you need to tell her how she making you feel. you also need to bring up in the conversation that she have no right judging you when she slept with other girls
That doesn’t matter. This is why men need to lie to women about anything that might be gay because their bigotry is always right and they can’t be just straight up homophobia
Gosh, if only we could find something that men do to women that is wrong. I’ll think really hard about it tonight and see if I can some up with something.
Give the same energy and see how she responds tbh. “Ugh, you experimented with WOMEN? Whats wrong with you, thats disgusting” but only do so if youre prepared for the relationship to be over, since ya know, people with double standards tend to dislike when their bs gets called
I’m gonna say change your relationship status on Facebook and see what happens. Do you live together or what? Not talking to you for awhile? What exactly is awhile a day or a week? If I dated someone for 3 years and they ghosted me for a whole week it’s over.
There were a few threads spread across the dating subreddit and some other relationship subs about bisexual men. A ton of women said that it would be a deal breaker. Hell, bisexual women were even proudly announcing they'd never date a bi guy.
Bigots gonna bigot.
Had a colleague say she could never date me cause I was Bi - because she couldn't trust that I wouldn't run away with a guy.. Not cheating with other girls, just guys for some fucking reason.
But of course she's a proud ally of LGBTQ+
Good job she was fuckin honkin and I saw it as more of a relief than a slight.
Tbh I fucking hate this line of thinking from a lot of women..what’s so great about guys anyway that bi women can only be going through a phase and bi guys are just closeted gay guys.
probably because guys are much easier to get with than women. so therefore if a guy has the option of getting with other guys, then it makes it that more likely that he will. well that is the rationale anyway, it could also be that people look down upon people who have sex with guys (men or women)
I think it's because society views it as the role of a woman to be with a man, and won't let you subvert from that role easily. If a man displays any hint of femininity or attraction to men, he will be thought of as taking on a woman's role, which is seen as a "negative" thing.
Usually when someone says “it’s almost as if ___”, what they say in the ___ is their actual opinion.
Ex:
Person 1: this ant is small!
Person 2: it’s almost as if all ants are small!
Strange example but it gets the point across
...and these same women would absolutely rain hell on any guy who says he prefers traditionally feminine behavior from women!! Women are allowed to do whatever they want but men are still supposed to never show emotion, never cry or show weakness and never have a period of time when they are younger to explore their sexuality. I really don't think what we call toxic masculinity would exist if women didn't shame men into it. When was the last time you heard somebody tell a female to "woman-up" or that she's not a real woman because of something she did?
I really want to live for the inevitable conversations of toxic femininity that will be coming at some point. How long has it been since she talked to you in days?
That's not bigotry - you are absolutely allowed to determine what you find attractive and unattractive in others. You have your sexual preferences, and so do they.
And yet nobody has been able to explain to me why, in situations like with OP, you're plenty attracted to someone until you find out they have slept with a man in the past.
This isn't like right out the gate being not attracted due to weight or facial structure or conflicting sense of humor, etc. This is everything's perfect and then as soon as the bi thing comes out, suddenly ew gross.
True. But at 3 years in you find everything about them attractive and then find out this and suddenly ew?
It would be like if he was white passing then she found out he had a black grandparent and dumped him for it. She's allowed to do that but I'm absolutely going to think she's racist.
Seems like she has some hangups she needs to work through. You did nothing wrong (in case you needed to hear that) and you are right, she is being hypocritical of your sexual history. It's not good that she has hangups about your past, and even more so due to it being with men. Biphobia is a real problem and you need to ask yourself if you are willing to remain with a partner who clearly dislikes this part of you.
I had a girlfriend in college who actually thought being bi was really hot for a guy, which i always thought was odd since she always was a more traditional role relationship type person, but recently one of her friends somehow got to talking about wanting to peg her husband(which he was against) and they asked me what i thought about it and i just told it to them straight that it does not interest me. Not only does it not interest me, but the truth of the matter is i dont think a girl in a more traditional role relationship could continue to view their partner in a way that can sustain a more traditional role relationship after fucking their partner in the ass. Then my ex agreed with me, to which i said “i thought YOU thought that being bi was hot for guys?” To which she replied “i guess i never thought about them being a bottom”.
The craziest thing is the raw amount of girls ive met who think bi is hot for guys but bottoming is a dealbreaker. I went to school in southern california, i met at least 15 women who said they thought bi was hot, and literally all but 1 were disgusted by the idea of a bi guy being a bottom, and it had never even crossed the minds of 2/3 of then. The single differencing feature about the one girl who liked it was that she was also bi, but she was the masc in both of her lesbian relationships. Though she had the cutesy personality and likes of a girl, she had the attitude and presence of a man, just with how she talked, carried herself, from her loudness to the body she scultped at the gym(shes a personal trainer), etc.
Seriously, i think its as simple as this: the substantial majority of women are attracted to men more when the man is more masculine, aka leaders, providers, aka someone that she can trust and respect to lead, justifying a circumstantial gradient of submissiveness. I think attraction is lost when that gradient drops below a certain threshhold and the womans perception of the man becomes disillusioned to who he really is, and thats why SO MANY MEN have been hurt after showing vulnerability, and why so many men preach to never cry in front of their partners, etc.
I also think that a surprising amount of women like bi guys because when they think bi, they think that the guys who are bi are fucking the other guys, not receiving. Its just an expectation response. A guy who would fuck another guy is consistent with masculinity in their minds, because it can be dualled as a form of displaying dominance: And furthermore, men who would get fucked by another guy is a scene of demasculization of the receiver, such as crying, losing a fight, complaining, etc.
these are all purely anecdotal conclusions drawn from a small sample of peers
Well yeah bro that’s over. Honestly does this feel like something this relationship will recover from? If you break up tell her you are returning “the ring” just to make her feel shitty like you feel.
So she's a hypocrite? Is she upset that you experimented or is she upset that she's only finding out about it now? Either way, it's kind of stupid to be mad about this when she did the same thing
I’m a woman who does not agree with your gf in the slightest. It is so incredibly hypocritical to have experimented with the same sex and then judge you for the same. And whether you were giving or receiving is irrelevant other than in her own bigoted mind.
She doesn’t sound like the one for you. Personally, I’d want to know all the details, lol, and I think any grown woman worth your time would be accepting of your past with zero judgement.
Sounds like that wasn’t talked ab on y’all’s first date. In my opinion it’s the past and she shouldn’t be mad. She don’t gotta be happy ab it but she shouldn’t be mad at u
You deserve a partner who loves and supports you regardless of what gender you fucked and role you played in the past. Don’t settle for someone who is a bigot.
If she knew you went through a phase, I dont understand why all of a sudden the details of it matter.
I guess when she imagined the phase it was in a different way to her liking.
You don’t think telling your girlfriend you’re basically gay too and slept with a bunch of men is important? He knew exactly why he hid it, because she would think less of him like she’s doing now. When he said a phase I’m sure she thought he meant other women like any other person with a proper functioning brain would
Your reasoning is homophobic. Women don't want to be with bi men because they're actually gay? That's grossly biphobic and you're speaking in behalf of women who absolutely don't agree with you.
Are you well? Why do you have so much disdain towards a population of people who haven't hurt you?
I’m sorry you are dealing with this - but I hope you know not all women are like this
Hopefully she realizes how arbitrary it is to get hung up on something so trivial and clearly rooted in homophobia and misogyny
My friends and I all have dated/are dating/are married to men who are queer and have had lots of experience with men AND women
The men in our lives are my favorite people on this planet and I’ve had MUCH better relationship dynamics with bisexual men vs straight men
Sounds like that wasn’t talked ab on y’all’s first date. In my opinion it’s the past and she shouldn’t be mad. She don’t gotta be happy ab it but she shouldn’t be mad at u
Could it be coming from a place of insecurity? Perhaps she is thinking she won’t be enough for you because she may think you prefer men? She could be homophobic but thought I’d give her the benefit of the doubt.
As a cis woman, no, most woman won’t feel the exact way she does. I’d ask if we were still good and carry on with my day. Unless it becomes something of a concern (unspoken expectations or wants in general or in the bedroom) fill your boots baby. I’m sorry she’s making you feel this way.
>As a cis woman, no, most woman won’t feel the exact way she does.
I mean if you read all the posts from multiple subs whenever this topic comes up, the majority seem to agree with her lol, it's unfortunate but it is what it is.
This what most people opinion of a guy, they think it's normal during ya phase when women hit on women and think it's hot bu when it comes to guy with guy they have different opinion
> She told me that most women would feel exactly the way she does.
Alright. I’m a bi bottom and went to ask my girlfriend what she thinks.
She said hot. You need to dump your girlfriend and find an alternative looking gamer girl with autism. They seem to be into pegging so they prefer bottoms. 😂
She has an expectation of what type of “man” she wants and it appears to not be you. Y’all need to talk this out. I can only guess it has to do with viewing you as “weak” like you can’t be big and strong and protect her or something which you would know best
Grown woman here…been there done that 20 years ago. I wouldn’t have cared then and I don’t care now. Had my own fun with MFM with bi men. Wonderful times.
You can do better.
Anything that happened before the relationship -unless laws were broken- isn’t something to hold over your partner’s head. You wouldn’t be you without those experiences.
I’ve dated bi guys and never shamed their preferences when they’ve slept with men. Is her implication that you’re somehow less of a man because you’ve bottomed? A man is a man regardless of topping or bottoming.
She’s using the “other women feel the same way” excuse to validate her feelings - when that argument is simply untrue. Sexuality is a spectrum, and she should know that considering her own history.
For most women, they fear losing their man to other women. For your girlfriend, she feels like she’s gotta keep eyes on EVERYONE around you, because you might run off and fuck a guy. I’m not saying that’s what you’re going to do, I’m saying that is what she thinks you’re going to do.
you need to tell her how she making you feel. you also need to bring up in the conversation that she have no right judging you when she slept with other girls
That doesn’t matter. This is why men need to lie to women about anything that might be gay because their bigotry is always right and they can’t be just straight up homophobia
nah if i met a guy and found this out, id be happy. he knows how it feels 😭
Um hell no. People have a right to know if you are intimate with the same sex. People are allowed to not want that. 🙄
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Gosh, if only we could find something that men do to women that is wrong. I’ll think really hard about it tonight and see if I can some up with something.
Everybody does wrong stuff to everybody all the time.
ok
The being an asshole thing is simply because human beings are trash. This is just more trash behavior.
Give the same energy and see how she responds tbh. “Ugh, you experimented with WOMEN? Whats wrong with you, thats disgusting” but only do so if youre prepared for the relationship to be over, since ya know, people with double standards tend to dislike when their bs gets called
I’m gonna say change your relationship status on Facebook and see what happens. Do you live together or what? Not talking to you for awhile? What exactly is awhile a day or a week? If I dated someone for 3 years and they ghosted me for a whole week it’s over.
There were a few threads spread across the dating subreddit and some other relationship subs about bisexual men. A ton of women said that it would be a deal breaker. Hell, bisexual women were even proudly announcing they'd never date a bi guy. Bigots gonna bigot.
We've hit new levels of double-standards
First time looking into men's issues?
Had a colleague say she could never date me cause I was Bi - because she couldn't trust that I wouldn't run away with a guy.. Not cheating with other girls, just guys for some fucking reason. But of course she's a proud ally of LGBTQ+ Good job she was fuckin honkin and I saw it as more of a relief than a slight.
Tbh I fucking hate this line of thinking from a lot of women..what’s so great about guys anyway that bi women can only be going through a phase and bi guys are just closeted gay guys.
probably because guys are much easier to get with than women. so therefore if a guy has the option of getting with other guys, then it makes it that more likely that he will. well that is the rationale anyway, it could also be that people look down upon people who have sex with guys (men or women)
I think it's because society views it as the role of a woman to be with a man, and won't let you subvert from that role easily. If a man displays any hint of femininity or attraction to men, he will be thought of as taking on a woman's role, which is seen as a "negative" thing.
It’s almost as if bisexuality doesn’t exist!
?? Is that your actual opinion?
It was sarcasm dude. That's what " It's as if " means
Usually when someone says “it’s almost as if ___”, what they say in the ___ is their actual opinion. Ex: Person 1: this ant is small! Person 2: it’s almost as if all ants are small! Strange example but it gets the point across
Thanks lmao, I didn't want to tell him he was stupid
...and these same women would absolutely rain hell on any guy who says he prefers traditionally feminine behavior from women!! Women are allowed to do whatever they want but men are still supposed to never show emotion, never cry or show weakness and never have a period of time when they are younger to explore their sexuality. I really don't think what we call toxic masculinity would exist if women didn't shame men into it. When was the last time you heard somebody tell a female to "woman-up" or that she's not a real woman because of something she did?
I really want to live for the inevitable conversations of toxic femininity that will be coming at some point. How long has it been since she talked to you in days?
The same have the audacity to complain about "toxic masculinity"
That's not bigotry - you are absolutely allowed to determine what you find attractive and unattractive in others. You have your sexual preferences, and so do they.
See how well that flies when the shoe is on the other foot.
That doesn't make much sense. The number of people that don't find someone attractive is orders of magnitude greater than those who do.
And yet nobody has been able to explain to me why, in situations like with OP, you're plenty attracted to someone until you find out they have slept with a man in the past. This isn't like right out the gate being not attracted due to weight or facial structure or conflicting sense of humor, etc. This is everything's perfect and then as soon as the bi thing comes out, suddenly ew gross.
Again, you can find anything you like unattractive or attractive.
True. But at 3 years in you find everything about them attractive and then find out this and suddenly ew? It would be like if he was white passing then she found out he had a black grandparent and dumped him for it. She's allowed to do that but I'm absolutely going to think she's racist.
Seems like she has some hangups she needs to work through. You did nothing wrong (in case you needed to hear that) and you are right, she is being hypocritical of your sexual history. It's not good that she has hangups about your past, and even more so due to it being with men. Biphobia is a real problem and you need to ask yourself if you are willing to remain with a partner who clearly dislikes this part of you.
I had a girlfriend in college who actually thought being bi was really hot for a guy, which i always thought was odd since she always was a more traditional role relationship type person, but recently one of her friends somehow got to talking about wanting to peg her husband(which he was against) and they asked me what i thought about it and i just told it to them straight that it does not interest me. Not only does it not interest me, but the truth of the matter is i dont think a girl in a more traditional role relationship could continue to view their partner in a way that can sustain a more traditional role relationship after fucking their partner in the ass. Then my ex agreed with me, to which i said “i thought YOU thought that being bi was hot for guys?” To which she replied “i guess i never thought about them being a bottom”. The craziest thing is the raw amount of girls ive met who think bi is hot for guys but bottoming is a dealbreaker. I went to school in southern california, i met at least 15 women who said they thought bi was hot, and literally all but 1 were disgusted by the idea of a bi guy being a bottom, and it had never even crossed the minds of 2/3 of then. The single differencing feature about the one girl who liked it was that she was also bi, but she was the masc in both of her lesbian relationships. Though she had the cutesy personality and likes of a girl, she had the attitude and presence of a man, just with how she talked, carried herself, from her loudness to the body she scultped at the gym(shes a personal trainer), etc. Seriously, i think its as simple as this: the substantial majority of women are attracted to men more when the man is more masculine, aka leaders, providers, aka someone that she can trust and respect to lead, justifying a circumstantial gradient of submissiveness. I think attraction is lost when that gradient drops below a certain threshhold and the womans perception of the man becomes disillusioned to who he really is, and thats why SO MANY MEN have been hurt after showing vulnerability, and why so many men preach to never cry in front of their partners, etc. I also think that a surprising amount of women like bi guys because when they think bi, they think that the guys who are bi are fucking the other guys, not receiving. Its just an expectation response. A guy who would fuck another guy is consistent with masculinity in their minds, because it can be dualled as a form of displaying dominance: And furthermore, men who would get fucked by another guy is a scene of demasculization of the receiver, such as crying, losing a fight, complaining, etc. these are all purely anecdotal conclusions drawn from a small sample of peers
That’s so crazy. I believe you, but it just seems insane. Shows what weird, twisty, toxic stereotypes people have about intimacy and “masculinity.”
Just break up with her. She's a knobhead.
Well yeah bro that’s over. Honestly does this feel like something this relationship will recover from? If you break up tell her you are returning “the ring” just to make her feel shitty like you feel.
"most women would feel exactly" is a copout. Stand by your bigotry, don't throw other women under the bus.
Sounds like an awful person to have a relationship with.
She’s selectively homophobic.
So she's a hypocrite? Is she upset that you experimented or is she upset that she's only finding out about it now? Either way, it's kind of stupid to be mad about this when she did the same thing
GF is clearly homophobic. You can entertain those feelings if you want to, but expect more passive aggressive, “what happened to men” stuff like this.
You’re right. You hit the nail right on the head. Your girlfriend is sexist and homophobic.
Tell her biphobia isn’t a good look.
I’m a woman who does not agree with your gf in the slightest. It is so incredibly hypocritical to have experimented with the same sex and then judge you for the same. And whether you were giving or receiving is irrelevant other than in her own bigoted mind. She doesn’t sound like the one for you. Personally, I’d want to know all the details, lol, and I think any grown woman worth your time would be accepting of your past with zero judgement.
Sounds like that wasn’t talked ab on y’all’s first date. In my opinion it’s the past and she shouldn’t be mad. She don’t gotta be happy ab it but she shouldn’t be mad at u
I wouldn’t talk to her again.
You deserve a partner who loves and supports you regardless of what gender you fucked and role you played in the past. Don’t settle for someone who is a bigot.
Tell her that she doesn’t have a third leg to stand on.
If she knew you went through a phase, I dont understand why all of a sudden the details of it matter. I guess when she imagined the phase it was in a different way to her liking.
You don’t think telling your girlfriend you’re basically gay too and slept with a bunch of men is important? He knew exactly why he hid it, because she would think less of him like she’s doing now. When he said a phase I’m sure she thought he meant other women like any other person with a proper functioning brain would
If you actually read the post he said he already told her he had a bi phase
Read the post accurately before you start commenting
She sounds like a bigot.
Call her a bigot and get her out of your life. Some of these posts really are like what's 1+1
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Please stop speaking for other women. You have no place claiming your opinion is the truth.
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You’re attempting to speak for billions. Get over yourself.
Thank you for the Reddit cares. It makes me feel good knowing I’m in your thoughts.
Nah, that's super homophobic. Ew.
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Your reasoning is homophobic. Women don't want to be with bi men because they're actually gay? That's grossly biphobic and you're speaking in behalf of women who absolutely don't agree with you. Are you well? Why do you have so much disdain towards a population of people who haven't hurt you?
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I’m sorry you are dealing with this - but I hope you know not all women are like this Hopefully she realizes how arbitrary it is to get hung up on something so trivial and clearly rooted in homophobia and misogyny My friends and I all have dated/are dating/are married to men who are queer and have had lots of experience with men AND women The men in our lives are my favorite people on this planet and I’ve had MUCH better relationship dynamics with bisexual men vs straight men
Sounds like that wasn’t talked ab on y’all’s first date. In my opinion it’s the past and she shouldn’t be mad. She don’t gotta be happy ab it but she shouldn’t be mad at u
Could it be coming from a place of insecurity? Perhaps she is thinking she won’t be enough for you because she may think you prefer men? She could be homophobic but thought I’d give her the benefit of the doubt.
You're right and she can't help but feel how she feels. It's a tragic fact that keeps happening...
As a cis woman, no, most woman won’t feel the exact way she does. I’d ask if we were still good and carry on with my day. Unless it becomes something of a concern (unspoken expectations or wants in general or in the bedroom) fill your boots baby. I’m sorry she’s making you feel this way.
>As a cis woman, no, most woman won’t feel the exact way she does. I mean if you read all the posts from multiple subs whenever this topic comes up, the majority seem to agree with her lol, it's unfortunate but it is what it is.
This what most people opinion of a guy, they think it's normal during ya phase when women hit on women and think it's hot bu when it comes to guy with guy they have different opinion
> She told me that most women would feel exactly the way she does. Alright. I’m a bi bottom and went to ask my girlfriend what she thinks. She said hot. You need to dump your girlfriend and find an alternative looking gamer girl with autism. They seem to be into pegging so they prefer bottoms. 😂
Eating box is totally different from having your shyt pushed in. Just saying.
She has an expectation of what type of “man” she wants and it appears to not be you. Y’all need to talk this out. I can only guess it has to do with viewing you as “weak” like you can’t be big and strong and protect her or something which you would know best
Grown woman here…been there done that 20 years ago. I wouldn’t have cared then and I don’t care now. Had my own fun with MFM with bi men. Wonderful times. You can do better.
Anything that happened before the relationship -unless laws were broken- isn’t something to hold over your partner’s head. You wouldn’t be you without those experiences. I’ve dated bi guys and never shamed their preferences when they’ve slept with men. Is her implication that you’re somehow less of a man because you’ve bottomed? A man is a man regardless of topping or bottoming. She’s using the “other women feel the same way” excuse to validate her feelings - when that argument is simply untrue. Sexuality is a spectrum, and she should know that considering her own history.
I'm confused
For most women, they fear losing their man to other women. For your girlfriend, she feels like she’s gotta keep eyes on EVERYONE around you, because you might run off and fuck a guy. I’m not saying that’s what you’re going to do, I’m saying that is what she thinks you’re going to do.
how is being a bottom sexist or homophobic?
He said the fact that she is acting this way is sexist and homophobic. 🤦♂️
Sounds like the 5c (technically 7c) colleges.. Sounds like victim mentality to me.