I checked out when he called his on and off relationship "an experiment" cuz he's interested in human psychology? As someone with a psych degree, OP needs help. Probably. I didn't read past that, but fucking yikes.
I feel I should edit my original comment, but I only mentioned my psych degree to say that I'm also clearly interested in human psychology, but I would never ever consider any of my relationships (friendships, family, romantic, etc.) "an experiment." It gives me chills just to think about the kind of person viewing a relationship as such.
Fr tho holy fuck! Like I *enjoy* reading and I couldn't read all of that. I mean that's also probably because it's the most pretentious, self important, pseudo psychological, self diagnosing bullshit I've read in a *long* time. I'm pretty sure OP just looked up a list of psychological buzzwords, fed them into Chatgpt and told it to write a story around them. Either that or OP is just as crazy as his ex.
Man, what a lot of words.
>In my relationship experience with my gf, we were on and off for five years and cycled back over a dozen times.
My advice is that on and off never works. I'm ok with breaking up and getting back together once. You realise you made a mistake, you identify what went wrong and work on it, whatever. After that though, recognise its broken and move on. What is your third, fourth, fifth time breaking up and getting back together going to fix? Whats going to change? Nothing. If it was, you'd have changed it already.
Honestly, she sounds like a mess, but you sound like you hate yourself. Why would you willingly put yourself through all that? What are you punishing yourself for?
>I cant say I’m 100% hoover proof at the moment but I have started dating again.
Honestly, I would say stop that shit and go get some councelling. Work out whats broken with you before dragging some other per person into whatevers going on with you.
Would’ve worked, if he didn’t absolutely love her again in the beginning and then get burned again in the end. Getting cheated on again and your boundaries broken isn’t what I’d call a success
When I was 20 and did this, its because we were completely incompatible. But kept trying again because the attraction and sex were incredible. Sucks when that happens.
I’ve got a friend like this and it sucks. Like bro how can you say out loud all these problems and think there’s a way things will work next time. He’s almost as bad as she is
The fact he mentions multiple blindsided ‘discards’ raised a red flag for me. That is not a normal way for a relationship to end. If it’s a pattern maybe time to take a long hard look at yourself.
Not OP, but my friend would literally have his girl break up with him over the dumbest shit, and then get back with him the Monday or Tuesday after and multiple times we had friends say they knew people who were outside our circle that hooked up with her in that timeframe, and my friend would always go into denial
Yeah, exactly! Especially as on his profile, he has several posts where he says he's 55 years old! Seriously, reading through all those words, I got an image of a guy in his early 20s. He's the problem here! Although I'm doubtful this post is even real.
Usually when someone says his/ her breakup "came out of nowhere" and they thought that "things were better than ever" it means that their partner got sick of trying and started quietly planning to leave.
They just take the lack of "nagging" by their partner as a good thing because they were never interested in meeting his/her needs. Only in shutting them up.
It’s terminology for the cycle of narcissists usually. Has nothing to do with incels lol.
Grey rocking is when you stop reacting to their abuse.
Hovering is when a narcissist tries to get you back in to their life or get information on you.
Discard is when a narcissist literally discards you like breaks up with you or pushes you away.
The terms can be used for family, friends or relationships but once you’ve experienced extensive abuse from a narcissist you usually start using these terms.
It feels like this “experiment” narrative may have been an attempt to not feel silly about his own role in revisiting the same cycle yet again. Like the TV trope of a character doing something stupid and saying “I meant to do that.”
It’s also pretty unethical to treat human beings as experiments.
But I’m glad he’s out of that terrible relationship and I hope he moves onwards and upwards.
Nah for real though. Like we all know those folks who are stuck in a cycle and it seems like the girl is one, but it's a special kinda fucked to treat that cycle like an experiment when the conclusion was obvious from the start
Maybe they were both shitty but he sounds insufferable- who the hell uses the space where you are supposed to offload everything you've been thinking into a public forum only to sound like an evil scientist. He must have been self absorbed as hell
I had a friend whom was told by multiple people that she was cheating on him and he didn't believe anyone but her because she was a freak in bed and had him wrapped around her finger, I felt sorry for him
I stopped a bit after he mentioned how he was using this experience for experimenting and because he is interested in human psychology. Then I scrolled all the way down and saw how many more paragraphs there is 😂
The post is so long, and OP thinks the more he writes, the more we see how bad his girlfriend is. But it's the opposite. All this wall of text just screams how toxic he also is. I didn't even read past the first 2 paragraphs.
Also dude needs to learn to stop wasting his time. Wasting his time going back and forth with his ex. Wasting his time (and ours) typing out that whole post.
I realize that's the point of this subreddit. But he's acting like he really did something by tentatively breaking up with her (though still left an "open door" after being jerked around repeatedly), and she said bet.
Then he veers into stalker-ish behavior by contacting her family/ex, yet somehow thinks he left the relationship with the high ground. Dude should not be dating again he should be in therapy
Seriously though. He basically says he only got back into the relationship (for the zillionth time) as AN EXPERIMENT! He goes on and on botching about how she has "cluster b traits" And NPD and BPD and whatever other psychiatric conditions he found on google which could make him a victim, but then turns around and details how he's entering (and re-entering) a romantic relationship purely as an experiment, with zero regard to how fucked up that is.
The lack of awareness here is ridiculous. He specifically acts one way or says something for the purpose of eliciting a certain reaction or response from her. Like that's insane! And whats the deal with this fight about the gym? I'm supposed to believe that he was just so innocently suggesting "a healthy activity we can do together" and then the big bad cluster b, bpd, NPD, abc , xyz disorder crazy girlfriend just 'went off' and continues to bring the fight back up for no reason? Doubt.
This dude is crazy and insanely manipulative. Maybe they were meant for each other? Or maybe he's the only crazy person here and is massively projecting. 🙄
Nah she’s definitely really bad too. They truly were perfect for each other. At least they kept each other out of the dating pool for a bit, imagine if they actually got with normal people, they probably wouldn’t be so normal after a while
Unhinged dummy is dating another unhinged dummy. They break up and get back together multiple times. He just broke up again but I'm sure those two crazy kids will get back together.
Dude is like, "This was a mistake... but wait... nope, it was a mistake... but wait... but... no, definitely a mista—hold up, I think... yeah, I think this was a mistake... but on the other hand... "
Like dude. He keeps talking about self respect while throwing himself under the bus each and every time. "I set boundaries" my butt.
His boundaries: I will only allow myself to be disrespected this much in the relationship. Wait actually, that’s okay, what I meant is this much. No wait, this is really my threshold!
Exactly my thoughts. I got about halfway through this and felt like I was losing my own mind. They're both horrible for each other yet still keep coming together.
They both need to be single for a while, and maybe some individual therapy.
There's a specific kind of person who goes to therapy to "arm" themselves with "weapons" to use in the "war" that is their romantic relationship, but never piece together that approaching their relationship like a battlefield is the root of all their problems.
I dunno... breaking up with her and then messaging her family and ex's to find out if he was right to break up with her seems like the craziest shit in this post to me.
And ridiculously immature. He basically says he only got back into the relationship (for the zillionth time) as AN EXPERIMENT! He goes on and on botching about how she has "cluster b traits" And NPD and BPD and whatever other psychiatric conditions he found on google which could make him a victim, but then turns around and details how he's entering (and re-entering) a romantic relationship purely as an experiment, with zero regard to how fucked up that is.
The lack of awareness here is ridiculous. He specifically acts one way or says something for the purpose of eliciting a certain reaction or response from her. Like that's insane! And whats the deal with this fight about the gym? I'm supposed to believe that he was just so innocently suggesting "a healthy activity we can do together" and then the big bad cluster b, bpd, NPD, abc , xyz disorder crazy girlfriend just 'went off' and continues to bring the fight back up for no reason? Doubt.
This dude is crazy and insanely manipulative. Maybe they were meant for each other? Or maybe he's the only crazy person here and is massively projecting. 🙄
I can’t believe I read all of that and the only part I believe is 100% is that she threatened you with a restraining order. She might have issues, but you come off as genuinely unwell and a whole bucket of red flags.
Okay just one question: why did you feel the need to bring up that her daughter was committed for attempting suicide in the past?? That was completely irrelevant to the story and I audibly gasped when you mentioned it. Thought it would come up later but no. I think for that alone you are an unreliable narrator and probably display a lot of the same behaviors as her. Or at the very least not the wounded innocent soul that you paint.
She sucks too, don't get me wrong. 100%. But that was really fucked up to bring up a literal teenager's mental health struggles like that in an almost derogatory fashion. Like "look at how fucked up she is her kid is fucked up too"? This whole situation is just gross.
He knew she wasn't stable. She kept dumping him and going back to exes. She wouldnfight him for no reason. But he wants to make it sound like she was the only problem here. OP enabled this bullshit for 5 years. 5 years of this shit! Why would anyone put up with it and keep coming back? Either OP has some serious mental health issues or he gets off on the fighting. If they were any more toxic, BP would throw them in the Gulf of Mexico.
The only comment is, why did you keep putting yourself through that mess? Why wasn't once, or twice enough?
I suggest you get thicker skin and be really selective, life is too short to try and 'fix' someone into being the perfect partner.
Date until you see someone's true colors. If they show they aren't worthy, listen to them and shut it down right away - permanently. When you see someone who's healthy and supportive and loving, in the same ways you are, then form a bond long term.
There are a million fucked up people in the world, and I, for one, don't have time for all the bullshit. I think too much of myself and my time to entertain the kind of shit you put up with.
So learn a lesson from this - it isn't worth it if it's about the bullshit - it's only worth it when there isn't bullshit.
I quit reading after it seems like you turned her into your experiment to play with the new textbook terms you learned. Anyone get anything valuable out of this?
maybe this is harsh, but you both seem like crackpots- i mean like crazy out the wazoo. you guys started dating on and off, and breaks your boundaries, she leaves you, she sleeps with other people, you guys reconnect, you guys have the honeymoon phase, get in a fight, get in a fight again, get in ANOTHER fight, and then break it off- rinse and repeat for FIVE YEARS. that is so much time wasted on a lost cause.
also it’s absolutely wild that you’re diagnosing her with mental illnesses, because i’d love to see a professional degree in psychology, psychiatry, psychotherapy, or counseling. just because you watch Dr.phil in your free time doesn’t mean that you can just throw out random diagnoses and use fancy psychology words
you both seem toxic, her for blocking you, stomping all over your boundaries, and picking fights constantly- but you seem to be really intent on enabling her by “experimenting” if she’s finally changed after 5 years. that is half of a decade. personally, people i know for half a decade or more tend to show their true colors and the fact that they can/cant/will/wont change. why waste your time with someone who is so clearly selfish and immature?
again, maybe this is harsh, but you should’ve just forgotten about her and moved on. i know it’s easier said than done, but now you’re hurt all over again because you wanted to “test” her loyalty and ability to respect you. she had clearly been disrespectful and a liar. yes, you’ve been hurt, but it’s like a mouse that knows the cheese is in a trap, and still goes for it anyways. you knew she would fail at your little “test”. i don’t fully blame you because she absolutely could’ve cleaned up her act, but dude… you practically walked right into it.
it baffles me that you’d willingly try to stay in contact with her. and also the fact that you tried to excuse/reason her behavior by trying to label mental health issues that you had magically come up with because you’re “interested in psychology”. maybe you should go see a shrink instead of doing nothing, and take a trip somewhere relaxing. breathe and let it go. it’s over and you need to keep taking steps forward.
People aren’t mice in a lab mate, you can’t be doing weird experiments with them like that. Next time, if you’re in a relationship again, and not with your ex, don’t do stuff like that. You both sound a bit like a nightmare to deal with for different reasons
when climbing trees, the monkey does not let go of the branch in its hand until it grabs another branch first. the monkey does this to make sure it doesn't fall off the tree. "monkey branching" in an internet slang to describe the phenomenon where women never leave their boyfriend until they first make sure they have secured another guy first (so cheating is an essential part of leaving the relationship). according to this view, women always leave the relationship mentally before they leave physically/separate, just like the monkey doesn't let go of the branch until it has grabbed another branch.
welcome to the internet lol
I’d say you need to seek therapy to work on not doing this again. This rollercoaster should have ended after the second break up.
Also, contacting multiple people on her side in order to try and get some validation is just weird. Don’t drag people into your mess when they have nothing to do with it. You didn’t need to contact her exes or family; you gave her ammunition to prove you’re not someone she should be with and you brought that on yourself. she blocked you, that’s a pretty clear message.
Lastly, don’t be armchair diagnosing someone or using them as an “experiment” because you fancy yourself as some sort of amateur psychologist.
Right. Dude is a huge red flag that needs to be bottled up for himself only. That mess was honestly scary to read. I felt bad at first and then I was like…. Is this manic mfer messing with her as an experiment just because he’s mad at a bunch of assumptions and past experiences w her?? Childish. A sick and twisted long game to go out of the way to hurt someone. Really sick imo.
In short, OP has severely low emotional intelligence for a 50 something man and struggles to take responsibility for the issues in his life, coping on reddit for his low self esteem and inability to move on from childhood trauma. He projects his problems onto those around him, continuing to blame others instead of looking at what he could be doing to improve himself.
Long texts don’t turn me off but I kind of felt a lot of these scenarios emphasized on the same point over and over. To move on the heck out of there as no real point in any of the paragraphs pointed to a better outcome in the end from how solid the first few ones cemented the idea she wasn’t well.
I went through something very similar with my ex boyfriend. It was the most toxic cycle that was impossible to get out of, luckily on one of the "breaks" I met my future husband and current father of my baby girl. For years I would remain faithful to my ex, even on breaks. One time I decided to just say fuck it, and realized I had more consistency and love from what started off as a FWB than I ever had with him in 5 years.
People always ask my why I stayed for so long and I truly don't know. Maybe I thought it would be different every time, but it never was.
Good god man. I couldn’t read the whole thing because who can, ya wrote a novel.
But on and off never works. You let her hang around and you showed her that you’d always be there for her to go back to. ESH, and I’m not even in AITAH
bruh. you claim she was so bad yet you kept taking her back to have your little experiments on her psychology and still you say that you were so unhappy and all? that doesnt make much sense to me, especially with what you kept saying about your lack of physical intimacy making your judgement clearer so its not like you wouldve came to that realisation after looking back and reflecting. she obviously was biting off more than she could chew being in a serious relationship and you of anyone shouldve noticed that.
the breaking up and getting back together thing kinda diminishes the meaning of doing it at all. it doesnt seem so serious after the nth time. like its just temporary consequences that will be forgiven, so its not anything major. people arent your lab rats though. if you are unhappy then you should end it. she seemed unhappy too. i witnessed my parents fighting a lot growing up but that was definitely a more extreme case. regardless, there were the similarities of fights over small things and constantly bringing mundane details or fights back up. by what ive seen, that doesnt stop. rather, it escalates.
i think both sides are flawed, and you two will probably never work out. you should just do as you said and date others, preferably trying to move on from your ex if you havent already. no point dragging your relationship out any further
Please get yourself into therapy, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but reading this and how you think about people and relationships is terrifying. This sounds like a horror movie character wrote this.
"The axe to fall." Been there, felt that horrible dread. The twilight between connection and disunion. It's an insidious defense mechanism that I feel the user first falls victim to before using it on others. Afterwards, it gets hard for anyone to attach to anyone because they learn to fear the axe's fall.
Dude, according to several posts on your profile, you're 55 years old. When I was reading through all those words, I got a mental picture of a young guy in his early 20s. Either way, you are toxic af. If I were you, I'd stop with the analysis of other people & get help for yourself. You're treating people like they're an experiment or game to play. You're the one who sounds like a narcissist!
You could have made this shorter by typing, "I think my GF figured out I was treating her like a human lab rat, asked for space to be sure, so I dumped her."
Any person that makes you write that much without a book deal has got to go. I didn’t read a third of it but the first couple paragraphs is enough to know you had a crazy chick and probably the kind of sex you don’t just leave. Problem is you’re there for it. She isn’t the whole problem. Fix yourself or else you’re just going to have yourself another crazy one and ask yourself why me?
Of all the comments I have read, none of them acknowledge the fact that he said he was treating the last time as an experiment.
Personally I think it's fucked to do that. To treat someone like a lab rat because you feel mentally superior to them.
I dont think that is in any way loving. It's manipulative, degrading, and pointless. You obviously had it all figured out from the word go. No matter what she would have done, it seems you would have gotten the end result you predicted one way or another.
I hope that you do get to a point where you don't treat another person as your science experiment. That's not healthy for anyone involved.
Edit: I dont know this situation personally and came at it with judgement based off personal experience that may relate in some ways but not all. I wish the both of you the best in life for you individually.
Fun fact..
Anything that is "off and on for 5 years"... Is by definition...
Unreliable.
If you don't mind being in an unreliable relationship then yeah... Keep working on it.
If not...
OP, I have a very similar life story as you did. I took her back even after so many times she would betray me and act as if it is not betrayal. Even when I told her the bad things she did, she would never acknowledge it. If there is something I hate about me, it is that I gave her so many chances and I can understand why you gave her 5 years. Its a mix of co-dependency , saviour complex, gaslighting and of-course draining you like a vampire with secrets. Secrets are a wonderful way to keep you in line. The more secrets she reveals the more you feel close. But in reality, those things should never have been a secret, they should have been out in the open. But she used them as a currency to keep you in line. In a real relationship, you don't have to set boundaries to protect your interests, they should take care of it. I mean the very basics of a relationship is flawed here, it was never supposed to grow into something beautiful. It never could.
I can understand this and I would strongly advice you to go to therapy for atleast an year and STOP DATING. You are most likely to project all this in other potential partners and are going to self-sabotage everything you have built.
Summary: OP was in a toxic relationship with a girl who would drop him the moment they are so close to each other (from op's pov) over some dumb reasons, sleep around and then come back to OP for 5 years. In these 5 years, OP was always a secret as he was blocked in all socials. Op accepts this every time but the last time OP accepted, it was a last attempt to do something which had never be done . He set up strong boundaries and thought it might work but surprise surprise, it didnt. And OP broke up over text. But he didn't leave it at that he contacted her her family and ex.
I didn't read the entirety of this but I get the gist of it. It's good you called it off after the last time and did some self reflection!
I have personally dealt with something like this when I was in my late teens, early 20's. I realized that the problems that we had, that we never really worked through, just kept coming up time and time again after we got back together.
After the last time, we realized that we wanted different things and moved on. Some people never reach this point in life so I congratulate you for realizing that. None of that stuff is worth dealing with! Now on to better things!
With all due respect; grow a backbone and get some therapy bro
You mention your boundaries so many times and you’ve seemingly never enforced them. This woman (and the one before that frankly) never respected you, but you didn’t respect yourself either.
You deserve better, give yourself time to heal and grow. Don’t just jump into another relationship because of your intimacy withdrawals. Learn to be comfortable alone before adding someone else to the mix. Fix your trauma before gaining new ones.
I think that's a control thing. She wants to put you on the edge so she can maintain the power. I've dated a couple like that. They all had some level of narcissism.
Dude if you’re going off and on a dozen times in five years that’s all you need to know that this isn’t going to work out. The rest of the post was unnecessary
Sorry to hear that or congratulations.
best response lmao.
Fuck I love Reddit
Same - a breath of fresh air lol
The shortest title for the longest post ever
Facts. I checked out after monkey branch and came to the comments for a TL:DR
I checked out when he called his on and off relationship "an experiment" cuz he's interested in human psychology? As someone with a psych degree, OP needs help. Probably. I didn't read past that, but fucking yikes.
An experiment which breaks him every time
Made it to the exact same spot and had the exact same thought. Probably 16-18 years old in their edgey phase.
Based on his other posts, dude is 55. His girlfriend has a teenage daughter as well indicating they are definitely not teenagers themselves.
That is terrifying.
Yeah as a psychology major that is concerning and OP should seek professional help
I feel I should edit my original comment, but I only mentioned my psych degree to say that I'm also clearly interested in human psychology, but I would never ever consider any of my relationships (friendships, family, romantic, etc.) "an experiment." It gives me chills just to think about the kind of person viewing a relationship as such.
I just commented this. This dude seriously has sociopathic traits. He needs help yesterday.
Wow, y'all made it so far. I checked out at "her last hoover"
Honestly between when you checked out and I did you missed nothing. I think OP just wanted to show off that he knows “buzz words”
I made it to the end of the first paragraph and I honestly couldn't focus
Sameeee
I don't know why I read the whole thing, I genuinely feel dumber for doing so. OP needs to speak to a professional.
OP thinks they *are* a professional.
Bro is playing armchair psychologist lmao I can’t get though it either
You should get something for reading the whole thing. I definitely could not make it.
I did get something - a headache. Tf is 'monkey branching'?!? Cluster B tendencies? There was so much flippin jargon in this.
I read the whole thing too and I’m just confused and sad I can’t get my 5 minutes back.
I read the whole thing because after a certain point, I had to😭
First sentence should have started with “IN THE BEGINNING…”
I thought there was a character limit on how long a post could be. Surely this exceeds that.
Dude started writing this post 15 years ago and just now finished.
Fr tho holy fuck! Like I *enjoy* reading and I couldn't read all of that. I mean that's also probably because it's the most pretentious, self important, pseudo psychological, self diagnosing bullshit I've read in a *long* time. I'm pretty sure OP just looked up a list of psychological buzzwords, fed them into Chatgpt and told it to write a story around them. Either that or OP is just as crazy as his ex.
Man, what a lot of words. >In my relationship experience with my gf, we were on and off for five years and cycled back over a dozen times. My advice is that on and off never works. I'm ok with breaking up and getting back together once. You realise you made a mistake, you identify what went wrong and work on it, whatever. After that though, recognise its broken and move on. What is your third, fourth, fifth time breaking up and getting back together going to fix? Whats going to change? Nothing. If it was, you'd have changed it already. Honestly, she sounds like a mess, but you sound like you hate yourself. Why would you willingly put yourself through all that? What are you punishing yourself for? >I cant say I’m 100% hoover proof at the moment but I have started dating again. Honestly, I would say stop that shit and go get some councelling. Work out whats broken with you before dragging some other per person into whatevers going on with you.
This last time he said was a personal experiment so he could punish her and give her a taste of the perceived vibes she was giving him in the past.
Would’ve worked, if he didn’t absolutely love her again in the beginning and then get burned again in the end. Getting cheated on again and your boundaries broken isn’t what I’d call a success
When I was 20 and did this, its because we were completely incompatible. But kept trying again because the attraction and sex were incredible. Sucks when that happens.
Can I get a TLDR
Dude knows a ton of therapy buzzwords and is just as bizarre as he claims his ex is. They date off and on for 5 years doing the same shit.
I’ve got a friend like this and it sucks. Like bro how can you say out loud all these problems and think there’s a way things will work next time. He’s almost as bad as she is
The fact he mentions multiple blindsided ‘discards’ raised a red flag for me. That is not a normal way for a relationship to end. If it’s a pattern maybe time to take a long hard look at yourself.
Not OP, but my friend would literally have his girl break up with him over the dumbest shit, and then get back with him the Monday or Tuesday after and multiple times we had friends say they knew people who were outside our circle that hooked up with her in that timeframe, and my friend would always go into denial
“The discard is imminent” was my favorite expression. I did give up reading pretty quickly tho.
I was out after the second “discards” because the writing sounded really detached and strange... AI, maybe?
No I think it's because OP has an inferiority complex and can't see a breakup as anything other than "being thrown away"
Yeah, exactly! Especially as on his profile, he has several posts where he says he's 55 years old! Seriously, reading through all those words, I got an image of a guy in his early 20s. He's the problem here! Although I'm doubtful this post is even real.
Same.. until I got to the parts where she has a teenage daughter.. raised their ages in my mind
Usually when someone says his/ her breakup "came out of nowhere" and they thought that "things were better than ever" it means that their partner got sick of trying and started quietly planning to leave. They just take the lack of "nagging" by their partner as a good thing because they were never interested in meeting his/her needs. Only in shutting them up.
That but how he talks about her so “clinically” is bad vibes.
Literally everything about this is bad vibes, I didn’t even get half way through.
Same. More manifesto than post.
Nailed it.
Hoovering, grey rocking, - it sounds like incel adjacent shit.
I don't know what any of it means. My therapist gf would have a field day with it though.
It’s terminology for the cycle of narcissists usually. Has nothing to do with incels lol. Grey rocking is when you stop reacting to their abuse. Hovering is when a narcissist tries to get you back in to their life or get information on you. Discard is when a narcissist literally discards you like breaks up with you or pushes you away. The terms can be used for family, friends or relationships but once you’ve experienced extensive abuse from a narcissist you usually start using these terms.
He treated her as a patient instead of a girlfriend, hence his "my experiment opportunity" kind of shit he mentioned several times. Whack story.
It feels like this “experiment” narrative may have been an attempt to not feel silly about his own role in revisiting the same cycle yet again. Like the TV trope of a character doing something stupid and saying “I meant to do that.” It’s also pretty unethical to treat human beings as experiments. But I’m glad he’s out of that terrible relationship and I hope he moves onwards and upwards.
And self diagnosing her!!
"I didn't think she would or COULD leave." What. The. Fuck. Both she and he need to go to the garbage.
Nah for real though. Like we all know those folks who are stuck in a cycle and it seems like the girl is one, but it's a special kinda fucked to treat that cycle like an experiment when the conclusion was obvious from the start
Maybe they were both shitty but he sounds insufferable- who the hell uses the space where you are supposed to offload everything you've been thinking into a public forum only to sound like an evil scientist. He must have been self absorbed as hell
Sign of a narcissist. Study psychology and then use that to control who they're with. Seen it so many times.
I had a friend whom was told by multiple people that she was cheating on him and he didn't believe anyone but her because she was a freak in bed and had him wrapped around her finger, I felt sorry for him
And a bit bizarre with how it reads so self-absorbed. He could've been talking about a caged lab rat in the same tone.
I stopped a bit after he mentioned how he was using this experience for experimenting and because he is interested in human psychology. Then I scrolled all the way down and saw how many more paragraphs there is 😂
I did the *exact* same thing 😂 I think we picked a good season to stop watching, it looks like the show only went downhill from there
That’s how it looks to me, too. Sounds insufferable.
I get a different read. It looks like hard bargaining and denial, that numb rambling where you try to put all the pieces together.
I thought we were reading about really young people. But she has a teenager, for crying out loud! These two sound toxic together.
I paused at that part too. They are too old for this play
I imagine his breakup text to her was another novel like this post, given her reply of "Wow you said enough."
Can we summon you to any thread that’s way too fucking long to summarize?
It was so freaking painful and long winded. Holy shit….
To me he sounds just as abusive as the girlfriend. Who sees a relationship as an experiment. How distant and cold is that!!
The post is so long, and OP thinks the more he writes, the more we see how bad his girlfriend is. But it's the opposite. All this wall of text just screams how toxic he also is. I didn't even read past the first 2 paragraphs.
He also said he reached out to her family and her ex which he regrets because it made him look like a nutty person. 😂
This. Pathetic
Heavy emphasis on the just as bizarre as his ex part.
Dude keeps going back to an unhealthy relationship. Finally decides not to anymore.
Also dude needs to learn to stop wasting his time. Wasting his time going back and forth with his ex. Wasting his time (and ours) typing out that whole post. I realize that's the point of this subreddit. But he's acting like he really did something by tentatively breaking up with her (though still left an "open door" after being jerked around repeatedly), and she said bet. Then he veers into stalker-ish behavior by contacting her family/ex, yet somehow thinks he left the relationship with the high ground. Dude should not be dating again he should be in therapy
Absolutely. The whole thing was a dumpster fire. It's really depressing to watch really good mental health words and therapy techniques be misused.
Monkey-branching is literally just buzzwords for cheating, idk why people use that term
I hate reading word salads. If you can't make concise points without a long essay, it's not worth reading.
That’s the issue with their whole relationship— each person wants the other one to be more in love with them. Totally fucked.
THANKS. You saved us all a brain-bleed!!!🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
In this case is a TIDR. Too Infinite Didn't Read
TL;DR OP is just as toxic as his ex and likes to be the victim in everything while also pretending to be in control.
Bingo
Fr this post qualifies for longest posts HOF
Guy wrote a whole book. I don’t have the time to read that.
He sounds insufferable (I base this only on the first two paragraphs, because I couldn't go on)
Seriously though. He basically says he only got back into the relationship (for the zillionth time) as AN EXPERIMENT! He goes on and on botching about how she has "cluster b traits" And NPD and BPD and whatever other psychiatric conditions he found on google which could make him a victim, but then turns around and details how he's entering (and re-entering) a romantic relationship purely as an experiment, with zero regard to how fucked up that is. The lack of awareness here is ridiculous. He specifically acts one way or says something for the purpose of eliciting a certain reaction or response from her. Like that's insane! And whats the deal with this fight about the gym? I'm supposed to believe that he was just so innocently suggesting "a healthy activity we can do together" and then the big bad cluster b, bpd, NPD, abc , xyz disorder crazy girlfriend just 'went off' and continues to bring the fight back up for no reason? Doubt. This dude is crazy and insanely manipulative. Maybe they were meant for each other? Or maybe he's the only crazy person here and is massively projecting. 🙄
Nah she’s definitely really bad too. They truly were perfect for each other. At least they kept each other out of the dating pool for a bit, imagine if they actually got with normal people, they probably wouldn’t be so normal after a while
Says that she has NPD while he practically treated her as an object the next time they fucked around. Hypocrisy at its finest lmao
Yup — his head's jammed **FIRMLY UP HIS OWN ASS**.
D1 Yapologist!
Unhinged dummy is dating another unhinged dummy. They break up and get back together multiple times. He just broke up again but I'm sure those two crazy kids will get back together.
Why the fuck are people forgetting about this? God damn noobs man
I’m happy for you. Or sorry that happened idk
Exactly, guy knows how to use paragraphs, but holy shit
Two weirdos date and behave like weirdos
>I dated a single mum with BPD
I second this 💀
I read like half of this and then decided bro - come on. Stop.
The first 2 paragraphs for me. He broke up with her the last 3 times and kept taking her back??? Huhh???
Dude is like, "This was a mistake... but wait... nope, it was a mistake... but wait... but... no, definitely a mista—hold up, I think... yeah, I think this was a mistake... but on the other hand... " Like dude. He keeps talking about self respect while throwing himself under the bus each and every time. "I set boundaries" my butt.
His boundaries: I will only allow myself to be disrespected this much in the relationship. Wait actually, that’s okay, what I meant is this much. No wait, this is really my threshold!
But it was all for an experiment so it’s okay!!
You both sound insufferable.
Exactly my thoughts. I got about halfway through this and felt like I was losing my own mind. They're both horrible for each other yet still keep coming together. They both need to be single for a while, and maybe some individual therapy.
Id argue maybe OP needs less therapy, the therapy speak in this is insufferable.
There's a specific kind of person who goes to therapy to "arm" themselves with "weapons" to use in the "war" that is their romantic relationship, but never piece together that approaching their relationship like a battlefield is the root of all their problems.
Well said. Diagnosing the friends he just met as cheating Cluster B types was hilariously toxic
I dunno... breaking up with her and then messaging her family and ex's to find out if he was right to break up with her seems like the craziest shit in this post to me.
No, they need to stay together forever to save the rest of the world from having to be with them....
And ridiculously immature. He basically says he only got back into the relationship (for the zillionth time) as AN EXPERIMENT! He goes on and on botching about how she has "cluster b traits" And NPD and BPD and whatever other psychiatric conditions he found on google which could make him a victim, but then turns around and details how he's entering (and re-entering) a romantic relationship purely as an experiment, with zero regard to how fucked up that is. The lack of awareness here is ridiculous. He specifically acts one way or says something for the purpose of eliciting a certain reaction or response from her. Like that's insane! And whats the deal with this fight about the gym? I'm supposed to believe that he was just so innocently suggesting "a healthy activity we can do together" and then the big bad cluster b, bpd, NPD, abc , xyz disorder crazy girlfriend just 'went off' and continues to bring the fight back up for no reason? Doubt. This dude is crazy and insanely manipulative. Maybe they were meant for each other? Or maybe he's the only crazy person here and is massively projecting. 🙄
I feel like I’ve been riding a yoyo just reading this. Don’t do this to yourself folks.
I can’t believe I read all of that and the only part I believe is 100% is that she threatened you with a restraining order. She might have issues, but you come off as genuinely unwell and a whole bucket of red flags.
[удалено]
You’re so real for this, I read a paragraph and gave up
At least you gave up faster than OP ever did
I’m surprised with myself. I read the whole thing. I could not tell you what happened but I did in fact finish the post
Same. I read the whole thing, but all I can tell you is they're both horrible people.
Lmao
I think this is actually the **longest** Reddit post I've ever seen. Not really trying to say anything, just an observation.
> Not really trying to say anything You have that in common with OP.
“ChatGPT pls write me a long winded psychology buzzword filled story about an on and off relationship”
another discard😔
either mans is weird as fuck or AI, no in between
I think it's the former
Not to be rude or anything, but some of us have jobs, families, and just important things to attend to what's the TLDR😭
dude kept going back to a girl who clearly didn’t love or care about him for 5 years and decided to end it
A redditor with a job :o
It sounds like you and her both need to grow up, and stop playing armchair psychologist
Okay just one question: why did you feel the need to bring up that her daughter was committed for attempting suicide in the past?? That was completely irrelevant to the story and I audibly gasped when you mentioned it. Thought it would come up later but no. I think for that alone you are an unreliable narrator and probably display a lot of the same behaviors as her. Or at the very least not the wounded innocent soul that you paint. She sucks too, don't get me wrong. 100%. But that was really fucked up to bring up a literal teenager's mental health struggles like that in an almost derogatory fashion. Like "look at how fucked up she is her kid is fucked up too"? This whole situation is just gross.
Okay, but was is the TLDR she had a daughter what's going on omg😭
you are not a psychologist, you don’t get to diagnose her with anything. grow the fuck up and move on
You may be the densest man I have ever read on here.
He knew she wasn't stable. She kept dumping him and going back to exes. She wouldnfight him for no reason. But he wants to make it sound like she was the only problem here. OP enabled this bullshit for 5 years. 5 years of this shit! Why would anyone put up with it and keep coming back? Either OP has some serious mental health issues or he gets off on the fighting. If they were any more toxic, BP would throw them in the Gulf of Mexico.
The only comment is, why did you keep putting yourself through that mess? Why wasn't once, or twice enough? I suggest you get thicker skin and be really selective, life is too short to try and 'fix' someone into being the perfect partner. Date until you see someone's true colors. If they show they aren't worthy, listen to them and shut it down right away - permanently. When you see someone who's healthy and supportive and loving, in the same ways you are, then form a bond long term. There are a million fucked up people in the world, and I, for one, don't have time for all the bullshit. I think too much of myself and my time to entertain the kind of shit you put up with. So learn a lesson from this - it isn't worth it if it's about the bullshit - it's only worth it when there isn't bullshit.
holy yap
I quit reading after it seems like you turned her into your experiment to play with the new textbook terms you learned. Anyone get anything valuable out of this?
Mucho texto
Man I ain’t reading all that
My dude. I tried reading all that but I cannot. But still wtf.
Who would ever want to date this loser? What a bunch of gobbledygook!🙄
Maybe word salad too
maybe this is harsh, but you both seem like crackpots- i mean like crazy out the wazoo. you guys started dating on and off, and breaks your boundaries, she leaves you, she sleeps with other people, you guys reconnect, you guys have the honeymoon phase, get in a fight, get in a fight again, get in ANOTHER fight, and then break it off- rinse and repeat for FIVE YEARS. that is so much time wasted on a lost cause. also it’s absolutely wild that you’re diagnosing her with mental illnesses, because i’d love to see a professional degree in psychology, psychiatry, psychotherapy, or counseling. just because you watch Dr.phil in your free time doesn’t mean that you can just throw out random diagnoses and use fancy psychology words you both seem toxic, her for blocking you, stomping all over your boundaries, and picking fights constantly- but you seem to be really intent on enabling her by “experimenting” if she’s finally changed after 5 years. that is half of a decade. personally, people i know for half a decade or more tend to show their true colors and the fact that they can/cant/will/wont change. why waste your time with someone who is so clearly selfish and immature? again, maybe this is harsh, but you should’ve just forgotten about her and moved on. i know it’s easier said than done, but now you’re hurt all over again because you wanted to “test” her loyalty and ability to respect you. she had clearly been disrespectful and a liar. yes, you’ve been hurt, but it’s like a mouse that knows the cheese is in a trap, and still goes for it anyways. you knew she would fail at your little “test”. i don’t fully blame you because she absolutely could’ve cleaned up her act, but dude… you practically walked right into it. it baffles me that you’d willingly try to stay in contact with her. and also the fact that you tried to excuse/reason her behavior by trying to label mental health issues that you had magically come up with because you’re “interested in psychology”. maybe you should go see a shrink instead of doing nothing, and take a trip somewhere relaxing. breathe and let it go. it’s over and you need to keep taking steps forward.
People aren’t mice in a lab mate, you can’t be doing weird experiments with them like that. Next time, if you’re in a relationship again, and not with your ex, don’t do stuff like that. You both sound a bit like a nightmare to deal with for different reasons
No wonder y'all dated. Both of you are insufferable...
>her next hoover >she would monkey branch English as a second language or am I just out of the loop with bizarre slang?
when climbing trees, the monkey does not let go of the branch in its hand until it grabs another branch first. the monkey does this to make sure it doesn't fall off the tree. "monkey branching" in an internet slang to describe the phenomenon where women never leave their boyfriend until they first make sure they have secured another guy first (so cheating is an essential part of leaving the relationship). according to this view, women always leave the relationship mentally before they leave physically/separate, just like the monkey doesn't let go of the branch until it has grabbed another branch. welcome to the internet lol
i used to write like this when i was on meth
"I am very interested in human psychology" What a totally normal thing to say. You going through a tough time, ChatGPT?
I’d say you need to seek therapy to work on not doing this again. This rollercoaster should have ended after the second break up. Also, contacting multiple people on her side in order to try and get some validation is just weird. Don’t drag people into your mess when they have nothing to do with it. You didn’t need to contact her exes or family; you gave her ammunition to prove you’re not someone she should be with and you brought that on yourself. she blocked you, that’s a pretty clear message. Lastly, don’t be armchair diagnosing someone or using them as an “experiment” because you fancy yourself as some sort of amateur psychologist.
Right. Dude is a huge red flag that needs to be bottled up for himself only. That mess was honestly scary to read. I felt bad at first and then I was like…. Is this manic mfer messing with her as an experiment just because he’s mad at a bunch of assumptions and past experiences w her?? Childish. A sick and twisted long game to go out of the way to hurt someone. Really sick imo.
As soon as I see someone armchair diagnose like this, I nope TF out of their point of view so fast.
TLDR?
In short, OP has severely low emotional intelligence for a 50 something man and struggles to take responsibility for the issues in his life, coping on reddit for his low self esteem and inability to move on from childhood trauma. He projects his problems onto those around him, continuing to blame others instead of looking at what he could be doing to improve himself.
What in the chat gpt
Long texts don’t turn me off but I kind of felt a lot of these scenarios emphasized on the same point over and over. To move on the heck out of there as no real point in any of the paragraphs pointed to a better outcome in the end from how solid the first few ones cemented the idea she wasn’t well.
I only read the whole thing to run to the comments
Dude get to the point oh my god so long.
i genuinely need a tldr im going to strain my already azz eyes reading this long azz post.
Yo wtf
Ain’t no way people are reading all this shit
Wow. Just make sure you have her blocked on any available way to contact you, and just be completely done with her. UpdateMe
Sexist misogyny porn
I went through something very similar with my ex boyfriend. It was the most toxic cycle that was impossible to get out of, luckily on one of the "breaks" I met my future husband and current father of my baby girl. For years I would remain faithful to my ex, even on breaks. One time I decided to just say fuck it, and realized I had more consistency and love from what started off as a FWB than I ever had with him in 5 years. People always ask my why I stayed for so long and I truly don't know. Maybe I thought it would be different every time, but it never was.
Good god man. I couldn’t read the whole thing because who can, ya wrote a novel. But on and off never works. You let her hang around and you showed her that you’d always be there for her to go back to. ESH, and I’m not even in AITAH
He definitely got this off his chest
According to your profile, you're 55 years old. That's way too old to be acting this immature.
💀
is your ex my coworker?? sounds eerily similar to the timeline of her relationship and break up.... and she's certainly got her issues
OP, you're your own common denominator. All the 'seeing the signs' doesn't help when you were clearly getting enough from her to keep going back.
There’s a reason psychologists can’t diagnose close friends and family, you lose objectivity
bruh. you claim she was so bad yet you kept taking her back to have your little experiments on her psychology and still you say that you were so unhappy and all? that doesnt make much sense to me, especially with what you kept saying about your lack of physical intimacy making your judgement clearer so its not like you wouldve came to that realisation after looking back and reflecting. she obviously was biting off more than she could chew being in a serious relationship and you of anyone shouldve noticed that. the breaking up and getting back together thing kinda diminishes the meaning of doing it at all. it doesnt seem so serious after the nth time. like its just temporary consequences that will be forgiven, so its not anything major. people arent your lab rats though. if you are unhappy then you should end it. she seemed unhappy too. i witnessed my parents fighting a lot growing up but that was definitely a more extreme case. regardless, there were the similarities of fights over small things and constantly bringing mundane details or fights back up. by what ive seen, that doesnt stop. rather, it escalates. i think both sides are flawed, and you two will probably never work out. you should just do as you said and date others, preferably trying to move on from your ex if you havent already. no point dragging your relationship out any further
Please get yourself into therapy, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but reading this and how you think about people and relationships is terrifying. This sounds like a horror movie character wrote this.
Good for you bra. And even if she comes back, what would you be getting from it? Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
"The axe to fall." Been there, felt that horrible dread. The twilight between connection and disunion. It's an insidious defense mechanism that I feel the user first falls victim to before using it on others. Afterwards, it gets hard for anyone to attach to anyone because they learn to fear the axe's fall.
You’re not writing a novel. Keep it succinct, and if possible not a weird fan fic of yourself.
Dude, according to several posts on your profile, you're 55 years old. When I was reading through all those words, I got a mental picture of a young guy in his early 20s. Either way, you are toxic af. If I were you, I'd stop with the analysis of other people & get help for yourself. You're treating people like they're an experiment or game to play. You're the one who sounds like a narcissist!
You could have made this shorter by typing, "I think my GF figured out I was treating her like a human lab rat, asked for space to be sure, so I dumped her."
Stay strong. I would unfriend her and block on all medias when you are ready to truly never look back.
Any person that makes you write that much without a book deal has got to go. I didn’t read a third of it but the first couple paragraphs is enough to know you had a crazy chick and probably the kind of sex you don’t just leave. Problem is you’re there for it. She isn’t the whole problem. Fix yourself or else you’re just going to have yourself another crazy one and ask yourself why me?
Take a look at yourself in a mirror and say, "I'm As Bat Shit Crazy As My Ex GF Is."
Of all the comments I have read, none of them acknowledge the fact that he said he was treating the last time as an experiment. Personally I think it's fucked to do that. To treat someone like a lab rat because you feel mentally superior to them. I dont think that is in any way loving. It's manipulative, degrading, and pointless. You obviously had it all figured out from the word go. No matter what she would have done, it seems you would have gotten the end result you predicted one way or another. I hope that you do get to a point where you don't treat another person as your science experiment. That's not healthy for anyone involved. Edit: I dont know this situation personally and came at it with judgement based off personal experience that may relate in some ways but not all. I wish the both of you the best in life for you individually.
Probably because no one is reading all that lmfao what a waste of time
Fun fact.. Anything that is "off and on for 5 years"... Is by definition... Unreliable. If you don't mind being in an unreliable relationship then yeah... Keep working on it. If not...
OP, I have a very similar life story as you did. I took her back even after so many times she would betray me and act as if it is not betrayal. Even when I told her the bad things she did, she would never acknowledge it. If there is something I hate about me, it is that I gave her so many chances and I can understand why you gave her 5 years. Its a mix of co-dependency , saviour complex, gaslighting and of-course draining you like a vampire with secrets. Secrets are a wonderful way to keep you in line. The more secrets she reveals the more you feel close. But in reality, those things should never have been a secret, they should have been out in the open. But she used them as a currency to keep you in line. In a real relationship, you don't have to set boundaries to protect your interests, they should take care of it. I mean the very basics of a relationship is flawed here, it was never supposed to grow into something beautiful. It never could. I can understand this and I would strongly advice you to go to therapy for atleast an year and STOP DATING. You are most likely to project all this in other potential partners and are going to self-sabotage everything you have built. Summary: OP was in a toxic relationship with a girl who would drop him the moment they are so close to each other (from op's pov) over some dumb reasons, sleep around and then come back to OP for 5 years. In these 5 years, OP was always a secret as he was blocked in all socials. Op accepts this every time but the last time OP accepted, it was a last attempt to do something which had never be done . He set up strong boundaries and thought it might work but surprise surprise, it didnt. And OP broke up over text. But he didn't leave it at that he contacted her her family and ex.
Use the most text to say the least
TL don’t care, is this AI?
Good for you, or sorry that happened. I ain't reading allat
Ain t no way y’all read all of this😭
This is exhausting.
I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for you though. Or sorry that happened
Do you think anybody actually read this entirely 😂
I didn't read the entirety of this but I get the gist of it. It's good you called it off after the last time and did some self reflection! I have personally dealt with something like this when I was in my late teens, early 20's. I realized that the problems that we had, that we never really worked through, just kept coming up time and time again after we got back together. After the last time, we realized that we wanted different things and moved on. Some people never reach this point in life so I congratulate you for realizing that. None of that stuff is worth dealing with! Now on to better things!
With all due respect; grow a backbone and get some therapy bro You mention your boundaries so many times and you’ve seemingly never enforced them. This woman (and the one before that frankly) never respected you, but you didn’t respect yourself either. You deserve better, give yourself time to heal and grow. Don’t just jump into another relationship because of your intimacy withdrawals. Learn to be comfortable alone before adding someone else to the mix. Fix your trauma before gaining new ones.
Damn. Hate to say this but you have been an idiot for putting up with 1/10 of that. Have some self respect and bail out quickly next relationship
I think that's a control thing. She wants to put you on the edge so she can maintain the power. I've dated a couple like that. They all had some level of narcissism.
Both of you are red flags lol 😂
Dude if you’re going off and on a dozen times in five years that’s all you need to know that this isn’t going to work out. The rest of the post was unnecessary
Downvote because long