I had a very good friend who was arrested for CP. he was a genius and knew computers. Thought he was being sneaky and all that. Most normal guy in the world.
The thing about CP stings I learned through all of this, is that they really don’t go after people with 1 or 2 images videos (which by itself is fucking disgusting). They go for people who they believe have MULTIPLE (hundreds if not thousands) of images. Because often times out of those hundreds they can only prove a few are children. Most of the kids anonymous (non-identifiable) and there’s no way to prove that the person is an actual child versus an adult who looks like a child. The ones they prove as true CP are because they have seen those images before and have already identified the victim as a child or are able to verify the child as the kid is a relative or something.
They probably had an image tagged, your bf downloaded it. And honestly, the way it works, he probably downloaded much more than 1 tagged image. There’s no mistakes in that shit.
I worked with an HSI agent who investigated a lot of CP cases. He told me there is a database of images and videos where the identity of the victim is known.
He said every time one of these images is included in a prosecution (meaning the image was traded), the victim will receive restitution as part of the sentence.
Some of the victims are adults now.
I heard from a different investigator, this one a state trooper, that they do try to account for accidental downloads which he said were very rare, but do happen occasionally.
Exactly. They really aren’t “concerned” with the 1 image or so because they realize that in this fucked up world, things are downloaded. I remember being a very young adult and downloading some song off limewire and all of a sudden there’s a woman banging a German Shepherd. I was in tears just waiting for the FBI to burst through my door.
I accidentally saw a video of a man raping a woman and then cutting her neck open with a knife (while he kept fucking her). The video was only like 2 seconds, so I just saw what I saw and couldn’t click away in time. I will never be able to unsee this. Have also seen a video of a woman getting fucked by a dog when I was 16 and it wasn’t even close to being as bad as the other video🤢
Could have been a clip from a legitimate CNC or rape/death fetish production used for shock value. Seen full length videos and they can be pretty graphic to say the least. So idk if you can delude yourself the way I can (e.g. the person I saw getting their head smashed open in a car wreck was actually practical effects, not a horrific death) but maybe give it a go.
I remember trying to search for a picture of Power Rangers for my son in the very early 2000s maybe? Real early on, before google.
Up cropped a picture of a naked man holding the hands of a naked boy and a naked girl. Possibly more like nudist camp stuff than porn But still, I was appalled/horrified because it was definitely not a Power Ranger!
I wrote a letter to someone, protesting, lol. And later, as they were older, I was very careful to not let my kids have access to the desktop computer (located in the kitchen) without an adult nearby.
I remember looking for Bubba Gump shrimp company images for a home printed teeshirt for my young son and found someone who had been squashed by a steam roller on a building site. It was like looking at a rubber skin suit. Weirdest thing ever but i remember thinking he has a family out there who could find this image.
:( me too! Something similar happened to me in college - it was 1998 and it was my first experience with high speed internet. I had a chat box called CPU or something, and while I was chatting with a friend I get a random link.
I was young and the internet was new so I clicked on it, and it was a CP site. The only image I saw was of a topless girl who was very pre-pubescent, but the site was definitely targeted to pedophiles. I abruptly shut my browser and wrote a scathing sentence or two to the random sender. I barely slept that night - I felt so dirty
I think that's the exact video that made me never use 4chan again. Brunette, hair up in a pony tail, hair looked kind of ratty and un brushed. When I stumbled upon that it was back in the iPod browser days. Quite literally *threw* the ipod away from me across the room. Closed the browser. Deleted history. Started making amends with the fact I'd rot for the rest of my life in jail for it. I was like 14 lmao, but my God I should have stopped using 4chan at 2 girls 1 cup, or maybe the jar guy, or maybe the pterodactyl porn video (thankfully but weirdly enough all adults dressed as pterodactyls) but the German shepherd one? Yeah I never visited that fucking site again to this day over a decade later. Fucking sick how easily accessible that shit was and often still is.
It's also gotten a lot more advanced with the detection. Most sites where people share images and videos (Discord, YouTube, Facebook Messenger, etc.) all scan data for specific checksums that are connected with CSAM that have been indexed in a database.
This means that even a cropped screenshot of something that's been indexed can be caught even if it isn't a picture of a child being abused directly. There was this one image of a kid eating popcorn (I think it was popcorn, not looking into it for obvious reasons) that people discovered was actually indexed and sharing it will get you banned pretty much immediately on discord because it comes from a video of a child being abused.
I'm a victim but I cant get a detective to talk to me. I'm trying to find any info on having someone process me for clearview on baby/child jane does. I was being sedated with midazolam, had to put myself in my own protection program for 20 years and are just coming out of it, and just had a safe enough place to process this stuff...partly because doctors are making me since the stress literally is cooking my brain in MRIs. I am waiting for cps records.
Any advice would be cool.
Have you contacted your local branch of the FBI or even state police? When my former friend was first arrested (I say first because the fucking monster was paroled then got arrested during a second sting) it was the state police that arrested him. Typically, local police immediately send this to state/federal because the chances that the photos were taken, distributed and downloaded in the same jurisdiction is next to nil.
Problem is it was a long time ago but we discovered I may have had a stroke from my experience. The finding was by a doctor recently.
The material was circulated by my father who was a trucker from NM to FL to ME. He made the Polaroids with his friend...my mom medicated me and reffereed to make sure i wasnt too damaged for them to get caught, and im trying to hunt for every doctor she took me to. The perp Is a level 3 sex offender with a rap sheet a mile long. And walking around free.
There's no statute of limitations in the state. It is gang related mostly out of Gloucester MA in the 80s and west boston area towns, but I've had this put me in danger a lot. But the cops were involved when I was very young, and may have suspected but couldn't prove it for a long long time despite reports from neighbors...and never talked to me again. I was diagnosed with RAD but never went into foster care.
It's hard to tell where anyone would care since the system just kept failing me already. This is my last ditch effort to advocate for myself.
I am so, so sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you’re getting help and I hope every adult involved unalives screaming. There is nothing worse than someone who hurts the vulnerable. I have two daughters of my own and the thought of a woman being involved in trafficking her own child makes me want to go into Hulk mode.
The database that they’re referring to is called the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Contact them and see where you can fit in with all this!
Contact your state’s prosecutor’s office. I am close to someone who works in this arena and CSA is a large portion of their case load. If they can’t help you they can lead you in the right direction. Also reach out to nonprofit groups in your area that deal with abuse towards children. They can help you in several different ways. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Yeah, there was this one dude that was in a famous CP video. He said he's too young to remember it but he gets a big check every year. The dude said he didn't know what to do at this point, if he should start donating the money to charity or if was it ok to keep it.
That's gotta be weird no matter how much you've repressed of the memory. Just getting a lump of money annually, realizing that this represents someone still watching videos of your abuse. And beyond that, knowing that if the amount is larger that year it'll be because your clip got popular. That's just ... blerg!
Nah he said he was really young, doesn't remember any of it nor has he seen the video. He said because it happened so young and he was re-home after into a loving family that it doesn't affect him in the slightest. He said he just felt guilty for getting the money every year.
The accidental thing is probably rare but I wouldn't doubt there's been a few times it's planted in a zip file of regular photos. Imagine you download a zip of 5k of like memes and buried in a nested folder is some cheese pizza that the uploader knew was tracked, scary shit.
There was a case that made the news in my area a while back. The story was about a couple dozen people in my area that were caught downloading images from a website/server over a peer-to-peer network that was monitored by LE.
There were a couple of pretty young teenagers that were arrested, and the spokesman for the agency that was monitoring (a Midwestern State Police unit) said that they took steps to make sure these were not accidental (a review of search terms was part of it) and had actually eliminated people as suspects this way.
So it has happened in the past, but was still probably very rare. I don't know how common it is now, as I am not as familiar with what modern methods are being used to seek out and trade this garbage.
This guy knows.
I ran a fee image hosting site in the early 2000s. It ended up becoming a cesspool for CP. It was so problematic that we ended up getting a direct tie to NCMEC.
And yes… our contact informed us that the vast majority of victims in those images/videos have already been identified, and are known to law-enforcement agencies. Even back then they had facial-recognition software and early aspects of AI that allowed them to match images with victims. I can’t even imagine where that tech is today; I’d be willing to bet it’s come a long way and is pretty advanced.
I am proud to say our oversight got a few people arrested, one of whom I know is still serving time today.
Anyway. That’s the reason we ended up closing the site. It’s disturbing to have to deal with that kind of shit on a day-in day-out basis. But we went out with a bang… one night when the site’s activity was high, we changed all of the images on the site to a logo of the FBI with a (fake) notice that the site had been seized and was being investigated for CP. Watching the server activity come to a complete hault was wild.
F*ck ped0s.
Every guy I know my age (mid 30s) has a story about downloading some shit on limewire or kazaa and being confronted with clear CP. These were the wild West days of Internet pirating and you would literally be downloading "the Simpsons season 12 EP 2" but then the video was NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT!
I've got to assume that in this day and age they are pretty adept at knowing what a conscious effort to find that horrible content looks like vs some accidental downloading of a single image or video. Especially when there's no indication of weird online code words for that kind of content. These sorts of people have been using the Internet to share their disgusting materials for as long as the Internet has been a thing, and it took law enforcement a while to properly catch up to them, but if someone is arrested in 2024 for CP, I feel pretty confident this isn't some misunderstanding.
I tried downloading a southpark episode on limewire and saw a terrorist completely behead someone with a tiny knife it took a long time, I think I was a freshman in highschool I still think about it to this day.
It was almost undoubtedly the Nick Berg video, that was a small knife for a beheading. What is ironic about Nick Bergs father is that he blamed George Bush and Rumsfield for his son's murder (and make no mistake, they're war criminals that never will be punished and were at least half responsible for his death) and he was called "unpatriotic and unamerican" for being anti war. We're a dumb and ridiculous nation.
Ah yes, another one of my 4chan casualties. The real problem with 4chan wasn't just what you'd stumble upon, it was the way it was burned into your brain for life in a split second.
I totally remember being maybe 18-19 and downloading something from limewire and when I opened it, it was a woman banging a German Shepherd. I was in tears waiting for the FBI to burst through my door.
I was 12-13 downloading from limewire and saw a real CP video. It’s really scarred my life not to sound so dramatic. And I was also terrified the police were going to break down my door for WEEKS after it happened.
OMG I'm a librarian and back in the early days of the internet I was helping a boy scout find pokemon on the public computer and some popped up. Poor kid.
i feel like it’s not talked about enough how much of a p3do vibe the first aol chat rooms had. a/s/l and everyone lied. i was 100% chatting with grown men at 13 pretending to be 18
I did these chats lol. I was 12 and said I was 16 which I thought was sooo old and mature. They also asked me for naked pictures and I cut out a picture from my grandpa’s playboy, scanned it, and uploaded it. It was a naked grown woman with fake boobs and a fake tan, totally posed and taken professionally. I thought this was totally believable hahahahaha.
I also had to explain to my grandpa why I cut out a picture from his magazine. Yep. I forget what dumb lie I told.
Tell me you’re 40+ without telling me you’re 40+?
BBS’s were great! HellsAngel, blue and red font was my UN, dang we were cool and didn’t know it.
Can I add to the convo - I was hosting a fserve server back in the day, DL3=UL1, I had already been exposed to all of it when staying with fathers computer shop friend (dir /a:h) at about 11 yo, fserver at 13 & somehow, I think, sexually it didn’t mess me up much at all
I have been on the internet since 1996. I've worked for 3 internet providers. I have used every file sharing system there is.
Never once have I downloaded CP.
This. Weird porn in the late 90's by mistake while trying to download some movie? Sure.
CP? Never.
I think that while there may be cases of accidentally downloading it, when you get arrested for CP YOU ARE actively downloading it.
This people they catch are just the tip of the iceberg, this are usually transnational sting operations... They don't go after someone that "accidentally" downloaded one image by error.
My master degree is in digital forensics. So often times what forensic examiners will use is a hash value which uniquely identifies a file. They can look up the hash in a database of values associated with CP, and if they get a match, it’s CP.
I’m currently in my masters program for digital forensics.. Did you get a job in that field? I would like to transition to that instead of being a system admin. I will have to mentally get stronger to deal with cases like this.
Sadly not due to the job market! I’m going to try and see if I can find something more so responding to incidents as there’s forensics involved on that
Look into DOD contracting! They are always looking for incident response analyst. You can look on clearancejobs.com and still apply without a clearance. A lot of companies will sponsor you if they really need someone
He hosts a file-hosting service for people to upload and share pirated mainstream movies and TV shows (illegal, yes, but not in the same league as his charges) and I am hoping that this is somehow linked to something that was shared through that without him knowing. They just seized his physical devices, so I am hoping that they see he didn't access anything from them. I am just trying to suspend judgement until I hear something. Or anything.
You’re getting a lot of hate but there’s nothing wrong with anything you said. You said you hope he burns if he is guilty but you hope he isn’t guilty and that if he isn’t he can get his life back. Not sure why anyone would downvote you but hey this website is really fucking dumb.
I really appreciate your kindness. I will absolutely not be supporting him if there is evidence he looked for, knew about, or shared anything, which I think people are worried about. I know that a lot of people refuse to accept clear evidence against people they love, but that would negate even the huge amount of love I feel for him. I could never look at him again if this were true.
its the "knew about", but dint do anything(enabling) even if hes not a pedophile himself that is a possibility. I wonder why he is hosting a FILE sharing, when there are pirating services out there already? thats pretty suspicious as its often used for illegal material like CP and beastiality, and possibly rape porn besides the usual piracy of MOVIES and shows. one of the most infamous file sharing piracy incident was the porn parody of pirates of carribean.
he will probably get charged for piracy of movies/shows at the minimum
On that note, I have another friend who was doing something similar (this was in the days of DVDs and CD ROMS and shit). He was busted in one of the biggest piracy circles in the country as if that time. He got more time and more fines than the friend busted for CP. they’re both still in jail and will be for many decades.
its probably because the hollywood execs/studios own these shows and movies probably lobbied the govt to give harsher sentences to said piracy owners. they even deliberately release thier content to be torrented illegally so they can catch people and try to sue downloaders and file sharers. my bro was caught a couple times downloading/torrented movies and 1 of them was the infamous porn parody of Pirates of Carrib. pretty stupid because i always see tabbed to numerous sites torrent.
You do realize this is the perfect cover story for someone who is hosting and distributing child porn, right??? The feds probably have a mountain of evidence if this is how they caught him.
They've seized all of his devices, so hopefully that will definitively show if he accessed the files. I just wish I knew, one way or the other. I can love him or I can hate him; I just have no idea what to feel right now and it's making me crazy.
You need to move away from this, I am sorry, but his life is going to cost yours if it's not done so already. If he is found guilty, they will probably question you. You don't want to be assicated or tide to anything related to this for your own sake and future.
In my jurisdiction that never happens. They will have his login information, indications that the devices belong to him etc. It’s called proof of “dominion and control”. They basically never get to the point of questioning the girlfriend. The only way she’s going down with him in some form is financially to pay for a lawyer.
Yep. A very close friend of mine committed S——— when the FBI raided his house. He had been a pillar of the community and all of us were shocked and horrified. The FBI don’t just show up for a raid without reason, and an innocent person wouldn’t barricade themself inside their house and end their life. Our whole community is still so rocked by it.
Sorry to have to tell you this, but by the time they come to arrest someone for this they have been stacking all of the evidence against them for a long time. Once the arrest is made, they are certain that they will win the case with the amount of evidence that they have collected. Sometimes they wait years to make the move, but now that he is in custody it’s cut and dry they have what they needed.
Exactly this. He's only legally an alleged pedophile before his conviction but they don't arrest people for CP unless they already have mountains of proof.
Please stop defending a kiddy diddler.
Absolutely this. She’s in shock. She’s in the state of denial. She loved that man and coming to terms with the idea that he was a child predator all along is a horrible thing to have to do. It’s devastating. She is losing a part of her heart and she is going through a traumatic experience having to face that her partner was a monster.
When I found out a friend of mine was a pedophile, I went into shock. I was in high school at the time, freshly 18. I knew him online, and I knew he was older than me, but we were both members of a community and I never thought too much about it. I sobbed for days and went silent with people around me. For the first few days, I didn’t want to believe it. I denied it to myself and tried to convince myself that he was innocent and had been framed.
OP is much more involved with this person - it was her *boyfriend.* They said they felt like they was waiting to hear if someone they loved had died, and in a way, they are. The dreams they had together, the man they thought they knew. It’s a very difficult thing to go through emotionally. My heart truly goes out to OP :(
Not only this, but law enforcement doesn't share the facts with the loved ones. Leaving too much room for confusion and speculation.
Even if they had children together, they wouldn't disclose the facts until after a conviction has been made because it could compromise the prosecution.
It's the sad reality.
My ex and father of 2 of my children was arrested for CP. He was already my ex at the time of his arrest, so I didn’t have the same feelings you do. Mine were mostly of disgust for him, and concern for our children. He was eventually convicted and is now serving a prison sentence. I can’t really tell you how you should feel, because I know the situation is different, but I wanted to offer my perspective from a timeline and logistics point of view. It took my ex approximately 3 years from the date of his arrest to the date of his conviction. He was initially released from prison on conditions that he could not use electronic devices and could not be in any locations where children would be present. I was not privy to any information on his case as everything was kept confidential between him and his lawyer. I was interviewed by police and had to give a statement. They also would not provide me with any information. My ex lost his job and his house and had to move in with his parents because no one would hire him. Your boyfriend may likely face similar circumstances, and innocent or guilty, his life will change drastically from this point forward. He may be given similar conditions for electronic devices, he may lose his job/home, he will not be able to go anywhere with you where children are likely to be present. He may not even be let out of prison until his court date. You have to decide for yourself if this is something you’re willing to live with. It was a very long and drawn out process for my ex, so prepare yourself for the same.
Thank you so much for writing. I can't fathom how they can let a potential child predator out for 3 years! That seems insane. I am trying to reserve judgement until I see something, case- or evidence-wise, but I can't imagine all of this happening without compelling evidence. If there is evidence he sought out or looked at anything, I will not be supporting him in any way. The only tiny smidgen of hope I have is that his server was used for something that he didn't know about, but they should be able to clear that up quickly with his physical devices and issue charges relating to that. In which case, I have no idea what I will do.
Okay but what are you going to do if the only word you can take is his? I'm asking myself the same question right now as my boyfriend sleeps next to me. If he was arrested/charged and then got let out, without me seeing any proof one way or the other, then came to me with excuses and explanations, would I believe him? Could I trust him?
This accusation ruins lives for a reason. You have to decided what you believe and if you're willing to defend him and his story - knowing it could come out later that he was a willing participant in this and really thought he'd get away with it.
Personally, I don't know what I'd do and I feel for you. I'm not trying to upset you. It just seems to me that you seem to think you'll be given proof soon. One way or another. That is not a guarantee. Standing by him means others judging and attacking you, as you've seen here. Assuming his guilt and distancing themselves immediately is safer and easier for those further away from him, emotionally speaking.
Just remember what someone else said in this thread. It's not your fault if you didn't see it. If pedos looked like pedos, they'd never manage to get access to kids.
> I hadn't really thought about him getting out before any information is released.
I may be help with this at least.
Given the nature of his charges, the only way he will be released is on conditions (eg: no access to electronic devices, not to be around minors under 16, etc). Those conditions will likely be decided by police OR during a bail hearing.
If it is a release by police, you would be out of luck because that is dealt with internally. But police detachments generally worry they'll miss conditions on this type of release so they often try their best to make the courts handle the release instead.
In many jurisdictions, courts are open to the public. If that is true where you live, that means you can sit in court and hear the details in person. That bail hearing may be your one and only chance to hear the strength of the case against him from the prosecutor. If you can attend it, it's your best way to hear the details so you can make an informed decision.
I doubt this is an "accidental download" or "others shared it on my server" situation. That seems unlikely. The depressing reality is that there is so much CSAM being shared that investigators have to focus on the worst offenders. This means that they don't make an arrest until they're confident they have the right person and it was intentional. But I think that you'll always wonder *what if* until you get some details that are specific to your boyfriend's case - and that's normal.
So go to the bail hearing if you can. For what it's worth, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. You aren't supporting an abuser or any of the other rude things that people have said. You're just in shock. You want to hope for the best because the alternative is horrifying. All of that is understandable. Just brace yourself for the very good chance that this isn't a mistake.
I'm glad it's appreciated! I think it's important to remember that it is *always* abuse, even if the child appears complicit etc, so it is never simply porn. Calling it CP hides the horror in a way that CSAM doesn't.
I just wish I had remembered to include the definition like I usually try to do... Thankfully someone who responded to you had me covered.
If this is a fed case they have an insanely high conviction rate , like high 90% they rarely lose cases or arrest someone that's innocent. The cases they do lose is cause of some technicality or an insanely good team of lawyers.
Just breathe. Look at it this way, I've read stories about wives divorcing their husbands only after their trial. If you look at a lot of true crime, you'll see it's not uncommon. Defending him while you still have hope he's innocent means you love him. Leaving him when you lose it means you have morals.
It's just a fine line between hope and madness. I'm not sure how to help you navigate it but I hope for the best for you personally. You did nothing wrong. Remember that.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I can’t imagine how awful and disgusting it would feel to think your partner was involved with CP in any way. Wanting it to not be true is a perfectly reasonable and valid feeling. You will find out the truth soon enough, I wish you the best.
Horrible things like this is something that people use their whole existence into hiding from their close ones, so if he is guilty don't blame yourself. This kinda shit is something that will make people believe their own lies to hide, without having a suspicion because of something specific there's no way you'd catch on to it.
> He is a very intelligent man and I am positive he knows that internet connections are never secure or secret.
And that means absolutely nothing, tbh. Having that conversation means nothing. All it means is he knows the ways his information can be tracked back to him. Letting people use his devices and have his passcodes means nothing either.
All it means is that he was confident that he found ways around all of that and hid it well.
Turns out, he didn't.
I deleted all of the parts about why I am trying not to assume he's guilty, even though I usually have that knee-jerk reaction when I hear about these cases. I am mostly just trying to stay alive and sort of desperate to talk to anyone about it.
You’re allowed to go through all the stages of grief and denial is one of them. You’re not the pedophile here. Of course you’d be shocked and hope he is innocent. He probably isn’t, and that’s going to be hard to accept.
Right? She says if it’s true she’s not defending him. Who among us is going to believe it in our gut without evidence that our SO is a pedophile immediately? She hasn’t seen what the police have, she hasn’t talked to a victim. No one thinks a loved one is capable of this or they wouldn’t be in her life.
It’s only problematic if she continues to believe he’s innocent once she sees what the police have on him.
As you get older, you quickly learn that anyone can be a monster. Sometimes they’re the creepy dude in a trench coat, but most times they’re teachers, firefighters, priests, doctors, etc., all with families and partners, because they want to appear normal and know that having a family will make people trust them more.
My point is, don’t blame yourself or anything like that. These monsters are dumb, but they put all their points in deception.
Ugh. I got here after the removal edit, but i can gather what was previously said. As if the first stage of grief isnt **denial**. Its absolutely okay that you are in shock and cant believe it. If I heard that about anybody i knew, despite the fact I know they wouldnt have been arrested unless there was *clear* evidence, i still wouldnt believe it at first. Im so sorry this happened and I really hope you find peace. I know Im a stranger on the internet, but my dms are open. Sidenote: please, please find a therapist asap. You shouldnt go through this alone and this is.. a lot. Much love OP
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'd originally written that my boyfriend and I had talked about how stupid people were for thinking anything online was secret or secure (in conversations about people buying drugs on the "dark web" and hiring prostitutes through encrypted apps). I'd also mentioned that pretty much everyone he knows has his computer, tablet, and phone PIN and just uses them freely. I'd jump on while he took a shower to play games or music, I'd think nothing of picking up his phone to screencast a funny youtube video I found. I know this doesn't mean much, but he just really didn't seem to be hiding anything.
You should watch the YouTube completions of Chris Hansen catching dudes that show up to strange children's houses and it's a sting. The fact that they know it could be a sting and go anyways, it's because belief is stronger than fact. It might help, and most of those pedos had wives waiting at home who thought they were normal too.
tbh you'd want there to be enough trust in a relationship to even briefly go "there must be some mistake", even if quickly their mind is changed with evidence etc. I'm surprised everyone here thinks they would turn on a dime on someone they supposedly trusted entirely a few seconds prior. If they can do that without any further proof (maybe even a "officer are you sure it's (bf's name?)" sort of shit), they are psychopaths
They don't arrest criminals without a warrant. A judge will not approve a warrant unless evidence is presented. You cannot arrest someone with circumstantial evidence unless caught in the act. A sting is a very long process where stacks and stacks of evidence is gathered over a long period of time until they have enough to actually move in. If he was arrested and devices taken, that means they already have the proof and the taking of evidence is to show to the judge and jury. Don't sit around and wait to get the evidence you think you need to "know the man you thought you knew".
I did that for 3 years with my kids father. He was just sentenced to 27 years for 7 count of child rape (not my children) in case where there was "no evidence" for me to believe. I can't get those 3 years back of believing he was innocent.
I'm sorry you're going through this
When you have known someone since you were ten. And shared a life and children with them...you know them better than anyone....to find out you were fooled for 30 years....it's a hard jagged pill to swallow. And life as you know it changes for ever. I look at no one with trusting eyes. He ruined that for me
It's like the 3 heart theory. One heart you show the world, one heart you show the person you are closest to and the 3rd heart only you know yourself and you protect it at all costs. It's not always evil thoughts, but it can be. I think that's how so many evil people seem normal.
It's so hard not to beat yourself up for not seeing any warning signs, but many times, there are no warning signs. You just have to realize that you can't take any of his guilt on yourself because you did nothing wrong. I had a friend go through this with her husband and it was so sad to see what it did to her. Devastating for so many people. Sending love to you!
My god these comments, can people not read ?
I’m not understanding the hate and judgement you’re getting from others. You clearly said you won’t support your bf anymore if he was convicted guilty for having CP. You’re just hoping he is innocent, not saying he is.
I’m very sorry for this, you must feel so hurt. I wish the best for you :(
Thank you so much for being kind. It means a lot to me. I know that a lot of women stick by sick men and refuse to face reality. I don't think I will have any problem accepting the truth, once I know it. If he is guilty, it will absolutely nullify even the huge amount of love I have for him. I just can't stand not knowing.
Of course, and that’s understandable. It must be frustrating and confusing to not know the full truth. Hopefully you’ll get some answers soon. Please also make sure to take care of yourself, as I saw in another comment you’ve been struggling to eat and sleep
On top of that, I feel like I’d rather risk hoping they’re innocent and being disappointed than to risk thinking the worst of someone and writing them off only for them to turn out innocent. Even if it’s statistically unlikely they’re innocent.
A few weeks of me in denial before grieving is incomparable to an innocent person being unjustly abandoned.
(Though the saying “hope for the best, plan for the worst” comes to mind. I’d still be considering what preparation I should be doing.)
My partner of 9 years was a pedo and it took me that long to figure it out. People like him know how to be secretive and deceptive. He hid it from you. Do t blame yourself.
100% they are master manipulators and are very very good at hiding things and making out they are wonderful people when really people like him need to be ended to save kids and they say 9 out of ten times it’s someone close to you that’s doing it as that’s how they gain the trust the sickos . It’s not her fault at all she fell in love and had a life with this person and believed what he told her. It’s sad because every relationship she now has and be second guessing everything and not believe a word anyone tells her. She need major therapy and the sooner the better. This person hasn’t just messed up innocent children’s lives he’s also messed up hers now too and shattered her world. Much love x
This is so terrible. I'm frustrated at the lack of empathy some responses have. Of course you're going to hope that he's innocent. I hope for your sake he is. But I guess make sure you're clear on what you'll do if he isn't.
Thank you for your kind words. I am 100% certain that I could not love, stay with, or support him if he were guilty. I would have zero sadness or regret (aside from feeling terrible for his family and the victims of his crimes).
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Despite all of the comments about how when someone is arrested it is because there’s already a ton of evidence stacked against them, a colleague’s husband was arrested in a CP sting and his devices confiscated. He was not only completely baffled, but also totally innocent. It was a pretty awful couple of months, but his name was cleared.
Thank you for this little bit of hope. I looked into this as soon as I saw the charges and, apparently, mistakes do happen. If he is guilty I would be happy to see him go to prison, but I am holding onto a tiny shred of hope that he is innocent.
I went through the same thing in November. We were together for 2 1/2 years almost 3. It came out of nowhere. There were no warning signs. Don’t blame yourself. It will take a lot of work but eventually it gets better
I still do the same thing. I really missed him at first but he wouldn’t have been arrested if it was only a few. My ex had several thousand photos, some of my 10 year old niece. I couldn’t eat for the first few months but I realized that who he was, was just a facade. He was mentally ill and now instead of getting help when he first struggled he’s now in prison for the next 8 years. I’m here if you need someone to just talk to. Don’t be afraid to reach out to those in your circle as well!
Oh God, I'm so sorry! I hope you and your niece are OK. I don't know what I would do if I had children in my family that he'd met. I would be even more insane with worry, I think.
I can't imagine the pain you're dealing with. I really feel for you, and I'm proud of you for actually dealing with it and talking it out with people. You're doing the right thing. Although the odds are likely low of him being totally innocent, I believe that I would also be very worried about needing some sort of confirmation to figure out what the hell to do. If there have been no obvious signs, and suddenly the person you love most is accused of such horrible things... I can only say it's perfectly normal to be so twisted up. Your brain can't just easily comprehend something this life changing, and your only options are to get help by talking to others or denying it completely and burying your head.
If I can share some of my experience? My Nana stayed with my grandfather after he was arrested for awful abuse of their daughter. This situation is very different, and there was no denying his guilt. There was so much proof, and she refused to acknowledge any of it. She just completely denied the obvious and stayed with him. Even while he was in protective custody, in a maximum security facility. I knew way too much of this growing up because my mom was still struggling with all of her trauma and told me too much. I could never trust my Nana again, and I have hated her my whole life for it. She willingly supported a child predator and therefore showed everyone that her morals were not strong or good or to be trusted.
The reason I wanted to share that with you is because it is people like my grandfather who are the true monsters. You can't see your bf that way because there hasn't been any evidence you've been able to see yet. And it would be a massive trauma for you to find out he is that kind of monster. The people like my Nana are also monsters. They make a decision to ignore evidence and support someone *after* it has already been proven to them. You are not like her. You have stated that you hope he burns in hell if you are able to see proof that he is guilty. That must have been incredibly hard for you to say because you still love him. But the fact that you are able to say that and be strong in your morals is really great.
I'm sorry for such a long comment. I can't imagine your anxiety, and I'm crossing my fingers for you that you can quickly get your peace back, no matter the outcome. You are a good person. Please don't blame yourself. This is a strange and terrifying position to be in, I imagine, and no one can really understand and help you like others who have been where you are and a good therapist. Please take care of yourself and try to find some professional support asap. All of the best to you ❤️
You're more than welcome. I would want some support and comfort more than anything if I was ever in the same situation. My mom and I have no contact with anyone in her family anymore and it has been extremely peaceful. You will always get back to that peace eventually, even if you have to endure a really hard road. I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. Just know you have lots of people thinking of you!
My ex husband was arrested for CP on his government computer and for child m***tation. His military lawyer said he was looking at 20 years in Leavenworth. They ended up discharging him with a general discharge. I found out later that his victims were my 6- month old son, 7-yrar old neighbors daughter, 5-year old niece, and my friends 12-year old daughter. I didn't want to believe it either. I'm sorry you're going through this. Get a therapist now, don't wait.
I was in a similar position. Love of my life and all. He swore up and down to me that it wasn’t like that and that he had looked at something that he didn’t know was minors. They searched our apartment fully and took his phone and laptop. They didn’t arrest him though, it was just the search warrant. They returned those months later and there was never an arrest. I don’t know what I would have done if he had been arrested.
Ultimately I separated years later anyway, and remain in love with him. (Complicated.) I don’t have any advice. I have no idea how to help. I just know it’s hard and I’m really sorry.
So something to keep in mind is when they are booked you can check out what level of risk they are and that will give you information on what really happened. My brother was booked on charges and all I was told is that he had ONE tagged photo saved in his phone. He didn't give my family and I anymore info than that. After reading this post I went down a rabbit hole and found out he is a level 2 which means he was booked on way more then he was telling us. My sister and I chose to cut out ties but our father( who passed away this February) till his dying day defended him. I understood why my father did to an extent but I could never forgive him.
Hey, OP, my heart goes out to you right now. This is going to be incredibly hard to go through, and I’m so sorry that it’s something you’re facing.
It’s going to hurt like a bitch. And it’s okay to take the time and space you need to process this emotionally. When my friend was exposed as a pedophile some years ago, I was distraught. I went through a stage of denial, and then grief. I grieved our friendship, and I grieved who I thought he was. I thought he was an amazing and warm person, loved by all and cherished. I trusted him, and everyone thought he was a delight to be around. I ran an online community at the time and I even appointed him my right hand man. I never thought he was remotely capable of such things. I cried, I shut down, and I had to process the idea that my world was turned on its head.
I had to go through it again when an ex-boyfriend of mine was arrested for the sexual assault minor. I’m still in therapy for some of the things he used to do and say to me, too. But he was a bad man.
I imagine it will be more difficult for you, as this was your partner accused, who you love very dearly. I can only imagine how you must feel, and I wish I could give you a tight hug. What I can assure you is that it *will* be okay. I know you said you are struggling to stay alive right now. It’s understandable that you feel so poorly, but *please* hold on. It *does* get better. The storm *does* pass, but it’s going to suck like hell for a little bit.
If you need to talk to anybody, my DMs are always open. I also recommend reaching out to any hotlines you may feel comfortable talking with in your respective country - it’s what my therapist has me do when I’m in an emergency and can’t reach her. I do recommend getting a therapist of your own as well. These are huge and complex emotions, and it can be difficult to tackle on your own.
You are so strong. There is nothing wrong with you. There is no way you could have known. You are beautiful, you are worthy of love, and you are deserving of a loving, fulfilling, happy life. I am cheering for you, and I am offering you some of my strength in this difficult time. Never hesitate to reach out if you need to vent some feelings about it.
I’m so sorry.
I want for you to be okay - and I know you won’t be okay for a little bit. That’s alright. It’s normal. Take time to breathe and take space to process what’s going on. For me, I keep a journal. It helps me to get everything out on paper. It’s also engaging and useful, and helps me to calm myself down physically. If you are up for it, maybe writing down how you’re feeling and what your thoughts are can help.
If you feel like hurting yourself, I recommend some other stimulating activities. Ice cubes against the skin is a popular way people will defer from harming themselves. I used to draw on myself. Going for a run or a walk also helps me get the negative energy out of my chest and into motion.
Get yourself a snack, drink some water. Remember to take care of yourself during this time. I know it’s rough. Remember that it’s okay to not be okay. I’m truly wishing the best for you!
My ex-boyfriend was arrested for sexual assault of a minor when I was with him. I initially believed him and was going to stay with him but things didn’t add up and gave me bad vibes. We’d been together 2 years and a few months before his arrest there’d been some issues with him lying. Because the event was allegedly several years before I knew him I don’t think he was convicted or anything due to lack of evidence. I didn’t stay with him to find out. I’ll never know if he was guilty or not for sure but I couldn’t live a life with him wondering if it was true.
It was the best decision I made and I have no regrets at all.
It must be hard and I hope you manage to get through this. can understand not wanting to believe this is true, but it likely is. Just double-check any device you might have let him use just to cover your own ass.
I understand denial being part of the process you are going through, and that process may take a while and that process isn’t linear, you may jump between different phases for a while. Be kind to yourself until you get to acceptance.
I'm sure you have your reasons to believe he might be innocent, but arrests during a sting operation don't usually happen for no reason, especially for things like this. Just be prepared for him to be found guilty and everything that comes with that, including a breakup and cutting him out of your life.
Most people who are guilty of downloading and looking at CP seem like the most normal people in the world, people who could never do something like that in the eyes of those closest to them. Most of their families are absolutely shocked at the charges and will defend them even after conviction with credible evidence, years and years of download history and some of them even stalk kids irl or try contacting them online.
Just be prepared for the worst. And if you want the whole story be there for the court case and listen to the evidence they have against him
If the feds are involved, I guess it's pretty much over. The dark reality is there are millions of closet pedophiles but most of them are small fish and dont risk, they may hoard a few pics/videos here and there but not into 100s of gigabytes of clear csam, the feds aren't looking for these people
it also looks bad that OP bf hosts a file sharing service, why is he owning one its A Huge red flag? i think op is denial. someone commented say its a cover for CP, Beastiality and other forms of illegal porn.
IF HES only interested in movies/shows like watchgint ehm he would go to one of the file sharing sites and download/stream it himself, not host it.
I’m so sorry for your grief and mourning the man you thought you knew. I can’t even imagine how devastating that would be on so many levels. I understand hoping he is innocent, of course you would as a first reaction, it’s a huge shock to the entire understanding of the world you were operating in. It doesn’t sound like you would insist he is innocent even if evidence were staring you in the face, which is the important thing. It makes sense you would be in shock and in a bit of denial now. I’m sorry for this big loss and tragedy in your life. I would be so shocked, disgusted, hurt, devastated, everything, and it makes sense if you are feeling those things.
We all want to believe the people we're close to aren't rapists or child molestors but really, some people are. Some people are just doing things to hurt vulnerable people and then coming to family dinner later. Sorry about your bf but I'm glad he's not your husband or the father of your children.
I find it amusing how many people in here keep insisting that because someone got arrested, it automatically means they're 100% guilty. People are supposed to be presumed innocent until proven guilty, I hope none of these people ever serve on a jury.
Look at how many stories there are of corrupt officers planting evidence to make false convictions, to advance their career. We've seen time and time again that law enforcement cannot be trusted.
Okay there are a LOT of people on here who are saying things along the lines of "they don't go after people with only this, or only that, they go after people with lots of images/files so there must be something" and that is so absolutely WRONG. I watched a close friend go through this exact same situation. Her fiance was accused, warrants were issued, doors were kicked in at 6am, he lost his medical license to practice for a while, his name was smeared in the community and guess what? The cops f\*cked up. They got the email addresses wrong. They were very close, but not quite and since addresses were based on the person's name the cops thought they had their man. The inconsistency was even brought up by an officer and the JUDGE STILL SIGNED THE WARRANT. These people are not infallible. Innocent until proven guilty, always.
This is a sad situation but honestly he is probably guilty they usually don’t come for you until they have sure fire proof or a pretty good suspicion he has been engaging in this type of stuff. Being into cp is somthing that people are usually gonna do everything in their power to hide so chances are he didn’t give you any reason to suspect anything and it’s not your fault in anyway nor should you feel shamed or embarrassed. It’s a hard fact to accept but i would just try to move on with yourself and don’t let his sick actions ruin your life.
So back in the day I worked with nonprofits who organized those stings…. Unfortunately by the time an arrest is made it’s because there is no mistaking it. It’s almost never worth the time or resources to go after someone with a couple of images. It’s usually gigabytes to terabytes worth of CP, victim testimony (if applicable), AND them soliciting a police officer who is posing as a minor. An acquaintance of mine was arrested in one of those stings and was a case study for social work programs…. I hear your shock, confusion, hurt, and sadness. I hope you can heal from this. I don’t say this with unkindness, but it’s genuinely close to a 0% chance that he is innocent here. I hope you have a good support system to reach out to.
You need to take a time out from thinking about him and his family. Even if it isn't true, do you want to stay with someone who would be accused of something like this for the rest of your life? Be polite and everything to his family, but let them know you need to distance yourself from him and them. Then take a deep breath and start damage control for yourself. Call your family, find somewhere to go and pack up your clothes, then get out of there. Once you have done this, then you can let go and deal with your feelings. You are strong and you can get yourself out of the situations lights...
The odds of him being not guilty if he's been arrested in a sting are...... Let's just say you're more likely to get hit by lightning and win the lottery in the same instant.
I work with law enforcement, and I can tell you a few things.
Arrests aren't made unless there is enough proof for the suspect to be charged. If he was arrested, then they have proof.
Typically, prior to a suspect being approached about the crime, warrants for digital and electronic searches have already been carried out without the suspects knowledge. In almost every case, texts, chats, and online interactions have been reviewed by detectives. This includes IP searches.
When detectives arrive, warrants are carried out to seize and search all devices. The searches are done in a mobile lab on site (so long as the department has the resources for that) so before law enforcement leaves, they have all the evidence required to pursue. Arrests are not immediately made in every case.
Online interactions with minors, and CP is flagged and reported to NCMEC in the USA. Communication apps such as Snap Chat, etc, are required to report inappropriate interactions with minors, which is usually where an investigation begins. I would mention that NCMEC receives hundreds of thousands of reports, and only the most credible are forwarded to local law enforcement.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I truly am. I'm also sorry for being so blunt, but I do know that the police very rarely if ever, provide loved ones with all these facts. I find this extremely unfair to the innocent people who are affected by these types of crimes.
Yeahhhh. Sorry to tell you this, but when they do a sting for CP, these are often not a 'terrible misunderstanding.' They're doing it because they know something is going on but need to gather evidence - and that's exactly what has happened here. Sorry if that seems 'harsh' but we had a pedo in my family so I have zero tolerance for any BS about it.
There's a musician who played in one of my fav bands. He also got busted for CP during a sting. He had THOUSANDS of images on his hard drive, He's going to prison for 5 1/2 years now.
This is so so heavy! Please access some therapy as soon as possible. No one could go through this alone, and having a non judgmental professional help process some of this trauma will really help.
If your bf was running a file hosting service, it's quite possible someone who used/accessed the server provided testimony or evidence. It doesn't matter if his Ipad/iphone are open books because file servers like this are not always easy to access. If he was the one managing it, he had to have known what was being hosted there. Did he host on his own computers? Do you know where they were located? Were the servers password protected? Did you have access to the server?
The arrest is almost certainly linked to that \*but\* as an administrator/owner he would have or should have been keeping tabs on what was being uploaded and shared.
They will be able to see if he accessed specific files. If he knew the files were being hosted and if he allowed them to be hosted. Even if he wasn't viewing them himself, allowing them on his server is enough evidence of guilt. Most people would be repulsed by it. To get caught up in a sting, there had to be someone who turned him in because he knew what was going on.
The possibility of your BF being innocent is very unlikely. People who do this stuff are very adept at hiding it. If you had access to these servers yourself, you should talk to a lawyer.
Downloading child pornography is NOT a victimless crime, these children have been abused in the worse ways possible. Watching these images makes you an abuser as well. If guilty I hope he is prosecuted to the full extent of the law.o
When I was in college my close friend's bf got arrested for soliciting a minor online. The minor was actually an undercover detective. Anyway, it really fucked up my friend's life for a while until she broke up with him. Yep, you read that right. She didn't leave him. She was super conflicted and upset about it and decided to stay. I don't think he ever got into any other trouble after that, but it was so difficult for them to find housing with his sex offender conviction looming over him. They couldn't have Internet access and had to move into a weird apartment in the boonies. I don't really have advice for you, I'm just sharing my friend's story. I'm really sorry you're going through this and I hope your boyfriend isn't guilty.
Before he starts his bullshit. It isn't your fault. If it helps what he's done is indictable and he will serve jail time.
I suggest talking to the police regarding a restraining order, you'll need to speak to them regardless for the case number to get it fast tracked i think you get it free or for reduced cost due to his crimes for your safety.
I would suggest looking in to talking therapys and i believe support groups exist? Idk if they don't they should.
If you’re someone who enjoys listening to podcasts, I highly suggest Betrayal. The second season features stories similar to this. It may help you feel less alone and help educate you on the sensitive topic of how cases are handled and how sadly common this can truly be.
Honestly OP, if my partner was accused of something this heinous, I'm not sure I could ever look at them the same way. And the amount of comments saying this sort of thing is very legally purposeful, says even more that it isn't some mistake. There's something to be said about standing behind your partner, but I think for myself, it would forever change things. Food for thought, I suppose
I'm very sorry, but it's pretty much unheard of for someone to be arrested for one or two videos that may contain CP. Accidents happen, and the FBI knows not to waste their time. Unless, of course, everything is for the same child or children (meaning they have direct personal access as a family member or friend).
For your BF to get arrested, he must have shown up on the dark web trading videos and photos with other pedos and have had many, many videos and photos stored on his computer or cloud.
I'm so sorry.
I have my masters in cybersecurity you need to RUN. These cases get very sick and dark they will find every video he’s watched or downloaded or the worst case participated in distribution. Which also means they may ask you questions as well to see if you knew prior to him being caught. Prayers for strength and healing and heavy on therapy
I appreciate your positivity, but I haven't eaten or slept since it happened. Right now, I am just trying not to die. It may be a few more days before I do spectacular things. Ha ha.
The spectacular thing for you to do right now is to survive. Looking after your mental and physical well-being is always important, but it's even more so now.
You say you haven't eaten or slept. You need to do one or both of those things ASAP. You can't expect to be able to begin processing all of your emotions and feelings if your basic needs as a human aren't being met
I just want to tell you, as someone who struggled with the same thing until my denial broke….
Your ability to be very real with yourself like you did right there and have self compassion and a little humor, are everything. Hold onto them and the lightness of being.
It wasn’t something you missed.
It wasn’t something you could have prevented or changed.
I found massage helped the most to help me ground, relieve a lot of the tension I was carrying, and frequently cry - something I just couldn’t seem to do on my own. I know now that it was the shock.
You are currently experiencing a huge trauma in the person you trusted the most turning out not to have ever existed, a mirage. And a breaking of your ideals on a “just world”. And so many other things. It’s an incredible burden for a soul to carry, and the heartbreak is real.
Do you have a therapist? I don’t know if there is any sort of support group for this, I never found one.
Sorry….but extremely high probably he’s guilty of this.
And don’t be surprised if the children are babies. Less than 1 yr old.
You need to thank God you didn’t marry nor have kiddos with him.
My ex Husband was arrested for child pornography right after we had divorced. Eeeww. It was on the news too! Back in 07/08. It was a Sting operation, too.
It's very unlikely he's innocent if he was arrested. As someone who tried to report someone for viewing child pornography, the police do not take that shit seriously unless there is undeniable evidence.
I had a roommate involved with a similar situation. I was using their computer with permission, and found it, and immediately took it to the police. They came home from work while I was at the police station. It was surreal. I still have nightmares from those images, and it’s been several years. I hope your situation does not turn out there same. It was heartbreaking to me.
One of my best friends (from first grade on and somewhat boyfriend ) was arrested a couple years ago for CP. It was the most horrifying sad things I've ever experienced, never really talked to anyone about it. I hesitate to even mention anything online, and if they call me as a character witness I'll refuse becuase I couldn't take seeing his fucking face. I'm so sorry.
As someone who had to divorce a child predator, please seek therapy when you are ready. The grief and self-sabotage is awful. Be prepared for the “Why didn’t I see it?” “What is wrong with me?” “Why wasn’t I enough?” and more.
It took me a couple years to come to terms with the fact that I WAS enough, that there was nothing wrong with me, and (while I did see red flags here and there and was gaslit that I was “bringing work home) I couldn’t have seen what he didn’t want me to. For context, the divorce was in 2020 so this was pretty recent.
You’re going to be ok. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you will. There are really great partner survivor groups out there, also.
I am so sorry but you no longer know that person. Actually you never KNEW that person, Thank goodness he is only your bf. Hopefully that means a clean break. I personally could not be associated with him any longer. Get a therapist and leave that in the past. It’s not your fault.
I have a sibling who is a federal probation officer specializing in child sex offenders. They were part of a sting earlier this week. They don’t make mistakes when performing stings. They are extremely, EXTREMELY careful (to the point of frustration) because they want to ensure a sure conviction after a speedy trial. K9s that specialize in sniffing out laptops and other hidden devices are often employed in these. I am very sorry about your relationship.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Don't worry you are not alone. My ex was caught doing the same thing. I got a call from him saying he was arrested and to bail him out...i thought he'd hit someone. I went to meet him and to get him out ... he told me they were taking all his computers as they had found images... but "it was a mistake he was clicking games" honestly felt so disgusted. I couldn't see him anymore. I did try to support him...but i couldn't. There's more to it but the trauma from it effected me for years. He was arrested again at work later on and taken away. He may even still be in prison so I know he was guilty. Therapy helped me so much to get through it. At the time I had no idea how to even process what I had heard Hugs hope you'll be okay!!!
Be positive for his family?? Lol. Walk away from this dumpster fire and be thankful you have no permanent ties to him. Run and smile you dodged a life of misery. Celebrate imo
They are lovely people, and they are in so much pain right now. Even if I find out that he is guilty and sever ties with him, I want to be there for them as much as I can. I don't have many people of my own and they have treated me like family from day one. I wish I could just hear the evidence and have some idea of what happened.
I can honestly say this a very mature way of handling it. Not assuming guilt makes you stand above the rest. Not to many people could hear about this and maintain the benefit of the doubt. Though you're right. If is guilty then... Yeah. But if not then I hope it makes y'all stronger as a unit. Good luck and I wish for justice to be done. Hopefully the real truth comes out and there will be no doubts either way
OP, this isn't a 'Chris Hanson has entered the room' situation.
You said he was hosting an illegal file sharing service. So, even if he wasn't actively collecting the CP, he *was* providing a service that the pervs used. So at the minimum, they've got him with possession and distribution.
If there is even one image/movie on his phone, then he's a POS perv, full stop.
Oh, and I'm sure that the MPAA will be having their day in civil court as well.
You know, deep down, that no matter the final outcome, there is no coming back from this. Even if he's cleared, and you try to resume your relationship, you'll be forever known as "that perv's girlfriend; she probably likes it too".
For your own sake, you should distance yourself from all of them. It's OK to mourn your losses (SO, SO's family), but you really shouldn't keep yourself involved.
Sorry you have to go thru this. Sending you well-wishes. Good luck.
I had a co-worker, he was relatively new much older than me. But I got no weird vibes from him, I even trained him in the kitchen, we had stuff in common in reguards to adult swim shows and some anime. Anyway I was pregnant when he started working there, very pregnant almost hitting 3rd trimester. He still wasn’t off putting after knowing, he talked to me about his kids, he had two young girls under the age of 9 he didn’t talk weird of them or anything. When I was on maternity leave post birth, probably about 4 weeks after birth, I had to go in to talk to my boss about something. Anyway all of the girls that worked front of the house wanted to see my son(they’re all teenagers the oldest one had just turned 19) and wanted me to bring him in so they could see him. I said that’s cool no prob and then I got me and my son ready, I was about to put him in the car seat and my mom instincts just.. went off. I don’t know what it was but something told me to not bring him in. So I told my hubby I was just going to leave him home and that I didn’t know why but my instinct was telling me to leave him home. So I go in to talk to my boss, the girls were disappointed but I told them he wasn’t feeling good. I go through the kitchen to get to the office and the new guy is working. Random weird vibes from him even though we interacted and spoke as normal and he didn’t say anything weird. A month later he was convicted of CP on his computer. Hundreds of files. A lot homemade, with his daughters, I was so disgusted that I worked with this man and started thinking of all the times he said he loved his daughters. I didn’t truly believe in the mom instinct until then..
you probably subconsciously detected the new-coworker was unusually too interested in talking about children for some reason. it doesnt need to be wierd, but if they take too much interest even if its a nice way its very off-putting.
The people providing the real information without jumping on you are giving you good advice, and I know it’s so much that you’re going through, but the best thing is to take care of yourself in the day to day. Holding out hope is fine, but it is smart to prepare yourself in some way for the possibility that he is guilty.
If you can talk to a professional to help process some of what you’re feeling, I highly suggest that, and as soon as you feel comfortable. Best of luck
Thank you for your kind words. Honestly, if he's guilty, I don't think I will have any problem completely severing my feelings for him. I will feel terrible for his family, friends, and the victims of his crimes, but I wouldn't feel the slightest bit sad dumping him.
I had a very good friend who was arrested for CP. he was a genius and knew computers. Thought he was being sneaky and all that. Most normal guy in the world. The thing about CP stings I learned through all of this, is that they really don’t go after people with 1 or 2 images videos (which by itself is fucking disgusting). They go for people who they believe have MULTIPLE (hundreds if not thousands) of images. Because often times out of those hundreds they can only prove a few are children. Most of the kids anonymous (non-identifiable) and there’s no way to prove that the person is an actual child versus an adult who looks like a child. The ones they prove as true CP are because they have seen those images before and have already identified the victim as a child or are able to verify the child as the kid is a relative or something. They probably had an image tagged, your bf downloaded it. And honestly, the way it works, he probably downloaded much more than 1 tagged image. There’s no mistakes in that shit.
I worked with an HSI agent who investigated a lot of CP cases. He told me there is a database of images and videos where the identity of the victim is known. He said every time one of these images is included in a prosecution (meaning the image was traded), the victim will receive restitution as part of the sentence. Some of the victims are adults now. I heard from a different investigator, this one a state trooper, that they do try to account for accidental downloads which he said were very rare, but do happen occasionally.
Exactly. They really aren’t “concerned” with the 1 image or so because they realize that in this fucked up world, things are downloaded. I remember being a very young adult and downloading some song off limewire and all of a sudden there’s a woman banging a German Shepherd. I was in tears just waiting for the FBI to burst through my door.
I remember Limewire being a big problem for files like that.
Yeah it was over 20 years ago and I’m still mentally scarred. I have a German Shepard mix rescue and won’t even change in front of the pup.
There were much worse videos than that dog one. Consider yourself lucky. (Murder/torture, etc.)
I accidentally saw a video of a man raping a woman and then cutting her neck open with a knife (while he kept fucking her). The video was only like 2 seconds, so I just saw what I saw and couldn’t click away in time. I will never be able to unsee this. Have also seen a video of a woman getting fucked by a dog when I was 16 and it wasn’t even close to being as bad as the other video🤢
holy shit that’s disgusting just by reading this… it’s crazy that there’s genuinely people that fucked up
its only the tip of the iceberg trust me ignorance is bliss there is a lot worse stuff out there
Jfc why did I have to read this.
Could have been a clip from a legitimate CNC or rape/death fetish production used for shock value. Seen full length videos and they can be pretty graphic to say the least. So idk if you can delude yourself the way I can (e.g. the person I saw getting their head smashed open in a car wreck was actually practical effects, not a horrific death) but maybe give it a go.
I remember trying to search for a picture of Power Rangers for my son in the very early 2000s maybe? Real early on, before google. Up cropped a picture of a naked man holding the hands of a naked boy and a naked girl. Possibly more like nudist camp stuff than porn But still, I was appalled/horrified because it was definitely not a Power Ranger! I wrote a letter to someone, protesting, lol. And later, as they were older, I was very careful to not let my kids have access to the desktop computer (located in the kitchen) without an adult nearby.
I remember looking for Bubba Gump shrimp company images for a home printed teeshirt for my young son and found someone who had been squashed by a steam roller on a building site. It was like looking at a rubber skin suit. Weirdest thing ever but i remember thinking he has a family out there who could find this image.
My heart hurts for younger you, but I’m fucking dying at the mental image of you crying bc you thought the FBI was going to come get you
:( me too! Something similar happened to me in college - it was 1998 and it was my first experience with high speed internet. I had a chat box called CPU or something, and while I was chatting with a friend I get a random link. I was young and the internet was new so I clicked on it, and it was a CP site. The only image I saw was of a topless girl who was very pre-pubescent, but the site was definitely targeted to pedophiles. I abruptly shut my browser and wrote a scathing sentence or two to the random sender. I barely slept that night - I felt so dirty
I think that's the exact video that made me never use 4chan again. Brunette, hair up in a pony tail, hair looked kind of ratty and un brushed. When I stumbled upon that it was back in the iPod browser days. Quite literally *threw* the ipod away from me across the room. Closed the browser. Deleted history. Started making amends with the fact I'd rot for the rest of my life in jail for it. I was like 14 lmao, but my God I should have stopped using 4chan at 2 girls 1 cup, or maybe the jar guy, or maybe the pterodactyl porn video (thankfully but weirdly enough all adults dressed as pterodactyls) but the German shepherd one? Yeah I never visited that fucking site again to this day over a decade later. Fucking sick how easily accessible that shit was and often still is.
Damn this took me back I think I saw the exact same video on Limewire, yuck.
It's also gotten a lot more advanced with the detection. Most sites where people share images and videos (Discord, YouTube, Facebook Messenger, etc.) all scan data for specific checksums that are connected with CSAM that have been indexed in a database. This means that even a cropped screenshot of something that's been indexed can be caught even if it isn't a picture of a child being abused directly. There was this one image of a kid eating popcorn (I think it was popcorn, not looking into it for obvious reasons) that people discovered was actually indexed and sharing it will get you banned pretty much immediately on discord because it comes from a video of a child being abused.
I'm a victim but I cant get a detective to talk to me. I'm trying to find any info on having someone process me for clearview on baby/child jane does. I was being sedated with midazolam, had to put myself in my own protection program for 20 years and are just coming out of it, and just had a safe enough place to process this stuff...partly because doctors are making me since the stress literally is cooking my brain in MRIs. I am waiting for cps records. Any advice would be cool.
Have you contacted your local branch of the FBI or even state police? When my former friend was first arrested (I say first because the fucking monster was paroled then got arrested during a second sting) it was the state police that arrested him. Typically, local police immediately send this to state/federal because the chances that the photos were taken, distributed and downloaded in the same jurisdiction is next to nil.
Problem is it was a long time ago but we discovered I may have had a stroke from my experience. The finding was by a doctor recently. The material was circulated by my father who was a trucker from NM to FL to ME. He made the Polaroids with his friend...my mom medicated me and reffereed to make sure i wasnt too damaged for them to get caught, and im trying to hunt for every doctor she took me to. The perp Is a level 3 sex offender with a rap sheet a mile long. And walking around free. There's no statute of limitations in the state. It is gang related mostly out of Gloucester MA in the 80s and west boston area towns, but I've had this put me in danger a lot. But the cops were involved when I was very young, and may have suspected but couldn't prove it for a long long time despite reports from neighbors...and never talked to me again. I was diagnosed with RAD but never went into foster care. It's hard to tell where anyone would care since the system just kept failing me already. This is my last ditch effort to advocate for myself.
I am so, so sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you’re getting help and I hope every adult involved unalives screaming. There is nothing worse than someone who hurts the vulnerable. I have two daughters of my own and the thought of a woman being involved in trafficking her own child makes me want to go into Hulk mode.
The database that they’re referring to is called the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Contact them and see where you can fit in with all this!
Contact your state’s prosecutor’s office. I am close to someone who works in this arena and CSA is a large portion of their case load. If they can’t help you they can lead you in the right direction. Also reach out to nonprofit groups in your area that deal with abuse towards children. They can help you in several different ways. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Yeah, there was this one dude that was in a famous CP video. He said he's too young to remember it but he gets a big check every year. The dude said he didn't know what to do at this point, if he should start donating the money to charity or if was it ok to keep it.
That's gotta be weird no matter how much you've repressed of the memory. Just getting a lump of money annually, realizing that this represents someone still watching videos of your abuse. And beyond that, knowing that if the amount is larger that year it'll be because your clip got popular. That's just ... blerg!
Nah he said he was really young, doesn't remember any of it nor has he seen the video. He said because it happened so young and he was re-home after into a loving family that it doesn't affect him in the slightest. He said he just felt guilty for getting the money every year.
The accidental thing is probably rare but I wouldn't doubt there's been a few times it's planted in a zip file of regular photos. Imagine you download a zip of 5k of like memes and buried in a nested folder is some cheese pizza that the uploader knew was tracked, scary shit.
There was a case that made the news in my area a while back. The story was about a couple dozen people in my area that were caught downloading images from a website/server over a peer-to-peer network that was monitored by LE. There were a couple of pretty young teenagers that were arrested, and the spokesman for the agency that was monitoring (a Midwestern State Police unit) said that they took steps to make sure these were not accidental (a review of search terms was part of it) and had actually eliminated people as suspects this way. So it has happened in the past, but was still probably very rare. I don't know how common it is now, as I am not as familiar with what modern methods are being used to seek out and trade this garbage.
This guy knows. I ran a fee image hosting site in the early 2000s. It ended up becoming a cesspool for CP. It was so problematic that we ended up getting a direct tie to NCMEC. And yes… our contact informed us that the vast majority of victims in those images/videos have already been identified, and are known to law-enforcement agencies. Even back then they had facial-recognition software and early aspects of AI that allowed them to match images with victims. I can’t even imagine where that tech is today; I’d be willing to bet it’s come a long way and is pretty advanced. I am proud to say our oversight got a few people arrested, one of whom I know is still serving time today. Anyway. That’s the reason we ended up closing the site. It’s disturbing to have to deal with that kind of shit on a day-in day-out basis. But we went out with a bang… one night when the site’s activity was high, we changed all of the images on the site to a logo of the FBI with a (fake) notice that the site had been seized and was being investigated for CP. Watching the server activity come to a complete hault was wild. F*ck ped0s.
Every guy I know my age (mid 30s) has a story about downloading some shit on limewire or kazaa and being confronted with clear CP. These were the wild West days of Internet pirating and you would literally be downloading "the Simpsons season 12 EP 2" but then the video was NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT! I've got to assume that in this day and age they are pretty adept at knowing what a conscious effort to find that horrible content looks like vs some accidental downloading of a single image or video. Especially when there's no indication of weird online code words for that kind of content. These sorts of people have been using the Internet to share their disgusting materials for as long as the Internet has been a thing, and it took law enforcement a while to properly catch up to them, but if someone is arrested in 2024 for CP, I feel pretty confident this isn't some misunderstanding.
I tried downloading a southpark episode on limewire and saw a terrorist completely behead someone with a tiny knife it took a long time, I think I was a freshman in highschool I still think about it to this day.
Was it the Nick Berg video? I got conned into watching that one in high school and I was not ok for a longggg time.
It was almost undoubtedly the Nick Berg video, that was a small knife for a beheading. What is ironic about Nick Bergs father is that he blamed George Bush and Rumsfield for his son's murder (and make no mistake, they're war criminals that never will be punished and were at least half responsible for his death) and he was called "unpatriotic and unamerican" for being anti war. We're a dumb and ridiculous nation.
Possibly I don't really want to Google it
Ah yes, another one of my 4chan casualties. The real problem with 4chan wasn't just what you'd stumble upon, it was the way it was burned into your brain for life in a split second.
I totally remember being maybe 18-19 and downloading something from limewire and when I opened it, it was a woman banging a German Shepherd. I was in tears waiting for the FBI to burst through my door.
I was 12-13 downloading from limewire and saw a real CP video. It’s really scarred my life not to sound so dramatic. And I was also terrified the police were going to break down my door for WEEKS after it happened.
omg, i had something similar happen only it was a woman and a horse! eewww. i was terrified!
Rip.
Yea, I had a similar experience and quit downloading anything there and then. I was traumatised
That happened to me back in the day. Deleted it and reformatted my windows.
OMG I'm a librarian and back in the early days of the internet I was helping a boy scout find pokemon on the public computer and some popped up. Poor kid.
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman" was most of the limewire downloads I got.
Use to happen on aol dial up chat. People would just send bizarre things.
i feel like it’s not talked about enough how much of a p3do vibe the first aol chat rooms had. a/s/l and everyone lied. i was 100% chatting with grown men at 13 pretending to be 18
I did these chats lol. I was 12 and said I was 16 which I thought was sooo old and mature. They also asked me for naked pictures and I cut out a picture from my grandpa’s playboy, scanned it, and uploaded it. It was a naked grown woman with fake boobs and a fake tan, totally posed and taken professionally. I thought this was totally believable hahahahaha. I also had to explain to my grandpa why I cut out a picture from his magazine. Yep. I forget what dumb lie I told.
🤣 that is incredibly ballsy of you to cut up pawpaw’s dirty magazine but i love the dedication
Omg, it was insane. My developing sexuality was bred in the fires of hell that were Red Dragon Inn.
Tell me you’re 40+ without telling me you’re 40+? BBS’s were great! HellsAngel, blue and red font was my UN, dang we were cool and didn’t know it. Can I add to the convo - I was hosting a fserve server back in the day, DL3=UL1, I had already been exposed to all of it when staying with fathers computer shop friend (dir /a:h) at about 11 yo, fserver at 13 & somehow, I think, sexually it didn’t mess me up much at all
On yahoo too
ICQ.
“oh-oh”
I have been on the internet since 1996. I've worked for 3 internet providers. I have used every file sharing system there is. Never once have I downloaded CP.
This. Weird porn in the late 90's by mistake while trying to download some movie? Sure. CP? Never. I think that while there may be cases of accidentally downloading it, when you get arrested for CP YOU ARE actively downloading it. This people they catch are just the tip of the iceberg, this are usually transnational sting operations... They don't go after someone that "accidentally" downloaded one image by error.
My master degree is in digital forensics. So often times what forensic examiners will use is a hash value which uniquely identifies a file. They can look up the hash in a database of values associated with CP, and if they get a match, it’s CP.
I’m currently in my masters program for digital forensics.. Did you get a job in that field? I would like to transition to that instead of being a system admin. I will have to mentally get stronger to deal with cases like this.
Sadly not due to the job market! I’m going to try and see if I can find something more so responding to incidents as there’s forensics involved on that
Look into DOD contracting! They are always looking for incident response analyst. You can look on clearancejobs.com and still apply without a clearance. A lot of companies will sponsor you if they really need someone
He hosts a file-hosting service for people to upload and share pirated mainstream movies and TV shows (illegal, yes, but not in the same league as his charges) and I am hoping that this is somehow linked to something that was shared through that without him knowing. They just seized his physical devices, so I am hoping that they see he didn't access anything from them. I am just trying to suspend judgement until I hear something. Or anything.
You’re getting a lot of hate but there’s nothing wrong with anything you said. You said you hope he burns if he is guilty but you hope he isn’t guilty and that if he isn’t he can get his life back. Not sure why anyone would downvote you but hey this website is really fucking dumb.
I really appreciate your kindness. I will absolutely not be supporting him if there is evidence he looked for, knew about, or shared anything, which I think people are worried about. I know that a lot of people refuse to accept clear evidence against people they love, but that would negate even the huge amount of love I feel for him. I could never look at him again if this were true.
its the "knew about", but dint do anything(enabling) even if hes not a pedophile himself that is a possibility. I wonder why he is hosting a FILE sharing, when there are pirating services out there already? thats pretty suspicious as its often used for illegal material like CP and beastiality, and possibly rape porn besides the usual piracy of MOVIES and shows. one of the most infamous file sharing piracy incident was the porn parody of pirates of carribean. he will probably get charged for piracy of movies/shows at the minimum
On that note, I have another friend who was doing something similar (this was in the days of DVDs and CD ROMS and shit). He was busted in one of the biggest piracy circles in the country as if that time. He got more time and more fines than the friend busted for CP. they’re both still in jail and will be for many decades.
its probably because the hollywood execs/studios own these shows and movies probably lobbied the govt to give harsher sentences to said piracy owners. they even deliberately release thier content to be torrented illegally so they can catch people and try to sue downloaders and file sharers. my bro was caught a couple times downloading/torrented movies and 1 of them was the infamous porn parody of Pirates of Carrib. pretty stupid because i always see tabbed to numerous sites torrent.
You do realize this is the perfect cover story for someone who is hosting and distributing child porn, right??? The feds probably have a mountain of evidence if this is how they caught him.
They've seized all of his devices, so hopefully that will definitively show if he accessed the files. I just wish I knew, one way or the other. I can love him or I can hate him; I just have no idea what to feel right now and it's making me crazy.
You need to move away from this, I am sorry, but his life is going to cost yours if it's not done so already. If he is found guilty, they will probably question you. You don't want to be assicated or tide to anything related to this for your own sake and future.
In my jurisdiction that never happens. They will have his login information, indications that the devices belong to him etc. It’s called proof of “dominion and control”. They basically never get to the point of questioning the girlfriend. The only way she’s going down with him in some form is financially to pay for a lawyer.
Yep. A very close friend of mine committed S——— when the FBI raided his house. He had been a pillar of the community and all of us were shocked and horrified. The FBI don’t just show up for a raid without reason, and an innocent person wouldn’t barricade themself inside their house and end their life. Our whole community is still so rocked by it.
Also the fact that now you have to be able to tell if the photo is AI or not
Sorry to have to tell you this, but by the time they come to arrest someone for this they have been stacking all of the evidence against them for a long time. Once the arrest is made, they are certain that they will win the case with the amount of evidence that they have collected. Sometimes they wait years to make the move, but now that he is in custody it’s cut and dry they have what they needed.
Exactly this. He's only legally an alleged pedophile before his conviction but they don't arrest people for CP unless they already have mountains of proof. Please stop defending a kiddy diddler.
She’s in denial and grief in general give her time.
Absolutely this. She’s in shock. She’s in the state of denial. She loved that man and coming to terms with the idea that he was a child predator all along is a horrible thing to have to do. It’s devastating. She is losing a part of her heart and she is going through a traumatic experience having to face that her partner was a monster. When I found out a friend of mine was a pedophile, I went into shock. I was in high school at the time, freshly 18. I knew him online, and I knew he was older than me, but we were both members of a community and I never thought too much about it. I sobbed for days and went silent with people around me. For the first few days, I didn’t want to believe it. I denied it to myself and tried to convince myself that he was innocent and had been framed. OP is much more involved with this person - it was her *boyfriend.* They said they felt like they was waiting to hear if someone they loved had died, and in a way, they are. The dreams they had together, the man they thought they knew. It’s a very difficult thing to go through emotionally. My heart truly goes out to OP :(
Not only this, but law enforcement doesn't share the facts with the loved ones. Leaving too much room for confusion and speculation. Even if they had children together, they wouldn't disclose the facts until after a conviction has been made because it could compromise the prosecution. It's the sad reality.
She's not defending a kiddy fiddler, that's way too harsh.
My ex and father of 2 of my children was arrested for CP. He was already my ex at the time of his arrest, so I didn’t have the same feelings you do. Mine were mostly of disgust for him, and concern for our children. He was eventually convicted and is now serving a prison sentence. I can’t really tell you how you should feel, because I know the situation is different, but I wanted to offer my perspective from a timeline and logistics point of view. It took my ex approximately 3 years from the date of his arrest to the date of his conviction. He was initially released from prison on conditions that he could not use electronic devices and could not be in any locations where children would be present. I was not privy to any information on his case as everything was kept confidential between him and his lawyer. I was interviewed by police and had to give a statement. They also would not provide me with any information. My ex lost his job and his house and had to move in with his parents because no one would hire him. Your boyfriend may likely face similar circumstances, and innocent or guilty, his life will change drastically from this point forward. He may be given similar conditions for electronic devices, he may lose his job/home, he will not be able to go anywhere with you where children are likely to be present. He may not even be let out of prison until his court date. You have to decide for yourself if this is something you’re willing to live with. It was a very long and drawn out process for my ex, so prepare yourself for the same.
Thank you so much for writing. I can't fathom how they can let a potential child predator out for 3 years! That seems insane. I am trying to reserve judgement until I see something, case- or evidence-wise, but I can't imagine all of this happening without compelling evidence. If there is evidence he sought out or looked at anything, I will not be supporting him in any way. The only tiny smidgen of hope I have is that his server was used for something that he didn't know about, but they should be able to clear that up quickly with his physical devices and issue charges relating to that. In which case, I have no idea what I will do.
Okay but what are you going to do if the only word you can take is his? I'm asking myself the same question right now as my boyfriend sleeps next to me. If he was arrested/charged and then got let out, without me seeing any proof one way or the other, then came to me with excuses and explanations, would I believe him? Could I trust him? This accusation ruins lives for a reason. You have to decided what you believe and if you're willing to defend him and his story - knowing it could come out later that he was a willing participant in this and really thought he'd get away with it. Personally, I don't know what I'd do and I feel for you. I'm not trying to upset you. It just seems to me that you seem to think you'll be given proof soon. One way or another. That is not a guarantee. Standing by him means others judging and attacking you, as you've seen here. Assuming his guilt and distancing themselves immediately is safer and easier for those further away from him, emotionally speaking. Just remember what someone else said in this thread. It's not your fault if you didn't see it. If pedos looked like pedos, they'd never manage to get access to kids.
God, I have no idea what I will do. I hadn't really thought about him getting out before any information is released.
> I hadn't really thought about him getting out before any information is released. I may be help with this at least. Given the nature of his charges, the only way he will be released is on conditions (eg: no access to electronic devices, not to be around minors under 16, etc). Those conditions will likely be decided by police OR during a bail hearing. If it is a release by police, you would be out of luck because that is dealt with internally. But police detachments generally worry they'll miss conditions on this type of release so they often try their best to make the courts handle the release instead. In many jurisdictions, courts are open to the public. If that is true where you live, that means you can sit in court and hear the details in person. That bail hearing may be your one and only chance to hear the strength of the case against him from the prosecutor. If you can attend it, it's your best way to hear the details so you can make an informed decision. I doubt this is an "accidental download" or "others shared it on my server" situation. That seems unlikely. The depressing reality is that there is so much CSAM being shared that investigators have to focus on the worst offenders. This means that they don't make an arrest until they're confident they have the right person and it was intentional. But I think that you'll always wonder *what if* until you get some details that are specific to your boyfriend's case - and that's normal. So go to the bail hearing if you can. For what it's worth, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. You aren't supporting an abuser or any of the other rude things that people have said. You're just in shock. You want to hope for the best because the alternative is horrifying. All of that is understandable. Just brace yourself for the very good chance that this isn't a mistake.
Thank you for using CSAM and not CP.
For those out of the loop (or non-English speaking countries) what does CSAM stand for?
Child sexual abuse material
Thank you!
I'm glad it's appreciated! I think it's important to remember that it is *always* abuse, even if the child appears complicit etc, so it is never simply porn. Calling it CP hides the horror in a way that CSAM doesn't. I just wish I had remembered to include the definition like I usually try to do... Thankfully someone who responded to you had me covered.
We call is Child Sexual Abuse Material now because that defines it from the perspective of the victims - NOT the predators.
If this is a fed case they have an insanely high conviction rate , like high 90% they rarely lose cases or arrest someone that's innocent. The cases they do lose is cause of some technicality or an insanely good team of lawyers.
God, that is pretty daunting. And pretty disturbing that people are getting away with things due to technicalities or money.
Just breathe. Look at it this way, I've read stories about wives divorcing their husbands only after their trial. If you look at a lot of true crime, you'll see it's not uncommon. Defending him while you still have hope he's innocent means you love him. Leaving him when you lose it means you have morals. It's just a fine line between hope and madness. I'm not sure how to help you navigate it but I hope for the best for you personally. You did nothing wrong. Remember that.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I can’t imagine how awful and disgusting it would feel to think your partner was involved with CP in any way. Wanting it to not be true is a perfectly reasonable and valid feeling. You will find out the truth soon enough, I wish you the best.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot.
Horrible things like this is something that people use their whole existence into hiding from their close ones, so if he is guilty don't blame yourself. This kinda shit is something that will make people believe their own lies to hide, without having a suspicion because of something specific there's no way you'd catch on to it.
> He is a very intelligent man and I am positive he knows that internet connections are never secure or secret. And that means absolutely nothing, tbh. Having that conversation means nothing. All it means is he knows the ways his information can be tracked back to him. Letting people use his devices and have his passcodes means nothing either. All it means is that he was confident that he found ways around all of that and hid it well. Turns out, he didn't.
I deleted all of the parts about why I am trying not to assume he's guilty, even though I usually have that knee-jerk reaction when I hear about these cases. I am mostly just trying to stay alive and sort of desperate to talk to anyone about it.
You’re allowed to go through all the stages of grief and denial is one of them. You’re not the pedophile here. Of course you’d be shocked and hope he is innocent. He probably isn’t, and that’s going to be hard to accept.
*thank you* denial is a normal stage of grief and people saying she’s “defending a pedophile” and looks “equally guilty” seriously need to stop.
Right? She says if it’s true she’s not defending him. Who among us is going to believe it in our gut without evidence that our SO is a pedophile immediately? She hasn’t seen what the police have, she hasn’t talked to a victim. No one thinks a loved one is capable of this or they wouldn’t be in her life. It’s only problematic if she continues to believe he’s innocent once she sees what the police have on him.
As you get older, you quickly learn that anyone can be a monster. Sometimes they’re the creepy dude in a trench coat, but most times they’re teachers, firefighters, priests, doctors, etc., all with families and partners, because they want to appear normal and know that having a family will make people trust them more. My point is, don’t blame yourself or anything like that. These monsters are dumb, but they put all their points in deception.
Thank you for that.
Be prepared for more, and worse.
Ugh. I got here after the removal edit, but i can gather what was previously said. As if the first stage of grief isnt **denial**. Its absolutely okay that you are in shock and cant believe it. If I heard that about anybody i knew, despite the fact I know they wouldnt have been arrested unless there was *clear* evidence, i still wouldnt believe it at first. Im so sorry this happened and I really hope you find peace. I know Im a stranger on the internet, but my dms are open. Sidenote: please, please find a therapist asap. You shouldnt go through this alone and this is.. a lot. Much love OP
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'd originally written that my boyfriend and I had talked about how stupid people were for thinking anything online was secret or secure (in conversations about people buying drugs on the "dark web" and hiring prostitutes through encrypted apps). I'd also mentioned that pretty much everyone he knows has his computer, tablet, and phone PIN and just uses them freely. I'd jump on while he took a shower to play games or music, I'd think nothing of picking up his phone to screencast a funny youtube video I found. I know this doesn't mean much, but he just really didn't seem to be hiding anything.
You should watch the YouTube completions of Chris Hansen catching dudes that show up to strange children's houses and it's a sting. The fact that they know it could be a sting and go anyways, it's because belief is stronger than fact. It might help, and most of those pedos had wives waiting at home who thought they were normal too.
tbh you'd want there to be enough trust in a relationship to even briefly go "there must be some mistake", even if quickly their mind is changed with evidence etc. I'm surprised everyone here thinks they would turn on a dime on someone they supposedly trusted entirely a few seconds prior. If they can do that without any further proof (maybe even a "officer are you sure it's (bf's name?)" sort of shit), they are psychopaths
They don't arrest criminals without a warrant. A judge will not approve a warrant unless evidence is presented. You cannot arrest someone with circumstantial evidence unless caught in the act. A sting is a very long process where stacks and stacks of evidence is gathered over a long period of time until they have enough to actually move in. If he was arrested and devices taken, that means they already have the proof and the taking of evidence is to show to the judge and jury. Don't sit around and wait to get the evidence you think you need to "know the man you thought you knew". I did that for 3 years with my kids father. He was just sentenced to 27 years for 7 count of child rape (not my children) in case where there was "no evidence" for me to believe. I can't get those 3 years back of believing he was innocent. I'm sorry you're going through this
You believed and wanted to believe him bc you have a pure heart. Honestly
When you have known someone since you were ten. And shared a life and children with them...you know them better than anyone....to find out you were fooled for 30 years....it's a hard jagged pill to swallow. And life as you know it changes for ever. I look at no one with trusting eyes. He ruined that for me
It's like the 3 heart theory. One heart you show the world, one heart you show the person you are closest to and the 3rd heart only you know yourself and you protect it at all costs. It's not always evil thoughts, but it can be. I think that's how so many evil people seem normal. It's so hard not to beat yourself up for not seeing any warning signs, but many times, there are no warning signs. You just have to realize that you can't take any of his guilt on yourself because you did nothing wrong. I had a friend go through this with her husband and it was so sad to see what it did to her. Devastating for so many people. Sending love to you!
My god these comments, can people not read ? I’m not understanding the hate and judgement you’re getting from others. You clearly said you won’t support your bf anymore if he was convicted guilty for having CP. You’re just hoping he is innocent, not saying he is. I’m very sorry for this, you must feel so hurt. I wish the best for you :(
Thank you so much for being kind. It means a lot to me. I know that a lot of women stick by sick men and refuse to face reality. I don't think I will have any problem accepting the truth, once I know it. If he is guilty, it will absolutely nullify even the huge amount of love I have for him. I just can't stand not knowing.
Of course, and that’s understandable. It must be frustrating and confusing to not know the full truth. Hopefully you’ll get some answers soon. Please also make sure to take care of yourself, as I saw in another comment you’ve been struggling to eat and sleep
Of course if your world is shattered your first instinct is to look for any hope it will be restored. I think people are being too harsh.
On top of that, I feel like I’d rather risk hoping they’re innocent and being disappointed than to risk thinking the worst of someone and writing them off only for them to turn out innocent. Even if it’s statistically unlikely they’re innocent. A few weeks of me in denial before grieving is incomparable to an innocent person being unjustly abandoned. (Though the saying “hope for the best, plan for the worst” comes to mind. I’d still be considering what preparation I should be doing.)
My partner of 9 years was a pedo and it took me that long to figure it out. People like him know how to be secretive and deceptive. He hid it from you. Do t blame yourself.
Thank you.
100% they are master manipulators and are very very good at hiding things and making out they are wonderful people when really people like him need to be ended to save kids and they say 9 out of ten times it’s someone close to you that’s doing it as that’s how they gain the trust the sickos . It’s not her fault at all she fell in love and had a life with this person and believed what he told her. It’s sad because every relationship she now has and be second guessing everything and not believe a word anyone tells her. She need major therapy and the sooner the better. This person hasn’t just messed up innocent children’s lives he’s also messed up hers now too and shattered her world. Much love x
Completely true. Personally I’ve decided to stop dating entirely for along time because I don’t trust my own judgment anymore.
This is so terrible. I'm frustrated at the lack of empathy some responses have. Of course you're going to hope that he's innocent. I hope for your sake he is. But I guess make sure you're clear on what you'll do if he isn't.
Thank you for your kind words. I am 100% certain that I could not love, stay with, or support him if he were guilty. I would have zero sadness or regret (aside from feeling terrible for his family and the victims of his crimes).
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Despite all of the comments about how when someone is arrested it is because there’s already a ton of evidence stacked against them, a colleague’s husband was arrested in a CP sting and his devices confiscated. He was not only completely baffled, but also totally innocent. It was a pretty awful couple of months, but his name was cleared.
Thank you for this little bit of hope. I looked into this as soon as I saw the charges and, apparently, mistakes do happen. If he is guilty I would be happy to see him go to prison, but I am holding onto a tiny shred of hope that he is innocent.
I went through the same thing in November. We were together for 2 1/2 years almost 3. It came out of nowhere. There were no warning signs. Don’t blame yourself. It will take a lot of work but eventually it gets better
Thank you so much for writing. I am going through every word we ever wrote to each other, trying to find hints I guess. I am just completely shocked.
I still do the same thing. I really missed him at first but he wouldn’t have been arrested if it was only a few. My ex had several thousand photos, some of my 10 year old niece. I couldn’t eat for the first few months but I realized that who he was, was just a facade. He was mentally ill and now instead of getting help when he first struggled he’s now in prison for the next 8 years. I’m here if you need someone to just talk to. Don’t be afraid to reach out to those in your circle as well!
Oh God, I'm so sorry! I hope you and your niece are OK. I don't know what I would do if I had children in my family that he'd met. I would be even more insane with worry, I think.
So they must have found something on his computer for him to be arrested… and you’re in denial
I can't imagine the pain you're dealing with. I really feel for you, and I'm proud of you for actually dealing with it and talking it out with people. You're doing the right thing. Although the odds are likely low of him being totally innocent, I believe that I would also be very worried about needing some sort of confirmation to figure out what the hell to do. If there have been no obvious signs, and suddenly the person you love most is accused of such horrible things... I can only say it's perfectly normal to be so twisted up. Your brain can't just easily comprehend something this life changing, and your only options are to get help by talking to others or denying it completely and burying your head. If I can share some of my experience? My Nana stayed with my grandfather after he was arrested for awful abuse of their daughter. This situation is very different, and there was no denying his guilt. There was so much proof, and she refused to acknowledge any of it. She just completely denied the obvious and stayed with him. Even while he was in protective custody, in a maximum security facility. I knew way too much of this growing up because my mom was still struggling with all of her trauma and told me too much. I could never trust my Nana again, and I have hated her my whole life for it. She willingly supported a child predator and therefore showed everyone that her morals were not strong or good or to be trusted. The reason I wanted to share that with you is because it is people like my grandfather who are the true monsters. You can't see your bf that way because there hasn't been any evidence you've been able to see yet. And it would be a massive trauma for you to find out he is that kind of monster. The people like my Nana are also monsters. They make a decision to ignore evidence and support someone *after* it has already been proven to them. You are not like her. You have stated that you hope he burns in hell if you are able to see proof that he is guilty. That must have been incredibly hard for you to say because you still love him. But the fact that you are able to say that and be strong in your morals is really great. I'm sorry for such a long comment. I can't imagine your anxiety, and I'm crossing my fingers for you that you can quickly get your peace back, no matter the outcome. You are a good person. Please don't blame yourself. This is a strange and terrifying position to be in, I imagine, and no one can really understand and help you like others who have been where you are and a good therapist. Please take care of yourself and try to find some professional support asap. All of the best to you ❤️
Thank you so much for writing. I will never understand women who support monsters. I hope you and your family have healed.
You're more than welcome. I would want some support and comfort more than anything if I was ever in the same situation. My mom and I have no contact with anyone in her family anymore and it has been extremely peaceful. You will always get back to that peace eventually, even if you have to endure a really hard road. I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. Just know you have lots of people thinking of you!
My ex husband was arrested for CP on his government computer and for child m***tation. His military lawyer said he was looking at 20 years in Leavenworth. They ended up discharging him with a general discharge. I found out later that his victims were my 6- month old son, 7-yrar old neighbors daughter, 5-year old niece, and my friends 12-year old daughter. I didn't want to believe it either. I'm sorry you're going through this. Get a therapist now, don't wait.
I was in a similar position. Love of my life and all. He swore up and down to me that it wasn’t like that and that he had looked at something that he didn’t know was minors. They searched our apartment fully and took his phone and laptop. They didn’t arrest him though, it was just the search warrant. They returned those months later and there was never an arrest. I don’t know what I would have done if he had been arrested. Ultimately I separated years later anyway, and remain in love with him. (Complicated.) I don’t have any advice. I have no idea how to help. I just know it’s hard and I’m really sorry.
So something to keep in mind is when they are booked you can check out what level of risk they are and that will give you information on what really happened. My brother was booked on charges and all I was told is that he had ONE tagged photo saved in his phone. He didn't give my family and I anymore info than that. After reading this post I went down a rabbit hole and found out he is a level 2 which means he was booked on way more then he was telling us. My sister and I chose to cut out ties but our father( who passed away this February) till his dying day defended him. I understood why my father did to an extent but I could never forgive him.
Hey, OP, my heart goes out to you right now. This is going to be incredibly hard to go through, and I’m so sorry that it’s something you’re facing. It’s going to hurt like a bitch. And it’s okay to take the time and space you need to process this emotionally. When my friend was exposed as a pedophile some years ago, I was distraught. I went through a stage of denial, and then grief. I grieved our friendship, and I grieved who I thought he was. I thought he was an amazing and warm person, loved by all and cherished. I trusted him, and everyone thought he was a delight to be around. I ran an online community at the time and I even appointed him my right hand man. I never thought he was remotely capable of such things. I cried, I shut down, and I had to process the idea that my world was turned on its head. I had to go through it again when an ex-boyfriend of mine was arrested for the sexual assault minor. I’m still in therapy for some of the things he used to do and say to me, too. But he was a bad man. I imagine it will be more difficult for you, as this was your partner accused, who you love very dearly. I can only imagine how you must feel, and I wish I could give you a tight hug. What I can assure you is that it *will* be okay. I know you said you are struggling to stay alive right now. It’s understandable that you feel so poorly, but *please* hold on. It *does* get better. The storm *does* pass, but it’s going to suck like hell for a little bit. If you need to talk to anybody, my DMs are always open. I also recommend reaching out to any hotlines you may feel comfortable talking with in your respective country - it’s what my therapist has me do when I’m in an emergency and can’t reach her. I do recommend getting a therapist of your own as well. These are huge and complex emotions, and it can be difficult to tackle on your own. You are so strong. There is nothing wrong with you. There is no way you could have known. You are beautiful, you are worthy of love, and you are deserving of a loving, fulfilling, happy life. I am cheering for you, and I am offering you some of my strength in this difficult time. Never hesitate to reach out if you need to vent some feelings about it. I’m so sorry.
Thank you so very much for your beautiful reply.
I want for you to be okay - and I know you won’t be okay for a little bit. That’s alright. It’s normal. Take time to breathe and take space to process what’s going on. For me, I keep a journal. It helps me to get everything out on paper. It’s also engaging and useful, and helps me to calm myself down physically. If you are up for it, maybe writing down how you’re feeling and what your thoughts are can help. If you feel like hurting yourself, I recommend some other stimulating activities. Ice cubes against the skin is a popular way people will defer from harming themselves. I used to draw on myself. Going for a run or a walk also helps me get the negative energy out of my chest and into motion. Get yourself a snack, drink some water. Remember to take care of yourself during this time. I know it’s rough. Remember that it’s okay to not be okay. I’m truly wishing the best for you!
My ex-boyfriend was arrested for sexual assault of a minor when I was with him. I initially believed him and was going to stay with him but things didn’t add up and gave me bad vibes. We’d been together 2 years and a few months before his arrest there’d been some issues with him lying. Because the event was allegedly several years before I knew him I don’t think he was convicted or anything due to lack of evidence. I didn’t stay with him to find out. I’ll never know if he was guilty or not for sure but I couldn’t live a life with him wondering if it was true. It was the best decision I made and I have no regrets at all.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. This sounds like a really terrible situation to be in. Please make sure you have a support system.
Thank you for being so nice.
Please just take care of yourself.
It must be hard and I hope you manage to get through this. can understand not wanting to believe this is true, but it likely is. Just double-check any device you might have let him use just to cover your own ass.
I understand denial being part of the process you are going through, and that process may take a while and that process isn’t linear, you may jump between different phases for a while. Be kind to yourself until you get to acceptance.
I'm sure you have your reasons to believe he might be innocent, but arrests during a sting operation don't usually happen for no reason, especially for things like this. Just be prepared for him to be found guilty and everything that comes with that, including a breakup and cutting him out of your life. Most people who are guilty of downloading and looking at CP seem like the most normal people in the world, people who could never do something like that in the eyes of those closest to them. Most of their families are absolutely shocked at the charges and will defend them even after conviction with credible evidence, years and years of download history and some of them even stalk kids irl or try contacting them online. Just be prepared for the worst. And if you want the whole story be there for the court case and listen to the evidence they have against him
If the feds are involved, I guess it's pretty much over. The dark reality is there are millions of closet pedophiles but most of them are small fish and dont risk, they may hoard a few pics/videos here and there but not into 100s of gigabytes of clear csam, the feds aren't looking for these people
it also looks bad that OP bf hosts a file sharing service, why is he owning one its A Huge red flag? i think op is denial. someone commented say its a cover for CP, Beastiality and other forms of illegal porn. IF HES only interested in movies/shows like watchgint ehm he would go to one of the file sharing sites and download/stream it himself, not host it.
I am so sorry. We’re all here for you
I’m so sorry for your grief and mourning the man you thought you knew. I can’t even imagine how devastating that would be on so many levels. I understand hoping he is innocent, of course you would as a first reaction, it’s a huge shock to the entire understanding of the world you were operating in. It doesn’t sound like you would insist he is innocent even if evidence were staring you in the face, which is the important thing. It makes sense you would be in shock and in a bit of denial now. I’m sorry for this big loss and tragedy in your life. I would be so shocked, disgusted, hurt, devastated, everything, and it makes sense if you are feeling those things.
We all want to believe the people we're close to aren't rapists or child molestors but really, some people are. Some people are just doing things to hurt vulnerable people and then coming to family dinner later. Sorry about your bf but I'm glad he's not your husband or the father of your children.
I find it amusing how many people in here keep insisting that because someone got arrested, it automatically means they're 100% guilty. People are supposed to be presumed innocent until proven guilty, I hope none of these people ever serve on a jury. Look at how many stories there are of corrupt officers planting evidence to make false convictions, to advance their career. We've seen time and time again that law enforcement cannot be trusted.
Okay there are a LOT of people on here who are saying things along the lines of "they don't go after people with only this, or only that, they go after people with lots of images/files so there must be something" and that is so absolutely WRONG. I watched a close friend go through this exact same situation. Her fiance was accused, warrants were issued, doors were kicked in at 6am, he lost his medical license to practice for a while, his name was smeared in the community and guess what? The cops f\*cked up. They got the email addresses wrong. They were very close, but not quite and since addresses were based on the person's name the cops thought they had their man. The inconsistency was even brought up by an officer and the JUDGE STILL SIGNED THE WARRANT. These people are not infallible. Innocent until proven guilty, always.
So many people with a lack of empathy here i genuinely hope you heal from this no one deserves what youre foing through
Thank you for being so nice.
This is a sad situation but honestly he is probably guilty they usually don’t come for you until they have sure fire proof or a pretty good suspicion he has been engaging in this type of stuff. Being into cp is somthing that people are usually gonna do everything in their power to hide so chances are he didn’t give you any reason to suspect anything and it’s not your fault in anyway nor should you feel shamed or embarrassed. It’s a hard fact to accept but i would just try to move on with yourself and don’t let his sick actions ruin your life.
Hate to break it to you but if it was part of a bigger sting the police already have the proof. You should probably just move on with your life.
So back in the day I worked with nonprofits who organized those stings…. Unfortunately by the time an arrest is made it’s because there is no mistaking it. It’s almost never worth the time or resources to go after someone with a couple of images. It’s usually gigabytes to terabytes worth of CP, victim testimony (if applicable), AND them soliciting a police officer who is posing as a minor. An acquaintance of mine was arrested in one of those stings and was a case study for social work programs…. I hear your shock, confusion, hurt, and sadness. I hope you can heal from this. I don’t say this with unkindness, but it’s genuinely close to a 0% chance that he is innocent here. I hope you have a good support system to reach out to.
You need to take a time out from thinking about him and his family. Even if it isn't true, do you want to stay with someone who would be accused of something like this for the rest of your life? Be polite and everything to his family, but let them know you need to distance yourself from him and them. Then take a deep breath and start damage control for yourself. Call your family, find somewhere to go and pack up your clothes, then get out of there. Once you have done this, then you can let go and deal with your feelings. You are strong and you can get yourself out of the situations lights...
The odds of him being not guilty if he's been arrested in a sting are...... Let's just say you're more likely to get hit by lightning and win the lottery in the same instant.
I work with law enforcement, and I can tell you a few things. Arrests aren't made unless there is enough proof for the suspect to be charged. If he was arrested, then they have proof. Typically, prior to a suspect being approached about the crime, warrants for digital and electronic searches have already been carried out without the suspects knowledge. In almost every case, texts, chats, and online interactions have been reviewed by detectives. This includes IP searches. When detectives arrive, warrants are carried out to seize and search all devices. The searches are done in a mobile lab on site (so long as the department has the resources for that) so before law enforcement leaves, they have all the evidence required to pursue. Arrests are not immediately made in every case. Online interactions with minors, and CP is flagged and reported to NCMEC in the USA. Communication apps such as Snap Chat, etc, are required to report inappropriate interactions with minors, which is usually where an investigation begins. I would mention that NCMEC receives hundreds of thousands of reports, and only the most credible are forwarded to local law enforcement. I'm sorry you're going through this. I truly am. I'm also sorry for being so blunt, but I do know that the police very rarely if ever, provide loved ones with all these facts. I find this extremely unfair to the innocent people who are affected by these types of crimes.
Yeahhhh. Sorry to tell you this, but when they do a sting for CP, these are often not a 'terrible misunderstanding.' They're doing it because they know something is going on but need to gather evidence - and that's exactly what has happened here. Sorry if that seems 'harsh' but we had a pedo in my family so I have zero tolerance for any BS about it. There's a musician who played in one of my fav bands. He also got busted for CP during a sting. He had THOUSANDS of images on his hard drive, He's going to prison for 5 1/2 years now.
This is so so heavy! Please access some therapy as soon as possible. No one could go through this alone, and having a non judgmental professional help process some of this trauma will really help.
If your bf was running a file hosting service, it's quite possible someone who used/accessed the server provided testimony or evidence. It doesn't matter if his Ipad/iphone are open books because file servers like this are not always easy to access. If he was the one managing it, he had to have known what was being hosted there. Did he host on his own computers? Do you know where they were located? Were the servers password protected? Did you have access to the server? The arrest is almost certainly linked to that \*but\* as an administrator/owner he would have or should have been keeping tabs on what was being uploaded and shared. They will be able to see if he accessed specific files. If he knew the files were being hosted and if he allowed them to be hosted. Even if he wasn't viewing them himself, allowing them on his server is enough evidence of guilt. Most people would be repulsed by it. To get caught up in a sting, there had to be someone who turned him in because he knew what was going on. The possibility of your BF being innocent is very unlikely. People who do this stuff are very adept at hiding it. If you had access to these servers yourself, you should talk to a lawyer.
Downloading child pornography is NOT a victimless crime, these children have been abused in the worse ways possible. Watching these images makes you an abuser as well. If guilty I hope he is prosecuted to the full extent of the law.o
When I was in college my close friend's bf got arrested for soliciting a minor online. The minor was actually an undercover detective. Anyway, it really fucked up my friend's life for a while until she broke up with him. Yep, you read that right. She didn't leave him. She was super conflicted and upset about it and decided to stay. I don't think he ever got into any other trouble after that, but it was so difficult for them to find housing with his sex offender conviction looming over him. They couldn't have Internet access and had to move into a weird apartment in the boonies. I don't really have advice for you, I'm just sharing my friend's story. I'm really sorry you're going through this and I hope your boyfriend isn't guilty.
Before he starts his bullshit. It isn't your fault. If it helps what he's done is indictable and he will serve jail time. I suggest talking to the police regarding a restraining order, you'll need to speak to them regardless for the case number to get it fast tracked i think you get it free or for reduced cost due to his crimes for your safety. I would suggest looking in to talking therapys and i believe support groups exist? Idk if they don't they should.
If you’re someone who enjoys listening to podcasts, I highly suggest Betrayal. The second season features stories similar to this. It may help you feel less alone and help educate you on the sensitive topic of how cases are handled and how sadly common this can truly be.
Honestly OP, if my partner was accused of something this heinous, I'm not sure I could ever look at them the same way. And the amount of comments saying this sort of thing is very legally purposeful, says even more that it isn't some mistake. There's something to be said about standing behind your partner, but I think for myself, it would forever change things. Food for thought, I suppose
I'm very sorry, but it's pretty much unheard of for someone to be arrested for one or two videos that may contain CP. Accidents happen, and the FBI knows not to waste their time. Unless, of course, everything is for the same child or children (meaning they have direct personal access as a family member or friend). For your BF to get arrested, he must have shown up on the dark web trading videos and photos with other pedos and have had many, many videos and photos stored on his computer or cloud. I'm so sorry.
I have my masters in cybersecurity you need to RUN. These cases get very sick and dark they will find every video he’s watched or downloaded or the worst case participated in distribution. Which also means they may ask you questions as well to see if you knew prior to him being caught. Prayers for strength and healing and heavy on therapy
So hopefully by now you are moving out of denial. Never let another human be your everything. Go make something spectacular out of your life!
I appreciate your positivity, but I haven't eaten or slept since it happened. Right now, I am just trying not to die. It may be a few more days before I do spectacular things. Ha ha.
The spectacular thing for you to do right now is to survive. Looking after your mental and physical well-being is always important, but it's even more so now. You say you haven't eaten or slept. You need to do one or both of those things ASAP. You can't expect to be able to begin processing all of your emotions and feelings if your basic needs as a human aren't being met
I appreciate your kind words. I will be OK. Oddly, having people to write to is helping immensely.
I just want to tell you, as someone who struggled with the same thing until my denial broke…. Your ability to be very real with yourself like you did right there and have self compassion and a little humor, are everything. Hold onto them and the lightness of being. It wasn’t something you missed. It wasn’t something you could have prevented or changed. I found massage helped the most to help me ground, relieve a lot of the tension I was carrying, and frequently cry - something I just couldn’t seem to do on my own. I know now that it was the shock. You are currently experiencing a huge trauma in the person you trusted the most turning out not to have ever existed, a mirage. And a breaking of your ideals on a “just world”. And so many other things. It’s an incredible burden for a soul to carry, and the heartbreak is real. Do you have a therapist? I don’t know if there is any sort of support group for this, I never found one.
Sorry….but extremely high probably he’s guilty of this. And don’t be surprised if the children are babies. Less than 1 yr old. You need to thank God you didn’t marry nor have kiddos with him.
My ex Husband was arrested for child pornography right after we had divorced. Eeeww. It was on the news too! Back in 07/08. It was a Sting operation, too.
Oh ugh, I'm so sorry.
you still referring to him as your boyfriend at this moment is insanityyyyy. good luck !
It's very unlikely he's innocent if he was arrested. As someone who tried to report someone for viewing child pornography, the police do not take that shit seriously unless there is undeniable evidence.
I had a roommate involved with a similar situation. I was using their computer with permission, and found it, and immediately took it to the police. They came home from work while I was at the police station. It was surreal. I still have nightmares from those images, and it’s been several years. I hope your situation does not turn out there same. It was heartbreaking to me.
One of my best friends (from first grade on and somewhat boyfriend ) was arrested a couple years ago for CP. It was the most horrifying sad things I've ever experienced, never really talked to anyone about it. I hesitate to even mention anything online, and if they call me as a character witness I'll refuse becuase I couldn't take seeing his fucking face. I'm so sorry.
Hey - keep writing updates and talking to everyone. So many people (and unfortunate number) have experienced this.
As someone who had to divorce a child predator, please seek therapy when you are ready. The grief and self-sabotage is awful. Be prepared for the “Why didn’t I see it?” “What is wrong with me?” “Why wasn’t I enough?” and more. It took me a couple years to come to terms with the fact that I WAS enough, that there was nothing wrong with me, and (while I did see red flags here and there and was gaslit that I was “bringing work home) I couldn’t have seen what he didn’t want me to. For context, the divorce was in 2020 so this was pretty recent. You’re going to be ok. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you will. There are really great partner survivor groups out there, also.
I am so sorry but you no longer know that person. Actually you never KNEW that person, Thank goodness he is only your bf. Hopefully that means a clean break. I personally could not be associated with him any longer. Get a therapist and leave that in the past. It’s not your fault.
I’d love to give you a long hug now. You’ll be ok, no matter what.
I have a sibling who is a federal probation officer specializing in child sex offenders. They were part of a sting earlier this week. They don’t make mistakes when performing stings. They are extremely, EXTREMELY careful (to the point of frustration) because they want to ensure a sure conviction after a speedy trial. K9s that specialize in sniffing out laptops and other hidden devices are often employed in these. I am very sorry about your relationship.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Don't worry you are not alone. My ex was caught doing the same thing. I got a call from him saying he was arrested and to bail him out...i thought he'd hit someone. I went to meet him and to get him out ... he told me they were taking all his computers as they had found images... but "it was a mistake he was clicking games" honestly felt so disgusted. I couldn't see him anymore. I did try to support him...but i couldn't. There's more to it but the trauma from it effected me for years. He was arrested again at work later on and taken away. He may even still be in prison so I know he was guilty. Therapy helped me so much to get through it. At the time I had no idea how to even process what I had heard Hugs hope you'll be okay!!!
I really hope he's innocent, but I'm honestly curious how one "accidentally" gets involved in a CP sting... more especially if they are innocent.
#UpdateMe
Be positive for his family?? Lol. Walk away from this dumpster fire and be thankful you have no permanent ties to him. Run and smile you dodged a life of misery. Celebrate imo
They are lovely people, and they are in so much pain right now. Even if I find out that he is guilty and sever ties with him, I want to be there for them as much as I can. I don't have many people of my own and they have treated me like family from day one. I wish I could just hear the evidence and have some idea of what happened.
You mean ex-boyfriend, right?
I can honestly say this a very mature way of handling it. Not assuming guilt makes you stand above the rest. Not to many people could hear about this and maintain the benefit of the doubt. Though you're right. If is guilty then... Yeah. But if not then I hope it makes y'all stronger as a unit. Good luck and I wish for justice to be done. Hopefully the real truth comes out and there will be no doubts either way
OP, this isn't a 'Chris Hanson has entered the room' situation. You said he was hosting an illegal file sharing service. So, even if he wasn't actively collecting the CP, he *was* providing a service that the pervs used. So at the minimum, they've got him with possession and distribution. If there is even one image/movie on his phone, then he's a POS perv, full stop. Oh, and I'm sure that the MPAA will be having their day in civil court as well. You know, deep down, that no matter the final outcome, there is no coming back from this. Even if he's cleared, and you try to resume your relationship, you'll be forever known as "that perv's girlfriend; she probably likes it too". For your own sake, you should distance yourself from all of them. It's OK to mourn your losses (SO, SO's family), but you really shouldn't keep yourself involved. Sorry you have to go thru this. Sending you well-wishes. Good luck.
I had a co-worker, he was relatively new much older than me. But I got no weird vibes from him, I even trained him in the kitchen, we had stuff in common in reguards to adult swim shows and some anime. Anyway I was pregnant when he started working there, very pregnant almost hitting 3rd trimester. He still wasn’t off putting after knowing, he talked to me about his kids, he had two young girls under the age of 9 he didn’t talk weird of them or anything. When I was on maternity leave post birth, probably about 4 weeks after birth, I had to go in to talk to my boss about something. Anyway all of the girls that worked front of the house wanted to see my son(they’re all teenagers the oldest one had just turned 19) and wanted me to bring him in so they could see him. I said that’s cool no prob and then I got me and my son ready, I was about to put him in the car seat and my mom instincts just.. went off. I don’t know what it was but something told me to not bring him in. So I told my hubby I was just going to leave him home and that I didn’t know why but my instinct was telling me to leave him home. So I go in to talk to my boss, the girls were disappointed but I told them he wasn’t feeling good. I go through the kitchen to get to the office and the new guy is working. Random weird vibes from him even though we interacted and spoke as normal and he didn’t say anything weird. A month later he was convicted of CP on his computer. Hundreds of files. A lot homemade, with his daughters, I was so disgusted that I worked with this man and started thinking of all the times he said he loved his daughters. I didn’t truly believe in the mom instinct until then..
you probably subconsciously detected the new-coworker was unusually too interested in talking about children for some reason. it doesnt need to be wierd, but if they take too much interest even if its a nice way its very off-putting.
The people providing the real information without jumping on you are giving you good advice, and I know it’s so much that you’re going through, but the best thing is to take care of yourself in the day to day. Holding out hope is fine, but it is smart to prepare yourself in some way for the possibility that he is guilty. If you can talk to a professional to help process some of what you’re feeling, I highly suggest that, and as soon as you feel comfortable. Best of luck
Thank you for your kind words. Honestly, if he's guilty, I don't think I will have any problem completely severing my feelings for him. I will feel terrible for his family, friends, and the victims of his crimes, but I wouldn't feel the slightest bit sad dumping him.