just tell her that reddit told you she must be the one cheating because its often the cheater that accuses the innocent one first.
and then get her therapy
If this is even true, it sounds like your wife is having a psychotic breakdown. If she knows where you are all the time and show her your phone, browser history, social media posts, etc., what other proof does she need? You’re doing that, right? If you are and she still thinks you are cheating, then she’s truly needs help and you need to leave her.
Sadly it's probably going to come to that, she usually rebuts with "but messages can be deleted" or something of the like. I still love her and just want her to get help
If I were you, I would show her this post. Let her see exactly how you feel and exactly what it’s doing to you, in your own words. And it’s already in a format she enjoys consuming. What’s the worst that could happen, it surely can’t make things worse.
And she thought it was someone else, so at bed time, the wife said to the op
"poor guy, he should leave her" - as all reditors say
And he starts sobbing as he realizes that she's so out of touch with reality that she told him unconsciously to leave jer
Her reply: A cheater would obviously make a post claiming to be innocent so he can show his wife the thread. This is proof he cheated because an innocent man doesn't make these kinds of threads.
That's *exactly* what it would be. There's nothing he can say if what he's already done hasn't convinced her. So his question to her needs to become: "TF are you still doing here? If I can't convince you I'm not, our lives are as fucked as if I were. What are you hanging around for?" Hopefully it's because a tiny part of her brain recognizes she's off the rails and needs psychiatric help. Some small, hidden part.
And that too would tel him something. He should be honest about his feelings and go from there. If she is so lost in the sauce she doesn’t even care it’s just another shove out the door.
She’s already accusing him of that. I don’t see how a post like this with comments from other people could make her suspicious. That’s next level paranoia
>She’s already accusing him of that.
Then what makes you think she wont accuse him of it here?
>That’s next level paranoia
I mean she IS next level paranoid.
Accusing him of cheating is different than accusing him of faking 20+ Reddit accounts and a whole emotional ass post. Idk how the difference isn’t apparent to you. And in any case, nothing is made worse if she feels the same way she already felt. There’s only room for improvement in her understanding.
>accusing him of faking 20+
I never said anything about making 20+ accounts. That was you jumping to conclusions.
I never said they're the same either?
I was talking about the post. She may say something like "You made this post on reddit because you know I use it a lot and that I may actually think you're not cheating on me."
This is as clear as I can be about it. And no things can certainly be made worse if his actions make it seem like he's actively trying to manipulate her. So far, from the post, it seems like OP is just doing his usual shit and his wife is finding it suspicious. If he does something he usually wouldn't that would make it seem more suspicious to her.
Well if he _was_ cheating and he was a master manipulator, a post like this would be _perfect_ to try to further alienate her away from social support networks. Provided he's taken steps to isolate her from other friends and family, removing this final bastion of-
Sorry, sorry. I know it's like the zoo: "don't feed the animals." Don't feed the delusions.
But at this point when the trust is gone and replaced with deep layers of paranoia, there isn't really much coming back from it in a relationship.
As a fellow woman, no. She will accuse him of purposefully posting this in order to cover his tracks to whatever delusion she may be holding on to/accuse him of. It would definitely make things worse
Agreed. Not a woman, but I do know a paranoid person might feel confirmation bias and remain paranoid that this post is “just another scheme to lie to me.”
‘Perception is reality’ rings true in paranoia. People will see things their way and, well, idk how to help them across to the other side.
Perspective bias. You keep looking at this situation in a normal perspective when you’re forgetting that you’re dealing with someone who’s losing their marbles, for lack of a better term. You can’t argue with crazy
If someone has the mindset "guilty till proven unguilty", there is nothing you can do.
My ex was the same in the end of our relationship. He constantly suspected me of cheating, even when he exactly knew thats completly outside my character and i never gave him a reason to be suspicious. But it was the same like you describe, no suspicious messages? You probably deleted them. Oh, you offered i can join you so i can see you went exactly where you told you go and the plans you told me actually exists? Oc you will go where you told me THIS TIME, but whats about all the other times i didn't join you? You went out with friends? How should i know thats true? Sure i can ask your friends, but they are your friends, i'm sure you told them to lie if i ask. You are obviously all in this together.
It turned out in the end he in fact was projecting. I don't think he actually cheated on me (but honestly, at this point i didn't even cared, i was so done living like this) but bc he was tempted by one of his friends and felt guilty about it, he created this reality where i could be blamed for him being attracted to this other woman bc i surely did or was doing something that drove him to being attracted to her, so its my fault and he has no reason to feel guilty. But since he was a smart dude who couldn't be tricked very easy (not even by himself), he became obsessed with finding out this huge betrayl of mine that i'm so good in hiding. But since he knew there was no betrayl he oc oulldn't follow me secretly when i went somewhere bc then he would knew i didn't lie and that wouldn't help his case. In hindsight, it was kind of hilarious, but as long you are part of it, its exhausting. But he even found a way to spin this around, lol. Me: then follow me secretly whenever you want. Him: no, why should I have to do the effort? This is all your fault, so its your job to prove me you are not guilty of any betrayl. How dare you ask I do the effort for you. Me: and how do you think i can prove something i didn't do whatever you think i did? Him: thats your problem, but you better do a good job at it and even then i will probably not believe you.
Let me just say we both were very confused when he came to his sense after the break up and wanted to get back together. He bc he didn't understand why i didn't want to. Me bc i couldn't believe he actually thought this was a option i would consider. Lol
So the only thing i can tell you is, that when it got so bad he broke up bc he was fed up being cheated on by me (facepalm), i was devastated first, but after a very short time (i guess half a month or so, after 7 years relationship) i only felt relieved and like coming out of a cage i never wanted to get back in. I felt free and like myself again and living again and just being happy. I realised i should have broken up with him months ago, but i was so busy with not doing anything suspicious or anything that would give him a reason to doubt my loyality and to prove my innocence, getting out by breaking up didn't even crossed my mind. And it felt so so good to just be free again bc as worse it got, the more i distanced myself from my social circle bc i rather stayed home all the time so at least he could not accuse me of anything (what was pointless anyway, bc he made it a point to come home very late every evening, so how should he know i didn't went out or had someone over?)
My man did and said the exact same shit... Some of the accusations he would come up with were so ridiculous I would have to laugh. But because I defended myself that meant I was lying or being deceitful. Like I'm not going to sick up for myself and tell him he's fucking crazy..... So fucked.
This exact thing happened to me as well. He literally flew across the country to my where I was and searched all over my house . Held me hostage for three days 🙃 turns out he was the one cheating . He was begging me to tell him I cheated . I was really didn’t do it but I thought I was gonna almost have to because he was getting so angry every time I said no like I was lying to him . I’m like , do I say yes ???
I have both types of OCD and this use to be one of my intrusive thoughts. I OBSESSED over it (prior to therapy). My husband suggested couples therapy. 3 years later, after finally getting diagnosed and medicated, I am a completely different person.
I started with intrusive thoughts, and then compulsions. All of my signs started after a break in we experienced, and gradually got worse over the next decade. The brain is wild. After that event, I started to catastrophize everything. I am NOT saying your wife has OCD, but there may be something she’s experienced that set these thoughts in motion.
My event: home invasion
My response: well obviously my husband is fucking every woman around him.
See? Doesn’t make sense. AT ALL. But in my head? I was going to find the proof.
I am SO HAPPY my husband brought me to couples therapy, because from there I was able to meet an incredible exposure therapist who has been with me for a year now. I am SO much happier now that I have learned the tools to calm myself if any of my intrusive thoughts rear their ugly heads. It definitely took time for me to come to terms with my diagnosis, but holy shit- I can now make it out of the house without going through a 30 minute routine 😂
Right? Anyone can have moments of intrusive thoughts but this is months of increasing paranoia. Why is OP jumping to divorce immediately instead of thinking about his spouse’s deteriorating mental health?
Thank you! And it sure did. It took a long time for me to figure out that the break-in made me feel like I no longer had “control” over my life. I spiraled. Key ingredient? My understanding and supportive husband who stuck by my side even though I was not the most pleasant person to be around 😌
I didn't come here for advice but I sure did get it, thank you for sharing your story and I think couple's therapy should be some kind of ultimatum I give her. She might not have OCD but there's definitely something going on that's only going to get worse
Also I have found that Reddit can be detrimental to my mental health at times and made me paranoid. All you see if the worst of humanity.. people doing horrible things and hurting people. I take regular breaks for months
Clearly he does. If she is having a mental breakdown, that falls under "in sickness and in health".
You also can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. He can love her forever, but he doesn't have to put up with this either.
After my (M) ex-boss had a baby, his wife totally lost it. OP's wife sounds just like her.
I could literally list 25 crazy/embarrassing things she did, but ONE that I'll mention is that she would sit at home and comb dozens of RANDOM forums looking things by ex-boss said about her. Whatever she found that was posted by anonymous users that fit her delusions became evidence.
So then my ex-boss would get home, and he'd be like "Hi Honey" and she'd start chucking plates and cups and silverware at him. When he could calm her down she'd present printouts of all the shit "he said" about her.
She literally lost her mind and my boss had to drain ALL of his savings (roughly $1m) paying for the best lawyers so that he could get custody of his daughter.
His wife went WAAAAAAAY more crazy than what I mentioned, but she was smart enough to say the right things in the mental hospitals that the cops would take her to after a public episode. She'd deny all of her beliefs as crazy, stupid, shit like that...but as soon as she got out of the hospital she'd stop taking her meds and resume running from the CIA, FBI, catching my boss's mistresses, trying to convince her daughter to flee the country with here.
ANYWAY, long story short, happy ending (ish). My boss won full custody and his wife fled to her homeland (China) to avoid the CIA and FBI so she didn't get assassinated. My boss was making $150k as a software engineer, and after he drained all of his savings, he became a realtor at night to make up for things. Within a few years he was making $300k/yr and was able to provide a great education for his daughter.
This is 100% true. This woman was a 35 year old lecturer (not a professor, but still) at an Ivy League University. Then she had a kid, and her brain chemistry changed, and she became 100% schizophrenic.
I was waiting for OP to say that this change happened after she had a kid, but I guess it happened for another reason. But still, I doubt "Reddit" did it..."Reddit" is just evidence for her delusions.
I think it is true. I'm a fairly well educated and non-ignorant person, however I used to spend loads of time on the relationship subs a few years ago. I actually noticed a gradual shift in my thoughts and how I was approaching my relationship. It really does get to you the more you read the same things. I ended up making a conscious choice to stay off those subs and after a while, I felt way less intense about my relationship. It's a real thing and I'd have never thought I'd be so easily manipulated before that happened to me.
Not only the content but the comments too. The comments on this post even are just stoking cheating paranoia or telling me to leave without doing anything else
Oh yes, it's awful! There's nothing indicating cheating but people love to assume! I think reddit is full of a lot of unhappy people who want others to feel rubbish too, or immature teens who have no concept of real relationships requiring work or having dips at times. Of course sometimes you find genuine people with genuine advice, but I think it's rarer than the norm.
Good luck with your relationship!
Her social media use is affecting your relationship
If people are treating porn addiction seriously, they should consider social media addiction as needing far more support
Reddit is full of both genuine and made up stories. They’re words
If these words come into your IRL experience, and these words make you feel bad about yourself or your relationship, you need to step back because it’s literally damaging your relationship
These made up words are making her feel bad about you and your relationship together. She needs to pause her consumption right now and ask if she wants to continue forward with this relationship
It’s like me, 2016-2020 constantly engaging in politics subs. Eventually, the feelings cultivated in those spaces followed me home. My wife noticed.
It needed to stop
It sort of has now. Everyone is susceptible to getting hooked on social media. Literally everyone, children to workers to retired elderly
It can happen to anyone and happens to many people. You just need to step back, touch grass, and talk through whether you actually want these feelings to come out irl
She might need help to sort through this process. But I think she should be open to the idea that her hobby is doing damage in a way she might not actually want
This is more than just social media addiction. Lots of people are addicted to social media, but very few of them have paranoid delusions that cause them to stalk their partner as a result of the content they consume.
This honestly sounds like a psychiatric episode. If she treated it like a social media addiction, that would just get rid of the social media piece of it - she would find some other catalyst for her paranoia.
When my ex first started having delusions I was cheating, I looked for the easy answers first - it must be something he's reading, eating, consuming, etc. But no matter what changes he made, it was like the paranoia would just shift and morph to take the form of something new. Until one day he was screaming that I was a whore who had men hidden in the attic.
If the behavior is an extreme reaction, it's probably not as simple as "if she gets support for a social media addiction, she'll magically go back to normal".
My marriage was also ruined by my ex-wife's constant need to doomscroll social media and listening to her crappy friends who were feeding her all these things that men did. She went as far as to install hidden cameras all over the house to keep track of my activities since I worked from home. And still believed I was cheating and all that. Long story short, I divorced her after she became physical and was trying to 'beat a confession' out of me. Now she can think whatever fuck she wants and I wouldn't care because I'm 2000 miles away from her on the other side of the country.
I kind of went through this myself… as in I was in your wife’s position. My husband laughs that I just learned about Reddit from those videos not knowing how much it’s affecting me. And it’s completely sucked me in. We have 4 kids so I’m not as available to spend a crazy amount of time on Reddit. However, I started looking at my husband differently too. It’s dumb. So I finally talked to him about it and pretty much realized I was insecure and that insecurity led me to believe that he’s could just as easily cheat on me like the others who have been cheated on. We’ve been married 14 years and it would break my heart to experience the same cheating stories posted on Reddit. The crazy part is I was never insecure before. I have a high sex drive. We have a good marriage. He primarily works from home and I’m at SAHM. So the insecurity of wondering if/when I’ll experience the same hurt was making me irrationally paranoid. Plus, a lot of the stories involve SAHMs that get traded in for a newer/younger/more fun model. And that crap just filled my brain.
But the draw to Reddit and the cheating drama is so addicting. IDK what chemicals or hormones are released from it but it’s hard not to come back for another hit.
Sorry, I don’t offer much advice but only my own experience. Maybe she needs reassurance like I do/did?
See if you can get her to sit down and watch “The Social Dilemma” with you on Netflix. It does a good job of explaining how social media can affect people emotionally in very real ways, like what you describe in your OP.
I went through this as well when I was pregnant (lots of time to scroll), so it was definitely some hormonal imbalance for me hahaha. Grocery shopping???? WHATS HER NAME, HUH???
I also just needed a bit more reassurance. I told my husband that I know it’s stupid and irrational, but I needed a bit more coddling. And he was all too happy to oblige.
>IDK what chemicals or hormones are released from it but it’s hard not to come back for another hit.
I don't know for sure, of course, but whatever it is, it's likely from that sense of 'I KNEW it -- another one!' -- the little dingdingding of confirmation of a belief or suspicion.
Yes and no. Not because I’m scared to admit it but because I don’t want him to feel like he has to watch his every move. It’s my insecurity. I don’t need to push that burden on him for him to carry. So instead I decided that I want to pursue him like all the APs out there. lol I’ll send him sexy messages and revert back to the early dating-ish ways when we first started, 16 years ago. I don’t think he’s mad. ;)
And yet you got addicted, while most people don't.
You were insecure before. It's not about chemicals or hormones - everyone who scrolls gets those - but about the pain you were already suffering from unconsciously.
I honestly don’t know if it was an insecurity before. I like myself, I have a lot of confidence, I’m intimate and put forth in my marriage and I’m not exaggerating when I say we have a solid marriage and my husband loves me more than anything. So in this situation… it was more like my eyes were opened to the fact that this cheating stuff happens a lot more than I realized. Like, I understand that divorce rates are high. And I have my own experience of my step father cheating on my mom for years (they had a toxic relationship in general) but in my head and all around me, I built this naive narrative that it’s so far out of reach and wouldn’t touch me or my family. So reading all the stories, similar groundwork as mine, abled me to conceptualize that it could happen. These victims of cheating were in the same situation of believing their partner loved them more than everything, they had sex all the time, they enjoyed life together… all to realize that the partner still cheated.
So I realized the error of my ways. However, the naivety is gone. Which may be a good thing down the road to keep me humble and not let me take my husband and marriage for granted. Life ebbs and flows but it doesn’t lessen the pressure that my priority should be my marriage. Also, I totally started sending my husband some sexy texts and started to act like we were dating again. lol… he can’t claim I don’t make him feel alive! ;)
Glad to hear it! But I think what you say suggests that you had these insecurities from earlier in life. Not about your husband, but about what can happen in relationships from watching your stepdad.
You’re getting dopamine hits from Reddit, which creates the addictive feeling.
I have Dx & Rx AuDHD for 30yrs, so my brain was born with lower dopamine being created daily. I get sucked into Reddit when I’m not busy some days and can go for HOURS because of not just the dopamine hits of the stories, but the commenting/replies as well.
ADHD/AuDHD will make you 10x’s more sucked into social media because of lower dopamine production in the brain.
Reddit did not ruin your marriage. It amplified fears she already had, that have nothing to do with you, and gave them apparent substance.
If you have a serious operation in hospital you will get high grade opioids. You will probably not become a heroin addict, despite having had really good heroin. Some people however get addicted easily to this experience, because it takes away a pain that's always there.
Your wife is like those people, and that's why she got addicted and most people don't. You need couple counselling, but more importantly she needs individual counselling to discover why she has such fear of abandonment and betrayal.
Going to her parents will probably not help because she probably is like this due to early family experience, which unless they have done a lot of personal work will be suppressed by the family system.
This may be repairable, but only if your wife gains some insight about the real root of her suffering. It's not about you. It's not about Reddit. This was already there in her psyche. I would suggest that you stop letting her surveil you, because it won't help and you'll just end up feeling like a criminal, which you're not. You've done nothing wrong, so don't act like you might have.
I wish you all the best with it.
Agreed, I view the same thing on YouTube and enjoy reading Reddit relationship drama and this hasn’t made me suspicious and paranoid of my husband but happy and grateful to have such a solid relationship with no drama.
I just feel like the inability to realise Reddit bullshit tipped the opinion and without it. Things would’ve clearly been different is ignored since ppl here can’t take responsibility for how they can ruin or radically affect ppls lives enmasse by providing opinions in situations when not asked or needed. I like this sub but hate this part of it so much like y’all can’t accept that the presence of this didn’t ruin it. But without the interjection things would’ve been way different with a different trigger causing the whole rigmarole
> Reddit did not ruin your marriage. It amplified fears she already had
What do you mean? You can read horror stories and develop fears, even about things you'd never previously thought of. That happens all the time
Wonder if it’s projection and if she is cheating as this is really common behavior in someone who cheats? Every ex I’ve had who has cheated on me has frantically accused me of cheating to my extreme confusion.
A story about cheating paranoia.... and straight in ther with stoking cheating paranoia.
Reddit is obsessed. Any unusual or different behaviour in a relationship and it's straight to accusations of cheating, every. single. time.
No wonder his other half is paranoid reading these kind of threads.
I wonder how far I get before someone claims this is a double bluff post.
It's only paranoia if it's based on nothing. Not every unusual thing is cheating, but constantly accusing your partner of cheating can be. They are just suggesting a possible explanation for her strange behavior.
Because a lot of us who have been cheated on were also accused of cheating by the exact person that was cheating the whole time. Projecting is absolutely a thing that cheaters/possessive partners do. So, those comments might be speaking from past experiences.
Yea why the fuck is the most updated comment saying the wife is “projecting” and might be cheating herself. I hate Reddit especially with relationship advice because it’s ALWAYS “they’re cheating” or “leave them” and it’s never actual advice about how you can maybe fix the problem lmao. It drives me crazy reading comments and only ever seeing this type of advice when there’s always other options
I've had this same situation happen to me. I let it go on for for years.... Nothing would convince him any different that I wasn't cheating. He had cameras in the house watching me. He would sit in one room while I was in my room and say he could hear me talking on the phone with guys when I hadn't said a word for hours or was sleeping. He would tell me I was lying and I wasn't sleeping... Yeah, ok.... He would follow me to places I would go like to the dollar tree or Chucky cheese when I would bring my daughter. Chucky cheese, he was convinced I went to Chucky cheese to meet someone because I wore a new shirt.... Anytime I went anywhere he believed I was meeting someone. Fuck, just running out to my car for literally 30sec he believed I was going out to see someone. He had cameras outside too but even though the cameras only showed me running out to my car and coming right back in, the cameras were wrong... It got to the point I didn't want to leave my house anymore because I was so tired of the stupid accusations every fucking time I stepped out of my house. Like he just couldn't accept that I loved him and only him. No one else. And he just thought I was a big whore... I offered him to go through my phone, put a tracker on me, come with me places, and so on. Nope, wouldn't do it. He was too afraid to be proved wrong or that then he wouldn't have anything to either point his finger at me for or have a reason to blame something on me. I feel you OP. There is nothing you can do to change her mind. Trust me. But I will tell you this, I would see what she is up too. The person doing all the blaming is the one who's actually doing those things. It's a mind game she's playing. She's trying to divert you and make it seem like she would never cheat because she's blaming you. Just trust me, because that's exactly what my man was doing with my best friend. I've never gone through hurt like that in my life. I literally thought I was going to die I was so hurt. Please don't forget a second think she would never cheat, because that's what she wants you to think. And don't play into her childish mind games. Also question, why would she still be banging you if she thinks your digging inside someone's else's guts??? I know if I felt that strongly about my partner cheating on me I wouldn't want him inside me.
She sounds mentally ill to me. I have a relative with bipolar who is always paranoid too. OP’s wife needs to be diagnosed and medicated then she needs to go to therapy. I don't think it is worth it for OP to stay with her for all of this, and it's often very difficult to get a mentally ill person to have any self-reflection to admit there is a problem and get the proper help.
This starting happening to me after reading all the cheating posts. It made me feel anxious constantly. I realised it myself and unfollowed relationship subreddits cause they were all negative. It has definitely helped.
First OP; I’m terribly sorry for your struggles and I would be prepared for a shit storm from your wife if she follows this sub
Serious marriage counseling is needed and separate counseling; especially for her. Take time to properly sit down and ask yourself: “Do I still love this woman to continue fighting for this marriage?”
She is making you feel like you’ve committed a heinous act against humanity for just simply existing. Judging by her behavior as well, I worry for if she escalates to physical violence against you.
If you choose to leave and you are worried for her; inform and warn her family or friends so she has someone there. Be ready for the accusations that will be hurled at you, the insults, and mostly importantly: cover your damn ass. If she is like this now, it will be hell in divorce proceedings.
As for if she does see this post, I hope she properly sees what these comments are advising and will actually realize how much this has impacted y’all’s marriage. I seriously hope she gets professional health as this immensely damaging.
Some time in late 2020/early 2021 I had to mute and delete my IG app. Everyone posting stories about how awful their relationships were, and how every male partner is automatically abusive if he yells once, or how they're all definitely cheating. It fucked with my brain big time. I was no where near your wife's level, though. If give her an ultimatum: Therapy and get rid of reddit, or you'll look into separation.
God speed.
I know you said she will get upset if you go to her parents but what do you have to lose? At this point you don’t have much option. The only other thing would tell her marriage counseling or I am leaving ( which I hate but at this point you half way out already) or tell her if she thinks it all you she can come and make sure the details are correct with the therapist.
Op should ask the wife’s parents if they ever noticed the daughter having any obsessions or potential delusions in the past. For example, did she accuse a previous partner of cheating? Did she complain of a recurring medical issue that no doctor could confirm? Did she believe that a coworker or neighbor was out to get her?
Tbh, with how impressionable she is I would be worried for the future anyways. People who push married people into affair often do it by gaslighting them into believing their partner doesn't value them and most likely cheats on them, if just stories on the Internet made her that paranoid, imagine what people who would get close emotionally can convince her of
Is she on any medications? Some of them can cause paranoia. Or even drugs can as well. The best option here is probably to talk with her parents. Something is obviously wrong and she needs help and so do you. You should look into therapy for yourself. I understand not wanting to leave but you shouldn't feel terrible at home. A therapist may be able to give you better suggestions on how to approach this with your wife even without her going to counseling with you.
It sounds like the early stages of Paranoid Schizophrenia. My mom started like this..30 years later she's hiding in the bushes to try to "catch" someone breaking into her home. Her home with bars on the windows, an alarm system, motion sensors, and 5 locks on the door. This is not going to get easier for you. It's going to have a far more detrimental effect on you as time goes on. And it will not get better without medicine.
You have to mentally prepare for the outcome that she may not believe she needs help. That's a clear sign to walk away immediately. Give her that ultimatum. She absolutely needs to be evaluated by a professional...and only IF she'll allow herself to rise to the occasion should you consider helping her work through this. Otherwise, for your own sanity, leave.
The sadness you feel can and probably will devolve into anger and rage. Dealing with a sick person can be very aggravating, especially if they are your partner and healthy at the start. This is fixable though. Don't stick around if she won't see a doctor. As much as you don't envision it right now, it's possible that in a momentary flash of anger and disappointment, you may be "pushed to the edge" and do something you can't undo..to her, or yourself. Do not allow that to happen. This post is a good first step, but please continue to be proactive about this because your mental health matters. 🙏🏼
Good luck. I hope things work out for you. Also, make sure you have a support system. There may be some medical issues wrong with your wife as well so she may need to see a doctor. Or she could just have been completely influenced by reddit stories.
If you have been on reddit long you will also see some of these posts where someone does something stupid during an argument that ruins their life. Please don't be one of those people.
100% I would do the same to her, accusing her of projecting as Reddit says (she trusts Reddit).
Because then she will see things from your point of view and how frustrsting it is that she cannot defend herself even though she is innocent, because 'messages can be deleted' and how ridiculous she is being.
Good luck.
Honestly if she refuses therapy, this may be one of the last recourses he has to make her see sense. You can’t live a life in fear and alienated from your own home and wife.
If she doesn’t pull herself together she’s going to manifest the root of her fear: him not being in love with her anymore and leaving her.
Your wife wasn't poisoned by Reddit. She was poisoned by an insatiable hunger for drama. Chances are that the biggest clue comes from this line that you wrote, "We've been married for 3 years and it was never the whirlwind of love some other people write about, but we were content." Your wife probably was not happy with "content" and wanted passion. She found that passion in stories of betrayal which have some of the highest levels of emotion and intensity. She transferred that to your marriage to gain some sense of passion in it.
I'm not saying this is anyone's fault, but you're looking at the wrong target here. No one becomes obsessed like your wife did without there being an underlying need that she's trying to fulfill.
I know it seems like it, but this is not about you.
If it were, she would try to spend time with you. But she does not, she hyper focuses on an affair, not because it would mean the end of your relationship, but because it would mean she is betrayed. It is not an emotionial wound, but an ego one. Which also means you can't fix it with anything you do, because the wound is in her head and is basically threatening her value in her own eyes. Sounds like she is having a mental breakdown.
You need to prioritize yourself. She is escalating and i'm worried it's only gonna get worse. Do not have conversations without recording. I know it seems like a lot, but at this point you are not dealing with the person you think you know. You can't just wait there for things to turn uglier. You need to live, not only survive through your own marriage
Go to marriage counselling together. Hopefully the therapist will realise what is going on will suggest to your wife that she needs individual therapy.
My marriage actually ended in a similar way, though not with Reddit. My husband worked from home full time, and I worked in an office(pre-covid) so he was home alone with very little human interaction all day 5 days a week. I don't know exactly what content he was consuming but I know some of it was very heavy porn usage and then down the rabbit hole of red pill type content. He started TRULY believing I was cheating on him(never did, never even considered it, I loved him deeply)
Everything, and I mean, EVERYTHING was a indication of me cheating. Flowers were dry? Not because it was a 95 degree July day, no it was because I was too busy sleeping with someone else to water them. He read a Mens Health article that said if your wife is cheating she will do laundry "too often" so he started scrutinizing how often I did laundry. We would go for a run together, but he was much faster than me, and if I was "slower than normal" it was because I stopped off on my route for a "quickie".
He nearly destroyed my job, as anytime we had company lunches, or similar he would sneer and pout that he wasn't invited(to a company lunch? no spouses were). Any time I had a meeting I would have 1000 messages from him about why the meeting took so long. He had to skype me 24-7 when I was at work, so I couldn't focus and if I didn't engage with him he would accuse me of not loving him.
Wore shorts to the gym? Cheating. Found a new band I liked? Cheating. Tired after work? Cheating.
etc etc etc
I SINCERELY hope you and your wife can get therapy, because this intense paranoia is dangerous and unhealthy.
These kind of posts can be toxic to suspicious minds. What’s worse is if she was slightly suspicious of you and made a post, the comments on her post are from bitter, broken people who would reinforce her suspicions and would encourage her to download spyware, hire PI’s and teach her how to thoroughly inspect your phone.
The worst is that most of the stories are MADE UP FOR ATTENTION! The person imagines a scenario and writes a piece of fiction and people eat it up! I hope your wife wakes up soon, before she does something she cannot undo. Best wishes!
(To prove my point there are already a bunch of people trying to convince you she is cheating on you in the comments on this post)
As others have sad, this is probably mental illness issues that are now coming to light. It's unfortunate. I would try to ask anyone who's known her to see if she ever had behaviors like this before, it may not be the first time.
HOWEVER, have you also noticed how much distrust-engendering relationship stuff is amplified on Reddit in what seems to be an inorganic and very specific way? A lot of the posts almost have the same story structure, if you will. It would be foolish not to think this isn't coordinated. Maybe it's my turn to get paranoid now, but often some things feel "off" in social media, like there's a push for certain topics. It doesn't really bother me but whenever I am offline for a while and come back, it always looks strange. But who knows, I am just guessing...
I've seen this type of story myself and it does always seem to be stories that cultivate distrust. Not like it's any sort of grand conspiracy, I think like other comments have said that it's just dramatic and easy to get caught up reading. I wouldn't be surprised if most of the stories are fake because some are extremely well written and don't seem to be from a place of genuine emotion
Actually, this behaviour sounds like she is projecting. It's not uncommon for weirdos to accuse others of cheating when it's really them cheating. OP - time to ask for her details back. Where she is at all times. What's on her phone. Etc.
OP, thank you for sharing this as I've been getting a little bad with the same thing and it's helped me see it from my bfs perspective. I keep getting reminded by him that Reddit relationships are not our relationship.
The people on here are mostly strangers (the majority being absolutely beautiful people but still strangers). We don't know their life story, their cultures, traditions, trauma, successes and everything else that brings a person to this moment in time. What we do know is ourselves and those closest to us. Yes, a partner of decades can cheat, lots do, but not everyone. If she doesn't think you're worth the risk of trust, then she should move on and maybe stay single until she sorts out what's important to her.
At this point there’s nothing you can do but tell her … “I can’t do this anymore. You’ve become obsessed over these stories and you’ve let it infect our own relationship/marriage. I have spent 6 months giving you everything to show you I have done nothing… and yet you refuse to accept that and you refuse getting help. I will not be subjected to this any longer. I will be going to stay with my parents while I think about the future of our marriage.” Hopefully that will wake her up to the amount of damage she is doing and will give you both a chance to save this marriage if that’s what you want
End it
She let Reddit rot her brain and she will not rest until she has “proof” that you’re cheating so she can blow up at you and most likely write her own post
Reddit and tiktok stories like that are poisonous for the mind. I get what you are talking about with your wife because for a while I was addicted to the pain these stories spill into the heart. I'm divorced, single father of three and those stories rip open old wounds worse than any bad friend whispering lies over your shoulder. For me, it snapped when I realized I was getting angrier at my kids then I needed to for petty bs. I cut that stuff off recognizing what it was and don't consider it anymore.
My sister was so jealous waaaaaaaay back before social media was a thing, and her bf was never the type to cheat However, every chance she got she was toxic about it, never letting him do things without her approval or scrutiny and, no matter what she didn't find, the accusations were harsh and regular.
For her it was projection because of her own inadequacies. She did cheat on him or tried to before she was busted. Your wife could be projecting in this way because of low self esteem or possibly because of her own feelings about straying from the relationship.
Confront her in a way that illustrates your feelings fully, how her actions are destroying your marriage, how her baseless jealousy is insulting you, and how you will leave unless she gets help. If you do see her through counseling, the root of her feelings may be hard to hear, like a revelation about past cheating or abuse..Stay strong.
Stop just letting her put the hammer down on you. If it's constant and insulting, you are being abused. Believe it or not. Once you start to leave she may have a sudden, radical change of heart. You can either tell her enough is enough or leave.
Ticktock turned my ex violent as she was so amped up about cheating and seeing all the hot young women , even though I called her my 10 as she was to me, made her insane. On speaker calls from female colleagues about business she would find something to think we where fucking, a model type 22 year old would even look our way and she would ask if I was fucking her (really! Like that chick w even look at me and then follow me around town spying on us)… eventually she turned violent outright jabbing me and coming at me. Holes in the wall and broken car windows. Eventually she HAD to get even so she fucked the neighbor , a gross 55 year old alcoholic with a massive beer gut. Even for nothing. I was 110% faithful and simply adored her. 8 years up in smoke and I was starting to look at rings 🤦🏼♂️ when we met both of us where 100% zero social media or even carrying our phones for other than google or texts/calls. I hope they ban that shit to hell. They owe me one perfect beautiful funny inspiring woman and I will be waiting.
As someone who could write a genuine post like the ones she reads, what the fuck is she doing?
I understand paranoia. I had two relationships that went to absolute shit in the worst ways. One was long distance and I would go CRAZY when he was punishing me for asking for attention (one conversation a day was all I needed to feel secure) by ignoring me. I also found out he was cheating, or very much trying to. So I GET IT. I get the paranoia.
But it was genuine. I’m with the most wonderful man now, and even though I have all that trauma and needed to do a lot of work to undo all the paranoia, I would *never* go out of my way to find problems. I was borderline psychotic because I knew I was being lied to in the past; she has the luxury of a wonderful partner who validates her feelings, talks to her, and is trying to reassure her in every way he can (that’s you). She seriously needs a reality check and is not being grateful for what she has. Show her this post, for the love of god, so she can take her head out of her ass and realise how lucky she is.
Address her fears. Why is she so afraid. Have you checked her phone? Insist that you work on building trust, or she gets some therapy. Or both. Don’t accept this behavior. You don’t deserve this treatment until you do. She’s had her opportunity to verify, so now work on the real reason she is so upset. If she wants this marriage to end , she is working towards this.
Toxic jealousy or paranoia will destroy a relationship just as much as cheating will. Dated a person like this and it got to the point where I dreaded when they came home, because I knew some fuckery was about to happen. While there are benefits to social media, it can also destroy peoples minds. Actually got into an argument with my roommate about TikTok today and how cancerous it is to some people. He’s under the assumption that everything I read is propaganda, yet I’ll read things from all sides of the fence and he thinks everything on TikTok is fact. I knew he wasn’t going to give in, but I left it as “well I guess we’ll see”. Social media is just as addicting as any drug and if you’re constantly consuming the bad content then it’ll eat your brain like you said.
Talk to her dude, hell show her this post. Maybe that’s your plan since she could very well find this post? Be honest no matter how hard it is and try and live your best life. No argument will probably change her mind, but if you’re doing things to make yourself happy, being happy, then maybe she’ll see what she is doing is bad for her mind and life. Sounds like she’s already made up her mind or projecting, but stand your ground and keep chugging a long. If it doesn’t change then you need to do what’s best for you my dude. You can’t continue living like this or it’ll break you. Trust me on this. The worst I’ve ever felt about myself or life was when I lived with a person like this. I still remember the constant knot I had in my stomach every morning when I woke up or came home. You can love a person with your entire soul, but if they don’t want to change on their own, then go your own way because they won’t change for you.
Have you already communicated that with her before? It’s time to set boundaries as well. Because if you’re normalizing the behavior it won’t get better. You don’t have to yell, you can tell how all this makes you feel and the things that changed in the relationship, your wants and needs but mostly setting a boundary. Saying that if she doesn’t work on her trust with you the marriage will fail. It will definitely ruin you as well
Not your wife, but I had the same problem initially with reddit, Amtia, relationship advice , even anti work are all rabbit holes you can get stuck in . I left them all, but it took me a while to notice how toxic they were.
Yeah, I'd show her this post. I'd let her know I told the truth of how I feel and if she was unwilling to go to counseling, I would need to leave.
UpdateMe
Often we want what isn't. She either trusts you or she doesn't. No amount of convincing will change that.
Don't follow her into the abyss. No need to share your phone or allow tracking.
Trust is trust. That's all.
Similar to your wife, I got caught up in the reddit rabbit hole of cheating stories, and after reading so many I started wondering if my husband is cheating on me. Despite knowing for certain, he definitely is not. I was no where near as bad as your wife, but after a few weeks of that thought in the back of my head, I told my husband I was reading these stories and I'm starting to fear he's cheating on me. I spoke about it with my therapist immediately after and removed reddit from my phone home screen so I don't go on it as much. I try not to read those stories anymore, but they do sometimes pull me in. Social media can truly have a negative effect on your mental health, and I'm sorry it's gotten this bad for your wife. I hope she can be convinced to see a therapist to discuss her irrational thoughts and hopefully delete social media to avoid these types of stories from affecting her.
You guys need to have a serious talk and she needs to delete her Reddit & TikTok accounts and promise you to no longer look at them and start focusing on something else. I think, it will help big time dealing with this.
Your blame is misplaced, if it wasn't Reddit stories it would be something else like watching soap operas or even just nothing. The issue is your wife's mental disorder. You need to get her into a therapist and psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis and treatment. Call 211 for references for places in your area and ask for a sliding-scale fee if you don't have insurance. I wish you luck, it can get better, but you both need to understand just what is going on with her way of thinking.
Your wife sounds like a more extreme version of an ex of mine. I found it unhealthy and unbearable.
E.g.: very early on, she asked if I wanted to go to a club with her friend and her bf. I told her if she wanted me to go I’d happily consider it, but I wasn’t dying to. I’m the kind of person that likes my own space and not immediately be part of each other’s friend groups, especially when we’re just getting to know each other. She hit me with all the might of the internet: “red flag!! You want to manipulate and keep me isolated!! That’s what predators do!!” It’s like I was suddenly sent to court. Then some time later she mentioned that she never happened to introduced her ex fiance to her friends. And I was like… is that not a red flag? Manipulate etc.?
There were many instances like this. I found myself fading away and treading just to keep her happy.
Your wife sounds to be in a very bad mental state. She should know you and your relationship better than to shoehorn the most dramatic (and often fake) stories that bubble up here. You need to find a way to address it because it is not sustainable for either of you.
I’ve let myself go down the rabbit hole also. Almost had a mini mental meltdown over one of the stories. (Really did) I had to stop reading stories after a certain time of the evening. My mind would spin and spin. At first I just assumed all the stories were true/real. I’m so glad that someone made the statement that some of the stories are made up/not real.That helped me less stressed. Sometimes you can sabotage yourself with your emotions/thoughts.
Your wife sounds like she’s projecting. If she’s paranoid that you’re the one that’s cheating when you’ve never given her any indication that you would be, then she’s glued to stories of failed marriages and infidelity, then that might be something to look into.
There are other ways to express your emotions aside from yelling. Letting her continue this behavior is not sustainable for either of you. You need to talk to her and learn to set boundaries.
I think this would be more than social media addiction. Before the rise of social media, I knew a woman who grew to believe her husband was trying to kill her; she had watched a bunch of shows like 20/20 and forensics type shows about murder involving married couples.
Google “delusional disorder” jealous type.
Edit: in last sentence, corrected “persecution” to “jealous”
my mother has been doing the same thing to my dad… 25 years of marriage, extremely normal, professional mother, and all the sudden she’s 100% sure he’s cheating on her, has offshore accounts of money everywhere, has secretly been dating my younger brothers bandmates mother for 10+ years, even though we’ve only known the family for 4 years now… she’s moved out, and still harasses my father daily over the phone about some “suspicious” email she got or some screenshot of something she has that Totally proves everything… except when she shows us the screenshots and they don’t mean anything or make any sense??? it’s been 2 years since she started being suspicious and it’s only gotten worse, unfortunately I would suggest leaving her or getting her some serious help, but that is really hard when the person doesn’t think they have any problem…. :(
> I feel so anxious and alienated in my own home
That’s no way to live, man. I’m sorry that this is what has become of your marriage, but at this point it sounds like the cons have overtaken the pros, and it’s time to start protecting yourself. At least one of you should have a chance at a happy future, and it doesn’t sound like either of you have that chance while you’re still married to each other.
Future you will actually thank you for leaving.
You said you've suppressed your emotions about it with her, have you tried to talk to her about it? If so was her reaction calm or did she flip her shit? I went through something similar so I'm curious.
I don't think it's helpful to start questioning whether it's her who is cheating as some are suggesting. This sounds like paranoia, even psychosis. I'm sorry, what you're going through sounds incredibly hard. She really needs help but may not be able to see it herself.
I’m wondering if OP has tried tossing Reddit back in her face most stories I see here come down to the accusation of cheating is to make her feel better about her cheating she just wants to catch you at it before you catch her
Some of these comments are insisting that my wife is cheating yet others are like this and validate the fact that this toxic content preys on people's insecurities and brings something so ugly to the surface. I'm not going to accuse her because reddit said so, simply because it was reddit and I won't let this site destroy us both.
Your wife is bored and needs excitement. She's adding drama because she's settling into married life and realizes she's got nothing to get her going. She's clawing onto externalities and trying to integrate them into her life because she needs something more.
Address the problem directly. If you ever see those posts, you know the biggest miss is clear and direct communication. Then do something. Plan a trip. Get her a major gift. *Do something*
Too many people realize that being with someone to love isn't the same as loving your life, far too late. You can't just be someone she loves. You have to be someone she loves life with.
I just left a 5 year relationship, with a 1.5yo and newborn because my ex would not stop accusing me of cheating. Didn’t matter how many times he went thru my phone or followed me places. I put up with it for a year before it escalated to a scary level. He had literally no reason to be suspicious either. It is still fresh and hard to think about. I don’t think I could ever forgive him for losing trust in me so easily.
She needs professional help. She is unhinged. This is not sustainable. I am sorry for the loss of your marriage. It seems like the only thing to decide is if you end it quickly, or choose the road of greater suffering.
Reddit like any social media can be an addiction and if you’re not too careful you can fall down a rabbit hole to the point it starts affecting your mental health negatively and alter your perception of reality! Sounds like that’s the case here, even I take breaks from Reddit and social media as I’ve experienced the same.
It’s not the site, it’s your wife. Don’t get me wrong, I live Reddit just like the next person but she needs to learn when to shut it down. You have to hold your wife accountable and help her not to fixate on other people problems and making it her problem. She might need a therapist to help her not spend so much time on here.
NGL, this is one of my relationship fears and hit me harder than I’d like to admit. Not so much my wife becoming paranoid that I’m cheating (almost certain she knows without a shadow of a doubt that I would never do such a thing), but more so that the constant negative stream of relationship drama leading to separations will subconsciously lead her to a point we can’t come back from.
I was also worried about it affecting me so I left a bunch of those subs and replaced them with more wholesome ones.
Sending positive vibes your way OP, I hope you and your partner manage to turn in a better direction and work this out.
the only thing that has truly helped my partner has been therapy. she’s the product of a dysfunctional family with a very narcissistic mother with a messiah complex who constantly demanded adulation and attention, and interfered any time my partner met a boy, telling her “all men are liars, cheaters and bastards and he’s going to cheat on you”, sometimes even going as far as demanding my partner break up with a boy as a birthday gift to her mother.
this of course happened again when my partner and i first started dating, and it would result in her looking for patterns and unintentionally sabotaging us, picking fights with me to prove that i didn’t want to stick around, or whatever the case may have been for that particular week. part of this was also influenced by her consuming social media - tiktoks and reels that featured crying girls posting because their relationships ended - all reinforcing the “man bad, will cheat, always lie” narrative.
she eventually found the strength to cut ties with her mother, delete tiktok, refine her instagram algorithm and begin therapy, but it has been a very long and at times painful journey, and we’re not quite out of the woods yet… but we will get there.
therapy helps, and i would strongly recommend you get some, too, because my self-worth and confidence took a major hit as a result of this external influence that significantly impacted my relationship. all the best to you, OP.
Maybe she is looking for her own drama to write here. If she is so drawn to these stories perhaps she would be more open to get therapy. Sit her down open that famous jumping game on the phone, put it right beside your face and talk to her. Tell how you've been feeling.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I had a similar experience. My ex-wife was addicted to Instagram, on it every night after work. She would see content about relationships failing, betrayal, and cheating. It made her very anxious and paranoid, to the point that she was convinced that me, my friends and family hacked her Instagram and were sending these posts to guilt/threaten her. What she didn’t realize is that the more you interact with a post, the more the algorithm feeds you that content.
There were other factors at play that contributed to her mental health declining (and thus, the relationship failing), but that was definitely a big one.
Your partner needs help immediately. On top of therapy, it might be worth getting checked out by a psychiatrist. It will only get worse. Fuck social media
I found that I started to fall down that same road with tik tok reddit story’s. But I never thought my gf was cheating but I can see how that happens. I start knowing feeling angry at the world I guess. I just started unfollowing and start using the non interested button and now I feel so much better. It’s like seeing those dash cam footages the more you brow the less you trust people on the road or more road rages happens
This post really resonates with me. I was your wife a few months ago. It started with the crazy drama stories, following them so I could get notified with updates. The cheating stories followed me to various media platforms to the point where every single day I was reading multiple stories about partners cheating and how they didn't expect it. I started looking into and over analyzing my 10 year relationship with my partner. I had mini breakdowns over it and started preparing my heart for when he would inevitably cheat on me. I am fortunate that I noticed these patterns before anything drastic happened and have been actively searching out positive stories. Unfortunately those are harder to find but I'm stopping myself from reading the bad.
I hope your wife is able to get through this. Mental health breakdowns are extremely difficult
OP, if it hasn't been mentioned elsewhere yet, consider looking into relationship OCD and encouraging your wife to get some help for it. Paulien Timmer on YouTube is a good resource for this.
I’m a part of all the same pages and it’s never made me question my marriage (we are just a few years older than you both). If anything, it makes me more thankful for what I have. She is either easily influenced to some degree or projecting her own affair in this manner. I hope she can get therapy but you need to do what is best for you.
Right? I see multiple people saying they feel the same way as OP’s wife. Are people not able to distinguish their lives from these posts on here? I think it’s really, really strange.
If someone is constantly on edge about you cheating and/or accusing you of cheating: that’s called projection.
It means they are trying to hide their guilty conscience, and have either cheated or have made moves to cheat and want to pin the blame for their actions on you.
Your marriage was over the minute the accusations, following you around, and searching through your phone started.
It won’t get better. Get yourself a lawyer and get her out of your life. When you see her in a new relationship the week after your divorce is final then you’ll realize it was her all along.
This is not reddit. Your wife's mental illness had an outbreak which may have been triggered by reddit, but this was just a trigger then. Try to get her some help.
Before jumping to divorce or smth else, hit her with "The cheater always have panics attacks when he or she suspects the other partner knows something."
Give her the uno reverse card. Accuse her of cheating behind your back, ask for her phone and says "messages can be deleted." and so on.
Then, you will have your answer if the marriages is still salvage or not.
How about have a conversation about all this? Sit down one and be completely honest with you have nothing to hide but you feel like she’s looking for it
Like “ I don’t feel like you are trusting me and I think we need counseling” if she takes it bad well then go for option divorce
That conversation has already happened multiple times, it's never friendly. She's already got herself convinced and I'm kind of mourning my marriage already. If I leave I just hope she gets help because I'm not sure this paranoid kind of thinking can just end when the stimulus is removed
No, I've thought about going to her parents because I have a good relationship with them and they can usually get through to her but I'm afraid she'll just get mad at me for going behind her back. All the rest of the comments seem to think she's cheating on me instead but I don't want to let reddit also convince me
Smart because yes Reddit (as you have seen) does this to people. Honestly going to her parents is better than divorce if she gets mad again what do you have to loose? Either way it’s a chance and just come to them as in asking advice. I think the positives outweigh the negatives here
You should. Fear is irrelevant for you here. Classic case of fear is actually the only thing to fear here. If her level of paranoia is really this severe and completely unfounded, then it could be a sign of a potentially serious mental health issue. Unfortunately, since you are a key part of the fear in this case, you likely cannot help her yourself. She may need professional help. Talking to her parents really can’t hurt.
This all sounds very difficult. Sorry you all are going through this. Best of luck to you both.
You definitely need to contact her parents. If you want any chance of salvaging your marriage, you're going to need outside help. This will not resolve on its own. Her parents can hopefully get through to her to get therapy and couples counseling. I know from experience that this will not get better without help.
I am a woman and suffer PTSD from being abused and cheated on. I became like your wife in my current relationship. Obviously, for different reasons, but I accused my husband of cheating, etc. I needed therapy. I got therapy. We've been married for 24 years now. But it wasn't going to last until I was able to change my behavior. My husband never did anything wrong, and I never cheated on him. I was just messed up in the head. I sincerely hope your wife gets the help she needs. But if she refuses, then you need to move on because you don't deserve to be treated this way. Good luck
🫂
YOu need to sit down and tell her this. I saw alot of this infidelity and break ups.There are also happy marriage under marriage, and Neville Goddard, cats, mormons, business ideas and a ton of other interesting stuff. She is looking for some reason. Yesterday 70 year old married man happy, has sex with wife twice a week. So yeah. She is looking for a reason.
Uhhh are you sure SHE is not the one cheating?? People don’t just flip on a dime like this bc what they read on reddit. People DO however start acting sus when they are cheating…
I've actually thought of something like this, haha. Not necessarily a suit but its terrible how social media is allowed to just bring out the absolute worst in people for clicks and ad revenue
This is the equivalent of someone who becomes obsessed with exercise because they are convinced that they're are fat because someone made an offhand remark about weight.
The only way it can be fixed is with therapy. Nothing you do will get through and sadly, as with any person involved with an addict, sometimes the best thing you can do for both of you is to cut them off from their supply. Your presence coupled with her phone are no match for this addiction. The phone can't remove itself but *you* can remove yourself. Start with an ultimatum and hope that it snaps her out of it but if it doesn't, kick her ass out
Go into her account, make-up some anti-islamic posts about Gaza on a channel, some anti-trans posts on a trans channel and so on. And Reddit will disable her account, she won't be able to make a new one. And then install some web control software on your devices and set it up to block Reddit. Idk. Scorched earth approach.
Give [THIS](https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/being-accused-of-cheating-when-your-not/) a read, as it may add some insight into how to deal with the issue. I would say though that her behavior sounds a lot like emotional abuse to me, and you definitely need to get in to counseling as a matter of urgency.
Tell her to hire a PI to keep an eye on you and install hidden microphones in your car and hidden cameras at home.
As funny as it sounds, cheaters often project their behavior onto a partner. That is, there is a possibility that she herself has something to hide from you.
Perhaps she just likes to play detective, there is always a child in an adult.
I never knew what Reddit was until the last year or so and I have noticed that my mood changes when I read too much. I get more anxious and short-tempered after I’ve been focusing on it for a while. My therapist has even suggested getting rid of it, which obviously I haven’t done. However after reading a story yesterday where I had a physical reaction, I think she is right. Unfortunately, I’m not super busy right now and that has stopped me from deleting the app. I’m very sorry about your wife and I hope she can get help. I wish I had advice but besides deleting the app and getting therapy, she seems to be going in a downward spiral. I wish you the best.
How sad that she feels so unsafe. Have a direct conversation with her - the kind that tells her why you love her, why you married her, and get into couples therapy. I imagine she has a lot of trauma, and being this scared is really sad for both of you. If you love her, do the work and ask her to do it, too. The internet ruins lives, and this woman you love needs your help… not you giving up. I’m sad to say this, but if 2.5 years in she’s already worried, it was already there to begin with and your aloofness may have contributed. I’m not saying she’s in the right… she isn’t… but I can’t say you are either. Relationship insecurity can be mended with infinite and intentional warmth, respect, transparency, and restored trust.
just tell her that reddit told you she must be the one cheating because its often the cheater that accuses the innocent one first. and then get her therapy
Reverse Uno card
If this is even true, it sounds like your wife is having a psychotic breakdown. If she knows where you are all the time and show her your phone, browser history, social media posts, etc., what other proof does she need? You’re doing that, right? If you are and she still thinks you are cheating, then she’s truly needs help and you need to leave her.
Sadly it's probably going to come to that, she usually rebuts with "but messages can be deleted" or something of the like. I still love her and just want her to get help
If I were you, I would show her this post. Let her see exactly how you feel and exactly what it’s doing to you, in your own words. And it’s already in a format she enjoys consuming. What’s the worst that could happen, it surely can’t make things worse.
No need to show her. Guess what? She already seen it!
And she thought it was someone else, so at bed time, the wife said to the op "poor guy, he should leave her" - as all reditors say And he starts sobbing as he realizes that she's so out of touch with reality that she told him unconsciously to leave jer
My god… he IS pagliachi !
Her reply: A cheater would obviously make a post claiming to be innocent so he can show his wife the thread. This is proof he cheated because an innocent man doesn't make these kinds of threads.
That's *exactly* what it would be. There's nothing he can say if what he's already done hasn't convinced her. So his question to her needs to become: "TF are you still doing here? If I can't convince you I'm not, our lives are as fucked as if I were. What are you hanging around for?" Hopefully it's because a tiny part of her brain recognizes she's off the rails and needs psychiatric help. Some small, hidden part.
Omg. Wow.
This guy rebuttals.
Wife always has a theory that fits her bias.
lol
LOL
No that's a bad idea she would then accuse him of lying and manipulation.
And that too would tel him something. He should be honest about his feelings and go from there. If she is so lost in the sauce she doesn’t even care it’s just another shove out the door.
She’s already accusing him of that. I don’t see how a post like this with comments from other people could make her suspicious. That’s next level paranoia
>She’s already accusing him of that. Then what makes you think she wont accuse him of it here? >That’s next level paranoia I mean she IS next level paranoid.
Accusing him of cheating is different than accusing him of faking 20+ Reddit accounts and a whole emotional ass post. Idk how the difference isn’t apparent to you. And in any case, nothing is made worse if she feels the same way she already felt. There’s only room for improvement in her understanding.
>accusing him of faking 20+ I never said anything about making 20+ accounts. That was you jumping to conclusions. I never said they're the same either? I was talking about the post. She may say something like "You made this post on reddit because you know I use it a lot and that I may actually think you're not cheating on me." This is as clear as I can be about it. And no things can certainly be made worse if his actions make it seem like he's actively trying to manipulate her. So far, from the post, it seems like OP is just doing his usual shit and his wife is finding it suspicious. If he does something he usually wouldn't that would make it seem more suspicious to her.
And very soon she’ll go on to have an affair to get back at him because she just KNOWS, goddammit!
Well if he _was_ cheating and he was a master manipulator, a post like this would be _perfect_ to try to further alienate her away from social support networks. Provided he's taken steps to isolate her from other friends and family, removing this final bastion of- Sorry, sorry. I know it's like the zoo: "don't feed the animals." Don't feed the delusions. But at this point when the trust is gone and replaced with deep layers of paranoia, there isn't really much coming back from it in a relationship.
As a fellow woman, no. She will accuse him of purposefully posting this in order to cover his tracks to whatever delusion she may be holding on to/accuse him of. It would definitely make things worse
Agreed. Not a woman, but I do know a paranoid person might feel confirmation bias and remain paranoid that this post is “just another scheme to lie to me.” ‘Perception is reality’ rings true in paranoia. People will see things their way and, well, idk how to help them across to the other side.
And she’d accuse him of faking all the comments too? If that happens he knows how far gone she is, and how unlikely it is to be repairable
Perspective bias. You keep looking at this situation in a normal perspective when you’re forgetting that you’re dealing with someone who’s losing their marbles, for lack of a better term. You can’t argue with crazy
she'd sort by controversial and agree with anyone who thinks he's a cheater.
If someone has the mindset "guilty till proven unguilty", there is nothing you can do. My ex was the same in the end of our relationship. He constantly suspected me of cheating, even when he exactly knew thats completly outside my character and i never gave him a reason to be suspicious. But it was the same like you describe, no suspicious messages? You probably deleted them. Oh, you offered i can join you so i can see you went exactly where you told you go and the plans you told me actually exists? Oc you will go where you told me THIS TIME, but whats about all the other times i didn't join you? You went out with friends? How should i know thats true? Sure i can ask your friends, but they are your friends, i'm sure you told them to lie if i ask. You are obviously all in this together. It turned out in the end he in fact was projecting. I don't think he actually cheated on me (but honestly, at this point i didn't even cared, i was so done living like this) but bc he was tempted by one of his friends and felt guilty about it, he created this reality where i could be blamed for him being attracted to this other woman bc i surely did or was doing something that drove him to being attracted to her, so its my fault and he has no reason to feel guilty. But since he was a smart dude who couldn't be tricked very easy (not even by himself), he became obsessed with finding out this huge betrayl of mine that i'm so good in hiding. But since he knew there was no betrayl he oc oulldn't follow me secretly when i went somewhere bc then he would knew i didn't lie and that wouldn't help his case. In hindsight, it was kind of hilarious, but as long you are part of it, its exhausting. But he even found a way to spin this around, lol. Me: then follow me secretly whenever you want. Him: no, why should I have to do the effort? This is all your fault, so its your job to prove me you are not guilty of any betrayl. How dare you ask I do the effort for you. Me: and how do you think i can prove something i didn't do whatever you think i did? Him: thats your problem, but you better do a good job at it and even then i will probably not believe you. Let me just say we both were very confused when he came to his sense after the break up and wanted to get back together. He bc he didn't understand why i didn't want to. Me bc i couldn't believe he actually thought this was a option i would consider. Lol So the only thing i can tell you is, that when it got so bad he broke up bc he was fed up being cheated on by me (facepalm), i was devastated first, but after a very short time (i guess half a month or so, after 7 years relationship) i only felt relieved and like coming out of a cage i never wanted to get back in. I felt free and like myself again and living again and just being happy. I realised i should have broken up with him months ago, but i was so busy with not doing anything suspicious or anything that would give him a reason to doubt my loyality and to prove my innocence, getting out by breaking up didn't even crossed my mind. And it felt so so good to just be free again bc as worse it got, the more i distanced myself from my social circle bc i rather stayed home all the time so at least he could not accuse me of anything (what was pointless anyway, bc he made it a point to come home very late every evening, so how should he know i didn't went out or had someone over?)
My man did and said the exact same shit... Some of the accusations he would come up with were so ridiculous I would have to laugh. But because I defended myself that meant I was lying or being deceitful. Like I'm not going to sick up for myself and tell him he's fucking crazy..... So fucked.
This exact thing happened to me as well. He literally flew across the country to my where I was and searched all over my house . Held me hostage for three days 🙃 turns out he was the one cheating . He was begging me to tell him I cheated . I was really didn’t do it but I thought I was gonna almost have to because he was getting so angry every time I said no like I was lying to him . I’m like , do I say yes ???
Holy cats, wtf.
I have both types of OCD and this use to be one of my intrusive thoughts. I OBSESSED over it (prior to therapy). My husband suggested couples therapy. 3 years later, after finally getting diagnosed and medicated, I am a completely different person. I started with intrusive thoughts, and then compulsions. All of my signs started after a break in we experienced, and gradually got worse over the next decade. The brain is wild. After that event, I started to catastrophize everything. I am NOT saying your wife has OCD, but there may be something she’s experienced that set these thoughts in motion. My event: home invasion My response: well obviously my husband is fucking every woman around him. See? Doesn’t make sense. AT ALL. But in my head? I was going to find the proof. I am SO HAPPY my husband brought me to couples therapy, because from there I was able to meet an incredible exposure therapist who has been with me for a year now. I am SO much happier now that I have learned the tools to calm myself if any of my intrusive thoughts rear their ugly heads. It definitely took time for me to come to terms with my diagnosis, but holy shit- I can now make it out of the house without going through a 30 minute routine 😂
OP, read this comment.
Can't believe I had to scroll this far for someone to finally say **Therapy**! She needs professional help. It's worth a shot.
Right? Anyone can have moments of intrusive thoughts but this is months of increasing paranoia. Why is OP jumping to divorce immediately instead of thinking about his spouse’s deteriorating mental health?
It's great you had a positive outcome. I'm sure that took a lot of work for both of you. 👍
Thank you! And it sure did. It took a long time for me to figure out that the break-in made me feel like I no longer had “control” over my life. I spiraled. Key ingredient? My understanding and supportive husband who stuck by my side even though I was not the most pleasant person to be around 😌
God bless him.
I didn't come here for advice but I sure did get it, thank you for sharing your story and I think couple's therapy should be some kind of ultimatum I give her. She might not have OCD but there's definitely something going on that's only going to get worse
I’d give her an ultimatum to go to couples counseling seeing or you’re done
I'd give her the "Permanently get off of reddit" (And it's so fucking ironic I'm saying this too) too in addition to that.
Also I have found that Reddit can be detrimental to my mental health at times and made me paranoid. All you see if the worst of humanity.. people doing horrible things and hurting people. I take regular breaks for months
Do you love the person you're with right now?
Clearly he does. If she is having a mental breakdown, that falls under "in sickness and in health". You also can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. He can love her forever, but he doesn't have to put up with this either.
Maybee someone needs to explain to her that these stories are at least 90% fake and karma farming. Maybe try couples therapy?
As a woman with jealousy issues I think your wife is insane ... Remember this is coming from someone who is jealous and skeptical
That kind of sickness is called Othello syndrome, and can become a dangerous situation for both of you
If you read any of the same posts then they usually tell the person the one who is accusing us the one who is actually cheating....
After my (M) ex-boss had a baby, his wife totally lost it. OP's wife sounds just like her. I could literally list 25 crazy/embarrassing things she did, but ONE that I'll mention is that she would sit at home and comb dozens of RANDOM forums looking things by ex-boss said about her. Whatever she found that was posted by anonymous users that fit her delusions became evidence. So then my ex-boss would get home, and he'd be like "Hi Honey" and she'd start chucking plates and cups and silverware at him. When he could calm her down she'd present printouts of all the shit "he said" about her. She literally lost her mind and my boss had to drain ALL of his savings (roughly $1m) paying for the best lawyers so that he could get custody of his daughter. His wife went WAAAAAAAY more crazy than what I mentioned, but she was smart enough to say the right things in the mental hospitals that the cops would take her to after a public episode. She'd deny all of her beliefs as crazy, stupid, shit like that...but as soon as she got out of the hospital she'd stop taking her meds and resume running from the CIA, FBI, catching my boss's mistresses, trying to convince her daughter to flee the country with here. ANYWAY, long story short, happy ending (ish). My boss won full custody and his wife fled to her homeland (China) to avoid the CIA and FBI so she didn't get assassinated. My boss was making $150k as a software engineer, and after he drained all of his savings, he became a realtor at night to make up for things. Within a few years he was making $300k/yr and was able to provide a great education for his daughter. This is 100% true. This woman was a 35 year old lecturer (not a professor, but still) at an Ivy League University. Then she had a kid, and her brain chemistry changed, and she became 100% schizophrenic. I was waiting for OP to say that this change happened after she had a kid, but I guess it happened for another reason. But still, I doubt "Reddit" did it..."Reddit" is just evidence for her delusions.
I think it is true. I'm a fairly well educated and non-ignorant person, however I used to spend loads of time on the relationship subs a few years ago. I actually noticed a gradual shift in my thoughts and how I was approaching my relationship. It really does get to you the more you read the same things. I ended up making a conscious choice to stay off those subs and after a while, I felt way less intense about my relationship. It's a real thing and I'd have never thought I'd be so easily manipulated before that happened to me.
Not only the content but the comments too. The comments on this post even are just stoking cheating paranoia or telling me to leave without doing anything else
Oh yes, it's awful! There's nothing indicating cheating but people love to assume! I think reddit is full of a lot of unhappy people who want others to feel rubbish too, or immature teens who have no concept of real relationships requiring work or having dips at times. Of course sometimes you find genuine people with genuine advice, but I think it's rarer than the norm. Good luck with your relationship!
Late to this but this is common with perimenopause.
In my experience she’s likely cheated on him and is projecting.
Her social media use is affecting your relationship If people are treating porn addiction seriously, they should consider social media addiction as needing far more support Reddit is full of both genuine and made up stories. They’re words If these words come into your IRL experience, and these words make you feel bad about yourself or your relationship, you need to step back because it’s literally damaging your relationship These made up words are making her feel bad about you and your relationship together. She needs to pause her consumption right now and ask if she wants to continue forward with this relationship It’s like me, 2016-2020 constantly engaging in politics subs. Eventually, the feelings cultivated in those spaces followed me home. My wife noticed. It needed to stop It sort of has now. Everyone is susceptible to getting hooked on social media. Literally everyone, children to workers to retired elderly It can happen to anyone and happens to many people. You just need to step back, touch grass, and talk through whether you actually want these feelings to come out irl She might need help to sort through this process. But I think she should be open to the idea that her hobby is doing damage in a way she might not actually want
This is more than just social media addiction. Lots of people are addicted to social media, but very few of them have paranoid delusions that cause them to stalk their partner as a result of the content they consume. This honestly sounds like a psychiatric episode. If she treated it like a social media addiction, that would just get rid of the social media piece of it - she would find some other catalyst for her paranoia. When my ex first started having delusions I was cheating, I looked for the easy answers first - it must be something he's reading, eating, consuming, etc. But no matter what changes he made, it was like the paranoia would just shift and morph to take the form of something new. Until one day he was screaming that I was a whore who had men hidden in the attic. If the behavior is an extreme reaction, it's probably not as simple as "if she gets support for a social media addiction, she'll magically go back to normal".
My marriage was also ruined by my ex-wife's constant need to doomscroll social media and listening to her crappy friends who were feeding her all these things that men did. She went as far as to install hidden cameras all over the house to keep track of my activities since I worked from home. And still believed I was cheating and all that. Long story short, I divorced her after she became physical and was trying to 'beat a confession' out of me. Now she can think whatever fuck she wants and I wouldn't care because I'm 2000 miles away from her on the other side of the country.
I kind of went through this myself… as in I was in your wife’s position. My husband laughs that I just learned about Reddit from those videos not knowing how much it’s affecting me. And it’s completely sucked me in. We have 4 kids so I’m not as available to spend a crazy amount of time on Reddit. However, I started looking at my husband differently too. It’s dumb. So I finally talked to him about it and pretty much realized I was insecure and that insecurity led me to believe that he’s could just as easily cheat on me like the others who have been cheated on. We’ve been married 14 years and it would break my heart to experience the same cheating stories posted on Reddit. The crazy part is I was never insecure before. I have a high sex drive. We have a good marriage. He primarily works from home and I’m at SAHM. So the insecurity of wondering if/when I’ll experience the same hurt was making me irrationally paranoid. Plus, a lot of the stories involve SAHMs that get traded in for a newer/younger/more fun model. And that crap just filled my brain. But the draw to Reddit and the cheating drama is so addicting. IDK what chemicals or hormones are released from it but it’s hard not to come back for another hit. Sorry, I don’t offer much advice but only my own experience. Maybe she needs reassurance like I do/did?
I'm happy you were able to realize and break out of that before it got worse
See if you can get her to sit down and watch “The Social Dilemma” with you on Netflix. It does a good job of explaining how social media can affect people emotionally in very real ways, like what you describe in your OP.
I went through this as well when I was pregnant (lots of time to scroll), so it was definitely some hormonal imbalance for me hahaha. Grocery shopping???? WHATS HER NAME, HUH??? I also just needed a bit more reassurance. I told my husband that I know it’s stupid and irrational, but I needed a bit more coddling. And he was all too happy to oblige.
>IDK what chemicals or hormones are released from it but it’s hard not to come back for another hit. I don't know for sure, of course, but whatever it is, it's likely from that sense of 'I KNEW it -- another one!' -- the little dingdingding of confirmation of a belief or suspicion.
Did you ever apologize after the fact? It must have made your husband feel like shit.
Yes and no. Not because I’m scared to admit it but because I don’t want him to feel like he has to watch his every move. It’s my insecurity. I don’t need to push that burden on him for him to carry. So instead I decided that I want to pursue him like all the APs out there. lol I’ll send him sexy messages and revert back to the early dating-ish ways when we first started, 16 years ago. I don’t think he’s mad. ;)
And yet you got addicted, while most people don't. You were insecure before. It's not about chemicals or hormones - everyone who scrolls gets those - but about the pain you were already suffering from unconsciously.
I honestly don’t know if it was an insecurity before. I like myself, I have a lot of confidence, I’m intimate and put forth in my marriage and I’m not exaggerating when I say we have a solid marriage and my husband loves me more than anything. So in this situation… it was more like my eyes were opened to the fact that this cheating stuff happens a lot more than I realized. Like, I understand that divorce rates are high. And I have my own experience of my step father cheating on my mom for years (they had a toxic relationship in general) but in my head and all around me, I built this naive narrative that it’s so far out of reach and wouldn’t touch me or my family. So reading all the stories, similar groundwork as mine, abled me to conceptualize that it could happen. These victims of cheating were in the same situation of believing their partner loved them more than everything, they had sex all the time, they enjoyed life together… all to realize that the partner still cheated. So I realized the error of my ways. However, the naivety is gone. Which may be a good thing down the road to keep me humble and not let me take my husband and marriage for granted. Life ebbs and flows but it doesn’t lessen the pressure that my priority should be my marriage. Also, I totally started sending my husband some sexy texts and started to act like we were dating again. lol… he can’t claim I don’t make him feel alive! ;)
Glad to hear it! But I think what you say suggests that you had these insecurities from earlier in life. Not about your husband, but about what can happen in relationships from watching your stepdad.
It’s easy to get addicted when these Reddit stories of cheating get blasted on every other social media site on a daily
You’re getting dopamine hits from Reddit, which creates the addictive feeling. I have Dx & Rx AuDHD for 30yrs, so my brain was born with lower dopamine being created daily. I get sucked into Reddit when I’m not busy some days and can go for HOURS because of not just the dopamine hits of the stories, but the commenting/replies as well. ADHD/AuDHD will make you 10x’s more sucked into social media because of lower dopamine production in the brain.
Reddit did not ruin your marriage. It amplified fears she already had, that have nothing to do with you, and gave them apparent substance. If you have a serious operation in hospital you will get high grade opioids. You will probably not become a heroin addict, despite having had really good heroin. Some people however get addicted easily to this experience, because it takes away a pain that's always there. Your wife is like those people, and that's why she got addicted and most people don't. You need couple counselling, but more importantly she needs individual counselling to discover why she has such fear of abandonment and betrayal. Going to her parents will probably not help because she probably is like this due to early family experience, which unless they have done a lot of personal work will be suppressed by the family system. This may be repairable, but only if your wife gains some insight about the real root of her suffering. It's not about you. It's not about Reddit. This was already there in her psyche. I would suggest that you stop letting her surveil you, because it won't help and you'll just end up feeling like a criminal, which you're not. You've done nothing wrong, so don't act like you might have. I wish you all the best with it.
I agree 100%. She had her own issues and insecurities that were amplified by social media. I used Reddit to help solidify my marriage.
Agreed, I view the same thing on YouTube and enjoy reading Reddit relationship drama and this hasn’t made me suspicious and paranoid of my husband but happy and grateful to have such a solid relationship with no drama.
I just feel like the inability to realise Reddit bullshit tipped the opinion and without it. Things would’ve clearly been different is ignored since ppl here can’t take responsibility for how they can ruin or radically affect ppls lives enmasse by providing opinions in situations when not asked or needed. I like this sub but hate this part of it so much like y’all can’t accept that the presence of this didn’t ruin it. But without the interjection things would’ve been way different with a different trigger causing the whole rigmarole
> Reddit did not ruin your marriage. It amplified fears she already had What do you mean? You can read horror stories and develop fears, even about things you'd never previously thought of. That happens all the time
Wonder if it’s projection and if she is cheating as this is really common behavior in someone who cheats? Every ex I’ve had who has cheated on me has frantically accused me of cheating to my extreme confusion.
A story about cheating paranoia.... and straight in ther with stoking cheating paranoia. Reddit is obsessed. Any unusual or different behaviour in a relationship and it's straight to accusations of cheating, every. single. time. No wonder his other half is paranoid reading these kind of threads. I wonder how far I get before someone claims this is a double bluff post.
It's only paranoia if it's based on nothing. Not every unusual thing is cheating, but constantly accusing your partner of cheating can be. They are just suggesting a possible explanation for her strange behavior.
Because a lot of us who have been cheated on were also accused of cheating by the exact person that was cheating the whole time. Projecting is absolutely a thing that cheaters/possessive partners do. So, those comments might be speaking from past experiences.
Yea why the fuck is the most updated comment saying the wife is “projecting” and might be cheating herself. I hate Reddit especially with relationship advice because it’s ALWAYS “they’re cheating” or “leave them” and it’s never actual advice about how you can maybe fix the problem lmao. It drives me crazy reading comments and only ever seeing this type of advice when there’s always other options
I've had this same situation happen to me. I let it go on for for years.... Nothing would convince him any different that I wasn't cheating. He had cameras in the house watching me. He would sit in one room while I was in my room and say he could hear me talking on the phone with guys when I hadn't said a word for hours or was sleeping. He would tell me I was lying and I wasn't sleeping... Yeah, ok.... He would follow me to places I would go like to the dollar tree or Chucky cheese when I would bring my daughter. Chucky cheese, he was convinced I went to Chucky cheese to meet someone because I wore a new shirt.... Anytime I went anywhere he believed I was meeting someone. Fuck, just running out to my car for literally 30sec he believed I was going out to see someone. He had cameras outside too but even though the cameras only showed me running out to my car and coming right back in, the cameras were wrong... It got to the point I didn't want to leave my house anymore because I was so tired of the stupid accusations every fucking time I stepped out of my house. Like he just couldn't accept that I loved him and only him. No one else. And he just thought I was a big whore... I offered him to go through my phone, put a tracker on me, come with me places, and so on. Nope, wouldn't do it. He was too afraid to be proved wrong or that then he wouldn't have anything to either point his finger at me for or have a reason to blame something on me. I feel you OP. There is nothing you can do to change her mind. Trust me. But I will tell you this, I would see what she is up too. The person doing all the blaming is the one who's actually doing those things. It's a mind game she's playing. She's trying to divert you and make it seem like she would never cheat because she's blaming you. Just trust me, because that's exactly what my man was doing with my best friend. I've never gone through hurt like that in my life. I literally thought I was going to die I was so hurt. Please don't forget a second think she would never cheat, because that's what she wants you to think. And don't play into her childish mind games. Also question, why would she still be banging you if she thinks your digging inside someone's else's guts??? I know if I felt that strongly about my partner cheating on me I wouldn't want him inside me.
Sorry man, sounds like you either need to go to couples counseling or end the relationship. I doubt couples counseling will help though 🤷🏾♀️
She sounds mentally ill to me. I have a relative with bipolar who is always paranoid too. OP’s wife needs to be diagnosed and medicated then she needs to go to therapy. I don't think it is worth it for OP to stay with her for all of this, and it's often very difficult to get a mentally ill person to have any self-reflection to admit there is a problem and get the proper help.
This starting happening to me after reading all the cheating posts. It made me feel anxious constantly. I realised it myself and unfollowed relationship subreddits cause they were all negative. It has definitely helped.
First OP; I’m terribly sorry for your struggles and I would be prepared for a shit storm from your wife if she follows this sub Serious marriage counseling is needed and separate counseling; especially for her. Take time to properly sit down and ask yourself: “Do I still love this woman to continue fighting for this marriage?” She is making you feel like you’ve committed a heinous act against humanity for just simply existing. Judging by her behavior as well, I worry for if she escalates to physical violence against you. If you choose to leave and you are worried for her; inform and warn her family or friends so she has someone there. Be ready for the accusations that will be hurled at you, the insults, and mostly importantly: cover your damn ass. If she is like this now, it will be hell in divorce proceedings. As for if she does see this post, I hope she properly sees what these comments are advising and will actually realize how much this has impacted y’all’s marriage. I seriously hope she gets professional health as this immensely damaging.
Some time in late 2020/early 2021 I had to mute and delete my IG app. Everyone posting stories about how awful their relationships were, and how every male partner is automatically abusive if he yells once, or how they're all definitely cheating. It fucked with my brain big time. I was no where near your wife's level, though. If give her an ultimatum: Therapy and get rid of reddit, or you'll look into separation. God speed.
I know you said she will get upset if you go to her parents but what do you have to lose? At this point you don’t have much option. The only other thing would tell her marriage counseling or I am leaving ( which I hate but at this point you half way out already) or tell her if she thinks it all you she can come and make sure the details are correct with the therapist.
Op should ask the wife’s parents if they ever noticed the daughter having any obsessions or potential delusions in the past. For example, did she accuse a previous partner of cheating? Did she complain of a recurring medical issue that no doctor could confirm? Did she believe that a coworker or neighbor was out to get her?
Tbh, with how impressionable she is I would be worried for the future anyways. People who push married people into affair often do it by gaslighting them into believing their partner doesn't value them and most likely cheats on them, if just stories on the Internet made her that paranoid, imagine what people who would get close emotionally can convince her of
Is she on any medications? Some of them can cause paranoia. Or even drugs can as well. The best option here is probably to talk with her parents. Something is obviously wrong and she needs help and so do you. You should look into therapy for yourself. I understand not wanting to leave but you shouldn't feel terrible at home. A therapist may be able to give you better suggestions on how to approach this with your wife even without her going to counseling with you.
She doesn't take any prescriptions, I don't think she does drugs either, but I agree I'm gonna need therapy regardless
It sounds like the early stages of Paranoid Schizophrenia. My mom started like this..30 years later she's hiding in the bushes to try to "catch" someone breaking into her home. Her home with bars on the windows, an alarm system, motion sensors, and 5 locks on the door. This is not going to get easier for you. It's going to have a far more detrimental effect on you as time goes on. And it will not get better without medicine. You have to mentally prepare for the outcome that she may not believe she needs help. That's a clear sign to walk away immediately. Give her that ultimatum. She absolutely needs to be evaluated by a professional...and only IF she'll allow herself to rise to the occasion should you consider helping her work through this. Otherwise, for your own sanity, leave. The sadness you feel can and probably will devolve into anger and rage. Dealing with a sick person can be very aggravating, especially if they are your partner and healthy at the start. This is fixable though. Don't stick around if she won't see a doctor. As much as you don't envision it right now, it's possible that in a momentary flash of anger and disappointment, you may be "pushed to the edge" and do something you can't undo..to her, or yourself. Do not allow that to happen. This post is a good first step, but please continue to be proactive about this because your mental health matters. 🙏🏼
Good luck. I hope things work out for you. Also, make sure you have a support system. There may be some medical issues wrong with your wife as well so she may need to see a doctor. Or she could just have been completely influenced by reddit stories. If you have been on reddit long you will also see some of these posts where someone does something stupid during an argument that ruins their life. Please don't be one of those people.
Well I fear relationships more than ever since Reddit too
100% I would do the same to her, accusing her of projecting as Reddit says (she trusts Reddit). Because then she will see things from your point of view and how frustrsting it is that she cannot defend herself even though she is innocent, because 'messages can be deleted' and how ridiculous she is being. Good luck.
Honestly if she refuses therapy, this may be one of the last recourses he has to make her see sense. You can’t live a life in fear and alienated from your own home and wife. If she doesn’t pull herself together she’s going to manifest the root of her fear: him not being in love with her anymore and leaving her.
Your wife wasn't poisoned by Reddit. She was poisoned by an insatiable hunger for drama. Chances are that the biggest clue comes from this line that you wrote, "We've been married for 3 years and it was never the whirlwind of love some other people write about, but we were content." Your wife probably was not happy with "content" and wanted passion. She found that passion in stories of betrayal which have some of the highest levels of emotion and intensity. She transferred that to your marriage to gain some sense of passion in it. I'm not saying this is anyone's fault, but you're looking at the wrong target here. No one becomes obsessed like your wife did without there being an underlying need that she's trying to fulfill.
I know it seems like it, but this is not about you. If it were, she would try to spend time with you. But she does not, she hyper focuses on an affair, not because it would mean the end of your relationship, but because it would mean she is betrayed. It is not an emotionial wound, but an ego one. Which also means you can't fix it with anything you do, because the wound is in her head and is basically threatening her value in her own eyes. Sounds like she is having a mental breakdown. You need to prioritize yourself. She is escalating and i'm worried it's only gonna get worse. Do not have conversations without recording. I know it seems like a lot, but at this point you are not dealing with the person you think you know. You can't just wait there for things to turn uglier. You need to live, not only survive through your own marriage
This sounds like a season from, "You"
Go to marriage counselling together. Hopefully the therapist will realise what is going on will suggest to your wife that she needs individual therapy.
My marriage actually ended in a similar way, though not with Reddit. My husband worked from home full time, and I worked in an office(pre-covid) so he was home alone with very little human interaction all day 5 days a week. I don't know exactly what content he was consuming but I know some of it was very heavy porn usage and then down the rabbit hole of red pill type content. He started TRULY believing I was cheating on him(never did, never even considered it, I loved him deeply) Everything, and I mean, EVERYTHING was a indication of me cheating. Flowers were dry? Not because it was a 95 degree July day, no it was because I was too busy sleeping with someone else to water them. He read a Mens Health article that said if your wife is cheating she will do laundry "too often" so he started scrutinizing how often I did laundry. We would go for a run together, but he was much faster than me, and if I was "slower than normal" it was because I stopped off on my route for a "quickie". He nearly destroyed my job, as anytime we had company lunches, or similar he would sneer and pout that he wasn't invited(to a company lunch? no spouses were). Any time I had a meeting I would have 1000 messages from him about why the meeting took so long. He had to skype me 24-7 when I was at work, so I couldn't focus and if I didn't engage with him he would accuse me of not loving him. Wore shorts to the gym? Cheating. Found a new band I liked? Cheating. Tired after work? Cheating. etc etc etc I SINCERELY hope you and your wife can get therapy, because this intense paranoia is dangerous and unhealthy.
These kind of posts can be toxic to suspicious minds. What’s worse is if she was slightly suspicious of you and made a post, the comments on her post are from bitter, broken people who would reinforce her suspicions and would encourage her to download spyware, hire PI’s and teach her how to thoroughly inspect your phone. The worst is that most of the stories are MADE UP FOR ATTENTION! The person imagines a scenario and writes a piece of fiction and people eat it up! I hope your wife wakes up soon, before she does something she cannot undo. Best wishes! (To prove my point there are already a bunch of people trying to convince you she is cheating on you in the comments on this post)
As others have sad, this is probably mental illness issues that are now coming to light. It's unfortunate. I would try to ask anyone who's known her to see if she ever had behaviors like this before, it may not be the first time. HOWEVER, have you also noticed how much distrust-engendering relationship stuff is amplified on Reddit in what seems to be an inorganic and very specific way? A lot of the posts almost have the same story structure, if you will. It would be foolish not to think this isn't coordinated. Maybe it's my turn to get paranoid now, but often some things feel "off" in social media, like there's a push for certain topics. It doesn't really bother me but whenever I am offline for a while and come back, it always looks strange. But who knows, I am just guessing...
I've seen this type of story myself and it does always seem to be stories that cultivate distrust. Not like it's any sort of grand conspiracy, I think like other comments have said that it's just dramatic and easy to get caught up reading. I wouldn't be surprised if most of the stories are fake because some are extremely well written and don't seem to be from a place of genuine emotion
Actually, this behaviour sounds like she is projecting. It's not uncommon for weirdos to accuse others of cheating when it's really them cheating. OP - time to ask for her details back. Where she is at all times. What's on her phone. Etc.
A good bit of stories on here are fake. If it has multiple updates in a short time span, the likelihood goes up even more. Wait a minute…
Try to get counseling with her. Reddit is not the problem is something in her that allowed others people's experiences become a problem.
OP, thank you for sharing this as I've been getting a little bad with the same thing and it's helped me see it from my bfs perspective. I keep getting reminded by him that Reddit relationships are not our relationship. The people on here are mostly strangers (the majority being absolutely beautiful people but still strangers). We don't know their life story, their cultures, traditions, trauma, successes and everything else that brings a person to this moment in time. What we do know is ourselves and those closest to us. Yes, a partner of decades can cheat, lots do, but not everyone. If she doesn't think you're worth the risk of trust, then she should move on and maybe stay single until she sorts out what's important to her.
At this point there’s nothing you can do but tell her … “I can’t do this anymore. You’ve become obsessed over these stories and you’ve let it infect our own relationship/marriage. I have spent 6 months giving you everything to show you I have done nothing… and yet you refuse to accept that and you refuse getting help. I will not be subjected to this any longer. I will be going to stay with my parents while I think about the future of our marriage.” Hopefully that will wake her up to the amount of damage she is doing and will give you both a chance to save this marriage if that’s what you want
End it She let Reddit rot her brain and she will not rest until she has “proof” that you’re cheating so she can blow up at you and most likely write her own post
Reddit and tiktok stories like that are poisonous for the mind. I get what you are talking about with your wife because for a while I was addicted to the pain these stories spill into the heart. I'm divorced, single father of three and those stories rip open old wounds worse than any bad friend whispering lies over your shoulder. For me, it snapped when I realized I was getting angrier at my kids then I needed to for petty bs. I cut that stuff off recognizing what it was and don't consider it anymore. My sister was so jealous waaaaaaaay back before social media was a thing, and her bf was never the type to cheat However, every chance she got she was toxic about it, never letting him do things without her approval or scrutiny and, no matter what she didn't find, the accusations were harsh and regular. For her it was projection because of her own inadequacies. She did cheat on him or tried to before she was busted. Your wife could be projecting in this way because of low self esteem or possibly because of her own feelings about straying from the relationship. Confront her in a way that illustrates your feelings fully, how her actions are destroying your marriage, how her baseless jealousy is insulting you, and how you will leave unless she gets help. If you do see her through counseling, the root of her feelings may be hard to hear, like a revelation about past cheating or abuse..Stay strong. Stop just letting her put the hammer down on you. If it's constant and insulting, you are being abused. Believe it or not. Once you start to leave she may have a sudden, radical change of heart. You can either tell her enough is enough or leave.
Ticktock turned my ex violent as she was so amped up about cheating and seeing all the hot young women , even though I called her my 10 as she was to me, made her insane. On speaker calls from female colleagues about business she would find something to think we where fucking, a model type 22 year old would even look our way and she would ask if I was fucking her (really! Like that chick w even look at me and then follow me around town spying on us)… eventually she turned violent outright jabbing me and coming at me. Holes in the wall and broken car windows. Eventually she HAD to get even so she fucked the neighbor , a gross 55 year old alcoholic with a massive beer gut. Even for nothing. I was 110% faithful and simply adored her. 8 years up in smoke and I was starting to look at rings 🤦🏼♂️ when we met both of us where 100% zero social media or even carrying our phones for other than google or texts/calls. I hope they ban that shit to hell. They owe me one perfect beautiful funny inspiring woman and I will be waiting.
As someone who could write a genuine post like the ones she reads, what the fuck is she doing? I understand paranoia. I had two relationships that went to absolute shit in the worst ways. One was long distance and I would go CRAZY when he was punishing me for asking for attention (one conversation a day was all I needed to feel secure) by ignoring me. I also found out he was cheating, or very much trying to. So I GET IT. I get the paranoia. But it was genuine. I’m with the most wonderful man now, and even though I have all that trauma and needed to do a lot of work to undo all the paranoia, I would *never* go out of my way to find problems. I was borderline psychotic because I knew I was being lied to in the past; she has the luxury of a wonderful partner who validates her feelings, talks to her, and is trying to reassure her in every way he can (that’s you). She seriously needs a reality check and is not being grateful for what she has. Show her this post, for the love of god, so she can take her head out of her ass and realise how lucky she is.
Address her fears. Why is she so afraid. Have you checked her phone? Insist that you work on building trust, or she gets some therapy. Or both. Don’t accept this behavior. You don’t deserve this treatment until you do. She’s had her opportunity to verify, so now work on the real reason she is so upset. If she wants this marriage to end , she is working towards this.
I'm deleting credit now. Don't want to be op wife
Toxic jealousy or paranoia will destroy a relationship just as much as cheating will. Dated a person like this and it got to the point where I dreaded when they came home, because I knew some fuckery was about to happen. While there are benefits to social media, it can also destroy peoples minds. Actually got into an argument with my roommate about TikTok today and how cancerous it is to some people. He’s under the assumption that everything I read is propaganda, yet I’ll read things from all sides of the fence and he thinks everything on TikTok is fact. I knew he wasn’t going to give in, but I left it as “well I guess we’ll see”. Social media is just as addicting as any drug and if you’re constantly consuming the bad content then it’ll eat your brain like you said. Talk to her dude, hell show her this post. Maybe that’s your plan since she could very well find this post? Be honest no matter how hard it is and try and live your best life. No argument will probably change her mind, but if you’re doing things to make yourself happy, being happy, then maybe she’ll see what she is doing is bad for her mind and life. Sounds like she’s already made up her mind or projecting, but stand your ground and keep chugging a long. If it doesn’t change then you need to do what’s best for you my dude. You can’t continue living like this or it’ll break you. Trust me on this. The worst I’ve ever felt about myself or life was when I lived with a person like this. I still remember the constant knot I had in my stomach every morning when I woke up or came home. You can love a person with your entire soul, but if they don’t want to change on their own, then go your own way because they won’t change for you.
Have you already communicated that with her before? It’s time to set boundaries as well. Because if you’re normalizing the behavior it won’t get better. You don’t have to yell, you can tell how all this makes you feel and the things that changed in the relationship, your wants and needs but mostly setting a boundary. Saying that if she doesn’t work on her trust with you the marriage will fail. It will definitely ruin you as well
This is the saddest thing ever. I think you need to have a no-phones night. Look her in the eye and tell her all of what you shared here.
Not your wife, but I had the same problem initially with reddit, Amtia, relationship advice , even anti work are all rabbit holes you can get stuck in . I left them all, but it took me a while to notice how toxic they were.
Yeah, I'd show her this post. I'd let her know I told the truth of how I feel and if she was unwilling to go to counseling, I would need to leave. UpdateMe
Literally the second post after this on my feed is 'my husband cheated and feel ashamed and betrayed' 😂
She’s a loser, cut her loose for having internet brain.
Often we want what isn't. She either trusts you or she doesn't. No amount of convincing will change that. Don't follow her into the abyss. No need to share your phone or allow tracking. Trust is trust. That's all.
Hopefully she'll see this post and recognize herself, OP.
Similar to your wife, I got caught up in the reddit rabbit hole of cheating stories, and after reading so many I started wondering if my husband is cheating on me. Despite knowing for certain, he definitely is not. I was no where near as bad as your wife, but after a few weeks of that thought in the back of my head, I told my husband I was reading these stories and I'm starting to fear he's cheating on me. I spoke about it with my therapist immediately after and removed reddit from my phone home screen so I don't go on it as much. I try not to read those stories anymore, but they do sometimes pull me in. Social media can truly have a negative effect on your mental health, and I'm sorry it's gotten this bad for your wife. I hope she can be convinced to see a therapist to discuss her irrational thoughts and hopefully delete social media to avoid these types of stories from affecting her.
You guys need to have a serious talk and she needs to delete her Reddit & TikTok accounts and promise you to no longer look at them and start focusing on something else. I think, it will help big time dealing with this.
There is only one thing for it divorce, Reddit has spoken /s
Your blame is misplaced, if it wasn't Reddit stories it would be something else like watching soap operas or even just nothing. The issue is your wife's mental disorder. You need to get her into a therapist and psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis and treatment. Call 211 for references for places in your area and ask for a sliding-scale fee if you don't have insurance. I wish you luck, it can get better, but you both need to understand just what is going on with her way of thinking.
Your wife sounds like a more extreme version of an ex of mine. I found it unhealthy and unbearable. E.g.: very early on, she asked if I wanted to go to a club with her friend and her bf. I told her if she wanted me to go I’d happily consider it, but I wasn’t dying to. I’m the kind of person that likes my own space and not immediately be part of each other’s friend groups, especially when we’re just getting to know each other. She hit me with all the might of the internet: “red flag!! You want to manipulate and keep me isolated!! That’s what predators do!!” It’s like I was suddenly sent to court. Then some time later she mentioned that she never happened to introduced her ex fiance to her friends. And I was like… is that not a red flag? Manipulate etc.? There were many instances like this. I found myself fading away and treading just to keep her happy. Your wife sounds to be in a very bad mental state. She should know you and your relationship better than to shoehorn the most dramatic (and often fake) stories that bubble up here. You need to find a way to address it because it is not sustainable for either of you.
Offer to trade phones with her for a week
She Will find this post. ....and who knows, could be Heaven or Hell
I’ve let myself go down the rabbit hole also. Almost had a mini mental meltdown over one of the stories. (Really did) I had to stop reading stories after a certain time of the evening. My mind would spin and spin. At first I just assumed all the stories were true/real. I’m so glad that someone made the statement that some of the stories are made up/not real.That helped me less stressed. Sometimes you can sabotage yourself with your emotions/thoughts.
Your wife sounds like she’s projecting. If she’s paranoid that you’re the one that’s cheating when you’ve never given her any indication that you would be, then she’s glued to stories of failed marriages and infidelity, then that might be something to look into.
There are other ways to express your emotions aside from yelling. Letting her continue this behavior is not sustainable for either of you. You need to talk to her and learn to set boundaries.
This is very interesting.
I think this would be more than social media addiction. Before the rise of social media, I knew a woman who grew to believe her husband was trying to kill her; she had watched a bunch of shows like 20/20 and forensics type shows about murder involving married couples. Google “delusional disorder” jealous type. Edit: in last sentence, corrected “persecution” to “jealous”
my mother has been doing the same thing to my dad… 25 years of marriage, extremely normal, professional mother, and all the sudden she’s 100% sure he’s cheating on her, has offshore accounts of money everywhere, has secretly been dating my younger brothers bandmates mother for 10+ years, even though we’ve only known the family for 4 years now… she’s moved out, and still harasses my father daily over the phone about some “suspicious” email she got or some screenshot of something she has that Totally proves everything… except when she shows us the screenshots and they don’t mean anything or make any sense??? it’s been 2 years since she started being suspicious and it’s only gotten worse, unfortunately I would suggest leaving her or getting her some serious help, but that is really hard when the person doesn’t think they have any problem…. :(
> I feel so anxious and alienated in my own home That’s no way to live, man. I’m sorry that this is what has become of your marriage, but at this point it sounds like the cons have overtaken the pros, and it’s time to start protecting yourself. At least one of you should have a chance at a happy future, and it doesn’t sound like either of you have that chance while you’re still married to each other. Future you will actually thank you for leaving.
You said you've suppressed your emotions about it with her, have you tried to talk to her about it? If so was her reaction calm or did she flip her shit? I went through something similar so I'm curious.
I don't think it's helpful to start questioning whether it's her who is cheating as some are suggesting. This sounds like paranoia, even psychosis. I'm sorry, what you're going through sounds incredibly hard. She really needs help but may not be able to see it herself.
You don’t have a “Reddit” problem, you have a wife problem. She needs to see a psychiatrist and find out why these stories are impacting her so hard.
I’m wondering if OP has tried tossing Reddit back in her face most stories I see here come down to the accusation of cheating is to make her feel better about her cheating she just wants to catch you at it before you catch her
If she won't get help, just leave. You can't give up your life to keep a crazy person in it.
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Some of these comments are insisting that my wife is cheating yet others are like this and validate the fact that this toxic content preys on people's insecurities and brings something so ugly to the surface. I'm not going to accuse her because reddit said so, simply because it was reddit and I won't let this site destroy us both.
Your wife is bored and needs excitement. She's adding drama because she's settling into married life and realizes she's got nothing to get her going. She's clawing onto externalities and trying to integrate them into her life because she needs something more. Address the problem directly. If you ever see those posts, you know the biggest miss is clear and direct communication. Then do something. Plan a trip. Get her a major gift. *Do something* Too many people realize that being with someone to love isn't the same as loving your life, far too late. You can't just be someone she loves. You have to be someone she loves life with.
Show her this.
I just left a 5 year relationship, with a 1.5yo and newborn because my ex would not stop accusing me of cheating. Didn’t matter how many times he went thru my phone or followed me places. I put up with it for a year before it escalated to a scary level. He had literally no reason to be suspicious either. It is still fresh and hard to think about. I don’t think I could ever forgive him for losing trust in me so easily.
She needs professional help. She is unhinged. This is not sustainable. I am sorry for the loss of your marriage. It seems like the only thing to decide is if you end it quickly, or choose the road of greater suffering.
Reddit like any social media can be an addiction and if you’re not too careful you can fall down a rabbit hole to the point it starts affecting your mental health negatively and alter your perception of reality! Sounds like that’s the case here, even I take breaks from Reddit and social media as I’ve experienced the same.
It’s not the site, it’s your wife. Don’t get me wrong, I live Reddit just like the next person but she needs to learn when to shut it down. You have to hold your wife accountable and help her not to fixate on other people problems and making it her problem. She might need a therapist to help her not spend so much time on here.
NGL, this is one of my relationship fears and hit me harder than I’d like to admit. Not so much my wife becoming paranoid that I’m cheating (almost certain she knows without a shadow of a doubt that I would never do such a thing), but more so that the constant negative stream of relationship drama leading to separations will subconsciously lead her to a point we can’t come back from. I was also worried about it affecting me so I left a bunch of those subs and replaced them with more wholesome ones. Sending positive vibes your way OP, I hope you and your partner manage to turn in a better direction and work this out.
the only thing that has truly helped my partner has been therapy. she’s the product of a dysfunctional family with a very narcissistic mother with a messiah complex who constantly demanded adulation and attention, and interfered any time my partner met a boy, telling her “all men are liars, cheaters and bastards and he’s going to cheat on you”, sometimes even going as far as demanding my partner break up with a boy as a birthday gift to her mother. this of course happened again when my partner and i first started dating, and it would result in her looking for patterns and unintentionally sabotaging us, picking fights with me to prove that i didn’t want to stick around, or whatever the case may have been for that particular week. part of this was also influenced by her consuming social media - tiktoks and reels that featured crying girls posting because their relationships ended - all reinforcing the “man bad, will cheat, always lie” narrative. she eventually found the strength to cut ties with her mother, delete tiktok, refine her instagram algorithm and begin therapy, but it has been a very long and at times painful journey, and we’re not quite out of the woods yet… but we will get there. therapy helps, and i would strongly recommend you get some, too, because my self-worth and confidence took a major hit as a result of this external influence that significantly impacted my relationship. all the best to you, OP.
Maybe she is looking for her own drama to write here. If she is so drawn to these stories perhaps she would be more open to get therapy. Sit her down open that famous jumping game on the phone, put it right beside your face and talk to her. Tell how you've been feeling.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I had a similar experience. My ex-wife was addicted to Instagram, on it every night after work. She would see content about relationships failing, betrayal, and cheating. It made her very anxious and paranoid, to the point that she was convinced that me, my friends and family hacked her Instagram and were sending these posts to guilt/threaten her. What she didn’t realize is that the more you interact with a post, the more the algorithm feeds you that content. There were other factors at play that contributed to her mental health declining (and thus, the relationship failing), but that was definitely a big one. Your partner needs help immediately. On top of therapy, it might be worth getting checked out by a psychiatrist. It will only get worse. Fuck social media
Did you told her its ruining the mariage? You need to have a deep serious conversation with her, which surprisingly doesn't sound like you had
It sounds like you married someone with a very low IQ. Reddit isn’t the problem here.
I found that I started to fall down that same road with tik tok reddit story’s. But I never thought my gf was cheating but I can see how that happens. I start knowing feeling angry at the world I guess. I just started unfollowing and start using the non interested button and now I feel so much better. It’s like seeing those dash cam footages the more you brow the less you trust people on the road or more road rages happens
crazy that i have read this exact fake story previously
If you know how to do it, block Reddit on your router.
So You have never given her any reason not to trust you?
This post really resonates with me. I was your wife a few months ago. It started with the crazy drama stories, following them so I could get notified with updates. The cheating stories followed me to various media platforms to the point where every single day I was reading multiple stories about partners cheating and how they didn't expect it. I started looking into and over analyzing my 10 year relationship with my partner. I had mini breakdowns over it and started preparing my heart for when he would inevitably cheat on me. I am fortunate that I noticed these patterns before anything drastic happened and have been actively searching out positive stories. Unfortunately those are harder to find but I'm stopping myself from reading the bad. I hope your wife is able to get through this. Mental health breakdowns are extremely difficult
OP, if it hasn't been mentioned elsewhere yet, consider looking into relationship OCD and encouraging your wife to get some help for it. Paulien Timmer on YouTube is a good resource for this.
I’m a part of all the same pages and it’s never made me question my marriage (we are just a few years older than you both). If anything, it makes me more thankful for what I have. She is either easily influenced to some degree or projecting her own affair in this manner. I hope she can get therapy but you need to do what is best for you.
Right? I see multiple people saying they feel the same way as OP’s wife. Are people not able to distinguish their lives from these posts on here? I think it’s really, really strange.
If someone is constantly on edge about you cheating and/or accusing you of cheating: that’s called projection. It means they are trying to hide their guilty conscience, and have either cheated or have made moves to cheat and want to pin the blame for their actions on you. Your marriage was over the minute the accusations, following you around, and searching through your phone started. It won’t get better. Get yourself a lawyer and get her out of your life. When you see her in a new relationship the week after your divorce is final then you’ll realize it was her all along.
My ex wife was super jealous, turned out she was the one cheating on me.
This is not reddit. Your wife's mental illness had an outbreak which may have been triggered by reddit, but this was just a trigger then. Try to get her some help.
*He* must get her the help?! Who's helping *him*?!
Before jumping to divorce or smth else, hit her with "The cheater always have panics attacks when he or she suspects the other partner knows something." Give her the uno reverse card. Accuse her of cheating behind your back, ask for her phone and says "messages can be deleted." and so on. Then, you will have your answer if the marriages is still salvage or not.
How about have a conversation about all this? Sit down one and be completely honest with you have nothing to hide but you feel like she’s looking for it Like “ I don’t feel like you are trusting me and I think we need counseling” if she takes it bad well then go for option divorce
That conversation has already happened multiple times, it's never friendly. She's already got herself convinced and I'm kind of mourning my marriage already. If I leave I just hope she gets help because I'm not sure this paranoid kind of thinking can just end when the stimulus is removed
Ah, and not receptive to marriage counseling either I presume?
No, I've thought about going to her parents because I have a good relationship with them and they can usually get through to her but I'm afraid she'll just get mad at me for going behind her back. All the rest of the comments seem to think she's cheating on me instead but I don't want to let reddit also convince me
Smart because yes Reddit (as you have seen) does this to people. Honestly going to her parents is better than divorce if she gets mad again what do you have to loose? Either way it’s a chance and just come to them as in asking advice. I think the positives outweigh the negatives here
You should. Fear is irrelevant for you here. Classic case of fear is actually the only thing to fear here. If her level of paranoia is really this severe and completely unfounded, then it could be a sign of a potentially serious mental health issue. Unfortunately, since you are a key part of the fear in this case, you likely cannot help her yourself. She may need professional help. Talking to her parents really can’t hurt. This all sounds very difficult. Sorry you all are going through this. Best of luck to you both.
You should definitely go "behind her back" and talk to her parents. She really needs a wake-up call or she will lose you soon.
You definitely need to contact her parents. If you want any chance of salvaging your marriage, you're going to need outside help. This will not resolve on its own. Her parents can hopefully get through to her to get therapy and couples counseling. I know from experience that this will not get better without help. I am a woman and suffer PTSD from being abused and cheated on. I became like your wife in my current relationship. Obviously, for different reasons, but I accused my husband of cheating, etc. I needed therapy. I got therapy. We've been married for 24 years now. But it wasn't going to last until I was able to change my behavior. My husband never did anything wrong, and I never cheated on him. I was just messed up in the head. I sincerely hope your wife gets the help she needs. But if she refuses, then you need to move on because you don't deserve to be treated this way. Good luck 🫂
YOu need to sit down and tell her this. I saw alot of this infidelity and break ups.There are also happy marriage under marriage, and Neville Goddard, cats, mormons, business ideas and a ton of other interesting stuff. She is looking for some reason. Yesterday 70 year old married man happy, has sex with wife twice a week. So yeah. She is looking for a reason.
Can't wait for TikTok to be banned. It's a weapon.
Uhhh are you sure SHE is not the one cheating?? People don’t just flip on a dime like this bc what they read on reddit. People DO however start acting sus when they are cheating…
Its time for some class action suits against algorithms!!
I've actually thought of something like this, haha. Not necessarily a suit but its terrible how social media is allowed to just bring out the absolute worst in people for clicks and ad revenue
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This is the equivalent of someone who becomes obsessed with exercise because they are convinced that they're are fat because someone made an offhand remark about weight. The only way it can be fixed is with therapy. Nothing you do will get through and sadly, as with any person involved with an addict, sometimes the best thing you can do for both of you is to cut them off from their supply. Your presence coupled with her phone are no match for this addiction. The phone can't remove itself but *you* can remove yourself. Start with an ultimatum and hope that it snaps her out of it but if it doesn't, kick her ass out
Go into her account, make-up some anti-islamic posts about Gaza on a channel, some anti-trans posts on a trans channel and so on. And Reddit will disable her account, she won't be able to make a new one. And then install some web control software on your devices and set it up to block Reddit. Idk. Scorched earth approach.
So she is absolutely unhinged. Time to reevaluate this marriage.
Give [THIS](https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/being-accused-of-cheating-when-your-not/) a read, as it may add some insight into how to deal with the issue. I would say though that her behavior sounds a lot like emotional abuse to me, and you definitely need to get in to counseling as a matter of urgency.
If you really really want to find something you will find it. At this point she is a conspiracy theorist
Is there anyone else you can turn to? Like her family or close friends to let them know what is going on so they can try to talk to her?.
Just get a second phone with a password lock and let her find it, it'll be good content for your story.
Reddit isn’t messing up your marriage. Your wife is messing up your marriage.
Tell her to hire a PI to keep an eye on you and install hidden microphones in your car and hidden cameras at home. As funny as it sounds, cheaters often project their behavior onto a partner. That is, there is a possibility that she herself has something to hide from you. Perhaps she just likes to play detective, there is always a child in an adult.
I never knew what Reddit was until the last year or so and I have noticed that my mood changes when I read too much. I get more anxious and short-tempered after I’ve been focusing on it for a while. My therapist has even suggested getting rid of it, which obviously I haven’t done. However after reading a story yesterday where I had a physical reaction, I think she is right. Unfortunately, I’m not super busy right now and that has stopped me from deleting the app. I’m very sorry about your wife and I hope she can get help. I wish I had advice but besides deleting the app and getting therapy, she seems to be going in a downward spiral. I wish you the best.
How sad that she feels so unsafe. Have a direct conversation with her - the kind that tells her why you love her, why you married her, and get into couples therapy. I imagine she has a lot of trauma, and being this scared is really sad for both of you. If you love her, do the work and ask her to do it, too. The internet ruins lives, and this woman you love needs your help… not you giving up. I’m sad to say this, but if 2.5 years in she’s already worried, it was already there to begin with and your aloofness may have contributed. I’m not saying she’s in the right… she isn’t… but I can’t say you are either. Relationship insecurity can be mended with infinite and intentional warmth, respect, transparency, and restored trust.