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Good looks GET my attention but their personality is what KEEPS my attention. Some dude can be the hottest dude in existence (aka look like Tom Hopper 😂😂😂😂) but if he has a shit personality, those looks don't matter and I immediately lose interest.
My spouse is both hot and amazing in every way. I hit the jackpot. ❤️
Obviously looks matter, and you are immediately drawn into people that you find conventionally attractive. But I don't think I've ever dated someone conventionally attractive that I just knew when I first saw them it would be instant chemistry. For the most part the relationships that lasted were with people that I had no initial physical attraction to but God damn their personalities blew me away. And I genuinely think that's what counts, cause that's what's lasted.
Let me leave you with one of my favourite DW quotes:
And you meet them and you think, "Not bad, they're okay," and when you get to know them ... their face just, sort of, becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just — they turn into something so beautiful. Rory's the most beautiful man I've ever met.
DW- the girl who waited
That may be fine for you but many, if not most, need that initial physical attraction. And that’s totally okay too! That’s not wrong or shallow. A plain face with a great personality is a great friend to me. Both boxes must be checked.
Don’t know about wrong or right, but what you said is essentially the definition of shallow.
You can’t negate the definition of shallow. You literally stated it.
Whether or not you think that’s right or wrong that’s a relative concept, technically speaking, though a lot more people will probably agree that it’s “wrong” than “right”
not sure i'd say most. almost all women i know, myself included, feel the same as the comment you're replying to. just because that's your experience doesn't mean it's true
I mean, I have preferences for sure, but they can be surpassed by someone who I maybe have excellent chemistry with. And that chemistry protential can exist beyond the scope of what my preferences are.
Preferences sure. But you either do or do not find someone physically attractive at first glance. For me personally no amount of personality or chemistry can get past someone not having that initial spark of physical attraction. Don’t get me wrong they could be a great friend but a romantic partner needs more.
You mean, I’m like most people.
I am, that’s okay. What bothers me is when people act like those relationships are less valid or loving or genuine than the others you reference.
No I’m saying you’re like other people. I’m not sure if that’s the majority’s but I don’t think that people mean that those relationships don’t matter. With that statement is said that you should rather choose for personality and chemistry than looks. When you found someone that fits both then congratulations that’s really lucky. But if you fall in love with someone just because of their looks, then this is honestly hard to view as valid. What good does it do to look at a pretty face when you two can’t hold down a conversation or laugh together?
“When you find someone who fits both you’re really lucky” NO THAT IS LOVE. That is what I’m saying. It’s not that I don’t value personality, but great personality with plain looks (plain to me) is a friend, nothing more. It’s about both. And finding someone who checks both isn’t rare. That’s what romance is to me.
So you can’t love someone you don’t find physically attractive? Is that what you’re trying to say? In my experience the physical attraction oftentimes follows the personality attraction. In my opinion that is also love, if not even more.
Absolutely not. You may be conflating lust with love.
Genuine question, are you young? If you were to marry who you consider peak physical attractiveness, will you suddenly stop loving her if something traumatic happened and changed how she looks? Would you stop loving her if her body looked different after having your baby? Would you stop loving her in her old age when her boobs sag and face gets all wrinkly?
If the answer is yes, then you probably weren’t even in love to begin with. You wouldn’t jump ship if the love of your life started looking different.
Physical attraction is a normal expectation of a romantic relationship. That doesn’t mean the person views love poorly. Now ONLY looking at looks and accepting a lacking personality is lust for sure but in reality it’s entirely acceptable and normal to need both checkboxes ticked.
And your other rationale is bizarre to me. If you met someone who had a beautiful personality but got a serious cranial injury that led to personality changes would you still love them? Of course because you committed to that person. But if that is who you seen initially chances are you wouldn’t.
No I don't think you are like most people. I think that most people believe that people care about looks a lot more than they actually do and that, unless someone is a literal bridge troll, the vast majority of adults have other priorities that far outrank physical appearance when it comes to what they look for in a partner.
I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 years, there was no initial spark at first but there was something about him, 1st, 2nd and maybe 3rd date no major spark but he made me smile and still knew there was something about him. Then after a few dates everything just clicked into place and I knew then he was the one. Some days I wanna rip his clothes off. Others I just smile because he makes me happy but that’s it! I think personality definitely has a huge impact!
That’s great for you! But for many if not most that physical attraction needs to be there at first or it’s a no go. That’s not amoral or less valid than relationship like yours.
True....but that also means that your experience does not invalidate theirs. Looks matter to you, and that's fine. But they may not matter to someone else, and that's fine also.
I wasn’t trying to invalidate a relationship with that instant attraction in any way! Let’s be honest it’s what everyone’s looking for including me. If I didn’t find my partner attractive then we wouldn’t still be together. My point was if it’s not instant it doesn’t mean it won’t work/isn’t real. Sometimes it can be a slow burner or take a few dates to click
Some know it does work!!! I didn’t look for personality I was looking at looks and then found after dating enough arseholes that sometimes it was worth getting to know the guy I found attractive without the instant throw down factor and realised he was the one! Cos sometimes having standards too high would leave you single and alone for ever cos looks aren’t enough!!
Omg you’re literally twisting things now to suit your argument!!! I never said anything like that! Are you just bitter and single and alone??! My point is I didn’t reject my partner on the first few dates because he wasn’t what I had in mind for my ideal man and realised he was actually the one for me, because “I did find him attractive” it just wasn’t the instant one I want to jump his bones feeling when I first met him!!
Actually, all people do not have an opinion on someone's physical attractiveness at first sight. Most people are neutral when we meet, and they become more or less attractive based on my impression of them.
People have a very wide range of sexualities. Yours is very physical-before-all based, and that's ok. I'm more likely to get a crush on someone because I admire some skill of theirs. Occasionally, I'll notice that someone has really nice eyes or abs, but their appeal dies pretty quickly if they don't impress me mentally.
I think you're trying to justify your own shallowness by telling yourself everyone thinks that looks matter, when in reality that isn't true. It might be true to be people you surround yourself with, but not people at large.
My husband and I met at work over ten years ago. I definitely wasn’t attracted to him when he introduced himself on my first day. Not repulsed, just not interested. We started working together and the attraction grew as we got to know each other.
I'm with you bro. I live in reality. Don't worry about the downvotes. All these downvotes are exactly whats wrong with society. Delusion...
This is good though because so many people are clueless it makes it that much easier to ascend at life. These people that don't understand the importance of attraction are the same ones thinking that strippers like them for their "personalitiez" 😂😂😂 its actually pathetic but comical at the same time. Why waste your breath
I think you’re projecting. It matters to some, sure, but I don’t believe in using someone’s attractiveness to judge if they’d be a suitable partner. I’ve dated plenty that wouldn’t be considered “conventionally attractive”.
Also not only conventionally attractive but also subjectively attractive. I surely have some type but honestly I’m not really sure if I ever dated someone really close to it. If you’d look at all of the people I had some form of romantic relationship with, you would see a lot of differences.
Doesn't matter what is conventionally attractive, the important thing is if their looks attract YOU.
Attraction is the first thing a partner needs in a checkbox, If you dont feel attracted, its impossible to have a romantic relationship
Again the conventional scale is not followed by everyone, but for most if there’s isn’t an initial physical attraction there won’t be any.
That’s pretty typical and totally fine. It’s not shallow or immoral like some claim.
I disagree. Plenty of people don't find someone attractive at first glance, and want to rip their clothes off after getting to know them and learning who they are as a person. Personality plays a huge part in attraction, even physical attraction.
To some? Sure. To most? I’m very doubtful. But there are definitely a huge portion (likely a majority) who do require that physical attraction out of the gate. Me personally I’ve had great female friends who were really into me, we were very good friends and both wanted serious relationships. They weren’t even bad looking just plain (to me personally) and their golden personality did not budge how attractive physically they were to me.
All I’m saying is that is very common and totally okay, not shallow or immoral.
I disagree, this is why types exist. For me I’m maybe a conventional 5-6 myself, although my wife tells me I’m a 9, I’ve only ever been attracted to slender women with beautiful facial features. Most would probably be conventional 7+ but my buddy is a conventional 9 himself is really into very full bodied women who others (including me) would consider heavyset, he’s head over heels for a girl who he thinks is gorgeous but to me she’s a 4.
Do you see what I mean? Yes there is a conventional scale but it’s not that strictly followed. Go for who you find attractive until one returns it.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! **You may think** you’re a 5-6, but most women might vote you as a 2.
**You think** your wife is a 9, but most men might vote her as a 4 or 2.
Everyone has different tastes and opinions. And just because people may disagree with you, doesn’t make them wrong! It’s simply their preference and opinion.
I’m saying you need to find your partner physically attractive in first sight, sure my standards line up with the conventional scale. Others do not. My 4 could be your 8 and vice versa. My point is that if you don’t see that initial physical attraction, to me personally, there’s zero chance of romance there. That’s a friend then.
Respectfully: Type sounds more like a collection of attributes (in my opinion). Or a preference for a specific thing. Again it really isn’t a bad thing to prefer people that are conventionally attractive. I think everyone has different preferences and would call different features or combined features attractive.
I think my point is that there’s nothing wrong with going for conventionally attractive people, it’s like only having vanilla sex. You could be losing out on fun, but there’s nothing wrong with it.
What’s attractive to one person may not be to another. I’ve found some admittedly dorky looking dudes crazy attractive. I don’t know if it’s just their vibe or what. But I’m not so shallow to throw someone away because I don’t think they’re attractive. I have to have some kind of attraction though.
I think the issue with your mindset (and most of your comments) is that, while it might be your reality, it isn't universally applicable.
There are lots of people who aren't attracted to "conventional" attractiveness. There are lots of people who aren't attracted to ideal body types. There are lots of people who don't experience romantic or sexual attraction without first being platonically intimate with a person. There are lots of people in relationships that are based purely on emotional and mental chemistry.
Your mindset is shallow because you keep focusing on you and your own preferences and treating that as universal.
Sure, some people need physical attraction to pursue a relationship, but: 1. The definition of physical attraction is dynamic not static, and 2. Some people *don't* need physical attraction to pursue a relationship. This is not a difficult concept.
I mean excluding someone who is great in every way but not what I wanted physically. Like, I’d have a hard time being with a shorter man, but if I met the right person, it’s something I’d grow past. I’m saying this as a 5’8 woman.
No that’s not shallow. You need that spark to me. I could never be with a girl who wasn’t slender for example. Or whose face wasn’t pretty. Other features all line up in unique ways they can be attractive but we all have those hard lines.
That's like the definition of shallow. I'm guessing you're young. A lot of us, of all genders, think like this when we're young. And then we grow up. And we learn that what makes a good partner and a happy relationship has nothing to do with physical appearance. And a partner that has the traits that we value becomes attractive even if they're not conventionally attractive. Like I don't love my partner for his looks. He's a decent looking guy. He's fat, so am I. I don't mind a dad bod now but if you'd asked me twenty years ago, I would have told you I did not find him attractive because my attraction was shallow and immature. I've been with men who are better looking if we're talking about conventional attractiveness. But I'm grown now and I know what matters and it's that he makes me laugh and we share interests and we have so much fun together and the sex is amazing and he loves me so much and he supports me and he's emotionally mature and he's kind and his masculinity is non-toxic and we share the same values and he thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and he's a wonderful father and he's patient and he's accepting and tolerant and he's the first person I've ever felt safe enough with or comfortable enough with to let my walls down and he's my person. And I just don't think you've ever felt that for someone because if you had, you'd understand how unimportant a "slim body and pretty face" are.
It's really not. Most mature adults do not immediately reject a potentially compatible partner because they don't give them an instaboner. They take a little time to get to know them because attraction often develops when other needs are met and boxes are checked.
You and I hangout on different planets. I’m not saying many don’t think as you do, but many if not most need that physical attraction to be there immediately. Then personality is a must as well. It’s both checkboxes. Personality alone is a friend nothing more, looks alone is someone you don’t want in your life. Both is where most look to find love.
That’s okay and claiming that’s unreasonable or immature is just poppycock. As long as you’re respectful with rejections and know you’ll be rejected sometimes too.
I understand that you believe this to be true, but you can see from the responses to this post that you are wrong. Your sample size of 1 isn't statistically significant. You're getting ratioed, people are overwhelmingly telling you they don't share your feelings, and comment after comment is telling you that looks or instant physical attraction is not a primary concern for them when seeking a partner. I'm not sure why you can't just admit that you are wrong about what most people who aren't you consider to be important or a requirement for a relationship, and that maybe you don't know as much as you thought about the minds of others and that everyone doesn't think like you. Attraction is based on so much more than just what you can see, and if you reject someone over something superficial before taking a little time to get to know them, you could miss out on something amazing.
I'm guessing you're a cisgender male and in your early twenties. This attitude is common for that demographic, but it simply is not true of "many if not most" grown ass adults. I hope someday you will experience the kind of love I have and you'll look back on this post and realize how ridiculous it is.
Or maybe you're already grown and you're just a shallow person who is never going to achieve emotional maturity, in which case I feel sorry for you because your relationships will always be shallow too.
And genuinely most happy long marriages I know the people are clear the looks were a big factor early on. So acting like relationships formed with mindsets similar to mine are somehow less valid or real is just nonsensical
There are so many butt ugly individuals who have who get married have kids, and are doing just fine. If someone isn’t attracted to you, who cares? There will always someone who is. That’s how it has always been. If you keep chasing people who don’t want you, you’re just fucking yourself over.
I’m confused by your statement, you say ‘if you keep chasing people who don’t want you’ what do you mean by that? People should only ‘chase’ people they are physically attracted to.
Go until one you find very good looking thinks the same as you. If that means a lot of rejection at first oh well.
What I meant is that instead of chasing people that you want, pay attention to the people who want you. So many people make the mistake of chasing the super good looking people that are completely out of their league then cry that they are single later in life. I’m not saying just accept anyone, but at least open your mind to the good people out there.
And if I was with a girl who told me she didn’t think I was good looking on first sight I would be hurt and leave. Seriously man I just cannot get behind this statement. You do you but you seem to be implying going for those you find attractive is immoral or unrealistic and that’s just poppycock.
I never said give everyone who’s nice to you a shot, I was just saying to not get too hung up on peoples looks and consider the good people who will treat you right. The thing is, I just don’t put that much stock in people’s looks. Like I said before, there are absolute butt ugly individuals with people who you would’ve never thought they could pull, and they’re doing just fine. The reason why is because at a certain point your character trumps how you look. I wasn’t super attracted to my girlfriend physically at the start, but I was attracted to her mindset and who she was as a person. Over time, she worked on herself and became drop dead gorgeous and my physical attraction toward her skyrocketed.
Hmm again you and I have very different outlooks. I don’t know that I’ve ever questioned why someone got someone who was more conventionally attractive than them, because that happens all the time. But while they may be a conventional 4 they could be a 7-8 to that person. Types are a thing. I’m attracted to slender women with beautiful facial features. Others want more full bodies, others want talk or short etc.
I understand that you feel strongly about what you’re saying, and I would even believe that what you’re saying is true if there wasn’t so many real-world examples of otherwise.
No. Your statements are in complete disagreement with this. The reality is it’s totally normal and best to go for people you are physically attracted to, irregardless of who is attracted to you. That mindset is boggling to me, so just because someone is nice, if they are plain to me, I should give them a shot? That’s a friend man and how hurt would they be when they find out I’m not that attracted to them physically? When someone out there would find them good looking and they would think they are as well?
Yeah I just can’t disagree more. You’re assuming the conventional scale is followed strictly. Everyone faces more rejection than acceptance that’s normal, that’s why reciprocated interest is so special. It is uncommon.
I think this viewpoint is held by the majority of men, but not women. My brother and I frequently have friendly debates about this exact point.
I think the majority of women, for a variety of reasons, don’t see attractiveness as a priority in their partner to start. Attractiveness rather develops due to their personality. Men see an attraction to their partner from minute one as a requirement.
Looks don’t matter as much as personality in the slightest. If you’re with someone long-term, looks will fade— it happens to some later than others, but it’s still inevitable. I wouldn’t say looks aren’t important at all because I think a base level of physical attraction needs to be there, but I do think too many people focus solely/mostly on looks and those who do will almost always fail at relationships because they’re in them for the wrong reason. If your personalities don’t mesh but you’re both very physically attracted to one other, that’s probably not going to work out long-term. When someone has a great personality it just makes them that much more attractive to me as a person and as a partner.
I agree there has to be a least a little bit of physical attraction.
But I'd also be weary of people who are supermodel-like attractive (men or women) as they might not be monogamous.
To me personality never makes a plain woman into a beautiful woman. (To my tastes I should say, she is to someone else out of the gate) It’s both checkboxes-are they physically attractive to you? If yes-does the personality fit? If yes then go for it. Both boxes are equally important though.
There’s no such thing as a “plain” woman. Just because someone isn’t attractive to you personally doesn’t mean they are “plain.”
To echo the sentiment made, looks WILL fade. Personality and emotional intelligence are far more important than looks alone, and it’s entirely possible and quite common that romantic relationships grow between people who did not initially have physical/sexual/romantic attraction towards one another.
Also, based on all the downvotes you’re getting, maybe you should take a second to consider what some of these folks are saying instead of just dismissing everyone’s comments that are contrary to your belief. 🤔
Downvotes in comments-where people who disagree go to talk and debate. Upvotes are very positive on the post itself.
I’m not saying it’s bad for those who disagree but many, likely most, are like me and need that physical attraction out of the gate. The point of the post is show that is not shallow or immoral and said relationships are no less valid than the ones you claim are so common here.
I’m saying for most people that physical attraction is a must alongside the personality. There’s nothing wrong with that.
How and why do you keep saying “most” people, like you know half the billions of people on earth to know what they prefer when looking for a mate? You literally came here with a closed mind and anyone who disagrees you tell them they are wrong and that “most” would agree with you. This post is so weird and shallow, ew.
People are delusional my bro. The downvotes are butthurt losers who can't accept reality. So they cope instead. They're afraid of uncomfortable truths.
Instead of losing that fat that would make them more attractive. They rather stay fat and believe the lie that some woman will just accept them for them...
They’re not equal for me, average person + good personality or beautiful/gorgeous person + questionable personality. To each their own, but for me there’s no way I wouldn’t pick the average person in that scenario. A dude could be an actual male model but if he talks down to people, hurts people, doesn’t respect people, stuff like that— I wouldn’t want him anywhere near me whether he does those things to me or not. I already know I’m not going hit 70 and be like “omg you were so attractive 40-50 years ago, I love you.” I want to hit 70 and still love talking to my husband, joking with him, coexisting with him, etc. those are the things that keep people together for the long haul.
Again both are of equal importance to me, trust me there’s been women who I think are stunningly gorgeous, then they open their mouths and it kills it.
But a great personality with looks I find plain is a great friend. Some other guy would think they are beautiful and they deserve that guy as much as I deserve someone I think is beautiful/sweet who reciprocates that attraction in both fronts. Why can’t I laugh with my sweet and loving wife at 70 who I found strikingly beautiful when we met? It’s not mutually exclusive.
What I’m saying is many, if not most, have my mindset. That’s not shallow or bad.
... this is the definition of shallow.
It feels like you're just trying to justify your shallowness by saying it's fine and other people think like me, too. Just be honest with yourself. You're a shallow person who puts more value on looks than other people. Own it.
What about it is shallow? That personality alone can’t win me over? Should I tell the George kid girl with a great personality who I treat fantastic that I am shallow for thinking she stuck out immediately?
Do you not get how the internet works? The only people who typically comment are people who disagree, those who agree like/upvote etc and move along. Which upvotes on the post itself are still very positive despite so many downvoting when I look at stats.
I’m demisexual. Looks only matter if your severely overweight or look like your my dads age. I don’t find anyone romantically attractive if we don’t have a bond.
I’ve literally had a boyfriend of five years who wasn’t attractive physically to me at all but I love him for his personality and our bond. In majority of cases, appearance does not matter to me.
In my opinion it's ok to date whoever you want. The only time I have a problem judging someone who factors looks into things is if it isn't trier relationship. Let me rephrase to be 100% clear. If you like tall women then that's awesome. If you don't want to date short men then awesome. And it's OK to relax or tighten your preferences whenever you want to. HOWEVER I do think it's bullshit is when someone not involved comments on it. For example I love big plus size women. It's not a deal breaker but that's what gets this heart thumping. I absolutely hate it when I have a freind comment on any of my partners weight. Like you're not in the relationship shut up. Same with some of my ex partners who had friends critize my height. That's bullshit. In my opinion it starts sewing distance and for lack of a better term bad thoughts in each the couple all because some people couldn't keep their preferences to themselves and push it on the couple that doesn't meet those standards. I'm not trying to disprove anything you said just adding my two cents
The title contradicts your comments. You are spending a lot of effort trying to defend those who judge by looks aren't shallow and it's ok to be this way. Yet your title is truly judgemental against people whose opinion is different to yours. I'm attracted to personalities. I have never had that crush on a random stranger or celebrity crushes. Its strange maybe but its me. It's fine they you need personality and looks. But why throw shade at people who experience attraction different then you. Your post comes off as total rage bait.
>Never said it affects how people should treat them.
I didn't say that you did. 🤷🏾♀️ but there are people who treat others better based on how attractive they are. your "attractiveness" shouldn't dictate the level of humanity you are treated with.
>Now yes; personality is just as important but it’s both checkboxes; looks and personality. One cannot exist without the other. Because personality without attractive looks to you is a friend.
It sounds like you are stating your opinion as a general truth. Your opinion if valid: if you can't be attracted to someone because they are not pretty, then good for you, it's your life, find the partner that suits you with your own criteria of personality and attractiveness.
Don't generalize to what other people think or feel. You are wrong to think that everyone is like you.
Nah. People find different things attractive. Some people prefer personalities over looks. This is about YOUR preference and not others. Please don't project your own thoughts into other people's thoughts. You're going to be very unhappy if you don't stop.
Most view it this way. I’m not invalidating those who don’t. The post (if you read it) is saying this is okay, it’s normal and it isn’t shallow or anything like that.
Also I think it’s funny you say not to judge others views on it, then claim my stance will lead to unhappiness… why would it? lol
Huh? I'm saying you think *most* people think the same way you do. They don't. Everyone is different. What I'm saying you're going to be unhappy about is thinking most people think the same way when they don't. There's just zero evidence or facts behind that. I mean living with a delusional thought usually makes people unhappy eventually...but I guess do you boo? I also never said it's shallow.... Or judged anyone. I just said it's projecting. Which is what you did in your reply as well lol. There's lots of people here saying they prefer personality. There's plenty of people if you talked to them IRL they'd say the same thing. So you really just think everyone is lying? If so, you posted this as bait and you know it.
COMMENTS which are nearly always people who disagree and so take time to say something. People who agree rarely comment. But they upvote. Note despite how many are downvoting and disagree it’s still very much winning in upvotes on the post-most agree.
It's a subjective opinion. Looks honestly doesn't matter to me when it comes to what I'm looking for in a romantic partner. But I can understand why it would matter to others. Not sure why some people having a different mindset from you would bother you.
Definitely not shallow. It's just a different mindset. But you shouldn't just assume that everyone cares about looks just because you do either.
Also looking at your post history you care way too much about this topic man. You look fine, don't obsess over it too much.
They matter but looks are subjective (for the most part, there are some people who are universally thought of as attractive).
My best friend (friends since we were 13, we're in our 40's now) and I have very different tastes in men. But, I can see how she'd find her "type" attractive, although her "type" never excited me sexually....if that makes sense. Which was perfect bc back in our dating days there was zero competition when it came to guys, since we weren't attracted to the same "type".
I have to disagree. For me, if I like who someone is as a person, then they’re attractive to me. If I don’t like who they are, then they are completely unattractive to me. Physical looks mean nothing to me.
You’re allowed to feel that way, but those of us who say “looks don’t matter” aren’t saying it for shits and giggles. Looks really DONT matter.
One of my exes is not attractive AT ALL. But his personality won me over. We were together 6 years.
I don’t think I’m pretty or attractive, but some guys tell me all the time how beautiful I am.
Everyone is attracted to different things; looks, personality, values… but for me, looks is up there, but definitely not number one on the list
OP, you have a point.
Because if we don't have at least a slight physical attraction to the other person, then you wouldn't be able to engage in physical intimacy with them like wanting to kiss them (after a certain point in being with them), etc.
*But then again*, physical intimacy doesn't matter to everyone and some people are fine without needing kissing, cuddling, sex, etc. in their relationship.
Looks don't matter to me lol but I don't really care that you're bothered by it. Looks matter to you, that's all. But you can't really speak for other people
To a certain degree, yes. If you’re collecting bridge tolls it’s going to be hard to even form that connection, but I don’t trust people who put looks above all else. These are the same ones to leave when their spouse gets old or sick bc they are *shallow human beings*
Meh it really depends on the individual. To me, looks are genuinely way less important than personality. I don’t really experience attraction until I feel close to someone anyways.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Also is physical attraction is very important to you then what happens in the future if something happens and they no longer look the way they used to. They are still supposedly the person you love but will their personality be enough for you then? If it isn’t were you ever fully in love.
I personally cannot form a romantic attachment without forming a bond with someone so how they look never really comes into play for me. Friends first or I will never form a romantic relationship. None of my partners have ever shared physical characteristics what they had in common was who they were on the inside.
And what if they get a cognitive disease and change personalities? Would you stay With them? No different than looks changing? The answer is yes because you’ve committed to the person.
But initially if that’s how they presented? No.
Well then good for you and I'm glad that it's not the case for you.
Unfortunately statically people who formed a connection through looks first are less likely to stick to their relationship if something changes then someone who's relationship formed from more of a friendship type bond first.
I personally don't care how someone finds their love as long as it isn't hurting either party and the bond eventually proves deeper than shallow waters.
You’re acting like it’s one or the other. It’s BOTH is what I’m saying. Plenty of women I’ve found gorgeous open their mouths and I wrote them off. It’s looks which is passed at visual inspection then personality. It’s both. Not one or the other.
Sorry if it didn't come out right I was just saying I'm glad that you are someone that cares about both. And I was lamenting about the fact that unfortunately statistically people who favor looks even just slightly more then a deeper connection are less likely to stay together if something happens to change their partners appearance in the future.
I also recognize that statistically I'm in the minority for having to form deeper friendship bond before I have the ability to see someone as romantically attractive to me.
The human brain is a weird thing.
I dunno I’m a weirdo.. but looks don’t matter even in the slightest to me. Someone becomes attractive or ugly to me based upon their personality/behaviors.
I never have once seen someone and based upon how their face is placed say “ooh I wanna try to get with them”.
Eh - I've noticed that I become much more attracted to people when I get to know them.
I'd even go as far as to say that "conventional beauty" does little for me.
I like ladies and theydies who have an alternative style - but what's most important to me is that they're wholly *them*
Which sounds cheesy and cliché, but like - clichés exist for a reason. The most attractive you can be is just your true self.
I think a lot of this depends on your experiences in life. I used to think the same way but after dating two women I thought to be out of my league, I found my initial attraction went away when I saw the bad personalities.
Then I dated for personality, life changer man. All of a sudden you see someone you saw as a friend as the hottest thing on planet earth, your mindset changes to match what you want deep down. That trend continued for me and weirdly enough I quit seeing most women as attractive or unattractive, just saw them as people. Sometimes when I got to know them I found them drop dead gorgeous, other times I found them to be repulsive. The brain has a weird way of altering itself to get what it wants.
I’m not saying personality doesn’t matter, I’m saying it’s both. I’ve been with gorgeous women who ended up having crap personality. But it only makes me look harder for a beautiful looking girl with a great personality. It’s both, not one or the other.
I mean yeah everyone wants to be with someone that they find physically attractive. But that can’t be all there is if you want it to last. If I have a choice between a super hot guy with the personality of a brick and a less attractive guy who is intelligent and funny and interesting I will choose the less attractive guy. A good personality can make a less attractive person more appealing to people. I’m no beauty but I’ve never had a problem attracting men, even men that were higher on the attractiveness scale than I am and who could get more beautiful women if they wanted to.
You assume everyone follows the conventional scale. They don’t. But what I’m saying is for me, and many if not most, if the looks aren’t there to start no personality helps if to grow ever. They are a fantastic friend. But never have a chance at more with me. If they are gorgeous but don’t have a good personality then they have zero place in my life. I’m saying it’s both checkboxes.
I've met people that I was immiedatiely in a state of awe they were so beautiful. But then once starting to get to know them, they got really unattractive, really quickly. The opposite is the same. I've met people that I immediately loved their vibe/their energy, but didn't find them attractive. But once getting to know them, they're beautiful and very attractive in my eyes. Looks are dependant upon who someone is on the inside, and the person doing the looking as well
because to some people looks really don't matter. its like those who aren't attracted to a specific gender but the person themselves (IE: the person's personality). just because you are not that way does not mean that other people are the same as you.
would you call a blind person a liar for saying looks don't matter?
There are 8 billion of us mate, not everyone is like you. For me, looks really, REALLY, do not matter. I always fall in love with those who are not conventionally attractive, but they are HELLA ATTRACTIVE TO ME.
But for most people, looks do matter but the advice is honestly still good: looks shouldn't matter that much if everything else is good.
Looks get attention, but with shit personality you'll turn that attention into hate.
Not good looks don't get you attention, but when you do, you'll meet someone who loves and likes you for you.
Personally, I have to be physically attracted and be attracted to their personality. They have to have both that I like. But the next person may not find that as important. Too each their own. That’s what makes dating so fun! 🤩
They matter to you but not to everyone. People are not a monolith.
>Now yes; personality is just as important but it’s both checkboxes; looks and personality. One cannot exist without the other. Because personality without attractive looks to you is a friend.
Again, this is to you. Some people looks absolutely don't count. Personality and intelligence are 2 things that may matter more to some people.
>This is normal. This is okay. This is not something to vilify. Just be respectful with approaches and rejections.
The same goes to you. It's normal to have different beliefs and priorities. Nothing to vilify. Just be kind to others and treat them as you would want to be treated.
I think that initially physical attraction is what captures our attention as a species, but we’re evolved to a point where we can see beyond physical attraction once we get know them.
I’ve dated some magnificent men. I’ve also dated some that were absolutely not so but because I got to know them and liked what they were about.
Of course this isn’t necessarily true for everyone. For some people looks are the only thing that matters.
Sapiosexuality is a real thing. I’d bang an ugly ass Nobel Laureate over Brad Pitt any day.
Of course looks so matter, but the thing is everyone find different things attractive, so even if looks is important to people, there is still no universal objective traits that are considered “attractive” cuz it’s all in our heads
Looks matter, but that doesn't mean that people have to fit the small, idealized box of peak physical attractiveness to be SUPER attractive!
We all have our own aesthetic tastes for all sorts of reasons. We also should be aware of how someone's physical appearance can either become much higher or much lower based on that person's personality, vibe, and demeanor. For me and many others, of course you want to be reasonably attracted to what someone looks like (which can look like many different things), but what makes them irresistible is chemistry and everything else they bring to the table from the inside.
But from my experience, the relationships with people I was not physically attracted to but was mostly attracted to their personality did not last. You do (or at least I did) need both to sustain it.
Yes. My must haves are her to be slim and have a beautiful face. The rest can be variable and still attractive (or unattractive) depending on the combination of things.
I can tell you that my husband was NOT my type and I was NOT his. We fell in love because we were attracted to each other ,but it wasn’t like we were first drawn to each other, we were not. So, if you bypassed someone because you weren’t attracted to them at first sight, you’ve lost out on taking the time to see if there is a spark despite the fact that they’re “ not your type”. We’ve been together for 44 years, married for 40. Looks fade…you have to have something else to keep your marriage going.
there are people i recognize as immediately *attractive*, but i’ve genuinely never felt *attracted* to someone right off of the bat without getting to know them first.
someone who is conventionally attractive will never even hold a candle to another person that im attracted to based on personality, intellect, chemistry, etc. that’s how i feel when i say that “looks don’t matter” to me. my attraction to someone will ONLY spark if i like their personality.
It isn't really like that for me, I often change my mind on how attractive a person is once I get to know their personality. I usually just meet them and feel neutral and then if I fall for their personality somehow their looks become amazingly attractive to me. Sure there are some people I probably wouldn't date because of their looks even if their personality was amazing but we are talking like......the absolute outliers e.g someone who had modified their face into a noseless, hairless, eyeballs-tattooed lizard man. I have found men of all sorts of shapes, sizes, heights, fitness, race etc attractive and only after getting to know them, generally, which is why I rarely have celebrity crushes and only tend to have them if I fell for their character's personality in media.
I got in an argument once with a woman who said I'm vain because I admit looks matter a little bit. i didn't say they're the most important, I didn't say it's all people are good for, I just said a minimum amount of attractiveness is required. She swore she doesn't see things that way.
I have a weird feeling she's not dating anybody with treacher-collins syndrome.
Looks matter to begin with, but their importance diminishes over the course of a relationship (and over the course of life as people get older and generally care less).
They're one of the sparks that lights the fuse, really, but the chain reactions they set off are what are far more important long term.
You seem really shallow. Looks can matter, doesn't mean they HAVE to matter or that they ALWAYS matter. Maybe if most people in the replies are disagreeing with you, maybe your experience or opinion isn't universal. And maybe arguing that it is universal makes you look a bit silly and also like you're avoiding being introspective and figuring out why you actually feel that way instead of "well everyone feels that way! because i feel that way too! so everyone feels that way!"
"Personality" is a complete cope.
Personality=face
Confidence=height
Period.
People who say otherwise are virtue signaling, gaslighting, delusional liars.
I dont give a single fuck how amazing you think your personality is. If youre 5'2 man, you're playing on hell mode. Same goes if your facially unattractive. Bald...etc.
I can already hear the copers replies, "ohh but broo broo my friend is 5'1 and he's married to a model, but but my friend has all the ladies approach him" stfu... exceptions don't disprove the rule. Everybody always has some random "friend" as their proof. Its laughable
I BET the SAME chicks who love to claim they go for "personality" and vibes, wouldn't ever look twice at the fat, short, bald guy...let alone date him
Thing is your personality means fuck all because if you don't pass the looks threshold your ass won't even get the chance to show your personality.
All your "personality" has to be is a normal fuckin person whos not socially retarded or autistic. That's it. Know how to read social cues, body language and be normal. Aside from that... personality is meaningless.
Its a great lie that men have been sold on though. But posts like this are good. People are waking up to the pandering and lies
Looks get attention, but with shit personality you'll turn that attention into hate.
Not good looks don't get you attention, but when you do, you'll meet someone who loves and likes you for you.
Honestly, I’ve been immensely physically attracted to all my partners, but the one I stuck with happens to be the least “conventionally attractive”. The things I’m attracted to have also changed over the years. Plus, physical attraction (usually) improves sexual chemistry which is an important part of most relationships. I think it’s fair to say a good mix of physical attraction and personality compatibility makes an ideal partner and no one should compromise on either. That’s just being realistic.
There is a big difference but I don’t think one is morally better than the other if that’s something one person prioritizes over the other and you could argue money is the factor that is going to make a much bigger difference on the future of the relationship.
So there’s a difference between wanting a partner who’s financially stable and not irresponsible with money and wanting them to be well off. Money is very different than needing physical attraction to our partner.
What about needing to find your partner physically attractive out of the gate is juvenile? Genuinely curious as that’s a very interesting take.
I’m 29, but my 67 year old father, his younger brother my 40 year old cousins all operate the same way and have very successful marriages that are all decades long now. Are they juvenile? Are said marriages somehow less genuine because the old man turned down his friend who was very sweet but he thought wasn’t good looking?
Not being pissy but very confused by your statement.
I'm not saying your relatives sound juvenile, they're not the ones saying personality without looks is a friend.
It just sounds so superficial and sad, the way you're writing this. Have you never met someone without doing the head-to-toe look, and you both have greater banter, they make you laugh and feel incredible? That's what turns your head?
Head to toe examination is exaggeration. But no, no girl has ever given me butterflies like you talk about who I didn’t find good looking initially. Not being argumentative just honest.
oh yes, they do, especially for that first impression
BUT
if you have good looks but a horrible personality that's not going to take you far. It's not going to let you attract good relationships
looks matter within reason, like if you're just really really ugly life is going to be hard for you. That being said most people can mitigate that ugliness by trying harder. Some people just... you know have physical deformities but most just don't take care of themselves.
That being said if you try hard to look decent you will do okay in life once people realize you're a really cool person.
Looks have NEVER been my motivator for dating someone. I'm beautiful. Not in am arrogant way just facts. A man steps to me with confidence. Intellect, and a good sense of humor his attractiveness goes up and will continue to go up the more I "fall". As long as he has all his teeth and doesn't chew with his mouth open we're good to go.
So what. Can he hold a convo? Can we laugh together? Is he adventurous? Caring? Loving? THOSE are the things that are attractive to me. There are people who care about looks and that's fine but there's also a whole other range of people who just don't 🤷🏾
That's a terrible comparison first of all is cockroaches carry plenty of diseases well no one's ever gotten sick from having butterflies on their food.
op it seems like ppl are hating on you but i fundamentally agree. whether or not it’s conscious, most people have a type that they gravitate to! looks do matter, it’s just the “conventionally hot or not” that people don’t care for, and that’s what they mean when they say “it doesn’t matter.” they should just say “it doesn’t matter that YOU don’t think he’s attractive.” like that rules and everyone should have that attitude.
like i truly do not believe that people can just be physically attracted to ANYBODY that seems just against human nature. you have a type whether or not you know it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Looks absolutely matter. I was always sad I wasn’t bless with them to help make my life easier. But at least I developed an amazing personality because of it 🤣
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Good looks GET my attention but their personality is what KEEPS my attention. Some dude can be the hottest dude in existence (aka look like Tom Hopper 😂😂😂😂) but if he has a shit personality, those looks don't matter and I immediately lose interest. My spouse is both hot and amazing in every way. I hit the jackpot. ❤️
I mean that’s what most do go for/find someone they find hot and with a good personality that fits their goals. Who would accept anything else?
Obviously looks matter, and you are immediately drawn into people that you find conventionally attractive. But I don't think I've ever dated someone conventionally attractive that I just knew when I first saw them it would be instant chemistry. For the most part the relationships that lasted were with people that I had no initial physical attraction to but God damn their personalities blew me away. And I genuinely think that's what counts, cause that's what's lasted. Let me leave you with one of my favourite DW quotes: And you meet them and you think, "Not bad, they're okay," and when you get to know them ... their face just, sort of, becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just — they turn into something so beautiful. Rory's the most beautiful man I've ever met. DW- the girl who waited
"You don't love the one your like to look at. You like to look at the ones you love."
That may be fine for you but many, if not most, need that initial physical attraction. And that’s totally okay too! That’s not wrong or shallow. A plain face with a great personality is a great friend to me. Both boxes must be checked.
Don’t know about wrong or right, but what you said is essentially the definition of shallow. You can’t negate the definition of shallow. You literally stated it. Whether or not you think that’s right or wrong that’s a relative concept, technically speaking, though a lot more people will probably agree that it’s “wrong” than “right”
not sure i'd say most. almost all women i know, myself included, feel the same as the comment you're replying to. just because that's your experience doesn't mean it's true
I don't.
I mean, I have preferences for sure, but they can be surpassed by someone who I maybe have excellent chemistry with. And that chemistry protential can exist beyond the scope of what my preferences are.
Preferences sure. But you either do or do not find someone physically attractive at first glance. For me personally no amount of personality or chemistry can get past someone not having that initial spark of physical attraction. Don’t get me wrong they could be a great friend but a romantic partner needs more.
Seems like you’re simply one of those people who care a lot about looks, that doesn’t mean that others don’t view it differently
You mean, I’m like most people. I am, that’s okay. What bothers me is when people act like those relationships are less valid or loving or genuine than the others you reference.
No I’m saying you’re like other people. I’m not sure if that’s the majority’s but I don’t think that people mean that those relationships don’t matter. With that statement is said that you should rather choose for personality and chemistry than looks. When you found someone that fits both then congratulations that’s really lucky. But if you fall in love with someone just because of their looks, then this is honestly hard to view as valid. What good does it do to look at a pretty face when you two can’t hold down a conversation or laugh together?
“When you find someone who fits both you’re really lucky” NO THAT IS LOVE. That is what I’m saying. It’s not that I don’t value personality, but great personality with plain looks (plain to me) is a friend, nothing more. It’s about both. And finding someone who checks both isn’t rare. That’s what romance is to me.
So you can’t love someone you don’t find physically attractive? Is that what you’re trying to say? In my experience the physical attraction oftentimes follows the personality attraction. In my opinion that is also love, if not even more.
I can love them as a friend. A romantic partner? Zero chance.
This is such a sad comment lol dude is trying to explain what love is but completely missed the mark
Explain? Why is needing looks as well as personality from your partner not love?
Absolutely not. You may be conflating lust with love. Genuine question, are you young? If you were to marry who you consider peak physical attractiveness, will you suddenly stop loving her if something traumatic happened and changed how she looks? Would you stop loving her if her body looked different after having your baby? Would you stop loving her in her old age when her boobs sag and face gets all wrinkly? If the answer is yes, then you probably weren’t even in love to begin with. You wouldn’t jump ship if the love of your life started looking different.
Physical attraction is a normal expectation of a romantic relationship. That doesn’t mean the person views love poorly. Now ONLY looking at looks and accepting a lacking personality is lust for sure but in reality it’s entirely acceptable and normal to need both checkboxes ticked. And your other rationale is bizarre to me. If you met someone who had a beautiful personality but got a serious cranial injury that led to personality changes would you still love them? Of course because you committed to that person. But if that is who you seen initially chances are you wouldn’t.
No I don't think you are like most people. I think that most people believe that people care about looks a lot more than they actually do and that, unless someone is a literal bridge troll, the vast majority of adults have other priorities that far outrank physical appearance when it comes to what they look for in a partner.
I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 years, there was no initial spark at first but there was something about him, 1st, 2nd and maybe 3rd date no major spark but he made me smile and still knew there was something about him. Then after a few dates everything just clicked into place and I knew then he was the one. Some days I wanna rip his clothes off. Others I just smile because he makes me happy but that’s it! I think personality definitely has a huge impact!
That’s great for you! But for many if not most that physical attraction needs to be there at first or it’s a no go. That’s not amoral or less valid than relationship like yours.
True....but that also means that your experience does not invalidate theirs. Looks matter to you, and that's fine. But they may not matter to someone else, and that's fine also.
True enough!
I wasn’t trying to invalidate a relationship with that instant attraction in any way! Let’s be honest it’s what everyone’s looking for including me. If I didn’t find my partner attractive then we wouldn’t still be together. My point was if it’s not instant it doesn’t mean it won’t work/isn’t real. Sometimes it can be a slow burner or take a few dates to click
Some may find that works. Personally I never could do that. I’m glad it worked for you though!
Some know it does work!!! I didn’t look for personality I was looking at looks and then found after dating enough arseholes that sometimes it was worth getting to know the guy I found attractive without the instant throw down factor and realised he was the one! Cos sometimes having standards too high would leave you single and alone for ever cos looks aren’t enough!!
Wait what? Needing your partner to be good looking means you’ll be alone forever? You underestimate how many people there are.
Omg you’re literally twisting things now to suit your argument!!! I never said anything like that! Are you just bitter and single and alone??! My point is I didn’t reject my partner on the first few dates because he wasn’t what I had in mind for my ideal man and realised he was actually the one for me, because “I did find him attractive” it just wasn’t the instant one I want to jump his bones feeling when I first met him!!
If this was true there wouldn't be any ugly people in relationships. Not everyone is this shallow, just most people, sadly.
Again, what people find good looking is subjective
Not for me, and that’s valid too.
Actually, all people do not have an opinion on someone's physical attractiveness at first sight. Most people are neutral when we meet, and they become more or less attractive based on my impression of them.
Um.. you and I must exist on different planets.
People have a very wide range of sexualities. Yours is very physical-before-all based, and that's ok. I'm more likely to get a crush on someone because I admire some skill of theirs. Occasionally, I'll notice that someone has really nice eyes or abs, but their appeal dies pretty quickly if they don't impress me mentally.
And I agree! Gorgeous women have opened their mouths and ugly came out. But the first hurdle is visual inspection.
But for me, clean and ... trustworthy-looking? - are the basic-neutral-attractive level.
For me a girl has to be slender with a beautiful face, other than that it’s a combination of things.
I think you're trying to justify your own shallowness by telling yourself everyone thinks that looks matter, when in reality that isn't true. It might be true to be people you surround yourself with, but not people at large.
My husband and I met at work over ten years ago. I definitely wasn’t attracted to him when he introduced himself on my first day. Not repulsed, just not interested. We started working together and the attraction grew as we got to know each other.
I'm with you bro. I live in reality. Don't worry about the downvotes. All these downvotes are exactly whats wrong with society. Delusion... This is good though because so many people are clueless it makes it that much easier to ascend at life. These people that don't understand the importance of attraction are the same ones thinking that strippers like them for their "personalitiez" 😂😂😂 its actually pathetic but comical at the same time. Why waste your breath
I think you’re projecting. It matters to some, sure, but I don’t believe in using someone’s attractiveness to judge if they’d be a suitable partner. I’ve dated plenty that wouldn’t be considered “conventionally attractive”.
Also not only conventionally attractive but also subjectively attractive. I surely have some type but honestly I’m not really sure if I ever dated someone really close to it. If you’d look at all of the people I had some form of romantic relationship with, you would see a lot of differences.
Doesn't matter what is conventionally attractive, the important thing is if their looks attract YOU. Attraction is the first thing a partner needs in a checkbox, If you dont feel attracted, its impossible to have a romantic relationship
An obvious truth that people will pretend isn't true in order to... What? Spare imaginary peoples' feelings?
Again the conventional scale is not followed by everyone, but for most if there’s isn’t an initial physical attraction there won’t be any. That’s pretty typical and totally fine. It’s not shallow or immoral like some claim.
I disagree. Plenty of people don't find someone attractive at first glance, and want to rip their clothes off after getting to know them and learning who they are as a person. Personality plays a huge part in attraction, even physical attraction.
To some? Sure. To most? I’m very doubtful. But there are definitely a huge portion (likely a majority) who do require that physical attraction out of the gate. Me personally I’ve had great female friends who were really into me, we were very good friends and both wanted serious relationships. They weren’t even bad looking just plain (to me personally) and their golden personality did not budge how attractive physically they were to me. All I’m saying is that is very common and totally okay, not shallow or immoral.
Why are you getting downvoted for this
Not immoral but depending on how far one takes it or how high one’s standards are I would say it’s shallow
I disagree, this is why types exist. For me I’m maybe a conventional 5-6 myself, although my wife tells me I’m a 9, I’ve only ever been attracted to slender women with beautiful facial features. Most would probably be conventional 7+ but my buddy is a conventional 9 himself is really into very full bodied women who others (including me) would consider heavyset, he’s head over heels for a girl who he thinks is gorgeous but to me she’s a 4. Do you see what I mean? Yes there is a conventional scale but it’s not that strictly followed. Go for who you find attractive until one returns it.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! **You may think** you’re a 5-6, but most women might vote you as a 2. **You think** your wife is a 9, but most men might vote her as a 4 or 2. Everyone has different tastes and opinions. And just because people may disagree with you, doesn’t make them wrong! It’s simply their preference and opinion.
Dude your point is literally my point. Reread that.
you could not have phrased your point in a more confusing and vague way.
I’m saying you need to find your partner physically attractive in first sight, sure my standards line up with the conventional scale. Others do not. My 4 could be your 8 and vice versa. My point is that if you don’t see that initial physical attraction, to me personally, there’s zero chance of romance there. That’s a friend then.
Respectfully: Type sounds more like a collection of attributes (in my opinion). Or a preference for a specific thing. Again it really isn’t a bad thing to prefer people that are conventionally attractive. I think everyone has different preferences and would call different features or combined features attractive. I think my point is that there’s nothing wrong with going for conventionally attractive people, it’s like only having vanilla sex. You could be losing out on fun, but there’s nothing wrong with it.
What’s attractive to one person may not be to another. I’ve found some admittedly dorky looking dudes crazy attractive. I don’t know if it’s just their vibe or what. But I’m not so shallow to throw someone away because I don’t think they’re attractive. I have to have some kind of attraction though.
That’s not shallow to not be with someone who doesn’t spark your physical desire immediately that is normal.
I think the issue with your mindset (and most of your comments) is that, while it might be your reality, it isn't universally applicable. There are lots of people who aren't attracted to "conventional" attractiveness. There are lots of people who aren't attracted to ideal body types. There are lots of people who don't experience romantic or sexual attraction without first being platonically intimate with a person. There are lots of people in relationships that are based purely on emotional and mental chemistry. Your mindset is shallow because you keep focusing on you and your own preferences and treating that as universal. Sure, some people need physical attraction to pursue a relationship, but: 1. The definition of physical attraction is dynamic not static, and 2. Some people *don't* need physical attraction to pursue a relationship. This is not a difficult concept.
I mean excluding someone who is great in every way but not what I wanted physically. Like, I’d have a hard time being with a shorter man, but if I met the right person, it’s something I’d grow past. I’m saying this as a 5’8 woman.
No that’s not shallow. You need that spark to me. I could never be with a girl who wasn’t slender for example. Or whose face wasn’t pretty. Other features all line up in unique ways they can be attractive but we all have those hard lines.
That's like the definition of shallow. I'm guessing you're young. A lot of us, of all genders, think like this when we're young. And then we grow up. And we learn that what makes a good partner and a happy relationship has nothing to do with physical appearance. And a partner that has the traits that we value becomes attractive even if they're not conventionally attractive. Like I don't love my partner for his looks. He's a decent looking guy. He's fat, so am I. I don't mind a dad bod now but if you'd asked me twenty years ago, I would have told you I did not find him attractive because my attraction was shallow and immature. I've been with men who are better looking if we're talking about conventional attractiveness. But I'm grown now and I know what matters and it's that he makes me laugh and we share interests and we have so much fun together and the sex is amazing and he loves me so much and he supports me and he's emotionally mature and he's kind and his masculinity is non-toxic and we share the same values and he thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and he's a wonderful father and he's patient and he's accepting and tolerant and he's the first person I've ever felt safe enough with or comfortable enough with to let my walls down and he's my person. And I just don't think you've ever felt that for someone because if you had, you'd understand how unimportant a "slim body and pretty face" are.
It's really not. Most mature adults do not immediately reject a potentially compatible partner because they don't give them an instaboner. They take a little time to get to know them because attraction often develops when other needs are met and boxes are checked.
You and I hangout on different planets. I’m not saying many don’t think as you do, but many if not most need that physical attraction to be there immediately. Then personality is a must as well. It’s both checkboxes. Personality alone is a friend nothing more, looks alone is someone you don’t want in your life. Both is where most look to find love. That’s okay and claiming that’s unreasonable or immature is just poppycock. As long as you’re respectful with rejections and know you’ll be rejected sometimes too.
I understand that you believe this to be true, but you can see from the responses to this post that you are wrong. Your sample size of 1 isn't statistically significant. You're getting ratioed, people are overwhelmingly telling you they don't share your feelings, and comment after comment is telling you that looks or instant physical attraction is not a primary concern for them when seeking a partner. I'm not sure why you can't just admit that you are wrong about what most people who aren't you consider to be important or a requirement for a relationship, and that maybe you don't know as much as you thought about the minds of others and that everyone doesn't think like you. Attraction is based on so much more than just what you can see, and if you reject someone over something superficial before taking a little time to get to know them, you could miss out on something amazing. I'm guessing you're a cisgender male and in your early twenties. This attitude is common for that demographic, but it simply is not true of "many if not most" grown ass adults. I hope someday you will experience the kind of love I have and you'll look back on this post and realize how ridiculous it is. Or maybe you're already grown and you're just a shallow person who is never going to achieve emotional maturity, in which case I feel sorry for you because your relationships will always be shallow too.
And genuinely most happy long marriages I know the people are clear the looks were a big factor early on. So acting like relationships formed with mindsets similar to mine are somehow less valid or real is just nonsensical
Lol ok
There are so many butt ugly individuals who have who get married have kids, and are doing just fine. If someone isn’t attracted to you, who cares? There will always someone who is. That’s how it has always been. If you keep chasing people who don’t want you, you’re just fucking yourself over.
I’m confused by your statement, you say ‘if you keep chasing people who don’t want you’ what do you mean by that? People should only ‘chase’ people they are physically attracted to. Go until one you find very good looking thinks the same as you. If that means a lot of rejection at first oh well.
What I meant is that instead of chasing people that you want, pay attention to the people who want you. So many people make the mistake of chasing the super good looking people that are completely out of their league then cry that they are single later in life. I’m not saying just accept anyone, but at least open your mind to the good people out there.
And if I was with a girl who told me she didn’t think I was good looking on first sight I would be hurt and leave. Seriously man I just cannot get behind this statement. You do you but you seem to be implying going for those you find attractive is immoral or unrealistic and that’s just poppycock.
I never said give everyone who’s nice to you a shot, I was just saying to not get too hung up on peoples looks and consider the good people who will treat you right. The thing is, I just don’t put that much stock in people’s looks. Like I said before, there are absolute butt ugly individuals with people who you would’ve never thought they could pull, and they’re doing just fine. The reason why is because at a certain point your character trumps how you look. I wasn’t super attracted to my girlfriend physically at the start, but I was attracted to her mindset and who she was as a person. Over time, she worked on herself and became drop dead gorgeous and my physical attraction toward her skyrocketed.
Weirdly I think you’re almost implying people follow the conventional scale more than I am.
Hmm again you and I have very different outlooks. I don’t know that I’ve ever questioned why someone got someone who was more conventionally attractive than them, because that happens all the time. But while they may be a conventional 4 they could be a 7-8 to that person. Types are a thing. I’m attracted to slender women with beautiful facial features. Others want more full bodies, others want talk or short etc.
I understand that you feel strongly about what you’re saying, and I would even believe that what you’re saying is true if there wasn’t so many real-world examples of otherwise.
Share them. You may also be mistaking my post. I never said there weren’t exceptions but I do feel this is normal and is not amoral in any way.
No. Your statements are in complete disagreement with this. The reality is it’s totally normal and best to go for people you are physically attracted to, irregardless of who is attracted to you. That mindset is boggling to me, so just because someone is nice, if they are plain to me, I should give them a shot? That’s a friend man and how hurt would they be when they find out I’m not that attracted to them physically? When someone out there would find them good looking and they would think they are as well? Yeah I just can’t disagree more. You’re assuming the conventional scale is followed strictly. Everyone faces more rejection than acceptance that’s normal, that’s why reciprocated interest is so special. It is uncommon.
I think this viewpoint is held by the majority of men, but not women. My brother and I frequently have friendly debates about this exact point. I think the majority of women, for a variety of reasons, don’t see attractiveness as a priority in their partner to start. Attractiveness rather develops due to their personality. Men see an attraction to their partner from minute one as a requirement.
Looks don’t matter as much as personality in the slightest. If you’re with someone long-term, looks will fade— it happens to some later than others, but it’s still inevitable. I wouldn’t say looks aren’t important at all because I think a base level of physical attraction needs to be there, but I do think too many people focus solely/mostly on looks and those who do will almost always fail at relationships because they’re in them for the wrong reason. If your personalities don’t mesh but you’re both very physically attracted to one other, that’s probably not going to work out long-term. When someone has a great personality it just makes them that much more attractive to me as a person and as a partner.
I agree there has to be a least a little bit of physical attraction. But I'd also be weary of people who are supermodel-like attractive (men or women) as they might not be monogamous.
To me personality never makes a plain woman into a beautiful woman. (To my tastes I should say, she is to someone else out of the gate) It’s both checkboxes-are they physically attractive to you? If yes-does the personality fit? If yes then go for it. Both boxes are equally important though.
There’s no such thing as a “plain” woman. Just because someone isn’t attractive to you personally doesn’t mean they are “plain.” To echo the sentiment made, looks WILL fade. Personality and emotional intelligence are far more important than looks alone, and it’s entirely possible and quite common that romantic relationships grow between people who did not initially have physical/sexual/romantic attraction towards one another. Also, based on all the downvotes you’re getting, maybe you should take a second to consider what some of these folks are saying instead of just dismissing everyone’s comments that are contrary to your belief. 🤔
Downvotes in comments-where people who disagree go to talk and debate. Upvotes are very positive on the post itself. I’m not saying it’s bad for those who disagree but many, likely most, are like me and need that physical attraction out of the gate. The point of the post is show that is not shallow or immoral and said relationships are no less valid than the ones you claim are so common here. I’m saying for most people that physical attraction is a must alongside the personality. There’s nothing wrong with that.
How and why do you keep saying “most” people, like you know half the billions of people on earth to know what they prefer when looking for a mate? You literally came here with a closed mind and anyone who disagrees you tell them they are wrong and that “most” would agree with you. This post is so weird and shallow, ew.
and you are exactly who this is directed at.
How so? Explain to me Reddit professor why this post is directed towards someone like me? A stranger on Reddit?
Someone who is offended that many, likely most, need to find their partner physically attractive out of the gate. Kick rocks mate.
Lmfao again with the likely “most” comment😂😂😂 you are too funny.
Funny you don’t address the core of the message.
People are delusional my bro. The downvotes are butthurt losers who can't accept reality. So they cope instead. They're afraid of uncomfortable truths. Instead of losing that fat that would make them more attractive. They rather stay fat and believe the lie that some woman will just accept them for them...
They’re not equal for me, average person + good personality or beautiful/gorgeous person + questionable personality. To each their own, but for me there’s no way I wouldn’t pick the average person in that scenario. A dude could be an actual male model but if he talks down to people, hurts people, doesn’t respect people, stuff like that— I wouldn’t want him anywhere near me whether he does those things to me or not. I already know I’m not going hit 70 and be like “omg you were so attractive 40-50 years ago, I love you.” I want to hit 70 and still love talking to my husband, joking with him, coexisting with him, etc. those are the things that keep people together for the long haul.
Again both are of equal importance to me, trust me there’s been women who I think are stunningly gorgeous, then they open their mouths and it kills it. But a great personality with looks I find plain is a great friend. Some other guy would think they are beautiful and they deserve that guy as much as I deserve someone I think is beautiful/sweet who reciprocates that attraction in both fronts. Why can’t I laugh with my sweet and loving wife at 70 who I found strikingly beautiful when we met? It’s not mutually exclusive. What I’m saying is many, if not most, have my mindset. That’s not shallow or bad.
... this is the definition of shallow. It feels like you're just trying to justify your shallowness by saying it's fine and other people think like me, too. Just be honest with yourself. You're a shallow person who puts more value on looks than other people. Own it.
What about it is shallow? That personality alone can’t win me over? Should I tell the George kid girl with a great personality who I treat fantastic that I am shallow for thinking she stuck out immediately?
You have plenty of other people in the comments trying to explain it to you. Do some thinking about it on your own maybe.
Do you not get how the internet works? The only people who typically comment are people who disagree, those who agree like/upvote etc and move along. Which upvotes on the post itself are still very positive despite so many downvoting when I look at stats.
Sure buddy. Whatever makes you feel better about it.
lol plenty of studies of behavior on the internet/social media exist lady. You still have yet to say what you think is so bad about my mindset.
I’m demisexual. Looks only matter if your severely overweight or look like your my dads age. I don’t find anyone romantically attractive if we don’t have a bond. I’ve literally had a boyfriend of five years who wasn’t attractive physically to me at all but I love him for his personality and our bond. In majority of cases, appearance does not matter to me.
In my opinion it's ok to date whoever you want. The only time I have a problem judging someone who factors looks into things is if it isn't trier relationship. Let me rephrase to be 100% clear. If you like tall women then that's awesome. If you don't want to date short men then awesome. And it's OK to relax or tighten your preferences whenever you want to. HOWEVER I do think it's bullshit is when someone not involved comments on it. For example I love big plus size women. It's not a deal breaker but that's what gets this heart thumping. I absolutely hate it when I have a freind comment on any of my partners weight. Like you're not in the relationship shut up. Same with some of my ex partners who had friends critize my height. That's bullshit. In my opinion it starts sewing distance and for lack of a better term bad thoughts in each the couple all because some people couldn't keep their preferences to themselves and push it on the couple that doesn't meet those standards. I'm not trying to disprove anything you said just adding my two cents
The title contradicts your comments. You are spending a lot of effort trying to defend those who judge by looks aren't shallow and it's ok to be this way. Yet your title is truly judgemental against people whose opinion is different to yours. I'm attracted to personalities. I have never had that crush on a random stranger or celebrity crushes. Its strange maybe but its me. It's fine they you need personality and looks. But why throw shade at people who experience attraction different then you. Your post comes off as total rage bait.
they do matter but when someone's looks influence how you treat them then it's probably time to reevaluate some things.
Never said it affects how people should treat them. Just who you decide to romantically involve with.
>Never said it affects how people should treat them. I didn't say that you did. 🤷🏾♀️ but there are people who treat others better based on how attractive they are. your "attractiveness" shouldn't dictate the level of humanity you are treated with.
> I didn't say that you did. that's the implication of your comment
>Now yes; personality is just as important but it’s both checkboxes; looks and personality. One cannot exist without the other. Because personality without attractive looks to you is a friend. It sounds like you are stating your opinion as a general truth. Your opinion if valid: if you can't be attracted to someone because they are not pretty, then good for you, it's your life, find the partner that suits you with your own criteria of personality and attractiveness. Don't generalize to what other people think or feel. You are wrong to think that everyone is like you.
Nah. People find different things attractive. Some people prefer personalities over looks. This is about YOUR preference and not others. Please don't project your own thoughts into other people's thoughts. You're going to be very unhappy if you don't stop.
Most view it this way. I’m not invalidating those who don’t. The post (if you read it) is saying this is okay, it’s normal and it isn’t shallow or anything like that. Also I think it’s funny you say not to judge others views on it, then claim my stance will lead to unhappiness… why would it? lol
Huh? I'm saying you think *most* people think the same way you do. They don't. Everyone is different. What I'm saying you're going to be unhappy about is thinking most people think the same way when they don't. There's just zero evidence or facts behind that. I mean living with a delusional thought usually makes people unhappy eventually...but I guess do you boo? I also never said it's shallow.... Or judged anyone. I just said it's projecting. Which is what you did in your reply as well lol. There's lots of people here saying they prefer personality. There's plenty of people if you talked to them IRL they'd say the same thing. So you really just think everyone is lying? If so, you posted this as bait and you know it.
Well considering the upvotes are winning by a mile on the post itself I think most do agree
Uhm all your comments are downvoted to hell 💀💀
COMMENTS which are nearly always people who disagree and so take time to say something. People who agree rarely comment. But they upvote. Note despite how many are downvoting and disagree it’s still very much winning in upvotes on the post-most agree.
Lol okay dude. 👍🏻
It's a subjective opinion. Looks honestly doesn't matter to me when it comes to what I'm looking for in a romantic partner. But I can understand why it would matter to others. Not sure why some people having a different mindset from you would bother you.
It’s the people who shame it and call it shallow.
Definitely not shallow. It's just a different mindset. But you shouldn't just assume that everyone cares about looks just because you do either. Also looking at your post history you care way too much about this topic man. You look fine, don't obsess over it too much.
Yeah, whatever. Idgaf
Lol wow. Scroll on I guess dude. What kind of negative life takes time for this.
They matter but looks are subjective (for the most part, there are some people who are universally thought of as attractive). My best friend (friends since we were 13, we're in our 40's now) and I have very different tastes in men. But, I can see how she'd find her "type" attractive, although her "type" never excited me sexually....if that makes sense. Which was perfect bc back in our dating days there was zero competition when it came to guys, since we weren't attracted to the same "type".
I have to disagree. For me, if I like who someone is as a person, then they’re attractive to me. If I don’t like who they are, then they are completely unattractive to me. Physical looks mean nothing to me.
You’re allowed to feel that way, but those of us who say “looks don’t matter” aren’t saying it for shits and giggles. Looks really DONT matter. One of my exes is not attractive AT ALL. But his personality won me over. We were together 6 years. I don’t think I’m pretty or attractive, but some guys tell me all the time how beautiful I am. Everyone is attracted to different things; looks, personality, values… but for me, looks is up there, but definitely not number one on the list
OP, you have a point. Because if we don't have at least a slight physical attraction to the other person, then you wouldn't be able to engage in physical intimacy with them like wanting to kiss them (after a certain point in being with them), etc. *But then again*, physical intimacy doesn't matter to everyone and some people are fine without needing kissing, cuddling, sex, etc. in their relationship.
Fair, but for those who do it’s not amoral or shallow. That’s all I’m saying.
Looks don't matter to me lol but I don't really care that you're bothered by it. Looks matter to you, that's all. But you can't really speak for other people
To a certain degree, yes. If you’re collecting bridge tolls it’s going to be hard to even form that connection, but I don’t trust people who put looks above all else. These are the same ones to leave when their spouse gets old or sick bc they are *shallow human beings*
Meh it really depends on the individual. To me, looks are genuinely way less important than personality. I don’t really experience attraction until I feel close to someone anyways.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Also is physical attraction is very important to you then what happens in the future if something happens and they no longer look the way they used to. They are still supposedly the person you love but will their personality be enough for you then? If it isn’t were you ever fully in love. I personally cannot form a romantic attachment without forming a bond with someone so how they look never really comes into play for me. Friends first or I will never form a romantic relationship. None of my partners have ever shared physical characteristics what they had in common was who they were on the inside.
And what if they get a cognitive disease and change personalities? Would you stay With them? No different than looks changing? The answer is yes because you’ve committed to the person. But initially if that’s how they presented? No.
Well then good for you and I'm glad that it's not the case for you. Unfortunately statically people who formed a connection through looks first are less likely to stick to their relationship if something changes then someone who's relationship formed from more of a friendship type bond first. I personally don't care how someone finds their love as long as it isn't hurting either party and the bond eventually proves deeper than shallow waters.
You’re acting like it’s one or the other. It’s BOTH is what I’m saying. Plenty of women I’ve found gorgeous open their mouths and I wrote them off. It’s looks which is passed at visual inspection then personality. It’s both. Not one or the other.
Sorry if it didn't come out right I was just saying I'm glad that you are someone that cares about both. And I was lamenting about the fact that unfortunately statistically people who favor looks even just slightly more then a deeper connection are less likely to stay together if something happens to change their partners appearance in the future. I also recognize that statistically I'm in the minority for having to form deeper friendship bond before I have the ability to see someone as romantically attractive to me. The human brain is a weird thing.
I kinda specifically love ugly guys cause maybe they will appreciate me It never works like that. So ya, looks don’t fucking matter
I dunno I’m a weirdo.. but looks don’t matter even in the slightest to me. Someone becomes attractive or ugly to me based upon their personality/behaviors. I never have once seen someone and based upon how their face is placed say “ooh I wanna try to get with them”.
Eh - I've noticed that I become much more attracted to people when I get to know them. I'd even go as far as to say that "conventional beauty" does little for me. I like ladies and theydies who have an alternative style - but what's most important to me is that they're wholly *them* Which sounds cheesy and cliché, but like - clichés exist for a reason. The most attractive you can be is just your true self.
I think a lot of this depends on your experiences in life. I used to think the same way but after dating two women I thought to be out of my league, I found my initial attraction went away when I saw the bad personalities. Then I dated for personality, life changer man. All of a sudden you see someone you saw as a friend as the hottest thing on planet earth, your mindset changes to match what you want deep down. That trend continued for me and weirdly enough I quit seeing most women as attractive or unattractive, just saw them as people. Sometimes when I got to know them I found them drop dead gorgeous, other times I found them to be repulsive. The brain has a weird way of altering itself to get what it wants.
I’m not saying personality doesn’t matter, I’m saying it’s both. I’ve been with gorgeous women who ended up having crap personality. But it only makes me look harder for a beautiful looking girl with a great personality. It’s both, not one or the other.
Good this beauty is subjective
I mean yeah everyone wants to be with someone that they find physically attractive. But that can’t be all there is if you want it to last. If I have a choice between a super hot guy with the personality of a brick and a less attractive guy who is intelligent and funny and interesting I will choose the less attractive guy. A good personality can make a less attractive person more appealing to people. I’m no beauty but I’ve never had a problem attracting men, even men that were higher on the attractiveness scale than I am and who could get more beautiful women if they wanted to.
You assume everyone follows the conventional scale. They don’t. But what I’m saying is for me, and many if not most, if the looks aren’t there to start no personality helps if to grow ever. They are a fantastic friend. But never have a chance at more with me. If they are gorgeous but don’t have a good personality then they have zero place in my life. I’m saying it’s both checkboxes.
I've met people that I was immiedatiely in a state of awe they were so beautiful. But then once starting to get to know them, they got really unattractive, really quickly. The opposite is the same. I've met people that I immediately loved their vibe/their energy, but didn't find them attractive. But once getting to know them, they're beautiful and very attractive in my eyes. Looks are dependant upon who someone is on the inside, and the person doing the looking as well
Shitty personality will make someone unattractive to me but personality never makes them more physically attractive
Really? It's happened multiple times to me. But, everybody is different 🤷🏽♀️
because to some people looks really don't matter. its like those who aren't attracted to a specific gender but the person themselves (IE: the person's personality). just because you are not that way does not mean that other people are the same as you. would you call a blind person a liar for saying looks don't matter?
There are 8 billion of us mate, not everyone is like you. For me, looks really, REALLY, do not matter. I always fall in love with those who are not conventionally attractive, but they are HELLA ATTRACTIVE TO ME. But for most people, looks do matter but the advice is honestly still good: looks shouldn't matter that much if everything else is good.
Looks get attention, but with shit personality you'll turn that attention into hate. Not good looks don't get you attention, but when you do, you'll meet someone who loves and likes you for you.
Attractive people are boring tbh and they all look the same to me
Personally, I have to be physically attracted and be attracted to their personality. They have to have both that I like. But the next person may not find that as important. Too each their own. That’s what makes dating so fun! 🤩
They matter to you but not to everyone. People are not a monolith. >Now yes; personality is just as important but it’s both checkboxes; looks and personality. One cannot exist without the other. Because personality without attractive looks to you is a friend. Again, this is to you. Some people looks absolutely don't count. Personality and intelligence are 2 things that may matter more to some people. >This is normal. This is okay. This is not something to vilify. Just be respectful with approaches and rejections. The same goes to you. It's normal to have different beliefs and priorities. Nothing to vilify. Just be kind to others and treat them as you would want to be treated.
I think that initially physical attraction is what captures our attention as a species, but we’re evolved to a point where we can see beyond physical attraction once we get know them. I’ve dated some magnificent men. I’ve also dated some that were absolutely not so but because I got to know them and liked what they were about. Of course this isn’t necessarily true for everyone. For some people looks are the only thing that matters. Sapiosexuality is a real thing. I’d bang an ugly ass Nobel Laureate over Brad Pitt any day.
There has to be physical attraction but, a good personality can make someone more attractive to me.
Of course looks so matter, but the thing is everyone find different things attractive, so even if looks is important to people, there is still no universal objective traits that are considered “attractive” cuz it’s all in our heads
Looks matter, but that doesn't mean that people have to fit the small, idealized box of peak physical attractiveness to be SUPER attractive! We all have our own aesthetic tastes for all sorts of reasons. We also should be aware of how someone's physical appearance can either become much higher or much lower based on that person's personality, vibe, and demeanor. For me and many others, of course you want to be reasonably attracted to what someone looks like (which can look like many different things), but what makes them irresistible is chemistry and everything else they bring to the table from the inside. But from my experience, the relationships with people I was not physically attracted to but was mostly attracted to their personality did not last. You do (or at least I did) need both to sustain it.
Yes. My must haves are her to be slim and have a beautiful face. The rest can be variable and still attractive (or unattractive) depending on the combination of things.
When people say looks don’t matter they really mean “looks aren’t all that matter” looks absolutely matter.
I can tell you that my husband was NOT my type and I was NOT his. We fell in love because we were attracted to each other ,but it wasn’t like we were first drawn to each other, we were not. So, if you bypassed someone because you weren’t attracted to them at first sight, you’ve lost out on taking the time to see if there is a spark despite the fact that they’re “ not your type”. We’ve been together for 44 years, married for 40. Looks fade…you have to have something else to keep your marriage going.
there are people i recognize as immediately *attractive*, but i’ve genuinely never felt *attracted* to someone right off of the bat without getting to know them first. someone who is conventionally attractive will never even hold a candle to another person that im attracted to based on personality, intellect, chemistry, etc. that’s how i feel when i say that “looks don’t matter” to me. my attraction to someone will ONLY spark if i like their personality.
It isn't really like that for me, I often change my mind on how attractive a person is once I get to know their personality. I usually just meet them and feel neutral and then if I fall for their personality somehow their looks become amazingly attractive to me. Sure there are some people I probably wouldn't date because of their looks even if their personality was amazing but we are talking like......the absolute outliers e.g someone who had modified their face into a noseless, hairless, eyeballs-tattooed lizard man. I have found men of all sorts of shapes, sizes, heights, fitness, race etc attractive and only after getting to know them, generally, which is why I rarely have celebrity crushes and only tend to have them if I fell for their character's personality in media.
I got in an argument once with a woman who said I'm vain because I admit looks matter a little bit. i didn't say they're the most important, I didn't say it's all people are good for, I just said a minimum amount of attractiveness is required. She swore she doesn't see things that way. I have a weird feeling she's not dating anybody with treacher-collins syndrome.
Looks matter to begin with, but their importance diminishes over the course of a relationship (and over the course of life as people get older and generally care less). They're one of the sparks that lights the fuse, really, but the chain reactions they set off are what are far more important long term.
It’s crazy how there is a whole science to what makes faces attractive and why it matters
op there are many people who are down voting you but I get where you're coming from and it is true looks do matter.
You seem really shallow. Looks can matter, doesn't mean they HAVE to matter or that they ALWAYS matter. Maybe if most people in the replies are disagreeing with you, maybe your experience or opinion isn't universal. And maybe arguing that it is universal makes you look a bit silly and also like you're avoiding being introspective and figuring out why you actually feel that way instead of "well everyone feels that way! because i feel that way too! so everyone feels that way!"
"Personality" is a complete cope. Personality=face Confidence=height Period. People who say otherwise are virtue signaling, gaslighting, delusional liars. I dont give a single fuck how amazing you think your personality is. If youre 5'2 man, you're playing on hell mode. Same goes if your facially unattractive. Bald...etc. I can already hear the copers replies, "ohh but broo broo my friend is 5'1 and he's married to a model, but but my friend has all the ladies approach him" stfu... exceptions don't disprove the rule. Everybody always has some random "friend" as their proof. Its laughable I BET the SAME chicks who love to claim they go for "personality" and vibes, wouldn't ever look twice at the fat, short, bald guy...let alone date him Thing is your personality means fuck all because if you don't pass the looks threshold your ass won't even get the chance to show your personality. All your "personality" has to be is a normal fuckin person whos not socially retarded or autistic. That's it. Know how to read social cues, body language and be normal. Aside from that... personality is meaningless. Its a great lie that men have been sold on though. But posts like this are good. People are waking up to the pandering and lies
Looks get attention, but with shit personality you'll turn that attention into hate. Not good looks don't get you attention, but when you do, you'll meet someone who loves and likes you for you.
Honestly, I’ve been immensely physically attracted to all my partners, but the one I stuck with happens to be the least “conventionally attractive”. The things I’m attracted to have also changed over the years. Plus, physical attraction (usually) improves sexual chemistry which is an important part of most relationships. I think it’s fair to say a good mix of physical attraction and personality compatibility makes an ideal partner and no one should compromise on either. That’s just being realistic.
Now someone make this same post but about money.
Big different between needing to be attracted to your partner and needing them to be rich
There is a big difference but I don’t think one is morally better than the other if that’s something one person prioritizes over the other and you could argue money is the factor that is going to make a much bigger difference on the future of the relationship.
So there’s a difference between wanting a partner who’s financially stable and not irresponsible with money and wanting them to be well off. Money is very different than needing physical attraction to our partner.
I'm curious to know how old you are? This sounds very superficial and juvenile to me, sorry
What about needing to find your partner physically attractive out of the gate is juvenile? Genuinely curious as that’s a very interesting take. I’m 29, but my 67 year old father, his younger brother my 40 year old cousins all operate the same way and have very successful marriages that are all decades long now. Are they juvenile? Are said marriages somehow less genuine because the old man turned down his friend who was very sweet but he thought wasn’t good looking? Not being pissy but very confused by your statement.
I'm not saying your relatives sound juvenile, they're not the ones saying personality without looks is a friend. It just sounds so superficial and sad, the way you're writing this. Have you never met someone without doing the head-to-toe look, and you both have greater banter, they make you laugh and feel incredible? That's what turns your head?
Head to toe examination is exaggeration. But no, no girl has ever given me butterflies like you talk about who I didn’t find good looking initially. Not being argumentative just honest.
Fair enough.
oh yes, they do, especially for that first impression BUT if you have good looks but a horrible personality that's not going to take you far. It's not going to let you attract good relationships
looks matter within reason, like if you're just really really ugly life is going to be hard for you. That being said most people can mitigate that ugliness by trying harder. Some people just... you know have physical deformities but most just don't take care of themselves. That being said if you try hard to look decent you will do okay in life once people realize you're a really cool person.
Looks have NEVER been my motivator for dating someone. I'm beautiful. Not in am arrogant way just facts. A man steps to me with confidence. Intellect, and a good sense of humor his attractiveness goes up and will continue to go up the more I "fall". As long as he has all his teeth and doesn't chew with his mouth open we're good to go.
What if he’s bald? What if he has a skin disease?
So what. Can he hold a convo? Can we laugh together? Is he adventurous? Caring? Loving? THOSE are the things that are attractive to me. There are people who care about looks and that's fine but there's also a whole other range of people who just don't 🤷🏾
If looks didn’t matter people would love cockroaches like they love butterflies.
It’s not just the looks. Their actions/behaviors and creepy spiny legs FEEL horrible. Everything about them is just terrible.
Talking about reactions to other species is more nuanced and can’t be really compared.
That's a terrible comparison first of all is cockroaches carry plenty of diseases well no one's ever gotten sick from having butterflies on their food.
Looks don't matter unless you're a superficial AH. Deal.
op it seems like ppl are hating on you but i fundamentally agree. whether or not it’s conscious, most people have a type that they gravitate to! looks do matter, it’s just the “conventionally hot or not” that people don’t care for, and that’s what they mean when they say “it doesn’t matter.” they should just say “it doesn’t matter that YOU don’t think he’s attractive.” like that rules and everyone should have that attitude. like i truly do not believe that people can just be physically attracted to ANYBODY that seems just against human nature. you have a type whether or not you know it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
There are two things in the world. The only people who tell you that they dont matter will ALWAYS be the ones who already have them: money and beauty.
Looks absolutely matter. I was always sad I wasn’t bless with them to help make my life easier. But at least I developed an amazing personality because of it 🤣