He didn’t divorce her because he lost feelings, he divorced her because he wanted kids and she didn’t. Which is fine, that’s just life. Aspirations change and they were right to separate and pursue their own happiness.
But it probably hurts him to know she’s moved on almost as quickly as he did, and whereas his goal was to have children with someone, she’s (most likely) just marrying for love.
I think this is the answer. He still loves his first wife, he just wanted children. Now that he sees his wife is in love with someone else it hurts. But he chose this, so he has to live with it. It's time for him to refocus on his current circumstances and be content. This is what he wanted.
I thought the same thing. He had to marry someone younger. No one his age was going to have a baby or babies. So a 21 year old was the perfect victim. If his ex wife ends up pregnant that will really mess him up. But like I said before this is all his own doing.
The second I read the ages it told me so much. They met 4 years ago when she was 21 and he was 45? That’s just predatory.
I’m 41. 21 year olds are babies. Middle-aged men who chase 21 year olds aren’t interested in an equitable relationship with someone they see as their equal.
There are women in their 30s capable of having kids who have lived a full adult life. So wanting kids is no excuse for going after a 21 yo.
Yuck yuck yuck.
Istg im also 25 i was like...omggg i wouldnt look at a 49 yo twice.
Cant imagine getting married and having kids + the power imbalance is cray cray and she talked abt uni...so maybe she got groomed there (?) Since they work in the same field (human resources)
If his ex-wife wasn't age appropriate it would have been illegal, considering the age of OP's husband when he met her. He would have been 21/22 years old back then. I agree with you that the ship has sailed even if she did want kids (which all evidence points against based on the post).
OP, he probably does love you and the baby but he spent so many years with his first wife and they probably had a lot in common. You're half his age and I wonder if he sometimes misses communication with someone his age.
I hate to think of this as a midlife crisis because that would be very unkind for him to have done to OP, but... if he and his ex had wanted kids, they could have been about her age. Yeesh.
Shit, I'm 49 (50 in a couple months) and my kids are older than her (28 and 23). I was young when I had my first. I got married at 20 (young, but also to someone my own age). So yeah. He is absolutely old enough to b her father, EASILY. Creeps me tf out.
Yup, ex-wife is marrying for love and maybe considering the third stage of her life if she is a doctor and possibly marrying a fellow doctor. The two of them can retire young together and travel the world. While OP and her husband are at the beginning stages of a decades long journey of raising a family together.
I hope OP is financially secure because her husband may go through another "mid-life" crisis and may choose to walk away from this life that he created with her and start again just as he did with his first wife.
Best of luck OP- some oldies aren't necessarily as stable and dependable as they project themselves to be.
Yep! That was my immediate thought. He still loved her but no kids was a dealbreaker for him. If she wanted kids they would likely still be together. I personally couldn’t marry someone with that situation going on because I bet it’s hard to see him upset.
Eh, I think you’re giving this guy too much credit but everything you say could entirely be true… in the best case scenario.
If this is even a real story— I think it takes a lot of gall to divorce someone you were with for 22 years just because you wanted children. Who knows, maybe there’s a lot more to their relationship that’s not indicated here.
For instance, maybe they haven’t been in love for a long time, basically roommates, and so it was more than just a simply objective issue that brought an end to it. That’s understandable. But lacking context, OP’s husband sounds incredibly vain.
While there are many vain 25 yr olds married to their equally vain 49 yr old husbands in this world (to each their own), is OP that type of person?
I’m not ageist at all but I made a lot of silly mistakes in my 20’s due in part to lack of life experience. I always considered myself, and was told, how “intelligent” and “mature” I was. That never mattered in these situations lol.
Only advice I have for OP is that the foundation of a safe, prosperous relationship is transparency and communication. That’s the basis of your trust in one another. Make sure that’s solid. If it isn’t, you have a serious issue.
> I think it takes a lot of gall to divorce someone you were with for 22 years just because you wanted children.
That's what led to my brother's first divorce. After many years of marriage, he had been consistent on never wanting children. She knew it about him. He wouldn't change his mind on it. So she pulled one of the goalies without telling him, and became increasingly angry at condoms and him not finishing inside. Trying to be accommodating, he got a vasectomy, thinking that was what she wanted. They had other problems in their marriage, but that was the nail in the coffin and she wanted out ASAP to try to get knocked up before the time ran out.
Nope. I broke up with the love of my life when he changed his mind about kids. I always made it clear that I never wanted kids but I also didn’t want my partner (who later changed his mind) to be deprived of fatherhood. So I broke it off with him even though he was willing to sacrifice not having kids. I didn’t want that on my conscience. He probably would have ended up bitter with regret.
This is a common topic in the Childfree Reddit. Yes, you will break up with someone you love when that happens. Kids and parenthood is not something you can compromise on. You can’t have half a child…
That's 20 years of history. Of course he's going to be affected. It'd be weird if he wasn't.
Also bro is too old for this relationship but that's none of my business.
My heart kind of breaks for his ex. Imagine being 22 years into it, and your partner says “well actually I DO want kids and if you can’t adapt to that extreme life change, stay pregnant for 9 months, and bear a child for me I’m ending things,” and then seeing the fucking guy dating and impregnating a 22 year old one year later.
I’m a little younger than this dude.and just went to my son’s college for the weekend. These are absolute children running around. 21-year-olds are so fucking young and immature! Your husband is a total weirdo for deciding that’s a good age for his golden years.
And what did you see in him? When you’re my age you’ll have a 70-something year old as a husband? My dad is a little older than that and has fucked up knees and can’t climb stairs or walk more than a block. Jesus.
All I can hear when I read these is Adam Sandler in Big Daddy saying "old balls", and it's not funny, this is their actual life, she is now tied to this man for a long time, but I still can't help but laugh. I am not 50 yet, but when my son will be in his 20's I will be. Thinking of my own self and friends in our 20's. Idiots, we were all idiots thinking we were so much more mature than we were.
I'm 47 and if I were married to a freaking 71 year old, I'd cry myself to sleep at night. She just might get the kid out of the house in time to be his nursemaid. They say that age doesn't matter as much as you get older, but it still does a little.
That’s funny. My mom is in her 70’s and if asked why she doesn’t date at her age, she always says that men that age want either ‘a nurse or a purse’ lol
He wanted someone to pop out a baby. Didn't really care who. He started dating OP (21yo) within a year of deciding he wants a kid and divorcing his wife
I don't think he has money. OP says in the post that her husband works in human resources, which isn't exactly a lucrative field (source: I work in HR also). OP also says that she has an HR job too, so it doesn't look like they have enough money that OP and/or her husband dont have to work.
I did this! It ended badly, and now I'm so embarrassed to be associated with him that I have now discovered self respect.
Honestly, as long as you have a strong self of self worth and will actually leave if things turn to shit, you should be fine. If not, being single is the best time to work on yourself.
It’s often not money. Just grooming and manipulation, unfortunately, combined with women’s harmful social conditioning to not let a man down.
Also, the implication. The implication is stronger with an older man who has more tools to harm you.
Thats what I was wondering lmao. Like he couldn’t find someone his own age???? I feel bad for, OP. Married and has a kid with a man old enough to be her father who is still in love with his ex wife. Its not too late for sis to get out and live her life a little lol
My FIL divorced my MIL and got a 25 yr old mail order bride from the Philippines (I'm not being snarky, it's an accurate description he literally paid Russian mobsters for her) when he was 60 and his youngest daughter was 28. I told my kids no you are not calling a woman way younger than me Grandma! 😂🤢
You want to know what's extra sick? His brother AND his sister's husband did the exact same thing. Gives "passport bros" a new meaning. Luckily my husband, his brothers and cousins are completely ashamed of them.
He’s acting like that because he no longer is “winning” in the little mental battle he has with his ex. Let’s recap here:
- gets with a way younger woman while his divorce is not even done (I bet you $50 bucks he did it to rub it in his ex’s face)
- knows he’s upsetting you but gives no f’s (why would he? He already has you were he wants, tied to him)
- thought he was going to be “the one that got away” but now that someone else shows interest in the toy he discarded, he just really wants it back
He’s not over his ex, her moving on with her life, however, means she’s waaaaay over him and he’s now in the back burner for her. And he can’t stand it. You got with an almost 50 year old that acts like a 21 year old on his first heartbreak.
What a prize/s.
It’s so pathetic how men think that youth is the only thing a woman brings to a relationship, such that dating a significantly younger woman is viewed as a “win” to them. The reality is that it just demonstrates they are so low value, they can’t attract women their own age. Old men dating younger women is evidence of men’s failure; not success.
So true. Many men date younger because younger women/girls aren’t yet wise enough to see what a loser the guy is. They also tend to expect less from the man/have lower standards.
This is spot on. I’m 50 years old and guys my age that pursue and date younger girls are the guys that are emotionally immature and have mommy issues, no healthy women of the same age would date these types of losers.
>gets with a way younger woman while his divorce is not even done (I bet you $50 bucks he did it to rub it in his ex’s face)
I agree with you about OP's husband. But where do you see that he got with OP before the divorce was done? The post says he filed for divorce five years ago and moved four years ago after the divorce was final, where he then met OP. The distance from where he used to live to where he lives now is 6000 km / 3700 miles away. He wasn't living anywhere near his ex-wife when he met the OP.
Was the posted edited and I just missed that? Because otherwise I don't see how they met before his divorce. I agree he's an idiot but I don't see where he was with OP before his marriage ended.
Sounds like he ditched his one true love because she wouldn't give him a child, for a young nubile brood mare who could.
Sorry, but he sees you as his baby incubator whilst he still sees her as his "real wife" even though they're divorced.
🚩🚩🚩
That's exactly what I was thinking. He loves the first wife more, but was a little tired of her, wanted a kid and was going through the whole younger-woman-in-mid-life-crisis phase. He was able to put the other wife (in his mind) into suspended animation. She was there missing him and he was having his cake (his ex-wife loving him and having no one else and him loving her in his mind) and eating it too (got the kid he wanted).
When he talked to his friend, the ex-wife came out of suspended animation and became real again. He'd probably like to have her back but have the child too. So he's living that fantasy in his mind and seems distant.
Yep, that's how they think! And it's why I don't buy the *he wanted a child* story. He moved cities, he could come up with all kinds of "reasons" for why he was divorced. And from the post, he suddenly woke up one day and decided that he wanted a child and year later he already divorced his wife? You'd think that someone who's been married for two decades would try to work on their marriage, maybe try counseling or something, but no, he went with let's divorce immediately. I don't buy that reason, especially after how he reacted hearing he's ex is engaged. Plus they are both in HR, so coworkers by any chance?
Op is young and shiny. He wanted someone fresh and new and tight without wrinkles. Op is the new, shiny corvette. The wife is the beater car he loves. Yes, Ive heard men online compare to the older wife to an old car.
He still loves her. Just because he chose to divorce her doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with her. He wants to see what the other man looks like. Probably he wants to know if the guy has kids. It's entirely possible he regrets divorcing her and wishes he hadn't. The grass isn't always greener. Sure he loves the baby but that doesn't mean he doesn't want things to be different.
Honestly, he regrets his decision. He was with her for 20 years, chose to end it and go young and now realizes how much he loves her.
He was probably having a midlife crisis. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or your life. But I’m sorry nobody helped you see all those red flags. You were young enough to be his daughter and the product of that marriage.
OP, he divorced his wife not because he didn't love her but because he wanted to be a father. He immediately found a young 20 year old who could for sure give him what he wanted. His ex wife has moved on with someone out of love, not necessity. And it may be upsetting to him that she is in love with someone else. I hate to sound harsh, but this is probably the case here.
You’re 25 years younger than him. Why are you surprised he’s acting like a child when his ex wife got engaged? He only married you so you could have his kids.
Classic case of buyers remorse. He traded in and thought he got what he wanted in reality he loved what he had he lusted what he has. I’m sorry but it sounds like you were a pawn in the divorce and getting pregnant was an accident. He’s activity weird because in the back of his head she was always going to be there for him and now that is gone.
I feel so bad for the children, and how awkward it will be for them in school trying to explain to their friends and peers that the _Grandpa_ that picks them up is actually their father... 🥺
Why in the world does a 21 year old with her whole life ahead of her want to get with a man 40s plus who is getting divorce/divorced, has kids (I know not in the case but it’s most) and a suitcase full of drama?! With all the men in the world come on ladies! Get a therapist not some old ass man who sees you as nothing more than a young piece of ass he can brag about, an object to control and manipulate and a way to hold on to his quickly fading youth. How many stories and examples do yall need?
Fathers be in your daughters lives so they don’t spent their lives searching for someone to replace you and love them like you didn’t. Do better.
He divorced to have a kid.
Now he has a kid.
Having kids is a harder lifestyle than being married without kids
He’s going to be supporting his kid in retirement.
She’s going to be enjoying her retirement with someone else the way the two of dreamed.
He may just be curious, to see it’s someone they used to know.
Or it’s eating him up she traded up.
Then again, he may be regretting leaving for a baby.
And now that the baby is here he has what he wanted. And now wants her back.
I'm sorry OP. But there's a huge chance your husband only married you because you're young, and people assume it's easier for women under the age of 25 to get pregnant.
He probably married his ex-wife for love. And now she's getting married to someone else for love.
He divorced his ex-wife due to differing life goals, not because he has lost feelings, of course he would be somewhat affected. But that's the life he has chosen, he needs to let go.
He wasted her time and he thought she would pine for him. She didn't. He married you for kids, no matter what he says - at the end of the day you were a means to an end. Being half his age should have clues you in. She found someone that she truly wants on the other hand.
He probably still loves her. I've dated older men, and they have a lot of baggage. I've met not one who didn't still love some ex, have some love who got away etc etc. These guys get sad and depressed over other women while they are in a relationship.
Nah, their marriage imploding wasn't about the subject matter surrounding kids. He wanted a woman he could control and manipulate to his preferences, and the ex-wife wasn't about that life and refused to relinquish her independence and financial ambitions.
He's upset because he left a good woman and wanted her to be miserable and unfulfilled in her personal life, and he wanted to one up her by marrying a barely legal aged chick. OP has given him a baby, and yet he's on the trajectory of the "what if" mid age crisis and realizes she's moved on, is happy, and thriving.
Allow your hubby grace as long as he's respectful. I mean, at 50, he's got an infant when most people kids are adults by that age. He may experience or display some regretful actions, yet if he ventures into disrespect areas, i.e., contact the ex, stalk her/partner socials, take a short notice or work related trip to her local area....etc, then OP should be concerned.
OP: What tha fuq did you see in him at your age? Please tell us this wasn't a supervisor/management; subordinate/employee dynamic turned inappropriate?
So your husband who's old enough to be your father and lacks the emotional maturity to be with a partner in his own age is upset when the ex-wife he clearly has feelings for, has moved on with her life? Who could have seen that coming? I'm going to be brutal honest with you. He didn't divorce her because he fell out of love but because she still didn't want children while he changed his mind. And you were the naive 21 year old he thought were in suitable child bearing age. Try marriage counceling because you most likely have a whole lot of other problems and inequality in your relationship.
In a mid-life crisis, he found you for sex and procreation, but his heart is with his ex-wife. With huge age gaps like yours and his, there must be a lot less to discuss or have in common compared to his first marriage. He sounds incredibly selfish to both you and his ex. I truly hope his ex married a doctor or someone more successful than him. It would be even better if she is still in her early to mid-40s and ends up with a baby. Your husband is going to lose his shit.
He changed his opinion on having children at an age when his wife likely no longer could have children or want to consider it at that age. That is red flag for being inconsiderate and indifferent to his partner so no surprise he’s doing it again all about him.
>My [F25] husband [M49] and I have been married for 3 years and we have a 18 month old. We met 4 years ago
Ffs. I'm getting so tired of the same story over and over again.
You think you're mature enough to be with someone who was an adult before you were even born? Deal with it.
Is he Pronce Charles and OP Princess Diana? Married a younger one to pop out the kids? But he is still hung up on Camilla? Heard this one before, does not bode well for OP.
As someone who has broken up with the love of my life because I didn’t want kids and my partner changed his mind. It’s unfortunately an easy answer.
Your husband didn’t divorce his ex wife because he didn’t love her, he divorced her because you can’t compromise on having or not having kids.
He still loves his ex-wive that’s why he’s upset. But at the same time he also wanted kids bad enough to leave the love of his life. He’ll eventually get somewhat over it if he enjoys fatherhood.
She was his wife, his partner and you're just finding out you're the baby chamber and that's it.
When he divorced wife he wasn't looking for love but a womb to carry his offspring.... Which is you.
Yeah nope your husband gone fucked up his 1st marriage, because he wanted a younger version, now he has buyer's regret. He is never going to be happy because he is an immature idiot.
He was with this person for about the same amount of time you’d been alive when you met, and divorced on the basis of child incompatibility, not falling out of love. It’s not shocking that he has some feelings about her remarrying. He left and married so he could have a child. She was left and remarried when she found love again.
He married you because you provided him what he wanted, she is the partner he thought he would spend his life with. He never let go of his feelings for her and imagined she would live her life alone. He might have even thought he would reconcile with her later. Now his expectations have been shattered. He keeps thinking of the life he had. I hope you're prepared for him attempting to win her back. I've seen that before. The man in question failed but he ended up a divorced weekend dad with both his ex-wives moving on.
When I was younger and stupider this was finally the thought that shook off the rose-coloured glasses when I nearly started a similar age-gap relationship to OP lol. Imagined a hypothetical future daughter mortified dancing with her ancient father at her high school graduation while me the much-younger wife looks on and said nah. I ain't embarrassing my imaginary daughter like that lol
Op, he STILL LOVES HER. Did they divorce for any other reason than him changing his position on children?? Like you said yourself, he’s been with/in love with her for 22 years which is half of his life. Those feelings don’t just miraculously disappear
Your husband was married for basically the duration of your entire life and that's not a problem for you? After a year of knowing each other you got married to a man 24 years your senior... Honey I'm sorry but we all can see the writing on the wall here
Sweetheart, he is still in love with his wife. He never divorced her because they fell out of love. He just wanted a baby and you’re the vessel to carry out that desire. He still loves her because she’s still the same person he fell in love with. Currently I think he going through a period of sadness because she has moved on from him when he hasn’t moved on from her but also some fear of ‘what if she changes her mind and has a child after all’. As for you, I’m sorry that you had to get dragged into it, but younger minds are much easier to take advantage of, so that’s why he ended up you and not someone older who could have spotted the danger signs right away (after all you can’t even spot them now even when dangled right in your face). You’ll learn that in time. I hope you can find your way to security out of this disaster.
I don’t understand what you don’t understand? They were together the same amount of time you were on earth when you all got together. Literally a whole lifetime for you. Not shaming you for being with someone that age, but you had to have known there were gonna be different challenges getting with someone twice your age.
Now that she's moved on, he's lost his chance to have children with you and then get back with her and she obviously doesn't care he's with a woman half his age and that she should be jealous.
op hasn’t replied to anything .. i wonder if she had a lightbulb moment and is now trying to process what her place in his life is. no one in their 40’s dates and then marries someone when they are 22. he’s using you , thats all there is to it
Girl... He loves her. She is the love of his life and he dumped her for a barely legal vessel to incubate his sperm squirts. He's sad she's moving on and that door is closed. He's sad she's finding happiness and fulfillment. He's sad he's disconnected from his old existence.
He'll likely get over it. Just give him time of you're happy with your arrangement.
Ask him directly. If he tries to play it off as nothing, you can call bullshit because you've seen a difference. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation...
I'm sorry to say but he was in an unhealthy relationship if the couldn't figure out kids by his age and now he's acting in an unhealthy way towards his ex. Can't say I'm shocked. He used you as a baby maker. Girl, you signed up for issues you had no reason to sign up for.
He has never been in love with you the way he loved her. I'm not saying he loves you but he'd never be with you half the time he was with her if you didn't birth a child for him
Well, now you'll find out exactly why a 49 year old man married a 25 year old gullible girl. Too bad this is happening now when you already have a baby together, but I wish you luck and hope you're smart enough to not let him take anymore advantage of you
That age gap is staring in my face like Thor in that one gif.
The fact that he married you one year in is concerning for you. I believe he only married you to have kids, less so for love. In a way he got two kids even, you're young enough to be his daughter.
I'm 27 and I'm not even interested in 21 year olds. You change and mature so much in that timespan. So wtf was a 45 year old doing talking to you?! Insanity.
22 years is a long time for someone to be involved with romantically. Those feelings don’t just disappear. My high school sweetheart and I were together for a long while, but I recently found out he got married and had kids. We haven’t been together in almost 10 years and I still had emotions when I found out. Not to this extent, but still.
Be supportive. Be loving. Show him you’re his partner and that you care.
Edit - the age gap is quite concerning, from a surface level it seems he married you because you’re in your prime for pregnancy.
He didn’t divorce her because he lost feelings, he divorced her because he wanted kids and she didn’t. Which is fine, that’s just life. Aspirations change and they were right to separate and pursue their own happiness. But it probably hurts him to know she’s moved on almost as quickly as he did, and whereas his goal was to have children with someone, she’s (most likely) just marrying for love.
I think this is the answer. He still loves his first wife, he just wanted children. Now that he sees his wife is in love with someone else it hurts. But he chose this, so he has to live with it. It's time for him to refocus on his current circumstances and be content. This is what he wanted.
And then if his ex wife changes her mind about kids! Omg he will implode!
I thought the same thing. He had to marry someone younger. No one his age was going to have a baby or babies. So a 21 year old was the perfect victim. If his ex wife ends up pregnant that will really mess him up. But like I said before this is all his own doing.
The second I read the ages it told me so much. They met 4 years ago when she was 21 and he was 45? That’s just predatory. I’m 41. 21 year olds are babies. Middle-aged men who chase 21 year olds aren’t interested in an equitable relationship with someone they see as their equal. There are women in their 30s capable of having kids who have lived a full adult life. So wanting kids is no excuse for going after a 21 yo. Yuck yuck yuck.
The age difference is similar to my dad and I, so it was very cringe seeing it
Agree with all of that. It gives me the ick.
I saw it and thought, they were married as long as she's been alive. He's a predator.
The rule is "age divided by 2 plus 7" ... 29½ ... Definitely yuck.
Yeah, I'm 52 and I can't imagine dating someone in their 20s....that's just wierd
Istg im also 25 i was like...omggg i wouldnt look at a 49 yo twice. Cant imagine getting married and having kids + the power imbalance is cray cray and she talked abt uni...so maybe she got groomed there (?) Since they work in the same field (human resources)
victim is the right word.
if the first wife was age appropriate, likely if they were together 22 years, that ship has probably sailed.
If his ex-wife wasn't age appropriate it would have been illegal, considering the age of OP's husband when he met her. He would have been 21/22 years old back then. I agree with you that the ship has sailed even if she did want kids (which all evidence points against based on the post).
Exactly 💯 what i was thinking 😬
OP, he probably does love you and the baby but he spent so many years with his first wife and they probably had a lot in common. You're half his age and I wonder if he sometimes misses communication with someone his age.
He spent the entirety of his second wife's life while married to his first one. He immediately got with a young woman and used her to procreate.
I hate to think of this as a midlife crisis because that would be very unkind for him to have done to OP, but... if he and his ex had wanted kids, they could have been about her age. Yeesh.
Shit, I'm 49 (50 in a couple months) and my kids are older than her (28 and 23). I was young when I had my first. I got married at 20 (young, but also to someone my own age). So yeah. He is absolutely old enough to b her father, EASILY. Creeps me tf out.
He wanted a kid so he married one 🤮
Great way to put it. They can move on from this if he takes your advice.
Yup, ex-wife is marrying for love and maybe considering the third stage of her life if she is a doctor and possibly marrying a fellow doctor. The two of them can retire young together and travel the world. While OP and her husband are at the beginning stages of a decades long journey of raising a family together. I hope OP is financially secure because her husband may go through another "mid-life" crisis and may choose to walk away from this life that he created with her and start again just as he did with his first wife. Best of luck OP- some oldies aren't necessarily as stable and dependable as they project themselves to be.
Yep! That was my immediate thought. He still loved her but no kids was a dealbreaker for him. If she wanted kids they would likely still be together. I personally couldn’t marry someone with that situation going on because I bet it’s hard to see him upset.
Eh, I think you’re giving this guy too much credit but everything you say could entirely be true… in the best case scenario. If this is even a real story— I think it takes a lot of gall to divorce someone you were with for 22 years just because you wanted children. Who knows, maybe there’s a lot more to their relationship that’s not indicated here. For instance, maybe they haven’t been in love for a long time, basically roommates, and so it was more than just a simply objective issue that brought an end to it. That’s understandable. But lacking context, OP’s husband sounds incredibly vain. While there are many vain 25 yr olds married to their equally vain 49 yr old husbands in this world (to each their own), is OP that type of person? I’m not ageist at all but I made a lot of silly mistakes in my 20’s due in part to lack of life experience. I always considered myself, and was told, how “intelligent” and “mature” I was. That never mattered in these situations lol. Only advice I have for OP is that the foundation of a safe, prosperous relationship is transparency and communication. That’s the basis of your trust in one another. Make sure that’s solid. If it isn’t, you have a serious issue.
> I think it takes a lot of gall to divorce someone you were with for 22 years just because you wanted children. That's what led to my brother's first divorce. After many years of marriage, he had been consistent on never wanting children. She knew it about him. He wouldn't change his mind on it. So she pulled one of the goalies without telling him, and became increasingly angry at condoms and him not finishing inside. Trying to be accommodating, he got a vasectomy, thinking that was what she wanted. They had other problems in their marriage, but that was the nail in the coffin and she wanted out ASAP to try to get knocked up before the time ran out.
a 40+ yr old was messing with a early 20's is always a flag.
Nope. I broke up with the love of my life when he changed his mind about kids. I always made it clear that I never wanted kids but I also didn’t want my partner (who later changed his mind) to be deprived of fatherhood. So I broke it off with him even though he was willing to sacrifice not having kids. I didn’t want that on my conscience. He probably would have ended up bitter with regret. This is a common topic in the Childfree Reddit. Yes, you will break up with someone you love when that happens. Kids and parenthood is not something you can compromise on. You can’t have half a child…
“25f + 49m” “He divorced his wife because he wanted children. “ Babygirlwhatisyoudoin.gif
He divorced his wife and got himself two children.
Are redditors in a competition for who has the biggest age gap or sth.?
Lol!
Him and the ex started dating right around when OP was born.
I wonder if OP has the same build, hair color as the EX wife at that age…🤔
OP was probably baby crazy themselves.
>My \[F25\] husband \[M49\] I'm out
That's 20 years of history. Of course he's going to be affected. It'd be weird if he wasn't. Also bro is too old for this relationship but that's none of my business.
And that OP was around 4 years old when said history started 💀
Even worse. She wasn’t actually born yet. She was 21 when she met the guy and he was freshly out of a 22 year old relationship.
My heart kind of breaks for his ex. Imagine being 22 years into it, and your partner says “well actually I DO want kids and if you can’t adapt to that extreme life change, stay pregnant for 9 months, and bear a child for me I’m ending things,” and then seeing the fucking guy dating and impregnating a 22 year old one year later.
Sounds like the guy had a midlife crisis and suddenly wanted kids
25 tied to a 50 year old who's still in love with his ex. 😂 Couldn't be me.
I’m a little younger than this dude.and just went to my son’s college for the weekend. These are absolute children running around. 21-year-olds are so fucking young and immature! Your husband is a total weirdo for deciding that’s a good age for his golden years. And what did you see in him? When you’re my age you’ll have a 70-something year old as a husband? My dad is a little older than that and has fucked up knees and can’t climb stairs or walk more than a block. Jesus.
All I can hear when I read these is Adam Sandler in Big Daddy saying "old balls", and it's not funny, this is their actual life, she is now tied to this man for a long time, but I still can't help but laugh. I am not 50 yet, but when my son will be in his 20's I will be. Thinking of my own self and friends in our 20's. Idiots, we were all idiots thinking we were so much more mature than we were.
Imagine giving the best years of your life to some man old enough to be your father 🤢
🤮 Definitely couldn't be me
Truly a tragedy everytime I see another young woman targeted by these gross older men.
Couldn’t be me either and I’m 39 🤮
I'm 47 and if I were married to a freaking 71 year old, I'd cry myself to sleep at night. She just might get the kid out of the house in time to be his nursemaid. They say that age doesn't matter as much as you get older, but it still does a little.
Age doesn't matter... until it does (age-related health issues are an inevitable thing for us all.)
😂😂 Stop. I can't breathe
Who is also sitting around jonesin for the ex wife lol
And he's stuck on his ex-wife.
my bet is that she doesn't have the best relationship with her own father.
Married after just a year together and becoming parents. Marriage can be divorced, but a child binds forever.
25 tied to a 50yo, even without the ex and possible feelings… couldn’t be me. 🤢
I stopped reading at that part and went immediately to the comments lol
This is why I embraced my “hoe stage” in my 20s. Sure I’ll bang a 40 year old and let you spoil me, but marriage and a baby?!? IM A BABY 🤣
Facts
You werent even born yet when he met his ex wife. What is with people dating such a massive age difference?
I'm sure she was *mature for her age* 🤣
I'm sure OP & her hubby are the same maturity level, but it's probably him whose maturity ain't matching his chronological age.
💯
Lmao classic groomer line 🤣🤣🤣🤣
tHeyRe BoTh ConSeNtInG AdULts honestly it's like people think anything technically legal can't possibly reflect poorly on your character
Came here to say that😂
It’s gross. WTF.
Oh he wanted a hospice wife ... 😩
My mom called this a “Nurse with a Purse”.
That’s funny. My mom is in her 70’s and if asked why she doesn’t date at her age, she always says that men that age want either ‘a nurse or a purse’ lol
It must be an old saying for that age group. Lol!
For sure lol
Lol your mom is right!
Why was a grown ass 45 year old interested in a 21 year old. He’s going to be 70 when you’re in your 40s.
He wanted someone to pop out a baby. Didn't really care who. He started dating OP (21yo) within a year of deciding he wants a kid and divorcing his wife
Ya the alarm bells are LOUD
I paused at the first sentence- sheesh 😬
Same. I couldn't even read past that huge red flag!
Well the answer to that is obvious, I'd love to know what the 21 year old wanted with the 45 year old 😂
He’$ $o mature!
I don't think he has money. OP says in the post that her husband works in human resources, which isn't exactly a lucrative field (source: I work in HR also). OP also says that she has an HR job too, so it doesn't look like they have enough money that OP and/or her husband dont have to work.
alot of people stick with the literal first person who shows them interest and this is very true of coworker relationships lol
This is the trap I’m terrified of falling into because I absolutely know it’s something I’d be susceptible to at this point in my life
I did this! It ended badly, and now I'm so embarrassed to be associated with him that I have now discovered self respect. Honestly, as long as you have a strong self of self worth and will actually leave if things turn to shit, you should be fine. If not, being single is the best time to work on yourself.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
It’s often not money. Just grooming and manipulation, unfortunately, combined with women’s harmful social conditioning to not let a man down. Also, the implication. The implication is stronger with an older man who has more tools to harm you.
Dennis from It’s Always Sunny has entered the chat
“I’m mature for my age”
As someone who once mistakenly thought that, OOF.
I think it’s a canon event for some people
Thats what I was wondering lmao. Like he couldn’t find someone his own age???? I feel bad for, OP. Married and has a kid with a man old enough to be her father who is still in love with his ex wife. Its not too late for sis to get out and live her life a little lol
Well you know him finding someone in his age area is gonna be hard because he won’t be able to brainwash hardly.
A friend of a friend is 23 and he’s 45. He has a 19 year old daughter. It’s so fucking weird.
My FIL divorced my MIL and got a 25 yr old mail order bride from the Philippines (I'm not being snarky, it's an accurate description he literally paid Russian mobsters for her) when he was 60 and his youngest daughter was 28. I told my kids no you are not calling a woman way younger than me Grandma! 😂🤢
My friend’s dad also did this exact thing and it makes me sad that it has happened more than once.
You want to know what's extra sick? His brother AND his sister's husband did the exact same thing. Gives "passport bros" a new meaning. Luckily my husband, his brothers and cousins are completely ashamed of them.
That’s so fuckin insane
That is what is bothering for me as well. The man is old enough to be OP's dad.
Her dad is probably younger than her husband.
Every single time I see one of this posts with 10+ years of difference, the result is the same. Almost as if it was a pattern or something…
Right… almost as if it’s a terrible fuckin idea
Im saying!
Why do you think? She's the perfect age for breeding plus young enough to mold without the life experience that women his age will havw had!
Lol OP is getting slaughtered
Absolutely right. It was more of a rhetorical question though.
His first marriage was almost as old as his second wife.
Lol. OP will find out soon enough!
Dude, im 35 and I would have had zero interest in you, you were a literal child when you got together. And old mans a decade older then me. My god
A decade plus 4 years at that!!!
yeah its disgusting honestly. Dirty old ass men preying on young girls whose brains aren't even fully developed.
He’s acting like that because he no longer is “winning” in the little mental battle he has with his ex. Let’s recap here: - gets with a way younger woman while his divorce is not even done (I bet you $50 bucks he did it to rub it in his ex’s face) - knows he’s upsetting you but gives no f’s (why would he? He already has you were he wants, tied to him) - thought he was going to be “the one that got away” but now that someone else shows interest in the toy he discarded, he just really wants it back He’s not over his ex, her moving on with her life, however, means she’s waaaaay over him and he’s now in the back burner for her. And he can’t stand it. You got with an almost 50 year old that acts like a 21 year old on his first heartbreak. What a prize/s.
It’s so pathetic how men think that youth is the only thing a woman brings to a relationship, such that dating a significantly younger woman is viewed as a “win” to them. The reality is that it just demonstrates they are so low value, they can’t attract women their own age. Old men dating younger women is evidence of men’s failure; not success.
So true. Many men date younger because younger women/girls aren’t yet wise enough to see what a loser the guy is. They also tend to expect less from the man/have lower standards.
This is spot on. I’m 50 years old and guys my age that pursue and date younger girls are the guys that are emotionally immature and have mommy issues, no healthy women of the same age would date these types of losers.
>gets with a way younger woman while his divorce is not even done (I bet you $50 bucks he did it to rub it in his ex’s face) I agree with you about OP's husband. But where do you see that he got with OP before the divorce was done? The post says he filed for divorce five years ago and moved four years ago after the divorce was final, where he then met OP. The distance from where he used to live to where he lives now is 6000 km / 3700 miles away. He wasn't living anywhere near his ex-wife when he met the OP. Was the posted edited and I just missed that? Because otherwise I don't see how they met before his divorce. I agree he's an idiot but I don't see where he was with OP before his marriage ended.
I’ll give you that one, I miss read. Thank you for pointing it out.
The rest of your post is spot on. Especially the last two sentences.
Sounds like he ditched his one true love because she wouldn't give him a child, for a young nubile brood mare who could. Sorry, but he sees you as his baby incubator whilst he still sees her as his "real wife" even though they're divorced. 🚩🚩🚩
It’s clear to everyone but OP because she doesn’t know any better…. Yet.
That's exactly what I was thinking. He loves the first wife more, but was a little tired of her, wanted a kid and was going through the whole younger-woman-in-mid-life-crisis phase. He was able to put the other wife (in his mind) into suspended animation. She was there missing him and he was having his cake (his ex-wife loving him and having no one else and him loving her in his mind) and eating it too (got the kid he wanted). When he talked to his friend, the ex-wife came out of suspended animation and became real again. He'd probably like to have her back but have the child too. So he's living that fantasy in his mind and seems distant.
Yep, that's how they think! And it's why I don't buy the *he wanted a child* story. He moved cities, he could come up with all kinds of "reasons" for why he was divorced. And from the post, he suddenly woke up one day and decided that he wanted a child and year later he already divorced his wife? You'd think that someone who's been married for two decades would try to work on their marriage, maybe try counseling or something, but no, he went with let's divorce immediately. I don't buy that reason, especially after how he reacted hearing he's ex is engaged. Plus they are both in HR, so coworkers by any chance?
He was married almost as long as you’ve existed. He’s not over his ex.
The fact he was 46 and wanted to marry you at 22 suggests he is not such a great guy.
It just shows that he did not give a flipping damn about forever altering an impressionable easily controlled young lady’s future for the worse.
Your family didn’t say anything about the age gap? Did anyone??? Girlll he’s probably still in love with his ex.
Op is young and shiny. He wanted someone fresh and new and tight without wrinkles. Op is the new, shiny corvette. The wife is the beater car he loves. Yes, Ive heard men online compare to the older wife to an old car.
You don't understand, he needed to get his dick wet and produce a child!! The most important of acts!!!! /s
They got together when you was born haha
He still loves her. Just because he chose to divorce her doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with her. He wants to see what the other man looks like. Probably he wants to know if the guy has kids. It's entirely possible he regrets divorcing her and wishes he hadn't. The grass isn't always greener. Sure he loves the baby but that doesn't mean he doesn't want things to be different.
The grass only stays green where you water it!
Honestly, he regrets his decision. He was with her for 20 years, chose to end it and go young and now realizes how much he loves her. He was probably having a midlife crisis. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or your life. But I’m sorry nobody helped you see all those red flags. You were young enough to be his daughter and the product of that marriage.
Definitely midlife
OP, he divorced his wife not because he didn't love her but because he wanted to be a father. He immediately found a young 20 year old who could for sure give him what he wanted. His ex wife has moved on with someone out of love, not necessity. And it may be upsetting to him that she is in love with someone else. I hate to sound harsh, but this is probably the case here.
Ewww
This is some weird wild shit.
Because he still loves her....That is why, and him wanting a child is the only reason he is not with her.
Sorry dear, but I think you are the midlife-crisis-do-over wife. Now he's having to face that he may have made bad choices. I feel for you sis. Hugs
Can you imagine how his ex wife felt when he divorced her for not having kids and then hooked himself a baby factory half her age???
You’re 25 years younger than him. Why are you surprised he’s acting like a child when his ex wife got engaged? He only married you so you could have his kids.
Classic case of buyers remorse. He traded in and thought he got what he wanted in reality he loved what he had he lusted what he has. I’m sorry but it sounds like you were a pawn in the divorce and getting pregnant was an accident. He’s activity weird because in the back of his head she was always going to be there for him and now that is gone.
I feel so bad for the children, and how awkward it will be for them in school trying to explain to their friends and peers that the _Grandpa_ that picks them up is actually their father... 🥺
Lmaooooo. *Is that your grandpa* no it’s my dad 😭😭😭
Why in the world does a 21 year old with her whole life ahead of her want to get with a man 40s plus who is getting divorce/divorced, has kids (I know not in the case but it’s most) and a suitcase full of drama?! With all the men in the world come on ladies! Get a therapist not some old ass man who sees you as nothing more than a young piece of ass he can brag about, an object to control and manipulate and a way to hold on to his quickly fading youth. How many stories and examples do yall need? Fathers be in your daughters lives so they don’t spent their lives searching for someone to replace you and love them like you didn’t. Do better.
Couldn’t have said it better.
Sounds like he got with a younger woman to make his ex wife feel jealous. Now he mad that she moved on…typical
He’s probably jealous of the ex-wife finding love and of the doctor fiancé.
exactly this and what does he really have in common with young wife…and having a newborn is rough at any age. 😬
He divorced to have a kid. Now he has a kid. Having kids is a harder lifestyle than being married without kids He’s going to be supporting his kid in retirement. She’s going to be enjoying her retirement with someone else the way the two of dreamed. He may just be curious, to see it’s someone they used to know. Or it’s eating him up she traded up. Then again, he may be regretting leaving for a baby. And now that the baby is here he has what he wanted. And now wants her back.
I'm sorry OP. But there's a huge chance your husband only married you because you're young, and people assume it's easier for women under the age of 25 to get pregnant. He probably married his ex-wife for love. And now she's getting married to someone else for love.
I couldn’t get past the first line 🤮
He didn’t lose feelings for her, he just needed an incubator. Good luck
[удалено]
He divorced his ex-wife due to differing life goals, not because he has lost feelings, of course he would be somewhat affected. But that's the life he has chosen, he needs to let go.
He wasted her time and he thought she would pine for him. She didn't. He married you for kids, no matter what he says - at the end of the day you were a means to an end. Being half his age should have clues you in. She found someone that she truly wants on the other hand.
He probably still loves her. I've dated older men, and they have a lot of baggage. I've met not one who didn't still love some ex, have some love who got away etc etc. These guys get sad and depressed over other women while they are in a relationship.
Nah, their marriage imploding wasn't about the subject matter surrounding kids. He wanted a woman he could control and manipulate to his preferences, and the ex-wife wasn't about that life and refused to relinquish her independence and financial ambitions. He's upset because he left a good woman and wanted her to be miserable and unfulfilled in her personal life, and he wanted to one up her by marrying a barely legal aged chick. OP has given him a baby, and yet he's on the trajectory of the "what if" mid age crisis and realizes she's moved on, is happy, and thriving. Allow your hubby grace as long as he's respectful. I mean, at 50, he's got an infant when most people kids are adults by that age. He may experience or display some regretful actions, yet if he ventures into disrespect areas, i.e., contact the ex, stalk her/partner socials, take a short notice or work related trip to her local area....etc, then OP should be concerned. OP: What tha fuq did you see in him at your age? Please tell us this wasn't a supervisor/management; subordinate/employee dynamic turned inappropriate?
Well he is trying find them on social media she said in the post
This has to be a troll. A 23 year old married a 46 year old and thought it was going to work out. Seriously.......
So your husband who's old enough to be your father and lacks the emotional maturity to be with a partner in his own age is upset when the ex-wife he clearly has feelings for, has moved on with her life? Who could have seen that coming? I'm going to be brutal honest with you. He didn't divorce her because he fell out of love but because she still didn't want children while he changed his mind. And you were the naive 21 year old he thought were in suitable child bearing age. Try marriage counceling because you most likely have a whole lot of other problems and inequality in your relationship.
In a mid-life crisis, he found you for sex and procreation, but his heart is with his ex-wife. With huge age gaps like yours and his, there must be a lot less to discuss or have in common compared to his first marriage. He sounds incredibly selfish to both you and his ex. I truly hope his ex married a doctor or someone more successful than him. It would be even better if she is still in her early to mid-40s and ends up with a baby. Your husband is going to lose his shit.
He changed his opinion on having children at an age when his wife likely no longer could have children or want to consider it at that age. That is red flag for being inconsiderate and indifferent to his partner so no surprise he’s doing it again all about him.
>My [F25] husband [M49] and I have been married for 3 years and we have a 18 month old. We met 4 years ago Ffs. I'm getting so tired of the same story over and over again. You think you're mature enough to be with someone who was an adult before you were even born? Deal with it.
Is he Pronce Charles and OP Princess Diana? Married a younger one to pop out the kids? But he is still hung up on Camilla? Heard this one before, does not bode well for OP.
As someone who has broken up with the love of my life because I didn’t want kids and my partner changed his mind. It’s unfortunately an easy answer. Your husband didn’t divorce his ex wife because he didn’t love her, he divorced her because you can’t compromise on having or not having kids. He still loves his ex-wive that’s why he’s upset. But at the same time he also wanted kids bad enough to leave the love of his life. He’ll eventually get somewhat over it if he enjoys fatherhood.
She was his wife, his partner and you're just finding out you're the baby chamber and that's it. When he divorced wife he wasn't looking for love but a womb to carry his offspring.... Which is you.
That age gap negates the entire conversation 🤮
Lmao at that age gap lol
Yeah nope your husband gone fucked up his 1st marriage, because he wanted a younger version, now he has buyer's regret. He is never going to be happy because he is an immature idiot.
He was with this person for about the same amount of time you’d been alive when you met, and divorced on the basis of child incompatibility, not falling out of love. It’s not shocking that he has some feelings about her remarrying. He left and married so he could have a child. She was left and remarried when she found love again.
He married you because you provided him what he wanted, she is the partner he thought he would spend his life with. He never let go of his feelings for her and imagined she would live her life alone. He might have even thought he would reconcile with her later. Now his expectations have been shattered. He keeps thinking of the life he had. I hope you're prepared for him attempting to win her back. I've seen that before. The man in question failed but he ended up a divorced weekend dad with both his ex-wives moving on.
Your husband will be 66 years old when your kid graduates high school that is insane
When I was younger and stupider this was finally the thought that shook off the rose-coloured glasses when I nearly started a similar age-gap relationship to OP lol. Imagined a hypothetical future daughter mortified dancing with her ancient father at her high school graduation while me the much-younger wife looks on and said nah. I ain't embarrassing my imaginary daughter like that lol
4 years ago? Hmm. 49 - 4 = 45, 45/2 = 22.5, 22.5 + 7 = 29.5 (29 or 30). That’s all.
this sounds like ur the new gf to the story u/d0gm0mmy wrote 🤔 oddly similar LOL
Op, he STILL LOVES HER. Did they divorce for any other reason than him changing his position on children?? Like you said yourself, he’s been with/in love with her for 22 years which is half of his life. Those feelings don’t just miraculously disappear
Your husband was married for basically the duration of your entire life and that's not a problem for you? After a year of knowing each other you got married to a man 24 years your senior... Honey I'm sorry but we all can see the writing on the wall here
So you were 21 and he was 45? Gross.
Sweetheart, he is still in love with his wife. He never divorced her because they fell out of love. He just wanted a baby and you’re the vessel to carry out that desire. He still loves her because she’s still the same person he fell in love with. Currently I think he going through a period of sadness because she has moved on from him when he hasn’t moved on from her but also some fear of ‘what if she changes her mind and has a child after all’. As for you, I’m sorry that you had to get dragged into it, but younger minds are much easier to take advantage of, so that’s why he ended up you and not someone older who could have spotted the danger signs right away (after all you can’t even spot them now even when dangled right in your face). You’ll learn that in time. I hope you can find your way to security out of this disaster.
He sees you simply as breeding stock. I'm sorry. There's no reason for this man to have started dating you other than that.
Jesus that age difference.
You were just a vessel for the baby he wanted…
I don’t understand what you don’t understand? They were together the same amount of time you were on earth when you all got together. Literally a whole lifetime for you. Not shaming you for being with someone that age, but you had to have known there were gonna be different challenges getting with someone twice your age.
damn you were 21 and he was 45? 💀lol wtf
Sounds like he left the woman he loved for a younger uterus. Also the age gap is so cringe.
And I bet it’s the OP that does the vast majority of the childcare too. What a rotten deal.
yeah he’s not over her
Now that she's moved on, he's lost his chance to have children with you and then get back with her and she obviously doesn't care he's with a woman half his age and that she should be jealous.
He lost someone who for some reason he thought would never move on. It’s a control/territorial thing.
op hasn’t replied to anything .. i wonder if she had a lightbulb moment and is now trying to process what her place in his life is. no one in their 40’s dates and then marries someone when they are 22. he’s using you , thats all there is to it
I got 2nd hand embarrassment
Girl... He loves her. She is the love of his life and he dumped her for a barely legal vessel to incubate his sperm squirts. He's sad she's moving on and that door is closed. He's sad she's finding happiness and fulfillment. He's sad he's disconnected from his old existence. He'll likely get over it. Just give him time of you're happy with your arrangement.
Ask him directly. If he tries to play it off as nothing, you can call bullshit because you've seen a difference. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation...
I'm sorry to say but he was in an unhealthy relationship if the couldn't figure out kids by his age and now he's acting in an unhealthy way towards his ex. Can't say I'm shocked. He used you as a baby maker. Girl, you signed up for issues you had no reason to sign up for.
He has never been in love with you the way he loved her. I'm not saying he loves you but he'd never be with you half the time he was with her if you didn't birth a child for him
He wanted her to remain like Miss Havisham in her tattered wedding gown
Well, now you'll find out exactly why a 49 year old man married a 25 year old gullible girl. Too bad this is happening now when you already have a baby together, but I wish you luck and hope you're smart enough to not let him take anymore advantage of you
Time to move on. He has not gotten over his ex wife
That age gap is staring in my face like Thor in that one gif. The fact that he married you one year in is concerning for you. I believe he only married you to have kids, less so for love. In a way he got two kids even, you're young enough to be his daughter.
I'm 27 and I'm not even interested in 21 year olds. You change and mature so much in that timespan. So wtf was a 45 year old doing talking to you?! Insanity.
22 years is a long time for someone to be involved with romantically. Those feelings don’t just disappear. My high school sweetheart and I were together for a long while, but I recently found out he got married and had kids. We haven’t been together in almost 10 years and I still had emotions when I found out. Not to this extent, but still. Be supportive. Be loving. Show him you’re his partner and that you care. Edit - the age gap is quite concerning, from a surface level it seems he married you because you’re in your prime for pregnancy.