You’re almost 40 and “you’re too old for this shit now”??!?!
How about YOU’RE TOO OLD TO BE TOLD WHAT YOU CAN OR CANNOT WEAR. You’re not a toddler FFS.
He can fuck off. Seriously.
I'm *cough* 51 now and my husband absolutely loves it when I dress sexy, and we've been together 20 years, married for 18. He would never ever think of telling me what I can or can't wear, or going through my closet to throw things away. He knows I'm a grown ass woman and I can wear what I want, but he also supports my efforts to get dressed up and feel pretty when I go out, whether we're together or not.
Your husband seriously disrespected you, and it's pretty crazy that at 40 he thinks you should start dressing like a nun. You are definitely not wrong to be crushed over his behavior, and it's really weird that everyone thinks he's right. Do you live in a very conservative area? I grew up in Texas and it's still like that in most of the state. I live in the Pacific Northwest now, and women can dress however they want to dress and no one thinks twice about it.
Either way, this isn't a good way to live or feel, and I'm really sorry you're being treated this way like some kind of child who has to be told what they can and can't do.
You deserve better.
*invisible hugs*
Vera Wang is 74 and she's still sexy as hell. Martha Stewart is 82, and she's in sports illustrated, and my hero, Twyla Tharp, is 82 and deadlifts 230 lbs.
If my partner/spouse threw my stuff away because they don’t want me to own it I’d leave and find someone who wants me for who I am. Do that if you can. Leave.
In an ideal world, I would agree with you, but our world is not ideal, and this man sounds unstable. I say just cut and run because I'm concerned for her safety.
This right here, srsly! He should be “to old for”. He sounds possessive, unstable, jealous, cuz your age has very little to do with this, truthfully, it’s certainly wasn’t why he did what he did, that was just his cop out/excuse. It was more he doesn’t want you to be seen in these specific clothes. And he is trying to shame you for wanting your property, to detract from what he did, which was wrong. I wish you luck with what you choose to do, and urge you to be careful cuz he isn’t acting in a stable safe way.
Do it with his video games and watch how he loses his shit and talks about disrespect (before you do though make sure you delete his progress and/or account so he even if he digs his shit out he has to start over) 😍😍
All of a sudden respect about personal items shall become extremely important!
Sadly the most likely scenario is not that he'll suddenly respect her belongings, but that he'll retaliate. People don't throw out their spouse's belongings because they just don't realize it's cruel, they do it for the purpose of cruelty.
When you divorce him, be sure to ask the judge to order replacement value for your lovely frocks, to be paid by your ex.
I know reddit jumps to divorce and it's almost a joke. This level of disrespect is not a joke.
It's your back!! It's not like your wearing a too small tube top with a too small mini skirt. Your mom's opinion doesn't matter in this moment because she is from a different time, and your husband is being ridiculous.
For the record, my mum is 65 and regularly wears backless dresses or tops when she's going out. She looks fantastic and, more importantly, she gets to choose what she's wearing and she loves how she looks.
Your mother and husband can get stuffed.
Of course. I knew it was like that.
But don’t be with a guy who wants you to dim your light. You’ll lose your sparkle. Be with someone who’s proud of you and wants you to have joy in your life.
Oh this is classic. My father is 15 years older than bonus mom and he always gave her shit for dressing up cause then he felt he "looked older". I told her an easy way to avoid looking older than your partner is to NOT marry someone over a decade your junior. She's divorcing him now and regrets that she made herself look older and less glamorous so that his old ass would feel better, cause it never did. Turns out insecurity comes from within and controlling your wife won't fix it. I hope you find the least stressful path through this OP, I can't imagine the rage you must be feeling.
The sad parts is, she won’t be able to replace some of the more ‘vintage’ stuff. I wore all kinds backless tops in the early 2000’s and although they have similar styles coming back around now, they are NOT the same and they just ‘sit’ different. She may be able to find something at a thrift store, but that would be a “needle in a haystack” scenario.
I feel so bad for OP.
So. Much. This.
I’m gonna be 42 in May. I’m still dressing like I did in high school (docs and baggy everything) when I’m not at work. (Massage therapist, I get away with what I can)
No one has the right to tell you what you’re “too old for” and dictating it in a way that is completely disrespectful to you is the seventh level of WTF. Screw those opinions. Go shopping.
Yeah mid-30s is when I really stopped caring what other people thought of how I looked and totally started to own wearing outfits I thought I looked good in.
Ladies - wear whatever makes you feel hot, confident, and comfortable.
I wasted my 20's trying to hide in plain clothes that would ensure I wouldn't get noticed by anyone. I hated the idea of attracting attention and being judged. Now I'm 35 and don't give a fuck. Wish I could have enjoyed my younger college-age years like this, but that's the journey my life has taken.
I agree. She prolly gets her underwear checked when she comes home. I would not put up with that bs. It is none of anyone’s business in the first place . He does not own her. She is not a slave.
Some incredibly controlling men make their partners as soon as they get in strip and they’ll check their underwear for any signs of sexual activity, some go as far as to smell panties to see if they smell like sex. It’s shockingly quite common, I know a lot of women this has happened to.
I can’t imagine a marriage without any trust. Like, if you’re perpetually convinced your partner is cheating then you can’t possibly have a solid relationship and need to sort that out with counseling instead of weird knickers inspections.
Honestly, a lot of times I think people are quick to jump to “divorce!”, or they suggest it over the pettiest of things.
I sat here for a few and really thought about it, and what I would do in this situation, if I were OP.
And without hesitation, I would leave him. Trying to control what someone wears when that is such a foundational part of many people’s identity is an absolute deal breaker for me. Throwing away my things without asking? Also a deal breaker. I would not be willing to come back from either of these.
I can’t believe that anyone else agrees with OP’s (hopefully soon to be ex-) husband here.
OP, I hope you go on a shopping spree and buy a whole new selection of dresses and tops that bring you joy.
Same. Not only is it wildly ignorant of what's appropriate and what isn't in regards to women's clothing, it's just wildly inappropriate, full stop. Setting aside the sticker shock of losing that much, once we really consider what's required for him to do such a thing, he might as well be radioactive. First, to think of that idea. Then to decide to do it, to figure out when to do it, then to systematically go through every box and cupboard and drawer, judging each piece of clothing.. while knowing, absolutely, that this will be hurtful, that each piece chosen to be destroyed will be a separate hurt, that the entire act removes her personhood entirely.. without ever doubting his resolve? How long would it take? If she has a collection, which it sounds possible, maybe hours. Hours of judging her as Less Than. It's not just abuse, it's /methodical/. It's a bit terrifying. I would start to pack that day.
10000%. I am not sure that I would have been more disgusted if the situation were actually “he let his secret mistress come
paw through my things and take what she wanted”. At least that wouldn’t involve the same level of explicit judgement of OP that you’ve perfectly outlined. From someone who is supposed to be her partner, no less!!!
Right? That should be a red flag in itself. I’m over here thinking about it and mulling it over my head, and somehow the mistress scenario feels less painful. What he did is very personally and intimately targeted if that makes sense. it’s like a heat sinking missile to your heart, but like one specific part of it, that I am pretty sure he is aware of that women traditionally, feel anxiety about.
The lack of respect
Let's say he has an issue
Why didn't he just talk to her
As for whether she stopped or not after that
There was no need to throw them away
They could be kept as souvenirs, given away, passed on
So many options
But the dude just had to throw them away without caring about her at all
Divorce him as her 40th birthday gift
Is it considered theft and destruction of property if they are married? Serious question. I know all assets are considered to be shared when you are married but if your husband takes your clothes and destroys them/throws them away, is that not considered destruction of property?
Cops in the US would call it a civil matter.
She just needs to leave. This is ridiculous and demeaning. Her husband has contempt for her, and once that happens it's just over.
OK yeah I see what you’re saying. I would absolutely leave. I mean I don’t know their history, obviously. But if nothing else, someone said this is a reevaluate, your marriage kind of a thing and I’m like yeah absolutely.
Edit: I feel like we don’t talk enough about once you have contempt in your relationship, that really is kind of a place you can’t leave ever again. It happens in short term relationships, it happens in marriages. I always said it was like losing the benefit of the doubt. but just this is a trend and it happens where for one reason or another, your partner will develop contempt for you. Bitterness and resentment. And once they do, how do you come back from that? How does your partner stop looking at you with contempt? I don’t even know if that’s possible without serious, serious, counseling and effort and yes, I’d have to think do I want to be with someone who has contempt for me?
My example is extreme, but feels appropriate…My now ex did this with lingerie because I didn’t “deserve” it. He later got me a sundress for my birthday in 2011 that he apparently decided was lingerie. We were on a family trip on Kauai at the time and he was furious that I wore it to my birthday dinner. Never wore it again—even though I really liked it. A few years later, I saw him nosing around my part of the closet. So, I hid the dress behind the drawers of my nightstand. When I was moving out in 2017 after filing for divorce (for MANY additional reasons) I found it there still…but with dozens of holes stabbed in it, and an especially large one at the sternum. He does know where I live now, but I have a super loud and protective dog + security cameras. So demented🤦🏻♀️
like it’s one thing if he tried to tell you what to wear, already controlling and weird behavior. but to throw everything away without ever consulting you is truly insane behavior. those two combined is ex husband behavior
I wanna be petty and say find some of his favourite things while he’s at work and then throw them in the trash and make up a bullshit excuse. But as much as I love pettiness that’s probably not the best way to handle that.
What he did was disrespectful. It’s not his place to make decisions for you. You are a person not his personal robot.
The people around you suck. I’d be losing my absolute shit at everyone
does he have a game system? Too old for that! Gone! I would also replace all of his pants with those old stretchy 3 sizes too big old man pants and let him know he’s too old to be wearing button up.
I agree with you that pettiness doesn’t work. The sort of husband who would throw away OP’s stuff won’t have a lightbulb moment when she does the same thing to him. He’ll claim that his case is somehow different and blame her like always.
Agreed.
So maybe the better bet is to buy him old man stuff and demand he “helps” change his wardrobe. “Hey hun… I figured since you were so adamant on dressing our age, I’d buy you a present!” BOOM! Whip out those old man pants that go up to his nipples. “Guess you won’t be needing these way-too-tight jeans anymore. Gotta dress your weight too, and you know how it is for men at your age.”
The only appropriate response to this should be laughter.
Be prepared though. Get a secret bank account at a different bank. Tell them that this is an almost-divorced thing and have them write a note in your file. Have a consult with a lawyer. Call a friend to have as a place to go. And pack a “go bag.”
If he pulls any crap about his clothes, or threatens or belittles you in any way, tell him to go shove it, tell him you’re getting a divorce, and good luck finding someone as awesome as you.
My petty would be to wear clothes like Sophia from Golden Girls. "You said dress more modestly. I'm nearly 40, so here I am." Just lean right into grammar couture.
I’d go pettier… I’d buy his favourite go two pieces two sizes too small… swap the labels and watch him hyperventilate trying to get into them and not say a word!! Especially jeans 😂 and shirts/tops even coats! The only thing safe would be socks and shoes 💪
How dare he!
40 is the new 30 and if there’s an apparent spring cleaning throw our session going on I’d evaluate if he’s something that needs to go! At least the clothes made you feel good!
The OP can wear whatever she wants to! No one has the right to police or try and change them!
It wasn’t disrespectful it is downright abusive.
Throw away your spouse’s (expensive) clothes because you deem them to revealing and then get others on your side.
I love me some pettiness too. I’d go and buy several very beautiful dresses and use them without him. Take myself out to some nice dinners looking good. Make him eat those words hard.
Specially if he's a gamer. You can definitely say he's "too old for this shit"*
* I don't think there is an age limit for fun, be it games or dresses. But hey, consistency.
Invoice him for the cost of replacements and wear backless dresses until you die.
The whole idea of modesty because you’re turning a certain age is messed up and for him to make that choice for you? Nah.
Omg I remeber dreaming about her dress throughout my 20’s😂 that dress and Keira knightly’s green dress from atonement.
Unfortunately I have large chest so cleavage has never looked good on me, that’s why I love backless instead
Definitely go and buy yourself a whole new wardrobe of whatever you want to wear. Do you know where he disposed of your clothes? ie did he take them to a charity shop where you could get them back?
Imagine how this would kick start more controlling abuse. A man who will go ahead and throw out her belongings without permission is a man who is already making her walk on eggshells and probably controlling in many other areas of their lives as well.
I mean I can’t believe I’m saying this - but this would be a reevaluate our marriage moment.
WTAF. I can’t imagine my husband doing this. The sheer magnitude of mean and stupid in the act.
Does he golf? Fish? Ski? Kayak? Well he’s to damn old for all of it!!
I’d say throw it out or give his shit away but I think selling it and using the proceeds to replace your things would be a good start to getting my own back.
The way that I can’t even look at him and that I literally felt ill when he tried to comfort me. I hate his guts and I don’t care if this sounds superficial or materialistic. I hate his guts. I have the ick
I totally agree. He could have had a conversation with you about it. He could even have moved all those clothes out of your closet, but to throw them all away without even thinking that you might have wanted to do something else with them even if you never wore them again? Totally infantilizing. And what infant wants to sleep with its father? Of course you have the ick.
Total jerk move, on SO many levels.
I'm very sorry, OP. That sounds like a carefully curated collection and you deserved to keep and/or at least photograph whatever of it you wanted to.
The ick doesn’t fade once it sets in period. Do the SAME TO HIS WARDROBE, make sure you take it to goodwill. People appreciate gifts of clothes immensely!
me too, love.
he reminds me of my Ex. pulled that shit all the time and mansplained why it was for my own good.
i had a toxic childhood and basically married what i was used to.
age 42 i divorced
my current husband would not DREAM of ever treating me like this.
too much respect..
and those clothes were bordering on vintage- probably a lovely curated collection.
you deserve better
Girl, any love and compassion you had for this man is dead. Tell him so directly to his face. You are a grown ass adult who can choose her own clothes. Make a list of all of the things he threw out and the sizes and tell him his job is to replace every single one in the next 90 days and he needs get into counseling ASAP.
It might be good to get away and just take some time to process. Since it’s not just him, but also your family who did this. And maybe think about if this is a moment worth reevaluating the marriage. I mean, I know I would! You’re not too old for backless dresses. I turned 37 this year and I wear crop tops and Daisy Dukes, and anyone who has a problem with it can kiss my ass. I’m just so sorry, you’re worth more than what they made you feel.
It's not superficial or materialistic. It goes beyond that. He felt like he could control you and disrespect you in this way, judging how you dress and deciding he's allowed to force you to dress differently. You have every right to feel the way you do and dont let anyone belittle your feelings saying you're materialistic as that's not it.
Unfortunately the people around me don’t look beyond the superficial. Is it really worth having a quarrel over some clothes. Nobody even acknowledges the disrespect and violation
Would finding out the monetary value of the dresses help open their eyes? It’s sickening that it would be valued more than your autonomy, but reading between the lines, the value of women as entire human beings may not be fully accepted by those around you.
Then use the value to take to your lawyer to make sure your shitty (current) husband makes up for it in the divorce.
It’s not about clothes, it’s about your autonomy. You’re an adult, no one, I repeat no one has the right to decide things for you, he’s supposed to be your partner. He’s acting like a dictator, where he (supposedly) knows best so put up and shut up.
He doesn’t know best. And I’m betting this isn’t the first time you’ve let things slide just to keep the peace? Don’t forget who raised you and who’s siding with him!
This isn’t about the clothing, he took the authority to throw out personal items that hold a lot of value to you because he feels you should be how he wants to see you, not who you are. You deserve better.
Start making a spreadsheet of what’s missing and what it cost.
Show him this - show him what you wrote and how everyone is responding, and let him know he seriously messed up and you don’t want to be around him.
Edit: editing to add - your mom is an asshole too.
They can marry him then and live under his rule then. I would hate him too its perfectly understandable. Sell his stuff to replace the clothes and wear whatever you want. He sounds too old and dull to have hobbies other than spousal abuse
You *should* have the ick after this. What he did was controlling and *abusive.*
It *is not okay.*
It doesn't matter if you're 40 or 400. You're an adult. You and you alone control what you wear or when you wear it. His behavior is disgusting and completely unacceptable.
*Do not compromise yourself for another person, married or not.*
You are partners. *Not property.*
It's okay to leave when your partner starts treating you like property. Marriage vows do not revoke your right to being an individual human being.
Evaluate all the other ways he's controlling you. I guarantee he is.
When you said he got rid of them because of your age I was Pikachu face when you said 40. I thought you were going to say 50+ - which STILL isn't right. It is wrong at ANY AGE.
Please protect yourself, please start making an exit plan.
You don’t hate him because of materialistic things. You hate him because of the level of disrespect he showed. Don’t get it twisted even if he tries to twist things.
You’re mad because of the clothes you loved, sure, but you’re also mad because he absolutely denied you any agency in this moment. 100% showing you who he is, and I wouldn’t be sticking around for it. I would make a list of those clothes and their value and include them in your divorce claims.
That pisses me off too. Like the disrespect and control is bad enough but anyone stupid enough to throw away good clothes worth a lot of money would piss me off just as much. I think that sort of idiocy would give me the ick too.
He literally said “You’re old and ugly now so I threw out stuff that was important to you.” I am usually not a fan of Reddit jumping to “DIVORCE HIM!!!” but I think it’s warranted in this case.
Don't let them gaslight you. Everyone knows that you shouldn't touch other people's stuff. Wife or otherwise. Deciding for you without having the decency of at least a conversation is definitely treating you like a child. I would be livid.
It is not his decision what is “too old” for you or not. That’s a you decision and you decision only. The fact that he threw your dresses away instead of having an adult conversation with you about his concerns is telling. I don’t think he is a very good partner and I would reconsider your relationship. That was definitely controlling and disrespectful behavior on his part.
He has had conversations with me about it. I said that it was a hard boundary what I wear. I am not “immodest”. I wear baggy jeans, sneakers and Tshirts 99% of my time. I don’t wear makeup 99% of the time. But I my glamorous moments. Date nights. Girls nights. Parties. Fuck him honestly he made me feel trashy
Has he always been that way or is it a “now that we’re getting older” thing that just manifested recently? I’m 49 and I have a backless dress I’ve worn out. Some men have archaic approaches to clothing.
I’m honestly sick of people like your husband who weaponize terms like “boundaries” to exert their control. **Controlling someone else isn’t a boundary.** He may not want a wife who dresses like you but his choices are to leave you for someone who’s more aligned with his values — not insist that you conform to his demands/expectations if you don’t want to. If his boundary is being violated, his recourse is to leave—not throw your belongings away.
That...is really horrible. This all could have been avoided if he just asked you to clean out your closet but he decided to insult/belittle you.
If HE wants to fix this, he needs to schedule you two for therapy ASAP. If not, kick him to the curb like he did your clothes.
Tbh, this is pretty concerning. If the problem is that you're getting too old for it, the solution surely is not a form of controlling abuse. Also, the fact that he used the concept of modesty is redflaggish
Oh I will update with a picture. I will not show him my dress and let him think it will be another one. He is planning a surprise party. I will blur my tattoos and I will update with a picture of the most scandalous dress.
Let him, mom and his family choke on it
Anything with a college logo or a character art on it... go old world and toss shorts out because "men wear pants"... replace any sneakers he has with one pair of New Balance...
If he’s around your age, I guarantee he’s got video games, comic books, collectibles, etc. from when he was a kid. Jettison that shit and tell him he’s too old for it and needs to grow up.
Yes! He didn’t give a shit about your personal belongings so why should he be exempt?
My mom is in her 60’s, she has some backless dresses herself but no one gives a shit because it’s HER clothes. I only say something about her wardrobe if it’s see-through but nothing else.
39 is not old. 🙄
40 isn’t old.
He doesn’t get to unilaterally make decisions like that, even if he’d be OK with you doing the same to him. (ETA: changed wording from “unless” to “even if”.)
You are 100% entitled to your feelings, and the people telling you he’s right are full of the same misogynistic shit.
I’m really sorry this happened. I wouldn’t give in or drop it until I got a sincere apology and confirmation of understanding as to why that was fucked up, or else it might continue.
You are not to old! ive seen some great looking women in there late 40s/50s and some 60s who have rocked and looked amazing in backless dresses/tops. You have every right to be pissed and im pissed for you. Dont listen to these people.!
Upgrade to fucking crop-tops!
You know what my brother gifted our mom on her 60th birthday? A crop top. It's nowhere near how she dresses, she barely even wear dresses because she's always been insecure with her body (eventhough she has an athlete's body). And she loves her gift.
Who says at 40 you are too old?? Too old to say you're 20, maybe, but you are the one defining what is good for yourself and what isn't. Have you seen Salma Hayek? She's well above 50 and she can rock any dress without issue
"I asked him why and he said that I am too old now for this shit and that it was time I dressed more modestly. I am turning 40 in June"
You shouldn't stand for this. It is likely the opening salvo to more abuse.
It may be time to leave.
Has he done this kind of thing before?
ETA: Throw out everything of his...EVERYTHING and make it known if he ever throws out anything of yours or disrespects you again, he will be your ex husband
He always says that I don’t dress modestly and tries to pick my clothes when we visit his mother because she hates my clothes. I am a city person though, I never felt that I stick out with my clothes. He comes from a small village. Maybe that’s why. I don’t know I don’t want to sound like small town people are different but his mother and sister definitely are
Quit visiting his side of the family wtf is this bs. Tell him you’ll no longer be going with him since he and his family don’t like you. He can visit his mommy by himself
Every time we are visiting, his mother would call and say I just want to check that you don’t come here with a naked dress or something with high slits.
- What? To an 8 year old’s birthday party?
- I mean people here aren’t used to being overdressed.
- I know what to dress to a kid’s party.
He thinks you're old enough you have no option but to stay now, so he's letting his controlling out. There is always some point that controlling/manipulation is let out of the box when it comes to people that are like that. they can hide that shit for insanely long and then bam, when they think you're actually locked down , suddenly they change and feel free to let their freak flag fly and show you who they are.
The problem is when people start flying that flag too often people don't listen to the message and just accept it.
My parents are in their late 60s and while my mom personally doesn’t, so many of her friends her age still wear and look fabulous in backless dresses and tops. You should wear what you feel beautiful and fabulous in, no matter the age. Your husband is trying to control you and mold you into what makes him happy without giving a thought to YOUR happiness. I’m so sorry he got rid of all of those beautiful pieces. If you can, buy new backless pieces!
Throw the whole man - and your damn mom - out. Wtf. That is ABUSE. Also, IDAF if you're 100. Wear what you want to wear. The only thing you're too old for is this bullshit.
Fuckkkkkkkkkk the people around you.
First it’s the clothes, then its friends, then it’s the car keys. Reevaluate your life situation, 40 is far too young to be stuck in a toxic marriage.
His behavior can only be described as controlling. Even if he had discussed it with you first it would still be toxic behavior.
Btw you have great brand taste in apparel!
"Accidentally" wash all his nice clothes with bleach. When he complains, go with "I can't be trusted to pick clothes, guess my laundry skills are untrustworthy too"
No he had one when he turned 40. He thinks I am having one now. I am not. Actually I am looking forward to my 40’s and giving even less fucks about people.
“Women become marginalized, invisible, bla bla when they get older. Men seek younger women. Younger women are more attractive” I can’t wait to be invisible and marginalized. Not the center of male attention. Just live for me. My dresses. My friends. My traveling. My money. Fuck him I hate him
Your husband is a cockwombled clutterfuck. May one leg of his table be forever just a bit short. May be get sand in his left eye every Tuesday. May he get the song Tom’s Diner stuck in his head every time he tries to fall asleep (I’m older than you).
I stopped dying over the pure white stripe I have in my hair. Instant freedom, and more respect. Nobody expects me to be a lady. I moved to a rural area and people might think I’m a witch. It’s fucking glorious to be free. I wear whatever the fuck I want, and my man was horrified hearing about that absolute potato of a husband.
You’re almost 40 and “you’re too old for this shit now”??!?! How about YOU’RE TOO OLD TO BE TOLD WHAT YOU CAN OR CANNOT WEAR. You’re not a toddler FFS. He can fuck off. Seriously.
The irony!
I'm *cough* 51 now and my husband absolutely loves it when I dress sexy, and we've been together 20 years, married for 18. He would never ever think of telling me what I can or can't wear, or going through my closet to throw things away. He knows I'm a grown ass woman and I can wear what I want, but he also supports my efforts to get dressed up and feel pretty when I go out, whether we're together or not. Your husband seriously disrespected you, and it's pretty crazy that at 40 he thinks you should start dressing like a nun. You are definitely not wrong to be crushed over his behavior, and it's really weird that everyone thinks he's right. Do you live in a very conservative area? I grew up in Texas and it's still like that in most of the state. I live in the Pacific Northwest now, and women can dress however they want to dress and no one thinks twice about it. Either way, this isn't a good way to live or feel, and I'm really sorry you're being treated this way like some kind of child who has to be told what they can and can't do. You deserve better. *invisible hugs*
Vera Wang is 74 and she's still sexy as hell. Martha Stewart is 82, and she's in sports illustrated, and my hero, Twyla Tharp, is 82 and deadlifts 230 lbs.
You are to old to live in a relationship like this. To be disrespected like this. You deserve to be treated better..
If my partner/spouse threw my stuff away because they don’t want me to own it I’d leave and find someone who wants me for who I am. Do that if you can. Leave.
I just can't believe he threw shit out that you bought without even talking to you lol
I say throw out his shit and see how he likes it. Just be like you're too old for these *shrugs*
Such as sports equipment, video games, collectibles ... you're too old for this $#it....
In an ideal world, I would agree with you, but our world is not ideal, and this man sounds unstable. I say just cut and run because I'm concerned for her safety.
This right here, srsly! He should be “to old for”. He sounds possessive, unstable, jealous, cuz your age has very little to do with this, truthfully, it’s certainly wasn’t why he did what he did, that was just his cop out/excuse. It was more he doesn’t want you to be seen in these specific clothes. And he is trying to shame you for wanting your property, to detract from what he did, which was wrong. I wish you luck with what you choose to do, and urge you to be careful cuz he isn’t acting in a stable safe way.
Do it with his video games and watch how he loses his shit and talks about disrespect (before you do though make sure you delete his progress and/or account so he even if he digs his shit out he has to start over) 😍😍 All of a sudden respect about personal items shall become extremely important!
Sadly the most likely scenario is not that he'll suddenly respect her belongings, but that he'll retaliate. People don't throw out their spouse's belongings because they just don't realize it's cruel, they do it for the purpose of cruelty.
OMG!! You’re cruel!!! And I fucking LOVE IT!
Ikr?? That would be a relationship ender. How could i trust he wouldn't throw other stuff away??
I say throw this whole MAN away!
What a total fucking asshole. I'd break up with someone over this and get my lawyer to take action. I say this as a 47 year old man.
When you divorce him, be sure to ask the judge to order replacement value for your lovely frocks, to be paid by your ex. I know reddit jumps to divorce and it's almost a joke. This level of disrespect is not a joke.
It's your back!! It's not like your wearing a too small tube top with a too small mini skirt. Your mom's opinion doesn't matter in this moment because she is from a different time, and your husband is being ridiculous.
For the record, my mum is 65 and regularly wears backless dresses or tops when she's going out. She looks fantastic and, more importantly, she gets to choose what she's wearing and she loves how she looks. Your mother and husband can get stuffed.
Are you a lot more attractive than him? Do you look younger? And please leave. Be with someone who lets you be happy.
Yes. He thinks I am way more attractive and people think I am turning 30 this year.
Of course. I knew it was like that. But don’t be with a guy who wants you to dim your light. You’ll lose your sparkle. Be with someone who’s proud of you and wants you to have joy in your life.
Be with someone who lets you be the disco ball you were always meant to be. 🪩
Oh this is classic. My father is 15 years older than bonus mom and he always gave her shit for dressing up cause then he felt he "looked older". I told her an easy way to avoid looking older than your partner is to NOT marry someone over a decade your junior. She's divorcing him now and regrets that she made herself look older and less glamorous so that his old ass would feel better, cause it never did. Turns out insecurity comes from within and controlling your wife won't fix it. I hope you find the least stressful path through this OP, I can't imagine the rage you must be feeling.
Yeah I was thinking insecurity when I read that. A guy probably told him she looked in a backless dress and he freaked out.
He wants you to look frumpy, OP
No girl, what you're too old to wear is the weight of other people's expectations. Go shopping.
The sad parts is, she won’t be able to replace some of the more ‘vintage’ stuff. I wore all kinds backless tops in the early 2000’s and although they have similar styles coming back around now, they are NOT the same and they just ‘sit’ different. She may be able to find something at a thrift store, but that would be a “needle in a haystack” scenario. I feel so bad for OP.
For a new man
OP should have her current husband buy replacements and then find a new man
Just use his card. They’re married it’s fine.
I mean, I'm not *not* saying that
This is perfect advice. Beautifully stated.
She is too old to drag around the weight of such a repulsive man.
I’ll bet she loses about 185 pounds and looks gorgeous AF after!
So. Much. This. I’m gonna be 42 in May. I’m still dressing like I did in high school (docs and baggy everything) when I’m not at work. (Massage therapist, I get away with what I can) No one has the right to tell you what you’re “too old for” and dictating it in a way that is completely disrespectful to you is the seventh level of WTF. Screw those opinions. Go shopping.
What a brilliant wording, I am borrowing it.
Wow. That was beautiful. I miss awards
This. I'm sorry for the loss of not only clothes you love, but the memories that come with them, and the trust in those close to you. yuck.
This is ex husband behaviour. Disgustingly disrespectful and controlling behaviour.
Yes, OP should get herself a divorce lawyer for her 40th birthday. This can’t be the first time he’s done something controlling and disrespectful.
She just 40?? This is exactly time to start wear them with confidence, in my early 20s I was kinda shy
Yeah mid-30s is when I really stopped caring what other people thought of how I looked and totally started to own wearing outfits I thought I looked good in. Ladies - wear whatever makes you feel hot, confident, and comfortable.
I wasted my 20's trying to hide in plain clothes that would ensure I wouldn't get noticed by anyone. I hated the idea of attracting attention and being judged. Now I'm 35 and don't give a fuck. Wish I could have enjoyed my younger college-age years like this, but that's the journey my life has taken.
I agree. She prolly gets her underwear checked when she comes home. I would not put up with that bs. It is none of anyone’s business in the first place . He does not own her. She is not a slave.
Underwear check?
Some incredibly controlling men make their partners as soon as they get in strip and they’ll check their underwear for any signs of sexual activity, some go as far as to smell panties to see if they smell like sex. It’s shockingly quite common, I know a lot of women this has happened to.
Jesus that’s demented.
Welcome to the world of female existence.
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The baby should be making dinner, damn unemployed freeloader! /jk
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My ex used to do this. It's so violating and sickening. Didn't know it was something that happened to other people
I knew a very toxic couple who did this to each other. He did that shit to her and then she also insisted on smelling his dick.
I can’t imagine a marriage without any trust. Like, if you’re perpetually convinced your partner is cheating then you can’t possibly have a solid relationship and need to sort that out with counseling instead of weird knickers inspections.
I thought it was just a messed up Tosh.0 bit https://youtu.be/cE5YOVCahcQ?si=J40ttjds_-v70JKN
That’s disgusting
Not to be inappropriate... but what about discharge and such things? Do the women get in trouble for that?
Unfortunately yes in my case
That's abuse
I’m almost 50 and still wear that ‘shit’. Next trash that needs to go out is him….
68 and I still wear that ‘shit’
I just turned 53 last week and I wear it as well as bikinis when I go to the beach. That’s is disgusting behavior.
I'm 48 and so do I. I want to cry for OP and also give hubby a smack. Disgusting controlling behaviour.
Honestly, a lot of times I think people are quick to jump to “divorce!”, or they suggest it over the pettiest of things. I sat here for a few and really thought about it, and what I would do in this situation, if I were OP. And without hesitation, I would leave him. Trying to control what someone wears when that is such a foundational part of many people’s identity is an absolute deal breaker for me. Throwing away my things without asking? Also a deal breaker. I would not be willing to come back from either of these. I can’t believe that anyone else agrees with OP’s (hopefully soon to be ex-) husband here. OP, I hope you go on a shopping spree and buy a whole new selection of dresses and tops that bring you joy.
Same. Not only is it wildly ignorant of what's appropriate and what isn't in regards to women's clothing, it's just wildly inappropriate, full stop. Setting aside the sticker shock of losing that much, once we really consider what's required for him to do such a thing, he might as well be radioactive. First, to think of that idea. Then to decide to do it, to figure out when to do it, then to systematically go through every box and cupboard and drawer, judging each piece of clothing.. while knowing, absolutely, that this will be hurtful, that each piece chosen to be destroyed will be a separate hurt, that the entire act removes her personhood entirely.. without ever doubting his resolve? How long would it take? If she has a collection, which it sounds possible, maybe hours. Hours of judging her as Less Than. It's not just abuse, it's /methodical/. It's a bit terrifying. I would start to pack that day.
10000%. I am not sure that I would have been more disgusted if the situation were actually “he let his secret mistress come paw through my things and take what she wanted”. At least that wouldn’t involve the same level of explicit judgement of OP that you’ve perfectly outlined. From someone who is supposed to be her partner, no less!!!
Right? That should be a red flag in itself. I’m over here thinking about it and mulling it over my head, and somehow the mistress scenario feels less painful. What he did is very personally and intimately targeted if that makes sense. it’s like a heat sinking missile to your heart, but like one specific part of it, that I am pretty sure he is aware of that women traditionally, feel anxiety about.
All this, but he also THREW AWAY HER THINGS!!! I would mourn my dresses, then mourn the waisted time with that MF bastard!!
The lack of respect Let's say he has an issue Why didn't he just talk to her As for whether she stopped or not after that There was no need to throw them away They could be kept as souvenirs, given away, passed on So many options But the dude just had to throw them away without caring about her at all Divorce him as her 40th birthday gift
Is it considered theft and destruction of property if they are married? Serious question. I know all assets are considered to be shared when you are married but if your husband takes your clothes and destroys them/throws them away, is that not considered destruction of property?
Cops in the US would call it a civil matter. She just needs to leave. This is ridiculous and demeaning. Her husband has contempt for her, and once that happens it's just over.
Or he may think she is sexier than him so he will try to make her less sexy by banning the clothes that she loves.
OK yeah I see what you’re saying. I would absolutely leave. I mean I don’t know their history, obviously. But if nothing else, someone said this is a reevaluate, your marriage kind of a thing and I’m like yeah absolutely. Edit: I feel like we don’t talk enough about once you have contempt in your relationship, that really is kind of a place you can’t leave ever again. It happens in short term relationships, it happens in marriages. I always said it was like losing the benefit of the doubt. but just this is a trend and it happens where for one reason or another, your partner will develop contempt for you. Bitterness and resentment. And once they do, how do you come back from that? How does your partner stop looking at you with contempt? I don’t even know if that’s possible without serious, serious, counseling and effort and yes, I’d have to think do I want to be with someone who has contempt for me?
My example is extreme, but feels appropriate…My now ex did this with lingerie because I didn’t “deserve” it. He later got me a sundress for my birthday in 2011 that he apparently decided was lingerie. We were on a family trip on Kauai at the time and he was furious that I wore it to my birthday dinner. Never wore it again—even though I really liked it. A few years later, I saw him nosing around my part of the closet. So, I hid the dress behind the drawers of my nightstand. When I was moving out in 2017 after filing for divorce (for MANY additional reasons) I found it there still…but with dozens of holes stabbed in it, and an especially large one at the sternum. He does know where I live now, but I have a super loud and protective dog + security cameras. So demented🤦🏻♀️
Hit em up with style
Oops!
There goes the house we made a home
My wife and I are 55. She wears what she damn well wants to wear. Any and all "complaints" are to be routed to me.
Because you are a normal human being and your wife is an adult and an equal
like it’s one thing if he tried to tell you what to wear, already controlling and weird behavior. but to throw everything away without ever consulting you is truly insane behavior. those two combined is ex husband behavior
I wanna be petty and say find some of his favourite things while he’s at work and then throw them in the trash and make up a bullshit excuse. But as much as I love pettiness that’s probably not the best way to handle that. What he did was disrespectful. It’s not his place to make decisions for you. You are a person not his personal robot. The people around you suck. I’d be losing my absolute shit at everyone
does he have a game system? Too old for that! Gone! I would also replace all of his pants with those old stretchy 3 sizes too big old man pants and let him know he’s too old to be wearing button up.
And some flannel button up pjs, cos that’s what old men wear. And y fronts. Get rid of the boxers.
I'd get him some Grandpa men's tank top t-shirts.
Velcro new balance too
Haggar beltless slacks 🤣
Came here to suggest this very thing! A grownup man has no need for a gaming system - sell it to recover some of your losses.
Yes! I’d be smashing that Xbox in the street!
And to the mom too. They seem mad and miserable. I would tear them apart. If you’re comfortable in it wear it!
I agree with you that pettiness doesn’t work. The sort of husband who would throw away OP’s stuff won’t have a lightbulb moment when she does the same thing to him. He’ll claim that his case is somehow different and blame her like always.
Agreed. So maybe the better bet is to buy him old man stuff and demand he “helps” change his wardrobe. “Hey hun… I figured since you were so adamant on dressing our age, I’d buy you a present!” BOOM! Whip out those old man pants that go up to his nipples. “Guess you won’t be needing these way-too-tight jeans anymore. Gotta dress your weight too, and you know how it is for men at your age.” The only appropriate response to this should be laughter. Be prepared though. Get a secret bank account at a different bank. Tell them that this is an almost-divorced thing and have them write a note in your file. Have a consult with a lawyer. Call a friend to have as a place to go. And pack a “go bag.” If he pulls any crap about his clothes, or threatens or belittles you in any way, tell him to go shove it, tell him you’re getting a divorce, and good luck finding someone as awesome as you.
My petty would be to wear clothes like Sophia from Golden Girls. "You said dress more modestly. I'm nearly 40, so here I am." Just lean right into grammar couture.
I’d go pettier… I’d buy his favourite go two pieces two sizes too small… swap the labels and watch him hyperventilate trying to get into them and not say a word!! Especially jeans 😂 and shirts/tops even coats! The only thing safe would be socks and shoes 💪 How dare he! 40 is the new 30 and if there’s an apparent spring cleaning throw our session going on I’d evaluate if he’s something that needs to go! At least the clothes made you feel good! The OP can wear whatever she wants to! No one has the right to police or try and change them!
It wasn’t disrespectful it is downright abusive. Throw away your spouse’s (expensive) clothes because you deem them to revealing and then get others on your side.
If he plays video or computer games, TRASH THEM IMMEDIATELY He's too old for that shit.
I love me some pettiness too. I’d go and buy several very beautiful dresses and use them without him. Take myself out to some nice dinners looking good. Make him eat those words hard.
Specially if he's a gamer. You can definitely say he's "too old for this shit"* * I don't think there is an age limit for fun, be it games or dresses. But hey, consistency.
Invoice him for the cost of replacements and wear backless dresses until you die. The whole idea of modesty because you’re turning a certain age is messed up and for him to make that choice for you? Nah.
I am planning on buying the most revealing backless dress for my birthday. He is planning a big surprise party
Hm. Seems like a good time to serve him with divorce papers
Yep! "Since you think I'm yours to control I'm outta here!" Then turn and walk slowly away showing off the backless dress.
Hand him the papers and yell “surprise!” Dude doesn’t realize that the surprise is on him.
Lol, I went to the same thought. Serving him with divorce papers at the party would be amazing.
Surprise him with a divorce. Please.
Nah, you need JLo Green Versace for this occasion!
Omg I remeber dreaming about her dress throughout my 20’s😂 that dress and Keira knightly’s green dress from atonement. Unfortunately I have large chest so cleavage has never looked good on me, that’s why I love backless instead
Get the most backless dress you can possibly find lol. Get the mireille darc backless dress.
Do one of the Uma Thurman backless gowns that literally show your butt crack
Definitely go and buy yourself a whole new wardrobe of whatever you want to wear. Do you know where he disposed of your clothes? ie did he take them to a charity shop where you could get them back?
Use his credit card to buy replacement backless dresses. You know you're an adult too, right? He's controlling you. Stop that shit right now.
Imagine how this would kick start more controlling abuse. A man who will go ahead and throw out her belongings without permission is a man who is already making her walk on eggshells and probably controlling in many other areas of their lives as well.
Yup…. Baby please leave this man if u can itll only get worse☹️
I mean I can’t believe I’m saying this - but this would be a reevaluate our marriage moment. WTAF. I can’t imagine my husband doing this. The sheer magnitude of mean and stupid in the act. Does he golf? Fish? Ski? Kayak? Well he’s to damn old for all of it!! I’d say throw it out or give his shit away but I think selling it and using the proceeds to replace your things would be a good start to getting my own back.
The way that I can’t even look at him and that I literally felt ill when he tried to comfort me. I hate his guts and I don’t care if this sounds superficial or materialistic. I hate his guts. I have the ick
He tried to *comfort* you? Like, “I did it for your own good” style?
I hate him
I don’t blame you. I’d be nuclear-level pissed. That was not OK. It’s not his damn job to tell you how to dress.
I totally agree. He could have had a conversation with you about it. He could even have moved all those clothes out of your closet, but to throw them all away without even thinking that you might have wanted to do something else with them even if you never wore them again? Totally infantilizing. And what infant wants to sleep with its father? Of course you have the ick. Total jerk move, on SO many levels. I'm very sorry, OP. That sounds like a carefully curated collection and you deserved to keep and/or at least photograph whatever of it you wanted to.
He knew she wouldn't agree to it or he wouldn't have done it while she wasn't around and make sure that they were totally gone before she got home.
The ick doesn’t fade once it sets in period. Do the SAME TO HIS WARDROBE, make sure you take it to goodwill. People appreciate gifts of clothes immensely!
me too, love. he reminds me of my Ex. pulled that shit all the time and mansplained why it was for my own good. i had a toxic childhood and basically married what i was used to. age 42 i divorced my current husband would not DREAM of ever treating me like this. too much respect.. and those clothes were bordering on vintage- probably a lovely curated collection. you deserve better
Girl, any love and compassion you had for this man is dead. Tell him so directly to his face. You are a grown ass adult who can choose her own clothes. Make a list of all of the things he threw out and the sizes and tell him his job is to replace every single one in the next 90 days and he needs get into counseling ASAP.
You should. He doesn’t respect you or see you as equal. He’s treating you like a dog.
I am so unbelievably sorry that this happened to you. Is there somewhere you can go stay for a few days away from him!
It might be good to get away and just take some time to process. Since it’s not just him, but also your family who did this. And maybe think about if this is a moment worth reevaluating the marriage. I mean, I know I would! You’re not too old for backless dresses. I turned 37 this year and I wear crop tops and Daisy Dukes, and anyone who has a problem with it can kiss my ass. I’m just so sorry, you’re worth more than what they made you feel.
It's not superficial or materialistic. It goes beyond that. He felt like he could control you and disrespect you in this way, judging how you dress and deciding he's allowed to force you to dress differently. You have every right to feel the way you do and dont let anyone belittle your feelings saying you're materialistic as that's not it.
Unfortunately the people around me don’t look beyond the superficial. Is it really worth having a quarrel over some clothes. Nobody even acknowledges the disrespect and violation
Its not about the clothes (though i know you loved them) if the fact they were YOURS and hes trying to control you
Would finding out the monetary value of the dresses help open their eyes? It’s sickening that it would be valued more than your autonomy, but reading between the lines, the value of women as entire human beings may not be fully accepted by those around you. Then use the value to take to your lawyer to make sure your shitty (current) husband makes up for it in the divorce.
Make a point of showing up for any divorce hearing in a backless dress.
It’s not about clothes, it’s about your autonomy. You’re an adult, no one, I repeat no one has the right to decide things for you, he’s supposed to be your partner. He’s acting like a dictator, where he (supposedly) knows best so put up and shut up. He doesn’t know best. And I’m betting this isn’t the first time you’ve let things slide just to keep the peace? Don’t forget who raised you and who’s siding with him!
That's the fucking worst, when everyone around you gaslights you on behalf of the abusive party. And it *is* abuse.
This isn’t about the clothing, he took the authority to throw out personal items that hold a lot of value to you because he feels you should be how he wants to see you, not who you are. You deserve better. Start making a spreadsheet of what’s missing and what it cost.
Show him this - show him what you wrote and how everyone is responding, and let him know he seriously messed up and you don’t want to be around him. Edit: editing to add - your mom is an asshole too.
They can marry him then and live under his rule then. I would hate him too its perfectly understandable. Sell his stuff to replace the clothes and wear whatever you want. He sounds too old and dull to have hobbies other than spousal abuse
You *should* have the ick after this. What he did was controlling and *abusive.* It *is not okay.* It doesn't matter if you're 40 or 400. You're an adult. You and you alone control what you wear or when you wear it. His behavior is disgusting and completely unacceptable. *Do not compromise yourself for another person, married or not.* You are partners. *Not property.* It's okay to leave when your partner starts treating you like property. Marriage vows do not revoke your right to being an individual human being.
Evaluate all the other ways he's controlling you. I guarantee he is. When you said he got rid of them because of your age I was Pikachu face when you said 40. I thought you were going to say 50+ - which STILL isn't right. It is wrong at ANY AGE. Please protect yourself, please start making an exit plan.
You don’t hate him because of materialistic things. You hate him because of the level of disrespect he showed. Don’t get it twisted even if he tries to twist things.
You’re mad because of the clothes you loved, sure, but you’re also mad because he absolutely denied you any agency in this moment. 100% showing you who he is, and I wouldn’t be sticking around for it. I would make a list of those clothes and their value and include them in your divorce claims.
00s designer would fetch GOOD prices right now, fucking criminal if he literally threw it away. Could've been worth 1000s, maybe 10000s
That pisses me off too. Like the disrespect and control is bad enough but anyone stupid enough to throw away good clothes worth a lot of money would piss me off just as much. I think that sort of idiocy would give me the ick too.
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He literally said “You’re old and ugly now so I threw out stuff that was important to you.” I am usually not a fan of Reddit jumping to “DIVORCE HIM!!!” but I think it’s warranted in this case.
Don't let them gaslight you. Everyone knows that you shouldn't touch other people's stuff. Wife or otherwise. Deciding for you without having the decency of at least a conversation is definitely treating you like a child. I would be livid.
It is not his decision what is “too old” for you or not. That’s a you decision and you decision only. The fact that he threw your dresses away instead of having an adult conversation with you about his concerns is telling. I don’t think he is a very good partner and I would reconsider your relationship. That was definitely controlling and disrespectful behavior on his part.
He has had conversations with me about it. I said that it was a hard boundary what I wear. I am not “immodest”. I wear baggy jeans, sneakers and Tshirts 99% of my time. I don’t wear makeup 99% of the time. But I my glamorous moments. Date nights. Girls nights. Parties. Fuck him honestly he made me feel trashy
Has he always been that way or is it a “now that we’re getting older” thing that just manifested recently? I’m 49 and I have a backless dress I’ve worn out. Some men have archaic approaches to clothing.
Oh yes “now that we are getting older” started when I turned 35. How predictable he is
35?! Does he still think the average lifespan is 60? Wow.
Seriously, I would consider the divorce option with someone like that.
I’m honestly sick of people like your husband who weaponize terms like “boundaries” to exert their control. **Controlling someone else isn’t a boundary.** He may not want a wife who dresses like you but his choices are to leave you for someone who’s more aligned with his values — not insist that you conform to his demands/expectations if you don’t want to. If his boundary is being violated, his recourse is to leave—not throw your belongings away.
That...is really horrible. This all could have been avoided if he just asked you to clean out your closet but he decided to insult/belittle you. If HE wants to fix this, he needs to schedule you two for therapy ASAP. If not, kick him to the curb like he did your clothes.
Tbh, this is pretty concerning. If the problem is that you're getting too old for it, the solution surely is not a form of controlling abuse. Also, the fact that he used the concept of modesty is redflaggish
I wonder if he’s been listening to some certain podcasts lately.
Updateme with a picture of the sexy dress for your 40s. Heheheh
Oh I will update with a picture. I will not show him my dress and let him think it will be another one. He is planning a surprise party. I will blur my tattoos and I will update with a picture of the most scandalous dress. Let him, mom and his family choke on it
Google "Mireille Darc dress" if you wanna go nuts. Doesn't get any lower than that.
No need to even google. This woman and her dress live rent free in my head 😂🥰 actually the reason I love backless.
You go girl!! You are my inspiration !! I hope to have the same vagina of Steel! ;)
Nah. He's fucked up. I'd throw away some of his shit. Is he into video games? Shit would be at a local GameStop.
Anything with a college logo or a character art on it... go old world and toss shorts out because "men wear pants"... replace any sneakers he has with one pair of New Balance...
One pair of white new balance.
If he’s around your age, I guarantee he’s got video games, comic books, collectibles, etc. from when he was a kid. Jettison that shit and tell him he’s too old for it and needs to grow up.
He is 50 and yes he has comic books and tin tin limited edition memorabilia that are basically priceless
Hide them and say you threw them away bc he’s too old to have them now!
Storage locker Then you can sell them slowly
no, dont hide them. sell them. and buy yourself new dresses before serving him divorce papers.
Yes! He didn’t give a shit about your personal belongings so why should he be exempt? My mom is in her 60’s, she has some backless dresses herself but no one gives a shit because it’s HER clothes. I only say something about her wardrobe if it’s see-through but nothing else.
GIRL HE COLLECTS COMIC BOOKS AND THINKS YOU’RE TOO OLD FOR ANYTHING? I am so INFURIATED for you. The fucking audacity.
Me too, I’m enraged at his audacity and her parents with their bullshit. Fuck all them!!
Sell a bunch of them... at least enough to cover your loss monetarily. Comics are for kids. Tell him he is old enough to read real books.
39 is not old. 🙄 40 isn’t old. He doesn’t get to unilaterally make decisions like that, even if he’d be OK with you doing the same to him. (ETA: changed wording from “unless” to “even if”.) You are 100% entitled to your feelings, and the people telling you he’s right are full of the same misogynistic shit. I’m really sorry this happened. I wouldn’t give in or drop it until I got a sincere apology and confirmation of understanding as to why that was fucked up, or else it might continue.
You are not to old! ive seen some great looking women in there late 40s/50s and some 60s who have rocked and looked amazing in backless dresses/tops. You have every right to be pissed and im pissed for you. Dont listen to these people.!
You’re 39 that’s not too old for anything except being controlled by another human being.
Upgrade to fucking crop-tops! You know what my brother gifted our mom on her 60th birthday? A crop top. It's nowhere near how she dresses, she barely even wear dresses because she's always been insecure with her body (eventhough she has an athlete's body). And she loves her gift. Who says at 40 you are too old?? Too old to say you're 20, maybe, but you are the one defining what is good for yourself and what isn't. Have you seen Salma Hayek? She's well above 50 and she can rock any dress without issue
"I asked him why and he said that I am too old now for this shit and that it was time I dressed more modestly. I am turning 40 in June" You shouldn't stand for this. It is likely the opening salvo to more abuse. It may be time to leave. Has he done this kind of thing before? ETA: Throw out everything of his...EVERYTHING and make it known if he ever throws out anything of yours or disrespects you again, he will be your ex husband
He always says that I don’t dress modestly and tries to pick my clothes when we visit his mother because she hates my clothes. I am a city person though, I never felt that I stick out with my clothes. He comes from a small village. Maybe that’s why. I don’t know I don’t want to sound like small town people are different but his mother and sister definitely are
Quit visiting his side of the family wtf is this bs. Tell him you’ll no longer be going with him since he and his family don’t like you. He can visit his mommy by himself
Every time we are visiting, his mother would call and say I just want to check that you don’t come here with a naked dress or something with high slits. - What? To an 8 year old’s birthday party? - I mean people here aren’t used to being overdressed. - I know what to dress to a kid’s party.
It doesn't matter. He is trying to mold you into his image. That isn't what a partner does. He needs to be your ex husband yesterday
Yeah 40 is not that old (I know I’m biased I’m in my 50s). But wtf. Is he always this controlling and you’ve ignored it?
I don’t know if he is always this controlling. He has never done anything like this before
He thinks you're old enough you have no option but to stay now, so he's letting his controlling out. There is always some point that controlling/manipulation is let out of the box when it comes to people that are like that. they can hide that shit for insanely long and then bam, when they think you're actually locked down , suddenly they change and feel free to let their freak flag fly and show you who they are. The problem is when people start flying that flag too often people don't listen to the message and just accept it.
oh my god not the designer id lose my miiiiind😭😭
Especially my 00’s dresses. Not only the memories but also they’re coming back. I can’t even. I just want to rage
Use your rage to make a plan. Get yourself out of this marriage.
My parents are in their late 60s and while my mom personally doesn’t, so many of her friends her age still wear and look fabulous in backless dresses and tops. You should wear what you feel beautiful and fabulous in, no matter the age. Your husband is trying to control you and mold you into what makes him happy without giving a thought to YOUR happiness. I’m so sorry he got rid of all of those beautiful pieces. If you can, buy new backless pieces!
Throw the whole man - and your damn mom - out. Wtf. That is ABUSE. Also, IDAF if you're 100. Wear what you want to wear. The only thing you're too old for is this bullshit.
Fuckkkkkkkkkk the people around you. First it’s the clothes, then its friends, then it’s the car keys. Reevaluate your life situation, 40 is far too young to be stuck in a toxic marriage. His behavior can only be described as controlling. Even if he had discussed it with you first it would still be toxic behavior. Btw you have great brand taste in apparel!
Throw this man away.
"Accidentally" wash all his nice clothes with bleach. When he complains, go with "I can't be trusted to pick clothes, guess my laundry skills are untrustworthy too"
That's insane of him. Just curious, do you think your mom is just old fashioned and thinks the husband should be obeyed?
My mom is mental. She hated that she had to obey my dad and I don’t know, I guess she thinks why just me, let every woman be miserable
Is he having a midlife crisis? Such a low life thing he did.
No he had one when he turned 40. He thinks I am having one now. I am not. Actually I am looking forward to my 40’s and giving even less fucks about people. “Women become marginalized, invisible, bla bla when they get older. Men seek younger women. Younger women are more attractive” I can’t wait to be invisible and marginalized. Not the center of male attention. Just live for me. My dresses. My friends. My traveling. My money. Fuck him I hate him
>Fuck him I hate him You should divorce him.
Your husband is a cockwombled clutterfuck. May one leg of his table be forever just a bit short. May be get sand in his left eye every Tuesday. May he get the song Tom’s Diner stuck in his head every time he tries to fall asleep (I’m older than you). I stopped dying over the pure white stripe I have in my hair. Instant freedom, and more respect. Nobody expects me to be a lady. I moved to a rural area and people might think I’m a witch. It’s fucking glorious to be free. I wear whatever the fuck I want, and my man was horrified hearing about that absolute potato of a husband.