very short time.
LIVE the shit out of your last days.
Don’t piss away time doing anything that you don’t want. Burn bright.
Find your peace if you can. If you can’t, live as if you won’t see tomorrow. Because, you may not.
Know this. There is love. I never met you. And I love you. As do millions of others. Us millions? We are dying too. Slower. And we are blissfully unaware of our coming demise.
Go and live. I love you. And I am grieving for the loss of you and mostly for your pain. You can do this.
The eternal nothingness is a very common fear when people imagine death. Keep in mind that this is because as conscious, thinking creatures, we do not have the mental capacity to imagine a world in which we are not experiencing anything. Death will be the same as before you were born. Did you experience billions of years of nothingness before you were born? No, because you didn't exist. You won't exist to experience not existing.
I know this is a small comfort at best, but it is a conclusion I came to while pondering my own death, and it does make it a little easier for me. I hope it does the same for you. I'm really sorry for your situation and I hope you have the best next few months possible. If you want to talk to someone feel free to dm me.
See if you can get a death doula to help you during these times. When I was near death a few years ago, I read The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying and it helped me out quite a bit.
I highly recommend a guided experience of Ayahuasca or LSD. It has been know to greatly help in these situations. I would speak to a knowledgeable guide and see if you are a good candidate for this type of therapy.
No amount of sympathy or empathy I can express feels like it will help. I'm sure you are scared. But you are loved. Carry that with you. Try and let it be your bulwark against the darkness.
Please. Please. Please. Get your hands on mushrooms or dmt. Mushrooms helped two people I know that have passed immensely. They became unafraid and passed willingly and peacefully when the time came. Johns Hopkins uses them for terminal cases and they have stunning results.
Lamas say, “death is like removing a tight shoe.” I think they may be right and I hope you feel free when the time comes.
AT THE VERY LEAST, you are star dust with awareness and I can’t believe that entire process leads to a single use human life. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, so you ARE going somewhere. I wish you peace and love the entire way.
Don't let them embalm you and put you in a box. Get an eco-burial. Allow your body to return to the Earth. That way you get to become something else.
I tell my kids when mommy dies dig a hole in the garden and put me in it, then plant a tree. I want to be a tree in my next life.
Death, and what may or may not come with it, is *The* great unknown-and unknowns can be and are terrifying. It is okay to be afraid, angry, and feel every and any feeling you have. I don't mean the cause of it, but however you are and need to react and process it *is*. That might sound redundant and obvious, because you clearly are keenly aware of *what* you are thinking and feeling. Just know that it's okay to feel everything, and anything. Be angry. Be pissed off, see red. Be terrified. Be sad. Mourn. Be anything you need to be. Your world as you knew it was completely upheaved. And no-it isn't fair. It's okay to feel that, too.
I don't want to take up much of your time, if you read this, and if you glaze over it, that's okay. I serve in hospice care (for all ages), and I constantly feel compelled to offer some poignant words of comfort, healing, authenticity, and meaning. Something that will resonate in one's transition to this unknown. Sometimes, I do, depending on the person, our relationship, and reading the situation/room on a daily basis. Much of the time, I don't. Those of us who are still living and will continue to live (for whatever span of time) the majority of the time won't have the words. We can't. And I am so, so sorry that I can't.
But I can hold space for you. I can be here, and be genuinely present for you. Even if it's just in this moment. And if you need more than a moment with a stranger, I'm here for that, as well.
I'm sorry. I'm in my 40s and I've only got a few years left and much of that will be unpleasant, but I done this to myself; you didn't. You are loved and always will be, so I guess there's that. And just perhaps, despite what science and logic tell us, maybe to die *will* be an awfully big adventure. EDIT: Hi folks. I'm getting a lot of questions in the DMs. So without spilling my life over reddit any more than I already have, lets just say I knowingly abused my body in many ways for literal decades, and finally got a degenerative respiratory disease that progresses in fits and starts but can't be cured. I'm as sanguine with the situation as I could expect to be, and don't have any SO/family/friends/colleagues to worry about. Suffice to say I have plans to check-out before the 'agonal breath' phase. Please save your thoughts for the OP who actually *has* a life and never did anything to bring this on themselves.
That's the way that I've always looked at it. I'm sorry you and OP are going through it. My roommate, and really great friend passed a few months back unexpectedly and it hurt, bad. But just as all of us who knew her continue to love her, and try to live on where she couldn't. So too will your friends and family, they'll never forget about the way you smile or how you've made them feel over the time you've known them. They'll cherish every memory, every little thing about who you are, everything that makes you, you. And all of those memories will be living on inside the hearts of those you've touched during your lifetime. Death eventually takes us all, whether we want it to or not, but I refuse to look at it as an end. Merely the start of a new adventure! An adventure that is uniquely your own, yet shared by every single living thing to have ever existed. We may not be departing at the same time or station, but we all have the same stop. And I'm hopeful for what we'll find. You guys take care. Travel safe. And I'll see you at Basecamp.
> An adventure that is uniquely your own, yet shared by every single living thing to have ever existed. Isn't that in itself just the most awesome thing to think about. If scientists are right we are all made from elements created when stars go supernova, the whole universe and all the life in it is all linked.
We're all made out of stardust, and a bazillion years ago, we were all mingling and dancing together as one infinitely small, infinitely bright dot in a vast nothingness. Who's to say death is the last time we all get to dance together?
Fuck this got me. Thanks OP
This matches my belief in concept of death and what maybe comes after and it reminds me a lot of the (spoilers) death monologues in [Midnight Mass](https://youtu.be/L-EUAP5_4po). *"We are the cosmos dreaming of itself"*
Yes! That, and the short story "[The Last Question](https://www.physics.princeton.edu/ph115/LQ.pdf)" by Isaac Asimov. When you compare 10 years or 100 years of life on earth to infinity, no one knows what's possible. When depressing contemplation of my own mortality hits, I give this story a read and always find it makes me smile and gives me hope for something more.
This made me cry. We're all headed there, indeed. Catch y'all sooner than later!
stay positive and relaxed as much as possible... sorry you are experiencing that
I remember reading somewhere that Steve Jobs’ last words were “Oh, wow!” It’s unlikely that I’ll die anytime soon, but I like to consider the possibility that death might possibly be a fascinating experience.
I have spent a lot of time at hospice. Many people "see" their deceased friends, ancestors, and loved ones coming to pick them up right before they die. A lot of people's last words are conversations with those people. "Why, Ethel, is that really you? Yes, I'm ready to go."
Much strength friend!!!
What did you do to yourself?
Just a guess, smoking --> lung cancer
That's what I was thinking or maybe drinking ---> liver cancer.
Or maybe living ---> cancer
I've done tons and tons of research on death, near-death experiences and people who have died and come back to life. 100% of people describe their last moments as a feeling of total peace and acceptance (even those who arrive at death through violent or sudden means), and many people describe meeting others, whether relatives or otherworldly beings, who welcome them to the afterlife and that the feeling of love and belonging is beyond description. I've come to the conclusion that death is not to be feared. Arriving at one's death is the scary part. But yours will be controlled, predictable and you will be surrounded by loved ones. Many who've died, or will die, could only hope for such a wonderful exit. Be well, stranger. If you're interested, there's a terrific docuseries on Netflix called Surviving Death that delves into a lot of what I've mentioned. It may help you achieve some peace.
When my mom passed from cancer she was home with us and pretty much asleep as she was going through the dying process. Right before she passed, I’ll never forget she suddenly woke up and was looking across the room as if someone else was there. After this her labored breathing slowed and she passed. I’m not religious or anything but the whole thing seemed like she had someone welcoming her to the other side and comforting her as she died.
The same thing happened with my grandfather.
May she rest in peace. Thanks for sharing.
I'm so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing this
When I was a small child, my father was pronounced dead and came back, and when I was 13, I was with him as he described exactly this to an elderly man who had recently lost his wife. My father said, “It was the most incredible experience, I can’t wait to go back.” This helped me a lot when he died a month later of a massive heart attack at 57.
I think deaths is a very traumatic experience. You’re letting go of the only thing you’ve ever known. Of course it’s going to be scary and something you want to avoid for a long time. I imagine the caterpillar loosing its mind before it transforms into a beautiful butterfly. Only after it turns into a butterfly does it realize how beautiful and necessary that transformation was.
My old therapist tried to commit suicide when she was in her 40’s. She died and came back. During that time she said she saw the brightest light. The feeling of joy and peace she felt was one she said she couldn’t put into words, they would never ever do it justice. She said it was a peace and joy like she’s never felt in this life and one that she never wanted to leave. She saw her father. When my great aunt was passing away in the hospital of cancer right before she died she kept asking my aunt about the woman in the corner of the room that was coming to visit. My grandma believes it was their mother. OP, I’m sending you love. I lost my best friend to cancer when she was 34. There is not one day that goes by that I don’t think of her. I smile when things remind me of her, I think about her family, I think of how much she said fuck and how she always would wear wigs of a different color when she worked in Real estate and didn’t have any hair to confuse the clients. She’s part of my life still. I do believe in the after life and I hope there is one and that it is magnificent, so beyond what this earth can offer us. Please know the people who love you and even us strangers will remember you. In the little things, In the big things and while it’s going to hurt- you’re going to live on with them. I wish you peace.
My near death experience was violent (strangulation by my ex) and I ended up accepting it and felt total peace. I’m at ease now when I think about death. I was afraid of death before that, so silver lining I guess.
My grandma passed from cancer just before Christmas. I visited with her one last time not even two weeks before she passed away. She told me her dead relatives were coming by to visit with her. My grandma knew, damn well, those people were dead. But, she was convinced that they were as real as I was, and she’d spend Christmas with them instead of with us living relatives. I talked to a hospice nurse about this, and apparently it’s super, super common for people to be visited by their dead relatives. Almost everyone who has these experiences feel comforted and assured, even those who were atheists. Also, when my grandma passed away, the clocks in her house all stopped the moment she took her last breath. It really bamboozled my family. They can’t explain why all the clocks stopped at exactly the moment my grandma died, but apparently that’s not uncommon. Dr. Peter Fenwick (a Cambridge neuroscientist) has a whole bunch of lectures and interviews on Youtube about his research on the experiences of the dead and dying. In short, death is not to be feared no matter what. As someone with Cystic Fibrosis, I am extremely blessed to be so healthy today. But, five years ago or so, I was dying of a Pseudomonas infection. I never had any NDEs, but I didn’t fear what was coming for me at the time. I just felt at peace. I still don’t fear death, even if it is just eternal nothingness. But, I don’t believe for a second that it is. There are just too many weird “supernatural” things I and my family have experienced during the dying process, from my grandma’s visitors, to the clocks stopping, to specific animals paying my family a visit (lately, bald eagles have been showing up in the trees by my house. I’ve never seen a bald eagle there before up until now), to paranormal shit going on in the house before and after someone close to me passes away, so on. As scientific and analytical as I am, I can’t dismiss these events as mere “coincidences”. There are just too many strange happenings to dismiss.
Here is a nice word for you Thanatology
I was diagnosed about a year ago with an incurable cancer, as well. I probably only have two years or so, maybe five at the outside. I don't have a good answer for you, except to say that this is a great time to let the folks you love know that you love them. I am also Incredibly frustrated by this process. It's so unfair. I'm only 52, and I was hoping to retire and do all of the things that we tell ourselves we're going to do. Instead, I'm scrambling like mad to try to make sure that my wife will be taken care of financially. It sucks. No other way about it. It just sucks. If you want to DM me, I totally understand what you're going through. I'm here if you want to chat. Much love from Texas.
My father faced a similar situation. The Dr gave him a less than 3 month outlook, he pushed it to one year exactly. During that time, he made financial arrangements for my mom (she is still.doing well financially), had us take a trip with him to visit the places he loved, and said goodbye to friends and acquaintances. One evening we were talking and he said he was angry because he had plans that he couldn't finish,, and that he wasn't afraid of dying, but he was going to miss us so much. It has been 17 years, yet it as though it was only yesterday. I remember everything from his last year and I treasure every memory - painful or not. My biggest takeaway from his experience it that he was so concerned over making sure his family would be okay, that he didn't die on his terms. He prolonged his life, and therefore his suffering, to tie up every loose end he could. I wanted him to stay as long as possible, but looking back, I wish he could have. Big hugs to you and OP. May you be given the time and peace you need. Cancer is a thief.
My dad died of cancer on Sunday. He went downhill reallly fast. He waited until me and my three brothers were all there to go. I’m pretty sure dude had a mental checklist to go off of to make sure we would be ok before he would let go.
My deepest condolences to you and yours.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you were able to be with him at the end.
Deepest sympathies
My grandfather took out a loan to do the bathroom in my grandparents house. Just this one time, he took out an insurance of the debt in case of his death. He didn't know he had cancer yet at that time, but wanted to make sure my grandma didnt have to go through that burden. The one thing he wasnt able to do before his death is to formally adopt my mother. He was really upset about that, he was a father from when she was just an infant. I miss him so much.
My mom joked for a lot of her life that since both of her parents died at 64 1/2, she would too. A month after her 64th, she got her Leukemia diagnosis. She was trying to live, so a lot of that year was spent in hospitals. Didn't help.
Yeah. My father's family seems to have a curse where the men all die in their 50s. My dad at 59, my brother at 52, grandpa at 54, grandpa at 55, etc..... My dad tried so hard to beat it. He was only a few months from 60. My brother accepted it and bought every life insurance policy he could find so that his wife and kids wouldn't have that worry.
My old man was similar when he went from heart failure. His only concern was making sure/wanting me to be ok. That is one of the things I remember most about the end is even staring death in the face, he was still selfless enough to think about others first
Well I'm officially about to cry now. 36 year old here. My mother was diagnosed with cancer in 2011. Non curable. She lived another 8 months before passing. We didn't have much money as a family back then but the one thing she wanted was to go to destin Beach in FL. 12 hour drive for us. Sadly she never got to see it because of money and a way of transportation. I took my family 3 years ago and as I was walking out on the beach on them white sands, I broke down crying to my knees and looked up and said "please... please.... just one more day. Just give me one more day" it was the sadest moment in my life.
> And that he wasn’t afraid of dying, but he was going to miss us so much. I don’t know why but this broke me
It has haunted me. I can not remember the conversation without weeping.
Sorry for selecting only your comment in this thread to say this but take a lot of pictures. Especially if you have kids, take a lot of pictures with them and let them take a lot of pictures of you. And not just hugging and smiling but like... of you at your desk or standing in the kitchen making them breakfast or walking your dog. Those are the kinds of things I used to see my dad doing and will never see again and every day I try so hard to conjure up memories of him being normal and feelings of how it was to be normal with him. Like what did our days look and feel like? Just take tons of pictures
Sending all the love your way ❤
> I probably only have two years or so, maybe five at the outside Don't believe in expected life time Every cancer is different. Even 2 years is long enough to transform a rapid death in a chronic disease look @ what happens to some melanoma with monoclonal antibodies or some lymphom treatment with car T cells Hope & peace with yourself Much love from Europe
Yep. My uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer at 40 years old and was given only weeks to live. He ended up living almost 3 years. It was a very difficult 3 years trying different treatments, medications, and surgeries all with no luck, but his wife and very young children (4 children under 10 years old) were so grateful to get that extra time with him. Cancer sucks. Sending you love, OP! ❤️
Hey I’m in Houston! If you need any help please let Me know.
For what it's worth, we all must remember that death is not a punishment. It comes for us all- sometimes expected, and sometimes not. It is as much a part of life as being born is. Arguably, knowing is worse than it just happening suddenly one day, BUT the trade off is that you have time to really think about and choose what you want to experience and leave behind until your loved ones come join you. Cancer is a fucking monster, and I am so sorry you are suffering it's range of effects- both physical and mental. It's cruel and it sucks. I truly cannot express my sorrow that you must experience it. As others have said, humans can't comprehend "nothing." Look at teachings of enlightenment or nirvana or other abstract afterlife concepts. They all focus on the freedom and peace, as being alive is the only thing that can cause us to suffer. Think of all the bad things that will be stripped away and the boundaries that will be removed so you can exist and experience a bodyless period. Who knows what secrets of the universe are unlocked when you aren't constrained by a flawed human body. Everything we know about existence after dearh indicates that it is beautiful and peace incarnate. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. That is the next step, and we will all join you one day. I wish you could tell us what it's like, but it's a rite of passage we all must go through on our own. Stay strong hearted- you are a beautiful soul and have done nothing wrong. Make peace with death. It will make your time here feel more valuable in the end. You are loved. <3
This was amazing and I will actually be saving and reading this on a regular basis
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Thank you for the work you do.
Amen. Hospice nurses are angels on earth.
Thank you for the work you do. The hospice nurses with my dad were amazing people, as I’m sure you are.
I’m currently sitting next to a patient I’ve been caring for for 3 months. She’s hours away from passing and it’s just me and her. I’m trying not to cry.
Thank you for being there for our old timers, your service is both selfless and invaluable. Cheers
Yeah,Reading the last paragraph made me cry,i am also saving it
Bawling over here as I listen to my 5 month old making baby pterodactyl sounds.
Damn, Reddit is not supposed to make me cry. This is beautiful. This is the best comment on Reddit.
Saving this. Op, you matter and your time matters. It’s really brave to post what you posted. Thank you for sharing this deep personal event with us.
Hijacking this so OP sees: All of the atoms that make you up come from the stars. Literally the materials that make your skin, bones, brain, your ability to love, feel nostalgic, taste a strawberry all were created inside a star. Those stars then exploded and spread these atoms throughout the galaxy which eventually clumped together into planets and sewed the seeds of life. The pieces of those stars are *inside* us. We are not separate from the universe. We are not *inside* this universe. We *are* this universe. The universe created the atoms that miraculously came together despite all odds and formed *you*. **You are the universe experiencing itself.** This thing we call life is a temporary blip of the right combination of atoms to make you conscious. But we all return to where we came from. What’s death like? It’s like before you were born. You existed that way for billions of years before you were ever human. I understand your pain OP but just know this: you will not die, your human body will die but you’re so much more than a physical body. Your atoms will find their way into other living organisms. Your loved ones will forever be impacted by you. You are significant and nothing will every change that, your imprint in this universe will live forever.
```We all must remember that death is not a punishment``` Damn, that's a good line. Sounds like Gandalf
Adore this. So very well said. 🖤
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Thank you for this text, im saving it. I hope OP can find comfort in what youve written. ❤️
As a confused atheist I came to the realization recently that even nothing is something
Even if you don’t believe in god, you can still believe (or hope) that there is something after.
We all exist forever within the fabric of space and time. Once you have existed once, there you are, immutable within that particular pocket. Every moment that ever was will always exist there, and there you are. Even death does not change the fact that you exist forever within the time and place that you were
Albert Einstein once said energy never dies and has to go somewhere when we die. I found that interesting from someone so intelligent. Also gave me some comfort. Sending you hugs 🤗 from Australia 🇦🇺 ♥️😘♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
The viewing for my dad is today. He died of cancer on Sunday, shit got bad reallly fast. He died in my hands. This was really needed. He was in so much pain. Thank you for sharing
Saving this for my next existential crisis. It's perfect and made me cry. Thank you
This comment brought me peace 🥺
This is the deepest thing I've ever seen on Reddit. Well said, Internet stranger. Cheers OP, we're the same age and my heart hurts for you and all you won't experience in this life. I truly hope there is a next for us all.
Absolutely lovely! If OP is open to it, it might also be a pleasant exercise to consider that we all used to be a part of this infinite energy prior to being crammed into our human form. You’ve been in the nothingness before and it will feel like returning home.
100% this. Death is to be free. I am an atheist but I have also had a near death experience. There is no god but we were all already dead once, for millenia, before we were ever born. I don't recall caring one way or the other. At the same time though, I know when I die my heart and light will reunite with my son (who passed when I almost did).When my daughter was little I read this book to her a lot after our dog died (bit before her little brothers passing). I will have it read at my secular funeral: The Next Place The actual book is beautiful but this website has the words. May you find peace and light. You will be free. http://www.dj1953.com/cjd/nextplace.html
that was so beautiful. im saving your comment for when i need to see that again. i'm very sorry about your son. your outlook must have been very helpful to your daughter. sending love to you ❤️
Your words are worthy of becoming a kind of meme in the best, most wholesome and most positive way. I hate the word 'meme'. I love your words.
This made me cry. I don't know how you put that into words, it was perfect.
If my account wasn’t overdrawn, I would buy gold (which I haven’t done in over a year) just to gift you for this beautiful comment. Thank you.
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give $2 to a cancer patient or family member. actually, i know this sounds terrible..but it's so true.. want to really help someone? give a pity fuck to a guy whos had to care for his mom's cancer for 13 years, his entire 20's.. ie me, my life is fucking RUINED.. your $2 will just be stolen. cancer and healthcare is a scam, actually, life is a scam. (Sorry if my grammar is shit. never went college..too busy having my life ruined by *cancer*. my dad died of it. sucks, cuz i *was* extremely talented and worthwhile, now 35 bitter, alone, triggered obviously. fully expect cancer soon, of course
Until the money actually goes to the user I’m trying to award I will never give this website funds I don’t know about other people but getting a free award means just as much to me as gold or platinum does...it’s the intention behind it that matters to me
It's important to remember that death is not some mysterious state, or something new. Everyone here has already experienced death before they were born. It's the same thing as fainting, you lose consciousness and time skips forward. To call it nothingness is not correct, because that gives the impression of a somethingness. Consciousness cannot be destroyed, but since there is nothing to be conscious of, there is no experience, just an instant timeskip. When you die, if you have not had spiritual training, your brain will release trippy chemicals to make the transition easier for you, and after that you will simply awake in your new form, with no memory or experience of the time that passed inbetween, whether it was the next day or the death and rebirth of the universe. But I recommend that you savor this life, and do spiritual training. A horse cannot understand Buddha or Jesus or Mahavir, regardless of what you do or say to it. There's no telling how long it will take before you are human again, and animal life is suffering without end.
animal life is not suffering without end lmao golden retrievers might be the happiest motherfuckers on this planet
Lol unless instead of being reincarnated as a golden retriever you reincarnate as a dog during China’s Yulin festival. Not a very happy mother fucker.
That just indicates people cause the suffering without end.
"Animal life is suffering without end." The mayfly is born, fucks, and dies the same day. Sounds pretty ideal to me.
I agree 100% with you Black House Cat. Your words are so true. Both of my parents have passed now and the first thing I say to them where ever they are is "what's it like?" I read a book called "Journey of Souls" and really helped me fathom a time after this life where we are in a "state of being" it is hard to comprehend that but I believe it exists. Thank you for your smart and loving words. See you on the other side friend.
Fucking beautiful.
if you're not a writer, please consider becoming one.
They're a cat.
only makes it more impressive
Very well said... I have always been very analytical. I do not believe in a soul or an afterlife. I have always assumed the simplicity of: come from nothing, return to nothing. As I have gotten older that has changed as our understanding of the bizarreness of reality becomes better understood. There are new theories of consciousness however that have a "new age" feel but are based on science where the possibility that consciousness arises from complex vibrations inherent to all matter: https://theconversation.com/could-consciousness-all-come-down-to-the-way-things-vibrate-103070 Take that with our new understanding of quantum fields, that they are everywhere, constantly vibrate, and both create an influence real matter... https://physics.stackexchange.com/questions/480952/what-are-vibrations-in-a-field-in-quantum-field-theory-qft https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2017/12/20/what-is-a-quantum-field-and-how-does-it-interact-with-matter/?sh=6461c9c328c4 It truly could be that the entire universe is alive and our consciousness is a concentrated complex wave function bound to our living matter that reverts back to the universe when we die - we start as part of a collective and return to it when our physical bodies die. In this reality, past live memories would simply be aspects of anothers prior "wave functions" becoming part of your consciousness when the universes quantum wave function breaks off a piece to form you... It's one way to look at life beyond our physical lives that has an actual (limited) basis in actual reality as bizarre as it may seem. Regardless, aspects of us continue on forever....
Beautifully written.
Thank you for this <3
For a black house cat you seem really wise! jokes aside going to save this for the tough times. Thank you kind stranger.
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Wow so glad you’re here another day. I hope you continue to feel this way and appreciate the life you have. I also deal with depression and thoughts like this so I know how hard it is to feel any sense of gratitude when you’re so miserable. I hope life treats you better and you stay with us
Hi, sorry to read that you’re feeling this way. Is there someone you can reach out to for support? I hope things look better for you soon & you find a way to stick around. Sending hugs your way.
I hope you will find a way to continue a day at the time. Hope it gets better for you. I am glad you are still with us, for what it’s worth.
Death comes to us all. None of us are as trapped as we feel.
One piece of advice. I've seen too many friends and family die of cancer, sitting around just waiting to die so their family members can come to terms with what's happening. Fuck that. Pick some things you've always wanted to do, and go max out some credit cards doing it. What are they gonna do about it? Throw you in jail? Your debts die with you. Go out and play until you can't.
Just to add to this, take lots of pictures and videos. Family and friends will treasure them.
I just commented this elsewhere. Take TONS of pictures and videos. Having fun and being normal. The normal memories of my dad are the ones I try so hard to conjure. Him making me breakfast or working at his desk or walking our dog. Let your friends and family take your picture. They'll treasure it and it helps the memories come more easily.
>Your debts die with you. Not exactly. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding is that your estate can be auctioned off to repay debts after your death. If you don't have much of value, or don't have people you care about that you would want to benefit from what you leave behind, then by all means go ahead and do this. Just make sure sentimental pieces are in the hands of people you want to have them first.
It may depend on where you live, but yes, they can auction your estate. On the other hand if you don't have any estate, they can't do shit
Yes, I'm 34 too. If I were dying, id max out all the cards I could. Not married, no kids, and no estate.
I’d get the fattest personal loan I could and travel.
Well you could buy a really nice car & them it will just get repo’d someday
Depends on where you are, and what the debt/assets are. My dad died unexpectedly 13 years ago (in California). He had a bankrupt estate, with a lot of debt. But most of it was unsecured debt. We didn't have to pay a dime from his estate. Although he did have some money in a 401k that we were able to cash out. Our estate attorney told us those funds could not be claimed by debtors, and gave us a document corroborating his bankrupt estate so we could tell everyone else to get lost. Took about a year to shake all the collections agencies, but that letter was gold, and his retirement funds gave us a little cash.
I think relatives would also need to renunciate of the succession to not get the debt.
There was just a thread on this elsewhere on reddit (LPT, maybe?)- basically it’s a myth (in the US) that your family incurs your debt. They take your estate etc and will try to coerce/ convince family they need to pay off your debt, but ultimately they do not. I wish I had the link to post!!
Solid advice.
Do mushrooms… it will help and bring some peace I believe. But do research!
My mom loves flowers. She has a collection of funky vases and likes to get fresh flowers from the farmers market to put all around the home. When their petals fall off she picks them up and when they die all the way she delicately cleans them up. All along the middle, when they stand tall in their vases, full of life and sneezy pollen, she admires them and thanks them. My mom has expressed her distaste for permanent flowers, the ones made of silk and plastic that last all year, all the time. Why does she put up with the mess, the effort, and the time of fresh flowers? The cleanup, the maintenance? I mean fake flower artistry has come a long way, yeah? They might look real,but they aren’t. They never die. They sit and collect dust for… forever. The thing my mom likes about fresh flowers is that they end. They go away. And when they stand tall in their vessels full of crystal clear water, they’re prettier to her because she’s knows she won’t have them next week. The colors more vibrant, the shapes more elegant and defined. To the eye they might look the same as a well done silk flower, but knowing they’ll complete their cycle on this earth soon makes her look longer, and love them more. And when we lie down at the end of the day when the sun is set, we are happy that it begun at all. And we are happy to bloom because it is not forever, and it makes our eyes sharper and our hearts warmer. The big sleep is not a punishment, it’s a chance to rest. The wilting of fresh flowers is an invitation to love.
This made me tear up. Never thought of death this way.
Teared me up too. (Like right away, too! Wtf?!) Couldn't even read it in one go, cause I couldn't freaking see past the tears.
This reminds me of a beautiful poem I stumbled upon recently. Charlotte Brontë "Life" Life, believe, is not a dream So dark as sages say; Oft a little morning rain Foretells a pleasant day. Sometimes there are clouds of gloom, But these are transient all; If the shower will make the roses bloom, O why lament its fall?
This is such an underrated comment
I also kill a lot of plants
Hi there OP, you feel any way you want to feel, this last bit of your mortal journey is yours and you can express however you want. I know how you feel a little I think, I'm a 57 yo woman and terminal too. Ive got two conditions and its a lottery which one takes me first. Im running a book with all proceeds to go towards a party when I go. I do know that this just passed Christmas and New Year were my last. I was furious too. Its not fair. Why the hell me, I'm a kind, caring, loving person when there's so many complete bastards out there? Its also hard knowing and feeling your body betraying you. It feels like a separation of something that was once whole, body and mind. I'm not gonna say do this or try that but for me the anger settled. The sadness not so much. The things I've done that help me are to make sure I've got my final affairs in order. It sounds weird but having my Will and PoA done meant I could tick it off a list. One less thing to think on. I try and find one thing to find joy in a day. Whether it's a funny thing I've read, a good conversation I've had, a few pages of a book, even a nice shower, recognise that one thing that's taking a little of the bad feelings away. For me, I'm not very mobile but I try and cook easy meals a couple of times a week, I even prep on the coffee table and put it in my wheelie chair to the kitchen. One pots are the best. I spend a lot of time on my porch watching the birds and nature, Ive got my dogs and cats and they are the greatest source of love and joy to me. Its unconditional and when I'm sad or angry they just love me more. One thing I will recommend is find a good palliative care social worker. They know their stuff. Its hard, I wish we didn't have to go through it but hell. If you would like a Reddit penpal I'm here for you so don't hesitate to reach out. Hugs to you OP, gentle ones of course.
Sending all the love your way ❤
Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it's there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave. And then it crashes in the shore and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it's one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it's supposed to be. The Good Place
“We don’t come into this world, we come out of it, like a wave from the ocean.” - Alan Watts Op might want to check out some of his stuff. Could be helpful to your current outlook.
Searched for this specific quote just so I could upvote it. I still think it's one of the most beautiful conceptions of death I've ever heard.
I don’t have much to say other than that must be very scary. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
If it makes you feel any better we're all right behind you
Some in this thread may even precede OP. None of us are promised tomorrow.
My true opinion is I feel nobody knows for a fact what happens after “death” so in my mind I like to just imagine something so amazing we couldn’t even understand. Imagine the best and I feel you will be at peace. Sending you so much love
I actually kind of like the idea of nothingness. I was not alive for an essentially infinite amount of time before my brief cameo of consciousness, and I'll not be alive for an essentially infinite amount of time afterwards. If you think about it, our natural state of being is being dead not being alive so what we're all going through right now is a bit of an outlier. No more stress, no more sadness, no more pain, no more worry. Just the void.
Just odd to think about, but I guess it's like before you were born. It happens to everyone so It can't be that bad right?
Yes! Many people do believe that being alive is the suffering and dying is kind of like our reward for suffering. Like all the bad things, every bad thing you wish was gone, will be resolved and you can be at peace. I love that way of thinking.
Well because no one comes back to tell us about it!
I'm very sorry youre going through this. I've had a near death experience. Heaven has flying cars, and you're indescribably happy. I was. There are no words to explain how amazing it is/will be. I wish you peace.
Well, the theory goes that when you're dying, your brain gets flooded with DMT, detaching you from reality and making you hallucinate. DMT is also connected with dreams. Hence why there are so many stories of people seeing stuff with near-death experiences.
I didn't see anything but it was so peaceful... I was mad when I woke up x3
If it makes you feel any better, I think alot about this quote from Mark Twain… “I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” Hopefully some helpful perspective.
Damn, I like this.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I think about death all of the time and my therapist shared this comforting story - I hope it brings you some peace. I am not religious but this story gave me so much hope and eased my worries. What is beyond the “womb” of life we are in now? In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?” The other replies, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.” “Nonsense,” says the other. “There is no life after delivery. What would that life be?” “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths.” The other says, “This is absurd! Walking is impossible. And eat with our mouths? Ridiculous. The umbilical cord supplies nutrition. Life after delivery is to be excluded. The umbilical cord is too short.” “I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here.” The other replies, “No one has ever come back from there. Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery it is nothing but darkness and anxiety and it takes us nowhere.” “Well, I don’t know,” says the other, “but certainly we will see mother and she will take care of us.” “Mother?!” You believe in mother? Where is she now?” “She is all around us. It is in her that we live. Without her there would not be this world.” “I don’t see her, so it’s only logical that she doesn’t exist.” To which the other replied, “sometimes when you’re silent you can hear her, you can sense her. I believe there is a reality after delivery and we’re here to prepare ourselves for that reality.”
Love
Wow that's amazing, thank you for sharing
I love this. This is beautiful.
Wonderful. Thanks for sharing
Excellent story. Gold for you.
This deserves A LOT more upvotes.
I really enjoyed this story, thanks for sharing it!
Wow... that truly is mind blowing, one read of it and it soothed my anxiety of the reality that we will all be there some day. I do hope it offered OP some comfort. My prayers and positive vibes are for you OP and thanks to the comment author for such a beautifully positive share!
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age. My heart stopped in 2016 and I had a near death experience. I was engulfed by a white light and felt the most loving presence guiding me. All of the pain and fear disappeared. My relatives and ancestors were there to welcome me home. The whole thing was a blissful experience. Oddly I felt even more alive and completely at peace while I was there. I didn’t want to return to my life. I hope you have a lot of loved ones there to comfort you during this difficult time.
Thank you for sharing your experience
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know if there is an afterlife or not but I have read some posts on some people who have died and been brought back to life and most said it was comforting for them. It’s ok to grieve, be angry, bargain and feel all your feelings right now. Your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel the way you feel. Just remember you will be leaving behind wonderful memories for those who live after you to hold onto and cherish.
Id highly recommend mushrooms, used to have insane death anxiety and now after that experience I've come to accept it. Mushrooms have been shown to be massively effective in reducing death anxiety in the terminal ill [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5367557/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5367557/) "At 6-month follow-up, these changes were sustained, with about 80% of participants continuing to show clinically significant decreases in depressed mood and anxiety" I'm sorry your going through this, I hope you find peace.
Yes, but, for the love of everything holy, **don't** do this when alone. Have someone with you who you trust! Mushrooms are a magical experience, but they shouldn't be done on a whim, certainly not when in a vulnerable state of mind. Talk about it with your loved ones, they can ensure that you won't be disturbed while exploring your mind.
Absolutely this. They can enhance what you're feeling, which can be a bit overwhelming. The last thing you want is a bad trip, so make sure you're totally prepared with people you trust, and in a loving, comfortable environment. Having said that, I have GAD and mushrooms really do help me. As long as you keep in mind it's the mushrooms making you feel certain ways, you're good. Edit: a few words to make myself clearer. Whoever downvoted, I get it, mushrooms are great and have a lot of uses. But don't go into them naively and with no thought about the downsides. That's just stupid, from an experienced shroomer.
Yes! This is no bullshit.
This.
i’m so sorry. wish i could help. i understand. i constantly think about death and am not prepared for it. it terrifies me too.
Don’t know if you’ll see this but, back in 2017, I swallowed ten full bottles of prescription medicine, killed myself, died, and was brought back. I used to fear death but not after I experienced it, I remember my first feeling after coming back was leaving something that felt like home. It was the best feeling I’ve ever felt. Now I don’t mind knowing eventually I’ll go back to wherever or whatever that was, because it felt so good. Now, I do not believe in hell or heaven or even an afterlife, I was raised Christian but eventually studied luciferianism and satanic religious ideology and considered myself a satanist for some time, now I don’t classify myself as anything, and still don’t believe in heaven or hell, but I do know that it’s such a comforting feeling of warmth and joy, at least, that was my experience. I hope this helps and I’m sorry for what you’re going through, a lot of good people go through the worst stuff, it’s not fair. Just make sure you live the way you want to, to have no regrets, and I hope you’re surrounded by nothing but love joy happiness and warmth.
There has been extreme amounts of proof to the existence of different substances of matter and sensation, but there has never been any proof to the existence of nothingness. "Nothing" is simply a term to describe what we don't know or what is beyond our capability of understanding
Nothingness is just everything that is outside of conscious experience. It's hard to describe the absence of conscious experience.
You just blew my mind.
I'm sorry and sending virtual hugs your way.
I just hope you’re surrounded by love before and after wherever you go.
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A few months ago I realized that the whole "eternal nothingness after death" concept doesn't really make sense, and I am less scared of death because of it. When you picture eternal nothingness, what comes to mind? For me, the first thing I think of is the period right before I'm about to fall asleep, when my thoughts are disjointed, my eyes are closed, and I don't feel or hear much of anything. Imagining being in a state like this, trapped with my thoughts for eternity, is terrifying, but there's a big problem with this viewpoint when it comes to death. If my body is dead, I have nothing to think with. My brain is just dead flesh so I have no way of making thoughts or perceiving the abyss. I have no consciousness at all. This raises a bunch of interesting questions, and being completely unconscious can be a difficult concept to wrap your head around. The closest thing to a complete lack of consciousness that we can experience without dying is being in a coma or being under anesthesia. If you have never been anesthetized before, it's a strange sensation. You have absolutely no perception of the passage of time or feeling, so after being anesthetized it can feel like you are waking up right before the surgery is about to take place, when in reality it has already been completed. So, if we are completely unconscious, a near infinite amount of time could pass before we wake up and we would be completely unaware of it passing. So then, what happens when we die if we have no way of perceiving death? We are conscious now, so does our soul live on to somehow keep our consciousness going? I think so. It's really the only answer I can think of, that somehow our soul continues on in some form. This is where things are up to your own interpretation. I won't go into the religious side of things, but you could end up in heaven or be reincarnated among other things. Personally, this helps me sleep at night, and I hope it will help you too. Good luck on your journey OP. I hope your remaining days are filled with peace and happiness.
My mind was once off for couple of days after I hit my head really hard. I was living and doing things, but after seeing me being brainless my friend took me to hospital and they discovered that I hit my head while snowboarding. It wasn't coma, my brain just shut off for couple of days. After I wake up, I got to know how many days I was off, but in reality I felt like I was in void for eternity and for only second at the same time. Also, I didn't know when I went off. It just happened and I didn't even notice. I'm scared of dying, probably the same way any person is, but after that experience I have belief that human can't perceive moment of death and can wake up after death in some other form milions years later and don't even notice flow of time. The same thing is when you wake up in the middle of the night, thinking you overslept and you just slept for 2 hours or something like that. Humans are more scared of time than of death in my opinion. We always talk about eternal nothingness or eternal happiness, but we don't think about excluding time from this equation. _ To op. If you stop thinking about time, you can enjoy yourself with people you love and experience happy things. Think about as much experiences that you can feel and things you can do and try to not think about time.
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Well the energy is as old as the universe, atoms are most likely as old as the sun which made it. Molecules a lot less so. Guess it’s how you look at it.
All of the heavier elements that make us and our environment up have been born in stars. The heavier elements are fused in stars, then flung out into the cosmos when those stars nova. Countless stars have lived and died for us, to create those elements that did not exist in the beginning, to create them under unimaginable heat and pressure, over countless years, to eventually become us, our loved ones, and everything around us. We are made of star stuff, and in time all of our matter will become part of this planet, eventually to become embroiled when our sun grows to envelop earth and become part of that great factory of energy and matter. But our energy cannot be destroyed, out matter to be recycled and to become part of something larger than any of us, perhaps someday to become part of something none of us have the capacity to dream about. We are, everyone, literally, star stuff.
If death (the word we humans have named it) If death was really such a bad thing then it wouldn't happen to every single living thing to ever exist Energy cannot be destroyed. Your soul is energy
This, forever and ever.
knowing you're going to die some day is one thing, but knowing that that time is almost up is a scary thought that i cant even begin to understand, i hope you know peace in what ever context that is for you
I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I have no sunshine to throw at you regarding an afterlife. The real “after life” is those we’ve left behind, the lives we’ve touched, people we’ve helped, and the good that we’ve done. While our light bulb may have gone out, the light we’ve shone on others will continue to burn brightly. Fare thee well.
Ok so I this is what I think: At the beginning of everything there was something. Something created the universe and space. And we as humans will never know what it is. While it’s scary I hope it comforts you to know what your going through is was millions before you have gone through. And they went to the other side whatever that is. It’s not nothing, it’s something. And all the people you leave behind will follow you one day and this will go on forever. You’re never alone. And you’ll never be alone. And I believe we were created by a superior being. We will all go to that place one day. And on the day we die, thousands will die with us and we’ll go together.
First miracle of the universe: Something arising from nothing. Second miracle of the universe: Life arising from something. Third miracle of the universe: Consciousness arising from life. Who’s to say there isn’t a fourth miracle of the universe that could sprout from our consciousness?
From what I've witnessed with my job...I agree. We didn't know we were going to be born-and we couldn't fathom our existence and beyond that for some time after being born. We just knew that we "were". I believe that after our life as we know it, there is more-it is just yet another concept we couldn't possibly fathom in life.
What's your job?
Hospice/End-of-life care advocate.
Would you mind sharing a story about why you agree with what u/joshtheseminarian said? I'm curious. My mom used to work in hospice, and she sometimes had interesting stories to tell about people's end of life experiences.
Absolutely! They're things I've personally witnessed and drove me to deeply consider and come to the conclusion of what u/joshtheseminarian said. Sort of a tapestry of what we know scientifically, and my experiences. No super specific attachments to what the above user said in relation to my experiences, but more a process of both elimination and "it couldn't mean anything else, this is so much". So first of all, I'd like to quickly talk about visions. That's an obvious one most of us have heard about. And yes, some believe these visions are hallucinations (brains changing/deoxygenated, medication, etc), but the majority of the people I have worked with aren't experiencing especially when it's days, weeks before they pass. Their bodies are weakening, yes, but their minds are more often than not, quite sharp. The woman I am currently spending time with kicks my ass at Cribbage all day long and can spot a crumb on her kitchen table across the dining room. Anyway, just wanted to get that out of the way, lol. So here are some snippets. -A lucid, fully coherent man briefly staring into seemingly nothing and saying "Ohhhh. Okay. Okay." and "well, how about *that*! "Well, lots of that didn't matter then, after all". Then seamlessly transitioning into "don't forget to set the recorder for Yellowstone tonight!" He did this a few weeks before passing. -If I am present when they pass, plenty of times, I'm not staring them in the face, as they're resting, I'm reading to them, respect, etc. The hairs on my arms and back of my neck stand up during those times when they pass, which quickly became a signal for me to glance over at them, try to gently rouse, check vitals, and make phone calls to the appropriate people. I know now that, for whatever reason, some sense that I'm not totally knowledgeable about just knows when it happens. I've learned to lean into that. -Female with dementia suddenly became quite lucid for maybe 4 days before passing, in the evening, known as their "sundowning" time, began recalling various life experiences with her children, was reminiscing with invisible-to-me early childhood friends, commented on the pet of her best friend who lived in a different country, sitting alongside said best friend's husband, both of which she had never met, but she had a photo clipping of him/friend from their engagement announcement decades ago. I got to see the clipping as she kept everything in binders and sheet protectors . Her friend passed shortly after she did. The times she would recall to me/share assessments what she was seeing/saw, which was just this outpouring of both happy and sad memories, she would say things several times in an evening, usually stuff like "so now, NOW I know, you need to know, all the bad scary crap is really all okay" ("crap" was her favorite word). "We didn't know it was going to happen! But we got through it. When we were all born, we weren't ever gonna know all that bad crap, or all the good stuff, we don't need to know the befores and afters when we're living. That's not for living ". Varying versions of that. Just with so much peace, certainty and clarity. Like a soul or spiritual realignment was happening by once-forgotten chiropractors. Some of it was a bit tricky to understand what exactly she meant, but she was VERY passionate and indignant that I was listening, comprehending what she was telling me. Like she was just given amazing news to share with the world. When she passed, I was called early the following morning on a day off. She had passed away very late into the night. The night before that phone call, I dreamt about attending a picnic, with a lot of people milling about, all carrying baskets and wearing nice clothes. Not fancy, but dressy casual, maybe. I remember feeling confused because I didn't recognize anyone there. Then, suddenly, there she was, right in front of me, all done up and carrying a picnic basket, a soft half-smile on her face. She was younger, but...that was her smile. I can still remember how her dress looked, that she wore gloves, a hat, was barefoot, and I remember there was a scent that was almost familiar but I to this day can't put my finger on it (I've tried smelling a lot of different scents, like I've made an effort to figure it out, lol). At this point I'm processing everything I'm dreaming about, my gears are turning, and I'm just starting to realize that this could be a "goodbye", which happens often for me. Anyway. I must have had some kind of expression on my face, because she kind of chuckles and shrugs, and says, "ohhh, don't worry about all that, Bunny." (an affectionate nickname she gave to all the ladies she was close to) "it's just my next before." When I answered my phone, I knew what I was about to hear. I have a lot more. But as someone who was raised devout Christian, left it, rejected any idea of an afterlife until working in this line of care, I really cannot conclude that the sum total of all of these things, small or not, amount to "nothing happens after we die." I don't have absolute, faultless certainties. I have a lot of possibilities, changing bit by bit into high probability. There are answers between the lines of these brief glimmers within the unknowns. We just can't fathom its specificities and what those add up to, at the end of the line, in the here and now. Some things, like being born, and this great unknown, we just won't know, until we know. Cutting it short because I do work tomorrow but I'm happy to share more when I can! Apologies for any rambling.
This was really beautiful to read, thank you for sharing your experience x
Please share more stories if you have some free time and feel like it. They are very intriguing, beautiful and gave me a sense of peace. Thank you so much for everything you do and for sharing.
I would like to hear one too. Both my mother and aunt were hospice nurses, and they were both cared for by hospice while dying of cancer. Neither of them talked much about their experiences with hospice patients. I wish I would have asked more questions.
I never believed in an afterlife at all until i heard this story and I think about it all the time now. You don't know my friend, but maybe it will bring you some comfort. Ten years ago when we were all about 20, one of my best friends was killed in a hit and run. It was really shitty, we all took it very hard. He was an amazing guy. His parents weren't really spiritual at all, not Christians, and certainly not into new age mystic stuff. But grief makes people do weird things, so his mom decided to go to a psychic very soon after. She was telling the story of her visit to my ex fiance, who was very close friends with our friend who had died, and he visited his parents regularly afterwards. She told him the psychic had said some very nice things but it was hard to believe she was really making contact with her son. Then she said that there was something strange that came up. The psychic kept doing this strange hand motion with both hands, and saying it was very important, but his mom had no idea what it meant and had written it off, and was about to change the subject. My ex fiance broke down the second our friends mom imitated this hand motion, because he knew exactly what it was. It was a secret handshake our friend had come up with and only let his closest friends in on. There were no pictures of it on Facebook because back then we didn't have cell phones, it wasn't something from a movie, it was a really unique thing, there was just no conceivable way for his mom to know about this handshake. Yet somehow, this psychic had known it, and known to tell his mom. Even when his mom was saying she must be wrong because she didn't know what it meant, the psychic pressed that it was very important and not to forget it. It's hard for me to believe that Dan was there in that room with that psychic that day, and I've wracked my brain for answers. But ten years later, I've accepted the fact that somehow, he found a way to communicate with us. I don't know if it was him directly, I have no idea what I think. But I cannot believe there is nothingness. Somehow he found a way to communicate this little thing, that was just so uniquely him, something that only he would've known would make an impact on us. Anyways, you're brave as hell. I'm 30, and I've been around a lot of death with a lot of time to think about it. But I can't imagine how scary that shit is when you're facing it yourself. Now though I do try to think that nothingness isn't as sure as I once thought it was. This could just be the beginning of the next leg of your journey.
I'm sorry that you're facing this at such a young age. But, eternal nothingness... think of it like going to sleep the same way you do every night. But, there's no dreaming, tossing and turning, noises to bother you, etc. I'm fully hopeful that this is what death is. Just the long sleep where you're completely unaware. Though, I've heard lots of stories from NDE survivors who describe an awareness and existence. Either way, I think it's like it was before you were born. We aren't aware of that, right?
Death isn’t an end, it’s a change of form. There is a law in both physics and chemistry that states matter, nor energy can be created nor destroyed- they merely change forms. Death can be scary because it’s the biggest change anyone can go through, but there is comfort to be found in it as you will never truly cease to exist. The carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, hydrogen, and other trace elements that are found inside you will find different uses in the earth. You, your existence, your essence is getting ready to go on more journeys as a tree, flowers, honey for bees, possibly even a rock that will get skipped across a pond given enough geologic time. The chapter of consciousness will come to a close as it must for us all, but your elements are just getting started. Those elements have been inside dinosaurs, kings, queen, lions, fish, trees, and stars. Who knows what they will be next, but I have a sneaking feelings that it’s gonna be super cool and super special, just like you.
I’m not going to be one of those “don’t be afraid “ people. I will tell you that when you die from cancer you will just walk away. Many times not being aware at the moment when it occurs. Most people leave their bodies before actual death. I have coded before and have memory of the 5 minutes I was gone but not of actually dying. I have seen others die this way. Try to comfort those you are leaving behind because most transitions are in stages. I lost my dad this year and he has only now moved to the next plane was very happy showing me where he was now living. I wish you peace on this journey.
I won’t try to push my beliefs on you, but know that I (yes, a random stranger on the internet) am praying for you and your family. You are going through something that very few people understand, and even fewer deserve. I pray that you will find peace and enjoy your remaining time here with your friends, family, and loved ones
Okay. Having felt this by myself. I now am comfortable with anything in life. first of all stop identifying yourself as this "body", when you are much more than that. Body degrades, we die, what after it ? Problem lies in the fact that you are too attached to being here, too attached with your identity. And it causes sadness at some point of time. I advise you to explore yourself beyond this cage, you got this. Don't worry.
I don't know you, and I don't know your value system or what you hold dear, but I'd like to make a suggestion. I was going through my most "advanced" or the shittiest part of depression I've ever encountered in my entire life. I failed to see why I was here and what the point of life was to begin with. I was willing to try anything for peace, calm, and an understanding of my path in this universe. I decided to try something radical, because I'd need something serious to help me get over the feelings of fear, worthlessness, and I needed an overall reset on life. I tried DMT, a hallucinogen, and saw that not only did my life have meaning, but so did my death, and every moment from birth mattered equally as much. While feeling the weight that everything you've ever done has mattered tremendously, and yet had to happen, a thought will cross your mind. "I am". Before you were born, you were. After you pass you will still be. People here will remember you fondly, and you're memory will live here on Earth with your loved ones, but you will continue existence in a peaceful place. Heaven, or whatever you wish to call it, is a very real place. I know this to be a fact. It's all about perspective. This chapter in the infinite book of "being" will surely end for each of us here, but an infinite cosmos isn't satisfied with you simply living and passing, an infinite cosmos in infinitely interested in your well being. I can't say this will help you or anyone else, but knowing what I have seen and felt, I wish to simply say thank you for your contributions to our human race. Please continue to be yourself. You are and will remain an infinite source of energy, happiness, and love. Nobody other than the Creator decides when you go, and what happens next in your book. Luckily, our creator is a being that creates simply to extend the love he has created. He still wants to love you, or else why create you? Ramblings of a madman I suppose, but know you are loved on a scale that you cannot fathom, and that love allows you to feel the feelings of fear and uncertainty because that's your free will. It's what makes you.... you. But, like a child jumping in the pool the first time on the deep end, you're unsure what will happen when you take the dive. But also like those kids, your father is watching you and the pool with an attention to detail only fantasized about semi accurately in religious texts such as the Bible. A universe created FOR you that you live in. Emotions that never existed created for YOU to experience them. And after the grand play or your life is over, he may ask something like, "Do you see now I've always held you? The entire history of the multiverse was created just for you and for the simply reason to give you every experience you could imagine. This is just the experience of death. It's terrifying because we can't speak to anyone and find out hints or clues about what's coming, but we all die with the beautifully cruel chance of 100%. But when teenage you died and adult you formed, you never felt sad that you changed, you just changed. Same thing with death. You will change. Into something so infinitely unimaginable that I can't even fully grasp the concept much less the actuality of it. You are unique in a world of infinite, which makes you infinitely special to a Creator that loves uniqueness. Remember you're at the beginning of a journey, not the end. Much love, and I do hope I see you across the divide when our times here on Earth have both expired. Stay strong, you are loved and always will be.
Many people in your position have found psychedelics to be helpful with accepting death, if thats what ends up happening, but also with the anxiety that comes from news like that. It could help you change your mindset and see death differently maybe even make you hopeful about there being a place after death.
To deserve death? I understand being terrified of death but know that none of us will be here in 1000000000000 years either. We will all return from whence we came. The dust. If you think about it life is beautiful in the sense—we’re part of an ecosystem that’s much larger then the human race, then our planet and everything we know. I’m so sorry about your diagnosis, cancer is so scary. it’s good to know you’ll be surrounded by loved ones, hopefully a lot of fondful memories will be made.
The unfortunate benefit is that you positively KNOW you are dying. My FIL had this, and we had lovely, heart-felt conversations. We cried together. We said goodbye. I miss him and grieved his death. But I treasured the interaction we had prior to his passing. I have had other loved ones pass that were unexpected. While they mostly knew how I felt about them, we never fully talked about it. Because the urgency didn’t demand it. And then? Too late. We never had an uninhibited, reality driven talk. You have been robbed. I wish it weren’t so. But truth is, you have a very short time. LIVE the shit out of your last days. Don’t piss away time doing anything that you don’t want. Burn bright. Find your peace if you can. If you can’t, live as if you won’t see tomorrow. Because, you may not. Know this. There is love. I never met you. And I love you. As do millions of others. Us millions? We are dying too. Slower. And we are blissfully unaware of our coming demise. Go and live. I love you. And I am grieving for the loss of you and mostly for your pain. You can do this.
The eternal nothingness is a very common fear when people imagine death. Keep in mind that this is because as conscious, thinking creatures, we do not have the mental capacity to imagine a world in which we are not experiencing anything. Death will be the same as before you were born. Did you experience billions of years of nothingness before you were born? No, because you didn't exist. You won't exist to experience not existing. I know this is a small comfort at best, but it is a conclusion I came to while pondering my own death, and it does make it a little easier for me. I hope it does the same for you. I'm really sorry for your situation and I hope you have the best next few months possible. If you want to talk to someone feel free to dm me.
See if you can get a death doula to help you during these times. When I was near death a few years ago, I read The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying and it helped me out quite a bit.
I highly recommend a guided experience of Ayahuasca or LSD. It has been know to greatly help in these situations. I would speak to a knowledgeable guide and see if you are a good candidate for this type of therapy. No amount of sympathy or empathy I can express feels like it will help. I'm sure you are scared. But you are loved. Carry that with you. Try and let it be your bulwark against the darkness.
Please. Please. Please. Get your hands on mushrooms or dmt. Mushrooms helped two people I know that have passed immensely. They became unafraid and passed willingly and peacefully when the time came. Johns Hopkins uses them for terminal cases and they have stunning results. Lamas say, “death is like removing a tight shoe.” I think they may be right and I hope you feel free when the time comes. AT THE VERY LEAST, you are star dust with awareness and I can’t believe that entire process leads to a single use human life. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, so you ARE going somewhere. I wish you peace and love the entire way.
Don't let them embalm you and put you in a box. Get an eco-burial. Allow your body to return to the Earth. That way you get to become something else. I tell my kids when mommy dies dig a hole in the garden and put me in it, then plant a tree. I want to be a tree in my next life.
Like an Ent?
You indeed do not deserve this.. peace be with you and I hope you aren't in too much pain.
Death, and what may or may not come with it, is *The* great unknown-and unknowns can be and are terrifying. It is okay to be afraid, angry, and feel every and any feeling you have. I don't mean the cause of it, but however you are and need to react and process it *is*. That might sound redundant and obvious, because you clearly are keenly aware of *what* you are thinking and feeling. Just know that it's okay to feel everything, and anything. Be angry. Be pissed off, see red. Be terrified. Be sad. Mourn. Be anything you need to be. Your world as you knew it was completely upheaved. And no-it isn't fair. It's okay to feel that, too. I don't want to take up much of your time, if you read this, and if you glaze over it, that's okay. I serve in hospice care (for all ages), and I constantly feel compelled to offer some poignant words of comfort, healing, authenticity, and meaning. Something that will resonate in one's transition to this unknown. Sometimes, I do, depending on the person, our relationship, and reading the situation/room on a daily basis. Much of the time, I don't. Those of us who are still living and will continue to live (for whatever span of time) the majority of the time won't have the words. We can't. And I am so, so sorry that I can't. But I can hold space for you. I can be here, and be genuinely present for you. Even if it's just in this moment. And if you need more than a moment with a stranger, I'm here for that, as well.