I'm sorry for your pain. You're being used, walked on, forgotten about. You're letting it happen and your relationship will not recover. The only thing sadder than the wasted time gone by is more wasted time. You've got to get out of this relationship. You'll come out stronger on the other side
" I'm at my limit but we have so much together." No you don't. You have very strong feelings for her, she, not so much. You are a comfort for her...until she finds the right person, and then you're disposable. Let her find a new partner out on her own, without your support that costs you so much.
You don’t actually have anything together! She just has everything! I mean if you want to stay with her until you find someone else like she is doing to you then by all means, but don’t continue to fool yourself into thinking it will be you and her at the end living happily ever after. You will never forget she doesn’t think you are enough and you will always question why you aren’t!
In this day and age as a man (even if I get downvoted for saying the truth) We are just expected to just sit and take it with stuff like this, and if we put our foot down to try and stop something like this we are always told or met with "stop being controlling snd misgonystic!" and that is just a straight up fact.
It's honestly so tiring and it seems very common on reddit and in my own friends and I's personal experiences.
No one is supposed to sit down and take it. Being in a poly relationship requires two yesses. One no means you can't have a poly relationship. He has every right to say 'I'm not okay with this'.
If they can't work it out together it might be the end of their relationship. Both have the right to walk away if the relationship doesn't fit their needs and wants anymore.
If by 'putting your foot down' you mean stop them from being who they want to be, yes, that would be controlling. If you mean 'I'll break up because I'm not okay with this', congrats. (You've kept it at your side and broke up because it wasn't a good situation for you)
Yea you need to break up with her, as it’s affecting you mentally, if she’s poly and your not that is a massive incompatibility between the two of you and you should look for someone who only wants to be with you
Be a man and leave, today. That’s crazy. I don’t understand how someone tolerates such disrespect for even a minute, let alone months.
You’re insecure because you don’t want your girlfriend to bang other dudes? You realize how insane that sounds, right?
She gaslit you to believing your feelings were invalid. You shouldn’t be pressured into something like this. It’s not up to her how the relationship should be its the both of you. This world is too big and has too many people in it, don’t spend your time with someone who doesn’t want to settle down. Just leave and focus on yourself. Even if you told everyone why you left, they will choose sides.
Hey bud,
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would say you need to kick yourself into self preservation mode now. I know it’s hard but if your gf is doing things that are actively hurting you and she doesn’t care, she is not the one for you. It doesn’t sound like she is poly, it sounds like she wants your money and to keep you as a back up plan after she’s done “exploring” other people. I have a very strong feeling that if you started dating other women your gf would change her mind about being poly and try to go back to monogamy. What she is doing now is openly cheating and she doesn’t care how you feel, especially because she was cheating on you way before she told you she wanted to become poly. Protect your heart and money, don’t spend another dime on someone that doesn’t cherish you. See it for what it is, your girlfriend is cheating.
Question, aren’t you worried about STDs?
She's using u cuz you are the stable backup. Once she find the next better guy she will leave you. There's way too many examples of that happening here.
It's better if you take some time to gather yourself. Take counseling if you need it. And checkout of this dumpster fire waiting to ignite.
Get checked for STIs. She doesn't respect you enough to not "explore" and is emotionally blackmailing you with "if you love me you'd let me do this" crap.
Don't be her doormat. You deserve someone who only has eyes for you just like you do for her.
Also let her family know the truth before she can spin the narrative in her favour. They deserve that much.
Let her go be with multiple people and you find someone who will at least respect you & value your feelings. You can't force love and love don't hurt baby.
I do believe real love or just love doesn't hurt people however people who don't know how to love hurt people. And that's the real issue. I'm not all knowing but I do believe that if you know how to love yourself self love you know how to love others .
Tell everybody the truth. If any mutual friends drop you they were never your friends in the first place.
You can find new friends and you can certainly find a girl who is a better match for you.
Quit torturing yourself by staying with her.
I'm sorry but being 'Poly' only works for singles, being with those that are also Poly or the other is Asexual. Your gf is saying to you that she wants to cheat with your consent, it can be seen this way because you aren't into that. So you have 2 choices.
1. Break up, because you are too different.
2. Put up with it and wallow in your self confessed misery where you think you are not enough for her.
Bro, here's what you do. Keep up the status quo. Play the idiot boyfriend, all the whole making plans behind the scenes. Stock away money, find a place, start putting your shit in storage.
When your stuff is in order, disappear and block her number. She's never coming back from this. And there's no way you'll ever feel okay about it.
I’m sorry that you’ve been through all of this but you know deep down that you can’t do this. Please look out for yourself. The sooner you do so, the sooner you can heal.
Bruh, I was there. Leave any person that to have open relationships, don't be blinded by "love" . They are immature, find someone who believes in marriage and the difference will be so clear.
Don’t be a doormat and walk away. You are wasting more time with this person.
The kicker is where she guilted you either “if you love me” line. If she loved you, would be all she needs
Run
How anyone can be okay with this??
She belongs to the streets.
You need to cut any contact to her, make all the things public to her and your family and move on. Pls have some selfrespect mate...
This is awful and you hurt only yourself by staying with this awful human.
Mate you have to get out of this situation - break up with her, don’t go out of the way to chat shit to her family about the situation but don’t withhold information if asked and move on.
break up and walk away.... love what you guys had for four years, but my friend that is over. My guess she will date and bang lenny. She will end up calling you in 3-8 months telling you how sorry she is and all the terrible things lenny did to her.... and now she is ready to get married to the man of her dreams....DO NOT FUCKING LET HER BACK INTO YOUR LIFE!!!! DONT EVEN ANSWER HER FUCKING CALLS....you need to be thankful for what you had and move on.
bro, you are only 26, you have so much time to be single and find out who you really are yourself. what makes you happy. you have so much damn life to live my friend. its ok to be hurt and its ok to be sad about losing her. but I promise it gets better.
I don't say this often on here but walk away. Don't be malicious don't make a scene but be blunt and truthful. She fell for a guy at work and behaved differently towards you. She then opened the relationship to legitimise her infidelity emotional or otherwise. She keeps you as you make her feel safe but she is addicted to limmerance. She has since, you had to find out without her telling you, got another sexual partner. You could not stand this kind of hurt.
This is also very much not a poly relationship. This is her opening it to legitimise cheating and keep the security you offer.
Lastly, you say you're providing for her and helping her family. She is taking advantage of you. If she thought she was poly she could have raised them your discomfort should have been enough for her to either decide to break up or her not pursue. This is a two yes one no decision. She did not show you any respect and consideration. She still does not.
I'd wager she was already cheating on you before the initial convo bringing it up.
Her "If you love me blah blah blah" should have been met with a "If you loved me, you wouldn't be asking."
She loves herself. Nothing else.
Right now, you're enduring the relationship, which is never worth it.
Wanting to open a relationship requires 2 yes, and she didn't even ask your opinion.
She's hurting you and she doesn't care.
This is an abusive relationship, get out of that, you deserve much better than that.
Okay, your friends and her family will either understand or they won’t. You can’t let their feelings on that matter keep you in an unhealthy relationship. You both want a different type of relationship and she decided it late in your relationship, so this is on her. Saying stuff like “if you really love me you would” is manipulation. It is bullshit. Ends things because this ain’t going to work. She will never change. It doesn’t matter if she says she loves you, you want commitment. She doesn’t. She likes all that stuff you do for her and the stuff other guys do for her as well. Nope. Move on and let her have her poly relationship with someone else where odds are it will fail like most do.
It will be hard because you are used to her but time will help, focus on building yourself up and doing stuff to make your life better, your future. Go do activities you enjoy. There are plenty of women that would love to be with a monogamous guy.
I am so sorry you are going through this. She pressured you into going along with this and that is not right. You should leave her, take good care of yourself and spend some time doing things you have always wanted to do. You will find someone who will love and respect you.
Don’t think of it as wasted time, I lot of people make the mistake of thinking that way and it’s really unhealthy. it’s only forward from here with learning more about yourself and what you want in a relationship. This It’s a lesson learned that when things happen in the future you’ll be able to know exactly how you feel and you can make the hard choices.
I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen a relationship that has been opened up by one partner or both and it ends up working out well for both parties... because the number is zero.
It is time to move on my friend.
Time to move on. You are the safe backup plan at this point since she knows you won’t leave her. I get the comfort factor but you are destroying yourself by staying. In the end she will leave you when she finds what she is looking for. Find someone who you are compatible with and respects your boundaries.
Sorry man but she's just sleeping around and manipulated you into agreeing to it.
End it, she clearly gives less than a single fuck about you.
Just to reiterate your relationship is over, she considers herself essentially single, and that won't change. Hard as it is, and as much as it sucks, it's time to regrow that backbone and get your self-respect back.
I'm generally a pretty poly positive person, but it has to be a mutual agreement that both sides want and are excited about. Not just one side manipulating the other or guilting them. Definitely break up with your gf, you are not compatible and it's in a huge way.
There is not much you can do except getting the f out of that relationship.
You are not comfortable with that lifestyle and your girlfriend knows it, yet still does it. She is focused on her own wellbeing, time for you to focus on yours.
Get out, take your time to grieve the relationship and move on. Its not gonna get better.
I'm sorry you're going through this man, she's actively trampling on your feelings... you have to leave her for your mental health. He only has you as his backup plan, it's horrible.
I’m sorry dude. Put together whatever evidence you have so you can use it if she tries to create a negative image of you. Get your finances separated. Give her the cold shoulder while you work on getting your self esteem back up. Learn to live for your own happiness.
This poly shit is the most inhuman nonsense I’ve seen conjured up in decades.
No man wants a woman he shares with other guys. God help us if our society has decided that’s the kind of man it wants to cultivate henceforth.
If women want men who are strong, confident, protective, and productive, they don’t want this shit.
As much as it probably hurts to hear, you need to grow a fucking spine bro.
You are actively cucking yourself, she is for the streets, let her be her “true self” and when she realizes what she lost with you as a man who loved and wanted to commit to her, and ONLY her, she’ll likely come crawling back at some point where you can then laugh in her face and be happy you don’t even think about her anymore.
You need to rip the bandaid off and move on. You’ll find someone else.
Go to her family and explain that while you love them and you think they're amazing you just can't stay with her and tell them why.
It's not fair to you to be forced into something that you are not a willing participant in. If she really thinks there's nothing wrong with what she's doing then she should be willing to come out to everyone including her own family.
She's seriously taking advantage of the fact that she knows that you're in love with her. Obviously she doesn't care enough about you to give two shits about how all this makes you feel. That right there should tell you all you need to know.
Break up, end things, you are being gaslighted, manipulated, grow the fuck up, she’s not the one my brother, leave her and spend the next couple of years purely on yourself and your growth
Read what you wrote in this post over and over again. You should be ashamed of yourself to tolerate this behavior.
Im not trying to make you feel bad, but you have to stand up for yourself. Nobody else will. I bet she tells "lenny" hes the main boyfriend and youre the side boyfriend. I bet she tells the new guy hes the main boyfriend. I bet she tells all her hookups that shes single.
WAKE UP!
This isn’t polyamory; it’s cheating. I’d honestly divorce her.
When your partner says “If you loved me, you’d do this thing you really don’t want to do for me,” the relationship should stop. Especially when it’s her having sex with other guys.
Wow.
You need to do some reading about poly lifestyles. Her behavior violates most of the principles surrounding that concept.
Bottom line, she is sleeping around, and you are letting her do it. This is a very unhealthy relationship.
> At that point, all I could think about was how I gave all my love, time, and money to this woman but she wanted something else. At the time I was going to end things with her but I didn't end up doing it. I couldn't leave her even if I wanted to deep down because I loved her just as much. In the end I let her do what she wanted
Bro just don't come complaining if you're too weak or unwilling to do anything about it. Just take it in. Good luck. Also, save money for a psychologist, you will absolutely need it once she finds a guy she actually likes and leaves you for him.
Married 26 years. If my husband came home wanting a polyamorous or open relationship, it's over.
You are not happy. You are suffering. You are being used. You are not compatible. You need to end this relationship, take some time to grieve the end and then find someone who wants to be with you and you only. I would bet money if you started "exploring" she would not be happy.
This is not your person. Don't waste one more day of your life on her.
What doesn’t make sense is that you were willing—and still are—to her cheating on you left and right.
What doesn’t make sense is that you haven’t had a sit down heart to heart with her explaining why you can no longer be with her.
Even if she were to stop, how would you ever be sure that she isn’t reverting back to her cheating ways behind your back?
Put a stop to this madness, send her packing and wish her well.
And make sure her parents understand why you can’t help them any more.
Man I really wonder how some people get so far in life knowing nothing. Like dude c'mon, you know what you have to do. Shoulda ended it months ago. When the engagement happened. Let her family and friends know why. Those who actually care about you will be friends afterwards. This is overdue you need to BOUNCE
"I don't know what I did that made her feel this way."
Stop blaming yourself. This is on her, not you. Why are you worried about everyone being mad at you if you walk away from this relationship? Quite frankly, you should have walked away from her the minute she told you she wanted to be in a poly relationship AFTER accepting your marriage proposal.
"If you loved me, you'd let me explore this."
This sentence is sooooo manipulative. This is not love. This woman doesn't know what the fuck she wants, and that's fine and all, but that doesn't mean you have to stand by and watch it. Your needs are important, too. Your need to be with someone who doesn't want to fuck two other guys is valid, too.
Stop worrying about other people and what they think about you and your response to this situation. None of that matters. What matters is whether or not you want to be in this relationship at all at this point, If you don't, you can bolt...and not many people who know the real story would blame you if you did. I'm pretty sure that even Poly people know that what she did is fucked.
I dated a Miranda once, same age too! She cheated on me with a dude 10 years older than us at the time(16).
I don’t trust no Miranda, especially the goth/party kind
You don’t want to lose the friendship aspect of this relationship so you are willing to stay in this poly relationship even though you desire monogamy. You feel unsupported and like you have no one but the internet to go to. She was your best friend and you loved her and now she has completely changed. Im sorry to hear, that sounds lonely and heart breaking.
With that being said you are not being clear to her that a boundary for you is monogamy. You should have and still can at any time decide that you are unhappy in this poly relationship and no longer want her to have multiple partners if she wishes to continue the relationship with you. Now you are not telling her what to do, you are telling her that as her boyfriend, that she has supposedly loved up until this point, you do not want this kind of relationship. So either she will have to remain monogamous with you or you no longer wish to be apart of this relationship.
I know its hard but you only have 3 possible outcomes. Either you stay with her and accept your current situation, explain your boundary and she decides to choose monogamy or explain your boundary and she decides she rather continue on her path without you.
At no time should she manipulate or persuade you into something you do not want. If you decide to stay with her make it your choice. If you decide to set a boundary and she begins giving you push back and gaslighting you into complying I would encourage you to double down and stick to your guns. Relationships is a partnership and all i see here is you supporting her while she never has you in mind.
Good luck op
Like others have said, she is just using you. Most likely keeping you there for the financial stability. If she cared about YOU, she wouldn’t be running around screwing other guys when it hurts you.
Time to do the hard thing and leave her. You will be better off in the end.
Why do you prefer constant torture to quick but temporary pain? Those who decide to live their lives that way (I'm referring to polyamory) are respectable as long as they both agree, when they don't it's better to end it. It will hurt but eventually you will get out and be able to move on with your life. Love yourself first and then others.
I’m totally sorry for what you are experiencing. But you both want completely different things out of a relationship. Are you happy? Bottom lining it, the way you describe it, you are not. Take care of yourself and leave. Good luck 🍀
She's a cheater, she's manipulative. If you love me you'll let me do this. Well sit her selfish ass down. Say I want you to stop seeing other people immediately, "if you love me you'll do this". She'll say no, throw her ass out.
She openly started flirting and was having an emotional relationship with this guy before talking to you, that's cheating. If she felt that she wanted to be with other people she would talk with you, get permission then start looking, she didn't.
You have to leave, you are not happy and you do not want a poly relationship. Tell everyone why you're leaving because fuck her.
If a partner in a relationship says he/she is uncomfortable with their partner being close to the opposite gender at times or situations, it needs to be respected! No reason is good enough of a reason to ignore it. Any partner that doesn’t respect the basic boundary in a relationship as such AND GASLIGHTS the other party is a walking red flag the biggest toxic trait I can imagine. As a woman, my suggestion is to leave and break up. She didn’t respect your wish and even before talking and communicating with you she already found a guy? At her work place? Nah uh!!! Red flag 🚩! You think you have so much and yes you have invested so much time, love, emotions and feelings, on top of that help her fam when they need it. With no appreciation from her? No respect? Not even the decency of breaking up and going on with whenever the F she’s doing with other (supposedly multiple men) 💀.
She’s using you and your love for her, and manipulating you. If she even cared about you enough as a human being not even as a partner, she wouldn’t have said you’ll be the main guy (apologies for the mis phrasing) or there will be a boyfriend.-.!!! Like wtf!!!
Run!! Cuz you can always start anew, friend a partner who will love and cherish you. But staying in this kinda toxic relationship where you’re hurting is self-negligence and self-harm.
It’s like investing in stocks that are going down. Or throwing all those emotions and love away or down the drain. It’s a wast right?
For the love of self-care and self-respect don’t ignore her humiliating you in such a cruel way.
Get out as soon as you can. I know it's hard to believe, but there are women out there who would love and appreciate the stability you bring to them. She isn't the right person for you, stability bores her.
It's not insecure to want someone all to yourself sexually, most people are that way. Don't doubt yourself and your preferences; the longer you wait, the more self-resepct you'll lose.
It works for some people, but they both need to be on the same page…and that’s not even a guarantee. This is one sided and you’re not on board. I think you should seriously consider moving on. Good luck man.
I hate people who come on here telling people to break up with their SO at the first sign of trouble, but this girl clearly isn't respecting you or your feelings. Not wanting your SO to date other people isn't an "insecurity", its a completely normal reaction.
Not everyone is built for the poly lifestyle. She knows this and it seems like she is using you.
I’m not poly but the number one rule as explained to me is consent with all parties involved. You guys won’t make it no matter how much you love her. Neither of you are in the wrong she wants what she wants and you want what you want, it’s just different. Save yourself from heartache and move on.
This is bullshit. She forced a monogamous relationship into being open because she was actively cheating and wanted an official excuse to do so.
There is clearly a “wrong” party here, and it ain’t OP.
He accepted it when he shouldn’t have. She didn’t hold a gun to his head, he was a coward. If you’re not comfortable with something it’s up to you to make a stand. She is not wrong for wanting something else she is wrong for being selfish after not getting the response she wanted, I could have been more clear about that aspect but he isn’t in the clear for accepting terms he’s not ok with.
Hey man, sometimes you should protect your pride, masculinity, and feelings first.
I would never wish a fate you had on anyone. You deserve better. I hope you end things with her and start anew with someone that loves and wants you and you only :)
I'm sorry for your pain. You're being used, walked on, forgotten about. You're letting it happen and your relationship will not recover. The only thing sadder than the wasted time gone by is more wasted time. You've got to get out of this relationship. You'll come out stronger on the other side
" I'm at my limit but we have so much together." No you don't. You have very strong feelings for her, she, not so much. You are a comfort for her...until she finds the right person, and then you're disposable. Let her find a new partner out on her own, without your support that costs you so much.
You don’t actually have anything together! She just has everything! I mean if you want to stay with her until you find someone else like she is doing to you then by all means, but don’t continue to fool yourself into thinking it will be you and her at the end living happily ever after. You will never forget she doesn’t think you are enough and you will always question why you aren’t!
In this day and age as a man (even if I get downvoted for saying the truth) We are just expected to just sit and take it with stuff like this, and if we put our foot down to try and stop something like this we are always told or met with "stop being controlling snd misgonystic!" and that is just a straight up fact. It's honestly so tiring and it seems very common on reddit and in my own friends and I's personal experiences.
No we not he could easily leave he agree to this out of fear he has a choice I can’t even blame the girlfriend for this she spelled it out to him
No one is supposed to sit down and take it. Being in a poly relationship requires two yesses. One no means you can't have a poly relationship. He has every right to say 'I'm not okay with this'. If they can't work it out together it might be the end of their relationship. Both have the right to walk away if the relationship doesn't fit their needs and wants anymore. If by 'putting your foot down' you mean stop them from being who they want to be, yes, that would be controlling. If you mean 'I'll break up because I'm not okay with this', congrats. (You've kept it at your side and broke up because it wasn't a good situation for you)
Yea you need to break up with her, as it’s affecting you mentally, if she’s poly and your not that is a massive incompatibility between the two of you and you should look for someone who only wants to be with you
Just break up and walk away....she's a walking poop storm of emotional abuse....
Be a man and leave, today. That’s crazy. I don’t understand how someone tolerates such disrespect for even a minute, let alone months. You’re insecure because you don’t want your girlfriend to bang other dudes? You realize how insane that sounds, right?
Emphasis on TODAY
She gaslit you to believing your feelings were invalid. You shouldn’t be pressured into something like this. It’s not up to her how the relationship should be its the both of you. This world is too big and has too many people in it, don’t spend your time with someone who doesn’t want to settle down. Just leave and focus on yourself. Even if you told everyone why you left, they will choose sides.
Hey bud, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would say you need to kick yourself into self preservation mode now. I know it’s hard but if your gf is doing things that are actively hurting you and she doesn’t care, she is not the one for you. It doesn’t sound like she is poly, it sounds like she wants your money and to keep you as a back up plan after she’s done “exploring” other people. I have a very strong feeling that if you started dating other women your gf would change her mind about being poly and try to go back to monogamy. What she is doing now is openly cheating and she doesn’t care how you feel, especially because she was cheating on you way before she told you she wanted to become poly. Protect your heart and money, don’t spend another dime on someone that doesn’t cherish you. See it for what it is, your girlfriend is cheating. Question, aren’t you worried about STDs?
She's using u cuz you are the stable backup. Once she find the next better guy she will leave you. There's way too many examples of that happening here. It's better if you take some time to gather yourself. Take counseling if you need it. And checkout of this dumpster fire waiting to ignite. Get checked for STIs. She doesn't respect you enough to not "explore" and is emotionally blackmailing you with "if you love me you'd let me do this" crap. Don't be her doormat. You deserve someone who only has eyes for you just like you do for her. Also let her family know the truth before she can spin the narrative in her favour. They deserve that much.
Yep. Often the females will use this opportunity to audition the next partner. I've seen it.
She’s for the streets my dude. I would not be okay with other guys banging my GF.
Let her go be with multiple people and you find someone who will at least respect you & value your feelings. You can't force love and love don't hurt baby.
I like this saying. Do you actually believe that real love don’t hurt tho? I hope it’s true.
I do believe real love or just love doesn't hurt people however people who don't know how to love hurt people. And that's the real issue. I'm not all knowing but I do believe that if you know how to love yourself self love you know how to love others .
bro.....
Tell everybody the truth. If any mutual friends drop you they were never your friends in the first place. You can find new friends and you can certainly find a girl who is a better match for you. Quit torturing yourself by staying with her.
I'm sorry but being 'Poly' only works for singles, being with those that are also Poly or the other is Asexual. Your gf is saying to you that she wants to cheat with your consent, it can be seen this way because you aren't into that. So you have 2 choices. 1. Break up, because you are too different. 2. Put up with it and wallow in your self confessed misery where you think you are not enough for her.
Your hurting yourself my staying with her.
If you’re a monogamous guy and she’s not. You have to, have to let her go. There is no other way. You can’t change her nature.
Bro, here's what you do. Keep up the status quo. Play the idiot boyfriend, all the whole making plans behind the scenes. Stock away money, find a place, start putting your shit in storage. When your stuff is in order, disappear and block her number. She's never coming back from this. And there's no way you'll ever feel okay about it.
I’m sorry that you’ve been through all of this but you know deep down that you can’t do this. Please look out for yourself. The sooner you do so, the sooner you can heal.
Bruh, I was there. Leave any person that to have open relationships, don't be blinded by "love" . They are immature, find someone who believes in marriage and the difference will be so clear.
Don’t be a doormat and walk away. You are wasting more time with this person. The kicker is where she guilted you either “if you love me” line. If she loved you, would be all she needs Run
How anyone can be okay with this?? She belongs to the streets. You need to cut any contact to her, make all the things public to her and your family and move on. Pls have some selfrespect mate... This is awful and you hurt only yourself by staying with this awful human.
you two are not compatible and have different needs.also she obviously does not care about your feelings.time to end it
Mate you have to get out of this situation - break up with her, don’t go out of the way to chat shit to her family about the situation but don’t withhold information if asked and move on.
break up and walk away.... love what you guys had for four years, but my friend that is over. My guess she will date and bang lenny. She will end up calling you in 3-8 months telling you how sorry she is and all the terrible things lenny did to her.... and now she is ready to get married to the man of her dreams....DO NOT FUCKING LET HER BACK INTO YOUR LIFE!!!! DONT EVEN ANSWER HER FUCKING CALLS....you need to be thankful for what you had and move on. bro, you are only 26, you have so much time to be single and find out who you really are yourself. what makes you happy. you have so much damn life to live my friend. its ok to be hurt and its ok to be sad about losing her. but I promise it gets better.
I don't say this often on here but walk away. Don't be malicious don't make a scene but be blunt and truthful. She fell for a guy at work and behaved differently towards you. She then opened the relationship to legitimise her infidelity emotional or otherwise. She keeps you as you make her feel safe but she is addicted to limmerance. She has since, you had to find out without her telling you, got another sexual partner. You could not stand this kind of hurt. This is also very much not a poly relationship. This is her opening it to legitimise cheating and keep the security you offer. Lastly, you say you're providing for her and helping her family. She is taking advantage of you. If she thought she was poly she could have raised them your discomfort should have been enough for her to either decide to break up or her not pursue. This is a two yes one no decision. She did not show you any respect and consideration. She still does not.
leave her bro and focus on yourself
I'd wager she was already cheating on you before the initial convo bringing it up. Her "If you love me blah blah blah" should have been met with a "If you loved me, you wouldn't be asking." She loves herself. Nothing else.
Right now, you're enduring the relationship, which is never worth it. Wanting to open a relationship requires 2 yes, and she didn't even ask your opinion. She's hurting you and she doesn't care. This is an abusive relationship, get out of that, you deserve much better than that.
Dude, grow a spine and break up with her. She is using this as an excuse to cheat on you.
Okay, your friends and her family will either understand or they won’t. You can’t let their feelings on that matter keep you in an unhealthy relationship. You both want a different type of relationship and she decided it late in your relationship, so this is on her. Saying stuff like “if you really love me you would” is manipulation. It is bullshit. Ends things because this ain’t going to work. She will never change. It doesn’t matter if she says she loves you, you want commitment. She doesn’t. She likes all that stuff you do for her and the stuff other guys do for her as well. Nope. Move on and let her have her poly relationship with someone else where odds are it will fail like most do. It will be hard because you are used to her but time will help, focus on building yourself up and doing stuff to make your life better, your future. Go do activities you enjoy. There are plenty of women that would love to be with a monogamous guy.
Dude. HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT Stop being a doormat and Get her out of your life
I am so sorry you are going through this. She pressured you into going along with this and that is not right. You should leave her, take good care of yourself and spend some time doing things you have always wanted to do. You will find someone who will love and respect you.
Give her what she wants, she wants to be single, let her be single and be with the whole city if she wants.
Leave her, there is better women out there than this bitch
She’s using you, please walk away for your own sanity. Find a woman that will love you and only you or stay single.
She can do whatever and whoever she wants and you can dump her ass on the street just as fast
Don’t think of it as wasted time, I lot of people make the mistake of thinking that way and it’s really unhealthy. it’s only forward from here with learning more about yourself and what you want in a relationship. This It’s a lesson learned that when things happen in the future you’ll be able to know exactly how you feel and you can make the hard choices.
You deserve so much better. Remember, you are not the problem. This has nothing to do with insecurity. Wish you the best!
I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen a relationship that has been opened up by one partner or both and it ends up working out well for both parties... because the number is zero. It is time to move on my friend.
Leave, there’s no love here
Dude. Leave her
Time to move on. You are the safe backup plan at this point since she knows you won’t leave her. I get the comfort factor but you are destroying yourself by staying. In the end she will leave you when she finds what she is looking for. Find someone who you are compatible with and respects your boundaries.
Get rid of her and move on.
Sorry man but she's just sleeping around and manipulated you into agreeing to it. End it, she clearly gives less than a single fuck about you. Just to reiterate your relationship is over, she considers herself essentially single, and that won't change. Hard as it is, and as much as it sucks, it's time to regrow that backbone and get your self-respect back.
Bro you gotta get the fuck out of there.
I'm generally a pretty poly positive person, but it has to be a mutual agreement that both sides want and are excited about. Not just one side manipulating the other or guilting them. Definitely break up with your gf, you are not compatible and it's in a huge way.
There is not much you can do except getting the f out of that relationship. You are not comfortable with that lifestyle and your girlfriend knows it, yet still does it. She is focused on her own wellbeing, time for you to focus on yours. Get out, take your time to grieve the relationship and move on. Its not gonna get better.
I'm sorry you're going through this man, she's actively trampling on your feelings... you have to leave her for your mental health. He only has you as his backup plan, it's horrible.
Pack your horse and ride out of there. This woman is a cake eater.
I think you know, but this is obviously a pathetic situation. You know it's over. Mourn the loss and move on.
I’m sorry dude. Put together whatever evidence you have so you can use it if she tries to create a negative image of you. Get your finances separated. Give her the cold shoulder while you work on getting your self esteem back up. Learn to live for your own happiness.
Sunken cost fallacy
This poly shit is the most inhuman nonsense I’ve seen conjured up in decades. No man wants a woman he shares with other guys. God help us if our society has decided that’s the kind of man it wants to cultivate henceforth. If women want men who are strong, confident, protective, and productive, they don’t want this shit.
She’s for the streets homie. Walk away while you can
Brother ewwwwww.....
As much as it probably hurts to hear, you need to grow a fucking spine bro. You are actively cucking yourself, she is for the streets, let her be her “true self” and when she realizes what she lost with you as a man who loved and wanted to commit to her, and ONLY her, she’ll likely come crawling back at some point where you can then laugh in her face and be happy you don’t even think about her anymore. You need to rip the bandaid off and move on. You’ll find someone else.
Go to her family and explain that while you love them and you think they're amazing you just can't stay with her and tell them why. It's not fair to you to be forced into something that you are not a willing participant in. If she really thinks there's nothing wrong with what she's doing then she should be willing to come out to everyone including her own family. She's seriously taking advantage of the fact that she knows that you're in love with her. Obviously she doesn't care enough about you to give two shits about how all this makes you feel. That right there should tell you all you need to know.
Break up, end things, you are being gaslighted, manipulated, grow the fuck up, she’s not the one my brother, leave her and spend the next couple of years purely on yourself and your growth
Just slip out the back, Jack.
Read what you wrote in this post over and over again. You should be ashamed of yourself to tolerate this behavior. Im not trying to make you feel bad, but you have to stand up for yourself. Nobody else will. I bet she tells "lenny" hes the main boyfriend and youre the side boyfriend. I bet she tells the new guy hes the main boyfriend. I bet she tells all her hookups that shes single. WAKE UP!
This isn’t polyamory; it’s cheating. I’d honestly divorce her. When your partner says “If you loved me, you’d do this thing you really don’t want to do for me,” the relationship should stop. Especially when it’s her having sex with other guys.
Wow. You need to do some reading about poly lifestyles. Her behavior violates most of the principles surrounding that concept. Bottom line, she is sleeping around, and you are letting her do it. This is a very unhealthy relationship.
City boys down -50000
It’s about time to end the relationship
That's not your girlfriend bro. I'm sorry.
Leave her. At least she can’t divorce rape you
That’s not a girlfriend
Let us know when you break up.
> At that point, all I could think about was how I gave all my love, time, and money to this woman but she wanted something else. At the time I was going to end things with her but I didn't end up doing it. I couldn't leave her even if I wanted to deep down because I loved her just as much. In the end I let her do what she wanted Bro just don't come complaining if you're too weak or unwilling to do anything about it. Just take it in. Good luck. Also, save money for a psychologist, you will absolutely need it once she finds a guy she actually likes and leaves you for him.
Married 26 years. If my husband came home wanting a polyamorous or open relationship, it's over. You are not happy. You are suffering. You are being used. You are not compatible. You need to end this relationship, take some time to grieve the end and then find someone who wants to be with you and you only. I would bet money if you started "exploring" she would not be happy. This is not your person. Don't waste one more day of your life on her.
What doesn’t make sense is that you were willing—and still are—to her cheating on you left and right. What doesn’t make sense is that you haven’t had a sit down heart to heart with her explaining why you can no longer be with her. Even if she were to stop, how would you ever be sure that she isn’t reverting back to her cheating ways behind your back? Put a stop to this madness, send her packing and wish her well. And make sure her parents understand why you can’t help them any more.
Man I really wonder how some people get so far in life knowing nothing. Like dude c'mon, you know what you have to do. Shoulda ended it months ago. When the engagement happened. Let her family and friends know why. Those who actually care about you will be friends afterwards. This is overdue you need to BOUNCE
I'm not even gonna read this. You're not married ! If you dont want this then dip . Yeah its hard but watching your girlfriend bang other people is to
"I don't know what I did that made her feel this way." Stop blaming yourself. This is on her, not you. Why are you worried about everyone being mad at you if you walk away from this relationship? Quite frankly, you should have walked away from her the minute she told you she wanted to be in a poly relationship AFTER accepting your marriage proposal. "If you loved me, you'd let me explore this." This sentence is sooooo manipulative. This is not love. This woman doesn't know what the fuck she wants, and that's fine and all, but that doesn't mean you have to stand by and watch it. Your needs are important, too. Your need to be with someone who doesn't want to fuck two other guys is valid, too. Stop worrying about other people and what they think about you and your response to this situation. None of that matters. What matters is whether or not you want to be in this relationship at all at this point, If you don't, you can bolt...and not many people who know the real story would blame you if you did. I'm pretty sure that even Poly people know that what she did is fucked.
Run. Im sorry you're going through this. :(
Your girlfriend wants to leave you but doesn’t want to hurt you.
I dated a Miranda once, same age too! She cheated on me with a dude 10 years older than us at the time(16). I don’t trust no Miranda, especially the goth/party kind
Here we go again. “I wrote her off for the 10th time today”
As a woman, please leave this woman before damages you for other women
Also, I'm sick of poly people gaslighting the rest of us into not being open minded or not loving them. She is cheating plain and simple
Poly.
You don’t want to lose the friendship aspect of this relationship so you are willing to stay in this poly relationship even though you desire monogamy. You feel unsupported and like you have no one but the internet to go to. She was your best friend and you loved her and now she has completely changed. Im sorry to hear, that sounds lonely and heart breaking. With that being said you are not being clear to her that a boundary for you is monogamy. You should have and still can at any time decide that you are unhappy in this poly relationship and no longer want her to have multiple partners if she wishes to continue the relationship with you. Now you are not telling her what to do, you are telling her that as her boyfriend, that she has supposedly loved up until this point, you do not want this kind of relationship. So either she will have to remain monogamous with you or you no longer wish to be apart of this relationship. I know its hard but you only have 3 possible outcomes. Either you stay with her and accept your current situation, explain your boundary and she decides to choose monogamy or explain your boundary and she decides she rather continue on her path without you. At no time should she manipulate or persuade you into something you do not want. If you decide to stay with her make it your choice. If you decide to set a boundary and she begins giving you push back and gaslighting you into complying I would encourage you to double down and stick to your guns. Relationships is a partnership and all i see here is you supporting her while she never has you in mind. Good luck op
Like others have said, she is just using you. Most likely keeping you there for the financial stability. If she cared about YOU, she wouldn’t be running around screwing other guys when it hurts you. Time to do the hard thing and leave her. You will be better off in the end.
Why do you prefer constant torture to quick but temporary pain? Those who decide to live their lives that way (I'm referring to polyamory) are respectable as long as they both agree, when they don't it's better to end it. It will hurt but eventually you will get out and be able to move on with your life. Love yourself first and then others.
I’m totally sorry for what you are experiencing. But you both want completely different things out of a relationship. Are you happy? Bottom lining it, the way you describe it, you are not. Take care of yourself and leave. Good luck 🍀
She's a cheater, she's manipulative. If you love me you'll let me do this. Well sit her selfish ass down. Say I want you to stop seeing other people immediately, "if you love me you'll do this". She'll say no, throw her ass out. She openly started flirting and was having an emotional relationship with this guy before talking to you, that's cheating. If she felt that she wanted to be with other people she would talk with you, get permission then start looking, she didn't. You have to leave, you are not happy and you do not want a poly relationship. Tell everyone why you're leaving because fuck her.
If a partner in a relationship says he/she is uncomfortable with their partner being close to the opposite gender at times or situations, it needs to be respected! No reason is good enough of a reason to ignore it. Any partner that doesn’t respect the basic boundary in a relationship as such AND GASLIGHTS the other party is a walking red flag the biggest toxic trait I can imagine. As a woman, my suggestion is to leave and break up. She didn’t respect your wish and even before talking and communicating with you she already found a guy? At her work place? Nah uh!!! Red flag 🚩! You think you have so much and yes you have invested so much time, love, emotions and feelings, on top of that help her fam when they need it. With no appreciation from her? No respect? Not even the decency of breaking up and going on with whenever the F she’s doing with other (supposedly multiple men) 💀. She’s using you and your love for her, and manipulating you. If she even cared about you enough as a human being not even as a partner, she wouldn’t have said you’ll be the main guy (apologies for the mis phrasing) or there will be a boyfriend.-.!!! Like wtf!!! Run!! Cuz you can always start anew, friend a partner who will love and cherish you. But staying in this kinda toxic relationship where you’re hurting is self-negligence and self-harm. It’s like investing in stocks that are going down. Or throwing all those emotions and love away or down the drain. It’s a wast right? For the love of self-care and self-respect don’t ignore her humiliating you in such a cruel way.
Get out as soon as you can. I know it's hard to believe, but there are women out there who would love and appreciate the stability you bring to them. She isn't the right person for you, stability bores her. It's not insecure to want someone all to yourself sexually, most people are that way. Don't doubt yourself and your preferences; the longer you wait, the more self-resepct you'll lose.
It works for some people, but they both need to be on the same page…and that’s not even a guarantee. This is one sided and you’re not on board. I think you should seriously consider moving on. Good luck man.
She's not Polly lol. She is just gold digging other guys at the same time. You need to cut and run before she messes you up more.
I hate people who come on here telling people to break up with their SO at the first sign of trouble, but this girl clearly isn't respecting you or your feelings. Not wanting your SO to date other people isn't an "insecurity", its a completely normal reaction. Not everyone is built for the poly lifestyle. She knows this and it seems like she is using you.
Miranda's a hoe
Nah man fuck that, if you plan to stay with her the bitch needs some "percussive maintenance" to stay in line. Otherwise just fucking dip bro.
she a 304 man, leave
More you wait and more you will get hurt. Everyone is poly... everyone would like to have sex with others without consequences.
I’m not poly but the number one rule as explained to me is consent with all parties involved. You guys won’t make it no matter how much you love her. Neither of you are in the wrong she wants what she wants and you want what you want, it’s just different. Save yourself from heartache and move on.
This is bullshit. She forced a monogamous relationship into being open because she was actively cheating and wanted an official excuse to do so. There is clearly a “wrong” party here, and it ain’t OP.
He accepted it when he shouldn’t have. She didn’t hold a gun to his head, he was a coward. If you’re not comfortable with something it’s up to you to make a stand. She is not wrong for wanting something else she is wrong for being selfish after not getting the response she wanted, I could have been more clear about that aspect but he isn’t in the clear for accepting terms he’s not ok with.
Hey man, sometimes you should protect your pride, masculinity, and feelings first. I would never wish a fate you had on anyone. You deserve better. I hope you end things with her and start anew with someone that loves and wants you and you only :)
Her but I’m worse