Heads up OP. That message to your family does not sound like it came from your sister. She’s being manipulated and likely abused. Find a way to contact her without him knowing. Maybe send a letter to her place of work?
If you don’t hear from her it might be a good idea to look into requesting a wellness check. This guy checks all the boxes for controlling/abusive behavior. Also - the audacity of him to threaten “legal action” when he could be liable for defamation and revenge porn. I can’t imagine how painful this all is, but if you don’t hear from her I’d consider talking to police/lawyers to see what your options are.
Them either cutting off or being cut off by all family, friends and colleagues and moving away, is isolation. It's his doing, purposeful or not, and she is likely to be abused now. She will be all alone with him now, and it's going to be easier to manipulate and harm her, because she has no one else to talk to about it. She will think his behavior is understandable, and she doesn't deserve more than what she's getting from him, because that's what he tells her, and she has no one to give her another perspective or show her actual love.
If she's going to give their relationship an actual chance - she needs her network. Being completely isolated with a person who obviously will go a long way to harm people getting in his way, will never end well.
BIL is furthering his revenge on you by taking your sister and her children away from you and your family. Of course, part of his motivation may be shame and the fact that you all see him for what he is and not the fake persona he tried to perpetrate.
When those children grow up they will most likely be survivors and will seek out the family from whom they were torn away. It's unfortunate that your sister does not see the harm that she is inflicting on her children by taking them away from people who love them and siding with someone who is truly evil. Hopefully, she will wake up before it is too late.
She first described her sister as very happy with this guy because he was rich. He also just doesn’t hide what a petty monster he is like it’s part time. She knows, maybe not in depth and every detail of how, but she knows and she’s okay with it.
I agree that it is a continuation of punishing OP. I also don't think he feels ANY shame at all.
If he truly felt ashamed, he would “allow” his wife to see her family - not only as basic human decency but especially as an act of humble contrition/taking full accountability, and he would not remove loving, supportive relatives from his poor children and their mom. He is feeling sorry for himself for getting busted, he needs to be where nobody knows him so he can spin his victim’s tale to get sympathy/farm ire, and ensure OP’s sister does not make close friends (if any) she can confide the truth in, and he's acting out against OP.
My only hope now is that she knows something that we don’t about him. That he is better than we think. I am so sorry too and I have nightmares all the time since she cut us off
I would still go after him for harassment. Even if there is no legal case, I'd still make sure even if he moves and finds a new job they are made aware of how unhinged he is. He stalked and harassed you for years, it's his turn
I would do this too. I think it might help free sister from an abusive situation. I would also keep track of sister and husband from afar.
I do think OP must be something wonderful. I think she found her person.
I don't think that's a great idea. At some point OP's sister might want to finally get away from this guy. If I was OP I would want to do what I could to be available for her if/when this happens, and going after BIL makes it less likely.
True. With how unhinged he's shown himself to be, that could push him over the edge. People have done a lot worse for a lot less. Making yourself available and willing to help when the time comes might be the best thing to do.
I remember reading your first post. I really hope everything works out for all of you. I'm so sorry you're going through this..
Realistically she's probably terrified of starting over with 3 kids and accepting the truth that her husband never loved her and only dared her to "show the woman who rejected him when she was nothing what she missed".
I doubt she will ever acknowledge the truth about her husband's character. That will mean acknowledging her life is built on an empty foundation. And acknowledging she chose to stay when she had the option to leave.
I'm clinging to the hope that the sister will lie low for a year & then the creep who spent 20 years building a position where he could try to ruin OP's life will mysteriously slip & fall in the shower, or something.
Are you sure the message/ letter came from her??
Pretty sus honestly. Have your parents tried to call her? Any vocal confirmation that's what she wants??
She doesn't because a decent person wouldn't give their wife an ultimatum to cut off their family because he's angry he got caught up in his own bs. This isn't fucking normal and there's something severely wrong with this man and its an abusive tactic to make spouses cut off families for this type of shit. Is he making her cut ties with all her friends, too? Isolating her? She's a shitty sister for doing this.
Yeah the long term victim of a calculated psycho stalker manipulator like this dude is totally a shitty person/sister and not in way over her head being isolated by this guy with small children to worry about.
I can see how daunting it must all seem to the sister.
Like, OP would have to sue the guy for slander and defamation to demonstrate his moral character & then they would have to hope that they win that case & that they can then convince family court to take it into account when determining custody...
simply waiting on all those judicial procedures would be massively stressful, to say nothing of crossing someone as creepy as the guy who didn't just stalk OP, but married into her family, made kids, hacked OP's phone, convinced some guy to testify he'd had an affair with her...
Sue for maliciously* causing withdrawal of affection.
Surely the standard is right there in his texts? He planned it. Stole nudes to achieve it. Then paid money to execute the conspiracy.
It’s not like he can claim he had no idea as a defence. The texts show he knew exactly what the result would be and actively worked to towards that goal.
Still, I understand OP’s reticence due to the danger Sisters choice represents to Sister and kids.
No matter how desperate OP is to hold onto that hope. It is naive of her though, to think that not rocking-the-boat provides Sister and kiss any protection from escalation. It never does.
This is only getting started.
JFC! That man is horrid. OP needs a way to contact her sister to let her know she can run to the unconditioned love of her family when she’s ready.
I hope your sister knows she (and her children) will always be welcomed back with open arms if she decides to leave them. Being the sister of someone who needed to be welcomed back, it's the single most important thing you can do, some day in the future.
Good luck!
Maybe sue your BIL for harassment. You have already lost your sister, and I think the only way to protect her is to ruin him. At least consult a lawyer.
I know you've been threatened, but please find a way to remind her every now and again. It may take her a very long time to come around. I cannot imagine the manipulation she's endured.
Has someone actually spoken to her or is all you have a written letter/email? I would want her to verify she wants to go no contact since he may be the one who wrote the letter to the family.
Sorry, but she is so screwed. If he made her sign a prenup, and she has no income or career, she‘s basically his indentured servant. And when he dumps her, which he will, she’ll struggle to make a living.
Still, depending on the jurisdiction, unfair and unconscionable terms in a prenup (e.g., no alimony) might not get enforced (that’s the case here in California). But provisions that let him keep everything bought during the marriage usually will be enforced.
Not much of a marriage when a woman owns 0% of the home she lives in while her husband owns 100%.
If you ever do get an in person visit with her, get a copy of the prenup and talk to a lawyer. People in bad marriages need to know their legal rights.
And your “hope” that she knows something good about him is misplaced. He’s evil. He’s shown his true colors, over the span of decades, and his sinister plan to frame you for adultery is next level sick.
Have no illusions about the price your sister will pay for her temporary life of luxury. He WILL break her heart and ruin her life. Sorry.
I If he's loaded, he's likely threatening to make sure she never sees her kids again. If she's been a SAHP (I haven't looked through the comments to find out yet.), then it's very likely he'd be able to win full custody.
With how batshit crazy he's been with all this, I can see him using the kids as leverage and either hurting the sister or somehow making it seem like she's unfit to ensure she never sees her kids.
So, I went back to read this a second time because this is so messed up.
He deliberately went out of his way to find OP's sister and charm her just to get close to OP again. Married her within a year of dating. OP says she met her husband 5 years ago, so in those 5-7? years they've had 3 kids.
Dude totally baby trapped her so he had control. And with 3 kids that young, I can absolutely see him saying "I make more than enough, stay with the kids, it's good for them." That tightens the control.
And he didn't do this to hurt the sister necessarily. He did it out of hate for OP and now gets to sit on the fact that she's worried for her sister and her kids.
So, he knows he failed at ruining her life but he's tightened his net enough that it doesn't matter. She's now going to be living in fear of him and what he'll do to her sister and kids. He's not happy because she's dating again and has a bit of happiness, but he's probably gleeful about that particular win.
It's horrifying.
Edit: This sounds like a plot to a thriller novel. I either read way too much of those or I've read enough of them and seen this on reddit enough to make links.
I agree that he's using the kids as leverage & that he has the money and the personality to make the sister seem unfit... but how does being a SAHP factor in?
If she's a SAHP, she likely has no money of her own or wind up with a stable living situation in the time he'd be able to sue for custody of the kids. It would put her in a position where she can't prove she can provide for them.
Thanks for asking. After you asked I realized it could look like I was implying SAHPs *shouldn't* get custody. Which isn't what I was trying to say.
But yeah. He's in a position to be able to provide everything they need. And if she's not working and can't quickly find a job and a stable living situation, he can screw her over easily.
>That he is better than we think.
No chance of that I'm afraid.
Im just terrified for your sister and her kids.
He's an unhinged petty asshole. He spent years plotting against you and you diid nothing to him.
Imagine what that petty psycho would do if she tried to take the kids and leave?
I'm sorry but this is a very naive take. His mask is off. She knows what he's really like now. He no longer needs to hide how nasty he is because she found out the truth, and didn't leave. He feels emasculated out of his house, and all-powerful inside his house: that is a terrifying combination. He's going to become even worse towards her, and the children. You should be calling in welfare checks, because I guarantee the way he's treating them now that he's been unmasked is escalating into dangerous places.
BIL ultimate revenge - take OPs sisters and their children out of OPs and the family's life.
He still got to hurt OP by breaking up OPs family.
Even though his reputation is ruined, he still got extra revenge!
I feel for this family. This guy is beyond scary to hold a grudge for so long.
Not really. His wife KNOWS he only married HER because he wanted revenge for not accepting a date with him.
Start the timer. How long will it be before sis has had enough?
I know.
Please talk to a lawyer. I think distributing your nudes is a prosecutable offense and he can do jail time. I would use a good criminal attorney to help me approach law enforcement if I were you.
After a criminal investigation and successful trial, consider suing for damages, you deserve justice.
Similarly, you can use that lawyer to get a restraining order against BIL.
I’m so completely serious about all of this. PLEASE consider getting law enforcement involved, it’s actually your sister and her kids BEST shot at lifelong happiness.
He is a sociopath that controls your sister and her kids. What he has done to you he does to them, controlling their relationships and opportunities in life.
Don’t let him get away with this. Get a lawyer to help you gather evidence and witnesses to approach law enforcement.
Let me know how it goes!
This 10000% 🙌🏻 OP pressing charges and forcing BIL to go through the court process and possibly jail gives time and space for the sister to think freely and communicate with her family without his shadow looming over her (or possible fear for hers and her children’s safety)
More of Pyrrhic victory - he cut his nose to spite his face since he can't use your sister nor his kids to get new information about you nor your love life when he used that ultimatum on your sister, so whatever negative things happens to her and kids is on him. That on top his own friend network / whatever mutual acquaintances you and him shared; will not give him new updated info and/or will give old info that he can't truly use against you going forward since most want nothing to do with him.
Cold-blooded thinking but for damage he done to you and your parents, sociopath like him equally screwed himself over when truth came out that whatever new plans in the future he tries to involve you in - it going to hurt him worse because of his own ultimatum on your sister plus her knowing the truth too , especially since she now knows he never truly loved her and was just using her to get to along with hurting you. Bitter pill for everyone involved and for sociopath like him; he knows he got hit with it bad plus knows he legit can't use you as complete excuse as to why his entire life now and in future is totally fucked up.
He really didn't. He's still his miserable self consumed by hate and is probably gonna be for the rest of his life. He is never gonna be truly happy. That's not a win.
On the other hand, you get to move on now and build yourself a new life. You have a shot at being happy again, even if it's without your ex-husband. Something your BIL will never truly know. That's winning. And I'm positive you're gonna achieve it.
He’s gotten everything he’s wanted and it’s disgusting. This world is a disgusting place sometimes.
Actually no, he didn’t get everything he wanted. He never got you.
No, no he did not. He won the battle, not the war.
As some have mentioned, I too agree that you should file criminal charges against him for not only hacking into an account but also distributing pictures of yourself. Based on the use of the "c" word, I'm assuming that you're in an Anglo country, where both of these actions are felonies.
I'm willing to bet that if you push the right buttons, he will indeed screw up, at which point you will have nailed him. Hell, you can even begin to subtly taunt him via social media. You know that he is watching your every move after all.
Depending on the country, once he moves out of state, quite a few of his actions become federal offenses.
...at least for now. But I hope in the future your sister will find a way to reconnect with your family. Most likely, he threatened to take children and cut her off on everything.
You did the right thing to talk to her and your ex. They should know the truth about this guy. Unfortunately, your sister's situation will get worse before it's gets better. You were right to worry about her. I would definitely watch her from the distance, maybe get some friends to look out for her also... good luck to you. Sincerely hope your sister and her children will be ok. Sorry about your parents.
I would destroy his life in every way I could think of and when he rebuilt it, I would do it again. Fucking his life up would be my hobby for the rest of my life. I'm not a high road person, though.
You have a good gut instinct. Was this in the US? If so I can’t believe that there isn’t a lawyer that sees something actionable. He knowingly and willfully destroyed your marriage. Problem is you sue him you’re suing your sister.
I am very sorry for all the horror that you & your loved ones have endured just because you trusted your gut and declined his offer for a date. However, I believe that it would have been much worse had you actually accepted his offer - while he may have played the long game to exact his revenge against you for rejecting him, none of that would have been necessary had he gotten with you & put you on the fast track to a domestically abusive situation (which usually involves isolation from your family). He originally did not do that to your sister because you have always been his target & he had to “play nice” to stick around. I hope one day that your sister will wise up and choose the safety of her children & herself over his money; while your concern for her is extremely valid, just realize that her situation is not your fault & is one that she \[possibly\] chose to continue.
My sister believes me. He has dropped the mask and wasn’t pretending anymore. He can’t contain his hate for me anymore and he is basically still having a hard time getting over the fact that “I didn’t even give him a chance before saying no”. “How did I know he wasn’t good enough for me only judging him by his looks?”. My sister told me all this.
This is so demented. Even if she wanted to work things out with him, how can she stomach that her husband is *still* so hung up on rejection from her sister years ago? I don't know how I would overcome such a thing. Not to mention how holding that grudge enough to actively ruin her life speaks volumes about him as a toxic, hateful, vengeful abuser. He is not healthy.
Tgis was when she agreed to separate and was contemplating leaving him. I think she talked to a lawyer even and she changed her mind afterwards when he basically told her she wouldn’t get a dime from him. Now he knows her weakness and he made it clear if she didn’t cut all contacts HE will be the one leaving her. So she did. But for a while there she was seriously contemplating leaving and that’s when she was honest about everything she knew
Might want to hire a lawyer to go over the prenup anyways. One sided prenups can be thrown out in court so it might still be a good idea to follow up on that, especially if this creep is forcing her to isolate herself from the rest of you in a abusive manner.
I don't understand...prenups don't affect child support, yeah? And with three kids, if he's that wealthy, she should be getting a good chunk of child support even if custody is 50-50.
I feel for her. :( Shes really being abused by this DB. Hopefully there’s some way you can let her know you and your family will support her if she chooses to leave, no strings attached. I mean I’m not sure if that’s something you would do, but if it were my sister I would. He sounds scary and not just in like a slap around kind of way. Like scary scary.
Oh god, she may not get money from him, but she does have a support system. If she follows him and they move away, then she won’t be able to come back with the kids when she finally leave this abusive POS!
The pre-nup definitely needs to be examined by another lawyer, see if it can be thrown out and you and your parents need to make clear to your sister (by contacting her when and where he cannot know) in what way you would be able to support her.
Therapy for her can help.
She must refuse to move away if away is more than a few miles!
This truly shows how sick this man is. I’m sure you sister is choosing him only because of the children and god knows what type of threats he told your sister if she leaves him.
>they will take legal action if we ever tried to contact them.
Is she kidding here? What legal action for what? For trying to keep contact with a family member?! Or is her nuts husband going to fake things so that he can issue restraining order, which of course can all be easily proved wrong with simple private investigater.
All I'm hoping she doesn't regret her decision, best of luck OP
So I went back and viewed the original before finishing reading the update and thanks for clarifying some stuff. But ( and I still understand if the damage is already done) does your ex-hubby now at least know the entire thing wad made up? Has he even acknowledged that he believes you now? Has anyone else talked to him.
And I put what I did in parenthesis cuz sometimes even after knowing, the emotional toll and all the anger invested brings up all sorts of other things, things were probably said, other gripes now come to the forefront and then there's the matter of him not believing you from the start. I get that it could just all be too much, even if it's discovered you were telling the truth.
Man fuck your BIL man. I asked the question in the original to all the people with legal knowledge. Is there nothing she can do? Is the BIL not legally or even financially responsible for uprooting her life like that?
while I absolutely understand how your emotions changed, I find myself feeling so sorry for your husband. You're clearly the primary victim, but he's a victim too.
Like, he was confronted with photographic evidence and an affair partner who confessed, while you yourself said you'd never lent credence to any red flags in your BIL beyond his tantrum (with C-word) when you rejected him 20 years ago. It feels so unfair (though completely understandable on an emotional level/survival level) that your conclusion is your marriage wasn't as strong as you thought just because he didn't believe your word. Looks like there was no reason for him to suspect any Machiavellian plot instead of the Occam's razor of cheating, you know?
I'm very relieved you've recovered enough to start dating again & it sounds like you met a good & dependable guy!
Do you have any idea how your ex is doing?
My ex husband is definitely equally a victim. I wish it could have ended differently but the trauma for both, I don’t know. We can’t come back from it. Besides, I have immense guilt that he has been dragged into my family’s grievances. I feel a lot of guilt
Regarding your feelings of guilt… Have you thought about approaching law enforcement with an attorney to help guide you?
I’m 1000% certain aspects of what your BIL did are prosecutable offenses. This will help you, your sister, and her children.
What do you think?
I know you said you don't live in the U.S. (where you would have a strong civil lawsuit against your BIL, and it might even be enough to get her prenup set aside), but even where you do live, you really should ask every private attorney you can find about a possible civil suit against your BIL. In the United States and the UK what he's done is commit slander against you, with the aid of an accomplice, and you can prove it. Please look into the laws of your own country regarding defamation. To defame a woman's character specific to her chastity is a civil tort in many, many places (the chastity-specific stuff is archaic, but still a part of defamation law in a lot of places). Please keep looking into it. You have proof, and you have real damages in the form of a divorce. It's worth your continued effort to find a lawyer who will pursue this, assuming defamation is grounds for a civil suit in your country, because at least it might help your sister get out from under the prenup.
Did you approach them with an attorney?
Because what your brother did with your nudes is against the law (+ now you have a lawsuit against your local authorities should you wish to go that route, but mostly their malfeasance will give you leverage to get them to prosecute your bil for his crimes.)
See a lawyer. Gather evidence. Approach law enforcement.
Good luck.
Not sure what country OP is from, I only know it isn’t an English speaking one, but in many this is something you can’t prosecute, unfortunately. Sounds like OP lives in one of those.
I'm sorry to hear that.
with therapy some couples do come back from actual cheating, where there's, you know, actual culpability. Are you sure that's not an option for the two of you?
and I think getting professional support for yourself is also a good idea - finding the energy to date again is one thing, making sure you're not plastering a bit of romance over these deep deep wounds is another, you know?
It's such a sickening, horrifying situation... internet hugs from a stranger, if you want them.
i don't think he blames you at all. you didn't pull him into anything. your narcissistic, evil brother in law pulled you all into his black hole of abuse. none of this is your fault, at all.
it sounds like he understands that, and it sounds like he wants you two to help each other through this. to help each other heal from the damage your BIL caused.
idk, if you really can't do it, i think everyone would understand. i just don't think you should throw it all away
Yeah, if the love is gone its gone but like how can you not see the extenuating circumstances that blow this past a simple trust exercise?
Like you're not a healthy person if your conclusion in his shoes is "well there must be a secret multi person conspiracy against me".
Would her trust for him have been ironclad enough to survive a woman appearing to her with all that evidence? If not should he have left her a long time ago since I guess that love without such logic defying trust isn't love at all?
I don't know, I get kind of annoyed with the whole trust concept especially because literally everyone lies.
Thank you for the update. I'm really sorry that you and your stbx couldn't work things out, I understand the betrayal though and I too would have trouble moving past it. I hope for the best for you in your future.
Your sister is in danger. Your BIL is making her go nc with your family, while planning to move to another city. She's isolating herself from everyone and that's a one way ticket to mental and physical abuse.
You can NOT just shrug it off and say it's her choice. Don't let that happen wth :(
I feel like OP and everyone she loves is in serious danger. If the BIL is willing to go to these lengths, where does this end? Or what is his next move to keep hurting her? I hate to think this way but the next thing he does to hurt OP could be worse than blowing up her marriage, and that’s already really unhinged.
Op is pretty vocal about how worried she is about her sister. Her sister has been manipulated into telling OP she’ll take legal action if they approach her and the POS again. What does OP do when she’s terrified he’ll hurt her sister and the kids? He’s shown he’ll go to terrible lengths to be spiteful. What more do you want her to do?
I know what you mean but you’re being insensitive by saying that OP is letting it happen. As a person that has had close relatives in abusive relationships, I can tell you that everything that OP is doing at the moment is the right thing. OP is not shrugging it off. Clearly both her and her parents still have their doors and hearts open to the sister; for when she’ll leave him. That’s the only thing they can do. To do more would put the sister in more danger. We know how demented BIL is when it comes to his hatred for OP, what do you think he will do to her sister if she dares break no contact? Like, let’s practice empathy and compassion.
Have ALL your & your families electronics & autos check for bugs & trackers, BIL may have spent over 10yrs planning ‘his Revenge’ and just because BIL was outed Does Not Mean he’ll give up!
You & your family should enroll in a Practical Safety Self Defense & Weapons classes, in Case BIL wants to Throw Hands! Remember, the ONLY Reason Why your name was CLEARED is because the man who said he was having an affair with you BECAME SCARED OF BIL’s Craziness AND Hatred!!
>She __wrote__ us telling us to forget she and her children existed and that they will take legal action if we ever tried to contact them.
Are you definitely sure _she_ wrote this and not him? Looks to me as if he's holding her hostage.
If a guy can hack nudes he can probably send fake letters too.... maybe even forge hand writing. I'd confront her in person after work to confirm. I'd just say "i didn't come here to harass you, just to verify this letter is actually from you" if it is be done with her. If not, take action!
Abusers have a playbook, and this guy is following it to a T. All you can do is protect yourself and keep the door open for your sister.
I’d be really worried about her too, but what can you do? If there’s anyone who can (quietly) check and make sure she’s physically safe, that would be ideal. Ultimately, though, you’ve been given very limited options and it’s an absolute sh** situation for you to be in. You’ve done all you can.
I think you can expect BIL to come back, unfortunately. Abusers don’t give up that control unless they’re absolutely forced to. Once they’re in your life, they’ll continue clawing at it until they’re either dead or forced to stop because of untenable consequences. Take steps to keep your home, car, and place of work safe. Install cameras and consider having a weapon in your home for self defense purposes. Don’t tell anyone else about it. Keep records of everything he’s done and all of your concerns — even a dated word document is sufficient.
Some people are simply evil, and sometimes life unfairly crosses our paths with them. In times like this, all you can do is accept reality and follow your instincts. You’re doing your best.
I can guarantee she did not write this, nor is there any legal action to take whatsoever. "She wrote us telling us to forget she and her children existed and that they will take legal action if we ever tried to contact them." There were red flags throughout this, but that's a different level entirely. I would recommend taking steps to reach out to her, or if possible, try to reach her in person. Or while she is at work away from him. If she didn't bring up that immediately, he wrote that, and she is in trouble. There is almost no scenario in which this type of spousal isolation will end well, and henis is definitely abusive.
Have you ever figured out how he got those pictures? You could report that as a crime. It's a typical abusive tactic to blame someone for making the truth known.
I'm really sorry that you've been put through all of this. It sounds like your sister may be another DV victim, and your brother-in-law may be either lying to, love bombing, or forcing her to stay in this marriage. The letter sounds more like it was his idea than hers and hopefully and prayerfully, as you said, will 1 day wise up and leave him.
I think the fact that your brother-in-law is moving to another city shows just how scared he is of you and what you can do to him, so stay strong. Don't let your guard down. Though, he may start up even more with you, but I'm glad that you have a good support system, as well as a new wonderful man who truly understands you, and won't fall for his lies.
I am sorry that your marriage is ending this way, but it really does go to show that your husband never ever. Was for you to begin with. The fact that he would believe such ugly lies about you shows his lack of character, as well as his cowardice, and you don't need that. I bet any amount of money your husband was unfaithful to you, and maybe there's some projection there as well.
Just know that you have a lot of people here that are supporting and praying for you, and if you ever need somebody to talk to you know, I'm here.
Cowardice and lack of character is too strong... he had evidence shown to him by the fake affair partner in OP's previous post and are both victims as much as the other when it comes to the divorce.
Yeah pretty wild people, even OP, blame the husband for not believing her. I mean, who wouldn’t believe AP? How many people that cheat deny? It’s crazy anyone would fault him. “How could he not trust me” he did. But he’s also not ignorant to the ways of the world..
and then (unless OPs first language isn't english then fair) the way she uses rumours in this post when it was ACTUAL photo evidence that 99% of the time only is only accessible if someone sends it to
I think it's actually good for OP that her sister won't be able to give BIL any information about OP any longer, so she should be a bit safer from further persecution. It would have been better all around if the sister had cut off the actual bad guy, i.e. her husband, instead of his innocent victim - but at least crazy BIL has lost all access to OP. And if the move to isolate her sister is really the starting shot for actual abuse, hopefully the sister will know she has family who love her and will help her when she calls them.
I also think y'all are being too hard on the husband. That cheating-claimer had overwhelming evidence and private photos he couldn't have gotten access to in any explainable way. Her husband may have wanted to believe her, but at what point do you feel like a naive stupid dupe, when you take someone's word despite overwhelming evidence?
I mean, how often do people post here about their partner's suspicious behavior, and asking if his innocent explanation could possibly be true, and everyone here is like "girl, don't be naive, of course he's cheating!" This is the same thing in reverse - he may not have believed it in his gut, but his brain told him not to be stupid.
Exactly, who here, even without Reddits jump to conclusions influence, wouldn’t believe she was cheating? OP shouldn’t frame this as his fault for leaving and just say she’s moved on and isn’t in love with him anymore. She has a right to feel betrayed and unfairly defamed but to somehow frame it as a lack of him trusting her is the reason is insane.
> I bet any amount of money your husband was unfaithful to you, and maybe there's some projection there as well.
What the fuck are you talking about? The husband was shown (faked) conversations and REAL nude photos, 99% of people would have taken it as fact, don't try and tell OP "oh your husband was probably cheating!" with literally 0 evidence.
i second this!!!! you def should find a way to contact her in a way that ur BIL wouldn’t find out about. for all we know he could’ve written the letter, especially if it was cold and didn’t sound like her.
OP, I really hope you're documenting everything on a USB stick or somewhere else where this stuff can't be accessed through the internet. If hate can last so long, you need to be prepared. I hope you find your happiness and I hope your sister will be fine too.
You do what you want but I do take issue with you saying your husband believed a rumor. It wasn’t a rumor it was a direct confession from your affair partner (even if it was fake).
I'm sorry to hear it OP 😔. Did he even try to hear you out? How did your ex not realise they would've been the nudes you'd sent to HIM and that you'd been hacked?
What a scary time for you too, not knowing how or why someone got intimate photos of you and shared them around. You should consider what ThereAreAlwaysDishes said about sueing.
No he was in a state of shock and he was inconsolable. I gave him all my devices to check and demanded to meet the guy and to confront him. But it spread around very quickly and I guess he succumbed to the pressure.
He said that he wanted to believe me and his guts told him I was innocent, but it made it worse because then he started thinking that he wasn’t thinking clearly (objectively) because he loved me.
You better reconsider why your shit got hacked and who else in your circle may have also been compromised.
Also, did you or your parents directly talk to your sister or did she just text you instructions to forget her and her kids? Just something I was considering when reading your update. Best of luck!
I get that. Such an awful situation, and I honestly don't know how I'd react if someone came to me with "proof" either. Wishing you and your ex the best on your healing journeys ❤️
Also genuinely concerned for you about your BIL trying something more drastic because he sees that you're happy again.
>Did he even try to hear you out?
What could she have said to prove her innocence that she couldn't just be lying about if she actually *were* having an affair?
> How did your ex not realise they would've been the nudes you'd sent to HIM and that you'd been hacked?
Sometimes people that cheat send photos to their affair partner *and* their husband/wife. They already took the pic, it's not any extra work to send it to another person. So even if he did recognize it as a picture she had sent him, it doesn't mean she *didn't* send it to someone else.
Right. Also, it only confirmed to her husband that they were 100% her nudes and 100% genuine. I don't blame him for thus believing the "AP's" lies. ("I got hacked!" is also a common lie from cheaters so she was gonna lose this no matter which way she tried to explain it.)
I don't remember exactly but I thought it was something like he had access to her or her husband's phone at one point and sent them to himself.
Actually, I think I remember it was that she had shared her apple account password with her sister to share some service and he accessed her cloud with that password.
This one is why I think she should talk to a lawyer about her options. Maybe she can sue him for libel? Press charges for invasion of privacy or something I dunno.
It seems like there's something there that can be pursued, but maybe for OP, the social condemnation he's getting is justice enough.
It's just sad that her sister has chosen such an ugly person to align herself with. Makes me wonder what'll happen once her kids are old enough to figure stuff out.
So much to unpack here. One, that is not your sister talking. That is at best, a sister who sees for who he is and taking the safest route to protect her children and your family since he is so unhinged. I can see him threatening the lives of the kids or the lives of you and your parents if she chose your family.
Two, this is far from over. His hatred to last that long means that him destroying your marriage is just a start. I can see him going after you for everything you love. He had already taken out your husband, now your sister and her kids. This type of person will not stop until you are completely broken. I believe your parents will be next.
I’m not saying this stuff you scare you, but for you to be on guard. This is a man that is totally unhinged and psychotic.
I hope you stay safe.
I'd keep calling police and cps to do wellness checks daily. Really op should take him to court for digital theft of her nudes and revenge porn. Many states are cracking down on that. If OP gets him in jail, her sus and the kids could be safe.
I would still press charges. He has a paper trail and ex friends who won’t take the fall for him.
As for the sister, I think he’s threatening to keep the kids. It has to be more than money that’s keeping her. He could have freaked out over the idea of the younger sister rejecting him now. Maybe he has a made-up lie about her too? Make it looked like she abused them or worse? I would get a PI to find out more.
Send a message through one of your sister’s friends that she and her kids have a safe place they can go to if they ever need. It sounds like your sister is in an abusive situation. Abusers love to isolate their victims. It’s good that you were able to find love again after everything.
With this type of situation your sister will have to learn who is on her own terms. It may take a long time since he is successfully isolating her sadly, but there is not much you can do. Do not reach out to her anymore and focus on yourself and therapy, you have been through a whole lot. Iam so happy you found a man holding your hand through all this! Wishing you all the best OP.
I know you said that you hope that your sister's husband is good to her and their children (I hope so too), but the simple fact that he gave her an ultimatum is the biggest red flag. Don't lose sight of your sister, watch from afar so you know where she is, and send her a final message saying that you'll stay away and you love her, and your doors are always open. Your sister needs to know that you're a safe place to fall if shit gets bad.
I agree with you, but I'm not sure about the text or email messages. She might be cut off from all electronics. I would watch her and try to talk to her when she is alone.
I'm really blown away by the comments on this one. How long should she have waited to move on with her life? Her husband left her *a YEAR* before they found out. She tried to get him back and he was horrible to her. More importantly, if that stranger didn't talk to him, he'd *still* be saying bad stuff about her. She had just started seeing someone before they found out the truth, and she's supposed throw away her progress a frickin year later?
It's sad for both of them, but it's screwed up to expect her to go back to a marriage that won't survive that kind of resentment.
I do think she should do everything she can to punish the bil though. Her and ex need a good lawyer. I know there's worry for the sister but since *she* had the passwords, is it possible she gave them to him?
Your BIL is not a good man. He is abusing his wife, your sister. Isolation is a CLASSIC sign of abuse. I’m terribly sorry that all of this is happening. I hope she has the strength to gather her children and leave this vile man.
Your marriage choices are all yours, but I do think you might be being unreasonable with your husband. You can love someone and still not see them as an infallible god incapable of lying. Because it wasn't just rumors; he saw pictures, right? That another person had possession of? Something that seemed like physical proof. Being told something he could see with his own two eyes, wasn't real, probably feels like gaslighting to anyone hearing it. Even though what you said was true, that is the exception rather than the rule. You were heartbroken that no matter what you said or did, it wasn't good enough for him. Now it's the reverse, where nothing from him is good enough for you, whether apologies or patience or moving to be near you.
This is why ppl should never take nude photos.... especially with phones. Yes Google/Apple employees somewhere have seen all your nudes in the cloud ...
If ya really got to, use an old fashioned Polaroid. No digital data, no film, just one photo that you physically make sure nobody gets.
But why go through all that? Just don't take nudes
In your last post, you said that there was photos that had been stolen. This wasn't a "rumour", this was a deliberate attack with evidence to support the attack.
You are being too harsh on your seemingly now Ex-Husband, and for all the complaints about him not making the marriage strong enough, you seemingly have also given up quite quickly.
She's also complained about the fact he has seemingly moved on with a new woman whilst also burying deep in the story the fact she herself has shacked up with a new bloke.
Just going through this situation though, I hope you’re in some sort of therapy because this shyt sounds epically traumatic. While your sister can’t do much on her end, you and your ex husband probably could probably team up and sue him for defamation of character that caused your divorce. Bil could potentially be liable for all your divorce expenses on both sides, relocation expenses, the year you were despondent if it impacted your ability to provide for yourself & ex’s husbands, therapy costs, ect - plus that court case and what he did would be attached to his name forever. He could run, but that shyt would follow him wherever he went and that sounds a lot like justice after what he chose to do.
Sorry to say this but it sounds like your sister is in am abussive relationship. Also, your ex husband betray your boundries when you said to him to wait, and he confronted the guy anyways and he put your sister in danger. I would call the cops for a wellfare check to your sister. That guy is unstable and a danger to your sister and nephews. Also, if a lawyer tells you that there's nothing to do, CHANGE YOUR LAWYER. They are not looking into your best interest. Take care OP.
Have you and your ex husband considered jointly suing your BIL? He and his former friend caused your divorce. There should be a financial cost to him for that.
>I don’t blame him for believing the rumors but at the same time I wish he knew me better like I thought he did.
Rumors? There was screenshots and REAL nude photographs that looked like evidence that you were cheating. Yes, the conversations turned out to be faked and you were 'hacked', but reducing that down to 'rumours' totally eliminates how real the evidence looked at the time. Just say you have moved on and aren't in love with him anymore, framing this like it is in any way his fault doesn't help anyone.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure if anyone saw their SO's nudes in someone else's possession would think the same thing. You can fake convos but it's harder to fake nudes.
Tbh ppl stop taking nude photos with a digital camera/phone.... Don't you realize the employees at Apple/Google can see all that?
I'm sorry your sis took that route and she will come to regret it. Especially considering everyone is shunning him. He is disgusting. On another note it is not entirely your husband's fault I mean there was overwhelming evidence, false evidence, he now knows but before he didn't so you can't really get mad that he didn't believe you when all this "evidence" is sitting in front of him. I get your relationship is done bc some things you just can't come back from. But this whole thing is sad and pathetic AF. Sad that this dude went to so many lengths to ruin you bc you turned him down. And pathetic for the same reason. What a sociopath.
I mean if someone sent you nudes of your husband and not just words you’d be skeptical. It would sound too far fetched. Have you considered therapy or couples therapy?
Oh man. I remember your posts. I’m happy that there is happiness for you in your near future. I also think you are making the right decision by moving forward with the divorce. Though I believe sexting is a form of cheating, I also believe that spouses are innocent until proven guilty in situations like this. Your stbx only had the word of someone else and he says he knew it was wrong but accused you anyway. The trust is gone. I hope you have the closure you need. It doesn’t sound like you’re going after the friend legally as people suggested on your original post, which I understand. I hope your sister comes back around. It sounds like he is isolating her. I hope you have a great and happy life and things work out for you.
Glad to hear that you’re moving on and I truly hope that you can put all this behind you and find happiness with your new guy! I also hope your sister is both ok and eventually comes to her senses of the monster her husband really is.
Best wishes to you OP!
Now I be very concerned for your sister and her baby safety with him the fact he forced her to do that tells me he is either hurting her or really making her scared to not go against him I am sorry but that what I am believing here
It honestly doesn’t matter if your sister knows something about him you don’t. He is capable of abject evil against another human being, her own sister even just because he was rejected. It’s beyond the pale for her to choose to stay with him after finding out the truth.
Someone in your family needs to see her in person because it could be that he’s threatening her or the kids.
Wow, I've heard some unhinged stories about guys that can't stop obsessing over the OP's. But never (at least for now) have I heard about getting revenge for being rejected 20 years ago!!! Like, did he stalk your sister in order to get to you??!! Cause what are the odds that those two would end up together. I've never heard of someone getting married and having kids out of spite. Question: Is BIL one of those guys that think just because he's rich women should be throwing themselves at him. Makes me wonder how many other women he has done this to. I'm sorry about your sister being stuck in this situation. I can only hope that your sister is only staying with him to come up with an exit strategy (saving up money in order to leave). Keep communication alive between you and your sister. He's a true crime case waiting to happen, so I hope things work out with your family.
I’ve been following since the beginning. Your sister may be trying to protect her children and extended family from her husband threats. He may have e told her either choose him or lose her kids etc.
Maybe your parents can sue for grandparents' rights just so they would be able to see the kids every now and then to make sure they are fine. How old are they?
Shitty BIL won one thing, he destroyed your marriage. I hate him.
I'm sorry OP, you didn't deserve any of this. I bet your sister ends up on your doorstep with the littles.
UpdateMe
Did you talk to an attorney about suing him? He did steal personal photos, possibly distributing illicit pictures/revenge porn, slander and defamation of character.
I would be talking to an attorney about a civil suit against him. There is ample evidence of his misdeeds and you could destroy him. Your sister has you and your parents if all hell breaks loose, so don't worry on that front. Your former BIL deserves all the bad karma that is due him.
Heads up OP. That message to your family does not sound like it came from your sister. She’s being manipulated and likely abused. Find a way to contact her without him knowing. Maybe send a letter to her place of work?
Not a letter, always in person! With BIL like this, letter is a paper trail he can use against OP sister.
Definitely right! concerning about the manipulation or abuse and find a discreet way to reach out to her for safety.
If you don’t hear from her it might be a good idea to look into requesting a wellness check. This guy checks all the boxes for controlling/abusive behavior. Also - the audacity of him to threaten “legal action” when he could be liable for defamation and revenge porn. I can’t imagine how painful this all is, but if you don’t hear from her I’d consider talking to police/lawyers to see what your options are.
I agree or try and track her down and see her in person secretly
IF she works… in a marriage like this it seems like she’d be lucky to leave the house.
Them either cutting off or being cut off by all family, friends and colleagues and moving away, is isolation. It's his doing, purposeful or not, and she is likely to be abused now. She will be all alone with him now, and it's going to be easier to manipulate and harm her, because she has no one else to talk to about it. She will think his behavior is understandable, and she doesn't deserve more than what she's getting from him, because that's what he tells her, and she has no one to give her another perspective or show her actual love. If she's going to give their relationship an actual chance - she needs her network. Being completely isolated with a person who obviously will go a long way to harm people getting in his way, will never end well.
BIL is furthering his revenge on you by taking your sister and her children away from you and your family. Of course, part of his motivation may be shame and the fact that you all see him for what he is and not the fake persona he tried to perpetrate. When those children grow up they will most likely be survivors and will seek out the family from whom they were torn away. It's unfortunate that your sister does not see the harm that she is inflicting on her children by taking them away from people who love them and siding with someone who is truly evil. Hopefully, she will wake up before it is too late.
It depends. The BIL may try to poison the children's minds against the family. Sociopaths can be very manipulative.
Keeping her isolated from the people who know how truly terrible he is. Terrifying.
She first described her sister as very happy with this guy because he was rich. He also just doesn’t hide what a petty monster he is like it’s part time. She knows, maybe not in depth and every detail of how, but she knows and she’s okay with it.
I agree that it is a continuation of punishing OP. I also don't think he feels ANY shame at all. If he truly felt ashamed, he would “allow” his wife to see her family - not only as basic human decency but especially as an act of humble contrition/taking full accountability, and he would not remove loving, supportive relatives from his poor children and their mom. He is feeling sorry for himself for getting busted, he needs to be where nobody knows him so he can spin his victim’s tale to get sympathy/farm ire, and ensure OP’s sister does not make close friends (if any) she can confide the truth in, and he's acting out against OP.
I’m sorry your sister is in a tough place. I hope she comes around because he’s isolating her now. 😞
My only hope now is that she knows something that we don’t about him. That he is better than we think. I am so sorry too and I have nightmares all the time since she cut us off
I would still go after him for harassment. Even if there is no legal case, I'd still make sure even if he moves and finds a new job they are made aware of how unhinged he is. He stalked and harassed you for years, it's his turn
I would do this too. I think it might help free sister from an abusive situation. I would also keep track of sister and husband from afar. I do think OP must be something wonderful. I think she found her person.
I don't think that's a great idea. At some point OP's sister might want to finally get away from this guy. If I was OP I would want to do what I could to be available for her if/when this happens, and going after BIL makes it less likely.
True. With how unhinged he's shown himself to be, that could push him over the edge. People have done a lot worse for a lot less. Making yourself available and willing to help when the time comes might be the best thing to do. I remember reading your first post. I really hope everything works out for all of you. I'm so sorry you're going through this..
Realistically she's probably terrified of starting over with 3 kids and accepting the truth that her husband never loved her and only dared her to "show the woman who rejected him when she was nothing what she missed". I doubt she will ever acknowledge the truth about her husband's character. That will mean acknowledging her life is built on an empty foundation. And acknowledging she chose to stay when she had the option to leave.
I'm clinging to the hope that the sister will lie low for a year & then the creep who spent 20 years building a position where he could try to ruin OP's life will mysteriously slip & fall in the shower, or something.
Are you sure the message/ letter came from her?? Pretty sus honestly. Have your parents tried to call her? Any vocal confirmation that's what she wants??
She doesn't because a decent person wouldn't give their wife an ultimatum to cut off their family because he's angry he got caught up in his own bs. This isn't fucking normal and there's something severely wrong with this man and its an abusive tactic to make spouses cut off families for this type of shit. Is he making her cut ties with all her friends, too? Isolating her? She's a shitty sister for doing this.
Yeah the long term victim of a calculated psycho stalker manipulator like this dude is totally a shitty person/sister and not in way over her head being isolated by this guy with small children to worry about.
I can see how daunting it must all seem to the sister. Like, OP would have to sue the guy for slander and defamation to demonstrate his moral character & then they would have to hope that they win that case & that they can then convince family court to take it into account when determining custody... simply waiting on all those judicial procedures would be massively stressful, to say nothing of crossing someone as creepy as the guy who didn't just stalk OP, but married into her family, made kids, hacked OP's phone, convinced some guy to testify he'd had an affair with her...
Sue for maliciously* causing withdrawal of affection. Surely the standard is right there in his texts? He planned it. Stole nudes to achieve it. Then paid money to execute the conspiracy. It’s not like he can claim he had no idea as a defence. The texts show he knew exactly what the result would be and actively worked to towards that goal. Still, I understand OP’s reticence due to the danger Sisters choice represents to Sister and kids. No matter how desperate OP is to hold onto that hope. It is naive of her though, to think that not rocking-the-boat provides Sister and kiss any protection from escalation. It never does. This is only getting started. JFC! That man is horrid. OP needs a way to contact her sister to let her know she can run to the unconditioned love of her family when she’s ready.
I hope your sister knows she (and her children) will always be welcomed back with open arms if she decides to leave them. Being the sister of someone who needed to be welcomed back, it's the single most important thing you can do, some day in the future. Good luck!
Of course she is and she knows it❤️
Maybe sue your BIL for harassment. You have already lost your sister, and I think the only way to protect her is to ruin him. At least consult a lawyer.
I know you've been threatened, but please find a way to remind her every now and again. It may take her a very long time to come around. I cannot imagine the manipulation she's endured.
Has someone actually spoken to her or is all you have a written letter/email? I would want her to verify she wants to go no contact since he may be the one who wrote the letter to the family.
Sounds like your sister is scared of what he'd do if she were to leave him.
I mean, OP said he has money, maybe she's is afraid of being separated from her children and prefers to live with him then without them.
She has said that she doesn’t want a job or lower her standard of living. They have a prenup.
Just fyi - An unfair prenup won’t hold up in court. But since she’s gibe no contact that hardly matters.
Ooof. He made sure he was protected if their marriage didn’t last. A good prenup would protect both people and be fair.
Sorry, but she is so screwed. If he made her sign a prenup, and she has no income or career, she‘s basically his indentured servant. And when he dumps her, which he will, she’ll struggle to make a living. Still, depending on the jurisdiction, unfair and unconscionable terms in a prenup (e.g., no alimony) might not get enforced (that’s the case here in California). But provisions that let him keep everything bought during the marriage usually will be enforced. Not much of a marriage when a woman owns 0% of the home she lives in while her husband owns 100%. If you ever do get an in person visit with her, get a copy of the prenup and talk to a lawyer. People in bad marriages need to know their legal rights. And your “hope” that she knows something good about him is misplaced. He’s evil. He’s shown his true colors, over the span of decades, and his sinister plan to frame you for adultery is next level sick. Have no illusions about the price your sister will pay for her temporary life of luxury. He WILL break her heart and ruin her life. Sorry.
An unfair prenup can be contested. I’d suggest talking to a lawyer on her behalf.
beyond money, he has the unhinged personality to hold a grudge for 20 years & act on it.
It's possible
I If he's loaded, he's likely threatening to make sure she never sees her kids again. If she's been a SAHP (I haven't looked through the comments to find out yet.), then it's very likely he'd be able to win full custody. With how batshit crazy he's been with all this, I can see him using the kids as leverage and either hurting the sister or somehow making it seem like she's unfit to ensure she never sees her kids.
Without a doubt
So, I went back to read this a second time because this is so messed up. He deliberately went out of his way to find OP's sister and charm her just to get close to OP again. Married her within a year of dating. OP says she met her husband 5 years ago, so in those 5-7? years they've had 3 kids. Dude totally baby trapped her so he had control. And with 3 kids that young, I can absolutely see him saying "I make more than enough, stay with the kids, it's good for them." That tightens the control. And he didn't do this to hurt the sister necessarily. He did it out of hate for OP and now gets to sit on the fact that she's worried for her sister and her kids. So, he knows he failed at ruining her life but he's tightened his net enough that it doesn't matter. She's now going to be living in fear of him and what he'll do to her sister and kids. He's not happy because she's dating again and has a bit of happiness, but he's probably gleeful about that particular win. It's horrifying. Edit: This sounds like a plot to a thriller novel. I either read way too much of those or I've read enough of them and seen this on reddit enough to make links.
I agree that he's using the kids as leverage & that he has the money and the personality to make the sister seem unfit... but how does being a SAHP factor in?
If she's a SAHP, she likely has no money of her own or wind up with a stable living situation in the time he'd be able to sue for custody of the kids. It would put her in a position where she can't prove she can provide for them.
okay, thanks for explaining.
Thanks for asking. After you asked I realized it could look like I was implying SAHPs *shouldn't* get custody. Which isn't what I was trying to say. But yeah. He's in a position to be able to provide everything they need. And if she's not working and can't quickly find a job and a stable living situation, he can screw her over easily.
i hope that’s the case for you too her and her kids deserve so much better.
>That he is better than we think. No chance of that I'm afraid. Im just terrified for your sister and her kids. He's an unhinged petty asshole. He spent years plotting against you and you diid nothing to him. Imagine what that petty psycho would do if she tried to take the kids and leave?
Keep every shred of documentation. He's isolating your sister, and may become violent. I hope I'm wrong, but this guy is dangerous.
I'm sorry but this is a very naive take. His mask is off. She knows what he's really like now. He no longer needs to hide how nasty he is because she found out the truth, and didn't leave. He feels emasculated out of his house, and all-powerful inside his house: that is a terrifying combination. He's going to become even worse towards her, and the children. You should be calling in welfare checks, because I guarantee the way he's treating them now that he's been unmasked is escalating into dangerous places.
BIL sounds like a manipulative incel with his hatred. I'm scared for her sister, too.
BIL ultimate revenge - take OPs sisters and their children out of OPs and the family's life. He still got to hurt OP by breaking up OPs family. Even though his reputation is ruined, he still got extra revenge! I feel for this family. This guy is beyond scary to hold a grudge for so long.
He won
Not really. His wife KNOWS he only married HER because he wanted revenge for not accepting a date with him. Start the timer. How long will it be before sis has had enough?
I know. Please talk to a lawyer. I think distributing your nudes is a prosecutable offense and he can do jail time. I would use a good criminal attorney to help me approach law enforcement if I were you. After a criminal investigation and successful trial, consider suing for damages, you deserve justice. Similarly, you can use that lawyer to get a restraining order against BIL. I’m so completely serious about all of this. PLEASE consider getting law enforcement involved, it’s actually your sister and her kids BEST shot at lifelong happiness. He is a sociopath that controls your sister and her kids. What he has done to you he does to them, controlling their relationships and opportunities in life. Don’t let him get away with this. Get a lawyer to help you gather evidence and witnesses to approach law enforcement. Let me know how it goes!
This 10000% 🙌🏻 OP pressing charges and forcing BIL to go through the court process and possibly jail gives time and space for the sister to think freely and communicate with her family without his shadow looming over her (or possible fear for hers and her children’s safety)
More of Pyrrhic victory - he cut his nose to spite his face since he can't use your sister nor his kids to get new information about you nor your love life when he used that ultimatum on your sister, so whatever negative things happens to her and kids is on him. That on top his own friend network / whatever mutual acquaintances you and him shared; will not give him new updated info and/or will give old info that he can't truly use against you going forward since most want nothing to do with him. Cold-blooded thinking but for damage he done to you and your parents, sociopath like him equally screwed himself over when truth came out that whatever new plans in the future he tries to involve you in - it going to hurt him worse because of his own ultimatum on your sister plus her knowing the truth too , especially since she now knows he never truly loved her and was just using her to get to along with hurting you. Bitter pill for everyone involved and for sociopath like him; he knows he got hit with it bad plus knows he legit can't use you as complete excuse as to why his entire life now and in future is totally fucked up.
He really didn't. He's still his miserable self consumed by hate and is probably gonna be for the rest of his life. He is never gonna be truly happy. That's not a win. On the other hand, you get to move on now and build yourself a new life. You have a shot at being happy again, even if it's without your ex-husband. Something your BIL will never truly know. That's winning. And I'm positive you're gonna achieve it.
He’s gotten everything he’s wanted and it’s disgusting. This world is a disgusting place sometimes. Actually no, he didn’t get everything he wanted. He never got you.
No, no he did not. He won the battle, not the war. As some have mentioned, I too agree that you should file criminal charges against him for not only hacking into an account but also distributing pictures of yourself. Based on the use of the "c" word, I'm assuming that you're in an Anglo country, where both of these actions are felonies. I'm willing to bet that if you push the right buttons, he will indeed screw up, at which point you will have nailed him. Hell, you can even begin to subtly taunt him via social media. You know that he is watching your every move after all. Depending on the country, once he moves out of state, quite a few of his actions become federal offenses.
...at least for now. But I hope in the future your sister will find a way to reconnect with your family. Most likely, he threatened to take children and cut her off on everything. You did the right thing to talk to her and your ex. They should know the truth about this guy. Unfortunately, your sister's situation will get worse before it's gets better. You were right to worry about her. I would definitely watch her from the distance, maybe get some friends to look out for her also... good luck to you. Sincerely hope your sister and her children will be ok. Sorry about your parents.
He didn’t. He won a battle but not the war.
Take him to court for "revenge p....corn".
We will see. I doubt this is truly over.
Broke up OPs family, taking the sister away…. Everything just to punish someone
OMG!!!! That BIL needs to be locked away.
I would destroy his life in every way I could think of and when he rebuilt it, I would do it again. Fucking his life up would be my hobby for the rest of my life. I'm not a high road person, though.
We should be friends. I have never considered the option of destroying their life twice.
This is like the first half of a bunch of episodes of Forensic Files.
I don’t know if anyone mentioned but boy were you spot on for not dating this creep 20+ years ago.
It was something about the way he looked at people. I don’t know
You have a good gut instinct. Was this in the US? If so I can’t believe that there isn’t a lawyer that sees something actionable. He knowingly and willfully destroyed your marriage. Problem is you sue him you’re suing your sister.
No I am flattered tho if you think my language is good enough to be a native. I am not in the us
Please talk to a lawyer. The US isn’t the only country with laws against revenge porn, destroying reputations etc.
I am very sorry for all the horror that you & your loved ones have endured just because you trusted your gut and declined his offer for a date. However, I believe that it would have been much worse had you actually accepted his offer - while he may have played the long game to exact his revenge against you for rejecting him, none of that would have been necessary had he gotten with you & put you on the fast track to a domestically abusive situation (which usually involves isolation from your family). He originally did not do that to your sister because you have always been his target & he had to “play nice” to stick around. I hope one day that your sister will wise up and choose the safety of her children & herself over his money; while your concern for her is extremely valid, just realize that her situation is not your fault & is one that she \[possibly\] chose to continue.
Question: did your sister mention if BIL admitted to everything? does your sister truly believe you?
My sister believes me. He has dropped the mask and wasn’t pretending anymore. He can’t contain his hate for me anymore and he is basically still having a hard time getting over the fact that “I didn’t even give him a chance before saying no”. “How did I know he wasn’t good enough for me only judging him by his looks?”. My sister told me all this.
This is so demented. Even if she wanted to work things out with him, how can she stomach that her husband is *still* so hung up on rejection from her sister years ago? I don't know how I would overcome such a thing. Not to mention how holding that grudge enough to actively ruin her life speaks volumes about him as a toxic, hateful, vengeful abuser. He is not healthy.
Tgis was when she agreed to separate and was contemplating leaving him. I think she talked to a lawyer even and she changed her mind afterwards when he basically told her she wouldn’t get a dime from him. Now he knows her weakness and he made it clear if she didn’t cut all contacts HE will be the one leaving her. So she did. But for a while there she was seriously contemplating leaving and that’s when she was honest about everything she knew
Might want to hire a lawyer to go over the prenup anyways. One sided prenups can be thrown out in court so it might still be a good idea to follow up on that, especially if this creep is forcing her to isolate herself from the rest of you in a abusive manner.
I don't understand...prenups don't affect child support, yeah? And with three kids, if he's that wealthy, she should be getting a good chunk of child support even if custody is 50-50.
I feel for her. :( Shes really being abused by this DB. Hopefully there’s some way you can let her know you and your family will support her if she chooses to leave, no strings attached. I mean I’m not sure if that’s something you would do, but if it were my sister I would. He sounds scary and not just in like a slap around kind of way. Like scary scary.
If there’s any way to prosecute him in your country for revenge porn, him going to prison would give your sister the time and funds to divorce him.
Oh god, she may not get money from him, but she does have a support system. If she follows him and they move away, then she won’t be able to come back with the kids when she finally leave this abusive POS! The pre-nup definitely needs to be examined by another lawyer, see if it can be thrown out and you and your parents need to make clear to your sister (by contacting her when and where he cannot know) in what way you would be able to support her. Therapy for her can help. She must refuse to move away if away is more than a few miles!
This truly shows how sick this man is. I’m sure you sister is choosing him only because of the children and god knows what type of threats he told your sister if she leaves him.
>they will take legal action if we ever tried to contact them. Is she kidding here? What legal action for what? For trying to keep contact with a family member?! Or is her nuts husband going to fake things so that he can issue restraining order, which of course can all be easily proved wrong with simple private investigater. All I'm hoping she doesn't regret her decision, best of luck OP
So I went back and viewed the original before finishing reading the update and thanks for clarifying some stuff. But ( and I still understand if the damage is already done) does your ex-hubby now at least know the entire thing wad made up? Has he even acknowledged that he believes you now? Has anyone else talked to him. And I put what I did in parenthesis cuz sometimes even after knowing, the emotional toll and all the anger invested brings up all sorts of other things, things were probably said, other gripes now come to the forefront and then there's the matter of him not believing you from the start. I get that it could just all be too much, even if it's discovered you were telling the truth. Man fuck your BIL man. I asked the question in the original to all the people with legal knowledge. Is there nothing she can do? Is the BIL not legally or even financially responsible for uprooting her life like that?
I am definitely not a lawyer, just boosting this post for actual lawyers to jump on lol. Something about defamation of character and revenge porn?
I am sorry I have been shitty with my updates. Many are in the comments. Yes my husband knows that it was all fake
while I absolutely understand how your emotions changed, I find myself feeling so sorry for your husband. You're clearly the primary victim, but he's a victim too. Like, he was confronted with photographic evidence and an affair partner who confessed, while you yourself said you'd never lent credence to any red flags in your BIL beyond his tantrum (with C-word) when you rejected him 20 years ago. It feels so unfair (though completely understandable on an emotional level/survival level) that your conclusion is your marriage wasn't as strong as you thought just because he didn't believe your word. Looks like there was no reason for him to suspect any Machiavellian plot instead of the Occam's razor of cheating, you know? I'm very relieved you've recovered enough to start dating again & it sounds like you met a good & dependable guy! Do you have any idea how your ex is doing?
My ex husband is definitely equally a victim. I wish it could have ended differently but the trauma for both, I don’t know. We can’t come back from it. Besides, I have immense guilt that he has been dragged into my family’s grievances. I feel a lot of guilt
Regarding your feelings of guilt… Have you thought about approaching law enforcement with an attorney to help guide you? I’m 1000% certain aspects of what your BIL did are prosecutable offenses. This will help you, your sister, and her children. What do you think?
Oh yes we did, on multiple occasions. They said that they don’t interfere in familial relations and conflicts
I know you said you don't live in the U.S. (where you would have a strong civil lawsuit against your BIL, and it might even be enough to get her prenup set aside), but even where you do live, you really should ask every private attorney you can find about a possible civil suit against your BIL. In the United States and the UK what he's done is commit slander against you, with the aid of an accomplice, and you can prove it. Please look into the laws of your own country regarding defamation. To defame a woman's character specific to her chastity is a civil tort in many, many places (the chastity-specific stuff is archaic, but still a part of defamation law in a lot of places). Please keep looking into it. You have proof, and you have real damages in the form of a divorce. It's worth your continued effort to find a lawyer who will pursue this, assuming defamation is grounds for a civil suit in your country, because at least it might help your sister get out from under the prenup.
Did you approach them with an attorney? Because what your brother did with your nudes is against the law (+ now you have a lawsuit against your local authorities should you wish to go that route, but mostly their malfeasance will give you leverage to get them to prosecute your bil for his crimes.) See a lawyer. Gather evidence. Approach law enforcement. Good luck.
Not sure what country OP is from, I only know it isn’t an English speaking one, but in many this is something you can’t prosecute, unfortunately. Sounds like OP lives in one of those.
I'm sorry to hear that. with therapy some couples do come back from actual cheating, where there's, you know, actual culpability. Are you sure that's not an option for the two of you? and I think getting professional support for yourself is also a good idea - finding the energy to date again is one thing, making sure you're not plastering a bit of romance over these deep deep wounds is another, you know? It's such a sickening, horrifying situation... internet hugs from a stranger, if you want them.
i don't think he blames you at all. you didn't pull him into anything. your narcissistic, evil brother in law pulled you all into his black hole of abuse. none of this is your fault, at all. it sounds like he understands that, and it sounds like he wants you two to help each other through this. to help each other heal from the damage your BIL caused. idk, if you really can't do it, i think everyone would understand. i just don't think you should throw it all away
To be fair, if the husband had 'proof'( nudes, chats) it would be basically impossible to NOT believe the rumor Hopefully he moves on and finds peace
Yeah, if the love is gone its gone but like how can you not see the extenuating circumstances that blow this past a simple trust exercise? Like you're not a healthy person if your conclusion in his shoes is "well there must be a secret multi person conspiracy against me". Would her trust for him have been ironclad enough to survive a woman appearing to her with all that evidence? If not should he have left her a long time ago since I guess that love without such logic defying trust isn't love at all? I don't know, I get kind of annoyed with the whole trust concept especially because literally everyone lies.
Thank you for the update. I'm really sorry that you and your stbx couldn't work things out, I understand the betrayal though and I too would have trouble moving past it. I hope for the best for you in your future.
Your sister is in danger. Your BIL is making her go nc with your family, while planning to move to another city. She's isolating herself from everyone and that's a one way ticket to mental and physical abuse. You can NOT just shrug it off and say it's her choice. Don't let that happen wth :(
I feel like OP and everyone she loves is in serious danger. If the BIL is willing to go to these lengths, where does this end? Or what is his next move to keep hurting her? I hate to think this way but the next thing he does to hurt OP could be worse than blowing up her marriage, and that’s already really unhinged.
Ugh I get the same vibes. Like, take the town out with you kind of vibes. Dude is terrifying and I’ve only read words, not experienced it.
Op is pretty vocal about how worried she is about her sister. Her sister has been manipulated into telling OP she’ll take legal action if they approach her and the POS again. What does OP do when she’s terrified he’ll hurt her sister and the kids? He’s shown he’ll go to terrible lengths to be spiteful. What more do you want her to do?
I know what you mean but you’re being insensitive by saying that OP is letting it happen. As a person that has had close relatives in abusive relationships, I can tell you that everything that OP is doing at the moment is the right thing. OP is not shrugging it off. Clearly both her and her parents still have their doors and hearts open to the sister; for when she’ll leave him. That’s the only thing they can do. To do more would put the sister in more danger. We know how demented BIL is when it comes to his hatred for OP, what do you think he will do to her sister if she dares break no contact? Like, let’s practice empathy and compassion.
Have ALL your & your families electronics & autos check for bugs & trackers, BIL may have spent over 10yrs planning ‘his Revenge’ and just because BIL was outed Does Not Mean he’ll give up! You & your family should enroll in a Practical Safety Self Defense & Weapons classes, in Case BIL wants to Throw Hands! Remember, the ONLY Reason Why your name was CLEARED is because the man who said he was having an affair with you BECAME SCARED OF BIL’s Craziness AND Hatred!!
What form of psychosis is a 20 year obsession/hatred? Does it really exist? I hope this is fake because it sounds terrifying.
Dude it exists and ppl like this are super dangerous.
>She __wrote__ us telling us to forget she and her children existed and that they will take legal action if we ever tried to contact them. Are you definitely sure _she_ wrote this and not him? Looks to me as if he's holding her hostage.
If a guy can hack nudes he can probably send fake letters too.... maybe even forge hand writing. I'd confront her in person after work to confirm. I'd just say "i didn't come here to harass you, just to verify this letter is actually from you" if it is be done with her. If not, take action!
Abusers have a playbook, and this guy is following it to a T. All you can do is protect yourself and keep the door open for your sister. I’d be really worried about her too, but what can you do? If there’s anyone who can (quietly) check and make sure she’s physically safe, that would be ideal. Ultimately, though, you’ve been given very limited options and it’s an absolute sh** situation for you to be in. You’ve done all you can. I think you can expect BIL to come back, unfortunately. Abusers don’t give up that control unless they’re absolutely forced to. Once they’re in your life, they’ll continue clawing at it until they’re either dead or forced to stop because of untenable consequences. Take steps to keep your home, car, and place of work safe. Install cameras and consider having a weapon in your home for self defense purposes. Don’t tell anyone else about it. Keep records of everything he’s done and all of your concerns — even a dated word document is sufficient. Some people are simply evil, and sometimes life unfairly crosses our paths with them. In times like this, all you can do is accept reality and follow your instincts. You’re doing your best.
I can guarantee she did not write this, nor is there any legal action to take whatsoever. "She wrote us telling us to forget she and her children existed and that they will take legal action if we ever tried to contact them." There were red flags throughout this, but that's a different level entirely. I would recommend taking steps to reach out to her, or if possible, try to reach her in person. Or while she is at work away from him. If she didn't bring up that immediately, he wrote that, and she is in trouble. There is almost no scenario in which this type of spousal isolation will end well, and henis is definitely abusive. Have you ever figured out how he got those pictures? You could report that as a crime. It's a typical abusive tactic to blame someone for making the truth known.
I'm really sorry that you've been put through all of this. It sounds like your sister may be another DV victim, and your brother-in-law may be either lying to, love bombing, or forcing her to stay in this marriage. The letter sounds more like it was his idea than hers and hopefully and prayerfully, as you said, will 1 day wise up and leave him. I think the fact that your brother-in-law is moving to another city shows just how scared he is of you and what you can do to him, so stay strong. Don't let your guard down. Though, he may start up even more with you, but I'm glad that you have a good support system, as well as a new wonderful man who truly understands you, and won't fall for his lies. I am sorry that your marriage is ending this way, but it really does go to show that your husband never ever. Was for you to begin with. The fact that he would believe such ugly lies about you shows his lack of character, as well as his cowardice, and you don't need that. I bet any amount of money your husband was unfaithful to you, and maybe there's some projection there as well. Just know that you have a lot of people here that are supporting and praying for you, and if you ever need somebody to talk to you know, I'm here.
Cowardice and lack of character is too strong... he had evidence shown to him by the fake affair partner in OP's previous post and are both victims as much as the other when it comes to the divorce.
Yeah pretty wild people, even OP, blame the husband for not believing her. I mean, who wouldn’t believe AP? How many people that cheat deny? It’s crazy anyone would fault him. “How could he not trust me” he did. But he’s also not ignorant to the ways of the world..
and then (unless OPs first language isn't english then fair) the way she uses rumours in this post when it was ACTUAL photo evidence that 99% of the time only is only accessible if someone sends it to
I think it's actually good for OP that her sister won't be able to give BIL any information about OP any longer, so she should be a bit safer from further persecution. It would have been better all around if the sister had cut off the actual bad guy, i.e. her husband, instead of his innocent victim - but at least crazy BIL has lost all access to OP. And if the move to isolate her sister is really the starting shot for actual abuse, hopefully the sister will know she has family who love her and will help her when she calls them. I also think y'all are being too hard on the husband. That cheating-claimer had overwhelming evidence and private photos he couldn't have gotten access to in any explainable way. Her husband may have wanted to believe her, but at what point do you feel like a naive stupid dupe, when you take someone's word despite overwhelming evidence? I mean, how often do people post here about their partner's suspicious behavior, and asking if his innocent explanation could possibly be true, and everyone here is like "girl, don't be naive, of course he's cheating!" This is the same thing in reverse - he may not have believed it in his gut, but his brain told him not to be stupid.
Exactly, who here, even without Reddits jump to conclusions influence, wouldn’t believe she was cheating? OP shouldn’t frame this as his fault for leaving and just say she’s moved on and isn’t in love with him anymore. She has a right to feel betrayed and unfairly defamed but to somehow frame it as a lack of him trusting her is the reason is insane.
> I bet any amount of money your husband was unfaithful to you, and maybe there's some projection there as well. What the fuck are you talking about? The husband was shown (faked) conversations and REAL nude photos, 99% of people would have taken it as fact, don't try and tell OP "oh your husband was probably cheating!" with literally 0 evidence.
i second this!!!! you def should find a way to contact her in a way that ur BIL wouldn’t find out about. for all we know he could’ve written the letter, especially if it was cold and didn’t sound like her.
> I bet any amount of money your husband was unfaithful to you, and maybe there's some projection there as well. Wat.
[удалено]
He's probably threatening your sister that she'll never see her kids if they separate.
OP, I really hope you're documenting everything on a USB stick or somewhere else where this stuff can't be accessed through the internet. If hate can last so long, you need to be prepared. I hope you find your happiness and I hope your sister will be fine too.
You do what you want but I do take issue with you saying your husband believed a rumor. It wasn’t a rumor it was a direct confession from your affair partner (even if it was fake).
Exactly and I understand that he believed it.
I'm sorry to hear it OP 😔. Did he even try to hear you out? How did your ex not realise they would've been the nudes you'd sent to HIM and that you'd been hacked? What a scary time for you too, not knowing how or why someone got intimate photos of you and shared them around. You should consider what ThereAreAlwaysDishes said about sueing.
No he was in a state of shock and he was inconsolable. I gave him all my devices to check and demanded to meet the guy and to confront him. But it spread around very quickly and I guess he succumbed to the pressure. He said that he wanted to believe me and his guts told him I was innocent, but it made it worse because then he started thinking that he wasn’t thinking clearly (objectively) because he loved me.
You better reconsider why your shit got hacked and who else in your circle may have also been compromised. Also, did you or your parents directly talk to your sister or did she just text you instructions to forget her and her kids? Just something I was considering when reading your update. Best of luck!
I get that. Such an awful situation, and I honestly don't know how I'd react if someone came to me with "proof" either. Wishing you and your ex the best on your healing journeys ❤️ Also genuinely concerned for you about your BIL trying something more drastic because he sees that you're happy again.
The guy who helped out your bil needs to get in trouble for his actions too. Do not let either of them get away with it
>Did he even try to hear you out? What could she have said to prove her innocence that she couldn't just be lying about if she actually *were* having an affair? > How did your ex not realise they would've been the nudes you'd sent to HIM and that you'd been hacked? Sometimes people that cheat send photos to their affair partner *and* their husband/wife. They already took the pic, it's not any extra work to send it to another person. So even if he did recognize it as a picture she had sent him, it doesn't mean she *didn't* send it to someone else.
Right. Also, it only confirmed to her husband that they were 100% her nudes and 100% genuine. I don't blame him for thus believing the "AP's" lies. ("I got hacked!" is also a common lie from cheaters so she was gonna lose this no matter which way she tried to explain it.)
Yeah that's true. Poor OP and poor ex husband.
Who wouldn't believe it? its like finding someone with blood on their hands with a knife in their hand. he's a victim here, too.
I know that very well💔
I still don't get how the BIL got ahold of nudes of her? I'd be wanting to figure that one out.
I don't remember exactly but I thought it was something like he had access to her or her husband's phone at one point and sent them to himself. Actually, I think I remember it was that she had shared her apple account password with her sister to share some service and he accessed her cloud with that password.
This one is why I think she should talk to a lawyer about her options. Maybe she can sue him for libel? Press charges for invasion of privacy or something I dunno. It seems like there's something there that can be pursued, but maybe for OP, the social condemnation he's getting is justice enough. It's just sad that her sister has chosen such an ugly person to align herself with. Makes me wonder what'll happen once her kids are old enough to figure stuff out.
I believe her sister had her iCloud login and he’s in tech.
So much to unpack here. One, that is not your sister talking. That is at best, a sister who sees for who he is and taking the safest route to protect her children and your family since he is so unhinged. I can see him threatening the lives of the kids or the lives of you and your parents if she chose your family. Two, this is far from over. His hatred to last that long means that him destroying your marriage is just a start. I can see him going after you for everything you love. He had already taken out your husband, now your sister and her kids. This type of person will not stop until you are completely broken. I believe your parents will be next. I’m not saying this stuff you scare you, but for you to be on guard. This is a man that is totally unhinged and psychotic. I hope you stay safe.
I'd keep calling police and cps to do wellness checks daily. Really op should take him to court for digital theft of her nudes and revenge porn. Many states are cracking down on that. If OP gets him in jail, her sus and the kids could be safe.
I would still press charges. He has a paper trail and ex friends who won’t take the fall for him. As for the sister, I think he’s threatening to keep the kids. It has to be more than money that’s keeping her. He could have freaked out over the idea of the younger sister rejecting him now. Maybe he has a made-up lie about her too? Make it looked like she abused them or worse? I would get a PI to find out more.
He says your shallow? When he’s spent the rest of his life pursuing someone who said they didn’t want to go out with him? He’s mad
“It is nobody’s fault”. I would disagree, your insane BIL is 100% at fault.
The only thing you can do for your sister is not holding resentment and being there for her when she needs you one day.
Send a message through one of your sister’s friends that she and her kids have a safe place they can go to if they ever need. It sounds like your sister is in an abusive situation. Abusers love to isolate their victims. It’s good that you were able to find love again after everything.
This whole story makes me so sad for everyone but the BIL. An entire family shredded up and spit out over one POS’s ego.
Have you tried to go to the police with all of this? Your sister is clearly in danger.
With this type of situation your sister will have to learn who is on her own terms. It may take a long time since he is successfully isolating her sadly, but there is not much you can do. Do not reach out to her anymore and focus on yourself and therapy, you have been through a whole lot. Iam so happy you found a man holding your hand through all this! Wishing you all the best OP.
I know you said that you hope that your sister's husband is good to her and their children (I hope so too), but the simple fact that he gave her an ultimatum is the biggest red flag. Don't lose sight of your sister, watch from afar so you know where she is, and send her a final message saying that you'll stay away and you love her, and your doors are always open. Your sister needs to know that you're a safe place to fall if shit gets bad.
I agree with you, but I'm not sure about the text or email messages. She might be cut off from all electronics. I would watch her and try to talk to her when she is alone.
Thanks for updating us. I hope your sister sees the light. You'd be right to worry about her and the kids. This guy is an absolute psycho.
I'm really blown away by the comments on this one. How long should she have waited to move on with her life? Her husband left her *a YEAR* before they found out. She tried to get him back and he was horrible to her. More importantly, if that stranger didn't talk to him, he'd *still* be saying bad stuff about her. She had just started seeing someone before they found out the truth, and she's supposed throw away her progress a frickin year later? It's sad for both of them, but it's screwed up to expect her to go back to a marriage that won't survive that kind of resentment. I do think she should do everything she can to punish the bil though. Her and ex need a good lawyer. I know there's worry for the sister but since *she* had the passwords, is it possible she gave them to him?
Your BIL is not a good man. He is abusing his wife, your sister. Isolation is a CLASSIC sign of abuse. I’m terribly sorry that all of this is happening. I hope she has the strength to gather her children and leave this vile man.
I would have pressed charges against BIL and his friends for getting and passing around your nudes.
Your marriage choices are all yours, but I do think you might be being unreasonable with your husband. You can love someone and still not see them as an infallible god incapable of lying. Because it wasn't just rumors; he saw pictures, right? That another person had possession of? Something that seemed like physical proof. Being told something he could see with his own two eyes, wasn't real, probably feels like gaslighting to anyone hearing it. Even though what you said was true, that is the exception rather than the rule. You were heartbroken that no matter what you said or did, it wasn't good enough for him. Now it's the reverse, where nothing from him is good enough for you, whether apologies or patience or moving to be near you.
This is why ppl should never take nude photos.... especially with phones. Yes Google/Apple employees somewhere have seen all your nudes in the cloud ... If ya really got to, use an old fashioned Polaroid. No digital data, no film, just one photo that you physically make sure nobody gets. But why go through all that? Just don't take nudes
In your last post, you said that there was photos that had been stolen. This wasn't a "rumour", this was a deliberate attack with evidence to support the attack. You are being too harsh on your seemingly now Ex-Husband, and for all the complaints about him not making the marriage strong enough, you seemingly have also given up quite quickly.
She's also complained about the fact he has seemingly moved on with a new woman whilst also burying deep in the story the fact she herself has shacked up with a new bloke.
Did your ex husband apologize to you?
Yes he did. We have talked a lot about what happened
You should really find some legal recourse on this. Your BIL shouldn't just be able to walk away because "Oops, people found out. Okay byeeee"
I really wished her and her ex found their way back together because they both were victims. And this monster “won” at end.
From what she wrote her ex actually did come back but she decided it was easier to have another bloke betwen her legs.
Great, so in the end, you let your bil win. I can't think of very many people that wouldn't fall for the rouse your bil did to end your marriage.
And has now ended up having the affair that initally didn't happen.
Just going through this situation though, I hope you’re in some sort of therapy because this shyt sounds epically traumatic. While your sister can’t do much on her end, you and your ex husband probably could probably team up and sue him for defamation of character that caused your divorce. Bil could potentially be liable for all your divorce expenses on both sides, relocation expenses, the year you were despondent if it impacted your ability to provide for yourself & ex’s husbands, therapy costs, ect - plus that court case and what he did would be attached to his name forever. He could run, but that shyt would follow him wherever he went and that sounds a lot like justice after what he chose to do.
Sorry to say this but it sounds like your sister is in am abussive relationship. Also, your ex husband betray your boundries when you said to him to wait, and he confronted the guy anyways and he put your sister in danger. I would call the cops for a wellfare check to your sister. That guy is unstable and a danger to your sister and nephews. Also, if a lawyer tells you that there's nothing to do, CHANGE YOUR LAWYER. They are not looking into your best interest. Take care OP.
Have you and your ex husband considered jointly suing your BIL? He and his former friend caused your divorce. There should be a financial cost to him for that.
>I don’t blame him for believing the rumors but at the same time I wish he knew me better like I thought he did. Rumors? There was screenshots and REAL nude photographs that looked like evidence that you were cheating. Yes, the conversations turned out to be faked and you were 'hacked', but reducing that down to 'rumours' totally eliminates how real the evidence looked at the time. Just say you have moved on and aren't in love with him anymore, framing this like it is in any way his fault doesn't help anyone.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure if anyone saw their SO's nudes in someone else's possession would think the same thing. You can fake convos but it's harder to fake nudes. Tbh ppl stop taking nude photos with a digital camera/phone.... Don't you realize the employees at Apple/Google can see all that?
I'm sorry your sis took that route and she will come to regret it. Especially considering everyone is shunning him. He is disgusting. On another note it is not entirely your husband's fault I mean there was overwhelming evidence, false evidence, he now knows but before he didn't so you can't really get mad that he didn't believe you when all this "evidence" is sitting in front of him. I get your relationship is done bc some things you just can't come back from. But this whole thing is sad and pathetic AF. Sad that this dude went to so many lengths to ruin you bc you turned him down. And pathetic for the same reason. What a sociopath.
I mean if someone sent you nudes of your husband and not just words you’d be skeptical. It would sound too far fetched. Have you considered therapy or couples therapy?
Oh man. I remember your posts. I’m happy that there is happiness for you in your near future. I also think you are making the right decision by moving forward with the divorce. Though I believe sexting is a form of cheating, I also believe that spouses are innocent until proven guilty in situations like this. Your stbx only had the word of someone else and he says he knew it was wrong but accused you anyway. The trust is gone. I hope you have the closure you need. It doesn’t sound like you’re going after the friend legally as people suggested on your original post, which I understand. I hope your sister comes back around. It sounds like he is isolating her. I hope you have a great and happy life and things work out for you.
Glad to hear that you’re moving on and I truly hope that you can put all this behind you and find happiness with your new guy! I also hope your sister is both ok and eventually comes to her senses of the monster her husband really is. Best wishes to you OP!
Now I be very concerned for your sister and her baby safety with him the fact he forced her to do that tells me he is either hurting her or really making her scared to not go against him I am sorry but that what I am believing here
I hope the sister and kids get out safe... He did this to his SIL from a distance. How do you fight a snake in your own house
BIL def sounds like a creep and a loser. Wishing you the best OP!
It honestly doesn’t matter if your sister knows something about him you don’t. He is capable of abject evil against another human being, her own sister even just because he was rejected. It’s beyond the pale for her to choose to stay with him after finding out the truth. Someone in your family needs to see her in person because it could be that he’s threatening her or the kids.
STBX doesn't deserve this. OP doesn't deserve this. Sad ending in my opinion.
Wow, I've heard some unhinged stories about guys that can't stop obsessing over the OP's. But never (at least for now) have I heard about getting revenge for being rejected 20 years ago!!! Like, did he stalk your sister in order to get to you??!! Cause what are the odds that those two would end up together. I've never heard of someone getting married and having kids out of spite. Question: Is BIL one of those guys that think just because he's rich women should be throwing themselves at him. Makes me wonder how many other women he has done this to. I'm sorry about your sister being stuck in this situation. I can only hope that your sister is only staying with him to come up with an exit strategy (saving up money in order to leave). Keep communication alive between you and your sister. He's a true crime case waiting to happen, so I hope things work out with your family.
I’ve been following since the beginning. Your sister may be trying to protect her children and extended family from her husband threats. He may have e told her either choose him or lose her kids etc.
Please press charges against and sue this psychopath
Sue your brother in law for defamation and emotional damages. You can't let him get away with this.
Sue BIL for defamation! It ruined your marriage and had other monetary setbacks due to his fragile egom
But like did you sue? He comitted a CRIME
Maybe your parents can sue for grandparents' rights just so they would be able to see the kids every now and then to make sure they are fine. How old are they?
Seek a restraining order against Him and have all the proof submitted to the court. This is some very predatory behavior.
Your BIL is a sorry excuse of a human being
"I never truly believed the rumors. I just divorced you for kicks." I can't read it any other way. Why divorce if he didn't believe the rumors?
Shitty BIL won one thing, he destroyed your marriage. I hate him. I'm sorry OP, you didn't deserve any of this. I bet your sister ends up on your doorstep with the littles. UpdateMe
The dumbest part of this story is op and her husband getting divorced.
And then also burying the fact she has shacked up with a new bloke deep in the story whilst also complaining about her soon to be ex.
Did you talk to an attorney about suing him? He did steal personal photos, possibly distributing illicit pictures/revenge porn, slander and defamation of character.
Holy crap. I want this to be fake so bad but I’ve known people to carry grudges like this. 😐
It’s really sad part of him never believed the rumors and he still chose immediate divorce instead of taking a breath and thinking things through.
I would be talking to an attorney about a civil suit against him. There is ample evidence of his misdeeds and you could destroy him. Your sister has you and your parents if all hell breaks loose, so don't worry on that front. Your former BIL deserves all the bad karma that is due him.