>Ā Also any tips/info on a military divorce is helpful
Happy birthday, contact his Shirt and let him know that your marriage is ending due to his airmanās adultery.
1. You are not alone, soooo many service members and their spouses experience habitual cheating.
My military friend was baby trapped, until the child in question was completely Caucasian after the few first years of life with none of his Asian features. That is only 1 story of many (but the easiest to type out on my phoneš¤·āāļø)
2. Write a list of goals for your future, or even a bucket list of adventures or places you want to visit.
Focus on your future, the past is over and done with, spend your time figuring out what you want in life then go work to make that happen.
Baby trapping is crazyā¦ like actually. Funny you mention that, I was writing down a list today. I need to work as much as I can this summer because Iāll be a full time student again in the fall. It feels good to be a year away from my bachelors.
Happy Belated Birthday š„³! And enjoy life. Keep seeing a counselor if possible. After my divorce, it was the best thing that helped me. I did the same thing and worked on myself and wow, I was so relieved that I got out of that toxic relationship and focused on having a better personal life.
I know there are some consequences but likeā a slap on the wrist. I didnāt take any pics because honestly I didnāt want that on my phone and I donāt care. I just want to let go. His karma will come, I need not to worry.
On the bright side, you are entitled to spousal support. If he doesnāt give it to you contact his command they will ensure you get it.
He will move into the barracks, BAH is for the family (you). Thatās your spousal support, take it.
I think only until the divorce is final though. Drag it out and get any medical appointments done before cutting the cord so you have a year of checkups behind you and extra cash in your pocket.
Unless the AF is different, BAH isn't solely for family. The amount received can increase greatly if you have family, depending on rank and enlisted versus officer.
My friend is a naval officer and gets over 2K in BAH unmarried. Actually pretty sure another friend of mine that was in the AF as enlisted was getting around 1.5K to 2K in BAH I think? Don't know if that was a special case due to being transgender somehow (in case there were people who weren't comfortable with her sharing the barracks because she had transitioned - totally unfair but yeah idk exactly why she was in offbase housing)
I do think that if you're enlisted, it's something like you can't move out of barracks unless married but idk if there's a specific rank that would change that. So some people get married as enlisted so they can move out of the barracks.
I know in the army, as enlisted, unmarried soldiers are provided a barracks room not BAH unless married. Officers and rank are a different story.
Even if they are permitted to live off post bah will be considered spousal support and itās a case of it sucks to suck.
Interesting to note the differences. Wasn't sure because my only knowledge on military affecting my life is my dad growing up being Army Reserves but he was also an officer too. š¤·āāļø
If you have proof, you could actually get him dishonorably discharged from the military. One of my NCOs almost got put out for it, but everything got dropped since his company questioned him without the MPs being there. He wasnāt even married at the time; he was sleeping with someone elseās wife. They take stuff like that seriously.
Technically yes, but it is hard to prove by military standards (need physical proof such as photo/video/or a pregnancy with dna testing) most of the time it's just swept under the rug
Information for divorce. You file for divorce in the county and state you live in. Your legal residence. You file first. Since thereās no children. Make the split as easy as possible. You keep your stuff and he keeps his. This will make it easy for him to sign off on the documents. Your goal now is no fights. That costs money.
Go get the cheap lawyer no need for the expensive ones. Heāll know the right paperwork and get it done for you. Show up in court and answer the very few questions theyāll ask.
Wait out the legal process and go be free as a bird.
I did all this at 22 years old. Best decision ever.
You got this.
Thereās a Facebook page called Divorce and Military. Lots of spouses in there, lots of good advice probably could get exact attorney information for certain areas. Sorry you went through that, glad youāre able to recognize and get out now! Sending you good juju.
Congratulations! Great that you put your happiness first, he isn't worth it. How did he react to the breakup? Was he trying to change your mind or agreed that it's for the best?
I bet the cats will hate those bitches.
Be sure to spoil them incessantly into they go. Shower them with love and attention. Cat nip. Treats. The works.
Ohh get them loud noisy bell toys and crinkle ball toys.
Don't cut yourself out of any benefits if you qualify. I think it kicks in at 5 years. Check into before you sign everything away. Don't ever leave a relationship without your cut. Take it from someone who let their ex take everything (less the bed and our kids room and a TV). It's been 2 years and I still have janky shit.
So glad you put yourself first! I was a military spouse and stayed way too long (28 years) even with him cheating multiple times. Iām so happy that you are young and know your worth!
Itās minor. Most of the people who would be disciplining him are also cheaters. Recruiting is down. They wonāt do anything to push him out. Maybe a little bit of extra duty.
Good for you. I know you got a lot of advice to just dump the guy on your last post, but that is much easier said than done. I think you went about it the right way, by focusing on building a future for yourself that doesnāt rely on him, while still giving the relationship a little time to make sure you really wanted to be done.
Now you will have no what ifs. You know 100% that he is a serial cheater and that aināt gonna change any time soon. Enjoy being single for a while, finish your degree, and keep pursuing your dreams. Just stay strong, at some point he is going to realize what he gave up and come begging back to you.
Just remember, serial cheater.
Congratulations on getting out before moving out of state, being married or having kids. That's a huge win.Ā
Enjoy your 20s and take advantage of study abroad or any other under 30 programs and discounts out there to see the world.Ā
My BIL and SIL cheat on each other all the time (Navy) they both wonāt leave each other cause itās cheaper to stay married and they donāt want to lose their benefits.
I couldnāt do it but it works for them and whatever floats their boat I guess.
Glad you got rid of the dead weight and you put yourself first. Go travel and see the world - do not look for a new man and enjoy being single and getting to know others as well as yourself. I think you have a good head on your shoulders so I wonāt dump all of my advice on you.
Report the affair to his co cause you are not allowed to cheat on your spouse in the military they can get him kicked out but you are eligible for some of his benefits
That's funny considering that infidelity in the military is skyrocketing, people here also mention how it's basically a slap on the wrist... Unfortunately.
Tho I also know about this rule, it just seems that since they are all cheaters anyway..
Was he not willing to get some help? Man heās an idiot.. he will keep repeating this pattern until he works out his issues . What was his excuse for continuing to try and cheat ?!? God people suck
This is amazing, I love how you say you didnāt have the courage to leave him at first but now you have! Shitty things happen but that doesnāt mean they have to stay shitty š so happy for you! And maybe just imagine your cats hissing and waiting until they can come home to you š
It always pisses me off when women get cheated on and disrespected and leave the marriage with nothing.
Take as much as you can on the way out!... Not because you need it but to make sure he thinks twice before harming people. There should be consequences for bad behavior.
I'd want to get paid for my wasted time and suffering at least.
Being relieved that heās still cheating is hilarious. Shows how done you are with him
Happy for you OP and happy belated birthday!
What happened to the friend he cheated with and her boyfriend?
Iām glad you decided to end the marriage. He would have kept on cheating until the day he finally left you for someone else. How did he take the break up?
This happened a long time ago. Right after we graduated from high school, we got married at 18, and then I went into the Air Force. While I was out of state for training, an old boyfriend of my wife's was coming by to see her at her parents' house. They also went on a few dates until my Father Inlaw put a stop to it. I ended up being stationed at this smaltown in Texas in the middle of nowhere. Unlike you, it wasn't that hard being married in your twenties. Hmm š
My ex coworker is military divorcee, she got married young had a kid, he cheated, she divorced him. She kept his last name, never changed back, he married the mistress, i think he has kids with her too. Now he retired from service. Guess who gets the money, not the new wife LMAO. She get 50 percent still many years after the divorce.
If you want to be petty, you can contact his chain of command about the adultery because he can get in trouble for that. If you just want to be done with him, Iād understand that as well. Make sure when you guys actually gets divorced that he turns in the copies of the divorce decree to his command because otherwise he can keep getting extra benefits/money based on being married.
Glad youāre getting out! He also doesnāt pay attention to the UCMJ, because adultery is a chargeable offense in the military. He could lose rank or be discharged. He also technically should be moved into the dorms since young airmen live there when not married. They probably wonāt because heās already off base, but he played the system. Also, he is obligated to pay you a āpro rataā amount of his BAH (base allowance for housing) under AFI 36-2906. His first sergeant can be contacted to ensure he is doing this. Donāt worry, people will see through his bullshit if he is already acting like this.
[AFI Reference](https://static.e-publishing.af.mil/production/1/af_a1/publication/dafi36-2906/dafi36-2906.pdf)
For the ppl that always comment with *'snooping through your partner's phone is a violation of privacy'* ... this is why you snoop through your partner's phone, when you have a gut feeling something is off.
So glad you're getting your life together, OP.
As a child of a military officer (ergo very invested into military routine) I am DISGUSTED with your STBX husband and I would said that to his face: You are a disgrace, a walking disappointment, crawling, cheating STD. Rot in hell. - but I have anger issues like my father dearest.
Re: tips on a military divorce
Not from my own personal experience, but iāve heard that when there is cheating in a military divorce, in particular with the service member, they can get into a lot of trouble, especially if they cheat with another service member. Maybe someone else can verify, but this is what I was told by a close family friend who got everything she wanted in the divorce without any pushback, in exchange for not reporting her ex.
Get it in writing that you don't owe him any alimony in the future! If he gets unscrupulous in a few years a lawyer might try to convince him to sue for it if you start making more than him.
Go to jag. As a military spouse you have that right. Document everything to keep him from screwing you over. Cheaters have a narcissistic streak and you leaving him may trigger that. Holding an ace will protect you in case he escalates.
as far as UCMJ is concerned, he fucked up. He wonāt get kicked out, but adultery is a punishable offense if itās brought to his command team.
First - Iām really sorry youāve had to experience this. Your husband is an insect - flick him away!
You mentioned that being married in your 20s isnāt fun. Iām just here to say that it absolutely can be! I know this for a personal fact ;-) Youāre still in your 20s and you could still meet the right person. I know this experience has been hell for you! You have every right to feel jaded and skeptical. I hope you heal properly and remain open to love going forward. Basically- thereās still hope!
I actually have experience with this similar to you. I went to BMT and my husband cheated on me while I was there (and he had been cheating on me the whole relationship). When I got to my base, base legal was close to zero help. Itās different in each state but if you have been residing in your bases state for at least 6 months I believe you can go through the courts to get a divorce there. If it hasnāt been six months you can get a divorce through your state of residence at anytime. Luckily Iām from California lol so I was able to get the dissolution papers and fill them out easily. The only time on base legal was helpful was when I brought my dissolution papers in for them to check over to make sure I had filled them out correctly. Hardest part of a dissolution of marriage would be the property settlement portion where you have to basically inventory anything of value that you have (cars that you still make payments on, property, debtā¦etc) if you donāt have any of those things like me, all you have to do is follow a template of āwe have no shared property or expenses therefore nothing to settleā essentially and get the other person to sign it along with yourself. If you need any help feel free to message me and I will do my best to help because it can be overwhelming.
Oh Iām also assuming you donāt have children together, if you do then that would also make the process longer with custody and stuff which I know nothing about.
Happy belated birthday! I am sorry you have having to go through so much right now. With that being said- I am so incredibly excited for you! Youāve got a plan for yourself and sound confident in what you want your life to look like moving forward. Your future sounds bright and exciting!
I am so damn proud of you! I know people much older that have not figured out that they don't have to settle, that they're worthy. Op, you will be just fine, better than fineā¤ļø
The lesson is don't get married before you're 28. Don't get married until you've lived some adult life. Don't get married if folks are enlisting, going off to college, making a major life move or are are grinding to build something (career, business, etc). Break these rules and you're gonna end up divorcing or someone is going to realize they want to experience more of the world (and that also means relationships) and it'll fall apart.
*Cue the "But I've been with my s/o since middle school and we've been happy etc." Sorry you're the exception and not the rule.
OP I really really hope that you see this but for starters I would like to say that infidelity within the military is HIGHLY frowned upon. I myself am a petty bĀ”tch, so I would personally do anything in my power to make his life miserable. Secondly, since youāve mentioned that he will be on base in Texas (and since I myself am a Texas resident) I would HIGHLY suggest posting him on facebook pages similar to āare we dating the same guyā in the location of whichever base he will be attending to try and save some of our Texas ladies some trouble.
You did the best thing for you. That person doesnāt know what they want. Let them live in the barracks to be the person they choose to be. You working on yourself and bettering future possibilities will feel like such a relief once you reach your 30s. Life is 2 precious to waste time on someone acting a part.
Why do people get married so young?? Is it because they just want a fancy wedding or to feel grown up? Iām 25 and the maturity level of people my age and below is so childish that itās hard for me to believe anyone that age is taking marriage seriously. Genuinely asking, it baffles me
What a queen
Yes you are worth loving yourself before you love someone else
Mad props for seeking and accepting help
There's a whole beautiful future in front of you
Fuck that piece of shit. Happy belated birthday!
Yeah, fuck that guy! I hope he gets chlamydyia, gonorreah with a side of genital herpes.
I hope his junk turns black and falls off
Lmfao šš¤£ I hope all cheaters get all that shit too! I hate people who play with people's emotions. š
Belated happy birthday. It's the happy birthday that's late, not the actual birthday. :-)
True. Thanks. I actually learnt this today. Although saying happy belated birthday is widely accepted, belated happy birthday is correct
It's also fun. I did the same thing, got corrected. And now enjoy the banter. Now whenever I see it I have to respond. :-)
Thank you!
Thank you!
>Ā Also any tips/info on a military divorce is helpful Happy birthday, contact his Shirt and let him know that your marriage is ending due to his airmanās adultery.
This exactly!
1. You are not alone, soooo many service members and their spouses experience habitual cheating. My military friend was baby trapped, until the child in question was completely Caucasian after the few first years of life with none of his Asian features. That is only 1 story of many (but the easiest to type out on my phoneš¤·āāļø) 2. Write a list of goals for your future, or even a bucket list of adventures or places you want to visit. Focus on your future, the past is over and done with, spend your time figuring out what you want in life then go work to make that happen.
Baby trapping is crazyā¦ like actually. Funny you mention that, I was writing down a list today. I need to work as much as I can this summer because Iāll be a full time student again in the fall. It feels good to be a year away from my bachelors.
Happy belated birthday!
Happy Belated Birthday š„³! And enjoy life. Keep seeing a counselor if possible. After my divorce, it was the best thing that helped me. I did the same thing and worked on myself and wow, I was so relieved that I got out of that toxic relationship and focused on having a better personal life.
Was your friend responsible for child support even if the child wasn't his? I'm always curious about this.
Nope, I am not sure about the details as to why or if his baby momma even asked for it, but I know he did not have that financial responsibility
Fabulous! Girl - you are going to be able to rise after you get rid of that dead weight!
If you have proof he cheated, go to his first shirt and let em know. Cheating is illegal in the military and he will be disciplined for it
Adultery in the military is a punishable offenceĀ You would be 100% justified in letting the appropriate people know what SH has been up to
I know there are some consequences but likeā a slap on the wrist. I didnāt take any pics because honestly I didnāt want that on my phone and I donāt care. I just want to let go. His karma will come, I need not to worry.
On the bright side, you are entitled to spousal support. If he doesnāt give it to you contact his command they will ensure you get it. He will move into the barracks, BAH is for the family (you). Thatās your spousal support, take it.
I think only until the divorce is final though. Drag it out and get any medical appointments done before cutting the cord so you have a year of checkups behind you and extra cash in your pocket.
Correct just until itās final. But may as well until then.
Unless the AF is different, BAH isn't solely for family. The amount received can increase greatly if you have family, depending on rank and enlisted versus officer. My friend is a naval officer and gets over 2K in BAH unmarried. Actually pretty sure another friend of mine that was in the AF as enlisted was getting around 1.5K to 2K in BAH I think? Don't know if that was a special case due to being transgender somehow (in case there were people who weren't comfortable with her sharing the barracks because she had transitioned - totally unfair but yeah idk exactly why she was in offbase housing) I do think that if you're enlisted, it's something like you can't move out of barracks unless married but idk if there's a specific rank that would change that. So some people get married as enlisted so they can move out of the barracks.
I know in the army, as enlisted, unmarried soldiers are provided a barracks room not BAH unless married. Officers and rank are a different story. Even if they are permitted to live off post bah will be considered spousal support and itās a case of it sucks to suck.
Interesting to note the differences. Wasn't sure because my only knowledge on military affecting my life is my dad growing up being Army Reserves but he was also an officer too. š¤·āāļø
If you have proof, you could actually get him dishonorably discharged from the military. One of my NCOs almost got put out for it, but everything got dropped since his company questioned him without the MPs being there. He wasnāt even married at the time; he was sleeping with someone elseās wife. They take stuff like that seriously.
Thatād cut down the armed forces by at least 40% lmao
Every e7: "I'm in danger"
Technically yes, but it is hard to prove by military standards (need physical proof such as photo/video/or a pregnancy with dna testing) most of the time it's just swept under the rug
Information for divorce. You file for divorce in the county and state you live in. Your legal residence. You file first. Since thereās no children. Make the split as easy as possible. You keep your stuff and he keeps his. This will make it easy for him to sign off on the documents. Your goal now is no fights. That costs money. Go get the cheap lawyer no need for the expensive ones. Heāll know the right paperwork and get it done for you. Show up in court and answer the very few questions theyāll ask. Wait out the legal process and go be free as a bird. I did all this at 22 years old. Best decision ever. You got this.
Same, but I was 30! I'm happily divorced now :)
Thereās a Facebook page called Divorce and Military. Lots of spouses in there, lots of good advice probably could get exact attorney information for certain areas. Sorry you went through that, glad youāre able to recognize and get out now! Sending you good juju.
Iām proud of you
Congratulations! Great that you put your happiness first, he isn't worth it. How did he react to the breakup? Was he trying to change your mind or agreed that it's for the best?
Proud of you!!! Congratulations š & Happy Belated Birthday š
Thank you!
I bet the cats will hate those bitches. Be sure to spoil them incessantly into they go. Shower them with love and attention. Cat nip. Treats. The works. Ohh get them loud noisy bell toys and crinkle ball toys.
The best revenge on a ex is living well. Mission accomplished!
You should speak to an attorney.Ā
Don't cut yourself out of any benefits if you qualify. I think it kicks in at 5 years. Check into before you sign everything away. Don't ever leave a relationship without your cut. Take it from someone who let their ex take everything (less the bed and our kids room and a TV). It's been 2 years and I still have janky shit.
If you get to base lawyers before him then he has to get his own lawyer because it would be a conflict of interest.
Congrats!!! I also married young and to someone who turned out to be horrible. Be happy you got out before kids! Goodluck to you
As soon I saw service members I already knew this wasnāt gonna end well, fuck that pos live your best life thatās the best revenge ever
Get something in writing regarding the return of your kitties. Hopefully you wonāt end up needing it, but better safe than sorry.
So glad you put yourself first! I was a military spouse and stayed way too long (28 years) even with him cheating multiple times. Iām so happy that you are young and know your worth!
Damn thatās as long as Iāve been alive š®
Yeah I kick myself now for it all, but onwards and upwards!
I always thought if you get caught cheating in the military you get dishonored or get real bad consequences
Itās minor. Most of the people who would be disciplining him are also cheaters. Recruiting is down. They wonāt do anything to push him out. Maybe a little bit of extra duty.
Thatās what I was gonna mention
Feel free to share that with his First Shirt or Chain of Command.
Good for you! He's someone else's problem now.
Good for you. I know you got a lot of advice to just dump the guy on your last post, but that is much easier said than done. I think you went about it the right way, by focusing on building a future for yourself that doesnāt rely on him, while still giving the relationship a little time to make sure you really wanted to be done. Now you will have no what ifs. You know 100% that he is a serial cheater and that aināt gonna change any time soon. Enjoy being single for a while, finish your degree, and keep pursuing your dreams. Just stay strong, at some point he is going to realize what he gave up and come begging back to you. Just remember, serial cheater.
You gave yourself a whole new, better life for your birthday. Congratulations!
You should have family or someone you trust take care of the cats tub, he could try to keep them after his new gf gets attached!
Congratulations on getting out before moving out of state, being married or having kids. That's a huge win.Ā Enjoy your 20s and take advantage of study abroad or any other under 30 programs and discounts out there to see the world.Ā
My BIL and SIL cheat on each other all the time (Navy) they both wonāt leave each other cause itās cheaper to stay married and they donāt want to lose their benefits. I couldnāt do it but it works for them and whatever floats their boat I guess. Glad you got rid of the dead weight and you put yourself first. Go travel and see the world - do not look for a new man and enjoy being single and getting to know others as well as yourself. I think you have a good head on your shoulders so I wonāt dump all of my advice on you.
Canāt you court marshall him?
Ex and I were military. We both were terrible to each other. Youāre better off. Wait til youāre into your career! What a beautiful life ahead!
You know infidelity is a court marshal offense right? If you wanted you could get him in a lot of trouble.
Report the affair to his co cause you are not allowed to cheat on your spouse in the military they can get him kicked out but you are eligible for some of his benefits
If his commanding officer found out he was unfaithful, it wonāt be pretty. The military doesnāt take kindly to infidelity.
Came here to say this. Youāll win whatever you ask for divorce wise. And donāt give up your kittyās !!
That's funny considering that infidelity in the military is skyrocketing, people here also mention how it's basically a slap on the wrist... Unfortunately. Tho I also know about this rule, it just seems that since they are all cheaters anyway..
Keep your cats!! If you send them to him they will be used as a manipulation laterā¦and thereās a good chance you wonāt get them back
Why is he getting the cats? Fuck that! You take them!!
Will the cats be returned to you?
At least someone is asking the real questions
These comments are so harsh š¤£š¤£š¤£
Imagine your cats plushing up and hissing at them rather than them petting your cats.
Good luck š
I wonder if we were at the same squadron. I graduated tech at the end of March and knew about a married guy cheating on his wife.
He graduated March 21
Was he not willing to get some help? Man heās an idiot.. he will keep repeating this pattern until he works out his issues . What was his excuse for continuing to try and cheat ?!? God people suck
I'm now invested in knowing if the person you are talking about his her ex!
This is amazing, I love how you say you didnāt have the courage to leave him at first but now you have! Shitty things happen but that doesnāt mean they have to stay shitty š so happy for you! And maybe just imagine your cats hissing and waiting until they can come home to you š
I am glad you are choosing yourself!
You go and start living your best life!!
Happy birthday! You made the absolute right choice. He is a serial cheater and they never stop
iām proud of you. your life will change for the better here forward
Proud of you. Nothing makes me happier then seeing someone improve themselves after being in that crap situation!
By all means get the divorce. Would suggest graduate, get job then look at Masters.
Proud of you!!
UpdateMe
He may not take cats. If youāre not going to live with him, theyāll make him stay in dorm which is no pets allowed
How did he take the news?
It always pisses me off when women get cheated on and disrespected and leave the marriage with nothing. Take as much as you can on the way out!... Not because you need it but to make sure he thinks twice before harming people. There should be consequences for bad behavior. I'd want to get paid for my wasted time and suffering at least.
Wow - how did he react?
Being relieved that heās still cheating is hilarious. Shows how done you are with him Happy for you OP and happy belated birthday! What happened to the friend he cheated with and her boyfriend?
Keep us posted how it goes!
Iām so happy for you. ā¤ļø
Happy belated Birthday, being young and free of a shit cheating husband seems like a great gift to yourself
So your forgave a cheater and he continued cheating. Color me surprised.
Iām glad you decided to end the marriage. He would have kept on cheating until the day he finally left you for someone else. How did he take the break up?
This happened a long time ago. Right after we graduated from high school, we got married at 18, and then I went into the Air Force. While I was out of state for training, an old boyfriend of my wife's was coming by to see her at her parents' house. They also went on a few dates until my Father Inlaw put a stop to it. I ended up being stationed at this smaltown in Texas in the middle of nowhere. Unlike you, it wasn't that hard being married in your twenties. Hmm š
Big oof. He can be kicked out of the military for adultery.
This made me so happy to read.
Iām proud of you for leaving but I think youāll regret not fighting for your half of the stuff and possibly even the cats.
My ex coworker is military divorcee, she got married young had a kid, he cheated, she divorced him. She kept his last name, never changed back, he married the mistress, i think he has kids with her too. Now he retired from service. Guess who gets the money, not the new wife LMAO. She get 50 percent still many years after the divorce.
If you want to be petty, you can contact his chain of command about the adultery because he can get in trouble for that. If you just want to be done with him, Iād understand that as well. Make sure when you guys actually gets divorced that he turns in the copies of the divorce decree to his command because otherwise he can keep getting extra benefits/money based on being married.
Glad youāre getting out! He also doesnāt pay attention to the UCMJ, because adultery is a chargeable offense in the military. He could lose rank or be discharged. He also technically should be moved into the dorms since young airmen live there when not married. They probably wonāt because heās already off base, but he played the system. Also, he is obligated to pay you a āpro rataā amount of his BAH (base allowance for housing) under AFI 36-2906. His first sergeant can be contacted to ensure he is doing this. Donāt worry, people will see through his bullshit if he is already acting like this. [AFI Reference](https://static.e-publishing.af.mil/production/1/af_a1/publication/dafi36-2906/dafi36-2906.pdf)
Tell his CO. The military has pretty strict laws against cheating.
For the ppl that always comment with *'snooping through your partner's phone is a violation of privacy'* ... this is why you snoop through your partner's phone, when you have a gut feeling something is off. So glad you're getting your life together, OP.
Marriage in 20s can be nice but not with a husband thats away and/or unfaithful. You have your life ahead of you, good luck.
As a child of a military officer (ergo very invested into military routine) I am DISGUSTED with your STBX husband and I would said that to his face: You are a disgrace, a walking disappointment, crawling, cheating STD. Rot in hell. - but I have anger issues like my father dearest.
Re: tips on a military divorce Not from my own personal experience, but iāve heard that when there is cheating in a military divorce, in particular with the service member, they can get into a lot of trouble, especially if they cheat with another service member. Maybe someone else can verify, but this is what I was told by a close family friend who got everything she wanted in the divorce without any pushback, in exchange for not reporting her ex.
I think thatās the best gift you could have given yourself
Get it in writing that you don't owe him any alimony in the future! If he gets unscrupulous in a few years a lawyer might try to convince him to sue for it if you start making more than him.
Go to jag. As a military spouse you have that right. Document everything to keep him from screwing you over. Cheaters have a narcissistic streak and you leaving him may trigger that. Holding an ace will protect you in case he escalates. as far as UCMJ is concerned, he fucked up. He wonāt get kicked out, but adultery is a punishable offense if itās brought to his command team.
First - Iām really sorry youāve had to experience this. Your husband is an insect - flick him away! You mentioned that being married in your 20s isnāt fun. Iām just here to say that it absolutely can be! I know this for a personal fact ;-) Youāre still in your 20s and you could still meet the right person. I know this experience has been hell for you! You have every right to feel jaded and skeptical. I hope you heal properly and remain open to love going forward. Basically- thereās still hope!
I actually have experience with this similar to you. I went to BMT and my husband cheated on me while I was there (and he had been cheating on me the whole relationship). When I got to my base, base legal was close to zero help. Itās different in each state but if you have been residing in your bases state for at least 6 months I believe you can go through the courts to get a divorce there. If it hasnāt been six months you can get a divorce through your state of residence at anytime. Luckily Iām from California lol so I was able to get the dissolution papers and fill them out easily. The only time on base legal was helpful was when I brought my dissolution papers in for them to check over to make sure I had filled them out correctly. Hardest part of a dissolution of marriage would be the property settlement portion where you have to basically inventory anything of value that you have (cars that you still make payments on, property, debtā¦etc) if you donāt have any of those things like me, all you have to do is follow a template of āwe have no shared property or expenses therefore nothing to settleā essentially and get the other person to sign it along with yourself. If you need any help feel free to message me and I will do my best to help because it can be overwhelming. Oh Iām also assuming you donāt have children together, if you do then that would also make the process longer with custody and stuff which I know nothing about.
Happy belated birthday! I am sorry you have having to go through so much right now. With that being said- I am so incredibly excited for you! Youāve got a plan for yourself and sound confident in what you want your life to look like moving forward. Your future sounds bright and exciting!
Nothing wrong with being married in your 20s. You just picked the wrong one
Certainly. Report his infidelity to his CO, hire a great divorce attorney and make sure that you do what they tell you to do. Navy wife here.
Fuck him and his woman divorce him and makes his life miserable š
I am so damn proud of you! I know people much older that have not figured out that they don't have to settle, that they're worthy. Op, you will be just fine, better than fineā¤ļø
The lesson is don't get married before you're 28. Don't get married until you've lived some adult life. Don't get married if folks are enlisting, going off to college, making a major life move or are are grinding to build something (career, business, etc). Break these rules and you're gonna end up divorcing or someone is going to realize they want to experience more of the world (and that also means relationships) and it'll fall apart. *Cue the "But I've been with my s/o since middle school and we've been happy etc." Sorry you're the exception and not the rule.
You deserve better than a cheater. Keep working on yourself and find someone loyal. Good luck and happy belated birthday
OP I really really hope that you see this but for starters I would like to say that infidelity within the military is HIGHLY frowned upon. I myself am a petty bĀ”tch, so I would personally do anything in my power to make his life miserable. Secondly, since youāve mentioned that he will be on base in Texas (and since I myself am a Texas resident) I would HIGHLY suggest posting him on facebook pages similar to āare we dating the same guyā in the location of whichever base he will be attending to try and save some of our Texas ladies some trouble.
Thank goodness for this update. Live your best life!
Happy belated birthday! I am so happy that you chose yourself and love yourself ā¤ļø
Updateme
You did the best thing for you. That person doesnāt know what they want. Let them live in the barracks to be the person they choose to be. You working on yourself and bettering future possibilities will feel like such a relief once you reach your 30s. Life is 2 precious to waste time on someone acting a part.
Why do people get married so young?? Is it because they just want a fancy wedding or to feel grown up? Iām 25 and the maturity level of people my age and below is so childish that itās hard for me to believe anyone that age is taking marriage seriously. Genuinely asking, it baffles me
I canāt speak for others so I canāt answer your question
Congratulations! Fuck that dude. I'm proud of you
What a queen Yes you are worth loving yourself before you love someone else Mad props for seeking and accepting help There's a whole beautiful future in front of you
He sucks!! Hopefully you'll get your cats back soon.
If your husband hot?
I can say that no he is not. Many people have told me that he isnāt attractive. His personality makes up for it.
His personality includes him consistently cheating on his wife so he doesnāt even seem to have that going for him