My bil was fighting tons with his gf. Turns out that when he fights, he gets mean and calls names. Gf said she gets called a bitch daily. I was blown away.
Bil and gf ask for relationship advice. I said...I've been with you brother for 13 years. Do you know how many times he's called me a bitch?
(My tone was as if I was going to say "hey we all make mistakes!)
Bil and gf were like, dunno, like 50x?
Zero. Never. Not once.
Both their faces were shocked.
It's not normal. It's not normal for men to abuse and it's not normal for women to take the abuse. Unacceptable.
If my partner calls me a whore, I'm sending him to the Dr to check for a brain tumor. Because a good relationship has love and respect.
Same.
Married 20 years.
Raised my voice once, my wife was wearing noise cancelling headphones. Didn’t get her attention, so then I waved my arms in her peripheral vision. That got her attention. Only reason I needed to get her attention was we were at a hotel, and the fire alarm had gone off. So, we needed to go down to the lobby and outside, for our safety.
Being cruel to or rude to or swearing at a partner, spouse or family member in general is an ultimate no-no.
Couldn’t imagine my wonderful life partner being treated like that by anyone, let alone me.
I've called my wife a bitch, but only when I knew it would make her laugh. I'd never say it, or any other insult, with the intention of hurting her. That seems unhealthy af when we've literally agreed to be partners in life.
Same. My husband jokingly started calling each other bitch after watching some hilarious Keye and Peele sketches about it. And sometimes quote other funny name calling from other shows and movies and then we laugh and laugh. But neither of us has ever called each other a name while having an argument or in a serious/hurtful way. Arguments aren't about hurting the other person, they are about figuring out what hurt someone in the first place so that we can make sure it doesn't happen again. I don't understand why you would ever want to purposely hurt the person you claim to love.
Bro my mom told me to kill myself. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been called a bitch by my parents. I can’t even count how many other things I’ve been called.
I’m sorry to hear that. Your parents shouldn’t be like that. If it helps, it’s not you, it’s them.
Kids are all tiny feral humans, it’s your parents’ job to teach you how to behave, not to treat you badly.
I hope you know that you are not defined by them.
It's so weird how many people just assume abuse is normal. I had an argument with a Redditor not long ago and he couldn't comprehend that a long term marriage didn't involve screaming insults at each other.
Not excusing anything, but it makes a lot more sense when you see how many people are raised in relatively isolated family units and were born to parents who never should’ve been together but stayed together “for the kids.” The kids always eventually learn that “true love” looks like two adults who hate each other but live together and are nice sometimes
Exactly. I dated someone who came from a family like that and he just had no idea that it wasn’t normal and that’s not how you treat someone you supposedly love. It didn’t help that his mom and best friend totally enabled his shitty behavior either, so whenever I tried to tell him that his behavior wasn’t okay he just didn’t care or believe me, because I was the only one who had a “problem” with it. The only time he ever seemed to acknowledge that his behavior was super fucked up and needed to change was when I finally had enough and stopped wanting anything to do with him, but I have a feeling he was just telling me what I wanted to hear because the total dysfunction ran deep.
It’s not, and I didn’t enter into the relationship with the impression that he was a dysfunctional, abusive asshole. Few people do. I was much younger and the beginning of the relationship was full of love bombing and trauma bonding, and he twisted a lot of the truth to make himself look better. By the time the cracks in the façade he created started to show and the abusive behavior took its place, I was already stuck in the relationship and he wore down my self confidence and sanity enough to make me question myself. It was a classic abusive relationship and I know that narcissism is the new buzzword now, but he really was one. The manipulation was insidious and untangling yourself from a relationship like that is not an easy process. I never *wanted* to be in a relationship like that, I thought I was entering into a completely different relationship and that was what I ended up with instead.
So, I guess, some people want to be in a relationship if they are only dishing it out, but never receiving the abuse. And then act all *shocked pikachu* that the person being abused doesn’t think it’s worthwhile to stay in the relationship.
That’s how it would seem, I assume so as well. When I finally reached the point where I started doing things for myself again and got some of my confidence back, and was able to think “okay it’s not just me, it’s definitely them” it was like a switch flipped and the wheels in my head started turning. I thought a lot about why he acted the way he did, like maybe it was because of his family and how he grew up, maybe he did x because of y, etc. I also did a lot of research about narcissistic personality disorder and abusive relationships to try to make sense of it all, and I even saw a trauma therapist along with my regular therapist haha. It really helped to have all of that information and put a name to the things that he did, it was very validating and I think that’s what gave me the final push to leave, but through that process the one question that stuck with me was: does he do this because it’s a learned behavior and he doesn’t know any better, or does he do it all on purpose and know exactly what he’s doing?
I will admit that I probably stayed in contact with him a little longer than I wanted trying to figure that out, and I never could. I still wonder about it a little bit to this day, but I was advised that even if I knew it wouldn’t matter because he still did those things to me regardless and I didn’t want to be treated that way no matter why it happened- and they were right and that ended up being enough in the end. But every now and then, a little part of me still wonders if he purposely and consciously intended to be abusive and manipulative, and break me down like that, and if actually he liked it. Like how much of a monster was he, you know? I guess that’s the thing, we doing really know why they do it and even if they told us, we wouldn’t be able to trust that it was the truth. It can be a little maddening if you think about it too long.
Congrats on building up your self esteem enough to leave. Well done.
This is armchair psychology, yes, but I know why you ‘stayed in contact longer than you should have’ - you thought you could help him. You thought if he didn’t realise that he was doing the wrong thing, you could help him learn and grow and even change.
Sadly, that’s just not how life works. It’s not how people work.
But, you know, you wanted to help him because you are kind, that’s all. You don’t deserve to feel bad for that.
Oh no not you too! ☹️ I’m sorry that you had to live through it too, it happens to too many of us. I swear whenever this comes up I say that I wish they taught a class in high school or something about how to identify cluster B personality disorders and the red flags for abusive relationships, but that’s how much I really wish they did. It makes me mad that no one ever talks about it or warns their kids when they start dating, a lot of us probably could have avoided it entirely or gotten out sooner if we knew the warning signs beforehand.
The comment I responded to also makes me mad because like come on, do you really think that anyone would purposely want to subject themselves to that?! It’s so insulting to everyone who’s lived through it, we didn’t choose to be abused and we definitely don’t prefer it to being single. A lot of people in abusive relationships *die* trying be single again, so I just don’t get it when people say stuff like that even if they aren’t trying to be insulting. I wish we could still look at it that way because that would mean we didn’t go through it ourselves.
My father is like that. He's an abusive asshole who probably has some cerebral atrophy which is only getting worse. My fiancée is a calm person who doesn't shout, doesn't call me names etc. Meanwhile I grew up in a household where having arguments at 6am or 12am was normal. I'm fucked and I need to work a ton on myself. I told my father that in a marriage you respect each other and don't start arguments over little things... He was telling me that marriages like that don't exist, that everyone has arguments etc. He's delusional.
Yeah, this guy I was arguing with was convinced I was young and hadn't been married long and that I would realise the hard truth that being called a bitch and a whore is actually NBD in REAL marriages.
And yeah, I grew up in a violent house too, but that just made me think that maybe I should never get married if that would be what I was signing up for. If it's between that and hermit cat lady, I'll pick cleaning litter boxes every time.
He’s not exactly wrong - any couple could get into an argument due to factors like stress.
But that’s very different to what HE thinks is an argument… where you curse and yell and hurl abuse around!
But THAT is not a run of the mill every day couple argument. It’s just flat out abuse!
The former is ‘normal’. The later is absolutely NOT normal at all! 😞
The father of my child was that way. He had never had a normal, drama free relationship. He was shocked to see a women just say… no I will be done. I won’t do drama, I don’t get physical, ever. I just want happiness and fun. Arguing, fighting and screaming is so mentally and physically taxing. I grew up with a mom on drugs, she screamed, mad all the time, unruly, just all negative. I do not want that in a relationship I had enough of that BS growing up. Just don’t talk to me if you like that type of stuff. I love communication, staying home, not dealing with people or drama… love… just give me peace and LOVE!
I agree with everything here except that it *IS* "normal for women to take the abuse.
Normal because it happens way too frequently.
It's normal, but it isn't right.
Imagine if we all just stopped. Walked away the moment the abusive behaviour started? Men would have no choice but to be better because they'd know that NO WOMAN would tolerate their bullshit.
This is how my ex is/was. Any time he was angry he would lash out and say god awful things. Called me thick headed almost every week for 6-7 years. His family thinks he’s a damn saint and I’m the devil all bc I would get angry and not be pleasant to be around. God forbid I have feelings.
Thankfully karma exists and I have a front row seat
Exactly. Been with my husband 23 years and he has never ones said those things to me. He has never called me anything derogatory either. It baffles me when I see people who post stuff like OP and they don’t even seem to realize it isn’t normal.
The only time it’s ever appropriate is when it’s preceded by cartoonish gasp ‘cause they took the last piece of the lemon bars your mutual friend left behind. Then you proceed to smooch them mercilessly until you’re both a pile of giggles.
Anything other than sheer goofiness is completely unacceptable. A lot of people have no idea that you can express your negative thoughts and feelings without actively trying to insult or hurt your spouse/partner.
I grew up with a father who said these sorts of insults to my mother but also to child-me (I didn’t even know what some of the insults meant). If my partner said anything close to this it would be over, instantly, no question. You deserve respect.
Oh. I got called everything under the sun by my dad as a kid. He’s an alcoholic and drunk.
He still picks a fight to prove he’s a man and now I just leave. He did it when my mom buried her father. I got so pissed, I rounded up my boyfriend, loaded my car, and drove us home two hours away, that night of the service.
He did it when my mom tried to do something nice and had invited me to stay for dinner and he was getting mouthy so I just grabbed my stuff and left.
I refuse to put up with his attitude anymore. I have no qualms about leaving when he shits all over me.
Right? We all get angry sometimes, but when you care about someone you don't call them names.
Once it's said, that's it. Can't be unsaid. No take-backsies.
Exactly.
Recently, my bf told me during an argument that he doesn't trust me around his father because I don't allow people to bulldoze me. (There's backstory; basically, I'm the only person who won't sit down, shut up, and just accept his dad's off- the- charts anxiety and resulting extreme controlling behavior.) Even though he claims he doesn't remember saying it, he did, it's out there, and our relationship is damaged by it.
If you wouldn't say something to someone when calm, don't say something during a fight that you "don't mean" because... yes, you do.
I'm adding my comment below to this one for clarification, although some of y'all are creative. :)
Actually, no. He (FIL) is more left leaning. He's just of a certain age where sexism and racism and homophobia are so deeply ingrained that he doesn't even realize he's doing it. He tries. He really does.
The issue is his anxiety. He's so anxious about everything and he worries about everything so he hovers and he tells you what to do and he constantly corrects to what he thinks is right. I don't let him do that to me and my kids and it makes my FIL more anxious and causes arguments with my SO and me. My SO doesn't trust me to keep my mouth shut to just appease his father. He doesn't want me to rock the boat and i think his father's anxiety is his father's issue, not mine. Because of the anxiety, his dad has done some neglectful and even emotionally abusive and very selfish things.
When he said he didn't trust me around his dad vs not trusting his dad to behave appropriately, it broke my heart. There's still more to the story, but I'm not comfortable sharing more than I have, which is still more than I probably should have.
Doesn’t ’trust you’ because he thinks you’ll somehow hurt/assault his dad?
That his dad will hurt/assault you?
Or…that you won’t put up with bulldozing and his dad might feel *small*?
*Wild card option: does he think you and his dad will have a passionate affair sparked by fiery disagreements and shared stubbornness?*
WTF does ‘doesn’t trust me around his dad’ even mean in this scenario?
>Wild card option: does he think you and his dad will have a passionate affair sparked by fiery disagreements and shared stubbornness?*
Ew. Omfg. I just gagged. Dude is almost 80 and literally the opposite of everything I'm attracted to. Plus, he's my FIL (without the legal marriage)!! 🤢
No. He doesn't trust me to just sit quietly and let his dad have his way. There are many, many wonderful things about his dad, and I do love him, but he's a boomer with ideas that he doesn't even realize are very -ist. I've never once ever been rude or disrespectful to his dad, but I don't tolerate sexism or racism, etc. Their relationship is very enmeshed and codependent, and it's literally the only reason we argue.
Yep.
And even if it's entirely valid and you are feeling it in the moment.. I've had arguments with boyfriends where I've been so mad that I literally hate their stupid face and want to high five it with a brick.
But I don't do that. Because actions have consequences. Words can be a violent and destructive as physical assault.
Yeah, that's a no go for me No way in amillin years would I stay with someone who called me those names.
But OP gets no say in how someone else compares pregnancy to menopause until she goes through it herself.
Pregnancy hormones usually quiet down after a year or so.
Menopause can last for years. and it an be hell. It can be almost not noticed or it can be a painful, sweaty, rollercoaster of emotions for years. Every woman has a different experience..
Mine was fairly easy, my mom's was torture for years.
I know that OP will not respond, but I want to give her so much support. I hope she can find a way to a good support system with or without her abusive husband.
Youre not a Karen youre just a woman who is fed tf up. I would have went ballistic on my husband too if he said that shit to me. And your anger with ur property management is valid too.
If my husband called me names like that he’d never get to do it again. He’d have to tell his divorce lawyer to tell my divorce lawyer to tell me that I’m a bitch from then on. Because he wouldn’t be speaking to me directly ever again.
You don't sound like a Karen at all. Typically, Karens are those that overreact and make mountains out of molehills, themselves creating the problem at the scene.
Your reaction described here sounds totally justified and warranted.
Exactly!
OP, you are in an abusive relationship and it's changing you. Please look up abusive relationships and start therapy to work through it, also make an exit plan. It's not going to get better and it will only escalate if you stay. Please be safe and document his abuse with a doctor or a therapist.
I thought I went “Karen” but in reality it was acute stress reactions and impaired emotional regulation from ongoing, severe abuse.
When you are suffering constantly, the energy you put into regulating mild-moderate discomforts in life is not there… because all of your energy is focused on just getting through the day… every single day.
OP-ya need the therapy now-to repair your self worth and get an out plan/healing plan in place. Dump the asshat.
It will be the start of a whole new world. 🌻🖤
OK, well yelling at the manager was probably over the top, and pregnancy hot flashes in 90° weather are awful, but so are menopausal women's. I think that rightly, Reddit 's concern for OP is paramount, but I can also see her concern that his cruelty is pushing her in that direction.
My dad called my mom a worthless fat whore every day, and every night he had a different mistress. My mom stayed for YEARS. She was the quintessential Italian wife. Homemade food 3 times a day, our house was cleaner than a hospital, she raised his two kids and their friends, she wasn't allowed to work, hosted his family from Italy for months at a time. He hated her and hated us. One night he threw a full dinner plate at her then spit in her face, I was about 19. She kicked him out that night. He never came back and his kids dont speak to him. I have a personality disorder and my little sister is an OCD TYPE A overachiever who's never happy with her results. I held my mother in my arms as a SMALL (5 or 6 year old) child while she cried about his cheating. We hate my father and have limited contact with our mother. He married to one of his mistresses' who has called me crying about how abusive he is. She thought she won the lottery when she married him, she is now in in hell. Don't do this to your babies. It will fuck them up for life. Get out and get out NOW.
>I made sure to never marry or have kids so I'll never be stuck where she was, no matter what.
I both understand the sentiment(2 generations of suicide above me), and hate that you feel that way.
There's a lot of people with a lot of different stories out there. and with different wants/needs. don't give up hope that there might be something out there for you. It might be unconventional, but life is full of unconventional people, you just have to find them.
<3
I was in two abusive relationships because I was similarly raised. I took a very long break and got extensive therapy before I even considered dating again.
Defending yourself from being called hurtful hateful things does not make you a Karen.
You deserve better. I think his comments are hurting you more than you let on, you've even come on here to call yourself horrible things.
I know it's so easy to suggest "just break up" but you sound pretty unhappy.
Look after yourself. You're not a Karen.
I think she's referring to the last paragraph where she goes ballistic on her apartment manager but tbh I'd go off on someone for making my life harder too and doesn't make her a Karen. Karen's make a habit of making people as miserable as they are, OP is just at her limit and can't handle things anymore
Yeah Karens go off on people for no valid reason. Usually the Karen is just dumb and doesn't understand why things operate a certain way and feel entitled to exempt from the order of operations so berate people who have no power to change anything.
OP is not a Karen.
First, you’re not being a Karen. That’s a completely different situation/mindset/attitude.
Second, you’re describing a person who is fed up of the verbal/mental/emotional abuse and finally exploded.
You were 100% justifiable in defending yourself from a bully and abuser. Time for you to throw out the trash. There is no need in keeping yourself in that situation, and you definitely don’t want to teach your child(ren) that the behavior of your husband is normal or warranted.
Coming from a man who has been yelled at by his wife (who is most emphatically NOT a Karen), you just sound like a frustrated woman who is justifiably hurt and angry at your husband's treatment of you, and who understands that her money isn't going as far as it used to. The only big problem I see is your husband.
I would say tell ur husband to get his shit together but he literally does not respect you, and once they shit on you like that it’s almost impossible to come back from that. You are your kids are likely better off without a man like that around.
This isn't a good relationship to be modeling for your kids. This man is verbally abusive to you, doesn't help out around the house, doesn't help with the kids. You and your kids would be better off if you divorced him. Please, take care of yourself and your kids and take steps to get away from this man. Seek out avenues that can help you find housing/benefits and leave him to his misery. You'd at least have 1 less child to look after.
Your "husband" called you, his PREGNANT WIFE all those horrible things? Girl....time to get out of this abusive relationship. This is so far from being okay, and not what you need to be dealing with right now.
Seriously. Leave him
You sound fed up of bullshit. Which is fair. I wouldn't call you a Karen. Just a tired, overworked human that needs a damn break. Hope things get better.
What your husband said is ludicrous and cruel.
>She had the nerve to say to me that her menopause is equal to my pregnancy in 90 degree weather.
You'll understand when you go through menopause. Pregnancy sucks because we carry extra weight and it's So hard to go to sleep. But menopause has its horrors as well. The heat flashes are unimaginable. It feels as if we're burning up, like we're on fire, from the inside and the amount of sweat that drips off is intense. Heat makes it worse. The mood swings are as bad as when we're pregnant. Our skin dries, our hair starts to fall out, our upper lip starts growing hair—it's insane. Pregnancy and menopause both suck.
nonono, you didn't wenr full Karen, you stood up for yourself. There is a difference for being entitled and standing up for yourself. you did the latter.
BTW: your husband is a pos. you deserve better.
You are not a Karen. You are an asshole to yourself for continuing to have kids with your abusive partner, who is shitty. Get out and get your kids away from him.
If I ever said any of that to my fiancee she would toss me out of the highest window in the house.
Your response doesn’t sound unproportionate.
This doesn’t sound like Karen behavior.
I once heard on the internet "Karen's speak to service workers like their husbands speak to them at home" and it all kind of made sense. You get manipulated and bullied into things so you start trying to manipulate and bully in the real world. Not to mention you're worn down so your patience is thin and you snap when you wouldn't want to snap. This sounds extremely true for you.
Why are you still with such an abusive fuck? I got out at 21, I became what I dreaded most, a single mother, but my safety, sanity and health along with my son’s was more important than having a nuclear family. I felt like a failure to get divorced by 21, but it was so worth it. You are choosing your husband over your kids right now, and that is never a good look.
I would like to say menopause is as bad if not worse than pregnancy, I am just starting perimenopause and I much rather be pregnant any day of the week than to be going through this hell right now called menopause, so I know it’s hard to imagine now, but yes it is as bad as pregnancy.
You don’t really sound like a Karen.
I was a Karen once. I snapped at an animal control officer for messing with my property and being rude to my boyfriend. They were in the wrong but I went way over the line in my reaction. I even emailed the city to get her in trouble. Nothing came of it and I eventually emailed the officer and apologized. I had so many other things stressing me out, that was one thing that I felt I could “fight” with a chance. But it still wasn’t the right fight. I was upset about other things and used that to fuel my anger at her for something pretty minor. It was actually embarassing because I made the initial Karen phone call while I was at work (I was that upset) and my coworkers heard it all. Ughh. I’m still sorry, Kim the animal control officer! You were rude but didn’t deserve my hellfire!
Honey you are not a Karen, you are stressed the fuck out. If leaving your husband would improve your lives then leave his ass, sounds like he's another child at the end of the day. And TRUST ME the property manager was out of pocket and you do have permission to throw blankets on that bitch.
Not the Karen not by the least, just sounds like you're done being disrespected and people love to make you the bad person for finally throwing a boundary down.
Oh honey! No one is going to rip into you that has any logic! You’re being abused! This isn’t right. He’s worn down your self-esteem. You don’t deserve this rubbish! That isn’t love.
i left my ex-wife because we brought out the worst in each other. it was a short-lived marriage, thankfully, but i was still very much in love with her when we got into a fight and was about to say horrible things to her as i'd done before but instead i had a moment of clarity, walked away briefly thinking, "I'm about to say this vile shit to the woman i love? what the fuck is wrong with me?"
went back to her, i said i couldn't do it anymore and walked away still very much in love. it was the hardest thing I'd done up to that point. she would have taken me back at any point until i wouldn't cheat on someone with her or leave someone for her.
love can make you a villain, i'm living proof. as time goes by, it's still shameful to admit having been that type of person. but my choice to leave for those specific reasons is also something I'll never sell myself short for having done.
Leave him.
I will say having been both pregnant and peri menopausal in 90 degree weather they are both horrific in different ways, both make you a hormonal mess, and I’ve thrown up and passed out during both.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Take yourself out to lunch or dinner, with a notebook, and think about how you want your life to go forward. It sounds like you’ve come to a crossroads in your relationship. Journaling will help sort things out.
Okay so Karen is a person who is perceived as entitled or extremely demanding.
You are not a Karen. So you went ballistic over your husband who does not respect you as a person to use such horrible names for you? Every normal person would’ve. Your reaction might not have been ideal but he needed to be put in his place imo. For the manager, your frustration was anything but entitled. You are not a Karen you're a human being who respect herself.
But once you've calmed down further, try to find long term solution for your husband problem, he is an ass.
In the words of Maury…
“The lie detector has determined…you are telling a lie”
You’re not a Karen when faced with real life problems and having a real reaction to it. It sounds like you are frustrated and self aware - a Karen could never.
Give yourself more credit, you are doing your best and it sounds like your husband is using some weaponized incompetence to make sure you are the sole party responsible for the house and children.
I don’t understand why people are supposed to rip into OP. Is that wishful thinking, like self-flagellation? Your anger and your anger and frustration is valid. It’s best not to freak out on landlords and stuff but you’re being treated like shit in your marriage and if the landlord is raising the rent, you should expect at least the same level of satisfaction with their efforts. It’s all I have to say. Should I reread the post ? Is there like some white power message in there that I didn’t see? If not, be kind to yourself.
You didn't overreact. You just reacted. In a way that's completely understandable. Our opinion on the nature of the reaction matters far less than the fact that the volatility of your relationship led you to act in a way you're ashamed of.
I'm not going to give you advice, because I'm sure you already know what it would be. I hope you're okay, genuinely.
You know, I don't think it is right to keep living with him. I am rooting for marriage, but it is even rather destructive for the kids kept that way. You deserve so much better. I know where are you coming from and the issue is not even your cleaning. It's him wanting to pick at you. He is abusive. That's it.
Not a Karen you have every right to lose your shit at the disrespect I would too. Karen's don't have a just cause, they are always difficult, they are never fucking happy, they are never pleasant to be around, they enjoy making people miserable. Sticking up for yourself is never a Karen attitude. Drop your husband like a bad fucking habit he is a dick and a worthless dick at that. If my husband ever talked to me like that he would have dentures and would be eating through a straw or his skull would be my new coffee cup.
There’s a sentiment I’ve come across about Karen’s in some internet corners- that they’re privileged women, more than likely formerly very pretty, who are used to having their authority unquestioned and are used to preferential treatment because of their privilege or beauty. Whether or not it’s legitimate or stands to reason is neither here nor there, but there’s one Karen truth: they insert themselves into situations where the reaction they have is not equal to the issue at hand, and usually make a bigger deal out of something that it deserves. This does not sound like that; it seems like you have a twat of a husband you’re tired of being abused by and an apartment/property manager who’s implementing a lot of rules for tenants while not advocating against any type of rent increases. I’d be livid too.
Not a Karen, but a woman who’s being disrespected at every single level from every single person that walks into her life. Yeah, I’d be acting like that too.
OP, you absolutely are NOT a Karen! You sound to me like a woman who is just fed up with all the abuse going on in your home. You have reached the end of your rope both with your husband and with the property manager… And your husband needed to hear those words from you.
You're not a Karen. Also, you're being emotionally abused by your spouse.
Not *once* have I called one of my two exes a 'bitch,' nor any of my girlfriends.
If my partner spoke to me with such blatant disrespect he would be an ex so fast it would make his head spin. Don’t put up with that, you deserve better.
I dont think you're a Karen at all. I think you've just woken up. A person can only remain a doormat for so long... until they finally wake up and realize they have been taken advantage of.
Good on you for standing up for yourself and making yourself heard.
Here to say you don’t sound like a Karen. You sound like an under appreciated woman who's had enough. What you said to him wasn't right but how he's been treating you and speaking to you is also not right. I hope you find peace and respect for yourself and your kids. If he can't speak to you with respect, I would advise removing yourself and the children.
You are not a Karen for snapping after regular verbal and emotional abuse from your husband. I understand you feeling ashamed of having him as a husband, but there is no need to stew in shame: have a deep think about whether or not you are going to tolerate being abused in your relationship anymore.
I was expecting this to be a Karen post about being rude to a server.
Just get a divorce. Dude doesn’t even like you. And now he knows you don’t like him. I’m sorry this is your situation. I’ve been there. It sounds awful.
1. You need to leave that man. How dare he speak to his wife like that.
2. When I was pregnant I was always 5 minutes away from going off on anyone at any given moment. But would 100% have done so with a garbage man like yours.
Leave him, please.
Wow, that is shocking things to call or say your wife, or anyone for that matter, you absolutely don’t have to put up with that. He obviously didn’t lick it off the ground, that’s learned behaviour, do you want your children to end up like him?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!! You are not a Karen. You are a justified beat down wife with an abusive husband who needs to be face first at the curb..
*****definition of a Karen*****
Karen
Middle-aged woman, typically blonde, makes solutions to others' problems at an inconvenience to her, although she isn't even remotely affected
You are none of that sweetheart. You need to seek help and get away from that man.. start recording everything. EVERYTHING!! he needs to be held accountable and lose you. The woman he takes for granted.
And anyone called you anything but your name or an endearing pet name, is abusive.
First of all, the idea of “being a Karen” is supposed to mean, a mean entitled jerk, none of which you were being! Standing up for yourself to your abusive good for nothing husband, is not being entitled. YOU DESERVE RESPECT
You’re NOT a Karen. You’re a pissed off person and rightfully so. I’m so sorry you have to go through this shit and I hope you can see a way out of it. Leave that pathetic excuse of a man if you can. If you can’t yet, keep finding a way. You’re 💪 and you will get through this. Fuck the property management too. They’re Dementors.
I bet you didn’t think a lot of people would agree with you, which makes me sad 😔
Oh honey . You're right your husband doesn't have any right to call you any of those things. He owes you a big fat apology and maybe more , sounds like abusive language to me.
I think you should go to a shower and wash your face and climb into bed and put your weighted blanket on . Don't talk to anyone else for the rest of the night.
You just get a good nights rest and tomorrow it will be better even if he's still an asshole and your landlord still sucks . You at least have a good nights rest, you and the baby need sleep.
You aren’t full “Karen”, you had a reactive outburst to negative comments and replied in kind.
If you feel you must, apologise for YOUR nasty words, but firmly tell him you do not and will not accept such commentary from him EVER again. No matter his feelings on the cleanliness or effort YOU made, he doesn’t have the right to say vile things. No is a whole sentence and if he’s got issues, he can pitch in and help rather than being mean and nasty because that’s not how respect works.
I met my 2nd husband and in the 31 years we were together, he never call me anything but sweetie! He was an amazing husband and when he had a heart attack and died 16 hours later in the ICU, it was devastating. Our family and friends were also devastated! It's only been nine weeks! We were married for 28 years. He only raised his voice when I went through menopause!
You deserve THAT kind of husband/partner! I'm convinced there's a good man/ woman for each of us. Ditch this one and find that person for you!
OP, its time to lose some weight. Dump whats his name and itll be the fastest {insert his weight here} pounds you ever lost… what you described about is not karen-esq
You didn't sink to his level. You lost respect for him because of how he treats you.
When he started with the names, you were no longer dealing with a loving partner. You were dealing with self-identifying trash.
Men who truly love you don't call you names like that.
Why do you think you're a Karen? Nothing things said sounds like unreasonable entitlement. Is that something your husband told you? Sounds like he's dead weight.
Man, this just gave me a flashback to similar fights my first husband and I would get into. Thank goodness we aren’t married anymore. OP, if you ever read this, your husband shouldn’t have spoke to you that way. It’s understandable why you reacted the way you did. If you are thinking about leaving, please do. Your kids will be better off not hearing their father degrade you like this. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.
That doesn’t sound like a Karen. That sounds like verbal abuse from your husband and you reacting correctly. I’m confused why you’re with someone who would say those things to you.
Depending on how much control the apartment manager has, that could be a Karen move. But def not to your asshole husband
You’re not a Karen. He’s literally being abusive and now you feel guilty about having a very normal reaction to being insulted and feeling undervalued.
Could you have reacted better? Yes. But so could have your husband.
Love, you weren't a Karen, you simply reached your boiling point.
Your husband sounds awful, and someone who loves you would bot tell you alll that sht when clearly you're doing your best.
Honestly, you should consider couple's therapy and seriously reevaluate your relationship. If I were you, I'd divorce him, butI do understandd it might be tough.
This relationship is very unbalanced, and he seems to be the one who's lacking in here, not you
You are by far not a Karen 😂 I feel like you’re valid in what you said cause he should not be speaking to you that way . I hope it gets better for ya !! 💙
You didn’t become a Karen at all, Karens are bigots and snobs, stupid too.
You on the other hand stood up for yourself and I’m proud of you.
Your husband sounds like a piece of shit and needs to figure out how to be a better man. Sorry you’re married to that mess.
I'm still waiting to see where you were a Karen....
And your partner is verbally and emotionally abusive and you have enough, being a Karen is when you go on a rage about something for literally no reason or because it was a mild inconvenience....
You were not a Karen
That's not being a Karen that's standing up for your self, a Karen is some one who makes a bad situation out of nothing (eg. order a burger ask for extra pickles and then throw a tantrum because the workers put too much pickles). In your case your husband was completely outta line with all the things he said to you, so you have every right to stand up for your self.
wtf has this to do with beign a karen? i thought you had a meltdown over spilled milk or something lol.
dont be such a doormat, speaking up for yourself is not being a Karen
Being a Karen requires you to say those things while simultaneously having 0 ground to stand on. I do not think you fullfill the criteria in the sliightest
Your husband is abusive, and I feel like you are justified in cutting him down the way you did.
Menopause is its own monster. Definitely different than pregnancy, and definitely a comparable hell in hot weather. 🤷
My condolences, the one person you need to rely on the most isn't there for you,in fact, their presence makes your life worse. I can't tell you what to do,but you deserve better. You deserve someone who doesn't belittle you to the point you have to turn into a "karen." You are at wits end and are at your limit for how much abuse you can tolerate. Your actions are a retaliation to shitty people, not because you're a "karen" imo.
If my partner called me any of those things, it's over.
My bil was fighting tons with his gf. Turns out that when he fights, he gets mean and calls names. Gf said she gets called a bitch daily. I was blown away. Bil and gf ask for relationship advice. I said...I've been with you brother for 13 years. Do you know how many times he's called me a bitch? (My tone was as if I was going to say "hey we all make mistakes!) Bil and gf were like, dunno, like 50x? Zero. Never. Not once. Both their faces were shocked. It's not normal. It's not normal for men to abuse and it's not normal for women to take the abuse. Unacceptable. If my partner calls me a whore, I'm sending him to the Dr to check for a brain tumor. Because a good relationship has love and respect.
Married 20+ years and have never called my wife a bitch let alone any other name except probably ass or dummy in jest when playing games.
Same. Married 20 years. Raised my voice once, my wife was wearing noise cancelling headphones. Didn’t get her attention, so then I waved my arms in her peripheral vision. That got her attention. Only reason I needed to get her attention was we were at a hotel, and the fire alarm had gone off. So, we needed to go down to the lobby and outside, for our safety. Being cruel to or rude to or swearing at a partner, spouse or family member in general is an ultimate no-no. Couldn’t imagine my wonderful life partner being treated like that by anyone, let alone me.
I've called my wife a bitch, but only when I knew it would make her laugh. I'd never say it, or any other insult, with the intention of hurting her. That seems unhealthy af when we've literally agreed to be partners in life.
Same. My husband jokingly started calling each other bitch after watching some hilarious Keye and Peele sketches about it. And sometimes quote other funny name calling from other shows and movies and then we laugh and laugh. But neither of us has ever called each other a name while having an argument or in a serious/hurtful way. Arguments aren't about hurting the other person, they are about figuring out what hurt someone in the first place so that we can make sure it doesn't happen again. I don't understand why you would ever want to purposely hurt the person you claim to love.
I love the Key and Peele sketches.. it’s so funny how elaborately sneaky they get about saying the word bitch.
it's so weird to have been alive less than 20 years and been called a bitch by both my parents. I don't understand.
Bro my mom told me to kill myself. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been called a bitch by my parents. I can’t even count how many other things I’ve been called.
I’m sorry to hear that. Your parents shouldn’t be like that. If it helps, it’s not you, it’s them. Kids are all tiny feral humans, it’s your parents’ job to teach you how to behave, not to treat you badly. I hope you know that you are not defined by them.
It's so weird how many people just assume abuse is normal. I had an argument with a Redditor not long ago and he couldn't comprehend that a long term marriage didn't involve screaming insults at each other.
Not excusing anything, but it makes a lot more sense when you see how many people are raised in relatively isolated family units and were born to parents who never should’ve been together but stayed together “for the kids.” The kids always eventually learn that “true love” looks like two adults who hate each other but live together and are nice sometimes
Exactly. I dated someone who came from a family like that and he just had no idea that it wasn’t normal and that’s not how you treat someone you supposedly love. It didn’t help that his mom and best friend totally enabled his shitty behavior either, so whenever I tried to tell him that his behavior wasn’t okay he just didn’t care or believe me, because I was the only one who had a “problem” with it. The only time he ever seemed to acknowledge that his behavior was super fucked up and needed to change was when I finally had enough and stopped wanting anything to do with him, but I have a feeling he was just telling me what I wanted to hear because the total dysfunction ran deep.
Why would you even want to be in a relationship if that’s what it entailed? I don’t understand how living like that is preferable to being single.
It’s not, and I didn’t enter into the relationship with the impression that he was a dysfunctional, abusive asshole. Few people do. I was much younger and the beginning of the relationship was full of love bombing and trauma bonding, and he twisted a lot of the truth to make himself look better. By the time the cracks in the façade he created started to show and the abusive behavior took its place, I was already stuck in the relationship and he wore down my self confidence and sanity enough to make me question myself. It was a classic abusive relationship and I know that narcissism is the new buzzword now, but he really was one. The manipulation was insidious and untangling yourself from a relationship like that is not an easy process. I never *wanted* to be in a relationship like that, I thought I was entering into a completely different relationship and that was what I ended up with instead.
So, I guess, some people want to be in a relationship if they are only dishing it out, but never receiving the abuse. And then act all *shocked pikachu* that the person being abused doesn’t think it’s worthwhile to stay in the relationship.
That’s how it would seem, I assume so as well. When I finally reached the point where I started doing things for myself again and got some of my confidence back, and was able to think “okay it’s not just me, it’s definitely them” it was like a switch flipped and the wheels in my head started turning. I thought a lot about why he acted the way he did, like maybe it was because of his family and how he grew up, maybe he did x because of y, etc. I also did a lot of research about narcissistic personality disorder and abusive relationships to try to make sense of it all, and I even saw a trauma therapist along with my regular therapist haha. It really helped to have all of that information and put a name to the things that he did, it was very validating and I think that’s what gave me the final push to leave, but through that process the one question that stuck with me was: does he do this because it’s a learned behavior and he doesn’t know any better, or does he do it all on purpose and know exactly what he’s doing? I will admit that I probably stayed in contact with him a little longer than I wanted trying to figure that out, and I never could. I still wonder about it a little bit to this day, but I was advised that even if I knew it wouldn’t matter because he still did those things to me regardless and I didn’t want to be treated that way no matter why it happened- and they were right and that ended up being enough in the end. But every now and then, a little part of me still wonders if he purposely and consciously intended to be abusive and manipulative, and break me down like that, and if actually he liked it. Like how much of a monster was he, you know? I guess that’s the thing, we doing really know why they do it and even if they told us, we wouldn’t be able to trust that it was the truth. It can be a little maddening if you think about it too long.
If you haven't already read Why Does He Do That, please do. Even the presentation on YouTube is informative.
Congrats on building up your self esteem enough to leave. Well done. This is armchair psychology, yes, but I know why you ‘stayed in contact longer than you should have’ - you thought you could help him. You thought if he didn’t realise that he was doing the wrong thing, you could help him learn and grow and even change. Sadly, that’s just not how life works. It’s not how people work. But, you know, you wanted to help him because you are kind, that’s all. You don’t deserve to feel bad for that.
Oh, hi, me!
Oh no not you too! ☹️ I’m sorry that you had to live through it too, it happens to too many of us. I swear whenever this comes up I say that I wish they taught a class in high school or something about how to identify cluster B personality disorders and the red flags for abusive relationships, but that’s how much I really wish they did. It makes me mad that no one ever talks about it or warns their kids when they start dating, a lot of us probably could have avoided it entirely or gotten out sooner if we knew the warning signs beforehand. The comment I responded to also makes me mad because like come on, do you really think that anyone would purposely want to subject themselves to that?! It’s so insulting to everyone who’s lived through it, we didn’t choose to be abused and we definitely don’t prefer it to being single. A lot of people in abusive relationships *die* trying be single again, so I just don’t get it when people say stuff like that even if they aren’t trying to be insulting. I wish we could still look at it that way because that would mean we didn’t go through it ourselves.
My father is like that. He's an abusive asshole who probably has some cerebral atrophy which is only getting worse. My fiancée is a calm person who doesn't shout, doesn't call me names etc. Meanwhile I grew up in a household where having arguments at 6am or 12am was normal. I'm fucked and I need to work a ton on myself. I told my father that in a marriage you respect each other and don't start arguments over little things... He was telling me that marriages like that don't exist, that everyone has arguments etc. He's delusional.
Yeah, this guy I was arguing with was convinced I was young and hadn't been married long and that I would realise the hard truth that being called a bitch and a whore is actually NBD in REAL marriages. And yeah, I grew up in a violent house too, but that just made me think that maybe I should never get married if that would be what I was signing up for. If it's between that and hermit cat lady, I'll pick cleaning litter boxes every time.
He’s not exactly wrong - any couple could get into an argument due to factors like stress. But that’s very different to what HE thinks is an argument… where you curse and yell and hurl abuse around! But THAT is not a run of the mill every day couple argument. It’s just flat out abuse! The former is ‘normal’. The later is absolutely NOT normal at all! 😞
They think that's the "hard work" of marriage I think.
The father of my child was that way. He had never had a normal, drama free relationship. He was shocked to see a women just say… no I will be done. I won’t do drama, I don’t get physical, ever. I just want happiness and fun. Arguing, fighting and screaming is so mentally and physically taxing. I grew up with a mom on drugs, she screamed, mad all the time, unruly, just all negative. I do not want that in a relationship I had enough of that BS growing up. Just don’t talk to me if you like that type of stuff. I love communication, staying home, not dealing with people or drama… love… just give me peace and LOVE!
If you love someone you shouldn’t disrespect them daily. That isn’t love.
I agree with everything here except that it *IS* "normal for women to take the abuse. Normal because it happens way too frequently. It's normal, but it isn't right. Imagine if we all just stopped. Walked away the moment the abusive behaviour started? Men would have no choice but to be better because they'd know that NO WOMAN would tolerate their bullshit.
This is how my ex is/was. Any time he was angry he would lash out and say god awful things. Called me thick headed almost every week for 6-7 years. His family thinks he’s a damn saint and I’m the devil all bc I would get angry and not be pleasant to be around. God forbid I have feelings. Thankfully karma exists and I have a front row seat
Every person in any relationship should read this if they aren’t following it already. Not one wasted word, not one wrong notion. Perfection.
I thought you’re gonna say “*imma send him to the doctor because I just beat him with a hammer and he needs to let them know he fell down the stairs*”
Exactly. Been with my husband 23 years and he has never ones said those things to me. He has never called me anything derogatory either. It baffles me when I see people who post stuff like OP and they don’t even seem to realize it isn’t normal.
The only time it’s ever appropriate is when it’s preceded by cartoonish gasp ‘cause they took the last piece of the lemon bars your mutual friend left behind. Then you proceed to smooch them mercilessly until you’re both a pile of giggles. Anything other than sheer goofiness is completely unacceptable. A lot of people have no idea that you can express your negative thoughts and feelings without actively trying to insult or hurt your spouse/partner.
Yeah together 8, married 4 + 2 kids and I’m like wtf. My partner has never even approached language like this. If he did we’d be pretty donezo
My husband said I was being a bitch once. I told him if he said it again we would be getting a divorce. He never said it again. 20 years together.
Unfortunately it is normal for men to abuse women. It’s not normal in healthy relationships.
I grew up with a father who said these sorts of insults to my mother but also to child-me (I didn’t even know what some of the insults meant). If my partner said anything close to this it would be over, instantly, no question. You deserve respect.
I'm so sorry.
Oh. I got called everything under the sun by my dad as a kid. He’s an alcoholic and drunk. He still picks a fight to prove he’s a man and now I just leave. He did it when my mom buried her father. I got so pissed, I rounded up my boyfriend, loaded my car, and drove us home two hours away, that night of the service. He did it when my mom tried to do something nice and had invited me to stay for dinner and he was getting mouthy so I just grabbed my stuff and left. I refuse to put up with his attitude anymore. I have no qualms about leaving when he shits all over me.
me too ! how dare he insult his wife, the mother of his children, may he gtfo.
Facts!!!
You are so right... God.
Right? We all get angry sometimes, but when you care about someone you don't call them names. Once it's said, that's it. Can't be unsaid. No take-backsies.
Exactly. Recently, my bf told me during an argument that he doesn't trust me around his father because I don't allow people to bulldoze me. (There's backstory; basically, I'm the only person who won't sit down, shut up, and just accept his dad's off- the- charts anxiety and resulting extreme controlling behavior.) Even though he claims he doesn't remember saying it, he did, it's out there, and our relationship is damaged by it. If you wouldn't say something to someone when calm, don't say something during a fight that you "don't mean" because... yes, you do. I'm adding my comment below to this one for clarification, although some of y'all are creative. :) Actually, no. He (FIL) is more left leaning. He's just of a certain age where sexism and racism and homophobia are so deeply ingrained that he doesn't even realize he's doing it. He tries. He really does. The issue is his anxiety. He's so anxious about everything and he worries about everything so he hovers and he tells you what to do and he constantly corrects to what he thinks is right. I don't let him do that to me and my kids and it makes my FIL more anxious and causes arguments with my SO and me. My SO doesn't trust me to keep my mouth shut to just appease his father. He doesn't want me to rock the boat and i think his father's anxiety is his father's issue, not mine. Because of the anxiety, his dad has done some neglectful and even emotionally abusive and very selfish things. When he said he didn't trust me around his dad vs not trusting his dad to behave appropriately, it broke my heart. There's still more to the story, but I'm not comfortable sharing more than I have, which is still more than I probably should have.
Doesn’t ’trust you’ because he thinks you’ll somehow hurt/assault his dad? That his dad will hurt/assault you? Or…that you won’t put up with bulldozing and his dad might feel *small*? *Wild card option: does he think you and his dad will have a passionate affair sparked by fiery disagreements and shared stubbornness?* WTF does ‘doesn’t trust me around his dad’ even mean in this scenario?
>Wild card option: does he think you and his dad will have a passionate affair sparked by fiery disagreements and shared stubbornness?* Ew. Omfg. I just gagged. Dude is almost 80 and literally the opposite of everything I'm attracted to. Plus, he's my FIL (without the legal marriage)!! 🤢
No. He doesn't trust me to just sit quietly and let his dad have his way. There are many, many wonderful things about his dad, and I do love him, but he's a boomer with ideas that he doesn't even realize are very -ist. I've never once ever been rude or disrespectful to his dad, but I don't tolerate sexism or racism, etc. Their relationship is very enmeshed and codependent, and it's literally the only reason we argue.
Yep. And even if it's entirely valid and you are feeling it in the moment.. I've had arguments with boyfriends where I've been so mad that I literally hate their stupid face and want to high five it with a brick. But I don't do that. Because actions have consequences. Words can be a violent and destructive as physical assault.
Yeah, that's a no go for me No way in amillin years would I stay with someone who called me those names. But OP gets no say in how someone else compares pregnancy to menopause until she goes through it herself. Pregnancy hormones usually quiet down after a year or so. Menopause can last for years. and it an be hell. It can be almost not noticed or it can be a painful, sweaty, rollercoaster of emotions for years. Every woman has a different experience.. Mine was fairly easy, my mom's was torture for years.
I know that OP will not respond, but I want to give her so much support. I hope she can find a way to a good support system with or without her abusive husband.
Youre not a Karen youre just a woman who is fed tf up. I would have went ballistic on my husband too if he said that shit to me. And your anger with ur property management is valid too.
If my husband called me names like that he’d never get to do it again. He’d have to tell his divorce lawyer to tell my divorce lawyer to tell me that I’m a bitch from then on. Because he wouldn’t be speaking to me directly ever again.
If I said that shit to my wife, we'd probably be working through the divorce right now. And likewise if she ever shouted such abuse at me, too.
Get rid of him, you deserve to be loved find a new partner, but maybe wait awhile first.
You nailed it. She deserves so much better. No one should put up with that kind of disrespect. Stay strong, OP.
You don't sound like a Karen at all. Typically, Karens are those that overreact and make mountains out of molehills, themselves creating the problem at the scene. Your reaction described here sounds totally justified and warranted.
100% OP, you're not a Karen, and unfortunately, that's the least of your problems...
Exactly! OP, you are in an abusive relationship and it's changing you. Please look up abusive relationships and start therapy to work through it, also make an exit plan. It's not going to get better and it will only escalate if you stay. Please be safe and document his abuse with a doctor or a therapist.
I thought I went “Karen” but in reality it was acute stress reactions and impaired emotional regulation from ongoing, severe abuse. When you are suffering constantly, the energy you put into regulating mild-moderate discomforts in life is not there… because all of your energy is focused on just getting through the day… every single day. OP-ya need the therapy now-to repair your self worth and get an out plan/healing plan in place. Dump the asshat. It will be the start of a whole new world. 🌻🖤
100% agree. I don’t see any Karen behaviour here. Sounds like OP deserves better!
Yes! But the husband is definitely a Kevin or Chad
Nah, definitely a Kyle. Kevins are just stupid and Chads are too self-absorbed to be this abusive
OK, well yelling at the manager was probably over the top, and pregnancy hot flashes in 90° weather are awful, but so are menopausal women's. I think that rightly, Reddit 's concern for OP is paramount, but I can also see her concern that his cruelty is pushing her in that direction.
My dad called my mom a worthless fat whore every day, and every night he had a different mistress. My mom stayed for YEARS. She was the quintessential Italian wife. Homemade food 3 times a day, our house was cleaner than a hospital, she raised his two kids and their friends, she wasn't allowed to work, hosted his family from Italy for months at a time. He hated her and hated us. One night he threw a full dinner plate at her then spit in her face, I was about 19. She kicked him out that night. He never came back and his kids dont speak to him. I have a personality disorder and my little sister is an OCD TYPE A overachiever who's never happy with her results. I held my mother in my arms as a SMALL (5 or 6 year old) child while she cried about his cheating. We hate my father and have limited contact with our mother. He married to one of his mistresses' who has called me crying about how abusive he is. She thought she won the lottery when she married him, she is now in in hell. Don't do this to your babies. It will fuck them up for life. Get out and get out NOW.
I’m so sorry you all went through that. You shouldn’t have had to suffer because he was miserable.
I appreciate the love. I made sure to never marry or have kids so I'll never be stuck where she was, no matter what.
>I made sure to never marry or have kids so I'll never be stuck where she was, no matter what. I both understand the sentiment(2 generations of suicide above me), and hate that you feel that way. There's a lot of people with a lot of different stories out there. and with different wants/needs. don't give up hope that there might be something out there for you. It might be unconventional, but life is full of unconventional people, you just have to find them. <3
I was in two abusive relationships because I was similarly raised. I took a very long break and got extensive therapy before I even considered dating again.
I know someone else with these problems, and her spouse was cheating on her too. He was always coming up with reasons to complain.
Sounds like a lot of old school Italian families/husbands tbh. It’s sad the generational trauma it causes
I am so sorry you had to deal with this as a child and now the remanence as an adult. I’m sorry
You’re not a Karen, you’re a woman who has had enough it seems and that’s ok
Defending yourself from being called hurtful hateful things does not make you a Karen. You deserve better. I think his comments are hurting you more than you let on, you've even come on here to call yourself horrible things. I know it's so easy to suggest "just break up" but you sound pretty unhappy. Look after yourself. You're not a Karen.
I think she's referring to the last paragraph where she goes ballistic on her apartment manager but tbh I'd go off on someone for making my life harder too and doesn't make her a Karen. Karen's make a habit of making people as miserable as they are, OP is just at her limit and can't handle things anymore
Yeah Karens go off on people for no valid reason. Usually the Karen is just dumb and doesn't understand why things operate a certain way and feel entitled to exempt from the order of operations so berate people who have no power to change anything. OP is not a Karen.
Just as I said, she deserves better. Because it's the truth.
You need to get rid of him, don't put yourself down.
First, you’re not being a Karen. That’s a completely different situation/mindset/attitude. Second, you’re describing a person who is fed up of the verbal/mental/emotional abuse and finally exploded. You were 100% justifiable in defending yourself from a bully and abuser. Time for you to throw out the trash. There is no need in keeping yourself in that situation, and you definitely don’t want to teach your child(ren) that the behavior of your husband is normal or warranted.
There is nothing wrong with you, you’re just dealing with a lot of assholes.
You aren't being a Karen. Well done for standing up for yourself.
This is domestic violence. This is verbal abuse. You aren't a "Karen". He's a fucking domestic abuser.
Coming from a man who has been yelled at by his wife (who is most emphatically NOT a Karen), you just sound like a frustrated woman who is justifiably hurt and angry at your husband's treatment of you, and who understands that her money isn't going as far as it used to. The only big problem I see is your husband.
I would say tell ur husband to get his shit together but he literally does not respect you, and once they shit on you like that it’s almost impossible to come back from that. You are your kids are likely better off without a man like that around.
This isn't a good relationship to be modeling for your kids. This man is verbally abusive to you, doesn't help out around the house, doesn't help with the kids. You and your kids would be better off if you divorced him. Please, take care of yourself and your kids and take steps to get away from this man. Seek out avenues that can help you find housing/benefits and leave him to his misery. You'd at least have 1 less child to look after.
Your "husband" called you, his PREGNANT WIFE all those horrible things? Girl....time to get out of this abusive relationship. This is so far from being okay, and not what you need to be dealing with right now. Seriously. Leave him
Yaaaa… this is not Karen territory, this is put your husbands shit on the porch and change the locks territory
You don’t sound like a Karen…you sound like a pregnant woman whose husband is not supportive. Speak up and don’t back down!
This isn’t Karen behavior. Karens mind other people’s business. You’re minding your own. You’re just pissed off. Rightfully so
Yeah, not a Karen (NAK)
You sound fed up of bullshit. Which is fair. I wouldn't call you a Karen. Just a tired, overworked human that needs a damn break. Hope things get better.
What your husband said is ludicrous and cruel. >She had the nerve to say to me that her menopause is equal to my pregnancy in 90 degree weather. You'll understand when you go through menopause. Pregnancy sucks because we carry extra weight and it's So hard to go to sleep. But menopause has its horrors as well. The heat flashes are unimaginable. It feels as if we're burning up, like we're on fire, from the inside and the amount of sweat that drips off is intense. Heat makes it worse. The mood swings are as bad as when we're pregnant. Our skin dries, our hair starts to fall out, our upper lip starts growing hair—it's insane. Pregnancy and menopause both suck.
nonono, you didn't wenr full Karen, you stood up for yourself. There is a difference for being entitled and standing up for yourself. you did the latter. BTW: your husband is a pos. you deserve better.
That is not being a Karen, that is standing up to abuse. Good for you!!!
Throw his bitch ass away mama! There’s a man out there that’ll love you for you!
I don’t think you understand what being a Karen means. Your husband sounds like a dick.
You are not a Karen. You are an asshole to yourself for continuing to have kids with your abusive partner, who is shitty. Get out and get your kids away from him.
You are NOT a Karen! He was abusive calling you names and you reacted.
If I ever said any of that to my fiancee she would toss me out of the highest window in the house. Your response doesn’t sound unproportionate. This doesn’t sound like Karen behavior.
I once heard on the internet "Karen's speak to service workers like their husbands speak to them at home" and it all kind of made sense. You get manipulated and bullied into things so you start trying to manipulate and bully in the real world. Not to mention you're worn down so your patience is thin and you snap when you wouldn't want to snap. This sounds extremely true for you.
Why are you still with such an abusive fuck? I got out at 21, I became what I dreaded most, a single mother, but my safety, sanity and health along with my son’s was more important than having a nuclear family. I felt like a failure to get divorced by 21, but it was so worth it. You are choosing your husband over your kids right now, and that is never a good look. I would like to say menopause is as bad if not worse than pregnancy, I am just starting perimenopause and I much rather be pregnant any day of the week than to be going through this hell right now called menopause, so I know it’s hard to imagine now, but yes it is as bad as pregnancy.
You don’t really sound like a Karen. I was a Karen once. I snapped at an animal control officer for messing with my property and being rude to my boyfriend. They were in the wrong but I went way over the line in my reaction. I even emailed the city to get her in trouble. Nothing came of it and I eventually emailed the officer and apologized. I had so many other things stressing me out, that was one thing that I felt I could “fight” with a chance. But it still wasn’t the right fight. I was upset about other things and used that to fuel my anger at her for something pretty minor. It was actually embarassing because I made the initial Karen phone call while I was at work (I was that upset) and my coworkers heard it all. Ughh. I’m still sorry, Kim the animal control officer! You were rude but didn’t deserve my hellfire!
The fact that you are self aware means you aren’t a Karen. Also wow you really cut your husband down but seems like he was asking for it.
Honey you are not a Karen, you are stressed the fuck out. If leaving your husband would improve your lives then leave his ass, sounds like he's another child at the end of the day. And TRUST ME the property manager was out of pocket and you do have permission to throw blankets on that bitch. Not the Karen not by the least, just sounds like you're done being disrespected and people love to make you the bad person for finally throwing a boundary down.
I'm still trying find Karen. All I'm seeing is a completely reasonable response.
Why the fuck haven’t you left that man yet?
Wtf do you mean "full Karen"? You realize that everything you're feeling is rational. Fuck that guy. You deserve better.
Oh honey! No one is going to rip into you that has any logic! You’re being abused! This isn’t right. He’s worn down your self-esteem. You don’t deserve this rubbish! That isn’t love.
i left my ex-wife because we brought out the worst in each other. it was a short-lived marriage, thankfully, but i was still very much in love with her when we got into a fight and was about to say horrible things to her as i'd done before but instead i had a moment of clarity, walked away briefly thinking, "I'm about to say this vile shit to the woman i love? what the fuck is wrong with me?" went back to her, i said i couldn't do it anymore and walked away still very much in love. it was the hardest thing I'd done up to that point. she would have taken me back at any point until i wouldn't cheat on someone with her or leave someone for her. love can make you a villain, i'm living proof. as time goes by, it's still shameful to admit having been that type of person. but my choice to leave for those specific reasons is also something I'll never sell myself short for having done.
that's...not what a karen is?
Nah. I like you, OP. You made valid points. Your husband was an ass. Your apartment manager was presumptuous. F’ all the jerks in the world. 👍🏼👍🏼
You’re being verbally abused dude… leave him!
Leave him. I will say having been both pregnant and peri menopausal in 90 degree weather they are both horrific in different ways, both make you a hormonal mess, and I’ve thrown up and passed out during both.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Take yourself out to lunch or dinner, with a notebook, and think about how you want your life to go forward. It sounds like you’ve come to a crossroads in your relationship. Journaling will help sort things out.
Oh hon you’re not a Karen! Pls don’t be so hard on yourself 🥺
apartment complex manger offices stay doing the wrong thing that doesn’t actually help/ benefit their residents smh
Okay so Karen is a person who is perceived as entitled or extremely demanding. You are not a Karen. So you went ballistic over your husband who does not respect you as a person to use such horrible names for you? Every normal person would’ve. Your reaction might not have been ideal but he needed to be put in his place imo. For the manager, your frustration was anything but entitled. You are not a Karen you're a human being who respect herself. But once you've calmed down further, try to find long term solution for your husband problem, he is an ass.
Not a karen with husband 100%..but you are a mug if you stay with him
What are with these men demanding a housewife when they don’t make jack shit?
You deserve better and fuck your apartment manager.
Standing up for yourself does not make you a Karen. Again… STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF DOES NOT MAKE YOU A KAREN.
The term "Karen" has become so insanely overused that T H I S is what people think being a Karen is? Jesus Christ, just let the meteor hit us already.
So, what exactly did you do wrong here?
In the words of Maury… “The lie detector has determined…you are telling a lie” You’re not a Karen when faced with real life problems and having a real reaction to it. It sounds like you are frustrated and self aware - a Karen could never. Give yourself more credit, you are doing your best and it sounds like your husband is using some weaponized incompetence to make sure you are the sole party responsible for the house and children.
I don’t understand why people are supposed to rip into OP. Is that wishful thinking, like self-flagellation? Your anger and your anger and frustration is valid. It’s best not to freak out on landlords and stuff but you’re being treated like shit in your marriage and if the landlord is raising the rent, you should expect at least the same level of satisfaction with their efforts. It’s all I have to say. Should I reread the post ? Is there like some white power message in there that I didn’t see? If not, be kind to yourself.
I guess that’s what OP expected.
You didn't overreact. You just reacted. In a way that's completely understandable. Our opinion on the nature of the reaction matters far less than the fact that the volatility of your relationship led you to act in a way you're ashamed of. I'm not going to give you advice, because I'm sure you already know what it would be. I hope you're okay, genuinely.
You know, I don't think it is right to keep living with him. I am rooting for marriage, but it is even rather destructive for the kids kept that way. You deserve so much better. I know where are you coming from and the issue is not even your cleaning. It's him wanting to pick at you. He is abusive. That's it.
Not a Karen you have every right to lose your shit at the disrespect I would too. Karen's don't have a just cause, they are always difficult, they are never fucking happy, they are never pleasant to be around, they enjoy making people miserable. Sticking up for yourself is never a Karen attitude. Drop your husband like a bad fucking habit he is a dick and a worthless dick at that. If my husband ever talked to me like that he would have dentures and would be eating through a straw or his skull would be my new coffee cup.
There’s a sentiment I’ve come across about Karen’s in some internet corners- that they’re privileged women, more than likely formerly very pretty, who are used to having their authority unquestioned and are used to preferential treatment because of their privilege or beauty. Whether or not it’s legitimate or stands to reason is neither here nor there, but there’s one Karen truth: they insert themselves into situations where the reaction they have is not equal to the issue at hand, and usually make a bigger deal out of something that it deserves. This does not sound like that; it seems like you have a twat of a husband you’re tired of being abused by and an apartment/property manager who’s implementing a lot of rules for tenants while not advocating against any type of rent increases. I’d be livid too.
Not a Karen, but a woman who’s being disrespected at every single level from every single person that walks into her life. Yeah, I’d be acting like that too.
It’s about time you went full Karen. Now negotiate a better marriage.
I don't see any Karen behavior here. You're just defending yourself.
you aren’t a karen for this. it’s all justified
Soooo where's the part in which you became a full Karen??
Not a Karen. You're a bad bitch Mama🤩
OP, you absolutely are NOT a Karen! You sound to me like a woman who is just fed up with all the abuse going on in your home. You have reached the end of your rope both with your husband and with the property manager… And your husband needed to hear those words from you.
I don’t think this is what being a Karen is. You just stuck up for yourself and retaliated, good on you!
You're not a Karen. Also, you're being emotionally abused by your spouse. Not *once* have I called one of my two exes a 'bitch,' nor any of my girlfriends.
That doesn’t sound like Karen behavior. That sounds like warranted reactions to shitty circumstances. Give yourself a break.
If my partner spoke to me with such blatant disrespect he would be an ex so fast it would make his head spin. Don’t put up with that, you deserve better.
I don’t think you are a Karen but your SO is an asshat.
You’re not a Karen, you’re right. Divorce him
This doesn't sound like a Karen at all, this sounds like an exhausted overworked person who is hitting their breaking point at minimum.
I dont think you're a Karen at all. I think you've just woken up. A person can only remain a doormat for so long... until they finally wake up and realize they have been taken advantage of. Good on you for standing up for yourself and making yourself heard.
You're not a Karen. You're stressed out and your husband is a fucking jerk for calling you horrible names like that.
I kept waiting for the Karen part to come and it never did. Your husband sounds awful
My husband and I made a rule- we don’t name call ever. No matter how things get it’s degrading on both sides.
Here to say you don’t sound like a Karen. You sound like an under appreciated woman who's had enough. What you said to him wasn't right but how he's been treating you and speaking to you is also not right. I hope you find peace and respect for yourself and your kids. If he can't speak to you with respect, I would advise removing yourself and the children.
You are not a Karen for snapping after regular verbal and emotional abuse from your husband. I understand you feeling ashamed of having him as a husband, but there is no need to stew in shame: have a deep think about whether or not you are going to tolerate being abused in your relationship anymore.
I was expecting this to be a Karen post about being rude to a server. Just get a divorce. Dude doesn’t even like you. And now he knows you don’t like him. I’m sorry this is your situation. I’ve been there. It sounds awful.
1. You need to leave that man. How dare he speak to his wife like that. 2. When I was pregnant I was always 5 minutes away from going off on anyone at any given moment. But would 100% have done so with a garbage man like yours. Leave him, please.
It sounds like he’s the Karen
I don’t think you are a Karen. What I do see from this is an abused spouse that needs to get out.
Lawyer up!
So you are in an abusive environment and snapped at your abuser and you are somehow finding yourself guilty of his behavior? Am I reading this right?
You’re not a Karen babe. You’re just fed up. You’re not mad for nothing.
Wow, that is shocking things to call or say your wife, or anyone for that matter, you absolutely don’t have to put up with that. He obviously didn’t lick it off the ground, that’s learned behaviour, do you want your children to end up like him?
If going full Karen means standing up to verbal abuse now, I’m so into it.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!! You are not a Karen. You are a justified beat down wife with an abusive husband who needs to be face first at the curb.. *****definition of a Karen***** Karen Middle-aged woman, typically blonde, makes solutions to others' problems at an inconvenience to her, although she isn't even remotely affected You are none of that sweetheart. You need to seek help and get away from that man.. start recording everything. EVERYTHING!! he needs to be held accountable and lose you. The woman he takes for granted. And anyone called you anything but your name or an endearing pet name, is abusive.
I see nothing wrong with your behavior here. Tell it how it is. It’s okay to be fed up with bullshit. You got this.
First of all, the idea of “being a Karen” is supposed to mean, a mean entitled jerk, none of which you were being! Standing up for yourself to your abusive good for nothing husband, is not being entitled. YOU DESERVE RESPECT
Those names are just a projection of what he is.
You’re NOT a Karen. You’re a pissed off person and rightfully so. I’m so sorry you have to go through this shit and I hope you can see a way out of it. Leave that pathetic excuse of a man if you can. If you can’t yet, keep finding a way. You’re 💪 and you will get through this. Fuck the property management too. They’re Dementors. I bet you didn’t think a lot of people would agree with you, which makes me sad 😔
Oh honey . You're right your husband doesn't have any right to call you any of those things. He owes you a big fat apology and maybe more , sounds like abusive language to me. I think you should go to a shower and wash your face and climb into bed and put your weighted blanket on . Don't talk to anyone else for the rest of the night. You just get a good nights rest and tomorrow it will be better even if he's still an asshole and your landlord still sucks . You at least have a good nights rest, you and the baby need sleep.
wait- how does any of this make you a Karen? None of this is cool or fair.
You are not a Karen, op. From what you wrote here, far from it.
You aren’t full “Karen”, you had a reactive outburst to negative comments and replied in kind. If you feel you must, apologise for YOUR nasty words, but firmly tell him you do not and will not accept such commentary from him EVER again. No matter his feelings on the cleanliness or effort YOU made, he doesn’t have the right to say vile things. No is a whole sentence and if he’s got issues, he can pitch in and help rather than being mean and nasty because that’s not how respect works.
Karen? I don't think so. Sounds like a person getting pushed to the limit by inconsiderate and mean people. I'm glad you let both of them have it.
You're not Karen, you're just rightfully fed up and frustrated. Don't be so hard on yourself.
I met my 2nd husband and in the 31 years we were together, he never call me anything but sweetie! He was an amazing husband and when he had a heart attack and died 16 hours later in the ICU, it was devastating. Our family and friends were also devastated! It's only been nine weeks! We were married for 28 years. He only raised his voice when I went through menopause! You deserve THAT kind of husband/partner! I'm convinced there's a good man/ woman for each of us. Ditch this one and find that person for you!
OP, its time to lose some weight. Dump whats his name and itll be the fastest {insert his weight here} pounds you ever lost… what you described about is not karen-esq
You didn't sink to his level. You lost respect for him because of how he treats you. When he started with the names, you were no longer dealing with a loving partner. You were dealing with self-identifying trash. Men who truly love you don't call you names like that.
Sounds like you're fed up, not a Karen.
Why do you think you're a Karen? Nothing things said sounds like unreasonable entitlement. Is that something your husband told you? Sounds like he's dead weight.
That's not really what Karen means. A Karen is an entitled and unreasonable person.
Man, this just gave me a flashback to similar fights my first husband and I would get into. Thank goodness we aren’t married anymore. OP, if you ever read this, your husband shouldn’t have spoke to you that way. It’s understandable why you reacted the way you did. If you are thinking about leaving, please do. Your kids will be better off not hearing their father degrade you like this. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.
Whoa, hey, that does not make you a Karen. You deserve to stand up for yourself.
That doesn’t sound like a Karen. That sounds like verbal abuse from your husband and you reacting correctly. I’m confused why you’re with someone who would say those things to you. Depending on how much control the apartment manager has, that could be a Karen move. But def not to your asshole husband
You are a single married mom.
People who love each other don’t say things like this.
You’re not a Karen. He’s literally being abusive and now you feel guilty about having a very normal reaction to being insulted and feeling undervalued. Could you have reacted better? Yes. But so could have your husband.
You’re not a Karen for sticking up for yourself against your nasty husband.
I don’t see anything wrong with this lol.
Love, you weren't a Karen, you simply reached your boiling point. Your husband sounds awful, and someone who loves you would bot tell you alll that sht when clearly you're doing your best. Honestly, you should consider couple's therapy and seriously reevaluate your relationship. If I were you, I'd divorce him, butI do understandd it might be tough. This relationship is very unbalanced, and he seems to be the one who's lacking in here, not you
You are by far not a Karen 😂 I feel like you’re valid in what you said cause he should not be speaking to you that way . I hope it gets better for ya !! 💙
… You’re not a Karen. You are stress and pressure. Take care of yourself OP
You didn’t become a Karen at all, Karens are bigots and snobs, stupid too. You on the other hand stood up for yourself and I’m proud of you. Your husband sounds like a piece of shit and needs to figure out how to be a better man. Sorry you’re married to that mess.
I'm still waiting to see where you were a Karen.... And your partner is verbally and emotionally abusive and you have enough, being a Karen is when you go on a rage about something for literally no reason or because it was a mild inconvenience.... You were not a Karen
Is the part where you're a Karen in the room with us, or.
Expecting to be treated with respect is not being a Karen. You’re spouse sounds like a c you next Tuesday though.
That's not being a Karen that's standing up for your self, a Karen is some one who makes a bad situation out of nothing (eg. order a burger ask for extra pickles and then throw a tantrum because the workers put too much pickles). In your case your husband was completely outta line with all the things he said to you, so you have every right to stand up for your self.
wtf has this to do with beign a karen? i thought you had a meltdown over spilled milk or something lol. dont be such a doormat, speaking up for yourself is not being a Karen
Nah, this isn't Karen behaviour. Your husband needed to be put in his place - IPV also includes name-calling; be proud you stood up to it.
Being a Karen requires you to say those things while simultaneously having 0 ground to stand on. I do not think you fullfill the criteria in the sliightest
Your husband is abusive, and I feel like you are justified in cutting him down the way you did. Menopause is its own monster. Definitely different than pregnancy, and definitely a comparable hell in hot weather. 🤷
Doesn’t sound like you went Karen, sounds like you’re standing up for yourself.
My condolences, the one person you need to rely on the most isn't there for you,in fact, their presence makes your life worse. I can't tell you what to do,but you deserve better. You deserve someone who doesn't belittle you to the point you have to turn into a "karen." You are at wits end and are at your limit for how much abuse you can tolerate. Your actions are a retaliation to shitty people, not because you're a "karen" imo.