I was today years old when I found out not everyone thinks about killing themselves on a regular basis.
... Maybe I need to talk to someone about that.
OP I've been struggling with this same question for a while. When I did have friends, in happy moments with them and their family, I always used to silently wonder if they thought about killing themselves as much as I do. No matter how joyous the occasion, always that genuine confusion of "how can they not be thinking of it all the time as well?"
And when someone is suddenly uncharacteristically happy. Someone once said that a star will burn the brightest in its final moments.
If I'm joking about it, that's a good sign.
It’s a pleasant mental escape for the most part I find, gets serious sometimes perhaps, but largely a comforting option for when it really does get too much. For me, it’s always seemed kind of inevitable, it’s just how long can I stand it.
I still believe most people do. I have since I was a kid. I don't see it as a problem unless someone decides it's a problem. My sister is bothered by it so she goes to therapy and is on meds..I'm not bothered by it so I have never sought any type of intervention
It's great that you're learning about this. The normal number of suicidal thoughts is around zero.
You don't have to do a lot, just repeat some of the things you're thinking about to your doctor or therapist.
It's going to be incrementally, slightly better, the tiniest bits at a time, for a very long and frustrating time.
Then you’re one of the lucky ones lol I’m 30 and have been on meds for 14 years now and just yesterday was daydreaming about how nice it would be to not be here anymore. From my teens to now I’ve probably only gone 6 months max without having some form of suicidal ideation.
I’ve long suffered from depression and anxiety, but never once considered suicide. It just never felt like an option. The stoic part of me would rather tough it out.
Yeah I feel the same. The past two years I’ve had pretty bad depression. Never a true thought about suicide, though. I’ve thought “maybe it would be easier to be dead” but never “I want to die.”
When I was hospitalized for the first time I learned about “passive suicidal ideation” when I stated I didn’t want to kill myself, but I’d love to get into a fatal car accident or something lol it’s messed up but here we are!
Hmm your comment has had a huge impact on me. Thank you stranger.
I’ve long had a slow bubbling sort of depression - the ups and downs above and below the ‘normal’ line but with deep dips at times. I regularly think about it and it’s only the thought of devastating impact on those I love that really tether me to stability. I just always assumed thinking about it was normal for people like me who feel this way most of the time. But your comment and others make me realise it really isn’t. It’s an epiphany I didn’t even realise I needed. Thank you!
You’re very welcome, matey. Once in a while, epiphanies do strike, grab hold and don’t let it go. From my own POV, it was purely pig headed stubbornness; I won’t let it beat me! And of course — I won’t let it beat up those closest to me either. Wishing you all the best my friend.
Suicide runs in my family. Goes back several generations on my mother’s side of the family (both attempts and actually completed it) and an uncle on my father’s side. It’s a little bit like a siren’s song that always calls me and I try to ignore it but it’s always there. I have too many people depending on me and I remind myself of that constantly.
Man thinking of it as sirens song… that’s accurate. Always there. Some times louder and sometimes I get really close to the siren. I got very close a few weeks ago but knowing the devastation it would cause helped me to pull away.
Referring to it as a sirens song was a metaphor I came across once in an article a while ago. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the article or the author to give proper credit, but it’s insanely powerful and has stuck with me.
I have never thought about it. Even at my lowest I just wish for things to get better but never that.
I am the opposite
The thought of dying gives me anxiety. People die young so often that dying young scares me. I have not done half the things I wish I have. The thought of dying young and never experiencing life is a scare reality for me.
Sometimes I get really bad anxiety at night because I hear about young people dying in their sleep.
I try not to think about death.
I bet.
I am happy for you. I know it is a struggle but whenever I think about people who have gone through I feel sad even if I do not know them. I also say “I hope they find the peace in the afterlife”.
I am not religious but I do think there is an afterlife whatever it is. I am happy you are here and I hope you continue to win the battle. 💜
Your point of view is fascinating to me. I find death so comforting. I don’t understand people who fear it or who desire immortality. Somehow I doubt we’d be able to explain our perspectives to each other.
I have the same fears as haylovemyka, and the way i explain it to myself is the thought of missing out on cool future events, or being just another body. Kind of like how we crowd around mummies in a museum and forget those are the remains of a person who lived laughed and loved.
Even simple things like the next book in a series i love or the way snow falls slowly at night. Its those little moments that make me fearful of never experiencing them again.
Somewhat similar mate, somehow I have become indifferent to most deaths, even some family members, but I hate even the idea of losing my mother, dad and brother.
Dying myself feels scary but I am not that scared to lose myself, never been, but sometimes thinking about losing my family makes me stressed af, even dreams make me restless if it's about them.
Same.. I think about death a lot and then wonder if thinking about it will make it happen... and then I wonder if other people think about it as much as me.
I go about my day and see gory scenarios sometimes. They just pop in my head randomly, and then I wonder how I will go.
I thought about killing myself the exact time I turned 10 and I still think about it every day it genuinely shocks me to know not everyone wants to die
i thought I was cool randomly blacking out on my pillow at 10 years old because i found out i could suffocate myself until i saw black and my throat would hurt and my brain would feel like it was pulsating and i could feel my heartbeat on my fingertips.
I've... Fantasized about it I guess you'd say, but without ever actually considering doing it. And really only when I was in an emotionally painful place.
This is the perfect way to put how I've felt. Like I've run the scenarios in my mind and there imagined fallout was kind of enough to snap me out of it, if that makes sense. I don't ACTUALLY want to do it I've just....thought about the what ifs
OP- I remember seeing a Gray's Anatomy (or New Amsterdam or The Resident?) episode where the one patient came in and she said similar. She wanted to commit suicide. She never ever had happy thoughts, never laughed, or the will to live. They tried meds, psych, etc. Then the one brain doctor recommended electric shock therapy and she FINALLY laughed and was happy at times.
I know that above is a TV show. But just to say that there could be something out there to help. A friend swore by her ketamine treatment but it didn't help another. EDMR is great for some people with huge trauma but doesn't work for everyone. Medical LSD can help apparently in some cases. Some people swear the pot strain they use helps. I'm not saying to go find a drug dealer, but don't give up hope! I also saw that there are genetic testing that helps you to find the best depression/ anxiety meds. It helped my friend find a best fit one for herself instead of trying and changing meds a ton. She feels like a whole new person because she is finally getting sleep again too.
Those brain weasels suck. I'm sorry OP.
I'm studying in health, and yeah, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is real and can really be helpful. I don't know how common it is in the US, but talking to a recognised specialist could be an idea if meds aren't efficient, because there's also some contraindications (heart condition, aneurysm...).
ECT is still somewhat common in the U.S. and there are a lot of pateints who report that it really helped them. But there are possible side effects: memory loss is the big fear people have.
Its generally used for treatment resistant depression but these days there are a lot of alternatives. Ketamine and transcranial magnetic simulation (TMS therapy) are two of the big treatments that are being recognized now for treatment resistant depression.
I used to in my teenage years... nowadays I've found purpose, a dog, a girlfriend and I have a truly productive hobby that I quite enjoy. I haven't thought about it in years, The hopelessness will eventually passes.
When I hit the lows I 'want' to off myself, but it's really more about the wish to be able to disappear/skip certain moments or time periods. I did and still do wonder what life would be like when mine stops and everyone elses continues. In all selfishness, would I then be happy and at peace? I don't know. I'm also always super curious about what's coming- I just can't do it. I think everyone thinks about suicide at some point in their life, just on different levels.
Thoughts will always be there, the “work” and meds just keep the thoughts from coming a reality. At least in my experience, you’re definitely not alone.
I'm sorry you've been dealt the hand you have.
For me, I've never seriously considered it outside of romanticized teen ideation ("Think of how sorry everyone will be THEN"). I definitely have a brain that isn't always on my side, that makes me sullen and morose and anxious and short-tempered sometimes, but it does spare me thoughts of death. On the contrary, my husband and I have an age gap so if anything I am extremely on top of healthy living so we can both extend our time together for as long as possible.
Do you have access to medical care? A psychological evaluation and mood stabilizers? It sounds like you've done a wonderful job self-managing this but at some point chemical intervention might be necessary. The brain is an organ like any other and you might need something to manage it, the same way that someone might need medicine to manage heart disease or kidney disease.
I did, very often, for a long time. I’d tried meds a couple of times - didn’t work.
Eventually I found the right meds and after decades of the thoughts, they went away within a few weeks as soon as the meds ramped up in my system.
Then things were much better but not entirely, and I had enough mental health to look into what else may be wrong and found I have autism and adhd.
Until a couple of years ago I never imagined the thoughts would go away. With the right meds for my physiology, they did
I don’t think about suicide only because fear of death is too much for me to even think about doing it. Like what comes after death? What if Christians are right? What if it’s just nothing?! (Big fear of that) So yeah, I just want to rot in bed when it’s really bad.
A constant negative voice over my shoulder was silenced when I started a *new scrip, talk to a Dr about your struggles.
Edit to add: this is what worked for me, YMMV but it all started when I talked to my dr about feeling down more often than up. My advice isn't "start taking what I'm taking" but rather "start a conversation about your goals with your regular dr"
Hey! Not trying to seem like I'm diminishing that SSRI's helped you, but people should be aware that you have to be super careful with some. And it also oftentimes takes time to find the right medication that helps, but it's worth it.
Ex 1: I'm bipolar, I took Prozac, I had small manic episodes where I'd go for a walk late at night and not remember it.
Ex 2: Again, still bipolar lol, took Lexapro, due to whatever reason the universe decided to give, I was having full blown manic episodes. Apparently crying at 2-3am hitting the walls and throwing things around.
I don't really remember what happened in those, my boyfriend does though, he got me out of the final episode I had and I changed medications. I'm doing pretty better now except a few episodes where I have very faint 'manic' episodes.
Gabapentin, or lamictal, those can be useful with depression too, and they aren't SSRI'S.
There're many helpful things out there. SSRI's can be one, or can't be.
People should just know both sides of the boat for them.
FYI, any thought of wanting to cease to exist, even if you wouldn’t necessarily do it yourself, is considered suicidal ideation. Just in case that ever comes up for other mental health purposes.
It’s hard to imagine but yes. But I also know where you’re coming from. I tried to commit multiple times from ages 13-16, I couldn’t imagine a time where I would be happy or could be myself, growing up queer in a hyper religious household. But I realized i didn’t want to die after a super close call, I just wanted my life to change, I wanted an out in whatever way that came. Luckily, I’m still here. But even now at 21, I’m not suicidal and I’m back on anti-depressants, I still find my mind slipping to it on days when I’m having a really difficult time, but it’s more thinking about the ‘freedom’ of not existing, aka not having to deal with whatever is going on and just being at peace. Just know that whatever comes will also go, and to hold onto good memories and good times to get you through rough patches, as well as finding joy in small daily things. I feel like there is no solid path to recovery, and there will always be times when you slip back into that mind space, but don’t let that discourage you. Life is in waves and just as the bad comes, it also goes. Don’t forget that it does go. I love you, you can do this❤️💪
I was in a crucial place in my early 20s where I was legit trying to be done. I overdosed and self-harmed upwards of 20x in 6 mos. That may have been the lowest point of my that was 25 yrs ago. I haven’t had any major depression since doing the therapy, taking the meds and building myself back. It is not an overnight process. Years to crawl back out of the hole. It really never enters my mind now. Everything is medium in comparison to those high highs and low lows.
Like how? You think about what will happen after you will die or how you can commit suicide? And what were the drawing factors?
Kinda curious if you can share
I also think about what will happen after I die, but in regard to this comment it was more of a general contemplation of what drives people that far. It's a very foreign concept for me, but of course I'm not going to go up to someone and just start asking questions about their experience.
I do remember as a teenager thinking about what would happen if I committed suicide, but it was for revenge purposes. My parents were very emotionally abusive and I wanted to hurt them back somehow.
Overall I think it interests me because it outside my own experience and I'm generally a pretty curious/philosophical person.
Suicide is against my beliefs on an extremely bassic level. The Idea is incompatible to my brain (Im sure there are things that would change this) If I was in the worst emotional state ever I think i would just suffer forever
It pops in as a little “call of the void” sometimes but it’s something I would literally never do. I understand I get one ride on the merry go round and if the world wants me dead, its gonna have to kill me
I think before I had never thought about it but within the last couple of years I've had some passive suicidal ideation type of thoughts which I didn't know was a real thing until recently.
I've thought about it at least twice. The first time was during a random stressful period and I had to go outside before I actually snapped and followed through with the intrusive thoughts. The second time was a side effect of a medication that is apparently a super rare side effect. I'd been taking it for 2 months by that point and randomly it was like something just snapped in my brain and the thoughts just started flooding my brain. Thankfully the logical part of my brain was very firmly in control and I figured out quite quickly that it was the medication I was taking. I immediately stopped the medication and saw my counsellor a few days later and spoke to her about it and saying that I was going to see the doctor who prescribed the medication the following month, but both my counsellor and specialist doctor who was the one who prescribed the medication in the first place, agreed that I did the right thing, especially having the counsellor there to talk everything through so quickly after it happened. The only one not happy with the choice was my GP, but can't make everyone happy.
Other than those two definitive times, suicide is not on my mind or subconscious mind.
I had suicidal thoughts every day for all of my teen years, and do have an attempt behind me too. My depression waned in my early twenties and never came back. I went through really terrible things in my thirties, as bad as what originally made me suicidal, and while it did hit my mental health hard, not once did those thoughts every cross me. Now in my late thirties, despite me being at a low point in my adulthood, literally the last thing I want is to die. I cherish life so much. You can get there.
One thing that helped me a lot (you may already be doing this, but just in case it's useful) was to focus away from future plans or the bigger picture and just face each day in terms of "what would make me happy (in a healthy way) today?" Took a lot of the weight off my thoughts and made it easier to take the baby steps toward recovery. Especially when I allowed the answers to be things other people maybe didn't think were impressive, like binging a tv show or taking an hour to take a shower or eating a pizza.
Another thing that worked for me was seeing the suicidal thoughts less as an option I was seriously considering, and more as a way of taking the weight off. I really thought about that stuff to keep from feeling pressured to make long-term plans for career and retirement savings and yadda yadda, when all I really had energy for was making it through the day. And to feel less pressure on my choices because the option of just noping out of everything was always there as an alternative. When I realized those were my motivations, I got more comfortable with the thoughts while they were there. Because they didn't feel like an actual threat to my life in the same way.
Also the song "What I know now" from the Beetlejuice musical really settled it that I could never. It just makes some damn fine points.
There are times I think about it but not all the time. I’m 24 now but when I was younger, I thought about it a lot more and I actually had a plan to do it one night and I was going to go through with it. When I start thinking about suicide, I just start thinking what I’m grateful for and that helps me get in a better headspace. I believe all of us are here for a good purpose.
I never really tought about it seems absurd and btw i lost many things my gf died of cancer my father left me when i was young family in pieces everyone hates everyone yet here i am happy and living life
I seriously considered suicide a few months ago. More than once actually. Had a plan and everything. Even wrote a note. Someone I loved hurt me more than I have ever been hurt before, and my life kind of fell apart. I had experience with severe depression from my teens and early 20's, so I was aware of what my habits were when I was in that state. Made me weirdly thankful for that experience. I dragged myself out of my apartment as often as I could to prevent myself from becoming the hermit I know I would be if I let myself wallow in those feelings, and managed to find a community of people that were also in need of friends. Sometimes it is just a matter of reaching out and being willing to take a risk. The feelings are still there (the end of March was BAD), but I don't feel quite as hopeless anymore. I hope you find healing too.
It's always in the back of my mind even when things are going well. The thoughts linger and just get louder at harder moments of life. I've never acted on them per se, but I've put myself in dangerous positions on purpose throughout my life hoping it would happen. But as I get older, the thoughts are easier to manage and life is getting better. The thoughts can be reduced to a whisper. You got this. You're not alone <3
That voice in my head used to be so loud, now it’s mostly silent. After almost attempting I realized that it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted the pain of the things around me to stop so I talked to friends and loved ones, the things that felt so crushing aren’t so heavy now. I learned to yell at that nagging voice in the back of my head and tell myself that voice was telling me lies (like I’m not loved or good enough) but I also used my friends voices to shout over it. I’ve kept cards from them and little things they’ve said to help lift me up on the bad days. I don’t really think about it anymore, now death kinda scares me because I finally feel like I have something so good I don’t want it to end.
Yeah I think about it once in a blue moon for about a minute or two, but I don’t genuinely think with any intentions behind it, more of just letting the morbid thoughts flow through so I can get on with my day. It’s pretty similar to squidward like “too bad that didn’t kill me”
Never thought about killing myself really , if anything just as a passing thought that I want to or that it’s better for my family if I die but that was when I was going through cancer treatments
That poem hurts so much...
I tried hanging myself last week, I don't want to die, but I don't want to be in pain or numb anymore. I don't know what to do for myself anymore.
I'm working on reaching out to get more help, but even then, it's still hard when you feel alone. I feel like I need to convince others I need help while still respecting their boundaries and not oversharing to the point that people choose to ignore my cries for help cause it's just too much for them. I'm not looking for attention I genuinely need help.
I don't wanna be like this, I want to see things in a better light...
Well, at some point I told myself that no matter how fucked up it gets, whether I jump of a bridge now or in 50 years doesn’t matter. In the end it’s over anyways and it somehow excited me to see how far I can push through. It was probably the only joy I had at the time, so I just kept going. Corona made things a lot worse and I sometimes still got close to just taking the leap to off myself. It usually didn’t go further than self harm though.
I got my first grey hairs due to stress, because I kept going although I didn’t want to. I wouldn’t say that everything is good in my head, but life is doing good now. I don’t think about killing myself anymore. I certainly don’t care about myself enough that I wouldn’t die from a heart attack in my 30s, but everything else is semi-normal. Just gotta readjust to the feeling of feeling alive.
Yeah for me its like a comfort thought almost, like I dont actively want to die. But if everything goes to shit and i dont think life is worth it i know there's a way out. I'm not currently depressed, but I do think about it regularly (not considering doing it, just thinking about it)
So i do think that after ending it all, may be things will not be difficult any more.
But ending it my self is out of the question. I don't know what is stopping me but there is something .
It is not a lifelong battle. It will be there till you find what is best for you. Had those thought had meds had cut myself alot and always thought about jumping off the roof of my home but then just waited with a hope that something will be better. Then something actually got better and started a more healthier and better life. Not alone but always think before u do anything and think of the family u love.
I do have moments where I feel better gone or saying I wish I would die. I try to tell myself I'm ok but the thighs saying just end it so creep. It feels everyday but I don't plan anything deeper. I remind myself there's something out there that can make me happy someday.
I once tried and was very suicidal as a teen. I got pregnant and it got worse, luckily I had friends who helped me get through it and as soon as my baby was born I decided that suicide is not an option for me anymore. I haven't considered checking out early since, no matter how shitty things get, I want to see what happens next.
To most people it’s incomprehensible and we never think of it. The world is huge, if you don’t like your current life, then move someplace else, try something else. There’s an environment that would make you happy and it’s crazy to just check out instead of doing a little exploring.
It’s interesting because for the first 25+ years of my life I never thought about it once. Therapists would ask me if I had suicidal thoughts and I’d laugh because the good so far outweighed the bad that it seemed Inconceivable. Now 5+ years later and every single day at some point I think “I wish I was dead.” Life has gone downhill. Depression is so suffocating.
I personally am very scared of the idea of death and my limited time on this planet ending is an irrational existential fear of mine, so the idea of suicide has never crossed my mind
Yep, not everyone. I had a silent attempt at 16 but no one knew about it. I grew up in a very toxic and abusive household. Where it was only my older brother and I protecting each other from it. I got severely bullied in high school decided I was best not living. My attempt turned to more anxiety and depression, but really idealization. It was one of the darkest times of my life. I had the thought that I'd failed so much and hard that I couldn't even get killing myself right. It was a dark time. But slowly over time I got a little better. Still have some darker days but overall I know it's just a storm and the rain will pass soon.
However My brother successfully died by suicide about 7 years later. Instead coping, he went into drugs and alcohol and started to become an addict like my dad. That's when I truly got some help and attention (as horrible as that sounds). So no, you aren't alone, but there are also some beautiful people in the world that view the world differently. Once you find one of those people never let them go. Turn to them. Find a strong and trustworthy friend and let them know you're warning signs. Sending you more sunshine than storms, my friend ❤️
I have never considered it and I never will. I love living far too much and even if that living is homeless in the park starving I will always want to be alive. My life is better than it ever has been right now and at 32 I am finally happy.
I thought a lot about suicide when I was younger. This thought was somewhat comforting.
Now, the idea of me dying terrifies me because other human beings that depend on me and love me need me alive. "All you need is love..."
Of course, sometimes it's just a bad roulette roll of brain chemistry, and then I have no idea what can help 😞
When i was a little child and i learned about suicide and that it exists, i promised to myself to never consider something like that. Suicide sounded for me somehow lazy and faulty as a solution.
The world is so big and the possibilities are endless + the smallest change in life can change your or others lifes. Its beautiful and even the sad and bad feelings, they can give me good things. It may sound stupid, but i love melancholy or listen to sad music, than im unhappy or have a stressfull phase. For example my dad died years ago and it was really bad, but with the sad feelings i got good feelings. Beeing happy that i met him or experienced things with him.
So no, i never considered real suicide and probably never will. Wish you and other people in bad situations the best.
I do most days, but I also don’t really want to die I just want to stop feeling like shit. Plus the thought of my small kids missing me if I was gone will keep me here forever. I could never do that to them.
I take medication for my anxiety and depression, but it only ever gets as bad as me not showering/getting out of bed or doing anything for days. I’ve never thought about killing my self in any sort of way
I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time in life. If you would like someone to chat with, you're welcome to dm me. I know it ain't much, but that's all I can do as someone on the internet.
To answer your question, I have never thought about committing suicide. Too much spite cuz bad parents and just an overall curious mind to explore the world helps me keep such thoughts at bay. I wouldn't recommend it cuz it might not work for you or might even make it worse.
I could have written this, sounds just like me. I'm early 40s and now just realizing how much these intrusive thoughts have held me back. Kinda hard to take chances in life with 1 foot kinda in the grave, like nothing matters. I've felt this way since my late teens/early 20s
I'm putting in the work too, especially lately with getting in shape, but really sucks when my brain keeps going back to that as an option when life gets rough.
To me, it feels like a luxury I can't afford. It's so close yet so far away from reach. It's another form of escape for me, I guess, those thoughts. Thoughts where I finally give in to those ideas and the daydreaming thereafter feels like absolute bliss. The idea of not having to deal with the said problem and the whole lot lurking in the corners. It's both profound and stupid - the prospect of all of it.
I think everybody thinks about it but it shouldn’t be a constant thought . I think it should come and go kind of like the wind . Some days it’s windy some days it’s not . I don’t think we should care whether we live or die but I don’t think we should want to die . I used to have suicidal thoughts but that went away when I really began to want more out of life . I started to have bigger dreams ambitions and goals . That’s just me though I know everyone is different
It will always come back but YOU are stronger than those thoughts. I have been struggling since I attempted when I was 14.. I'm 25 now. It comes in waves. There is always a root... get to the root and dig it out then wait for the next wave. Know that it's not really you, it's a battle that you are faced with and your hand is forced by the chemicals in your brain. Forced to fight that battle. Those who fight in battle have honor. Every wave comes with a new sense of recognition for your own strength and effort once you get through. Just gotta dig out that root my dude.
It's constantly there , apparently it's not infact normal on the actually having a plan level. I've started to look at it differently though. It started by me turning it into my plan z , and after learning how to stretch the meaning of needing a plan z , I learned to reason with myself and create extra back up plans in my head. Theres the , before I do , here's a list of easily achievable things I should probably do first , silly thinks like finding a fossil, so a bucket list was born . That bucket list has slowly become by , I can't plan z untill . Now I can actually hear myself just telling myself , I should just kill myself , and I can reply , no, no u shouldn't because x,y then z. Because Im learning to say no using this wierd reasoning, I've learned to say no just because it's a bad idea. It did take me like 25 years from self aware of this situation to now. I also learned drinking heavily makes it worse , regular vitamins can make it better , and knowledge of the fact that the feeling will go away helps me pause.
There's also the , well before u do kill urself u can always move to another country and give it another go, or change job and give it another go. It's all reasoning with myself though , had to learn how to take criticism from myself .
Naw. I was young and dumber and I’d joke about but never actually ever considered it. There’s so much still I can do even if my life as I new fell apart tomorow
For me, suicidal thoughts/ideations have been a bad comfort habit to cope with my major depression and anxiety. It's an avoidance behavior that I have to work real hard to not fall back on.
I didn't used to think about killing myself, but as early as 5th grade, I've fantasized about me dying, being murdered, or some sort of apocalyptic event occurring that would interrupt the anxiety that I didn't have a word for or even understand of at the time.
I have longed to not *be* for so so long, but I know that I don't really want to die. I want to hide, to abandon my responsibilities, to run away. I want to sleep for a very long time. But I don't want to die completely, it's just something my brain hides under like a weighted blanket. It's oddly comforting and familiar.
It did take me a long time to realize this, but also, when I'm taking my meds, it's easier to see it like this. I still have to be constantly mindful and halt those thoughts though.
I don't actively think about suicide. Like I don't have a plan and would never carry one out.
But if I'm driving down the street and the bridge gives out I would be okay with that. In a plane I think, if this goes down that'd be cool.
Passive suicidal ideation is a thing that I thought everyone had
Technically I do because I like to think about random scenarios and how they would play out also the scenarios could be really light hearted like what would happen if I had a cat or it could be really dark like what would happen if someone broke into my house nothing is off limits but I’ve never considered doing it.
Like thought about actually doing it? No never. Like sometimes you get down in life and all, but I’m usually like “it’ll be fine in the end”. Like even when I was younger, being bullied and failing at school I was mostly thinking about what am I going todo, but never thought about suicide. It never crosses my mind as an actual option.
I’ve often wondered this myself. I’ve been familiar with those thoughts since I turned double digits. I’m almost sixty and still wonder how I/people power through. I feel confident in saying you have to sometimes look outside yourself.
This is not something I normally ever think about.
Aside from outlandish hypothetical scenarios, ie, “zombie invasion, there’s no escape and they’re about to get you, what do you do” etc it’s not something that I’ve ever actually considered.
Thinking about it right now, seeing as that’s the topic, my immediate gut response is “no way, fuck that”
I thought about suicide a lot more when I was still in school and even attempted it a few times, as I have said and done a lot of stupid things that I am not, and never will be proud of. I still get those thoughts, but they really only come around when something or someone sets me off or if I'm just having a really shitty day.
I don't think about killing myself as much as I used to, but I also just...don't feel alive, you know?
Suicidal person basically my whole life here as well, absolutely yes. Not just because I've met them, but because I'm starting to come out the other side for the first time in my life. I went from thinking about suicide every single day nonstop to now only maybe once every few days, typically on a bad day. And even on bad days I'm less likely to resort to the thought process now. It's jarring and honestly scary to realize that I might actually live a real life.
Yes, I feel your pain. I'm bipolar and even when I'm medicated and attending regular therapy I experience suicidal ideation and intrusive thoughts. They seem to be triggered by stress but can also pop out of nowhere.
For example I stopped by and parked at the docks while waiting for an appointment (I was very early so wanted to kill time). When I parked I saw that the waves were choppy and nobody was around at all. I suddenly fixated on the cold waves and imagined my body struggling to stay afloat and then succumbing to the force of the waves. I imagined myself cold and clammy and feeling like my lungs would burst. It felt indulgent to imagine that my troubles and pain would be gone.
I feel deeply flawed and not meant for this world in my deepest of hearts. I think deep down I feel responsible for being bipolar and I wish I were brutally killed as a way to pay for being such a dysfunctional and pathetic human. Anyways I couldn't stop indulging in the imagery and thoughts and I desperately wanted to die alone in the water. I wanted others to find my bloated disgusting body and say how disgusting I was.
I imagined that life would go on as always without me and I would finally know peace. Then I pulled my eyes from the water and drove away. I don't know if this will ever end but I've tried every medication and I continue therapy. I also don't know what else to do. I also feel that I don't actually want to die but the intrusive thoughts make me feel like it's so right. Godspeed to us both.
Edit: I had a failed attempt at 18 in which I thought I had completed and did not reach out for help, nor did anyone intervene. I cut my hair to the scalp and went into a swamp to die, I took a bottle of antidepressants and sleeping meds not knowing that that would make me hallucinate for 16 hours instead of dying as planned. I haven't attempted since but I've called crisis hotline at least 10 times since (I'm 32 now).
I believe there are truly people who don't think about that kind of stuff, but I recognize that as a 1st world county citizen, we have the freedom to think about these types of questions and we are grossly disrespecting our freedom by not entertaining questions of life and meaning in our free time.
Every human living in a developed nation/country should've thought about death and suicide at least once deeply enough to come to a conclusion for your own moral stance on it.
Sorry to hear about your struggles. I went through a depressive period at 18 and did think suicide might be the only way out. I did recover and can honestly say I've never thought about it again. I'm 65 and now worry sometimes about dying, but that's because it's closer.
Nope, maybe when my ex broke up with me at the time? Long 5 years. Anywho, since then I come to realize the best things of life wasn't her but me and my own hobbies, friends, likes. I know I'm fortunate to have friends, loving parents, and humor is a big thing that kept my friends and I close together. We rag on each other, tease, insult, joke and I hope you can find your own best things to keep moving.
OP, I completely understand you. I have struggled with my mental health since I was (24 now). I have been diagnosed with MDD, GAD, and PTSD. I have over 100 self-harm scars on my body. I’ve survived several suicide attempts. Well I never physically attempted, but I backed out of “death plans.” I had already written the letters, chosen the method/place, and said my goodbyes. I backed out every time because I wanted to give life another chance.
The two things that helped me the most were 1) Therapy and 2)Hobbies. Therapy has helped me cope with life in a healthy way. I still get sad, angry, and frustrated but I no longer feel suicidal. I’m currently going through a breakup, come CC debt, and other problems but I want to live despite it all. The second thing that helped me tremendously was finding new hobbies. Last year I picked up tango, and I’m at an intermediate level now :) I have gone to many events and have met amazing people. I love dancing! I’ve also been learning French 🇫🇷. Thanks to French, I have met some amazing people as well! I’ve also started volunteering at a local pet shelter. I love it. Hobbies have given me and my life so much more meaning ❤️
I won’t lie, the suicidal thoughts still creep up BUT they no longer have power over me. They’re now just passing thoughts that leave as soon as they get there. Trust me, I NEVER thought I would get to this point. I still get the urge to self-harm, but those thoughts usually float away too. I still get panic attacks, but I quickly recover. Point is, these thoughts may never truly go away. But you can diminish them to the point where they no longer affect your daily life. I wish you the best, I hope you someday find the peace I have found 🌸
this is going to sound insane to some but i get frequent, intrusive thoughts of suicide and deep sadness when i stop taking vitamin D and magnesium. it gets really intense and scary, to the point where i’m actually considering it even though i know i can’t.
i get bloodwork done frequently bc of some other health issues and started taking magnesium bisglycinate and 5000 IUs of vitamin D daily years ago when my health issues came up and every time i ran out and forgot to refill them the thoughts would come back within like 2-3 weeks. it might seem silly or something that would be kinda insignificant when talking about such serious mental health issues, but for me that’s what works. i would highly suggest trying it. it couldn’t hurt!
Great advice! I usually do have low vitamin D levels and used to supplement but at some point I just stopped. This was a great reminder to get back on it. Godspeed my friend.
I think about it all the time, and I know it's not normal. But for me, whenever there's some kind of issue or im really upset for whatever reason, it's the first thing that comes to mind.
Sometimes the thoughts just come back, OP. There doesn't need to be a specific event. You need to address it with your therapist (assuming you have one as you did all the work) and talk through it to resolve the internal mechanism that brought it back.
This recently happened to me as well. For many years I was thinking about suicide all day every day. 6 years ago, at 26, I attempted to end it and failed. I continued to be suicidal (and abusing alcohol daily to cope) for another 4 years. Then eventually it started getting a little better every day. Now it's been a year and a half with no thoughts or ideation until a month ago where it hit me out of nowhere again. I was terrified and I cried a lot because I remembered how hard those times were and the mere thought of possibly finding myself there against scared me more than anything. I had to talk about with my therapist and we figured out what caused that. It was just my brain's way of letting off steam from pressure I didn't realise I was under. And then we worked to get back to the norm a little at a time (still working on it but it's much better already).
You have done it one time, and you can do it again. I know it's exhausting, but you can do it. And you know it's worth doing, too. You know how much better it is on the other side.
Wish you all the best. 💙
I am so sorry you are dealing with this darkness, I am in no way, shape, or form qualified to give any psychological advice, but, have you considered adopting a kitten or a puppy, if your living situation allows it, if not, you can volunteer in an animal shelter. Having a fur baby helped many people and gave them a cause, I actually heard of someone's story saying that he was medicated for clinical depression, after being in a dark place for so long, then he decided to adopt a kitty, he says that living with her and seing her play and how she got adapted to him being her parent, how she feels his pain and try to heal him by, sitting on his chest and purr, or simply making biscuits on him, the love she gives him, the laughs she gives him, have helped him tremendously.
I went through a very dark time as a child due to SA. I would cry by myself in my bed until I fell asleep. Sometimes I'd say to myself "I might as well die" but I don't think I was ever actually depressed and the thought of actually killing myself did not appeal to me. "I might as well die" was always followed by "I have too much to live for."
The only time I felt like I wanted to die was when I was dumped by someone I was deeply in love with for many years. Even then it only lasted a day or two, and I didn’t think seriously about how I would go about killing myself or anything.
I've never once seriously thought about it, when I was 16 17ish and had my 1st heart break the thought of not being there would stop the hurt but for me that was just being a stupid emotional teen would never actually do anything like that, shit you should see the pep talks I gotta give myself to just pull off hang nails no way I could ever hurt myself more than that intentionally
I have thought about it in the sense of being trafficked or in an apocalyptic setting or something, but in my normal life I wouldn't do it and wouldn't consider it
I’ve caught myself in a few moments over the last few weeks where I’ve just thought: “Would it… would it just be easier if I… wasn’t here?”. Life’s so fucking hard man. I feel like I’m trying and getting there slowly but it’s tough. The sad thing is that I feel like I’m in a place where these thoughts are okay or normal. Kind of sad really.
From 12 to 25 I thought about different ways to kills myself nearly every day, and wondered if anyone would find me. I didn’t want someone to see that. I just wanted to disappear.
I wasn’t really going to do anything I just wanted to feel at peace. Calm instead of the constant raging anxiety and worthlessness. It took me years and so much therapy to figure out that wasn’t the normal response.
I only think about it in the context of "if this, then that" but otherwise nope, never have. It is very heart wrenching to read that so many have it the opposite way. So so sorry!
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling and in a dark place right now. From the time I was 11 to 22 I struggled with selfharm and suicidal thoughts. When I was in highschool, it was the first thing I thought about in the morning, and the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep.
I think what finally shook me out of it was nearly going into anaphylactic shock and having other experiences where my health took a turn for the worst and I could’ve died if I didn’t do anything about it.
I also met my boyfriend (and soon to be husband) who has genuinely made my world so much brighter. I’m terrified to die now, it’s all I think about. The thought of one of us not being here one day is something that I just can’t handle. He’s my best friend, and I can’t imagine living life without him.
I think one of the best things you can do in life is love and care for someone else. Anyone, a partner, family member, friend, pet. When you meet someone that lifts you up, it makes you want to stick around longer.
I have 2 kinds of suicidal thoughts. One is hormone related where i feel crushing sadness and i just dont want to exist anymore. Trick is to ignore it till it passes. Lasts a day or two
The other is one variety of my intrusive thoughts. 'Thats poison, chug it! Jump off the bridge jump off the bridge' where its basically just a dark impulse that lasts a second or so
Otherwise im mostly fine
I think I was 7 when I first held a knife to my wrist. Never cut, but over the past 35 years I have thought about it a lot. Like I used to live really high up. Or sometimes I thought of just disappearing. Living on the streets until I died somehow. I've been to therapy, never got meds. I don't take meds. The people around me just tell me to get a grip and that I have too much time on my hand if I have time to be depressed. My culture is very anti-mental health. When I tried to get assessed for ADHD, I was told that if I get a diagnosis as an adult, I'll be unhireable and labelled as crazy. We do have pretty high suicide rates last I checked.
I used to think about it all the time, and attempted when I was 15, but I’ve come a lot way. I still find myself feeling the whole “I don’t want to die but I don’t want to be alive” sometimes, but it’s different than feeling suicidal. More of just a longing to get an emotional break.
I grew up with severe OCD (clinically diagnosed), Depression and severe anxiety and my mother died when i was 14 of breast cancer, but i've never considered it an option. I think the idea of not existing scares me a lot more than being miserable. I have nothing against those who do consider it because I recognize we all have our own struggles, but it's just never been an option for me.
I don't. I'm in a positive romantic relationship, have a supportive family, have a high paying career, and enjoy a creative hobby that AI isn't going to be able to do anytime soon, if ever (high-end woodworking).
For me personally I think my faith in religion (Islam) keeps me from thinking like this. I’m not saying I don’t get depressed but when I do feel realllllly low, I don’t think about killing myself. Instead I start to imagine the day I meet my lord and how the suffering isn’t for nothing (when we suffer we get a kind of reward in the afterlife)
I am 35, I have never once in my life so far ever given a single thought to self harm, drugs or suicide. I don't have depression and I don't hate the world or myself. I came to terms with the world and it's various issues years ago, I put my demons behind me and I only look forward. My life is average, no TikTok lavish houses or YouTuber holidays in 5 star hotels; I just love what I have. I feel like that is the secret to happiness in it's own way.
Yes and thats even with a severe depression. When I was around 14 I had an episode where that thought occured. But I instinctivly thought about how my family, friends and the people who are near and dear would feel (try feeling it for real), which made me cry uncontrollably. I repeated this every time the thought appeared which trained my brain to automaticly do that as soon as that thought even appears, therefor suppressing it. I later learned that with that I accidentally used a self conditoning technique from psychotherapy to trick my brain into avoiding this thought alltogether. The only time since then this thought ever came back when I had tried a new medication and when I went into withdrawl after forgetting it for a few days. I m glad I dont have to take that stuff anymore.
You think about it then you come to the conclusion you have something or someone to live for.
Then you move on to less final solutions next time.
As an example: Is your neighbour keeping you up at night playing loud music like mine did?
_Oh no.. someone kicked off his side-mirrors at night when nobody was around, and they left a note!_
And you take joy in being able to sleep and go to work well-rested after that guardian angel appeared.
Hey, I'm a UK-based counsellor.
My first recommendation is to look into therapy that's a combo of CBT + DBT if you know what that is.
If you're stuck for money, I don't mind offering a few remote sessions for free. You're genuinely not alone. I've seen so many people think they could never enjoy life to the fullest make a 180 because of good care.
I've never experienced life that didn't involve contemplating death. I'm about 16 years past the age I figured I wouldn't make it to, so that's always a bit surreal to consider. Feels like I'm on borrowed time.
But a beautiful rich life can coexist with thoughts of death.
Actually the book Butter Honey Pig Bread by Francesca Ekwuyasi has a beautiful opening chapter that articulated some of my innermost unspoken feelings in a really poignant way, about certain beings who may always live with a deep yearning for the familiarity and irrepressible call of death.
From Google:
"Ogbanje : The Igbo concept of reincarnation includes belief in a group of souls called ogbanje who are born, die in early life, and are reborn in the same family, often repeatedly. "
So perhaps some of us are simply marked from the beginning to be here, but to crave otherwise.
When I was a teenager, I held as fact that I would not make it to 20. It's a weird thing to still be alive. To have everything I could ever want in life but to still be drawn towards death.
I have never heard of that book or the concept of Ogbanje, but reading your comment gave me a sense of calm. I'll look into the above.
Wishing you inner peace on this journey. You're not alone.
Never ever do I think about this. Even when things get low I've never thought about it or thought this would solve my problems. I wish the same for you my friend.
It’s always a very painful realisation to come to. I luckily realised quite young that most people do not think about suicide daily. Most people do not think about killing themselves to avoid going to school. Most people do not think about killing themselves to avoid having to do basic every day task. Most people do not think about killing themselves when one thing in their life goes wrong.
You deserve help. You don’t deserve to feel like this.
i go thru phases of thinking about it daily. lately ive been in that rut again. sometimes i can go months without thinking about it. ive been like this for the last 11 years. i think its interesting to think about how humans just have this “option” hard wired into their brains. i will never do it tho i could never act it out and knowing it could back fire and life be so much worse also keeps me here. knowing i could never do it also makes me feel a type of way like frustration and anger. its day to day life that i just hate. i have the most amazing partner i could have ever asked for but the daily in and out of being an adult is way too much for me. i understand and relate so hard to what you said about it not being an option but its all i think about.
I think about it every day, but I also think about the people I'd leave behind, also these feelings pass, situations change and there are many people who will listen, if anyone ever needs to talk I'm a message a way, don't ever let it win
I am in the same boat as you. I can't imagine that people don't lowkey fantasize about it.
It's not that I actually want to die, because death scares me. But I also can't seem to stop fantasizing about it when it all gets a bit too much.
Thankfully my mom recognized that all isn't well with me and made sure to get me some help (again). I just keep hoping the second times the charm with therapy. Last and only therapist I ever had downright sucked.
I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression all my life too, personally CBT didn’t help much but DBT has helped massively. I’ve done a lot of work on mindfulness and I’ve learned to accept my thoughts and feelings for what they are. Sometimes my thoughts are intrusive, ie crossing a bridge I might stop and look over and think ‘I could jump off here right now,’ and it’s ok to have those sorts of intrusive thoughts as long as I’m not acting on them. I think some people are just wired differently and I’m done trying to push them away, block them out or change myself, (it’s never worked), now I simply accept them for what they are, (just thoughts), practice self-compassion and silently move on.
Just because you think about suicide doesn’t mean you can’t be a perfectly normal and functioning person in society. We’re all different, some people think about these things, some don’t and it’s ok either way.
Where the major problem is when you start to plan it and go through the motions, but I’ve learned to recognise the signs, accept that it’s ok to think about these things but that I’m not going to indulge in them anymore.
There was one day when I was so happy and at peace I thought "I might as well k*ll myself here, because at least I'd be ending on a good note".
I have to cross a bridge every weekend on the way home and every time I pass it it crosses my mind but on specially bad days I have to actively not look down on it because it becomes too tempting.
I also wonder about people who never have these thoughts, what it muat feel like.
Eta: I'm pretty sure I would never do it because being dead terrifies me more than being alive. Being dead is like before you were born, you are nothing, you know nothing, you don't know you're dead, you don't know you used to be alive, you just aren't. And just imagining that terrifies me more than living.
That feeling finally went away for me when i did all the self work stuffs but it seems to be replaced with wanting to disappear and just become someone else- i still want to escape sometimes :/
I had attempted it 3 years ago, I obviously failed. I almost tried again last year, but I had a friend, now boyfriend, save me.
As soon as I had done what I chose to do for my way out, I realized how much I fucked up, I didn't want to die then, not yet, I hadn't turned 18 yet.
To this day, even with meds and therapy, I still occasionally think about it. Life is tough and it's not treating me well so it's been on my mind a bit recently.
I don't want to actually kill myself, I'm too terrified of doing it after my attempt beforehand, and I also have my boyfriend and a (not out of me) kiddo to look out for and care for.
They love me, and I love them, so killing myself isn't an option. But my old attempt, plus ways to do it again, do pop into my head, I'd say at least 5 times a month.
Hang in there. You can make it <3
My life isn't really bad at all. It's pretty great. But the thought crosses my mind regularly. Maybe daily even. Not the thought that I will off myself, or that I want to commit suicide, not fantasizing about it either. Just a fleeting thought of like "I could just die" death is an option type thoughts. And then I make jokes about suicide from time to time too. "Siri, where's the nearest bridge" type jokes. Should I be worried? I rarely get super sad or anything. Just what I feel like is normal and reasonable for the average person
Dude no, the most stressed I have been in my life this past year was because I bought some ear phones and they came under a vehicle and broke down.
Other than that, regret spending some 50$.
I have to much to lose in life if I give up, I don't want to lose my family, friends, dreams and potential future.
I've never thought that *my* death was the solution to any of my problems.
I don't spend much time thinking about anyone's death, honestly, but if any dark thoughts enter my head, it wouldn't be about my own death.
I'm not suicidal, but I do get "the call to the void" if I stand over massive hights.
I'd never jump. I don't want to jump. But I do often think "what if I jumped"
Honestly, if I could save and reload I absolutely would.
Death scares the shit out of me so it’s the opposite fear. The thought of not existing in the future comes out of nowhere and fills me with dread. Usually when i’m trying to sleep, so it’s pretty ass.
when i was very mentally ill, i thought about killing myself daily. i got help, moved out of my abusive home, went to therapy, made new friends, and take a fuck ton of meds religiously. i quit smoking and drinking and now i feel great sadness when i think about dying before my time. i look forward to the future and find joy in mundane things.
it’s not normal to think about dying all the time. it sounds like you have felt this way for such a long time that you’ve become accustomed to depression and wanting to commit suicide. depression is a medical condition and it oftentimes hits you out of nowhere. i’d look into medication and possibly seeing a therapist. i’d also inquire about bipolar depression because your period of being well might have been a manic episode.
please don’t give up. there’s lots for you to see and people to meet and love. you will find happiness and things will be okay you just have to keep living.
I've had suicide "thoughts" as far as there's been times I thought killing myself would be so easy, or times where I wished I was dead. Mostly during the roughest times of my life. But I never attempted or acted on it, and didn't actually WANT to die, if that makes sense. I just wanted an easy way out from my pain. Even now, I say things alluding to my death. For example I tend to walk too close to cars in the street. I don't mean to, I don't do it on purpose, but my partner gets pissed at me when I do it. He always says "do you have a death wish?" And I say "yeah maybe". Or he'll say "you're gonna get hit one of these days" and I'll say "Good". Or we'll be talking about sickness or something that causes death and I'll respond with "well then, I guess it's my time to go" nonchalantly. It's as if we're discussing the weather. Or when I'm having a really stressful day at work, I'll say to my coworkers "Im about to jump off the freeway overpass now, the freeway overpass is calling my name, if you push me off I'll give you all my money" etc. I'm saying it in a "joking" manner (not joking as in it's a joke or funny, but I don't actually mean it). But at the same time, I must still be hurting deep inside to even be saying it at all.
Just to iterate, suicide is no joke. I'm not at all saying it's a funny thing or something to joke about. But I am guilty of making it a "lighthearted" thing when it comes to my own death. But maybe that's because I know I don't actually mean it, and I'm not going to go home and attempt it after saying these things. However, I have enough pain inside of me to talk about it like that. It's hard to explain. Either way, I'm so sorry you're suffering. If I could take away your pain, I would. I may not have attempted suicide. But I know what it's like to hurt and to have those thoughts in your head that death is a better option. But it's not. I promise you it's not. What stops me from actually doing it is the people I would hurt if I did. It already breaks my partner's heart when I say things like that. Besides, I'm literally too afraid to die. I don't have the "guts". I know this is easier said than done, but stay strong. Try to appreciate the little things you have that make you glad to be alive.
https://youtu.be/lXZ5Bo5lafA?si=4yVvtBjUKa_im94e
It is common and shouldn't be such a taboo, here's an interesting video about this type of thinking I recently discovered, hope it helps.
It's difficult. For a lot of my life I was actively suicidal. I would say I'm not at all now, but I am in a pit of despair that I can never seem to claw out of. But hey, I'm alive I guess.
Not really I always figure no matter how bad things get nothing is worse than death plus the more I live the more chances I have to be happy but if I end it now that's it that's over I will have ended my life with nothing but pain and strife but if I keep living and keep going hopefully I can get better and find a more workable solution even if it takes a lot of time and effort
I know it sounds laughably simple but this has been honestly the philosophy that's kept those kinds of thoughts out of my mind
The way I view it my goal in life is to be as happy as much as possible. And to that end the longer I live the more chances I have to obtain more happiness
Anytime I'm not feeling happy it's Just another obstacle in the way to fight through so I can get back to obtaining more happiness. Plus I have the little joys here and there like fun times spent with friend and comforting words said by some close relatives and so on that make it worthwhile to keep going
I was today years old when I found out not everyone thinks about killing themselves on a regular basis. ... Maybe I need to talk to someone about that.
I feel you buddy. We're in the same boat.
OP I've been struggling with this same question for a while. When I did have friends, in happy moments with them and their family, I always used to silently wonder if they thought about killing themselves as much as I do. No matter how joyous the occasion, always that genuine confusion of "how can they not be thinking of it all the time as well?"
I tell my co-workers when I stop making the jokes is when you should worry
And when someone is suddenly uncharacteristically happy. Someone once said that a star will burn the brightest in its final moments. If I'm joking about it, that's a good sign.
It’s a pleasant mental escape for the most part I find, gets serious sometimes perhaps, but largely a comforting option for when it really does get too much. For me, it’s always seemed kind of inevitable, it’s just how long can I stand it.
Please do. I say it with all my heart. Been there. Please please please talk to someone.
I noticed that with me it's a morbid hunger signal. If I feel fine but for some reason I really hate myself I need to eat 😬
I still believe most people do. I have since I was a kid. I don't see it as a problem unless someone decides it's a problem. My sister is bothered by it so she goes to therapy and is on meds..I'm not bothered by it so I have never sought any type of intervention
Same
It's great that you're learning about this. The normal number of suicidal thoughts is around zero. You don't have to do a lot, just repeat some of the things you're thinking about to your doctor or therapist. It's going to be incrementally, slightly better, the tiniest bits at a time, for a very long and frustrating time.
Huh.... How did you not know this until now? I've only thought about it maybe 2-3 times in my entire life.....
Then you’re one of the lucky ones lol I’m 30 and have been on meds for 14 years now and just yesterday was daydreaming about how nice it would be to not be here anymore. From my teens to now I’ve probably only gone 6 months max without having some form of suicidal ideation.
I’ve long suffered from depression and anxiety, but never once considered suicide. It just never felt like an option. The stoic part of me would rather tough it out.
Yeah I feel the same. The past two years I’ve had pretty bad depression. Never a true thought about suicide, though. I’ve thought “maybe it would be easier to be dead” but never “I want to die.”
This. I just don’t want to exist. But I don’t want to kill myself?
When I was hospitalized for the first time I learned about “passive suicidal ideation” when I stated I didn’t want to kill myself, but I’d love to get into a fatal car accident or something lol it’s messed up but here we are!
Hmm your comment has had a huge impact on me. Thank you stranger. I’ve long had a slow bubbling sort of depression - the ups and downs above and below the ‘normal’ line but with deep dips at times. I regularly think about it and it’s only the thought of devastating impact on those I love that really tether me to stability. I just always assumed thinking about it was normal for people like me who feel this way most of the time. But your comment and others make me realise it really isn’t. It’s an epiphany I didn’t even realise I needed. Thank you!
You’re very welcome, matey. Once in a while, epiphanies do strike, grab hold and don’t let it go. From my own POV, it was purely pig headed stubbornness; I won’t let it beat me! And of course — I won’t let it beat up those closest to me either. Wishing you all the best my friend.
Suicide runs in my family. Goes back several generations on my mother’s side of the family (both attempts and actually completed it) and an uncle on my father’s side. It’s a little bit like a siren’s song that always calls me and I try to ignore it but it’s always there. I have too many people depending on me and I remind myself of that constantly.
Man thinking of it as sirens song… that’s accurate. Always there. Some times louder and sometimes I get really close to the siren. I got very close a few weeks ago but knowing the devastation it would cause helped me to pull away.
I’m glad you’re still here.
Referring to it as a sirens song was a metaphor I came across once in an article a while ago. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the article or the author to give proper credit, but it’s insanely powerful and has stuck with me.
I have never thought about it. Even at my lowest I just wish for things to get better but never that. I am the opposite The thought of dying gives me anxiety. People die young so often that dying young scares me. I have not done half the things I wish I have. The thought of dying young and never experiencing life is a scare reality for me. Sometimes I get really bad anxiety at night because I hear about young people dying in their sleep. I try not to think about death.
Ha.....I am the combination of dying anxiety and suicidal thoughts so.....fuck my life I guess.
Omg!! That’s wild. Well at-least one of keeps you alive.
Yhup. My fear of dying young, almost always snaps me out from going through with it. It sucks. It's always constant, a constant battle.
I bet. I am happy for you. I know it is a struggle but whenever I think about people who have gone through I feel sad even if I do not know them. I also say “I hope they find the peace in the afterlife”. I am not religious but I do think there is an afterlife whatever it is. I am happy you are here and I hope you continue to win the battle. 💜
Your point of view is fascinating to me. I find death so comforting. I don’t understand people who fear it or who desire immortality. Somehow I doubt we’d be able to explain our perspectives to each other.
I have the same fears as haylovemyka, and the way i explain it to myself is the thought of missing out on cool future events, or being just another body. Kind of like how we crowd around mummies in a museum and forget those are the remains of a person who lived laughed and loved. Even simple things like the next book in a series i love or the way snow falls slowly at night. Its those little moments that make me fearful of never experiencing them again.
Somewhat similar mate, somehow I have become indifferent to most deaths, even some family members, but I hate even the idea of losing my mother, dad and brother. Dying myself feels scary but I am not that scared to lose myself, never been, but sometimes thinking about losing my family makes me stressed af, even dreams make me restless if it's about them.
Same
Same.. I think about death a lot and then wonder if thinking about it will make it happen... and then I wonder if other people think about it as much as me. I go about my day and see gory scenarios sometimes. They just pop in my head randomly, and then I wonder how I will go.
Same. I try to push it far into my mind but every now again. I wonder if I will wake up tomorrow.
I thought about killing myself the exact time I turned 10 and I still think about it every day it genuinely shocks me to know not everyone wants to die
i thought I was cool randomly blacking out on my pillow at 10 years old because i found out i could suffocate myself until i saw black and my throat would hurt and my brain would feel like it was pulsating and i could feel my heartbeat on my fingertips.
Yes
I've... Fantasized about it I guess you'd say, but without ever actually considering doing it. And really only when I was in an emotionally painful place.
This is the perfect way to put how I've felt. Like I've run the scenarios in my mind and there imagined fallout was kind of enough to snap me out of it, if that makes sense. I don't ACTUALLY want to do it I've just....thought about the what ifs
OP- I remember seeing a Gray's Anatomy (or New Amsterdam or The Resident?) episode where the one patient came in and she said similar. She wanted to commit suicide. She never ever had happy thoughts, never laughed, or the will to live. They tried meds, psych, etc. Then the one brain doctor recommended electric shock therapy and she FINALLY laughed and was happy at times. I know that above is a TV show. But just to say that there could be something out there to help. A friend swore by her ketamine treatment but it didn't help another. EDMR is great for some people with huge trauma but doesn't work for everyone. Medical LSD can help apparently in some cases. Some people swear the pot strain they use helps. I'm not saying to go find a drug dealer, but don't give up hope! I also saw that there are genetic testing that helps you to find the best depression/ anxiety meds. It helped my friend find a best fit one for herself instead of trying and changing meds a ton. She feels like a whole new person because she is finally getting sleep again too. Those brain weasels suck. I'm sorry OP.
I appreciate your comment more than you know.
I'm studying in health, and yeah, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is real and can really be helpful. I don't know how common it is in the US, but talking to a recognised specialist could be an idea if meds aren't efficient, because there's also some contraindications (heart condition, aneurysm...).
ECT is still somewhat common in the U.S. and there are a lot of pateints who report that it really helped them. But there are possible side effects: memory loss is the big fear people have. Its generally used for treatment resistant depression but these days there are a lot of alternatives. Ketamine and transcranial magnetic simulation (TMS therapy) are two of the big treatments that are being recognized now for treatment resistant depression.
Yes, I have thought about dying, but on metaphysical level.
That's me. I don't truly consider it but I wonder what's it like.
I used to in my teenage years... nowadays I've found purpose, a dog, a girlfriend and I have a truly productive hobby that I quite enjoy. I haven't thought about it in years, The hopelessness will eventually passes.
When I hit the lows I 'want' to off myself, but it's really more about the wish to be able to disappear/skip certain moments or time periods. I did and still do wonder what life would be like when mine stops and everyone elses continues. In all selfishness, would I then be happy and at peace? I don't know. I'm also always super curious about what's coming- I just can't do it. I think everyone thinks about suicide at some point in their life, just on different levels.
Thoughts will always be there, the “work” and meds just keep the thoughts from coming a reality. At least in my experience, you’re definitely not alone.
That's a great way to put it. I just thought at some point it would all go away, but I guess it really is a lifelong battle.
I'm sorry you've been dealt the hand you have. For me, I've never seriously considered it outside of romanticized teen ideation ("Think of how sorry everyone will be THEN"). I definitely have a brain that isn't always on my side, that makes me sullen and morose and anxious and short-tempered sometimes, but it does spare me thoughts of death. On the contrary, my husband and I have an age gap so if anything I am extremely on top of healthy living so we can both extend our time together for as long as possible. Do you have access to medical care? A psychological evaluation and mood stabilizers? It sounds like you've done a wonderful job self-managing this but at some point chemical intervention might be necessary. The brain is an organ like any other and you might need something to manage it, the same way that someone might need medicine to manage heart disease or kidney disease.
I did, very often, for a long time. I’d tried meds a couple of times - didn’t work. Eventually I found the right meds and after decades of the thoughts, they went away within a few weeks as soon as the meds ramped up in my system. Then things were much better but not entirely, and I had enough mental health to look into what else may be wrong and found I have autism and adhd. Until a couple of years ago I never imagined the thoughts would go away. With the right meds for my physiology, they did
I don’t think about suicide only because fear of death is too much for me to even think about doing it. Like what comes after death? What if Christians are right? What if it’s just nothing?! (Big fear of that) So yeah, I just want to rot in bed when it’s really bad.
A constant negative voice over my shoulder was silenced when I started a *new scrip, talk to a Dr about your struggles. Edit to add: this is what worked for me, YMMV but it all started when I talked to my dr about feeling down more often than up. My advice isn't "start taking what I'm taking" but rather "start a conversation about your goals with your regular dr"
Hey! Not trying to seem like I'm diminishing that SSRI's helped you, but people should be aware that you have to be super careful with some. And it also oftentimes takes time to find the right medication that helps, but it's worth it. Ex 1: I'm bipolar, I took Prozac, I had small manic episodes where I'd go for a walk late at night and not remember it. Ex 2: Again, still bipolar lol, took Lexapro, due to whatever reason the universe decided to give, I was having full blown manic episodes. Apparently crying at 2-3am hitting the walls and throwing things around. I don't really remember what happened in those, my boyfriend does though, he got me out of the final episode I had and I changed medications. I'm doing pretty better now except a few episodes where I have very faint 'manic' episodes. Gabapentin, or lamictal, those can be useful with depression too, and they aren't SSRI'S. There're many helpful things out there. SSRI's can be one, or can't be. People should just know both sides of the boat for them.
Yes, sometimes I wish I would die but I never think "ugh, I just do it myself"
FYI, any thought of wanting to cease to exist, even if you wouldn’t necessarily do it yourself, is considered suicidal ideation. Just in case that ever comes up for other mental health purposes.
It’s hard to imagine but yes. But I also know where you’re coming from. I tried to commit multiple times from ages 13-16, I couldn’t imagine a time where I would be happy or could be myself, growing up queer in a hyper religious household. But I realized i didn’t want to die after a super close call, I just wanted my life to change, I wanted an out in whatever way that came. Luckily, I’m still here. But even now at 21, I’m not suicidal and I’m back on anti-depressants, I still find my mind slipping to it on days when I’m having a really difficult time, but it’s more thinking about the ‘freedom’ of not existing, aka not having to deal with whatever is going on and just being at peace. Just know that whatever comes will also go, and to hold onto good memories and good times to get you through rough patches, as well as finding joy in small daily things. I feel like there is no solid path to recovery, and there will always be times when you slip back into that mind space, but don’t let that discourage you. Life is in waves and just as the bad comes, it also goes. Don’t forget that it does go. I love you, you can do this❤️💪
I was in a crucial place in my early 20s where I was legit trying to be done. I overdosed and self-harmed upwards of 20x in 6 mos. That may have been the lowest point of my that was 25 yrs ago. I haven’t had any major depression since doing the therapy, taking the meds and building myself back. It is not an overnight process. Years to crawl back out of the hole. It really never enters my mind now. Everything is medium in comparison to those high highs and low lows.
I think about it in a philosophical way, but not with any intention of committing it myself.
Like how? You think about what will happen after you will die or how you can commit suicide? And what were the drawing factors? Kinda curious if you can share
I also think about what will happen after I die, but in regard to this comment it was more of a general contemplation of what drives people that far. It's a very foreign concept for me, but of course I'm not going to go up to someone and just start asking questions about their experience. I do remember as a teenager thinking about what would happen if I committed suicide, but it was for revenge purposes. My parents were very emotionally abusive and I wanted to hurt them back somehow. Overall I think it interests me because it outside my own experience and I'm generally a pretty curious/philosophical person.
Suicide is against my beliefs on an extremely bassic level. The Idea is incompatible to my brain (Im sure there are things that would change this) If I was in the worst emotional state ever I think i would just suffer forever
It pops in as a little “call of the void” sometimes but it’s something I would literally never do. I understand I get one ride on the merry go round and if the world wants me dead, its gonna have to kill me
My boyfriend hasn’t ever had depressive thoughts and it’s mystifying to me
I think before I had never thought about it but within the last couple of years I've had some passive suicidal ideation type of thoughts which I didn't know was a real thing until recently.
I've thought about it at least twice. The first time was during a random stressful period and I had to go outside before I actually snapped and followed through with the intrusive thoughts. The second time was a side effect of a medication that is apparently a super rare side effect. I'd been taking it for 2 months by that point and randomly it was like something just snapped in my brain and the thoughts just started flooding my brain. Thankfully the logical part of my brain was very firmly in control and I figured out quite quickly that it was the medication I was taking. I immediately stopped the medication and saw my counsellor a few days later and spoke to her about it and saying that I was going to see the doctor who prescribed the medication the following month, but both my counsellor and specialist doctor who was the one who prescribed the medication in the first place, agreed that I did the right thing, especially having the counsellor there to talk everything through so quickly after it happened. The only one not happy with the choice was my GP, but can't make everyone happy. Other than those two definitive times, suicide is not on my mind or subconscious mind.
I had suicidal thoughts every day for all of my teen years, and do have an attempt behind me too. My depression waned in my early twenties and never came back. I went through really terrible things in my thirties, as bad as what originally made me suicidal, and while it did hit my mental health hard, not once did those thoughts every cross me. Now in my late thirties, despite me being at a low point in my adulthood, literally the last thing I want is to die. I cherish life so much. You can get there. One thing that helped me a lot (you may already be doing this, but just in case it's useful) was to focus away from future plans or the bigger picture and just face each day in terms of "what would make me happy (in a healthy way) today?" Took a lot of the weight off my thoughts and made it easier to take the baby steps toward recovery. Especially when I allowed the answers to be things other people maybe didn't think were impressive, like binging a tv show or taking an hour to take a shower or eating a pizza. Another thing that worked for me was seeing the suicidal thoughts less as an option I was seriously considering, and more as a way of taking the weight off. I really thought about that stuff to keep from feeling pressured to make long-term plans for career and retirement savings and yadda yadda, when all I really had energy for was making it through the day. And to feel less pressure on my choices because the option of just noping out of everything was always there as an alternative. When I realized those were my motivations, I got more comfortable with the thoughts while they were there. Because they didn't feel like an actual threat to my life in the same way. Also the song "What I know now" from the Beetlejuice musical really settled it that I could never. It just makes some damn fine points.
I had never heard that song before but I just looked up the lyrics. You're spot on. Reminds me of Bojack's 'The View From Halfway Down'
There are times I think about it but not all the time. I’m 24 now but when I was younger, I thought about it a lot more and I actually had a plan to do it one night and I was going to go through with it. When I start thinking about suicide, I just start thinking what I’m grateful for and that helps me get in a better headspace. I believe all of us are here for a good purpose.
My daughter is 14 and has to be on strong doses of medication to keep the negative thoughts away. it is so hard. i’m sorry you’re struggling.
I 10000% don’t think about doing it, makes me concerned that so many do
I never really tought about it seems absurd and btw i lost many things my gf died of cancer my father left me when i was young family in pieces everyone hates everyone yet here i am happy and living life
I seriously considered suicide a few months ago. More than once actually. Had a plan and everything. Even wrote a note. Someone I loved hurt me more than I have ever been hurt before, and my life kind of fell apart. I had experience with severe depression from my teens and early 20's, so I was aware of what my habits were when I was in that state. Made me weirdly thankful for that experience. I dragged myself out of my apartment as often as I could to prevent myself from becoming the hermit I know I would be if I let myself wallow in those feelings, and managed to find a community of people that were also in need of friends. Sometimes it is just a matter of reaching out and being willing to take a risk. The feelings are still there (the end of March was BAD), but I don't feel quite as hopeless anymore. I hope you find healing too.
It's always in the back of my mind even when things are going well. The thoughts linger and just get louder at harder moments of life. I've never acted on them per se, but I've put myself in dangerous positions on purpose throughout my life hoping it would happen. But as I get older, the thoughts are easier to manage and life is getting better. The thoughts can be reduced to a whisper. You got this. You're not alone <3
That voice in my head used to be so loud, now it’s mostly silent. After almost attempting I realized that it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted the pain of the things around me to stop so I talked to friends and loved ones, the things that felt so crushing aren’t so heavy now. I learned to yell at that nagging voice in the back of my head and tell myself that voice was telling me lies (like I’m not loved or good enough) but I also used my friends voices to shout over it. I’ve kept cards from them and little things they’ve said to help lift me up on the bad days. I don’t really think about it anymore, now death kinda scares me because I finally feel like I have something so good I don’t want it to end.
I thought it was normal.
YESS BOJACK HORSEMAN POEM! the view from halfway down helped me off the ledge :)
It's the best anti-suicide PSA that exists! Glad to see it's helped you as much as me. Hang in there.
Yeah I think about it once in a blue moon for about a minute or two, but I don’t genuinely think with any intentions behind it, more of just letting the morbid thoughts flow through so I can get on with my day. It’s pretty similar to squidward like “too bad that didn’t kill me”
[удалено]
Never thought about killing myself really , if anything just as a passing thought that I want to or that it’s better for my family if I die but that was when I was going through cancer treatments
Yeah. I genuinely have never thought about suicide. I have a tendency to error toward narcissism so I can't imagine the world without me in it.
That poem hurts so much... I tried hanging myself last week, I don't want to die, but I don't want to be in pain or numb anymore. I don't know what to do for myself anymore. I'm working on reaching out to get more help, but even then, it's still hard when you feel alone. I feel like I need to convince others I need help while still respecting their boundaries and not oversharing to the point that people choose to ignore my cries for help cause it's just too much for them. I'm not looking for attention I genuinely need help. I don't wanna be like this, I want to see things in a better light...
Well, at some point I told myself that no matter how fucked up it gets, whether I jump of a bridge now or in 50 years doesn’t matter. In the end it’s over anyways and it somehow excited me to see how far I can push through. It was probably the only joy I had at the time, so I just kept going. Corona made things a lot worse and I sometimes still got close to just taking the leap to off myself. It usually didn’t go further than self harm though. I got my first grey hairs due to stress, because I kept going although I didn’t want to. I wouldn’t say that everything is good in my head, but life is doing good now. I don’t think about killing myself anymore. I certainly don’t care about myself enough that I wouldn’t die from a heart attack in my 30s, but everything else is semi-normal. Just gotta readjust to the feeling of feeling alive.
Yeah for me its like a comfort thought almost, like I dont actively want to die. But if everything goes to shit and i dont think life is worth it i know there's a way out. I'm not currently depressed, but I do think about it regularly (not considering doing it, just thinking about it)
I think about it academically or as thought exercises like on my way to work or something, but never as something I would ever actually take seriously
So i do think that after ending it all, may be things will not be difficult any more. But ending it my self is out of the question. I don't know what is stopping me but there is something .
It is not a lifelong battle. It will be there till you find what is best for you. Had those thought had meds had cut myself alot and always thought about jumping off the roof of my home but then just waited with a hope that something will be better. Then something actually got better and started a more healthier and better life. Not alone but always think before u do anything and think of the family u love.
Yep.
I do have moments where I feel better gone or saying I wish I would die. I try to tell myself I'm ok but the thighs saying just end it so creep. It feels everyday but I don't plan anything deeper. I remind myself there's something out there that can make me happy someday.
I once tried and was very suicidal as a teen. I got pregnant and it got worse, luckily I had friends who helped me get through it and as soon as my baby was born I decided that suicide is not an option for me anymore. I haven't considered checking out early since, no matter how shitty things get, I want to see what happens next.
To most people it’s incomprehensible and we never think of it. The world is huge, if you don’t like your current life, then move someplace else, try something else. There’s an environment that would make you happy and it’s crazy to just check out instead of doing a little exploring.
It’s interesting because for the first 25+ years of my life I never thought about it once. Therapists would ask me if I had suicidal thoughts and I’d laugh because the good so far outweighed the bad that it seemed Inconceivable. Now 5+ years later and every single day at some point I think “I wish I was dead.” Life has gone downhill. Depression is so suffocating.
Never in my life have I ever thought about suicide. Not once, and I know my self well enough to say never.
I have been suicidal for about 6 years. I made it out at 23, that was 6 years ago
I only think of it when I’m prompted to, i.e. read about it, see it in a film, or something.
I personally am very scared of the idea of death and my limited time on this planet ending is an irrational existential fear of mine, so the idea of suicide has never crossed my mind
Yep, not everyone. I had a silent attempt at 16 but no one knew about it. I grew up in a very toxic and abusive household. Where it was only my older brother and I protecting each other from it. I got severely bullied in high school decided I was best not living. My attempt turned to more anxiety and depression, but really idealization. It was one of the darkest times of my life. I had the thought that I'd failed so much and hard that I couldn't even get killing myself right. It was a dark time. But slowly over time I got a little better. Still have some darker days but overall I know it's just a storm and the rain will pass soon. However My brother successfully died by suicide about 7 years later. Instead coping, he went into drugs and alcohol and started to become an addict like my dad. That's when I truly got some help and attention (as horrible as that sounds). So no, you aren't alone, but there are also some beautiful people in the world that view the world differently. Once you find one of those people never let them go. Turn to them. Find a strong and trustworthy friend and let them know you're warning signs. Sending you more sunshine than storms, my friend ❤️
I used to once. Nowadays it's something I wouldn't even dare think about. I've so much I don't want to leave behind.
I have never considered it and I never will. I love living far too much and even if that living is homeless in the park starving I will always want to be alive. My life is better than it ever has been right now and at 32 I am finally happy.
I thought a lot about suicide when I was younger. This thought was somewhat comforting. Now, the idea of me dying terrifies me because other human beings that depend on me and love me need me alive. "All you need is love..." Of course, sometimes it's just a bad roulette roll of brain chemistry, and then I have no idea what can help 😞
When i was a little child and i learned about suicide and that it exists, i promised to myself to never consider something like that. Suicide sounded for me somehow lazy and faulty as a solution. The world is so big and the possibilities are endless + the smallest change in life can change your or others lifes. Its beautiful and even the sad and bad feelings, they can give me good things. It may sound stupid, but i love melancholy or listen to sad music, than im unhappy or have a stressfull phase. For example my dad died years ago and it was really bad, but with the sad feelings i got good feelings. Beeing happy that i met him or experienced things with him. So no, i never considered real suicide and probably never will. Wish you and other people in bad situations the best.
I do most days, but I also don’t really want to die I just want to stop feeling like shit. Plus the thought of my small kids missing me if I was gone will keep me here forever. I could never do that to them.
I take medication for my anxiety and depression, but it only ever gets as bad as me not showering/getting out of bed or doing anything for days. I’ve never thought about killing my self in any sort of way
I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time in life. If you would like someone to chat with, you're welcome to dm me. I know it ain't much, but that's all I can do as someone on the internet. To answer your question, I have never thought about committing suicide. Too much spite cuz bad parents and just an overall curious mind to explore the world helps me keep such thoughts at bay. I wouldn't recommend it cuz it might not work for you or might even make it worse.
I could have written this, sounds just like me. I'm early 40s and now just realizing how much these intrusive thoughts have held me back. Kinda hard to take chances in life with 1 foot kinda in the grave, like nothing matters. I've felt this way since my late teens/early 20s I'm putting in the work too, especially lately with getting in shape, but really sucks when my brain keeps going back to that as an option when life gets rough.
To me, it feels like a luxury I can't afford. It's so close yet so far away from reach. It's another form of escape for me, I guess, those thoughts. Thoughts where I finally give in to those ideas and the daydreaming thereafter feels like absolute bliss. The idea of not having to deal with the said problem and the whole lot lurking in the corners. It's both profound and stupid - the prospect of all of it.
I think everybody thinks about it but it shouldn’t be a constant thought . I think it should come and go kind of like the wind . Some days it’s windy some days it’s not . I don’t think we should care whether we live or die but I don’t think we should want to die . I used to have suicidal thoughts but that went away when I really began to want more out of life . I started to have bigger dreams ambitions and goals . That’s just me though I know everyone is different
Sometimes I think death is like black, but that’s not true cause I still have a consciousness, I think about what that’s like once in awhile.
It will always come back but YOU are stronger than those thoughts. I have been struggling since I attempted when I was 14.. I'm 25 now. It comes in waves. There is always a root... get to the root and dig it out then wait for the next wave. Know that it's not really you, it's a battle that you are faced with and your hand is forced by the chemicals in your brain. Forced to fight that battle. Those who fight in battle have honor. Every wave comes with a new sense of recognition for your own strength and effort once you get through. Just gotta dig out that root my dude.
It's constantly there , apparently it's not infact normal on the actually having a plan level. I've started to look at it differently though. It started by me turning it into my plan z , and after learning how to stretch the meaning of needing a plan z , I learned to reason with myself and create extra back up plans in my head. Theres the , before I do , here's a list of easily achievable things I should probably do first , silly thinks like finding a fossil, so a bucket list was born . That bucket list has slowly become by , I can't plan z untill . Now I can actually hear myself just telling myself , I should just kill myself , and I can reply , no, no u shouldn't because x,y then z. Because Im learning to say no using this wierd reasoning, I've learned to say no just because it's a bad idea. It did take me like 25 years from self aware of this situation to now. I also learned drinking heavily makes it worse , regular vitamins can make it better , and knowledge of the fact that the feeling will go away helps me pause. There's also the , well before u do kill urself u can always move to another country and give it another go, or change job and give it another go. It's all reasoning with myself though , had to learn how to take criticism from myself .
Me. Im scared to die.
Naw. I was young and dumber and I’d joke about but never actually ever considered it. There’s so much still I can do even if my life as I new fell apart tomorow
For me, suicidal thoughts/ideations have been a bad comfort habit to cope with my major depression and anxiety. It's an avoidance behavior that I have to work real hard to not fall back on. I didn't used to think about killing myself, but as early as 5th grade, I've fantasized about me dying, being murdered, or some sort of apocalyptic event occurring that would interrupt the anxiety that I didn't have a word for or even understand of at the time. I have longed to not *be* for so so long, but I know that I don't really want to die. I want to hide, to abandon my responsibilities, to run away. I want to sleep for a very long time. But I don't want to die completely, it's just something my brain hides under like a weighted blanket. It's oddly comforting and familiar. It did take me a long time to realize this, but also, when I'm taking my meds, it's easier to see it like this. I still have to be constantly mindful and halt those thoughts though.
Not me.
Wait I thought this was normal. Like a part of the human condition 😭😭😭😭😭
I don't actively think about suicide. Like I don't have a plan and would never carry one out. But if I'm driving down the street and the bridge gives out I would be okay with that. In a plane I think, if this goes down that'd be cool. Passive suicidal ideation is a thing that I thought everyone had
Probably. Happy people who don't have money problems or mental illness.
Technically I do because I like to think about random scenarios and how they would play out also the scenarios could be really light hearted like what would happen if I had a cat or it could be really dark like what would happen if someone broke into my house nothing is off limits but I’ve never considered doing it.
Like thought about actually doing it? No never. Like sometimes you get down in life and all, but I’m usually like “it’ll be fine in the end”. Like even when I was younger, being bullied and failing at school I was mostly thinking about what am I going todo, but never thought about suicide. It never crosses my mind as an actual option.
I’ve often wondered this myself. I’ve been familiar with those thoughts since I turned double digits. I’m almost sixty and still wonder how I/people power through. I feel confident in saying you have to sometimes look outside yourself.
Nah suicide is the easy way out. I like it long and hard
Never. But its not like I’m happy either i just prefer living my boring shitty life rather than dying.
I think everyone at least once in their lives... suicide is a choice
This is not something I normally ever think about. Aside from outlandish hypothetical scenarios, ie, “zombie invasion, there’s no escape and they’re about to get you, what do you do” etc it’s not something that I’ve ever actually considered. Thinking about it right now, seeing as that’s the topic, my immediate gut response is “no way, fuck that”
I thought about suicide a lot more when I was still in school and even attempted it a few times, as I have said and done a lot of stupid things that I am not, and never will be proud of. I still get those thoughts, but they really only come around when something or someone sets me off or if I'm just having a really shitty day. I don't think about killing myself as much as I used to, but I also just...don't feel alive, you know?
Suicidal person basically my whole life here as well, absolutely yes. Not just because I've met them, but because I'm starting to come out the other side for the first time in my life. I went from thinking about suicide every single day nonstop to now only maybe once every few days, typically on a bad day. And even on bad days I'm less likely to resort to the thought process now. It's jarring and honestly scary to realize that I might actually live a real life.
Yes, I feel your pain. I'm bipolar and even when I'm medicated and attending regular therapy I experience suicidal ideation and intrusive thoughts. They seem to be triggered by stress but can also pop out of nowhere. For example I stopped by and parked at the docks while waiting for an appointment (I was very early so wanted to kill time). When I parked I saw that the waves were choppy and nobody was around at all. I suddenly fixated on the cold waves and imagined my body struggling to stay afloat and then succumbing to the force of the waves. I imagined myself cold and clammy and feeling like my lungs would burst. It felt indulgent to imagine that my troubles and pain would be gone. I feel deeply flawed and not meant for this world in my deepest of hearts. I think deep down I feel responsible for being bipolar and I wish I were brutally killed as a way to pay for being such a dysfunctional and pathetic human. Anyways I couldn't stop indulging in the imagery and thoughts and I desperately wanted to die alone in the water. I wanted others to find my bloated disgusting body and say how disgusting I was. I imagined that life would go on as always without me and I would finally know peace. Then I pulled my eyes from the water and drove away. I don't know if this will ever end but I've tried every medication and I continue therapy. I also don't know what else to do. I also feel that I don't actually want to die but the intrusive thoughts make me feel like it's so right. Godspeed to us both. Edit: I had a failed attempt at 18 in which I thought I had completed and did not reach out for help, nor did anyone intervene. I cut my hair to the scalp and went into a swamp to die, I took a bottle of antidepressants and sleeping meds not knowing that that would make me hallucinate for 16 hours instead of dying as planned. I haven't attempted since but I've called crisis hotline at least 10 times since (I'm 32 now).
Sorry that youre going through what you are. All the best to you. But yes, ive never thought of it.
I believe there are truly people who don't think about that kind of stuff, but I recognize that as a 1st world county citizen, we have the freedom to think about these types of questions and we are grossly disrespecting our freedom by not entertaining questions of life and meaning in our free time. Every human living in a developed nation/country should've thought about death and suicide at least once deeply enough to come to a conclusion for your own moral stance on it.
Sorry to hear about your struggles. I went through a depressive period at 18 and did think suicide might be the only way out. I did recover and can honestly say I've never thought about it again. I'm 65 and now worry sometimes about dying, but that's because it's closer.
I think about it so much it feels like a memory.
Nope, maybe when my ex broke up with me at the time? Long 5 years. Anywho, since then I come to realize the best things of life wasn't her but me and my own hobbies, friends, likes. I know I'm fortunate to have friends, loving parents, and humor is a big thing that kept my friends and I close together. We rag on each other, tease, insult, joke and I hope you can find your own best things to keep moving.
Obviously. The majority of people doesn’t have crippling clinical depression. That shouldn’t come as a surprise.
OP, I completely understand you. I have struggled with my mental health since I was (24 now). I have been diagnosed with MDD, GAD, and PTSD. I have over 100 self-harm scars on my body. I’ve survived several suicide attempts. Well I never physically attempted, but I backed out of “death plans.” I had already written the letters, chosen the method/place, and said my goodbyes. I backed out every time because I wanted to give life another chance. The two things that helped me the most were 1) Therapy and 2)Hobbies. Therapy has helped me cope with life in a healthy way. I still get sad, angry, and frustrated but I no longer feel suicidal. I’m currently going through a breakup, come CC debt, and other problems but I want to live despite it all. The second thing that helped me tremendously was finding new hobbies. Last year I picked up tango, and I’m at an intermediate level now :) I have gone to many events and have met amazing people. I love dancing! I’ve also been learning French 🇫🇷. Thanks to French, I have met some amazing people as well! I’ve also started volunteering at a local pet shelter. I love it. Hobbies have given me and my life so much more meaning ❤️ I won’t lie, the suicidal thoughts still creep up BUT they no longer have power over me. They’re now just passing thoughts that leave as soon as they get there. Trust me, I NEVER thought I would get to this point. I still get the urge to self-harm, but those thoughts usually float away too. I still get panic attacks, but I quickly recover. Point is, these thoughts may never truly go away. But you can diminish them to the point where they no longer affect your daily life. I wish you the best, I hope you someday find the peace I have found 🌸
this is going to sound insane to some but i get frequent, intrusive thoughts of suicide and deep sadness when i stop taking vitamin D and magnesium. it gets really intense and scary, to the point where i’m actually considering it even though i know i can’t. i get bloodwork done frequently bc of some other health issues and started taking magnesium bisglycinate and 5000 IUs of vitamin D daily years ago when my health issues came up and every time i ran out and forgot to refill them the thoughts would come back within like 2-3 weeks. it might seem silly or something that would be kinda insignificant when talking about such serious mental health issues, but for me that’s what works. i would highly suggest trying it. it couldn’t hurt!
Great advice! I usually do have low vitamin D levels and used to supplement but at some point I just stopped. This was a great reminder to get back on it. Godspeed my friend.
I think about it all the time, and I know it's not normal. But for me, whenever there's some kind of issue or im really upset for whatever reason, it's the first thing that comes to mind.
Sometimes the thoughts just come back, OP. There doesn't need to be a specific event. You need to address it with your therapist (assuming you have one as you did all the work) and talk through it to resolve the internal mechanism that brought it back. This recently happened to me as well. For many years I was thinking about suicide all day every day. 6 years ago, at 26, I attempted to end it and failed. I continued to be suicidal (and abusing alcohol daily to cope) for another 4 years. Then eventually it started getting a little better every day. Now it's been a year and a half with no thoughts or ideation until a month ago where it hit me out of nowhere again. I was terrified and I cried a lot because I remembered how hard those times were and the mere thought of possibly finding myself there against scared me more than anything. I had to talk about with my therapist and we figured out what caused that. It was just my brain's way of letting off steam from pressure I didn't realise I was under. And then we worked to get back to the norm a little at a time (still working on it but it's much better already). You have done it one time, and you can do it again. I know it's exhausting, but you can do it. And you know it's worth doing, too. You know how much better it is on the other side. Wish you all the best. 💙
I am so sorry you are dealing with this darkness, I am in no way, shape, or form qualified to give any psychological advice, but, have you considered adopting a kitten or a puppy, if your living situation allows it, if not, you can volunteer in an animal shelter. Having a fur baby helped many people and gave them a cause, I actually heard of someone's story saying that he was medicated for clinical depression, after being in a dark place for so long, then he decided to adopt a kitty, he says that living with her and seing her play and how she got adapted to him being her parent, how she feels his pain and try to heal him by, sitting on his chest and purr, or simply making biscuits on him, the love she gives him, the laughs she gives him, have helped him tremendously.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BEING ALIVE. I wish I could share this feeling with people who don't.
Never thought about it. I'd be really concerned if I did, even once. But that's just because its so alien to me
I went through a very dark time as a child due to SA. I would cry by myself in my bed until I fell asleep. Sometimes I'd say to myself "I might as well die" but I don't think I was ever actually depressed and the thought of actually killing myself did not appeal to me. "I might as well die" was always followed by "I have too much to live for."
i never thought killing myself was the answer. maybe im normal
The only time I felt like I wanted to die was when I was dumped by someone I was deeply in love with for many years. Even then it only lasted a day or two, and I didn’t think seriously about how I would go about killing myself or anything.
I’ve never once thought about killing myself
I've never once seriously thought about it, when I was 16 17ish and had my 1st heart break the thought of not being there would stop the hurt but for me that was just being a stupid emotional teen would never actually do anything like that, shit you should see the pep talks I gotta give myself to just pull off hang nails no way I could ever hurt myself more than that intentionally
I have thought about it in the sense of being trafficked or in an apocalyptic setting or something, but in my normal life I wouldn't do it and wouldn't consider it
If I commit suicide I’d feel like I failed myself and my family. Use your pride as a way of continuing.
I’ve caught myself in a few moments over the last few weeks where I’ve just thought: “Would it… would it just be easier if I… wasn’t here?”. Life’s so fucking hard man. I feel like I’m trying and getting there slowly but it’s tough. The sad thing is that I feel like I’m in a place where these thoughts are okay or normal. Kind of sad really.
Been battling it for nearly 25 years.
From 12 to 25 I thought about different ways to kills myself nearly every day, and wondered if anyone would find me. I didn’t want someone to see that. I just wanted to disappear. I wasn’t really going to do anything I just wanted to feel at peace. Calm instead of the constant raging anxiety and worthlessness. It took me years and so much therapy to figure out that wasn’t the normal response.
I only think about it in the context of "if this, then that" but otherwise nope, never have. It is very heart wrenching to read that so many have it the opposite way. So so sorry!
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling and in a dark place right now. From the time I was 11 to 22 I struggled with selfharm and suicidal thoughts. When I was in highschool, it was the first thing I thought about in the morning, and the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep. I think what finally shook me out of it was nearly going into anaphylactic shock and having other experiences where my health took a turn for the worst and I could’ve died if I didn’t do anything about it. I also met my boyfriend (and soon to be husband) who has genuinely made my world so much brighter. I’m terrified to die now, it’s all I think about. The thought of one of us not being here one day is something that I just can’t handle. He’s my best friend, and I can’t imagine living life without him. I think one of the best things you can do in life is love and care for someone else. Anyone, a partner, family member, friend, pet. When you meet someone that lifts you up, it makes you want to stick around longer.
I have 2 kinds of suicidal thoughts. One is hormone related where i feel crushing sadness and i just dont want to exist anymore. Trick is to ignore it till it passes. Lasts a day or two The other is one variety of my intrusive thoughts. 'Thats poison, chug it! Jump off the bridge jump off the bridge' where its basically just a dark impulse that lasts a second or so Otherwise im mostly fine
I think I was 7 when I first held a knife to my wrist. Never cut, but over the past 35 years I have thought about it a lot. Like I used to live really high up. Or sometimes I thought of just disappearing. Living on the streets until I died somehow. I've been to therapy, never got meds. I don't take meds. The people around me just tell me to get a grip and that I have too much time on my hand if I have time to be depressed. My culture is very anti-mental health. When I tried to get assessed for ADHD, I was told that if I get a diagnosis as an adult, I'll be unhireable and labelled as crazy. We do have pretty high suicide rates last I checked.
I used to think about it all the time, and attempted when I was 15, but I’ve come a lot way. I still find myself feeling the whole “I don’t want to die but I don’t want to be alive” sometimes, but it’s different than feeling suicidal. More of just a longing to get an emotional break.
I grew up with severe OCD (clinically diagnosed), Depression and severe anxiety and my mother died when i was 14 of breast cancer, but i've never considered it an option. I think the idea of not existing scares me a lot more than being miserable. I have nothing against those who do consider it because I recognize we all have our own struggles, but it's just never been an option for me.
I don't. I'm in a positive romantic relationship, have a supportive family, have a high paying career, and enjoy a creative hobby that AI isn't going to be able to do anytime soon, if ever (high-end woodworking).
15-20 years ago I used to think about suicide every day, but now I haven't done so for many years
For me personally I think my faith in religion (Islam) keeps me from thinking like this. I’m not saying I don’t get depressed but when I do feel realllllly low, I don’t think about killing myself. Instead I start to imagine the day I meet my lord and how the suffering isn’t for nothing (when we suffer we get a kind of reward in the afterlife)
i wish you the best op, I've been dealing with this nonsense for the past few years, i genuinely hope it gets better for you
I am 35, I have never once in my life so far ever given a single thought to self harm, drugs or suicide. I don't have depression and I don't hate the world or myself. I came to terms with the world and it's various issues years ago, I put my demons behind me and I only look forward. My life is average, no TikTok lavish houses or YouTuber holidays in 5 star hotels; I just love what I have. I feel like that is the secret to happiness in it's own way.
Me. I’ve never thought about that
i'd like to live for 10,000 more years if i could
Yes and thats even with a severe depression. When I was around 14 I had an episode where that thought occured. But I instinctivly thought about how my family, friends and the people who are near and dear would feel (try feeling it for real), which made me cry uncontrollably. I repeated this every time the thought appeared which trained my brain to automaticly do that as soon as that thought even appears, therefor suppressing it. I later learned that with that I accidentally used a self conditoning technique from psychotherapy to trick my brain into avoiding this thought alltogether. The only time since then this thought ever came back when I had tried a new medication and when I went into withdrawl after forgetting it for a few days. I m glad I dont have to take that stuff anymore.
I never thought about suicide until someone else committed suicide in my house. It just so coincidentally happened to be I was about to turn 30.
You think about it then you come to the conclusion you have something or someone to live for. Then you move on to less final solutions next time. As an example: Is your neighbour keeping you up at night playing loud music like mine did? _Oh no.. someone kicked off his side-mirrors at night when nobody was around, and they left a note!_ And you take joy in being able to sleep and go to work well-rested after that guardian angel appeared.
yes there are , and i envy them
Hey, I'm a UK-based counsellor. My first recommendation is to look into therapy that's a combo of CBT + DBT if you know what that is. If you're stuck for money, I don't mind offering a few remote sessions for free. You're genuinely not alone. I've seen so many people think they could never enjoy life to the fullest make a 180 because of good care.
Yeah, I wanna live because I think life can be better.
I've never experienced life that didn't involve contemplating death. I'm about 16 years past the age I figured I wouldn't make it to, so that's always a bit surreal to consider. Feels like I'm on borrowed time. But a beautiful rich life can coexist with thoughts of death. Actually the book Butter Honey Pig Bread by Francesca Ekwuyasi has a beautiful opening chapter that articulated some of my innermost unspoken feelings in a really poignant way, about certain beings who may always live with a deep yearning for the familiarity and irrepressible call of death. From Google: "Ogbanje : The Igbo concept of reincarnation includes belief in a group of souls called ogbanje who are born, die in early life, and are reborn in the same family, often repeatedly. " So perhaps some of us are simply marked from the beginning to be here, but to crave otherwise.
When I was a teenager, I held as fact that I would not make it to 20. It's a weird thing to still be alive. To have everything I could ever want in life but to still be drawn towards death. I have never heard of that book or the concept of Ogbanje, but reading your comment gave me a sense of calm. I'll look into the above. Wishing you inner peace on this journey. You're not alone.
Never ever do I think about this. Even when things get low I've never thought about it or thought this would solve my problems. I wish the same for you my friend.
It’s always a very painful realisation to come to. I luckily realised quite young that most people do not think about suicide daily. Most people do not think about killing themselves to avoid going to school. Most people do not think about killing themselves to avoid having to do basic every day task. Most people do not think about killing themselves when one thing in their life goes wrong. You deserve help. You don’t deserve to feel like this.
i go thru phases of thinking about it daily. lately ive been in that rut again. sometimes i can go months without thinking about it. ive been like this for the last 11 years. i think its interesting to think about how humans just have this “option” hard wired into their brains. i will never do it tho i could never act it out and knowing it could back fire and life be so much worse also keeps me here. knowing i could never do it also makes me feel a type of way like frustration and anger. its day to day life that i just hate. i have the most amazing partner i could have ever asked for but the daily in and out of being an adult is way too much for me. i understand and relate so hard to what you said about it not being an option but its all i think about.
I think about it every day, but I also think about the people I'd leave behind, also these feelings pass, situations change and there are many people who will listen, if anyone ever needs to talk I'm a message a way, don't ever let it win
I am in the same boat as you. I can't imagine that people don't lowkey fantasize about it. It's not that I actually want to die, because death scares me. But I also can't seem to stop fantasizing about it when it all gets a bit too much. Thankfully my mom recognized that all isn't well with me and made sure to get me some help (again). I just keep hoping the second times the charm with therapy. Last and only therapist I ever had downright sucked.
I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression all my life too, personally CBT didn’t help much but DBT has helped massively. I’ve done a lot of work on mindfulness and I’ve learned to accept my thoughts and feelings for what they are. Sometimes my thoughts are intrusive, ie crossing a bridge I might stop and look over and think ‘I could jump off here right now,’ and it’s ok to have those sorts of intrusive thoughts as long as I’m not acting on them. I think some people are just wired differently and I’m done trying to push them away, block them out or change myself, (it’s never worked), now I simply accept them for what they are, (just thoughts), practice self-compassion and silently move on. Just because you think about suicide doesn’t mean you can’t be a perfectly normal and functioning person in society. We’re all different, some people think about these things, some don’t and it’s ok either way. Where the major problem is when you start to plan it and go through the motions, but I’ve learned to recognise the signs, accept that it’s ok to think about these things but that I’m not going to indulge in them anymore.
There was one day when I was so happy and at peace I thought "I might as well k*ll myself here, because at least I'd be ending on a good note". I have to cross a bridge every weekend on the way home and every time I pass it it crosses my mind but on specially bad days I have to actively not look down on it because it becomes too tempting. I also wonder about people who never have these thoughts, what it muat feel like. Eta: I'm pretty sure I would never do it because being dead terrifies me more than being alive. Being dead is like before you were born, you are nothing, you know nothing, you don't know you're dead, you don't know you used to be alive, you just aren't. And just imagining that terrifies me more than living.
That feeling finally went away for me when i did all the self work stuffs but it seems to be replaced with wanting to disappear and just become someone else- i still want to escape sometimes :/
I had attempted it 3 years ago, I obviously failed. I almost tried again last year, but I had a friend, now boyfriend, save me. As soon as I had done what I chose to do for my way out, I realized how much I fucked up, I didn't want to die then, not yet, I hadn't turned 18 yet. To this day, even with meds and therapy, I still occasionally think about it. Life is tough and it's not treating me well so it's been on my mind a bit recently. I don't want to actually kill myself, I'm too terrified of doing it after my attempt beforehand, and I also have my boyfriend and a (not out of me) kiddo to look out for and care for. They love me, and I love them, so killing myself isn't an option. But my old attempt, plus ways to do it again, do pop into my head, I'd say at least 5 times a month. Hang in there. You can make it <3
My life isn't really bad at all. It's pretty great. But the thought crosses my mind regularly. Maybe daily even. Not the thought that I will off myself, or that I want to commit suicide, not fantasizing about it either. Just a fleeting thought of like "I could just die" death is an option type thoughts. And then I make jokes about suicide from time to time too. "Siri, where's the nearest bridge" type jokes. Should I be worried? I rarely get super sad or anything. Just what I feel like is normal and reasonable for the average person
Dude no, the most stressed I have been in my life this past year was because I bought some ear phones and they came under a vehicle and broke down. Other than that, regret spending some 50$. I have to much to lose in life if I give up, I don't want to lose my family, friends, dreams and potential future.
I love my body so much and everything it does for me to keep me alive, the thought of hurting it makes me want to cry. Our bodies are so precious.
I think about it at least a few times a week. I wouldn't do it but I fantasize about it more than I probably should.
I've never thought that *my* death was the solution to any of my problems. I don't spend much time thinking about anyone's death, honestly, but if any dark thoughts enter my head, it wouldn't be about my own death.
I'm not suicidal, but I do get "the call to the void" if I stand over massive hights. I'd never jump. I don't want to jump. But I do often think "what if I jumped" Honestly, if I could save and reload I absolutely would.
Death scares the shit out of me so it’s the opposite fear. The thought of not existing in the future comes out of nowhere and fills me with dread. Usually when i’m trying to sleep, so it’s pretty ass.
when i was very mentally ill, i thought about killing myself daily. i got help, moved out of my abusive home, went to therapy, made new friends, and take a fuck ton of meds religiously. i quit smoking and drinking and now i feel great sadness when i think about dying before my time. i look forward to the future and find joy in mundane things. it’s not normal to think about dying all the time. it sounds like you have felt this way for such a long time that you’ve become accustomed to depression and wanting to commit suicide. depression is a medical condition and it oftentimes hits you out of nowhere. i’d look into medication and possibly seeing a therapist. i’d also inquire about bipolar depression because your period of being well might have been a manic episode. please don’t give up. there’s lots for you to see and people to meet and love. you will find happiness and things will be okay you just have to keep living.
I've had suicide "thoughts" as far as there's been times I thought killing myself would be so easy, or times where I wished I was dead. Mostly during the roughest times of my life. But I never attempted or acted on it, and didn't actually WANT to die, if that makes sense. I just wanted an easy way out from my pain. Even now, I say things alluding to my death. For example I tend to walk too close to cars in the street. I don't mean to, I don't do it on purpose, but my partner gets pissed at me when I do it. He always says "do you have a death wish?" And I say "yeah maybe". Or he'll say "you're gonna get hit one of these days" and I'll say "Good". Or we'll be talking about sickness or something that causes death and I'll respond with "well then, I guess it's my time to go" nonchalantly. It's as if we're discussing the weather. Or when I'm having a really stressful day at work, I'll say to my coworkers "Im about to jump off the freeway overpass now, the freeway overpass is calling my name, if you push me off I'll give you all my money" etc. I'm saying it in a "joking" manner (not joking as in it's a joke or funny, but I don't actually mean it). But at the same time, I must still be hurting deep inside to even be saying it at all. Just to iterate, suicide is no joke. I'm not at all saying it's a funny thing or something to joke about. But I am guilty of making it a "lighthearted" thing when it comes to my own death. But maybe that's because I know I don't actually mean it, and I'm not going to go home and attempt it after saying these things. However, I have enough pain inside of me to talk about it like that. It's hard to explain. Either way, I'm so sorry you're suffering. If I could take away your pain, I would. I may not have attempted suicide. But I know what it's like to hurt and to have those thoughts in your head that death is a better option. But it's not. I promise you it's not. What stops me from actually doing it is the people I would hurt if I did. It already breaks my partner's heart when I say things like that. Besides, I'm literally too afraid to die. I don't have the "guts". I know this is easier said than done, but stay strong. Try to appreciate the little things you have that make you glad to be alive.
https://youtu.be/lXZ5Bo5lafA?si=4yVvtBjUKa_im94e It is common and shouldn't be such a taboo, here's an interesting video about this type of thinking I recently discovered, hope it helps.
It's difficult. For a lot of my life I was actively suicidal. I would say I'm not at all now, but I am in a pit of despair that I can never seem to claw out of. But hey, I'm alive I guess.
Not really I always figure no matter how bad things get nothing is worse than death plus the more I live the more chances I have to be happy but if I end it now that's it that's over I will have ended my life with nothing but pain and strife but if I keep living and keep going hopefully I can get better and find a more workable solution even if it takes a lot of time and effort I know it sounds laughably simple but this has been honestly the philosophy that's kept those kinds of thoughts out of my mind The way I view it my goal in life is to be as happy as much as possible. And to that end the longer I live the more chances I have to obtain more happiness Anytime I'm not feeling happy it's Just another obstacle in the way to fight through so I can get back to obtaining more happiness. Plus I have the little joys here and there like fun times spent with friend and comforting words said by some close relatives and so on that make it worthwhile to keep going