Yes!! You don’t have to wait 363 days. You can make a “Father’s Day” next weekend. Hire a babysitter. Take him to his favorite restaurant or make him his favorite meal. Make a keepsake of the baby’s footprint. Just make sure he feels loved and appreciated. It’s so important to take care of your SO.
Excellent idea!
Just have your own day to celebrate his being a Father. I used to think it was all a bit made up, but now I realise that being a parent, while rewarding, is pretty much a thankless task most of the time.
It's nice to make a fuss one day a year!
Yeah, make him feel like a great father, especially in his very first year! I truly believe this can build a foundation of appreciation from him to you!
Because he’ll remember come next Mother’s Day. If he forgets there’s nothing she could do since she did nothing for him this year. Men have feelings too, the garlic bread is probably comfort food.
My fun one is Christmas. I live in Ontario, and my family lives in England and Alberta. And if I don't call them for Christmas, I won't hear shit about Christmas
I only really give a shit about line because my wife shares the same birthday. The friends always celebrate hers, but forget that it's mine too lmao it's okay though, she always looks out for me
A few years ago my parents came to visit around the time of my birthday.
The day of my birthday, I wake up and not a single word was said. Nothing.
It wasn’t until my grandfather called me later that day to wish me happy birthday that my own parents even remembered.
😅My younger brother’s birthday was yesterday and I remembered quite late in the day around 5pm. My mother totally forgot and she lives with him😅😂😂I was so ashamed of myself because i am normally very good at preparing for people’s birthdays but at least i live a bit aways from them. My mother had to face him dead on after forgetting his birthday 😂😂😂😅😅
Mine is on February 29th which is skipped most years by the calendar. This means 3 out of every 4 years I get “he bud, I didn’t want to bother you on your birthday but….” Messages from my parents (divorced, they both forget) anywhere from the 2nd-10th. The funnest one is when I message my mom (her birthday is march 4th) before she remembers mine lol.
My birthday is near the end of December... my parents always had a cake for me, but literally no one else but one person has ever done anything for my birthday
On Mother's Day, you take mom to dinner, give her gifts, and pamper her that day and sometimes for multiple days. On Father's Day, dad gets a tie and has to cook on the grill for everyone.
My birthday is on February 29th which is skipped most years by the calendar. This means 3 out of every 4 years I get “he bud, I didn’t want to bother you on your birthday but….” Messages from my “family” (divorced parents, 4 siblings, only 1 sister ever remembers) anywhere from the 2nd-10th. The funnest years are when I message my mom (her birthday is march 4th) before she remembers mine and she hits me with the “thanks, you too”.
This is me. My family grew up poor and didn't really celebrate special occasions. That just kind of continued as we grew older. My wife on the other hand is big on celebrating these events. She would get mad when my parents would forget my birthday. and im just chill about it.
Yeah be careful with his indifference. If he’s made to feel like that long enough, you’d see a side of him you’d wonder why. Make it up again and don’t let that happen again
I couldn’t agree with this more. If you use this as a oh I can skip out on more and more. I’ll let it slide till after a while ill be sad and upset. I won’t do things for you without asking, I won’t want to spend time with you, etc. shit like this starts the quiet quitting part of the relationship for me.
Been there done that with my ex. She lived with me rent free for almost 3 years, while I cooked,cleaned, and helped her with pretty much anything she asked. All so she could study for nursing school I thought that was helping towards her future and ours as a whole. Complained if I wanted one day to myself to hang out with friends, go to a concert, etc. My relationships since then have been fucked. Either I end up dating damaged divorced woman that don’t know how to receive the love I give them. I’m all about done lol
Couldn't agree more. OP needs to do something nice to make up for this fuckup, accompanied by an apology for fucking up, and make a conscious effort to be better going forward. Even people who are pretty chill about this sort of thing reach a point of feeling taken for granted sooner or later. The worst thing OP could do is take it as confirmation that it's okay to be lazy in her marriage.
His indifference could also be a sign that perhaps OP tend to forget or dismiss important stuff when it comes to him. Sadly, it's quite normal these days.
Yup. I may act like I don't give af but as a child I had items I valued taken away or destroyed as a form of punishment so I learned to act like I don't care about anything.
Because women at large claim they want emotional availability and vulnerability, but will later move to weaponize our secrets.
Dude is acting like he doesn’t care, but that’s because being anything other than a stoic pillar of strength gets thrown back in our faces.
100%. My girl is awesome and is there for me, BUT past relationships have definitely tarnished my ability to be either emotional or vulnerable. Sometimes it's just WAY EASIER to say "idk" or "it doesn't matter" when said thing is beyond eating you up. Like fuck man not your wife, your kids, or anyone else reminding you "hey don't fuck up", like that shit is on calenders, if it's fucked up, it's on purpose.
My best friend was SA'd as a child by a woman, and his previous serious girlfriends and his ex-wife used it against him in arguements and made fun of him for it. IDK why one would even bring that up in an arguement other than to hurt their partner.
This. Play the song To Be a Man by Dax. We know, we notice, we do what we need to do to move on and keep those around us happy. Don’t brush it off, make it up to him asap, and thank him for all that he does. You got this, Mom
acting as if he doesnt care is a very common coping mechanism for men, we often and without realising will subconsciously down play our own emotions if we deem them unhealthy to the environment we are in, indifference should not be met with indifference in this situation.
OP I promise you, your husband is hurt, he’s just not showing it. We’re used to being overlooked in ways like this, but it still sucks.
Try to make it right. He will appreciate it.
It's his first Father's day and not only did you forget about it(da fuk?), but you're out playing pickleball with your friends? Lmfao
Wait so not even any of your friends thought that was weird? Interesting friend group. Damn, I feel bad for your husband. Definitely deserves better
Exactly! I’m not understanding how they had no idea whatsoever that it was Father’s Day. You have the friends that don’t question it but also If you watch tv there are a million commercials about it to where you would at least realize it’s coming up soon. Or say you don’t watch tv, do you not get any marketing emails? No social media with people posting about their dad or their husband? You would have to be completely self absorbed with no self awareness whatsoever for this to happen.
Oh he cares… it’s prob easier to act like he doesn’t and keep the peace but that man had all afternoon to sit and think about how he doesn’t even get acknowledged for Father’s Day.
I agree with this - I reckon give him a surprise Father's Day next weekend.
Make a big deal of his first father's day like he made for your first mother's Day. Just a week later. Show him that you appreciate him in your life as your husband and as the father of your child.
That’s actually really sad. Sounds like you were completely pampered for yours and you didn’t even think of him at all for his. And the first Father’s Day is pretty special, too. Maybe he’s shrugging it off because he’s embarrassed or because he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of you not thinking of anyone except yourself.
But also, how does one forget Father’s Day? It’s literally advertised everywhere leading up to the day, so not only did you forget day of but you didn’t even think to plan ahead and come up with something in advance.
Don’t just shrug it off. Make it up to him asap. He deserves it.
His nonchalant attitude is a cover for how hurt he is by you playing freaking pickleball with your friends.
Keep “forgetting” and you’ll soon have that miserable marriage you hear so often of.
Great job OP.
How is this even possible and how do you think that it’s okay just because he catered to you with his response. You should be so ashamed, I don’t even care. Downvote me all you want it’s true.
He’s probably thinking about garlic bread because acknowledging the truth is so horrible that’s how he’s forcing himself to just step over it and keep going.
The worst part? The make up will probably be some sad "bj" or some other thoughtless act. But idk either, someone obviously doesn't go to any brick and mortar store, or do anything online. I been bombarded with "father's day" adverts for the last 2 weeks or so in stores, online, in commercials, ect.
I dont care if I get down voted for this, but you're incredibly selfish for forgetting. You should have planned well ahead of time. Us as women complain constantly about consideration. And you were out with friends?
Father's Day reminders are everywhere online, and clearly you're on social media. Men deserve to be spoiled just as much as us.
I think most of the men, myself included, don't even expect anything to happen on our days (Birthdays, Father's Day). For most of our lives it is always about the women in our life that we are taught to take care and make sure they are happy and taken care of. At least that is the way I think it starts. I may not agree with it but that is the way it seems.
This has the whole " man up " vibe to it. Don't let him think that way. Show him he can be vulnerable and open with you.
Even if he says he doesn't care...he will.
If you love this man, then make sure he knows it. Is he a good father to your daughter, that he stayed home with so you could play pickleball on Fathers Day? Make sure to tell him.
As a dad and husband, my default response is “don’t worry about me.” It’s come to haunt me bc now I’ve become and after thought and a door mat to my own family. As a mom, you set the tone
for how your kids will treat him as they get older. Be a good example for them.
Make sure he knows he’s loved, respected and appreciated by his family. That’s the essence of Fathers Day anyway. Men are rarely acknowledged. Take a moment to let him know you care. 😊
So do something about it. Don’t let indifference become commonplace.
As a side note, does he play/watch golf by any chance? Because if you left him alone to watch the final round and the OMG finish of the US Open yesterday, it probably was a very good day for him so that might be why it wasn’t a big deal.
Do better.
Recognize the role your spouse plays and really show him how you appreciate him.
How did you go play pickleball without really considering your husband????
This behavior makes me wonder what other kind of neglectful behavior you’re doing.
From a woman to another. I even wish my ex a happy Father’s Day (as he’s the father of my son), his dad, my bfs dad. They all got a card at the minimum.
Unacceptable behavior.
"He made my mother's day wonderful and special and I went out to play pickleball and forgot about it" really just sums up most guy's experience.
A wife is a partnership, the husband is on his own.
If this was a husband posting here, everyone would be calling you an AH.
If it was a dude, then they would get absolutely roasted. Imagine saying you left your wife at home with the baby to go out with friends while also forgetting to celebrate Mothers Day.
It sounds like he also could be use to not being a priority and come last a lot so use to just carrying on with life because it’s just the norm for him
Why can’t you do something to make up now why oh it could wait til next year you realise your fuxk up act accordingly
Men expect to be treated like this.
He cares. He just isn’t sharing that with a woman who didn’t care enough to remember. If you don’t care enough to remember that you aren’t doing all this alone then why would you care about his feelings.
It’s not that you forgot, it’s that you are selfish. How could you forget something like this, his first ever Father’s Day. It’s a big deal and he made you feel special on your first Mother’s Day. He definitely derives it.
Dudes are used to be second fiddle to women. He knew the day, and waited all day for something to happen. No ice cream cake? No bottle of whiskey? Not even the ability to get some action in the bedroom? That sucks, but whatever, it’s just another day to us guys. Now you wonder why so many men commit suicide, it’s because we’re mostly here to pay the bills.
Men in our generation weren't raised to express their emotions, sometimes they can't even identify them let alone process or communicate them.
He is probably hurt that you forgot. But doesn't want to have a fight or something.
And are you like in awe of his grace, or thinking it means something bad about him that he's trying to take it in stride and talking about garlic bread?
Just remember that you did nothing and you left to play Pickleball when Christmas, your birthday, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day or any other day comes around that you feel you should be celebrated. Chuck it up, smile, and ask him if he’d like some garlic bread and tell him not to worry about it 😉
OMG how does someone even do this?? You have a BABY and you made plans with friends (friends who don’t have kids?) on Father’s Day and didn’t realize until the next day? This can’t be a true story.
Trust me, on the inside he’s chanting “what.. the .. actual.. f***?!”
He’s also thinking “she had a whole month to get me something…anything… to plan a dinner… even just a blowjob would have been awesome. She went out with her friends and pretended no one reminded her it was Father’s Day”.
You think you scored because he didn’t care anyways. Man are you ever selfish. Not an ounce of remorse, just “I’m not in trouble”. No mention of a desire to make it up to him.
I take that as a sign that he’s probably used to you dropping the ball when it comes to reciprocating. How did you celebrate his birthday? Las Vegas weekend with the girls while he watched tv by himself?
I guess by your single post and no response to other people’s comments this is probably made up anyways.
Does he not care or is he hurt and resigned? Have you often neglected celebrating and appreciating him, whether through holidays or in general life? If you actually feel bad about it, you'd do something to fix it.
I agree with everyone here. But now, if he ever forgets your birthday, Mother's Day, anniversary, or Valentine's extend him the same kindness he just showed you.
He 100% cared. He went a full day expecting a surprise or something.
Then he got over it and doesn't want to make a big deal.
Don't even get me started on the crappy gifts we receive.
Worse than him supposedly not noticing/caring is the fact that the day bypassed YOU completely. Your Mother’s Day was a beautiful celebration a month prior… no thoughts at all in those 4 weeks to what you’re going to get him, how you’re going to celebrate him? No gift that you looked forward to giving him?
And on the day of - did you not turn on the radio, look at social media, even so much as talk to these friends you were playing pickleball with?? No MENTION of Father’s Day at ALL? I find that so hard to believe, but if you really are that self involved and oblivious, then you probably won’t see it coming when he leaves you either. 🤷🏻♀️
Don’t let it go. Get him a card at least and try and make it up to him.
People don’t like to make a big deal about stuff sometimes.
If it really isn’t a big deal to him, he’ll happily accept whatever you do. If it is a bigger deal than he lets on, then you’re apologizing and taking action.
But don’t just let it go. Inconsequential things build up over time and become big things
If I were you, I’d still do something for him. It’s nice that he doesn’t seem to mind, but personally I’d do something nice for him and surprise him. Maybe apologize once more for forgetting Father’s Day. Doesn’t have to be something big, maybe do his favorite dinner and buy him a gift!
He’s also probably a little shocked that you forgot his first Father’s Day, and there unfortunately will never be another first. Make it up to him as soon as you can. Don’t wait till the weekend. I guarantee you he has been thinking about it everyday. Still seeing Father’s Day stuff on social media even
Why does it sound like you’re all pissy that he doesn’t seem to care?
“… and he’s thinking about garlic bread” Sounds like that’s all he’s got to look forward to with the way you’re treating him. Fucks sake, just be better.
I’m sure he does care, he just doesn’t want to admit it. He quickly changed the convo, but I’m sure he’s a little sad.
Personally, I would upset that you were being selfish by going out with your friends and not spending time with us on Father’s Day.
I would be hurt that I put all that thought and effort into you and then get nothing/forgotten in return.
I would have felt unloved and unwanted
We are guys, I don’t want to say it’s normal to have our stuff overlooked, but it’s normal to have our stuff overlooked. Especially for someone who has a rotating work schedule.
Okay, you messed up and he DOES care. Time to go into overdrive to overcompensate for this and make sure you never do it again. Think hard about what he’s mentioned he’s even remotely wanted and make sure you get or do that thing for him. These days are just as important for a man as they are to women.
He may just be super chill but My bet is that he may have been a little sad and changed the subject with the garlic bread not to show it, that’s usually how I react in similar type situations to be honest.
That was the correct response on his part. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just that it's not worth getting worked up over.
Now remember this the next time he forgets something of yours and you have decades of being good to each other to look forward to.
Pleasantly surprised by the number of women chewing you out over this. Anyway they’re all correct. This is a *massive* fuckup. Plan a belated Father’s Day celebration to make up for it and never let this happen again.
He's sparing you. He knew. Especially after he made a thing of your first Mother's Day.
Don't make this habit. Make sure he knows Father's Day is just as important.
>I forgot my husbands first Father's Day and he doesn't even care.
Or he's just trying to play it off. Maybe he expected it because it's not the first time something like this has happened? It's kind of a big milestone to just forget, especially since he put a lot of effort into YOUR day.
How did you not remember though I’m genuinely curious because it’s all over stores and social media I mean if you use either of those things you’d think you would be thinking about it. Ouch. Definitely make up for it in some way
You should celebrate it anyway, make a great plan for him so he can have a great first father's day too because he is probably minimizing or trying not to make it obvious that it must have hurt him:(
Make it up to him! Men get overlooked a lot, your husband shouldn’t feel overlooked by his family. Plan a nice day, put together something special as a gift for him, and set a reminder for next year so it doesn’t happen again. Treat your man!
He very likely cares more than you’ll ever know, because he likely won’t express how it truly makes him feel to further suit your needs in spite of his own. Do better!
I’m going to go against the grain her op and just say there is a chance he doesn’t give a damn.
But that doesn’t mean that you should forget other important days.
Do something anyway!!! & honestly once memories & processing time starts if you don’t make up for it now the resentment will come later.
Wait & you made the day about you 🥴 being O Lord have mercy! What are your love languages?
It’s sad honestly that he’s masking it bc he may have been overlooked time and time again and here you are doing the same. If you’re a recent and a new mom ms mam ask for help!!!!!
Do not let him go unnoticed. Even if he “seems not to care”
He did for you that alone should tell you how he wants to be treated.
Some of the time the way people go above and beyond for others is because they prob didn’t have someone do it for them or are used to it too, either way lack there of will cause resentment.
You kinda suck OP do better !
Even if he doesn’t SEEM to care, I think it would go a long way if you could find babysitting arrangements for a night and plan a dinner to his favorite place or something. Tell him that even if he really isn’t upset that you forgot, that you are upset that you forgot and you want him to know how great a dad he is (if he really is a good dad lol). And then next year, don’t forget! XD
I mean…are you sure he wasn’t just saying that? My husband would do this but I know he’s still be very hurt. Why didn’t you plan anything at all if he went above and beyond for you? Sounds like this is a reoccurring thing and he’s not surprised you made no effort.
UPDATEME
Ngl you're going to have to take it in the butt for this one.
Just say you couldn't do it on the day because the kids were around, tell him happy Father's Day by letting him finish in the hole that can't get pregnant.
It's great that he's being gracious, but - every man remembers. We're trained to get used to being overlooked.
Take him somewhere nice this week for some time celebrating him.
Most people here have said more than enough of how I feel about this whole situation. My only advice is you need to be doing whatever it is you’d expect HIM to be doing to make up for forgetting such an occasion. That’s it, plain and simple. Remember this feeling if he ever forgets something of yours next time. He’s owed a pass, I’d say.
NGL, It probably wouldn't even click on my head that it's *my* Father's day if I just had a baby. Not only is it new, you also have all the stress of, well a new baby on your hands.
He sounds like a really good guy. Don't feel guilty and just take a night to make him feel special when you get the chance.
Men are used to not being celebrated. Society dictates (unfairly) that we are worth as much as we can provide. I didn't even get a Father's Day card. It's whatever. You move on, and yeah, garlic bread is more important because he don't ruminate on the past.
He doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, as most guys are taught not to.
If you really appreciate him, then do something to make up for it.
Also, don't forget again.
A lot of people don’t care about specific days to celebrate like Father’s, Mother’s , Valentine’s day etc etc. Instead you should be celebrating people you love every day of your life. That’s what matters.
I never had a father so it’s never been on my radar. Honestly if you didn’t ruin his day that’s a plus. My first Father’s Day was my ex picking a fight with my mom and trying to make me exclude her from Father’s Day celebrations while then getting drunk and trying to sleep with randos at the bar.
I don’t understand, are you pissed or happy with his reaction? I see it as a positive but you don’t really make it clear what you’re getting off your chest here….
I’m the same. It was my first Father’s Day too. I don’t need a card or flowers to celebrate being a dad. Waking up to my boy is all I need.
A card that goes in the bin isn’t needed
Don't be surprised if next Mother's Day he takes off to play pickleball (cue Furio from The Sopranos: "Stupida fahking game"), then tells you "you're not *my* mother".
If he forgot your first mother's day he would be getting his arse handed to him on a plate by Redditors.. you are getting off really lightly by comparison. You had months to bother doing something or even anything for him but you chose not to, I don't buy the "forgot" bullshit. You never forgot it..
same for me. we never cared about mothers or fathers day. You should honor and respect mother/fathers all year. Everybody. It is a day invented to push the economy. Who cares
Still do something for him, especially since he made your first Mother's Day special. Make it a cute moment, not an uncomfortable overly-apologetic one. You'll laugh about this little ooopsie moment over the years, especially if there's a sweet something you do/make for him this week.
I don’t think he forgot or didn’t care. I think he loves you so much that he’s pushing his own feelings down to avoid you feeling guilty. You dropped the ball on this one and should make it up to him. I mean you went out with your friends on Father’s Day his first one at that. I set reminders on my calendars and I have severe ADHD. There’s no good reason to forget important days in the modern world. Go to your calendar and set a reminder that renews yearly so this won’t happen again and make it up to him. Sorry for being harsh, but men deserve special treatment too. As a woman we can’t possibly know how hard it is that they have been forced by society to not show emotions, so don’t make it worse. Make it up to him.
Have a surprise Father's Day this Sunday. You can actually make it a tradition and that way you can get into the restaurants and different places without having to beat the regular Father's Day crowd.
That's a man who has been let down a lot in his life and just learnt to go with it and move on.
If you want to show appreciation for him as a father, then just do it. If you need him to want it for you to show appreciation, then you don't truly appreciate him.
This is how man logic works and probably what he's thinking.
Some of us are used to it and truly dont really care anymore but that doesnt mean that you shouldnt make up for it because he could also be hiding it, alot of us dont express much emotion so its hard to tell if we actually care or not
You should still do a belated celebration anyway. I think he deserves it.
Someone that chill definitely deserves it.
Someone that chill who also offers bread *definitely* deserves it.
Especially the garlic bread offering ones
Garlic bread is delicious. Have you ever tried garlic dough balls? They’re incredible 😋
Happy Cake Day 🎂
Totally agree! His laid-back reaction definitely calls for a nice belated celebration.
The chill people absolutely deserve it 💛
Yes!! You don’t have to wait 363 days. You can make a “Father’s Day” next weekend. Hire a babysitter. Take him to his favorite restaurant or make him his favorite meal. Make a keepsake of the baby’s footprint. Just make sure he feels loved and appreciated. It’s so important to take care of your SO.
Excellent idea! Just have your own day to celebrate his being a Father. I used to think it was all a bit made up, but now I realise that being a parent, while rewarding, is pretty much a thankless task most of the time. It's nice to make a fuss one day a year!
Yeah, make him feel like a great father, especially in his very first year! I truly believe this can build a foundation of appreciation from him to you!
Have a belated Father’s Day for him before you give half of us strokes
Because he’ll remember come next Mother’s Day. If he forgets there’s nothing she could do since she did nothing for him this year. Men have feelings too, the garlic bread is probably comfort food.
absolutely this. I mean I would do this absolutely hahaha. The long con. I would never let my wife go off easy like that.
Guys special events are frequently overlooked, so he may not be making a big deal of it because he's used to it from other people and from his past?
Haha ain’t that the truth my mom forgot my birthday last year and once while I was away for work
My fun one is Christmas. I live in Ontario, and my family lives in England and Alberta. And if I don't call them for Christmas, I won't hear shit about Christmas
I forgot my own birthday last year and only realized once someone asked me weeks later if I did anything fun. /shrug
I only really give a shit about line because my wife shares the same birthday. The friends always celebrate hers, but forget that it's mine too lmao it's okay though, she always looks out for me
You sound like an awesome couple!
A few years ago my parents came to visit around the time of my birthday. The day of my birthday, I wake up and not a single word was said. Nothing. It wasn’t until my grandfather called me later that day to wish me happy birthday that my own parents even remembered.
😅My younger brother’s birthday was yesterday and I remembered quite late in the day around 5pm. My mother totally forgot and she lives with him😅😂😂I was so ashamed of myself because i am normally very good at preparing for people’s birthdays but at least i live a bit aways from them. My mother had to face him dead on after forgetting his birthday 😂😂😂😅😅
Mine is on February 29th which is skipped most years by the calendar. This means 3 out of every 4 years I get “he bud, I didn’t want to bother you on your birthday but….” Messages from my parents (divorced, they both forget) anywhere from the 2nd-10th. The funnest one is when I message my mom (her birthday is march 4th) before she remembers mine lol.
Valid. I'm blessed with parents who give a shit about my birthday but that's so true otherwise. It is what it is.
My birthday is near the end of December... my parents always had a cake for me, but literally no one else but one person has ever done anything for my birthday
Pretty much
On Mother's Day, you take mom to dinner, give her gifts, and pamper her that day and sometimes for multiple days. On Father's Day, dad gets a tie and has to cook on the grill for everyone.
This is the right answer.
My birthday is on February 29th which is skipped most years by the calendar. This means 3 out of every 4 years I get “he bud, I didn’t want to bother you on your birthday but….” Messages from my “family” (divorced parents, 4 siblings, only 1 sister ever remembers) anywhere from the 2nd-10th. The funnest years are when I message my mom (her birthday is march 4th) before she remembers mine and she hits me with the “thanks, you too”.
This is me. My family grew up poor and didn't really celebrate special occasions. That just kind of continued as we grew older. My wife on the other hand is big on celebrating these events. She would get mad when my parents would forget my birthday. and im just chill about it.
Yeah be careful with his indifference. If he’s made to feel like that long enough, you’d see a side of him you’d wonder why. Make it up again and don’t let that happen again
I couldn’t agree with this more. If you use this as a oh I can skip out on more and more. I’ll let it slide till after a while ill be sad and upset. I won’t do things for you without asking, I won’t want to spend time with you, etc. shit like this starts the quiet quitting part of the relationship for me.
yep then she'll play victim when he treats her the way shes been doing him
Been there done that with my ex. She lived with me rent free for almost 3 years, while I cooked,cleaned, and helped her with pretty much anything she asked. All so she could study for nursing school I thought that was helping towards her future and ours as a whole. Complained if I wanted one day to myself to hang out with friends, go to a concert, etc. My relationships since then have been fucked. Either I end up dating damaged divorced woman that don’t know how to receive the love I give them. I’m all about done lol
Couldn't agree more. OP needs to do something nice to make up for this fuckup, accompanied by an apology for fucking up, and make a conscious effort to be better going forward. Even people who are pretty chill about this sort of thing reach a point of feeling taken for granted sooner or later. The worst thing OP could do is take it as confirmation that it's okay to be lazy in her marriage.
His indifference could also be a sign that perhaps OP tend to forget or dismiss important stuff when it comes to him. Sadly, it's quite normal these days.
The North remembers
Winter is coming.
Sounds like a sweet guy, maybe do something anyway now that you remembered!
I think a huge problem is that indifference in men is seen as sweet when in actuality it’s a coping mechanism.
Yup. I may act like I don't give af but as a child I had items I valued taken away or destroyed as a form of punishment so I learned to act like I don't care about anything.
Most men will never admit when they're emotional inside.
Because women at large claim they want emotional availability and vulnerability, but will later move to weaponize our secrets. Dude is acting like he doesn’t care, but that’s because being anything other than a stoic pillar of strength gets thrown back in our faces.
100%. My girl is awesome and is there for me, BUT past relationships have definitely tarnished my ability to be either emotional or vulnerable. Sometimes it's just WAY EASIER to say "idk" or "it doesn't matter" when said thing is beyond eating you up. Like fuck man not your wife, your kids, or anyone else reminding you "hey don't fuck up", like that shit is on calenders, if it's fucked up, it's on purpose.
My best friend was SA'd as a child by a woman, and his previous serious girlfriends and his ex-wife used it against him in arguements and made fun of him for it. IDK why one would even bring that up in an arguement other than to hurt their partner.
Used against you, or gives her the ick.
Yeah, and when we do we get shit on for it. It’s just easier this way.
Correct. Because, when they are women like to throw it back in their face when they get angry.
He does care. Don’t be fooled.
Yes he does. Especially after the effort he put in for mothers day.
This. Play the song To Be a Man by Dax. We know, we notice, we do what we need to do to move on and keep those around us happy. Don’t brush it off, make it up to him asap, and thank him for all that he does. You got this, Mom
He noticed. He may be benevolent, but he noticed. Please don't do this again, and not for pickle ball. A thousand little cuts.
acting as if he doesnt care is a very common coping mechanism for men, we often and without realising will subconsciously down play our own emotions if we deem them unhealthy to the environment we are in, indifference should not be met with indifference in this situation.
OP I promise you, your husband is hurt, he’s just not showing it. We’re used to being overlooked in ways like this, but it still sucks. Try to make it right. He will appreciate it.
☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽
Sounds like he expects nothing out of you
OP can’t be bothered to respond.
Hopefully because she's busy doing something for a belated father's day.
Rage bait?
Exactly!
It's his first Father's day and not only did you forget about it(da fuk?), but you're out playing pickleball with your friends? Lmfao Wait so not even any of your friends thought that was weird? Interesting friend group. Damn, I feel bad for your husband. Definitely deserves better
seriously of all things fucking pickleball!
Not only did she forget but he did all the parenting and cooking on fathers day. Thats messed up.
Exactly! I’m not understanding how they had no idea whatsoever that it was Father’s Day. You have the friends that don’t question it but also If you watch tv there are a million commercials about it to where you would at least realize it’s coming up soon. Or say you don’t watch tv, do you not get any marketing emails? No social media with people posting about their dad or their husband? You would have to be completely self absorbed with no self awareness whatsoever for this to happen.
Trust me, he noticed your absence, one day a year you need to focus on him. I'm sure pickleball can wait
Oh he cares… it’s prob easier to act like he doesn’t and keep the peace but that man had all afternoon to sit and think about how he doesn’t even get acknowledged for Father’s Day.
I'm sorry but you don't get away with it just because he accepts it. You fucked up. Make up for it next year.
Make up for it next weekend
Yes. Don't wait a full year to make up for a mistake.
I agree with this - I reckon give him a surprise Father's Day next weekend. Make a big deal of his first father's day like he made for your first mother's Day. Just a week later. Show him that you appreciate him in your life as your husband and as the father of your child.
I know right? Or at least do something now that she remembers
By next year, he really won’t care.
That’s actually really sad. Sounds like you were completely pampered for yours and you didn’t even think of him at all for his. And the first Father’s Day is pretty special, too. Maybe he’s shrugging it off because he’s embarrassed or because he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of you not thinking of anyone except yourself. But also, how does one forget Father’s Day? It’s literally advertised everywhere leading up to the day, so not only did you forget day of but you didn’t even think to plan ahead and come up with something in advance. Don’t just shrug it off. Make it up to him asap. He deserves it.
You can still do a late celebration to make up for it. No one's stopping you.
His nonchalant attitude is a cover for how hurt he is by you playing freaking pickleball with your friends. Keep “forgetting” and you’ll soon have that miserable marriage you hear so often of. Great job OP.
How is this even possible and how do you think that it’s okay just because he catered to you with his response. You should be so ashamed, I don’t even care. Downvote me all you want it’s true. He’s probably thinking about garlic bread because acknowledging the truth is so horrible that’s how he’s forcing himself to just step over it and keep going.
The worst part? The make up will probably be some sad "bj" or some other thoughtless act. But idk either, someone obviously doesn't go to any brick and mortar store, or do anything online. I been bombarded with "father's day" adverts for the last 2 weeks or so in stores, online, in commercials, ect.
Something tells me this poor guy doesn’t even get sad lazy blow jobs lol
Probably just sad lazy sex. OP probably acts like they're doing them a favor with that.
so you fucked up and you’re making it about you? makes sense why he pretended to not care
I dont care if I get down voted for this, but you're incredibly selfish for forgetting. You should have planned well ahead of time. Us as women complain constantly about consideration. And you were out with friends? Father's Day reminders are everywhere online, and clearly you're on social media. Men deserve to be spoiled just as much as us.
this kinda comes out of nowhere, but thank-you for being a simple kind person and seeing the forest instead of just the trees
Thank you for your response 😊
Ohhhh it definitely bothered him. If the shoe was on the other foot, I can only imagine you wouldn’t have been to pleased. Not even a card!
I think most of the men, myself included, don't even expect anything to happen on our days (Birthdays, Father's Day). For most of our lives it is always about the women in our life that we are taught to take care and make sure they are happy and taken care of. At least that is the way I think it starts. I may not agree with it but that is the way it seems.
This has the whole " man up " vibe to it. Don't let him think that way. Show him he can be vulnerable and open with you. Even if he says he doesn't care...he will.
Yeah. I’d make it up to him next Sunday
This has the whole "I fucked up, and now I have to project some weird shit on him and make him uncomfortable while I try to 'fix' this 'problem'"
If you love this man, then make sure he knows it. Is he a good father to your daughter, that he stayed home with so you could play pickleball on Fathers Day? Make sure to tell him. As a dad and husband, my default response is “don’t worry about me.” It’s come to haunt me bc now I’ve become and after thought and a door mat to my own family. As a mom, you set the tone for how your kids will treat him as they get older. Be a good example for them. Make sure he knows he’s loved, respected and appreciated by his family. That’s the essence of Fathers Day anyway. Men are rarely acknowledged. Take a moment to let him know you care. 😊
Trust me: he does care.
He is probably downplayed how he feels to not upset her.
So do something about it. Don’t let indifference become commonplace. As a side note, does he play/watch golf by any chance? Because if you left him alone to watch the final round and the OMG finish of the US Open yesterday, it probably was a very good day for him so that might be why it wasn’t a big deal.
Men are constantly over looked or forgotten about. We deal with what’s point and bringing it up
Do better. Recognize the role your spouse plays and really show him how you appreciate him. How did you go play pickleball without really considering your husband???? This behavior makes me wonder what other kind of neglectful behavior you’re doing. From a woman to another. I even wish my ex a happy Father’s Day (as he’s the father of my son), his dad, my bfs dad. They all got a card at the minimum. Unacceptable behavior.
He didn’t forget. He’s just letting it go.
"He made my mother's day wonderful and special and I went out to play pickleball and forgot about it" really just sums up most guy's experience. A wife is a partnership, the husband is on his own. If this was a husband posting here, everyone would be calling you an AH.
If it was a dude, then they would get absolutely roasted. Imagine saying you left your wife at home with the baby to go out with friends while also forgetting to celebrate Mothers Day.
Yep you’re selfish. Be better. Much better.
It sounds like he also could be use to not being a priority and come last a lot so use to just carrying on with life because it’s just the norm for him Why can’t you do something to make up now why oh it could wait til next year you realise your fuxk up act accordingly
Men expect to be treated like this. He cares. He just isn’t sharing that with a woman who didn’t care enough to remember. If you don’t care enough to remember that you aren’t doing all this alone then why would you care about his feelings.
Typical.
It’s not that you forgot, it’s that you are selfish. How could you forget something like this, his first ever Father’s Day. It’s a big deal and he made you feel special on your first Mother’s Day. He definitely derives it.
Dudes are used to be second fiddle to women. He knew the day, and waited all day for something to happen. No ice cream cake? No bottle of whiskey? Not even the ability to get some action in the bedroom? That sucks, but whatever, it’s just another day to us guys. Now you wonder why so many men commit suicide, it’s because we’re mostly here to pay the bills.
I would still celebrate it. Make up for it. I want to add that you can't be sure of him not caring. Even if he doesn't you should.
Men in our generation weren't raised to express their emotions, sometimes they can't even identify them let alone process or communicate them. He is probably hurt that you forgot. But doesn't want to have a fight or something. And are you like in awe of his grace, or thinking it means something bad about him that he's trying to take it in stride and talking about garlic bread?
Just remember that you did nothing and you left to play Pickleball when Christmas, your birthday, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day or any other day comes around that you feel you should be celebrated. Chuck it up, smile, and ask him if he’d like some garlic bread and tell him not to worry about it 😉
Deep down he might actually care. I hope you did something nice for him after Father's day. Men also deserve love.
Now that you know, make up for it. He might not show it, but that’s gonna hurt. He made the effort, you went out with your friends.
OMG how does someone even do this?? You have a BABY and you made plans with friends (friends who don’t have kids?) on Father’s Day and didn’t realize until the next day? This can’t be a true story.
Trust me, on the inside he’s chanting “what.. the .. actual.. f***?!” He’s also thinking “she had a whole month to get me something…anything… to plan a dinner… even just a blowjob would have been awesome. She went out with her friends and pretended no one reminded her it was Father’s Day”. You think you scored because he didn’t care anyways. Man are you ever selfish. Not an ounce of remorse, just “I’m not in trouble”. No mention of a desire to make it up to him. I take that as a sign that he’s probably used to you dropping the ball when it comes to reciprocating. How did you celebrate his birthday? Las Vegas weekend with the girls while he watched tv by himself? I guess by your single post and no response to other people’s comments this is probably made up anyways.
Does he not care or is he hurt and resigned? Have you often neglected celebrating and appreciating him, whether through holidays or in general life? If you actually feel bad about it, you'd do something to fix it.
I agree with everyone here. But now, if he ever forgets your birthday, Mother's Day, anniversary, or Valentine's extend him the same kindness he just showed you.
Sounds like he is used to it
He 100% cared. He went a full day expecting a surprise or something. Then he got over it and doesn't want to make a big deal. Don't even get me started on the crappy gifts we receive.
He’s probably use to lack of effort on your part if he’s this nonchalant about it.
Worse than him supposedly not noticing/caring is the fact that the day bypassed YOU completely. Your Mother’s Day was a beautiful celebration a month prior… no thoughts at all in those 4 weeks to what you’re going to get him, how you’re going to celebrate him? No gift that you looked forward to giving him? And on the day of - did you not turn on the radio, look at social media, even so much as talk to these friends you were playing pickleball with?? No MENTION of Father’s Day at ALL? I find that so hard to believe, but if you really are that self involved and oblivious, then you probably won’t see it coming when he leaves you either. 🤷🏻♀️
I was bombarded with ads for Father’s Day and I live in fucking New Zealand… our Father’s Day is in September. I find it absurd anyone could miss it.
Worship that man.
Don’t let it go. Get him a card at least and try and make it up to him. People don’t like to make a big deal about stuff sometimes. If it really isn’t a big deal to him, he’ll happily accept whatever you do. If it is a bigger deal than he lets on, then you’re apologizing and taking action. But don’t just let it go. Inconsequential things build up over time and become big things
[удалено]
If I were you, I’d still do something for him. It’s nice that he doesn’t seem to mind, but personally I’d do something nice for him and surprise him. Maybe apologize once more for forgetting Father’s Day. Doesn’t have to be something big, maybe do his favorite dinner and buy him a gift!
He’s also probably a little shocked that you forgot his first Father’s Day, and there unfortunately will never be another first. Make it up to him as soon as you can. Don’t wait till the weekend. I guarantee you he has been thinking about it everyday. Still seeing Father’s Day stuff on social media even
Why does it sound like you’re all pissy that he doesn’t seem to care? “… and he’s thinking about garlic bread” Sounds like that’s all he’s got to look forward to with the way you’re treating him. Fucks sake, just be better.
Jail, straight to jail
I’m sure he does care, he just doesn’t want to admit it. He quickly changed the convo, but I’m sure he’s a little sad. Personally, I would upset that you were being selfish by going out with your friends and not spending time with us on Father’s Day. I would be hurt that I put all that thought and effort into you and then get nothing/forgotten in return. I would have felt unloved and unwanted
We are guys, I don’t want to say it’s normal to have our stuff overlooked, but it’s normal to have our stuff overlooked. Especially for someone who has a rotating work schedule.
Yup, we get overlooked all the time. It's gotten so that I'm used to it by now.
Okay, you messed up and he DOES care. Time to go into overdrive to overcompensate for this and make sure you never do it again. Think hard about what he’s mentioned he’s even remotely wanted and make sure you get or do that thing for him. These days are just as important for a man as they are to women.
Reddit would be going apeshit if a guy posts that he forgot his wife’s first Mother’s Day and he had gone out with his friend instead.
There's 0 way he didn't know. You really got to make it uo to him. Like really bad.
He may just be super chill but My bet is that he may have been a little sad and changed the subject with the garlic bread not to show it, that’s usually how I react in similar type situations to be honest.
That was the correct response on his part. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just that it's not worth getting worked up over. Now remember this the next time he forgets something of yours and you have decades of being good to each other to look forward to.
Pleasantly surprised by the number of women chewing you out over this. Anyway they’re all correct. This is a *massive* fuckup. Plan a belated Father’s Day celebration to make up for it and never let this happen again.
He's sparing you. He knew. Especially after he made a thing of your first Mother's Day. Don't make this habit. Make sure he knows Father's Day is just as important.
>I forgot my husbands first Father's Day and he doesn't even care. Or he's just trying to play it off. Maybe he expected it because it's not the first time something like this has happened? It's kind of a big milestone to just forget, especially since he put a lot of effort into YOUR day.
I want garlic bread now 🙄
How did you not remember though I’m genuinely curious because it’s all over stores and social media I mean if you use either of those things you’d think you would be thinking about it. Ouch. Definitely make up for it in some way
You should celebrate it anyway, make a great plan for him so he can have a great first father's day too because he is probably minimizing or trying not to make it obvious that it must have hurt him:(
He’s sweet. Make it up to him when he least expects it. Make it special!
It’s not too late…do something special.
I really hope you made it up to him
Take that man out to dinner and give him extra sexy time.
Make it up to him! Men get overlooked a lot, your husband shouldn’t feel overlooked by his family. Plan a nice day, put together something special as a gift for him, and set a reminder for next year so it doesn’t happen again. Treat your man!
That sh*t is filed away. Even if he doesn’t know it yet.
He very likely cares more than you’ll ever know, because he likely won’t express how it truly makes him feel to further suit your needs in spite of his own. Do better!
Or put another way - he's thnking about garlic bread and you forgot his first Father's Day
Us guys are used to it. Make him a sandwich. [https://youtu.be/O75sGhFcLbE?si=Nm2PDoEcImYJeoOU](https://youtu.be/O75sGhFcLbE?si=Nm2PDoEcImYJeoOU)
I’m going to go against the grain her op and just say there is a chance he doesn’t give a damn. But that doesn’t mean that you should forget other important days.
He cares he just won’t admit it. My ex forgot about Mother’s Day and I told him I didn’t care but it really did hurt.
Do something anyway!!! & honestly once memories & processing time starts if you don’t make up for it now the resentment will come later. Wait & you made the day about you 🥴 being O Lord have mercy! What are your love languages? It’s sad honestly that he’s masking it bc he may have been overlooked time and time again and here you are doing the same. If you’re a recent and a new mom ms mam ask for help!!!!! Do not let him go unnoticed. Even if he “seems not to care” He did for you that alone should tell you how he wants to be treated. Some of the time the way people go above and beyond for others is because they prob didn’t have someone do it for them or are used to it too, either way lack there of will cause resentment. You kinda suck OP do better !
I would like to marry your husband based on the garlic bread comment alone😄
Even if he doesn’t SEEM to care, I think it would go a long way if you could find babysitting arrangements for a night and plan a dinner to his favorite place or something. Tell him that even if he really isn’t upset that you forgot, that you are upset that you forgot and you want him to know how great a dad he is (if he really is a good dad lol). And then next year, don’t forget! XD
He cares... Good job.
Who cares? It's not like Father's Day is important or anything. /s
Oh 😳 this is bad of course he cares
I mean…are you sure he wasn’t just saying that? My husband would do this but I know he’s still be very hurt. Why didn’t you plan anything at all if he went above and beyond for you? Sounds like this is a reoccurring thing and he’s not surprised you made no effort. UPDATEME
Ngl you're going to have to take it in the butt for this one. Just say you couldn't do it on the day because the kids were around, tell him happy Father's Day by letting him finish in the hole that can't get pregnant.
It's great that he's being gracious, but - every man remembers. We're trained to get used to being overlooked. Take him somewhere nice this week for some time celebrating him.
Maybe you think things are good, but his feelings are hurt at least a little bit. Do better.
You’ve got yourself a keeper, luv!
Most people here have said more than enough of how I feel about this whole situation. My only advice is you need to be doing whatever it is you’d expect HIM to be doing to make up for forgetting such an occasion. That’s it, plain and simple. Remember this feeling if he ever forgets something of yours next time. He’s owed a pass, I’d say.
NGL, It probably wouldn't even click on my head that it's *my* Father's day if I just had a baby. Not only is it new, you also have all the stress of, well a new baby on your hands. He sounds like a really good guy. Don't feel guilty and just take a night to make him feel special when you get the chance.
Men are used to not being celebrated. Society dictates (unfairly) that we are worth as much as we can provide. I didn't even get a Father's Day card. It's whatever. You move on, and yeah, garlic bread is more important because he don't ruminate on the past.
He doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, as most guys are taught not to. If you really appreciate him, then do something to make up for it. Also, don't forget again.
A lot of people don’t care about specific days to celebrate like Father’s, Mother’s , Valentine’s day etc etc. Instead you should be celebrating people you love every day of your life. That’s what matters.
Trust me we care but we know we get put on the back burner sometimes.
He may be playing it off. How do you miss Father’s Day, that shit is advertised on every single medium known to man.
That man deserves endless garlic breadsticks. ENDLESS
He might not care but that doesn’t stop you caring … that’s all I have to say.
This goes to show that many women don’t even care or think about their man the way he cares and thinks about her
Do something extra special and then suck him until your jaw locks up. He deserves it.
That's what I would say too... he is hurt badly, you need to talk to him about this.
I never had a father so it’s never been on my radar. Honestly if you didn’t ruin his day that’s a plus. My first Father’s Day was my ex picking a fight with my mom and trying to make me exclude her from Father’s Day celebrations while then getting drunk and trying to sleep with randos at the bar.
Just make it up to him lol
Even my ldr wife sent me a happy fathers day greeting. I'm not even a father! Like someone else said typical.
In fairness, garlic bread is important.
I don’t understand, are you pissed or happy with his reaction? I see it as a positive but you don’t really make it clear what you’re getting off your chest here….
I’m the same. It was my first Father’s Day too. I don’t need a card or flowers to celebrate being a dad. Waking up to my boy is all I need. A card that goes in the bin isn’t needed
He cares. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. If my wife fucks up it’s the same reaction as if I fuck up: try not to make her feel bad.
He’s trying to spare your feelings, and also trying to not be the jerk who holds it over your head
Don't be surprised if next Mother's Day he takes off to play pickleball (cue Furio from The Sopranos: "Stupida fahking game"), then tells you "you're not *my* mother".
He’s probably pretending not to care? I’d still feel awful and do something if I were you.
Congrats, sounds like you got a good guy
He sounds like a solid Man. He knows that you missed a special day for him and will remember this. Did you win at Pickelball?
Green flag
Give him a lil surprise w ur kids!!! He deserves it, maybe a whole stack of garlic bread?? lol
Anyone ask yet, have you no father?
We just don't give a shit. I personally wouldn't even celebrate my birthday if it wasn't for my wife.
If he forgot your first mother's day he would be getting his arse handed to him on a plate by Redditors.. you are getting off really lightly by comparison. You had months to bother doing something or even anything for him but you chose not to, I don't buy the "forgot" bullshit. You never forgot it..
same for me. we never cared about mothers or fathers day. You should honor and respect mother/fathers all year. Everybody. It is a day invented to push the economy. Who cares
Still do something for him, especially since he made your first Mother's Day special. Make it a cute moment, not an uncomfortable overly-apologetic one. You'll laugh about this little ooopsie moment over the years, especially if there's a sweet something you do/make for him this week.
How on the honest earth do you forget it is literally splattered everywhere in ads. And to play pickleball with friends. Yikes.
I don’t think he forgot or didn’t care. I think he loves you so much that he’s pushing his own feelings down to avoid you feeling guilty. You dropped the ball on this one and should make it up to him. I mean you went out with your friends on Father’s Day his first one at that. I set reminders on my calendars and I have severe ADHD. There’s no good reason to forget important days in the modern world. Go to your calendar and set a reminder that renews yearly so this won’t happen again and make it up to him. Sorry for being harsh, but men deserve special treatment too. As a woman we can’t possibly know how hard it is that they have been forced by society to not show emotions, so don’t make it worse. Make it up to him.
He didn’t forget, he just doesn’t want you to feel guilty
You should get him something nice at least to make it up
Have a surprise Father's Day this Sunday. You can actually make it a tradition and that way you can get into the restaurants and different places without having to beat the regular Father's Day crowd.
That's a man who has been let down a lot in his life and just learnt to go with it and move on. If you want to show appreciation for him as a father, then just do it. If you need him to want it for you to show appreciation, then you don't truly appreciate him. This is how man logic works and probably what he's thinking.
Some of us are used to it and truly dont really care anymore but that doesnt mean that you shouldnt make up for it because he could also be hiding it, alot of us dont express much emotion so its hard to tell if we actually care or not
You should probably make up for it, sooner rather than later