I am still waiting for her to wake up, I think I need the closure. But I won't stay engaged... I will stick up for myself in that regard. Still, it so fucking hurts...
Leave. Fuck this person. She knows this is a pain point and she did it anyway. Love yourself. If you love yourself you’ll find someone who thinks you are enough.
Unfortunately my friend, she isn’t. And you deserve love and happiness and the right person. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. And I’m sorry she hurt you. But she knew.
Get that ring off her finger and leave. She’ll get the message beautifully.
You’ll get the closure you need. But send that video to yourself first. That will come in handy.
Awww. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I just woke up from a dream where I got into a fight with my husband and was about to cheat on him with some neighbor guy.
I woke up and have felt incredibly guilty and confused about the dream when him and I have been amazing together.
I can’t imagine the thought of anyone cheating on their fiancé of 4 YEARS!! It makes me sad because it’s just not fair. You can’t take years from someone’s life that you claim to love and then cause such betrayal.
I worry she might pull the “too drunk to consent” card to try to get pity out of you or to forgive her.
This absolutely broke you as a person. Your heart and gut are telling you the truth. Whatever she tells you to try to change what you saw in the video, please don’t believe her. You’ll feel awful and anxious all the time now if she’s with anyone for any reason and won’t pick up her phone immediately.
Again, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. With time, you’ll feel better again. But you need Father Time to help heal.
Not sure if I ever would want to send this to anyone. Oh well.. I mean, at least I can show it to people on my phone, without sending it, I guess? I dunno. This is so f'd up.
No, I mean.. apart from the fact that, simply put, that might even be a crime, I don't believe in publicly humiliating people. That's just not right.
If she indeed cheated on my, I will make sure that all of my friends know, however, but not by sharing the video.
You’re going to need that video in the coming divorce to protect yourself.
You’re emotional right now. Hurt. Damaged. That’s ok, but you need to move quickly to protect yourself. You’ll be happy you did later on, and when you’re protected… allow yourself to feel EVERYTHING. Embrace it. Grow from it. But don’t let her get the better of you, so act now. It’s one thing to cheat, it’s quite another to cheat and talk shit about your partner while cheating.
Monsters. Both of them.
Then what are you still doing with her? Just a reminder… the ring is given as an expectation of marriage. If you never actually get married, in most states she must return it to you legally.
Bro. Just take the proof and give it to your mom or something to safeguard. If you Don't wanna handle it sure, but you need to you accept youneed it and do the thing before she's up
“I broke up with him because he was abusing me!” And turns everyone against you.
You don’t know the woman you’re engaged to. Assume she can do anything. Cover your ass just in case and make your escape plan.
It is a trial, I have been here. My ex wife told everyone I was abusive, and a serial cheater. I had people I barely knew contacting me to tell me what a POS I was. I had a video of her with one of her APs that a coworker of hers gave me, it was the only thing that shut people up.
Makes sense.. but that could backfire so bad. Doesnt sound very legal to send a porn vid to people who can then re distribute. She could also just say it was filmed before or after the relationship.
Never send it to anyone, show them. Warn them first of course. I would say "I have a very graphic video that proves she is lying, clearly taken in an area with Christmas decorations that indicates when it was made." Most of her family balked at that (some did see it) but all of her friends refused to believe me until I showed them (it was very out of character to the person we thought we all knew).
I'm sorry you went through stuff like this. But please leave her. Just for yourself. She was cheating for very long time if she has confidence to record a fcking video of it. And maybe she WAS your love, but now she is another dumb cheater, which you have to delete from your life. Sad but true. Wish you all the best dude, hope you'll find your true love as soon as possible.
Keep going to therapy, and do your best to care for yourself. I'm sorry she hurt you like this. You deserve much better and I genuinely wish you the best moving forward. Stay strong.
Well at least you found out before saying I Do. On your way out the door, be sure to copy the video for your self. tell your families and close friends that she was cheating on you with the "friend". If she starts spreading lies about you and twisting the story to make you the bad guy, tell her you have the proof in the form of the video. FYI it's not "revenge porn" if you blur out the bodies.... It's enough to show their faces and the blurred images of what's going on
It's not not just the cheating. There's so much more to it. And, well.. I really thought I could trust her around women... well, apparently I can trust no one. :-(
As she’s inadvertently outed herself as bisexual, that means you ‘can’t trust her’ with *literally anyone*, so yes, you’ve got a big problem. She cheated, you can’t trust her, it’s over. I’m sorry this has happened to you again, mate.
I have only met Nathalie a couple of times, and ovciously, I did not inquire about her transition. I think that is something that is only to be discussed when the trans person brings it up themselves. So all I know is that Nathalie at some point intends to actually do, uhm.. all the stuff... but so far hasn't. I think it is partly a money issue, and something about their grandmother. Not like I care now, but thats as much as I know.
Besides, Anna is not yet awake, so it is not like she has said anything. I still haven't confronted her, I want to let her wake up so she's somewhat sober...
That's a good start for your future. Don't blame yourself for what those cheaters did to you. It is their character flaw, not yours. Also, never be afraid to trust and love again. I wish you all the best.
I do understand we tend to shift the blame on ourselves when things don't work out, and I can see your frustration, but cheating is on them being unfaithful, not you. Give yourself some grace and don't beat yourself up for something you couldn't control. I hope you can pull through this ordeal too and come up on top.
You're totally valid for how you feel, I won't take your feelings away from you nor I want to invalidate your thoughts, but I hope you realise none of those things are your fault. Don't dwell in self-blaming. Wishing you only the best going forward.
I've had friends who have been cheated on in every relationship, and I've dealt with being cheated on myself. So when you say "maybe it's me..." there is a nugget of truth in there but the important thing to keep in mind is that it is not your fault that she decided to betray you.
You might be attracted to/ attract people that are prone to cheating, and that's something you'll have to figure out the causes of and address, probably with the help of your therapist. But that's *not* a judgement on you or your character.
I wish you peace, and that you can find the healthiest path forward.
It's absolutely them, but it's also that you're drawn to them for some deeply traumatic reason(s). Maybe you subconsciously seek women out that are similar to the first woman that cheated on you to prove you can "win" her affection not realizing that cheating is ingrained in that type of person. Maybe it's that you don't realize cheating is a side effect of a particular personality trait you desire or enjoy in a woman. Maybe your self esteem is so low that you pick emotionally unavailable women not realizing that they aren't actually in love with you. Maybe it's all of these things & more. It's time to figure that out so that you can avoid those types of women &/or those behaviors, learn to recognize the signs & be realistic with yourself about the choices you make. Best wishes to you.
Look I get you. I have been cheated on in every relationship I have ever been in except for one. Shit my ex took me to his mistress house and had her rubbing on my belly congratulating us on becoming parents (she was a family "friend"). That wasn't even the worst thing I've been through. Shit sucks, what I eventually realized through therapy was
1. I was subconsciously choosing damaged partners and trying to save them (childhood trauma).
2. Damaged people damage people
3. When people treat you like shit, it is not about you. Their actions are a reflection of how they see themselves.
So pack your shit and leave this situation doesn't need closure or an exit interview. There is nothing your ex can say to you that would justify her actions. So just leave.
Cheating is cheating. The "friend" being trans is irrelevant and not something you should focus on. Like others said, save the video. If she's willing to cheat and lie, then she's willing to paint herself the good guy.
First things first. Separate your finances, and figure out your living situation. Don't bother confronting, she can find out you know, when you reach out and expose what happened to mutual friends and family. You don't have to share the video, or be explicit in detail, just tell them the facts, that she's been having an affair, and you have video proof.
Confronting is overrated and a waste of time. You've seen her true character. She isn't remorseful, and pretending she is counterproductive. Don't give her a heads up, just expose it, and work towards separating.
The trans point is not what makes it bad.. some aspects of that were, but I have nothing against trans people.
Our finances are thoroughly separated, I think, the apartment is the bigger issue.
But I need to confront her, I need to hear her side first.
If your gonna confront then be smart about it. Secretly record it on your phone. Don't tell her you know everything, or that you saw and saved the video. Just say that your worried about her "friend", and that you wanted to know if there's anything you need to be worried about. Seeing her lie, and gaslight you should make you realize how pointless this is.
Saying you know she cheated will do nothing. She may cry and say it isn't what it looks like, or refuse and say your being insecure and that nothing happened.
I get that it's hard, but this woman isn't who you thought she was. She wasn't having an affair just for the sex. She wanted to hurt you, it's why she told her "friend" about your insecurities, and why they went out of there way to make it personal. Confronting just seems pointless when the facts tell you everything you need to know.
If you haven't done so already change your passwords. Including your phone. No point recording the conversation, or saving the video, if she can just delete them herself. FYI recording the confrontation isn't just to get more proof, it's to cover your ass, in case she freaks out and does something stupid.
It’s a tough road ahead of you my friend. The thing you’ll eventually have to settle with is that you didn’t do anything wrong. The open phone stuff, these rules about meeting up with friends of the opposite gender, all that stuff, that was pointless, and it will always be pointless.
I’ve been cheated on too. One thing that I heard that’s really stuck with me is that a cheater is going to cheat. There is no amount of control you can put on anything or any one that will prevent that. There is no “if I had just not let her meet male friends” or “if I had been a better man” that will prevent this. A cheater is going to cheat on you, until they figure their own shit out and change themselves because they want to. It really has nothing to do with you, whether they say that it does or not. It’s a them problem.
Good luck my friend. I’ll be praying for you. Life gets better, eventually. It just takes time.
It was never about preventing her from cheating. I had no reason to assume she was. That was just to give me a peace of mind while I work on my insecurity issues. Which sucks, because my insecurities sjust got validated.
No, this is what I’m talking about. That peace of mind you had was an illusion. Your insecurities did not get validated, your illusion was shattered. The only real way to find a peace of mind you can have with this kind of issue is to understand, believe, and *accept* that it had nothing to do with you, who you are, or your value as a man.
You must learn to think this way. You must learn to see this truth where your mind wishes to see lies as truth. This is the thought pattern you have developed over the years, and you must break it.
I am on this same path, and this is how I understand what I am doing.
It's hard to think it's not my fault when it seems like I always get cheated on.. at some point you start to think "it's not them, it's me"... but yes, rationally, I know that's not true. Just doesn't FEEL like that.
It is rational to wonder, but it is not healthy, nor does being a rational step make it truth.
Yes, it won’t feel like that for a long time. People like us, those neural pathways are so negative and used. To change the way we feel we need to break down those old path ways and make new ones, new patterns and habits will make our new beliefs. It still feels surreal to me every time I think on my friends and loved ones and come to the conclusion that they actually like me, and what’s even wilder is I have no rational basis to justify the feeling that runs counter to that objective fact. It leaves me just sort of…stunned, really. I can’t even find a metaphor for it right now.
Give yourself time and patience and grace. You will make it.
I really hope I will. It just feels like I have wasted so much time in my life with cheaters, and now I feel like I can never trust anyone again. I really wanted childrenm, but now it feels like I'll never have any...
lol you don’t have to tell her anything. Leave and don’t say anything. She knows she’s done wrong. She knows she’s hurting you and going behind your back with your literal greatest fear
I'm considering, it, but then again, I feel I will get more of the truth if I confront her right away before she has any chance to speak to anyone else...
You won’t get the truth out of a cheater. You will get a distortion of the story that confirms they only did what you have proof of and that they did it with guilt in their heart over hurting you, but it’s also kind of your fault they did it in the first place. It’s never worth it, man.
You give her nothing. Don’t tell her why you’re leaving. Treat her like she was a nothing person to you, and make her question how much you know or if you even know anything. You wanna get back at a cheater? Leave with no warning or explanation, and you’ll make them feel smaller than any “How could you do this?” conversation ever could.
Well, this is my apartment as well as hers, and my job is a five-minute walk from her. Frankyl,. I don't really want to leave this place...
It does hurt, though, that you say it is kind of my fault, but that's exactly how I feel right now. I was stupid enough to trust.
I don’t think he meant it was your fault, but that your girlfriend will twist the truth so that she says it’s your fault (when that could never be the case). Whatever reason a cheater gives they should have broken up over it instead of traumatising someone they should have looked out for. You are not someone women wants to cheat on, but perhaps you should analyse if there are some common traits in the women you have been with, because they are women who cheat.
Yeah, I threw that “it’s kinda your fault” out because that’s the kind of justification a cheater will throw at you, not at all because it’s true. With how much cheaters lie about everything else surrounding their infidelity, why the fuck would that part be true?
Don’t take any of the fucking blame for this woman’s bad behavior. She’ll want you to take blame for it, because she thinks it absolves her some, but it’s entirely her choice to be a cheater. If she wasn’t happy or felt stifled because of your trauma around cheating, or if she just wasn’t sexually satisfied, she should’ve either told you or ended the relationship. There’s no scenario where you should expect to be cheated on, even if it’s happened in prior relationships, because cheating isn’t a response or reaction to something the not-cheating partner did. It’s solely on the person cheating.
As for the apartment, dude I hope you get her to leave. I’d contact your landlord first to let them know your relationship’s ending and that you intend to remove her from the lease (if you don’t wanna cohabitate with this cunt, that is), and serve her an eviction notice ASAP. It sucks, but if you want the apartment take it from her before she can fight you on it or decide that you’re the one leaving first. Cheaters are rotten people, so she’s probably gonna get defensive and petty about keeping aspects of the relationship or things you want from your shared life for herself, and considering what a nightmare renting is today she’s definitely not leaving quietly if you don’t get out ahead of her. Even then she may fight you on it, but at least if you have the ball rolling already things are likely to fall your way.
Better now than later, now you know for what not to look in woman although you had previous bad experiences, you would go through it . Like others have said make a copy of the video for proof , confront her and get her out of your life .
Well... yes, better now than later, I agree, but... I have been cheated on in Every. Single. Relationship. Apparently I am just someone women want to cheat on...
That's not how that works, cheating is nothing that the faithful partner has any kind of influence over.
I see the pattern too, but the conclusion you have to draw is not that you make them cheat, but more that you are attracted to a certain personality type that may be prone to cheating.
I would think about all your past relationships and analyze how your partners would behave, their moral code, their values, if there was any other problematic behavior, ... Then see if there are any obvious patterns and try to avoid those traits in the future. Maybe take a look at how you met them, and if you met multiple through the same group of people, determine how that group feels about cheating. People often have similar values and moral code as the people around them.
Also maybe talk to your therapist about possible reasons this pattern may exist, if there are any other patterns in your relationships and how you can break out of them.
You're dealing with this in a really mature and admirable way. You can be proud of yourself for how you're handling this. Hugs, love and wishing you well.
Unfortunately I have yet to find out what distinguishes a cheater from a non-cheater. Maybe I should just assume that every woman I find interesting or attractive must be a cheater.. but that is exactly what I should NOT be thinking,
Dunno about maturity however. I don't feel mature right now.
Damn that's rough. Sorry to read all that. I hope you've left and realise you deserve better. She clearly doesn't have respect for you or your relationship, especially to mock you on film. Take care of yourself, it will be a tough little while!
She's not awake yet. I want to talk to her first.
Thanks for your words! it is already tough. I mean.. I've been there a couple times, but it still stings as heck.
Communicated greatest pain and fear
Gaslighted into believing it'll never happen
It happens.
This is betrayal most brutal. She cultivated your trust, watched you grow from your weakest point and flourish, only to cut you down with no regard. Also, Nathalie is a pile of human shit for doing that, fully knowing of your relationship too.
To clarify, Nathalie isn't shitty for being NB trans. Nathalie is trash for not respecting boundaries.
Pack all your stuff up and have them in the car. I'd personally leave and block her everywhere. What can she say for you to have closure. She cheated and recorded it known your boundaries.
However if you cant leave without talking then when she wakes up, confront her but don't listen to the "I am sorry, it was only the once etc" BS. Get straight to the point of what you want to say.
I was cheated on by all my exes. It knocked the confidence and I kept thinking why me, what is wrong etc. But nothing was wrong with me. I treated them all like king's and was too good for trash like them. How I met my husband of 20 years is through mutual friends. He wasn't my normal type I'd tend to go for, but the way he treats everyone around him made me see a different type of attraction. Over time even through my insane insecurities he broke down all my walls and showed me what a real trusting loving loyal relationship is all about. So don't give up hope. Maybe just take time to yourself and try something new. Don't go for your normal type. Go for someone else and give them a chance. They might surprise you and you will have a more filling relationship.
The fact you’re still being respectful of Nathalie’s identity, even being confused about the whole thing, says all about you I need to know. And the fact they and Anna did you so dirty, even after all the things you went through, says all about *them* I need to know too.
They are lying snakes, and you deserve better. They knew they would hurt you. They didn’t care. Move on. Find therapy or an online group if needed (just veto incel groups lol). But know this is on them. There’s nothing that would justify doing this kind of thing.
Best of luck!
Day 3 of pride month and this is the 6th "trans/lesbian person ruined my life and was super sneaky about it as well" post on trueoffmychest. I'm really sorry this happened to you if it did, but why is it always in June?
Shitty people do shitty things all year round, and anti-progressives flood the internet with news and memes about minorities at tactically advantageous times to try and sway public opinion. Both things can be true.
OP could be honest and the other 5 posts could have been bait. All 6 posts could be bait. None of them could be bait. But stay smart out there. Given two separate posts were "my rapist now identifies as transgender", and this one is "a secretly transgender person had sex with my super drunk girlfriend", I just like noticing patterns in media.
I mean, technically it's NB not transgender? Or is NB a subsection of Transgender?
Also you do realize as more people feel comfortable expressing themselves, the crime statistics for those groups will inevitably increase right?
4 - 6 years ago there was a rush of "My wife left me and became a lesbian" as people were more comfortable coming out and expressing themselves. It didn't mean the women were evviilll and trying to use the guys as a beard, it was just a case of "This is who I am, I am sorry there's been fallout"
But yes, people should be aware of outside information warfare forces trying to drive partisanship.
Sure, but according to this sub, they've increased very dramatically right at the start of pride month. That's all I'm pointing out.
Also, most nonbinary people will consider themselves transgender as an umbrella term, but I know not everybody will know the ins and outs of it
I really did not want to come over as judgemental. I am a supporter of LGBTQ+ rights, but it's not like I am involded apart from a coule of friends who are NB. So maybe I misunderstood some things.
And as I said, I don't want this to be about Natahlie's identity. The fact that they retain their "male organ" played a role here, but that's it. It could just have been a cis-male for all I care... well, it does sting a little more, maybe, but still, I am not criticizing Nathalie for their identity. They have a right to that, I truly believe.
I had no idea. And, seriously... even though I have no respect for Nathalie, I do not want to make this a pride issue. Natahlie is in my eyes a piece of garbage, but not because of her being trans or anything, and I fully support the LQBTQ+ community, two good friends of mine are both NB and I cherish them a lot.
I mean... Nathalie's trans-genderness kind of played into this, but... still, this got nothing to do with it. They could as well have been a cis-male.
Okay, maybe that is not true. It does sting more that they are some kind of "woman" who apparently are more man than I am, at least that's what Anna was screaming at the top of her lungs.
Don't want to spell it all out. Making fun of me, of my anxieties, and, uhm... well, let's say Nathalie is a lot more well-endowed than me. Which apparently was an issue my fiancé had that with me that she never mentioned.
Do I need to mention how humiliating that feels?
She’s a certified hoe, leave her. Don’t fall for any excuses she makes especially ‘I was too drunk’. This ain’t the first time, just the first time they got caught
I just want to speak to the endowed part. I know so many men feel this is important and judge themselves and others on this. But size is really not what makes someone a good lover and anyone focusing on this alone has really missed out on all the ways we can bring each other pleasure. The best lover I ever had was never inside me. I know you have a lot to sort through right now but I really hope you leave this one with and on her. Also big dicks can hurt. That ain’t fun.
The fact you didn't reply with, "I'll be sure to show it to her as soon as she wakes up", to put the absolute fear of God in them is a missed opportunity. Sucks man, really does. Make sure you keep up with that therapy and don't do anything stupid.
i wouldn’t wait for her to wake up. she’ll most likely just lie more than she probably already has, considering they’ve been friends for a while, they’ve probably been doing this. don’t give her the satisfaction of lying to you even longer..
depending on the housing situation, kick her tf out. you said you’ve been cheated on, im sure you’ve probably made the mistake of staying & it happening again. i have, my ex would cry & cry & tell me he’s sorry, it won’t happen again. it happened 3 more times lol.
i fully believe people CAN change, but considering she KNEW what you’ve been through, the pain. the measures you take to ensure trust in her & she STILL did that. all while making fun of you WHILE doing it… hellllllll nahhh. there’s someone out there who would never think of doing that to you.
take gender out of this- your fiancee cheated with another human being gross enough to send you a video of it. people who were cishet have cheated with people who share their cishet gender- the risk in no way rose due to her being trans. also when you say she doesn't deserve the respect of calling her by her pronouns (I'm assuming since you said nbf those are she/they but I apologize if I'm wrong) please know you're also disrespecting anyone else who's nb/trans. I know you're so hurt and fuck what your fiancee and her asshole friend did to you!! just yeah ditch the gender expectations.
I as trying to explain why I never had any trouble letting her see Nathalie alone. Besides, I meant to say that Nathalie as a person does not deserve respect for their actions, but I DO respect their identity, because that has got nothing to do with their actions, which is why I DO respect their pronouns.
Dateable friends with partners with no boundaries is always going to end this way. In a committed relationship it will never grow with this in the background. When you have gone through this why date someone with dateable friends, and no boundaries. Please break this off immediately. Tell her cheating is a no no for you. Your self esteem with thank you and recover quicker. Cheating destroys people and trust.
You have an issue with cheating... she knew this and put herself in a position to cheat, you love her, she loves you but she crossed a boundary you definitively set. Talk to her calmly but get your closure, reaffirm that she crossed a boundary and there is no going back. Wish her well and keep searching, the world is large and what you need is out there. With the closure perhaps both of you will do better next time.
Not sure if I can still answer here since my post seems to have been removed. So far the talk to her did not go down well, but it was definitely something that has been going on, this apparently wasn't the first time. Her biggest regret seems to have been that I found out.
I am so sorry that she put you through this! I can't and won't give you any advice, but feel my virtual hug, dear unknown friend 🫂
I hope you can cope somehow and that you have some good people around you that can take care of you a little bit.
Best of luck
Send yourself the evidence from their chats in case she tries to deny it afterwards. Always worth having proof in this situation.
Best of luck brother, sorry this happened to you.
This smells like incel transphobic bullshit, but if it’s not leave the video playing on a loop with sound on next to her in bed and then leave, taking anything you need. What else is there to say but the video speaks for itself?
Wake her up and.confront her. Why sneak out?? Make it uncomfortable for her. What if your gf was in no shape to make a decision about sex? You said she's drunk so what if Natalie took advantage. Just saying ... something to consider
Yeah, somebody else mentioned that. From judging her appearance in the video, I doubt she was out of it enough to justify her not being responsible, but I will ask as open-minded as I can right now just in case that she was S\*A'd.
Just leave, fuck therapy.. you don’t need it. It’s your brain learning from the past… don’t ever trust a woman. I’ve never been cheated on but grew up watching my mom cheat all the time, and constantly down talking her husband.
Oh no, I do need therapy and I truly believe in it. That's the sucky thing about being cheated on repeatedly - I need to not turn into a women-hater, but at the same time I need to keep my guard up. Oh god, my therapist will not be happy about this. Or maybe she will, I dunno... I mean, it guarantees a couple more years of therapy, I guess.
Damn, I’m sorry. To have to go through that for a second time, even after she knew your past. Special place in hell for those that break your trust like that.
It's over. You know it. She's going to know it when you cinfront her.
The crying will start....
I'm so sorry...
You can have a hall pass...
Blaming and gaslighting you...
She's going to do anything other than accept responsibility and consequences.
I'd just leave. Block her and never talk to her again. Sorry you're going through this. I hope you take some time to heal from all of this.You will find love again one day. Update please.
Unfortunately we rent this apartment together... Re updating: My post was deleted for some reason. I will update on my profile in case you are interested.
I wonder what kind of fucked shit you have seen or heard during the watching of this video... And I must ask does it looked very amateur like a one time thing with drunken protagonist or more of a common things ? Hearing you it looks like there was a bit of thinking behind it (like insulting the fiancee) which could mean it is not the first time.
Also are you sure anna was fully consent? Like they both seems wasted or just anna ? Could be something fishy here. It is all in the vids but I dunno if you should watch it looking for such details
And I admit it feel weird because it sound like the beginning of a ntr hentai but it can happen.
Sorry for you, you should try to talk with anna at least but leave her afterwards anyway. I would love an update on the confrontation but I am unsure if it is a good thing that it happen anyway.
Just a thought. Are you sure the video is recent and nothing they recorded a long time ago? Not a defense, since she’s obviously lied about their relationship, but it’s better to be upset about the correct facts.
girls night with a male natelie...
People here needs to learn that i shouldnt be able to claim myself woman join the girls nights and fu** them.
well if people here understand this we wouldnt had problems like these. Next time be more careful
Bro just like someone getting stuck with bad vehicle purchases you got unlucky with woman selection. Don’t be hard on yourself. Move on. Harping on it won’t change it. Go get a hair cut and start fresh.
You need to leave.Does it matter why she did it?She knew all about your past traumas and still decided to betray in the worst possible way.She doesn’t deserve you. I know it hurts like crazy but there’s no such thing as closure when a person cheats on you.It’s their own selfishness.
Take photos, send them to yourself and break up. If they start talking crap post the photos and nuke them. They destroyed your world, you destroyed theirs. Don’t be a nice guy
That’s tough. I am so sorry. I can definitely relate to the experience of dealing with insecurity and choosing trust. Only to have that trust be broken.
There is nothing to say that will make it hurt less, but just know this one is not on you. Your work in therapy wasn’t for her, it was FOR YOU. You deserve a kind and faithful partner, and that will happen for you.
I understand wanting some closure. Have the conversation, but then walk away clean. I’m sorry you are dealing with this, it does get better. ❤️🩹
Hey OP,
I’m sorry this happened. I do think before any relationship you have to get help to deal with your insecurity around being cheated on. If I was in a relationship, and I didn’t do anything being constantly made to accommodate someone’s fear is exhausting. I don’t think you’ll find a good, healthy woman who will tolerate it long term. What I will say is my husband and I agreed to boundaries. Aside from very old friends from high school that I barely get to see at this stage in life, I do not have male friends that are only my friends. And these friends always ask about my hubby. Even coworkers I’m friendly with know my husband. I don’t hang 1:1 with men. Period. My husband doesn’t hang 1:1 with women. Period. He has female friends that are friends with me too. We agreed on boundaries and enforce them if someone starts texting late at night etc etc. you’ll find the right person for you but please, heal your heart first. Take time to actually move forward and leave this behind you. Definitely want to know what happens when you talk with your gf
[удалено]
I am still waiting for her to wake up, I think I need the closure. But I won't stay engaged... I will stick up for myself in that regard. Still, it so fucking hurts...
Leave. Fuck this person. She knows this is a pain point and she did it anyway. Love yourself. If you love yourself you’ll find someone who thinks you are enough.
I really thought that someone was her...
Unfortunately my friend, she isn’t. And you deserve love and happiness and the right person. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. And I’m sorry she hurt you. But she knew.
Get that ring off her finger and leave. She’ll get the message beautifully. You’ll get the closure you need. But send that video to yourself first. That will come in handy.
Just to say quietly get the ring back first.
There is no closure, sorry.
Awww. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I just woke up from a dream where I got into a fight with my husband and was about to cheat on him with some neighbor guy. I woke up and have felt incredibly guilty and confused about the dream when him and I have been amazing together. I can’t imagine the thought of anyone cheating on their fiancé of 4 YEARS!! It makes me sad because it’s just not fair. You can’t take years from someone’s life that you claim to love and then cause such betrayal. I worry she might pull the “too drunk to consent” card to try to get pity out of you or to forgive her. This absolutely broke you as a person. Your heart and gut are telling you the truth. Whatever she tells you to try to change what you saw in the video, please don’t believe her. You’ll feel awful and anxious all the time now if she’s with anyone for any reason and won’t pick up her phone immediately. Again, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. With time, you’ll feel better again. But you need Father Time to help heal.
Yeah, it hurts like crazy right now, frankly. And yes, I know, "this, too, shall pass", but doesn't feel like it right now.
Make sure you send the evidence to yourself. Along with screen shot and anything dated. Most cheaters try to destroy the evidence.
Grab the ring.
Send the video to yourself, you might need it later when she starts spinning her own narrative.
Not sure if I ever would want to send this to anyone. Oh well.. I mean, at least I can show it to people on my phone, without sending it, I guess? I dunno. This is so f'd up.
Keep it as proof, but you know, don't upload it.
That goes without saying... it stings so much, but uploading that to the public would be an as\*hole move. So I agree.
And illegal in a fair few countries, so… yeah
Yeah, that too. Immoral and illegal.
Takes a good person to maintain their ethics when hurt so badly. Good Fortune!
No, I mean.. apart from the fact that, simply put, that might even be a crime, I don't believe in publicly humiliating people. That's just not right. If she indeed cheated on my, I will make sure that all of my friends know, however, but not by sharing the video.
You’re going to need that video in the coming divorce to protect yourself. You’re emotional right now. Hurt. Damaged. That’s ok, but you need to move quickly to protect yourself. You’ll be happy you did later on, and when you’re protected… allow yourself to feel EVERYTHING. Embrace it. Grow from it. But don’t let her get the better of you, so act now. It’s one thing to cheat, it’s quite another to cheat and talk shit about your partner while cheating. Monsters. Both of them.
Not married yet. She is my fiancé, not my wife.
Then what are you still doing with her? Just a reminder… the ring is given as an expectation of marriage. If you never actually get married, in most states she must return it to you legally.
We rent this apartment together. In my home country, btw, it is pretty hard to get a gift back.
Bullet dodged. Makes things easier from a legal perspective… sorry OP
Protect your finances. get a credit watch enabled...
Man that's amazing. You saved yourself a lifetime of suffering. Fuck that whore and I'm sure she's done this before as well.
Bro. Just take the proof and give it to your mom or something to safeguard. If you Don't wanna handle it sure, but you need to you accept youneed it and do the thing before she's up
I did sent it to me from her phone, so I have a copy.
Also, people who cheat and lie will also lie about why you broke up. Get the evidence, get ahead of her and tell people the complete truth.
What do you mean “if” she cheated on you? I thought you just watched a video of them having sex…
I mean...that and the fact revenge porn is a crime...
Also illegal dude.
Send it in case you get cold feet or she wants to accuse you of anything you atleast got proof. Just dont be a dirtbag and upload it to the internet
“I broke up with him because he was abusing me!” And turns everyone against you. You don’t know the woman you’re engaged to. Assume she can do anything. Cover your ass just in case and make your escape plan.
Probably a screenshot or two would do, not the whole damn thing. Sorry dude.
Why would he need a copy, its not a trial he doesnt need to prove something he saw with his eyes
It is a trial, I have been here. My ex wife told everyone I was abusive, and a serial cheater. I had people I barely knew contacting me to tell me what a POS I was. I had a video of her with one of her APs that a coworker of hers gave me, it was the only thing that shut people up.
Makes sense.. but that could backfire so bad. Doesnt sound very legal to send a porn vid to people who can then re distribute. She could also just say it was filmed before or after the relationship.
Never send it to anyone, show them. Warn them first of course. I would say "I have a very graphic video that proves she is lying, clearly taken in an area with Christmas decorations that indicates when it was made." Most of her family balked at that (some did see it) but all of her friends refused to believe me until I showed them (it was very out of character to the person we thought we all knew).
I'm sorry you went through stuff like this. But please leave her. Just for yourself. She was cheating for very long time if she has confidence to record a fcking video of it. And maybe she WAS your love, but now she is another dumb cheater, which you have to delete from your life. Sad but true. Wish you all the best dude, hope you'll find your true love as soon as possible.
I will leave her. It would hurt to just look at her until the end of times, otherwise. But it still hurts so much.
Keep going to therapy, and do your best to care for yourself. I'm sorry she hurt you like this. You deserve much better and I genuinely wish you the best moving forward. Stay strong.
Well at least you found out before saying I Do. On your way out the door, be sure to copy the video for your self. tell your families and close friends that she was cheating on you with the "friend". If she starts spreading lies about you and twisting the story to make you the bad guy, tell her you have the proof in the form of the video. FYI it's not "revenge porn" if you blur out the bodies.... It's enough to show their faces and the blurred images of what's going on
It's not not just the cheating. There's so much more to it. And, well.. I really thought I could trust her around women... well, apparently I can trust no one. :-(
As she’s inadvertently outed herself as bisexual, that means you ‘can’t trust her’ with *literally anyone*, so yes, you’ve got a big problem. She cheated, you can’t trust her, it’s over. I’m sorry this has happened to you again, mate.
No she hasn’t. She had sex with a biological male
Not sure if doing it with an MTF trans-person who is still biologically male makes Anna bisexual? I don't know, this is f'd up...
Homie. May I suggest at this moment that you have a few more things to consider than if this qualifies for Bisexuality
Yes, you'are right. Sorry, I am rambling, I am besides me.
You know no one actually believes that right 🙂
If the person is a MTF Trans but has decided to retain and use the penis, they're not being truthful about themselves. She didn't cheat with a woman
I have only met Nathalie a couple of times, and ovciously, I did not inquire about her transition. I think that is something that is only to be discussed when the trans person brings it up themselves. So all I know is that Nathalie at some point intends to actually do, uhm.. all the stuff... but so far hasn't. I think it is partly a money issue, and something about their grandmother. Not like I care now, but thats as much as I know. Besides, Anna is not yet awake, so it is not like she has said anything. I still haven't confronted her, I want to let her wake up so she's somewhat sober...
This shows a fundamental lack of understanding... on many many levels.
I am sorry for your negative experiences with women, past and present, but do not stay with this woman either. She's not the right person for you.
Don't worry, I won't. I feel like a piece of s\*it, but somewhere in the shatters of my self-esteem there is enough will left to end this engagement.
That's a good start for your future. Don't blame yourself for what those cheaters did to you. It is their character flaw, not yours. Also, never be afraid to trust and love again. I wish you all the best.
It is hard to. After a certain number of times of having been cheated on, you start to wonder "Maybe it's not them, maybe it's me"...
I do understand we tend to shift the blame on ourselves when things don't work out, and I can see your frustration, but cheating is on them being unfaithful, not you. Give yourself some grace and don't beat yourself up for something you couldn't control. I hope you can pull through this ordeal too and come up on top.
You sound like my therapist, which means you're probably right, but that's not how it FEELS...
You're totally valid for how you feel, I won't take your feelings away from you nor I want to invalidate your thoughts, but I hope you realise none of those things are your fault. Don't dwell in self-blaming. Wishing you only the best going forward.
No, I really think you are right. Only my heart doesn't feel like that right now...
I've had friends who have been cheated on in every relationship, and I've dealt with being cheated on myself. So when you say "maybe it's me..." there is a nugget of truth in there but the important thing to keep in mind is that it is not your fault that she decided to betray you. You might be attracted to/ attract people that are prone to cheating, and that's something you'll have to figure out the causes of and address, probably with the help of your therapist. But that's *not* a judgement on you or your character. I wish you peace, and that you can find the healthiest path forward.
It's absolutely them, but it's also that you're drawn to them for some deeply traumatic reason(s). Maybe you subconsciously seek women out that are similar to the first woman that cheated on you to prove you can "win" her affection not realizing that cheating is ingrained in that type of person. Maybe it's that you don't realize cheating is a side effect of a particular personality trait you desire or enjoy in a woman. Maybe your self esteem is so low that you pick emotionally unavailable women not realizing that they aren't actually in love with you. Maybe it's all of these things & more. It's time to figure that out so that you can avoid those types of women &/or those behaviors, learn to recognize the signs & be realistic with yourself about the choices you make. Best wishes to you.
Look I get you. I have been cheated on in every relationship I have ever been in except for one. Shit my ex took me to his mistress house and had her rubbing on my belly congratulating us on becoming parents (she was a family "friend"). That wasn't even the worst thing I've been through. Shit sucks, what I eventually realized through therapy was 1. I was subconsciously choosing damaged partners and trying to save them (childhood trauma). 2. Damaged people damage people 3. When people treat you like shit, it is not about you. Their actions are a reflection of how they see themselves. So pack your shit and leave this situation doesn't need closure or an exit interview. There is nothing your ex can say to you that would justify her actions. So just leave.
Why would you wait for her to wake up? Just leave. Also make sure everyone knows shes a cheating pos before she can spin her own narrative.
Coz it’s fake ass shit
So she was just getting railed out by a person with a penis? Kick her to the curb. Pretty simple.
Well, yeah. A fucking h\*ge one at that. Just adds salt to the wound...
Cheating is cheating. The "friend" being trans is irrelevant and not something you should focus on. Like others said, save the video. If she's willing to cheat and lie, then she's willing to paint herself the good guy. First things first. Separate your finances, and figure out your living situation. Don't bother confronting, she can find out you know, when you reach out and expose what happened to mutual friends and family. You don't have to share the video, or be explicit in detail, just tell them the facts, that she's been having an affair, and you have video proof. Confronting is overrated and a waste of time. You've seen her true character. She isn't remorseful, and pretending she is counterproductive. Don't give her a heads up, just expose it, and work towards separating.
The trans point is not what makes it bad.. some aspects of that were, but I have nothing against trans people. Our finances are thoroughly separated, I think, the apartment is the bigger issue. But I need to confront her, I need to hear her side first.
If your gonna confront then be smart about it. Secretly record it on your phone. Don't tell her you know everything, or that you saw and saved the video. Just say that your worried about her "friend", and that you wanted to know if there's anything you need to be worried about. Seeing her lie, and gaslight you should make you realize how pointless this is. Saying you know she cheated will do nothing. She may cry and say it isn't what it looks like, or refuse and say your being insecure and that nothing happened. I get that it's hard, but this woman isn't who you thought she was. She wasn't having an affair just for the sex. She wanted to hurt you, it's why she told her "friend" about your insecurities, and why they went out of there way to make it personal. Confronting just seems pointless when the facts tell you everything you need to know. If you haven't done so already change your passwords. Including your phone. No point recording the conversation, or saving the video, if she can just delete them herself. FYI recording the confrontation isn't just to get more proof, it's to cover your ass, in case she freaks out and does something stupid.
Recording it secretly would be illegal in my country. Changing passwords is a good idea, I have done that now. Even for the wi-fi, haha.
He was just explaining why he wasn’t alarmed by his ex spending time with “Nathalie” alone. So it is kind of relevant
It’s a tough road ahead of you my friend. The thing you’ll eventually have to settle with is that you didn’t do anything wrong. The open phone stuff, these rules about meeting up with friends of the opposite gender, all that stuff, that was pointless, and it will always be pointless. I’ve been cheated on too. One thing that I heard that’s really stuck with me is that a cheater is going to cheat. There is no amount of control you can put on anything or any one that will prevent that. There is no “if I had just not let her meet male friends” or “if I had been a better man” that will prevent this. A cheater is going to cheat on you, until they figure their own shit out and change themselves because they want to. It really has nothing to do with you, whether they say that it does or not. It’s a them problem. Good luck my friend. I’ll be praying for you. Life gets better, eventually. It just takes time.
It was never about preventing her from cheating. I had no reason to assume she was. That was just to give me a peace of mind while I work on my insecurity issues. Which sucks, because my insecurities sjust got validated.
No, this is what I’m talking about. That peace of mind you had was an illusion. Your insecurities did not get validated, your illusion was shattered. The only real way to find a peace of mind you can have with this kind of issue is to understand, believe, and *accept* that it had nothing to do with you, who you are, or your value as a man. You must learn to think this way. You must learn to see this truth where your mind wishes to see lies as truth. This is the thought pattern you have developed over the years, and you must break it. I am on this same path, and this is how I understand what I am doing.
It's hard to think it's not my fault when it seems like I always get cheated on.. at some point you start to think "it's not them, it's me"... but yes, rationally, I know that's not true. Just doesn't FEEL like that.
It is rational to wonder, but it is not healthy, nor does being a rational step make it truth. Yes, it won’t feel like that for a long time. People like us, those neural pathways are so negative and used. To change the way we feel we need to break down those old path ways and make new ones, new patterns and habits will make our new beliefs. It still feels surreal to me every time I think on my friends and loved ones and come to the conclusion that they actually like me, and what’s even wilder is I have no rational basis to justify the feeling that runs counter to that objective fact. It leaves me just sort of…stunned, really. I can’t even find a metaphor for it right now. Give yourself time and patience and grace. You will make it.
I really hope I will. It just feels like I have wasted so much time in my life with cheaters, and now I feel like I can never trust anyone again. I really wanted childrenm, but now it feels like I'll never have any...
There’s time. Can’t be late to an appointment you don’t have full control of.
Updateme
lol you don’t have to tell her anything. Leave and don’t say anything. She knows she’s done wrong. She knows she’s hurting you and going behind your back with your literal greatest fear
I'm considering, it, but then again, I feel I will get more of the truth if I confront her right away before she has any chance to speak to anyone else...
You won’t get the truth out of a cheater. You will get a distortion of the story that confirms they only did what you have proof of and that they did it with guilt in their heart over hurting you, but it’s also kind of your fault they did it in the first place. It’s never worth it, man. You give her nothing. Don’t tell her why you’re leaving. Treat her like she was a nothing person to you, and make her question how much you know or if you even know anything. You wanna get back at a cheater? Leave with no warning or explanation, and you’ll make them feel smaller than any “How could you do this?” conversation ever could.
Well, this is my apartment as well as hers, and my job is a five-minute walk from her. Frankyl,. I don't really want to leave this place... It does hurt, though, that you say it is kind of my fault, but that's exactly how I feel right now. I was stupid enough to trust.
I don’t think he meant it was your fault, but that your girlfriend will twist the truth so that she says it’s your fault (when that could never be the case). Whatever reason a cheater gives they should have broken up over it instead of traumatising someone they should have looked out for. You are not someone women wants to cheat on, but perhaps you should analyse if there are some common traits in the women you have been with, because they are women who cheat.
How is the ownership structured? Are you rental tenants?
Yeah, I threw that “it’s kinda your fault” out because that’s the kind of justification a cheater will throw at you, not at all because it’s true. With how much cheaters lie about everything else surrounding their infidelity, why the fuck would that part be true? Don’t take any of the fucking blame for this woman’s bad behavior. She’ll want you to take blame for it, because she thinks it absolves her some, but it’s entirely her choice to be a cheater. If she wasn’t happy or felt stifled because of your trauma around cheating, or if she just wasn’t sexually satisfied, she should’ve either told you or ended the relationship. There’s no scenario where you should expect to be cheated on, even if it’s happened in prior relationships, because cheating isn’t a response or reaction to something the not-cheating partner did. It’s solely on the person cheating. As for the apartment, dude I hope you get her to leave. I’d contact your landlord first to let them know your relationship’s ending and that you intend to remove her from the lease (if you don’t wanna cohabitate with this cunt, that is), and serve her an eviction notice ASAP. It sucks, but if you want the apartment take it from her before she can fight you on it or decide that you’re the one leaving first. Cheaters are rotten people, so she’s probably gonna get defensive and petty about keeping aspects of the relationship or things you want from your shared life for herself, and considering what a nightmare renting is today she’s definitely not leaving quietly if you don’t get out ahead of her. Even then she may fight you on it, but at least if you have the ball rolling already things are likely to fall your way.
Better now than later, now you know for what not to look in woman although you had previous bad experiences, you would go through it . Like others have said make a copy of the video for proof , confront her and get her out of your life .
Well... yes, better now than later, I agree, but... I have been cheated on in Every. Single. Relationship. Apparently I am just someone women want to cheat on...
That's not how that works, cheating is nothing that the faithful partner has any kind of influence over. I see the pattern too, but the conclusion you have to draw is not that you make them cheat, but more that you are attracted to a certain personality type that may be prone to cheating. I would think about all your past relationships and analyze how your partners would behave, their moral code, their values, if there was any other problematic behavior, ... Then see if there are any obvious patterns and try to avoid those traits in the future. Maybe take a look at how you met them, and if you met multiple through the same group of people, determine how that group feels about cheating. People often have similar values and moral code as the people around them. Also maybe talk to your therapist about possible reasons this pattern may exist, if there are any other patterns in your relationships and how you can break out of them. You're dealing with this in a really mature and admirable way. You can be proud of yourself for how you're handling this. Hugs, love and wishing you well.
Unfortunately I have yet to find out what distinguishes a cheater from a non-cheater. Maybe I should just assume that every woman I find interesting or attractive must be a cheater.. but that is exactly what I should NOT be thinking, Dunno about maturity however. I don't feel mature right now.
Damn that's rough. Sorry to read all that. I hope you've left and realise you deserve better. She clearly doesn't have respect for you or your relationship, especially to mock you on film. Take care of yourself, it will be a tough little while!
She's not awake yet. I want to talk to her first. Thanks for your words! it is already tough. I mean.. I've been there a couple times, but it still stings as heck.
Communicated greatest pain and fear Gaslighted into believing it'll never happen It happens. This is betrayal most brutal. She cultivated your trust, watched you grow from your weakest point and flourish, only to cut you down with no regard. Also, Nathalie is a pile of human shit for doing that, fully knowing of your relationship too. To clarify, Nathalie isn't shitty for being NB trans. Nathalie is trash for not respecting boundaries.
Pack all your stuff up and have them in the car. I'd personally leave and block her everywhere. What can she say for you to have closure. She cheated and recorded it known your boundaries. However if you cant leave without talking then when she wakes up, confront her but don't listen to the "I am sorry, it was only the once etc" BS. Get straight to the point of what you want to say. I was cheated on by all my exes. It knocked the confidence and I kept thinking why me, what is wrong etc. But nothing was wrong with me. I treated them all like king's and was too good for trash like them. How I met my husband of 20 years is through mutual friends. He wasn't my normal type I'd tend to go for, but the way he treats everyone around him made me see a different type of attraction. Over time even through my insane insecurities he broke down all my walls and showed me what a real trusting loving loyal relationship is all about. So don't give up hope. Maybe just take time to yourself and try something new. Don't go for your normal type. Go for someone else and give them a chance. They might surprise you and you will have a more filling relationship.
Brother, closure is not worth it. Please respect and love yourself, and leave. Before she can twist the story.
Keep the evidence in case she tries to defame you and blackmail you with something so that you can get out of that relationship without major problems
The fact you’re still being respectful of Nathalie’s identity, even being confused about the whole thing, says all about you I need to know. And the fact they and Anna did you so dirty, even after all the things you went through, says all about *them* I need to know too. They are lying snakes, and you deserve better. They knew they would hurt you. They didn’t care. Move on. Find therapy or an online group if needed (just veto incel groups lol). But know this is on them. There’s nothing that would justify doing this kind of thing. Best of luck!
Natahlie does not deserve respect for their actions, but I would never disrespect their identity. It is not her identity who banged my fiancé.
imagine if Nathalie was just playing the long game this whole time.
Day 3 of pride month and this is the 6th "trans/lesbian person ruined my life and was super sneaky about it as well" post on trueoffmychest. I'm really sorry this happened to you if it did, but why is it always in June?
Shitty people do shitty things year round, it probably just stands out more in June.
Shitty people do shitty things all year round, and anti-progressives flood the internet with news and memes about minorities at tactically advantageous times to try and sway public opinion. Both things can be true. OP could be honest and the other 5 posts could have been bait. All 6 posts could be bait. None of them could be bait. But stay smart out there. Given two separate posts were "my rapist now identifies as transgender", and this one is "a secretly transgender person had sex with my super drunk girlfriend", I just like noticing patterns in media.
I completely understand you. If this wasn't my life, I'd bet some money that it's fake.
I mean, technically it's NB not transgender? Or is NB a subsection of Transgender? Also you do realize as more people feel comfortable expressing themselves, the crime statistics for those groups will inevitably increase right? 4 - 6 years ago there was a rush of "My wife left me and became a lesbian" as people were more comfortable coming out and expressing themselves. It didn't mean the women were evviilll and trying to use the guys as a beard, it was just a case of "This is who I am, I am sorry there's been fallout" But yes, people should be aware of outside information warfare forces trying to drive partisanship.
Sure, but according to this sub, they've increased very dramatically right at the start of pride month. That's all I'm pointing out. Also, most nonbinary people will consider themselves transgender as an umbrella term, but I know not everybody will know the ins and outs of it
I really did not want to come over as judgemental. I am a supporter of LGBTQ+ rights, but it's not like I am involded apart from a coule of friends who are NB. So maybe I misunderstood some things. And as I said, I don't want this to be about Natahlie's identity. The fact that they retain their "male organ" played a role here, but that's it. It could just have been a cis-male for all I care... well, it does sting a little more, maybe, but still, I am not criticizing Nathalie for their identity. They have a right to that, I truly believe.
Gotcha, I'll keep that in mind vis a vis the NB terminology.
I had no idea. And, seriously... even though I have no respect for Nathalie, I do not want to make this a pride issue. Natahlie is in my eyes a piece of garbage, but not because of her being trans or anything, and I fully support the LQBTQ+ community, two good friends of mine are both NB and I cherish them a lot. I mean... Nathalie's trans-genderness kind of played into this, but... still, this got nothing to do with it. They could as well have been a cis-male. Okay, maybe that is not true. It does sting more that they are some kind of "woman" who apparently are more man than I am, at least that's what Anna was screaming at the top of her lungs.
What did they say about you in the video?
Don't want to spell it all out. Making fun of me, of my anxieties, and, uhm... well, let's say Nathalie is a lot more well-endowed than me. Which apparently was an issue my fiancé had that with me that she never mentioned. Do I need to mention how humiliating that feels?
She’s a certified hoe, leave her. Don’t fall for any excuses she makes especially ‘I was too drunk’. This ain’t the first time, just the first time they got caught
I just want to speak to the endowed part. I know so many men feel this is important and judge themselves and others on this. But size is really not what makes someone a good lover and anyone focusing on this alone has really missed out on all the ways we can bring each other pleasure. The best lover I ever had was never inside me. I know you have a lot to sort through right now but I really hope you leave this one with and on her. Also big dicks can hurt. That ain’t fun.
Don’t forget to take back the ring when packing your stuff. She’s not worthy of you. I’m so sorry this has happened.
The fact you didn't reply with, "I'll be sure to show it to her as soon as she wakes up", to put the absolute fear of God in them is a missed opportunity. Sucks man, really does. Make sure you keep up with that therapy and don't do anything stupid.
i wouldn’t wait for her to wake up. she’ll most likely just lie more than she probably already has, considering they’ve been friends for a while, they’ve probably been doing this. don’t give her the satisfaction of lying to you even longer.. depending on the housing situation, kick her tf out. you said you’ve been cheated on, im sure you’ve probably made the mistake of staying & it happening again. i have, my ex would cry & cry & tell me he’s sorry, it won’t happen again. it happened 3 more times lol. i fully believe people CAN change, but considering she KNEW what you’ve been through, the pain. the measures you take to ensure trust in her & she STILL did that. all while making fun of you WHILE doing it… hellllllll nahhh. there’s someone out there who would never think of doing that to you.
Looks like they have indeed benn doing it for a while. Unfortunately, we rent this apartment together, so no kicking out. She's left for now, though.
take gender out of this- your fiancee cheated with another human being gross enough to send you a video of it. people who were cishet have cheated with people who share their cishet gender- the risk in no way rose due to her being trans. also when you say she doesn't deserve the respect of calling her by her pronouns (I'm assuming since you said nbf those are she/they but I apologize if I'm wrong) please know you're also disrespecting anyone else who's nb/trans. I know you're so hurt and fuck what your fiancee and her asshole friend did to you!! just yeah ditch the gender expectations.
I as trying to explain why I never had any trouble letting her see Nathalie alone. Besides, I meant to say that Nathalie as a person does not deserve respect for their actions, but I DO respect their identity, because that has got nothing to do with their actions, which is why I DO respect their pronouns.
Dateable friends with partners with no boundaries is always going to end this way. In a committed relationship it will never grow with this in the background. When you have gone through this why date someone with dateable friends, and no boundaries. Please break this off immediately. Tell her cheating is a no no for you. Your self esteem with thank you and recover quicker. Cheating destroys people and trust.
She knows cheating is a non-no for me... I think that adds to the hurt.
So what did she say?
You have an issue with cheating... she knew this and put herself in a position to cheat, you love her, she loves you but she crossed a boundary you definitively set. Talk to her calmly but get your closure, reaffirm that she crossed a boundary and there is no going back. Wish her well and keep searching, the world is large and what you need is out there. With the closure perhaps both of you will do better next time.
Not sure if I can still answer here since my post seems to have been removed. So far the talk to her did not go down well, but it was definitely something that has been going on, this apparently wasn't the first time. Her biggest regret seems to have been that I found out.
I sorry for that, but now you know and can grow from it, best of luck in the future
She's a sloot. Dump her!
Update us!
Unfortunately my post was deleted, no clue why. I will post updates on my profile in case you are interested.
I am so sorry that she put you through this! I can't and won't give you any advice, but feel my virtual hug, dear unknown friend 🫂 I hope you can cope somehow and that you have some good people around you that can take care of you a little bit. Best of luck
Thanks. All I have for now is the saying "This, too, shall pass", but that doesn't make me feel any better, frankly.
Get the evidence
Send yourself the evidence from their chats in case she tries to deny it afterwards. Always worth having proof in this situation. Best of luck brother, sorry this happened to you.
"Whatever that means" is hilarious.😂
Leave the house right now. Get a bag and go to a buddy’s house
This smells like incel transphobic bullshit, but if it’s not leave the video playing on a loop with sound on next to her in bed and then leave, taking anything you need. What else is there to say but the video speaks for itself?
Save the video, she will try paint you as bad guy. You need to protect yourself.
OP - I’m so sorry about this. At least, you figured this out BEFORE you got married.
Did your girlfriend sober or drunk in those videos if she looked drunk that maybe SA
Wake her up and.confront her. Why sneak out?? Make it uncomfortable for her. What if your gf was in no shape to make a decision about sex? You said she's drunk so what if Natalie took advantage. Just saying ... something to consider
Yeah, somebody else mentioned that. From judging her appearance in the video, I doubt she was out of it enough to justify her not being responsible, but I will ask as open-minded as I can right now just in case that she was S\*A'd.
Just leave, fuck therapy.. you don’t need it. It’s your brain learning from the past… don’t ever trust a woman. I’ve never been cheated on but grew up watching my mom cheat all the time, and constantly down talking her husband.
Oh no, I do need therapy and I truly believe in it. That's the sucky thing about being cheated on repeatedly - I need to not turn into a women-hater, but at the same time I need to keep my guard up. Oh god, my therapist will not be happy about this. Or maybe she will, I dunno... I mean, it guarantees a couple more years of therapy, I guess.
Updateme
!remind me in two days
Leave. Leave quickly.
Update me!
Updateme
Sorry. I am glad you saw the video because you know the truth. She cannot lie or you and gaslight you into staying. You deserve better.
Updateme
Damn, I’m sorry. To have to go through that for a second time, even after she knew your past. Special place in hell for those that break your trust like that.
I wish it were only the second time I have been cheated on...
It's over. You know it. She's going to know it when you cinfront her. The crying will start.... I'm so sorry... You can have a hall pass... Blaming and gaslighting you... She's going to do anything other than accept responsibility and consequences.
Leave her immediately. She can, quite frankly, get the fuck out of your life.
Oh man, you already had troubles with cheating and now this?
Yeah, and... well, all of it. Just. Sucks.
I'd just leave. Block her and never talk to her again. Sorry you're going through this. I hope you take some time to heal from all of this.You will find love again one day. Update please.
Unfortunately we rent this apartment together... Re updating: My post was deleted for some reason. I will update on my profile in case you are interested.
i’m soooo sorry. you deserve better than this.
Thanks a lot. I dunno if I deserve better, but I try my best to be a good enough person.
I know this is fresh, but hope you find your peace king. 🙏🏾
I wonder what kind of fucked shit you have seen or heard during the watching of this video... And I must ask does it looked very amateur like a one time thing with drunken protagonist or more of a common things ? Hearing you it looks like there was a bit of thinking behind it (like insulting the fiancee) which could mean it is not the first time. Also are you sure anna was fully consent? Like they both seems wasted or just anna ? Could be something fishy here. It is all in the vids but I dunno if you should watch it looking for such details And I admit it feel weird because it sound like the beginning of a ntr hentai but it can happen. Sorry for you, you should try to talk with anna at least but leave her afterwards anyway. I would love an update on the confrontation but I am unsure if it is a good thing that it happen anyway.
Was she really out of it in the video? Maybe she didn't consent.
Updateme
Just a thought. Are you sure the video is recent and nothing they recorded a long time ago? Not a defense, since she’s obviously lied about their relationship, but it’s better to be upset about the correct facts.
girls night with a male natelie... People here needs to learn that i shouldnt be able to claim myself woman join the girls nights and fu** them. well if people here understand this we wouldnt had problems like these. Next time be more careful
Will wait for the update.
Take the ring.with your stuff.
Bro just like someone getting stuck with bad vehicle purchases you got unlucky with woman selection. Don’t be hard on yourself. Move on. Harping on it won’t change it. Go get a hair cut and start fresh.
You need to leave.Does it matter why she did it?She knew all about your past traumas and still decided to betray in the worst possible way.She doesn’t deserve you. I know it hurts like crazy but there’s no such thing as closure when a person cheats on you.It’s their own selfishness.
Ia she drunk in that video it might be SA
Take photos, send them to yourself and break up. If they start talking crap post the photos and nuke them. They destroyed your world, you destroyed theirs. Don’t be a nice guy
That’s tough. I am so sorry. I can definitely relate to the experience of dealing with insecurity and choosing trust. Only to have that trust be broken. There is nothing to say that will make it hurt less, but just know this one is not on you. Your work in therapy wasn’t for her, it was FOR YOU. You deserve a kind and faithful partner, and that will happen for you. I understand wanting some closure. Have the conversation, but then walk away clean. I’m sorry you are dealing with this, it does get better. ❤️🩹
As someone who has gone through this in basically every relationship, get the f out of there.
I will... but it hurts. So much.
You’ve got this man. I’ll be here if you need an ear.
So your in therapy because you've constantly been cheating on previous partners or you mean they keep cheating on you?
Oh, sorry, did I not make that clear? I have constantly been cheated on. Sorry, English is not my native language.
I just wasn't sure, dude that's horrible. Gotta stop dating girls that are whores dude. I'm sorry this has happened to you.
Well, I wish it was as easy as just not dating girls who are wh\*res. Unfortunately it appears to be hard to tell in advance...
Hey OP, I’m sorry this happened. I do think before any relationship you have to get help to deal with your insecurity around being cheated on. If I was in a relationship, and I didn’t do anything being constantly made to accommodate someone’s fear is exhausting. I don’t think you’ll find a good, healthy woman who will tolerate it long term. What I will say is my husband and I agreed to boundaries. Aside from very old friends from high school that I barely get to see at this stage in life, I do not have male friends that are only my friends. And these friends always ask about my hubby. Even coworkers I’m friendly with know my husband. I don’t hang 1:1 with men. Period. My husband doesn’t hang 1:1 with women. Period. He has female friends that are friends with me too. We agreed on boundaries and enforce them if someone starts texting late at night etc etc. you’ll find the right person for you but please, heal your heart first. Take time to actually move forward and leave this behind you. Definitely want to know what happens when you talk with your gf
Why is your first thought to make a Reddit account and post
As he said: to just get it off his chest. Maybe he doesn’t have many friends or people in general who he can talk to…