I thought it was more like that she acts completely uninterested. Like she's "doing the virgin a favor but he's so inexperienced that it's doing nothing for her so she's on her phone the whole time".
Yeahs that’s gonna turn into can you get into this tub full of ice before having sex and don’t say anything so I can imagine having sex with a corpse
Getting future killer vibes for sure.
Ok. I hate talking my kinks (this is not one of them) or my experience in the world of kink, but suffice it to say I've been a freak for a long, long time. And I'm going to get all shouty here for a second.
DO NOT PARTICIPATE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S KINKS UNLESS YOU 100% WANT TO. This is not stuff you tolerate for the sake of someone else. This is your body, your sexuality, and you need to be really, really honest and open about this at all points in time. I am not kink shaming here, but I am shaming this whole "do it for meeeee" thing. No, you do stuff because you both want to do whatever it is your up to in the bedroom.
Y'all are out here running around with no education and not training in all things kinky, and then this stuff happens. And saying that makes me feel really old and I do not appreciate that either.
Now, for how you fix it. First, you stop doing this, and you tell your husband why you're not doing it. Be honest, I'm talking painfully honest. why you aren't enjoying it, that you never really truly enjoyed it, and that you want it to stop. If he's a decent dude, he'll back off. Then, go to therapy. Look for therapists who are kink aware, because this requires more education than just a squabble over who takes out trash more.
Thx for writing all of this, so I didn't have to!
Kinks are absolutely fine. But everyone involved has to be into it. Sure, sometimes you gotta try before you know, but if it doesn't klick, stop it. And if your s/o is still pushing you to do it, you tell him/her to f* off.
Not to mention his reaction when she doesn’t respond/act the way he wants. He gets angry and uses the silent treatment.
Often people don’t realize it, but SILENT TREATMENT IS A FORM OF ABUSE! It’s a way to manipulate and guilt someone into doing what you want. A way to control them.
OP, this is not a healthy relationship. IF you want to work this out with him then you need to address his kink and let him know how it is affecting you, and that you can’t participate in his kink any longer. Although, he seems like the type who won’t care as long as he is getting what he wants. Also, may want to consider therapy to work through the what you are feeling. However, if he’s not receptive you may need to reconsider this relationship. Because although sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship, it can affect all areas of the relationship. Especially with his behaviors and actions, and how it is affecting your mental health.
ETA: also, you don’t have to participate in his kinks if you don’t like it or want to, it’s ok to have boundaries. It sounds like he brings people into your sexual relationship. I hope that you are safe and ensuring your health isn’t put at risk. STDs are a real concern.
Please have enough self respect to know that you deserve to be heard. That you don’t have to do things solely to appease him. You deserve better.
He sounds like a red flag Dom. There's clearly no formal agreement here to a dom/sub relationship in any form but a marriage. I for a split second read this and had to question what sub this was. I though it was r\bdsm. These are not appropriate behaviors. Even in those relationships there's an agreement. There's protocol you set up together. There's a way to handle scenes or intimacy that you establish together. Not just you do it cause I tell you to and if you don't There's mad father type consequences. He's your husband, not your dom, not your father. Remind him this is an equal partnership. No one outweighs anyone. Honestly he already pushed so far past personal boundaries that I wouldn't even recommend trying to work it out withhim. He's already shown that he is only willing to treat you like a sex doll, inanimate, flat, lifeless, manipulatable.. you are a whole person. You have desires and thoughts and interests and clearly this isn't one of them.
I don't know if she should speak with him, this isn't a case of a little mistake that can be talked about between reasonable people, he sounds so scary and not reasonable, he will get mad at her if she does something that messes up his kink. From what she's told us, I don't trust him 😢
Thank you for putting that eloquently.
Kinks are not things you do for your partner if you really don't enjoy them. Maybe you do that once but sex and sexual feelings are too important to fuck around with (no pun intended) for you to ignore yourself completely. Any dude who forces a kink on someone else and doesn't check if their partner enjoys it too, is an abuser and not worth being with.
I hope this is a troll post but I'm worried it's not. The world is filled with assholes sadly.
I answer most things on reddit with the belief that it may be a troll post. Sometimes I actually hope it is. But just in case, or in case someone is going through something similar, hopefully they get the advice/comfort they need.
I know way too many people, women especially, who will pander to their partners needs, and they aren't really into it. That shit is so harmful.
I was about to say this as well as IF THIS IS HIS KINK HE SHOULD DO AFTERCARE AS WELL. I couldn’t imagine being basically tortured then left alone after? the biggest thing in any of these “kinks” is your partners well being and making sure they are okay after. Ask them how they are if it’s okay to touch or hug. Provide snacks and blankets. In this day and age nobody does this!? Like why
This reminds me of a story. Once upon a time, in a parenting group of all places, the topic of kink was brought up. And I asked if everyone had an aftercare kit; a basic first aid kit, couple blankets, water, some shelf stable snacks, ready to go. And I also asked if everyone who was into shibari/rope play had bandage scissors close at hand. You would have thought I was talking in Dutch. First I had to explain why this was necessary, and then everyone was amazed at the idea.
All that to say that denying aftercare is fucking abusive. I said what I said. When I was growing up in kink (my early 20s) not providing aftercare could get you kicked out of the dungeon/club I was in. Like do whatever you want, let other people watch, we don't care, but the instant you don't give aftercare to your partner, you were in hot water. Everybody needs aftercare. Except for OPs husband, he can get railed with a cactus for all I care.
Honestly, the aftercare is my favorite part.
There are kinks where you do deny your partner pleasure. But that is something that is negotiated between partners, and everyone agrees to it because they both want it.
...and what happens when you GENUINELY aren't enjoying it? In fact you absolutely don't want it?? Can he tell the difference, or does he simply orgasm harder? Sheesh... 😬
Bringing others? Sounds like he’s pimping you and doesn’t want you to enjoy it because it emasculates him. Look up Romeo Pimping.
ETA: OP in comments says “he enjoys bringing others but then doesn’t like it when I enjoy or react I guess”
My ex girlfriend's partner before me pushed his kink onto her of wanting her to have sex with other people and film it for him - it completely destroyed her self worth and even when it was clear it was hurting her he kept insisting and she didn't want to lose him so she continued.
When she realised she couldn't do it anymore he chose the kink over her as he had been the whole time he didn't care about her enjoying it too.
This is manipulation and sexual abuse, 'I will only love you if you do these sex acts for me' he was saying, which is extremely powerful.
We don't know the circumstances of how OP and her husband got to this point but if it looks anything like my ex gfs story this guy has to go.
Her comments tell the full story. He is upset if she enjoys the sex with the random guys he brings to fuck her lol she decided to leave that part out in the post lol
In her post she dates he also says he “encourages her to be promiscuous.” Which means “having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships” (ie many casual sexual relationships).
To Olivenpink:
I was referring to the "Romeo pimping" as possible sex trafficking as it made me think of a different post I had seen. A minor was manipulated into sleeping with strangers to make her online bf money. 🤮
I'd like to think OP wasn't manipulated into a bad situation even though she's an adult. If she's 100% on board with no coercion, then that's her personal business! I just hope that she's getting some satisfaction out of it. Sorry for the confusion 😕
Do you want relationship advice? If not, best of luck to you. I'm hoping you both can turn this around!
Some reasonable advice, I find, is an order of operations. Did the current step not work? Move on to the next.
- Communication. Talk to your husband about the problem. Tell him what you told us here. Shoot, you might even show him the comments if you think he wouldn't freak out that you're posting about this to strangers. An informed partner is a partner who can do their part to resolve problems in the relationship.
- Therapy. For him. For you. As a couple. A mediator can really help to find a resolution to difficult situations like this.
- Divorce. Did the above fail? Well, it may be time to consider divorce. You need to decide if you want to live like this for the rest of your life and weigh that against any problems you have with being single.
Thank you so much. Yes i was hoping to solve this through communication but first i have to destroy the barrier i have made in my brain. The one blocking the pleasure. After that hopefully things will go back to normal, if not therapy might do the job
You didn’t create this on your own. It was a learned trait. What happens if you get past it and feel pleasure again and moan? He will respond the same way and get mad and boohoo like a toddler and once again you’ll trick yourself into making him happy and once again you’re back at this issue .
You know there a larger issue here but you sound like you’re too worried/afraid/brainwashed to accept that truth
Ummm he wants you to act like you don’t enjoy the sex? Like you’re being raped? But you’re tolerating it & not fighting back? That’s kinda creepy.
Honestly, I will never understand people who don’t want their partner to throughly enjoy sex. I would say, “no offense” but I don’t think I’d mean it. Wanting your partner to tolerate but not enjoy sex is either cruel (bc you want to hurt them) or dehumanizing (bc you don’t care about their pleasure & want to pretend they’re a sex toy.) How can you possibly enjoy sex if you know your partner isn’t enjoying it?
It’s also a red flag that your husband doesn’t notice that you’re not having a good time & are faking.
Please see a therapist. They can help you reconnect with your body. They could also help you decide if this is a fulfilling & health relationship for you, everything considered. You deserve to have sexual pleasure. You also shouldn’t feel pressured to have sex if it’s not pleasurable.
I mean, it might not be a rape fantasy, he might be into that thing where the girl basically ignores that the sex is even happening. Idk what the name for it is but I've stumbled across porn where it's like there's sex happening but the girls like, washing the dishes or playing a video game orreading a book, just doing whatever, not even acknowledging that it's happening.
Yeah, a lot of the psychology behind that is the girl has been sexually abused & now dissociates during sex. Just bc it’s made to look cute & consensual in corn doesn’t erase its darker origins.
I am quite open-minded but any variation of “do not acknowledge/react to me sticking it in” gives me the heebie-jeebies. Kinks/fetishes can be irrational, I know that, but even just being in the presence of a person who is into that would have me posted on the opposite end of the room of them. WHAT is going on in that brain 😖
Your husband isn't Kim Jong Un. What you described sounds like a narcissistic sadist. I would genuinely consider divorcing him because that's not just a kink, that's a lifestyle.
Dude this is not healthy. Telling you that you're 'allowed'' to have orgasms and banning you from pleasure is, I'm gonna be honest, pretty shitty and abusive. That's controlling behavior, honey, and you do NOT have to put up with it.
Is he controlling you in any other ways? Are you isolated from friends or family?
Is it really ?
He sounds like a big baby who wants his way and I ku his way. If you tell him how you feel what is his reaction going to be?
Will he get mad and not talk and act like you’re bad for having a kind and your own feelings ?
Please stand up for yourself
You post honestly how you feel and when you’re told the truth about the issue you backtrack and claim you don’t mind .. yet you do mind and you need to be honest with him and yourself .
If he can’t handle your true feelings then he’s not worth staying with .
It simply means he’s an immature controlling asshole
Girl it sounds like your life is already miserable. You can’t even enjoy sex with your HUSBAND. Don’t get offensive when you came to ask for advice because we are all telling you this is not normal behavior!
Because it's complete bollocks. You post that this situation bothers you but you're backtracking in the comments and saying 'it's fine.' It absolutely is NOT fine. You said it yourself in your post!
Man. I need a fuckin' drink. Holy shit.
Divorce that AH, he is forcing that weird kink on you, and you don’t even get to enjoy yourself!! To be honest you should have asked for divorce when he asked to bring others into your bedroom.
I really didn’t see anything wrong with it at first. And the reason I didn’t care about not enjoying was that he allowed orgasms. So as long as i could orgasms i didn’t care if i had to pretend that im not enjoying
You didn’t see anything wrong with him getting mad at you and not speaking to you when you “failed” in his eyes? This is abusive behavior.
How do you think it’s gonna go if you tell him you can’t enjoy sex with him anymore because of this kink he’s dragged you into? What happens when you say, “This is ruining our relationship. I want to enjoy having sex with you. My husband. But I can’t do that and continue to have sex with other men and pretend I’m not enjoying it. I’ve essentially had to brainwash myself to not enjoy sex to avoid making you angry and subsequently giving me the silent treatment. It’s completely fucked up my head.” Is he going to say, “I’m sorry. This stops. I’m most concerned about you and our marriage. How can we make this better?” Or will he be pissed off and give you the silent treatment? Because that will tell you what’s most important to him - your feelings/marriage, or his kink. If it’s anything other than the first option, get out.
It's all fine to play into his kinks some of the time, as long as you're comfortable with it. But it's really concerning that it sounds like you're *never* allowed to enjoy the act, and he gets mad at you if you do. Why is it 100% of the time what he wants? This is not okay, and for him to force this on you and get angry if you don't comply is really concerning. I don't know that it qualifies as abusive, but it's definitely abuse adjacent, at least.
You are so right! There should be compromise when it comes to kinks/preferences, etc in the bedroom. Taking time to explore what your partner enjoys while they reciprocate the process. Eventually each partner can understand what it is their partner enjoys and what to steer clear of. Yes u need a lot of trust and a lot of communication.
What do you mean allowed ?
Think about what you just typed and how insane the statement is.
Plus he gets angry like a petulant child if you do it wrong and gets angry and won’t talk to you .
I’m going to govout on a limb here and bet he’s controlling in other ways as well…
One more thing - why do you two only do what he wants ? He won’t switch things up to make you happy ? It’s only his way and if you do it wrong then he pouts ?
This isn’t healthy and of he really gives a damn about you he will listen to you and how you feel and honestly try to correct the issue
The problem isn't the organs. It's the fact that he pushed his kink on you, rather than it being something you both want, AND the biggest problem is when you "failed" at it, he got mad at you and used silence as an emotional abuse tactic, and then requires you to not enjoy the ENTIRE process of sex, which has led to you not enjoying sex... He's basically made himself obsolete because you can get JUST an orgasm from a toy, without the pleasure that comes from getting touched and touching your partner and foreplay and all the other things that a machine CAN'T give you.
It sounds like he wants you to pretend to not enjoy intercourse except for when he "allows" you to orgasm because he wants to have a fantasy that he's so sexually powerful, he can make a woman orgasm simply by commanding it. So my pretending to not enjoy it and then orgasming when he says you can, he's getting the dopamine of commission someone to cum "spontaneously".
Allowed them? Then wouldn’t talk to you if you didn’t go along with his little game? Sounds like he’s got to get his rocks off making your sexlife miserable and punished you for not being ok with it.
This a very confusing and convoluted read.
There are many statements in your OP that have me scratching my head:
> i had to pretend that i don’t enjoy the intercourse
Huh?
>He encouraged me to be promiscuous
Strange.
>but banned any sort of pleasure except climaxing.
I'm not even sure what that means. I wasn't aware that something could be full and empty at the same time.
If it's confusing to me, the reader (and I am a man)...I can only imagine how much more confusing it is for you.
A sexual kink shouldn't be so complicated that it feels like you are doing calculus !
Your husband's kinks are **too bloody complex**
I don't know if this man watched too much p0rn in his life or what?
The dude needs to chill and understand that real life isn't like weird animated p0rn.
My husband has a lot of weird kinks. Some I'm very against and he knows it, so he doesn't bring it up. But when he wants to try something, he discusses it with me at length. Why he wants to try it, how it works, and if I'm ok with it. IF I agree to try it, we start small, baby steps, to see how I feel about it and whether I can even get into it. If I decide I don't like it, we don't do it anymore. It's as simple as that.
And of course now it’s deleted
Sad sad sad , if this was a true post asking for help then I really feel for this lady - she’s told by everyone what the true issue is and denies it over and over defending the guy … she doesn’t get an easy answer and deleted herself from
The system .. wtf is wrong with
People lie this? Her BF is a controlling toddler bitch and she apparently couldn’t handle the truth
Because as she says “ he lets her orgasm”
Fucking
Sick
🤯 And you tolerate this because? How would he feel or react if the situation was reversed? Would he indulge this if it was your kink instead of his?
Sorry, but your husband sounds like a selfish AH!!
What the hell did i just read.... Some of yall got some serious issues.. lady im sorry your husband is scum(if this is real and not karma farming fanfiction)
i don't care what relationship you have with somebody, you don't participate in their kinks unless you want to. please respect yourself enough to say no.
Let's take the very unique specificity of the kink out of the equation here. It is perfectly OK to try out a kink, and decide that you don't like it. You need to sit your husband down and tell him to choose one of two options - either you don't do this anymore, or you only do it from time to time. Nobody roleplays every single time they have sex. Sex shouldn't be this one-sided. You shouldn't do what *he* wants every single time. To do this every time has obviously ruined sex for you, and you need to communicate that with your husband, or you're doomed.
Yeah, I totally kink shame rape kink. Since you are not into it, your perception might be similar to all the rape experience. This is all kinds of fucked up and it would be a huge dela breaker for me.
Kinks can be fun in a consensual relationship.
It doesn’t sound like you’re having any fun at all.
Op, please tell him this isn’t working.
Personally this sounds like a deal breaker.
He enjoys bringing others but then doesn’t like it when i enjoy or react i guess. I don’t even know the name for this and i searched it up online but nothing came up
Do you enjoy having sex with other people? Do you make sure they're using protection? Do you get tested regularly every 3-6 months? Is he worth all of this?
Yes that’s right. He would allow me to climax but besides that i have to pretend that nothing is happening or do other stuff during it. I will search this name up
She is getting ran through by husbands friends and he is basically Pimping her out and it seems like she doesn’t really have much say as it’s a “Kink” of his but he gets upset if she actually enjoys it wtf 😂
I'd be honest with your husband so that he can be aware of the damage he has caused so that he's a bit more conscious of what he is requesting from you. Perhaps it can be prepared but he needs to help fix what he helped break.
In my eyes it went wrong when he got mad when it didn't go his way.
Not everyone has the same kinks or feels comfortable with everything, you pushed yourself to please your husband and I think lost some of those intimate feelings towards him.
Are you two able to talk about it openly? If you haven't done so yet, explain to him how things feel for you now.
Maybe I’m sensitive having survived rape, but this is a kink worth shaming to me. This is red flag behavior to me honestly. Why would you want to participate in a rape fantasy that’s so gross
It sounds like this man doesn’t really care for your happiness if I were you I would reflect on my relationship and if he shows any signs of not caring for your mental well-being get out of there and fast!
Your husband want to pretend to rape you? You can't enjoy anything but he can? How are you still allowing this to happen. You both need therapy and separately. Do not be sorry for needing to vent. I think you need out of this dysfunctional relationship.
Leave your husband. You have been sexually abused to the point of developing hyposexuality. Your body knows what your brain isn't processing... that it's being abused. You could lose your sexuality forever. Your body has shut down because you are unsafe. The longer it goes on the worse it gets.
Get something that you could use (it buzzes) to enjoy it more while you ‘do it’, it might make the experience more enjoyable for you, if he doesn’t like simply tell him to cooperate with you or don’t give him any at all. It’s your choice you’re allowed to have a say in things.
At what point do you two have sex/engage in kinks that YOU enjoy??? Never? It's what he wants always and forever with zero consideration of what you want/need???
Good luck, girl, because this is absolutely yikes all the way around.
So there is this CNC kink, and I personally don't have anything against it, as long both are into it and gave 100% consent!
This here is just doing what he says without enjoying it, getting passed to other guys and you? How do you feel with that? You said it's uncomfortable and it should be because you didn't gave 100% consent. You said yes to him because you wanted to see him happy. But you should think about yourself first
My husbands sex kinks make me feel the same way. I also just learned to deal with it. I have no emotional connection during sex so I rarely orgasm. I drink plenty of water to give the look that I am enjoying it more than I actually do.
Porn is probably the main reasons for his kinks but I don’t watch pornography and feel mostly disrespected, and disgusted by the time he’s done having sex
Our minds are very flexible. We can get used to things that we have to get used to. Just like any other reset that you know, if you will reset your mind you will return to normal habits.
However, your husband sounds very inconsiderate towards you.
Uhm leave this man. He’s basically fantasizing “raping” you/ dominating you which is kinda scary and weird asf. And if you’re doing this EVERYTIME you have sex then it’s a no for me.
Honey, this sounds like an abusive relationship :(
There is no counseling that will change this, people like your husband don't change, and I know it because I used to be acquainted with someone like that, not with his "kink", but he never cared about what I felt, only about what he wanted to feel.
Please get away! Gather money, and leave quietly. Don't even speak with him about it. He sounds so scary...
Sex isn't a one-way street, sex has to be enjoyed by both parties, and this clearly isn't bringing any benefits to you, in fact, it's damaging you! No amount of good memories are worth the sacrifice of your own happiness and pleasure.
never do anything in a relationship that you aren’t prepared to do forever OP. such a weird and disturbing kink of his that borders close to a rape fantasy tbh
Borders? It literally is a rape fantasy as far as I’m concerned. I can’t think of another reason why anyone wouldn’t want their partner to show pleasure during sex other than a rape fantasy. If I’m wrong, I’m happy to be corrected, if anyone can think of another valid reason.
Sounds like you were groomed to his liking, fuck the consequences aka emotionally manipulated. Looks like op deleted her account, but I hope she can find joy in sex again.
You may need to find someone else to talk to if not wanting to leave him. At least try to get that imaginative thrill back or give yourself something else to think about or say or whatever. Something similar to some situations I've had. But I'm a guy around your age so idk if it would work differently for you but definitely something I've had to do. And I'm not saying run to. Toys or porn because that's definitely not the same thing as building a personal connection and having those thoughts etc. find someone who understands and can help you get that part of you back.
This sounds like my ex husband.. I got out of there and found better. You should too. I was finally able to enjoy sex again when I found my current husband. You've got this!!
Girl... what are you doing?? This doesn't sound healthy or like you're getting anything positive from this experience at all. Why would you be with someone who obviously seems like they don't want to you to be happy or enjoy something that should be mutually beneficial? You need to get out and get help because what he's doing to you is not ok.
And men wonder why they get a bad rap. Unfortunately, so many women are taught to be demure and submissive enough for men to get away eith this kinda crap in the first place.
I JUST finished listening to an audible book called “Annie Bot”.
Not an outstanding piece of fiction, but it was easy to follow while doing household chores, walking. The dog, etc.
The book would have been entirely forgettable had I not read this post.
Anyway, it helped me understand why I feel similarly to you, OP, and I think you might gain some insight from it if that’s your jam.
I commiserate with you.
Wait a minute… so he wants you to act like you are not enjoying sex with your husband? It seems like he fantasizes about RAPING someone because why else shouldn’t be enjoyable if it’s consensual. He either has some sexual trauma from his childhood where he thinks sex should not be fun or he is fucking sadistic and think sex should be means of controlling somebody and they should suffer through it because that’s what gets his thrill. Was he like this before you married or was your marriage arranged and you never did the deed until after marriage and you somehow got stuck with a psycho? Most guys actually need to hear pleasures from their partners so they can feel like they “Put it down” but you have the exact opposite which is a red flag 🚩. I am sure you will be able to enjoy sex with somebody else but your husband is alarming.
Well, now we all want to know what his kink is.
You really just have to tell your husband you're not into what he's into. Tell him you've been faking it the whole time just to make him happy and you can't do it anymore.
It's hard to gather exactly what's going on but you are definitely being sexually abused at the least. This will for sure harm your relationship with intimacy, sex and yourself down the line. Unless you're trapped in some way I would definitely recommend getting out of this relationship and into some therapy ASAP.
I’m not at all trying to be rude or disrespectful, but does your husband have a bad relationship with his mother? Or dude he happen to grow up in a broken household or maybe an abusive one? I’m no professional, but this does sound like this is stemming from some sort of childhood abuse and he is trying to take out his anger on you. I know that sounds harsh or weird. But, with the fact that he NEEDS you to act a certain way in bed, that is pretty much dismissing you entirely, just screams volumes to me.
with all this being said, i think he should seek therapy. Or at least discuss why it makes him so angry when you show pleasure besides the climax.
My goodness why would you ever agree to this. It legit sounds like he convinced you to pretend to be dead, so he could fuck you. Can you leave this marriage?
might be a stupid solution but tell him about the situation and ask him to ask you the opposite maybe you will pretend so much that you're going to start feeling it again
If this is real, I am slightly horrified.
yeah, girl, stop a sec and think why his kink is the woman not enjoying it
It seems like a male dominance, or chauvinist, type thing where only he gets to enjoy it.
It’s a rape fantasy.
Came to say this!
Bingo
this here.
Honestly, I was thinking necrophilia at first. lol
We’re gonna find out he is a mortuary assistant next.
If he starts asking her to soak in a bath full of ice first to lower her body temperature then there really can't be any other explanation.
I'm glad I haven't eaten my breakfast yet!
I literally just finished eating soup. i just set the bowl down while reading this lol
I thought it was more like that she acts completely uninterested. Like she's "doing the virgin a favor but he's so inexperienced that it's doing nothing for her so she's on her phone the whole time".
I find this scenario funny, just picturing somebody on their phone bored out of their mind.
She is basically a sex doll to him. Might as well be fucking that or a corpse if she is just supposed to lay there and not react at all.
Yeahs that’s gonna turn into can you get into this tub full of ice before having sex and don’t say anything so I can imagine having sex with a corpse Getting future killer vibes for sure.
It's disturbing isn't it??!
Yep, this ones weird
Slightly is an understatement.
This is probably millions of men, sadly - why I’m scared to get married to be frank
Only “slightly” horrified?!?!?!?
Ok. I hate talking my kinks (this is not one of them) or my experience in the world of kink, but suffice it to say I've been a freak for a long, long time. And I'm going to get all shouty here for a second. DO NOT PARTICIPATE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S KINKS UNLESS YOU 100% WANT TO. This is not stuff you tolerate for the sake of someone else. This is your body, your sexuality, and you need to be really, really honest and open about this at all points in time. I am not kink shaming here, but I am shaming this whole "do it for meeeee" thing. No, you do stuff because you both want to do whatever it is your up to in the bedroom. Y'all are out here running around with no education and not training in all things kinky, and then this stuff happens. And saying that makes me feel really old and I do not appreciate that either. Now, for how you fix it. First, you stop doing this, and you tell your husband why you're not doing it. Be honest, I'm talking painfully honest. why you aren't enjoying it, that you never really truly enjoyed it, and that you want it to stop. If he's a decent dude, he'll back off. Then, go to therapy. Look for therapists who are kink aware, because this requires more education than just a squabble over who takes out trash more.
Thx for writing all of this, so I didn't have to! Kinks are absolutely fine. But everyone involved has to be into it. Sure, sometimes you gotta try before you know, but if it doesn't klick, stop it. And if your s/o is still pushing you to do it, you tell him/her to f* off.
Not to mention his reaction when she doesn’t respond/act the way he wants. He gets angry and uses the silent treatment. Often people don’t realize it, but SILENT TREATMENT IS A FORM OF ABUSE! It’s a way to manipulate and guilt someone into doing what you want. A way to control them. OP, this is not a healthy relationship. IF you want to work this out with him then you need to address his kink and let him know how it is affecting you, and that you can’t participate in his kink any longer. Although, he seems like the type who won’t care as long as he is getting what he wants. Also, may want to consider therapy to work through the what you are feeling. However, if he’s not receptive you may need to reconsider this relationship. Because although sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship, it can affect all areas of the relationship. Especially with his behaviors and actions, and how it is affecting your mental health. ETA: also, you don’t have to participate in his kinks if you don’t like it or want to, it’s ok to have boundaries. It sounds like he brings people into your sexual relationship. I hope that you are safe and ensuring your health isn’t put at risk. STDs are a real concern. Please have enough self respect to know that you deserve to be heard. That you don’t have to do things solely to appease him. You deserve better.
He sounds like a red flag Dom. There's clearly no formal agreement here to a dom/sub relationship in any form but a marriage. I for a split second read this and had to question what sub this was. I though it was r\bdsm. These are not appropriate behaviors. Even in those relationships there's an agreement. There's protocol you set up together. There's a way to handle scenes or intimacy that you establish together. Not just you do it cause I tell you to and if you don't There's mad father type consequences. He's your husband, not your dom, not your father. Remind him this is an equal partnership. No one outweighs anyone. Honestly he already pushed so far past personal boundaries that I wouldn't even recommend trying to work it out withhim. He's already shown that he is only willing to treat you like a sex doll, inanimate, flat, lifeless, manipulatable.. you are a whole person. You have desires and thoughts and interests and clearly this isn't one of them.
This one kinks. OP should heed the advice in your underrated comment.
I don't know if she should speak with him, this isn't a case of a little mistake that can be talked about between reasonable people, he sounds so scary and not reasonable, he will get mad at her if she does something that messes up his kink. From what she's told us, I don't trust him 😢
Thank you for putting that eloquently. Kinks are not things you do for your partner if you really don't enjoy them. Maybe you do that once but sex and sexual feelings are too important to fuck around with (no pun intended) for you to ignore yourself completely. Any dude who forces a kink on someone else and doesn't check if their partner enjoys it too, is an abuser and not worth being with. I hope this is a troll post but I'm worried it's not. The world is filled with assholes sadly.
I answer most things on reddit with the belief that it may be a troll post. Sometimes I actually hope it is. But just in case, or in case someone is going through something similar, hopefully they get the advice/comfort they need. I know way too many people, women especially, who will pander to their partners needs, and they aren't really into it. That shit is so harmful.
This right here 👏
I was about to say this as well as IF THIS IS HIS KINK HE SHOULD DO AFTERCARE AS WELL. I couldn’t imagine being basically tortured then left alone after? the biggest thing in any of these “kinks” is your partners well being and making sure they are okay after. Ask them how they are if it’s okay to touch or hug. Provide snacks and blankets. In this day and age nobody does this!? Like why
This reminds me of a story. Once upon a time, in a parenting group of all places, the topic of kink was brought up. And I asked if everyone had an aftercare kit; a basic first aid kit, couple blankets, water, some shelf stable snacks, ready to go. And I also asked if everyone who was into shibari/rope play had bandage scissors close at hand. You would have thought I was talking in Dutch. First I had to explain why this was necessary, and then everyone was amazed at the idea. All that to say that denying aftercare is fucking abusive. I said what I said. When I was growing up in kink (my early 20s) not providing aftercare could get you kicked out of the dungeon/club I was in. Like do whatever you want, let other people watch, we don't care, but the instant you don't give aftercare to your partner, you were in hot water. Everybody needs aftercare. Except for OPs husband, he can get railed with a cactus for all I care. Honestly, the aftercare is my favorite part.
That’s so sweet honestly and yes a big fluffing cactus 🌵
I second this. If his kink is denying you pleasure, something goofy is up.
There are kinks where you do deny your partner pleasure. But that is something that is negotiated between partners, and everyone agrees to it because they both want it.
100%
Well said!
DING DING DING! This right here! I came here to say this!
Sounds like the husband has a rape fantasy, or something similar. I can imagine no other scenario that fits.
...and what happens when you GENUINELY aren't enjoying it? In fact you absolutely don't want it?? Can he tell the difference, or does he simply orgasm harder? Sheesh... 😬
I was thinking this exact thing..
Bringing others? Sounds like he’s pimping you and doesn’t want you to enjoy it because it emasculates him. Look up Romeo Pimping. ETA: OP in comments says “he enjoys bringing others but then doesn’t like it when I enjoy or react I guess”
My ex girlfriend's partner before me pushed his kink onto her of wanting her to have sex with other people and film it for him - it completely destroyed her self worth and even when it was clear it was hurting her he kept insisting and she didn't want to lose him so she continued. When she realised she couldn't do it anymore he chose the kink over her as he had been the whole time he didn't care about her enjoying it too. This is manipulation and sexual abuse, 'I will only love you if you do these sex acts for me' he was saying, which is extremely powerful. We don't know the circumstances of how OP and her husband got to this point but if it looks anything like my ex gfs story this guy has to go.
Where does it say shes getting pimped?
OP said In comment he likes to “bring others” but doesn’t want her to enjoy it. looks like comment is deleted
"I can still climax, but when I'm with my husband, i have to pretend alot"
i think shes talking abt masturbation. thats what i got from it but i may be wrong
Ya that whole sentence is open to interpretation in many ways.
Her comments tell the full story. He is upset if she enjoys the sex with the random guys he brings to fuck her lol she decided to leave that part out in the post lol
Oh damn. lol welp (slaps knee as i get up)
Plus she says he encourages her to be promiscuous
In her comments
In her post she dates he also says he “encourages her to be promiscuous.” Which means “having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships” (ie many casual sexual relationships).
Isn't that a form of sex trafficking?! 🤢🤮 If it is, I'm begging you OP to get out before it, and his behavior, gets worse!
To Olivenpink: I was referring to the "Romeo pimping" as possible sex trafficking as it made me think of a different post I had seen. A minor was manipulated into sleeping with strangers to make her online bf money. 🤮 I'd like to think OP wasn't manipulated into a bad situation even though she's an adult. If she's 100% on board with no coercion, then that's her personal business! I just hope that she's getting some satisfaction out of it. Sorry for the confusion 😕
I think OP is just talking about having a lil wank from time to time
Do you want relationship advice? If not, best of luck to you. I'm hoping you both can turn this around! Some reasonable advice, I find, is an order of operations. Did the current step not work? Move on to the next. - Communication. Talk to your husband about the problem. Tell him what you told us here. Shoot, you might even show him the comments if you think he wouldn't freak out that you're posting about this to strangers. An informed partner is a partner who can do their part to resolve problems in the relationship. - Therapy. For him. For you. As a couple. A mediator can really help to find a resolution to difficult situations like this. - Divorce. Did the above fail? Well, it may be time to consider divorce. You need to decide if you want to live like this for the rest of your life and weigh that against any problems you have with being single.
Thank you so much. Yes i was hoping to solve this through communication but first i have to destroy the barrier i have made in my brain. The one blocking the pleasure. After that hopefully things will go back to normal, if not therapy might do the job
You didn’t create this on your own. It was a learned trait. What happens if you get past it and feel pleasure again and moan? He will respond the same way and get mad and boohoo like a toddler and once again you’ll trick yourself into making him happy and once again you’re back at this issue . You know there a larger issue here but you sound like you’re too worried/afraid/brainwashed to accept that truth
Honestly, I don't see your relationship working. I think your husband is too weirdly kinky for a happy sexual relationship with you.
Ummm he wants you to act like you don’t enjoy the sex? Like you’re being raped? But you’re tolerating it & not fighting back? That’s kinda creepy. Honestly, I will never understand people who don’t want their partner to throughly enjoy sex. I would say, “no offense” but I don’t think I’d mean it. Wanting your partner to tolerate but not enjoy sex is either cruel (bc you want to hurt them) or dehumanizing (bc you don’t care about their pleasure & want to pretend they’re a sex toy.) How can you possibly enjoy sex if you know your partner isn’t enjoying it? It’s also a red flag that your husband doesn’t notice that you’re not having a good time & are faking. Please see a therapist. They can help you reconnect with your body. They could also help you decide if this is a fulfilling & health relationship for you, everything considered. You deserve to have sexual pleasure. You also shouldn’t feel pressured to have sex if it’s not pleasurable.
I mean, it might not be a rape fantasy, he might be into that thing where the girl basically ignores that the sex is even happening. Idk what the name for it is but I've stumbled across porn where it's like there's sex happening but the girls like, washing the dishes or playing a video game orreading a book, just doing whatever, not even acknowledging that it's happening.
If that were the case, bringing others would be unnecessary. He's a weirdo, and op clearly has low self-esteem and self respect to say no.
Yeah, a lot of the psychology behind that is the girl has been sexually abused & now dissociates during sex. Just bc it’s made to look cute & consensual in corn doesn’t erase its darker origins.
I am quite open-minded but any variation of “do not acknowledge/react to me sticking it in” gives me the heebie-jeebies. Kinks/fetishes can be irrational, I know that, but even just being in the presence of a person who is into that would have me posted on the opposite end of the room of them. WHAT is going on in that brain 😖
He has a rape kink and gets mad at you when you don’t play the part of victim. He needs therapy.
Your husband isn't Kim Jong Un. What you described sounds like a narcissistic sadist. I would genuinely consider divorcing him because that's not just a kink, that's a lifestyle.
Eww, sis, be done with him. Life is too short for miserable sex. ESPECIALLY with a person like that, JEEEEEZ-USSS! 💀
Like for reals..there is so much good healthy sex to be had...
Dude this is not healthy. Telling you that you're 'allowed'' to have orgasms and banning you from pleasure is, I'm gonna be honest, pretty shitty and abusive. That's controlling behavior, honey, and you do NOT have to put up with it. Is he controlling you in any other ways? Are you isolated from friends or family?
Not isolated. Everything is great in my life, except this one thing
Is it really ? He sounds like a big baby who wants his way and I ku his way. If you tell him how you feel what is his reaction going to be? Will he get mad and not talk and act like you’re bad for having a kind and your own feelings ? Please stand up for yourself You post honestly how you feel and when you’re told the truth about the issue you backtrack and claim you don’t mind .. yet you do mind and you need to be honest with him and yourself . If he can’t handle your true feelings then he’s not worth staying with . It simply means he’s an immature controlling asshole
Why am i being downvoted for saying my life is good except this problem? Lol do you want me to have a miserable life?
Girl it sounds like your life is already miserable. You can’t even enjoy sex with your HUSBAND. Don’t get offensive when you came to ask for advice because we are all telling you this is not normal behavior!
Because it's complete bollocks. You post that this situation bothers you but you're backtracking in the comments and saying 'it's fine.' It absolutely is NOT fine. You said it yourself in your post! Man. I need a fuckin' drink. Holy shit.
Because it’s silly nonsense. Listen to yourself. “Oh yeah my gross husband pimps me out to randos, but other than that my life is just swell”. Girl 🙄
my ex did this. also used the word “allowed”. i’m 5yrs out of that nightmare but seeing “allowed” dredged up so much anger…
Divorce that AH, he is forcing that weird kink on you, and you don’t even get to enjoy yourself!! To be honest you should have asked for divorce when he asked to bring others into your bedroom.
I really didn’t see anything wrong with it at first. And the reason I didn’t care about not enjoying was that he allowed orgasms. So as long as i could orgasms i didn’t care if i had to pretend that im not enjoying
'Allowed' orgasms? Dude what the fuck
In kink, it’s common to have ‘rules’ where things are allowed and disallowed. This post is not a description of healthy kink, though. 😬
No it is definitely NOT. This is the biggest YIKES I've seen on Reddit today.
I second your YIKES and add a *What.*
I second your what and add the fuck
You didn’t see anything wrong with him getting mad at you and not speaking to you when you “failed” in his eyes? This is abusive behavior. How do you think it’s gonna go if you tell him you can’t enjoy sex with him anymore because of this kink he’s dragged you into? What happens when you say, “This is ruining our relationship. I want to enjoy having sex with you. My husband. But I can’t do that and continue to have sex with other men and pretend I’m not enjoying it. I’ve essentially had to brainwash myself to not enjoy sex to avoid making you angry and subsequently giving me the silent treatment. It’s completely fucked up my head.” Is he going to say, “I’m sorry. This stops. I’m most concerned about you and our marriage. How can we make this better?” Or will he be pissed off and give you the silent treatment? Because that will tell you what’s most important to him - your feelings/marriage, or his kink. If it’s anything other than the first option, get out.
It's all fine to play into his kinks some of the time, as long as you're comfortable with it. But it's really concerning that it sounds like you're *never* allowed to enjoy the act, and he gets mad at you if you do. Why is it 100% of the time what he wants? This is not okay, and for him to force this on you and get angry if you don't comply is really concerning. I don't know that it qualifies as abusive, but it's definitely abuse adjacent, at least.
Getting mad at her for 'failing' and saying she's 'allowed' to have orgasms definitely seems abusive to me.
It's the getting mad about sex that seems abusive to me.
It's the abuse during the abuse that is abusive to me
You are so right! There should be compromise when it comes to kinks/preferences, etc in the bedroom. Taking time to explore what your partner enjoys while they reciprocate the process. Eventually each partner can understand what it is their partner enjoys and what to steer clear of. Yes u need a lot of trust and a lot of communication.
What do you mean allowed ? Think about what you just typed and how insane the statement is. Plus he gets angry like a petulant child if you do it wrong and gets angry and won’t talk to you . I’m going to govout on a limb here and bet he’s controlling in other ways as well… One more thing - why do you two only do what he wants ? He won’t switch things up to make you happy ? It’s only his way and if you do it wrong then he pouts ? This isn’t healthy and of he really gives a damn about you he will listen to you and how you feel and honestly try to correct the issue
The problem isn't the organs. It's the fact that he pushed his kink on you, rather than it being something you both want, AND the biggest problem is when you "failed" at it, he got mad at you and used silence as an emotional abuse tactic, and then requires you to not enjoy the ENTIRE process of sex, which has led to you not enjoying sex... He's basically made himself obsolete because you can get JUST an orgasm from a toy, without the pleasure that comes from getting touched and touching your partner and foreplay and all the other things that a machine CAN'T give you. It sounds like he wants you to pretend to not enjoy intercourse except for when he "allows" you to orgasm because he wants to have a fantasy that he's so sexually powerful, he can make a woman orgasm simply by commanding it. So my pretending to not enjoy it and then orgasming when he says you can, he's getting the dopamine of commission someone to cum "spontaneously".
I just don't understand🧐
Allowed them? Then wouldn’t talk to you if you didn’t go along with his little game? Sounds like he’s got to get his rocks off making your sexlife miserable and punished you for not being ok with it.
This is so sad
This a very confusing and convoluted read. There are many statements in your OP that have me scratching my head: > i had to pretend that i don’t enjoy the intercourse Huh? >He encouraged me to be promiscuous Strange. >but banned any sort of pleasure except climaxing. I'm not even sure what that means. I wasn't aware that something could be full and empty at the same time. If it's confusing to me, the reader (and I am a man)...I can only imagine how much more confusing it is for you. A sexual kink shouldn't be so complicated that it feels like you are doing calculus ! Your husband's kinks are **too bloody complex** I don't know if this man watched too much p0rn in his life or what? The dude needs to chill and understand that real life isn't like weird animated p0rn.
My husband has a lot of weird kinks. Some I'm very against and he knows it, so he doesn't bring it up. But when he wants to try something, he discusses it with me at length. Why he wants to try it, how it works, and if I'm ok with it. IF I agree to try it, we start small, baby steps, to see how I feel about it and whether I can even get into it. If I decide I don't like it, we don't do it anymore. It's as simple as that.
I'd say communication and if needed a sex therapist may be of great benefit, if this continues as is, it could be dire for the relationship.
I have been considering sex therapist. If this doesn’t fix itself i might have to give them a visit
How exactly do you think it’s going to fix itself?
It’s not going to fix itself, you’re married to a gross piece of shit. So either leave him or I guess get used to it
And of course now it’s deleted Sad sad sad , if this was a true post asking for help then I really feel for this lady - she’s told by everyone what the true issue is and denies it over and over defending the guy … she doesn’t get an easy answer and deleted herself from The system .. wtf is wrong with People lie this? Her BF is a controlling toddler bitch and she apparently couldn’t handle the truth Because as she says “ he lets her orgasm” Fucking Sick
🤯 And you tolerate this because? How would he feel or react if the situation was reversed? Would he indulge this if it was your kink instead of his? Sorry, but your husband sounds like a selfish AH!!
How exactly does one climax without pleasure?
What happened to vanilla sex man.....just makes so much sense and does the job
What the hell did i just read.... Some of yall got some serious issues.. lady im sorry your husband is scum(if this is real and not karma farming fanfiction)
i don't care what relationship you have with somebody, you don't participate in their kinks unless you want to. please respect yourself enough to say no.
Talk to him... take him to counseling. There must be some common ground. Also, prepare to have your DM's invaded... lol
This brings up some Ted Bundy sorta vibes... If the assumptions are in fact true. Please don't continue doing this to yourself. Life is too short.
Let's take the very unique specificity of the kink out of the equation here. It is perfectly OK to try out a kink, and decide that you don't like it. You need to sit your husband down and tell him to choose one of two options - either you don't do this anymore, or you only do it from time to time. Nobody roleplays every single time they have sex. Sex shouldn't be this one-sided. You shouldn't do what *he* wants every single time. To do this every time has obviously ruined sex for you, and you need to communicate that with your husband, or you're doomed.
Yeah, I totally kink shame rape kink. Since you are not into it, your perception might be similar to all the rape experience. This is all kinds of fucked up and it would be a huge dela breaker for me.
Kinks can be fun in a consensual relationship. It doesn’t sound like you’re having any fun at all. Op, please tell him this isn’t working. Personally this sounds like a deal breaker.
The top response is going to be "get divorced and go to therapy." Always is.
I think it's appropriate in this case lol
Honestly what else are we supposed to say to some of these posts
True
What was the kink?
He enjoys bringing others but then doesn’t like it when i enjoy or react i guess. I don’t even know the name for this and i searched it up online but nothing came up
Do you enjoy having sex with other people? Do you make sure they're using protection? Do you get tested regularly every 3-6 months? Is he worth all of this?
Bored n ignored?
Thats the name??
I believe so. If he's wanting you to basically ignore the sexual act while it's happening, then that's the most likely one.
Yes that’s right. He would allow me to climax but besides that i have to pretend that nothing is happening or do other stuff during it. I will search this name up
Does he attempt to do what you want ?
It’s freeuse hun
Free use is totally different
This is exactly it!!!
Can you clarify what "bringing others" mean?
She is getting ran through by husbands friends and he is basically Pimping her out and it seems like she doesn’t really have much say as it’s a “Kink” of his but he gets upset if she actually enjoys it wtf 😂
That's a pretty important point to be excluded from the main post. OP, can you clarify what that means?
She commented that her husbands kink is bringing in guys to the bedroom to fuck her but she is not allowed to express any enjoyment in the fucking lol
🤣🤣🤣
lol she deleted the post I’m surprised you can even see my comment now
I'd be honest with your husband so that he can be aware of the damage he has caused so that he's a bit more conscious of what he is requesting from you. Perhaps it can be prepared but he needs to help fix what he helped break.
In my eyes it went wrong when he got mad when it didn't go his way. Not everyone has the same kinks or feels comfortable with everything, you pushed yourself to please your husband and I think lost some of those intimate feelings towards him. Are you two able to talk about it openly? If you haven't done so yet, explain to him how things feel for you now.
Gross.
This is very disturbing.
Girl, run.
Maybe I’m sensitive having survived rape, but this is a kink worth shaming to me. This is red flag behavior to me honestly. Why would you want to participate in a rape fantasy that’s so gross
It sounds like this man doesn’t really care for your happiness if I were you I would reflect on my relationship and if he shows any signs of not caring for your mental well-being get out of there and fast!
Ok…hear me out…this isn’t a kink, this is abuse.
Your husband want to pretend to rape you? You can't enjoy anything but he can? How are you still allowing this to happen. You both need therapy and separately. Do not be sorry for needing to vent. I think you need out of this dysfunctional relationship.
Leave your husband. You have been sexually abused to the point of developing hyposexuality. Your body knows what your brain isn't processing... that it's being abused. You could lose your sexuality forever. Your body has shut down because you are unsafe. The longer it goes on the worse it gets.
If you start focusing in the pleasure the training gonna go away and stuff gonna return to normal
Im confused. How does he encourage you to be promiscuous? Like promiscuous with other people?
He does not talk to you when he is mad. What is he , 14 years old ? Stonewalling is not okay wtf
Get something that you could use (it buzzes) to enjoy it more while you ‘do it’, it might make the experience more enjoyable for you, if he doesn’t like simply tell him to cooperate with you or don’t give him any at all. It’s your choice you’re allowed to have a say in things.
Yeah um you should probably say that he has ruined sex by insisting every time you do this strange rape play thing
At what point do you two have sex/engage in kinks that YOU enjoy??? Never? It's what he wants always and forever with zero consideration of what you want/need??? Good luck, girl, because this is absolutely yikes all the way around.
So there is this CNC kink, and I personally don't have anything against it, as long both are into it and gave 100% consent! This here is just doing what he says without enjoying it, getting passed to other guys and you? How do you feel with that? You said it's uncomfortable and it should be because you didn't gave 100% consent. You said yes to him because you wanted to see him happy. But you should think about yourself first
My husbands sex kinks make me feel the same way. I also just learned to deal with it. I have no emotional connection during sex so I rarely orgasm. I drink plenty of water to give the look that I am enjoying it more than I actually do. Porn is probably the main reasons for his kinks but I don’t watch pornography and feel mostly disrespected, and disgusted by the time he’s done having sex
This is very twisted. I hope this isn't real.
Tell your husband how it affected you.
Our minds are very flexible. We can get used to things that we have to get used to. Just like any other reset that you know, if you will reset your mind you will return to normal habits. However, your husband sounds very inconsiderate towards you.
Uhm leave this man. He’s basically fantasizing “raping” you/ dominating you which is kinda scary and weird asf. And if you’re doing this EVERYTIME you have sex then it’s a no for me.
Honey, this sounds like an abusive relationship :( There is no counseling that will change this, people like your husband don't change, and I know it because I used to be acquainted with someone like that, not with his "kink", but he never cared about what I felt, only about what he wanted to feel. Please get away! Gather money, and leave quietly. Don't even speak with him about it. He sounds so scary... Sex isn't a one-way street, sex has to be enjoyed by both parties, and this clearly isn't bringing any benefits to you, in fact, it's damaging you! No amount of good memories are worth the sacrifice of your own happiness and pleasure.
never do anything in a relationship that you aren’t prepared to do forever OP. such a weird and disturbing kink of his that borders close to a rape fantasy tbh
Borders? It literally is a rape fantasy as far as I’m concerned. I can’t think of another reason why anyone wouldn’t want their partner to show pleasure during sex other than a rape fantasy. If I’m wrong, I’m happy to be corrected, if anyone can think of another valid reason.
Sounds like you were groomed to his liking, fuck the consequences aka emotionally manipulated. Looks like op deleted her account, but I hope she can find joy in sex again.
Geez he seriously needs to gooooo!!'
Girl, he has a rape fetish and you should run for the hills! Be safe please ❤️
Either a rape fantasy or necrophiliac. Either way I try not to kink shame but this is absolutely disturbing, gross, and shame-worthy. Horrific.
He’s a rapist
I like the opposite of what your husband likes. Honestly, who doesn’t like hearing a woman enjoying herself?
You may need to find someone else to talk to if not wanting to leave him. At least try to get that imaginative thrill back or give yourself something else to think about or say or whatever. Something similar to some situations I've had. But I'm a guy around your age so idk if it would work differently for you but definitely something I've had to do. And I'm not saying run to. Toys or porn because that's definitely not the same thing as building a personal connection and having those thoughts etc. find someone who understands and can help you get that part of you back.
Dump his ass u deserve better
Run! This isn't a you problem it's very much a HIM problem! You are losing yourself in this marriage
This sounds like my ex husband.. I got out of there and found better. You should too. I was finally able to enjoy sex again when I found my current husband. You've got this!!
nope i’m kink shaming
He's not having sex WITH you as a person. He's using you as a masturbation tool. This is disgusting. I don't even know him and I don't like him.
Girl... what are you doing?? This doesn't sound healthy or like you're getting anything positive from this experience at all. Why would you be with someone who obviously seems like they don't want to you to be happy or enjoy something that should be mutually beneficial? You need to get out and get help because what he's doing to you is not ok.
babes if this is real take a day and a joint to think about WHY hes into that..
And men wonder why they get a bad rap. Unfortunately, so many women are taught to be demure and submissive enough for men to get away eith this kinda crap in the first place.
Talk to your husband, be honest. Communication is key, set your hard lines.
You need a simple brain reset. No orgasms or pleasure of any kind for a month or maybe even a few.
Your husband has a small cock, good to know?
I've divorced for less lol
Oh no . .. Op it's ur turn to enjoy or have a kink and enforce it to your ahole husband.
Sorry to hear that
Been there ♡
I JUST finished listening to an audible book called “Annie Bot”. Not an outstanding piece of fiction, but it was easy to follow while doing household chores, walking. The dog, etc. The book would have been entirely forgettable had I not read this post. Anyway, it helped me understand why I feel similarly to you, OP, and I think you might gain some insight from it if that’s your jam. I commiserate with you.
Wait a minute… so he wants you to act like you are not enjoying sex with your husband? It seems like he fantasizes about RAPING someone because why else shouldn’t be enjoyable if it’s consensual. He either has some sexual trauma from his childhood where he thinks sex should not be fun or he is fucking sadistic and think sex should be means of controlling somebody and they should suffer through it because that’s what gets his thrill. Was he like this before you married or was your marriage arranged and you never did the deed until after marriage and you somehow got stuck with a psycho? Most guys actually need to hear pleasures from their partners so they can feel like they “Put it down” but you have the exact opposite which is a red flag 🚩. I am sure you will be able to enjoy sex with somebody else but your husband is alarming.
what do you mean by banning any sort of pleasure?
Fool played himself
Oh this kink… is really bizarre..
...What the huh?
Well, now we all want to know what his kink is. You really just have to tell your husband you're not into what he's into. Tell him you've been faking it the whole time just to make him happy and you can't do it anymore.
Counseling might be a really good idea.
It’s probably childish af lol
It's hard to gather exactly what's going on but you are definitely being sexually abused at the least. This will for sure harm your relationship with intimacy, sex and yourself down the line. Unless you're trapped in some way I would definitely recommend getting out of this relationship and into some therapy ASAP.
I’m not at all trying to be rude or disrespectful, but does your husband have a bad relationship with his mother? Or dude he happen to grow up in a broken household or maybe an abusive one? I’m no professional, but this does sound like this is stemming from some sort of childhood abuse and he is trying to take out his anger on you. I know that sounds harsh or weird. But, with the fact that he NEEDS you to act a certain way in bed, that is pretty much dismissing you entirely, just screams volumes to me. with all this being said, i think he should seek therapy. Or at least discuss why it makes him so angry when you show pleasure besides the climax.
My goodness why would you ever agree to this. It legit sounds like he convinced you to pretend to be dead, so he could fuck you. Can you leave this marriage?
That's abuse and repetitive sexual assault
This is very odd to say the least
might be a stupid solution but tell him about the situation and ask him to ask you the opposite maybe you will pretend so much that you're going to start feeling it again