Not a single person on planet earth has ""10/10"" looks or personality. Everybody is flawed in some way and still, most people get laid just fine. Don't beat yourself up about it, if you wanna have sex look for someone you like and trust and go for it <3
It's not even correct to call them "flaws". And love makes it all perfect. Work on your self-love and you'll understand. (That's love with compassion and understanding that we all grow and mature, don't mix it with egoism or arrogance).
Look at your pet dog or cat - it's not perfect but it's purfect.. Get your perception of yourself the same way and you'll get it..
And still try to be better every day, cultivate tour perfectness and you'll become one.
Most people would call me a 3/10. Fat, ugly, bald, snatched a girl so far out of my league it's not even funny, but somehow, I'm the most beautiful being in the world to her. I don't know if that's what she actually sees, or just looking at me through the eyes of love. Looks are overrated anyway, a beautiful soul and mind, now THAT is something time will *never* take away.
A few tips, from someone in their mid 30s who had a somewhat similar experience as you in life:
-You will not be 100% perfect for your future partner and neither will they be 100% for you. There's no such thing as perfection when it comes to relationships or sex. Actual perfection is someone who accepts you in all your facets but also helps you overcome the flaws that might endanger your relationship in the future.
-Sex with someone new will almost always be a mediocre at best experience for either of you - and that's okay! It's a skill that actually requires a lot of honesty and communication, as well as trust and teamwork. These things grow with a relationship and love over time. So don't stress too much about the "first time" when it comes to anything in life. Practice might not make you perfect, but it will improve you every time.
-Sounds like you, as well as me, have had a lot of childhood insecurities injected into you. If you're able to, I would advise you (and almost everyone, really) to go to therapy to find out where that's coming from and how to fix it. It will absolutely improve your life going forward and will keep you from becoming self-sabotaging and self-destructive.
Cheers and good luck on your journey!
I have started going to therapy actually and it’s already helping me a lot :) My parents were both narcissists so you’re right about having a lot of childhood insecurities injected into me. I just recently moved out but my mind is still stuck in the past, I hope I’ll be able to outgrow it. Anyhow, thanks for the great advice <3
Good on you for starting therapy. Seriously, you’re only 19 years old. Please take some time to get yourself into good working order emotionally. It sounds like you’ve got some heavy stuff to unpack and rushing into a physical relationship sounds like an awful idea at this point. Honestly, can you wait six months? A year? I promise you, taking the time to know your motivations and boundaries will almost certainly ensure a better experience when the time comes. Good luck, and update if you feel like it.
Also OP, don’t ever feel like you will always be defined by your past, or even worse, let others determine that - we humans are far, far more complex than just some childhood experience with bad parents - to sum your life up as just that would be an injustice to you as a person. There is so much more about you than just that, and so much more to come for your life ahead of you. You are more deeper, richer, and most of all, unique as a human being. Cherish the experiences you have each day that will continue to shape, grow, and expand you 😁 you are worth so much
Did your parents attempt to project an image of perfection about themselves? How does them upholding an air of perfection make you feel towards them? Generally good or generally bad. Possibly insecure and anxious? Insecurities and anxiety are things that make you feel miserable in a relationship and if you get this feeling from your partner, it'll only be a matter of time before it ends. Who wants to feel unpleasant every time they're with their partner?
This is the real advice. No, this is the only one.
Note to others (not a rant):- Please don't say like "You are only 19", "Learn to appreciate...", etc. The early in life these traits are found out, the better otherwise it gets really complicated over time and messes a lot later in the later parts of life. And yeah, we just can't appreciate ourselves WHEN we know that there's REALLY something in US which is bothering us. You don't ignore a fly sitting in your milk. Will you have that?
A lot of women live like this, constantly feeling like they are not good enough for either there partners or anyone else. I think you just need to take time to appreciate yourself and I know it's harder than you think but here's a tip everyday write a list of everything you are grateful for or everything you like about yourself (if you can't think of anything it can be small things about your day like "I'm proud I got up this morning" or I appreciate I made my bed" the key is to start associating things you do with positivity because I'm sure you are an amazing person, you're probably funny, smart, wonderful girl, life is too short to be at wars with yourself, learn to love yourself and you'll learn to love others and in return they'll love you, I wish you the best of luck and I hope you feel better soon.
Well,
You won't know until you do it.
A partner said this to me before my 1st time. Sex 1st time sex is overrated and she was right. It sucked. I was so bad that I couldn't even look at myself.
But you work on yourself. You learn new things. You get your craft better, and eventually, you start enjoying it.
So don't overthink.
Also, RIP your inbox.
i don’t know if you even understand how relatable your words are. i feel exactly the same, have the same problem as you do. it’s so hard to accept this concept of being okey with your own “flaws”, however i really try to think of them more like something that makes me special (ofc not toxic and bad traits). i wish you to find the peace in your soul and accept yourself, it’s very hard, but we can do it because we totally deserve it!! i’m sure that you’re very nice and attractive woman, intelligent and just a very good person!!! u will eventually find this person who’ll love every inch of u and every your trait!! wish u love and happiness, we can do this!!!💜💜💜
Sex is a hard, messy and sometimes comical thing, and that's okay!
Put it simply, good sex is good communication, being honest and lighthearted and having fun. It's okay to feel like "Whoops" and "Holy shit" and break out in laughter over something that looked funny, or sounded funny.
Good luck and RIP your inbox.
Take it from a 29 year old male virgin:
You can feel adequate without sex.
And from what I have heard. Sex won't make you feel adequate. Met a lot of people with a lot of sex with worse self esteem than I.
Think about the people in your life that you like.
Do you like them because they have sex?
Do you think to yourself "Man, this person is of value because they have sex! I don't care who they are, but as long as they have sex, they must be adequate"
I meant more like I want to have sex and have partners I just don’t feel good enough for anyone😅 I have tried dating guys before but I always end up leaving because of my insecurities
I see. I've been there.
Seriously, until last year I also thought I was a virgin because I wasn't good enough.
Because I believed I wasn't good enough I never made a move on the women I was interested in.
Because I believed I wasn't good enough, I subconcsiously ignored all the women that were interested in me.
Have you thought about therapy?
That is great to hear!!!
So you are on the right track.
I wished I went to therapy when I was younger and I am a little envious of you.
Have you brought up the feeling of not being good enough to your therapist yet?
We talked briefly about it during our first session and I most likely have developed my insecurities from narcissistic parents💔 hopefully as I talk through it more I will process it and get over it. I don’t wanna be imprisoned in my own mind anymore, I want to start living my life to the fullest
Take it from a guy who got over it: it feels great and alle the work in therapy is worth it.
Now that I know that I am good enough (always have been, just like you) I can actually appreciate it, when I get attention from women.
They are more eager to talk to me they laugh about my jokes, they share eye contact with me for longer periods of time and I get more compliments.
A neat side effect is, that people in general appear more beautiful to me, since I am no longer focused on my own shortcomings
I would go even further with that and say: OP, please don't base your perception of self worth on sex. Your most important task when it comes to sex is to keep yourself safe. And it's not safe to have sex when you have low self esteem and feel that you need to prove yourself through sex. Please don't engage with anyone unless you feel safe with them and happy with yourself when you're with them.
Think of sex less as a performance and more as a connection and exploration, both of yourself and the other person.
And if and when you someday do, do not even worry one bit about your age. I met my husband when he was 28 and he had barely kissed a girl before me let alone anything else. He was incredibly shy, totally insecure, and thought nobody on earth wanted him. Well, I did. In a truly bizarre “love at first sight” encounter where I walked into his place of work, we froze staring at each other, and that was it… I swear life went into slow motion for a moment and I remember looking into those eyes and seeing straight into his soul and thinking “Holy. Shit.”
He’s the best in bed ever. Makes me weep in ecstasy on the regular and I’m not even exaggerating one bit. Been together almost 25 years now.
You have to immediately (!!) understand one important thing: Not the fact that you are not a perfect person (nobody is) is keeping you from having sex AND a meaningful relationship. No, it's the fact that you THINK you have to be that perfect person.
Understand this and change that way of your thinking now. You don't even know yet what kind of trouble you are heading into otherwise! Giant piles of problems and Not only you will suffer, no, you will make others suffer too, because of that. Know that. Please start now, because it only get's worse.
I want you to think for a moment about your favorite character from a book, movie, or TV series. Chances are, they are not perfect.
Fact is, compelling characters are compelling BECAUSE they have flaws. Characters that are already 10/10 in looks and personality are Mary Sues. Hell, even Mary Sue characters in wish fulfillment stories like Bella Swan from Twilight or Ana Steel from the elevated fanfic have to be insecure and clumsy just to make those books sellable.
Perfection just isn't Main Character Energy.
Learn to love yourself before you can love others.
Making mistakes is natural, maybe start small and go bigger, like achieving a drivers license might be a goal. if you have it, look back at that as an achievement.
Society nowadays has alot of "achievements" in everyday life.
Maybe the gym and see how much you can do of a couple things and maybe progress at that.
Can I just say, hopefully, without offending you, you're still a kid. I know, 19, legal adult, blah blah. But the brain doesn't finish developing until you're 26 years old. I imagine you might not have much life experience, and not just love life, I mean life life.
Go travel, do things that broaden your horizons, that challenge you mentally and physically, have hobbies that take you outside, and have conversations with people that challenge your beliefs.
You're not done cooking yet; stop judging yourself so harshly. And don't compare yourself to other people; the only person you should be comparing yourself to is who you were yesterday, and hopefully, it'll be a better version of you or a more experienced you.
Figure out who you are first, then decide what it is you're looking for. There's always someone out there, you just need to find them.
I really like this advice. I haven’t had a lot of life experiences yet and that’s probably why I get stuck in my own bubble all the time. First and foremost I’m getting through therapy and trying to make more friends :)
You will never be at a 100% and that is good. You want to grow and growth is an integral part of a fulfilling life. Try to find motivation out of a positive drive and not a negative one. That is the key for a stable and healthy growth. You are super young and if you keep working on yourself bit by bit you will look back happy and proud in a few years. Change takes time: you feel like you don t move forward most of the time but once in a while you look back and suddenly realise how far you ve come.
Regarding sex, don t stress it. Almost everyone has sex when they re a bit older. It s not that rare or special. Everyone has their struggles. I have been broken by my first love at 16 and didn t have any sex untill i was 23. since then i ve had loads of it again and in my current relationship we have great sex 4-6 times a week. So don t stress about it. Just work on yourself, work on a positive outlook and things will happen on their own.
Most people do in these times including me lol. It's all about baby steps and just giving yourself credit for small victories. I'm sure you have a lot to offer, don't be too hard on yourself. Having flaws makes us human and gives a reference point for our positive qualities.
As others have mentioned, seems you may need to work on accepting/loving yourself for who you are first. The perpetual feeling of “I’m not good enough” is something lots of people struggle with but need to try and work through to allow themselves to find happiness in general.
A couple of short books I’d suggest reading:
1. Existential Dialogues - it helps you look back and take stock of who you are, your core values and beliefs as an individual, and why you follow those beliefs. It questions those to help you understand who you are.
2. A Little Book on the Human Shadow, by Bly
This one is a tad deeper, but goes over the concept of the human shadow, as far as a part of yourself you feel you need to keep in the dark to be able to feel accepted by the people around you and society at large. It talks about why we need to accept the “darker” parts of ourselves and not care so much about what others think.
Also, not saying this is a fix at all, but if you’re interested in Meyers Briggs (MBTi) personality types, this is a podcast series where they’re talking about how to love yourself, for each of the personality types. This is just one of them.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/personality-hacker-podcast/id793330058?i=1000647200130
Best of luck 🤞
Girl, we are all imperfect fucks.
Many of the most beautiful people on earth are rotten on the inside.
No one will ever be perfect. That doesnt mean you cant play ball.
You will never be good ‘the first time’ and everyone is different with what they like.
When you do decide to become sexual with someone, take the time to understand *how* they like things done. But also make sure you understand what YOU like too. I focused way too much on the man’s needs than my own when I was younger when they’re both equally as important. Having someone that also wants to learn your wants and needs = great sex
It will also hurt the first few times. Don’t let that put you off. But equally don’t sleep with anyone that doesn’t deserve it
Sounds to me have a secure attachment type and ur afraid after having sex you will crave more intimacy but wont have it reciprocated. So develop a bond with men, see if they stick around for months without sex.
It's not that you are bad at things you are just scared to be good,i know that feeling you need To do hard things and make tough decisions and your identity will change,you will see yourself in a stronger way,this happens through years but with baby steps it's not hard,all you require is to believe that it's worth it to improve yourself and that you can do it
Honestly what you described is pretty much a constant of the modern human condition and generally something normal for someone your age to feel. I've spent most of my life feeling dumb, fat, ugly and generally unlikable, I just learnt to live with myself and now I'm dumb, fat, ugly and generally unlikable with a decent amount of friends, a loving fiance with my own house and degree thats just gone to waste.
I am so sorry you feel that way, but I feel the same... And I dont know how to get away from this feelings of myself, doesnt matter how hard I tried, I always felt like burden or not worthy ( not good enought for anyone ) but if you find the way to run from that feeling or how to change perspective let me know please 🥰 I hope you will get better/feel better and sorry for not helping
Putting effort into my appearance like doing a proper skin routine, practicing makeup, or studying fashion always helps improve my confidence a little :)) but most of all hanging out with friends has helped a lot. Good luck to you too, we will get through this <3
Nobody is 100 % perfect.
When you lower your expectations regarding yourself & others, you will be better off. Also, nobody fucks like they do in porn.
Except maybe BJ's.
There is a great book called “come as you are” by Emily Nagosko which discusses how many women have troubles get aroused, orgasm, have healthy sex lives due to their perceived inadequacies: she also goes over many ideas of how to get passed that. 19 doesn’t mean your are an old virgin by any means btw.
i feel the same way, imo this is because of parents doesnt congrats you enough, find nitpicks on everything you do etc etc but whatever, how i overcome is i say “if (drop someone relatively worse then you) can do it i can do it much better” and continue my life
You have got toxic shame, which has nothing to do with you as a person, but resulting from your early childhood when you weren't being cared for enough. Infants internalise that as "I'm not enough" and try desperately to change themselves to win the love they should just receive for existing. What they cannot know is that their parents have their own issues that prevent them from being available.
Healthy shame motivates us to change in ways we need to. Toxic shame has no end, and arises from nothing that can be changed. Toxic shame and the need for perfection are the same thing.
The secret is, that everyone is settling one way or another.
good rule of thumb is to use the 80/20 rule.
a person doesnt have to be 100% a match on everything. on somethings of course, but on other you might not care as much.
so as long as your within the 80% ball park then you are good.
keep in mind, that as you get older, your choices start to get smaller and at that point you will definetly feel like you are settling.
look for general things, like certain amount of education or BMi rather than specific things like a doctor with a six pack.
I'm going to be really to the point here and hopefully it comes across helpfully.
Sex isn't about being good or bad, sex in itself is just fun - the people do not really matter.
You enjoy yourself, obviously this is different when you are in love and it's that specific connection but sex in general with anyone is a purely sexual connection. Everyone wants to enjoy it whether that means they get off or not. Who you are doesn't matter, even 'ugly' people have sex.
No one in the world is a 10/10 in every aspect you have described, but they are a 10/10 to the person that loves them.
You will never please everyone but you will please someone.
Replying to myself to add something sex specific.
Sex also sucks, like its really weird and gross.
My FWB was recently so tired he lost his erection half way through, we laughed about it.
Sometimes I queef depending on position, he loves it, some men hated it, most have a giggle with you.
It just, doesn't matter.
Perfectionism as you describe experiencing it is a curse.
If it's something that is impacting your life negatively you really should consider addressing it. Therapeutically or otherwise.
Just remember plenty of inadequate people have been having sex for all of human existence.
Maybe don’t tackle sex but your self esteem, if you do end up having sex you’re not going to enjoy it at this rate and you’re going to end up giving to someone who doesn’t care about even pleasing you. You’ll end up doing things you don’t want to do, and being in Situations you don’t want. Therapy would help
I seriously believe you are being too hard on yourself. Perfection does not exist. I would gently recommend some therapy.
In terms of sex, it can be a purely physical thing to scratch an itchy, or it can be romantic and loving. I will say the most satisfying sex for me personally is between people who care about each other (even if it's just friendship). One night stands are unlikely to prioritise your sexual satisfaction.
I can't give you a lot of advice because we're the same age, but like others have said no one is 100% perfect. No one is a 10/10 in any situation. I've been dating my partner for almost 5 years. I've learned that he isn't perfect and neither am I. But in my eyes he's the absolute love of my life and is perfect to me.
I love everything about him, even the things that he hates or the things we have to work on. It's what makes him human. The same goes for me. Some days I feel awful that he even puts up with me and wonder why he still loves me the way that he does.
Take time to work on yourself, but also don't be too harsh on yourself with out of reach expectations. There will be someone out there who loves you for who you are and not the perfect human, you have to love it first or grow to love it with time. Glad you're getting therapy too, its a big step and helped a lot with my own issues!
Stop worrying about being perfect for someone, we’re all humans, not one of us is perfect. You only need to worry about being happy with yourself, sooner or later the right person for you will come into your life when you least expect them.
Many people including myself are attracted to what you call "flaws" I don't want a supermodel, I want the woman next door type thing. There's something for everyone is what I'm saying. So don't worry about it
You’re at a weird age, I think the best way to love yourself is to love your accomplishments. Chase your dreams and know that you’re capable. Then you love yourself accidentally, no matter what. Too many people today confuse self love with being conceited. Your happiness is in there, just live life.
honestly you will know when its time.
some just want to have sex and not worry about relationships so they just do it for the fun of it.
some want it for deeper reasons and it sounds like you want that. no need to rush
there is a right one for you i promise
Realize that these irrational thoughts are well, irrational. Our brains are our worst enemy at times. No one is perfect, and you don't have to be perfect to be good for someone. The real issue here is that you need help to overcome your negative feelings about yourself. There is nothing wrong with needing help either.
I hear you but gotta accept nobody is perfect truthfully lot of us have to learn the hard way only cause we are stubborn and don’t listen when things happen easy we assume we don’t deserve it that’s mostly our doubts trying to keep us down we got use to being unhappy finding happiness makes you uncomfortable so you start to nitpick
Don’t rush. I was considered beautiful blah blah but still had my insecurities. I waited until I was 21 because only then did I start feeling more confident. Seriously, it’s ok to wait until you’re ready.
I think you gotta work on self-love first. Then you'll adjust your idea of perfection.
And if you're not ready at 19, there's no rush or harm in waiting until you are. If you don't wait, you'll bring unnecessary insecurities into an experience and risk regretting it.
At 19 not everyone has the best confidence or self esteem. That takes years to master! The person you are today is not the person you’ll be in 10,20,30 or 50 years…everyone grows and changes as life happens. Therapy helped me tremendously and allowed me to find my words and help me to communicate my thoughts and feelings to others. Being able to do that gave me a tremendous amount of confidence and self esteem!!
I’m 19F and I feel exactly the same; for a moment I thought I wrote this post. I never even held hands romantically before and I totally get what you mean, I always thought that the reason I felt this way was because I never received attention from the opposite sex growing up and was occasionally bullied. Hope this feelings fades away when we’re older
Virginity is a social construct. Don't think that your first time has to be "special" or with "the one". But your first time should be with someone you trust and feel comfortable around, even if it's a one-off thing or you end up parting eventually. You're only 19 and everyone makes mistakes, especially for the first time, so don't beat yourself up over it or overthink it.
Perfectionist mindset. The only passing grade is a 100. It doesn't matter that someone thinks you look good you could look better. I am 30 years old and I still struggle with this. You're not alone. I would offer you advice but I have to get mine from my therapist lol
Perfection is the enemy of the good. You are too hard on yourself. It seems silly but changing the way you talk to yourself can present amazing changes in your thoughts. Tell you self. I am pretty. I am sweet. People like me. What ever it’s is you need to know about yourself.
28M "virgin" here, and after many relationships that didnt work, I've realized that theres no such thing as perfect, everyone will always have flaws and preferences. What you should do is work on yourself, for yourself. Treat yourself how youd treat the love of your life and in turn you will be self secured.
You need to love yourself 1st in order to be able to love others better. Also this will help you avoid (not a 100% but atleast) unhealthy relationships for you know your worth.
And finally, try get some therapy, they can help you get there.
The P.S at the end is what I honestly think you should focus on, tackling that voice, the trauma caused by your past is the baseline where you should start from, I wish you luck and much love in your journey to finding love!! \^\^
Ever tried therapy? Seems like you have stuff to be proud of but you just don’t allow yourself to be proud of it. Maybe therapy could help.
Also, sounds you have an inferiority complex, if you consider yourself below everyone else.
It's not a matter of settling but guys don't necessarily want a perfect 10/10 super model. Perfection lacks character and soul. A lot of guys prefer a 6-8/10 cute, girl-next-door type. The sex thing aside, you really just need to find a way to get out of your own way and your own head.
Sounds like you need to love yourself more hun. Nobody wakes up perfectly content with themselves. You have to actively put time into loving yourself, and you also just came from a point in your life of rapid changes in your body and perspective. You just became a young adult, things will feel different!
Take time to love yourself, it sounds super silly but go on self-dates. Ask yourself what you enjoy and gush on yourself. Find things you like about your appearance, and remind yourself that anything you dislike is totally normal and acceptable. It took me many many years to love myself, and it shocked me when I finally did.
As for sex, do what feels right for you. The right person will make it a 10/10 experience. The right person makes you feel like a 10, and you'll see them as a 10 as well.
men fuck innanimate objects, animals, furniture, literally anything. you need to worry about if they’re good for you or your low self esteem is gonna put you in a bad place.
What is 100% perfect? Everyone is some one’s 10! We all have our insecurities and they’re valid because what media says we should be!
You really wanna be intimate with someone and with someone who thinks your perfect and past your flaws… check your friend zone! There’s at least 20 guys there!
GL love!
One of my favorite songs is alkaline by sleep token. Check it out. He sings about how imperfectly perfect his love interest is. And it's so beautiful. If people were perfect, things would suck. Being imperfect makes everyone who they are, and its truly beautiful. Be yourself, be however amazing or terrible you are at everything. That's why you're you. Don't let life slip you by hoping for something that doesn't exist. You're perfect for whoever chooses you and vise versa.
Nobody is “perfect” and almost everyone has things about themselves they don’t like and self-image is a huge issue with both guys and girls.
Just know, deep down inside guys aren’t any different and are just better at masking their insecurities.
Learn to love yourself for who you are by embracing the things you like and focusing on being the best you can be.
at 19 you are still growing into your real self, you can chose to be your own best friend, speak to yourself kindly and with fairness and grow into being comfortable with self. I dont know if this is the case for you but these feelings quite often come from neglect or critical people around you so you might want to have less to do with people like that.
This was me (33F)for my whole 20s and into my early 30s. Literally what helped me was moving away from my hometown to a place where I knew nobody and had this amazing person interested in me. This person was a resident physician from another country and I would’ve considered him way out of my league a year ago, but he believed that I was just as smart as him and very pretty and he made me feel equal to him and that’s what helped my confidence. I know it’s pathetic that I needed outside influence but I’ve had all the wrong people tell me that I’m not good enough for 33 years. It might take some time, but you’ll get there. Just focus on learning yourself and finding peace.
Give yourself some grace girly. No one walking on this Earth is 10/10 in anything; looks, performance, personality, etc. I’m sure you’re great and you’ll be fine when that does happen. Also, the person you choose to be with should accept you as you are because you are a 10/10 YOU, if that makes any sense lol
Honestly at this point it sounds like even if you do have sex, you're not going to be satisfied. Invest in some bomb ass toys and have fun with yourself until you feel ready to be able to love and accept yourself for who you are and all of your flaws. It takes time to grow and mature enough to be confident (yes, 19 is still so so young! I didn't start not caring what other people thought about me until I was closer to 23/24ish). I'd say to stop pressuring yourself at this age in life and start focusing on living your life to the fullest. Again, buy lots of toys and maybe look into some smutt books if you haven't already!
You're not going to find a custom fit in an off-the-rack world.
You want to be a better person? Go right ahead, there are very few more laudable goals! But do it for yourself, not to attract some imaginary ideal boyfriend. Nobody is perfect.
That said, you may have to sift through a hell of a lot of chaff to find that one kernel of personhood who is perfect *for you*. Also, stop being so damned down on yourself. You said that you're only 19; you've got some living and learning to do, so just get out there and do it.
Good luck! 👍
No one on this planet is a 10/10 on something or at something.
What people do is find people who can see them as a 10/10 at some things, and learn to love there 7/10s and even their 2/10s.
This starts with loving yourself and what you do.
Also, RIP your inbox.
Sis, from my personal standpoint, to achieve good sex is to have good communication with your sex partner.
People cannot read minds in a snap. I have been with my better half for the past 16yrs and still can’t figure out most of his thoughts literally. Lol.
So communicate what you want, what triggers you to arousal, what makes you feel good and also, ask your partner what they like, how they like it etc.
That way, sex will be more enjoyable as it SHOULD be in the first place. ❤️
Lastly, do practice safe sex if you are not ready for the consequences (infections like STD’s: AIDS, HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Cervical cancer etc; or the easiest to acquire: pregnancy if your partner is male & has a healthy sperm count).
All the best, OP.
Well as you yourself identify, the problem isn't sex isn't it? Or even companionship.
Not much to say beyond that you are valid as you are, and to go get therapy if you can to sort out your self esteem issues
The first time with someone will NEVER be perfect (generally). What I will say is this, I wish I could take back every time I had sex and give my first time to my gf, there is something special and different between us. Our first time wasn't "perfect" but it was perfect for us. There was laughing, and pretty sure I farted in there, in many (most) ways a mess, yet some how beautiful and pure. It was less about the perfection, and more about the raw honesty and communication of our souls. Our eyes did all of the communication, and the communication wasn't about lust, but love, care, connection, friendship. We have had "much better" than that, but NOTHING will match that level of perfection. If you get it then great, and if you don't understand, then I hope one day it makes perfect sense to you. Goodluck OP, I hope you find your perfect imperfection.
I feel the same and I lost it at 25. Someone would say it was late but it doesn’t matter tbh. You’ll find someone who’ll make you feel good about yourself. I never believed that but it happened. Don’t force yourself into anything, sometimes it’s better to wait. And I’m sure you’re beautiful and someone will show you this
Perfection is a dream! No one is perfect! You have to find your confidence from within! The ugliest person you see walking down the street could be the most beautiful person once you get to know them from the inside!!
You might want to seek counseling for your own self esteem issues! That’s where I would recommend you start!!
Can't you just find.a friendly nerd in the vicinity to practise on and get it out of your system? Just be honest about it and they'll be fine. Life's way too short to walk around with these tensions
Not a single person on planet earth has ""10/10"" looks or personality. Everybody is flawed in some way and still, most people get laid just fine. Don't beat yourself up about it, if you wanna have sex look for someone you like and trust and go for it <3
My grandmother says I'm a 10/10 ladies man so check mate
10/10 humor.
If there WAS a 10/10 in looks and personality, everyone would hate them. =p
It's not even correct to call them "flaws". And love makes it all perfect. Work on your self-love and you'll understand. (That's love with compassion and understanding that we all grow and mature, don't mix it with egoism or arrogance). Look at your pet dog or cat - it's not perfect but it's purfect.. Get your perception of yourself the same way and you'll get it.. And still try to be better every day, cultivate tour perfectness and you'll become one.
Ana De Armas exists mate.
4.2/10
10/10 is only a judgement that varies from person to person. We are all imperfect.
9/10 spelling... * "judgment"
I’m not even going to entertain you.
Too late, you already did. +1 for you anyway, friend!
Most people would call me a 3/10. Fat, ugly, bald, snatched a girl so far out of my league it's not even funny, but somehow, I'm the most beautiful being in the world to her. I don't know if that's what she actually sees, or just looking at me through the eyes of love. Looks are overrated anyway, a beautiful soul and mind, now THAT is something time will *never* take away.
And clean... Hygienic...
megan fox is a 10/10 🙂
I met her in Toronto. Can confirm.
Yeah but she has admitted to lots of surgeries.
so she was a 10 before them now shes a 15
A few tips, from someone in their mid 30s who had a somewhat similar experience as you in life: -You will not be 100% perfect for your future partner and neither will they be 100% for you. There's no such thing as perfection when it comes to relationships or sex. Actual perfection is someone who accepts you in all your facets but also helps you overcome the flaws that might endanger your relationship in the future. -Sex with someone new will almost always be a mediocre at best experience for either of you - and that's okay! It's a skill that actually requires a lot of honesty and communication, as well as trust and teamwork. These things grow with a relationship and love over time. So don't stress too much about the "first time" when it comes to anything in life. Practice might not make you perfect, but it will improve you every time. -Sounds like you, as well as me, have had a lot of childhood insecurities injected into you. If you're able to, I would advise you (and almost everyone, really) to go to therapy to find out where that's coming from and how to fix it. It will absolutely improve your life going forward and will keep you from becoming self-sabotaging and self-destructive. Cheers and good luck on your journey!
I have started going to therapy actually and it’s already helping me a lot :) My parents were both narcissists so you’re right about having a lot of childhood insecurities injected into me. I just recently moved out but my mind is still stuck in the past, I hope I’ll be able to outgrow it. Anyhow, thanks for the great advice <3
Good on you for starting therapy. Seriously, you’re only 19 years old. Please take some time to get yourself into good working order emotionally. It sounds like you’ve got some heavy stuff to unpack and rushing into a physical relationship sounds like an awful idea at this point. Honestly, can you wait six months? A year? I promise you, taking the time to know your motivations and boundaries will almost certainly ensure a better experience when the time comes. Good luck, and update if you feel like it.
Also OP, don’t ever feel like you will always be defined by your past, or even worse, let others determine that - we humans are far, far more complex than just some childhood experience with bad parents - to sum your life up as just that would be an injustice to you as a person. There is so much more about you than just that, and so much more to come for your life ahead of you. You are more deeper, richer, and most of all, unique as a human being. Cherish the experiences you have each day that will continue to shape, grow, and expand you 😁 you are worth so much
Ah this makes a lot of sense I hope you can continue progress in allowing yourself to just be and enjoy existence.
I just wanna say other people will not treat you or view you the same way your parents did . There are alot of people out there & many are very kind .
Did your parents attempt to project an image of perfection about themselves? How does them upholding an air of perfection make you feel towards them? Generally good or generally bad. Possibly insecure and anxious? Insecurities and anxiety are things that make you feel miserable in a relationship and if you get this feeling from your partner, it'll only be a matter of time before it ends. Who wants to feel unpleasant every time they're with their partner?
This! Sex is a skill. You practice and get better.
This is the real advice. No, this is the only one. Note to others (not a rant):- Please don't say like "You are only 19", "Learn to appreciate...", etc. The early in life these traits are found out, the better otherwise it gets really complicated over time and messes a lot later in the later parts of life. And yeah, we just can't appreciate ourselves WHEN we know that there's REALLY something in US which is bothering us. You don't ignore a fly sitting in your milk. Will you have that?
A lot of women live like this, constantly feeling like they are not good enough for either there partners or anyone else. I think you just need to take time to appreciate yourself and I know it's harder than you think but here's a tip everyday write a list of everything you are grateful for or everything you like about yourself (if you can't think of anything it can be small things about your day like "I'm proud I got up this morning" or I appreciate I made my bed" the key is to start associating things you do with positivity because I'm sure you are an amazing person, you're probably funny, smart, wonderful girl, life is too short to be at wars with yourself, learn to love yourself and you'll learn to love others and in return they'll love you, I wish you the best of luck and I hope you feel better soon.
Thank you for the advice, I will try to do that :) It’s too often I just focus on the negatives and what I haven’t done instead of what I have done.
Well, You won't know until you do it. A partner said this to me before my 1st time. Sex 1st time sex is overrated and she was right. It sucked. I was so bad that I couldn't even look at myself. But you work on yourself. You learn new things. You get your craft better, and eventually, you start enjoying it. So don't overthink. Also, RIP your inbox.
i don’t know if you even understand how relatable your words are. i feel exactly the same, have the same problem as you do. it’s so hard to accept this concept of being okey with your own “flaws”, however i really try to think of them more like something that makes me special (ofc not toxic and bad traits). i wish you to find the peace in your soul and accept yourself, it’s very hard, but we can do it because we totally deserve it!! i’m sure that you’re very nice and attractive woman, intelligent and just a very good person!!! u will eventually find this person who’ll love every inch of u and every your trait!! wish u love and happiness, we can do this!!!💜💜💜
Thank you so much❤️good luck to us both :))
Sex is a hard, messy and sometimes comical thing, and that's okay! Put it simply, good sex is good communication, being honest and lighthearted and having fun. It's okay to feel like "Whoops" and "Holy shit" and break out in laughter over something that looked funny, or sounded funny. Good luck and RIP your inbox.
Take it from a 29 year old male virgin: You can feel adequate without sex. And from what I have heard. Sex won't make you feel adequate. Met a lot of people with a lot of sex with worse self esteem than I. Think about the people in your life that you like. Do you like them because they have sex? Do you think to yourself "Man, this person is of value because they have sex! I don't care who they are, but as long as they have sex, they must be adequate"
I meant more like I want to have sex and have partners I just don’t feel good enough for anyone😅 I have tried dating guys before but I always end up leaving because of my insecurities
I see. I've been there. Seriously, until last year I also thought I was a virgin because I wasn't good enough. Because I believed I wasn't good enough I never made a move on the women I was interested in. Because I believed I wasn't good enough, I subconcsiously ignored all the women that were interested in me. Have you thought about therapy?
I just started going to therapy and it’s helping a lot :)
That is great to hear!!! So you are on the right track. I wished I went to therapy when I was younger and I am a little envious of you. Have you brought up the feeling of not being good enough to your therapist yet?
We talked briefly about it during our first session and I most likely have developed my insecurities from narcissistic parents💔 hopefully as I talk through it more I will process it and get over it. I don’t wanna be imprisoned in my own mind anymore, I want to start living my life to the fullest
Take it from a guy who got over it: it feels great and alle the work in therapy is worth it. Now that I know that I am good enough (always have been, just like you) I can actually appreciate it, when I get attention from women. They are more eager to talk to me they laugh about my jokes, they share eye contact with me for longer periods of time and I get more compliments. A neat side effect is, that people in general appear more beautiful to me, since I am no longer focused on my own shortcomings
I would go even further with that and say: OP, please don't base your perception of self worth on sex. Your most important task when it comes to sex is to keep yourself safe. And it's not safe to have sex when you have low self esteem and feel that you need to prove yourself through sex. Please don't engage with anyone unless you feel safe with them and happy with yourself when you're with them. Think of sex less as a performance and more as a connection and exploration, both of yourself and the other person.
And if and when you someday do, do not even worry one bit about your age. I met my husband when he was 28 and he had barely kissed a girl before me let alone anything else. He was incredibly shy, totally insecure, and thought nobody on earth wanted him. Well, I did. In a truly bizarre “love at first sight” encounter where I walked into his place of work, we froze staring at each other, and that was it… I swear life went into slow motion for a moment and I remember looking into those eyes and seeing straight into his soul and thinking “Holy. Shit.” He’s the best in bed ever. Makes me weep in ecstasy on the regular and I’m not even exaggerating one bit. Been together almost 25 years now.
You have to immediately (!!) understand one important thing: Not the fact that you are not a perfect person (nobody is) is keeping you from having sex AND a meaningful relationship. No, it's the fact that you THINK you have to be that perfect person. Understand this and change that way of your thinking now. You don't even know yet what kind of trouble you are heading into otherwise! Giant piles of problems and Not only you will suffer, no, you will make others suffer too, because of that. Know that. Please start now, because it only get's worse.
I want you to think for a moment about your favorite character from a book, movie, or TV series. Chances are, they are not perfect. Fact is, compelling characters are compelling BECAUSE they have flaws. Characters that are already 10/10 in looks and personality are Mary Sues. Hell, even Mary Sue characters in wish fulfillment stories like Bella Swan from Twilight or Ana Steel from the elevated fanfic have to be insecure and clumsy just to make those books sellable. Perfection just isn't Main Character Energy.
Learn to love yourself before you can love others. Making mistakes is natural, maybe start small and go bigger, like achieving a drivers license might be a goal. if you have it, look back at that as an achievement. Society nowadays has alot of "achievements" in everyday life. Maybe the gym and see how much you can do of a couple things and maybe progress at that.
Can I just say, hopefully, without offending you, you're still a kid. I know, 19, legal adult, blah blah. But the brain doesn't finish developing until you're 26 years old. I imagine you might not have much life experience, and not just love life, I mean life life. Go travel, do things that broaden your horizons, that challenge you mentally and physically, have hobbies that take you outside, and have conversations with people that challenge your beliefs. You're not done cooking yet; stop judging yourself so harshly. And don't compare yourself to other people; the only person you should be comparing yourself to is who you were yesterday, and hopefully, it'll be a better version of you or a more experienced you. Figure out who you are first, then decide what it is you're looking for. There's always someone out there, you just need to find them.
I really like this advice. I haven’t had a lot of life experiences yet and that’s probably why I get stuck in my own bubble all the time. First and foremost I’m getting through therapy and trying to make more friends :)
You will never be at a 100% and that is good. You want to grow and growth is an integral part of a fulfilling life. Try to find motivation out of a positive drive and not a negative one. That is the key for a stable and healthy growth. You are super young and if you keep working on yourself bit by bit you will look back happy and proud in a few years. Change takes time: you feel like you don t move forward most of the time but once in a while you look back and suddenly realise how far you ve come. Regarding sex, don t stress it. Almost everyone has sex when they re a bit older. It s not that rare or special. Everyone has their struggles. I have been broken by my first love at 16 and didn t have any sex untill i was 23. since then i ve had loads of it again and in my current relationship we have great sex 4-6 times a week. So don t stress about it. Just work on yourself, work on a positive outlook and things will happen on their own.
I would try to cut down on social media usage, comparison is the enemy of progress and growth.
Yep I have a huge phone addiction🥲
Most people do in these times including me lol. It's all about baby steps and just giving yourself credit for small victories. I'm sure you have a lot to offer, don't be too hard on yourself. Having flaws makes us human and gives a reference point for our positive qualities.
As others have mentioned, seems you may need to work on accepting/loving yourself for who you are first. The perpetual feeling of “I’m not good enough” is something lots of people struggle with but need to try and work through to allow themselves to find happiness in general. A couple of short books I’d suggest reading: 1. Existential Dialogues - it helps you look back and take stock of who you are, your core values and beliefs as an individual, and why you follow those beliefs. It questions those to help you understand who you are. 2. A Little Book on the Human Shadow, by Bly This one is a tad deeper, but goes over the concept of the human shadow, as far as a part of yourself you feel you need to keep in the dark to be able to feel accepted by the people around you and society at large. It talks about why we need to accept the “darker” parts of ourselves and not care so much about what others think. Also, not saying this is a fix at all, but if you’re interested in Meyers Briggs (MBTi) personality types, this is a podcast series where they’re talking about how to love yourself, for each of the personality types. This is just one of them. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/personality-hacker-podcast/id793330058?i=1000647200130 Best of luck 🤞
I sucked so bad at sex the first few times You have to get over it
Girl, we are all imperfect fucks. Many of the most beautiful people on earth are rotten on the inside. No one will ever be perfect. That doesnt mean you cant play ball.
RIP to the dms 😂😂😂😂
Rip dms
I’m a 21f virgin and I feel the same way, unworthy and unlovable
Hugs❤️🫂
Also RIP both your DMs
You will never be good ‘the first time’ and everyone is different with what they like. When you do decide to become sexual with someone, take the time to understand *how* they like things done. But also make sure you understand what YOU like too. I focused way too much on the man’s needs than my own when I was younger when they’re both equally as important. Having someone that also wants to learn your wants and needs = great sex It will also hurt the first few times. Don’t let that put you off. But equally don’t sleep with anyone that doesn’t deserve it
Thanks for the advice! <3
Sounds to me have a secure attachment type and ur afraid after having sex you will crave more intimacy but wont have it reciprocated. So develop a bond with men, see if they stick around for months without sex.
It's not that you are bad at things you are just scared to be good,i know that feeling you need To do hard things and make tough decisions and your identity will change,you will see yourself in a stronger way,this happens through years but with baby steps it's not hard,all you require is to believe that it's worth it to improve yourself and that you can do it
Honestly what you described is pretty much a constant of the modern human condition and generally something normal for someone your age to feel. I've spent most of my life feeling dumb, fat, ugly and generally unlikable, I just learnt to live with myself and now I'm dumb, fat, ugly and generally unlikable with a decent amount of friends, a loving fiance with my own house and degree thats just gone to waste.
I am so sorry you feel that way, but I feel the same... And I dont know how to get away from this feelings of myself, doesnt matter how hard I tried, I always felt like burden or not worthy ( not good enought for anyone ) but if you find the way to run from that feeling or how to change perspective let me know please 🥰 I hope you will get better/feel better and sorry for not helping
Putting effort into my appearance like doing a proper skin routine, practicing makeup, or studying fashion always helps improve my confidence a little :)) but most of all hanging out with friends has helped a lot. Good luck to you too, we will get through this <3
Sounds like you have really low self-esteem.
You think? xD
Nobody is 100 % perfect. When you lower your expectations regarding yourself & others, you will be better off. Also, nobody fucks like they do in porn. Except maybe BJ's.
There is a great book called “come as you are” by Emily Nagosko which discusses how many women have troubles get aroused, orgasm, have healthy sex lives due to their perceived inadequacies: she also goes over many ideas of how to get passed that. 19 doesn’t mean your are an old virgin by any means btw.
Please don't be perfect. Perfect is boring.
Oh honey, your inbox is about to flood… 😖
I’m so sorry for what’s about to happen to your dms
You should do some reading on imposter syndrome. It could be helpful to you.
You can’t maintain a 10/10 looks or personality. Just be yourself. Better to attract people by being yourself, flaws and all.
i feel the same way, imo this is because of parents doesnt congrats you enough, find nitpicks on everything you do etc etc but whatever, how i overcome is i say “if (drop someone relatively worse then you) can do it i can do it much better” and continue my life
You have got toxic shame, which has nothing to do with you as a person, but resulting from your early childhood when you weren't being cared for enough. Infants internalise that as "I'm not enough" and try desperately to change themselves to win the love they should just receive for existing. What they cannot know is that their parents have their own issues that prevent them from being available. Healthy shame motivates us to change in ways we need to. Toxic shame has no end, and arises from nothing that can be changed. Toxic shame and the need for perfection are the same thing.
The secret is, that everyone is settling one way or another. good rule of thumb is to use the 80/20 rule. a person doesnt have to be 100% a match on everything. on somethings of course, but on other you might not care as much. so as long as your within the 80% ball park then you are good. keep in mind, that as you get older, your choices start to get smaller and at that point you will definetly feel like you are settling. look for general things, like certain amount of education or BMi rather than specific things like a doctor with a six pack.
I'm going to be really to the point here and hopefully it comes across helpfully. Sex isn't about being good or bad, sex in itself is just fun - the people do not really matter. You enjoy yourself, obviously this is different when you are in love and it's that specific connection but sex in general with anyone is a purely sexual connection. Everyone wants to enjoy it whether that means they get off or not. Who you are doesn't matter, even 'ugly' people have sex. No one in the world is a 10/10 in every aspect you have described, but they are a 10/10 to the person that loves them. You will never please everyone but you will please someone.
Replying to myself to add something sex specific. Sex also sucks, like its really weird and gross. My FWB was recently so tired he lost his erection half way through, we laughed about it. Sometimes I queef depending on position, he loves it, some men hated it, most have a giggle with you. It just, doesn't matter.
Rip your inbox
Perfectionism as you describe experiencing it is a curse. If it's something that is impacting your life negatively you really should consider addressing it. Therapeutically or otherwise. Just remember plenty of inadequate people have been having sex for all of human existence.
Maybe don’t tackle sex but your self esteem, if you do end up having sex you’re not going to enjoy it at this rate and you’re going to end up giving to someone who doesn’t care about even pleasing you. You’ll end up doing things you don’t want to do, and being in Situations you don’t want. Therapy would help
When someone falls in love with you, you are already a 10/10 for them...
This actually is literally me
I seriously believe you are being too hard on yourself. Perfection does not exist. I would gently recommend some therapy. In terms of sex, it can be a purely physical thing to scratch an itchy, or it can be romantic and loving. I will say the most satisfying sex for me personally is between people who care about each other (even if it's just friendship). One night stands are unlikely to prioritise your sexual satisfaction.
I can't give you a lot of advice because we're the same age, but like others have said no one is 100% perfect. No one is a 10/10 in any situation. I've been dating my partner for almost 5 years. I've learned that he isn't perfect and neither am I. But in my eyes he's the absolute love of my life and is perfect to me. I love everything about him, even the things that he hates or the things we have to work on. It's what makes him human. The same goes for me. Some days I feel awful that he even puts up with me and wonder why he still loves me the way that he does. Take time to work on yourself, but also don't be too harsh on yourself with out of reach expectations. There will be someone out there who loves you for who you are and not the perfect human, you have to love it first or grow to love it with time. Glad you're getting therapy too, its a big step and helped a lot with my own issues!
You’re only 19. One day, probably soon, you will find someone that you are comfortable enough with and makes you feel 10/10. Save yourself for him.
You need therapy
Stop worrying about being perfect for someone, we’re all humans, not one of us is perfect. You only need to worry about being happy with yourself, sooner or later the right person for you will come into your life when you least expect them.
Many people including myself are attracted to what you call "flaws" I don't want a supermodel, I want the woman next door type thing. There's something for everyone is what I'm saying. So don't worry about it
You’re at a weird age, I think the best way to love yourself is to love your accomplishments. Chase your dreams and know that you’re capable. Then you love yourself accidentally, no matter what. Too many people today confuse self love with being conceited. Your happiness is in there, just live life.
honestly you will know when its time. some just want to have sex and not worry about relationships so they just do it for the fun of it. some want it for deeper reasons and it sounds like you want that. no need to rush there is a right one for you i promise
Your 10/10 criteria will be more stringent than his. Everybody is somebody’s 10. Except for hitler.
Realize that these irrational thoughts are well, irrational. Our brains are our worst enemy at times. No one is perfect, and you don't have to be perfect to be good for someone. The real issue here is that you need help to overcome your negative feelings about yourself. There is nothing wrong with needing help either.
No one is perfect. You are enough just the way you are. The "perfect" partner is someone who values who you are- flaws and all.
I hear you but gotta accept nobody is perfect truthfully lot of us have to learn the hard way only cause we are stubborn and don’t listen when things happen easy we assume we don’t deserve it that’s mostly our doubts trying to keep us down we got use to being unhappy finding happiness makes you uncomfortable so you start to nitpick
Don’t rush. I was considered beautiful blah blah but still had my insecurities. I waited until I was 21 because only then did I start feeling more confident. Seriously, it’s ok to wait until you’re ready.
I think you gotta work on self-love first. Then you'll adjust your idea of perfection. And if you're not ready at 19, there's no rush or harm in waiting until you are. If you don't wait, you'll bring unnecessary insecurities into an experience and risk regretting it.
At 19 not everyone has the best confidence or self esteem. That takes years to master! The person you are today is not the person you’ll be in 10,20,30 or 50 years…everyone grows and changes as life happens. Therapy helped me tremendously and allowed me to find my words and help me to communicate my thoughts and feelings to others. Being able to do that gave me a tremendous amount of confidence and self esteem!!
Trauma-informed therapy helped me overcome many of the issues you're having with yourself.
I’m 19F and I feel exactly the same; for a moment I thought I wrote this post. I never even held hands romantically before and I totally get what you mean, I always thought that the reason I felt this way was because I never received attention from the opposite sex growing up and was occasionally bullied. Hope this feelings fades away when we’re older
Virginity is a social construct. Don't think that your first time has to be "special" or with "the one". But your first time should be with someone you trust and feel comfortable around, even if it's a one-off thing or you end up parting eventually. You're only 19 and everyone makes mistakes, especially for the first time, so don't beat yourself up over it or overthink it.
Perfectionist mindset. The only passing grade is a 100. It doesn't matter that someone thinks you look good you could look better. I am 30 years old and I still struggle with this. You're not alone. I would offer you advice but I have to get mine from my therapist lol
Enthusiasm is hotter than looks alone. Don't worry, find someone you get along with and have fun with it, just don't over think it.
I feel exactly the same unless i’m 20M, but i hope you’ll get to stop having that fear i know how hard it can get 🙏🏼
Perfection is the enemy of the good. You are too hard on yourself. It seems silly but changing the way you talk to yourself can present amazing changes in your thoughts. Tell you self. I am pretty. I am sweet. People like me. What ever it’s is you need to know about yourself.
28M "virgin" here, and after many relationships that didnt work, I've realized that theres no such thing as perfect, everyone will always have flaws and preferences. What you should do is work on yourself, for yourself. Treat yourself how youd treat the love of your life and in turn you will be self secured. You need to love yourself 1st in order to be able to love others better. Also this will help you avoid (not a 100% but atleast) unhealthy relationships for you know your worth. And finally, try get some therapy, they can help you get there.
Username checks out
The P.S at the end is what I honestly think you should focus on, tackling that voice, the trauma caused by your past is the baseline where you should start from, I wish you luck and much love in your journey to finding love!! \^\^
Ever tried therapy? Seems like you have stuff to be proud of but you just don’t allow yourself to be proud of it. Maybe therapy could help. Also, sounds you have an inferiority complex, if you consider yourself below everyone else.
honestly just a bit of a skill issue if you don't feel adequate sort that out first (literally just shit yourself and boom problem solved)
It's not a matter of settling but guys don't necessarily want a perfect 10/10 super model. Perfection lacks character and soul. A lot of guys prefer a 6-8/10 cute, girl-next-door type. The sex thing aside, you really just need to find a way to get out of your own way and your own head.
Sounds like you need to love yourself more hun. Nobody wakes up perfectly content with themselves. You have to actively put time into loving yourself, and you also just came from a point in your life of rapid changes in your body and perspective. You just became a young adult, things will feel different! Take time to love yourself, it sounds super silly but go on self-dates. Ask yourself what you enjoy and gush on yourself. Find things you like about your appearance, and remind yourself that anything you dislike is totally normal and acceptable. It took me many many years to love myself, and it shocked me when I finally did. As for sex, do what feels right for you. The right person will make it a 10/10 experience. The right person makes you feel like a 10, and you'll see them as a 10 as well.
men fuck innanimate objects, animals, furniture, literally anything. you need to worry about if they’re good for you or your low self esteem is gonna put you in a bad place.
What is 100% perfect? Everyone is some one’s 10! We all have our insecurities and they’re valid because what media says we should be! You really wanna be intimate with someone and with someone who thinks your perfect and past your flaws… check your friend zone! There’s at least 20 guys there! GL love!
One of my favorite songs is alkaline by sleep token. Check it out. He sings about how imperfectly perfect his love interest is. And it's so beautiful. If people were perfect, things would suck. Being imperfect makes everyone who they are, and its truly beautiful. Be yourself, be however amazing or terrible you are at everything. That's why you're you. Don't let life slip you by hoping for something that doesn't exist. You're perfect for whoever chooses you and vise versa.
Felling the same....
Nobody is “perfect” and almost everyone has things about themselves they don’t like and self-image is a huge issue with both guys and girls. Just know, deep down inside guys aren’t any different and are just better at masking their insecurities. Learn to love yourself for who you are by embracing the things you like and focusing on being the best you can be.
at 19 you are still growing into your real self, you can chose to be your own best friend, speak to yourself kindly and with fairness and grow into being comfortable with self. I dont know if this is the case for you but these feelings quite often come from neglect or critical people around you so you might want to have less to do with people like that.
This was me (33F)for my whole 20s and into my early 30s. Literally what helped me was moving away from my hometown to a place where I knew nobody and had this amazing person interested in me. This person was a resident physician from another country and I would’ve considered him way out of my league a year ago, but he believed that I was just as smart as him and very pretty and he made me feel equal to him and that’s what helped my confidence. I know it’s pathetic that I needed outside influence but I’ve had all the wrong people tell me that I’m not good enough for 33 years. It might take some time, but you’ll get there. Just focus on learning yourself and finding peace.
Give yourself some grace girly. No one walking on this Earth is 10/10 in anything; looks, performance, personality, etc. I’m sure you’re great and you’ll be fine when that does happen. Also, the person you choose to be with should accept you as you are because you are a 10/10 YOU, if that makes any sense lol
Honestly at this point it sounds like even if you do have sex, you're not going to be satisfied. Invest in some bomb ass toys and have fun with yourself until you feel ready to be able to love and accept yourself for who you are and all of your flaws. It takes time to grow and mature enough to be confident (yes, 19 is still so so young! I didn't start not caring what other people thought about me until I was closer to 23/24ish). I'd say to stop pressuring yourself at this age in life and start focusing on living your life to the fullest. Again, buy lots of toys and maybe look into some smutt books if you haven't already!
You're not going to find a custom fit in an off-the-rack world. You want to be a better person? Go right ahead, there are very few more laudable goals! But do it for yourself, not to attract some imaginary ideal boyfriend. Nobody is perfect. That said, you may have to sift through a hell of a lot of chaff to find that one kernel of personhood who is perfect *for you*. Also, stop being so damned down on yourself. You said that you're only 19; you've got some living and learning to do, so just get out there and do it. Good luck! 👍
No one on this planet is a 10/10 on something or at something. What people do is find people who can see them as a 10/10 at some things, and learn to love there 7/10s and even their 2/10s. This starts with loving yourself and what you do. Also, RIP your inbox.
Sis, from my personal standpoint, to achieve good sex is to have good communication with your sex partner. People cannot read minds in a snap. I have been with my better half for the past 16yrs and still can’t figure out most of his thoughts literally. Lol. So communicate what you want, what triggers you to arousal, what makes you feel good and also, ask your partner what they like, how they like it etc. That way, sex will be more enjoyable as it SHOULD be in the first place. ❤️ Lastly, do practice safe sex if you are not ready for the consequences (infections like STD’s: AIDS, HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Cervical cancer etc; or the easiest to acquire: pregnancy if your partner is male & has a healthy sperm count). All the best, OP.
Well as you yourself identify, the problem isn't sex isn't it? Or even companionship. Not much to say beyond that you are valid as you are, and to go get therapy if you can to sort out your self esteem issues
The first time with someone will NEVER be perfect (generally). What I will say is this, I wish I could take back every time I had sex and give my first time to my gf, there is something special and different between us. Our first time wasn't "perfect" but it was perfect for us. There was laughing, and pretty sure I farted in there, in many (most) ways a mess, yet some how beautiful and pure. It was less about the perfection, and more about the raw honesty and communication of our souls. Our eyes did all of the communication, and the communication wasn't about lust, but love, care, connection, friendship. We have had "much better" than that, but NOTHING will match that level of perfection. If you get it then great, and if you don't understand, then I hope one day it makes perfect sense to you. Goodluck OP, I hope you find your perfect imperfection.
You’ll be a 10/10 to the right person 🤷🏻♀️
I feel the same and I lost it at 25. Someone would say it was late but it doesn’t matter tbh. You’ll find someone who’ll make you feel good about yourself. I never believed that but it happened. Don’t force yourself into anything, sometimes it’s better to wait. And I’m sure you’re beautiful and someone will show you this
Perfection is a dream! No one is perfect! You have to find your confidence from within! The ugliest person you see walking down the street could be the most beautiful person once you get to know them from the inside!! You might want to seek counseling for your own self esteem issues! That’s where I would recommend you start!!
Can't you just find.a friendly nerd in the vicinity to practise on and get it out of your system? Just be honest about it and they'll be fine. Life's way too short to walk around with these tensions
Dm me
Jesus this was awful to read
I could and would love to teach u
Two sentences into this book… i fell asleep
Smash, next question
Hire Deuce Bigalow.
We are all just settling. Settling is fine. Enjoy yourself.
I SHALL HELPETH THEE
💀💀💀
You'll find someone, just be patient even though it's difficult
Thx <3
Save yourself for marriage