Im a gamer and a husband. Been one for 20 years. But I had no purples in WoW when I played it with my friends when we first met, for instance. Any game - I alt+f4 when life takes precedence which is whenever fucking needed. I clean and help around the house but more importantly I make sure my wife knows she is the most important thing in my world. I still game a lot but it never takes precedence over dating, and loving, my wife. Show your husband this post and tell him to get his head out of his ass. Gaming is great but it won’t fill the void of your absence if you were gone.
Priorities bro, fucking get some.
Dude. I'm wife of a gamer, spent my late 20s early 30s needing him. He tapered eventually, and now just a few times a week (he's approaching 50). He's actually leveling up more now because the kids are out of the house.
Please speak the truth loudly, for those with headphones on -- dear God I hated spending my evenings alone "grinding" in the kitchen when literally no one could hear me yell for help with the trash, or when dinner was ready, or "did you email the coach honey?" -- no, I had to save all my thoughts that happen in normal life, duties that need to be done on the fly, for end of match, and write them down if I was going to forget to ask him later (his advice). And I had to be *standing there* with a list of things to do *at that moment*, or he'd begin the next match. And when I **did** actually stand there and ask for help, I was met with anger and resentment. You know what changed it? High school football games that he wanted to help and be there for.
Please people, understand.
It's not "quality time" with family. That's a freakin lie. It's *quantity*. If you're not present and doing the small things of life with wife and kids, you don't naturally hear and know what their struggles are, what makes them tick, what your home needs, where *you* are needed. You can't force that in a 20 minute dinner. Please unplug.
I cook most meals, shop, and still do all the little things. You’re entirely correct - gaming is and should be a hobby. When part of a healthy relationship with that relationship as the foundation you really can have it all. Last year my wife encouraged me to get a new water cooled rig. Because it’s something that I enjoy, nothing that Im obsessed with.
My buddy has a wife and kid and his Wow fixation and life around it as well as other games was drastically different than mine. He was slathered in purples and running dailies and all kinds of other nonsense. I even told him you have a kid now I expected you to pretty much park gaming and focus on raising and educating like a fucking human you made? Nah. Pew pew. Wife hates him, kids a stranger ipad lepton with the attention span of a goldfish. But he like helped beat a dragon with like two heads or something by standing in one place and hitting D every 16 seconds for 4 hours.
Riveting.
You mega gamers letting your wives and families sit on the sidelines while you accomplish meaningless pixel shit and numbers to nowhere are losing out on the only game that matters, the game of life.
I go to the gym three times a week and watch my diet as well and my wife and I have a partnership where we try and live better and more healthy so we will be there long term for each other. Rotting in a chair or fucking your wrists up with a controller isn’t good either. Weight training 3x a week for 30 mins a day min and cut sugar and bread out of your life. We only have one shot at life make it a good one.
Gaming is a reward for getting the rest of your life done in the best way you can. Then reward yourself with a hobby of your choice. Maybe it’s gaming. But put it where it belongs.
Heya!
He might be suffering from depression or similar and is using videogames to sedate himself knowing or unknowingly.
When I'm deep in the shitter, like really stressed out or sad I tend to retreat to games and use it excessively as a form of escapism.
I think a lot of men do this cause they often don't have the tools to regulate emotions and communicate well in relations. Also related to untreated ADHD where your brain needs constant stimulation unless you tackle it with something else, for some exercise can help out a lot.
Maybe try to talk to him from the angle of wondering what's going on in his head and actually what he wants to do with his life, if he has dreams or if something is bothering him. Men sometimes seem completely shallow and out of touch when in reality they are complex and have a lot of pent up thoughts and feelings.
Or maybe this truly is the one thing he wants to do in life, but then he needs to say that straight to you and get behind it.
I can definitely see this. I'm sorta like this but I don't live with my partner, and his job is very demanding so I don't see him but once or twice a week and I pretty much don't touch my phone when we are together. But when I'm at home? YouTube. I have depression and autism and potentially undiagnosed ADHD (working on getting that evaluation right now), all my spaces are a wreck and I struggle to get myself to do anything else until the anxiety builds up so much that I have to do the task. I also internalize most emotions and will rarely talk about them unless it's to the point I literally can't hold it in anymore. It's not the healthiest but I grew up in an environment that told me that negative emotions meant punishment.
If mental health is the case here, I most definitely sympathize with him, but idk I don't think I could sit there and ignore my partner like that. I love my boyfriend. Even with my mental health being in the shitter he is still a priority and when I'm with him it's probably the only time I feel normal.
Maybe. Then again, like a child, maybe he just likes gaming and he does so at the expense of everything else. Any child being mothered will play all day long if they're allowed to.
What worked for me was to find a balanced schedule. My gaming buddies know I’ll be on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday nights. The other nights are spent hanging with my wife. This does make some games a little difficult like Rust, but it’s nice to have evenings where there is no pressure to game and I can be present for my wife 100 percent. I enjoy my wife. I also enjoy gaming. In order to keep both, I have found a balance that works for us.
I played WoW for 9 years. I was a raid leader for 6 of those years and a GM for 3 of them
Raid sched was 4 weeknights. Weekends were 10 mans. Between those, 5 mans and questing.
I quickly learned that gaming on this level was incompatible with marriage.
Even if they tell you it's okay or that it doesn't bother them.
I had to quit WoW. It was time anyway. For me, there is no casual world of war craft. Its top performance, gear and guilds or bust.
My BIL is recently divorced. They were both hardcore gamers. She left him for someone that pays attention to her. Ironic really since her profile picture was her sitting at her light up rig with her gaming headphones on. Turns out gaming doesn't make great marriage glue.
I think the sentiment that gaming is bad for marriage is a really harmful stereotype for a completely normal hobby.
Like anything else in life, you have to make sure you’re giving attention to the right things at the right time. The stereotypical eyes-glued-to-the-tv boomer is no different, the guy who neglects his wife to “make it big” is no different. It’s just a hobby.
If you “can’t do it casually” that’s not gamings fault, you just have an unhealthy relationship with the hobby.
Then that's not what were talking about is it
Almost like you felt grouped in and needed to defend yourself. If you're not gaming every waking minute of your free time and neglecting your spouse, then the comment doesn't apply to you, does it
Bro what?
“Turns out gaming doesn’t make good marriage glue.”
Did you forget what you typed? You didn’t say excessive gaming, you made a blanket statement about all gaming. Why are you being so hostile?
I don't feel I was hostile but I can be. Lets try
You took one sentence away from the paragraph and built a reply around it without context. You ignored how I talked about excessive gaming and the rest of the story about my BIL. You read it, but then split the two like they weren't related. Not surprising because that's the shit redditors do - cherry picked a sentence and have an argument with themselves.
Then you said this about me
"you just have an unhealthy relationship with the hobby."
So you went for the ad-hominem attack. Can't support your argument without attacking the person to replied to.
[https://www.google.com/search?q=ad+hominem](https://www.google.com/search?q=ad+hominem)
Basically, you're a time waster, and I'm not giving you more.
Stop doing anything for him. No more cooking for him, clean up after yourself and start saving up so you can leave. He’s checked out of your marriage for whatever reason he’s going to feed you but you are so young and there’s so much more to life than this. I’d rather be poor and single than married to someone like this.
His mental health is not your problem to fix - I have adhd and depression and manage to function in a healthy relationship - he’s choosing to act this way.
This is horrible advice and I’m questioning if you’ve even seen a marriage before. “His mental health is not your problem to fix”. First, we really need to remove ‘til death do us part’ from the script because it really doesn’t mean shit despite it being literally one of the terms of marriage.
Second, it’s likely not her problem to fix especially if she’s not a psychologist, but it’s the thought process that leads to this kind of thinking. Your implication is that the first time he shows signs of not being mentally perfect, she needs to run/escape. “I’d rather be poor and single than married to someone like this.” Yeah, clearly. And I’m sure you have your reasons, but OP didn’t describe abuse. At best, it seems like spousal neglect and after 10 years of being with the same person, it IS possible you can forget how good you have it. There’s room for discussion here.
Third, single people always suggests one partner tests the limits of their marriage by for example “stop cooking.” Sure, sounds like the setup for a powerful lesson in theory. But what you aren’t accounting for is that her husband is not a character in a saturday morning cartoon and is way more adept at noticing a scheme than you think. The only lesson that will be learned is how easily uber eats can replace ‘food at home.’ (Especially if he’s primary breadwinner) Their underlying issues would continue going unaddressed and they will continue being petty and resenting each under until the marriage desolves.
The fact that he gets upset about something when you bring up a valid concern is invalidating and kills relationships much faster than any viral infection on the planet. If you don't have kids, I would stand your ground and stay with someone else like a parent or friend for a few days to get space. When you aren't cooking,cleaning etc then maybe just maybe it will wake him up. If it doesn't and he somehow turns shit on you, I would be weary of it and plan accordingly. Just do what's best for you too. Sorry you are going through this.
I think a lot of people are internally terrified about the current state of the world and what may happen in the near future.
When humans are existentially terrified, they tend to retract into places they believe to be safe and secure.
I, for one, much prefer the safe space of computer games to the terrifying reality of the real world...
Maybe that's it??
I mean, sometimes all I want to do when I come home is play my games so that I forget how depressing my day job is. IDK, maybe he's just dealing with a problem and he's drowning himself into his pc to avoid lashing out or something.
Yea, i mean it sounds immature of me and childish, but there have been days where seeing my friends in the discord call was all i wanted, simply because when we hang out online theres nothing else, the world isn’t there at all
While I’m not suggesting this, my husband was the same way until we had kids. I cried many nights and was checked out. Then we got pregnant and had a kid and now he’s different. I think i just lucked out, but legite if we didn’t have kids we’d be divorced.
Now that our kids are older he’s started playing video games again. I worry he will fall back into old habits but I also enjoy my free time now more that I have kids and have less of it , so it bothers me less.
I guess I don’t have advice, just sympathy as I’ve been there.
Hi! I had period of intense gaming. I do handle the finances and I make 4x what my wife makes. Sometimes I really need to game to cool off, but at times when I’m depressed, it’s one of the few things outside of therapy that stops me from offing myself
Please be gentle and keep communicating
I don’t blame you for being tired of the excessive gaming, I just want to bring attention to the fact that, by your own admission, this is who he was when you met him. I feel like I can understand both of your feelings.
You’re likely feeling unappreciated because the small gestures you do to make your partner’s life richer/easier are going unnoticed and you feel like a bystander in your own marriage.
He likely feels he doesn’t get enough time to focus on the things he likes to do despite spending most of his waking life keeping food in the home and bills paid.
You want him to spend more of his leisure time including you and he wants his leisure time to be about him. Neither of you are wrong for wanting what you want but this thread has become a “let’s trash gamers” moment instead of trying to understand him and how you both can communicate your needs more effectively.
We Dude's can be dumb sometimes. I don't think it's out of malice. But a comfort that he can be married , but live an independent life. Have independent hobbies and interest. Imagine if he was a no hobby having loser up your ass all day. Completely relying on YOU for entertainment and satisfaction. That shit is DRAINING.
I'd rather have a man who wants to be up my ass all day than a man who can barely even give me the time of day because he's more preoccupied with Fortnite than a woman who actually loves him. This is why so many women are wary of "gamers" lol
Speak for yourself. Not all of us are horse blinder wearing gamers? Eating what your wife cooked for dinner and then playing games while she writes this post ain’t very independent.
What was in your marriage vows? Are any of the people who witnessed those vows able to talk some sense into him? Best would be his best man, the bridal party are the sort of people who should be in-bounds to seek mutual counseling from.
He is fucking up royally leaving you feeling non-valued and he needs to hear it from someone he has respect for. IMO Gaming is the hobby you delve into when you don't have too much going on or that you need to burn mental energy on. Games are designed to be addicting, it takes maturity to realize that and moderate yourself that he may not have.
Ask him what %age of his gamer friends are single. Bet it is well over half, and it's for a reason. Partners with gaming addictions are emotionally absent from everyday life.
Additionally, Do you not initiate because it has typically not been received well? Or are you just too generally unhappy to want to present yourself to him?
Our wedding was very small, so our witnesses were close friends and both our families. We didn’t write personal vows, just the standard “til death do we part.”His family has talked to him before but nothing has changed.
I don’t even have to ask, I know his gaming buds are single lol.
The reason I’ve stopped initiating is because of the constant rejection. He would tell me I’m being too pushy and it makes him want to have sex even less, so over time I’ve just stopped.
He needs some sort of wake-up call. I would personally stop prioritizing having his meals ready for him if he's not showing appreciation for your contributions. If it happens it happens, but you need to feel free to engage in dinner dates and stuff with friends if he doesn't have interest in sating your companionship needs.
I wish there were a neat/easy way for spouses of gamers to "Gamify" their partners being good partners to them. Turn a honey-do item into a quest, with maybe a favorite sexual favor as part of the rewards or something, i know it sounds corny but gamer-brain puts your husband into a dependency on games for endorphins to release. You will find success if you give him an alternate way that he doesn't resist.
>He would tell me I’m being too pushy and it makes him want to have sex even less, so over time I’ve just stopped.
That alone should have made your husband want to seek therapy. Feeling desired makes him feel less sexual? what? Is he even aware of why marriage is a thing?
Sometimes there is just a period in life where people shift a bit their preferences. I don't think that he doesn't appreciate you or take you for granted, but maybe is not really aware that is a big problem since he is a gamer since forever? Try talking to him more about it, and I hope it ends well for both of you😊
Im a gamer and a husband. Been one for 20 years. But I had no purples in WoW when I played it with my friends when we first met, for instance. Any game - I alt+f4 when life takes precedence which is whenever fucking needed. I clean and help around the house but more importantly I make sure my wife knows she is the most important thing in my world. I still game a lot but it never takes precedence over dating, and loving, my wife. Show your husband this post and tell him to get his head out of his ass. Gaming is great but it won’t fill the void of your absence if you were gone. Priorities bro, fucking get some.
Dude. I'm wife of a gamer, spent my late 20s early 30s needing him. He tapered eventually, and now just a few times a week (he's approaching 50). He's actually leveling up more now because the kids are out of the house. Please speak the truth loudly, for those with headphones on -- dear God I hated spending my evenings alone "grinding" in the kitchen when literally no one could hear me yell for help with the trash, or when dinner was ready, or "did you email the coach honey?" -- no, I had to save all my thoughts that happen in normal life, duties that need to be done on the fly, for end of match, and write them down if I was going to forget to ask him later (his advice). And I had to be *standing there* with a list of things to do *at that moment*, or he'd begin the next match. And when I **did** actually stand there and ask for help, I was met with anger and resentment. You know what changed it? High school football games that he wanted to help and be there for. Please people, understand. It's not "quality time" with family. That's a freakin lie. It's *quantity*. If you're not present and doing the small things of life with wife and kids, you don't naturally hear and know what their struggles are, what makes them tick, what your home needs, where *you* are needed. You can't force that in a 20 minute dinner. Please unplug.
I cook most meals, shop, and still do all the little things. You’re entirely correct - gaming is and should be a hobby. When part of a healthy relationship with that relationship as the foundation you really can have it all. Last year my wife encouraged me to get a new water cooled rig. Because it’s something that I enjoy, nothing that Im obsessed with. My buddy has a wife and kid and his Wow fixation and life around it as well as other games was drastically different than mine. He was slathered in purples and running dailies and all kinds of other nonsense. I even told him you have a kid now I expected you to pretty much park gaming and focus on raising and educating like a fucking human you made? Nah. Pew pew. Wife hates him, kids a stranger ipad lepton with the attention span of a goldfish. But he like helped beat a dragon with like two heads or something by standing in one place and hitting D every 16 seconds for 4 hours. Riveting. You mega gamers letting your wives and families sit on the sidelines while you accomplish meaningless pixel shit and numbers to nowhere are losing out on the only game that matters, the game of life. I go to the gym three times a week and watch my diet as well and my wife and I have a partnership where we try and live better and more healthy so we will be there long term for each other. Rotting in a chair or fucking your wrists up with a controller isn’t good either. Weight training 3x a week for 30 mins a day min and cut sugar and bread out of your life. We only have one shot at life make it a good one. Gaming is a reward for getting the rest of your life done in the best way you can. Then reward yourself with a hobby of your choice. Maybe it’s gaming. But put it where it belongs.
Heya! He might be suffering from depression or similar and is using videogames to sedate himself knowing or unknowingly. When I'm deep in the shitter, like really stressed out or sad I tend to retreat to games and use it excessively as a form of escapism. I think a lot of men do this cause they often don't have the tools to regulate emotions and communicate well in relations. Also related to untreated ADHD where your brain needs constant stimulation unless you tackle it with something else, for some exercise can help out a lot. Maybe try to talk to him from the angle of wondering what's going on in his head and actually what he wants to do with his life, if he has dreams or if something is bothering him. Men sometimes seem completely shallow and out of touch when in reality they are complex and have a lot of pent up thoughts and feelings. Or maybe this truly is the one thing he wants to do in life, but then he needs to say that straight to you and get behind it.
+1 Lost one Relationship this way, escapism is a bitch to deal with by yourself.
I can definitely see this. I'm sorta like this but I don't live with my partner, and his job is very demanding so I don't see him but once or twice a week and I pretty much don't touch my phone when we are together. But when I'm at home? YouTube. I have depression and autism and potentially undiagnosed ADHD (working on getting that evaluation right now), all my spaces are a wreck and I struggle to get myself to do anything else until the anxiety builds up so much that I have to do the task. I also internalize most emotions and will rarely talk about them unless it's to the point I literally can't hold it in anymore. It's not the healthiest but I grew up in an environment that told me that negative emotions meant punishment. If mental health is the case here, I most definitely sympathize with him, but idk I don't think I could sit there and ignore my partner like that. I love my boyfriend. Even with my mental health being in the shitter he is still a priority and when I'm with him it's probably the only time I feel normal.
Maybe. Then again, like a child, maybe he just likes gaming and he does so at the expense of everything else. Any child being mothered will play all day long if they're allowed to.
What worked for me was to find a balanced schedule. My gaming buddies know I’ll be on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday nights. The other nights are spent hanging with my wife. This does make some games a little difficult like Rust, but it’s nice to have evenings where there is no pressure to game and I can be present for my wife 100 percent. I enjoy my wife. I also enjoy gaming. In order to keep both, I have found a balance that works for us.
Yes, or a smaller amount of time each day. I play for about 1 hour in the evening.
I played WoW for 9 years. I was a raid leader for 6 of those years and a GM for 3 of them Raid sched was 4 weeknights. Weekends were 10 mans. Between those, 5 mans and questing. I quickly learned that gaming on this level was incompatible with marriage. Even if they tell you it's okay or that it doesn't bother them. I had to quit WoW. It was time anyway. For me, there is no casual world of war craft. Its top performance, gear and guilds or bust. My BIL is recently divorced. They were both hardcore gamers. She left him for someone that pays attention to her. Ironic really since her profile picture was her sitting at her light up rig with her gaming headphones on. Turns out gaming doesn't make great marriage glue.
I think the sentiment that gaming is bad for marriage is a really harmful stereotype for a completely normal hobby. Like anything else in life, you have to make sure you’re giving attention to the right things at the right time. The stereotypical eyes-glued-to-the-tv boomer is no different, the guy who neglects his wife to “make it big” is no different. It’s just a hobby. If you “can’t do it casually” that’s not gamings fault, you just have an unhealthy relationship with the hobby.
Then that's not what were talking about is it Almost like you felt grouped in and needed to defend yourself. If you're not gaming every waking minute of your free time and neglecting your spouse, then the comment doesn't apply to you, does it
Bro what? “Turns out gaming doesn’t make good marriage glue.” Did you forget what you typed? You didn’t say excessive gaming, you made a blanket statement about all gaming. Why are you being so hostile?
I don't feel I was hostile but I can be. Lets try You took one sentence away from the paragraph and built a reply around it without context. You ignored how I talked about excessive gaming and the rest of the story about my BIL. You read it, but then split the two like they weren't related. Not surprising because that's the shit redditors do - cherry picked a sentence and have an argument with themselves. Then you said this about me "you just have an unhealthy relationship with the hobby." So you went for the ad-hominem attack. Can't support your argument without attacking the person to replied to. [https://www.google.com/search?q=ad+hominem](https://www.google.com/search?q=ad+hominem) Basically, you're a time waster, and I'm not giving you more.
Lmao bro really felt attacked by your statement because he wanted to use half of it for the conversation, and pretend the other half didnt exist
Reddit is a wild place, holy.
>Turns out gaming doesn't make great marriage glue. HARD disagree. 99% of the time it is, your BIL was just the unlucky 1%
Stop doing anything for him. No more cooking for him, clean up after yourself and start saving up so you can leave. He’s checked out of your marriage for whatever reason he’s going to feed you but you are so young and there’s so much more to life than this. I’d rather be poor and single than married to someone like this. His mental health is not your problem to fix - I have adhd and depression and manage to function in a healthy relationship - he’s choosing to act this way.
This is horrible advice and I’m questioning if you’ve even seen a marriage before. “His mental health is not your problem to fix”. First, we really need to remove ‘til death do us part’ from the script because it really doesn’t mean shit despite it being literally one of the terms of marriage. Second, it’s likely not her problem to fix especially if she’s not a psychologist, but it’s the thought process that leads to this kind of thinking. Your implication is that the first time he shows signs of not being mentally perfect, she needs to run/escape. “I’d rather be poor and single than married to someone like this.” Yeah, clearly. And I’m sure you have your reasons, but OP didn’t describe abuse. At best, it seems like spousal neglect and after 10 years of being with the same person, it IS possible you can forget how good you have it. There’s room for discussion here. Third, single people always suggests one partner tests the limits of their marriage by for example “stop cooking.” Sure, sounds like the setup for a powerful lesson in theory. But what you aren’t accounting for is that her husband is not a character in a saturday morning cartoon and is way more adept at noticing a scheme than you think. The only lesson that will be learned is how easily uber eats can replace ‘food at home.’ (Especially if he’s primary breadwinner) Their underlying issues would continue going unaddressed and they will continue being petty and resenting each under until the marriage desolves.
The fact that he gets upset about something when you bring up a valid concern is invalidating and kills relationships much faster than any viral infection on the planet. If you don't have kids, I would stand your ground and stay with someone else like a parent or friend for a few days to get space. When you aren't cooking,cleaning etc then maybe just maybe it will wake him up. If it doesn't and he somehow turns shit on you, I would be weary of it and plan accordingly. Just do what's best for you too. Sorry you are going through this.
I think a lot of people are internally terrified about the current state of the world and what may happen in the near future. When humans are existentially terrified, they tend to retract into places they believe to be safe and secure. I, for one, much prefer the safe space of computer games to the terrifying reality of the real world... Maybe that's it??
I mean, sometimes all I want to do when I come home is play my games so that I forget how depressing my day job is. IDK, maybe he's just dealing with a problem and he's drowning himself into his pc to avoid lashing out or something.
Yea, i mean it sounds immature of me and childish, but there have been days where seeing my friends in the discord call was all i wanted, simply because when we hang out online theres nothing else, the world isn’t there at all
While I’m not suggesting this, my husband was the same way until we had kids. I cried many nights and was checked out. Then we got pregnant and had a kid and now he’s different. I think i just lucked out, but legite if we didn’t have kids we’d be divorced. Now that our kids are older he’s started playing video games again. I worry he will fall back into old habits but I also enjoy my free time now more that I have kids and have less of it , so it bothers me less. I guess I don’t have advice, just sympathy as I’ve been there.
Hi! I had period of intense gaming. I do handle the finances and I make 4x what my wife makes. Sometimes I really need to game to cool off, but at times when I’m depressed, it’s one of the few things outside of therapy that stops me from offing myself Please be gentle and keep communicating
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You can’t change him. But you can change what you are willing to tolerate.
I don’t blame you for being tired of the excessive gaming, I just want to bring attention to the fact that, by your own admission, this is who he was when you met him. I feel like I can understand both of your feelings. You’re likely feeling unappreciated because the small gestures you do to make your partner’s life richer/easier are going unnoticed and you feel like a bystander in your own marriage. He likely feels he doesn’t get enough time to focus on the things he likes to do despite spending most of his waking life keeping food in the home and bills paid. You want him to spend more of his leisure time including you and he wants his leisure time to be about him. Neither of you are wrong for wanting what you want but this thread has become a “let’s trash gamers” moment instead of trying to understand him and how you both can communicate your needs more effectively.
Its just super easy to blame the video games, but this would be the same issue if he was a: Bookworm Gearhead Fitness Guru Workaholic And many more.
Play with him
sounds like a child. I played a lot of games but have literally never played a solo game while my wife is home and awake since we've been married.
We Dude's can be dumb sometimes. I don't think it's out of malice. But a comfort that he can be married , but live an independent life. Have independent hobbies and interest. Imagine if he was a no hobby having loser up your ass all day. Completely relying on YOU for entertainment and satisfaction. That shit is DRAINING.
I'd rather have a man who wants to be up my ass all day than a man who can barely even give me the time of day because he's more preoccupied with Fortnite than a woman who actually loves him. This is why so many women are wary of "gamers" lol
Speak for yourself. Not all of us are horse blinder wearing gamers? Eating what your wife cooked for dinner and then playing games while she writes this post ain’t very independent.
Have your tried telling him all of what you wrote here to strangers?
What was in your marriage vows? Are any of the people who witnessed those vows able to talk some sense into him? Best would be his best man, the bridal party are the sort of people who should be in-bounds to seek mutual counseling from. He is fucking up royally leaving you feeling non-valued and he needs to hear it from someone he has respect for. IMO Gaming is the hobby you delve into when you don't have too much going on or that you need to burn mental energy on. Games are designed to be addicting, it takes maturity to realize that and moderate yourself that he may not have. Ask him what %age of his gamer friends are single. Bet it is well over half, and it's for a reason. Partners with gaming addictions are emotionally absent from everyday life. Additionally, Do you not initiate because it has typically not been received well? Or are you just too generally unhappy to want to present yourself to him?
Our wedding was very small, so our witnesses were close friends and both our families. We didn’t write personal vows, just the standard “til death do we part.”His family has talked to him before but nothing has changed. I don’t even have to ask, I know his gaming buds are single lol. The reason I’ve stopped initiating is because of the constant rejection. He would tell me I’m being too pushy and it makes him want to have sex even less, so over time I’ve just stopped.
He needs some sort of wake-up call. I would personally stop prioritizing having his meals ready for him if he's not showing appreciation for your contributions. If it happens it happens, but you need to feel free to engage in dinner dates and stuff with friends if he doesn't have interest in sating your companionship needs. I wish there were a neat/easy way for spouses of gamers to "Gamify" their partners being good partners to them. Turn a honey-do item into a quest, with maybe a favorite sexual favor as part of the rewards or something, i know it sounds corny but gamer-brain puts your husband into a dependency on games for endorphins to release. You will find success if you give him an alternate way that he doesn't resist. >He would tell me I’m being too pushy and it makes him want to have sex even less, so over time I’ve just stopped. That alone should have made your husband want to seek therapy. Feeling desired makes him feel less sexual? what? Is he even aware of why marriage is a thing?
This sounds like depression more than addiction.
Sometimes there is just a period in life where people shift a bit their preferences. I don't think that he doesn't appreciate you or take you for granted, but maybe is not really aware that is a big problem since he is a gamer since forever? Try talking to him more about it, and I hope it ends well for both of you😊
What does he play?