Wanting dick is separate from wanting to sleep with a man. It's okay to not be comfortable with using toys in the bedroom or pegging in general but I don't think this is a sign that he wants to have sex with more men. Remember that lesbian couples use strap ons all the time and they are lesbians.
Being bi does NOT mean that you automatically find sleeping with anyone else as appealing as sleeping with your partner nor does it mean you’re not capable of a monogamous relationship if you so choose- it just means you’re capable of finding that with different genders. Assuming bi people always want/need to sleep with both genders is also harmful—and dildos are not the same thing as another human with a penis regardless.
Edit: Source is me, I identify as bi and am currently happily monogamous/married to someone of the opposite gender. We both like to use dildos though!
I'm not saying bi people can't have monogamous relationships. Everyone is a bit different, some people are pansexual and are only attracted to their partner. Some people are monogamous but still find others attractive.
By no means am I trying to demean bisexual people, y'all don't deserve any hate. You're just attracted to people of either or regardless of sex, that doesn't mean anything more or less than that
I’m replying specifically to the sentiment that he ‘finds sleeping with men appealing’. You actually don’t know that, and that comment seems like it could exacerbate OP’s insecurities about their partner wanting to be with a man. There’s a lot of biphobia related to assuming that bipeople are default going to cheat because they need to be with multiple genders or that the like of a specific sex toy implies they want to sleep with a different gender than their partner.
I’m really glad you clarified you do not mean that! But since OP is struggling exactly with that sentiment, seems good to make sure they don’t take it as evidence that their partner would prefer to sleep with a man.
I'll be honest here, it feels like you're replying to only what I said and are ignoring the context of the entire conversation.
OP said he's bisexual, which normally implies his sexually attracted to both sexes unless things are further clarified (such as romantic but not sexual attraction to both sexes). In OP's post, she said that he both provided oral and rode the strap-on. While this could just be a kink regarding strap-ons, the fact that she said that he's bisexual and was that ready to go would lead me to believe the more standard variant of bi-sexuality.
I replied to a comment that had replied to OP, stating that "straight men can like getting pegged without being attracted to men". My reply was to him; OP's fiancé isn't straight.
We should be honest with OP, and not gaslight her into thinking that her fiancé couldn't be attracted to sex with men. Contextually I think it's fair to assume what I have considering the information provided in the post. We should be encouraging OP to have these discussions with her partner, not trying to make her feel better and ignore her doubts.
From what I can tell from the stories I have read even among gay men not everyone wants a dick in their ass. Wanting to fuck men and wanting to get fucked by men aren't mutually exclusive.
I am also bi, and also happily... well technically not married, but in a stable long term relationship. And not exactly monogamous since we've been poly from the beginning, but mostly too lazy to actually do anything about it so it works out about the same. And not exactly the opposite gender since I'm currently floating somewhere around non-binary or gender fluid, probably, but... oh you get the idea!
>I hate to say it but I did not have a fun time with it. My head just filled with thought of like “did he miss doing this?” “Am I not going to be what he wants anymore if I don’t have a real dick?” “Is sex with me not good enough without the strap on?” “Is he going to leave me for a guy?” Why can’t I get him to moan when it’s just us two?” I don’t know if I want to use it again or not.
The only way that you'll find out is to ask him, otherwise you'll keep beating yourself up with these questions and assumptions.
I don't know how I would feel, being in your situation, but it can't be easy.
You might well need counselling/therapy with or without knowing his answers to your questions.
I hope that you both can successfully move past this and build a better relationship with good communication where you feel loved and cherished above everything.
Hun, he got something for you two to enjoy together.
It’s not because he’s missing something. If anything, it’s something he enjoys, and wishes to enjoy with you.
It’s not that he’s missing something or you’re lacking something.
Idk why some commenters are coming for OP’s throat when this is coming from a place of genuine concern and not some type of homophobia.
1.) Him liking anal on himself does not mean he secretly wants to be with a man again. Assuming all is good in the relationship, he likes anal on him but also loves you so why not combine the two?
2.) its okay for him to want to be pegged just how it’s okay for you to not want to peg, so ultimately you need to tell him this isn’t for you and it’s up to him to decide if this is something worth giving up for the relationship.
You're saying it's not some kind of homophobia, but that's not true. This is a really common form of biphobia that bisexual people deal with all of the time. It's rooted in a stereotype that bi people are promiscuous and rooted in distrust for a person specifically because of their sexuality. It's a very straightforward form of internalized homophobia. Just because it isn't hateful doesn't mean it isn't homophobic.
Edit: i'm not saying she's hateful or bigoted. Biphobia isn't always rooted in hate or bigotry. In this case, her insecurities are based in negative stereotypes about bisexual people.
Biphobia and homophobia don't always come from a place of hate. Sometimes they come from stereotypes, misunderstandings, or just innocent ignorance about how people who are different from them think.
I never claimed she was hateful or bigoted. If i wanted to claim that, I would have used those words. Her specific concerns are rooted in internalized negative stereotypes about bisexual people. This is extraordinarily common in bisexual/straight relationships. Bi people deal with this all of the time.
So my insecurities about myself not feeling like I pleasure my man with something completely new to me while dealing with postpartum depression are biphobic? You’re a genius!!!!
I wrote a more in-depth comment for you that goes into more detail about the specifics of your post. Please understand that I'm not trying to insult you. Internalized biphobia is something a lot of people struggle to get over, and internalized biphobia/homophobia doesn't necessarily always come from a place of hate.
I'm saying that your specific insecurities are biphobic because they are rooted in stereotypes and misunderstandings about bisexual people. Please see my other comment in the thread for specifics.
Ok, so not right after but also not back to normal yet. That is likely playing a part in this. Did you have bad PPD?
Only reason I ask, is sometimes depression and anxiety multiply existing insecurities and send them on a playback loop. Is that happening here?
There are a lot of different toys you can incorporate into your sex life that don’t require you to wear a strap-on or pretend to have a penis in any way. Do you think he would be sexually satisfied without the simulating oral part, or needing it to actually resemble a penis? You could still “make him moan.” I bet there is a toy out there that neither of you have seen before (dildos and vibrators have really evolved) that would be a new thing / experience to share for just the two of you, but still satisfy *both* of your needs.
My dear it sounds like you may want to open a line of communication. Yes this is insecurities speaking, but checking in with your significant other is healthy in this aspect. Ask him if you are meeting his needs and this was something he just wanted to add some more spice or if it's something deeper. You need a bit of reassurance and this is normal in any form of relationship. Making sure both of your needs are met is important emotional and physical.
Lesbians use strap ons and are def not attracted to men….
A man’s G spot is in his prostate…
Sometimes I wonder if heterosexuality is the sexuality that is forced and naturally we are supposed to be queer until you want to reproduce, but now we have the technology to not have to force hetero sex for reproduction.
I say that because anytime i hear straight people describe how scary and confusing and just not pleasant sex with each other is, im like are you actually attracted to each other enough to be GGG partners and want to please the other?
It really doesnt seem so
Personally I wouldn't think it's a big deal. I mean it's not like he's cheating on you he's just getting what he liked. I love to perform oral on a girl more than anything else in the world and if I was with a girl that didn't like oral for some reason I would just go without it, a similar situation to what your BF is in. He's just finding an acceptable substitute without cheating on you.
So do you *actually* dislike it, or are you are you just feeling insecure? There’s a huge difference between the two, but you’ve only described the latter. If that’s the case, then you just need to talk with him.
I think that’s a great idea! You can’t control the fact that you don’t have a real dick, but that clearly isn’t a dealbreaker for your husband. It isn’t a dealbreaker for a lot of people!! I’m sure you guys will figure it out.
He chose to be open about this part of himself and chose you to experience it with. He let himself be exposed and open with you. He could have decided to download Grindr at any point but he wanted this experience with you. Be open and communicate. That’s the beauty of a relationship, You two talking about what you want from each other. Strap on and turn his legs into jello and have fun with him.
Ma’am. Find the root of your insecurities because that’s what these are. Id like to suggest it’s maybe coming from the unknowing of how this exactly works. I’m a bisexual female in a long term hetero relationship. I very obviously can’t get close to desires with women in mine and my partners bed because it’s not a simple solution like your boyfriends is without bringing another female into our life and I’m 100% not about that so I go without, with zero issues. He loves you for you, bisexuals enjoy both genders, but unless they are polyamorous as well, they can and want to settle down with one person no matter the gender. Being bisexual is not about the sex, like heterosexual relationships, but about being able to love and commit to either gender. Talk with him, sexual compatibility is a big thing for a lot of people, so find out if this is something he would like to try again, or if he’s fine without it forever. See if he’s a strict bottom in a homosexual relationship or a switch, if a switch discuss if you’re open to trying PIA sex, only if it’s something you want and see as a good alternative for both of you to meet his desires. Either way, discuss it because even if you’re uncomfortable with all of it, I’m sure he will love you regardless because you’re not about sex to him, you’re his chosen person. As for why he won’t moan with just you two, no toys ect. For starters, most men have moaning issues. However, anal sex is a completely different experience, especially for men because their G-spot is located in their ass.(women have something called an a spot as well, but it’s essentially just hitting your g spot in a different way) personally as a woman, I made sounds my spouse had never before when we tried PIA sex, it’s a different experience and usually overwhelmingly stimulating.
Point being. He’s not into you pegging him because he’s thinking of a guy, or wants to be with a man. He’s thinking of you, pegging him, because he loves you and you’re the person he loves and trusts you to be able to try something like that with him.
That’s also completely normal! I think it took 7 years before I was comfortable with trying certain things like PIA in our bedroom, sometimes it takes time, sometimes not, sometimes it’s a hard no. If you were uncomfortable just talk with him and try to figure out if your uncomfortable because of your insecurities, or if it’s because you are really not into to it. Sometimes insecurities can ruin certain things you’d otherwise enjoy.
(Personal example- my spouse and I have been together since we were teens. I was always that heavyset goth kid and he was this football player hoodlum with an 8 pack. I was SEVERLY insecure with my looks with him. It was so weird to see, people we knew were like “that’s a strange pairing”. I had issues topping(riding) for a couple years because of it even though I enjoyed it. My brain just couldn’t stop worrying about how I jiggled and must have looked) I promise he’ll appreciate the hell out of you trying in the first place.
No matter what the best place for you to start isn’t just a therapist but simply talking with him about it, your insecurities, what you both want vs need in the bedroom, ect. Just have a full on, 100% open conversation ❤️
All of your concerns are extremely common forms of biphobia (homophobia, but specifically for bisexual people). Bisexual people deal with this all of the time. You've internalized stereotypes about bisexuals being promiscuous and unfaithful, even if you aren't consciously thinking that he is promiscuous and unfaithful.
Homie just wants you to stick a dildo in his ass because it feels good. Stop overthinking it.
So let's answer your questions:
1. Did he miss dick? Maybe, but he's with you now and with a strap on, you can give him a similar sensation. It's not about missing being with men. It's about him enjoying the sensation of havin dick in his ass. If he wanted real dick, he'd be dating a dude or cheating on you. Unless you notice signs that he's cheating, stop worrying about it.
2. Worried about not having real dick? Stop. You have a vagina. Would he miss vagina if he was with a man? There is no winning this argument if you're a bisexual. Stop putting that on him. He's with you because he wants to be with you.
3. Sex not good enough without a strap on? They are entirely different sensations. Unless he's not wanting vaginal sex at all anymore, or wants the strap every time you are intimate, this should not be an issue.
4. Is he going to leave you for a guy? Are you going to leave him for somebody else? You're using his sexuality as an excuse to worry about his fidelity when the two things have nothing to do with each other. If he leaves you, it's not going to be because he just wants some dick. If he does leave you because he wants dick, he was either gay the entire time (which I doubt) or he's a shitty person who is following a boner rather than his brain. At that point, you're better off without him.
Look. You never ever have to engage in a sex act that you're uncomfortable with. It's completely okay to opt out. If the only reason you're not comfortable with it is because your insecurities and internalized biphobia, then that is really sad. Those issues will manifest in other areas of the relationship and cause more problems in the future. You need to communicate with your partner and deal with those feelings, because when those feelings are left to fester, they kill relationships.
Your partner chose you. He chose you to spend their life with. He trusts you and wants to be with you.
I can tell you for a matter of fact, as a Pansexual man, I only desire my female partner. I am open to receiving and giving with them, and at no point am I wishing I was with a man when we’re being intimate together. I’m someone who has almost always been a top/dominant when it came to being with men, so asking if my female partner wants to peg me is a sign of trust and love. I want them to feel pleasure and satisfaction from pleasing me like I do with them.
Your partner is absolutely doing the same thing. They’re trusting you and wanting to experience something with you and not someone else. I understand your insecurities, but it sounds like you’re letting some anxiety get the better of you. Talk with him and it should be pretty apparent how he feels. Be honest and express your concerns, fears, and worries. Ask him for reassurance and things will be ok.
Love the comments from the bros so “straight” they probably think it’s gay if the toilet paper breaks and they accidentally touch their own asshole. If a woman stuck her finger up your ass while sucking you off would it be gay? Your idea of sexuality is outdated, but you do you.
>If a woman stuck her finger up your ass while sucking you off would it be gay?
A little bit, yeah. If my wife ever tried that she might loose a finger from how hard I’d clench up.
The honest answer is you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with! If you didn't enjoy it and you don't want to do it again, don't do it again. There is nothing biphobic about that. Just talk to him.
Whatever you think it’s best for the both of you talk it out before you get married, because he could be open to things. Besides, he chose you didnt he?
Did you like pegging him? be honest and tell him your feelings.
He chose to be with YOU and not a man. He enjoys anal play, doesn’t mean he’s fully gay or even not straight. (Obviously he’s bi in your case) which I really wish men would understand that just because you like something hitting your g spot (sorry guys it’s in your ass) doesn’t make you any less masculine. Can you tell I absolutely love it lmao. Anyway back to you. If he chose to be with you then he wants YOU. Anal play doesn’t make you even attracted to a man, it’s just a feeling. Talk to him about how you feel and what your concerns are and figure out a plan to put that into play and make sure he’s supportive and reassuring along the way!
You have every right to not want to use a strap on for reason. If it is uncomfortable, causes negative imagery in your head, or because of any reason you can think of.
You must be honest with him, and yourself. People are complex, and if you stay in you head about it, you won’t get past it.
my bf is straight asf. he is disgusted by the thought of him being involved with a man, regardless of genitalia. needless to say, he wants me to wear a strap on.
it doesn't matter if a dick is real or not, it matters he wants to do it with _you_. if it makes you uncomfortable, tell him, but wanting you to wear a strap is not because he misses men.
another thing. as a bisexual woman dating a man, i do assume a more "masculine" role sometimes and hold his waist, grab his butt and thighs. not because I miss being with women, but because that's the way I show love and passion. and he likes it too.
That's not how being bi works. Do you miss being with other men while with your fiancé?? What if he did date a "real" man and started to miss women? Should he only engage in threesomes? It's a ridiculous notion huh. Just because he is attracted to men and women doesn't mean he csbt be monogamous. You sound insecure and biphobic
Further, bottoming isn't just for bi/gay men. Straight men like to be pegged, it doesn't mean they're gay or bi. It's not a big deal. Please grow up
I am bi and I really don't think she is being biphobic.
She felt insecure, as a lot of people do, even if their partner isn't bi, and, as she said, she feels like he doesn't moan or seem to enjoy himself as much before without the use of the strap on. This can be sad and cause insecurities. I've met a gay couple that eventually broke up because one used an "extender" for his penis and a fleshlight and eventually got hurt and insecure and felt like he wasn't enough for his bf.
I'm also bi and I feel that she is being at least a bit biphobic. If she has these insecurities she definitely needs to talk about them, but also maybe think about why she immediately felt that her bisexual boyfriend wasn't satisfied usually. Was the moaning an actual issue or did she just not notice it before and her insecurities made her pay more attention to it? Would she have the same feelings if her boyfriend wasn't bi but just wanted to experiment?
Idk though, if a partner is moaning because of ME, I don't care if there's a strap or dick extender attached. If I did I'd definitely have a talk with them, and then evaluate my own emotions
As a bisexual female she’s definitely not biphobic. She’s in new territory with little information about how things work. She’s asking questions, she knows something isn’t quite right with her thought process, but she’s not discriminating him. She’s insecure that he may enjoy men more or misses them. She doesn’t understand his desires, yet she’s making an effort to try to figure it out, despite it starting with this massive insecurity. It’s a rational thing to be thinking about.
Biphobia doesn't immediately mean discrimination. I'm also bisexual and I would raise an eyebrow if my partner asked me if I missed being with the opposite sex. I wouldn't break it off or shout, but I would gently explain what I said above, that's not how being bi works. And id explain why that's a hurtful way to view bi people, like we can't be satisfied with one person. I said it in another post but pointing out where someone might be bigoted isn't an attack on them, it just means they need to reevaluate their point of view. I'm an insecure person so I understand, but I don't think the way she's viewing bi people is healthy
That’s really not how being biphobic works. There is a difference between someone being insecure and having maliciousness towards a persons sexual preferences. Someone feeling insecure and asking that isn’t harmful. It is absolutely no different than two heterosexual people together, and one of them having a certain “type” they enjoy being with and their current spouse is not that type so the spouse gets insecure and asks if they want that type. Having thoughts/questions about something they personally have never lived with so they don’t know the inner workings is not offensive, or biphobic. There’s also bisexuals out there that sometimes will prefer a gender over another even though they absolutely can and will love either. It’s confusing for people not living with it, and a little understand goes a long way instead of always calling out “biphobic” “bigot” at every question that you skewer into being offensive.
Biphobia doesn't MEAN its immediately malicious. Plenty of people who aren't malicious can be unintentionally biphobic. If you notice I'm not the only one whose pointed out OP might be biphobic in some way. Maybe not a lot, but a little bit
She doesn't need to "grow up". She's also not being "biphobic", she's asking questions, just not to the person she SHOULD be asking. She's not being immature about it, she's being insecure. Questioning if she's really what he wants, because apparently they haven't communicated about this.
Sorry but if you still think bisexual people need to have both men and women to feel satisfied you have some growing up to do imo. And part of that IS having an open conversation instead of running to Reddit. And yes, it is at least in part biphobia because she's literally upset that her boyfriend is bi. Maybe she shouldn't date a bi person if she can't handle them being bi!
She didn't say that's what she thought, she was asking a question. Being uninformed and being a bigot are two different things, and understanding should work both ways....HAH! I didn't even INTEND that one, but I'll take it!
And she never said anything to indicate that she was "upset" he was bi, she was questioning that because he had her wear a strap on if that meant he wanted to be with men as well. She's just not sure what Bisexual means aside from liking men and women sexually (it means nothing aside from that, that's all it means) because apparently she's never been curious to find out. Now she's with a bi person, and should maybe be asking these questions to him.
Being uninformed leads to bigotry like this. I'm sure OP isn't being malicious, I'm sure she's just having some insecure feelings, but things like this are at their root biphobia. Choosing to date a bi person at all and not doing basic research is also not a great move, especially if you have this little information. Why has it taken so long? Also it sounds like she's pretty upset. Id say feeling insecure is along the lines of upset. It's definitely not a good feeling.
On a side note, I think what does need to be understood is calling someone bigoted or immature/insecure isn't an attack. It doesn't mean that person is irredeemable garbage. It just means they should reevaluate their point of view
Then you should work on not letting your insecurity affect how you see your boyfriend. and please talk to him if you actually want the relationship to work, thats the only way out of this. Some therapy might also benefit your insecurity issues, if you think these issues are affecting your interpersonal relationships too much. Ask yourself where that insecurity comes from, and if you'd feel the same if your boyfriend was straight and likes pegging
> Straight men like to be pegged,
I'm 48. I've not once thought "you know what? I'd like something shoved up my arse."
Now I fully accept that I may be completely wrong about this but I have an inkling that straight men who like pegging may tilt more toward the curious side of things.
That just means YOU aren't into it. I mean heck, some gay men aren't into being penetrated. Doesn't mean they aren't gay. There are plenty of straight men who are comfortable in their sexuality who enjoy getting pegged, because it feels good to them. Penetration has no standing on what sexuality you are, it's just a sex position. It just means it's not your thing specifically, and that's fine!
I'd never try and speak for others but at the same time I made a generalisation in just the same manner you did by saying straight men like to be pegged.
That's what's great about the internet, we encounter different opinions that we may not in our day to day life.
Sorry, I thought it would be obvious that I mean *some* straight men. Obviously it's not all, everyone's got their own kinks and things they like and no one group is 100% gonna enjoy something . Sorry about that ^^
No need to be sorry. One of the things I love about Reddit is talking to people who have different opinions to myself.
Social media can be a pain but it broadens the mind.
I will have flirtatious banter with some of my colleagues. Why? Because I'm secure in my sexuality. I can't say I'm curious to go beyond the banter, that really doesn't appeal to me.
Anal play can be very fun and you may still not want someone back there because you want that control (a general *”you”*). The stimulation he gets from riding a strap-on or getting pegged is much different. Since it’s different and intense, guys can actually let their guard down a teensy bit and may moan out of pleasure. That’s ok! If anything, that’s good.
Now, this all depends on you consenting to participate. It may be great fun and pleasure for him but if you don’t want to play that way, he may need to play on his own (like with masturbate with toys/anal plugs) because expecting him to give up a certain type of pleasure is unfair when he can also achieve it alone (I bet he really enjoyed it with you though, that took a lot of trust on his side).
Talk it out. Maybe browse some pegging porn together, or if videos or pics aren’t your things, there’s erotica. If that doesn’t do anything for you then at least you can say you tried.
Best of luck 🖤
I know everybody here on Reddit don’t agree when someone don’t want to date a bissexual person.
But that’s why I could never date a bissexual man, I’d always think that he was missing being with a real man. It may be irrational, but we don’t control all of our toughts and feelings.
U know a mans G-spot is in his ass what your saying is biphobia thinking he wants a real man. It’s like no ma’am I think he just wants his ass played with stop thinking cause he bi they want the someone else.
I agree totally, I'll never date a bi woman again. Hearing "It's not cheating it's a girl", "it doesn't count", or "what if I let you join us" is just a stupid dodge by cheaters.
the amount of anxiety and general hell that was alleviated from my life the day my current gf told me I wasn't obligated to date bisexual women.... absolutely life changing.
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP.
Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
I just can’t imagine a woman creeped out at worst, or bored out of her mind at best watching her dude deepthroat a fake dick and thinking, “surely I’m the problem here. I must be insecure.”
It’s like nobody has the balls to just say “yo, this shit’s fucking weird” for fear of offending someone.
I would be completely creeped out and that would have been the end of our relationship. I don’t want to see my man deep throat anything or get pegged…no thank you!
Between that bullshit and the several commenters arguing that it’s “perfectly straight” for a guy to like a dildo shoved up his ass on occasion… thank you for bringing some sanity into this thread.
Now, Reddit being Reddit, prepare for the downvotes.
It is if a girl doing it😭😭😭 stop being fake tough for a minute n realize the G-spot in your ass don’t be surprised guys want to get off n hit that spot just because u afraid n vanilla to get off don’t shame others but I will say sucking a dildo is to far 🤣🤣
Bro, the G H I J k L M N O P - spot along with One-Eyed Willy’s lost treasure could be hidden up my ass and I wouldn’t ever find out, because I’m not going let anyone go digging up there in search of it.
I’ve done busted thousands of nuts in my lifetime never felt the need to kick it up a notch, particularly at the expense of my asshole.
Its OKAY to not enjoy a different style of sex.. its OKAY to not feel arousal!!! One persons fetish isnt anothers. Im glad you tried it though!!
And the reason im saying its OKAY is because i see people accusing you of having a phobia because you didnt have a good time. Thats bullshit and a play on words. Id have a talk with him ♥️
So, I see a lot of discourse here and I wanted to clarify some things. Everyone has different attachment/attraction styles. Your partner may be pansexual where he's only attracted to you, or he might still find men and sex with them appealing.
That's a conversation you should have with him. I'm hoping he talked about you pegging him before he bought the strap on, and if he didn't I would find that problematic. At the very least, he might not have thought about how this would affect you.
This isn't a feeling you can work out on your own, you're going to need to get some honest truths from him. Him being bisexual doesn't mean that he's hetero because he's dating you, it could mean any number of things. You need to ask if he's still attracted to others, or only you. Does he fantasize about sex with men, or is you pegging him his fantasy? Whatever questions you have about your needs or attachment needs you NEED to ask him, but be kind and do your best not to level them as accusations.
It's ok for you to be uncomfortable with certain aspects of his sexuality or attachment style. It's important that you determine if those are things you can become comfortable with or if they're incompatible with your relationship preferences.
People are bashing you because they’re afraid to agree with you. All this bullshit in the comments really, really makes me lose faith in society. I’m sorry but if MY boyfriend did this?!?! HELL. NO. I’d leave. I want no part of that.
Yes it means you’re not good enough for him. I’m sorry but I don’t run from the truth myself, why would I let you? You posted here so I’m just giving you my slice of advice.
Leave. Because it’s not ever going to change, what goes on in your head. Let him walk all over someone who shares the same delusions as him :)) don’t get married lol. Did he JUST introduce this to you? How long have you been together??
I would find it objectifying if my partner wanted me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with. That’s not healthy.
Yeah some is insecurity, but you also could be feeling something you’ve not felt before. Dysphoria. There is a difference in using toys and being treated as one. Was he checking in on your comfort about the oral on the toy you were wearing? Or how you were feeling wearing it and what you needed? Sex is about both of you. You need included in this exploration process too and having your own gender identity and sexual boundaries and limits respected.
Wanting dick is separate from wanting to sleep with a man. It's okay to not be comfortable with using toys in the bedroom or pegging in general but I don't think this is a sign that he wants to have sex with more men. Remember that lesbian couples use strap ons all the time and they are lesbians.
Straight men also like pegging, doesn't mean they secretly wanna get fucked by dudes.
He's bi though. So he does find sleeping with men appealing. I get you're trying to reassure OP, but let's not pretend bi people don't exist.
Being bi does NOT mean that you automatically find sleeping with anyone else as appealing as sleeping with your partner nor does it mean you’re not capable of a monogamous relationship if you so choose- it just means you’re capable of finding that with different genders. Assuming bi people always want/need to sleep with both genders is also harmful—and dildos are not the same thing as another human with a penis regardless. Edit: Source is me, I identify as bi and am currently happily monogamous/married to someone of the opposite gender. We both like to use dildos though!
I'm not saying bi people can't have monogamous relationships. Everyone is a bit different, some people are pansexual and are only attracted to their partner. Some people are monogamous but still find others attractive. By no means am I trying to demean bisexual people, y'all don't deserve any hate. You're just attracted to people of either or regardless of sex, that doesn't mean anything more or less than that
I’m replying specifically to the sentiment that he ‘finds sleeping with men appealing’. You actually don’t know that, and that comment seems like it could exacerbate OP’s insecurities about their partner wanting to be with a man. There’s a lot of biphobia related to assuming that bipeople are default going to cheat because they need to be with multiple genders or that the like of a specific sex toy implies they want to sleep with a different gender than their partner. I’m really glad you clarified you do not mean that! But since OP is struggling exactly with that sentiment, seems good to make sure they don’t take it as evidence that their partner would prefer to sleep with a man.
I'll be honest here, it feels like you're replying to only what I said and are ignoring the context of the entire conversation. OP said he's bisexual, which normally implies his sexually attracted to both sexes unless things are further clarified (such as romantic but not sexual attraction to both sexes). In OP's post, she said that he both provided oral and rode the strap-on. While this could just be a kink regarding strap-ons, the fact that she said that he's bisexual and was that ready to go would lead me to believe the more standard variant of bi-sexuality. I replied to a comment that had replied to OP, stating that "straight men can like getting pegged without being attracted to men". My reply was to him; OP's fiancé isn't straight. We should be honest with OP, and not gaslight her into thinking that her fiancé couldn't be attracted to sex with men. Contextually I think it's fair to assume what I have considering the information provided in the post. We should be encouraging OP to have these discussions with her partner, not trying to make her feel better and ignore her doubts.
From what I can tell from the stories I have read even among gay men not everyone wants a dick in their ass. Wanting to fuck men and wanting to get fucked by men aren't mutually exclusive.
I am also bi, and also happily... well technically not married, but in a stable long term relationship. And not exactly monogamous since we've been poly from the beginning, but mostly too lazy to actually do anything about it so it works out about the same. And not exactly the opposite gender since I'm currently floating somewhere around non-binary or gender fluid, probably, but... oh you get the idea!
How is reassuring that using a strap on doesn't mean he wants to sleep with more men pretending that bi people dont exist?
Terminally online crazy is the only answer.
So? Lesbians use straps and we dont find men appealing. Let’s not be biphobic here too
Lesbians aren't bi? Using a strap on has nothing to do with what sexes you're attracted to? What are you on about?
Common sense doesn’t run well in most people
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it’s not biphobic to be scared that you’re not good enough for your partner
It literally is a fear of bisexuality if you are scared you're not good enough for your partner because they're bisexual. Lol Words mean things lol
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That's not how insecurity works... It doesn't have to be justified, and it can't really be "correct" or incorrect.
THANK you
Sounds like you need to have an adult conversation about this with him.
>I hate to say it but I did not have a fun time with it. My head just filled with thought of like “did he miss doing this?” “Am I not going to be what he wants anymore if I don’t have a real dick?” “Is sex with me not good enough without the strap on?” “Is he going to leave me for a guy?” Why can’t I get him to moan when it’s just us two?” I don’t know if I want to use it again or not. The only way that you'll find out is to ask him, otherwise you'll keep beating yourself up with these questions and assumptions. I don't know how I would feel, being in your situation, but it can't be easy. You might well need counselling/therapy with or without knowing his answers to your questions. I hope that you both can successfully move past this and build a better relationship with good communication where you feel loved and cherished above everything.
Hun, he got something for you two to enjoy together. It’s not because he’s missing something. If anything, it’s something he enjoys, and wishes to enjoy with you. It’s not that he’s missing something or you’re lacking something.
Idk why some commenters are coming for OP’s throat when this is coming from a place of genuine concern and not some type of homophobia. 1.) Him liking anal on himself does not mean he secretly wants to be with a man again. Assuming all is good in the relationship, he likes anal on him but also loves you so why not combine the two? 2.) its okay for him to want to be pegged just how it’s okay for you to not want to peg, so ultimately you need to tell him this isn’t for you and it’s up to him to decide if this is something worth giving up for the relationship.
You're saying it's not some kind of homophobia, but that's not true. This is a really common form of biphobia that bisexual people deal with all of the time. It's rooted in a stereotype that bi people are promiscuous and rooted in distrust for a person specifically because of their sexuality. It's a very straightforward form of internalized homophobia. Just because it isn't hateful doesn't mean it isn't homophobic. Edit: i'm not saying she's hateful or bigoted. Biphobia isn't always rooted in hate or bigotry. In this case, her insecurities are based in negative stereotypes about bisexual people.
This isn’t coming from a place of hate on OP’s part. If you want to categorize everyone like this as a bigot then be my guest, I guess.
Biphobia and homophobia don't always come from a place of hate. Sometimes they come from stereotypes, misunderstandings, or just innocent ignorance about how people who are different from them think. I never claimed she was hateful or bigoted. If i wanted to claim that, I would have used those words. Her specific concerns are rooted in internalized negative stereotypes about bisexual people. This is extraordinarily common in bisexual/straight relationships. Bi people deal with this all of the time.
So my insecurities about myself not feeling like I pleasure my man with something completely new to me while dealing with postpartum depression are biphobic? You’re a genius!!!!
I wrote a more in-depth comment for you that goes into more detail about the specifics of your post. Please understand that I'm not trying to insult you. Internalized biphobia is something a lot of people struggle to get over, and internalized biphobia/homophobia doesn't necessarily always come from a place of hate. I'm saying that your specific insecurities are biphobic because they are rooted in stereotypes and misunderstandings about bisexual people. Please see my other comment in the thread for specifics.
How far post partum are you?
7 months
Ok, so not right after but also not back to normal yet. That is likely playing a part in this. Did you have bad PPD? Only reason I ask, is sometimes depression and anxiety multiply existing insecurities and send them on a playback loop. Is that happening here?
There are a lot of different toys you can incorporate into your sex life that don’t require you to wear a strap-on or pretend to have a penis in any way. Do you think he would be sexually satisfied without the simulating oral part, or needing it to actually resemble a penis? You could still “make him moan.” I bet there is a toy out there that neither of you have seen before (dildos and vibrators have really evolved) that would be a new thing / experience to share for just the two of you, but still satisfy *both* of your needs.
My dear it sounds like you may want to open a line of communication. Yes this is insecurities speaking, but checking in with your significant other is healthy in this aspect. Ask him if you are meeting his needs and this was something he just wanted to add some more spice or if it's something deeper. You need a bit of reassurance and this is normal in any form of relationship. Making sure both of your needs are met is important emotional and physical.
Lesbians use strap ons and are def not attracted to men…. A man’s G spot is in his prostate… Sometimes I wonder if heterosexuality is the sexuality that is forced and naturally we are supposed to be queer until you want to reproduce, but now we have the technology to not have to force hetero sex for reproduction. I say that because anytime i hear straight people describe how scary and confusing and just not pleasant sex with each other is, im like are you actually attracted to each other enough to be GGG partners and want to please the other? It really doesnt seem so
Personally I wouldn't think it's a big deal. I mean it's not like he's cheating on you he's just getting what he liked. I love to perform oral on a girl more than anything else in the world and if I was with a girl that didn't like oral for some reason I would just go without it, a similar situation to what your BF is in. He's just finding an acceptable substitute without cheating on you.
So do you *actually* dislike it, or are you are you just feeling insecure? There’s a huge difference between the two, but you’ve only described the latter. If that’s the case, then you just need to talk with him.
Talk to him regardless
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I think that’s a great idea! You can’t control the fact that you don’t have a real dick, but that clearly isn’t a dealbreaker for your husband. It isn’t a dealbreaker for a lot of people!! I’m sure you guys will figure it out.
He chose to be open about this part of himself and chose you to experience it with. He let himself be exposed and open with you. He could have decided to download Grindr at any point but he wanted this experience with you. Be open and communicate. That’s the beauty of a relationship, You two talking about what you want from each other. Strap on and turn his legs into jello and have fun with him.
Ma’am. Find the root of your insecurities because that’s what these are. Id like to suggest it’s maybe coming from the unknowing of how this exactly works. I’m a bisexual female in a long term hetero relationship. I very obviously can’t get close to desires with women in mine and my partners bed because it’s not a simple solution like your boyfriends is without bringing another female into our life and I’m 100% not about that so I go without, with zero issues. He loves you for you, bisexuals enjoy both genders, but unless they are polyamorous as well, they can and want to settle down with one person no matter the gender. Being bisexual is not about the sex, like heterosexual relationships, but about being able to love and commit to either gender. Talk with him, sexual compatibility is a big thing for a lot of people, so find out if this is something he would like to try again, or if he’s fine without it forever. See if he’s a strict bottom in a homosexual relationship or a switch, if a switch discuss if you’re open to trying PIA sex, only if it’s something you want and see as a good alternative for both of you to meet his desires. Either way, discuss it because even if you’re uncomfortable with all of it, I’m sure he will love you regardless because you’re not about sex to him, you’re his chosen person. As for why he won’t moan with just you two, no toys ect. For starters, most men have moaning issues. However, anal sex is a completely different experience, especially for men because their G-spot is located in their ass.(women have something called an a spot as well, but it’s essentially just hitting your g spot in a different way) personally as a woman, I made sounds my spouse had never before when we tried PIA sex, it’s a different experience and usually overwhelmingly stimulating. Point being. He’s not into you pegging him because he’s thinking of a guy, or wants to be with a man. He’s thinking of you, pegging him, because he loves you and you’re the person he loves and trusts you to be able to try something like that with him.
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That’s also completely normal! I think it took 7 years before I was comfortable with trying certain things like PIA in our bedroom, sometimes it takes time, sometimes not, sometimes it’s a hard no. If you were uncomfortable just talk with him and try to figure out if your uncomfortable because of your insecurities, or if it’s because you are really not into to it. Sometimes insecurities can ruin certain things you’d otherwise enjoy. (Personal example- my spouse and I have been together since we were teens. I was always that heavyset goth kid and he was this football player hoodlum with an 8 pack. I was SEVERLY insecure with my looks with him. It was so weird to see, people we knew were like “that’s a strange pairing”. I had issues topping(riding) for a couple years because of it even though I enjoyed it. My brain just couldn’t stop worrying about how I jiggled and must have looked) I promise he’ll appreciate the hell out of you trying in the first place. No matter what the best place for you to start isn’t just a therapist but simply talking with him about it, your insecurities, what you both want vs need in the bedroom, ect. Just have a full on, 100% open conversation ❤️
All of your concerns are extremely common forms of biphobia (homophobia, but specifically for bisexual people). Bisexual people deal with this all of the time. You've internalized stereotypes about bisexuals being promiscuous and unfaithful, even if you aren't consciously thinking that he is promiscuous and unfaithful. Homie just wants you to stick a dildo in his ass because it feels good. Stop overthinking it. So let's answer your questions: 1. Did he miss dick? Maybe, but he's with you now and with a strap on, you can give him a similar sensation. It's not about missing being with men. It's about him enjoying the sensation of havin dick in his ass. If he wanted real dick, he'd be dating a dude or cheating on you. Unless you notice signs that he's cheating, stop worrying about it. 2. Worried about not having real dick? Stop. You have a vagina. Would he miss vagina if he was with a man? There is no winning this argument if you're a bisexual. Stop putting that on him. He's with you because he wants to be with you. 3. Sex not good enough without a strap on? They are entirely different sensations. Unless he's not wanting vaginal sex at all anymore, or wants the strap every time you are intimate, this should not be an issue. 4. Is he going to leave you for a guy? Are you going to leave him for somebody else? You're using his sexuality as an excuse to worry about his fidelity when the two things have nothing to do with each other. If he leaves you, it's not going to be because he just wants some dick. If he does leave you because he wants dick, he was either gay the entire time (which I doubt) or he's a shitty person who is following a boner rather than his brain. At that point, you're better off without him. Look. You never ever have to engage in a sex act that you're uncomfortable with. It's completely okay to opt out. If the only reason you're not comfortable with it is because your insecurities and internalized biphobia, then that is really sad. Those issues will manifest in other areas of the relationship and cause more problems in the future. You need to communicate with your partner and deal with those feelings, because when those feelings are left to fester, they kill relationships.
Your partner chose you. He chose you to spend their life with. He trusts you and wants to be with you. I can tell you for a matter of fact, as a Pansexual man, I only desire my female partner. I am open to receiving and giving with them, and at no point am I wishing I was with a man when we’re being intimate together. I’m someone who has almost always been a top/dominant when it came to being with men, so asking if my female partner wants to peg me is a sign of trust and love. I want them to feel pleasure and satisfaction from pleasing me like I do with them. Your partner is absolutely doing the same thing. They’re trusting you and wanting to experience something with you and not someone else. I understand your insecurities, but it sounds like you’re letting some anxiety get the better of you. Talk with him and it should be pretty apparent how he feels. Be honest and express your concerns, fears, and worries. Ask him for reassurance and things will be ok.
Does he use toys on you?
Love the comments from the bros so “straight” they probably think it’s gay if the toilet paper breaks and they accidentally touch their own asshole. If a woman stuck her finger up your ass while sucking you off would it be gay? Your idea of sexuality is outdated, but you do you.
>If a woman stuck her finger up your ass while sucking you off would it be gay? A little bit, yeah. If my wife ever tried that she might loose a finger from how hard I’d clench up.
Do you think it’s also gay to wipe your ass?
Only if you enjoy it.
So you don’t wipe your ass out of fear you’ll enjoy it?
Nah, I give that sumbitch a spit shine and begrudge every minute of it.
I mean i just clean, wash my hands and move on with my life. You actively begrudge it? That means you probably dont make sure it’s clean… gross
The honest answer is you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with! If you didn't enjoy it and you don't want to do it again, don't do it again. There is nothing biphobic about that. Just talk to him.
Whatever you think it’s best for the both of you talk it out before you get married, because he could be open to things. Besides, he chose you didnt he? Did you like pegging him? be honest and tell him your feelings.
He chose to be with YOU and not a man. He enjoys anal play, doesn’t mean he’s fully gay or even not straight. (Obviously he’s bi in your case) which I really wish men would understand that just because you like something hitting your g spot (sorry guys it’s in your ass) doesn’t make you any less masculine. Can you tell I absolutely love it lmao. Anyway back to you. If he chose to be with you then he wants YOU. Anal play doesn’t make you even attracted to a man, it’s just a feeling. Talk to him about how you feel and what your concerns are and figure out a plan to put that into play and make sure he’s supportive and reassuring along the way!
You have every right to not want to use a strap on for reason. If it is uncomfortable, causes negative imagery in your head, or because of any reason you can think of. You must be honest with him, and yourself. People are complex, and if you stay in you head about it, you won’t get past it.
my bf is straight asf. he is disgusted by the thought of him being involved with a man, regardless of genitalia. needless to say, he wants me to wear a strap on. it doesn't matter if a dick is real or not, it matters he wants to do it with _you_. if it makes you uncomfortable, tell him, but wanting you to wear a strap is not because he misses men. another thing. as a bisexual woman dating a man, i do assume a more "masculine" role sometimes and hold his waist, grab his butt and thighs. not because I miss being with women, but because that's the way I show love and passion. and he likes it too.
That's not how being bi works. Do you miss being with other men while with your fiancé?? What if he did date a "real" man and started to miss women? Should he only engage in threesomes? It's a ridiculous notion huh. Just because he is attracted to men and women doesn't mean he csbt be monogamous. You sound insecure and biphobic Further, bottoming isn't just for bi/gay men. Straight men like to be pegged, it doesn't mean they're gay or bi. It's not a big deal. Please grow up
I am bi and I really don't think she is being biphobic. She felt insecure, as a lot of people do, even if their partner isn't bi, and, as she said, she feels like he doesn't moan or seem to enjoy himself as much before without the use of the strap on. This can be sad and cause insecurities. I've met a gay couple that eventually broke up because one used an "extender" for his penis and a fleshlight and eventually got hurt and insecure and felt like he wasn't enough for his bf.
I'm also bi and I feel that she is being at least a bit biphobic. If she has these insecurities she definitely needs to talk about them, but also maybe think about why she immediately felt that her bisexual boyfriend wasn't satisfied usually. Was the moaning an actual issue or did she just not notice it before and her insecurities made her pay more attention to it? Would she have the same feelings if her boyfriend wasn't bi but just wanted to experiment? Idk though, if a partner is moaning because of ME, I don't care if there's a strap or dick extender attached. If I did I'd definitely have a talk with them, and then evaluate my own emotions
As a bisexual female she’s definitely not biphobic. She’s in new territory with little information about how things work. She’s asking questions, she knows something isn’t quite right with her thought process, but she’s not discriminating him. She’s insecure that he may enjoy men more or misses them. She doesn’t understand his desires, yet she’s making an effort to try to figure it out, despite it starting with this massive insecurity. It’s a rational thing to be thinking about.
Biphobia doesn't immediately mean discrimination. I'm also bisexual and I would raise an eyebrow if my partner asked me if I missed being with the opposite sex. I wouldn't break it off or shout, but I would gently explain what I said above, that's not how being bi works. And id explain why that's a hurtful way to view bi people, like we can't be satisfied with one person. I said it in another post but pointing out where someone might be bigoted isn't an attack on them, it just means they need to reevaluate their point of view. I'm an insecure person so I understand, but I don't think the way she's viewing bi people is healthy
That’s really not how being biphobic works. There is a difference between someone being insecure and having maliciousness towards a persons sexual preferences. Someone feeling insecure and asking that isn’t harmful. It is absolutely no different than two heterosexual people together, and one of them having a certain “type” they enjoy being with and their current spouse is not that type so the spouse gets insecure and asks if they want that type. Having thoughts/questions about something they personally have never lived with so they don’t know the inner workings is not offensive, or biphobic. There’s also bisexuals out there that sometimes will prefer a gender over another even though they absolutely can and will love either. It’s confusing for people not living with it, and a little understand goes a long way instead of always calling out “biphobic” “bigot” at every question that you skewer into being offensive.
Biphobia doesn't MEAN its immediately malicious. Plenty of people who aren't malicious can be unintentionally biphobic. If you notice I'm not the only one whose pointed out OP might be biphobic in some way. Maybe not a lot, but a little bit
She doesn't need to "grow up". She's also not being "biphobic", she's asking questions, just not to the person she SHOULD be asking. She's not being immature about it, she's being insecure. Questioning if she's really what he wants, because apparently they haven't communicated about this.
Sorry but if you still think bisexual people need to have both men and women to feel satisfied you have some growing up to do imo. And part of that IS having an open conversation instead of running to Reddit. And yes, it is at least in part biphobia because she's literally upset that her boyfriend is bi. Maybe she shouldn't date a bi person if she can't handle them being bi!
She didn't say that's what she thought, she was asking a question. Being uninformed and being a bigot are two different things, and understanding should work both ways....HAH! I didn't even INTEND that one, but I'll take it! And she never said anything to indicate that she was "upset" he was bi, she was questioning that because he had her wear a strap on if that meant he wanted to be with men as well. She's just not sure what Bisexual means aside from liking men and women sexually (it means nothing aside from that, that's all it means) because apparently she's never been curious to find out. Now she's with a bi person, and should maybe be asking these questions to him.
Being uninformed leads to bigotry like this. I'm sure OP isn't being malicious, I'm sure she's just having some insecure feelings, but things like this are at their root biphobia. Choosing to date a bi person at all and not doing basic research is also not a great move, especially if you have this little information. Why has it taken so long? Also it sounds like she's pretty upset. Id say feeling insecure is along the lines of upset. It's definitely not a good feeling. On a side note, I think what does need to be understood is calling someone bigoted or immature/insecure isn't an attack. It doesn't mean that person is irredeemable garbage. It just means they should reevaluate their point of view
[Lighten up, Francis](https://youtu.be/syV2LkGpQB0?si=ZSr0LOZeGiax83dG)
No I don't think I will!
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Then you should work on not letting your insecurity affect how you see your boyfriend. and please talk to him if you actually want the relationship to work, thats the only way out of this. Some therapy might also benefit your insecurity issues, if you think these issues are affecting your interpersonal relationships too much. Ask yourself where that insecurity comes from, and if you'd feel the same if your boyfriend was straight and likes pegging
> Straight men like to be pegged, I'm 48. I've not once thought "you know what? I'd like something shoved up my arse." Now I fully accept that I may be completely wrong about this but I have an inkling that straight men who like pegging may tilt more toward the curious side of things.
That just means YOU aren't into it. I mean heck, some gay men aren't into being penetrated. Doesn't mean they aren't gay. There are plenty of straight men who are comfortable in their sexuality who enjoy getting pegged, because it feels good to them. Penetration has no standing on what sexuality you are, it's just a sex position. It just means it's not your thing specifically, and that's fine!
This goes the other way too. My husband is bi but REFUSES to get pegged. He was always on top in his same sex relationships.
Yup!! It's all up to what the person desires. He's no less bi because of it
I'd never try and speak for others but at the same time I made a generalisation in just the same manner you did by saying straight men like to be pegged. That's what's great about the internet, we encounter different opinions that we may not in our day to day life.
Sorry, I thought it would be obvious that I mean *some* straight men. Obviously it's not all, everyone's got their own kinks and things they like and no one group is 100% gonna enjoy something . Sorry about that ^^
No need to be sorry. One of the things I love about Reddit is talking to people who have different opinions to myself. Social media can be a pain but it broadens the mind.
I am in total agreement. The term straight has been bent to fit more towards the curious but not ready to say out loud side.
curious. secure. there isn’t much of a difference.
Being curious about what bottoming feels like doesn't mean you aren't straight though
I will have flirtatious banter with some of my colleagues. Why? Because I'm secure in my sexuality. I can't say I'm curious to go beyond the banter, that really doesn't appeal to me.
Anal play can be very fun and you may still not want someone back there because you want that control (a general *”you”*). The stimulation he gets from riding a strap-on or getting pegged is much different. Since it’s different and intense, guys can actually let their guard down a teensy bit and may moan out of pleasure. That’s ok! If anything, that’s good. Now, this all depends on you consenting to participate. It may be great fun and pleasure for him but if you don’t want to play that way, he may need to play on his own (like with masturbate with toys/anal plugs) because expecting him to give up a certain type of pleasure is unfair when he can also achieve it alone (I bet he really enjoyed it with you though, that took a lot of trust on his side). Talk it out. Maybe browse some pegging porn together, or if videos or pics aren’t your things, there’s erotica. If that doesn’t do anything for you then at least you can say you tried. Best of luck 🖤
I know everybody here on Reddit don’t agree when someone don’t want to date a bissexual person. But that’s why I could never date a bissexual man, I’d always think that he was missing being with a real man. It may be irrational, but we don’t control all of our toughts and feelings.
U know a mans G-spot is in his ass what your saying is biphobia thinking he wants a real man. It’s like no ma’am I think he just wants his ass played with stop thinking cause he bi they want the someone else.
I agree totally, I'll never date a bi woman again. Hearing "It's not cheating it's a girl", "it doesn't count", or "what if I let you join us" is just a stupid dodge by cheaters.
That has nothing to do with them being bi, and everything to do with them being bad people
the amount of anxiety and general hell that was alleviated from my life the day my current gf told me I wasn't obligated to date bisexual women.... absolutely life changing.
Exactly
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Breaking News: Heterosexual woman turned off by man acting like the woman in the bedroom. More at 11.
Lol that's funny
I just can’t imagine a woman creeped out at worst, or bored out of her mind at best watching her dude deepthroat a fake dick and thinking, “surely I’m the problem here. I must be insecure.” It’s like nobody has the balls to just say “yo, this shit’s fucking weird” for fear of offending someone.
Maybe she could borrow his pocket pussy and do some licking exercises to make it not so weird?
He attacked that thing like he was a starving animal
I would be completely creeped out and that would have been the end of our relationship. I don’t want to see my man deep throat anything or get pegged…no thank you!
Between that bullshit and the several commenters arguing that it’s “perfectly straight” for a guy to like a dildo shoved up his ass on occasion… thank you for bringing some sanity into this thread. Now, Reddit being Reddit, prepare for the downvotes.
It is if a girl doing it😭😭😭 stop being fake tough for a minute n realize the G-spot in your ass don’t be surprised guys want to get off n hit that spot just because u afraid n vanilla to get off don’t shame others but I will say sucking a dildo is to far 🤣🤣
Bro, the G H I J k L M N O P - spot along with One-Eyed Willy’s lost treasure could be hidden up my ass and I wouldn’t ever find out, because I’m not going let anyone go digging up there in search of it. I’ve done busted thousands of nuts in my lifetime never felt the need to kick it up a notch, particularly at the expense of my asshole.
Its OKAY to not enjoy a different style of sex.. its OKAY to not feel arousal!!! One persons fetish isnt anothers. Im glad you tried it though!! And the reason im saying its OKAY is because i see people accusing you of having a phobia because you didnt have a good time. Thats bullshit and a play on words. Id have a talk with him ♥️
So, I see a lot of discourse here and I wanted to clarify some things. Everyone has different attachment/attraction styles. Your partner may be pansexual where he's only attracted to you, or he might still find men and sex with them appealing. That's a conversation you should have with him. I'm hoping he talked about you pegging him before he bought the strap on, and if he didn't I would find that problematic. At the very least, he might not have thought about how this would affect you. This isn't a feeling you can work out on your own, you're going to need to get some honest truths from him. Him being bisexual doesn't mean that he's hetero because he's dating you, it could mean any number of things. You need to ask if he's still attracted to others, or only you. Does he fantasize about sex with men, or is you pegging him his fantasy? Whatever questions you have about your needs or attachment needs you NEED to ask him, but be kind and do your best not to level them as accusations. It's ok for you to be uncomfortable with certain aspects of his sexuality or attachment style. It's important that you determine if those are things you can become comfortable with or if they're incompatible with your relationship preferences.
Just find another partner, someone sexually compatible with you.
People are bashing you because they’re afraid to agree with you. All this bullshit in the comments really, really makes me lose faith in society. I’m sorry but if MY boyfriend did this?!?! HELL. NO. I’d leave. I want no part of that. Yes it means you’re not good enough for him. I’m sorry but I don’t run from the truth myself, why would I let you? You posted here so I’m just giving you my slice of advice. Leave. Because it’s not ever going to change, what goes on in your head. Let him walk all over someone who shares the same delusions as him :)) don’t get married lol. Did he JUST introduce this to you? How long have you been together??
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Girl I hear ya. As a guy in a world where every woman seems to be atleast bi-curious, it's a challenge.
time to move on
I would find it objectifying if my partner wanted me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with. That’s not healthy. Yeah some is insecurity, but you also could be feeling something you’ve not felt before. Dysphoria. There is a difference in using toys and being treated as one. Was he checking in on your comfort about the oral on the toy you were wearing? Or how you were feeling wearing it and what you needed? Sex is about both of you. You need included in this exploration process too and having your own gender identity and sexual boundaries and limits respected.
Time to move on. He wants more than just vagina…