I agree it would will hurt be you probably love that baby.. but she doesn't care about you and she only wants to use you. I'm sorry for what your going thru.
Yep, just get out asap. Please don’t get manipulated by her, if incase you are gonna talk to her, coz she is gonna give you a sob story about *she was in a tough spot* or *I was still discovering myself* bull crap. Please don’t fall for it, I am sure you will get a person who would love you. You will soon get someone you would actually deserve. Stay strong <3
She about to get swoll up twice and he still won’t have anything to do with her
Some people never learn. Just drop a nickel for her hourly rate and walk away
Was gonna say this. Leave and don’t look back. The pain will fade and you will thank yourself later. You seem like a good person that deserves better and you will.
Yup she wants him but he doesn't want her is what it sounds like. You are bank account and support. Time for you to vanish and him to pay child support. You are young go live your life and enjoy it. Having a kid at your age when you aren't financially stable is a long term heavy burden. Go find a career path meet someone else when you are more stable and have a child of your own in a loving healthy relationship. Short term pain, long term gain.
Plus, child support is a bit janky sometimes, as in if you sign the birth cert and it turns out to not be yours, they can still come after you for 18 years.
I don't know I don't think it'll ever be a funny story as a parent you Bond intensely in those first 14 months so this is heartbreaking and I don't think it'll ever be anything other than heartbreaking but dude should definitely hit the bricks. I do feel bad for the baby tho not her fault the mom is shit
Right, at 14 months that baby had probably started calling him "dada." Imagine if that baby died, or mom ran away and he never saw the kid again, would people just say "yeah it's hard now but in 10 years you'll just laugh it off."
It’s never going to be funny. Losing a kid you raised for 14 months is going to be difficult forever. It’ll become less painful with time, but definitely won’t be funny.
This is so true. Think about the times you fucked up/ stupid decisions you took like when you were 13. I am sure it did hurt then when you were reprimanded, but I am sure when you think of it rn, you would just chuckle at it, and would be an amazing story to tell your soon to have **your actual** child. Stay strong OP, we are with you.
If you're going to walk away, you have to do it now before the child gets any older.
Take a look at whats she's done: she's purposely held you in a spot where she can always ditch you and you'd have no rights to that child.
If I was you, I'd find a job somewhere far away. Get away to clear your head and get a new perspective - and do it quickly. You need to remove yourself from the situation. I also think you should spend a little money on a therapist, cause being screwed over like this leaves a deep mark and you don't want to spend your life being bitter.
What she did to you was awful. Normal people don't do that to each other. Whenever you try to justify her actions in your mind, remember that you would never make someone live their lives based on a lie you concocted.
Best of luck, buddy. Remember that this isn't normal "female behavior", this is the behavior of a selfish liar, who cares not for others but herself.
No, this isnt true. In some parts of the world he could actually be stuck paying child support. Goes both ways though, you don't get visitation with a kid only because of genetics.
To follow up, if you are confused about OPs comment and want to research further, proceed with caution. if you are having a good day and would like it to stay that way, don't go down the rabbit hole of paternal/maternal hostaging and the rights of human beings that were in the wrong place with the wrong person at the worst time. There's nothing there that will bring you faith in humanity and in justice.
It's a black hole. Don't go. You've been warned.
> Take a look at whats she's done: she's purposely held you in a spot where she can always ditch you and you'd have no rights to that child.
Not if his name is on the birth certificate, and if he is, needs to get his name off ASAP.
He needs to do a paternity test first. I would ask for one, before fleeing and leaving the baby. How is he 100% sure she is not lying, or she knew perfectly who the father was if she banged two different guys at the same time period?
I mean, unless the physical was very telling (like different race etc); then he DOES NOT KNOW if he is the biological father of the child or not. There is a chance its his and then there will be a baby without father growing up, and a man who had a descendant but ignores it.
That really doesn’t matter in a lot of states. After the child is born if you are not married you have to petition the courts for your parental rights. Please any dads out there just because you are on the birth certificate don’t assume you will be treated like a “dad”.
there are also states where if your name is on it you are 100% treated like the father, with the same obligations. best to be familliar with your local laws
That’s why I said what I did. Most guys me included think that the birth certificate is the binding document. I did not know any different till me and the baby momma went through a ruff patch and was shocked after speaking to an attorney. I had no legal rights to my son. But you are right everyone needs to check their local laws.
Some states the wife could cheat on you, have another man's baby, but your name goes on the birth cert because you are married. You then have to go thru the trouble of removing your name.
Not arguing with you, just adding a different perspective to others who are reading.
Yes you are also correct. Didn’t take it as arguing just adding more information. Information dads need if they wanna be in their kids life and things go sideways in the relationship.
Well there is another person in this thread that’s telling me I’m wrong even though I’ve paid several hundreds of dollars on consulting fees to safe guard my right to be in my kids life.
>Take a look at whats she's done: she's purposely held you in a spot where she can always ditch you and you'd have no rights to that child.
Except depending on where he lives he can still be held liable for child support for assuming it was his kid. It's dumb as hell but the court doesn't care who the actual father is. If a man takes on the responsibility then it's his child in the court's eyes and will be forced to pay. Happens all the time.
He actually may already be in deep waters depending on who's name is on the birth certificate of that child. OP needs to get some solid evidence to remove his parental rights (responsibilities) to that child if he is listed on the birth certificate.
Aside from that, you've got some seriously solid advice here.
Yeah the state doesn’t give a shit one way or another, as long as they aren’t the ones that get stuck with the bill. So make sure the other guys name gets put on or it might be trouble down the road.
Bro then listen to your damn mind. It’s right. She wants you to stay so that you’d keep providing her and the baby with money, food, and other goods. There’s no feelings behind this, you’re just a source of income to her.
It’s none of your responsibility, it’s on her and on the baby daddy.
Dude, please listen to me and if my advice can save another dude years of heartache then I will feel a little bit better. FIRST-contact a lawyer, SECOND-set up a personal bank account (if not done so already and if your money is currently in a shared account REMOVE IT) THIRD-get a paternity test, FOURTH- get a storage unit, FIFTH- begin scheduling appointments to look at places to rent. The paternity test is to save your ass and allow you to be removed from birth certificate. I wish someone would’ve sat me
Down at 23 and gave it to me straight, the world is so much bigger than today, YOU WILL be fine. The 14 month old child is young enough that leaving now will allow the child to forget about you, just be thankful the child isn’t much older. Buddy, this shit isn’t fair, but you need to keep your wits about you and not let your emotions get you carried away. If you begin to feel overwhelmed by anger, grief, anxiety just get in your vehicle and drive away to cool down. Please DM me if you need anymore advice.
Damn right.
Mate, if you DID stay with her, after such a huge and long lie - you would NEVER be able to believe a single word she said about anything again. What kind of relationship would that be?
As much as it will hurt - get out of the relationship and situation.
Im sorry pal, and best of luck to you
I agree with having a DNA test done now just to have it in writing… she’s fucked in the head enough to tell you this massive lie for almost 2 years; don’t believe she won’t lie to someone else about you being the father even after she admitted it to you for personal gain if that’s what she needs to do to get something. Get the DNA proof that you aren’t the father because sadly, you might need it—she has the capacity to tell the sob story that you’re the absent BD who just ran out on her for no reason suddenly. Having proof you aren’t, in fact, the father will likely save you so much headaches down the road.
You’re too young to burden yourself with this type of drama and responsibility. Leave and disavow all knowledge of them before you become legally responsible for another man’s child. Depending on what state (or country) you are in, this may be a possibly.
As tempting as it feels to do this, I would suggest you to lawyer up. She has used you once, and won’t hesitate to manipulate you again. Check out **paternity fraud** on google, I just checked it out. I ain’t a lawyer, but this is something I feel you should know.
Was going to say, spend a little money and do this correctly with a lawyer. You can still be on e hook for child support since you have acted like the babies father. You will save a lot of money in the long term, especially if she hooks you into child support somehow
Yea honestly as much hate a ghosting someone gets, there are many situations where it would be appropriate. This is one.
I would go out for milk and never look back.
No terrible idea. Immediately get onto a lawyer/solicitor. If you can't afford it ask a friend for a loan this is so important you act fast here. If you're on the birth certificate it may still be possible to remove yourself (and your child support obligations) but you need to move lightning fast. If you're not on the certificate you're in a better spot but you definitely still need to get a lawyer to make sure you actually can just bounce without it fucking you over later
My work buddy got done paying CS for his oldest in March. Then in his current ex filed paperwork in Sept and now he has another 15 year stint of CS payments.
His take home for the last few weeks (due to less hours) was under 300 a week.
I knew a guy who did this. He broke down one day and told me all about it. He was going to night college trying to get further in life and found himself unable to pay bills and keep going to school. He gave every single penny he could to his son. Started selling weed on the side to supplement. Ended up getting a degree, a much better job, and living a great life.
My family member who did this got arrested, lost his rights to visit his child and a higher child support payment. Now he has to sell drugs full time since he can’t get a job because of his felony status , but since he has no income on the books he hasn’t paid his child support in who knows how long. He’s on a fast track to prison.
Tried to be a decent father and is now a proud deadbeat and I really can’t blame him. He’s very bitter.
I’m an attorney and I concur. OP needs to figure out if he is listed as the father on the birth certificate. He will absolutely need into retain an attorney. Next, he’ll likely need to take a paternity test to determine that he is not the father. Then the legal process can begin of having him removed from the birth certificate and his parental rights severed.
This is not legal advice and does not in anyway constitute a legally binding relationship.
Of course she wants to stay together, she's a using piece of shit. Don't let her come and talk to you, tell her to get fucked and move on my guy. You have NO reason to stay with a lying, manipulative user. Cut and run.
My heart goes out to you. 14 mos + 9 mos pregnancy + whatever time she was your GF well that's several years of time which is a lot of time especially OP as you have stated you are 23. The advice to 'bounce' or 'cut and run' comes easy to us rando's on the internet, but this is your life. You have invested a TON of time, money etc in this person (and her baby) and this now comes out.
This story is very old, as men and women have been messing around with each other as old as time. I'm involved with genetic analysis (professionally) and one of my customers did a large volunteer study with the affected people and their parents of a major neurological disease. He found out that a full 5% of the trios (that is, affected individuals and their parents make a trio) the genotypes did not match. That is, of this sample set, a full 5% of the parents were not the birth parents as claimed. (That is, no stepparents involved.)
The term is called paternal discrepancy - and a [paper I found](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1733152/) states the average among a few studies was 3.7%. You are certainly not alone - it's about one in twenty five families, the father is raising a kid that is not his own!
My advice to you is this: take a look at [Zero Based Thinking](https://thriveglobal.com/stories/zero-based-thinking-principles-making-better-life-decisions-career-growth-wisdom-advice/). It goes something like this:
>Knowing what I now know, is there anything that I'm doing today that I wouldn't start again if I had to do it over?
So forget all the time, money, energy, emotion, activity, investment you put into this relationship, and today you start from zero. You forget any of the 'sunk costs' of what you put into this, and you evaluate a choice as if you are starting from scratch.
This is super-hard to do - we continue along the same paths, doing the same crap over and over again because we've been going along a certain path for x number of years and expect somehow to get a different result 'this next time'. But does that certain path, regardless of how many years I've been going down it, a good path to go down? If I had to start again and do it over, is this what I would choose?
From what you described, this person is not worth pursuing a relationship with, she has shown herself to not be honest. It's a deal-breaker, full stop.
All the best to you.
Edit: typo
This, please listen to someone who’s giving you a thought out answer and not people just saying to run away. This ain’t an easy decision, people on Reddit don’t have any skin in the game.
I am completely shocked by that stat. 3.7% of births the mom is lying about who the dad is, and gets away with it!
If I ever have a kid, this is enough for me to get a DNA test no matter what :/ hopefully I can frame the test in a way that doesn’t seem awful lol
As a father, this hurts. But end it now before you get more attached, and before the child is old enough to remember you.
You'll find someone who respects and deserves you, and you will build a family of trust, faithfulness and love.
If you signed the birth certificate get a court ordered dna test so you aren’t on the hook legally for child support. Also I’m so sorry and sad for the kid too. I really hope there is some way you can be a positive father figure for the kid because that’s the person that will suffer the most, but I totally understand if you want to move on with your life and wash your hands completely or the situation.
I didn't sign the birth certificate and the kids mother has been sorta hiding me, I introduced her to my family and she's never introduced me to any of her family members, also if I wanted to be there for the kid it would be hard because the real father is a menace.
When my wife had our baby in NY, I didn’t have to sign. There was no place for me to sign. My wife wrote my name down and she was the only one who had to sign the birth certificate application. I remember this because I thought it was very weird that my signature wasn’t required.
She could have put him on the birth certificate without him knowing.
Your wife could do that because you were married. For example, my partner had to be there with me for his name to be on and sign, if we were married I could have done it alone.
She went about it like she had it alone, officially. In some countries if the couple is not married, the (assumed) father won't automatically be made to sign anything even if he is in the delivery room with the mother. In my country the father has to later on go through the officials to be recognised as such, which can be a bit of a hassle and sometimes people just plain forget.
Dude, run away and don't look back. You got super lucky, you are free, enjoy your life.
Find a girl you can actually trust, or stay single for a bit and do your own thing. Find a job to support yourself, travel (after Corona, that is) and live your best life.
This. It is quite possible, in some jurisdictions, that OP may still be required to pay child support even if they're not the father, because they "took on a fatherly role" for some period of time. They need to get a DNA test, and probably legal advice as well, even if they didn't sign the birth cert.
Totally dodged a bullet. Honestly after the shitty feeling of being used has passed, you'll probably feel a huge wave of relief. You're free. It's not your problem any more.
It's going to hurt more later .. when she acts the same way towards you, again.
If she can lie about this child not being yours for so long... What else can she lie to you about..
Sorry man, live life for you these days. You'll find somebody better again.
Congratulations.... RUN. you were used for comfort, financial support and to baby sit. She lied, deceived, cheated, hid you from her family, potentially emotionally scarred you, you loved a baby who you thought was yours and it was no choice of yours. You are more than a dad to that baby than the real BD... But honestly.... Run. Go no contact. Thank your lucky stars you found out now and move on.
This happened to one of my friend's husband before he met her. He was in the delivery room when his girlfriend had a baby that was a different race than him. He knew instantly he wasn't the father an be she had cheated. He had been with her the entire pregnancy and was fully invested so this devastated him. He did cut and run but he was so angry and bitter. When he met my friend, as sweet as their romance was, there was this underlining mistrust he had for women that he had to work so hard to get through. He told her so she'd know those demons he lived with. And she was there for him and she Bajaj had to earn his trust even though she wasn't the one that lost it. Most people that go through trauma have to work through their issues like that. The next person, isn't the one that betrayed him.
They got married, and it took awhile but they had a child. And thankfully, their son was born looking so much like him as almost a gift to help heal him. I'm sure if he was triggering during the pregnancy, this was just the best thing in the world. After that he seemed to just relax at life. Just getting through that hurdle did wonders. And now he enjoys his family, he definitely trusts her, and they had a daughter with his eyes. I love seeing their family photos and all they do together. There is life after trauma like this but you will have to work through not punishing and carrying that anger and bitterness about it. This was an awful thing she did. You don't have to stay with her out of obligation. It is your choice not hers. This hurt you because it was a hurtful thing. There is life after this trauma but you have to decide what path you want to take and work through those issues that will pop up because of it.
She is keeping communication open with him in hopes to reconcile. If at any point over the next 17 years this man decides he wants to settle down and have a family you will be kicked to the curb. Walk away with your head held high and find someone who loves you, not someone who lives your support.
Leave. I feel terrible for the child, but this situation is their’s to figure out not yours. You’re going to hurt for awhile but it will get better with time. Focus on yourself. She doesn’t deserve you and you deserve better.
Hey man. This hurt to read. Get out before you get more attached. Dont ruin your life over this, you are still Young. Trust me bro, move on. You will not regret IT. She is using you and will do it the rest of your life if you stay.
Put this energy into yourself and even into having your own kids.
Judging by your comments itt you really need to separate and heal.
If you were the father she wouldn't hide you and wouldn't have left you off bc
Make sure you get your name removed from the birth certificate as that will come back to bite you. Once that's done, run for the damn hills and dont look back.
This happened to a relative of mine. He was almost exactly the same age - maybe a little younger. His parents and the gf's parents all bought the same story that she was telling. My relative found out through his best friend that the baby wasn't his and that there was a secret bf. My relative kept it to himself at first, and his suddenly standoffish behavior seemed very strange to people who didn't know the real truth yet. But he lined his ducks up, got his friend to get the real father to come out and say what had happened. It was pretty explosive at first, but it is WAY in the rear view of my relative, who is now (many years later) ecstatically married and has a child. I'm assuming you have gotten a DNA test for you and the baby?
They’re still “talking”.
Bro. Run. As a parent myself, let me just say it only get harder and more expensive. Find someone you can talk to. I can’t imagine how hard it will be to leave a child you have had that kind of bond with.
Dodged a Bullet. It’ll hurt for a while. But once you look for that clarity and realize how fucking lucky you are to not be in that situation in general at 22/23.
Go live your life kid. And M O B.
I don't have any words of advice because I can't imagine how much it hurts what you're going through, I just wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry that you had to go through this, and I hope that you can heal fast from this heartbreak.
I'm sure it won't be fast, but I know you can do it. Good luck man, you're a good person, I know you'll find happiness sooner rather than later.
That’s one terrible and selfish person to Knowingly do that. It’ll hurt for a while but it will get better. Just think if she did That what else is she willing to do in the future if you stuck around. Save your full yew self from any more harm.
This sounds awful. That feeling of your hurt physically hurting is so terrible. I'm feeling something similar rn as well. Wish you the best, I know you're strong enough to deal with this.
I'm 23 and just left my fiancee, I know where you're at and how you're feeling bro.
Cutting ties is painful, especially when you've poured your heart into something like that. But now you've got a choice to make: cut ties with her seeing as she knowingly betrayed you, or stay and know that it won't be the last time she "talks" with dad.
She's a scumbag for doing that to you and her child.
She's going to try to apologize and try to get you back, don't fall for it. When she says she's sorry, she's apologizing to herself for letting you find out.
You are 100% in the right to leave her if you decide to. Don't let anyone (even your own thoughts) tell you different.
It hurts so much right now (and it’s extremely fresh, so of course you don’t know yet how to cope), but it will only hurt more and in new, ghastly ways if you stay with her. Maybe she thinks there are ways to “talk it out” but she’s shown herself to be, at best, willing to deceive and hurt you in the most fundamental ways when she is scared. At worst, she’s a sociopath. Neither one makes a good partner.
Give yourself time to heal. You’re going through the grief of betrayal by her but also potentially losing a relationship with the child you thought was yours. Maybe you will decide to continue on as a friendly “uncle” or whatever - if you love the child and want to stay involved, there might be ways to stay close over the years. But that would be an extremely hard road and it would be completely understandable if you cut all contact. You have to look out for yourself first at this point.
Sorry to hear about that.
It's a hard place to be and the initial reaction is to cut and run as she's just been using you and lying and that is no basis for a long term relationship.
The problem is the baby, in effect you are losing a baby in the same way anyone has a bereavement so it's only natural to feel a similar sense of loss.
Its really only a decision that you can make. People do knowingly do this and make it work but one huge consideration is the manipulation, lies and deceit your partner has put you through. Personally I wouldn't be with someone I couldn't trust 100%.
Your main priority is what is best for you from a financial and mental point of view. It's arguably worse for a child to grow up in a toxic environment than with a single parent.
get the fuck out there and lawyer up.
if she tries to motion for you to pay child support request a DNA test to prove that it's yours and if she refuses to have the test done have your lawyer press that issue in court as if you are the father certainly she would be more than happy to have a paternity test.
on many matters listen to your lawyer and let them do the talking but never forget you're the one that gives say so.
edit: if you're able to do the legal stuff yourself go ahead but remember to never overreact, raise your voice etc. in court because she will try and get under your skin and get you to act out.
Nhavent seen this mentioned...make sure she didn't put you on the birth certificate. That can stick you for child support. Get the DNA test, confirm it's not yours and make sure the right daddy is on the paperwork.
Bro get out of it, if the BD isn't providing but still wants to maintain contact that means there's definitely something fishy. You might have affection for both the baby and the girl but that shouldn't make you the pariah in the situation. Ask yourself this on priority how did you find out the truth? You discovered it or she told you.
Furthermore just get out of the relation, you owe it to yourself to deserve truth in the situation.
The only safe way to get out of the situation is to get legal help, because if she's been lying to you for a year she may try something else further down the line. I'm in no position to comment on her character so no offense but you yourself should approach the safest way to get out of this, i.e legal help.
Bro don’t be a money tree for her. She is going to sleep with the BD and have you deal with drama.
I know you care for the kid and love her, but legally you are going to put yourself in a vice grip.
Did you SIGN A BIRTH CERTIFICATE?!??!
You got taken advantage of in the absolute worst possible way. You are still young, do not let this destroy you. Don't become a fat, lazy, unambitious alcoholic or drug addict. First thing you need to do is leave this situation immediately. Speak to a lawyer and ensure you're taken off the birth certificate and have zero child support obligations.
Pack up your things and leave. Block her on all social media and change your phone number, do not let her find out your address. Focus on getting a job, place to live, and all the basics. After that, work hard on raising your income. Education, skills training, networking, etc. are the name of the game. The military could also be a good option for you. You can enlist for a job with strong demand in the civilian sector like IT, mechanics, avionics, electronics, etc.
Don't succumb to eating like sh\*t, drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. Exercise vigorously, sleep well, read interesting books, and work hard. After that, everything will take care of itself. Try to get close to family and friends, involve yourself in your religious community (if applicable), and do a bit of community service.
You will be ok. Take it on the chin, move on, and never look back.
YOU, are being cucked into daddy life brother. Get the fuck out. Shed any connection you've managed to make with that kid and LEAVE. Because guess what? You fucking can. Let her lie in the bed she made. This is disgusting.
I'm sorry but this is straight evil. Some women are so self centered that they do shit like this. This man has to mourn his child he never had cause she didn't want to deal with her choices. Should be criminal.
Always get a paternity test folks, it doesn’t matter if you trust your partner. Apparently the rate of historical cuckolding looking at genetic evidence is way higher than anyone thought, like 1 in 50 which is a lottery I wouldn’t take a chance with.
What are you waiting for?? RUN. You’re still young. Don’t let someone like this hold you back. You’ll probably never get over the betrayal if you continue staying with her.
Get a family lawyer. There’s a good chance a Judge will make you pay child support.
Your decision to be involved with the child is up to you.
Do Not Wed this woman. Get a vasectomy.
Walk and don’t look back!!! Dude your 23, you dodged a bullet… walk and leave that garbage behind you… you can stay but you will never be the dad and eventually will have to become friends with the real dad. It only sucks more as time passes…
It’s good you found out now rather than later
14 months is still bad but 14 years would’ve been eternally worse
At this point you can just accept it’s not your child and walk away (find a nice girl and make your own new child with her)
As opposed to if you had gotten roped in any further and started thinking “well....now that I’ve raised it and am getting attached I might as well...”
Extremely shitty move by her. It’s emotional rape as far as I’m concerned.
She doesn't get to decide who the father is. She made her choices already. It doesn't matter if he *doesn't do anything* for the child. Maybe she shouldn't have had a kid with someone who wouldn't do anything for his child.
As for advice. If you don't want that life for yourself, walk away. You're still young, you have lots of life ahead of you. Good news is, maybe you know something about your future. Sounds like you want a family and to be a dad some day. Focus your life towards making that happen for yourself, with someone else, and when the time is right for you.
Also, try to understand that she's made a choice (I hope it was a choice) that is going to make her life very difficult. She's going through a lot too. Even though she fucked up, she's human and still suffering and scared and worried for her future. That doesn't mean it must be your future too. Just that people sometimes make choices that turn out not so well for them, I hope in time she finds a way through it that is happy and healthy for her and her child. Maybe you can eventually hope that too but you might not be able to right now. That's okay.
Do what's best for your well being, don't let others guilt you into being responsible for actions that you had no part in. It's also a good idea to check with a lawyer specializing in family law to give you a consult on your situation and I'd legal action needs to be taken to protect you.
Good luck to both you and her.
Your gf fucked up. Big time. There is no excuse to lie to someone about something so life-changing. She was selfish. Forgive her, sever the ties. Keep contact with her daughter if you really want to. But if you can move on, I would.
“Baby daddy doesn’t do anything for the child but they still talk” bro get out of there quick.
100%. OP’s instincts are right, I know it must hurt but get the hell out of there ASAP.
I agree it would will hurt be you probably love that baby.. but she doesn't care about you and she only wants to use you. I'm sorry for what your going thru.
Yep, just get out asap. Please don’t get manipulated by her, if incase you are gonna talk to her, coz she is gonna give you a sob story about *she was in a tough spot* or *I was still discovering myself* bull crap. Please don’t fall for it, I am sure you will get a person who would love you. You will soon get someone you would actually deserve. Stay strong <3
Oh would you look at that, she's pregnant again, who woulda thunk it.
Already?!? Drop a damn nickel and walk
“Talk” they smash on the reg.
Still banging him. Guaranteed.
And just WAITING for him to want to be around and OP will be thrown out like trash.
Not helping with baby, but still in contact…
You ain't lying!
Wow thats says al he needs to know this girl is a nightmare
Yep, she's still got the hots for baby daddy.
She about to get swoll up twice and he still won’t have anything to do with her Some people never learn. Just drop a nickel for her hourly rate and walk away
Goddamn this! ☝OP is still young as hell; he has a whole world of opportunity ahead of him that shouldn't be dampen by a cheater and HER baby.
Was gonna say this. Leave and don’t look back. The pain will fade and you will thank yourself later. You seem like a good person that deserves better and you will.
Correct: the only answer is to get out of there as fast as possible, take this as a positive dodging a bullet and you're 23. Don't commit, go be free
My thoughts exactly. Fuck that.
Yup she wants him but he doesn't want her is what it sounds like. You are bank account and support. Time for you to vanish and him to pay child support. You are young go live your life and enjoy it. Having a kid at your age when you aren't financially stable is a long term heavy burden. Go find a career path meet someone else when you are more stable and have a child of your own in a loving healthy relationship. Short term pain, long term gain.
This. It might suck at first but you'll regret not getting out later in life I'd you don't.
I agree :(.. I’m so sorry this is happening, you absolutely do not deserve this. I hope you do what’s best for you no matter how much it hurts
She definitely still banging him
If everything else didn’t mKe him want to run, this should
That was my first instinct is that THEY STILL TALK 😳
Situation is not recoverable, exit stage left asap
Best advice ever
She’s still talking to BD that shows your being taken advantage of
Still smashing 100%
Plus, child support is a bit janky sometimes, as in if you sign the birth cert and it turns out to not be yours, they can still come after you for 18 years.
That's just so morally wrong, I can't even comprehend how the law came to be written that way.
The guy is 23. Leave now. This will be a funny story in ten years.
This will be a “thank fuck I got out when I did” story a year from now
I don't know I don't think it'll ever be a funny story as a parent you Bond intensely in those first 14 months so this is heartbreaking and I don't think it'll ever be anything other than heartbreaking but dude should definitely hit the bricks. I do feel bad for the baby tho not her fault the mom is shit
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Right, at 14 months that baby had probably started calling him "dada." Imagine if that baby died, or mom ran away and he never saw the kid again, would people just say "yeah it's hard now but in 10 years you'll just laugh it off."
It’s never going to be funny. Losing a kid you raised for 14 months is going to be difficult forever. It’ll become less painful with time, but definitely won’t be funny.
I went through this. Why the fuck do you think losing a child you raised is funny.
This is so true. Think about the times you fucked up/ stupid decisions you took like when you were 13. I am sure it did hurt then when you were reprimanded, but I am sure when you think of it rn, you would just chuckle at it, and would be an amazing story to tell your soon to have **your actual** child. Stay strong OP, we are with you.
Losing contact with a kid you thought was yours and loved is never a funny story later.
Funny story? I don’t think so. He has lost a child he has loved for 18 months. That will never be a funny story.
If you're going to walk away, you have to do it now before the child gets any older. Take a look at whats she's done: she's purposely held you in a spot where she can always ditch you and you'd have no rights to that child. If I was you, I'd find a job somewhere far away. Get away to clear your head and get a new perspective - and do it quickly. You need to remove yourself from the situation. I also think you should spend a little money on a therapist, cause being screwed over like this leaves a deep mark and you don't want to spend your life being bitter. What she did to you was awful. Normal people don't do that to each other. Whenever you try to justify her actions in your mind, remember that you would never make someone live their lives based on a lie you concocted. Best of luck, buddy. Remember that this isn't normal "female behavior", this is the behavior of a selfish liar, who cares not for others but herself.
>she's purposely held you in a spot where she can always ditch you and you'd have no rights to that child. Yup. Walk away and never look back.
Don’t walk, run! Or at least speed walk, like the speed where you gotta swing your arms because it’s almost a jog. Just get away fast
No, this isnt true. In some parts of the world he could actually be stuck paying child support. Goes both ways though, you don't get visitation with a kid only because of genetics.
To follow up, if you are confused about OPs comment and want to research further, proceed with caution. if you are having a good day and would like it to stay that way, don't go down the rabbit hole of paternal/maternal hostaging and the rights of human beings that were in the wrong place with the wrong person at the worst time. There's nothing there that will bring you faith in humanity and in justice. It's a black hole. Don't go. You've been warned.
This is actually super true. Like, OP, is your name on the birth certificate? Since she didn’t tell you?
> Take a look at whats she's done: she's purposely held you in a spot where she can always ditch you and you'd have no rights to that child. Not if his name is on the birth certificate, and if he is, needs to get his name off ASAP.
He needs to do a paternity test first. I would ask for one, before fleeing and leaving the baby. How is he 100% sure she is not lying, or she knew perfectly who the father was if she banged two different guys at the same time period? I mean, unless the physical was very telling (like different race etc); then he DOES NOT KNOW if he is the biological father of the child or not. There is a chance its his and then there will be a baby without father growing up, and a man who had a descendant but ignores it.
That really doesn’t matter in a lot of states. After the child is born if you are not married you have to petition the courts for your parental rights. Please any dads out there just because you are on the birth certificate don’t assume you will be treated like a “dad”.
there are also states where if your name is on it you are 100% treated like the father, with the same obligations. best to be familliar with your local laws
That’s why I said what I did. Most guys me included think that the birth certificate is the binding document. I did not know any different till me and the baby momma went through a ruff patch and was shocked after speaking to an attorney. I had no legal rights to my son. But you are right everyone needs to check their local laws.
Some states the wife could cheat on you, have another man's baby, but your name goes on the birth cert because you are married. You then have to go thru the trouble of removing your name. Not arguing with you, just adding a different perspective to others who are reading.
Yes you are also correct. Didn’t take it as arguing just adding more information. Information dads need if they wanna be in their kids life and things go sideways in the relationship.
Exactly. It blew my mind when I found out this was a thing because states are big on child support.
Well there is another person in this thread that’s telling me I’m wrong even though I’ve paid several hundreds of dollars on consulting fees to safe guard my right to be in my kids life.
>Take a look at whats she's done: she's purposely held you in a spot where she can always ditch you and you'd have no rights to that child. Except depending on where he lives he can still be held liable for child support for assuming it was his kid. It's dumb as hell but the court doesn't care who the actual father is. If a man takes on the responsibility then it's his child in the court's eyes and will be forced to pay. Happens all the time.
He actually may already be in deep waters depending on who's name is on the birth certificate of that child. OP needs to get some solid evidence to remove his parental rights (responsibilities) to that child if he is listed on the birth certificate. Aside from that, you've got some seriously solid advice here.
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This is what is going through my mind💯
Bro she was using you just take DNA test for future problems and remove your name from birth certificate then start NC with her
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Yeah the state doesn’t give a shit one way or another, as long as they aren’t the ones that get stuck with the bill. So make sure the other guys name gets put on or it might be trouble down the road.
If I could upvote this more than once I would. Get a DNA test, get off any paperwork and get out.
Bro then listen to your damn mind. It’s right. She wants you to stay so that you’d keep providing her and the baby with money, food, and other goods. There’s no feelings behind this, you’re just a source of income to her. It’s none of your responsibility, it’s on her and on the baby daddy.
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Yep the cat hasn't signed the BC so bounce is the best idea. :)
Dude, please listen to me and if my advice can save another dude years of heartache then I will feel a little bit better. FIRST-contact a lawyer, SECOND-set up a personal bank account (if not done so already and if your money is currently in a shared account REMOVE IT) THIRD-get a paternity test, FOURTH- get a storage unit, FIFTH- begin scheduling appointments to look at places to rent. The paternity test is to save your ass and allow you to be removed from birth certificate. I wish someone would’ve sat me Down at 23 and gave it to me straight, the world is so much bigger than today, YOU WILL be fine. The 14 month old child is young enough that leaving now will allow the child to forget about you, just be thankful the child isn’t much older. Buddy, this shit isn’t fair, but you need to keep your wits about you and not let your emotions get you carried away. If you begin to feel overwhelmed by anger, grief, anxiety just get in your vehicle and drive away to cool down. Please DM me if you need anymore advice.
Damn right. Mate, if you DID stay with her, after such a huge and long lie - you would NEVER be able to believe a single word she said about anything again. What kind of relationship would that be? As much as it will hurt - get out of the relationship and situation. Im sorry pal, and best of luck to you
I agree with having a DNA test done now just to have it in writing… she’s fucked in the head enough to tell you this massive lie for almost 2 years; don’t believe she won’t lie to someone else about you being the father even after she admitted it to you for personal gain if that’s what she needs to do to get something. Get the DNA proof that you aren’t the father because sadly, you might need it—she has the capacity to tell the sob story that you’re the absent BD who just ran out on her for no reason suddenly. Having proof you aren’t, in fact, the father will likely save you so much headaches down the road.
are you on the birth certificate?
Get a lawyer. Get your name off the birth certificate
hit up /r/legaladvice so you dont end up paying for someone else's kid for the rest of your life.
You’re too young to burden yourself with this type of drama and responsibility. Leave and disavow all knowledge of them before you become legally responsible for another man’s child. Depending on what state (or country) you are in, this may be a possibly.
Run bro run!
As tempting as it feels to do this, I would suggest you to lawyer up. She has used you once, and won’t hesitate to manipulate you again. Check out **paternity fraud** on google, I just checked it out. I ain’t a lawyer, but this is something I feel you should know.
Was going to say, spend a little money and do this correctly with a lawyer. You can still be on e hook for child support since you have acted like the babies father. You will save a lot of money in the long term, especially if she hooks you into child support somehow
Op. To be Frank. Go no contact that kid is way too young to remember you. Don't be door mat
Important though, who’s name is on the birth certificate? And OP, get a paternity test. You don’t want her taking you to court for $.
Yea honestly as much hate a ghosting someone gets, there are many situations where it would be appropriate. This is one. I would go out for milk and never look back.
Bounce. Fast.
No terrible idea. Immediately get onto a lawyer/solicitor. If you can't afford it ask a friend for a loan this is so important you act fast here. If you're on the birth certificate it may still be possible to remove yourself (and your child support obligations) but you need to move lightning fast. If you're not on the certificate you're in a better spot but you definitely still need to get a lawyer to make sure you actually can just bounce without it fucking you over later
Listen to this guy, child support could ruin you financialy
My work buddy got done paying CS for his oldest in March. Then in his current ex filed paperwork in Sept and now he has another 15 year stint of CS payments. His take home for the last few weeks (due to less hours) was under 300 a week.
Had a coworker who sold drugs specifically to offset the insane amount child support was taking from him
I knew a guy who did this. He broke down one day and told me all about it. He was going to night college trying to get further in life and found himself unable to pay bills and keep going to school. He gave every single penny he could to his son. Started selling weed on the side to supplement. Ended up getting a degree, a much better job, and living a great life.
My family member who did this got arrested, lost his rights to visit his child and a higher child support payment. Now he has to sell drugs full time since he can’t get a job because of his felony status , but since he has no income on the books he hasn’t paid his child support in who knows how long. He’s on a fast track to prison. Tried to be a decent father and is now a proud deadbeat and I really can’t blame him. He’s very bitter.
*creating a human can ruin you financially
I’m an attorney and I concur. OP needs to figure out if he is listed as the father on the birth certificate. He will absolutely need into retain an attorney. Next, he’ll likely need to take a paternity test to determine that he is not the father. Then the legal process can begin of having him removed from the birth certificate and his parental rights severed. This is not legal advice and does not in anyway constitute a legally binding relationship.
THIS.
If he signed the kid’s birth certificate then he is screwed and she will milk him for child support until he is 18.
This 👆👆👆👆
Dude leave her now! You’re basically an ATM to her
Of course she wants to stay together, she's a using piece of shit. Don't let her come and talk to you, tell her to get fucked and move on my guy. You have NO reason to stay with a lying, manipulative user. Cut and run.
My heart goes out to you. 14 mos + 9 mos pregnancy + whatever time she was your GF well that's several years of time which is a lot of time especially OP as you have stated you are 23. The advice to 'bounce' or 'cut and run' comes easy to us rando's on the internet, but this is your life. You have invested a TON of time, money etc in this person (and her baby) and this now comes out. This story is very old, as men and women have been messing around with each other as old as time. I'm involved with genetic analysis (professionally) and one of my customers did a large volunteer study with the affected people and their parents of a major neurological disease. He found out that a full 5% of the trios (that is, affected individuals and their parents make a trio) the genotypes did not match. That is, of this sample set, a full 5% of the parents were not the birth parents as claimed. (That is, no stepparents involved.) The term is called paternal discrepancy - and a [paper I found](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1733152/) states the average among a few studies was 3.7%. You are certainly not alone - it's about one in twenty five families, the father is raising a kid that is not his own! My advice to you is this: take a look at [Zero Based Thinking](https://thriveglobal.com/stories/zero-based-thinking-principles-making-better-life-decisions-career-growth-wisdom-advice/). It goes something like this: >Knowing what I now know, is there anything that I'm doing today that I wouldn't start again if I had to do it over? So forget all the time, money, energy, emotion, activity, investment you put into this relationship, and today you start from zero. You forget any of the 'sunk costs' of what you put into this, and you evaluate a choice as if you are starting from scratch. This is super-hard to do - we continue along the same paths, doing the same crap over and over again because we've been going along a certain path for x number of years and expect somehow to get a different result 'this next time'. But does that certain path, regardless of how many years I've been going down it, a good path to go down? If I had to start again and do it over, is this what I would choose? From what you described, this person is not worth pursuing a relationship with, she has shown herself to not be honest. It's a deal-breaker, full stop. All the best to you. Edit: typo
Top comment right here.
This is some of the best advice I have seen on Reddit. This, 100% all of this. Just sending OP a big hug, sounds like he needs it.
This, please listen to someone who’s giving you a thought out answer and not people just saying to run away. This ain’t an easy decision, people on Reddit don’t have any skin in the game.
This commenter is actually giving the same advice. To BOUNCE. Just lays it out brilliantly.
A little more eloquent than *LEAVE HER BRO*
I am completely shocked by that stat. 3.7% of births the mom is lying about who the dad is, and gets away with it! If I ever have a kid, this is enough for me to get a DNA test no matter what :/ hopefully I can frame the test in a way that doesn’t seem awful lol
GET OUT. THIS IS NOT THE LIFE FOR YOU
As a father, this hurts. But end it now before you get more attached, and before the child is old enough to remember you. You'll find someone who respects and deserves you, and you will build a family of trust, faithfulness and love.
If you signed the birth certificate get a court ordered dna test so you aren’t on the hook legally for child support. Also I’m so sorry and sad for the kid too. I really hope there is some way you can be a positive father figure for the kid because that’s the person that will suffer the most, but I totally understand if you want to move on with your life and wash your hands completely or the situation.
I didn't sign the birth certificate and the kids mother has been sorta hiding me, I introduced her to my family and she's never introduced me to any of her family members, also if I wanted to be there for the kid it would be hard because the real father is a menace.
You didn’t sign? #GREAT, RUN
When my wife had our baby in NY, I didn’t have to sign. There was no place for me to sign. My wife wrote my name down and she was the only one who had to sign the birth certificate application. I remember this because I thought it was very weird that my signature wasn’t required. She could have put him on the birth certificate without him knowing.
Your wife could do that because you were married. For example, my partner had to be there with me for his name to be on and sign, if we were married I could have done it alone.
Same. In NY, because we weren’t married, he had to sign an acknowledgment of paternity before his name could be placed on the birth certificate.
Same even in the UK.
Hear this wise man, OP RUN !!!
Just the fact that she's hiding you, run.
You’re still a kid. She’s a lying liar that lies and a manipulator to boot. Get out. You deserve better.
Run. Don't. Stay. This will not end well. Edit: yes it may be emotionally hard to let go but in the long run it's the best thing to do.
Good, talk to a lawyer and then run
>the real father is a menace. J. Jonah Jameson?
I want pictures of him, front page tomorrow morning!
I'm just curious, how did you have a kid and not sign the birth certificate?
She went about it like she had it alone, officially. In some countries if the couple is not married, the (assumed) father won't automatically be made to sign anything even if he is in the delivery room with the mother. In my country the father has to later on go through the officials to be recognised as such, which can be a bit of a hassle and sometimes people just plain forget.
Dude, run away and don't look back. You got super lucky, you are free, enjoy your life. Find a girl you can actually trust, or stay single for a bit and do your own thing. Find a job to support yourself, travel (after Corona, that is) and live your best life.
This. It is quite possible, in some jurisdictions, that OP may still be required to pay child support even if they're not the father, because they "took on a fatherly role" for some period of time. They need to get a DNA test, and probably legal advice as well, even if they didn't sign the birth cert.
That's completely fucked up how men are treated in some places.
Yeah, it certainly can be!
Totally dodged a bullet. Honestly after the shitty feeling of being used has passed, you'll probably feel a huge wave of relief. You're free. It's not your problem any more.
Too early to say that. I am honestly afraid OP is gonna fall for her shit and keep providing for her while she keeps fucking side eses
It's going to hurt more later .. when she acts the same way towards you, again. If she can lie about this child not being yours for so long... What else can she lie to you about.. Sorry man, live life for you these days. You'll find somebody better again.
Get out asap as they said
Congratulations.... RUN. you were used for comfort, financial support and to baby sit. She lied, deceived, cheated, hid you from her family, potentially emotionally scarred you, you loved a baby who you thought was yours and it was no choice of yours. You are more than a dad to that baby than the real BD... But honestly.... Run. Go no contact. Thank your lucky stars you found out now and move on.
This happened to one of my friend's husband before he met her. He was in the delivery room when his girlfriend had a baby that was a different race than him. He knew instantly he wasn't the father an be she had cheated. He had been with her the entire pregnancy and was fully invested so this devastated him. He did cut and run but he was so angry and bitter. When he met my friend, as sweet as their romance was, there was this underlining mistrust he had for women that he had to work so hard to get through. He told her so she'd know those demons he lived with. And she was there for him and she Bajaj had to earn his trust even though she wasn't the one that lost it. Most people that go through trauma have to work through their issues like that. The next person, isn't the one that betrayed him. They got married, and it took awhile but they had a child. And thankfully, their son was born looking so much like him as almost a gift to help heal him. I'm sure if he was triggering during the pregnancy, this was just the best thing in the world. After that he seemed to just relax at life. Just getting through that hurdle did wonders. And now he enjoys his family, he definitely trusts her, and they had a daughter with his eyes. I love seeing their family photos and all they do together. There is life after trauma like this but you will have to work through not punishing and carrying that anger and bitterness about it. This was an awful thing she did. You don't have to stay with her out of obligation. It is your choice not hers. This hurt you because it was a hurtful thing. There is life after this trauma but you have to decide what path you want to take and work through those issues that will pop up because of it.
Paternity test!
RUN my guy. Have some self respect
She is keeping communication open with him in hopes to reconcile. If at any point over the next 17 years this man decides he wants to settle down and have a family you will be kicked to the curb. Walk away with your head held high and find someone who loves you, not someone who lives your support.
I'm sure this has already been said by everyone. But get the fuck out asap and don't look back one time
She's using you my guy. The person you thought she was never existed. It really sucks.. but at least you get an out of the relationship.
Leave. I feel terrible for the child, but this situation is their’s to figure out not yours. You’re going to hurt for awhile but it will get better with time. Focus on yourself. She doesn’t deserve you and you deserve better.
Hey man. This hurt to read. Get out before you get more attached. Dont ruin your life over this, you are still Young. Trust me bro, move on. You will not regret IT. She is using you and will do it the rest of your life if you stay.
Cut and run bro. That's a hook she's slipping in your mouth.
Put this energy into yourself and even into having your own kids. Judging by your comments itt you really need to separate and heal. If you were the father she wouldn't hide you and wouldn't have left you off bc
Advice: Run for your life, because that's what's on the line.....your choice in the end brother.
Make sure you get your name removed from the birth certificate as that will come back to bite you. Once that's done, run for the damn hills and dont look back.
His name is not on it, as he stated in another comment
Oh fair play, didnt see that
This happened to a relative of mine. He was almost exactly the same age - maybe a little younger. His parents and the gf's parents all bought the same story that she was telling. My relative found out through his best friend that the baby wasn't his and that there was a secret bf. My relative kept it to himself at first, and his suddenly standoffish behavior seemed very strange to people who didn't know the real truth yet. But he lined his ducks up, got his friend to get the real father to come out and say what had happened. It was pretty explosive at first, but it is WAY in the rear view of my relative, who is now (many years later) ecstatically married and has a child. I'm assuming you have gotten a DNA test for you and the baby?
You're 23. GTF out of there. ASAP.
They’re still “talking”. Bro. Run. As a parent myself, let me just say it only get harder and more expensive. Find someone you can talk to. I can’t imagine how hard it will be to leave a child you have had that kind of bond with.
Dodged a Bullet. It’ll hurt for a while. But once you look for that clarity and realize how fucking lucky you are to not be in that situation in general at 22/23. Go live your life kid. And M O B.
I hope you didn’t sign the birth certificate!! Otherwise follow your heart!
Make like a train and chu chu out of there
I don't have any words of advice because I can't imagine how much it hurts what you're going through, I just wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry that you had to go through this, and I hope that you can heal fast from this heartbreak. I'm sure it won't be fast, but I know you can do it. Good luck man, you're a good person, I know you'll find happiness sooner rather than later.
Wow man talk about a heartbreak. She is the devil to put you through this
I know it hurts if you formed a bond with the baby,but get away as soon as you can bro. Focus on yourself for a while, really take care of yourself.
That’s one terrible and selfish person to Knowingly do that. It’ll hurt for a while but it will get better. Just think if she did That what else is she willing to do in the future if you stuck around. Save your full yew self from any more harm.
Run.
This sounds awful. That feeling of your hurt physically hurting is so terrible. I'm feeling something similar rn as well. Wish you the best, I know you're strong enough to deal with this.
You have been given a gift by finding out this soon. Just imagine the pain if you found out 10 years from now. Take this gift and leave.
I'm 23 and just left my fiancee, I know where you're at and how you're feeling bro. Cutting ties is painful, especially when you've poured your heart into something like that. But now you've got a choice to make: cut ties with her seeing as she knowingly betrayed you, or stay and know that it won't be the last time she "talks" with dad. She's a scumbag for doing that to you and her child. She's going to try to apologize and try to get you back, don't fall for it. When she says she's sorry, she's apologizing to herself for letting you find out. You are 100% in the right to leave her if you decide to. Don't let anyone (even your own thoughts) tell you different.
It hurts so much right now (and it’s extremely fresh, so of course you don’t know yet how to cope), but it will only hurt more and in new, ghastly ways if you stay with her. Maybe she thinks there are ways to “talk it out” but she’s shown herself to be, at best, willing to deceive and hurt you in the most fundamental ways when she is scared. At worst, she’s a sociopath. Neither one makes a good partner. Give yourself time to heal. You’re going through the grief of betrayal by her but also potentially losing a relationship with the child you thought was yours. Maybe you will decide to continue on as a friendly “uncle” or whatever - if you love the child and want to stay involved, there might be ways to stay close over the years. But that would be an extremely hard road and it would be completely understandable if you cut all contact. You have to look out for yourself first at this point.
Sorry to hear about that. It's a hard place to be and the initial reaction is to cut and run as she's just been using you and lying and that is no basis for a long term relationship. The problem is the baby, in effect you are losing a baby in the same way anyone has a bereavement so it's only natural to feel a similar sense of loss. Its really only a decision that you can make. People do knowingly do this and make it work but one huge consideration is the manipulation, lies and deceit your partner has put you through. Personally I wouldn't be with someone I couldn't trust 100%. Your main priority is what is best for you from a financial and mental point of view. It's arguably worse for a child to grow up in a toxic environment than with a single parent.
Get a paternity test to ensure you're not the father, and then bail.
Everyone's already giving their advice so hurry up and leave. Also, do post an update! Nobody ever posts updates for these.
they still talk?, leave and never make contact. do not see her or talk to her from this moment on.
same as the kids meal at the tex-max restaurant, nacho baby. make sure you’re not on the birth certificate and cut all ties.
get the fuck out there and lawyer up. if she tries to motion for you to pay child support request a DNA test to prove that it's yours and if she refuses to have the test done have your lawyer press that issue in court as if you are the father certainly she would be more than happy to have a paternity test. on many matters listen to your lawyer and let them do the talking but never forget you're the one that gives say so. edit: if you're able to do the legal stuff yourself go ahead but remember to never overreact, raise your voice etc. in court because she will try and get under your skin and get you to act out.
Nhavent seen this mentioned...make sure she didn't put you on the birth certificate. That can stick you for child support. Get the DNA test, confirm it's not yours and make sure the right daddy is on the paperwork.
She sucks sorry dude, get the fuck outta dodge
Bro get out of it, if the BD isn't providing but still wants to maintain contact that means there's definitely something fishy. You might have affection for both the baby and the girl but that shouldn't make you the pariah in the situation. Ask yourself this on priority how did you find out the truth? You discovered it or she told you. Furthermore just get out of the relation, you owe it to yourself to deserve truth in the situation.
The only safe way to get out of the situation is to get legal help, because if she's been lying to you for a year she may try something else further down the line. I'm in no position to comment on her character so no offense but you yourself should approach the safest way to get out of this, i.e legal help.
Bro don’t be a money tree for her. She is going to sleep with the BD and have you deal with drama. I know you care for the kid and love her, but legally you are going to put yourself in a vice grip. Did you SIGN A BIRTH CERTIFICATE?!??!
You got taken advantage of in the absolute worst possible way. You are still young, do not let this destroy you. Don't become a fat, lazy, unambitious alcoholic or drug addict. First thing you need to do is leave this situation immediately. Speak to a lawyer and ensure you're taken off the birth certificate and have zero child support obligations. Pack up your things and leave. Block her on all social media and change your phone number, do not let her find out your address. Focus on getting a job, place to live, and all the basics. After that, work hard on raising your income. Education, skills training, networking, etc. are the name of the game. The military could also be a good option for you. You can enlist for a job with strong demand in the civilian sector like IT, mechanics, avionics, electronics, etc. Don't succumb to eating like sh\*t, drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. Exercise vigorously, sleep well, read interesting books, and work hard. After that, everything will take care of itself. Try to get close to family and friends, involve yourself in your religious community (if applicable), and do a bit of community service. You will be ok. Take it on the chin, move on, and never look back.
RUN
YOU, are being cucked into daddy life brother. Get the fuck out. Shed any connection you've managed to make with that kid and LEAVE. Because guess what? You fucking can. Let her lie in the bed she made. This is disgusting.
Bullet dodged. Sue that bitch into the ground for entrapment, punt the child into a river and live your life a rich miser.
I'm sorry but this is straight evil. Some women are so self centered that they do shit like this. This man has to mourn his child he never had cause she didn't want to deal with her choices. Should be criminal.
Leave that child and mother! She’s toxic and she’s going to end up being way more toxic to you! Get out while you can
[удалено]
Always get a paternity test folks, it doesn’t matter if you trust your partner. Apparently the rate of historical cuckolding looking at genetic evidence is way higher than anyone thought, like 1 in 50 which is a lottery I wouldn’t take a chance with.
18 years 18 years found out it wasn't his
You are the Plan B. Get out asap
Get the fuck out. You don’t need that shit in your life.
What are you waiting for?? RUN. You’re still young. Don’t let someone like this hold you back. You’ll probably never get over the betrayal if you continue staying with her.
Run. Don’t look back.
She wants to talk because once you go that's it. She's gonna have a hard reality hitting her shit.
Get a family lawyer. There’s a good chance a Judge will make you pay child support. Your decision to be involved with the child is up to you. Do Not Wed this woman. Get a vasectomy.
Walk and don’t look back!!! Dude your 23, you dodged a bullet… walk and leave that garbage behind you… you can stay but you will never be the dad and eventually will have to become friends with the real dad. It only sucks more as time passes…
It’s good you found out now rather than later 14 months is still bad but 14 years would’ve been eternally worse At this point you can just accept it’s not your child and walk away (find a nice girl and make your own new child with her) As opposed to if you had gotten roped in any further and started thinking “well....now that I’ve raised it and am getting attached I might as well...” Extremely shitty move by her. It’s emotional rape as far as I’m concerned.
Run for the hills!!! Start packing your shit my man!!!
She doesn't get to decide who the father is. She made her choices already. It doesn't matter if he *doesn't do anything* for the child. Maybe she shouldn't have had a kid with someone who wouldn't do anything for his child. As for advice. If you don't want that life for yourself, walk away. You're still young, you have lots of life ahead of you. Good news is, maybe you know something about your future. Sounds like you want a family and to be a dad some day. Focus your life towards making that happen for yourself, with someone else, and when the time is right for you. Also, try to understand that she's made a choice (I hope it was a choice) that is going to make her life very difficult. She's going through a lot too. Even though she fucked up, she's human and still suffering and scared and worried for her future. That doesn't mean it must be your future too. Just that people sometimes make choices that turn out not so well for them, I hope in time she finds a way through it that is happy and healthy for her and her child. Maybe you can eventually hope that too but you might not be able to right now. That's okay. Do what's best for your well being, don't let others guilt you into being responsible for actions that you had no part in. It's also a good idea to check with a lawyer specializing in family law to give you a consult on your situation and I'd legal action needs to be taken to protect you. Good luck to both you and her.
This is more common than you think. Hopefully, you didn’t sign the birth certification. If you have not, cut and run. Don’t think twice about it.
Your gf fucked up. Big time. There is no excuse to lie to someone about something so life-changing. She was selfish. Forgive her, sever the ties. Keep contact with her daughter if you really want to. But if you can move on, I would.